Why Narcissists Stonewall You
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2020
- Why Narcissists Stonewall You. Stonewalling is a nasty and powerful defense mechanism narcissists use to painfully trigger you.
Let me show you how to get completely impervious to their stonewalling tactics so you can create your healthy life where people will validate you, meet you kindly and treat you with the respect that you deserve.
This way you won’t be provoked into reacting in an emotional way.
In today’s Thriver TV episode I will explain how you can stop the narcissist in your life from switching the blame onto you and how to blindside the narcissist so you can take your power back.
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#WhyNarcissistsStonewallYou #melanietoniaevans
Stonewalling is a nasty tactic that narcissists use to get the victim to lash out at them. All the while they sit back and laugh. Don't fall for it you guys. Thank you Melanie.
I'm no contact with every narc I've known including my entire family. If someone new does this to me now, I block them out of my life forever. No one has got time for this.
I am in the same boat. Sanity is returning.
I try to do this with all of my family members and when I cave and wish them Happy Birthday of Christmas, I pay.
My mother does it to me and I can’t escape her because she is all I have.
Amen
A great message and teaching on stonewalling. I like your affirmation “I will only do relationships with people who are present, committed, kind and care”. Thank you 🌻
The best video I’ve seen on this - how do I take that space when it’s ur spouse?
Both Nex's stonewalled to no end. If I get stonewalled today, I walk away.
Walk away anyway. Don’t react but love yourself enough to demand respect and consideration. Lots of blessings
No matter how you turn n twist it or how "tolerable" they seem, your inner self knows n signals you that they are toxic draining your life force. Once that mask slips off there is no going back, it just simply does not align with your inner *Mental Health* . Love yourself like they never could ⚛️🔌🔋
A most insightful conclusion which proves the finality of the never going to change state.
Yes !!!!!! Omg YES
I matter to me. Not sorry, mom.
Exactly, this is what I felt during my interaction with a narcissist. They don't respond, as if I don't even qualify to be called as a human being. This really triggered me a lot. I feared to confront them and avoided any interactions with them. This behavior gave them the opportunity to continue their narcissistic activities. As if I needed them to certify me as a decent person. These behaviors are so subtle that we overlook them but are actually powerful and detrimental.
It's sooo invalidating. It says, you don't deserve oxygen.
You saved my life Melanie. I'm forever grateful.
Bless you sweetheart. I'm so happy to know you are healing. So much love to you xoxox
I am literally watching this video because of this comment . I've watched some many different videos with some many different people telling me what how why when and etc etc etc all I find myself more confused and uncertain and still in this cold lonely empty relationship still feeling so lost and undeserving and unwanted and unattractive and awkward and etc etc etc and still Hoping that the man , the lover , the friend, i fell so f#@king hard for is still in there, somewhere, hiding deep inside this cruel stranger I now find myself laying down with every night.. not to mention , trying to raise a 3 month old baby with .. SOOOO and I mean this in the most un hurtful way possible. I am not going in to this video expecting much but i am definitely wanting no needing a life change so I'm watching this video .....
@@lillady7900 I'm not just referring to this video. Her concept on how to move forward, understand and empower yourself after narcissistic abuse is a game changer.
Mine too
@@lillady7900 I hope for you that you have had some deep life changing ah-ha moments.
It wasn’t until my 40’s (which I’m currently still in) that I woke up. I remember feeling upset, confused, and yet..I didn’t know what to do about it. Due to my childhood, the trauma, conditioning/programming, and therefore the limiting beliefs and narratives that came from that…my core wounds (find out yours, if you haven’t already…game changer) made it so that I thought I was “wrong”, or to blame much of the time. Due to the reaction I’d get for speaking up, for stating a need, etc, (anything leaning towards him believing I was criticizing him or conflict could occur)…I’d second guess myself. This had been trained into me in childhood. Don’t voice needs, go along with the opinions and narrative of the household, don’t take up space, don’t express hurt/anger/sadness. Actually, don’t express too much at all. Go along with the status quo.
When you’ve lived like that and learn not to make waves…yet your needs, desiring to be heard/seen/known/understood/accepted, never goes away.
We are primed to tolerate intolerable behavior. Our red flag meters our broken a bit. We sometimes see things with parts missing, critical aspects that we consider.
Part of healing is recalibration of our red flag meters. They were set in childhood, and we gravitate towards what is “familiar”…not healthy, but what we ‘know’. Often this is deeply subconscious. Our subconscious runs most of the show (95%, approximately). We need to reprogram this subconscious.
I had been to various therapists, feeling hopeless and at times powerless. (Learned hopelessness can occur due to our childhood too…and breaking free from those thought patterns are powerful). Anyways, a lot of times it was unhelpful and I felt I was getting nowhere.
When I finally found out about attachment theory, it changed my life. Not only did I have answers for why I attracted (and was attracted to) the type of person, but I learned ways to heal! Solutions! Life changing. I was able to start seeing the “why” and question my thinking, my limiting beliefs, see cognitive distortions and other lens warping ways of thinking/seeing myself and others.
I could see how my subconscious core wound of “unworthy” “not good enough” and more, fed what I would tolerate. I saw the ways I dismissed myself, ignored my own needs and boundaries (by staying in toxic situations and tolerating intolerable behavior). I invalidated and minimized myself, not consciously, in a learned pattern going all the way back yo childhood. I’d taken the way i was treated (that’s all I knew) and then did it to myself. Not knowingly, heavens no! However, that’s what happened. Examining my modifying myself, betraying and abandoning myself, not honoring my feelings/emotions…was revolutionary.
Of course I’d tolerate that from others…because it reflected back what I was already doing (in some ways) to myself!
A person who knows their incredible worth, has self confidence, knows who they are, knows it’s ok to want what they want…won’t tolerate the sort of behavior I used to tolerate. We define what works for us. What we allow will continue.
It took a long time for me to see my power and say “this situation isn’t for me”. We can’t wait around for the other to hopefully change, or “get” it. If they do want that and are working on things…that’s different. However, that’s rarely the case in these situations.
Exploring trauma bonding, reparenting, and more are also helpful. Also, work with a trauma informed therapist, who does somatic, art, therapies as well as talk therapy is best…because the subconscious works through images and body sensations more than chatter. I finally found an incredible, helpful, kindred spirit therapist.
I know we are all different, however I’ll share some other UA-cam channels that have been part of my healing journey (which I’m still on…it’s a process)
-Alan Robarge
-The Personal Development School
-Yoga with Adriene (I used to dismiss yoga and meditation…but wow, it addresses emotional dysregulation (which I suffered with hugely…and anyone in a narcissistic relationship usually does). Emotional regulation is key to being able to heal.
-Therapy in a Nutshell
-Eckhart Tolle (for a spiritual aspect…was calming, soothing, to me..and some amazing insights to thinking patterns)
-The Crappy Childhood fairy
I wish I’d had all those resources for when I was a younger parent. This stuff can be passed on…or we can change the trauma stories. We can empower our children, by healing ourselves.
I wish you empowerment, peace, healing, transformation💫💛
Self love is the best place to be. May you have some of that today, on Valentine’s 💕
Anytime I'm stonewalled now, it reminds of why its important to gray rock.
Geez, I've been stonewalled my entire life.
Where was this information 30 years ago when I went to my 1st therapy session??? Narcissistic abuse has been my whole life from the day I was born. I spent thousands of dollars on therapy sessions with therapists who were absolutely clueless and never so much as murmured my heartaches might be caused by my narc family and later spouse. My dad is a stonewaller, as is an uncle (his brother). I later married and dated stonewalling men. It absolutely broke my heart even as an adult woman. As a child, my heart breaks for the hurt & confusion I felt. I remember times where I got off the phone shaking after my dad dismissed me by hanging up... my hurt & trauma so bad I couldn’t stop my hand from shaking while holding the phone. Or an ex husband who looked away as I cried over marital issues that were unresolvable. He would go to bed while I cried for hours alone. Or a passive aggressive uncle who once told me no one wanted me as a child so my grandmother had to raise me. He then later went along with my entire family shunning & isolating me. I have seen so much of this vicious behavior in my lifetime. I’m grateful to finally have the true character of these individuals revealed to me. Thank you, Melanie. 🦋🦋🦋
Same here. The damage done by my sisters led me to believe I had no right to be treated with any kind of respect. The Narc I married carried on where they left off. Somewhere inside me perhaps my mother together with my faith, I had self belief and it’s carried me through. But you miss out on so much. All the love and care you should have had. If only I had known all this. Just glad I know this now. Bless all survivors like you. I identify with every one
Girl I know exactly what ur saying I lay there crying all nights even in the same bed not because I am trying to be a pain or make a scene or be obnoxious that's what I used to be accusedof .. now he will not even acknowledge me he will Lay down & before his head hits his pillow he is snoring like a chainsaw .. and then next morning he will wake up and try to talk to me all nice and be all fake loves dovey and if I don't instantly respond to him the same way he then gets extremely irate and ugly and will say OH I SEE HOW IT IS. Or some hurtful mean shit then turn on his heel and leave and ignore or snap on me the rest of the day . I am so tired of this but I don't know what to or where to go we have a 3 month baby girl and I am 3000 miles away from my entire family . The place we been living we had to move out and so now we're homeless and he has a decent job but he gambles and buys lotto tickets like it's going out of style .... I have no car now thanks to him\ and everything that I and my baby girl possess in this world is in a small storage shed that I am struggling to to pay for.. and it's just so much to try and figure out and I'm so just overwhelmed and alone .. but yes anyways sorry for the long post I just needed to vent.. I don't have much of a chance to do that thesendays
lil lady Darling you need to get out . This is not going to get better. This man does not deserve you and even if he did, he would have to treat you a lot better than this. The gambling and wasting of money shows an addictive personality. It will lead to other addictions. Can you get in touch with your family or someone that would help you. You really need help to get away from this man. And a brand new start. Be determined you can do it. Find yourself for the sake of that baby and your peace of mind and your health. I do hope you do . He is trying to devalue you rather than looking at himself. Talk to someone. God bless .
Mental illness was soooo tabu in the day and still is in most families 😟
@@aujkalenic4203 It gets switched around to "You're the crazy one!" My mom sure tried, but all she could get on me was ADD
You are so spot on.
This has happen to me 11 years ago, and I didn't even know that was what it was happening and I have became reviticimized over and over since then by this.
It's crazy how many people in my life behave like this .
It sure is a feeling that cuts you deep.
Great information to know and have.
Blessings to you!
Just cut the person off and don't look back. You deserves people that values you, not purposely hurts you to make them feel superior. Because narcissists don't feel or care.
When I was first stonewalled, I couldn't believe a person would want to be that way. It seemed like the opposite way to make friends. 😕
Thank you for the wake up call! I would feed right into his stonewalling by screaming out why are you ignoring me, begging him to answer me or respond. The more I would ask for a response, the longer he would ignore me which is so horribly painful. I realize now to go no contact in this situation but he has made me wait like even up to 2 weeks before I hear anything. This is all over just to get a simple explanation about something that a “ normal “ would clarify in only a few minutes. He has told me I’m out of line having these reactions to deflect from his out of line actions . It’s very devastating to be trauma bonded . Thank you for this video!
To deflect all the right feelings we have they devalue our reactions. We are always over reacting, or over something. It’s never that we are spot on and they have been lying and cheating and dishonest
Like your bank account, Your emotional bank account is something to be looked after. It's actually far more important than your money actually, because this is the bank account that needs to be full before your real one will fill up. If you freely just splash out your empathy, you will eventually be broke. That's why they break you emotionally and then drain your account because people in emotional pain are easy to take money off. Thanks for your amazing video's. They help a lot.
When I voiced my needs/rights strongly for the first time after being knocked to the ground financially, the stonewalling began. It did make me feel like I'd just committed a terrible sin and was very related to my childhood experiences. But now, I've been no contact for 9 months --a reverse stonewalling!
Narcisissts are the best teachers for us. They bring up the burried emotions we didnt get a chance to deal with, thx to them we learn how to selfsooth, this was all new to me. Anyway, great start to finding a healthy love!
I was being stonewalled and did not even realize it! I look back and it makes me sick to realize that he did this on purpose knowing how badly it was hurting me. How could I ever have confused any of it for love. 33 years of living a lie. It is so sad.
Hardest part is excepting it was a lie 24 years almost did a hoover but snapped out of it.
I hope youve been able to free yourself. God bless
This stonewalling happens to me more often than I like to admit...I’m figuring things out little by little
Yes. Feeling invisible. I've felt this with family and at work with some people. I'm learning to observe not absorb. AND realizing it's *THEIR* issue _not mine._ I don't have to figure it out for them and figure out what I did to make them stonewall in the first place. Not my job! It's hard because I start to ruminate about what it is I did...when it's their responsibility to speak up, I'm not a mind reader and refuse to try. Again: *not my job.* Because I grew up thinking it was my job to fix other feelings and being _really_ uncomfortable when someone is upset...this is really hard to learn, but I'm learning!
I now hold fast to not chasing, not trying to mind read or even force them to talk to me about what their issue is. It's *THEIR* issue, not mine ☺️❤️
So me and the narc had been fighting and I told him then that I didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t know I was pregnant, and ended up miscarrying. I called him for some sort of emotional support, and he literally said nothing while we were on the phone, and after I told him everything he hung up on me 😞. I tried calling him back and he didn’t answer. I’ve blocked him and been no contact ever since. It’s been a week since and I feel so much better, honestly.
I lived this. Hope this helpsua-cam.com/video/6OkXznIh0m8/v-deo.html
This is appalling. Things never change. Get out darling, find someone who is human. These people are not. Don’t waste your love. I had a terrible accident, my daughter was injured also and immobile and he walked out on us and left us. They do not want to give anything to you. Years later he still abuses if he can. He has got worse as his mask slips. But he is a really nice guy in his mind.
Sorry to read this. Sending you lots of light. Take this as a lucky escape and don't give this person any of your time. Take care.
I don't know what it is, but I feel like all I am doing is attracting these kinds of people. Sorry to hear about how you were treated and invalidated. I can only imagine how the miscarriage must of made you feel. But think of it this way, at least you didn't have the kid and end up being LOCKED into a relationship with some one who will only make you feel awful, and more than likely screw up your kid.
Mr Twister I wonder if it’s because there are far more Narcs than reported. I live in a whole road of them. It’s not a snap diagnosis I’ve lived here thirty years and had much interactions with them over the years and been puzzled. But if you are kind and giving you do tend to be magnet both for their use and for their abuse . They hate people who are happy and creative. Both of these are beyond them. Bless.
i LOVE how the whole family says,WHY HAVE U CUT US OFF WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? There u go!
You are such a beautiful soul. God bless you dear. I did one of your meditation, and you were so spot on. I realise through that test that i have stuck energy in my throat, and its so true! I Barely speek my truth, mostlly because I am surrounded with narcissistic people. I am 43 and I am in a Journey of healing my childhood trauma and my past, I always felt invisible, and if I would find myself in a group of people, I would always stay quiet. Its amazing how our growing up and parents affect our adulthood
I wouldn't say I had a trauma as a kid, but I had a narcissistic parental upbringing as a scapegoat. I was ripe and ready for my future abusers like fish in a barrel. Ex-girlfriends, an older male friend I recently discarded, etc. Glad to live in Phoenix away from my native DC area for decades now 3,500 mi away from them
I've been working for a narcissist... It's been the most painful professional experience. Today I told the organization that it has to be her or I ... I'm done with lies, manipulation and hurt ... Appreciate your encouragement 😊.
Good for you, Peg! I’m in the same process of setting boundaries with my boss. Not sure if he’s actually disordered, but it doesn’t matter. I must have healthy communication patterns with my boss in order to perform at a level I find personally satisfying. I am done accepting less.
Get out now and find a new job. It won't get any better. Your metal health is at risk. I've been there.
Meowmix4U Thank you❤️❤️❤️🙏
I'm enjoying the peace, no dramas, glad I've had the strength to get rid ...I've watched many if your videos it has really helped 😉
Thank you 👌❣️
This is awesome. My new favorite word/phrase: “wrong town” 🥳
Spot on, I’ve been dealing with this with my wife for ten years. Realised a week ago that she is covert Narcissist.
This is very true and close to me. When i found out he had a baby and a girlfriend at the time i was seeing him he completely stonewalled and then gave me silent treatment. I was disgusted by him but yet i wanted him. I didn't know what he was. After 6 months of him stalking my social media and liking my instagram pictures I just had enough one day and screamed WHAT DO YOU WANT and blocked him. Best decision ever and even though i broke NC to spy on him I am now day 42 of NC. I still ruminate. I am healing my childhood wounds from being bullied most of my childhood by my peers and my mother who is a narc. God is with us 🙏🏽
Proud for you sweetheart. If you Google my name and the terms 'peptides' and 'trauma bonding' you can source more guidance to help you on this. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thank you 🙏🏽
I’m happy my unhinged mother is giving me the silent treatment. It’s giving me the space to gain self agency, time to think about what I want - not just about her constant subtle criticism, disapproval, contempt, undermining, negativity, gossip, drama, enmeshment, you should and shouldn’t(s), blah, blah fucking blah...
Thank you. You posted this just when I needed to hear about it! 🙏
The Lord works in mysterious ways...and sometimes not. 😁
Me too
I have a land in common with the Narcissists in my family. I can't just walk away...This is exactly what they want, for me to walk away...
Thank you so much for this. I've been doing a lot of module 9 work today and I couldn't shift this regret I feel. But, when I opened Facebook during a break, I saw your post on this and it has granted me to focus on what I need to focus on to shift my work in module 9. Thank you ❤️
You're so welcome Grxgghxrpxr! Love and blessings xoxo
You nailed it again with this video. Gosh its crazy how much you really get the Narcs behavior. It’s like they have a playbook. I enjoy how you empower me. Favorite power declarations:
“I will only do relationships with people who are kind, committed, who are present and care.”
“A true boundary is not about trying to get someone to get your boundary. It’s about you getting it.”
Please pray that I can move out of the house where I'm stuck with my mother narc. I feel like I'm in a catch 22. I have to heal to support myself and move out but I have to move out in order to heal. I have a child that I co-parent with another narc, as well.
Stop talking to her. Not a single word.
Please consider examining & letting go of the belief that you have to heal & support yourself before you can move out...be open to the Universe providing a way that you may have not even imagined possible...I agree with Melanie that no matter what situation we are in, the way out is to turn inward, connect with our inner being & provide love, support and heal our inner traumas, our outer world will not change until we change our inner terrain...hope you will consider starting the NARC program if you are called to do it & start using the triggers to heal yourself right now. It’s creating positive shifts in my life internally & externally! Wish you the best.
My mom lives on my property (right next door very close) and she has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 weeks or so. It is such a relief. In this case the silence is golden. If I lived with her, I would make every possible effort to leave. It is easier to heal when the abuse is not constantly regressing you to a helpless mind space. 💜
Same here my mother/men narcs I just can't deal with it at all I had to get away in order too heal I'm praying for you with a SINCERE HEART 🙏🙌🙏🙌 because I know that feeling all so well be STRONG 💪👊🤝
@@soniap2891 I've already don't the program and it didn't help me. In fact, i found some of it particularly unsavory. I appreciate your advice though, it was kind.
How pertinent and timely is this message...thank you!!
I am really healing, I do not care what they do
Me too! Feels so liberating!!
Stonewalling backfired on the ExN. He knew i was rejected so he tried to use the silent treatment to get me to Behave only it made me less caring of his behavior and his needs. i tend to isolate myself and stay away from people who express hate twds me so that i don't continue upset them. My thinking is if i am making you upset i will hide away so you don't see me. I never begged for attention or affection and this made the ExN angrier at me. I dealt with a narc mother and narc sister so i have no emotional attachment to anyone but my kids. 8 yrs after the ExN is surprised my now-husband treats me with respect.
Sounds a lot like me... I used to try to tell my ex in the midst of terror if my presence is such a detriment please just let me go.
Melanie you've helped me to much to gradually regain my power. I was devastated when my husband left for another women 1 & a half years ago but the truth is he wasn't fully in with me before he left.He emotionally wasn't present or available, though he was good practically. So much stonewalling.
I betrayed myself big time running after him as emotionally I felt I was dying inside without him, though in truth I was dying in the relationship we had already, I was emptied out.I was so self hating & self destructive, so hurt & angry after he left, I was a narcissist to myself & carried on his ways in my own head to myself. I was somehow emotionally chained to him via my gut where I've had so many issues, wind, bloating pain, gripping etc. A screaming inner child wanting his love approval validation & now it was all going to another women that he was crazy about, though it soon fell apart.
What I'm still trying to come to terms with is yes he had some traits early on such as storming out suddenly over something tiny & needing to be right in disagreement but I also had my issues. I was more volatile & reactive myself earlier on in our marriage.I wasn't good at asking for what I needed clearly at that time.
We were married for 24 years with 2 children. I gradually found my happiness & self fulfillment about 6 years ago by coming back to my own heart. That set all this off.
He left once before & I went into panic & seemed to loose all the peace & quiet mind I'd come to discover in myself.I felt so myself & yet he left & I concluded that something was wrong with me being happy just as I had as a child.
We got back when he had a crisis & deep depression. He came back out of need when his fantasy life collapsed into nothing.
I gave him everything, all my heart as I was so happy to have him back & all his wounds came out in a healthy way. He was depressed & on the floor but for the first time really open & honest. My heart went out to him & I felt closer to him than ever. I was so happy that he could be so open & honest with me in his pain & stop pretending he was OK.
We both got invited to a retreat & he started to reclaim his power which was good. I was happy but to be honest it had taken a lot from me taking care of him & my health started to go downhill as he improved & he started to close right off again & undermined me constantly in between being loving at times massaging me etc but he didn't want to really connect with me emotionally or do anything healthy sharing activities etc.He pulled way internally from me.He didn't seem to care about my needs at all. It was all about him.I was so sad that he turned on me after he had been so open. I was so hurt & took it as I didn't want to loose him again, big mistake.I thought it was loving but in truth I allowed myself to be abused because I wanted to keep the peace. It didn't work.It got worse.
I became totally obsessed with whether he loved me or not & it was like hell & dark knight of the soul. I second guessed myself all the time even though deep down I know what's true for me.Many panic attacks. It looked like I was the crazy one.He got the kids to back him up. Now it is true I do have issues with abandonment & rejection from childhood & they easily trigger & then I don't see strait.I'm honest about that. I was so scared he's leave again & he did.
What is hard to swallow is that he started to make much healthier choices shortly before he left the second time & I felt hopeful that things would get better but it was to prime himself for a new relationship. He's now on the second relationship since leaving me the second time & finally I've stopped trying to win him back or chase him though there is still attachment. It is true I wasn't good at just letting him go.I was holding on.
We work together but don't have to see each other more than about once a week.When we do I tend to get into unhealthy mind patterns afterwards. I know my work is to heal that wounded inner child that so desperately wants to be loved, heard, validated & seen. I abandoned her.
My mind is gradually coming back to some sanity with the help of loving friends. My grown sons & I are so close now. Beautiful. My confidence is slowly returning & my nervous system is gradually relaxing as it was on constant alert mode!! Survival. My health is slowly improving. On the other hand though my house is up for sale & I'm considering moving from France to Gozo I have no idea where I'm going.It's all the unknown. It's the first time in my life I'm fully alone. We always made big decisions together!! My calling is to get back into healing as I trained as an Osteopath & Naturopath but I'm renting out here in France. First I have to put most of my energy into healing myself & making healthy life choices, meditation, sleep, exercise,communicating with healthy people etc Sometimes I'm afraid I'm a narcissist as my life alone is just me with me & I can still get into obsessional mind!!! That's not always so easy.
I'm doing my best to love myself as I would have wanted others to love me. My husband has so many skills & talents( he can do DIY, paperwork, cooking, cleaning pretty much anything other than be emotionally aware). He can be very tuned in if he wants to be with others just not me that's what hurts most!! I have only a few gifts empathy, healing, caring so it's not easy being alone in a practical sense however it is helping me come back to myself. I was so family focused which to be honest I loved. Loving myself is more of a challenge.
Wow this has become long. Thanks so much again Melanie for all your good work & for being a true gift in my life & the lives of many. I hope to do something like what you are doing as I recover.
The patterns are always the same despite the individuals involved. The Narc ropes you in only to hurt you. There is no We. They cannot do this. They cannot be emotionally involved with you. Unfortunately until someone comes along who can give and not just take we have to love ourselves. Believe in yourself, care for yourself, learn what pleases you and go for it. Be kind to yourself. Don’t waste your life on a no hope like I have done. God Bless you. You can do it,
You are so spot on! I thank you! Soul, rights and values.
Omg, i dont feel crazy anymore, ive heard of gaslighting and other things narcissists do, but this is one i dint know of and its mind boggling, thats exactly what my narc does to me, it makes me feel so sad and missunderstood, and then i feel hurt and guilty because i became frustrated and angry. Melanie you are the BEST when it comes to narcs, thankyou!🤗
It has taken me years to recognise this tactic.I watch the triggers and their behaviour right in front of me now, before I could see it .I would talk ,only to be dismissed or ridiculed, they hang onto every word to make a joke of you.I would make a factual comment only to be corrected saying thats not true.If I provide evidence that it is true, no apology or recognition .I cant cope with D graders ,I practice avoidance now
Yes, evidence is key. And yet when the evidence is presented it’s ignored.
It hurts so bad. I feel crazy and alone.
Brilliant as always!
I hope you know how grateful we all are for you & your videos 🙏
Thank you jolene xoxox
Finally I've found the answer I was looking for. Thank you. You probably saved me a couple of years of pain. With love. Madeline
IMPECCABLE TIMING !! Exactly what I needed to hear @ this moment . THANK YOU !! ❤️
So pleased it was Paula! Bless you! xoxo
You are so eloquent, I loved this video.
The narcissist makes his own choice about to whom he wants to stonewall.
Deep gratitude to Mel. Just did one of the modules on this topic and it's relieved that pressure by about 80%. There is still some stuff in there but it is shifting. Mel has created a powerful tool that is very effective. Highly recommend.
Thank you for a detailed fantastic walk through of stonewalling.
I think there is a middleground. A person doesn´t have to be labeled Narcissist just because he/she is finding it difficult to see and understand your personal boundaries. It can take time to communicate and understand your boundaries yourself and equally time for the other person to identify and understand the situations where they are relevant. That time is not necessarily stonewalling, but maybe just processing. I can respect that.
You must be new here 😂
Friend…a rational NON-NARC will VALIDATE the other persons feelings. Then say ‘hey, I cant talk about this right now. I am not saying your feelings aren’t legit but I need time’. A non-narc doesn’t feel their personal feelings supersede another. STONEWALLING is literally saying ‘I refuse to hear you. I refuse to acknowledge your pain. I will walk away because that puts me in control and I do not have to face my actions or take accountability’.
You can take time. That is fine!!! But metaphorically putting fingers in your ear and saying ‘I refuse to even validate you’….is narcissistic. If you can’t understand this unfortunately…you might be one 😑
When I talk back to my family, especially my dad and sister about how they’ve abandoned me in an illness, where I’m literally sick in a bed for years (alone) I am laughed at, told they’ll put me in a home and stonewalled, for as loooong as they feel and it’s so sad and so destructive and if i have a reaction I am told repeatedly I need therapy and am the crazy one and ‘see, you’re reacting to this is proof’ // I wish I could leave them all and get far, far away when one is my caretaker.
At last! New video 😃I missed you, and your unique take on the healing. TY
Good timing for me too!
Thank you for this validation. I fell for the stonewalling tactic many times in the early years. I couldn't understand how someone seemingly intelligent was always at a loss of words to the point of not being able to participate in the conversation. It was SO painful and I reacted horribly. Fast forward to a decade later and I'm waking up to all the various tactics. Your videos have helped tremendously.
Just what I was looking for! I needed to understand this and your video is warm & friendly and very detailed.Thank You so much.
I know this was made 3 years ago, but this is exactly what I needed today! Thank you!
Wow this is very illuminating and helpful!
Thank you very much. I needed to be reminded of this.
It's my pleasure Kay xoxo
Profoundly powerful advice, as always! And your Quanta Freedom Healing is a LIFE SAVER. Thank you so much, for everything! 💖💖💖
Vinozita, bless you hun. I'm so pleased for you that you are healing with QFH in NARP so you can thrive and live the life you so deserve Angel. Love to you! Xoxox
Thank you for continuing to make these videos. They are truly so informative and insightful. Lots of love!
Its my pleasure and I am so pleased they help xoxo
Wonderful analysis...x
Love this !
You are amazing! This explains everything especially with the father of my children .
Thank you! This was incredibly helpful for me!
Melaniiie I love your work, really really appreciate the effort you put in your videos to teach us about narcissism and how to heal! Thank you!
Aww She Mimi, I'm so happy that my work is such a support to you! Love and blessings xoxox
Bravo Melanie.
This video spoke to my soul.
Mine threatened several times before leaving me 60 miles from "our" home. It backfired on him- my sister came to get me, I left him that day.
Thank you !🙏❤
Thank you Melanie I'm Inspired. Blessings to you and yours. Have a beautiful day ❤
Bless you darling lady and much love to you xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thank you Melanie ♥️
Love Melanie, a true empathic soul
Always puts me back on track and I’m grateful. Happy Australia Day to you ❤️❤️
You are very welcome Frances, much love and Happy Australia Day to you hun! xoxox
Oh my goodness! You have met my NP, haven't you!? I'm looking for that 'fly on the wall' or the 'little birdie that told you so' - lol! As I continue to listen, it's amazing the exact description you give about my NP! I can laugh at this only because I've done the internal work that you also talk about doing. What's not laughable is that the stonewaller goes on...so this keeps being PART of my reality. Thank you for this validation and clarification! I'll be back just for the reinforcement alone! Again, thank you!
This has been done to me by 2 men. I find it a sick tactic and this is SPOT on.
Have begun a self exploration into why I keep repeating these patterns.
I get in a rage at stonewalling and was in a relationship with someone who completely shut down and had zero issues about rolling over and going to sleep.
Want to be clear of this toxic environment.
Glad found this
Extremely informative.
This video is everything. Thank you so much 🙏❤️
Glad you enjoyed it Corrine! xoxox
Thanks. Good stuff. 👍
Thanks for the heart!
This is very helpful
My ex does this all the time he don’t take accountability for nothing he literally has no remorse smh
Same here
I know exactly what you feeling I'm currently going through it🥺😞. The way I felt useless yesterday. Wishing you healing and strength
You have changed my life! I am still a work in progress but you have helped me take my power back and I appreciate you so much!! Thank you thank you thank you for saving my life and helping me cope and heal ❤❤❤
Heather, I'm so happy for you dearest lady and so glad that I and my work has been so helpful for you. Love to you xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans thank you so much! Much love to you as well. Still in court battles with the narc, but hopefully this court date next week will change some of that. I have followed all of your advice and everything you said would start to happen, has. Its been very scary exhausting year and escalated since getting an ro, but I have stayed calm and strong with myself and his true colors have been coming to light for others to see. I am just hoping for some accountability with the justice system but we will see. Thank you again, you are an inspiration ❤
I have been to a ton of counselling and I have just heard this term recently. I had no idea it was abuse. My sister has done this to me for years and years.( She is also very much of a covert narcissist which I have just realized ) Whenever there is conflict in our relationship and I do something she doesn't like or I confront her for hurting me she stonewalls me. It has happened for 4 months to 2 years. It was always so emotionally painful. We just had a conflict that I found painful. I told her I just got diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and had 2 appointments in January, one with a neurologist and one with a neurosurgeon. She "forgot" all about it. When I told her I was hurt she told me I was feeling sorry for myself. We had a couple of unpleasant text exchanges and she told me to leave her alone for a while to think about this. A week went by and that was it. I KNEW another long stonewall was coming so I blocked her. Enough is enough is enough is enough. It is very hard to admit when someone you love is a narcissist . It is painful because you KNOW they will never care about you. I feel freedom in this because I can end the abuse, but also lost the sister I thought might some day realize how awesome I was.
the problem is they usually have a really nice sweet side. I have the same with my brother. With the main issue being space invading, not giving me space enough for my own being expressed. They/he trie to get everybody in the family on their side and isolate u in despair so they can keep up their fake world with no place for conflicts they cant handle.
Thank you for making me stronger and pushing me into healing and in the arms of a healthy man 😂
Thank you, Melanie.
You are so welcome sweetheart xoxox
Wow. This really speaks to me. Disengaging now.
Thank you so much💖💕🤗🕯️
9:42 💚 I did the right thing! Thank You!!
Thankyou so much. You are so articulate and warm...I can feel that you truly care about us 🤗🥰 I have started this process and you are so right...I d o nt even feel attracted to my ex narc anymore lol I have my power back.
Amazing! So thrilled for you! Love and blessings xoxox
Yes, this has helped. I feel now that I have an idea of how to handle this.
I took my power back by just acting indifferent anytime I see him around town. Sometimes I'll say hello as I pass by, or give a nod, but I don't let him control my reality which is I'm still going to be pleasant and acknowledge him if I see him, and not let him change who I am. It seems to really piss him off that I seem unaffected, as he has been stonewalling me now for a year-and-a-half, but he can do him and be as nasty as hell, I'm still going to just be me.
Stonewalling is more about pretending to listen but at the same time being completely shut down.
I can’t deal with it , it’s tearing me apart
Me too. But we can’t let it. It’s what they want.
My story with the narcissist nr. 2. For long time I did not understand this is abuse. I was shocked above my reactions and I kept appologizing to him. Everybody thought he was such a great guy! It's so clear now. Thank you 🙏
Darja, I'm so pleased that my work has helped to bring you clarity sweetheart. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans 💞
Literally going through this with my 20 yr old daughter.
I stonewalled my ex narc. I can only hope He felt invalidated. He was trying to triangulate me with his girlfriend he had a fight with.
Thanks
Sometimes it’s like they sidestep issues without you even realising. But, there are times when they don’t give you ‘that’ answer. I know this from several family members. Similar to denial or lying, or making a shortcoming of theirs a criticism of you.
cant afford counselling so these vids really help thanks x
Hi Matt, I'm so pleased for you that my resources are resonating and helping dear One. I'd love to invite you to join me in my free healing webinar so I can explain more and show you how we can become our own empowered healer for real. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love to you xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans thanks yes I will look at that. Right now I look around and paranoid wondering who do I trust.... who else is the same.
Boom! Thankyou M.T. E Puzzle finished, and It is an Angel with a dirty face
This is brilliant. So clear. Most illuminating information on this I've come across.