No Contact: Important Way to Ease Agony and Increase Odds | Coach Ken

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  • Опубліковано 15 тра 2023
  • To book a private coaching call with Coach Ken:
    realcoachken.com/ . Remembering the negative aspects of a previous relationship is an often neglected or unknown vital factor in making No Contact actually work. It's always tempting to focus on only the positive memories, acknowledging the negative aspects provides valuable insights and lessons that shape our understanding of healthy relationships. It also helps us regain a sense of self worth while lessening the feeling that tells us who we just lost is irreplaceable. It locks us into thinking we're the loser and they're the lucky one. None of which makes it easier to project confidence and the resilience needed to trigger a sense of loss of need to re-examine the end of the relationship in the one who walked away. Seeing the negative also helps us to establish healthier boundaries, recognize red flags, and make wiser choices in our subsequent relationships. Remembering the negatives acts as a powerful reminder of our own worth, ensuring that we do not settle for less than we deserve. Additionally, it empowers us to learn from past mistakes, foster personal growth, and cultivate resilience, ultimately leading to more fulfilling and sustainable relationships in the long run.

КОМЕНТАРІ • 512

  • @CoachKen
    @CoachKen  9 місяців тому +14

    New site is now at realcoachken.com if I can be of any help

  • @Crave88evarC
    @Crave88evarC Рік тому +511

    I am in no contact. Not because I want her back. But because I want me back. I know she doesnt want me back. These videos helps me cope with the pain. Thank you

    • @mikeypiezzo
      @mikeypiezzo Рік тому +16

      Hang in there bro

    • @Crave88evarC
      @Crave88evarC Рік тому +20

      @@mikeypiezzoI will see this through. Thank you brother. 🤝

    • @Fridayhunter.
      @Fridayhunter. Рік тому +9

      Your legend and trust me you will never be same again 🎉

    • @Mileys_choice
      @Mileys_choice Рік тому +10

      Very well said. I wish you the best. However, the idea is that no contact might make your ex want to come back, so that's something to think about, if you want it. Good luck. Sincerely.

    • @Crave88evarC
      @Crave88evarC Рік тому

      @@Mileys_choice ❤️

  • @nicholasvasile462
    @nicholasvasile462 Рік тому +34

    Listen to this guy over and over again if your going over a break up. Best advice out their so far.

  • @randyupladek1855
    @randyupladek1855 9 місяців тому +31

    This is exactly what I’m going through right now and the pain is unbearable. I can’t move and my heart literally hurts so bad I thought I was dying. I can’t stop thinking about her and I found out she moved on so fast I’m not even an afterthought.. i pray to god every day to help me through this and I don’t wish this on anyone. I was so happy and healthy before I met her and I just want myself back but I’m so broken.

    • @kagamitaiga9167
      @kagamitaiga9167 5 місяців тому +1

      How did you know she is with someone else?😢

    • @sidsepulveda4827
      @sidsepulveda4827 4 місяці тому +3

      Feeling the same here bro keep praying and I pray for you to heal.

    • @johnbrooke9948
      @johnbrooke9948 3 місяці тому +2

      Meet some new people and hopefully they will divert your attention.

    • @abbysworldtravel
      @abbysworldtravel 2 місяці тому +3

      I know exactly what you going through. It’s the toughest time ever, but you will get through. Time will heal your heart.

    • @greggparry5673
      @greggparry5673 Місяць тому +2

      I totally understand the place you were in and I’m I’m there now and been in no contact for 10 weeks and it’s honestly killing me and I’m in a permenant state of despair😢
      Although I still want her back she also destroyed me quietly and affected my mental health.
      I hope you are in a better place now though and have found a happier place

  • @declantill8864
    @declantill8864 Рік тому +157

    Honestly, there's a lot of rubbish online today when it comes to relationships, but man, Coach Ken, you're beacon of realism, kindness and sensitivity - bundled in really thoughtful package. Thank you for all you do!

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +7

      Thanks for the kind words Declan!

    • @wtcmedic911
      @wtcmedic911 Рік тому +1

      I agree. Some actually quite creepy and I don’t know why that helps with the business plan. After listening to this one a few times I went thru my list and deleted 3-5. I love the facts here and not just saying “she will Hoover”. You explained why.

    • @clintonsthilaire
      @clintonsthilaire Рік тому +1

      Do a long distance relationship NC video.

    • @dampergoldenrod4156
      @dampergoldenrod4156 11 місяців тому

      it was worst 35 years ago in 1988 the hurting man was treated like a predator or was told to make it work at all costs which often brought destruction to the man. they also used religion to tell men the bible tells them to do this or do that. things were way worse before the information age.

    • @alaalfa8839
      @alaalfa8839 8 місяців тому

      The worship isn't a bad thing, unless it's true, that the person has values empathy and is like a source of inspiration for the partner, or family members.
      For example may have the talent to say interesting things in a poetic way as musicians do or authors, and poets do.
      which boosts the imagination of people in a positive way, like seeing good stuff about life or about art etc.
      But maybe the best way is to show empathy as well and good energy and gratitude in modest way.

  • @edt8535
    @edt8535 11 місяців тому +85

    I was on day 32, but I just broke no contact. I found out that the woman I love’s mom just died. I reached out with a message of sympathy. I get what C. Lee and Ken are saying about NC, but I had to express myself and acknowledge her pain and sorrow over losing her mom. It’s not about me at all in that moment, at least that’s how i see it. 😢

    • @pmdal
      @pmdal 11 місяців тому +8

      Great! You are right! Nice hearth!

    • @zandercook1494
      @zandercook1494 10 місяців тому +18

      Good for you. It’s okay to break no-contact when it comes to those sort of things.

    • @edt8535
      @edt8535 10 місяців тому

      @@zandercook1494 …thank you, friend!

    • @johnwick2338
      @johnwick2338 7 місяців тому +3

      Any new updates?

    • @sunnyvasic
      @sunnyvasic 5 місяців тому +11

      If she doesn't take you back after that gesture, than she doesn't deserve you

  • @pedrocarrion5449
    @pedrocarrion5449 Рік тому +30

    She called after more than 9 months of no contact! To ask some lame question about a vitamin supplement! Lol
    I was courteous and friendly although I don’t feel the same as when the breakup first happened!
    When you stay present in your world working on yourself, it can travel and be perceived as strength, they can sense it!

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +4

      Amen - it's a real thing!

  • @terezavalencia2908
    @terezavalencia2908 8 місяців тому +9

    It’s been months of no contact after he kicked me out. But now looking into applying for mortgages which I’ve gotten approved for and just waiting on God to open doors.

  • @heather-jk1sj
    @heather-jk1sj 10 місяців тому +29

    Have made the, "put on a pedestal/worship" mistake twice in my adult life; never even got to relationship stage and still ended up heart broken. Am disabled, so I think that's what set me up for this mistake. Dark limerence is a real thing. Truly, NO ONE is perfect!

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  10 місяців тому +7

      Amen! Funny thing is one powerful aspect of attraction is KNOWING you have a purpose and meaning beyond that other person. We're built for relationships, so it is normal to feel a sense of something missing when we aren't with someone sharing our lives (unless pain, fear or narcissism makes us WANT to be alone) - but being wired for relationship doesn't mean that ONE person can or should be our foundational source of purpose. Something more worthy of our lives has to be there. A Passion or Purpose or a Calling that's even greater than who we are is the best foundation. I love my wife very very much. I love my kids and my parents and my sister and my brother with all my heart - BUT none of them are the PURPOSE of my life - I believe in God and from long personal and even painful experience I've learned if I put me or anything above Him it always breaks in the end. No human being is capable of being the purpose of another human beings life - that's worship, and as flattering as it might sound, being worshipped isn't an attraction builder as much as its an ego stroke to the person who will then devalue you for placing them so high above you. (Sorry if I rambled a bit here)

    • @heather-jk1sj
      @heather-jk1sj 10 місяців тому +1

      @@CoachKen no need to apologize for rambling, needed to be reminded of all of this. Hard to zero in on what your purpose is when you have significant mobility issues, but obviously, I know I have a purpose (maybe more than one:) So easy to forget what your spiritual foundation is when you get caught up in your emotions. I think I might be one of those people you mentioned who are above average in intelligence (intellectually), but lack emotional intelligence. I tend to think in extremes in EI, if that makes sense. Not everything is EITHER/OR. There can be a lot of GRAY areas when it comes to sorting out feelings. Thanks again for your wisdom!

    • @Ahicksaf
      @Ahicksaf 2 місяці тому

      Yes I have put her on a pedestal, and actually she broke up with me for reasons I have never heard her communicate during the relationship, just random things like "you are not a leader to me". I think she has BPD , but still I loved her so deeply anyway, I swear everytime I see her there's an artery in my heart that shakes. I have put her on a pedestal for too long, and All i got from her is disrespect and a total negligence of my feelings. Imagine that she found someone else so quickly, I wanted closure so I told her to come visit me in my house, and I was thinking maybe I can change her mind, but she informs me that she's with someone else and it was 2 days after my breakup. She ended things with me said she's sorry but doesn't see a future. After our breakup conversation, she slept in the room next to me and called her new boyfriend in my own house. The next day, I kicked her out of my house, and I told her that she shouldn't have come if she's with someone else that quickly. I was shocked and hurt, her total disregard for what I felt for her was shocking

  • @Nolepower
    @Nolepower Рік тому +15

    Dude I'm glad I found this video. My ex and I broke up over her shit testing me and I got fed up, so she ended it 3 months ago. I chased her until I invited her to a concert and she told me that she was gonna be out of town. The very next day, she was at work . I felt like a damn fool and went NC and made this list of things that she did to annoy me. I'm feeling a lot better about myself and stopped beating myself up. Walking away is the best start to healing.

  • @clintonsthilaire
    @clintonsthilaire Рік тому +12

    Its crazy how i am reading all these comments from you guys who are hurting right now.
    I was the same! I went though a long 2 years of constant pain! A messy and very prolonged detachment process.
    I can tell you all right now, you will get over it, in time!
    And if your ex did you wrong! I promise, they always end up worse off.
    I dont say that to wish any harm on your person, it happemd to my ex and now i just hope shes ok.
    As it stands, i have zero attraction for her now, and thats crazy because she ruled my mind for so long.
    Stay up! You have to go through this pain right now. Its necessary.

    • @sweetlovelady3404
      @sweetlovelady3404 2 місяці тому

      Wow it’s amazing how you say they’re not better off , my son father left me when my son was 1 years old and I was so hurt he got married right after the worse pain ever for years I was hurting until I hurt no more. Now his wife send him a divorce papers and now he wants to come back to me HELL NO!!!! I have zero feelings now and I can’t even believe it now am just praying for him that’s it nothing more nothing less Karma is real karma knows everybody addresses once your heart is pure

  • @therealslimerella
    @therealslimerella 4 місяці тому +8

    Not here to win my ex back. He wants me back and I know I could easily get him back but I don't want the relationship anymore. I'm actually here to not give in to that grief and withdrawal. I don't want an addiction to this person to cause me to settle for a relationship I don't want. Your channel is very helpful. Thank you

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  4 місяці тому

      Thanks Slim! Much appreciated

  • @superhero8514
    @superhero8514 11 місяців тому +16

    After 5 months into the relationship,she left me cuz she holds grudges and she said that we’re incompatible which doesn’t make sense, it’s about respecting each other’s differences. Right now I’m going no contact to heal wish me luck people

    • @russ123321bunya
      @russ123321bunya 11 місяців тому +1

      I'm in the same situation man. Been 7 days now. It's getting easier.
      How are you holding up mate

    • @tanguerogo
      @tanguerogo 9 місяців тому +1

      Wow, exactly the same with me since end of July. Suddenly incompatible, she just wants to be good friends some time. I'm strong in NC. Good luck 2u2!

    • @DarkWolfWRX
      @DarkWolfWRX Місяць тому

      I just got broken up with after 5 months too. We knew about eachothers pasts and I did so much to respect her past and her issues. I have some issues as well and sometimes like to check in to make sure nothing is wrong when I tend to over think. Well I asked if anything was wrong and it blew up. She ended it then and there. She said we were not a match. Which made no sense. Any time we were physically together, even multiple days in a row, there was NO ISSUES. Nothing, not even a tiny disagreement. We got along so damn well and felt so happy. Then poof. It was like I was less than nothing. She went NC with me last week. I am sure I have lost any chance of getting her to come around. But I am just going to have to force myself to stay NC as well. This is rough.

  • @Senorbigdog
    @Senorbigdog 6 місяців тому +9

    I really believe that me and my wife are in a spiritual purification and when you said worship…my mouth dropped. God wants me to worship him and love her. Made so much sense to me thank you

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  6 місяців тому +2

      Thanks Big Dog - Happy for you and your wife. Praying for you both! Been there - it does get better!

  • @davidkerce1823
    @davidkerce1823 2 місяці тому +5

    I’ll always care about her and I actually wish her the very best in life but I wish me the very best in life also. I’m grateful for the lessons and the time I’ve had alone to self reflect. I’m better today than I was yesterday.

  • @jamesdeek7039
    @jamesdeek7039 Рік тому +25

    I was with her for 5 years.
    She left over a year ago and while ive been on self improvement and made significant progress financially and physically...im still in this dark stage.....over a year ago.

    • @nabman7425
      @nabman7425 Рік тому +3

      You are a human being

    • @user-hk3el6wq9r
      @user-hk3el6wq9r Рік тому +3

      Hang in there brother. Work on you!

    • @jamesdeek7039
      @jamesdeek7039 Рік тому +6

      @@user-hk3el6wq9r some days are easier than others, I've been grinding like hell, Thanks my guy.

    • @ThugLife-pn1sh
      @ThugLife-pn1sh 4 місяці тому

      Update

  • @lasvegasplease
    @lasvegasplease Рік тому +18

    From a man who's been through a massive painful divorce and a couple of break ups this video is bang on the money , and I actually feel like I am normal and they weren't special. My pain is on me and for me to deal with. NC protect yourselves at all times.

  • @ashnone1985
    @ashnone1985 Рік тому +14

    He ended our relationship 6 weeks ago. I've been in NC. Dated 14 months. Had a great relationship. Things did become routine. Looking back now, I see he pocketed me. The only people on his side that knew about me was his mother. We did not have any arguments or bad blood between us. I'm angry because I was giving so much to the relationship and I see he was not. I was never needy or clingy. He had his life and I had mine. He knew how hurt I was about how a precious ex ended our relationship and ended our the same way and makes me so angry. Some days it take everything to keep from calling him and telling him off. If anyone should have lost attraction, it should have been me. Somehow, I still miss him. Either way, I know to stay in NC. I know going off on him will only be temporary relief.

    • @kristenk708
      @kristenk708 8 днів тому

      Do you know why he broke up? Definitely stay NC and live your best life!

  • @giloises
    @giloises Рік тому +25

    This is a very good video. My relationship ended 3,5 months ago. It had only lasted 5 months and was pure limerence. One evening I asked her if everything was okay and she said that she had been feeling less in love with me as of late. So I calmly but immediately packed my stuff and left her, without a sad and pointless breakup conversation (keeping my pride and hoping she would miss me). I went into no contact pretty soon after that. I never begged, but I did measure the temperature a few times in the first week after the breakup. Since then, I stuck wth no contact, even though I've been missing her like hell for the last three months. It's insane how much I think of her even though I'm trying not to. I've lost all hope by now, which is a good thing, and now I'm starting to understand that even if we would get back together, I would probably be paranoid and expecting her to lose her feelings for me again. And I would never want to feel like that in a relationship, not for myself and not for her. So that's a thought that's sort of sobering me up these days. But yeah, I've definetly been going through 'dark limerence' for quite a while now. And it sucks!!! I wish I just had some more shallow feelings, that would make life a lot easier.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +9

      Pain can make you envy the more shallow and blissful people in the world!

    • @kathyglass2922
      @kathyglass2922 Рік тому +5

      Oh wouldn't it be nice to be shallow???? It's little comfort right now, but we are better, kinder people for not being shallow. But it's nice to fantasize about waking one morning and not having any feelings for the lost love....

    • @kathyglass2922
      @kathyglass2922 Рік тому

      @@CoachKen could you explain that further, please?

  • @higherpowertarot
    @higherpowertarot Рік тому +50

    You 100% described me. I have high anxiety and possible adhd I have the worst case of dark limerance. I fall into baddddd anxiety 😢. It takes me a long time to fall out of this.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +3

      Yes - def does

    • @KenRFoxNashvilleSEO
      @KenRFoxNashvilleSEO Рік тому +4

      I understand - wired the same way. It can feel unbearable - even overwhelming. Don't trust that feeling

    • @alisachaise3
      @alisachaise3 Рік тому

      Admit the truth about that person to yourself. It will set you free if you keep admitting the truth about the person & if you really think of it, you probably didn’t like many IMPORTANT, things about the person… pros and cons list, admit the truth to yourself & remember, it’s not you. You are worthy to a prism who is worthy of you.

    • @corydavis5636
      @corydavis5636 Рік тому

      Bro just get a new chick

    • @higherpowertarot
      @higherpowertarot Рік тому

      @@corydavis5636 ????

  • @HughJykew
    @HughJykew Рік тому +10

    I lost my Erin...6 months ago. The breakup happened 8 weeks ago...she was into a rebound relationship the day she dumped me. Need to tell you...she made the decision but didn't tell me straight away. I found her and him in my bed...
    I have been idolising her...this video has made me realise that...I still have a lot of challenges ahead...but thank you for what's left of my dignity

  • @RinChan-qq9dx
    @RinChan-qq9dx 9 місяців тому +16

    You did good by becoming a coach . You are balm for the soul . You really make me understand and come to my senses and be strong, patient , even feel really good and free. Thank you❤

  • @envyallison926
    @envyallison926 Рік тому +6

    This man is amazing with these videos. He knows the mind so well during a breakup

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Thank you Envy! Very kind of you to say

  • @faddy24
    @faddy24 Рік тому +9

    Wisdom is crystallized pain.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +7

      and sometimes its only agony that gives you the wisdom you needed most. God have mercy in those moments

  • @helenmackie5813
    @helenmackie5813 9 місяців тому +3

    THIS!!!!!!! It was a lightbulb moment of someone perfectly describing my thoughts. I have literally spent a month self flagellating and taking all of his bullets of how much i neglected him (whilst he bad mouths me to his emotional AP) and yet he's been emotionally neglectful of me for years!!!!!

  • @classydyme113086
    @classydyme113086 Рік тому +5

    I broke nc after 11 days now back on day 10 and feeling great! Yes I miss them. But I’ve apologized for over stepping boundaries & now i have been focusing on me and actually doing great at it. Even entertaining other people!

    • @joyromasantavillarete9798
      @joyromasantavillarete9798 11 місяців тому +1

      I did the same, broke the nc on the 7th day, didnt get a response and he didn't even bother to read it,so I'm now back on 8th day. I still miss them, but it's not too painful now.

  • @dcrowley259
    @dcrowley259 Рік тому

    This is the best thing I have heard in so long!!! Thank you!!!

  • @mjpoker7483
    @mjpoker7483 11 місяців тому

    Thanks coach . You’re the best !! ❤

  • @Dimple4311
    @Dimple4311 Рік тому +1

    Needed this. Balanced me out. ❤

  • @kikihilario7005
    @kikihilario7005 Місяць тому +2

    I think this is sad that there are so many of us hurting. Need a group chat lol You are not alone.....

  • @elizaday6654
    @elizaday6654 День тому

    Thanks for the video which is so right and supportive. After 40 years I am moving on and starting to live and breathe again.

  • @alexardon91
    @alexardon91 Рік тому +1

    Thanks a lot, I need IT to hear this

  • @shelleybarva3505
    @shelleybarva3505 Рік тому +18

    So so true. Right on
    I especially resonated when he said that you know if you really move on you will never take him back. But you aren’t ready for that, so you hold on. For a while. That’s where I’m at right now. But the more I look at what really happened between us, the more I realize I really don’t want more of that

    • @marquettamiller608
      @marquettamiller608 Рік тому +1

      It's really hard to want someone back when they spend a lot of their time pissing on your boots trying to make you think it's raining.

    • @dampergoldenrod4156
      @dampergoldenrod4156 11 місяців тому

      when you "move on" you reached the point where you know this person is dragging you down and demoralizing you and has no concern for you. at that point you know this person needs to be out of your life completely. i disagree with the idea once you move on you can make a choice to bring this person back into your life or not as they have already proven to not be good for you.

  • @junation7619
    @junation7619 6 місяців тому

    Great video Ken! 💯🙏

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 Рік тому +1

    Thank you Coach Ken

  • @jinrimusiqui5170
    @jinrimusiqui5170 Рік тому +11

    I actually did that method of writing the things I didn’t like about him about 2 months ago and it really does help with detaching. I’m still working on it though but it has helped be to get back to reality when I tend to get in my feels again. You will soon realize that the perfect person who you though he/she is, was just an imagination that you created in your head because you wanted it to work. You just have to let your feelings feel through and focus on why you’re feeling a certain about their being as a whole.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +2

      Def a process - part of your mind and heart is fighting to hold on to the perfect image of them that torments you

  • @steelbuc39
    @steelbuc39 Рік тому +1

    This makes 100% sense

  • @GalestianMusic
    @GalestianMusic Рік тому +1

    WOW, I can relate to this so much. Thank you for the fantastic video.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому

      Thank you Galestian! Appreciate the kind words very much!

  • @KKLee-yt9ic
    @KKLee-yt9ic 11 місяців тому +1

    You explained this so well. Now I know.

  • @dustinwb84
    @dustinwb84 Рік тому +1

    THANK YOU COACH KEN!!!!!!!! 💯

  • @ld7806
    @ld7806 8 місяців тому +5

    She's been gone for three years and I'm still having problems letting go. I have seen countles videos on the subject. This was the most practical and helpful . Having is not so great a thing as wanting. Mr. Spock said that in the episode "Amok Time" The reality is that we weren't good for each other. Thanks for your logic

    • @09daniscool
      @09daniscool 6 місяців тому

      The opening of episode 1 of DS9 is a great deep dive into being held in the past by grief. "it's not linear...".

    • @cherrylane79
      @cherrylane79 3 місяці тому

      TNG has got some great wisdom also.

  • @bullishwhizz422
    @bullishwhizz422 10 місяців тому

    Thank you thank you thank you so much, bro!😊

  • @MR-fz4gw
    @MR-fz4gw Рік тому +1

    This was great, thankyou 🙏

  • @hypfie
    @hypfie Рік тому +4

    Thank you! This is something new that I needed to hear. It's as if I am being read out of the book. Hopefully, it will help me as an encouragement with some time passing by. This was probably that describes me from what I can't make out of for the way I feel things, and what my mind is trying to process.

  • @mariewindle1738
    @mariewindle1738 Рік тому +1

    I love what you had to say … very helpful

  • @butaflydivat673
    @butaflydivat673 11 місяців тому +4

    This is exactly what I started doing subconsciously, now I gotta write them down !
    This is wonderful.

  • @wrektem240
    @wrektem240 Рік тому +1

    Solid exercise! Thanks coache, seems so simple.

  • @GalestianMusic
    @GalestianMusic Рік тому +1

    Again, I will thank you once more! This was a fantastic video.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому

      Thanks Galestian! Much appreciated!

  • @vinicardoso3564
    @vinicardoso3564 Рік тому +26

    I’ve watched hundreds of videos on the relationship/no contact subject, and I can tell you with all certainty, coach Ken is one of the best, if not the best. He delivers precise information with deep knowledge. I’m grateful for your work coach. Saving lives I can tell you.
    Thanks

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +5

      Wow - thank you for the very kind words and encouragement! Sincerely means a lot!

    • @user-oj6ev5el8r
      @user-oj6ev5el8r 2 місяці тому

      I don't want this person who caused me so pain

  • @9parasqn656
    @9parasqn656 5 місяців тому

    Great advice beautifully put. Thank you.

  • @theinfamousches1258
    @theinfamousches1258 Рік тому +4

    I needed to hear this today. Damn man. Thank you so much. I’m over here dying. Not anymore. The list will be my journal entry for the day

  • @DanteS-119
    @DanteS-119 Рік тому +1

    Wow that’s kind of mind blowing

  • @GroovyChic868
    @GroovyChic868 Рік тому

    Great video. ❤

  • @morenitodelasei1241
    @morenitodelasei1241 Рік тому +1

    You are speaking truth you definitely have to know who you were with and who you are with we all mistakes. Everyone needs to have boundaries if you don’t things will not work out because the issue will cycle back again. I’m going through the situation right now and I learned a lot by watching her instead of calling her out I’ve allowed for her to form a defense mechanism when she is wrong she know what it is and she tend to get back in her she’ll because she don’t believe in accountability but at the same time she feels bad that’s on her that’s the main reason I don’t contact her because even though I have issues that need to be worked on I still believe she was petty by ending it. I then have told her why all her expectations wasn’t met she had high expectations of me and saw me as a high valued man which we all are if we remember who we are. That’s the reason why I haven’t given up on her because she don’t know I am working on my financial crisis something I don’t want to burden her with.
    Our last conversation helped us realize we have to work on ourselves she want me to get right and I want her to see that I’ve been protecting her from her clients and family because she do run a business helping out the elderly and them retired old men with money and status love her. I had to deal with one that was consistently inviting my girl to watch a concert in a yacht I’m thinking to myself I’m a rehabilitated thug which never made it prison I only made it to booking. What can I offer my wife even though I’m not married to her I considered her my wife the moment I met her. Now with her obsessed strange cousin being miserable and wanting all the attention from the women in the family in other words the one that encourages the women in the family to leave their husbands so they could have their hot girl summer I’m not dumb.
    We all have examples in our lives from the moment we are born i so happen to grow up with aunts cousins and sisters that played the same position being knowledgeable will not allow me to go through what I seen and even though the outcome might be different what are the chances of me not being a victim as far as being cheated on. Now I’m going through our first month of being broken up after three weeks of being ghosted what messes me up she said I’m a good man but not for her but that text wasn’t written by her and I know this because I know how she text her grammar isn’t correct even with auto correct she don’t use commas nor periods as me right now because I’m typing. I normally proof read everything I send out and she always using harsh words like mother you na mean. This text had mixed emotions written all over it.
    Lewis I thought I was being negative by thinking of all her cons and even though her pros are greater the cons are heavy but we are not perfect. Thanks for confirming I’m on the right path. Now I have more time to work on myself nor have to feel like I’m second or last and once her and I link up the boundaries we had when we first met will have some realistic once. At first I didn’t care about her and her circle until I noticed her circle was benefiting from her I’m putting that to a stop she is not a bank her cousin definitely going to hold a lost as well I’m waiting for her to screw up which she already is. Her passive aggressive narcissistic ways has been spotted and it’s only a matter of time before she reveals her true intentions.

  • @Steven-L
    @Steven-L Рік тому +2

    Thanks for this video, I needed this. Still wish I wasn't in this situation & that everything will get better in my life

  • @Ronak-ec9sf
    @Ronak-ec9sf 2 місяці тому

    Thank you 🙏 I needed to hear this today 😢

  • @user-hk3el6wq9r
    @user-hk3el6wq9r Рік тому +1

    WOW...this is the first time I heard of this...write down their negatives! I listened to so many that haven't ever said this.

  • @zippersdownvlog
    @zippersdownvlog 11 місяців тому +1

    Love you bro! You're so freakin' awesome! Best on the net!

  • @GurpreetSingh-es6ei
    @GurpreetSingh-es6ei 6 місяців тому +1

    Just Amazing .....

  • @EROSnewmancomedygold
    @EROSnewmancomedygold Рік тому +2

    this is really great, helped me feel better right away

  • @nidanabeel316
    @nidanabeel316 11 місяців тому

    Well done for such a an objective analysis

  • @tearthangel373
    @tearthangel373 Рік тому +6

    Trust and total honesty is essential for a safe relationship

  • @SteveTheAsian
    @SteveTheAsian Рік тому +5

    Great and informative video like always, Coach. Love the new viewing angle you setup as well. Going to try your advice and see if it lessens the pain I’m in.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Thanks Steve! Let me know how it works for you

  • @Lee-li3yx
    @Lee-li3yx 11 місяців тому +1

    This was exactly what I needed to hear .Thank you .New subscriber 😊

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  11 місяців тому

      Thanks for subbing!

  • @richardniikotey451
    @richardniikotey451 11 місяців тому +1

    This is so practical, Coach Ken

  • @helloianzakharov
    @helloianzakharov Рік тому +4

    Appreciate for this content. Everything you told describes my fillings precisely. I need to restore myself at the first place

  • @GalestianMusic
    @GalestianMusic Рік тому +1

    I can't thank you enough for this video.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому

      Means a lot to get encouragement like this - thank you!

  • @luisaah5707
    @luisaah5707 11 місяців тому +2

    I am so happy that I am focusing on my novel again. I am more focused my friends and work. This is such a good feeling.

  • @sammielisabeth4928
    @sammielisabeth4928 Рік тому +11

    OMG... First video of yours I've watched... I've NEVER heard of dark limerance before... I have BPD (13 years of intense therapy and medications...so far so good) and you've just nailed it. Wow. Thank you for helping me understand this! I'm quite aware of myself 90% of the time these days, but OMG I really relate to this 🙏

  • @blue_star279
    @blue_star279 11 місяців тому +4

    Perfectly explained the situation. I feel things intensely and even though he sabotaged the connection, I looked back and blamed myself. Trying to stay away as much as I can and iterating the imperfections to gain myself back…

  • @TheVaultwest
    @TheVaultwest Рік тому +4

    Excellent advice. It’s helping me feel less heartbroken in the moment. The pedestal I’ve put him on has crumbled and I’m going to get back my power

  • @SwiftDawg
    @SwiftDawg Рік тому +26

    Literally the first time I've heard my feelings perfectly described!! And finally a different perspective and advice!! Let me go write my list. I had a list of things he did and I thought it made me more sad and I threw it away but looking back to that time, I actually was better than I am now with my heartbreak. Thanks so much. Yes I want him back, yes I've worked on myself so much but yes, I want to stop feeling this emotional pain I feel I'm causing myself. ❤️ Thank you for this!!!!

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +3

      Thanks SwiftDawg! Mental hug!

    • @tubesurf17
      @tubesurf17 Рік тому +1

      feel better soon. im a male...it hurts. i know what u mean

    • @user-il1if6fn4m
      @user-il1if6fn4m 11 місяців тому

      Wish I had known about this BEFORE I wrote the letter. Now I don't know if I have a chance. It is very complicated because he already posted " in a relationship" and is my neighbor with cattle on my farm. We have known each other for over 40yrs together for 7. He broke up with me 2 x previously very early when we dating came back the first time and I had a "talk" with him the second time and now is 7yrs later
      Help

  • @victoriadaoana3055
    @victoriadaoana3055 11 місяців тому

    I Loved your comment sir!!! You're the best!! I will pray for strength and will listen this over and over again.Thank you.

  • @Glisten45
    @Glisten45 11 місяців тому +3

    This was fabulous advice. After watching a ton of videos, this one has helped the most.

  • @williejr71williams22
    @williejr71williams22 Рік тому +1

    You are a great man. Awesome work 👏

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Thank you WIlliejr! Very much appreciated!

  • @randytaz
    @randytaz Рік тому +4

    You described me to the tee in this video. Thank you for your content and God bless.

  • @julijanadordevic
    @julijanadordevic Рік тому +1

    Coach Ken you are realistic and sensitiv you offer more than anybody ever did.Thank you

  • @tomdick1777
    @tomdick1777 Рік тому +2

    I needed this! Ty so much.

  • @starttakinnotez
    @starttakinnotez Рік тому +7

    My ex with a very bad mental health reached out to me via email finally opening up to me about everything. I gave her a proper apology for what I believed I did wrong. She responded with anger to many of my apologies but I am not feeding into it anymore.
    I also had a different ex contact me. She has been going to therapy for 2 years. She apologized to me for being unwilling to admit she is wrong. She apologized for not caring about my perspective and for being anxious and assuming the worst. I also apologized to her for what i did wrong. Many of my actions brought out her anxious style of attachment.
    Not going to lie.... I thought women were not capable of apologizing properly but all it takes is 2 years of no contact/therapy. 😂
    Shes going to come over within the week. I'm very happy.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +2

      Congratulations! Try to stay in the moment - One day at a time!

    • @sukiarts
      @sukiarts Рік тому +1

      That's awesome! Any updates?

  • @gwendolynwebb8886
    @gwendolynwebb8886 Рік тому +5

    Best video I’ve heard about how to handle a breakup!

  • @mellelili1707
    @mellelili1707 7 місяців тому +1

    Amazing advices it's like you are talking directly to me 😊 thanks you

  • @rhuebner82
    @rhuebner82 4 місяці тому

    This might be the best concise explanation. One hundred percent truth.

  • @ThePaul303
    @ThePaul303 11 місяців тому

    This video got me to the idea, to put my floor onto a wall. Looks amazing bro!

  • @rebeccawelch2257
    @rebeccawelch2257 Рік тому +3

    Thank you so much for your knowledge.. My thoughts have driven me crazy. You make so much sense.. I understand now why I feel the way I do. I can't thank you enough.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +2

      Thank you so much for sharing that with me Rebecca! That means a lot to read a message like that

  • @gabordudas5404
    @gabordudas5404 Рік тому +13

    Ken you are speaking from my heart, from my mind. Thank you! 5,5 months in No Contact, and I totally agree and lived through everything you say.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Gabor! mental hug my friend! Thank you for the comments

    • @NHPhamousPolo
      @NHPhamousPolo 11 місяців тому

      @@CoachKenp

  • @Tj-ml9uw
    @Tj-ml9uw 9 місяців тому +1

    You are so real.... Your content is amazing!!!... You can tell you know your stuff. Wow!!!!! 👌

  • @KristianMagnuson
    @KristianMagnuson Рік тому +16

    This is fantastic Ken, puts a lot in perspective and it’s all so true. Sometimes when you’re knee deep in the situation, you can see the forest for the trees.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +4

      Thanks Kristian! Much appreciated big man!

    • @KristianMagnuson
      @KristianMagnuson Рік тому +2

      @@CoachKen Good stuff Ken, I'll schedule a call soon so we can catch up! Hope all is well with you!

  • @hissykittycat
    @hissykittycat Рік тому +2

    Good words I needed to hear. I thought not thinking about him would heal me sooner. Not necessarily true. You need to process everything and that takes as long as it takes.

  • @marcnotrica7234
    @marcnotrica7234 Рік тому +2

    Coach Ken you've given me hope and a rational approach to a relationship on the rocks!! Thanks Brother

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Rock on! Thanks Marc!

  • @gigia41
    @gigia41 6 місяців тому +1

    "People don't want to risk feeling less hurt because they think all that hurt is keeping me connected." That is deep. And pretty much describes most breakups. I'm on here for my daughter who is going through stuff. She's much stronger than I ever was. She's doing no contact with a long-distance ex that went right into a relationship with someone who is not on her level.

  • @karenhill2174
    @karenhill2174 10 місяців тому +7

    Wow best advice ever, I never heard of dark limerence, it makes so much sense. I've had 2 months of this pain and its really ruining my life because I'm so sensitive, so from today I'm writing my list. Thank you so much Coach Ken and coach Lee. You guys are brilliant.

    • @karenhill2174
      @karenhill2174 9 місяців тому

      Nam Myoho Renge Kyo to you and everyone suffering!

  • @parth898patel6
    @parth898patel6 6 місяців тому +1

    You are so good. Speak truth in a very sweet way. I am so grateful.

  • @FrankyboyFloyd
    @FrankyboyFloyd Рік тому +3

    Thank you man! Very much! You’re helping me so much make me realize i put her on a pedestal… I’m gonna try from now on to get her off this high place…

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      It works but it takes time - be patient with yourself and the emotion.

  • @alisachaise3
    @alisachaise3 Рік тому +1

    Coach Ken! So much realism in your videos. I love the start of this video… write down what bothered you about your person!!! This is great advice, I’ve done this too myself! When you use reality on what it is that’s keeping you stuck in your person, it’s eye opening and real because sometimes it’s just the fact we were rejected, emotionally sabotaged (as you once pointed out to me, as he wasn’t communicating with me, & didn’t see it coming) and as a woman who has abandonment issues, I can see why I’m stuck on my person being I was future faked & loved bombed, then discarded. Like you once told me, “whether it’s a good man or a bad man, a bad man wouldn’t leave me or things- the way he did!” So, it’s working on understanding myself. So, whether I ever hear from him again or even want to hear from him down the road, staying no contact either way no matter the type of person WORKS FOR EVERYONE ❤I always remind myself no contact is MOST ATTRACTIVE & that’s what makes no contact EASY, (yes) easy for me😊TY for what you do for us 🙏❤

    • @alisachaise3
      @alisachaise3 Рік тому +1

      6 months 💪

    • @alisachaise3
      @alisachaise3 Рік тому +1

      Also! Never heard anyone refer to after shock as, “Dark Limerence!!!” We heard it hear first folks 😊 Coach Ken coined it ☝️ first!!!😮and that’s exactly what it feels like 👍 Dark Limerence 😑

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Thanks Alisa - Let's see if it takes off :) (def what it feels like)

  • @Nicole-sj6ib
    @Nicole-sj6ib Рік тому +1

    Thank you

  • @SuperCatdoll
    @SuperCatdoll 11 місяців тому +4

    So grateful to have found this channel. Loved every bit of advice !! Thank u 🙏🏼

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  9 місяців тому

      Thank you Super!

  • @SozjeCat.
    @SozjeCat. 11 місяців тому +1

    Immediately made a list after listening to this video and it really helps a lot. Thanks.

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  11 місяців тому

      Excellent! Happy it helped!

  • @keithharris8435
    @keithharris8435 4 дні тому +1

    Thank you, thank you soooo much for your help...

  • @fitforfreelance
    @fitforfreelance Рік тому +1

    Turn those thoughts of perfection towards the better you to strive for!

  • @jannlewandowski5540
    @jannlewandowski5540 Рік тому +2

    Hi Ken! GREAT JOB! ❤

    • @CoachKen
      @CoachKen  Рік тому +1

      Thanks Jann! You rock - Always encouraging!

    • @jannlewandowski5540
      @jannlewandowski5540 Рік тому

      Ken, you ROCK too!
      You're doing fantastic! 👍