Paranoid (=Narcissist) Suspects YOU (=Persecutory Object)
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- Опубліковано 12 січ 2021
- Personality disorders are narratives that disguise and defend against discontinuities in identity and memory -- Impostor syndrome (false self covers for true self)---grandiosity, hypervigilance, referential ideation -- suspiciousness -- persecutory delusions and paranoid ideation -- persecutory object.
Persecutory object is an internal object that represents the intimate partner or others.
If others, the intimate partner can collude in the delusion or oppose it. If she opposes it, she becomes the persecutory object.
If the intimate partner is the persecutory object, she can collude (accept her role and act accordingly to conform to expectations) or oppose it by redirecting the suspicions at others, including family members.
Mortification, when rendered external leads to paranoia and when internal leads to depression.
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I also saw his vulnerability... and that’s what kept me coming back, I felt so bad for him. But despite my love, I couldn’t help him. And it’s so sad.
Identify w you
The narcissist is creating his own problems
And they get mad at you when you refuse to make them your problems as well. One yelled at me "I get the feeling that you're tired of this shit" and that was my fault of course. 😂
They all do. And then they get mad if you point it out.
When you quote the lady I felt every word, that was exactly my oppinion AT The end of The relationship. Sometimes my only regret is this, how wonderful we have been if he let a side his grotesque part, what a wonderful man he would have been. That's so sad.. But in the end you just feel tired of fighting with his demons.
One of his best videos yet. Extricate. No contact. It’s been 3 months and I don’t miss any of the drama and the fact that he kept seeing things while home alone out of the corner of his eye. Describing in detail his horrible nightmares. All the while cheating, lying and finding any woman that would pay attention to him. Always saying there’s something after me, it’s something dark.
Yes. Yourself!
Yes!! Mine always heard things that weren’t there…unreal. Swore people were following him and watching him…
I awoke one night with the narcissist standing over me, screaming, "What did you do to me? What was in it?" He had severe indigestion from the pound of Brussels sprouts he ate for dinner. His little belly hurt; so he inferred I had poisoned him! What an idiot!
B johnson maybe he is poisoning you? Lots of them will use anything to keep you bound and tied.
Anything ppl.
Poisoning can look like many different illnesses.
Or such as a heart attack or natural death.
You start getting sick and the partner is not.
It's time to be your own inspector detective.
Please be careful.
Educate on all poisoning.
Ultra home defence was spayed on my bed in reading room and my car you name it he sprayed it.
He was going to stop at nothing to keep me his house dog.
Would also watch out if he think you did it, he has such thoughts in his mind. Run and go to the doctor!
This man needs help not judgement
I love your brain. You are fascinating to listen to. I’d love to explore inside your head, suspect I’d get annihilated in there but the journey would be worth it. I spent months watching videos on narcissism before I stumbled on to one of yours and realised many so called ‘experts’ know nothing really about what they are talking about. Definitely a case of deranking!
Some people told me that they had spent 4-6 years watching narcissism videos nonstop, day in and day out, before they had ever come across a single video of mine. UA-cam is a nasty bit of work. I hope the next Congress reins them in and breaks them apart. They - as well as Facebook-Instagram and Twitter - are nothing short of evil reified.
@@samvaknin you just got another sub on that Comment.
My sincere thanks to Professor Sam Vaknin for describing so clearly and precisely the overlap and similarity with paranoid personality disorder and narcissism. No matter how hard i tried a once happy little family was completely and utterly destroyed by this mental disorder.
Agreed also I'm realizing how paranoid I have become by associating w the like.
Yes my ex would claim that people would "kick him in the back". He did also keep telling me to let him know ahead of time when I was going to kick him out of my life then went ahead and initiated the breakup by accusing me of cheating and I was just tired of it all at that point and been steering clear for a whole month now and watching these videos to remind myself who he was.
Professor Vaknin, this is the singularly most helpful video (to me, personally, re: my predicament) that I have ever seen. The self-help industrial complex has not been helpful or kind to me. I was the intimate partner of a narcissist with a law degree, so you can imagine the kind of terror he inflicted on me via the legal system after I left him. He may very well have completely destroyed my life were he not so grandiose and delusional. I ultimately prevailed, while he ended up very much according to your description: jobless, friendless, reputation destroyed--completely as a result of his own actions. I feel very lonely in my feelings of profound grief. I am told that this is just the residue of trauma bonding. They can't understand that I got over that part of it years ago, and it is the terrible existential truth of the situation that haunts me, that there is no redemption possible for some people, only suffering.
Sam- you’re a lifeline. A miracle discovery for me. I bought your book and have told everyone I know about you. I am just post discard after 11 months of the most euphoric yet confusing year of my life.
My introduction to you was my search for “Puer Aeternus narcissist.” Ever since I fall asleep to your videos every night.
Continually confronting their own death. My Peter Pan, a brilliant prodigy that never quite made it was fascinated with death; The “nostalgic longing for death” as Marie-Louise Von Franz put it. It all is making so much sense now. And now the real work of understanding myself, the self I learned to avoid from my own sadistic narcissistic mother.
Re de-ranking: I watched other UA-cam channels focusing on narcissism for probably 9-12 months before your channel was finally recommended to me. When I say I watched other channels, I mean I literally spent hours a day listening to this kind of content. De-ranking is very real. As an aside, I ended up unsubscribing to all of those other channels over the past few months. You are the only one I watch now bc you give us incredible insight into the narcissists in our lives. I am leaving my narcissistic husband and I partially credit your content with giving me the courage to finally leave. Thank you. Would you please do a video on how to de-program yourself after you leave a narcissist?
Same!! Sam is spot on!
Professor Vaknin, over the last 2-3 months, I have watched your videos nearly daily. Each one helps me understand the devastating end to my five-year marriage. It was always abusive, but I thought if I could only please him, I would see the person I now understand was a mirage. A tool for the real person to groom me. Still, the degree of violence and suddenness with which he ended things were so shocking and confusing initially. I now understand that he is likely a covert narcissist with schizoid tendencies that executed a betrayal fantasy. I was the persecutory object for a long time, but now the end feels like a never-ending crescendo. Your final words in this video say it all - extricate yourself, go no contact. Unfortunately, there's a small child between us which he weaponizes to keep contact. I'm doing my best. Definitely doggy-paddling at the moment and hoping the court system prevails. Thank you for your work.
I wish I'd found these videos sooner. All those things I thought I could change were ingrained in him so deeply that he'll live them forever. You can't really prove you're not cheating. Especially when the accuser imagines fake evidence everywhere. Misbehaving, betrayal, bad girl, w, punishment and revenge were words he used very frequently. I now see that going no contact, as hard as it was, was the best solution. Thanks for all your videos.
What you say about religion is true!!! I agree with so many things you say, I feel like I finally ran into something on the internet that actually makes sense, and helps fix my ill brain through understanding everything and uniting my experiences through an explanation that makes sense.
Thank you so much for your knowledge and insight.
Unbelievable insight. fits right into the story. you make everything clear, you give ideas for solutions. I couldn't have done anything without the information you put out. others cannot compare. אוהבת אותך.
I always am honest with my narc bf it makes him more upset. If a guy friend messages me I always tell him and that makes him rage out. He tells “the right thing to do is block and delete and then you won’t have nothing to come tell me”. I was raped and in his eyes it is cheating. He treats me like a enemy.
the letter u just replied to made my hair all over me stand up it was so acurate to my own experience i did try every thing due to my recovery from a break down some 20 years previos relationship , ware a couple of people did not give up on me , i could not give up on this person however faced with my own demise i had to question her yes it was the death of the relationship , im rebuilding my self now and thanks to your knowledge and insight i have no desire to expose her plight i thank you for that , i now simply want to understand my weekness
Definetly! I've been watching videos about narcissisism for almost two years now, and I had to discover you through Quora, by someone's commentary about how accurate you were. UA-cam never ever recommended.
Same here!
So so sad. No matter how many of your videos I watch I struggle to understand the experience you describe of a narcissist. But as someone who was orphaned as a baby and lived a very scary childhood I weep for that small child within every narcissist. It’s really too bad that healing seems out of reach for this disorder, as you say, narcissists are their disorder 💔 I have loved many people who I believe had narcissistic traits. I wish for more for everyone
Bruh, wtf is your problem? I don’t give a fuck what you think I should do or what you do. Leave me alone.
OMG! I am only about 3 & a half minutes into the video and I already know that you are talking specifically about my boyfriend. It's crazy how right on it is. I'll comment again at the end because I definitely can't miss this one. Hopefully I can learn something to aid my life in a more positive direction.
Wow... exactly..
That brought the tears
Professor? Americans need advanced education with your research. What you’re explaining is my experience for 20 years. Thank You for explaining. I’m sad. Am morning actually. He is dead now. He gave up. It’s really torturous for the observer held captive, witnessing the absence of anything or anyone. Bizarre. Sad indeed.
Sam..I have felt his pain, I feel.as though I have died many times... but I was reacting.like a.normal woman.would,.taking it as a personal.betrayl rather.than understanding the disorder...he started to say, Im.a.good man, Im.a.good man....is there any.hope for him,.if he.could.be loved, and could remove the.expectation of how a normal relationship opertates... and just be a friend, companion, someone he can.share and trust with...or is too dangerous...I see the.vulnerable side, and I think he is worth helping...I have a pure love and.concern for him...its heartbreaking.....
Don't help him by giving him supply.
Omg that’s what happened! I told him no one was watching him…he then began telling people I was stalking him and hacking his phone. I’m shook to my core.
Same happened to me!
@@dominican2424 it’s so weird!! Glad I’m away from that and he’s someone else’s problem!
I was confused for many years.
@@dominican2424 I’m so sorry!!! It’s just evil!
Love The Trial
Also see: He Knew He Was Right
by Anthony Trollope
There was a good miniseries in 2004.
Thanks for the video Sam!
I feel much better now.
Effing brilliant
The narcissist in my life is constantly playing detective to read into things some kind of way that I am cheating. I sent him a text updating him on my weightloss progress and then he says that I must think he’s a fool to think that the text was meant for him. He claims that the way the text is written it couldn’t have been for him. Excuse me sir🤔 effing delusional.
I lived this. It's wild.
((suspiciousness , hypervigilance, persecutory delusions and paranoid ideation) and 4.49--5.46 ) and it's a fix, remediation, if I fill so
I was transparent to the point it was maybe too much. I was transparent intensely. I let him know my inner workings and feelings and dynamics on absolutely everything and told him he could look through my phone whenever he wanted. It was almost as if the very act of me being that transparent catalyzed split in that reconstructed a false narrative superimposed on my transparency as it means of concealment. It drove me mad.
What's the diference between paranoid for PTD and Narcisist's paranoia
I always oppose his conspiracy theories so now I completely understand why I'm always getting accused of being in on everything that he thinks that everybody does to him. Wow! I also tell him all the time that this is a lose-lose situation for me.
Hi Sam.
Another great video. Your works have been very revealing. I have even purchased and read your book. I highly recommend it to anyone with a family member who may suffer such disorders.
I would like to respectfully make a suggestion. I was hoping you would give a talk on the female covert narcissist. Most of your videos revolve around the overt male.
I have watched all of your videos and there are questions that I am certain we all have. What is the difference between a histrionic and covert Narcisist? Is it just the empathy part? Can someone be both at the same time. Or is it an "either / or" phenomena. What are the sexual differences between the somatic narc and the histrionic? Do they both have similar shared fantasies or are they sharply different? I have a friend who appears to be in the closet to many of the people she is dating that she is gay / bisexual. But it is so obvious and her female lovers are easy to identify. But still she refuses to admit to her partner that she has even kissed a woman. Does homosexuality and gender identity issues effect this category of cluster B disorders? Also when you first introduced the concept of split personalities disorder in the 1990's who did you treat the histrionic differently.... or is there a difference?
Any wisdom you could share on this topic would be greatly appreciate by myself and the thousands of viewers of your video channel.
Thanks again for you time.
Derek
@Pippi Bernstein
Hi Pippi.
Thanks for the reply. I found it useful. However I think you misunderstood my question to Dr. Vaknin.
What I was asking is what is the difference between a covert narcissist and a histrionic? There traits seem to cross each other almost identically except that the histrionic has empathy. But wouldn't this be a big deal? Can anyone explain this further? What are the differences between the narc and the histrionic?
Derek
My ex now we dated for 9 months and lived together for 6 months what a roller-coaster ride he was popular successful and alcoholic he drove me crazy i was exhausted he wouldn't leave i had to call the police i believe he has a personality disorder
Narcissist
There were moments where he was awake and normal it was like i was watching a movie i understand now from your video
They have no shame
I saw the little child and vulnerability and
The anger that came out towards the end
I never gave in to her grandiosity. I always pointed out the inconsistencies and exaggerations, but also praised her positive traits when I did and offered a safe space by telling her how much I knew about NPD. She couldn't take the narcissistic injury/mortification. Left again. Blocked, didn't say where she went or if sh's coming back. She comes back when she needs something. She can find supply anywhere due to her looks, but she's so insane, they don't last even past a first text in most cases. Crazier than anyone I've ever met in multiple diagnosable things, but comes down to NPD mostly. Severe paranoia after she knew I didn't buy her grandiosity. Ridiculous exaggerations after that too. Tried so hard to prove her fantasy, but all I could do was tell her I like her not "regular life" better than her (what she reffered to as "regular life" (her false self.) In fact, I let her know constantly, so ya, the entire relationship was almost constant argument. We could barely stop to have sex, otherwise it was mostly arguing or silence. In the end(?) she at one point admitted she was using me for safe sex and could only nod like a 6 year old when I asked if she'd come back or unblock me at some point (she blocks all but her supply, and in my case was with me full time, so blocked me anyway.)
When we become persecutory object, Is there any way to enable the narcissist to see that we are not guilty of all accusations in His mind? It's so frustrating to be focus of all his suspects.... it's so exhausting.,💔
It's an emotional place they are coming from, not a logical one. I was accused of cheating on him with people I had never met, people who were dead, cheating while I was stuck at home with an injury.... you name it.
Your actions aren't what is causing the accusations, it's his inner conviction that he is impossible to love making him believe that if you are in love it MUST be with someone else.
Can an alcoholic act 100% without Narcissistic traits when in sobriety and not drinking vs when they drink?
Yes.
How do you spell that term on the Japanese way of thinking please?
Mono no aware.
@@samvaknin thank you!!!!
物の哀れ もののあわれ
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mono_no_aware
ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/もののあはれ
My ex said I created paranoia in him I'm like sounds like a personal prob he seen it as me ridiculing him
If u haven’t already.. make a tik tok account!!! F utube
ugetube.com/watch/social-media-sinister-rebel-orphaned-adolescents_VHKLtcOizzUIF2o.html
Wow, everyone of these videos points to Trump.
You've got that backwards Trump is a business man and very good at it, he about love and giving. And it's the other side that are evil manipulative monsters trying to get all the power to control all of us......
Right?! That’s what I think!
@@Jaysonbc1234 Do I have to wait? I'm very excited about it.
Im not the best of fan of him but he clamped down on child trafficking groups
whereas creepy joe abuses lil kids.
This is coming from a non-American. The way I see it politics are just two sides of the same coin. They also just lie differently. They are patsys almost. Talking figure heads. Figure of speech. They’re not even real
@Pippi Bernstein you sound like a true narcissist in denial 🤣🤪🥴😵 LMFAO a hit dog will holler