Wow!!! Thank you thank you!!! I knew all these attachment styles weren’t what we can blame everything on ! And THE FACT THAT THEY CHANGE .. is so so truth .. because my Ex Was so so loveable but 2 deaths made him shut off these deaths were out of the blue... he and I are together now but it took over a year and half and he is finally showing his feelings!! Oh and these attachment styles just don’t happen as a child, that’s a gimmick to get you sucked in.. they can happen from trauma as a adult from break ups of cheating! And YES WE CAN BECOME OBSESSED! Your WORDS SAID IT PERFECTLY!!✝️❤️🙏🏻
@coachlee none of your videos have anything close to my situation. I’d give anything to talk to you ! moved to Australia from America and my husband and I separated after 10 years but there are some legal problems because of some of his actions and I REALLY need to talk to someone who I can relate with. You really are very knowledgeable and I’m in a very difficult position! If there is anyway I can schedule a session with you, you’d be doing me the hugest empathic gift ( yes I’d pay for your time.) just respond please so I know you are getting this It’s got a lot of puzzle pieces and you I think will get it .
No contact is just more difficult to endure if you’re anxious and especially if you’re the one who got dumped, although every situation and person is different. No contact generally works on any attachment style- Avoidant, anxious and even secure. You gotta use the motivation from your breakup to work on your issues while you’re in no contact. Attachment theory in particular. Otherwise you won’t be ready when that phone rings.
I'm the anxious one and got removed from ex partners home, even though they knew i had Mental Health Issues, I've been in complete strict no contact for over one year now! I will continue this and concentrate on personal growth!
@@davidallahgod3217 same I used to live with him and I Have borderline personality disorder that comes along with the symptoms of deep fear of abandoment and addiction to unstable situations/ relationships and have to learn how to function all over again being that I was dependent without awareness for almost a year now , never ever had a relation that lasted passed a year unfortunately. I want nothing but to feel normal and be as cold as he is , to not hurt deeper than the average :(
I’m anxious. I got dumped. Yeah it’s hard and I used to beg. But now I’m more alpha and more mature. I’m able to do no contact. I might think of this person every minute of day and at times I just feel anguish but I’ve been able to fight the pain and go thru it every day. Trust me I feel horrible at times but I know I have to be strong because it will let me grow thru the pain of understanding and taking loss. I have abandonment issues I’ve been working with most of my life and this is first time I feel I can stand back and look at my emotions more logically and not let it control me.
My ex was married 20 plus yrs to a filthy narcissist. And dated a few of them, users and leeches. So, she was used to that kind of relationship. Then came me...... self sufficient, easy going, unconditional love, loved her kids, provided even when I didn't have to, I chose to. I think every time I did something nice for her, she was waiting for the foot to drop. Know what I mean. Cause she was used to someone doing something, there was a need behind it. Not me. I did it out of love. She dumped me end of June. I didn't give her it till end of July. I'll wait for her. Haven't contacted her since. I love her with all my heart I hope she finds her way back to mine. ❤❤❤❤❤
I get that you're saying the majority of cases you've seen indicate it works across the board, but unless you had documented every participant's attachment style over those two decades you can't really know if there there wasn't a trend for different styles. So while I agree that people claiming it has a different affect on different styles is a guess, isn't it also a guess to declare it works across the board when you never factored in attachment style for the data you're referencing to refute that point?
C B, I didn’t keep detailed records but I was often aware of what a dumper’s likely attachment style was and it didn’t seem to matter. I saw it work well with all so-called attachment styles and if it didn’t I would certainly have seen a pattern just based on the sheer number of cases.
@@RealCoachLeeWhen you refer to attachment style as "so-called" that indicates you don't put a lot of stake in it's authenticity as a theory, but you also seem confident retroactively identifying peoples' styles based on what I assume has to be second hand descriptions since you presumably work with dumpees and not dumpers as a coach? And this was over two decades as well so you would have to have incredible recall looking back to vague interpretations of what attachment styles dumpers may have had? I'm not saying it's incorrect that no contact works across the board of attachment, I can confidently say I don't know, but your work never set out to demonstrate that so I don't think you can confidently draw that conclusion. Not trying to grill you, just want to advocate for science.
C B, my point is that I looked for patterns and there didn't seem to be one with attachment styles. If there was, it would have stood out. I'm eye balling it but two decades is enough time to notice obvious patterns and if you want your ex back, their attachment style isn't enough to warrant breaking no contact before 2 months.
@@RealCoachLee Surely you can see how your statements cast doubt from a logical standpoint. You're basically saying guys I don't believe in ghosts but I could confidently tell you if there was one in your house because I have a special ghost detecting device for the ghosts I don't believe in. And originally I invented it to detect unicorns but now it works for ghosts too. You can trust me on the whole ghost thing because I'm a unicorn expert.
I feel you. When I met my ex and we started a relationship I thought: this is the last one. I'm SO done with dating and games and flaky people. Turns out he was an avoidant and left me 2 months later for no reason. I started to go on some dates after 3 months but I'm done, I deleted every app, this modern world sucks.
I’m def not done with relationships but I will never date a Dismissive Avoidant again. Worst ever… Wish I knew about attachment styles before I grew feelings for her.
Pretty sure you saved my relationship and definitely a lot of my sanity. We have been talking again after 3 months of no contact. Got together a few times now. Thank you for your videos.
I'm currently in the dog house myself, trying no contact with a very stubborn, (cough) ..erm, determined Taurus woman . Fingers crossed. Hope this works.
@@SexAndCandyHair92 Glad to know it's not just me! I hope you get them back! Keep me updated if you like it'd be nice to have someone to share the experience with, I feel alone.
No contact works everytime. I’ve always done this even years before I wasn’t aware of such rule. “Worst case scenario” is you move on and be happy in the long run and understand this person wasn’t even fulfilling especially if you’ve been caught up to anxious-avoidant trap.
@@nataliastevens1554 sorry then. But honestly, are you happy with someone who is beside you becuase you made him to be? You took his free will. Is he happy?
@@ravenonthewindow can I ask you a question I'm a guy and you're a girl and I emotionally abused my girlfriend and by trying to start arguments because she would forget to reply to something to the point where I had her in tears and she broke it off with me but then contacted me again when she was out drinking and we had an awesome two weeks and I told her I'm bettering myself for her and I've been going to church which I have been and I am so sorry for ever doing that I was doing it to feel like I need to control the relationship but she still permanently ended it as of 4 days ago and I'm wondering if a girl who has been emotionally abused like that would come back with no contact
You know what else is sad about relationships failing? family control. And no matter how strong the attachment is to you they can't stand up to their family. That's really the saddest part when you have the right person and there's someone or something in between you and you can't do shit about it
Ok so no reason to come out and say it normally but it’s relevant here. I’m a lesbian, and my family is 100% against it. Sure, I could totally force my way into marrying a man to please them, rather than live the life I want to live. But they aren’t the people spending the rest of their lives with my soulmate. That’s only me. Once you get married, your parents and siblings actually become your extended family and your spouse/kids is your immediate family. If your girl is prioritizing maintaining peace in her extended family rather than cultivating a great immediate family for herself, she does not have the right mindset for making beneficial Life-long decisions for her life. She doesn’t lead her own life, she makes decisions through a lens of people pleasing. Is this a woman that you want to be with?
@@adrij4961 Thank you, you answered exactly my thoughts. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise for me to but I believe God has a plan and I think I am just too blind too see it at the moment. U have a great mindset and exactly what you said were my thoughts. Live your life for you and no one else, they will later learn to except the choice you make, especially if u old enough to make your own decisions. I left home at 23 and 17 years later now I still depend on myself.
Exactly, over 60 Days and I respect myself Enough too not reach out. I know at this point i have the option too but I will Not. If he decides to come back.. I’ll let him make that decision. I’m making great improvements on myself and I am so glad and proud that I am.
To everyone out there who is in pain. First of all you I’m sorry. I was with my girlfriend for 13 years. She broke up with me in December. Called me on Valentine’s Day and then 3 days later she told me she was seeing somebody else. Been in no contact since. Believe me it does get better
Damn wtf why call you on valentines day then? Was with mine for 9 years and she left for someone else. 31, no job, has a kid he doesnt support like he should and has history with heroin. He dances in a park everyday…. I neglected her for 3 years due to depression. Shes been hot n cold since the breakup last August. It fucks with you.
Coming up on 3 weeks NC after my ex of 3 years broke it off with me for someone else. I was miserable at first, but I got out and got a new job, made new friends, and surrounded myself with friends and family. A portion of NC is to move on, I know it hurts but keep an open mind. I still think about her everyday but it's starting to hurt less. Stay strong everyone and work on yourself before they continue to keep you down ❤
how did you manage to get passed all the good memories you shared, and the sickening feeling I get when I think about her being in the arms of another lover/hookup? that's what's killing me most, and it's been 3 weeks since I got dumped 🥺
@@thegiftofgabby5581 to feel this way is unbelievable, the profoundness of it all. Going from “I love you” to just being another face in the crowd overcomes & corrupts my mind. I know I just gotta chill& adapt the abundant mindset+ staying focused on my purpose, but for the sake of conversation the rollercoaster was most unpleasant
I agree this is very important because a lot of the material that Coach Lee covers does not apply to avoidants and there are ALOT of avoidants out there. This is very helpful!
Sometimes I listen to coach lee video and find myself fall asleep in the middle. Better than ASMR lol 😆 it proves how it really helps with my anxiety cuz my anxiety makes me unable to sleep at night sometimes.
I was about to break down, thinking I should text her and see where her heads at after 2 weeks of nc, then i found you video.. perfect timing 👌🏻 Update: We got back together after 3 weeks, moving in together soon!!
U r totally right because its not healthy to obsess over types. No contact WORKS everytime because either they miss u and come back or u realise u want something different no matter what kind of type u are. ❤️
I broke 30 days no contact 2 days ago. I asked how she is doing? And does she have time for dinner with me.Her respond is she’s really busy, no time for these things. I regret that I did it. I think I might ruin my chances. Please keep faith in no contact and Coach Lee. Focus on yourself. Don’t do what I did.
Your voice soothes and calms me so much mr. Lee that i can fall asleep listening to it and i feel so much better in all of this pain cant thank you enough for helping me in my miserable time when I have no one to look up to. YOU ARE My THEREPIST!!!! LOVE FROM INDIA.🥰💓❤❤
Who downvotes videos like this? People just trying to damage good information so it might not help as many people? Why is anyone that petty and self centered?
I was always on the fence about attachment styles because they are always explained as set in childhood. I exhibit aspects of avoidance, I too think that it's a spectrum and we are not one style. Just like with introvert and extroverts. You are not one or the other, you are on a scale. But I am certainly more avoidant than not. And all these texts online said it's because of this and that in your childhood and that's just bullshit. I had a perfect childhood, with loving parents who were there for me when I needed support. BUT, in grade 7 of school I was betrayed by all my closest friends who conspired together to kick me out of the social circle because I wasn't cool enough and they were embarassed to be around me. As soon as I realized these things can shift and change based on adult traumas it made a lot more sense where I got my avoidant traits from.
We had a 33 year relationship and never separated and really never had a bad argument and she has a lot of stress on her and a sister that is feeding her emotions, when a family member is interfering it makes it a even slower process
You're like the bestfriend everyone wishes they had. I can't even begin to tell u how much ur videos have helped me in such a short period of time. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!
I have never commented here but, I really think the attachment styles have an impact. But over all no contact works for everyone. The anxious might get affected than an avoidant. Knowing your attachment style can help with self growth during no contact to the point where you might even move on, which is a better thing. And also, you might reach out after a period to an anxious type but with an avoidant, maybe unlimited until they reach out.
Hello am here to say this really works. I followed everything what he said just be strong and trust the process. My Ex took him 2 yrs but he came back to apologize I couldn't not even believe and I had moved on too but it work no chasing no contact it's hard to do but that the only way to attract again. I couldn't believe it but yes it happen we are in good terms. Thanks to coach Lee.
I'm happy for you and I'm glad it worked out after 2 years, that is incredible! Just wanted to give you the heads up about Coach Lee’s live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." Seriously, it's a game-changer! This workshop is all about rescuing your relationship and then keeping your relationship strong after the breakup or separation. Oh, and get this: you'll also have a coaching call every month for 6 whole months! So you won’t be going at it alone or anything. To find out more, hit up Coach Lee's team. You can schedule an appointment to discuss all the details at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. If you do, it will blow your mind and give you the support you need!
Hey coach Lee. Myy ex and I broke up two weeks ago. We lived together and dated for a year and a half. She packed all her things and left, does that mean I have no hope? Or can no contact still work?
@@naiko6700 Last time we spoke she told me she would consider giving me a chance in the future, but said she’s not making any promises. She harped on me showing changes. Work on yourself and you’ll be in the best position to win them back.
I don't want him back I just want to learn how to take my no contact to a strong level and move forward no matter how it hurts. I will use it to thrive and be the best version of myself. I deserve that
Hey coach! Is there any difference when the ex who dumped me has mental illness? I'm talking about depression in my case. She shows many mixed signals (she likes my closeness, but she needs to focus on herself, she misses and loves me but can't be in a relationship right now, and wants to stay best friends with me). So I'm wondering what the right step would be in order to be in a happy relationship with her again. Take things slow? Have the special connection we have but don't put label on it? We live in a long distance relationship and I very much love her, we have a huge history! Thank You!
Coach Doctor Lee PhD. I say this because: Psychology needs you to go for a doctorate. You have enough experience that you have a lot to contribute to this young field You have my honorary doctorate. You are correct, every coach I have encountered and listened to recommends dating around. Which I did until your input on this particular issue. You make more sense. It all seems to revolve around the eternal question 'WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?' It is compassionate to everyone involved. Perhaps going for a PhD. would limit, temporally, the communication of these very effective ways of being. People gotta get what they gotta get. Thank you for being in this realm during this lifetime. Every time I hear the background music of you videos I feel good. Good move Pavlov. A tip 'o the hat!
I just want to say that your videos comfort me and brings hope for a better future. Getting back with the ex or not, i love listening to you and your advices! Thank you for all the clarity. Hoping to be able to book a call with you sometime.
I enjoyed the the videos these last 5 month unfortunately I have to give up she’s pregnant from a guy she started dating a month after the break up we were together for 3 years but she’s pregnant with a guy she’s known for 4 months. I just have to respect it and move on.💔
I know it’s hard, be strong though, respectfully, she did you a favour. She showed you her real self with that action. Don’t take her back in the future when they split up & she needs someone else to raise her kid lol.
Hey guys!! No contact is so powerful for yourself and to see if someone really loves you. Work on yourself and anxiety will slowly fade. My ex of 6 months has been reaching out after 3 weeks of NC. I have politely replied etc. In my case I had even changed my number because when he said it was over he went to tell me he had a date that day and goi g to Vegas etc. I took it as true and completely went MIA after telling him a few things lol. He actually called me today and we spoke for an hr and it was great. We always had great conversations. I will continue no contact and be patient and see where it goes. I guess patience is the hard one. End of day it helps us being strong and moving on if needed. Thank you coach lee!❤️
When you want to get your ex back through no contact. Do it for yourself and forget them, what was is gone and you need to accept it. Maybe you can meet again maybe not, but take the time to work on yourself
Really struggling today ex left me and started dating someone else immediately but has kept it a secret from me the 4 months we've been broken up just found out. Though I have my suspicions of infidelity before she broke up with me I can't say for sure
i’m sorry to hear, but just know that you aren’t alone my ex did the same thing to me, and just keep in mind that if she immediately jumped into a relationship with someone else there’s a really good chance she’s only rebounding with this person and their relationship won’t last very long. keep your head up 💖
Ditto. Tough pill to swallow. Mine at least admitted to the fact. Sucks when you find out they actually cheated. True love and dedication to a relationship these days seems to be non existent. Attention apparently was the problem as was communication. She didn’t communicate “needs” well and apparently I didn’t listen well enough. Sometimes you can’t hear what’s not being said. True love means not bailing when things get tough though.I see now who was truly in love. Time heals all wounds. Unfortunately my independent personality is just too much. We were awesome when together but apparently not together enough. I have finally learned I need to involve my next in more of what I do and be more involved with them. The question though is how much is to much. They are not your child.
Coach lee never seems to disappoint, his videos are very in depth and on it! This sounds like me, I'm a male anxious attachment style My ex girlfriend sounds like avoidant attachment style
What about the fact that avoidans won't reach out even if they want to because they are now embarrassed and don't want to put themselves through that emotional turmoil and the risk you may not feel the same. Avoidants would rather "avoid" than put them in a position of possible rejection. It's been 3 months since the break up and I still have not heard from my ex. The break up was out of the blue and I have learned now it was because of commitment. When she broke up with me I accepted it and immediately went into no contact. I thought for sure I would have heard something by now, but I think her avoidant nature would rather move on than risk rejection.
No contact can still work the same. When attraction is high enough, their fears are overcome by their feelings. Avoidants are always battling their fears and feelings. No contact means their fears will subside and allow them to feel their feelings again. I completely understand the difficulty you're facing since I've personally been through the same. I want to recommend Coach Lee’s live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." I hate to use this word….but it's really transformative! The workshop is for saving your relationship after a breakup or separation (or if it looks like one is coming). You’ll also have a coaching call every month for 6 months so you won’t be left alone to handle this yourself. Anyway, I suggest getting more information about it. You can schedule an appointment to discuss at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. I genuinely believe this experience will be enlightening and immensely valuable for you.
Have you heard from the ex? I am on 30 days or no contact. I thinks she’s anxious avoidant. Breakup was also due to commitment on my part. Trying to be strong but having a hard time with NC.
@@Lcayala33When you say anxious avoidant do you mean FA? I'm FA and if she is too, obviously I don't know enough details to be sure but if she ended things due to your commitment issues rather than much else I would guarantee she's longing for you to reach out. We just need someone to prove they want us to be honest.
Coach Lee, I got caught up in this attachment style crap and decided that my ex is most likely anxious attachment so I needed to txt her or else she’ll go through the stages of breakup quicker than most and she’ll attach to someone else 🙄 I wish I had watched this first. I did txt her ‘how are you’ and no response, I watched another video that said asking them questions puts pressure on them to talk to you even if they don’t want to so I sent another message saying ‘Hope you’re doing well’ just to close the loop and take the pressure off of her to reply. What do I do now? Have I ruined my chances? Have decided to leave it at that and continue nc or start it again, as the case may be. HELP ME
I think those of us with an anxious attachment style is that we know we're hard work, we feel abandoned and a lot of pain, we don't trust ourselves to stay away, we understand why our ex left us, and we've been told this is how we are due to childhood trauma and we need years of therapy to have successful relationships. So just wave your magic wand and help us, Lee! Haha My ex is avoidant, I believe, so this will be fun :-/
How's it going? I've been going through this the last month myself. I seem to be anxious and I've always felt he was avoidant. Every article I've read says avoidants don't come back, so this does give me hope. He contacts me couple of times a week and wants to remain friends. That's too hard for me. I feel like there's an elephant in the room now.
Yeah this is exactly how I feel. Doing all this inner work, but no matter that I consciously act not in a clingy way, I guess the energy of neediness cannot be hidden and it kills the “emotional attraction”
You always come at the perfect time coach. Always look forward to your new content. Much love. It would be great to one day see a video about 'how to win an ex's heart back that you share kid's with'.
So I've listened to this video again and my ex has had a lot of failed relationships. As you said suffered from many attachment styles. This is the first time I gather that someone been in NC and so this will make her rethink the situation but will take a while as this is so different for here to understand. Completely not normal for her for someone to be quite and respect her wishes. Thanks
Thanks for all your work. You never mention mental illness. My ex is having a severe depression and after 6 months of no contact I wrote him a letter. I left out all ego, all my anger, all my pain. I didn’t write or ask about us. Just pointed out that only he can break the broken circle of his pain and suffering by reaching out for help. He responded with thanking me. I have to respond short and polite as you teach us. And there we go again. In no contact…
Amanda West My ex fiancé of 3 years left me for the 100th time, seemingly. She now in a rebound after a months time. Posting it on social media, everything. I’m blocked everywhere...
Am I the dumper or the dumped? He broke up and I left our home of 5 years. He said that if I leave that I'm on my own. He's even keeping my credit card account open. Yet, he was breaking up because of a crush with someone else. Said that I shouldn't leave that we are family I left because he was so emotional and confused. I breathed able to go through our break up with him needing comfort.
I would totally buy your program just in money problems right now with everything going on. But I dated my ex for 5 months, we meet our families and both families loved each other. We did love each other, she lost her attraction because I held her on a pedestal. Plus family issues going on. But I've made a lot of changes in my life already to change my neediness, plus we moved to fast. I'm on day 21 of NC. Should I still wait 30 days or contact her now since it's considered a short term relationship? I still have a couple things of hers. Thank you and I love your advice.
My ex (DA) reached out after the second break up immediately. But I didn’t respond. He tried after a couple of days also to call..then after a week he texted me. I didn’t respond, because to me it was just to early.. I’m anxious but I try to be more secure. He was on holiday and brought me a little present. He showed up at my house but I didn’t open the door. He texted me that he put my present at the door and I should bring it in the house before it’s raining. I texted just Thank you Didn’t hear about him after this.. I don’t know what is he up to. But he made clear, he can’t imagine his future with me. I would love to get him together. But I respect myself and need more effort. Maybe I made a mistake that I didn’t respond. But I started no contact just 16 days ago.. I’m wondering what he is up to… Maybe You have some advice. I would appreciate it ❤
It's common that DAs use gifts or even acts of service as a love language compared to other forms of love languages. They often miss the safety and security of a relationship particularly if it was a long-term relationship that was mostly good and positive. Was he saying much when he reached out to you via text? The more vulnerable and conversational, the better it is. Regardless of attachment style, no contact is the right thing to do. It's normal for an avoidant to shut down and even repress their feelings after a breakup - delving into their creature comforts especially during the relief period. It can take them a little longer to come back compared to others (as a general rule) and that can depend on the individual and how avoidant they are. If he reaches out again, just respond casually and politely. Keep it easy going and match his energy or be a bit behind him. I'm trained by Coach Lee and I can answer any other questions you have about attachment styles and getting an ex back if you need. If you don't know about the Relationship Reignite workshop that Coach Lee is holding next month I can't recommend that enough. It's a great way to learn more about relationship dynamics. The workshop includes 12 hours with Coach Lee helping you in your unique situation PLUS a coaching call with myself. You also get 6 months worth of aftercare to help you keep things on track after the breakup or in your relationship. For more information you can speak to Johnny on Coach Lee’s staff by replying to this comment or go to RelationshipReignite.com and mention my name when you book.
Very sound relation to theories and their origin, their strength and weakness and putting them in context. That's the difference between an amateur and fraud and a serious person whose words are genuine and worth something. Thank you!
My girl just broke up with me Sunday. It seemed like she was blowing me off when I would ask her out lately. I would accuse her of purposely blowing me off. Sunday we had plans and she had to cancel because her grandmother was sick she said. I told her that I felt like I was getting played. It set her off and she ended it. I removed her from Snapchat and that upset her even more. I haven’t talked to her since Monday.
Don't listen to Sasha, or virtually any woman, on this. You don't need proof. When you're looking for proof is when she sticks the shiv in. Stay in nc. In the future with a better woman, when you get that feeling, tell her that the vibe is off lately and perhaps it's time to see other people, then make yourself scarce. No further explanation. If she was already mentally out, then she'll be out and that's fine. If there's still something there, she'll work to make it right.
Hey coach! Did no contact for 2 weeks, my ex posted sad posts, she even posted our song. She even reached out once anonymously and said she can't sleep. We are together for 2 years and we are in a long distance relationship. Even after she told me how she felt I suggested a break, but she kept cuddling to me every night, and when I took distance she came close to me. I should also mention she has depression, so I don't totally leave her alone, due she is ill. Yesterday we made voice messages and I told her what went wrong in the relationship and she was very happy about it (I was needy and too obsessed with her), she replied and said she misses me and pf course loves me but she can't be in a relationship, but she really needs me as her best friend. Any help would be great, I am very very confused because all of these. Thank you, stay strong everyone!
She friend zoned you because you’re needy and because you’re in a long distance relationship in which attraction drops. Just hear yourself. You’re trying to justify not leaving her because she is “ill”. If she is ill she can go see a therapist not you. You have your own emotional problems to deal with. YOU can’t fix another person.
I honestly think you can be a different style depending on the dynamics of the relationship. With my ex ex bf- I was an avoidant and he was anxious because he was into me more then I was into him. With my current ex- I was anxious and he was an avoidant. The reason being was because I was so into him that I was scared to lose him. I honestly think it can vary.
People of any attachment style can vary, some people have secure attachments with mother and insecure (avoidant/resistant) attachments with the father and that can play out to have some of the detriments of the insecure attachment. Therefore it’s definitely possible to be attached in different ways romantically, we USUALLY emulate the patterns of behaviour we have with our parents/primary caregivers but this isn’t always the case, and even amongst those that give care we can vary, this was really unorganised but I hope it helps :)
I totally agree, in my last relationshit my bf at the beginning was anxious as I was more distant and avoidant, but then I became more into him and he started to be avoidant.
Coach you are seriously posting everything relevant with my life. I said my goodbyes to my X. I printed out all our happy memories and made a collage for her and I got her healing crystals for BPD. I told her I will always love her unconditionally and that nothing she can do will make me hate her. I told her she will always have my support and that we all believe in her. I gave her and her dog hug and I left. I carried myself in a respectable manner & with dignity! She is avoidant because of her condition and is going to realize I'm the one that got away (like she did years ago) except this time I'm not going to come back. I'm not going to believe that she is "cured" from a year of therapy. It's going to hurt and that pain will hopefully motivate her to change into a more secure attachment style. I can't be her lover but I'll for sure be her lesson! 😁
@@jessicarose1982 I got a date tomorrow with a woman who was able to communicate with me better than my X ever could a week into talking to her. TO THINK I ACTUALLY BEGGED FOR TWO YEARS JUST FOR BASIC COMMUNICATION!!! 🤣😂 Know your worth people!!!! I have been anxiously attached but I'm feeling more secure now that I've been in therapy because I know I'm not responsible for someone's poor reaction to their negative emotions. At the end of the day they're responsible for how they choose to react. Just like I am for myself.
I broke the contact 3 times the first time in 3 days the second in 4 and the other in 6 big mistakes we war talking in text msg we talking in a good way but know I stopped its my 20 day in no contact and I feel very good so now I whant her too come back but I hope is not going too be leit for her after because in life we have to move on listen to coach lee people hes very correct what hes saying. Anw thank you coach lee you are the best
Coach I don't know if it is because I listened to you when I was going through a rough time but your voice really brings me a sense of peace and relief. Thanks for also creating content that focuses on the view of getting your ex back and if not, this is how you move on.
What’s your advice if she’s left me multiple times but as always then came back? I was never expecting her too either BUT this time she’s seeing someone else a month after the break up?
Hey man i really need advice. She broke up with me and we didnt really get to speak l, ive just sent an apology message today but not saying i wanna get back together. I think ive messed up and dont know what to do. Someone help pls
Wow new video is up 🥰....i hope u could read this coach lee i just wanna say thank you though my ex and i are not back YET. I learn so much from you and you really help me to get the anxiety, sadness or even the feeling of mourning. Thank you for your wise advise. P.S. you are looking good specially with that kind of hairstyle. It looks on you
@@nathanb2167 yes i deactivated my facebook and since my family and i connect on messenger i still have my fb messenger on and thats it. I got no updates or whatsoever on any social media even my close friwnds dont know whats going on in my life since i focus myself to feel good. I exercise or run a lot and it truly helps me plus listening to to coach lee and margaret even i was sleeping just to condition my mind. Update we are back together now because she sent email asking for forgiveness and confessing that she miss me and she cant stop thinking of me.
I have practically watched the entire series of videos since I chance upon Coach Lee's videos. His encouragement and practical advice in all his messages helped me so much! Thanks Coach Lee!
I’ve been practicing No Contact although he reaches out with Hi Girl, How ya doing? About once a week, it’s been 2 months since our breakup……He did say he sees me as his Soul Mate but doesn’t have romantic feelings for me…..🤦🏻♀️
All mate Denious. If he has no interest in you romantically, move on. Find someone who will care about you romantically. You don't NEED HIM in your life to "call the shots " Move on, and Good luck. ❤
Ok so I’m really confused. My ex broke up with me, told me she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone rn, wants to fix herself from the situation we were in, and said she still loves me but isn’t in love anymore. But she still keeps her location on for me and still keeps me in her Instagram highlights, on her posts, and watch’s my Instagram stories and I do the same because I don’t know her angle. What should I do?
He said he didn’t know how to make me happy and now I’m happy (I did a lot of hard work to get to this place) and he sees it. Will this prevent him from coming back if he believes I’m better off without him and he was the reason for my unhappiness when we were together?
Ramona, maybe it just delayed things. You have two options. 1. Wait to see if he reaches out again and, of course, don't ignore him. 2. Text an apology and tell him that you are open to talking. This is why I mention this a lot because I have seen people hurt by following bad advice. I'm sorry this happened.
What type of avoidant ex do you have? Fearful avoidants are prone to feeling rejected if you don't respond and might deactivate, whereas a dismissive avoidant is more likely to just assume you're busy. Iff they reached out with some level of vulnerability it could lower the likelihood of them reaching out again since they already have a tenuous relationship with vulnerability. I know how tough it is to deal with this kind of situation and have been there myself. I don't know if you are aware, but Coach Lee has a live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." It's an incredible learning experience that I just can't say enough about. It focuses on saving a relationship from a breakup/separation and then keeping it after. It includes a coaching call each month for 6 months. You can talk to Coach Lee's team about it. I think the person for this is named Johnny and you can make an appointment with him to talk about it at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. I think you'll agree that it's an incredibly eye-opening and immensely helpful experience for you.
Great info, Coach Lee - very few influencers provide warnings on labelling people or themselves with attachment styles. Doing this limits an individual's scope for moving forward post-breakup. Thanks for your wisdom in this video.
Really struggling with my breakup coach.. being the dumper. I tried to book a coaching call but the website says you’ve taken time off.. how else can I contact you?
Coach lee... Please do a video about why when my ex.. She, turn so cruel on me after she cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend that reached out to her on fakebook.
Hi Coach, I recently just blocked my ex because I found out my ex moved in with the rebound. I just want to keep my sanity together and not see my ex within my radar anymore. Can I still get them back?
Hello Coach, I’m going to have to hear this video a few times. I’m completely confused. I respect you and your sound advice. Sometimes it’s hard to follow but I’m sure it’s best on either way or the other. I’m going to get through this. Thank you
I broke up with avoidant attachment type person. I am in no contact phase. I want her to feel my absence dearly. Don't want her back till she becomes anxious attachment style person or secure attachment style person. Else I don't want her back. My door is shut forever for her if she remains the same person when I broke up with her. I want an emotional person in my life.
Wow!!! Thank you thank you!!! I knew all these attachment styles weren’t what we can blame everything on ! And THE FACT THAT THEY CHANGE .. is so so truth .. because my Ex
Was so so loveable but 2 deaths made him shut off these deaths were out of the blue... he and I are together now but it took over a year and half and he is finally showing his feelings!! Oh and these attachment styles just don’t happen as a child, that’s a gimmick to get you sucked in.. they can happen from trauma as a adult from break ups of cheating! And YES WE CAN BECOME OBSESSED!
Your WORDS SAID IT PERFECTLY!!✝️❤️🙏🏻
@coachlee none of your videos have anything close to my situation. I’d give anything to talk to you ! moved to Australia from America and my husband and I separated after 10 years but there are some legal problems because of some of his actions and I REALLY need to talk to someone who I can relate with. You really are very knowledgeable and I’m in a very difficult position! If there is anyway I can schedule a session with you, you’d be doing me the hugest empathic gift ( yes I’d pay for your time.) just respond please so I know you are getting this
It’s got a lot of puzzle pieces and you I think will get it .
“People change, adapt and grow”, Well said 💪💪💪
Well said, Coach! Well said!!!
No contact is just more difficult to endure if you’re anxious and especially if you’re the one who got dumped, although every situation and person is different. No contact generally works on any attachment style- Avoidant, anxious and even secure. You gotta use the motivation from your breakup to work on your issues while you’re in no contact. Attachment theory in particular. Otherwise you won’t be ready when that phone rings.
All facts!
Yes that’s very true
I'm the anxious one and got removed from ex partners home, even though they knew i had Mental Health Issues,
I've been in complete strict no contact for over one year now!
I will continue this and concentrate on personal growth!
@@davidallahgod3217 same I used to live with him and I Have borderline personality disorder that comes along with the symptoms of deep fear of abandoment and addiction to unstable situations/ relationships and have to learn how to function all over again being that I was dependent without awareness for almost a year now , never ever had a relation that lasted passed a year unfortunately. I want nothing but to feel normal and be as cold as he is , to not hurt deeper than the average :(
I’m anxious. I got dumped. Yeah it’s hard and I used to beg. But now I’m more alpha and more mature. I’m able to do no contact. I might think of this person every minute of day and at times I just feel anguish but I’ve been able to fight the pain and go thru it every day. Trust me I feel horrible at times but I know I have to be strong because it will let me grow thru the pain of understanding and taking loss. I have abandonment issues I’ve been working with most of my life and this is first time I feel I can stand back and look at my emotions more logically and not let it control me.
Thank you for clearing this up for everyone. Ive been really confused about this so called attachment style stuff.
My ex was married 20 plus yrs to a filthy narcissist. And dated a few of them, users and leeches. So, she was used to that kind of relationship. Then came me...... self sufficient, easy going, unconditional love, loved her kids, provided even when I didn't have to, I chose to. I think every time I did something nice for her, she was waiting for the foot to drop. Know what I mean. Cause she was used to someone doing something, there was a need behind it.
Not me. I did it out of love.
She dumped me end of June.
I didn't give her it till end of July.
I'll wait for her. Haven't contacted her since. I love her with all my heart
I hope she finds her way back to mine. ❤❤❤❤❤
Donald, since she broke up with you, DON'T contact her. She has to contact you. Never call/text the one who dumped you. Best of luck!!
I get that you're saying the majority of cases you've seen indicate it works across the board, but unless you had documented every participant's attachment style over those two decades you can't really know if there there wasn't a trend for different styles. So while I agree that people claiming it has a different affect on different styles is a guess, isn't it also a guess to declare it works across the board when you never factored in attachment style for the data you're referencing to refute that point?
C B, I didn’t keep detailed records but I was often aware of what a dumper’s likely attachment style was and it didn’t seem to matter. I saw it work well with all so-called attachment styles and if it didn’t I would certainly have seen a pattern just based on the sheer number of cases.
@@RealCoachLeeWhen you refer to attachment style as "so-called" that indicates you don't put a lot of stake in it's authenticity as a theory, but you also seem confident retroactively identifying peoples' styles based on what I assume has to be second hand descriptions since you presumably work with dumpees and not dumpers as a coach? And this was over two decades as well so you would have to have incredible recall looking back to vague interpretations of what attachment styles dumpers may have had? I'm not saying it's incorrect that no contact works across the board of attachment, I can confidently say I don't know, but your work never set out to demonstrate that so I don't think you can confidently draw that conclusion. Not trying to grill you, just want to advocate for science.
C B, my point is that I looked for patterns and there didn't seem to be one with attachment styles. If there was, it would have stood out. I'm eye balling it but two decades is enough time to notice obvious patterns and if you want your ex back, their attachment style isn't enough to warrant breaking no contact before 2 months.
@@RealCoachLee Surely you can see how your statements cast doubt from a logical standpoint. You're basically saying guys I don't believe in ghosts but I could confidently tell you if there was one in your house because I have a special ghost detecting device for the ghosts I don't believe in. And originally I invented it to detect unicorns but now it works for ghosts too. You can trust me on the whole ghost thing because I'm a unicorn expert.
I just want to date a normal person no drama being happy just working on a future together,im done.
I feel you. When I met my ex and we started a relationship I thought: this is the last one. I'm SO done with dating and games and flaky people. Turns out he was an avoidant and left me 2 months later for no reason. I started to go on some dates after 3 months but I'm done, I deleted every app, this modern world sucks.
Lmao you ask too much
@@Ckyt572 Are u a man or a woman
I’m def not done with relationships but I will never date a Dismissive Avoidant again. Worst ever…
Wish I knew about attachment styles before I grew feelings for her.
Pretty sure you saved my relationship and definitely a lot of my sanity. We have been talking again after 3 months of no contact. Got together a few times now. Thank you for your videos.
So glad to hear that you are in contact. Did it take the whole 3 months?
@@sandrabergman3241 yes, we had 0 interactions for the entire 3 months
I'm really happy to hear that for you!!
I'm currently in the dog house myself, trying no contact with a very stubborn, (cough) ..erm, determined Taurus woman . Fingers crossed. Hope this works.
@@SexAndCandyHair92 Glad to know it's not just me! I hope you get them back! Keep me updated if you like it'd be nice to have someone to share the experience with, I feel alone.
Whether you're trying to get your ex back or not, Coach Lee's stuff is always insightful, influential, and comforting
Yes! 🙌
Even though this was two years ago, I wanted to thank you for your very kind words. I hope you still watch. -Lee
No contact works everytime. I’ve always done this even years before I wasn’t aware of such rule. “Worst case scenario” is you move on and be happy in the long run and understand this person wasn’t even fulfilling especially if you’ve been caught up to anxious-avoidant trap.
Unfortunately i don't get to experience such a lifting moment
I’m seriously sick of these spam replies
@@kittyrivera31 It hurts I understand but healing takes time. Hang in there
@@nataliastevens1554 sorry then. But honestly, are you happy with someone who is beside you becuase you made him to be? You took his free will. Is he happy?
@@ravenonthewindow can I ask you a question I'm a guy and you're a girl and I emotionally abused my girlfriend and by trying to start arguments because she would forget to reply to something to the point where I had her in tears and she broke it off with me but then contacted me again when she was out drinking and we had an awesome two weeks and I told her I'm bettering myself for her and I've been going to church which I have been and I am so sorry for ever doing that I was doing it to feel like I need to control the relationship but she still permanently ended it as of 4 days ago and I'm wondering if a girl who has been emotionally abused like that would come back with no contact
You know what else is sad about relationships failing? family control. And no matter how strong the attachment is to you they can't stand up to their family. That's really the saddest part when you have the right person and there's someone or something in between you and you can't do shit about it
@@Redouku good to see your here going strong 💪🏻, and yeah sadly 😕
I have this problem to, there's a saying, people sometimes cant think out the box they grew up in and they choose to remain there in the box.
@@MalitesZA 100% right 😕
Ok so no reason to come out and say it normally but it’s relevant here. I’m a lesbian, and my family is 100% against it.
Sure, I could totally force my way into marrying a man to please them, rather than live the life I want to live. But they aren’t the people spending the rest of their lives with my soulmate. That’s only me.
Once you get married, your parents and siblings actually become your extended family and your spouse/kids is your immediate family. If your girl is prioritizing maintaining peace in her extended family rather than cultivating a great immediate family for herself, she does not have the right mindset for making beneficial Life-long decisions for her life. She doesn’t lead her own life, she makes decisions through a lens of people pleasing.
Is this a woman that you want to be with?
@@adrij4961 Thank you, you answered exactly my thoughts. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise for me to but I believe God has a plan and I think I am just too blind too see it at the moment. U have a great mindset and exactly what you said were my thoughts. Live your life for you and no one else, they will later learn to except the choice you make, especially if u old enough to make your own decisions. I left home at 23 and 17 years later now I still depend on myself.
Exactly, over 60
Days and I respect myself
Enough too not reach out. I know at this point i have the option too but I will
Not. If he decides to come back.. I’ll let him make that decision. I’m making great improvements on myself and I am so glad and proud that I am.
PREACH girl. I feel no contact should be indefinite. You break our connection, you got to be the one to work to put it back together
@@adrij4961 yup.. I can’t do it. as much as I’d love to hear his voice, I don’t think it’s the right move in my
Situation.
@@SexAndCandyHair92 we sure do! 💪🏾
To everyone out there who is in pain. First of all you I’m sorry. I was with my girlfriend for 13 years. She broke up with me in December. Called me on Valentine’s Day and then 3 days later she told me she was seeing somebody else. Been in no contact since. Believe me it does get better
It’s nice for you that you can get over it so quickly
@@jaquelinem.3396 I’m not quite over it. But I’m doing better. I wish the best fo r you
Damn wtf why call you on valentines day then? Was with mine for 9 years and she left for someone else. 31, no job, has a kid he doesnt support like he should and has history with heroin. He dances in a park everyday…. I neglected her for 3 years due to depression. Shes been hot n cold since the breakup last August. It fucks with you.
@@nathanlawson2523 I do not understand why some people will take downgraded
I'm so sorry i know your crushed because I am living in total darkness
Coming up on 3 weeks NC after my ex of 3 years broke it off with me for someone else. I was miserable at first, but I got out and got a new job, made new friends, and surrounded myself with friends and family. A portion of NC is to move on, I know it hurts but keep an open mind. I still think about her everyday but it's starting to hurt less. Stay strong everyone and work on yourself before they continue to keep you down ❤
how did you manage to get passed all the good memories you shared, and the sickening feeling I get when I think about her being in the arms of another lover/hookup?
that's what's killing me most, and it's been 3 weeks since I got dumped 🥺
@@jerescotdid she come back?
I ended up losing her. words can not describe the overlooking darkness i feel. It’s going to be alright :( I’ll be ok
It’s sooo hard to see right now, but it WILL get better! Just be patient with yourself.
@@thegiftofgabby5581 to feel this way is unbelievable, the profoundness of it all. Going from “I love you” to just being another face in the crowd overcomes & corrupts my mind. I know I just gotta chill& adapt the abundant mindset+ staying focused on my purpose, but for the sake of conversation the rollercoaster was most unpleasant
Its gonna get better i think time heals everything and we all are here together.....sharing same pain🙂😇
May Allah make it easy for you ❤ Ameen
Never stop praying to Allah 💕
I requested this video. I don’t know if you read the comment, but I’m so glad you’re doing it. Thank you!
I agree this is very important because a lot of the material that Coach Lee covers does not apply to avoidants and there are ALOT of avoidants out there. This is very helpful!
Sometimes I listen to coach lee video and find myself fall asleep in the middle. Better than ASMR lol 😆 it proves how it really helps with my anxiety cuz my anxiety makes me unable to sleep at night sometimes.
I was about to break down, thinking I should text her and see where her heads at after 2 weeks of nc, then i found you video.. perfect timing 👌🏻
Update: We got back together after 3 weeks, moving in together soon!!
Me too! Two weeks of no contact and today i was about to break!! Stay strong !
@@Jojo-qm7cs did u guys stay strong?
I'm not even 2 weeks.
.. the struggle is real
Can you share your story please I’m dying for some success stories to give me hope
I'm so happy for you 🤗 I hope I get mine as well ❤️
U r totally right because its not healthy to obsess over types. No contact WORKS everytime because either they miss u and come back or u realise u want something different no matter what kind of type u are. ❤️
Attachment Theory is a good tool for one self to grow and to find a good way to connect with others. But don't let it to be an excuse.
Like I said (;
Your a genius coach, like thank god someone who really knows!! Your changing lives out here🙌
*you’re
I broke 30 days no contact 2 days ago. I asked how she is doing? And does she have time for dinner with me.Her respond is she’s really busy, no time for these things.
I regret that I did it. I think I might ruin my chances.
Please keep faith in no contact and Coach Lee. Focus on yourself. Don’t do what I did.
Your forehead is more clean than the word cleanness)
Your voice soothes and calms me so much mr. Lee that i can fall asleep listening to it and i feel so much better in all of this pain cant thank you enough for helping me in my miserable time when I have no one to look up to. YOU ARE My THEREPIST!!!! LOVE FROM INDIA.🥰💓❤❤
Who downvotes videos like this? People just trying to damage good information so it might not help as many people? Why is anyone that petty and self centered?
I’m first, I have a success story, thank you for your videos :)
Can you please share m
Do tell.
All details. Time periods too. Of all stages. Plz.
Pls share
I was always on the fence about attachment styles because they are always explained as set in childhood. I exhibit aspects of avoidance, I too think that it's a spectrum and we are not one style. Just like with introvert and extroverts. You are not one or the other, you are on a scale. But I am certainly more avoidant than not. And all these texts online said it's because of this and that in your childhood and that's just bullshit. I had a perfect childhood, with loving parents who were there for me when I needed support. BUT, in grade 7 of school I was betrayed by all my closest friends who conspired together to kick me out of the social circle because I wasn't cool enough and they were embarassed to be around me. As soon as I realized these things can shift and change based on adult traumas it made a lot more sense where I got my avoidant traits from.
I feel so broken and angry all together i don't want this feeling anymore.
We had a 33 year relationship and never separated and really never had a bad argument and she has a lot of stress on her and a sister that is feeding her emotions, when a family member is interfering it makes it a even slower process
You're like the bestfriend everyone wishes they had. I can't even begin to tell u how much ur videos have helped me in such a short period of time. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!
Can you do one on what do to when your ex comes back and then sees your youtube history and it's all of Coach Lee's videos?!?!?!?
If your ex sees that, just say, “You’re welcome.”
I have never commented here but, I really think the attachment styles have an impact. But over all no contact works for everyone. The anxious might get affected than an avoidant. Knowing your attachment style can help with self growth during no contact to the point where you might even move on, which is a better thing. And also, you might reach out after a period to an anxious type but with an avoidant, maybe unlimited until they reach out.
Bought your break up kit! It's great. You really help me rationalize this difficult time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I bought it too. Loved it.
I bought it as well. Very informative.
Hello am here to say this really works. I followed everything what he said just be strong and trust the process. My Ex took him 2 yrs but he came back to apologize I couldn't not even believe and I had moved on too but it work no chasing no contact it's hard to do but that the only way to attract again. I couldn't believe it but yes it happen we are in good terms. Thanks to coach Lee.
I'm happy for you and I'm glad it worked out after 2 years, that is incredible! Just wanted to give you the heads up about Coach Lee’s live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." Seriously, it's a game-changer! This workshop is all about rescuing your relationship and then keeping your relationship strong after the breakup or separation. Oh, and get this: you'll also have a coaching call every month for 6 whole months! So you won’t be going at it alone or anything. To find out more, hit up Coach Lee's team. You can schedule an appointment to discuss all the details at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. If you do, it will blow your mind and give you the support you need!
Hey coach Lee. Myy ex and I broke up two weeks ago. We lived together and dated for a year and a half. She packed all her things and left, does that mean I have no hope? Or can no contact still work?
no contact can work
Update?
@@naiko6700 Last time we spoke she told me she would consider giving me a chance in the future, but said she’s not making any promises. She harped on me showing changes. Work on yourself and you’ll be in the best position to win them back.
I don't want him back I just want to learn how to take my no contact to a strong level and move forward no matter how it hurts. I will use it to thrive and be the best version of myself. I deserve that
Hey coach! Is there any difference when the ex who dumped me has mental illness? I'm talking about depression in my case. She shows many mixed signals (she likes my closeness, but she needs to focus on herself, she misses and loves me but can't be in a relationship right now, and wants to stay best friends with me). So I'm wondering what the right step would be in order to be in a happy relationship with her again. Take things slow? Have the special connection we have but don't put label on it? We live in a long distance relationship and I very much love her, we have a huge history! Thank You!
Coach Doctor Lee PhD. I say this because: Psychology needs you to go for a doctorate. You have enough experience that you have a lot to contribute to this young field
You have my honorary doctorate.
You are correct, every coach I have encountered and listened to recommends dating around. Which I did until your input on this particular issue. You make more sense. It all seems to revolve around the eternal question 'WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?' It is compassionate to everyone involved.
Perhaps going for a PhD. would limit, temporally, the communication of these very effective ways of being.
People gotta get what they gotta get.
Thank you for being in this realm during this lifetime. Every time I hear the background music of you videos I feel good. Good move Pavlov. A tip 'o the hat!
No contact mean also to Unfriend on FB or not to react to posts if you remain friends?
I know he withdraws when under much stress...just give space?
I just want to say that your videos comfort me and brings hope for a better future. Getting back with the ex or not, i love listening to you and your advices! Thank you for all the clarity. Hoping to be able to book a call with you sometime.
I enjoyed the the videos these last 5 month unfortunately I have to give up she’s pregnant from a guy she started dating a month after the break up we were together for 3 years but she’s pregnant with a guy she’s known for 4 months. I just have to respect it and move on.💔
I know it’s hard, be strong though, respectfully, she did you a favour. She showed you her real self with that action. Don’t take her back in the future when they split up & she needs someone else to raise her kid lol.
sorry man horrible
Hey guys!! No contact is so powerful for yourself and to see if someone really loves you. Work on yourself and anxiety will slowly fade. My ex of 6 months has been reaching out after 3 weeks of NC. I have politely replied etc. In my case I had even changed my number because when he said it was over he went to tell me he had a date that day and goi g to Vegas etc. I took it as true and completely went MIA after telling him a few things lol. He actually called me today and we spoke for an hr and it was great. We always had great conversations. I will continue no contact and be patient and see where it goes. I guess patience is the hard one. End of day it helps us being strong and moving on if needed. Thank you coach lee!❤️
Hey, I feel happy for you. Any update?
Joe qué chica más guapa eres no? 🤣 Qué tal todo?
Hey Elena,
Are you guys together now ?
3 weeks means ur ex is also anxious.. avoidant take at least 3-5 months to reach out
When you want to get your ex back through no contact. Do it for yourself and forget them, what was is gone and you need to accept it. Maybe you can meet again maybe not, but take the time to work on yourself
It has been exactly 1 month now since I’ve been ghosted.
Really struggling today ex left me and started dating someone else immediately but has kept it a secret from me the 4 months we've been broken up just found out. Though I have my suspicions of infidelity before she broke up with me I can't say for sure
i’m sorry to hear, but just know that you aren’t alone my ex did the same thing to me, and just keep in mind that if she immediately jumped into a relationship with someone else there’s a really good chance she’s only rebounding with this person and their relationship won’t last very long. keep your head up 💖
same here pretty much
same here 😩
Ditto. Tough pill to swallow. Mine at least admitted to the fact. Sucks when you find out they actually cheated. True love and dedication to a relationship these days seems to be non existent. Attention apparently was the problem as was communication. She didn’t communicate “needs” well and apparently I didn’t listen well enough. Sometimes you can’t hear what’s not being said. True love means not bailing when things get tough though.I see now who was truly in love. Time heals all wounds. Unfortunately my independent personality is just too much. We were awesome when together but apparently not together enough. I have finally learned I need to involve my next in more of what I do and be more involved with them. The question though is how much is to much. They are not your child.
Coach lee never seems to disappoint, his videos are very in depth and on it!
This sounds like me, I'm a male anxious attachment style
My ex girlfriend sounds like avoidant attachment style
What about the fact that avoidans won't reach out even if they want to because they are now embarrassed and don't want to put themselves through that emotional turmoil and the risk you may not feel the same. Avoidants would rather "avoid" than put them in a position of possible rejection. It's been 3 months since the break up and I still have not heard from my ex. The break up was out of the blue and I have learned now it was because of commitment. When she broke up with me I accepted it and immediately went into no contact. I thought for sure I would have heard something by now, but I think her avoidant nature would rather move on than risk rejection.
No contact can still work the same. When attraction is high enough, their fears are overcome by their feelings. Avoidants are always battling their fears and feelings. No contact means their fears will subside and allow them to feel their feelings again. I completely understand the difficulty you're facing since I've personally been through the same. I want to recommend Coach Lee’s live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." I hate to use this word….but it's really transformative! The workshop is for saving your relationship after a breakup or separation (or if it looks like one is coming). You’ll also have a coaching call every month for 6 months so you won’t be left alone to handle this yourself. Anyway, I suggest getting more information about it. You can schedule an appointment to discuss at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. I genuinely believe this experience will be enlightening and immensely valuable for you.
Have you heard from the ex? I am on 30 days or no contact. I thinks she’s anxious avoidant. Breakup was also due to commitment on my part. Trying to be strong but having a hard time with NC.
@@Lcayala33When you say anxious avoidant do you mean FA? I'm FA and if she is too, obviously I don't know enough details to be sure but if she ended things due to your commitment issues rather than much else I would guarantee she's longing for you to reach out. We just need someone to prove they want us to be honest.
Coach Lee, I got caught up in this attachment style crap and decided that my ex is most likely anxious attachment so I needed to txt her or else she’ll go through the stages of breakup quicker than most and she’ll attach to someone else 🙄 I wish I had watched this first. I did txt her ‘how are you’ and no response, I watched another video that said asking them questions puts pressure on them to talk to you even if they don’t want to so I sent another message saying ‘Hope you’re doing well’ just to close the loop and take the pressure off of her to reply. What do I do now? Have I ruined my chances? Have decided to leave it at that and continue nc or start it again, as the case may be. HELP ME
All you can do is no contact.
Do the no contact .....let them come to you. If the break up was mutual. 2.5 months tops.
I think those of us with an anxious attachment style is that we know we're hard work, we feel abandoned and a lot of pain, we don't trust ourselves to stay away, we understand why our ex left us, and we've been told this is how we are due to childhood trauma and we need years of therapy to have successful relationships. So just wave your magic wand and help us, Lee! Haha My ex is avoidant, I believe, so this will be fun :-/
How's it going? I've been going through this the last month myself. I seem to be anxious and I've always felt he was avoidant. Every article I've read says avoidants don't come back, so this does give me hope. He contacts me couple of times a week and wants to remain friends. That's too hard for me. I feel like there's an elephant in the room now.
Yeah this is exactly how I feel. Doing all this inner work, but no matter that I consciously act not in a clingy way, I guess the energy of neediness cannot be hidden and it kills the “emotional attraction”
I’m right there with you! I was abandoned as a 4 yr old and now I think everyone will leave me…
@@e11erymcheck out Alex Cormont!!!
Man, wish I had this information years back, such value…but glad I got it now! Thank you!
You always come at the perfect time coach. Always look forward to your new content. Much love. It would be great to one day see a video about 'how to win an ex's heart back that you share kid's with'.
So I've listened to this video again and my ex has had a lot of failed relationships. As you said suffered from many attachment styles. This is the first time I gather that someone been in NC and so this will make her rethink the situation but will take a while as this is so different for here to understand. Completely not normal for her for someone to be quite and respect her wishes. Thanks
Thanks for all your work. You never mention mental illness. My ex is having a severe depression and after 6 months of no contact I wrote him a letter. I left out all ego, all my anger, all my pain. I didn’t write or ask about us. Just pointed out that only he can break the broken circle of his pain and suffering by reaching out for help. He responded with thanking me. I have to respond short and polite as you teach us. And there we go again. In no contact…
Carla, you are welcome and thank you so much for your kind tip!
Amanda West
My ex fiancé of 3 years left me for the 100th time, seemingly. She now in a rebound after a months time. Posting it on social media, everything. I’m blocked everywhere...
The encouragement to focus on the present with your health and work goals felt empowering 💯
Am I the dumper or the dumped? He broke up and I left our home of 5 years. He said that if I leave that I'm on my own. He's even keeping my credit card account open. Yet, he was breaking up because of a crush with someone else.
Said that I shouldn't leave that we are family
I left because he was so emotional and confused. I breathed able to go through our break up with him needing comfort.
I am glad you took this topic by the horns, it's a trend and a reality. Keep it up Lee...
NC is about SELF RESPECT! got it Coach Lee. Thank you. ❤
I would totally buy your program just in money problems right now with everything going on. But I dated my ex for 5 months, we meet our families and both families loved each other. We did love each other, she lost her attraction because I held her on a pedestal. Plus family issues going on. But I've made a lot of changes in my life already to change my neediness, plus we moved to fast. I'm on day 21 of NC. Should I still wait 30 days or contact her now since it's considered a short term relationship? I still have a couple things of hers. Thank you and I love your advice.
Never compromise your self respect for anyone...
If my ex was someone ex when we started dating! Does this video apply to him or her too ! This makes the two of us watching this video!
Idk who you are but I like your personality! I hope you have something healthier in the future with or without your ex! 🙂
My ex (DA) reached out after the second break up immediately. But I didn’t respond. He tried after a couple of days also to call..then after a week he texted me.
I didn’t respond, because to me it was just to early.. I’m anxious but I try to be more secure.
He was on holiday and brought me a little present. He showed up at my house but I didn’t open the door.
He texted me that he put my present at the door and I should bring it in the house before it’s raining.
I texted just Thank you
Didn’t hear about him after this.. I don’t know what is he up to. But he made clear, he can’t imagine his future with me.
I would love to get him together. But I respect myself and need more effort.
Maybe I made a mistake that I didn’t respond. But I started no contact just 16 days ago..
I’m wondering what he is up to…
Maybe You have some advice. I would appreciate it ❤
It's common that DAs use gifts or even acts of service as a love language compared to other forms of love languages. They often miss the safety and security of a relationship particularly if it was a long-term relationship that was mostly good and positive. Was he saying much when he reached out to you via text? The more vulnerable and conversational, the better it is. Regardless of attachment style, no contact is the right thing to do. It's normal for an avoidant to shut down and even repress their feelings after a breakup - delving into their creature comforts especially during the relief period. It can take them a little longer to come back compared to others (as a general rule) and that can depend on the individual and how avoidant they are. If he reaches out again, just respond casually and politely. Keep it easy going and match his energy or be a bit behind him. I'm trained by Coach Lee and I can answer any other questions you have about attachment styles and getting an ex back if you need. If you don't know about the Relationship Reignite workshop that Coach Lee is holding next month I can't recommend that enough. It's a great way to learn more about relationship dynamics. The workshop includes 12 hours with Coach Lee helping you in your unique situation PLUS a coaching call with myself. You also get 6 months worth of aftercare to help you keep things on track after the breakup or in your relationship. For more information you can speak to Johnny on Coach Lee’s staff by replying to this comment or go to RelationshipReignite.com and mention my name when you book.
Two of my favourite things...your videos, and attachment styles 🙌🏼
Very sound relation to theories and their origin, their strength and weakness and putting them in context. That's the difference between an amateur and fraud and a serious person whose words are genuine and worth something. Thank you!
I always wonder how someone can make an educated guess on what their partner's attachment style even is, I had enough trouble figuring out my own 🤔.
Make a video on borderline personality disorder and breakups. And no contact on bpd
My girl just broke up with me Sunday. It seemed like she was blowing me off when I would ask her out lately. I would accuse her of purposely blowing me off. Sunday we had plans and she had to cancel because her grandmother was sick she said. I told her that I felt like I was getting played. It set her off and she ended it. I removed her from Snapchat and that upset her even more. I haven’t talked to her since Monday.
You was so insensitive, you assumed without any proof. Was your mistake. I hope you apologize to her.
@@jolie3706 😭😭😭😭😂😂😂
Don't listen to Sasha, or virtually any woman, on this. You don't need proof. When you're looking for proof is when she sticks the shiv in. Stay in nc.
In the future with a better woman, when you get that feeling, tell her that the vibe is off lately and perhaps it's time to see other people, then make yourself scarce. No further explanation.
If she was already mentally out, then she'll be out and that's fine. If there's still something there, she'll work to make it right.
Hey coach! Did no contact for 2 weeks, my ex posted sad posts, she even posted our song. She even reached out once anonymously and said she can't sleep. We are together for 2 years and we are in a long distance relationship. Even after she told me how she felt I suggested a break, but she kept cuddling to me every night, and when I took distance she came close to me. I should also mention she has depression, so I don't totally leave her alone, due she is ill. Yesterday we made voice messages and I told her what went wrong in the relationship and she was very happy about it (I was needy and too obsessed with her), she replied and said she misses me and pf course loves me but she can't be in a relationship, but she really needs me as her best friend. Any help would be great, I am very very confused because all of these. Thank you, stay strong everyone!
You can say okay but dont behave like a friend
She needed to use you to get over you. I would of left her to lay in her bed she made.
She friend zoned you because you’re needy and because you’re in a long distance relationship in which attraction drops. Just hear yourself. You’re trying to justify not leaving her because she is “ill”. If she is ill she can go see a therapist not you. You have your own emotional problems to deal with. YOU can’t fix another person.
I honestly think you can be a different style depending on the dynamics of the relationship.
With my ex ex bf- I was an avoidant and he was anxious because he was into me more then I was into him.
With my current ex- I was anxious and he was an avoidant.
The reason being was because I was so into him that I was scared to lose him.
I honestly think it can vary.
People of any attachment style can vary, some people have secure attachments with mother and insecure (avoidant/resistant) attachments with the father and that can play out to have some of the detriments of the insecure attachment. Therefore it’s definitely possible to be attached in different ways romantically, we USUALLY emulate the patterns of behaviour we have with our parents/primary caregivers but this isn’t always the case, and even amongst those that give care we can vary, this was really unorganised but I hope it helps :)
I totally agree, in my last relationshit my bf at the beginning was anxious as I was more distant and avoidant, but then I became more into him and he started to be avoidant.
Coach you are seriously posting everything relevant with my life. I said my goodbyes to my X. I printed out all our happy memories and made a collage for her and I got her healing crystals for BPD. I told her I will always love her unconditionally and that nothing she can do will make me hate her. I told her she will always have my support and that we all believe in her. I gave her and her dog hug and I left. I carried myself in a respectable manner & with dignity! She is avoidant because of her condition and is going to realize I'm the one that got away (like she did years ago) except this time I'm not going to come back. I'm not going to believe that she is "cured" from a year of therapy. It's going to hurt and that pain will hopefully motivate her to change into a more secure attachment style. I can't be her lover but I'll for sure be her lesson! 😁
@@jessicarose1982 I got a date tomorrow with a woman who was able to communicate with me better than my X ever could a week into talking to her. TO THINK I ACTUALLY BEGGED FOR TWO YEARS JUST FOR BASIC COMMUNICATION!!! 🤣😂
Know your worth people!!!!
I have been anxiously attached but I'm feeling more secure now that I've been in therapy because I know I'm not responsible for someone's poor reaction to their negative emotions. At the end of the day they're responsible for how they choose to react. Just like I am for myself.
Bahahaha “and I’ll even brew the coffee” this is one of the great Coach Lee quotes ever.
I broke the contact 3 times the first time in 3 days the second in 4 and the other in 6 big mistakes we war talking in text msg we talking in a good way but know I stopped its my 20 day in no contact and I feel very good so now I whant her too come back but I hope is not going too be leit for her after because in life we have to move on listen to coach lee people hes very correct what hes saying. Anw thank you coach lee you are the best
Coach Lee when you explain all these topics in your video's... its amazing!
This is helping me so so much🙏
All the love from Amsterdam
Coach I don't know if it is because I listened to you when I was going through a rough time but your voice really brings me a sense of peace and relief. Thanks for also creating content that focuses on the view of getting your ex back and if not, this is how you move on.
I’ll even brew the coffee 🤣
What’s your advice if she’s left me multiple times but as always then came back? I was never expecting her too either BUT this time she’s seeing someone else a month after the break up?
Hey man i really need advice. She broke up with me and we didnt really get to speak l, ive just sent an apology message today but not saying i wanna get back together. I think ive messed up and dont know what to do. Someone help pls
Relationship break off due to a Drop In Attraction. People change, reflect.
Wow new video is up 🥰....i hope u could read this coach lee i just wanna say thank you though my ex and i are not back YET. I learn so much from you and you really help me to get the anxiety, sadness or even the feeling of mourning.
Thank you for your wise advise.
P.S. you are looking good specially with that kind of hairstyle. It looks on you
Any update?
@@naiko6700 we are back together my friend after 2 months of rafio silence she reaches out and sending emails to ask for forgiveness.
@@niwasazuke When you say radio silence, did you dissappear from social media or just NC with her?
@@nathanb2167 yes i deactivated my facebook and since my family and i connect on messenger i still have my fb messenger on and thats it. I got no updates or whatsoever on any social media even my close friwnds dont know whats going on in my life since i focus myself to feel good. I exercise or run a lot and it truly helps me plus listening to to coach lee and margaret even i was sleeping just to condition my mind.
Update we are back together now because she sent email asking for forgiveness and confessing that she miss me and she cant stop thinking of me.
I have practically watched the entire series of videos since I chance upon Coach Lee's videos. His encouragement and practical advice in all his messages helped me so much! Thanks Coach Lee!
Thanks coach Lee, many greetings from germany....
My traits and my exes characteristics are spot on..and our upbringing on spot when going over the Attachment styles..so?…..
I’ve been practicing No Contact although he reaches out with Hi Girl, How ya doing? About once a week, it’s been 2 months since our breakup……He did say he sees me as his Soul Mate but doesn’t have romantic feelings for me…..🤦🏻♀️
All mate Denious. If he has no interest in you romantically, move on. Find someone who will care about you romantically. You don't NEED HIM in your life to "call the shots " Move on, and Good luck. ❤
So comforting I set a boundary for me self I mist listen to one of these no contact videos a day
God bless you coach Lee, you keep me on track when I feel down about my former relationship. Thank you.
Coach Lee, when will you be doing calls again??
Ok so I’m really confused. My ex broke up with me, told me she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone rn, wants to fix herself from the situation we were in, and said she still loves me but isn’t in love anymore. But she still keeps her location on for me and still keeps me in her Instagram highlights, on her posts, and watch’s my Instagram stories and I do the same because I don’t know her angle. What should I do?
Please make videos about 2 break ups how to get them back
He said he didn’t know how to make me happy and now I’m happy (I did a lot of hard work to get to this place) and he sees it. Will this prevent him from coming back if he believes I’m better off without him and he was the reason for my unhappiness when we were together?
That's what i wonder too...
I rejected my avoidant ex because I watched a video that said I shouldn’t respond. Haven’t heard from him since. Did I ruin it?
Ramona, maybe it just delayed things. You have two options. 1. Wait to see if he reaches out again and, of course, don't ignore him. 2. Text an apology and tell him that you are open to talking. This is why I mention this a lot because I have seen people hurt by following bad advice. I'm sorry this happened.
What type of avoidant ex do you have? Fearful avoidants are prone to feeling rejected if you don't respond and might deactivate, whereas a dismissive avoidant is more likely to just assume you're busy. Iff they reached out with some level of vulnerability it could lower the likelihood of them reaching out again since they already have a tenuous relationship with vulnerability. I know how tough it is to deal with this kind of situation and have been there myself. I don't know if you are aware, but Coach Lee has a live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." It's an incredible learning experience that I just can't say enough about. It focuses on saving a relationship from a breakup/separation and then keeping it after. It includes a coaching call each month for 6 months. You can talk to Coach Lee's team about it. I think the person for this is named Johnny and you can make an appointment with him to talk about it at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. I think you'll agree that it's an incredibly eye-opening and immensely helpful experience for you.
He is elder than me and mature,I don't know what I say to him .😊
Rejoinder Kaur. What do you mean? Say to him about what? Please help me understand the question. If it's about age, don't say anything!
Great info, Coach Lee - very few influencers provide warnings on labelling people or themselves with attachment styles. Doing this limits an individual's scope for moving forward post-breakup. Thanks for your wisdom in this video.
Really struggling with my breakup coach.. being the dumper. I tried to book a coaching call but the website says you’ve taken time off.. how else can I contact you?
Hey coach lee! How can i contact you? The Button for the call doesnt work for me on All platforms:(
He says not to call him or text him , or contact him and me to move on? So if he says like this , does this No Contact rule would work ?
Michelle, if he told you not to contact him, DON'T DO IT..NC works when you don't call him, and obviously, he doesn't want to be contacted by you.
Should’ve watched this yesterday
Thx for going over all the attachment styles. Very helpful!
I have a new article about that at myexbackcoach.com/attachment-styles-in-breakups/
Coach lee... Please do a video about why when my ex.. She, turn so cruel on me after she cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend that reached out to her on fakebook.
Hi Coach, I recently just blocked my ex because I found out my ex moved in with the rebound. I just want to keep my sanity together and not see my ex within my radar anymore. Can I still get them back?
Hello Coach,
I’m going to have to hear this video a few times. I’m completely confused. I respect you and your sound advice. Sometimes it’s hard to follow but I’m sure it’s best on either way or the other. I’m going to get through this. Thank you
I broke up with avoidant attachment type person. I am in no contact phase. I want her to feel my absence dearly. Don't want her back till she becomes anxious attachment style person or secure attachment style person. Else I don't want her back. My door is shut forever for her if she remains the same person when I broke up with her. I want an emotional person in my life.
Don't want to get her back.....I want a different person back
@@BasantKumar-sp2pc Me too
Avoidants seem like heartless at times