Borderline Fear & The Power Play of Paranoia & Paranoid Personality Disorder
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- Опубліковано 20 січ 2020
- Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
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In this video I discuss paranoia and the paranoid personality disorder (PPD) components of fear of being harmed, hurt, betrayed, disrespected, or abandoned and how they impact BPD. Paranoia has been found to be a prevalent aspect of BPD. PPD can co-occur in those with BPD. This video will examine this paranoia and PPD aspects, as it relates to BPD and how to manage it!
In this video, we're going to talk about paranoia, paranoid personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder. We'll discuss what these disorders are, as well as their symptoms, and how to deal with them.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
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Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
i analyze every facial expression, tone, and word usage people use to confirm or disconfirm my paranoias
My BDP ex-boyfriend would randomly look at me and say ' don't be mean. stop being mean'... when literally nothing was happening and there was no particular expression on my face. He would say he believes I have 'motives' for being with him, although he could never tell me what these were (there weren't any - I just liked him). Sometimes he would say out of nowhere 'you are looking at me with hate in your eyes'.
Now that I've seen these videos it makes a bit more sense what was actually happening, even if he himself didn't realise it.
@@silvershadow7655 I don't think you realize, that you may have energy that is perceived as threatening to the person with BPD. It's not like they're a narcissist who is projecting something on to you, they're literally detecting your tensions and hostility that you also may not be aware of... 🙃🧘♀️ Have you ever read the book, the Buddha and the Borderline? If you are too aggressive with someone with BPD or dissociation they will begin to perceive you as an enemy. It's like being an emotional burn victim and now ANY slight threat is instantly perceived as absolutely threatening. Hence the hatred in YOUR eyes because it's not always projection. Watch the video Dr. Fox did on the subject of how to interact with someone with dissociation or BPD and you may understand more about this condition rather than attempting villainization towards people affected by this condition.
@@silvershadow7655 yes! I'm seeing a woman for almost a year and we also work together so sometimes I rush in 'cause I'm being late or I'm sleepy and so on, and if I don't exaggerate my facial expressions (put on a happy face) when I see them first thing in the morning they say I looked mad AT THEM. and overall, everything what you express or don't with your mimics it's about them, even when it mostly isn't, and they always seems to see only the "negative". I understand about noticing everything since I am myself like that but I don't have bpd, and I just notice mood swings around me, body language and so on, but when people with bpd say that they" notice everything" I don't think most of 'em are aware it's a false kind of " notice" 'cause they right away see it as it targeted on 'em. so far all I've read on Internet, pwbpd love to mention this "superpower" of theirs but none of them admit that this isn't really a good thing nor a reality. They read into it a bit too much and end up once again getting hurt by just a thought.
And motives.. man, everything has to have an extra layer when in reality you love a person, you don't need shit and they get scared of it 'cause it better know someone's evil motive than don't know anything and keep your mind on spinning, I get it, but it's also exhausting for people around.
I know it's an old video and comments here too, but I just happy I found Dr Fox, the most compation guy to help with this topic since Internet can be real dark when it comes down to bpd, there's so much people who give people a bad rep 'cause they been hurt by this behavior, and I not once yet got hurt and thought hmmm they must be after me, it's personal. It isn't. I can't image what kind of pain and exhaustion pwbpd go through. I simply hope someone with disorder read this comment they take away that this isn't a finger pointing at 'em as a group but rather the fact that we are aware and you're not evil or not unlovable as you might think you are. Take care of yourselves first and the next will follow. The brain is never your enemy but sometimes it makes mistakes, therapy there to help you take control. You're gonna be okay.
I feel my paranoia stems from bullying I faced early in life from classmates, teachers, and my parents. It was a daily occurrence to hear that I’m fat, ugly, hateful, bratty, pitiful, stupid, and annoying. Hearing a combination of those things during crucial times of my development really shaped me into this weak and insecure person I am today. So with my husband for example, if I see even the slightest sign that he may not find me pretty (like not complimenting me when I try on an outfit) or if I suspect he might think I’m being annoying (like yawning when I’m telling him something I’m excited about) I immediately get a wave of anxious and paranoid thoughts that he must hate me, want a divorce, regrets marrying me, things I’ve gotten ugly over the years, etc. once those thoughts set in which doesn’t take long, it’s hard to not let myself spiral. And that paranoia of thinking I was tricked and that he actually hates me sends me into a rage quickly. Getting short with him, or saying that I don’t want to talk anymore, or making him leave the room to sleep on the couch. And in the moment I don’t realize that there is something going on in my brain, the chemicals and thought patterns, but once I’m able to calm down (usually by getting distracted by something and forgetting what just happened) I get intense guilt and it starts the paranoia of being a horrible person and unworthy.. I hate this constant cycle. I just want to be normal.
Meditate one hour daily for a year
I have this plus autism. It makes it extremely hard to move on the past as I was isolated and trying to heal.
Hey Maddy. This is literally exactly how my girlfriend just reacted. We broke up. It was a situationship thing anyway. but I am her friend and I want the best for her. How do I tell her she is paranoid without her getting even worse. She just thinks Im gas lighter her. Thank you so much, your comment helped me a lot.
You are brave to be married with bpd, and your husband must really love you.
The symptoms you ve described are the same as mine, though I feel it with everybody, from the cashier of a supermarket to any person in the street( it can change my mood and makes me so depressed in a second).
I have no close one in my life, cause I am not able to deal with these emotions, it is too hurtful, and people just dont understand.
So loneliness, while it is sad and depressing, is probably the best thing I found to be safe, (anyway excepted some one night hook ups, no men want to go further with me anymore, they must sense how troubled I am, and no one wants to marry a drunken person that sleeps with strangers..)
But I ll be so happy if I had someone, I have to grieve this, it is probably one of the hardest thing I have to do in my life( with grieving my beloved dog), to accept that I ll have a lonely life, and to be not too sad about it.
I've BPD and I've always been better emotionally while alone and not in a relationship, but I want a family so I need to learn how to deal with my disorder while in a relationship. It's pretty hard!
honestly, yes. Even just thinking about being in a relationship is triggering at this point
Get a dog. They are loyal, loving friends.
@@ggwoman I know but I can't afford one
Read a TON of books on Dialectical Behavior Therapy . Watch a TON of YouYube videos on BPD patterns and DBT. Try to become HYPER AWARE OF YOUR OWN AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS AND PATTERNS. Stop to think and DON'T respond whenever you feel heightened intense emotions (anger, disrepected etc.). Walk away. Say you have to go to the bathroom. Then CHOOSE TO UNDER REACT and CHOOSE to DELAY your reaction and respond LATER after some time (hours, days later etc.) so you can think unemotionally and more clearly about the situation and when you are not overwhelmed with intense (often overwhelming and not rational) emotion. If you do all these things, you will improve and you will be happier. Also, good news: BPD symptoms diminish as one gets older. I wish you much happiness!
It works just like that for me, it hurts because I never had a real. The family I know is my dad and sister
Can you please talk about “noticing everything “ why do we notice people’s little expressos and it afect us so much
I would say that in a paranoid mind the hyper alertness keeps the fight or flight automatic response of the brain on so the person is hyper sensitive to notice and pay attention to all those details.
In order to protect ourselves from pain. In short.
@@Marfilla exactly!!
@@twistedalicemcgee I dont think so, checking all these details actually creates more pain...
Maybe your highly sensitive
My paranoia stems from things I assumed coming true. Not like I'm paranoid for no reason like a lot of people seem to think. Been abandoned and hurt so many times it's hard to believe the next person won't y'know?
Same
I feel like same way most people are self absorbed these days and like acting superior . But if we judge people on empathy who is considerate and understanding and is not snobby or arrogant. It's can be easy to tell who is nice and genuine.
Absolutely! Or if i see a red flag i get very paranoid. Mine doesn't come from nowhere either. My reaction is blown out, but there is always at least 25 percent truth to my paranoia. I honestly just need to get better at communication skills and emotionally regulation.
I've thought this the whole time, but now looking back im wondering if all of the times I thought I'd been hurt were just me being paranoid too. I'm having a crisis haha
Yes! Always.
It's hard not to be paranoid when you've been abused all of your life.
My family has been abusive.
My classmates have been abusive.
My coworkers have been abusive.
And the very rare times that I've bonded with people in a positive way, they end up moving away out of nowhere.
All of them? I think you probably just perceived it that way. Some were. Some weren't. And people just move away for no reason? Did you start accusing them?
To be fair, sometimes when you’re being ab*sed by someone with BPD who you are/were close to, and who is particularly mean, it feels like the only way to get out of the relationship is to move away. I had a friend with BPD, and the abuse from her was horrendous. She accused me of trying to steal her crushes, which she developed within days of meeting them, mind you. These were straight men, and I’m a gay man.
She accused me of talking to her dad about her behind her back. One guy she was particularly infatuated with, whenever I didn’t answer my messages fast enough, it was because I was at his place having s*x with him or talking to him about her or whatever. I had only seen him face to face once, where I said “hi”, and he said “hi” back. That was the extent of my interaction with him throughout my life. And contrary to some peoples’ beliefs, you cannot “covert” someone’s sexuality from one to another.
What the HELL? This is the EXACT same thing that is happening to me! Or the people I've bonded with positively are people I meet in passing and never get to keep them in my life!
AND whenever I'm paranoid about friends (basically every single one) being fake and plotting on me I'm actually completely right! One of my closest friends made a groupchat with the girls that don't like me to try and destroy my friendship with my best friend because he was her crush. (Sounds *incredibly* juvenile but this is one of the most obvious examples I have)
Is it still BPD if you're correct about the suspicions?
people from the internet getting a little too relatable..
I've only had parents be normal to me though, literally everybody else neglected, abused and betrayed me
Idk what would i do without my parents, you're strong as hell to be still standing after all that
This is so true.
The problem is sometimes small incidences can be perceived as clues and evidence for abandonment.
Plus a lot of people are not comfortable around people who are expressive, even in a positive way.
It’s like a red flag, that pushes people away.
It feels like it is not socially acceptable to display emotions.
As if we are supposed to act like walking robots.
I’d say, a lot of the fear and paranoia is actually in it’s place.
Emotions are not acceptable and avoided, as are emotional people.
OMG yes.. Highly emotional people are constantly pushed aside because of that. الشريف
Yep, I am very stable functional and well regulated-always have been. Yet anytime my emotions are strong and I go with them people freak out. Then when I quickly rebalance and move on, there's something wrong with that, too. These people seem to have the say in what is acceptable and normal and I wonder how much of all this is caused by our society and its social structures and make these "mistakes of logical critical thinking" seem ok, while making OK PEOPLE THE PROBLEM so the sick people can feel good AND far superior to healthy ones.. Ha ha I can make you see FOUR lights, you're not that great!
I worry about empowering these people because it's the right thing to do BUT the treachery they fear IS their OWN nature and NOW they must justify it
@@hollybee1372 I'm right with you Holly. This new age is pretty much full of low self esteem people that want to bring others down to their level instead. I only empower those that actually need it and aren't there to use you for a raise in esteem then try tear you down to feel better. They will envy your intellect, enthusiasm, kindness etc. As if they are incapable of waking the fuck up and doing it themselves. Truely Robotic like if you ask me.
لمى الشريف very well said!
So true... I faced an incident recently that made me feel should we act like robots or emotionless to survive among these people? It hurts...
This is why “all feelings are valid” is the worst thing to have happened to BPD - it’s great for neurotypicals and used critically can work for BPD but otherwise it neutralises the need to look for evidence. I feel it so it must be true.
All feelings are valid, but that doesn’t mean every feeling should be trusted. Feelings are simply valid because you feel them, not because they are rational. You can learn skills to validate your own feelings and experiences, yet still not let them control your behavior or thoughts. It’s not a conditional thing.
IMO Accepting the feeling is there and has a right to exist without judgement makes room for a clearer head for proper interpretation of what this feeling is signalling. A need that needs to be met.
I feel it so it must be true is not the way but I can't trust my feelings to me feels like a sort of selfgaslighting. Thinking out loud here, busy figuering all this stuff out myself.
@@evadebruijn, yes, all feelings have a right 2 be heard, when & where appropriate, but non-judgmentally, w/the least blame that u can muster through, eases u into accepting that u r allowed 2 feel everything & need less & less validation by others - until u need none anymore. Sooner or later, we can validate them ourselves - w/no witnesses!
@@chenoamacsweeney3220 Agreed, with the addition that besides not needing outside validation, also not anymore being impacted negatively by active outside invalidation is to me the final step to truly breaking free of this feeling of being at the mercy of your emotions and of how others react to your emotions. Empowerment 💪👍🤸🍀🤗
This is why examining for evidence, questioning any potential cognitive distortions (always/never, good/bad, either/or), biases (especially confirmation bias and negativity biases, is so essential.
To pause, question, regulate, is so, so important.
i’ve had difficulty holding jobs because of my paranoia...i feel like i have a target on my back and that everyone is talking about me etc....i end up acting so odd to overcompensate that i end up losing my job. it’s awful. i’m finally starting an IOP this week, so hopefully this will help.
Hi I used to feel like this, it does get better if you work at it. I was so far gone due to BPD abuse and a traumatic childhood. Once I got clean from drugs I started practicing spirituality and really working on myself and it has gotten so much better.
Yes girl. This has been an ongoing issue for me as well.
@@Deez80085 You see, no good deed goes unpunished. When you EXTEND kindness, it reminds them they feel inferior and shows YOU can see it. But are they, really? It's like a fake broken leg to lure you close then BLAM! I'm done with THIS guy....Anyone else wanna help the poor, sad, confused, helpless, lower class victim? What part of Mwahahaha do we not understand? I learned this from animal planet. Bugs, fish, etc..they all have a form of it. Maybe that's why when you're down and out, most people just want a piece of easy as** AS they run away. No one who matters will ever know..(except big G)
These people will NOT make it through the ascension coming soon to a galaxy near you, so maybe best to focus on being consistent throughout and not allowing yourself to give any more or less of anything out. The world is flat AND round, doesn't matter. I love Mr T AND he's a shameless buffoon, don't care don't need to take a side..
I think that someone without this condition should not assume that all people with it are the same. Also not assume how one thinks and tell them how they feel. Obviously there are some bitter people here that got hurt by people who were careless with them.
Let the thoughts float by like clouds. Acknowledge the negative thoughts but DON'T TAKE ANY ACTION on them. Do not change your behavior or treat anyone differently based on these negative clouds floating by, just let them float by. Wait and gather evidence. Do these suspects treat you fairly 70/80% of the time? 50% of the time? Good enough. Let it go. Worse case scenario: one person out of 30 is a jerk. The other 29 you can live with!
I just came back from therapy and this is so relevant. My therapist said she was at a loss of what to say to me because typically she would try to make a validating statement. Whenever she does that I become angry and I think it's because I don't believe she's being genuine or it's a hidden insult.
i know EXACTLY what you mean! Nothing makes me madder or more suspicious than when somebody tries to say kind or uplifting few words. I take it so wrong. Sheesh!!
@@jenntrump6723 perhaps you're not taking it wrong. I've always been that guy and nobody appreciates it. You could be soliciting what you do not want, but I've decided it's not my place to offer anything outside of neutrality. You may unconsciously want to create that scenario for your own means, so "good" people beware.
@@hollybee1372 I appreciate you saying you are one of those people. I am too. I think bottom line. I see thru to the end of a person. Or so I think. It makes me feel mean, but right! Now, I think it is a barrier, a power play, a defense. Maybe I am paranoid precisely because I judge or label others in that way. I am tired today, and discouraged.
One day
I Will wipe away every tear from You're eyes
She isn't being genuine. She's a bitch 😒
Definitely have fear of abadonment, not worth letting anyone close cause people leave or die without fail
Was abandoned by mom @13 went for a weekend visit with dad, and she left. She came down with cancer and I saw her again @ 17 she moved in with grand dad, I stayed to help her. On my 18th birthday I got up excited to spend a birthday with her and she left in the middle of the night.. On a porticath and all.. So just not sure if it's me or what happened to me.. But gonna try to get help. Hope you well
So truthful.
I felt a person was “ safe” to be genuine with and open up to.
This person has highly paranoid ideation.
I was hurt, perplexed and confused by the devaluing and shutting out.
I never gave this person any reason to become paranoid with me.
It’s an illness but also difficult not to take such behavior personally. I gave this woman TONS of emotional support and empathy.
I have learned to sit back, stay silent and keep small talk the only talk.
You learn something new daily.
Don’t divulge too much and don’t over support someone who hasn’t returned that support is the lesson I learned from this experience. Something else might work for you. This was my personal lesson
Kind of you to share. Thanks
This video could not have come at a better time! I've commented this many times but your channel is invaluable !
I was recently diagnosed and I agree
Thank you so much. I’m a borderline whose paranoia has gotten out of control. Reality testing is so important because often I find my worst expectations are entirely baseless and everyone is not, in fact, out to get me.
Test those beliefs. Stay grounded. Be well.
Yeah, my issue isn't paranoia, I have no doubt my mom (sociopath😥) is out to get me. She actually killed me, technically, when she gave me a "bad shot". Three days after my daughter and I came back from a Disney trip, knowing I've been clean for months ...She wants to raise my daughter and has and will do anything to derail my recovery bc I've turned it around, TOTALLY,actually after that event. Im raising my daughter single handedly, working a good full time job, have a home, car, she made As all last year etc without gov't assistance.She left me at 5, didn't return until I was 18. When I had my daughter she saw her as her second chance and from then on she's béen my "momster."
@@ashleyray2727 your reply has absolutely nothing to do with my comment.
@@ashleyray2727l
My girlfriend suffers with bpd and sounds like ppd. It can be very hard. We are working through it daily and have an amazing relationship, but when these paranoid thoughts come on it can be very hard to disarm her. She's an amazing woman who is very smart, loyal, caring, she just always fears others are hurting her. Takes lots of patience and empathy amd understanding that it's not real or personal
Is she getting better?
Wow. This is my first time learning some of the criteria for PPD. My significant other does all of them with me. It's EXHAUSTING. He has many of the BPD traits and covert narc also. I'm to the point I'm having a really hard time opening up to be vulnerable again because he doesn't follow through with what he says he's going to do to help himself. He relies on me to be his one person, best friend, lover, therapist, mother to him, step mother to his children, personal assistant, housekeeper, life coach, etc.. I'm afraid I can't do it anymore.
I have a huge problem with this trust/paranoia. Great video.
i try to act as if
1. what someone says has nothing to do with me personally
2. when i am out of that episode i will regret it deeply.
One downside to that is that i often feel like i am being a silent pushover, and letting pass over me
Halfway thru this video, recognizing my thoughts and how awful it is to feel people are thinking things or doing things against me, abandoning me, automatically dissing me, distrust creeping into even good relationships, and broke down sobbing. I will do the steps Dr. Fox says. He has helped me in so many ways in the last two years, but this paranoia issue has been hard to acknowledge - I think I am right. But at 63, I have started to understand this thought pattern is ridiculous. Do I really think I am the subject of so much negative attention? NO. As I age, and look at life more broadly, I see sparks of my illness and want to stop before they flame up and I burn more bridges. THANK YOU DOCTOR FOX.
Thank you so much for sharing. One of my longest standing friendships, nearly 30 years, is with someone who suffers from BPD and mild persecutory delusions.
she's probably still ta ways away from the kind of self awareness you demonstrated in this comment... But your example gives me a lot of hope for her.
Hope you're doing well / all the best to you. 🖤
@@bernicegoldham1509 thank you, Bernice. Coffee was a huge issue. Take your mate off coffee, if that is a daily routine... And you just reminded me to go see Dr, Fox' latest - muchas gracias!
For myself, yes the paranoia is justified. I'm pretty fkin weird I suppose, weird looking too, always been good with the girls, but guys, like most of your regular ass dudes, just don't fk with me, talk smack, bullying. I find that the closest homies I've ever had have also had some sort of trauma in their past.
Remember, theres more of them than there are of us, but its not like we dont exist, were all just playing pretend right in front of each other.
Just takes some intuition, putting yourself out there, and a little luck.
We have our own peoples, we just have trouble finding eachother, by our very Nature lol..
But yes, I find my paranoid intuition is usually spot on, I check off most feelings as, "he just doesn't like me, so I won't even try to talk with him" but the more hurtful ones are when you got the alert, the person was shown over time to dropping your guard a bit, but the second you show weakness or weirdness, they flip, and are who you suspected they were.
I think this might be some ancient primal survival mechanism, that most eventuality buried deep within or tossed away.
We are the former, unfortunately so, in today's age..
@@shape9381I feel the same as you.
I had jealousy delusions for 6 years and finally realize I was wrong but still believe it
How are you able to be self aware of this now? If you don’t mind me asking. Thanks for sharing.
Making The distinction between your belief and what you know is extremely powerful... And difficult to do. Respect.
I don't get paranoid for everything, only towards some people in a particular situation. I'm in freshmen year of med school and I always feel my colleagues want to use me and are getting close to me only to get something out of me. That was so helpful ❤
just wanted to say that I bought your workbook on Amazon and I absolutely love it, thank you.
I have this paranoia stuff going on, this video speaks to me. It's like you're looking into my soul, wow. I can't seem to find a therapist in my area that knows BPD well or how to treat it so all I have is me. And your videos and workbook. Thank you, thank you. Please never leave us.
But Dr., just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they aren't out to get you.
True. Woody Allen was right.
This stuff is so triggering for me lol. I try to calm myself down and rationalise with all my strength, but then I read stuff life this and I'm back at square one. Life is exhausting when you're me fuck my life
That’s why he says it’s important to look for evidence.
A sibling told me that ever since an incident that she thinks I mishandled in our teens (over 20 years ago) that I was 'always trying to make her look bad' and 'undermine' her. This explains the years of verbal attacks she has unleashed on me the years, out of the blue, when she thought I 'insulted or disrespected' her. Meanwhile I have supported her financially and in recent years have spent significant time and financial resources to house and assist her following a serious illness. I asked her I'd she ever observed me treating other people poorly or talking smack about other people. She said no. I asked her if she recalls how our family of origin were routinely verbally abusive, gossips, slanderous, etc. She said yes. Then Inasked, 'So....the people who actually were hurtful and never lifted a finger to help you in any way are innocent and the person who has consistently been here for you is the one who wants to harm you?" Her answer was "yes". I knew right then and there that it doesn't matter what I say or do, it will always be interpreted as coming from a negative place. Oh well.
God I've been going INSANE at work I'm a waitress and i now constantly feel like people are looking at me like they're disgusted, like there's something stuck in my teeth or gross standing out on my face. It drives me so fucking crazy as well as my coworkers, they've even told me that I make them anxious when I start asking them if there's something on my face or smeared makeup, etc.... They tell me no every time and I will still feel it throughout my whole shift. It is either that negative side or the opposite where I feel like everyone is looking at me like I'm an angel or a unicorn in an amazed way if I look good. It's so exhausting I just want to know what is real.
I have a history of abandonment
I had to make a list of people who have forgiven past bad behavior and stood in my life. These are my safe people.
Dr. Fox, can you please talk more about how to look for evidence and what qualifies as evidence?
It's the ups and the downs I don't like the most. One minute I'm convinced of one thing the next minute another. I hear laughing and I think it's about my. That makes me think I'm convoluted and selfish. I always think that there's something I'm doing wrong. People at work are keeping an eye on me to make sure I'm not doing something wrong. My supervisor seems to single me out. Though at other times he helps when I've had to have a day off. Though he doesn't know I've stayed in my room for 30 odd hours panicking. I'm terrified if i tell somebody some of it they'll tell me to grow up again and I'm just an idiot and hen I'll snap and do something but if I tell somebody everything then there'll be other consequences like surveillance or hospital or something. This barely scratches the surface of an hour of thoughts that pop into my head at work. Let alone anything else. I avoid all social situations but then that upsets me so I take drugs or alcohol so I can deal with social situations then end up with everybody loving me but only because of that me not he real me and it depresses me more. I've tried everything for help... I think nobody cares.
I completely get you!!
but do you remember what caused you to be so or pushed you there
Thank you... It's very challenging for me not to reduce a BPD friend of mine to simply an irrational bitch. I understand intellectually that it's not that simple, but from an emotional perspective... when you're chronically being accused without evidence of thinking things you aren't thinking, saying things you aren't saying or doing things you aren't doing, it's pretty easy to get resentful.
This video describes perfectly what I've been dealing with. My absolutely precious wife has these issues. She is getting help. Her dad left the family when she was a child. She was married at 18 to a guy that treated her poorly for roughly 20 years. So I come along and treat her like she has deserved to be treated. It's been so rough. Now I understand what's going on and completely understand how it manifested. It's not her fault. It breaks my heart to finally realize how traumatic her experiences of betrayal and abandonment have affected her. I gave access to everything from the beginning of our relationship because I knew she had been hurt before but never knew the extent of it. I'm going to stand by her no matter what. I'll never ever hurt her in any manor. Where does this doctor work out of? What city? I'm in Houston. Man I'd love to contact this gentleman.
but Jordon Peterson claimed
"BPD is developed at the age of 2, for not socializing much during that period, history of abuse makes sense but still both information is quite distinct
I feel so empowered by this video because I struggled with paranoia so much that I couldn't even talk to the closest people in my life. I didn't realize that fear, it was so fundamental that I couldn't see it at all, there was only emptiness in my mind. And now, a few years later, I can see the impact of my core structure (mainly abandonment) on my thoughts and manage it. I still struggle with my negative vision of what's happening, but now I'm able to build relationships that I feel comfortable in, and that's huge. I didn't have a Dr. Fox in my life, but I'm glad that I have one now. Still got work to do. Don't give up, comrades! You may lose battles but I believe you will win the war in the end
This just explained why my ex ghosted me, paranoia. I once said when I don’t hear from someone, I leave them alone. But in the sense that I was learning how to stop doing all the work in my relationships. I wasn’t going to literally leave her, I was trying to convey the fact that I don’t like to persist when someone isn’t responding. It was exhausting to feel like my every word was coming out wrong, I even asked if it was and she said nothing.
This statement, "trying to stop doing all the work in a relationship" exactly describes what I need to do right now, so thank you for the insight.
I'm constantly forced to confront my paranoia by telling myself it's not real and pushing through. I always feel like I'm a fool for doing so and it sucks because I hate feeling like I'm being used or taking advantage of, I hate feeling like I'm too stupid or gullible to catch someone making fun of me or abusing me. I'm stuck between feeling like a fool and not having any relationship at all.
wow i feel exactly the same
Anyone have an Autism or BPD diagnosis or both 🤔🤔
Everything you just explained is what I just lived with the person I was dating - it was almost frightening to hear you go down the list. I was like: Check, Check, Check, Check. Constantly questioning fidelity. When I put up boundaries and said I wasn't going to live day to day wondering if they were going to end the relationship, threaten to withhold intimacy, etc. I was blocked. It was the biggest emotional roller coaster I have ever been on and I am in my mid 40s. I pray I never welcome another person like that into my life - especially intimately.
Are Dr Fox and Kati Morton the only two therapists in the US who truly want to help all esp those with Borderline?
All other therapists can learn a lot from these two highly dedicated professionals.
I have a good therapist and psychiatrist. I've been stable in the sense of no self harm and not suicidal in 6 months. Now the psychiatrist wants me to stop seeing the therapist and do a group instead so that someone else can have a chance at 1:1. For me groups have always set me in to despair and suicidal depression because I get so triggered. I've found they are too slow paced, frustrating and don't work for me. Now I feel like the psychiatrist doesn't care if I die. Seeing someone keeps me sort of stable and only sort of and now he wants to pull rug out. But then i don't want to be selfish if someone else needs the spot more. I just know what I'm like and while I'm "stable" now it won't last. And I'm not even stable enough to work or go out more than once a week without bursting in to tears. But my paranoia is up that the therapist and psychiatrist are now trying to get rid of me so that they can report good numbers for the government. Actual success is irrelevant. So i feel like they know I will be suicidal and likely not make it and that's ok because they'll be on to the next customer. This kind of thinking on one level I know is paranoid but it happens constantly in my life. I feel like i DO have proof. I take a sentence someone said and then suddenly it adds up with what someone else said and the room closes in on me and I'm convinced they are against me. It actually really ruins my relationships because i accuse people of things. Now i cope by not having many people in my life.
@Helen Elizabeth thanks you made me feel slightly less psycho. Lol.
3 years 5 docs 100s meds and all i need was to hear this.. gives me hope i can MANAGE it.. thank you sir god send checking boxes i never understood were boxes or may i saw not right. thought these things were normal.
SAME‼️‼️
thank you for compassion. Such a difference from doctors like dr. Ramani, who just makes me feel shame and hopelessness anytime I listen to her. So strange to be a therapist without compassion.... For anyone wanting to learn about borderline personality disorder, I recommend you
I was diagnosed having BPD in 2014. I also have panic disorder, agoraphobia and generalized anxiety. My life was full of fear and doubt and I have a very unstable sense of self, sometimes I dissociate. I had a terrible childhood, was scapegoated and humiliated by my family of origin on a daily basis. It was so bad I had to go no contact when my alcoholic father and brother tried to take my appartment from me. I hadn't seen them for years and my father died last year. I was doing very well for about 7 years, having my own business, helping people as a social worker, meditating and going on long walks in the nature with my best friend and our dogs. Then things went downhill, I have panic attacks every day, sometimes the panic is on the border of paranoia. I feel like a stranger to myself, like I'm out of my own body. I'm thriving and hope to eventually regain my stability. I live in a safe enviroment now. People bullyied me in the past and actually were harmful for me,I was afraid of people for about 5 years. Luckily, i've outgrown that. What you said in your other videos, that not all people with BPD are malicious is very comforting and yes, we can be very creative. Sometimes I'm afraid that my friend will abandon me, but this video gave me some clarity about that. Thank you for your kindness. 😊
Thank you for sharing your story with me. It means a lot.
Thank you for this. BPD and paranoia is truly exhausting. I really could use advice on how to help my significant other understand all of this, and how to work together on it.
I get angry cus my boyfriend doesn’t understand
@@alexandriagrawey5262 I've dealt with that. Understanding is very important, so hopefully he tries to understand.
@@alexandriagrawey5262 I say I've dealt with this because I had a boyfriend that didn't understand. But now I have an amazing husband that has worked so hard to understand. We take it day by day
Yes often people with Bpd have been hurt and betrayed by others in the past and while I understand we should not therefore see everyone with this potential, the fact is that it’s still possible. In my own experience, letting my guard down, trusting again and then being betrayed again sadly only confirms, reinforces and perpetuates that initial fear.
Be careful of the confirmation bias, and "discounting the positive". When we have a negativity bias and core beliefs like "I'm unworthy" or "I will be abandoned"...we often can only take on info that "proves" this. This is deeply subconscious. Until we reparent, reprogram the subconscious, to be able to receive other information...we will see reasons to mistrust AND it becomes self prophesying.
I have BPD and often feel paranoid because of it.
This sickness is so very sad. I never knew about these BPD or narcissism illness. My ex boyfried who's handsome & a talented musician could turn to a monster like this. Paranoia plus plus. His parents faults to be abusive and so abandoned. Always cheating and highly sensitive that whatever I said seems to be walking on egg shells.
These comments are absolutely terrifying. The justifications and mental gymnastics for paranoia really opens my eyes to why not matter what I do I am suspected of plotting to leave or worse. Even inventing stories and using the fact that I’m upset for being gaslighting as proof that I have something to hide. These comments are eye opening. I’m screwed.
Could you do a video about relationships between people with BPD and NPD? Like the emotional trauma a person with BPD goes through because their partner has NPD
5:54 Don't over-correct on this one. Some people do actually like to "dominate" by demeaning others in subtle ways. If you want to be a "leader" type, there's a few things you have to ban:
1. NEVER let a repeat offender get away with demeaning you. Ignore them or call them out on it, but don't just accept their bullcrap. The ant doesn't talk back to the boot. You are the boot, never the ant.
2. Rarely apologize (I still have problems with this.)
3. Never complain
4. Never belittle others
5. Learn to selectively ignore (plays into number 1) Feed positive people with positive energy and negative people with no energy.
I'm far from enlightened, but I do have moments where I know I've created a good rule to follow.
Sounds like you're talking yourself into being a bully.
@@ElanaVital83
4. Never belittle others
@@manictiger Yeah...Kinda outshined by how you described yourself as a giant bout crushing ants ngl
@@ElanaVital83
No, you just suck at reading comprehension and are looking to start arguments on the internet because you probably have nothing else going on in your life. Get some hobbies, fool.
I feel like everyone is watching me, talking about me, and thinking about harming me. Sometimes I even create plots of MY OWN family members stalking me, killing me, and um raping me. It’s weird I feel watched EVERY SINGLE DAY. It’s hard sleeping, walking in the streets, school, and etc, it’s really hard.
Did you consult someone ...like doctor..or closed one.
nikita bele no, but should I?
I think yes....but after corona is over....take care dear...
nikita bele aw thanks!
Yash Sharma I’m scared to talk to them, my dad isn’t very understanding and I don’t want to hurt him. Maybe I’ll just talk to a therapist. But not my family they don’t understand.
Thank you! Your videos have been life-changing to me
This is a horrible thing!.. I have suffered so much by my own hands.
I even have physical issues with my health!.. I have been in this dark hole for so long!
I feel that people are constantly gas lighting me, and the worst part is that some of them actually are, and others are not. But I'm not always sure which one's which.
I have to keep it all a secret because otherwise the people that actually are gaslighting me will use my paranoia as a tactic to further distort and manipulate my mind. Like "It's all you, you're crazy, paranoid, and mentally ill, and I'm perfect in every way" type thing.
I actually was happy to get a diagnosis because I felt like I "belonged" to a group of people. Does that make sense? I do find that I distrust everyone and am easily offended though by my therapist. For example, last week during IOP therapy, my therapist told me to put on headphones and I had this overwhelming terror that I was in trouble. This was hard to overcome throughout the rest of the video chat. That is one example, but this happens all day for me. I actually live in a dream like state and panic. I've been living this way for almost 9 years. I am off work right now because of this. It got to the point where I thought my entire workplace was plotting against me and judging me. Now, when I even think of going back to work, I become sick and all I feel is FEAR. 😟😟
Yo Dr. I've been implementing techniques and have getting help with therapy and drug abuse. I know I have paranoid moments and traits and for the most part I can brush them away. My problem was my ex. I keep finding out more and more things she did to deliberately trigger me. She was truly a nasty person with undiagnosed personality disorders. She's openly admitted such to me me and only me. Unfortunately for her I've got some decently powerful people who know what I know now. I had good reason to be paranoid for all those years. I will be getting my daughter back soon. I have the evidence that supports my paranoia. I am not in checkmate. Again, I apologise for blowing up on a couple of your videos but I'm doing better. Have a good day. You're a wonderful person.
Wow, just what I needed...Dr.🦊 always delivering gems🙏🏽
VERY glad you made this video. Thank you, Dr. Fox.
I am so gratefull for your chanel dr fox I have all of the above and it controls my life immensly
I really appreciate you putting all of this out there. It makes me wish I could work with you or another professional to work through my BPD over video chats so I can see life through a different lense and overcome my BPD.
Great video and very much needed. Recently, when I come across misunderstandings and paranoia the Genesis song 'Taking It All Too Hard' plays in my mind, and I remember to calm down and practice acceptance. It's a great song about the pain of misunderstandings between people.
Thank you for acknowledging and bringing this subject to the light💖🙏
thank you so much Dr. Fox, I rarely find youtubers who I trust, but your calm set-up and empathetic character give me hope.
thank you so much for sharing. I’m trying to learn as much as I can to be the best wife and mom I can.🤍
I am highly sensitive and there have been some times I will hear people’s thoughts in my head then they ask me about or say what I just heard a moment later, so it’s like a reality check that I was receiving accurately with my intuition.
However sometimes my amazing lovie will say he loves me and misses me and sweet good nights and then I wake up In the morning hearing him say in my head, I hate you so much:( I’m so over this.
I have reality checked sometimes with him and he has told me no he doesn’t feel that way.
So sometimes I’m not sure what is my intuition or what is just intrusive paranoia or fear I guess. I just want to get to the root of the hurtful intrusive thoughts, they catch me off guard.
I just want harmony in my life💫
As always another helpful and insightful video!
I swear it's like you know exactly what's wrong in my life every time I come on to your channel the most recent video is lit what I need help with
Thank you so much for this video! It is so important for us to have access to these informations! The videos always makes me look within and to realize that I CAN change, I CAN make different choices and look at me with more love!
That's exactly what I needed today, facing ups and downs in my friendship. Thank you, Doctor.
Thank you for helping so many people. You’re awesome!
Thank you so much for this video! It is so important for us to have access to these informations! The videos always makes me look within and to realize that I CAN change, I CAN make different choices and look at me with more love! Without judgment!
Dr. Fox, thank you so much for your valuable videos! 🙏🏾
I was finally diagnosed in May with BPD and your videos are so, so helpful for me. Thank you so much!!
Thank you Dr Fox for clearing that up that usually the root cause is pain and past bad life experience that led them to this defensive acting out in a borderline manner ...and giving us strategic ways to cope and live a normal happy life.....
Thanks for the video! I was just going through a conflict with someone and not understanding the reaction of the other person, now I do. This is so helpful.
Dr. Fox you are so "cool" and, a huge help to my current challenge for getting help for my BPD. As my current medical insurance is very limited. Thanks for all that your doing to better help those of us who deal with this disorder
This is the most *helpful* content on BPD on the web (or anywhere). Helpful!
It is so obvious that you are very well educated and experienced with Bpd. I love that you give us advice on how to handle our symptoms. Living with bpd is so very hard, it’s nice to hear you talk about it because I finally feel like someone really does get it,..it’s like you’re describing my feelings and train of thoughts.
I think I'm reading your book currently and omg has it changed my life. I'm only four or so chapters in and I feel like I'm understanding myself better in ways I never thought I could. I know it may be random but I wanted to let you know how helpful it truly is!
I really needed this it came at the perfect time. Thank you Dr. Fox
Means the world to me just to feel understood, let alone be given the tools to rise above. Thanks Dr. Fox
Dr. Fox, thank you for your amazing advice. The world is a better place because of your generosity.
This is fantastic, even though my healthy adult more knows you don’t mean all the time.... it is still valuable to have those pop up reminders to not take the paranoid disorder symptoms as a definite diagnosis because my other modes might still stew on it and try to self diagnose out of fear! Love your videos!
thank you so much. I think I’ve been misdiagnosed for nearly 20 years of my life so I’m very appreciative of your content.
Thank You Dr. 🦊 for Your wisdom, knowledge and experience with this disorder.
Hello there Dr. Fox
I've been following your channel for a long time and this is my first time commenting on one of your videos.. I must say am overwhelmed with how accurate the points you made in the video. I was diagnosed BPD this year, thank you so much for your efforts it really helped me out Dr.
Could you please do more videos on BPD and point out stuff like that again.. Thank you again Mr. Fox
May God bless you and protect you and your loved ones.
Dr Fox
I can't thank you enough
You help me understand me
I wish you were around so that I could see you in person but thanks a lot!
Vidya from India
Great video to learn from. Took notes and added info to my BPD recovery journal. It’s the next best thing to having Dr. Fox as my therapist. Thank you for making these videos easy to interpret and implement.
Andrea Rodriguez oh my gosh! I have a recovery journal too! I thought it would be a great method to capture all the information out there, develop an easy reference for those concepts, and then record my feelings and thoughts as I progress through my efforts to practice these newly acquired guidance, concepts, practices, and the context in my life that makes recovery either possible or difficult to implement. Thumbs up to you, Andrea. 😊
You are a gifted presenter. Thank you for this content. 👍
I had so much anger and pain because some co-worker treating me so bad for no reason, I ran to this video crying and trying to find some comfort, and magically, melt all my sadness! Thank you so much for your valuable videos
Pure brilliance! Thank you.
My ex had schizophrenia and I have bpd traits and mild paranoia, but it gets triggered when in relationships. I'll let you imagine how insane we drove each other...
And I like that you break things down and repeat stuff, it really helps me, I get distracted easily and it's easier to remember that way :)
Saw thus doc a few while ago.
Been subscribed for a while.
Helps me grasp a notion of what this pain feels like to the afflicted.
Thanks doc for keeping me sane.
I am so glad that you’re finding my material helpful and I wish you all the best.
This is such a useful tool to understand paranoia specifically through the BPD lens. Everything overlaps so much.
I have definitely struggled with this in different situations at different times in various ways. However, the latest time it was with my dbt instructors. I knew they were treating me differently but it was so sly and so subtle I couldn't prove it...i brought it up with my psychiatrist but nothing ever happened about it. I also spoke to my care co-ordinator about it but i don't think they believed me or took me seriously 😐 😔😔
I struggled with it for 18 months before giving up because I couldn't cope with it anymore....i couldn't bear feeling like an outsider, like I should be grateful to even be in the room, but i would be pushing my luck expecting any kind of support....i stuck it so long because of the fight I had to even get on the course... i a not sure how i feel about it all now....it was incredibly hard but useful yet tarnished by the whole experience....😥😥😔😔
Thank you so much for these videos! 🤗 they are helping me so much. More so than any of my therapists.. they never picked up on any of these things with me. I always felt like there was something off and their solutions were drugs. Which I absolutely hated. Again thank you thank you!!!
Omg thank you for clarifying this ❤
I appreciate that you say your credentials at the beginning of your videos. There’s a lot of people on this site discussing BPD and it’s nice to see videos from a licensed professional.
I have to be honest it does worry me the people do use the term doctor and never reveal if they’re licensed or what their degree is in or where they got their degree and if they practice. Thank you for noticing my transparency.
I've been watching your videos for a while and I appreciate all of them.
My partner kept breaking up with me after constantly misunderstanding what I was saying and seeing good things as bad things. He started arguments, I haven't initiated any. We didn't argue much but the last argument which was yet another misunderstanding, he said he was really done with me, we didn't talk for a week and then we are talking again but he said he can't be with me because he doesn't want to hurt anymore so we stopped talking again this time we mutually broke up even though it killed me. Its been a week now and I don't know if he'll ever see the good in our relationship or continue to look back and dwell on our few arguments that were so ridiculous.
Thank you for explaining so clearly 🌟
Doctor Fox, I'm freaking out as I watch this because trait after trait is hitting home. It's.. Every single one and it's definitely throwing me.
Thank you so much for this video. The information you've provided is invaluable!!!!
...grateful...ordering the workbook now
Thank you so much, I'm 25 and I have suffered from BPD since I was 12 and it has been so hard to get treatment.
What you are talking about is interesting because I just dealt with a few narcissistic individuals and this describes their behavior completely.
Everything you mentioned here is so true, I pretty much experience all of these. I really would like to know how I can tame this down to a healthy level.