No Contact: The Hardest moments of No Contact and What To Do To Get Through Them
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- Опубліковано 21 чер 2023
- Coach Ken: dotheyloveme.com/
No Contact after a breakup can feel impossible at times. Some moments after a painful breakup are even more difficult. When someone breaks up with you nights, mornings, special occasions, certain locations, and familiar activities can all create painful reminders of the person you lost and are trying to win back. The memories of your ex being in your life, and you being the person they love can spike the anxiety and sense of loss until reaching out to your ex feels nearly impossible to resist.
This video covers some strategies that explain how to survive the painful moments of No Contact while you're waiting to hear from your ex and trying to maintain No Contact.
Absolutely, I was stuck today...I don't have friends, I based my 9 yrs all in one person & just listening to this video distracted me and made me smile. Thank you.
Same boat here, 7.5 year relationship, been 8 months
Same here you leave friendships to focus and invest on your relationship and then this happens smh weekends are so hard for me
I've been going to the gym...its helping my mental state, Its been 15 months now but I last talked to him a week after Thanksgiving...because i am the psycho that keeps calling and texting, but he is the psycho that doesn't block me because he likes his options open. Hope your days and weeks get better.@@johnnycalderon9951
@@johnnycalderon9951facts same case
12yrs, married 10.... I've been abandoned multiple times and treated like absolute shit. He always promised treatment for his BPD and never delivered. Funnily enough, I still have "the list" saved in my phone from 6yrs ago 😅 so I've just added more stuff to it!! I have no friends either and am very isolated, it's tough but I know this is the making of me, not the breaking. ❤
Just miss him so much, life feels so dark and lonely right now. Every waking morning is hell
Jesus is waiting for you to turn and receive Him as your Savior. You will have joy. Trust me.
@danilaroche1156 why are you assuming he doesn't have a relationship with Jesus? Why don't you stop judging others and get your own house in order before you go trying to proselytize people!
How are you holding up??
@@johnlivingstone1749 10 months later I’ve come a long way. Feel a lot better and accept things for what they are. I have my moments of sadness but don’t dwell as much. Thank you for asking though
@@danilaroche1156Jesus was just a man .
The hardest moments of a breakup and NC for me is the routines youd have with them. 5 years of never missing a single goodnight kiss/text, or a text message letting eachother know when we made it home or to our destination. Finding yourself getting home and not having anyone to let know you made it. Or laying down to go to sleep and not having anyone to say "i love you" to. Or those little quirky things youd say and do all the time with eachother. It sure does hurt, damn bad. Worse than any physical pain ive ever felt. But its only been a few days since she said she wanted to split.
Go no contact, don't look back & move forward especially if you're dealing with a borderline or narcissist like I was. Too painful and possibly dangerous if you don't.
Joaq, I KNOW what you mean. I was with a narcissist for 5 years. I finally had to leave! Good luck to you.
I got out of a relationship with borderline it was so bad but I tried so hard cause she said she was getting treatment….she wasn’t
@@stevenburgos2354 sounds like you were getting the "treatment"😆brother.A little gallows humor hope you don't mind.
Agreed
So true... i went back to my BPD Ex so many times.
Nowadays i resist her hoovers because i see how pity she really is.
The most difficult part of this is forcing myself to give up hope. I don’t want hope. I want to be done. The mindset shift is impossible.
I understand Danny. My wife, soon to be ex wife, emotionally abused me for years. She left me (and likely filing for divorce) saying I was emotionally abusive to her. The pattern of her behavior left me very anxious, frustrated and felt like I was going crazy. But in the back of my codependent mind I’m thinking reconciliation even after all the abuse. At the very least no contact is what’s needed to give my brain a break. I’m hoping after some time in no contact those unhealthy feelings of reconciliation will fade away and I can get on with my life. Hang in there brother.
Same here💔❤️🩹💝🥲😏
The hardest time is when you see her in dreams and you wake up, then the memories with her come into your mind. This is the time when I hit the gym
The worst!
@@liztowers2058 Really horrible, 10 months ago I broke up with her, but still I see her in dreams, is sooo terrible
Coach Ken you’re saving my life , I have to watch your videos daily to stay strong in no contact
This is what i did, watched jump street, horrible bosses and laughed my ass off. Took my mind off all the drama and distracted me till i was dead tired. Also, the office helps me alot. No romantic movies. No movies which reminds you of that person.
Those emotional unavailable people...ugh heartbreaking
Coach Ken is, without a doubt, one of the greatest at discussing this topic. Impressive! I'm very happy that I finally found an excellent BPD relationship channel where the speaker/therapist/counselor thoroughly conveys their message in detail and perfectly. Thank you, Coach Ken!
You are the dad and big brother I never had, times a million. You are the only person or thing that has helped me, I have ADHD and in intense grieving for a year and a half now over being broken up with and I appreciate you so much!
H is it going ? Turn the page is very dificult
Exact same thing. A year and a half of ADHD struggling, before I found these videos. I feel better a few days later, than I have this entire time. I hope you're feeling better, and you've found some light at the end of your tunnel.
I needed this video tonight, going through my divorce with my BPD ex wife has been rough. I’m a cop so I drive a lot and when there’s down time I really like the documentary idea instead of driving around all day when it’s slow just dwelling and letting my mind go. That messed with me today even.
Also, stuck living at my parents house for now and the ride home I was taking goes right by where we attempted couples counseling right before the end. I am for sure driving around now.
Hang in there!
Don’t feed her ego or contact her in any way. Being at your parents might be the best thing for me you.
@@reneesimmons1890 yeah that’s been my plan. I give her extremely limited contact as we work through the divorce process plus unfortunately we have children together so I’m stuck.
I barely speak to her though and it was funny cause she was trying to demand more communication at the beginning and still tries to complain to my lawyer about it
People can be delivered from mental illness thru the power of Jesus Christ. I was completely set free from chronic, long term depression, anxiety and more Completely. I couldn't have healthy relationships due to long term abuse but Christ helped me! Your answer is Jesus.
Poet-warrior 🙏🏽
You really understand all of this nightmare. I'm so glad i found your channel. I am so messed up, but listening to you makes me feel less alone, more understood. Thank you man, you're a great guy. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. ❤
The list hurts more.......it shows how little she loved me, while I believed when she told me that I was important to her
The way of explanation sounds so soothing that it helps you to forget your pain for a while, for real! One of the best coach ever to support you emotionally and showing how much strength we all have about which we are unaware. I really thankful to you Coach Ken. I am still struggling but seeing these vdos shows I was the one who put her on pedestal hoping she is the only one. She is not. I have started feeling this but at timea I fall for her again. Nothing to be ashamed about it. I will try my best until then these vdos are my painkiller and will keep me going.
Coach Ken is low-key, one of the best breakup coaches' hands down.
Trust me, I've watched them all. He's incredible. Do what he says. It helps.
Thank you for the kind words. Very much appreciated Underground!
And one of the most analytical & smartest I've seen
And funny. At least I was laughing. Because it was so true.
Our pain is equal to our resistance to accept what is. Pulled my notes tonight and read about all his bad behaviors, including all the times his ex GF's name appeared on his phone. It helped a lot.
Highly recommend individual sessions with Coach Ken! He really helped me a lot. I’m one of those people who has a difficult diagnosis/disease and am going through heartbreak at the same time. I’m still getting through one day at a time, even while enduring the pain. ❤ I’m not able to keep a busy, booked calendar, but I do my best to keep my mind occupied with work from home, learning all kinds of new things from youtube and nonfiction, reading some new novels, and learning new skills, as my energy allows.
May God sustain you through this valley and may you come out with a great testimony.
I'm going through the same pain, I've had sessions with Coach Rex and its really helped so far. Im only 8 days in NC, but I keep my days productive. And anytime I think about her at night, which is the toughest time of the day for me. I watch a movie I've always liked that's positive. We'll get thought this and our efforts of not breaking NC will pay off.
You are a beautiful woman 👩🏼 I just wanted to tell you that, and you have a beautiful voice as well.
I subscribed to your channel🎼🎵🎤💃 ❤️😏
Sure they had flaws. I can live without them. I can move on. But who compares to what they offered in the relationship? Where are they? Thats the future problem. Thats the part that kills me. Needle in a needle stack.
You have to live with what is. We all do, so better we find ways to ease the pain.
glad i found your channel. this content is healing and reassuring, especially with the length of the videos.
Best coach on the internet, you help a lot, never stop with these videos
Thank you for your videos. I love your tips. I made a schedule for myself to get through my breakup and it has been helping me a lot.
This guy is the best! Spot on! Thanks Ken. Big help!
Needed this💔
Excellent as usual , love from Australia 🇦🇺
Totally helpful, thanks 🙏
Great practical advice. Started a list about the things that weren’t so great. WOW! It was very one-sided. Thank you.
Yes, the multiple stressors....thank you Coach Ken for the encouragement, wisdom and support.
Coach you are absolutely the best… you have a gift sir
Fresh hell of a new day. So right
It really helped in some way, thank you 🙏🏻 The breakup was really amicable and he tried to soothe me as best he could. But it happened recently, so there’s lots of sadness. And feeling of a huge loss.
Thank you for putting out these videos... I was contemplating texting him but your words snapped me back to reality!
I wish I'd watched this video sooner. So much of this resonates with what i went through/ going through. I used to commute to work and I would just ruminate the whole time. I got myself a new job now, and having less time to think about her has been amazing for the soul. Stay strong everyone 💪
Thanks Coach Ken, you're an absolute legend. Adhd here, Bpd partner. Your videos are saving my life atm ❤
My 22nd. day of no contact. Ur vids. help a lot, Coach Ken.
I'm on day 22. Wonder how its going for you now
Thank you so much! I went out with my friends and did everything in my power to work on my own life. I bought 2 plants revised 3 chapters of a novel. 🎉🎉 I feel so much better now. I saw a missed call after 1 month of no contact. Very surprised. I did not call back as I did that before. Jumped and call back. If he needs something he will text and ask for a meet up.
This video was absolutely what I needed to hear ! I’ve been having a very difficult time ruminating on my ex even though we mutually broke up. I realized I have been putting him on a pedestal and forgetting the things he did to me that I was not OK with. I did write a list of all the things I couldn’t stand about him, and that led to our break up on his side, Thank you for your advice. You have probably saved me from a world of hurt if I tried to get back with him.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Glad I found this video. I'm having a bad day. This week last year he proposed and now here I am. I needed your words. Thank you.
Not going through any break up misery, thank the heavens it’s in the past,, but I’m using your talks to help me “cope” w sadness and depression that lands on me out of the blue. I rearrange my garage or work on a project around the house, can’t focus on anything on tv, (adhd). Anyway, I’ve been watching the other videos and it’s good stuff. Stay safe. Dr. M
Coach Ken, I just started watching your videos, you have been making everything a lot easier to deal with, not to mention you're funny too.. Thank you very much for your helpful words.
Greatly appreciate the kind words and encouragement! Thank you Zon!
On a break with my gf and it’s been 20 days and on going. Challenging because of ups and downs but still going No Contact. Just keeping busy rebuilding my life alone. We got this, kings.
It's been more than a week since she broke up. It was a clear misunderstanding. But she didn't have trust in me. I left her. Eventhough sometimes feel like reaching out to her and fixing things, I'd rather rebuild myself and better myself. Because we both know I'm the prize.
Stay strong guys. She isn't worth it if she doesn't show any emotions towards you.
Going through the same thing - no empathy at all. I find comfort in videos like this during the moments I feel low. I'm getting better. I don't even care about getting him back. I just want me and my daughter to heal. I know my ex and I both deserve better. We are both prizes. Just not for each other and I'm grateful he didn't take me back when I was begging.
Your the prize? The Bible says the opposite. It says "He that findeth a wife findeth a treasure and obtaineth favor of the Lord ". Hope you find better love. Amen.
Perfect video
I do this with ear buds listening to binaural beats. It is very helpful to clear the mind when you have incessant thoughts about your person.
Thanks. We need more no contact encouragement videos. This was helpful. It gets more challenging after week 6...
Dude YOURE AN EMOTIONAL GENIUS
Thanks Liz!
I was the bad guy in my relationship. I didn't fix my problems right away and overtime, it made me lose her as a result. I begged and pleaded to get her back twice. once in person, then a second time over text. I backed off after the second time then found coach Lee and Coach Ken's content. I'm still experiencing the dark limerence and it feels unbearable especially while trying to sleep. I sleep with my TV on to help me though the nights. My Ex is with someone new now, so it's been making things much harder.
Did you apologize? The guy is probably a rebound.
I know the feeling. Ex of 5 years has been in a new relationship 2 weeks after she left me 4 months ago. Still calling me when she has bad days for emotional support.
Women leave, and stop caring. Eventually when they’re older they just settle down with whoever’s there. The options dwindle.
Good video.
Thanks! Good comment!
We have broken up and gotten back together so many times. The last time I broke up with him. He was stringing me along. I ended it. We're no contact, of course, but this is usually about the time that one of us would reach out. Feelings are starting to creep up, but I know its just the programming. Its really hard.
Hey Ken, sent you quite a few emails today and then I watched this and it really resonated quite a bit with what I'm going through, thanks looking forward to setting up a coaching session over the next couple of days
Ken, ANOTHER EXCELLENT VIDEO! You're the BOMB! 👍
Man well that was good timing
I have borderline and I do recognize the struggles you are mentioning. I completely isolated myself. I have no contact anymore with any family or friends for the last 7 years. I'm just all by myself in my appartment for 23,5 hours a day. It's a very lonely life..
Gish that sounds awful.
I'm very much in the same boat.
Moved to a different country to be with her and now I'm alone in the house I bought for her...
It's torture...
Hope things are better for you now.
Stay strong and know that you're not alone. We are all connected and for whatever it's worth I care about you...
How is it going brother ? Hope u r better
You can talk to a Catholic priest. They know so much about it and have heard it all! Great advice is waiting.
Blessings.🙏
Take care, you're so worthy, and at least here you have support.🙏
You need Jesus. I'd avoid the Catholic 'church'. Get saved. Call on the Lord Jesus and repent for sins. Jesus will help you and bring you joy, purpose and healing.
True about the freedom, work tried to give me time off and I refused… prefer to stay busy lol
I have been resistant to making that list. I need to do that tonight. Great video Coach! Thank you.
Love this video and the suggestions you make. Much of what you said resonated with things I've learned about personal development. It's good to have these go-to strategies when you're struggling to get to a place of functioning in daily life - little things that can help prevent the breakup from mentally and emotionally hurting a person and the beliefs they carry into their future relationship(s). It goes to show that you don't have to make huge leaps - little things and small steps can make a big difference.
Funny thing is that thing with going to sleep with an old familiar movie is what I do every night. Favorite is Alien because the whole atmosphere feels so calming to me, strange, I know.
Ken you’re brilliant and gifted. I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom and encouragement.
Dark limerence...wow!👏👏👏
''squeeze my cat, confuse my dog... ''
Lol
Coach Ken, this video is yet another home run for the folks going thru all these phases of a breakup. Best of all, when you weave your personal experience into your advice, your credibility soars to a level unlike other coaches and counselors on the subject matter. Plus, you can get us to laugh about our circumstances as well. Brilliant stuff, Ken. Brilliant.
I’m going through recent break up while losing my father of cancer and my sister just diagnosed with cancer.
“Faulty pillar” 💯
Thanks for the meeting coach. Much appreciated :) -R
Wow this video really hit home with me...from mentioning how the mornings and nights are the worst, to going through many difficult times during a break-up. They definitely are--especially when I have a dream things are good between us, then I wake up and reality sets in...it is an awful, hopeless and helpless feeling. For that to be the first thought of the day is sheer torture. I can identify with the layers of issues happening at the same time--I don't have a best friend anymore, he was my best friend, who I talked to about everything. I also definitely can agree with the past is hard to think about, the present is painful, and thinking about the future seems difficult. No matter where you go, it's painful. Driving long distances definitely is rough and all of the reminders you have to process. My mother is not doing well and has to have open-heart surgery, and I recently lost my dad. Hopefully things get better but it is hard to see right now. Thank you so much for this video.
Everything will be ok
Just sending you some love❤
Thank you❤
I’m going thru it right now. I can say this. I compare my ex to jail.
She’s the guard and I’m the inmate. The guard is allowed to say what we they want to say to the inmate and when the inmate says one thing to the guard THE GUARD THROWS THEM IN THE CELL.
Meaning she is allowed to tell me and talk to me like crap. Soon as I say something boom won’t hear from her for a week and then when I would she would tell me I’m worthless. Then at the end of the same week she would call me crying or mad and I would say what’s wrong with you and she would say I have a bill do. Man I was stupid. How the hell did I get wrapped up into it. And I have zero problems get a lady lol man crazy’s out there NO CONTACT IS HARD-
Thanks for this video. Wish I listened to this during my break-up. I am in a much better place now though
Great video Ken
Im very newly broken up with. I am wondering, if my wx has things still at my house and inhave things there, would i be lessening attraction if i reached out and just asked for my stuff back?
Thanks for thus great video! I really needed it!
Thanks!
Thank you so much!
Between the two of us, I was always the one with more honor, integrity, and honesty. I didn't lie, cheat, or play with his feelings. I was always there for him anytime he needed me. He on the other hand is a pretty pathetic wave of a man child. He is angry to the point of needing therapy for it, he impregnated his ex-wife who was staying there to raise a bastard that he also got from a one-night stand. He's horrible at time management and doesn't think of others. Makes me wonder why even bothered to stay around with him other than his pretty words of telling me that he loved me... 😓
I think I'm getting closer to the acceptance phase of the breakup and I gave up the possibility of her coming back, but it's still very hard sometimes.... Your videos are helping me so much getting tru this!... Your the best! THX man!
21:25 Thank you!
Thank you soo much would love to speak one on one but my finances got decimated by ny narc ex wife…. after 6-7 year😢
It has been tough the way my Bpd ex broke up without saying anything except petty things and then hurtful words and vilification. It just makes you constantly think if you really did something wrong. I hurt the most in the morning and at night. But at same time my ex-wife is trying really hard to reconnect after finding out I was single again. Just proves if you stay strong and show strength they will come back at some point.
I’m actually going through the same thing with my bpd ex girlfriend. My whole mental is messed up. I question so much….
You both should go no contact for a while..
Been 14 days for me. I am set in my mind if I ever talk to her again it’ll be because she messages me. I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens but I do know I’ll be mentally prepared before I respond. She has came back multiple times but this is the longest episode. It may have been her discard but don’t know.
@bobsnow1782, how long did it take for her to come back to you and start contacting you after the original split up? I'm curious because my ex fiance is a BPD as well and it's wrapped up within her 20-year-old son unfortunately. Just wondering how long it's taken for her to reapproach you. Looking forward to hearing your response and very best of luck to you as well. I hope it works out the way you want
I have made the list and it's really bad stuff. He discarded me and blocked me. It's the worst feeling ever. After 4 years. I'm trying really hard. It's still awful and it's been 4 months.
Thanks
a question..... how do you feel when you talk about that?
Haha I love dirty dancing but you’re so right. When I’m struggling I watch thrillers and British mysteries.
I think Google saw me leading to a melt down today after I came back from a getaway trip. when it gave this video as phone video suggestion notification. Thanks it's been helping me later in the day.
I still have to go to court to fix and minimize my penalty its frustrated i am a nurse with 9.5 years experience and thanks to my 29 years wife supost to support me
Its amazing how accurate you are with these negative thought patterns. I always thought I be the only one thinking of her in the morning and falling a sleep, waking up 4am from a nightmareish hell. Its so terrifying her haunting my sleap it starts to get funny. Yes, I laugh, it helps lol.
I was looking for a vid that would help me no contact correctly but I don't want them back. I know I need to walk away 100% because he will continue to hurt me if I don't get strong enough to leave
Love Coach Ken's videos unfortunately no contact failed me and I was a champion at it apparently my ex really is what she told me she was she always bragged that if anything ever happened I would never hear from her again it's been 6 months now if she was going to reach out she would have by now, I have some goals I want to achieve I still don't understand the break up and probably never will
6 months is still quite early. Especially if they are in rebound. Back off so her new person can relax his hair and start to be himself and he becomes unattractive. As long as you are nearby, texting her, etc. You are seen as a threat by this new guy, and he will work hard to be better than you. Don't give him that oppottunity
Dont be seen as a threat, because he can begin to relax, and take her for granted, and then she will begin to daydream about you. As long as you are a threat, the new person and her bond together tighter. They dont have to face the shortcomings in the new relationship. They can't focus on what they don't like this new relationship because they have to focus on you and your next action.
I hope you take the time to change up and work on you, so when she returns, there is a different outcome.
But any way i don't know what tondo if i have to move on or do my best for recover my marriage
Please everybody help me to take the right decision
Squeeze your cat, Confucius your dog!... 😅 lol Love it! THANK YOU YOU ARE HELPING USE!
My life is hell i still love her she gave me 28 beautiful years
Day 2 💔
We were bessed but mentally spiritual and aura something was bothering her all thevtime
I just found your amazing videos; I dated this girl at our university. We were together for two months, and at the beginning of the relationship, not everything was great but we had a strong bond, and there were some issues. she started slowly not liking my behavior and not telling or talking about what she is unhappy with. She was very introverted and always used to tell me that she wants to eat alone or she wants to spend time alone. we never cleared the fact about how often should we meet and since we are in one dorm we were spending a lot during the day. finally one day we argued about some issues and she decided to break up with me. after the break up she told me to never contact her again but I tried several times and she rejected me very hard. But later she came and look for me, told me we had a good time and she wants to stay connected with me but she does not want to go back to her previous relationship. She never talk about what happened in our relationship she never told me to what extent she wants to contact me. then later she started hanging out with me for a week and after that week she started to stop contacting me threaten to call the cops on me and even called her friends to tell me that I have to move out of school because she does not want to see me. i stopped looking out for her and nowadays I feel depressed I can't work out and I always want to stay in bed. yesterday i saw her in the street and she was looking good coming out of the gym looking fresh with nice make-up. i feel sad that how she moved on so easily and she even does not look at me. should i say hi to her? should i reach out later? should i ignore her like she does?
i really need help? i still miss her while she completely ignore me and wants to stay away while one month ago I was the only one who trusted me.
But she dump me and with the court order and restrictions there is no way to contact her
Dig this: We've been broke up for 6 months. I have to drive by her house to and from work everyday. No other way around it exiting/entering the freeway. Talk about adding insult to injury, eh?
Mine is my next door neighbor.
@robturner7024 That's worse! Sorry brother. 😕
She divorce me in absence never let me know when i supposedly to go to court
But what if the other person does the same? 😢
The judge was pro me he was on my side even knowing my case and i as not there
Now I think about all the bad things that I should have seen..I once bought my ex a 7 dollar pack of cigarettes and he murmured that he didn't ever care if I came back to where he worked out. Now I look back it was always things like this that I should have paid attention to. It's getting better now. It's been 19 months of no contact with him and the memories are fading. I want someone new.
My SP keeps texting me and it’s so hard not to answer back this is difficult because I so miss him I’m trying hard to ignore him but he doesn’t miss a day without texting ugh
There is a way to respond, instead of ignoring...maybe get some suggestions around it.🙏🙏
I think I need to just go and get another one man