Narcissists Are A False Self
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- Опубліковано 19 лип 2024
- Narcissists Are A False Self. Let me tell you some important truths about a false self.
This is a person who is not authentic. This is somebody who is an actor. They're being something other than their True Self because they have an agenda. This is a person who is telling you what you want to hear because they are manipulating you.
You may ask yourself, why are they doing this? Why can’t they just be honest?
In my latest Thriver TV episode, I will explain to you why the narcissist’s True Self has been shriveled up and disowned. I will also explain to you how to stop giving them your resources, your emotions, your Life Force, your Soul, your body, your sexual self, your contacts, your money, your attention, and everything else the false self wants from you.
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They are living in a delusional fantasy world and you are a character in that world.
Dealing with covert narcs is like dealing with quick sand. The more you try and move the more you get sucked in. This video has really helped me put my confusing puzzle together. Thank you so much.
They are whatever they think you want them to be.
The ex narc told me he was tired of pretending, as if someone forced him to lie about who he really is
They'll ask everyone around you, what they think you want them to be. They can't just be themselves, because that person was thrown out the window years ago. 🙈
@@araliyaflowers3681 I heard same thing she couldn't be herself with me but she is with the new guy 😅
"They are whatever they think you want them to be." And you (let's face it) become whatever they want YOU to be. It's exhausting.
😆👏👏👏
The more we figure them out and call them out on the false self, the abuse gets worse. The slander gets worse. My exsaid right to my face he knows he did nothing wrong to me. As I sit here trying to dig myself out of trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance, anxiety etc... glad he knows he didnt hurt me. Its sickening.
Saturday was the complete end for me with my narc ex and I got the exact same! He blames everyone else and takes no responsibility for hurting me..
My ex is exactly the same. I’m going through the same process as you.
He always says I didn't do anything wrong to you
Lies lies more lies
I'm a good person. When I met my ex my self esteem I admit was extremely low. I admit I was tired of being alone. I really wanted to fall in love... one last time. Please. One last time. I opened up to her. I believed whole heartedly in her. She hypnotized me with her kiss. I gave it my absolute all ! My whole heart... mind... and soul. I thought I was the perfect husband. I really really tried anyway. She didnt want me to smoke... no sweat. I quit. Or drink. Hey you got it. I quit.
I walked on egg shells. Every bad or controversy thing I stood up for... well we were going to break up.
I feel everything everyone around me feels. I read things. Most people dont see. In reactions... facial expressions etc... I pick up on things fast.
But not her. I was warned by so many people. But she caught me. All I saw was her. And love. And sex. And being thrown away "Over Night". So many changes. I made for her. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHO I WAS ANYMORE. That's not normal.
I'm recovering. It's only been 6 months. Still recovering. Because I have never put my heart so deeply into a relationship in my life. My pain runs deep. My perfect wife. I was played from day 1.
you are not alone brother, same here, listen to this lovely women in the video , she knows. let me know if you need to talk about it. i am here
I also quit smoking because the narc went into a terrible mood because I went outside to smoke.
So that's a plus. Count the plusses.
We didn't care about ourselves enough to not smoke, but anything is done for their approval. External approval seeking, same as narcissists. Same vibration. NO blame, no guilt. It's exactly who you needed to wake you up.
Thank God for UA-cam, my mum died trying to please a narcissist, not knowing it was hopeless. Until UA-cam, I had NO clue, and still tried to get approval from these vampires.
Hang in there. It gets MUCH better with time.
For me it got that much better that whenever some memory about his antics pops up I have to laugh.
In retrospect I realize how ridiculous he was...of course back then I cried, I cried a lot.
Yes, it's painful but divine when heaven & earth slap down our wrong & self-obsessed desires--trying to get love, sex, attention, security, at a time in life when we're to be giving, helping, encouraging the downtrodden. Nope, it's all about self, just like the narcissists. They do us a favor, breaking the selfish grip of idolatry.
Exactly my story
It's mind blowing watching a narcissist perform multiple manipulations, for a simple tasks. It must be a way to protect their false self. 🤯
This helped so so much..I was just crying over my Narc Husband who has been gone for 2 months..Thank you for all your Facebook Post..God brought you to me to help guide me through this healing process of letting go of a Narcissist.
Much love 🥰
Hon I am so sorry for your pain. Big hugs.
❤
"You are the person your inner being is waiting for" my heart melted when I heart that.
I am understanding why I keep wanting to change others. To make them better, nicer, etc. I withdraw from this and ground myself in my own connection to All/source. 💕
♥️18 min.....they become repulsive.......thank you 😇
You are a Goddess. You just glow after healing from the narc abuse.
The more you let go and grow the more you glow, now you know. 😅
Yes, letting go and suiting up in the process. 🙏
They are not an enemy. For the most part they are not aware of what is happening. It’s a form of protection they have created from their past hurts creating a false self which we all have until it can be realized. We are also playing a role in this relationship where we throw ourselves at them to feel like we are “loved” and find that there is nothing we can do that’s good enough. That’s because we have to realize our own self worth and to love ourselves. We should quit smoking and whatever else for our own well-being and self love. You can look back at that relationship and see the parts where your true self was like get out of here or no this doesn’t feel right. The longer we don’t listen to ourselves the more off our paths we go creating health issues and other things. Love and awaking to all🤍
So true!!!
As a pathological people pleaser I too had a false self and victim mentality. I even wondered if I was a covert narc myself. Until I've thought about the many times someone easily talked me out of my own perception. But with Narcs they refuse to consider they may be mistaken or to blame. In my experience false selves are exaggerated stereotypes. And people never live up to their false selves. They put themselves on a pedestal (their false self) and then blame others when they fall off of their own pedestal. I'm guilty of that myself. Though I'm glad I can see this now and work to truly heal! You weren't kidding when you said you can't think your way out of trauma. It truly is emotional work. If you don't heal your emotions they end up clouding your judgement. Inspite of your best efforts you'll fail and fail and fail. And you won't know why. Then victim mentality sets in creating resentment. And before you know it you're acting like a cry baby. It's horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Validate yourselves!!!
You have no idea how impactful your insight to this experience with a narcissist has open my ability to find my inner child who I have not paid attention to far too long. Bless you
Diana, that is so gorgeous! So happy to help sweetheart! Love and blessings xoxox
Why he didn't leave me alone I would have been told the truth. His soul is lost for real no human beings can be so evil
Oh my God! The narc tells his true self to shut up? If we look this in another perspective, the narc is in a very pitiful situation cause his case is hopeless. Life is so unfair for them, they become so distorted! Thank God im not a narc.
Feeling not whole, needy, broken , traumatised, made to feel ashemed of true self... sounds like me 😂 😔
I had no idea about npd... but when she’s start lying about tiny things I felt truly sorry for her. I thought, why is she so scared. Then trauma bonding... she broke up with me like 25 times in 5 years. I always let it continue thinking she’d learn something.. here’s my point: I treated her like she was a human, but she never responded in a humane way.
Same here when I held her accountable she just blamed it all on me played victim pointing her finger at me as the abuser.
Boom! There is humanity inside but they have chosen a different path and we can’t control others. Just as our loving God gives us free will we will respect their right to chose and send them love as we walk away
Lindsay Peek I know there’s a human inside, she just didn’t respond in a humane way.
Same with my dad. The only thing you can do is help yourself. Doing Mel's course now.
Excellent, Melanie!
I really liked your point about their inner child not wanting help, they want that (damaged) inner child to shut up and where things go from there.
A very descriptive video. You explained all aspects extremely well!
Thank you.
This was one of the finest for me❣️ Helps me understand the roots instead of the fruits.. Thank You Melanie!!!
"I now withdraw from you false-self & now turn inwards to grant mw the true love that I am & deserve, by doing so i will draw more true love into my life"
God Bless you, Mel. I really didn’t understand the false sense, or have any sense of understanding of my own false self until watching this video.
Things are finally beginning to make sense now. My feelings and pain weren’t prioritized as a child, and my living situation didn’t feel secure. So I was always trying to perform, to be smart enough, to be good enough, to be able to be accepted as part of the family. We were poor and troubled but curious and enjoyed learning. We had very high standards. Being smart was most important.
Being narcissistically abused may be the best thing that ever happened to me. It knocked me flat on my butt, and lead to me learning so much about codependency, plus being able to experience the peace and connection in the healing container.
Mel, thank you so much. I’m going to keep watching on repeat ❤️❤️❤️
As a recovering narcissist, my false selves have been more about modelling myself on people I admire and see as superior, my true self is more like a slow sensual black person lol
I reject the false self. I give worth and existence to my true self. I love myself. I open the doors for my true self to live. To have peace. To love myself. I deserve true love. I am peace. I am worthy. I love myself. I accept my true self
So nice to have you say the truth of what happens to the partner. Enough of all about them and not enough about the damage they will inflict on YOU.
This is brilliant!!! I have left this guy so many times and come back cause I think this time will be different now I know why it will never be!!!!!! Genius!!!!
I did the same and nothing changed.
So glad I don’t have to wake up to his shouting and name calling also his accusations that I have another man in the cupboard!!! Omg I feel free
@@allthingsjana7870 Yes! I know what you mean every time I left oh the freedom felt.....then he talks me back.....I am with him now and planning my way out one LAST time! Sometimes it just takes the RIGHT explanation to get it !!!!! I am glad you have made it through and you are ok.
"I now withdraw from you, false self ... and turn inwards to grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so, I will draw more true love into my life." Nice!
whenever I feel desperate I turn to the church of Melanie Tonia!
Still struggling to walk out the front door even though I know it is the best thing that I can do for myself. At 62 it's not easy. I was helped by you to understand who I had been dealing with for so many years. But 40 years is enough. I can barley handle one day at a time now. I hate to wake up to face another day. There is very little life force left in me. 😪😪😪
I understand it’s been 22 for me and I finally woke up but it’s so hard to accept! We deserve better xx
I fell your pain, I've been with my narc wife for 35 years , I keep thinking she will change but false hope,
❤
I understand completely! Have been with my Jeckyll/Hyde husband for over 35 yrs. I am 71 now and very depressed and worn down. If it wasnt for Christ and people like Melanie and Christian counselors I dont know what I would do. My husband is definitely a spiritual narcissist and verbal and emotional abuser.
Theresa capps I was married for 31 years to my ex husband! I understand how hard it is to walk out. I became disabled after 20 years of marriage. I was then completely useless to him! Narrisst only use us to dump on,degrade us, it's not love it a trauma bond !!! Please leave hes only going to suck the complete life out of you!!! I almost took my own l7fe because of him and I came to him in complete shambles and told him and he wouldnt even take the gun out of the house so I wouldnt destroy myself!!! That's not love !!! That's a demonic spirit!!!🤢🤢🤢 please leave you cant fix it or change him ever!!! You are a empath and deserve the last part of your life to thrive not just survive day to day!!! The faster you leave the faster you can heal and find yourself happy and whole! Please seek God and he will heal you completely!!!❤❤❤ praying for new beginnings!!!
I now withdraw from u false self and turn inwards to grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so I will draw more true love to myself.
This needs to be shown at every Cinema in the world before the movie starts
I now withdrawal from you false self and turn inwards to grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so I will draw more true love into my life.
Yes I am the same . I’m so scared to give myself to somebody again ...
Thank you so much Melonie! After being with my narc ex on and off again for the past 2 years. He finally discard me, of which I’m grateful for. I’ve been watching you for 1 + years and it have helped me to grow as a person, become more knowledgeable, know what to expect (because they’ve become very predictable), and learn their traits and behavior. Now, I can finally heal in peace. He was very toxic and refused to take any responsibility of his wrongdoings, throw a tantrum like an infant, have threatened to commit suicide countless times if I were to leave him. I knew that it would have to be on his terms. Therefore, I began to push his buttons intentionally. It worked. Now, I’m a free woman who is lifted from a heavy burden and feel more happier as each moment passes by. Thank you!
It’s crazy how they can keep lying so hard to themselves. They seem like lost causes for themselves/everyone and that’s really sad.
What a pity. Cant show them compassion because the feed off your humanity and think your weak or stupid for feeling sorry for them. If you dare forgive them and keep them arround they will punish you for recognizing their true insercure self. The must murder you (emotionally, socially, and or financially) to feel triumphant over you again. These clones in a humanoid shell are true deamons.
This video is so comprehensive and perfect
Thank You so much for this😊 I finally get that taking responsibility is not self-blaming, it's just a recognition that sth in me (for instance insecurity) must've resonated with abuser, I uncounciosly co-created this suffering. And it's so good😉 if I created it, I can release it, it IS within my hands❤thank you🙏
this is the clearest explanation so far. I have not til now really been able to wrap my mind around what this is true and false self matter is all about. Thank you, Melanie! I once told him his lying cheating and gaslighting was really poorly played and he should stop doing it. The punishment (abandoned, ignored, silent treatment) for that came fast and hard. I wish I'd known than what I know now.
Thank you Melanie Tonia Evans.. this is powerful
Mel, this was a very great video. It also made me see how I may be doing the same thing the Narc did in terms of making a false self just in a different way. I guess as “codependents” we sometimes make an Egoic version of ourselves that says we’re needy or need something outside of ourselves to thrive. Since following your teachings my life has changed very dramatically. I am enjoying learning how to be a source to myself. It feels way better than relying on a Narc or another person for my identity. #proudNarper
Thank you so much for your work.
It my pleasure Gacha and thank you xoxox
Best explanation of the narcissist false sense in 2+ years of healing from their abuse.
Karen I'm so pleased that this resonates with you. Love and blessings xoxox
An additional problem is we live in a culture that celebrates narcissism, borderlines and psychopaths. When we confront the narcissist we are forced to confront our inner narcissist. We should use this opportunity to do our inner work.
WOW! 18:05 "YOU ARE YOUR SAVIOR, YOU ARE YOUR CREATOR!" Such a POWERFUL talk Mel. THANK YOU
You are so welcome Kathryn! xoxo
I now withdraw from you false self and turn inwards to grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so I will draw more true love into my life❤️🙏😊 thank you!!!🙏❤️
I now withdraw from you false self and turn inwards to grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so I will draw more true love into my life. Amen to that, thanks Mel ❤
Wow Melanie! This has to be one of the best videos you have made. Thank you for sharing this wisdom! This is truly the way way to God.
Aww sweetheart I'm so happy that this helps and resonates with you! Love to you xoxox
Thank god for these videos that pop up exactly at those times when you feel yourself giving into or missing him.
Universe is like "just a reminder ain't nobody got time for that"
Cause that's an all day inner battle. That's exhausting to even hear about.
I now withdraw from you false self and turn inward to grant me the true love that I deserve!
Insightful & astute content. My ex narcissist helped me become a much stronger person than I ever dreamed.
This is helpful. I have Healed 🙏
I am a true self to myself.I am a Co-creator 🙏🙏🙏.
I Now withdraw from you false self And turn inwards and I feel good, love myself 🌹🌹🙏🙏🙏Thank You 🌹🙏💞💕
You are absolutely spot on right!!! It is like getting the light sucked out of you when dealing with the narcissist
You have nailed every conversation I’ve ever had to have with the narc in my life. Wow! I needed this! Thank you!
Dear Melanie,
This is so recognizable again in this video about how a narcissist actually behaves.
It is someone who assumes a false identity and puts the true identity aside.
Because it is too painfull to deal with.
My covert narcissist ex partner is exactly such a person.
She plays the perfect colleague, wife, partner, daughter, girlfriend and mother, but it is all a facade. It is all so fake and unrealistic.
I fell for it. It was so convincing until the mask fell.
A small child in an adult body. An anxious, insecure, damaged, frustrated and evil person.
Always blame others. Not taking any responsibility for her own life and that of her young children. Always runs away when it comes to tackling problems.
It is so very sad that such a person does not even make a genuine excuse for the pain she inflicts on others. She is a coward.
I am glad I realized that in time for the damage to be even greater.
Thank you for your explanation and video.
Fun Lovin Bloke, bless you and I'm so glad for you too! Love and blessings xoxox
Your videos help me so much. Thank you so much for posting these. I am learning so much and becoming stronger day by day
How dare you call me out on my poor behavior! You must submit to me! Now you must be punished by smearing, lying pretending to be the victim!! The simplest little sentence can bring out their rage! That is how fragile they truly are!!! What a sad life they have!!!
I now withdraw from u false self, and turn inwards, to grant me the true love, that I am and deserve, by doing so, I will draw more true love in to my life.
I just wrote it down in my journal. Thank you you’re helping me immensely I just got back home and I’ve been unpacking. I’ve been thinking he’s going to show up he’s going to show up I’m really glad I watch this I have no fear. I am that I am that I know no other way than this. E.B. Thank you for helping me thank you for everything, I will continue to learn from you I will continue to turn inwards. ❤️
Great information that's easy enough to understand from all levels. Compassionate, empathetic and effortlessly spoken.
Not all programs have any real support options. This one interestingly does, great job 🙏
This makes perfect sense. Thank you Mel! You hit every nail on the head. The ex husband is in a relationship with another woman who doesn’t know who he really is. He had the nerve to ask me to help make his truck payment. I declined several times and told him to ask his girlfriend to help him. He adamantly responded that he would never let her know that he needs help like that... that I’m the only one he feels comfortable asking... blah blah blah. Your video about “saying no to a narcissist” was case in point to why he asked me for help and how he responded by trying to pull my heart strings with compassion.
It’s true, he is a false self that presents an image of someone he is not. He can’t be his true self because he’s too ashamed of who he really is.
I would love to share this video with him to help him but what’s the use? He may just end up hating himself even more.
Your videos help me let go as I know I deserve true companionship, honesty and love.
Thank you for all you do to help us.
Thank you Melanie..I needed this today😘
The insight you gave regarding the work we need to do to ensure that we don't pair with a narcissist is very powerful - thank you! I have felt anger and resentment towards my narcissistic ex for a long time. Unhealthy, stuck. Instead, I am now looking inward and I feel empowered, everything I need is within me. Very transformational. "I now withdrawal from you false self and turn inwards to grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so, I will draw more true love into my life."
This was AWESOME! Thank you! Priceless❤ you will be so blessed for sharing this information
This video is so great, Melanie! It says what it is all about in 20 minutes! Thank you for your work and energy!
I now withdraw from any false self and turn inwards to grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so I will draw more true love in to my life.
You are so welcome Claudia, bless xoxox
This was an effective video for me. It is easy to understand for me, now. You are so good at what you do Melanie. Thank you.
And if I can say so...you are a beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside.
Hi G G, I am so pleased this resonated with you. Thank you for your lovely words xoxox
I have been watching so many of these videos. So grateful. I am exhausted going through the divorce journey. Bless you. These are validating and grounding. A lifeline. ❤️
Thank you, Melanie, for this amazing video. What a lifesaving force you have shared!
Glad it was helpful Miller! xoxox
This is a very powerful video and mantra at the end. Thank you so much, Mel, you've changed my life.
My pleasure Caty.Colours, I'm pleased it resonated sweetheart 🦋 🌹 ❤️ 💖
For straight is the gate and narrow the way that leads to life❤!
I think you just saved my life x
I missed lots of red flags. One of the earliest was when he told me, ‘I become like the people I am around’. Wow... in the future I will run if someone ever tells me that.
You are helping so many! Thank you so much! I hope you are reaching many!
I now withdraw from... and turn inwards and grant me the true love that I am and deserve. By doing so I draw more true love into my life...
I now withdraw from you false self and turn inwards to grant the True Love that I AM and deserve. By doing so I will draw more True Love into my Life.
All this 💯🙌 really opened my eyes even more thank you so needed to hear this right now much appreciate 🙏❤️💞 thanks for all u do, 🌈
That's great this resonated with you Amy. You are more than welcome xoxox
It's a disownership of the inner wounded emotional True Self and a quest for making a go of their victims life. It's my False Self is Zod because I hurt and that's a holy spirit, a pure, noble, beautiful being.. it's the twisted beauty contest winner. BOOM SHAKA LAKA at 17:42 if we're not true to self we have a false narrative which is something outside of me is responsible for myself. That's it. The narc is irresponsibly detached from their sadness. They don't want to cry any more. So they refuse self and endeavor external empowerment trying to get something for nothing and thinking the world has to give them it's responsible being or they get to be angry with the world and engage in Grudge Self based identity.
I now withdraw from you false self- He repulses me now. I am now choosing to not look at that piece of s*** anymore for care and support- I am turning in snd partnering with self to care for snd heal 🙏🌹 I need to love my little 6 yr old
Thank you Queen!Blessings! Stay safe and well being!!🙏🙏😘💞🇺🇸🇺🇸💞💖💕👣👣Stand up boldly with strong boundaries !! Love yourself #1
So beautiful, thank you ✨
Fabulous video!!!!thank you
This is one of your more impassioned videos Melanie. We all could feel your passion. Thanks.
And oh...BTW...F**K Narcs and the entity that controls them.
A great video...Very well explained..Thank You!
One of your best videos! Thank you!
I am Done and DONE playing "my role" of dumping ground when my sister calls...She only calls when she needs to blow off steam, sometimes about Politics. We end up on the phone for over an hour ranting over "problems" we can't control (I participate too so I am part of the equation). I see now that I can no longer "help her" that way...it is actually hurting her. She is in her late 50s, 11 years oler than me, but has not progressed much Emotionally. She is stuck and I cannot "fix her" bc it is like banging my head against a wall expecting to make a difference. IF she WANTS my advice, she can ask...but that would be admitting flaws so it will take a miracle for that to happen. My eneregy can be put better use elsewhere!
3 weeks no contact..
She sucked my life out..
Developed insomnia.
But I'm coming back and stronger.
Still weak but staying positive!
Thank you!!
This is a great video
This is incredible. Thank you.
Jaime, I'm so pleased it can help! xoxo
NOW I understand what 'going inwards' actually MEANS😳😳😳 HUUUUGE THANKS, Melanie!!!! 🙏🙏🙏 from Belgium, Europe
This is great material! 👌
Oh, I did not know. Sorry for your loss.
So true. They never change.
You are so wonderful, thank you so much 🙏❤️😘
This is the best explanation of my ex and npd that I've come across, it explains so much, thankyou x
Girl gone supernova, you are so welcome, I'm so pleased that this resonates with you. Love and blessings xoxox
I agree, she hit this one out of the park! Bravo to you Melanie..
Very deep! Thank you
This resonates 100%
Exactly!!! Feeling like you're a parent explaining to a destructive child what actually works in a civilized world😮👌
Sooooo TRUE. Thank you
The should self (false self) is the inner critic. This has been learned by copying from the critical caregivers, so the 'narcissist' is now the critical caregiver. The narcissist then sees their own flaws in others (they think that it's the object who is weak), and when the object does not change their behaviour to satisfy the narcissist inner critic (should self), the narcissist feels unloved. Another way to look at it is the 'narcissist' loves giving advise to their partner (object) and when their partner refuses to change or puts in a boundary, the 'narcissist' can no longer control the object and therefore feels hurt. We are never entitled to criticise or give unsolicited criticism or advice. This is the basis of mentalisation or theroy of mind.
I now withdraw from you, false self
And turn inwards
To grant me the true love that I am and deserve
By doing so
I will draw more true love into my life
Today on Fathers Day - Thank-you Melanie
Thank-you Father God. 💫✨⭐️🌟💫✨⭐️
🌈🐬THANKS!
HOPE YOU GOT MY DONATION!!👣💕
Of Course that they are False Selves. My ex-wife is a False Christian, and a turncoat Adulteress.
True, like a 5 year old....never changing and entitled to all without anything back