How to Test Your Emotional Maturity
Вставка
- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
- Knowing how emotionally mature someone is can be the most important thing to know about them; but this knowledge may take (painful) years to acquire. This is why we've devised a very quick and very reliable test that can - in a few minutes - help us to ascertain our own and other people's level of emotional maturity. It all has to do with how one responds to vulnerability.
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FURTHER READING
“One of the more puzzling aspects of the way we’re built is that our emotional development does not necessarily or automatically keep pace with our physical growth. We can be fifty-five on the outside and four and a half in terms of our impulses and habitual manner of communicating - just as we can be on the threshold of adulthood physically while an emotional sage within.
In order to assess our own and others’ emotional development, we can make use of a single deceptively simple question that quickly gets to the core of our underlying emotional ‘age’.
When someone on whom we depend emotionally lets us down, disappoints us, or leaves us hanging and uncertain, what is our characteristic way of responding?...”
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Produced in collaboration with:
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Getting upset at all is a sign of emotional imbalance.
Somehow I passed? Because even though I want to do those things I just don't. It takes a lot of rejection and being antagonized to get my goat.
Horribly.
The School of Life I really like your channel but I can not understand the videos completely because my English is not so good and there are only English subtitles. I would respectfully suggest that you provide subtitles in Portuguese. I'm from Brazil. Wouldn't it be possible subtitles in Brazilian Portuguese? I would like VERY much!!!! I'm sure MANY friends of mine and others would benefit from it as well. Thankful!
All ideas are opinions, just like this one.
The toughest part is when you know what you want to say and it comes out as a jumbled mess of loosely related words.
you can work on that
Try to write it down. It puts structures and patience into play.
Writing it down will let go the overflow and put structures to the chaos of the ideas.
It will also add a step before talking, teaching you patience and giving you the opportunity to, cool down if that's the issue, and take a step back about what you want to say and prioritize. Simplify.
Less is more, you may have a ton of things to say, but there's only so much one can hear, and you can probably cut down several problems into one. No need to talk about all variations of the same problem. It is, from my experience, better to talk little less than little too much.
I believe it ironically comes from the fear of not being understood. We therefore want to explain everything, to be completely understood and not rejected, and it usually end up being not clear at all and hard to understand. We then feel even worse than before.
That little wirting discipline helps for personnal matters, interviews, meeting...old trick, simple trick, but most don't use it... :)
thats called being an enfp
@@H0kram problem I have is when writing I can definitely articulate what I want to say a lot better and it's often exactly what I would say in person, except I can't say it in person bc when j try it comes out not right at all lol. My brain speeds too far ahead in the sentence and my mouth can't say the words fast enough. I guess I just have to slow down, but I don't realize that in time when speaking
@@ninisdilemma I'm definitely not ENFP.
A lot of older people are surprisingly emotionally immature
If you've ever met someone that's completely obsessed with their age, (they say things like, "I'm the adult," or, "I'm older than you so you listen to me") then 90% of the time they can be considered emotionally immature
My dad😒
You mean....boomers?
You know? The one's who use Botox and wear tight pants, and wear different color hair. That's the woman. The men? They're not there, even if they are physically there. They sent an IOU for their time they needed to be spending with the family
Ezequielle Geronimo ...spot on. Not all but yes. You must be Gen X/Y?!
I think it's important to point out that you're not emotionally immature if your initial reactions are one of the three immature ones. I've learned through working as a mental health professional that we do oftentimes have those initial knee-jerk reactions internally because we are only human. However, giving those thoughts power or letting them influence your behavior is what makes you emotionally immature. You can think for a moment "ugh why aren't they getting back to me?" before centering yourself with "they're a busy adult and will respond to me when they are physically and emotionally available to do so." So don't get super down on yourself if you have some of those initial reactions. Just don't let them influence your actions or well being. Catch them. Correct them. Eventually, with a lot of practice, your initial reaction will become the corrected one.
I strongly agree and I've learned to think the same. I'm not any professional, I'm just a 17 year-old teen but I early realized that striving to be or to have a better, improved, stronger character _is_ a practice, it's not a state of being. so I want to keep growing in emotional maturity, because it really seems that being emotionally mature is more of a skill to master, than a personality trait. I haven't arrived but I see that I've definitely left, knowing about how much and learning to train the influence of my thoughts to my actions has made a great impact on how I deal with my emotions now than how I did before.
Did you watch the video? That's literally what it means .If your reactions are the immature ones then you are emotionally immature. When eventually, with a lot of practice, your initial reaction is the correct one, that means that you have become emotionally mature. It takes time to mature, it's not an insult, being self-aware of what areas we need to improve in ourselves is a high indicator of maturity already.
@@Milktube hes a mental health professional
@@chilly6791 everyone can learn something
Know I’m late, but thanks for this. I really needed to know this.
I just want to say that there is a huge difference in sulking/being angry at something you can't control and being upset/hurt, while in the process of grieving. You are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to feel your emotions as deep as they go, and you're even allowed to vent your anger too other people. Grieving doesn't make you emotionally-immature. People who are emotionally mature and more in tune with their emotions are more likely to grieve for longer.
this is so important, but like all things, theres a balance, you don't want to bottle it up, or, get stuck in the past
i believe maybe what he meant is being stuck in the process of sulking without being able to move on until S/O metaphorically cradles you. its not immature to sulk but it can be when you depend too greatly on S/O and i think eli chapin said it wonderful, a perfect middle between grieving and moving on
It was meant to address the bridge between properly communicating rather than being unable to emotionally express and communicate thyself due to pain in one's ego. I mean it depends, in war no one wants to accept defeat neither taking the responsibility of helping one's opposition.
Let's say you made someone angry, an "Emotionally mature person" would tell you they're angry, It is still up to you interpret what they truly mean. An "Emotionally absorbed person"(I didn't use immature since bad impression)
will not directly tell you they're angry, rather they consumed by their rage and instead acts upon it, they want you to understand them. Being mature isn't always good, your potential is already defined.
@@familyfriendly813 i wasnt talking about number 2. i was talking about number 1... sulking
@@dakotaburch3799 It's all related somehow... but specifically yes, why people sulk most of the time is they don't have a confidence in their words, there comes the point that you become paralyzed because you are still stuck processing your emotions and expectations. Once you get a form of stability only then you can have the confidence to express your emotion.
It sucks whenever you calmly explain to someone how their actions bothered you and they end up taking it as though you're attacking their character or something.
It’s the worst, especially if it’s your significant other.
That's a nice indicator of who deserves being your friend.
Literally the worst
I feel you, bro
unfortunately happens most of the time that my girlfriend points out something that i did that bothered her. It's become an anchoring point for most of our arguments and i know it sucks ass but just cant help it for some reason :/
I once explained to my mother why I did not open up to her. She used it against me. Never again
Same, every time I try to dialogue with my mother she just gets all defensive and goes “well, your father is worse”
Phantom- I’m sorry, that’s really tough
That feels really awful... mine would always reply with "how dare you talk back to me", whenever I try to explain things to her, she will say something along the line of "so you think you're really great because you went to higher level of schooling?"
Eventually I gave up explaining to her, because she had already given me a death sentence inside her heart but she refused to face up to it...
Happen to me too. It took me some serious time and effort to trust people again and I always had a good relationship with my mom (I think). That made me go way back to the shell I was. Not talking to no one about what going to my mind just daily life stuff, faking normalness and avoiding connecting with people. Even after years it still creeps about when trying to be vulnerable with people I know and I am close for years.
@Phantom - I would like to say it gets better but to be honest I am still trying to find out if that's true. After some years, it stops haunting you everytime you close your eyes but it can appear in not so convenient moments. The only thing I learn is that the only thing I can do is getting to tomorrow. Just tomorrow. If I got to tomorrow then I did well.
If you want to talk I will be here.
I know what having the death sentence in your mother's heart feels. Mine has said on multiple occasions that she wished she had a normal daughter and that she couldn't wait for me to move out and never see me again. She said these things when she needed to blow off some steam after having an argument with her own mother and sisters. So I took it with an indifferent face until the day we had an argument about me being in my room all the time because I was trying my hardest to get good grades so I could be able to pursue my dream career. I was stressed out as it is and then my mother came in there saying it was uncomfortable to live in the same house as me because I felt like a stranger. I cried in front of her confessing the depression I had since I lost my grandfather and she just looked straight in my eyes and said: ' You better keep on crying while you reflect on the person you have become'. I moved out and went to uni and it has been 2 years since and after deciding to go to the psychologist, I am wondering if I should ask her about what she has said. But I am too afraid. @Pedro Moreira, I am hoping that you are right, that it will stop haunting me
I'm incredibly emotionally immature but I found a partner patient enough to teach me maturity. It's been a year since I'm with him and I've grown so much already. It's exhausting but it's definitely worth it.
one of the biggest things that helped me reach emotionall maturity was grounding how i view the world i lost my entire sens of self for over 1 year so eventually i just tore down everything i belived in and in a couple of months i built up my world view trough what i wanna see in the world and how i see the world around me so now when im faced with any emotional decisions or challanges i can ground then in my world view
Exactly what happened to me and how I feel
The three 'cardinal virtues' of emotional maturity
1. Communication
2. Trust
3. Vulnerability
Not so fast. Note that all virtues and vices are arbitrarily selected, often based on a world view. Those concepts are not "a priori" - contrary to physical laws.
It CERTAINLY is not in accordance with Nietzschian views: "Our weak, unmanly social concepts of good and evil and their tremendous ascendancy over body and soul have finally weakened all bodies and souls and snapped the self-reliant, independent, unprejudiced men, the pillars of a strong civilization" and "The discipline of suffering, of great suffering - do you not know that only this discipline has created all enhancements of man so far? That tension of the soul in unhappiness which cultivates its strength, its shudders face to face with great ruin, its inventiveness and courage in enduring, persevering, interpreting, and exploiting suffering, and whatever has been granted to it of profundity, secret, mask, spirit, cunning, greatness - was it not granted to it through suffering, through the discipline of great suffering?"
It's not that Nietzsche doesn't consider trust and vulnerability virtues - but he values them differently. When violated, it offers an opportunity to overcome them and grow ("What does not kill me makes me stronger").
But depending on others, their judgement, their understanding and their mercy - he would have considered that to be part of a "slave mentality" ("It is much more agreeable to offend and later ask forgiveness than to be offended and grant forgiveness. The one who does the former demonstrates his power and then his goodness").
thanks man, i didn't watch the same video you did 🙏
@@HansBezemer Spot on, this sounds like some hyper left wing communist propaganda to me. The moment I heard comunication, trust and vulnerability I thought keep quiet, assume the worst and start piling up the ammo.
@@stewartdent9661 how can u be emotionally mature without those 3 things, please explain i cant see anyone having any form of meanintful connection to otheres without it
@@stewartdent9661how is this in any way related to communism first of all, and second of all why is communication bad? why is patience bad? why is being open,honest and vulnerable with your partner bad?
I came in thinking i was emotionally mature and left finding im not
Plz have more likes
I don't think so, being able to accept the fact you have faults is pretty emotionally mature of you
@@nudahnotverified184
It is mature to admit it, but that admission does not remove all the ways he thinks he is not.
It is an aspect of maturity.
I came thinking im not i left thinking im not
TRUE
What sucks the most is when you are emotionally mature enough to try and sort out the problem calmly, but the other person isn’t
Understanding that not everyone is mature enough and that not everyone is willing to give you a fair share just because you do to them, is also part of maturity.
Would you get pissed off at a wild tiger because it kills a human on its way?
Would you blame a dog, that has been trained, or that has been hurt and doesn't trust people for biting you?
NightHawk I completely understand what you mean, and I agree, it’s just that it sucks. I’m not saying that I’m expecting it, I’m just saying it totally sucks when someone doesn’t have the maturity to talk things through.
@@anabuneta3656 Well, yeah it does
That's not suck for me. I just simply be amazed how diffirent i become at a normal simple ordinary morning and suddenly hear everything outsiden not my mess mind talking anymore. I just accept it as insane, which i was trying to hide it for so damn long, it just start getting easier and so light, i saw things that i've never seen, i heard things i've been missing and hitherto distracted from. It's more interesting and mind open for me than suck. But i admit, on the third time, it's a bit suck
It sucks and also tiresome.
If the other person is a jerk with authority, the mature one would possibly be taken advantage of.
I used to date this girl. A year and a half we dated. I wish I hadn't so long, but I learned a lot along the way. I used to lack the ability to explain or to understand well, and now I can. But she was enourmously immature and very emotionally young. It really ruined me mentally and it just makes me mad with myself to think of her. I learned a lot though, and that's what matters.
Ya, i dated a guy for a little over a year. Neither of us were emotionally mature, but he was insane about it sometimes and would get absolutely pissed at me sometimes if he did something that upset me. Or if I was just upset in general. He never handled my needs well and often just ignored them, avoided and ignored me often, stuff like that. I wasnt great either since whenever he did something too hurtful I lashed out really badly. But I learned a lot about who I am, my triggers, my needs and wants, and my boundaries. And hopefully I will know how to walk away next time if it heads down that path again.
Me too champ, I broke it off 5 days before our two year anniversary. I don't think I was quite mature when it started but within the first two three months I'd become so adjusted to being yelled at and bullied and blamed for things that truly weren't my fault, throughout the two years I never started a fight never raised my voice never cursed anybody out and always would try to communicate. I wish I didn't let it go on for so long but if I broke it off earlier I probably wouldn't be who I am today. So keep that crown on 👑
@@no-uw1gs you don't date guys. you date men. without maturity you can never depend on the person. and since a relationship is dependence on one another it simply can't be done "correct" so to speak.
And women learn how to manipulate from their mothers. Men are largely defenceless against a skilled female manipulator. It's usually a Daddy complex, but it's always the result of unhealthy parenting. Children mirror the behaviour of their parents. Good luck with the future. I am pleased that you have learned from your nightmare.
Same, but if you fully understand the aspects in what they understood, at least me personally, I feel no rage. I simply understand she has much to learn and her trials didn’t lead her to the same path as me.
As a psychologist, I can tell you one other thing : People who explain why they are upset, but they are upset over something they think they deserve (which is objectively questionnable) while they're just acting like they're above everyone and cry when anything doesn't go the way they wanted are NOT MATURE. But on the paper of this video, they are portrayed as mature.
What maturity would be, is a state of mind where you accept things the way they are while trying to make the best out of them. Admit your wrong doings, let people come and go. And always have a window opened for the ones who didn't hurt you or atleast made honorable amends.
This post deserves far more likes
A true mark of emotional maturity is when someone hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.
Yes!!
Agreed.
However, it is also mature to defend oneself without necessarily trying to attack the other person.
Understanding the other person's situation is still part of this. But always taking the blame in an understanding way might or might not indicate some sort of fear and in conclusion a bit of emotional immaturity.
Seems like i am deeply immature lol
Another option would be to stop being a pussy-whipped husband.
Agreed but what if the other person hurts you without a rational reason?
No one mentions how emotionally draining it is being emotionally mature around emotionally immature people.
yup.
So be immature back
@@meitsme8864 that's immature😭
that's true. It brings u back to immature state if u are not prepare enough
MsJazzy604 if it’s draining, you aren’t emotionally mature yet.
I think that, as teens, we stand in the middle, the limbo. This is all due to our constant development. We can act emotionally mature at times, yet, on the other hand, that maturity seems to slip from our hands sometimes. Teens change as they begin to mature, just as everyone else, but our change is far more prominent since it is our transition from kid to adult. In the end, depending on how we live, react, and interact, it all consequently leads to the person we turn out to be. This is a great video that goes in-depth into the big contrast between being emotionally immature and mature, and that is truly amazing.
I 100% agree
Because of autism, I deal with anger issues. I’ve been in social training several times and it has never really paid off. In that sense, you could say I am a bit emotionally immature - and will always be so. I’ve learned to cool down and communicate, though, and I think that speaks more of emotional maturity than immediately staying calm does. Not everyone has the ability to stay calm, afterall, and it isn’t as easily taught as most allistic people think.
I’m autistic as well, and I really struggle with not going cold on people. I have trained myself to go cold when there are conflicts because my parents have told me that crying and anger were not socially acceptable. I’m trying not to be cold anymore though because I’ve ruined many friendships because of it.
No one is ever fully mature, mature is a gradient of ever increasing colors, due to peoples humanity and biology everyone is subject to unpleasant emotions, the fact that you have realised there is something you define as an issue and are working towards it is a sign of maturity, some people are more or less mature than others but being perfectly mature is something unobtainable, it would do you well to just continuously aiming for better and not worrying about reaching a perfect maturity
I can't see that anyone has mentioned how beautiful the animations were!
The video just ended but I was really only reading the comments lol 😅
They were creepyyy :(
the animations were ugly.
@@MrSonyChaos come on, a little abstract. Don't you like Pablo Picasso?
@@ridleymcnamara2273 Well I don't like Picasso, "abstract" is ugly, I wouldn't even call it art.
Seriously, they NEED to teach us this in school because these are things that we will use every single day of our lives, versus teaching us the countless things that we don't even remember.
People are realizing it just now so probably in a future
Thankfully they are! We watch videos like these on a weekly basis at my _private_ High schools. Though I can't say for sure about the Public ones.
Yup
Anyone forced to memorize the quadratic equation, whilst not being taught how to be emotionally sound is someone who has had their childhood wasted by law. I know I fall into this category (I mention, by law, because it's illegal not to go to school.)
yeah, i really didnt need to know how monkeys have sex...this would have been much more useful
That analogy of rage and feeling powerful is so accurate. Those in power almost never show anger. Anger itself is part of the fight side of the fight or flight response, which comes from fear. Anger might help you feel powerful, but power doesn't mean rage.
UA-cam recommendation algorithm recommended this at the best possible moment, and leu and behold, you have spoken the words I could have never possibly thought before to explain how I was feeling. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.❤
Me: I think I'm pretty matu-
The Entire Internet: *You literally have the emotional maturity of an unborn Fetus*
Creepy Pheonix13 bro same
Shout-out to all the literal fetuses operating at appropriate fetus levels: How the Hell are you Watching This?
Harvey O'hannigan is this supposed to be funny
@@richp9831 You forgot to add the question mark in your statement on someone else's comment. You can do what you like, but to save you from getting told off about your punctuation, I thought I'd inform you. Now you will only get comments on how you are being rude to Harvey, and not about your lack of the question mark. 🙃
Creepy Pheonix13 did you really just try to lecture me about grammar in the comment section 😭
The scary thing is when "emotional immaturity" is your community or society trait and you seem weird when you act otherwise.
Ikr
All communities ACT emotionally immature, people want to be treated right but treat others poorly (myself included)
People are just afraid of being judged
What’s wrong with being weird?
You mean different ?
When you are now an "adult" yet you still act like a child, it is not cute anymore.
That's the most difficult problem to handle.
Everyone thinks you've gone crazy or something... happened to me.
Damn I’ve been thinking about how I have an issue with vulnerability and this totally confirmed it while also fleshing out the idea of going “cold” better than I have myself.
Thank you, I appreciate you helping me understand myself more.
Watched this video several months ago. It came again today in the feed. Felt much better and confident to know I've moved in the right direction in the last one year.
I wanna share this with my dad but he'd probably just get pissed..
i felt this
I'm sorry to hear that. I understand the feeling. Maybe just explaining what you've learnt to him might be a gentler approach and better received.
Well naturally, because you're basically implying that he's emotionally immature.
Watch the video again, it takes two people to create a conflict. If you're dad can't explain his emotions then you should make the effort to put yourself in his shoes and understand them through analysis. Think about all the responsibilities he has on a day to day basis. Think about his insecurities, his desires, frustrations etc. Let him know that he's is important to you, and you don't want life's small problems to affect your relationship. Do this and I guarantee you're situation will improve.
Tell him "ok boomer" from a safe distance.
@@geek7227 Tell it how it is my man
It’s funny because when you try to stay calm and tell someone why they’ve wronged you they’ll just tell you “it’s not that deep” and minimise the situation.
I say that to myself lol
Angel Wings be more empathetic then I guess
What's the context though? There are many self-entitled people who form imagined slights from little things
Gaslighting
Those people are probably narcs and when confronted, unaware of their attitude towards others.
Ive always been logical and grew up in quite an unfair childhood. I learnt how to become emotionally mature early on to make sense of everything, but struggled to make myself vulnerable until my mid 20s. Its crazy how this alone shapes your perspective on life so strongly
Many people are emotionally mature very early on, in fact it's often a very common trait in little kids but everyone treats them so poorly and in such frustrating ways they break and appear immature but often times nobody older wouldn't do the same if treated the same way.
I grew up with a dad who was very emotionally immature and controlling. Felt like I developed my emotional maturity just to deal with him and his arrogant, domineering behavior and his frequently pessimistic outlooks. Unfortunately knowing how to deal with someone isn't enough sometimes, as they are ultimately the ones that respond to you. Feel like learning how to control yourself is as much for yourself as them, since ultimately when you fail to get through to them you realize its not your fault, you did everything you could, and that brings peace of mind.
Mid 30s here, I grew up where vulnerability was weakness and trust was simply asking to be taken advantage of. I still don't know the answers. The sad thing is that my life has only really reinforced these negative presumptions.
I'm 42 years of age & still learning this. This video is brilliant!! And will be on regular repeated plays for me till I finally learn. Thank you for posting x
To everyone saying the video called them emotionally immature.
The fact you are able to admit this means you are probably more mature than you think
Ngl we can be blind as fuck about ourselves.
But can they realize that an apply it to a situation when they need to?
thank you 🙏🏽
Doubtful
Eh kinda
I used to hide my emotions, and when I started being open about them my friendships started ending, slowly one by one when people realized how they were making me feel, they strayed away from me, never talked to me again whatever it was we changed paths. I've come to learn that those friendships weren't forged on a love for eachother, but a love for ourselves, and self interests, when all you think about is how another person can make you feel and not what you can do for them, it stops feeling like true friendship
I wish i could do that, but im so terrified of being alone
@@sophilia8565 you won't be alone forever. Better to be alone tempoarily than with toxic friends...you got this
@@jacobaustin-sides2875 *Better to be alone FOREVER than to be with toxic friends.
I lost all my friends because I went through hard times. It just made it harder. It was a hard learned lesson to find what true friends I had. Its nice to see that someone else experienced this.
This video brings me relief it wasnt me. It wasn't me. I was solid as I could be. Contrite when I offended and patient when offended. I helped make her arguments as strong as I could. I did the right thing.
This animation is absolutely amazing. Made the dialogue way easier to understand, props to the animator/s!
Ok, now I have to find a video called “how to mature emotionally”
Your mom’s Arnold lmaooo send me the link when ya find it
LyDiA tHe LiTtiEsT ok, I’ll keep looking, no mf’s wanna help me 😔✌🏻
ua-cam.com/video/zvrCG5ePcME/v-deo.html
is this what yall are looking for?
Zara Hafeez hell yea. The plug, ty btw 😂
That’s sum you just have to do with experience in life... I used to think I was more mature than I was and think I matured as much as I could... but looking back now not even a year later I realize how silly and inaccurate that was. It really can only come with experience and sadly but most importantly pain.
When the narrator said: "the mature like themselves enough not to suspect that everyone would have a good reason to mock and slander them" I felt that.
♥️
Khulekani Magubane I felt that too, realizing I profoundly disliked myself when I tend to conclude everyone always dislikes me with just the slight inconvenience
I felt that too but am far from that 😌
@@kimtonsing1067 Growth is a perpetual process. None of us have arrived.
So i'm truly immature
This is a great video.
A coworker of mine was rude to me friday, and its rattled me over the weekend.
This has told me to stay calm, communicate clearly, and dont be afraid to be vulnerable next time.
as ive learnt sometimes being open will leave you venerable theyl sometimes mistake your maturity for being dramatic etc etc best thing to do then is to realise they arent worth your time and to spend as little time as possible talking to them. be kind but never let people take your kindness for granted.
This video was so informative. I just got into my first real relationship. I thought I was more emotionally mature but now I realize I still have a lot to learn. Being honest when I'm sad is scary but necessary. Thank you for enlightening me!
A true sign of maturity is when someone doesn't like a thing you like, and you realise it isn't a personal attack, it's just an opinion, that really doesn't matter in the long run!
That's why when I don't like something I state it in the go rather than "pretend" to like it
Middle school arguments were fucking infuriating.
but... but.... the funny man on reddit told me to bully people like that to death.
I just personally dont like when people state that what they are saying is the right way. why cant we all just state what we want in a kind way? ''I personally dont enjoy this'' maybe?
This is such a mininal point to it tho, its like learning to be a person lol I can't belive so many people agree that this point is really big
This is the most perfect grammar I've ever seen in a comment section.
yes because everyone’s trying to sound smart
@@702d02 or they are actually smart and just knows how to use perfect grammar.
Iev bein grammar grannmaster sinss I were born... I had've all As in schools and colleges😇
@@mj2649 *know
lol
I think an important part that hasn't been mentioned is knowing when to say something. Sometimes if you love someone, it's not worth pushing an issue if you think the other person isnt capable of hearing what you have to say. On the other hand you have to know your limits and be able to understand what you as a person are capable of hearing.
Sometimes I tell myself “you’re ok” and it really does help.
The fourth sign of true emotional maturity is to know when to cut ties and let go.
Firstname Lastname True indeed. I had to do that last night.
Yeah.. and that’s hard to do
Same
@@aquaconsetllations1699 Especially when it's your own damn fault.
Yeah I just do that at #3 😊
Three methods indicating emotionally immature behaviour: 1. We might sulk 2. We might get furious 3. We might go cold. Three keys to emotional maturity: 1. The capacity to explain 2. The capacity to stay calm 3. The capacity to be vulnerable
I think I’m emotionally mature because my dad who is 51 is not emotionally mature. He breaks out screaming yelling at the slightest thing that he feels is attacking him. It’s very annoying and it breaks me down. I can explain something to him and why I don’t like it calmly but he still screams. He is a narcissistic if you can’t tell we aren’t that close
Thank you for this summary! I have trouble remembering certain things because of all the information overload (I suppose), so this was EXTREMELY helpful!
@@jillian.x Yes it can be overwhelming! I’m happy I could help. You’re welcome!
Thanks, now I can go to bed sooner lol
@@woozersbozo5416 same, so I just pretent everything is fine and perfect. He feels the distance and always tries to force me to spend time with him and "talk about myself", but he finds a way to emasculated me, disagree and tell me I'm wrong, and find something else to do
I think this is one of the fastest I've ever been brought to tears.. This video has confirmed my fears (although I already knew) that I am, for the most part, pretty immature emotionally. I am definitely more self-conscious about it now and deal with the thoughts of sulking or trying to be comfortable with vulnerability everyday. I hope I get to the point when I am truly emotionally mature before I tire the people around me too much.
at least half of us weren't brought up in the land of emotional literacy .. loved it
WONDERFUL COMMENT. TRUE!!!
“I am mature!” -me before watching
“My emotional maturity hasn’t changed from when I didn’t know how to walk.” - me after watching
we all have flaws, that's what makes us human. if we're assholes sometimes, so be it. just make sure that it isnt all the time.
@Elijah ASMR u dont need to mock someone when what they're saying has a positive intent
To be fair, our parents/family play a role. If you never saw emotional maturity on display, you never learned it.
Elijah ASMR they probably did but offered emotional support regardless, because clearly it seems implied that OP has some flaws they want to work on and would likely have appreciated said support.
“I am so mature!” - me up to point 3
“My emotional maturity hasn’t changed from when I didn’t know how to walk.” - me when he said _"we might go cold"_
I just dislike the people who believe they’re mentally mature because they don’t relate to others. It’s such an easy excuse to blame everyone else while ignoring their own flaws
Slurp that’s a sign of immaturity, sometimes you just gotta let people do their own thing
Projection
a.s.ferrarini think what u want, can’t deny that it’s a common thing
Exactly. Being in a state of perpetual, ignorant bliss does not equate to that person being mentally mature
@@slurplie he is saying that the people wo believ they are mature because they are diferente might be projection
As a pre-teen, I'm trying to be mature but no matter what in some way if something triggers me I become very vague, furious and immature.
I'm trying to fix that. Instead of bottling up my emotions, I express them in some form - even if I can't open up to my family and friends
I do make sure I'm not locking up my emotions. I try to express them somewhere, even if it's on the internet or my diary. I used to be very
self-conscious about being vulnerable and always tried to block my emotions but now I try to let it just be. I hope I can become more mature
and responsible as that would be a great change in my social life and would bring a great impact on my self love and acceptance.
they disappoint you? explain to them what they did to make you upset and ask them not to do it again, if they do it again, cut them off and move on. this is literally the best answer
"Our fury may look powerful, but no one who felt powerful would have any need for such titanic rage." Wow...
So true. Underneath most rage is terror
I had a hard time with this one. Even the mightiest fall. It’s cyclical. It’s nature. However, it’s how you address the rage after the fact that counts. It’s also what you do during your rage. You can be absolutely furious and as still as a rock as you squelch your rage. So I had a hard time with this one.
Also it’s not the absence of emotion that makes you powerful; it’s how you handle them. We are human and that’s not gonna change even as your perspective does. You can just make the choice easier to act on the emotion. It’s the acting on the emotion without thinking it through that jams most people up.
@@wren_. I understand what you mean. It’s like if I don’t, who will? As you hold yourself to a higher standard than most around you; it becomes the expectation that you’ll handle it. That’s what makes it exploitative as you said. I can tell you what helps me feel a little better about this experience - and I do mean a little better as I can really understand what you mean and it’s definitely maddening. But I just think about the fact that I’m strong enough to handle it. Sure some people may be parasitically latching onto your energy and living off it. Try to think what you’d rather be - who you are or yet another parasite zapping others for their energy cuz they haven’t quite started to work out their problems for themselves. So they can be said to be waiting to be saved. I’d rather be who I am no matter what. Also, realize this, if you keep working on it, it will eventually come to pass and you’ll be so much stronger and solid for it. You will become a master of your destiny as you have conquered certain battles in your life and you will become indomitable. It’ll be much harder for you to be swayed by others as you can recall the many times you defied the odds and created a better life and a better version of yourself.
That is kind of helpful for me. I have to deal with auditory triggers, so it takes a bit of reprogramming with me to learn how useless anger 8s 8n these situations. My limit system just seems to act like I'm being physically attacked so it views rage as a useful emotion. Feeding the anger will only make the worse, so I have to learn to witness and accept my distress without being active in it.
I was like "oh yay I think i'm in the clear" until he said "we might go cold" -_-
Same... Luckily for me I recognized it long before watching this, and have been trying to fix it...however trying to get back those emotions is easier said than done.
@@coldinnovember6866 Proud of you for working on it ^.^ I really gotta work on it too
@@frozenhispanic3912 Thank you! :)
Just know it's a long process, sometimes it really hurts, and it sucks. My best advice is just to try and stay motivated, try not to let yourself be discouraged. Best of luck to you, keep fighting to improve!
@@coldinnovember6866 it doesn't take emotions to communicate. You can still talk to someone even if you're upset or emotionless. If you respect them then you'd at least say that you are having difficulty processing things just now and ask if you can have some time to think and speak about it later. My ex used to just switch off and walk away if she was upset. It felt increasingly disrespectful and I had to break up with her in the end.
Exactly my reaction
The learning a new language analogy was really good. It is honestly so hard to properly comprehend somebody else that may not have had a decent upbringing, simply just not having anything in their brain that helps them make good logical decisions in these circumstances. But some people literally just have not learned it. They themselves wouldn't be able to comprehend the other side.
I was suddenly abandoned by the only person I ever loved a year ago. I was vulnerable with him and he said he doesn't care. Suffering every day since then, but it's not in my character to give up.
This video is gold. If only we were taught these topics in school... relationships would be a lot healthier than they actually are nowadays.
... except we never needed schooling in them. Nowadays we're a lot less close to our family and generally to people around us, which is why we don't develop very well. Having them taught formally in school doesn't make any sense
@@iLinked I don't understand your reasoning. While I completely agree that your individualistic society argument (what is the cause of this in your view?) I don't understand why teaching/practicing emotional/social skills in school couldn't be a solution/cure for this. Yes parents should also teach these skills at home but where do the parents learn them?
@@maartenvz social skills are developed subconsciously. Having it taught formally will just make things seem fake
@@iLinked Ok, buy that reasoning we shouldn't learn the fundamentals of language or mathematics. Which, one could argue, are fake or 'constructs'. Learning how emotionally mature people deal with emotionally taxing situations can provide a template for future events and you reaction to them, right? My parents were not well equipped for the challenges of parenthood. Part of their problem was an inability to teach me how to respond when terrible things happened to me. Since life does not stop happening, until it does. It is inexorable that more challenges will occur. If we're unable to respond to those challenges positively, then we'll respond negatively or not at all. Having a school curriculum that provides mindful solutions to external pressures seems like a possible solution. At least to me.
We can all do our parts of being an emotionally healthy person. I agree, nevertheless!
I am immature in all 3 cases. I get angry, I can't explain why then I become cold. I hate to do that, but never knew it was because I'm immature. Guess its another thing I need to fix. Thank you, UA-cam algorithm.
dont worry you are not alone.
And that's okay, this journey of working on your emotional immaturity starts with the realisation that you are
I think the fact that your realizing this and wanting to change this shows that you already are mature in some ways at least. everyone of us has to work on ourselves, after all no one is perfect we can only try to become the people we can.
There’s your first step towards maturity ^^
good luck out there!
This is what I needed to make that final breakthrough I've been searching for. I believe I've succeeded in most other aspects of emotional maturity, but I understand that my inability to create a healthy relationship has been holding me back. After watching this, I can see that all of my friendships/relationships have been compromised from the very beginning, as I approach them thinking about what I will gain from them.
Sometimes is *VERY* difficult to communicate given the circumstances, and it is not about you or the relationship, just the circumstances. What "universe" does with you, what gives to you.
"The best revenge is not to be like that"
- Marcus Aurelius
GWinsight ooo I like this one
”She said tomorrow I will cook underwater yesterday he would've mowed my lawn but he didn't.”
- Dr. Suess❤️
Have good relationships with other people is a good revenge. Could do what they wanted but couldn't.
Thank u. we needed to see that.
That's very good
Emotionally Immature:
1. Being Sulky
2. Being Furious
3. Being Cold and Indifferent
Emotionally Mature:
1. Having the Capacity to Explain
2. Having the Capacity to Stay Calm
3. Having the Capacity to be Vulnerable
I’m mostly mature then. I’ve got the capacity to explain and to stay calm. The part where I’m immature is when I go cold and indifferent. I go cold and indifferent then when they talk to me first(showing they’re ready to talk with me) I explain why they made me upset.
Good points
@@larneclown6295 It's relatable
the video said much more
Ashutosh Ghosh yh
I love that it doesn't just tell us what's wrong with us, but the second half of the video is explaining how to get better
It all comes down to self-confidence. If you’re confident you are aware of things around you then are aware of how you are feeling. If you are confident you will communicate in a direct manner and you will be vulnerable in that situation. Most people have no awareness of their crappy behavior
Emotional maturity is when you can actually listen instead of waiting to tell your part of the story.
Weirdly, this usually happens when I talk with my older brother instead of with others
You can see people glaze over whilst you’re talking. I purposefully keep things short and sweet and people still don’t listen. They’re just waiting for my gums to stop flapping so they can say all the stuff they want to say. Which often has fuck all to do with what I last said by the way.
To me this doesn't seem stemmed from emotional maturity but a trained mind in productive communication
OCCURS when. Not “IS” when.
ADHD begs to differ
Sometimes im just scared of being upset and dissapointed in someone because I feel like Im overreacting, I dont really have a grasp of what emotions are valid and which ones are impulses that are just toxic and I find myslef troubled and in conflict over this on numerous occasions.
You just described my brain.
What the heck?
All emotions are valid both the good and the bad, life is not only about the good emotions like happiness and fulfilment but it is about all the emotions u as a person can feel... And the secret is to accept all of them instead of saying this is bad and i should not feel this ( no emotions are bad and i found this out recently it helped me alot)
@@abdullahiali26 There are emotions that aren't valid (Or at least should not be), there's this thing called coherency and set us appart from sociopaths.
Let's say person kills someone and feels joy because of it, Is that emotion valid?
Let's say someone betrays you and gets angry because you find out, Is that emotion valid?
Let's say you confess your feelings to someone and you feel entitled of said person to feel the same way for you even without knowing what the person really thinks, Is that emotion valid?
There are things you can do help you manage your emotions, but it is impossible to completely control them. Additionally, stifling your emotions is just as unhealthy as blindly following them all the time.
Still, rather than the emotions themselves, what you attribute to those emotions are more important to whether they are toxic or not.
www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-you-and-me/201210/you-be-the-judge-are-you-making-bad-attributions%3famp
I’ve definitely learned to be ok with my vulnerability & communication through stressful experiences in life.
If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t waste time ( years) & energy , being afraid to communicate my expectations, asserting my boundaries or showing my vulnerabilities.
I would’ve advocated for myself long long long ago. Be your number 1 advocate & allow others to be their advocate. Hopefully, there will be a middle ground for all.
Love hugs & all the good stuff. 🌸💖🌸
the blessing and curse of emotional maturity of how much stress or level of control will last around unstabel people or the pressure of othere people relying on you
"When someone on whom we depend emotionally on..."
Let me stop you right there. I'm gonna need a different test.
You can replace it by yourself too probably. If you betray your personal expectations, how do you deal with that fact? Its obviously not really the same test and it doesn't give the same answers, but it can be related if you think about it.
In the end, even the emotionally mature are just as deeply flawed as everyone else, and nobody can be mature forever.
doesn't have to be someone you depend emotionally on.. personally my emotions go all over the place (adhd is fun) but it could also be having an appointment at 9:30 and the bus just not showing up till 9:35 now i live in the netherlands and here it's extra frustrating when it doesn't show up because our schedules are pretty on point when it comes to public transport so when it doesn't show it's even more annoying because chances are you'll be way too late because if it had come you you would have had arrived at the perfect 5 minutes before your appointment but no it decided to not show.. the way someone reacts to this can also be a good indicator.. now personally i will get angry and cuss loudly at what is frustrating me basically blowing off the steam so i can calm down a bit.
cracked me up, thanks
hahahaha same
😝😝you're onto something mate!
I had a friend come over a while back, who A) was on their phone a bunch when I was trying to show them something and B) left pretty soon there after to go see other people. I know for a fact that person is better than that, so I calmly explained to them why that sucked for me, and how I'd appreciate it if they were a bit more present when we hang out. They were super receptive and understanding.
On the flip side, I had a friend who was consistently being an asshole. I know for a fact that person is NOT much better than that. So when I told them how they had upset me, they doubled down on being an asshole and we aren't friends anymore.
Moral of the story. If you are afraid of how people will react, consider that their reaction is an indicator of whether or not you should continue to be their friend at all, and even if everything goes South , you will be better of after for having been honest.
agreed. even though in a ton of cases i might start yelling and get angry i will explain what is bothering me
Honestly, that first story shows that **you** are pretty emotionally mature. It shows that you were able to explain why something makes you feel like they don’t care about you in this situation. You were also able to admit your vulnerability because you admitted that them not showing interest affected you and how you felt with them. You also were able stay calm and not get furious at them for being on their phone and leaving very soon. I don’t know how you are most of the time, but good on you for being emotionally mature. 👍
How about being you and not expecting other people to change their behavior to your liking?
Maybe the people that were distant were uninterested in you because you were actually uninteresting? Or the other was "bullying you" because you actually can't take a joke and is now all pissed about it?
I'm not attacking. I think what you did is great, but it gives people the means to "blame others" and not look into oneself.
If people dont pay atention to me, tell them I Want atention, instead of improving yourself to be actually cool and interesting.
If people bully me (wich is very subjective, like nowadays anything is bullying and offensive), just get demand them to stop. If the bullying is unreasonable, by all means show your back and walk away. But if the "bullying" is just constructive critisism, then you should listen to it and change, not try to silence the person.
But I do like your way of being, I just think "immature" people can use it as a victim behavior tool.
@@leonardogottgtroy938 they didn't say they expected anything, they were just open about their feelings. There's no such thing as being uninteresting - it just depends on the person and whether or not you gel with them. Compatibility is different for every person.
@@leonardogottgtroy938 I dunno about the bullying part. When I was bullied, I would have insulting remarks thrown at me, insult my appearance, and throw uncapped pointy pens at me.
My bullies would frame me and steal my stuff, claim it was theirs and tell the teachers that I was "stealing" her stuff. Everyday was simply a series of verbal abuse.
If I were to look into myself... the only problem was that I didn't have enough friends in my circle and that essentially tells my bullies that I'm an open target of attack.
My anti-social and shy personality probably created me as a target. Whatever it was, I was just a target.
I demanded them to stop bullying me. Ended up making the bullying worse. I tried to ignore them (Turn my back and walk away)- the bullying has gotten more intense to get a response out of me. I reported them everyday- the teachers told me off that I'm bothering them with my bullying reports.
I dunno what else I was supposed to do in that scenario. I dislike your black and white point of view in terms of bullying when bullying is a whole lot more complex than just doing this and that to make it stop.
my girlfriend broke up with me around a month ago, though i'd like to call it mutual. our birthdays were within a five day range of each other, and seeing as i had just gone on a week long trip followed by her surprise visit to disney world, i did not see it fit to break up with her during that time, as to not spoil either of our trips or our birthdays. however, i had been considering breaking up with her for a good few weeks prior to her ending it, a day before my birthday and three days after hers, when she was on her trip to disney. here is our conversation. H is my girlfriend, W is me.
h- Hey sorry I know this is bad timing and this isn’t just because of Tuesday night but I have been thinking for a while that we should break up. I don’t think I’m mentally healthy in this relationship I’m sorry. I’m transferring out of drawing anyway so nothing will be awkward. I need to take a break from being your friend to. This is my birthday weekend so I ask that you please respect that, if you want to talk we can talk on Monday.
w- okay, sounds good. i’m sorry you’ve been feeling that way, i have been feeling that way too. hope you’re doing alright and still are having fun at disney. it is also my birthday weekend, lol, so maybe we call the break up mutual? i think i’ve been unconsciously distancing myself the past few weeks, and i apologize for not being more direct. i think i was afraid to hurt you, or maybe just about feeling guilty doing it, but i do believe we would be better suited for other people. i’m in relationships for the fun of them, and i tend not to take things too seriously, which can be very harmful to someone who may want to take things a little more seriously. i hope you find your right person. if you don’t mind, can i ask why you’d also like to take a break as friends? i respect that but i also believe i have a right to know
h- Because you hurt me. You lied to me then when you said you wanted to take things serious. You lead me on. And you dig yourself these holes then feel bad for yourself. I’m disappointed in you and I’m disappointed in myself for believing someone like you could be a good boyfriend
You are also just a horrible role model
I don’t want to be friends with a vape addict and someone with insane mood swings, you like bring people down and I don’t want to be apart of that. Especially if you could fake something like this and lead me on for so long after all the concern I have showed for you.
w- i’m sorry, when did i say i wanted to take things serious? and yes, i acknowledge that i do that, but i don’t believe that’s a problem exclusive to my mental state. i think it’s a common symptom of depression, and i’ve not been thinking with a clear head for the past few months. i’m trying to love myself more and be okay with sympathizing for myself, and in that way, i think that’s a step up from feeling i deserve the spirals i put myself through.
i’m sorry for putting you through the things i have, but i should not be a role model for you any more than you are a role model for me. if you are uncomfortable with my life choices, you can say that outright and choose not to follow them. likewise, for things like weed, i am barely more experienced than you are, and i believe it was both of our mistakes to trust i could be responsible for our good experience. i am seventeen years old, dude. i’m trying to make my way through one of the hardest parts of my life and i think it’s unfair to believe i’d be entirely healthy or stable for a relationship.
i never said i didn’t feel for you, and i’m sorry for delivering that wrong. i love you as a person, but in a way where i don’t *need* you. i enjoyed having fun with you just as we would have as friends. taking relationships more seriously than that is not a good idea for me, or for anyone our age. the point of dating in high school is to have fun, and breaking up is an inevitable part of that.
i apologize for my “insane mood swings,” i know they can be tough to deal with and i would respect anyone who would break up with me because of that. but the ways in which you’ve expressed that to me are very hurtful. like i said, i’ve been grieving over my grandma for the past few months, and dealing with some hard-ass depression that won’t let up. and i’ve explained that to you, man. i can and have used coping skills, but it is impossible to be in a limpid mindset when you’re going through grief. i feel sad that you seemingly don’t have more respect for that, or more understanding that i do not have the same brain as you. it is so much more difficult for me to gather the motivation to do things that may be easier for you. you have a very “go-getter” mindset, and despite my best efforts, i’m just not built that same way.
i care about you, H. and i will continue to care, and i am happy you get to go to college and will keep living your life. but i feel that this was not an equal relationship, and a good amount of that was my fault. i will continue to have trouble opening myself up and being vulnerable. i believe that to an extent, you also had fault, in the idea that you continuously tried to break down that wall. i didn’t realize it at the time, but i think it put a lot of pressure on me to be someone i’m not.
hope you have fun at disney.
h- Well if I’m being honest I hate you for that. I asked you directly at the beginning of the relationship feel free to scroll up if we were taking this serious and you said yes. Also after explaining all the sexual trauma I have been through I didn’t think you would be heartless to touch me when I clearly thought we were on the same page. I don’t feel bad or have empathy for your mental state because you clearly do nothing for yourself and multiple people i have talked to agree. I’m not going to be nice about this and if I’m being honest I hope this really reaches you.
Don't talk to me anymore.
I'm so furious right now I could strangle you.
w- i think our ideas of seriousness were two different concepts, and i’m sorry for not communicating that beforehand. we should have set boundaries. i did love you, and i hope you’re doing okay. i won’t talk anymore
*end*
this is a prime example of emotional immaturity, and i think a perfect example of what i think this video comes to summarize. i am not perfect, nor do i feel i handled it perfectly, but the sheer amount to which H lashed out really proved to me i shouldn't have stayed in that relationship any longer.
Bro I hope you're feeling ok, I've been in a similar situation with a similar person and I understand. Hope you're certainly
better off now without this person.
i hated how accurate this was in my situation i just bawled my eyes out
"What is better - To be born good, or to overcome evil nature through great effort?"
b o t h
Winning a genetic lottery is not worthy of praise. But changing ones personality with effort is
Paarthurnax is emotionally mature, and I'm proud of him.
No one is born good or evil
U can't overcome evil
This animation is actually georgeous
lochlann fermin king i Know everything thé video talks about is amazing , but i was waiting on somebody to actually acknowledge that the animation is great
It is beautifully combined with the context of the video. Just the right art-style and the right context.
As in full of George?
It's like Pink Floyd-The wall [in a way]
francisco chavez MY COUSIN @songelain.e DID THE ANIMATION im so proud of her :):)
Encountering ourselves with these emotional traits we don't understand may be hurtful and get us to a shadowy place, rn I can get that trying to get the causes and thinking about it in a more mature way can finally lead us to get some emotional maturity we haven't been aware of, is not easy to deal with our egos, it's even less easy when you feel hurt, thanks for this videos, we are very complex beings and this kind of content helps a lot!
I enjoy listening to these narrations. There is a deep feeling of reassurance I feel from hearing Dr Alain discuss the many facets of the human psyche. This video put a smile on my face. There's a great compassion, in this video, for our "ugly sides," as people being with each other. I find that it offers a wonderful space inside for us to do something we most likely might overlook at that time - observe another person we are close to, as of ourselves; especially in moments of great discomfort, pain or sadness. That, in understanding our own tendencies towards acting immaturely, we have better chances of connecting with those other than ourselves to understand what we might have been mulling over by constructing our thoughts in the most humane and possibly forgiving manner, both to ourselves and to the person.
Almost always I smile with teary eyes watching The School of Life. I am very grateful to have gotten to know Dr Alain and this whole channel. It has impacted my life in little but important ways. To the team, and everyone putting all these together, you are wonderful human beings. Thank you
To whoever wrote this you're a very talented writer.
youtube is such a nice place to find talent, and enjoy it.
... except when you just watch something just to let the time pass
Agreed
Thanks I appreciate it
So True!
Loved it!!!!
don’t sleep on the animator
This video is good, and has a good indication of emotional maturity, but don’t forget that this is with the assumption that this person has let you down once or only a few times.
If someone continues to let you down, even after you’ve opened yourself up and explained to them that they’ve hurt you, then you (for the sake of your own emotions as well as perhaps theirs) should let them go.
It’s great to be emotionally mature, but make sure that what your experience IS emotional maturity and not a toxic relationship. X
Exactly, I thought they'd address that in the video, it's super relevant
Very true. While watching this, I was wondering how a narcissist would take this. Then again, they lack self-awareness, so they'd probably think this doesn't apply to them.
I don't give narcissists a second chance or my empathy. They find ways to take advantage of your empathy and vulnerability
Well said
This is valuable advice to me from 3 months ago when I just couldn't exit a very emotionally abusive relationship.
Great video! Super helpful! I wanted to add a disclaimer that this video gives some awesome general pointers for those of us who are in safe situations or safe relationships. In physically or emotionally harmful situations, this might not always be the case. Ever been in a situation where you are calm, you try to explain what was going on for you, and admit that this is a hard thing for you to do, and the other person responds with yelling, name-calling, ignoring you, or somehow, you end up leaving that conversation feeling worse than when you started and you're not sure why? Many of us have. This can be a strong sign that (1) this person is not ready to have this conversation, they need more time (which is very normal for all of us who are growing and learning - we'll get there!), OR (2) this person is not a safe person that you can have this conversations with. If you can't tell which they might be, turn to someone that you can trust who does stay calm, explain, and can be vulnerable; perhaps this person is a spiritual leader, an Elder, a caregiver or family member, a counsellor, a friend, etc. This trusted person can help us figure out who is safe and who is not, especially when we really like the person who might be unsafe. Hope this was helpful! Wishing us all loved and protected hearts out there!
This video taught me, that yes although I do display some or all of the emotional maturity of an older soul, but still need to learn how to be a better person and to control my emotions better.
Thank you humbly..
❤❤
am I the only one who was really impressed with how good the animation was? like wow that art style is amazing
Me too, it's so beautiful!
Yes
Idk if you are jokin or for real
I was thinking the exact same thing holy fuck
I wasn’t a very emotional but a logical person. I’m slowly learning everyday.
There's a bit of nuance left unsaid here that's worth exploring, and it's part of the difficulty of actually gauging emotional maturity.
The part I struggle with most is the vulnerability, exclusively because too many fail the other two marks readily for me to allow me to actually explore vulnerability as much as I'd like, to actually understand all the nuance about that topic.
Emotions are overrated. Lets just go straight to sleep.
Wouldn't that be great
Gn
I agree ..
Yes,sleep forever
Haa! *preach*
When I look at my previous relationship from years ago I thought I was emotionally immature, because in a critical moment when the other person let me down, I just started crying and asking them for help, trying to talk it out. Now I see that was actually a sign of emotional maturity and he was the immature one, because he was sulking, refusing to talk, getting angry and went cold.
I had a breakup recently and i always did the same thing as u said. And she just stopped talking, got angry and went cold and lied to me that she wanted time and she will get back to me. Instead when i begged her to talk everything out she told she wanted to end everything.
@@harshbhawnani8304 Yeah, been there. In my case that wasn't the end, but the relationship didn't last long after that occurrence and I was the one who proposed it, because I saw I can't rely on this person and even though it was still very hard for me to get over him, now I shudder at the thought of how horrible my life would have been if I had stayed.
Same. I recently got out of a relationship with a narcissist & I thought I was an emotional train wreck. I would cry & want to talk things out & explain how he hurt me & what I wished he did differently. He would get enraged, scream & yell, & then give me the cold shoulder/silent treatment for as long as he saw fit. Looking back on it I see he was an emotional train-wreck. Ironically he always told me to "stop being so dramatic".
@@SugaryPhoenixxx i thought about that whether she was also a narcissist. But she sometimes realized she made mistakes and said sorry. But yeah she often told me to stop being so dramatic too.
Many guys do that Peppy, they just start finding excuses to get of the relationship. You are better off this way I'd say, better than living in a false relationship.
This was a eye opener form me. I am a teen and people think im wierd for asking outhers why did they do that bad thing, and the way i speak and the topics are also "wierd". Now i understand that i have emotionally somewhat matured and that some others dont think like me. Ive always tought like a philosoph. Ive asked "why" about everything i do, i feel an what i say.
I may sound like a narcissistic or egoist, but i dont have a large english vocabulary and dont know how to be more articulate about this matter in text.
I feel you bro. I just commented pretty much about the same thing just now please check it out😂 or i can copy it right here if you want
"Not feeling anything replaces the fear of being fully alive"
But what if... and hear me out on this, you fear both.
@@Speed001 the fear of not feeling anything, the fear of feeling, and the fear of being alive. I've felt it all. I guess depression does that to you...
Damn you really be exposing me as well
Only thing to fear is fear itself.
@@boink8653 wait what? I have felt all of those. Did I go into depression and not realize it?
Everyone talking about being emotionally mature and I'm over here realising how emotionally immature I am.
It's actually a good thing that you realise, you know that it could be a bad thing and you might have to work on it. That's a mature attitude.
Same, I go cold and get angry more than what I would like
Knowing us the first step in change!
I'm bad at communicating. I wasn't social growing up as a kid, so I never learned it.
You and me both honey... you and me both...
The animation is absolutely outstanding. It’s oh so so well thought of and represents wonderfully everything said throughout the video, I love it so much, thank you!
My ex made me realize that I was infact the problem and that no matter what we are who we are. I used to love the idea of growing old with someone but now I know that I'll be alone ♾️ and now I'm finally ok with that. I'm done disappointing everyone including myself.
I thought I was emotionally maturing, but it turns out I was just changing how emotionally immature I was.
So a ur evolving ur emotion immaturity like a pokemon?
I feel you bro. At least we are here, trying to learn more about ourselves and improve. Now you know you can do better.
Same lmao, I ve been through all 3 phases. From 1 to now 3 xD
Interesting!
😂😂😂
What sucks is having no choice but to pretend like nothing bothers you, because everyone you love calls you weak when you tell them that something bothers you.
Shit man, wanna talk about it?
I feel the same way, but no one has ever called me weak, and i know no one will, yet i still pretend. Im coming to realize that its not about the people around me forcing me to be this way. Its me. More than anyone else, i scold myself for being emotionally vulnerable. I do have actual anxiety, so i constantly just fabricate these elaborate stories in my head to scare myself out of doing something. I should really take my medication more often. Whats most odd to me is that i enjoy living this way. Of course not the anxiety aspect of it, but the result of my anxiety. Being alone. I like it. I get mad at people for trying to help me. Seriously. I can go an entire day at school without talking to anyone, and its funny to me because im the happiest ive ever been. Back when i had so many friends, i was extremely depressed and i refused to admit it or get help despite the fact that everyone around me knew it. Its almost like i still am depressed though, despite that everyone who i love would say otherwise. I have so many personalities its hard to even keep up with myself. At home im happy, silly, funny, but at school im quiet, calm, focused, and reserved, yet deep down all i can find is sadness, and stress. Ive gotten so good at bottling my emotions, its like i dont even process actual sadness anymore. One of my parents moved out last week and all i could muster was "ok". Not a tear, nothing. I dont let it get to me, i dont let it phase me. You would think i was focusing on whats important to me rather than letting things get in my way, but nothing is important to me anymore. Im determined on living an emotionless, dull life of utter uninterest of everything around me, but thats not who i really am, but it might be who i really am, but its not, but it might be, do you see where im going with this? I dont know who i am anymore because im drowning in all of the fake personas and emotional shields that i put on to defend myself. I wont let anyone help me out of the position im in, i have to help myself out, despite the fact that i know im not able to, and all eventually end up directionless and confused, with no goals or aspirations in life and thats where i'll just end it myself because at the end of the day, life was meaningless anyway, and if i dont plan on helping future generations, then i am ultimately going to be worthless in the grand scheme of things no matter what i do. Alright, im pretty sure i scared everyone off by now, but if youre still reading, no need to respond or anything. Again, i dont want help. Im helping myself by typing these things.
@@perperperpen One person could change everything for another person and that person could change everything for another person. It's a ripple effect. Everything you do and don't do matter. Everything you say and don't say matter. Every single person in this world are worth so much not many know it. Every single person on this world holds some sort of influence. You may think you're not important in the grand scheme of things but you're wrong about that. Every person matters and every choice has an impact, whether it be good or bad. You're right, I can't help you. You have to help yourself. I'm just saying you're important no matter what you think.
@@perperperpen Just wow. You maybe didn't want it but your comment just gave me a MASSIVE inspiration for the protagonist of a story I'm writing. Thank you.
@@perperperpen I used to be in a similar boat, what helped me was being honest with everyone around me. Dropped the personas and masks and just began to act in an honest manner. It doesn't matter what they think about me, in the end, if they don't want to be around me for who I am, why should I want to be around them? There's always a group of people who can accept me even with my shortcomings.
Emotional maturity involves being vulnerable and exposing oneself. This is important, even necessary when interacting with people we love. However, some people are sociopaths. Practicing "emotional maturity" around people who want to hurt you is a great way to invite a lot of pain and suffering in your life
Both of my parents are emotionally immature. I've always known it, but this explanation is extremely validating. I was always called too sensitive for caring, while also being shown a lack of care. From a very young age, I had to console my brother, and parents when they were upset. It made me emotionally volatile, because of the weight that was constantly on my shoulders.
Unfortunately, recently I found myself regressing to a former, more emotionally immature version of myself, during a particularly disappointing moment with a family member.
Luckily my partner is extremely emotionally mature and taught me how to react better in emotionally triggering situations. He is my rock, and I am forever grateful for his presence in my life.
im the type who goes cold, i give everyone at least 3 strikes in hurting me and i balance all the good stuff and the bad stuff before i cut ties with anyone
the thing is.. over years i came to understand that explaining myself wont stop the people from hurting me in the exact same way as before, so i just made peace with the thought that people wont change their behaviour because of me and instead of exaining myself to others im trying to find people who understand me as a person from the start and not just trying to adapt to me... if that makes sense in any way
the 3 strikes lol I’m the exact same hahah
I don't think this is actually going cold. The way I understood it was that going cold meant you would lie to yourself about how much someone meant to you and therefore how much they hurt you. It seems like you are cutting people out of your life who aren't worth the hurt you are receiving, you are not denying the emotional hold they have/had on you, but are deciding instead not to dwell on it.
I think it's perfectly mature to do this, as long as you are letting them know what hurts you as you go along. Keeping a silent tab on these things helps no one. You said this has happened multiple times, but remember that not everyone is going to react the same and that everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves to you. Then again, feel free to ignore this advice, you know your life more than anyone ever will and it's up to you to make the best decisions for yourself, and it seems like you are doing that already by finding the people who understand you instead of those who want to change you. I wish you luck!
@@liquidforest i thought i was going "cold" bc i dont explain myself the last time i cut them out of my life (im now not sure if i understood the video well enough haha), i just stop replying to texts and stop greeting them and they always get the hint.. mostly i dont explain myself bc i dont want to bother anymore, if they arent going to be my problem from now on than i dont want to bother and potencially start a fight with someone "over nothing", and since they mostly do the same thing they could assume what they did that hurt me
but its also really immature bc i also do it to hurt them in a way, i cant really explain it really well but they cant really be sure why i cut them so i guess it can be hurtful to them if i stop speaking with them just like that
btw just to be clear to this day i only cut down 3 people and at the times they were really close friends to me (im just adding this bc i wrote the comments like i almost cut everyone exept my parents hahahaha)
idk, i just wished people would be more considerate and listen to others more instead of forcing their standpoints on others (i never do that if what they are doing isnt toxic to them bc i know it can be hurtful)
also thank you for your comment, its always good hearing an opinion form a 3rd party (even if i didnt give much info in my 1st comment) so thank you on that :)
Sameeee
Exactly what I started doing in ręce t years. Made my life a lot happier
Wow I didn’t know showing indifference when someone hurts me is not a mature response. I usually do this to ease the pain of embarrassment. I’m going to try to be more vulnerable 😭
Dont be vulnerable just say what you felt to the person who hurt you and whatever happens happens
Isn't that what being vulnerable is, though? For me, not saying how I felt is a cause of me being afraid of being dismissed as "over sensitive" etc. But whenever I've been strong enough to actually open up and ignore those feelings of being dismissed, I've met the complete opposite (which is ususally the case I guess, when the other person really cares for you).
Vulnerable in the sense to honest aboot yourself with others. You get insulted as though you are nothing and you cry, to cry in considered vulnerable because it is an honest expression. I have been laughed at when shedding tears, it is a bummer to have someone around making noise aboot how your whole being "sucks". In such an instance it is best to have the understanding that the fellow mocking you has very poor judgement, you could say of incredibly little worth, which stinks if the person is say your parent, to see your parent of little worth is sad. You can be "vulnerable" under stressful circumstances and still have strength.
However as beastmaster says "don't be vulnerable" is good advice too, though a move towards isolation. It may be a sign of a great need for change of one's environment to get away from those you won't be vulnerable around but there are people who can hurt you quite drastically and it is good judgement not to share certain things with said person/s. However this can be a really sticky situation because if you are not wise to the tricks people play you will likely be manipulated, if you lack the wisdom in honesty you will very likely become lost like the rest of the hurt people going around hurting people. Exercise great caution in "not being vulnerable", it is at your own risk.
A man who has strength in honesty is not easily shaken and will contend with those who corrupt. Truth is a beam of light illuminating the darkness, don't underestimate its power.
Michelle Michelle being vulnerable means not caring to be accepted. It is living in your truth and trusting yourself enough to be resilient to get over the mockery/scorn/hurt someone has tried to project on you. You have to look at it like “they have the problem... not me” . Because anyone who takes advantage of someone else’s empathy is really the one who’s hurting; that person truly needs sympathy (because they lack empathy).
bianca lee williams I’ve never thought of vulnerability in that way. To me because of the influence of social media I’ve always thought someone who is vulnerable as weak or over sensitive but what you said makes so much more sense and I just need to learn to live in my truth even if it means I will get attacked or seen as weak. I’m going to screenshot what you said and read it over to remind myself of what you said
It's true that communication is one of the keys. If a loved ones' action hurt or dissappointed you, it's best to immediately tell the person that it is something you won't tolerate. I used to be a very quiet "swallow it all" introverted person so I really needed to change my shy personality to be more emotionally healthy and I've realized that people around me won't automatically realized that they've hurt someone unless told so
But I honeslty don't agree in being vulnerable because I believe that people will always take advantage of the trust you give them
One point to make to provide a caveat here is that being emotionally mature and explaining why you're upset to an emotionally immature narcissist isn't going to work. The narc will respond with rage and drama, so its actually better to stay away, as opposed to explain your emotions to an emotionally immature narc. I know this from experience with my father.
Narcissists have about the worst introspection of anyone. They are literally incapable of acknowledging their shortcomings. Everything that goes wrong is because of something or someone else. Your advice is right. Just stay as far away from them as possible. Their lives revolve entirely around them, there is no room for anyone else.
Yeah as someone dealing with a couple Cluster-B/Cluster -B lite people my answer to the question was very different haha. Probably messes with my ability to be mature with normal people. I guess part of maturity is recognizing the situation you are in.
My mother was emotionally mature and abusive. When I communicated how her behaviour made me feel, she just went plain abusive. I had to step back and communicate the rest of what I wanted to say by email. She didn't reply for a year and I did not want to contact her back because this is one of her ways of control.
So I wrote her to tell her I did not want her in my life, because of her behaviour and that she needed professional help.
Few days later she tried to call me but the boat was past for good. It is difficult to trust someone who betrayed you so many times.
As for today, I heard she still the same, so I have no regrets. I cannot say that I miss her but I definitely miss a mom, since I was a child actually. I pardoned her because she certainly acts like this because her childhood was ruined too. Nonetheless it does not mean I want to accept her behaviour.
Sometimes maturity means to have the courage disengage from toxic behaviours and pardon the toxic person for yourself because they clearly do not better. For me that was the ultimate sign of maturity.
sometimes you just gotta worry about yourself
If your mother was actually emotionally mature she wouldn't feel the need to treat you the way she did/does.
@Steve MillerThat sucks, but I guess it's a good thing that you're at least aware you are emotionally immature. You could use your knowledge to work towards working on beginning more emotionally mature.
@Steve Miller Good for you :). A lot of people don't realise there own flaws, or in your case, immaturity and never improve as people at all. Good luck on your journey of self-improvement.
She’ll contact you again when she may have matured
My parents failed me, only expressed themselves in anger with verbal, emotional, mental, and physical abuse. I had to learn. And I have. It's not hopeless.
My parents actually never let me fall and take a hit, only talk and trying to be there with intellectual conversations that frankly didn't help me as I was simply smarter than them, especially my mother, and didn't realize what I actually needed help with was just remembering to make dentist appointments and how to do tax returns so I get the money I deserve.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to change places with people who had abusive parents, but even when your parents have the best intentions it's not always right for you.
It pains me that so many people commenting here are Indians.
Indian parents have really failed their kids
It's bold of you to asume that I let anyone close enough to be able to disappoint me
My father teach me that maturity comes when you know how to differentiate between good thing and bad thing to do towards people and yourself. He also said to me that its not as easy as its sound right now so he told me just keep this reminder in your head.
As we all experience, there are a lot of decisions we had encountered in life and some of them is HARD. At the end, I get to say to my father that he was absolutely right.
I'm here to learn and raise myself because my parents didn't ✌️😩✌️
Same ✌✌✌
Me too my dudes ✊😔
Oh dahlings! Welcome to the club! Nobody's parents are ever good enough! Even if they are there is always room for improvement, if one desires a more adjusted life.values change from generation to next.
@@PamelaNam Idk if you're trying to call me entitled but my dad's a raging alcoholic who beat my mom and my mom was a meth head who neglected my little brother so yeah not everyone's parents are good enough
@@alaina7930 I'm sorry you went through that. No child should be raised in those conditions. I too am here looking for ways to raise myself for my parents were just emotionally absent. I hope you find all the answers you need to emotionally heal. 💙💙