Three options on how to deal with a narcissistic sibling
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- Опубліковано 25 сер 2024
- I go into three options on how to possibly deal with a narcissistic sibling. From experience I know how challenging and cruel it is having to deal with narcissistic family members and unhealthy family dynamics. Sadly, it’s a draining experience and it can feel very lonely. It’s essential to learn to protect yourself and your energy. I hope this video can be helpful to you in some way. I wish you strength and more kindness in the future.
You can read more about this subject in my in-depth article about signs of a narcissistic sibling, family dynamics and how to deal with a narcissistic sibling:
www.dealwithna...
- Learn more about the grey rock method and it’s usefulness and risks in this article: dealwithnarcis...
- About dealwithnarcis...: I created this channel to offer a form of help for those experiencing narcissistic abuse. I decided to use my experience in order to help others and hope this channel and my site can provide quality insight in order to recognize, understand and deal with narcissists. I do this based on my experience/research and this website thus doesn’t provide professional help. I’d like to emphasize that it’s important to seek professional help and support if required.
Content information:
- Copyright-free video material from www.pexels.com
- Copyright-free music from UA-cam Audio Library.
- Video is created using Filmora.
- Content, script and voice by @dealwithnarcissist.
Step 1. Lace up your shoes.
Step 2. Run for your life.
Step 3. Don’t look back.
I had to go no contact with my narcissistic sister, my only regret is I should have done it sooner. (I'm 50 yrs old).
I'm 51 and I was forced to go "no contact". I actually moved away in 2003. She refused to visit because I was the one that "moved away" and all our family was there not here. Unfortunately I so badly wanted a sister in my life all my life so I tried and tried so many ways! When her own son and his wife came to me telling me how they dealt with her.. I knew "no contact" was the way to go.
Me too, had to go no contact and realise there was no hope for reconciliation in my 50s. It was only during covid I found channels on UA-cam and understood. Not easy being alone with no family but easier than being with my family. All the best.
I really want to as well. It's just so complicated with my parents tho etc.
I HATE my NARC sibling and I sure as hell don't want to have their NARC traits
I'm 52 and let my 39 year old narc brother move in because he was down and out. Now hes threatening legal action because he hears me whistling or talking crap about him (lies), and he is purposely trying to annoy me
When I was down and out, he mocked me and tried to have me arrested. Now I'm successful and he has nothing. He is filled with so much unwarranted hate and envy. I feel sorry for him but he is very volatile and definitely has psychological issues. He is a really bad person, will struggle his whole life, cares about no one but himself.
I chose no contact. Too much drama and too much chaos! I chose peace!
Great you made a decision for yourself to protect your energy Annie. Wish you strength and kindness!
Me too!
I went no contact from 4 of my family members. I hated to but I needed to do it for my health and healing.
It’s hard not having a supportive and loving family. I’m better off without the triggers and toxicity in my life.
Thank you for sharing Dominique. It takes a lot of courage to make such a decision for yourself and your energy. I hope you're doing well. Wish you strength and kindness in the future!
i just ignore them all they every did was talk behind my back make stories about me tell everyone else about me that i am in the wrong i want nothing to do with them and have been out of contact with them for over 3 years and more happier now i just ignore them fully no contact whatsoever is the best option
Same everyone in my fam is pretty much besides maybe one or two ppl in the process of cutting another one out
In the last few years I've gone no contact with all three of my siblings. Living 2,300 miles away from my hometown doesn't hurt in doing that. In fact, I got disowned by one of them. Yet one flies into town unannounced with their friend that they were hacking my phone with. I politely confronted and they denied it even though they left pictures of people had not seen in decades. (The one being the co hacker).
The final straw? I told them that I did not buy into the psyop of covid. Only to get a phone message lecture me that I need to cancel a dental appointment because he recently got diagnosed with the so-called disease of covid. I immediately caller-blocked his phone. I greyrocked as their lies kept happening just before that.
At 49 years old, I'm better off without ever talking to them again then dealing with them pulling a fast one on me like that yet again
Yup. Especially when you are straight out told,
Mom: Its All of us against only you! 😢
Me: Good. It will be more of a fair fight for you then!😅
No contact, she never once reached out to me through all my pain. Just believed the lies. Don't have a sister as far as I am concerned.
Wish you strength and kindness!
I had to completely go no contact. It was the only way. It was very hard to do because of my love for them.
I'm sorry about your experience Blakely. It is very painful and hard to make such a decision. I wish you strength and kindness in the future!
I relate.
I wish there were other ways. But I'd take your tip as an advice. Perhaps that's really only way out
i dont even love them no contact is the way forward
Same
This becomes much harder with aging parents and trying to navigate their care. Also you dont want to dump this on your elderly parents as they cant handle it.
I'm sorry about your challenging situation. I hope you manage to stay kind and compassionate to yourself. You deserve that. Wish you strength!
My parents are elderly and my mom is taking the side of the narcissistic sibling inevery situation 😒
My father just got a very serious diagnosis the other day, otherwise I would just go no contact again. My sister uses him as a puppet and fills him with anger and hate for anyone she doesn’t like. Please pray for my father to be rid of this monster who uses him for every penny he has and makes him babysit for her for free 24/7
So true. That's happening in my life now. Very sad
My life exactly. It is so difficult when I’m my case, my Mother is aging and has dementia. She is the golden child, but despite all this, I went no contact, but this will prove more challenging as my Mother’s health worsens
My mental health and internal well-being is at stake. Years of gaslighting, has finally taken its toll...before it's gotten completely debilitating -- I'm done.
Full no contact best. Painful, but I can no longer lay on the alter of her cruelty
After 71 years of emotional abuse from my narcissist sister, I’m calling it quits with her finally! Have hired a top notch lawyer to represent me in the splitting of our parents’ estate. I can’t deal directly with her. Gotta go with as little contact a possible until it’s settled, then NO contact. I’m truly looking forward to it.
I have a narcsissistic sister and her husband all i do is ignore her wont even give her my telephone number I now feel more happier WITH no contact its the best solution trust me
Great you made this decision in order to protect yourself and you feel happier now. It takes strength to do so!
Well done. I’ve just done the same with my sister. You have to cut them out of your life as though they were a cancerous growth.
Looks like that’s where I’m headed. How do you overcome the guilt and sadness?
At least give her your phone number in case there’s an emergency, wish you the best.
My sister text me I don't care if I ever see you again in My life... this was Just in regular conversation.. my husband basically said how much more of this are you going to take? I decided for the 1st time in my life to grant her wish. It's hard because I always loved her but our relationship never had a chance. I always did everything for her but when I ended up in a wheelchair , both my siblings were no where. I decided I deserve to be happy too. They didn't even know I was terminally ill and lived a block away. I'm tired my adrenals are tired my mind is tired .. God has a deeper plan for me than to be my family's trashcan. I was literally dying being in fight flight now I have peace.
I wanted to cry for you but this will make me and you weaker my love.i wish you all the happiness. please i am begging you to pray for me too.
@@o.gcable8267 I will love ❤️ look to the lord he will mend your heart.
My brother is very cruel and toxic. Thanks for your video. I recently ignored his birthday and went no contact.
I had to do the same...I'm moving 300 miles away...he's got worse as I went no contact...I actually feel heart broken and sad for him...I'm thinking is he freaking out because he will miss me...or because he can't get to me...all I've ever done is love him😢
@@sallybush6454 I know. It’s so difficult. If you need support, I’m here for you. When I was 15 and Paul was 10, my father died and my my mother was put away for 7 months and diagnosed as borderline. An uncle put money into an account for us but not one adult ever called to see if we were alright. I cooked and cleaned, made sure he was clean and did his homework. Instead of running around with my friends, I stayed home to watch tv with Paul. Cutting myself off is the hardest thing for me. Lori
This video should have a million views.
Thank you Elizabeth :) I'm grateful for every person that it might be helpful for!
Looking back, at 47 now, I realize, my mom always kept us apart. We never had a chance to be together and develop a bond. My mom controlled it from our childhood. I went home after school on the bus and was by myself til 9 or so at night, while my sister was always taken care of by my grandma. I was 9-10-11, but never was cared for by grandma with my sister. Teenage yrs, my mom would cause us to hate each other and fight. All my 20's and 30's and til I was 43, did not get it. My mom would do and do and do for my sister and her kids, but me, oh nooooo, my mom would make up every excuse possible not to help me at all. At 43, I realized why. My mom was using her to make her stay dependable on her. She couldn't do that to me. I was and always have been independent. My sister is a clone of my mom. I do see now, even though I was treated bad and hated, she actually has it worse. She has no self identity and is nothing but exactly how my mom wants her to be. I've been through so much, I knew I had to get away and STAY away from them. I was allowing my mom and sister to disrespect me daily and treat me like 💩 every chance they get. We were never invited to gatherings, when we did show up for Christmas, my kids got a $20 bill while my sister's kids got gift after gift after gift. I'd make a fuss and my sister would go hide the gifts from my mom in her car.....so nobody would actually "see" the truth. I've been 5 yrs no contact. My sister still tries to do stuff to me. She has no life and is miserable. It's sad. Theyve taught my nieces n nephew to not speak to me and in laws too. They're all the same though. So I keep my distance. Now that I truly understand why my sister n everyone else are the way they r and how my mom controls them, they're er flying monkeys, I feel so much peace now. It's all about understanding. They are sick. I'm not perfect, but I'm not a ad person.
Omg... you literally described my life. My mom is a narcissist & has made our youngest sibling ( sister ) one as well. Two peas in a pod.. My sister is a slickster.. totally MANIPULATES my Mom . They get along because my mom has shown throughout childhood, that my youngest sister is the GOLDEN CHILD, & she takes FULL ADVANTAGE of it. Yesss. My mom puts her kids AGAINST each other & takes NO accountability that SHE separated us from childhood. But blames US , the other 3 children of isolating my youngest sister. My brother was the first to recognize this, but had no Title of them, but upon shear luck & semi research, I found who they are . Narcissist ppl. My sister the MASTER of A COVERT narcissist.. she loves DIVISION..& insists on it . My mom goes for it repeatedly. & HAS FALLEN OUT W/ EVERYONE in the family. Immediate & secondary. Even our step siblings have had bouts with them.. my one step is so guillable, she hasn't realized her silence when they go in on other siblings , only shows them weakness towards her, & a door for them to keep up the demeaning conversations. And yess,, they talk about her too.. we figured their ugly behavior out ( the 3 biological kids ) & have boundaries in place. Does it hurt 😢..of course. But I'm now learning to accept the Facts... my cousin whom my mother talks to , told me a few yrs back,, that my mom was leaving EVERYTHING to my younger sister,, not that I care about monetary gifts . But , I get mad at myself for going along w/ so many insults, put downs & outright disrespect just because she was my mom...not accepting that it would continue, no matter how much I tried. Bring an Olive Branch to either one, is a sign of weakness & laughable to them.. My mom's 3 other children have all dismissed ourselves, along w/ my mom's siblings. But she feels justified because my youngest sister, eggs her on , with saying , she is right for breaking ties. In actuality,, ppl have broken ties with THEM..of course they don't see it that way.. I now feel sorry for them. Their circle is very small & neither one is married. They hang out together like besties .. and they are. Both have the same mindset.. . They love to give the impression that they are so sweet and kind. Can anyone who's close to them, they put through hell.. I will continue to pray for them.. but at a distance.. 😢❤
Amazing clear cut advice. Those are the best 3 options. There is no other way. I wish everyone dealing with a toxic sibling peace.
I’m at the acceptance phase. It hurts, but I know now that on order to heal, I must let go of expectations and break the cycle of abuse by thinking about them or breaking no contact by letting them back in because I think things will be different.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you strength in this painful process and wish you kindness!
@@DealWithNarcissistthank you, I had a couple false starts, but I’m finally there.
No contact is truly the only route for me.
Thank you for this. I've recently had to walk away from a very narcissistic sister. I have had to accept that I will never get an apology from her for the the way she spoke to me and if she ever reaches out again (which I realise will only be if she sees any benefit to herself in it) then im definitely keeping it very superficial and setting those boundaries. It was so painful when she said losing me is not a real loss... her sister. But I have to grieve that loss and move on with my life. Thank you for this brilliant video
I have been getting "word salad" speeches in texts that I began to ignore, hoping to have a relationship with my sister. I finally told her I am tired of them, she's taking situations out of context and being really mean and exploitive. So I have had to say goodbye like 3 times in my texts and she still texted me. I finally said since you continue to text me you are going to be blocked. I didn't realize until now how sick she really is, and I'm going through some shock.
@@angelaatwood46 I love the phrase "WORD SALAD" because I used to get those myself from my EX-SIBLINGS. When I finally confronted them and they gave me that, I knew to bail. Knowing that phrase give me the extra strength to walk away for good without even thinking about it. An encyclopedia covered in 3 syllables to never experience pain from them again. Praise Jesus!
I understand.
You don't have to accept her reaching out to you. You can try to get a restraining order against her if you want.
Tried to purposely hurt you, gives her a source of great narcissist supply. Find yourself a replacement sister and don't look back, she is toxic.
Thank you for the strategies to keep the narcissistic sibling in our lives. I'm new to this and only recently realized through therapy, that my sibling is narcissistic. I feel validated but extremely sad. I've had moments of tears and am exhausted but also feel a deep inner peace.
Thank you for your kinds words J W. Great you have help and that you're able to put your feelings into words as well. It's a good thing you allow these emotions to be there. Wish you strength!
It's been 4 years since I went 'No Contact' but I had separated and distanced myself many years before that, with not much contact over the years, which made it easier. I did make an attempt to re-connect, when we were much older, but I came to regret that decision as nothing had changed with regards to how they had treated me in the past. It's a strange thing not having a family who cares and you never quite get used to it.
I went happily no contact for years until my father died. I was abruptly forced back into dealing with her at a very painful and difficult time. Since then it has been very toxic to the point I was forced to go no contact again. Except that she lives with my mother and has turned my mother against me and my wife despite having a great relationship previously. My mother is an enabler. No contact now means no contact with my mother which I can’t bring myself to do so I’m forced back into the fray once more. I’m trying grey rock and emotional detachment but it’s so hard.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry about your painful experience and tough situation. I wish you strength!
This must be so hard im sorry.. My sister picks fights with me only infront of my parents, she pushes me untill i break n call her out on her shit, then she pretends to b the victim n starts throwing a tantrum then cry. i noticed before she throws the fake tantrum she uses this line "look im being very patient right now dont make me come back at u or else i swear to god" then she yells n crys then my arwnts get upset with me and giv me silent treatment bcoz they stand on her side every time just bcoz, she the "eldest" every time i say ill cut her out but my longing for a normal family and love keep bringing back in hopes tht they could change but thts just a fantasy..
@@lovedefault1167 sorry for your situation. Always the eldest child. You cannot rise to the bait. This is what they want. You have to maintain control and calm. Grey rock has been a particularly good strategy, look it up. You just give them very little so they have so little to work with, and always calm and happy and polite-no snarky comments or criticism. Just very limited dialogue, delivered with a smile. If you do then you succeed and it will grate the hell out of them. Sorry to say, but you will not have a normal family situation whilst she is part of it, but you know this already. Don’t waste your energy. Best thing to do is create distance from her, it make sure you have family time with you and your parents but minus her, invite them to yours or take them out somewhere - you will have a wonderful time and they will remember that. When you are in the family situation with her, don’t rise to the bait ( i know it’s hard) and she will look bad with her constant needling. Only if you react do you look bad. Good luck
@@JuxtaPositionings Thank you so much for taking the time to reply this was very helpful i really appreciate all the tips and sympathy ur sending. hope u have a great day
@@JuxtaPositionings this is what I have to do. I can’t break ties since I’m Muslim and blood ties must be retained it’s a huge sin. But I can have minimal contact and this is best for me. I can still still nephews and nieces . The other siblings also enable and I believe one other older one is a narc too but not as aggressive . They seem to join together recently as bad coo and good cop😂
I like how your chart takes into account the victim of the narcissist. This may well be the first video I've seen where the victim has been acknowledged as a unique person. As all narcissists are different, all victims have differing levels of empathy and the ability to protect their energy.
Thank you for your kind response!
My sister has taken over the care of my elderly mom and she takes no advice from me or my other sister regarding this. I have come to realize that she is very controlling and manipulative. I never knew the extent of how a narcissist operates and what their effect on people has. I have felt so guilty for over a year now questioning whether I am being unreasonable and not being a nice person. The more I learn about narcassists, the more I recognize the traits and behaviours. Its been sad! For now I am using my grey rocking to protect myself. When my Mom is not with us any more, I will not have anymore contact with her. I cannot accept how she has treated my elderly mom. I have great sympathy for anyone dealing with this type of personality in their life.
I am currently going through a very similar situation with my sister as well. I am just now finding out about the grey rock technique. I wish that I could have no contact, but my mother's health doesn't allow for this... at least not without causing her unnecessary stress and pain. The sibling has made my mother's declining health so much harder to navigate- the situation of having to engage with the sibling, at least to me, is much worse than my mother's actual illness.
@@dongaddis8727 I'm really sorry for you. It is a very heartbreaking situation. One I never imagined would happen in our family. Sending love, strength and God's Grace. Xxx
Same here. Sister yells at my mother, insults her, but on public behaves as caring angel. I started to document everything. She has basically kidnapped my mother, took her mobile and iPad from her, so I have no contact with our mother any more. I guess I need a lawyer. Same narc patterns worldwide. Gradiosity, manipulation, rage outbreaks, false personality, rivalry, lies and harm to everyone who comes closer to the narc.
@@elmyragerh8351contact social services if your sibling has taken away your mother's devices. She's being held captive. But be careful your sibling doesn't implicate you in abuse against your mother, Narcissists fabricate and love getting others in trouble. I think social services can do the job of a lawyer in your case
same here, only its my younger brother with my elderly narc mom
My narrissistic brother exposed his rage at me for no reason right in front of our 86 year mother. She finally saw his rage and now sees that i am not making this stuff up
What caused him to rage? Did he just rage out of nowhere?
My narc brother has chased me with knives infront of my mother yet she still lets him live with her 🤦♀️😕 he's an alcoholic also, he moved back in with my mum as his marraige has fallen apart over his alcoholism... I worry for my mother every day.... I live with my kids in my own house & my mother is living wit that narc maniac just down the road from me & I'm at my wits end with worry, she will not tell him to move out she's too scared too 😢 He has taken over her house, her life, he won't even let her go anywhere without him, he is like her shadow, our family is a mess now... All because of him.
Some people become so much like their narcissistic sibling that they replicate their treatment in dealing w/ their own fam when grown.
Thank you it really is a choice between you or them. What is your sanity worth to you?? That is the question...or as Shakespeare put it.."to be or not to be, that is the question 🤔 " They demand total submission of your will, so you cannot both coexist.
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH ! This was so well explained and easy to understand… in my case she’s a clever patronising belittling superior ( or thinks she is ) ..I’ve gone extreme minimal contact after a release on block when our mother died ( legal stuff to sort etc ) ..from that day, 2 years ago I’ve set my own boundaries of contact with her …she doesn’t try to contact me which is good ..at least the penny has dropped. IF it became another problem I’d have no issues with blocking her again . The boundaries are set in my eyes ….she will NEVER be allowed to enter my peace again . I’ve worked so hard to eradicate narcs from my world ( mother father ex partner) I value my sanity and peaceful life to engage in them any further. I’m 60 years old now ..had a tough emotional life and now just seeking people who mirror my personality with love and kindness. Thanks for the video it was amazing.
Thank you for your kind words! I'm thankful it can possibly be helpful to you. I'm sorry about your experience. I think it's inspiring you were able to set boundaries and you chose for your own sanity and peace. That requires a lot of strength. I wish you love and a kind environment!
Hi, I'm in your age group, and can relate to all that you've said. Did your sister try to rob the family when your parent died? They feel that they are entitled to. My sarcastic narcissist sister took the diamond ring, the car, and packed up her vehicle repeatedly for "safekeeping" of the most valuable items that were never again seen. Ready for this one? She said that I should be in charge of canned goods of food and disposing of old medications. I was so grief-stricken that I didn't fight or argue, I am the empath of the family, and it sounds like you are as well. After learning about abuse and narcissism through videos like this, I look back at all of the crap that I endured and wished that I would have known then what I know now. My sister has raised more entitled narcissists and that is coming back to haunt her. I simply don't care, it's so bizarre. I've gone no contact and am fine with it as there's nothing to miss, and I still occasionally watch videos in disbelief at what I didn't realize then. Take care! And know you're certainly not alone!!
Me too
I like the fact that before I listen to the video I read through all of your comments and I mean all of them. We all seem to have something in common. It took us too long to set boundaries and now we find ourselves in essentially a grieving process. I understand 100% that it is excruciating and painful to let people go that you've had such high hopes of. Over the years you build up in your mind that you can have a healthy happy respectful loving relationship with these people and you will always have each other's backs and at some point they will grow out of it and they will grow up and you can move on together through life. Please don't feel bad that this is not the case. They are who they are. Understand first of all that our personalities are established in a solid formed by the time we're about 8 years old that is not exact but it is an average. Now consider that then add in the fact that our prefrontal cortexes do not fully form until we are 26 years old. That's 18 years to form terrible habits using an immature brain having your personality and your attitude already set in place. Basically if you have a sibling who likes to kick puppies don't be surprised when that same sibling kicks your dog when they come to visit and then mix up some shity excuse as to why they did it. It's just a metaphor just an example but I'm just saying if you like I have a sister who every time you show up and you say hi beautiful how are you doing how is life they respond with ohmygod are you using self tanner why are you so skinny no I know you don't know how to cook so you can just go sit down over there. And you like me or thinking to yourself b**** I used to change your diapers and make your food when our parents were strung out in the garage how dare you tell me that I don't know how to cook lol. You can't change these people they will forever nitpick and grind on you until they chip away and crack at that stone until it is completely demolished and the only thing that's going to rebuild that Foundation is time. Just remember that time is fleeting you do not have time to waste on waiting around for that Foundation to solidify again. And if they're upset about it that's on them and they should look in a mirror.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you're doing well. Wish you strength and kindness!
Thankyou for this video. I find it hard to pinpoint the behaviour as my sister is covert and secretive. Not egotistical. However she lies all the time and manipulates. She bullies and threatens to get her way. Very controling. Ive realized this later in life and said no to her. Boy o boy when she her 20yr plan to have me where she wanted me didnt work she started hating me. I fought back. Ive been triangulated with hate to the rest of the family and neighbors, even my own children. Ive gone no contact now.
Im apparently in her eyes a narcisist because i have reacted.
Thank you for your response Monique. I'm sorry about your challenging situation. It is hard to pinpoint indeed, but clearly you realized this now. You know your truth and I hope you're able to focus on good energy in your environment now. Wish you strength and kindness!
My sister has been very disrespectful and only seeks to destroy my life and verbally abuse me. This will never change. So no contact is best.
I'm sorry about your situation. Wish you strength and more kindness!
I'm currently in the process of grieving my relationship with my sister and am choosing no contact. It is so difficult and painful but I need to let go of my fantasies of what our relationship could be. It is also hard because my mom is in denial about her and continues to allow her to manipulate and abuse her and she just keeps forgetting and forgiving. But I will stay strong and set up my boundaries and prioritize my own mental health. This has gone on too long. My heart goes out to everyone in this situation
Thank you for sharing. It takes courage to chose for yourself and your own energy! And yes, it’s painful and hard indeed. Wish you strength and kindness!
Thank you so much for this great video! Really shows me that no contact is the only way that I can go. I’ve already been out six months. If I asked my mother to follow respect my boundaries and made rules, she would laugh at me. She doesn’t believe in boundaries. She said boundaries are only for people that have something to hide, and she wants to know what I have to hide.
Thank you for your response Michelle, I'm thankful it can be helpful to you! I'm sorry about your challenging experience. It's great you're making these decisions to protect your energy. This requires courage. Wish you strength!
Mine doesnt care he does what he wants no matter what i say its either grey rock or no contact
thanks, good advice, no contact, ghosting, grey rock, and allying with people who know the truth about my covert narcissistic brother works for me.
Thank you for your comment. Wish you strength and kindness!
I'm in my mid 30's and the same childhood companions who went through toxic family problems like me progressed on with their lives when they were in their early 20's. There is a big difference between them and I when it comes to bad memories in life. I guess I was dealt a different hand in life.
Thanks so much for this. It is much more helpful than many of the help videos on this subject which tend to polarise and label people. I think the labelling can be dangerous because it 'others' people and causes hatred towards others. You may wish to go no contact with someone but that doesn't mean you have to hate them. And you may well recognise and be grateful for the gifts a person has given you, even if they also gave you grief! Narcissists have had something bad happen to them which they have buried deep. They will protect that vulnerability at cost to others and that is what causes their narcissistic behaviour. So they are people who suffer. We are all people who suffer. Compassion is important. Boundaries are very important too especially if you have compassion!
Thank you for your response and kind words Frankie. I'm thankful if my videos can be of some help to you. And thank you for sharing your words full of wisdom and compassion! Wish you strength and kindness!
Great visual and very useful! Thanks!
Thank you for your kind words Elizabeth. I'm thankful it can be useful to you!
My narcissist sisters talked my narcissist mother into screwing her only grandkids out of her inheritance trust fund. Sister says it was mom's decision and they has nothing to do with it; but she was one of the trustees and could make it fair distribution...I am sooo frigging pissed.they really messed with their ONLY blood relatives!
I'm sorry to hear about that Ron. Wish you strength!
By the time I let go of them two oldest siblings I hated them for what they did to me and my parents. Letting go was the only way I could get free
My mother is dying and my sister has been very difficult to deal with and demanding. We both share care of her but my sister thinks all the work is on her back and has no qualms about bitching about me to my family and her friends. I have grey rocked her for many months now. My mother will most likely die soon as she has terminal cancer. Its going to be tough in a room full of people who only know one side as I am sure everyone knows how useless I am. Should I attend the funeral anyway or say my goodbyes to me at the Chapel of Rest? My sister has a vicious tongue and intolerance.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry about your experience Daisy. It's very tough and you can only decide for yourself what's best for your energy. I hope you're doing well. Wish you strength!
I am not sure what you chose, but I went through this myself. I have gone no contact with my sisters for almost 5 years now. It is hard when you are aware of the inaccurate and false narrative they have created about you in order to influence family members. I try to remind myself that I have absolutely no control over what they say and what others believe. What they say and believe does not make it true. I wish you peace.
🕊️🫂
It is very sad to lose a parent, but in my family it's been the catalyst to free me from my narc sister. Mom dying finally revealed just how selfish my sister is. She behaved as if only she had cared for Mom (not true) and as if it was only a loss for her. I was heartbroken, but it became easier to live my life in peace, without my sister's negativity. The opposite of love is indifference and I've achieved indifference!
Exactly how I feel. When both my parents pass I will never have anything to do with her. She is vile, nasty and was like this up until my mum's very last breath. Yes, it was all about her, like no one else felt the@@bethj9952
My sibling’s relationship with my narcissistic mother involved loyalty to her and playing narcissistic power games to garner her approval, financial support, devotional support. In my case I rejected her manipulations when I was four years old with her ensuing rejection of me which existed for her lifetime.
Yes i agree no contact is the best way to hurting over and over again
The things you can do: Accept,change,or leave.
i didnt understand why my 2 close brothers have gotten very distant from family last few years but nowni do.. as i think i have to do the same.. no contact to protect themselves from the heartache and constant guilt tripping and manipulation.. my sister is a master in those
Mine too!! It’s not the same sis is it😂
@@luluah1198 i dont think so🤭🤭 but i do wish u find peace and love in ur distance from her💕
I'm using the Grey rock method.
This my story. I searched for it now you gave good solution thanks the lots. From our beginning of marriage giving troubles by manipulating my husband after my elder son born we both get fight afton and I don't know how save my family. My husband was really good person. He takes care of me and children. I really thank God he opened my eyes
I had this narcissistic brother. There was a lot of abuse towards me and my parents. We didn’t have a clue about narcissism. I only found out about it just recently. My parents were total enablers eventhough both of their lives were ruined by him. He died in total solitude in January this year. Nobody, not even his own children attended his sickbed nor his funeral.
EXIT...STAGE LEFT
I went no contact with my abusive, nasty sister. Life is so much more peaceful.
It takes a lot of courage to make such a decision in order to protect your energy. Wish you strength and kindness!
My sister has friends over at times. I happened to mention that maybe one of her friends could stay with me while she goes on another trip she thought that was funny and said they will only come here if I am here so I felt. That she meant they would be bored with me, since I am a quiet person
Yeah they just can’t help belittling others. In reality you were a threat to her. They’d like you better. If not they’re probably narcs or just toxic.
NO CONTACT or extremely Limited is the only way - There is NOTHING GOOD ABOUT THEM - PERIOD.
It's been many years, I turned 16 not long ago, but I simply cannot stand the abuse from my sister, I cut all ties and am leaving the house very soon. It hurts but my mental health is at its limit, any longer and I will commit suicide, the depression my sister has brought me and my mother is despicable, and it's selfish of me to leave my mum alone with her. But I simply cannot take it anymore. It makes me cry
Same hunny and im almost 26 good on you...
@@sparksoflife101 blessings. I know it's hard. maybe once you leave you can get yourself set up and go get you mom.
You're not selfish. Idk the situation, but if your mom is able, she can take care of herself, if your sister is old enough, your mom can go no contact too (easier said than done when it's a child of course.) But I do know that narcissists will have you believing that putting your needs first (which you need to do) is selfish. You are putting your needs first and that's hard. You should be proud.
Please reach out to talk to friends and friendly people ... praying also helps a lot of people
please get therapy and try not to kill yourself as things can get better while you're still around
🫂🕊️
2 years no contact with all mentioned
Hi I’m actually bawling my eyes out as I write this but if something happens I atleast have this comment as proof. My brother abuses my family dog and has been doing so for at least five years now. For the first time I snapped and I hit him I couldn’t control myself. I am in no way proud of the way I reacted and I take responsibility for acting so foolishly. Oh don’t get me wrong he hit me back but I’m ashamed to say that I felt better after the fight. I’m a girl with anxiety and I have been abused by my mother for all my life and I am now witnessing my only friend get the same treatment from my brother. He’s three years younger than me and he does not care about anyone other than himself. I don’t know what to do I wish I have my papa at home to hug and cry but he is at work. Guys please I don’t know what to do I’m so ashamed of what I did but I’m sorry I will do it again for my fur baby even if it kills me. I just wanted at least leave some proof here because I’m so tired of being treated as if I’m under his rule when I’m earring my own money and helping the family when he plays games…all day…and abuses my dog whenever she barks by locking her up…please I don’t know what to do…I’m too scared to call the police because my mother was the only witness and she will take his side no matter what…my heart feels like glass and he hit me so many times I don’t feel any pain anymore…please I don’t know if god exists but please save my dog at least please she is the only good thing I have in my life please anyone please help me
the solution fell into my lap with my toxic sibling. she no longer contacts me. woo hoo!!! by the way we're in our 50s. this doesn't improve. how did this happen?
- i consistently called her out on her crap behavior and lies
- i told her NO
- i ignore her digs and "i'm just joking" insults
My elder brother destroyed everything in my life .using Gaslighting ,belittling me ,comparing me with worst peoples .i was good in academics but i haven't completed my graduation, got frustrated all the time ,self-esteem gone .regretting everything in past .i am quiet depressed what to do any suggestions from anyone.
Pray to God every day
Therapy
Good friends
Nature
Good food
Exercise
🫂
Time
I am sorry. You could contact your college counsellor / admissions office and find out how to re-enter college to complete your course. I did that. Don’t let your brother win! Achieve this for yourself. 🙌
My sister is wicked When l ran away from my violent ex with my children she sided with him went to court and said he should have custody of the children
i just ignore them all they every did was talk behind my back make stories about me tell everyone else about me that i am in the wrong i want nothing to do with them and have been out of contact with them for over 3 years and more happier now i just ignore them fully no contact whatsoever is the best option
My mother is covert narc and father is malognant narc.i am victim and all my siblings are against me and standing with evil spirits..i have been tired of grey rocking..😢
I'm the oldest of 2 sisters; the three of us sing back-up in a band. My youngest sister is not only extremely toxic & narcissistic, she's a meth addict. Her boyfriend is the lead singer. This would be fun & exciting, as he is fairly well known & we get paid to sing!! Except that our youngest sister makes it almost unbearable. We cater to her, so she won't have huge tantrums & lash out at her boyfriend. She's constantly late, unprepared, freaking out, demanding attention, complaining, blaming, screeching, crying....but she does deliver on stage, I'll give her that, but she seperates herself from us, demanding to have the "spotlight", & criticizes us everytime the shows are over. We love performing, but she started another fight tonight, right before a big show tomorrow & really hurt my other sister badly. She told us "not to show up tomorrow, she didnt need us anyway", & frankly, we're about to quit. We need the money & it would be fun, except for her behaviour, which is worse & more destructive every time. We don't want to be unprofessional & Im telling you - we didn't do anything to warrrant her horrrible treatment of us, but she'll make it seem like she's the victim here. I'm about to lose my mind, so is my other sister, who has taken this harder than me. I'm just pissed; she's confused & very hurt. We both work full time & have full lives, besides dealing with her complete disregard for us. We don't need this unnecessary, abusive stress. I think we should quit the band & go no-contact with her once & for all. I've had it..but I don't want to let my other sister down, or be unprofessional about it. The band knows how she is, still..I'm really conflicted. Guess I'm just kind of venting here, & wondering if anyone has any advice. Thanks..great videos.
Join another band along with your other kind sister. The young one is way too toxic, it's not worth it. Go no contact and keep her away from you both. Best wishes❤
My advice is to pray to God
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How do you navigate this when an aging parent requests reconciliation wit your sibling after years of no contact
To clarify, does your parent want to reconcile with your sibling or does your parent want you to reconcile with your sibling?
@@SamStone1964 My aging father invited me over expressing how sad he feels that my brother and I haven’t spoken for years. And how his soul is not at peace. It’s his wish that his only son (who treated me like I didn’t exist) and I reconcile.. 😢
@@jewelsbyk What sort of narcissist is your brother? Is he physically dangerous?
@@SamStone1964 He’s not physically dangerous. Let me share a brief background of the situation.
For the last 3-4 years, I’ve been no contact with my only sibling (older brother) who was toxic towards me for years.
He claims that my dad treated me better than him when we were growing up something I didn’t even notice (he’s 9 years older)
He’s been punishing me for years with, bullying and hitting me when I was little to now, silent treatment , discard, ignoring me, treating me like I don’t exist, showing no empathy towards me etc. now that we are adults.
I tried talking to him, apologizing for what I didn’t know I did, asking other family members to talk to him, to no avail.
His attitude toward me got worse especially when he moved out. He would ignore me the entire year and send me a generic text on birthdays. I kept trying to win him over by visiting, buying gifts, etc all of which wasn’t Working. I didn’t know what to do till I started watching videos and learnt about narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships.
I finally made the decision to go no contact. I’ve been happier ever since till
Recently, my Dad who is older (70 years) has been talking to me that he’s not happy. That His soul is not at peace. He wants to call a meeting for us to talk about the situation and he want to “fix things between us”
I don’t want to meet this guy and at the same time, I’m concerned about my aging Dad.
I don’t now how to handle having a resolution meeting with a toxic person 😢
Sorry dad but no. Please respect the decision I was forced to make for my own mental health. Surely dad can come to terms with his end of life without engaging in manipulation of his children. This may be part of what he needs to come to terms with.
Anyone have any tips how to emotionally detach?
Rather than detach you can allow yourself to feel it deeply so it will dissipate.
I would really want to know why narcissist act like they act. Are they sadists? Do they know their behaviour is hurtful? Because they only act like that to the scapegoats and not to other humans.
From my own experience, it seems to be that whoever is their scapegoat in their life is an object of jealousy and competition. They see them as a threat, they have all the qualities / achievements that the narcissist doesn’t, and so all of their self doubt and hate is projected onto their human punching bag to save them turning inward to deal with their very deep rooted issues.
You perfectly nailed it! That's how my two older brothers treat me since we were very young, and they still treat me that way. I am the very empathetic, slightly autistic guy who is completely different than them. I am creative, they have a normal job. I am gay, they have a normal hetero life, and so on. @@healingdaybyday24
Thanks for your reply again. P.S. Do you have any tips for inheriting stuff in the future? My brothers will be 100% against me, so this will be complicated difficult stuff. Getting a lawyer and legal defense insurance beforhand? @@healingdaybyday24
I completely disagree, you should never complement a narcissist when they respect your boundaries. They are only doing it upon false pretenses.
I think it's that their there are different degrees of narcissism. Some people have elements of it but they also have a capacity to love. That can make things all the more confusing. I guess only you can know the degree that person is narcissistic in their relationship with you and if it is extreme then you can go 'no contact' and there will be no communication in any case.
Done all those.. now I am forced to take care of the inheritance process. And it's unavoidable. .. I was keyed in to the fact that she doesn't really understand humor or ... sarcasm. I'm ashamed to admit that I have a new tool. Intermittently I have had to compose falsely flattering and self depreciate, that would sound sarcastic to all others if it wasn't only in writing and at a distance.. it's like I need to just be a little like her, for a moment.. at my own peril. But this time, at almost 60 .. I've found sarcastic praise and flattery to be useful.. even when she's in a vulnerable narcissist rant, I have a tool to manipulate her for a moment. As it's a disorder, nobody is free from being harmed.. and her response is always beyond my control or her own ability to even think about accountability or responsibility as something that could be expected from her, but I do know that I can have some control this time, as I can actually control myself and thus see some kind of predictive response from her.. anyway. It's painful and deeply sorrowing to lose your life to such a sibling. But you didn't create them, therefore maybe being a sibling is survivable
I thought I had it “handled” and “figured out” but then my sister sent me a picture of a wordle with my dead name on it. I said “why are you sending this to me?” This was her attempt of trying to say “I was thinking of you”
Well, that's quite disturbing. Wish you kindness!
Keep distance
Bless you
I literally can’t stand my moms daughter. I don’t even wanna consider her child my sister. She was always spoiled growing up and I was always blame for everything she done wrong. She grown into a complete narcissist . Everything is about her and her life, she doesn’t cares about anyone but herself. She barely raise her kids and have me and my mom taking care them constantly. Every time she’s in my present I feel sick, her energy is so toxic. Over the years she literally affected me mentally that cause so much anxiety and depression. She so spoiled and manipulative to the point my parents always felt guilty giving me any kind of attention growing up. It left me not wanting anything out of life. She plays mind games like she want to help me but then flip. It’s almost like she find humor in me not having anything going for myself. No one understands the hate I have towards her. I wish god will give me the strength to get away from her & my family.
These charts make me anxious. 😮
I have a brother who is alcoholic n addicted to gambling and always falling into problems ... I tried helping him i really did but the cycle never stopped he would fall into problems especially financially n i had to clear them when i started saying no he started to threatening me with suicide so i left the house with my mom ...but now he is trying every method to get in touch with me ...n i also feel scared n guilt that he might hurt himself but i don't want to enable him by giving money i just don't know wat to do
I DONT miss any time lost with my sister
There is no love for her in my heart
Spoiled brat
Grandiose ego
No empathy
Bitter
Mean selfish
Wish you strength and more kindness in the future!
Do narcissist siblings intrude your mind? I hate that, it is the worst...
Invade privacy or say inapproproate things.
I suppose it can feel that way! Sadly, they will cross your boundaries and stay there if allowed. You have the control over your mind however. This can be strengthened in meditation. Wish you strength and kindness!
My sister has a
4 year old child that i've been taking care couse she thinks only about herself. The pain that her behaviour coused to my family and the child is crazy. I dont know what to do, I love the child to much.
Thank you for response Adam. I'm sorry about your experience. It must be very challenging. It's a beautiful thing you show this love and care to this child. I hope you're able to follow your intuition. Wish you strength!
* long post, pls read*
It was helpful, thanks very much. If you look in the dictionary under the word narcissistic, you’d see a picture of my sister. She embodies every characteristic of narcissism, plus a few new ones. I’m 53, she’s 59, I am adopted, she is not. From the day my parents brought me home from the orphanage, she has seen me as a huge threat, and has done everything in her power for entire life to make me look like the bad guy to my parents, into this very day, continues to do so. My parents claim they can see right through her, but deep down, they still listen to everything she says, and now that she is all alone after her kids have finished university and started their lives, and she has no one to talk to you because she spent her entire life using people, every single one of them left her obviously, she’s totally alone and has nothing else to do except call my parents and work on them, always trying to run me down, desperate to do everything and anything she can to drive a wedge between myself and my parents, and most importantly, to get every penny that my parents have left. Mom is 89 and dad is 87, both of which are in poor health, both of which have quite a bit of money. She has been, my sister that is, on permanent disability for over 25 years for a back injury that she faked. She had a job with the city of Toronto in public health, she studied that union manual like a Bible, and knows how to play every aspect of it so she never had to go back to work again, even though there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. She actually brags about it, trying to coach me on how to cheat the system so I don’t have to ever go to work again because I’ve had cancer four times, and I have Crohn’s disease, not to mention having 37 operations that remove 95% of my G.I. tract. She never came to the hospital to see me, not once, but she’s filled with advice on how to cheat the system and desperately tries to get me to put her as my sole beneficiary, even though I have a husband. She is a real piece of work, so I do everything I can to avoid her, unfortunately because my parents refuse to stop talking to her no matter how much I beg them, even after I explain in great detail of who and what she truly is, even though they know, they still will not stop talking to her, and she calls them at least four times a day because she has no one else left to talk to, not even her own children want anything to do with her, because she just tries to use them as well to do everything for her even though they both work full-time jobs and are trying to raise families of their own. Bottom line, she will never stop, she will never ever admit she has done anything wrong, she always puts the blame on me, my parents, or her children, and is furious because my parents never showed her the will, having no clue why I am there a power of attorney and their sole beneficiary. I told my parents I don’t give a damn about money, I only care about them and their well-being. I’ve been taking Care of them for over 10 years now is there Health deteriorates, but luckily they are still able to live in their own home, so I just come over a couple of times a week to help them out. If my sister ever stops by when I’m there all hell breaks loose. The minute she walks in the door she starts screaming that I’m just they’re trying to steal their money, and that I’m being mean and cruel to her because I don’t call and tell her what’s going on in the family. I want nothing to do with her, what happens between myself and my parents are none of her business, if she was a regular sibling things would be much different, but it’s just the two of us unfortunately, and I am not going to be dragged down by her again. She ruins every single family gathering, Christmas, birthdays, weddings, you name it she destroys it, by bursting out into tears, screaming that we all hate her, that we’re all against her, and that she is nothing but an innocent victim, and has done nothing wrong to deserve be ignored. I swear it’s enough to drive you to drink, thank goodness I don’t drink, if I did I’d probably have drank myself to death a long time ago because of her. I’ve done everything I can to cut communications with her completely, I’ve blocked her phone number, I blocked her on all social media, but the big Hertel is my nephews, her sons. I don’t want to lose them, because I helped raise them. She kicked her husband out of the house when the boys were still toddlers, so myself and my husband spent more time with the boys than she did, yet now she does everything she can to tell the boys to stay away from myself and my husband, even though they’re grown men. They told me this from their own miles, and said they don’t want to do that, because they love us. But at the same time they feel guilty because it’s their mother. I tried to get everyone to go to family counselling together, she refused to go, so unfortunately I’m left out with only one option, to ban her from my life. I told my parents that if she shows up when I’m there I leave immediately, and they completely agree and understand. I will not allow her to drag me down time and time and time again, I already suffer from chronic anxiety, depression, and PTSD as a result from all of my health problems, the last thing I need is her making things worse. So screw her, but I have to tell you, deep inside it tears me apart that it Hass to be like this. Once my parents are gone, I will now be alone, without a sibling. She’ll still be alive, but unless she changes, which is never going to happen, I want nothing to do with her. This may be cruel, but a big part of me wants to make her suffer for all the pain and agony she has inflicted upon not just myself, but my parents, her children and our entire family. Fortunately, I will be the one to inform her after the passing of each of my parents, that I am the power of attorney, and their soul beneficiary, my parents cut her out of their will completely, because they know and find the acknowledge, what she truly wants, money. That’s all she cares about. I will be absolutely destroyed when I lose my parents, because I love them so much it hurts. But admittedly it’s going to make me feel so good to look at her in the eyes, and tell her she’s not getting one thin dime, because of the way she has acted her entire life. When I was sick and dying in the hospital, she took full of vantage of it because I wasn’t there to defend my parents, and told them she was going to put them in a nursing home if I died, and then she would take their money. Because she is a registered nurse, she thinks she has the authority to have them declared legally incompetent, she has no idea whatsoever what she’s in for, that is the only solace I have, and even though I say I’ll enjoy telling her, if I have to be honest, that’s not really true, my deepest desire is for us to be a happy family, all of us, and it kills me that that will never happen because of her. I have done everything I possibly could to give her countless opportunities to make things right, but she refuses to accept any responsibility, and will always create a scene, blame me or my parents for all of her own problems that she created, making it impossible to ever be a happy family. Why do people have to be like this? I have racked my brain for decades trying to understand that, it was my psychiatrist that finally got me to see no other way to deal with this then just to leave her out of the picture completely and forever. I have already stated in my own will, that she is not to attend any of my services after I die, that she is not entitled to one penny, and that if she tries to show up at my funeral, I have a stipulation that the police will be called, to force her to leave. I don’t want to hurt anybody, but I refuse to allow her to ruin even my own funeral, which I know she will if given the chance. She already ruined my grandfather‘s funeral, and my uncles funeral, crying and screaming that she was left out of the family on purpose, went up to the pulpit, and instead of paying tribute to my uncle and my grandfather, all she talked about was how she was left out of the family, how nobody gave her a chance, when the reality is, all she cared about again, was how much money she was being left. Naturally, the entire family knows what she’s like, she has been written out of everybody’s well, so she left the funeral screaming her head off, and absolutely ruined what should have been a beautiful tribute to both my dear grandfather and uncle. What else can I say? I give up! If you have any advice I am all ears.
Thank you for sharing TJ and I'm thankful it's helpful to you. I'm sorry about your experience. It's very painful and challenging. As you're clearly very empathic and have a desire for harmony, the situation is even more challenging.
I see you already set boundaries for yourself, which is great and requires courage. It's a good thing you avoid her as much as possible if this is better for your own energy. I hope you're able to focus even more on yourself and what's good for your energy.
Since you ask for my opinion, I will share from my own experience. I would suggest to think about what’s your responsibility and what’s not. I used to have a lot of expectations of how my mother should deal with my narcissistic father. I really needed to let something go and learn this is not my task. It only led to frustration and negative energy for myself and my mother. I didn't want this negative energy and when I was able to eventually let my expectations go, it resulted in a better relationship with my mother.
I think how your parents deal with the situation is their choice and only they can decide for themselves if they want to protect their energy in the same way as you or not. In my opinion, it’s thus important to draw a line to what’s your responsibility and what’s not. It’s okay to share you experience and your decision with them, but you simply can’t force or expect them to do the same thing. Your continuous effort will only lead to frustration and drain your energy. Sadly, it will also lead to negative energy to your parents. I hope this makes sense.
I see you care deeply and really have a desire to have a happy family. I can relate to that. I honestly believe separation of responsibilities and focusing on yourself would actually strengthen your relationship with your parents and creates space for your love and more positive energy to flow.
Thank your for sharing and your honesty. I wish you strength and kindness!
@@DealWithNarcissist thank you so much, and you’re absolutely right of course, I gave up trying to convince my parents to stop communicating with her. What they decide to do is their own business, my only concern was how draining it is for them, because every time I talk to them, which is every day, they inevitably constantly tell me how much stress she is putting on them, that’s the only reason I encouraged them to stop talking to her, but you’re right, you cannot tell someone what they can and cannot do, even if it’s your own parents, perhaps especially if it’s your own parents. It’s just something that I have to except, and work around, because I decided a long time ago I am not going to allow her to ruin the rest of my life, but instead, avoid her antics at all costs. A couple of days ago I took my parents to see their lawyer just to do a few reworks on their will. Aside from having her cut completely out of the will, they do not want her attending their funeral, because we already know what she’s going to do, and I will not permit anyone to disrespect my parents, especially at their funerals. I have been instructed to call the police immediately if she comes anyways. Their lawyer gave me a number to call, it’s a direct line to the police department that handles this type of thing. He told me to do absolutely nothing, if she shows up, I am too either go sit in my car, or another part of the chapel until they get there, and they will remove her immediately. We know she is going to make a huge scene, and it’s best if I am not within her line of sight, because she will blame me, will probably physically try to attack me, as she has in the past, and she will be charged immediately with trespass, plus another charge that I honestly cannot remember the name of, basically it’s disturbing the peace, but there’s a special subcategory when it comes to disturbing a sacred ritual like a funeral. She will be booked, and put in jail, and will be forced to answer for her actions. It will be completely out of my hands thank goodness, so that myself, and the rest of my family, will be able to celebrate and honour the two most important people in my life with peace and dignity, and no more disruptions from her. I can’t even believe it has to be like this, it’s like I’m trapped in some horrible movie, hard to believe that it’s real, unfortunately it is. Oh she is a master of manipulation and knows how to press everyone’s buttons, from here on, she is not going to be given the chance to do that to me ever again. I will never trust her, because I don’t think somebody as disturbed as she is, could ever be fully rehabilitated. Fortunately, I met my biological mother, 2 half-brothers and a half sister in the year 2001, siblings I didn’t know that I had, so I’ll still have some siblings. Right now I don’t speak too much to them, just because I’m too busy helping my parents, and trying to keep my own problems under control, but it’s nice to know that I won’t be alone after my parents are gone, although I know it will be difficult at first. The real Victims in all this are my nephews, who are 23 and 26, both are just getting married, and because of the situation I am not able to attend any of the ceremonies because she will be there, and that breaks my heart. My husband and I raise those boys while she would takeoff to the Caribbean for weeks at a time, when she was supposed to be totally disabled. I look at the boys almost as though they are my own children, and I know they look at me as a father figure, they have told me that on several occasions. Those poor guys are absolutely torn apart because of the way their mother behaves, desperately wanting me and my husband to be there, but because of their mother, that’s not possible. So again we work around it, we are taking both of them out to celebrate before they get married, a private ceremony with the rest of the family minus my sister. That’s how we get around it, and although it doesn’t sound like it, I’ve actually started being OK with it, it’s not ideal, but it works, and is what’s best for everyone concerned. Anyways, sorry for rambling on, I thank you again, and I’m so sorry to hear about your father, I know the pain all too well, but it must be a horrible dynamic when it’s a parent that’s the narcissistic one, I can’t begin to imagine the trauma you and your mother have been through together. If it means anything, I’m here anytime you want to talk, God knows I can relate, and I am a medical professional. What I didn’t mention was, while I was in the hospital all those times, by correspondence, I got my Masters degrees in medical laboratory sciences and medical radiation sciences, and psychology was a huge part of my education, which has proved incredibly helpful in dealing with my sister, so I to have some professional training in this regard. I simply forgot it at the time when I was so enraged with her, but my therapist brought me back to earth, and I went through all of my notes from college, which really helped me gain perspective. Anyways, thank you again, and I wish you nothing but happiness, take care!
@@GIguy Thank you for sharing TJ. I understand you can't believe it has to be like that. Sadly, it's indeed something you have to deal with. I think it's great you're making clear decisions for yourself on how to deal with it. Off course, these decisions and the need for them will never bring joy.
I hope when things are more peaceful you can explore your family on your biological mothers side.
It's great you have such a strong bond with your nephews. You can be grateful for that. It shows you care a lot and you clearly mean a lot to them in their difficult and complicated situation.
It's okay to ramble a bit, it's a healing process to put these things to words :) Thank you for your compassion and kind words. Luckily, I'm in a healthy state of mind and in a place to hopefully help others with my website and videos by using my experiences and thus transforming it into a positive.
Wish you strength and kindness in the future. Take care as well!
@@DealWithNarcissist thank you so very much, you’re a guiding light in a sea of darkness, you can’t know how much that means to me, and countless others. Thanks again, and god bless.
I went no contact for my narcissistic abusive older brother for yrs and then he used God to get back into my life and things became worse so i am going no contact as well.
Wish you strength!
I’m in the struggle with you- also having an Narc older brother. I have been told by a parent to, “grow up” why can’t you two get along? It hurts when parents don’t respect boundaries😅. And we’re both grown!
She lied/lies to my only Son.
They always verbul abuse me and say it didn't happend even show a recording of it to them.
I'm sorry about your experience, wish you strength!
We share a room so its hard. Any tips??
That is hard! Possibly creating a structure of positive behaviours to do for yourself, such as meditation, walking and creating space/time for yourself. This can help to stay aware of your own energy versus influences from outside.
I visit when his adult_kids chaperone him, watch the position of the Sun... cause the clowns come out after dusk, either literally or his own
I verbally defended myself against my oldest sister in front of our dad, and now I'm practically dead to her.
I'm sorry about that! Wish you strength and more kindness!
@@DealWithNarcissist thank you. Strength and kindness to you too. Shalom / Peace be with you!❤
@@lezbyanke777 Thank you! 🙏
Oh yea I became enemy number one . But I’m actually the opposite . I have been told I’m too kind , too giving . This is why she doesn’t like me. I mean she would if I obeyed her every whim .
The other siblings enable her and I believe another old sibling is also a narc when they join together . Alone he and the others are actually very kind and respectful
I have minimal contact it’s like they are strangers to me. I speak more with my childhood friends than them. It’s heartbreaking so many decades together 😢