Advantages of Being Married Young | Having Kids and So Much More | SouthAfricanYoutuber
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- Опубліковано 16 лип 2024
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Nolu 🤍
Interesting chat! I had a similar conversation with my aunt, she's a divorcee. From a different perspective she advised getting married young solely because you get to experience everything at a young age and should your marriage fail you still have 'enough' time to reconstruct your life and get back on your feet, unlike how it would've been if you married in your 30s+. Just sharing because I think it's some valuable advice
Hi Siba! Definitely is valuable advice - no one gets married to get divorced but life happens and at least then you have your whole life ahead of you! You right!
I got married quite young as well. And I literally started from scratch with my hubby. Was 22 and it will be 10 years of being married in 2 months time
10 years! Wow Kene bathong how has the journey been?
@@nolu_mqina it's been good for the most part.. challenges here and there as expected but ke..this gent has been good to me.
❤❤
Congrats!!🎉🎉🎉🎉
@@thabisosekabate6403 thank you so much 🥰
As a Financial Planner , I have seen cases where "waiting for big day" for too long is not a good idea. Lobola is Customary Marriage deemed in Community of property unless couple sign ANC which is advisable . you can still joint your assets via Accrual system. Some families and in-laws believe that without white wedding you are not " joint" . Other thing when you are getting engaged traditionally make sure you have full knowlwdge of your spouses history. E.g your man can have an Ex where he paid lobola and they separated without any paperwork even after 10 years that Lobola can be valid and your recent marriage invalid because Ex can be first wife customarily and in order for yours to be valid she will have to approve you as second wife.
Afternoon, let's also normalise knowing that marriage is a calling, n not everyone is called into that department. As for being accountable, one can still be responsible while their not married. A marriage/relationship can break or make u.
I agree with you
This was a good conversation. I was engaged n he paid lobola n my early 20's that relationship changed my whole 20's learnt so much about myself. Ended up not married to the man, a pastor lol i was a church girl too. Now in my mid 30's i recently got married. knowing when to walk away and when to say yes to a proposal is life altering. Pray, make that list, get wise counsel. If it is the Lord will he will marry you.
WoW! this a very insightful conversation!
Why aren't you guys eating the food and drinking the juice😩?
This episode was for me!!! 😍🙏Relationships do definitely change after you have a child. It's ALWAYS like that! This whole spontaneous life, doing things without planning first, is a thing of the past😂
Shazi❤❤❤. I'm glad we could impact you! Yoh, a baby does change everything even when yoh have help.
Lol I can so relate like we plan everything 😂😂because if not you won't connect
Tjo hle..things really change
Each case is decided on its own merits. I’m a divorce attorney and I come across different cases and each case will be decided based on it’s merits, traditional customs and in line with the Recognition of Customary Marriages Act. Your man can pay a quarter/half or sum on his first visit to your family (like Tshia said) and that can be a ground for customary marriage… other factors would also be looked at like whether you stayed with him after that, if he’s financially taking care of you etc. The court can accept that as valid customary marriage even if he did not pay off the agreed lobola amount. And that marriage is in community of property.
Thabi I feel like you should have been here! Because we are not well informed about these things we get ourselves into things we don't understand clearly.
I agree with you and most ladies be lyk no we are not married we didn't sign , how so coz this is customary marriage as long as parents accept that R350 we declare you married
I really enjoyed this Collab. Love the both of you to bits. Also the maturity in Tshia is out of worldly for someone her age. The parents did something there
Thank you so much Siwe! Tshia’s mind is out of this world! He knows what to say and when to say it 😊
You gotta love Mrs B and her wisdom hle Bantu, she so young but yet so informed and matured
Very matured!
All customary marriages are "In Community of Property" and there is no option to make it out of Community of property. So if you register your customary union at home affairs you'll be automatically be married in Community of property.
However, if you want to do a civil union, you can do an pre nuptial contract, out of Community with no accrual or out of Community with accrual. If you don't have a pre-nup then your union will automatically be in Community of property.
Thank you for schooling us Nomcebo! These are the conversations that we should be having 😍😍
If you want to be married customarily you have to sign a pre nup before the lobola negotiations. In that way you will be married out of community of property.
If a pre nup was not signed prop then you are married in community of property and no way to alter that. Unless you bring an application to the court to change your marriage regime.
So many perspectives to this marriage thing. Was beautiful to hear these views because where I’m from until uthelwa ngenyongo kwaMkhwenyana lowomshado isn’t complete.
Nathan Fundi! iNyongo is the most important. The marriage isn't regarded until it happens
Love how real you are about the conversation of having the wedding celebration. For me I was so happy when we he paid the lobola in full and a small traditional ceremony. I was so happy and 11 years later I don't regret that we went small than big on the day
I still want something small because wow who will be left with all those costs 😂😂
@@nolu_mqina exactly so many people were shocked that I am getting married because I was glowing and not stressed at all😂😂
Absolutely love Tshia Smith🥺❤️
She's top tier! Even in person!
Beautiful..Tshia too matured for her age and I love it❤❤❤
Very matured! This lady has nuggets
The wedding/lobola conversation is sooooo relatable… Especially in this social media age that prioritises doing things for people rather than what’s wise for your family. ♥️
Thanks for the wisdom!
Only a pleasure sis! We shouldn't get carried away and focus on the goal!
Well said 👌👌👌love love it ladies well explained I’m 21and married n all of what you said is very true
I hope this new journey is everything you prayed for
I can resonate. I'm 34 married for 14 years. 😮😮😮 I don't know how its like to make my own decisions.
This is what we were trying to sah
It's very important to sign that antenuptual contract before the big day, thats the advice our attorney gave us before our wedding day. Unless both parties are happy with being MICOP
Mrs B in the house love the collaboration👌
Thank you Mon ☺️☺️
In my early 20s and I learnt a lot from this❤
I'm glad you can learn a thing or two
Ohh my gosh did i not scream when i saw Tshia she is the sweetest.❤ Thank you sisi for the video.😊
She's the sweetest! Anytime 🥹
It is not even a downfall issue ladies. Ilobola is MARRIAGE in FULL. It's automatically in community of property at that. People who are saying the white wedding is marriage do not know flour culture and our laws. Lobola is marriage in its complete form shame. Tshia may not have done mambo but for the fact that he paid everything in full AND she has moved in with the man cause he paid for everything , thats marriage umambo will not make it less of marriage. She is married in community of property unless there's a contract they signed stating the type of marriage they have entered into. U ladies are married PROPERLY so
These are conversations that should be had
@@nolu_mqina injalo babes cause this downplaying peoples marriages is ignorance at its best. White weddings are not our thing nr one , as black people. Two customary marriage is the full package, in community futhi. So it is concerning to hear people ask , are you married or was it "just lobola". We cannot be having Just in that sentence
The one trick they don't understand is that customary marriage is more powerful than a civil union. For the fact that he paid lobola for you and introduced you to the family, they accepted you and you are in his life it's a big thing. It's actually very hard for a man to leave you and throw you in the streets like that. Even the court of law refers your matter customarily. He can actually never divorce you that easily. I remember my aunt was married when she was 19 around 1992. In 1996 the husband went to work in Gauteng and got into a civil marriage ( signed at home affairs) without any family knowing/ approving that. In 2020 the man died due to COVID, even his body was not released without my aunt present. That lady got nothing on the estate of that man. Yoh it was very hard. The family told her they don't even know her by name she doesn't exist and the court nullified that civil marriage contract and she was charged for fraud as she faked my aunt's signature on the BI form in hospital.
Having kids does change the dynamic of marriage
A lot yoh it's as if you are in a different ball game
And I’m here like, ‘80 people are actually a lot of people’, but Tshia is saying it was a smol thing. 😂😂
It was 😂😂😂
What an amazing collaboration. I enjoyed this a lot and I learnt so much from it, because I'm young and in a marriage phase. And I would love to have friends like you two. ❤️
Enjoyed the conversation ladies thank you
Tshiamo is so smart bandla. Loved this conversation.❤️
New subby❤Love love love this conversation. You are both young and so matured . Definitely a thumbs up 👍👍👍
Welcome to the family Tam! I hope you love it here🥹
I lv the conversation bcs am also young 💖
Even though you both married young Tshia's marriage is nothing conventional unlike yours
Absolutely enjoyed this conversation❤️❤️❤️❤️
Glad you enjoyed the chat lebo ❤️❤️
Beautiful discussion Ladies .Topic handled so well🌻
Thank you, Gugu. We should stop shying away from such topics
Nolu I really enjoyed this episode, I love Mrs B she has such wisdom and kind heart.
She's amazing! Even in person!
Enjoyed this one ❤🎉
Thank you Bassie ☺️☺️
❤Love you ladies🎉❤
We love you too🥹
I'm not married and I thoroughly enjoyed this ❤️. Love
Love this for us
Hi hi this is the first time I have come across your channel and I must say I really enjoyed this chat it was very eye opening for me and I truly enjoyed...keep up the good job
Thank you so much mtase ❤️❤️
I love it here😍
Thank you mtase 🥹
What a relevant topic so informative...thank you ladies for sharing
Glad you enjoyed the installment
Guys if you want to be married out of community of property please do have your contracts signed before the day of negotiations. In that way your married out of community. But if your lobola was paid you guys are fully married in community of property.
If your lobola was paid already and want but didn’t sign a contract you will have to bring an application to the court asking the court to change your marriage regime.
Please educate!
Tshia is such a beautiful soul hle ❤️
She really is
Thank you ladies for the conversation it's my second time watching this and I just wanna say thanks alot for the information ❤ooh I'm a new sub from MaButhelezi channel
Welcome to the family Rato! I'm glad you enjoyed the chat 🥹
I loved this conversation so much,you ladies are amazing 😍I agree marriage is too nice if you married the right person
Thank you so much, mommy! It's nice
You and Thati made me love Tshia ❤
She's amazing 😊
Lovely 😍 👌 Interesting indeed. Thanks ladies. Pls do more hle 😅
I was thinking of this!
I'm a new subbie, I really enjoyed this video, it was very informative.
Welcome to the family Felicia 🥹. I'm glad you enjoyed this sit-down.
Loved this conversation ♥️
Thank you Zan
Love this
We aim to please Mpho ☺️
Oh how I so wish this sit-down was longer. So enjoyed it❤️
Thank you Tumi
New Subbie here, what a great conversation and really enjoyed it❤❤❤❤
Welcome to the family Zase 🥹. Thank you ☺️
Lol your friend is like me I will be like no one remembers the deco we appreciate the cute pics but after that we are over it. Do what makes you happy and you won't regret afterwards
Love this! It's your big day so whatever makes you happy is key!
Watched till the very end ❤️
Nazo🔥🔥🔥
I enjoyed this episode thank you ladies
Thank you so much
I don't regret marrying young...but now am just like how would it have been if i married in my 30s 😂 also am like neeh was i really gonna hop and jump for that long...life is weird shem ,sometimes we just have to accept and appreciate the stages we go through and not put age in it
You path was decided a long time ago by God and he wanted you to be a testimony hence you are where you are!
@@nolu_mqina Amen!
I bumped into your video with Andiswa and that led me here!! Was soo shocked and sooo happpy!!! yohh nkosiyam, I know big people moes 😃😃 keep up the great work and congratulations on all your achievements!!!😃😃😃
Austin!!!!! You lead me here!!!!! Thank you so much for stopping by. Thank you so much
From Mrs B channel. Here for this video❤
Thank you for popping in ☺️
My faves in a place, yey love it for us. Thank you mama kaZani for the vlog, can't wait to see you in your makoti attire wow usezoyobekwa emva kocango utye umkhono wakho... I am excited ingathi uzaba ngumakoti wasekhaya 🥰❤
Ndigumakoti wakho lapha mtase
I'm a new Subbie🙂🙂 really enjoyed this topic and I've subscribed too❤
Welcome to the family Zikhona🥹🥹🥹. I hope you love it here
What an informative video❤new subbie 🎉❤
Welcome to the fam Khutso. I'm glad you enjoyed ☺️
Enjoyed this video ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Glad you enjoyed it Nolitha 🥹🥹
Enjoyed this video. ❤
Thank you ☺️
Lovely video.. 🥰
Thank you Zan ☺️
tjo this topic was needed, catching up now. this is wat i did we did not celebrate as yet, they paid Lobola and all we did was go and register the marriage, pls register tuu, I love Tshia and all she said was such a great advise to many, and i also believe the dynamic do change when u are married and have kids yoh, family will also want to corner us to make the wedding celebration, mina personally i want to do more with that celebration money tjooo hai.
We should do what works for us 🥹
@@nolu_mqina most definitely, people ignore the fact that celebration are not for everyone hey. Lol
Interesting beautiful topic from beautiful young ladies ❤❤
Thank you sis❤️
Nice vlog sisters 💕 thnx
Thank you so much Groep 🥹
Loved it ❤️🥹
Thank you ngwaneso 🥹
This was so informative love love 😍 a new subscriber fromMrs B’s channel 🫶
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Somi! Welcome to the family mtase ❤️
Sila la 📍
Now I already know I'll be late for church 😅
Lord forgive please 😂😂😂
You are right Tshiamo. I'm a lawyer dealing with divorce and that lobola letter is very important in the absence of a marriage certificate. Also, people who say they aren't married because they haven't gone to sign, ma'am you are married, in community of property and that letter will help you claim in the case of your husband/wife passing on or getting divorced.
I lost your email Bassie, please email me again
Tshia ❤
She's everything
NEW subby look, in my opinion it's always wise to marry after a journey of self empowerment and knowing how to stand on your own before you stand with someone to avoid co -dependency . Also just knowing what you can do all o your own .
Welcome to the fam Sinaye. I completely agree with you!
Beautiful
Thank you Lu ❤
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My guest list for my wedding was 60 people
I'm sure it was beautiful and intermit
Tshia directed me her lol
Welcome ☺️. I hope you like what you see
The last question and answers you gave ladies, wow I needed to hear that. Loved this Chat! Wisdom kaMrs B Wakhetha kahle uShenge ay suka🥹❤️❤️ Love you ladies!! I am definitely subscribing to your channel🥰
Welcome to the family Zan and thank you so much!
It's money will be like you are not doing anything yet. 😂😂 May the Lord provide for you to do your wedding ma! I usually see you in the millennial mom's vlogs.
Finances are the boss of us 😂😂Thank you Salmi❤️
Here
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Waiting for the “big day” is actually risky cause life happens. Rather get that ANC and go sign and you can celebrate whenever.
I have not had a “white wedding” but all my contracts and marriage certificates are in place.
Also cultures are different, xhosa culture you cant go till certain processes are done. After the lobola a date needs to be set fir your family to officially go hand you over. You need to then be introduced to the husbands family and the ancestors utye utsiki, be dressed in the official attire abd be given a new name lasemzimi. It is a whole process which I cant elaborate on but in the xhosa culture it is necessary.
I aim to get my ducks in a row soon. Yoh, I've seen how important cultural protocol is. Km actually experiencing it. Did you have your tsiki yet
Great conversation ❤❤ ..but u cnt register or have ANC if the lobola process if fully done …wen the lobola is fully done u already married in community of property
I thought Tshia Smith was your niece or something when I saw the thumbnail 😂, she looks so young 🥺
But she's so matured ❤️
She is very matured!
Hi Mommy❤💐
Hi Mon 🥹🥹
I think the Tsiki rules differ from family to family
Nyani? Can we talk about this offline 😂
I really enjoyed this video🥺
You've just gained your self a new subscriber 🥺😚
You are amazing Asa, welcome to the family!
I'm glad you enjoyed the video
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☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
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Location sila!
We should chat about finances in marriage
Now you talking, would love to. 😊
I have sooooo much I want to say. I need a vn option please
I told you we should collaborate! You have a lot of wisdom to share 🫣
Me too yoh💔I'm serious confusion where I really do not know what to do🤦♀️and to make it worse I don't have genuine friends where I can really talk too
What a sit down. Is the other lady on UA-cam?
Yes she is. She's Tshia Smith
I'm married into a Xhosa family and I didn't have Tsiki
Nyani? Where is your husband from? Mabe different clans different rules
@@nolu_mqina from Bisho. They do not practice ancestral stuff. My mother in law also didn’t have it
Tshia ukhulile shame I see what your husband saw
She's very well informed!
Hayi Nolu uyageza tjini the guy paid Lobola full, utsiki can or cannot be a big thing depends kuni nifuna ubenjani.. Hambo tya Tsiki 😂😂
Infact Ntsiki it's only family yakulomyeni
Nizoya mtase 🥹🥹. Should I document it?
I'm nervous ☺️☺️
@@nolu_mqina yes yes please
Mna ndatshata on a Saturday white wedding then following day Sunday ndatyiswa uTsiki.. ngaske sithethe mani and advise you
The older you get the more weaker you become traveling in older years might not be fun like when you are younger
Life begins at 40
I really think it's unfair that men choose when to marry, and women just have to be happy they get chosen.
I hate it so much.
It's the pits Zen but I've seen ladies taking it upon themselves to propose. We should make it a thing
Ka Setswana ke magadi le patlo...kiso ya mosadi and you go to home affair
Oh wow!
I Just want to know which married woman hurt Mandy🥹😂
She must come tell us 😂😂😂
Beautiful discussion Ladies .Topic handled so well🌻
Thank you so much, Gugu ❤️ Glad you enjoyed
My faves in a place, yey love it for us. Thank you mama kaZani for the vlog, can't wait to see you in your makoti attire wow usezoyobekwa emva kocango utye umkhono wakho... I am excited ingathi uzaba ngumakoti wasekhaya 🥰❤
I'm a fav 🥹🥹. I'm so nervous yoh andazi ndithini. Mtase let me vlog it so you can see me in action 😂😂
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I love you!