Yes and this truth is not a bad thing. I am so grateful me and my partner understand this. We have 3 kiddos. We still make time for us but it really is about raising good people
@@lizab8400 amen. I was married for 14 years, once we had kids my wife got depressed and my attention wasn’t satisfying her dosage needed and so now she’s a single mom and I never really see my kids anymore.
"Without a father encouraging you the world can be a demoralizing place". Yes, I experienced this by 70 years later I have a real father....Dr. Jordan Peterson....and he has improved my life immeasurably. Thank You Dr. Peterson!!!
Rely less on personality. It's not productive nor healthy to look upon a public figure as your "father". Embrace the teachings you find useful and live by them, as you are. However, beware of the power of personality.
It’s important for us as single mothers to recognize that we are not enough for our children. We have to stop glorifying it we have to stop saying we don’t need a man and our children don’t need fathers, because they do. We need to be honest about the struggles we face and the struggles our kids face without dads. I was a single mom for many years and then met the most amazing man and am raising our children in a completely different realm then I began raising my first son in. Edit: humans are naturaly resilient and most people who are raised in healthy single parent homes will most likely be fine. To deny that statistically that is not the situation in most single parent homes is literally dillusional. Being an exception to the rule does not change the rule. I have seen the difference having a good man as a father in my sons life makes. Would he have been a good man regardless probably will he be better for having my husband his father is his life absolutely. Single parenthood is not ideal even if we’re just talking logistics one is more likely to be poor as a single parent and the children are more likely to be neglected. I was raised by a single mom so was my brother and we are okay people we both have issues to work through directly related to being raised in a single parent home. My oldest is almost 18 and he is honest with me about what was hard for him and why. A lot of it was financial how much time I wasn’t there working and going to school. I’m not attacking single parents I was one for 12 years and I was raised by one. I’m saying it not ideal and as a good parent and human you should want what is BEST for children not what is adequate or good enough. Now go get therapy fuckers because this comment triggered a shit load of people.
@@MsDragonbal776 it starts with one. I make sure that I do not glorify the time a spent as a single mother. I made mistakes that lead to my child having to suffer. I was young and I was irresponsible. I worked hard to change though and grown I now am married to an amazing man. He works his but off and I stay home and raise our children. I share my experience and try to let others know especially young women that they do not want to take the path I chose. There is nothing worse then listening to your young child cry because they don’t have a father and they think they are at fault. I can’t change the world however I can be truthful about my lived experience and hope that helps others especially our youth make different decisions.
@UC4z_tJyBeozHxFfJlwh2U5Q no a single parent is NOT enough. No matter how good or capable you are, having another person who is just as capable as you will produce far better results. To really try to get my point across, what I'm trying to say is that, no matter how good you think your mom was at raising you, do you really not think you would be far more capable and succesfull as an individual if you had two loving parents giving you twice as much of everything that you could from one?
My Dad was physically there, but was never actually there for me personally. He's a very loving kind hearted human being, but I feel like he wasn't ready to have kids. His father was a dictator that ruled with an iron fist, and he took after that quality. I only knew my farther as being angry or depressed. Alot of times he kept to himself. I remember when I was kid, I was trying so hard to find a real farther figure that I felt I never had. I love my farther and hope that I can fix are relationship.
i aint know i had a brother cuz u talmbout my dad right now LOL jokes aside growing up without a father can be used as a way to challenge yourself into growing even faster. I'm a lot more mature than my peers and now get confused when I see people my age or even older struggle with issues that I find to be no brainers. Personally I matured and grew through depending on myself, never making any excuses and always being goal oriented. Once my physique and character peaked I found myself in a relationship with an amazing woman who I'd say just a year before would've been a millenia out of my league. I knew she was the one too as I found her at my most narcissistic state believing that everyone was below me, that I was the gift. In a sense it's good to have some of this confidence as opposed to just laying around feeling sorry for yourself blaming everything on others but man being with her helped me truly love myself, realize some of the demons that my father has left within me and continue bettering myself as a person Good luck man. You won't always believe in you but when that time comes believe that there's someone that believes in you
@@jimcole6423 ignore him mate. A typical fatherless guy that growing up only by age and still has no clue about manhood, It seems there are only two product from fatherless family, it either a man who became hostile to himself aka depressed or a man who became hostile outside by bragging about academic and materialistic success to feel more superior and stomp down other people.
Fatherlessness is a problem. No matter how good of a single mom you are, you are not a father. Fatherlessness has tragic consequences for kids and the entire society. I grew up fatherless, I know what I'm talking about.
@@gaia7240 You can, but depression, high anxiety, teenage pregnancies, lack of self-worth, less capacity to solve problems or less empathy, are just some of the consequences of fatherlessness. I turned out to be pretty ok but needed decades to fully heal, be able to have healthy relationship or live without anxiety and lack of confidence.
@@gaia7240 Do you know the facts, figures and statistics on fatherless children? I do, that's what I work with daily. Maybe you could find out interesting stuff if you learned something about it.
@@janahcoaching I admit I do not know the statistic, but I was talking from personal experience, sure it scar you not having a father but you still know what wrong and what is right, some people just choose to behave bad
😭😭 I'm sorry about that. My dad just had no backbone and did not live as an example for me and my family. My mom didn't help either. They both have issues. I'm 26 and I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to respond now
My dad is manic depressive, but we figured it out. I just stay out of his way when he has an episode (which happens sporadically) and even then it’s almost never too bad. He’s a good guy. And now that I’m an adult and I can understand it, I feel very fortunate that he didn’t spoil me. He is very successful and rich, but he never bought me anything or gave me money, but boy did he spend time with me. It motivated me to be active and to find my own success in life. He promised me a car for my 18th birthday when I was little, which he gave me - a Mercedes Coupé, it was his only gift to me, but it turned out to be another motivator because I had to start working even harder. That thing costs a lot of money to maintain. As a child I hated him for not “sharing his riches” with me, but now I see it was excellent parenting on his part. I hate some of my friends for being spoiled and dependent on their parents even in their adult life. The worst part is they think that it’s OK.
@@dereksalas8195 wrong. the blessed are those born with difficulties, who can then learn from them and become stronger. pray for strength and not an easy life
I never let my bad father affect me. Despite him verbally demeaning me, lack of care, selfishly spending my college money on himself, cheating on my mom…etc I have never stopped believing in myself, loving myself. I never had depression and a low self esteem because I was strong and self aware from the very beginning that it was him that was the problem and I was perfectly fine. I have strong bonds with my friends that it makes up for what my father lacked.
My old psychologist used to say that the next best thing to a decent father is strong and capable friends. If you make friends with really top performing men and spend lots of time with them. You will be much better off, especially if you lack accountability and confidence. You are a product of your environment. I didn't have the best Dad. So I found other men to fill the role. And it has worked.
This whole conversation is the typical TradCon *intellectual dishonesty* It's not _fatherlessness_ "problem" It's *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* , they are using "fatherlessness" as a *euphemism* for it to subtly shift the blame onto *MEN* Blaming *MEN* yet again. To the uninitiated and low IQ it seems indistinguishable, but it's a _semantic_ game they're playing, as to not upset the _female_ base. You don't get to blame men for poor ♀ *CHOICES AND BEHAVIOR.* This intellectual dishonesty is why the traditional conservatives will _keep losing_ and _keep making the situation worse_ . Until you solve the _actual_ problem (hint: it's not the _men_ ) society will continue to collapse. Enjoy the decline. 💊
I wish I grew up without a father. Mine was abusive in every way and broke me! What kind of parent wants to break their child?! The world is hard enough!
Mine too, my dad just love the feeling of being dominant. He didn’t hesitate to use violent in order to get his way, even the most unreasonable one. My mom is the same but she prefer verbal abuse since she cannot use force that often. To your question :”what kind of parent wants to break their child?”. From my personal experience, I can tell you that some parents just don’t love their child as much as they love their ego. If the child in anyway hurt their big ego such as talk back to them, don’t make them proud, disagree with them, they would alienate the child and subject the child to possible way (no matter how cruel) to feed their ego.
I’m a single dad raising my teenage daughter alone (her mother lives 1,400 miles away & ain’t great) it ain’t easy. Thank All the gods for ppl like Jordan Peterson for helping fools like me understand the world a little better.
This whole conversation is the typical TradCon *intellectual dishonesty* It's not _fatherlessness_ "problem" It's *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* , they are using "fatherlessness" as a *euphemism* for it to subtly shift the blame onto *MEN* Blaming *MEN* yet again. To the uninitiated and low IQ it seems indistinguishable, but it's a _semantic_ game they're playing, as to not upset the _female_ base. You don't get to blame men for poor ♀ *CHOICES AND BEHAVIOR.* This intellectual dishonesty is why the traditional conservatives will _keep losing_ and _keep making the situation worse_ . Until you solve the _actual_ problem (hint: it's not the _men_ ) society will continue to collapse. Enjoy the decline. 💊
@@kimberley-7797 learning is important. Not to mention those without certain issues or hinderances (being fatherless or having a bad father) may not even realize how vital of a role their father played in their development. Personally I never gave it a thought because it was so “normal” to me. This video gave me more appreciation for my parents especially my dad and the great lengths they went to in developing me into a productive member of society.
I lost my father 3 years ago! Only now after I inherited his weight I'm able to feel what he went through and miss hil and want to talk to him over diner or coffee...rest in peace you are my hero, i just wish i had the same state of mind I have now years ago!
@@Rocknium1 amen brother... Took me a LONG time to forgive my dad and cultivate a relationship with him.. he passed away and we had just gotten started..... how sad life can be sometimes.... I didnt understand my dads stress and just thought he was an asshole.. now i get it...
Same here in Indonesia. That is why I started a channel about fatherlessness and its effects on all of us, the fatherless, and people around us. Btw, I am fatherless too. I want to tell other the importance of fatherhood and help the fatherless by writing books about it on how to overcome it. March on!
My children are fatherless, and as a single mom who tried everything to encourage him to be there for his kids…and no matter what I do, it’s a void that I have never been able to fill….and wow, the amount of children who grow up fatherless shocks me, it’s massively popular and destructive. It’s shameful and awfully sad sad sad
@@savinggrace121 are you sure you didn't talk bad about him to the kids, and are you sure you didn't break up with him over something you two could have solved had you not been trigger happy to break up? 80% of divorced are initiated by myopic women.
All you can really do is find the answers yourself in the end, when you grow up not having parents. My mother was too busy looking for drugs, father lost interest in me when I was an infant; grandparents instilled a sense of morals in my character, I went on from there. Being weak isn't anything to be ashamed of, staying weak is.
"Once you have kids it's not about you anymore", this is so true. Once you start having children your life belongs to your child for the next 18yrs. It's the most important and impactful and sacrificial endeavour a person can take on. Also it is the most rewarding because your legacy impacts generations into the future. Thank you Jordan Peterson for putting this message out there.
My dad, even though provided food and shelter for me, was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. He made me feel like I was never good enough for anything. I used to think I was the problem until I realized he was the problem years later. He’s a very insecure person projecting his insecurities onto everyone else. I don’t hate him but he could’ve done a lot better as a father.
Sounds like my father. Emotionally unavailable. Terrible communicator even though he thought he was the king of communication ironically, I think it was really on a superficial level and with his friends.
im in the same boat. im almost 21 and im just now realizing how shitty of a father he was to me. i would always block it out by playing video games. the memories i have with him are very cloudy.
I grew up not knowing my father, my mother was very overprotective of me growing up and as a result I never got to experience much of life, never got to make my own mistakes etc. Everything this man says I can relate to. Please don't abandon your kids.
As challenging as it may be to experiment without any guidance I wish you strength and wisdom to become the kind of man you needed once in your life. All the best to you!
I’m 16, my single mom raised/raising my five siblings and I. She is an amazing woman, and she did everything she could to keep us happy and healthy but you can never fill the absence of a missing father no matter how hard you try. My two brothers (one 18 and one 14) are struggling in their life especially. One of them got into drugs and my other brother has anger issues, is extremely stubborn, and has become a bully, got suspended from school. My mom remarried but I feel like the man she married came into our lives when we are too old and so we don’t really see him as a father, just as a weird dude who married my mom, you know? I personally find it really hard to trust men or get along with them since almost all men in my life have let me down and so I’m apprehensive to be vulnerable around them.(but i understand not ALL men are bad, obviously) Anyhow, it really is detrimental to raise kids without the father figure in their lives. All kids want that. And all kids have a RIGHT to that. It always hurts my heart that I never had a strong father to hold me and that I could never be a “daddy’s girl”. I envy kids infinitely who have that in their lives, but I am also so happy for them too. So you can really see the detrimental affects of the absence of a father in a home. Anyhow, please, if you are going to have children, make sure the person you are marrying is actually of good quality and that you trust them whole heartedly to raise your kids to be good people. If you do not you are stealing your child’s right, that is the right to be raised with a mother and father.
That was a very touching text you wrote. I am 18,now a CS major studying to be somebody in this life,but I have to admit that less than 1% of what I am today came from my father.He was present physically but never morally,I would say that he gave me as much as 5 advices in all these years,different from my mother and my brother that gave me the moral foundations in wich I stand today.My mom basically had to raise me and my brother alone while also working fulltime and let me tell me you,thats an homerical job for any woman.So I can say that I feel a part of your pain and share that feeling of loss that you have about your father and whenever you think that man are trash or that life's meaningless,remember every single person that has stories like ours but that achieved meaning in their lives.Have a great life and regards from Brazil🏖
@@luisfelipearaujodeoliveira469 Thank you. I am truly sorry to hear about your father. I need to correct my last sentence to "every child has the right to be raised by a GOOD father and mother." I also gained my moral foundation through my mom who worked full time as well. It is comforting to hear your experience because I know that even though I suffer, other people suffer through similar things. And thank you for your advice, I really do appreciate it. Good luck with your studying and I wish you success and a happy life!
Did your mom stop him from being involved? And would she even tell you the truth if you asked her this question? Maybe you should have a look at your case.
@@barefootarts737 It was an extremely messy divorce. Probably the worst divorce I've heard of. They went to court and my mom gained full custody. My dad suffers with mental issues and had a huge porn addiction. That's all I know and all I really care to know. It's in past. It aggravates me that their problems leaked into my life so I choose not to dwell on it in everyday life.
I love how passionate when he speaks about his subject, "Do something meaningful in your life, you are greater than what you think", what a speech! I wonder how much those young students in that class could comprehend what he said, or they just sat there for sake of doing a course, as I almost want to applaud if I was in that class. He is not just teaching a course, he is teaching how to live your life!
Yep, students would attach connections and meanings to that because the tonality and the way he delivers it shows the rawness and power in thinking that way. You could tell that because he knows what it means, people are going to pick up on that same idea to, and that's heck of a lot to discover as a student. I don't know if regular college curricula would produce ideas like that because it feels as though running on expresso and behind a desk at a dorm memorizing facts seems like existential risk because why bother right? Money? No. It's about life! How do you correct the perspective of your life, so you know what you really want. Not to get screwed over by other people toxicity because they are purposeless as the other fellow who's berating them about what the material's cost or what culture/social norm blankly addresses you to behave, that's what Jordan Peterson teaches. Become the 99 percentile and grow away from dead crops. "Life's hard, man." - Dr. Jordan Peterson
I like Jordan but in this case he didn't teach you something. Is like saying to a homeless that lost everything: hey stop being poor ! You understand what I mean?
Without the encouragement from your father. The world is a dismal place. No one gave me the confidence to face the world and be brave i had to find it on my own within myself. My journey now is closing that empty chapter in my life and give my daughter what i was always missing as a kid. Just someone to talk to and understand the situation.
My father was essentially absentee as he wasn't home cheating on my mother all the time, or being an alcoholic drunk. There's nothing to miss when my mum finally divorced him. We survived just fine without him.
@@alexeysamokhin9629 most of the time it's hidden, especially when you don't live with the person beforehand. Or it started as just a few drinks and got heavier as time went by.
how did you survive. im stuck in the same issue right now and today everyone had a big fight and it was hell. my mother and my sisters anre now acared on what will we do if no one pays for the bills etc. we have no one in our city. please help im not from a first world country either
@@uziman1322 My mom went back to work, but we lived frugally. She also bought a house and rented out the top apartment. I was still in highschool and got a part time job after school and weekends. This was several decades ago on Canada. Good luck.
My father was my hero and when he passed I was lost for years! He was the epitome of a strong, hardworking, reliable father. Going through a divorce now with a 13 year old son, I am afraid for his future.
I love Peterson's view on fatherhood. I grew up knowing my father from a distance and learned early he was always going to be a failure because of his selfishness. And Jordan is very correct, it's demoralizing and exhausting to grow up without a father to encourage and guide you. At times I wish I had had a better father, but I learned to accept that some people are just incapable of growing up.
As challenging as it may be to become a man without guidance and encouragement, I wish you strength and wisdom to become the kind of man you once needed in your life and change the pattern that was passed onto you by an irresponsible guy. All the best to you!
I’ve never met my dad and was raised by an emotional distant, alcoholic mother who has no interest in me or my life. I’ve also never had any contact with my extended family like aunties, uncles, cousins on my mother’s side, never met my dads family. I feel like having no family growing up has permanently made it impossible to integrate into society, as if a vital piece of the puzzle is lost forever...
Hey same situation here. I literally raised myself. However, you must push yourself through integration in society. I had no biological family but everyday I smile to people and many smile back and I know everything is great. I have a kid and the father hasn't seen her since she was 3, she will be 7. That was his decision, it is everyday. My heart breaks everytime she asks me about her dad. It is hard but there is nothing I can do but show her all my love.
As someone who grew up entirely without the presence of a father, extensive reading throughout my childhood laid the foundations of intelligence and the ability of introspection, but it was ultimately my choice to stand up by myself that always made all the difference. Ironically I think from an early age adopting a role as a senior male figure can to a degree make up for not having such a figure yourself, I grew up basically in the same household as my 8 cousins who were younger than me, and half my identity always was (and still is really to this day) as an older brother, and I think the role inspired a lot of my more mature and caring behaviours.
My relationship with my father is complicated. When I was young I saw him as distant and a little unpredictable. Most of the time I only saw him at weekends because of his work. Now I realise that he himself was broken emotionally because of his childhood, his way of showing love was by providing which is why he worked so hard. Reading the comments here I realise that many did not have ideal fathers- please try to see past their faults, in all likelihood they may have already been emotionally damaged themselves before you were born. A few years ago my father died, the hurt that he caused me is all forgotten and I mourn relationship we never had.
Many fathers had absent fathers themselves due to various wars and working away from the family. But lack of effort to resolve issues by helping the next generation isn't an emotional issue. It is laziness. And when a father is lazy, he disables his whole family - the women in the family are left to do it the domestic work and the physically harder work eg DIY, gardening...some people should not have children because they don't intend to look after them, they just want their wives to look after them.
Stop making excuses. They knew the pain of their childhood so they should have done everything to not let it happen to their children. They should have been man enough to break the cycle.
As a small child being passed through the foster care system, one foster parent told me that he could do anything he wanted to me because I didn’t have a father. He was right. How I wish I would have had a father to love and protect me.
I am continuing to cry metaphorically when I look back at the mistakes I made through my time in fatherhood. As much as I dearly loved them both so much, and tried to do my best for them in all I did, I recognise the emotional damage that was passed on because of the clashes in character style with my eldest son. I just didn’t know what was happening.
Wow; you sound like you were my dad , I wish my father reAlizes what you’re realizing right now. And Trust me, as a son, I’d appreciate the change of heart if you were my dad, it’s the first step bro❤️
You sound like you were doing the best you could. Today forward is what matters now. I hope you reach out to him. I'd want you to. Even if he doesn't respond well now, he may later. All you can do is try, and if you don't the answer is already no.
It wasn’t until I was 31 when I realized how important it is. My father doesn’t live too far from me and my sister. He just chooses not to show up. Even more so he chooses to do so for other people’s families. It’s really hard to deal with
Trauma is always an element of life,and my family hit the ground running. My father died at age 43 when I was an infant with 5 siblings. Grief and love became the central issue in my life. A desire to numb out pain and a constant dopamine deficit,clinical depression and seeking a father figure became constants. The father figure issue was resolved when I became a father,but the other issues are still,at 63, being worked out. The shock was that I and my 3 older brothers all got the idea deeply embedded that we'd die at 43 like him,and now what do I do? We all are still alive! Pretty liberating,but I still have to deal with the habits formed by falsehoods to overcome.
My father and my mother caused me to suffer from complex PTSD. Complete opposite to what Jordan Peterson is saying what a father and mother should be like. I was physically abused for a decade by them. But I am hopeful, as that is the highest form of super power we humans can have.
Father never had interest in me, my mother raised me best she could, then I took over,I’m my own daddy ain’t body son-in me, 25 years old, about to graduate college ,get a job,get engaged to my girl,marry,start a family.
i hope u were there for u future daughter or son because i am fatherless also abuse by a father but i forgive him but i want to have a healthy family in near future have a husband
@@Angela-vm3kc pray, forgive and let go. We evolve over time, and the prayer renews us. Daughter hopefully , I never had any siblings and I wana alot of kids in the house.
@@4inaftermath454 right but i hope that we will be more better as a parents we want kids because we do like to learn and be parents i am 22 and seriously i got stronger over time
@@Angela-vm3kc we will , we know what good parenting produces and what it doesn’t , book have been written , we have experience and our own will and values. Yes , we develop the strength to do many things ,we learn patience as well that one is the hardest for me .
Good on you sr, i am in a similar boat to yourself. Im 21 my father died when i was 10 and long story short we never got the opportunity to engaged in a real father son relationships to begin with. I just started university this last week, i hope to be in a similar position you find yourself in 3 years form now when i graduat. Best of luck and health to you and your partner, may you have a wonderful weding and raise some beautiful children
My father was very demoralizing and he doesn't remember it - he feels he was a great father. Any time I'd ever asked him anything, he's stop me and say no, and often yelled and screamed about nothing. In retrospect, he might have had bipolar disorder, but it doesn't change that even today I notice that I often make the right decision for the wrong reasons, and so I grow resent and regret about them. He also was jealous - narcissistic, often would run his family down to extended family and friends. I've grown to feel bad for him (as well as maintaining the resent, unfortunately) because I realised he was just in marriage with kids that he never actually wanted to be in. Every moment was basically torture for him, and he didn't know what to do except exert that feeling onto everyone around him.
As long as the ♀ of the species are _free and equal_ to us, society will keep *decaying* until it *collapses* with this *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* crisis. _Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._* - J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
Jeez, way to hit the nail on the head. An angry, bitter father that hated having kids and hated the woman he slept with. He hated it so much he had himself and my mother neutered after my brother was born. Technically my brother and I were both a failed abortion (survived the aftermorning pill) and his family were really strict Catholics so if he didn't want to be ostracized from the family, he had to marry and raise the kids. I'll give him credit because he was not a deadbeat; he did stick around and put food on the table....but God have mercy on your soul if you had to ask him about anything. He would go absolutely berserk if you asked him about real-life problems and chase you away. He pretty much wanted you out of his life the moment you turned 17 and expected you gone when you were 18. And it's just like, fuck dude, can you chill out for a minute and give me some life advice for once? Sorry you couldn't keep your pants on.
For me and my brother, our father just stopped being a father once we hit our late teens. Its tough but we both had to accept it and try and move on the best we can. My parents were divorced when we were very young.
One of the proudest moments of my life was when my father was trash talking my mother on the phone with me. I asked him "what have I ever asked you for?" And he said "nothing, that's why you are my favorite son." Then I asked "didn't I ask you to stop disrespecting my mother?" He said "yes" then proceeded to insult her again. I told him "he has one last time to disrespect her, before I stop talking to him" he proceeded to insult her again. And I flipped, cursed him out for being unable to do the one thing I've ever asked if him. Then I told him I dont need him anymore as I'm not a child, and never spoke to him again. RIP to him, such a shame. I asked so little of him.
I'm so sorry. I had a dad who did the same, but got lucky and had an awesome stepdad. I guess the one thing I've learned is you really don't have to lead the life your parents lived. I've been married to my husband for nearly 18 years. We have two kids and they are so much happier than I ever was and so much more successful in the things they love and school.
All I asked my father for was the Truth a name and a wall. All he ever did was lie threaten me and my mother, and try to manipulate me into imatating a living version of my dead mother that he did not have to behave appropriately with. He only gets to see me once a week now over the computer with other family watching.
Sounds like mine too.... He continues to disrespect me, it's hard.... The struggle to honor him yet not be his vomit & 💩 pan. I keep it super superficial, happy birthday, happy father's day, happy to all the holidays and that's it.... Although, he continues to get upset since I'm such an unforgiving evil b***h. Trust me to just send a text when i don't want to, but i do, because my Heavenly Father tells me to honor and so i do, the struggle is very real! But, that's what adulting is right, you gotta put your feelings aside and do many things you may not feel like.
@@boliviandimples well the good news is that we are grownups now and we make our own choices now. I would like to say there is hope, but how often do vindictive narsasists change. Pigs might fly first and not the political or bad Leo kind.
Being abandoned by my father has stayed with me my whole life. It has hardened my character though, and determination...it's a learning process. It's been so difficult.
Same boat here. I did finally meet him when I was 40 (7 years ago). It was less than pleasant. And yeah, it has been difficult, but I'm a Dad now, and I've ended the cycle, my daughters are 20 and 12, and I'm married to the same lady. Just know you aren't alone.
My father left when I was 1. When I was 27 I called him and he told me I would “never amount to anything” and was “a fkd up piece of sh!t like the rest of the family.” He never knew me and I’ve learned to not take anything personal. People project onto others the reflection of themselves. Gratefully I have good friends and Jordan Peterson to tell me truths worth learning. 🙏🏼
Fuck me did he project himself onto you. You are worth all the love in the world, you have value and you bring this world joy just by existing and many are waiting to experience that world of wonderment with you and through you to create something glorious in this life that multiples human existence. May life bless you and uplift you always ❤️
Sounds like mama failed you from the jump with her *poor mating **_CHOICES_* by making him your father. As long as the ♀ of the species are _free and equal_ to us, society will keep *decaying* until it *collapses* with this *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* crisis. _Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._* - J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
For anyone reading this who's struggling with difficult times, I'm praying for you. No matter how bad life seems, there's always better times. God loves you more than you can comprehend. I believe in you that you can find your way. You got this man, use the difficulties to motivate you to do better. Stay strong my fellow brothers and sisters 🖤
My father was distant, disapproving and a brutal disciplinarian. So, I looked for a husband who was nurturing and available but forgot about discipline. Apparently my husband didn’t believe in it and ours sons’ life reflects that absence. Research shows I was better off than my children. It is not ideal but better to be too hard on your kids than too easy,
5:39 "If your father rejects you or doesn't form a relationship with you, It's as if the spirit of civilization has left you outside the walls as of little worth." Man that hit me hard. That is exactly it... wow
My parents failed me catastrophically, I'm 24 now and, within the last 10 months - for the first time understand my purpose and vision for the future, the first lines of the second clip hit me so hard and fast that it brings back some of that annoyance and anguish that comes from the feeling of having so many years taken from me due to mental illness and the inability to Be. My message I hope to give with this comment, if you are reading this. Do not hold on to anger, don't value every negative thought or impulse you have. It is ok to feel like less or as though you have the potential and ARE WAITING FOR SOMETHING... because you can give yourself some time, your brain will develop and the ideal thought patterns may just arise - like jbp sais here too - break from the bonds that hold you (this dosent have to be immediately)
I grew up Fatherless and Motherless, they both abandoned me soon after my birth, I'm currently raising a child of my own, and I'm determined to be a parent that I never had.
My dad was always there for me mentally, and physically. He always provided for me with love. He made sure I never went without. He showed me love and affection. He taught me how to sew, paint, gardening, fishing, hunting, baking, ethics, morals and values. I will not disappoint him and he’s been absent of the body for 30 years. I treat men and with respect because that’s what he taught me. He also taught me not to take nobody shit, stand on my own two feet, how to save because life will throw you a curveball. I teach my son the same and he doesn’t listen and lives a hard and difficult life. And he had his dad up until he was 19, then his father died from cancer.
I've raised five kids. I've been broke as hell most of my adult life. My life has more depth, meaning, and wealth than I ever could have imagined for myself when I was young.
Only a father that has his shit together, can teach his son to get his shit together. When they're mostly going through the motions (9-5 job that just pays the bills) they won't be able to guide their son cause they don't even know how to guide themselves. Most people are low on self-consciousness and emotions so they don't know what the hell they're doing....
That‘s so true! However the question is: how can the curse be broken - cause I certainly won‘t have kids until I can make sure I won’t pass that on to the next generation..
@@DelasVC Get your shit together to the point where you know yourself emotionally (a real man knows how to control his emotions), your virtues, your flaws, your passion, what gives you strenght and confidence. Make mistakes and learn from them, tell the truth and get in trouble, learn when to tell the truth and when to shut up, face the hard realities of the world and learn how to get the best out of society from a pragmatic point of view. Isn't that the father we all wish we had? My original comment was meant for everyone to have a little sympathy for our old man that certainly didn't do the best job ever, but he probably didn't know any better.
True, BUT: a son can get his shit together even if the father doesn’t have his shit together but enforces a minimum standard of behaviour. Getting out of bed in the morning, going to school, minimum screen time, doing homework doing chores, getting a part-time job, not fighting, minding the law, treating girls with basic respect/not getting girls pregnant, keeping promises. Any kid that has that + not being abused will be ok.
How to heal this wound (slowly): 1. Acknowledge you have missed something in your youth. 2. Write a letter to your younger self, to tell him/her that you see and acknowledge what wasn't there but should have been there, and how you feel for your younger self. 3. Get ready to feel heavy emotions. You can handle those. The sadness will come in waves, let it Flow. Cry as much as you need. 4. When you feel the pain. Connect with it. Then close your eyes and imagine taking your younger self up on your lap. 5. In that moment give your younger self what was missing. Warm comfort. Love. Approval. Encouraging words. Acceptance. Being seen. Safety. 6. Let the sadness flow. Hug your younger self. 7. When your younger self is ready, let him/her go and ensure your younger self it can always come back. Repeat often. Take care friends.
As a single mum I agree it's really hard to be the caring loving mother and the disciplinary figure my son does understand why I switch between the two but I have to because his alcoholic father isn't around regularly he pops up every couple of years and I didn't no how to explain why his dad isn't around in a way that doesn't make him sound like a bad person
I feel a big sadness 😔. My only child has not seen her father since she was 3 and now she be 7. I used to go to him so she could see him when she was a baby and he would always cancel. One time when I picked her up he did not let me go and I went through hell. Sometime before he almost killed me.. Then he did porn revenge and I got a PO for life but haven't really process anything for the revenge. I did not even knew he was married on paper, even though he wasn't with the wife and she was married to someone else. He is 13 years older. He has two older kids and he takes care of them he is the custodian. It is difficult for me to understand how he loves those kids but not our kid. I mean I see my kid and I wonder why wouldn't he want to even know how his own seed is doing. I know he will never show her care and it is just sad. The last time I spoke to him 4 years ago he said he regretted getting me pregnant that it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he was only the sperm donor. He is such a coward. I will never disintegrate.
I would not sugar coat it. My child’s father has issues that he chooses not to do anything about. Unless it is ordered by the court, there will not be any interaction between them. Not once a year or every few years, how could anyone form a bond with that? Also, that would be teaching my child the irregular and inconsistent visits are acceptable.The truth will be spoken and if it makes him look bad, then that is on him. There is only so much empathy one can have to a persons situation and I will not choose to have that negative energy (his burdens) around my child.
@@cristinanatea948 I did not chose that hahaha. I was 18 he was 31. I always used condom and sometimes spermacides. He told me and my face and txt message he got me pregnant on purpose so I would stay with him so he could keep on manipulating and screwing each other up and so I could keep on taking care of his kids hahaha. He said he made small holes to the condoms. I don't know I just know I never wanted to get pregnant. Aborting was not an option at the time. I got my bachelor's either way. Sucks that my kid don't have male role model, I didn't have mom and dad, never met them. Hahah I am laughing at my comment I was sad that day. Life is beautiful away from toxicity. Though I would never deny him his right to her. He knows that but also I cannot force him. Oh well life goes on.
If there's one thing about JP, it's "responsibility". My life significantly changed for the better after I had my first child. Now I embrace it. Every young person should hear this.
I lost my father 3 years ago! Only now after I inherited his weight I'm able to feel what he went through and miss hil and want to talk to him over diner or coffee...rest in peace you are my hero, i just wish i had the same state of mind I have now years ago!
I loved my father deeply but he died when I was in my twenties. I compensated by reading and studying certain philosophers, masculine, deep types. I need those granite intellects around me.
My father was in and out .. wasn’t there for me emotionally at all. He kicked me out in the worst timing of my life. He recently died and I forgave him. He was fatherless himself
My father wound was healed in a major way when I finally got a revelation of the love of God the Father for me. Once I could feel loved, accepted, known, protected, provided for by my Heavenly Father, I experienced remarkable life-change for the better. There's nothing like being a Daddy's girl!
I was not healed right away, but I have a relationship with God as such a young age when I told Him that he is my father, because I heard from someone or somewhere that He is a father to the fatherless. And I as live and evolve as a person He became what I needed the most in my life. He truly is good and loving. I would have been destroyed by my anger and resentment if I have not known Him my real Father and the True Lover of My Soul!
Mother raised us. She played both parts. None of us smoke, drink alcohol, broken the law, taken drugs etc Unfortunately it took it's tol on my mother. Her health suffered badly. She had a major stroke at 47 years old. She also basically raised her siblings as well. I think a father gives a different sense of safety, security, and easily gives boundaries/discipline. I never had a good male role model. As both grandfather's died before I was born. Would of been great having a decent person for a father. I think my mother always telling stories about her father and what he would say/do was the closest thing I got. Even though I never got the honour of meeting my grandfather I miss him and I named my son after him.
The more responsibility you take on the more meaning your life has. Wow I wish I had been taught by my parents to challenge myself and drive to be the best. Dad not involved at all didn't contribute to my life
Being fatherless makes life a little more confusing and a little more complex that's all. I'm lucky, I have a supportive mother, she's a tough cookie, mentally tougher than any man or father figure I've had in my life. But even so the lack of a father does remove another perspective in life, so it takes a little longer to understand society but when you finally do it's an understanding that can never be taught by anyone. Also having multiple father figures in my life confused the hell out of me when I was young but ultimately made me realise to be myself. Sure not everyone is the same but knowing I was fatherless pushed me to succeed and prove that I can do whatever I like in this world regardless of the hand I've been dealt in life.
Sounds like your mother made a horrible *CHOICE* in mates As long as the ♀ of the species are _free and equal_ to us, society will keep *decaying* until it *collapses* with this *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* crisis. _Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._* - J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
I usually like being more self-sufficient and autonomous with how I view the world, and I can never look up to any of the current UA-camr guru’s seriously for that reason, but I always make an exception for Jordan. I absolutely love how he says everything how it is, and blends pure scientific research with his opinion of the matter. That’s not to say he’s flawless, cause he’s not, but he’s the only person I feel comfortable looking up to.
I'm the exact same age and my father moved to another country when I was 12, to work. Saw him few times since. Last time was 8 years ago, but few months ago he called me after years of silence... to ask for money. No contact since. You can guess he hasn't paid it back neither. I always think that I should reach out to him as he always had huge problems with alcohol and such. Forgive before it's too late. Never actually considered that he actually just doesn't care, I'm not sure why. Always just blamed it on mental issues or that he stopped contacting us because it was too hurtful for him at this point, after years of fucking it up. Interesting that your post reminded me of that simple possibility.
@@aw2584 sorry to here man ,but yes its just what it is you know... Im not going to fight to get a father man i deserve one...and if he doesn't think like that.... Well... Thats to bad for him... im going to keep leaving my life... But if the poor idiot will need anything in the future hes gonna get shit... I dont know how you had the strength to give him any money, good for you man...
Likewise. Mine left me when I was 18 months. Contacted him when I was 16-17, we started messaging each other and I was excited. I thought it was going well. We even spoke on the phone. But then he suddenly blocked my number and me on FB. I was devastated. But then started messaging me a year and a half later with no explanation. This time his tone was different. He didn’t wanna know me. He informed me that he had one of my family members spying on me for him, for years. And he started insulting my mother calling her this and that. And how I was still the biggest mistake of his life. I knew he wanted me to lash out and give him a not to speak with me, but I still fell for it. The shit he said about my mother, he of all people had no right to say. Our last phone call we were screaming death threats at each other. And I gave him his reason. Been to therapy numerous times. I know what my problem is, but I can’t seem to fix it. I found out that no one had my mothers back during her pregnancy. Not even my own family. The day I was born, my dad (who works in the navy) voluntarily went out on a 2 week tour (despite being given absence by his CO or whatever) so he didn’t have to miss my birth. After my dad left, his parents still wanted to see me, so still I was 6 I saw my grandparents till they claimed my mum was abusing me (she wasn’t) and walked out of my life as well. They said they walked out to punish my mum. It didn’t punish my mum, it punished me. And shortly after that incident my dad had a little girl, he visited his parents (who live in the same area as me), my mum spotted him with his wife and baby in a supermarket, pointed him out, I chased after him. Tripped over something. I saw him looking me at. I began to cry and he walked off. I know it ain’t my fault, but it feels like it is. I didn’t get a choice about this situation. I’m 21 and I haven’t even had my 1st kiss because I’m too nervous to talk to women as I was never taught how. I got rejected from my dream job due to my history with self harming (which started when I was learning about who my dad was). And I feel an emptiness inside that I strongly believe he can fill. I had a dream years ago that best describes what I feel. I’m in a blizzard. I’m surrounded my lots of huts. I approach one and start banging on the door. I know there’s people in there as I hear them. All I wanna do is get out the cold. But then I see the curtain slightly open and I catch a glimpse of my dad. I start to bang louder and louder on the door. I know he sees me as we made eye contact, but he doesn’t open the door. So I leave and walk off. And I see my mum, stepdad and brothers yelling in at me, in a welcomingly way ‘Reece! Come in! It’s freezing!’ But I don’t go in. I run off trying to find others like me around the building into the forest. I find no one. And I get quite upset. So I decide to walk back to the house where my mums at, but my footprints have disappeared due to the snow. The door at my mums house ain’t open anymore. I don’t bother knocking, but look thru the window. I see my mum and stepdad playing with my brothers like a perfect family. Without me. I walk off and start to cry. That’s when I realised that I’m truly alone. I don’t blame anyone but myself. So I walked into the blizzard and disappeared into the snow. And that’s when I woke up.
When my patience and exhaustion were high, I could hand the baby to the father and peacefulness ensured. The stress of motherhood is real, but having a father mediates this.
My life’s weird. My dads a banker and does well for us, but he ruined like a 1/3 of my childhood. He’s a great man and spent many years sober, but when his alcoholism appeared it would ruin years at a time. Trying to get to know him is hard but he’s a great man when he’s sober and he has been lately. I guess he’ll be on and off. I know it has to do with him heavily drinking at a young age because he had so much freedom early on. He was a lonely kid, born 13 years after his closest sibling. It’s wild, but I’m really starting to find myself with good distance from him, but a healthy relationship.
Fatherlessness is a difficult thing. I didn't have mine in my life at all. I last saw him when i was about 6. He had alcohol issues. My mother remarried a terrific military guy around junior high.. Incredible guy that I love to this day. In those teen years I iced him out though. I didn't realize i was hardened because my biological father left a void. My stepdad filled it partially and that in itself is something to be grateful for. I only wish i let him in more. I am going to call him tomorrow to let him know again how much i have always appreciated him.
Thanks for getting to the heart of so many of the problems in the world. At the age of 70 + I wish I could have learned this stuff when in college. Keep on helping the world.
0:49 is so accurate. It’s the hardest thing to be everything to your child as a single parent. Being the nurturer and the disciplinarian. But I’ll tell you it’s equally, if not more, difficult for the child to understand that differentiation when they are small especially. To know if their single parent is going to nurture or discipline them when they come to talk about an issue or a mistake, etc. and if the parent is over nurturing or over disciplining it sets the child up to either become enabled and Co-dependent, or to become fearful of making mistakes and not knowing where to turn when making a mistake, becoming either people pleasing perfectionists or delinquents rebelling against the disciplinarians. It’s an incredible balancing act for the parent, and a lesson in human behaviour insight, and forgiveness for the child when a parent is too much on one side or the other. Single parenting is not for sissies I’ll tell you that! But honestly, if you forgive mistakes quick after disciplining and go back to being nurturing once they have apologised and shown remorse (and not hold a grudge or bring it up again, unless with compassion for a new learning opportunity), your kids will have a good chance of being healthy psychologically I think. Not easy guys, but the journey of parenting is always a blessing. And just remember it’s hard for the child too, to know when you are wearing which hat. ☀️
youre have delusional beliefs about your "incredible" ability to balance... youre not very intelligent and you need to be told outright that youre simple and grossly prideful of your own personal failure to supply a healthy, two parent family for your child or children... no, youre not doing a good job, and no you do not have sufficient awareness or knowledge of what's going on to make such a stupid and simple comment. youre just wrong, basically all-entirely each as a person and as a "parent"... dumb people like you annoy me.
My own father was barely a part of my life, many times his anger took over his life and pushed me away from him. I tried being a part of his life but his anger disconnects him from everyone around him. I believe his absence in my life is fueling my inability to connect with others as well. I pray I will the father my child needs.
Here Dr. Peterson's analysis goes perfectly with Jubran Khalil Jubran vision, the great Lebanese author: " your children are not your children, they are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, they are with you yet they belong not to you. " It s a rough, tough responsibility. It s a huge weight, job, but in the end if you endeavour In finding its deep meaning,you will be reawrded glory.
I am thankful for my parents, but i’m also so thankful for God the Father. If I didn’t have Him i’d be in a much worse place. He helped fill the voids and heal me from how my parents raised and treated me. I was headed down a dark path because of it, but my Heavenly father intervened.
If I had to choose fatherless or physically and emotionally abusive father I would choose fatherlessness every time. Sure I could be messed up but not to the level I have been.
These two clips just helped me realise something. Always wondered why people thought of Peterson as an archetypal father. Only recently did I compare his insights to that of a real father's (after all, he is one) then I thought about what spasific words stand out to me from him and why. Having grown up without a father, it's all starting to make sense. Still not willing to put public figures on a type of pedestal though.
He is doing the job ,...that parents don't do...giving sound advice to the young people who need it....Bravo ,to him,..but it's exhausting work ,trying to explain, what is right and wrong ,...he does a good job.
My father was there for the first half of my childhood. He hit me, too much. Then he left and was gone for the second half of my childhood. I’ve spent many years wrestling with the fact that it was better when my dad was there, even while being a horrible father, because at least he was teaching me what kind of man to not be. Life is miserable, no matter how good it gets. No matter how strong I am as a man, no matter how many guys I fight to prove to myself that I’m a man, I am always that scared little boy looking into the eyes of the man who is supposed to love me more than anyone else and teach me how to live, while he beats me.
yea. I agree in that my dad, was too abusive. 20+ punches ot the head at 13 years old at(at one out of mant times) from a guy who could curl 70 pounds with 1 arm, let me tell you that is BS. Abuse is abuse, call it what it is, there is a right and a wrong way to raise a kid, abuse is not it. I disagree with you. A real man does not need to abuse his kids. F*** THATa
I'm a single parent. I really really really really understand how important marriage is now. I have never been married and I don't even want to....but Single parent is barely doable. I feel like I am going to faint everyday.
I'm 19 almost 20 and tonight I'm finally learning/realizing my mental health problems are from my parents ive always thought I was just lazy and emotional, im doing everything I possibly can to escape this crippling mindset I just hope it's enough
I know a lot of others feel the same way as me right now and it’s gratitude for Peterson and all that he does. My parents had a rocky relationship from around 7-14, and then they divorced when I was 15. Shortly after I fought with my dad non stop and he ended up kicking my out of his house at 16 and I haven’t seen him since for the most part. I’m 19 now and trying to navigate the waters of adulthood without having a dad to teach me the dad shit that other people get to be taught. I’m not whining about it, I was for a while, but recently I just accepted that, yeah I got dealt a shit hand, but there’s nothing I can do about it except make the best of what I have now. And I know that Petersons wisdom, strength, care, and empathy will always be here to teach me the things that a dad should be teaching his son. I’m very thankful that he exists.
I can relate to exactly what he said I grew up no father my moms always at work and my brother getting into gangs I was normal and had good friends but 1 day it hit so fast all my friends with money were able to move out I had no choice but to adapt but through all that I am thankful for the reason I saw all sides it made me stronger and now I have raised my kids and there both doing amazing life is a story hopefully one day we can all share it
Grew up without a father kind of, he passed when I was ten and when he was alive he was scarcely around due to unpaid child support and as a native, suffered boozin by nature and by nurture. He'd fall off the wagon and go on benders and then come back, do very well for a few months and then hit it again. I grew up angsty, angry at the world but try to look inwards more and become more aware of the shadow self to better my life and my children's life at 25 with 2 daughters. Dr. Peterson has guided me immensley to take on responsibility and be a better father as well as being a better human.
My dad tried his best. My mom tried a hers to ruin everything he tried. Somehow she rides higher by ruining him. Even though he's so much better capable of everything. Laws set this to easily happen. I've lived and listened thru it. The dad deck is so highly stacked, a mood from the mom, of which are many & normal, can reward her to ruin everything. Being a dad, just trying to do it, without any support, just verbal even from his wife/ kids mom, makes it for the bad dad. Then those rewards finish him off. Subconscious I'm sure he lives knowing this. A dad without a system there for him.
Yep, and what you said is *_ACTUALLY_* the problem, but people keep blaming _men_ of course, because it's easier than holding females accountable. This whole conversation is the typical TradCon *intellectual dishonesty* It's not _fatherlessness_ "problem" It's *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* , they are using "fatherlessness" as a *euphemism* for it to subtly shift the blame onto *MEN* Blaming *MEN* yet again. To the uninitiated and low IQ it seems indistinguishable, but it's a _semantic_ game they're playing, as to not upset the _female_ base. You don't get to blame men for poor female choices and behavior. This intellectual dishonesty is why the traditional conservatives will _keep losing_ and _keep making the situation worse_ . Until you solve the _actual_ problem (hint: it's not the _men_ ) society will continue to collapse. Enjoy the decline. 💊
My father died at 82 never having said a kind or comforting word to me. Never even put an arm around me, often drunk and very abusive. Still wondering how he has affected me as I never shared this with anyone.
“Marriage isn’t for the parents it’s for the kids. Once you have kids it’s no longer about you.”
Love this comment.
Yes and this truth is not a bad thing. I am so grateful me and my partner understand this. We have 3 kiddos. We still make time for us but it really is about raising good people
@@lizab8400 amen. I was married for 14 years, once we had kids my wife got depressed and my attention wasn’t satisfying her dosage needed and so now she’s a single mom and I never really see my kids anymore.
4:13I told my daughter this a few years ago... I’m so glad she listened
This is truth. I have learned this the hard way and am trying to be the best father I can be
"Without a father encouraging you the world can be a demoralizing place". Yes, I experienced this by 70 years later I have a real father....Dr. Jordan Peterson....and he has improved my life immeasurably. Thank You Dr. Peterson!!!
I love this! Great for you!! ❤️🧡
Rely less on personality. It's not productive nor healthy to look upon a public figure as your "father". Embrace the teachings you find useful and live by them, as you are. However, beware of the power of personality.
Aww🥺❤️👏🏽 youre amazing! You gooo
Lol jesus
@Aganemnon567 all your gods are human, cope harder
It’s important for us as single mothers to recognize that we are not enough for our children. We have to stop glorifying it we have to stop saying we don’t need a man and our children don’t need fathers, because they do. We need to be honest about the struggles we face and the struggles our kids face without dads. I was a single mom for many years and then met the most amazing man and am raising our children in a completely different realm then I began raising my first son in.
Edit: humans are naturaly resilient and most people who are raised in healthy single parent homes will most likely be fine. To deny that statistically that is not the situation in most single parent homes is literally dillusional. Being an exception to the rule does not change the rule. I have seen the difference having a good man as a father in my sons life makes. Would he have been a good man regardless probably will he be better for having my husband his father is his life absolutely. Single parenthood is not ideal even if we’re just talking logistics one is more likely to be poor as a single parent and the children are more likely to be neglected. I was raised by a single mom so was my brother and we are okay people we both have issues to work through directly related to being raised in a single parent home. My oldest is almost 18 and he is honest with me about what was hard for him and why. A lot of it was financial how much time I wasn’t there working and going to school. I’m not attacking single parents I was one for 12 years and I was raised by one. I’m saying it not ideal and as a good parent and human you should want what is BEST for children not what is adequate or good enough. Now go get therapy fuckers because this comment triggered a shit load of people.
Big up
Good luck getting this idea across in a society that believes women can do no wrong
@@MsDragonbal776 it starts with one. I make sure that I do not glorify the time a spent as a single mother. I made mistakes that lead to my child having to suffer. I was young and I was irresponsible. I worked hard to change though and grown I now am married to an amazing man. He works his but off and I stay home and raise our children. I share my experience and try to let others know especially young women that they do not want to take the path I chose. There is nothing worse then listening to your young child cry because they don’t have a father and they think they are at fault. I can’t change the world however I can be truthful about my lived experience and hope that helps others especially our youth make different decisions.
@@RabenKaiser thank you!
@UC4z_tJyBeozHxFfJlwh2U5Q no a single parent is NOT enough. No matter how good or capable you are, having another person who is just as capable as you will produce far better results. To really try to get my point across, what I'm trying to say is that, no matter how good you think your mom was at raising you, do you really not think you would be far more capable and succesfull as an individual if you had two loving parents giving you twice as much of everything that you could from one?
My Dad was physically there, but was never actually there for me personally. He's a very loving kind hearted human being, but I feel like he wasn't ready to have kids. His father was a dictator that ruled with an iron fist, and he took after that quality. I only knew my farther as being angry or depressed. Alot of times he kept to himself. I remember when I was kid, I was trying so hard to find a real farther figure that I felt I never had. I love my farther and hope that I can fix are relationship.
i aint know i had a brother cuz u talmbout my dad right now LOL
jokes aside growing up without a father can be used as a way to challenge yourself into growing even faster. I'm a lot more mature than my peers and now get confused when I see people my age or even older struggle with issues that I find to be no brainers. Personally I matured and grew through depending on myself, never making any excuses and always being goal oriented. Once my physique and character peaked I found myself in a relationship with an amazing woman who I'd say just a year before would've been a millenia out of my league. I knew she was the one too as I found her at my most narcissistic state believing that everyone was below me, that I was the gift. In a sense it's good to have some of this confidence as opposed to just laying around feeling sorry for yourself blaming everything on others but man being with her helped me truly love myself, realize some of the demons that my father has left within me and continue bettering myself as a person
Good luck man. You won't always believe in you but when that time comes believe that there's someone that believes in you
Continue to love your father for he is the only one you have. He loves you.
Jim Cole fool
@@immaletyoufinish Why would you say that?
@@jimcole6423 ignore him mate. A typical fatherless guy that growing up only by age and still has no clue about manhood, It seems there are only two product from fatherless family, it either a man who became hostile to himself aka depressed or a man who became hostile outside by bragging about academic and materialistic success to feel more superior and stomp down other people.
Fatherlessness is a problem. No matter how good of a single mom you are, you are not a father. Fatherlessness has tragic consequences for kids and the entire society. I grew up fatherless, I know what I'm talking about.
Well this is a bit tragic😅 you can be a decent or even good person even without a dad
@@gaia7240 You can, but depression, high anxiety, teenage pregnancies, lack of self-worth, less capacity to solve problems or less empathy, are just some of the consequences of fatherlessness. I turned out to be pretty ok but needed decades to fully heal, be able to have healthy relationship or live without anxiety and lack of confidence.
@@janahcoaching yes I don't deny that, but it could also be the environment's fault in which you grew up
@@gaia7240 Do you know the facts, figures and statistics on fatherless children? I do, that's what I work with daily. Maybe you could find out interesting stuff if you learned something about it.
@@janahcoaching I admit I do not know the statistic, but I was talking from personal experience, sure it scar you not having a father but you still know what wrong and what is right, some people just choose to behave bad
My dad was my first bully. And he would make my life and my mom's life a living hell. He does it till this day.
I understand you
We are in the same boat
I feel you Man
Dealing with the same thing right now
Hope everything gets better for you and your mom
😭😭 I'm sorry about that. My dad just had no backbone and did not live as an example for me and my family. My mom didn't help either. They both have issues. I'm 26 and I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to respond now
Fight him. Overpower him. He’ll turn to a little bitch real quick. The only way to take down a tyrant is to be more powerful.
@@sidharthramgoolam2556 me too
My father was awesome. Mom too. I feel very fortunate.
You are fortunate , Shaun. Many of us wish we could be so lucky.
You are blessed.
My dad is manic depressive, but we figured it out. I just stay out of his way when he has an episode (which happens sporadically) and even then it’s almost never too bad. He’s a good guy. And now that I’m an adult and I can understand it, I feel very fortunate that he didn’t spoil me. He is very successful and rich, but he never bought me anything or gave me money, but boy did he spend time with me. It motivated me to be active and to find my own success in life. He promised me a car for my 18th birthday when I was little, which he gave me - a Mercedes Coupé, it was his only gift to me, but it turned out to be another motivator because I had to start working even harder. That thing costs a lot of money to maintain. As a child I hated him for not “sharing his riches” with me, but now I see it was excellent parenting on his part. I hate some of my friends for being spoiled and dependent on their parents even in their adult life. The worst part is they think that it’s OK.
@@dereksalas8195 wrong. the blessed are those born with difficulties, who can then learn from them and become stronger. pray for strength and not an easy life
Interesting place to post a comment like that.
I never let my bad father affect me. Despite him verbally demeaning me, lack of care, selfishly spending my college money on himself, cheating on my mom…etc I have never stopped believing in myself, loving myself. I never had depression and a low self esteem because I was strong and self aware from the very beginning that it was him that was the problem and I was perfectly fine. I have strong bonds with my friends that it makes up for what my father lacked.
My old psychologist used to say that the next best thing to a decent father is strong and capable friends.
If you make friends with really top performing men and spend lots of time with them. You will be much better off, especially if you lack accountability and confidence.
You are a product of your environment. I didn't have the best Dad. So I found other men to fill the role. And it has worked.
Fuck my father.
My father mean nothing to me.
This whole conversation is the typical TradCon *intellectual dishonesty*
It's not _fatherlessness_ "problem"
It's *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* , they are using "fatherlessness" as a *euphemism* for it to subtly shift the blame onto *MEN*
Blaming *MEN* yet again.
To the uninitiated and low IQ it seems indistinguishable, but it's a _semantic_ game they're playing, as to not upset the _female_ base.
You don't get to blame men for poor ♀ *CHOICES AND BEHAVIOR.*
This intellectual dishonesty is why the traditional conservatives will _keep losing_ and _keep making the situation worse_ .
Until you solve the _actual_ problem (hint: it's not the _men_ ) society will continue to collapse.
Enjoy the decline. 💊
My father encouraged me to be nothing like him by not being around.
Same here how do you handle having no father
@@legendkillersshittyduffleb932 Perhaps find a father figure if you are young, don't know if it'd appropriate if you are older though
@@johnjordan3552 well shit I'm 32 so it's probably inappropriate fml lol
@@legendkillersshittyduffleb932 I’m kind of in the same position, 22 and feel like I am missing a father to guide me
So, it's fair to say you aren't likely the baby's father then?
I wish I grew up without a father. Mine was abusive in every way and broke me! What kind of parent wants to break their child?! The world is hard enough!
As an adult, you have choices that you didn't have as a child. Love yourself first. ✌️☮️
Were you particularly close to your mother?
@@CarlosRodriguez-bh2ey we get along. I don’t tell her everything but she’s supportive towards me
Same now i have abusive sibilings
Mine too, my dad just love the feeling of being dominant. He didn’t hesitate to use violent in order to get his way, even the most unreasonable one. My mom is the same but she prefer verbal abuse since she cannot use force that often.
To your question :”what kind of parent wants to break their child?”. From my personal experience, I can tell you that some parents just don’t love their child as much as they love their ego. If the child in anyway hurt their big ego such as talk back to them, don’t make them proud, disagree with them, they would alienate the child and subject the child to possible way (no matter how cruel) to feed their ego.
I’m a single dad raising my teenage daughter alone (her mother lives 1,400 miles away & ain’t great) it ain’t easy. Thank All the gods for ppl like Jordan Peterson for helping fools like me understand the world a little better.
Why are you raising her alone? Does mother want no part in her upbringing?
@@agr108 she kinda does her own thing 🤷🏻♂️ is what it is
This whole conversation is the typical TradCon *intellectual dishonesty*
It's not _fatherlessness_ "problem"
It's *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* , they are using "fatherlessness" as a *euphemism* for it to subtly shift the blame onto *MEN*
Blaming *MEN* yet again.
To the uninitiated and low IQ it seems indistinguishable, but it's a _semantic_ game they're playing, as to not upset the _female_ base.
You don't get to blame men for poor ♀ *CHOICES AND BEHAVIOR.*
This intellectual dishonesty is why the traditional conservatives will _keep losing_ and _keep making the situation worse_ .
Until you solve the _actual_ problem (hint: it's not the _men_ ) society will continue to collapse.
Enjoy the decline. 💊
My dad is still an awesome dad even at 93 years old.
I’m happy for you!
Why are you here then?
@@kimberley-7797 learning is important. Not to mention those without certain issues or hinderances (being fatherless or having a bad father) may not even realize how vital of a role their father played in their development. Personally I never gave it a thought because it was so “normal” to me. This video gave me more appreciation for my parents especially my dad and the great lengths they went to in developing me into a productive member of society.
@@robobiss444 this. I always thought my family was normal (present and loving mom and dad). Turns out I'm lucky
Beautiful ❤
Sometimes i cry when i think about my relationship with my dad
I lost my father 3 years ago! Only now after I inherited his weight I'm able to feel what he went through and miss hil and want to talk to him over diner or coffee...rest in peace you are my hero, i just wish i had the same state of mind I have now years ago!
@@Rocknium1 amen brother... Took me a LONG time to forgive my dad and cultivate a relationship with him.. he passed away and we had just gotten started..... how sad life can be sometimes.... I didnt understand my dads stress and just thought he was an asshole.. now i get it...
It's crazy how you say it didn't affect you then turn around and drown everything out in smoke ......maybe one day that'll change
@@hectorhernandez5399 who are you replying to?
@@brianbailey462 was saying that based on self reflection...never knew him now I have my own little one to raise
Same here in Indonesia. That is why I started a channel about fatherlessness and its effects on all of us, the fatherless, and people around us. Btw, I am fatherless too. I want to tell other the importance of fatherhood and help the fatherless by writing books about it on how to overcome it. March on!
im also fatherless and im 22 women and i know some people who do statisticly theres many fatherless people
My children are fatherless, and as a single mom who tried everything to encourage him to be there for his kids…and no matter what I do, it’s a void that I have never been able to fill….and wow, the amount of children who grow up fatherless shocks me, it’s massively popular and destructive. It’s shameful and awfully sad sad sad
Awesome work
@@ColorMeRado thanks mate
@@savinggrace121 are you sure you didn't talk bad about him to the kids, and are you sure you didn't break up with him over something you two could have solved had you not been trigger happy to break up?
80% of divorced are initiated by myopic women.
All you can really do is find the answers yourself in the end, when you grow up not having parents. My mother was too busy looking for drugs, father lost interest in me when I was an infant; grandparents instilled a sense of morals in my character, I went on from there. Being weak isn't anything to be ashamed of, staying weak is.
Some people are too exhausted to want to live... Healing takes time and care, live and soul food
"Once you have kids it's not about you anymore", this is so true.
Once you start having children your life belongs to your child for the next 18yrs. It's the most important and impactful and sacrificial endeavour a person can take on. Also it is the most rewarding because your legacy impacts generations into the future.
Thank you Jordan Peterson for putting this message out there.
It is, its just about all of you now.
I'm glad you mentioned SACRIFICING. IT IS DYING TO SELF FOR THE GOOD OF OTHERS. You also mentioned the REWARD, a legacy, a more perfect world.
My dad, even though provided food and shelter for me, was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. He made me feel like I was never good enough for anything. I used to think I was the problem until I realized he was the problem years later. He’s a very insecure person projecting his insecurities onto everyone else. I don’t hate him but he could’ve done a lot better as a father.
Same I have experienced
“Until I realized he was the problem” - omg, that’s the most unique phrase ever!
Sounds like my father. Emotionally unavailable. Terrible communicator even though he thought he was the king of communication ironically, I think it was really on a superficial level and with his friends.
Lmao
im in the same boat. im almost 21 and im just now realizing how shitty of a father he was to me. i would always block it out by playing video games. the memories i have with him are very cloudy.
I grew up not knowing my father, my mother was very overprotective of me growing up and as a result I never got to experience much of life, never got to make my own mistakes etc. Everything this man says I can relate to. Please don't abandon your kids.
As challenging as it may be to experiment without any guidance I wish you strength and wisdom to become the kind of man you needed once in your life. All the best to you!
I’m 16, my single mom raised/raising my five siblings and I. She is an amazing woman, and she did everything she could to keep us happy and healthy but you can never fill the absence of a missing father no matter how hard you try. My two brothers (one 18 and one 14) are struggling in their life especially. One of them got into drugs and my other brother has anger issues, is extremely stubborn, and has become a bully, got suspended from school. My mom remarried but I feel like the man she married came into our lives when we are too old and so we don’t really see him as a father, just as a weird dude who married my mom, you know? I personally find it really hard to trust men or get along with them since almost all men in my life have let me down and so I’m apprehensive to be vulnerable around them.(but i understand not ALL men are bad, obviously) Anyhow, it really is detrimental to raise kids without the father figure in their lives. All kids want that. And all kids have a RIGHT to that. It always hurts my heart that I never had a strong father to hold me and that I could never be a “daddy’s girl”. I envy kids infinitely who have that in their lives, but I am also so happy for them too. So you can really see the detrimental affects of the absence of a father in a home. Anyhow, please, if you are going to have children, make sure the person you are marrying is actually of good quality and that you trust them whole heartedly to raise your kids to be good people.
If you do not you are stealing your child’s right, that is the right to be raised with a mother and father.
That was a very touching text you wrote. I am 18,now a CS major studying to be somebody in this life,but I have to admit that less than 1% of what I am today came from my father.He was present physically but never morally,I would say that he gave me as much as 5 advices in all these years,different from my mother and my brother that gave me the moral foundations in wich I stand today.My mom basically had to raise me and my brother alone while also working fulltime and let me tell me you,thats an homerical job for any woman.So I can say that I feel a part of your pain and share that feeling of loss that you have about your father and whenever you think that man are trash or that life's meaningless,remember every single person that has stories like ours but that achieved meaning in their lives.Have a great life and regards from Brazil🏖
@@luisfelipearaujodeoliveira469 Thank you. I am truly sorry to hear about your father. I need to correct my last sentence to "every child has the right to be raised by a GOOD father and mother."
I also gained my moral foundation through my mom who worked full time as well. It is comforting to hear your experience because I know that even though I suffer, other people suffer through similar things.
And thank you for your advice, I really do appreciate it. Good luck with your studying and I wish you success and a happy life!
@@cadencemoran you too cadence 😉
Did your mom stop him from being involved?
And would she even tell you the truth if you asked her this question? Maybe you should have a look at your case.
@@barefootarts737 It was an extremely messy divorce. Probably the worst divorce I've heard of. They went to court and my mom gained full custody. My dad suffers with mental issues and had a huge porn addiction. That's all I know and all I really care to know. It's in past. It aggravates me that their problems leaked into my life so I choose not to dwell on it in everyday life.
I love how passionate when he speaks about his subject, "Do something meaningful in your life, you are greater than what you think", what a speech! I wonder how much those young students in that class could comprehend what he said, or they just sat there for sake of doing a course, as I almost want to applaud if I was in that class. He is not just teaching a course, he is teaching how to live your life!
I would pay anything to attend a live class!!
Yep, students would attach connections and meanings to that because the tonality and the way he delivers it shows the rawness and power in thinking that way. You could tell that because he knows what it means, people are going to pick up on that same idea to, and that's heck of a lot to discover as a student. I don't know if regular college curricula would produce ideas like that because it feels as though running on expresso and behind a desk at a dorm memorizing facts seems like existential risk because why bother right? Money? No. It's about life! How do you correct the perspective of your life, so you know what you really want. Not to get screwed over by other people toxicity because they are purposeless as the other fellow who's berating them about what the material's cost or what culture/social norm blankly addresses you to behave, that's what Jordan Peterson teaches. Become the 99 percentile and grow away from dead crops. "Life's hard, man." - Dr. Jordan Peterson
I like Jordan but in this case he didn't teach you something. Is like saying to a homeless that lost everything: hey stop being poor ! You understand what I mean?
Without the encouragement from your father. The world is a dismal place. No one gave me the confidence to face the world and be brave i had to find it on my own within myself. My journey now is closing that empty chapter in my life and give my daughter what i was always missing as a kid. Just someone to talk to and understand the situation.
My father was essentially absentee as he wasn't home cheating on my mother all the time, or being an alcoholic drunk. There's nothing to miss when my mum finally divorced him. We survived just fine without him.
Surviving is quite common though, to really bloom in life, a fathers support can be the difference between surviving and thriving.
Why your mum decided to marry alcohol addict?
@@alexeysamokhin9629 most of the time it's hidden, especially when you don't live with the person beforehand. Or it started as just a few drinks and got heavier as time went by.
how did you survive. im stuck in the same issue right now and today everyone had a big fight and it was hell. my mother and my sisters anre now acared on what will we do if no one pays for the bills etc.
we have no one in our city. please help im not from a first world country either
@@uziman1322
My mom went back to work, but we lived frugally. She also bought a house and rented out the top apartment. I was still in highschool and got a part time job after school and weekends. This was several decades ago on Canada.
Good luck.
My father was my hero and when he passed I was lost for years! He was the epitome of a strong, hardworking, reliable father. Going through a divorce now with a 13 year old son, I am afraid for his future.
At least he left you with a point of reference. Ask yourself "what would Dad do?"
Remember the legacy and pass the baton to your son my friend. you got this! i believe in you.
I love Peterson's view on fatherhood. I grew up knowing my father from a distance and learned early he was always going to be a failure because of his selfishness. And Jordan is very correct, it's demoralizing and exhausting to grow up without a father to encourage and guide you. At times I wish I had had a better father, but I learned to accept that some people are just incapable of growing up.
As challenging as it may be to become a man without guidance and encouragement, I wish you strength and wisdom to become the kind of man you once needed in your life and change the pattern that was passed onto you by an irresponsible guy. All the best to you!
Hey man, you are doing great and everything will be ok!
I’ve never met my dad and was raised by an emotional distant, alcoholic mother who has no interest in me or my life. I’ve also never had any contact with my extended family like aunties, uncles, cousins on my mother’s side, never met my dads family.
I feel like having no family growing up has permanently made it impossible to integrate into society, as if a vital piece of the puzzle is lost forever...
Never give up on life no matter how bad you think it gets. There's always hope, light if you have the courage to look for it. Best wishes to you.
Sounds like you have a great dragon in your house that you need to stand up and fight and get that gold.
Hey same situation here. I literally raised myself. However, you must push yourself through integration in society. I had no biological family but everyday I smile to people and many smile back and I know everything is great.
I have a kid and the father hasn't seen her since she was 3, she will be 7. That was his decision, it is everyday. My heart breaks everytime she asks me about her dad. It is hard but there is nothing I can do but show her all my love.
I'm 42 and feel this too. Never been able to have a healthy relationship. It sucks
Really sorry to hear that
My children were a blessing in extremely difficult situations.
As someone who grew up entirely without the presence of a father, extensive reading throughout my childhood laid the foundations of intelligence and the ability of introspection, but it was ultimately my choice to stand up by myself that always made all the difference.
Ironically I think from an early age adopting a role as a senior male figure can to a degree make up for not having such a figure yourself, I grew up basically in the same household as my 8 cousins who were younger than me, and half my identity always was (and still is really to this day) as an older brother, and I think the role inspired a lot of my more mature and caring behaviours.
Dr. Peterson is a better father to me than my actual father ever was
My relationship with my father is complicated. When I was young I saw him as distant and a little unpredictable. Most of the time I only saw him at weekends because of his work. Now I realise that he himself was broken emotionally because of his childhood, his way of showing love was by providing which is why he worked so hard. Reading the comments here I realise that many did not have ideal fathers- please try to see past their faults, in all likelihood they may have already been emotionally damaged themselves before you were born. A few years ago my father died, the hurt that he caused me is all forgotten and I mourn relationship we never had.
Many fathers had absent fathers themselves due to various wars and working away from the family. But lack of effort to resolve issues by helping the next generation isn't an emotional issue. It is laziness. And when a father is lazy, he disables his whole family - the women in the family are left to do it the domestic work and the physically harder work eg DIY, gardening...some people should not have children because they don't intend to look after them, they just want their wives to look after them.
Stop making excuses. They knew the pain of their childhood so they should have done everything to not let it happen to their children. They should have been man enough to break the cycle.
I’m so thankful I found this wise man. Just an endless sea of eloquence and knowledge♥️♥️
As a small child being passed through the foster care system, one foster parent told me that he could do anything he wanted to me because I didn’t have a father. He was right. How I wish I would have had a father to love and protect me.
My god, i don’t have words for how bad that is. My prayers go out to you ❤
“Once you have kids, it’s not about you” . If only most parents understood this.
A lot people do not deserve marriage or kids. Yet, a lot of us would not be born. So we learn, the hard w ay.
I am continuing to cry metaphorically when I look back at the mistakes I made through my time in fatherhood. As much as I dearly loved them both so much, and tried to do my best for them in all I did, I recognise the emotional damage that was passed on because of the clashes in character style with my eldest son. I just didn’t know what was happening.
You should work it out with him so the cycle doesnt continue and then forgive yourself and be who you now want to be
Wow; you sound like you were my dad , I wish my father reAlizes what you’re realizing right now. And Trust me, as a son, I’d appreciate the change of heart if you were my dad, it’s the first step bro❤️
You sound like you were doing the best you could. Today forward is what matters now. I hope you reach out to him. I'd want you to. Even if he doesn't respond well now, he may later. All you can do is try, and if you don't the answer is already no.
You are extremely self aware for even realising this, so don’t beat yourself up too hard. You seem like a decent, responsible person
@@jasonhutchins9239 I love the recommendation.
It wasn’t until I was 31 when I realized how important it is. My father doesn’t live too far from me and my sister. He just chooses not to show up. Even more so he chooses to do so for other people’s families. It’s really hard to deal with
Trauma is always an element of life,and my family hit the ground running. My father died at age 43 when I was an infant with 5 siblings. Grief and love became the central issue in my life. A desire to numb out pain and a constant dopamine deficit,clinical depression and seeking a father figure became constants. The father figure issue was resolved when I became a father,but the other issues are still,at 63, being worked out. The shock was that I and my 3 older brothers all got the idea deeply embedded that we'd die at 43 like him,and now what do I do? We all are still alive! Pretty liberating,but I still have to deal with the habits formed by falsehoods to overcome.
My father and my mother caused me to suffer from complex PTSD. Complete opposite to what Jordan Peterson is saying what a father and mother should be like.
I was physically abused for a decade by them. But I am hopeful, as that is the highest form of super power we humans can have.
you and me both friend. God be with you
@@kylehassan972 God bless you my friend. It's tough, but we gotta hang in there. Prove them wrong. We are more than we realize.
Father never had interest in me, my mother raised me best she could, then I took over,I’m my own daddy ain’t body son-in me, 25 years old, about to graduate college ,get a job,get engaged to my girl,marry,start a family.
i hope u were there for u future daughter or son because i am fatherless also abuse by a father but i forgive him but i want to have a healthy family in near future have a husband
@@Angela-vm3kc pray, forgive and let go. We evolve over time, and the prayer renews us. Daughter hopefully , I never had any siblings and I wana alot of kids in the house.
@@4inaftermath454 right but i hope that we will be more better as a parents we want kids because we do like to learn and be parents i am 22 and seriously i got stronger over time
@@Angela-vm3kc we will , we know what good parenting produces and what it doesn’t , book have been written , we have experience and our own will and values. Yes , we develop the strength to do many things ,we learn patience as well that one is the hardest for me .
Good on you sr, i am in a similar boat to yourself. Im 21 my father died when i was 10 and long story short we never got the opportunity to engaged in a real father son relationships to begin with.
I just started university this last week, i hope to be in a similar position you find yourself in 3 years form now when i graduat.
Best of luck and health to you and your partner, may you have a wonderful weding and raise some beautiful children
My father was very demoralizing and he doesn't remember it - he feels he was a great father. Any time I'd ever asked him anything, he's stop me and say no, and often yelled and screamed about nothing. In retrospect, he might have had bipolar disorder, but it doesn't change that even today I notice that I often make the right decision for the wrong reasons, and so I grow resent and regret about them. He also was jealous - narcissistic, often would run his family down to extended family and friends. I've grown to feel bad for him (as well as maintaining the resent, unfortunately) because I realised he was just in marriage with kids that he never actually wanted to be in. Every moment was basically torture for him, and he didn't know what to do except exert that feeling onto everyone around him.
Your first sentence, speaks of my dad. Too much.
As long as the ♀ of the species are _free and equal_ to us, society will keep *decaying* until it *collapses* with this *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* crisis.
_Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._*
- J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
Jeez, way to hit the nail on the head. An angry, bitter father that hated having kids and hated the woman he slept with. He hated it so much he had himself and my mother neutered after my brother was born.
Technically my brother and I were both a failed abortion (survived the aftermorning pill) and his family were really strict Catholics so if he didn't want to be ostracized from the family, he had to marry and raise the kids.
I'll give him credit because he was not a deadbeat; he did stick around and put food on the table....but God have mercy on your soul if you had to ask him about anything. He would go absolutely berserk if you asked him about real-life problems and chase you away. He pretty much wanted you out of his life the moment you turned 17 and expected you gone when you were 18.
And it's just like, fuck dude, can you chill out for a minute and give me some life advice for once? Sorry you couldn't keep your pants on.
For me and my brother, our father just stopped being a father once we hit our late teens. Its tough but we both had to accept it and try and move on the best we can. My parents were divorced when we were very young.
One of the proudest moments of my life was when my father was trash talking my mother on the phone with me. I asked him "what have I ever asked you for?" And he said "nothing, that's why you are my favorite son." Then I asked "didn't I ask you to stop disrespecting my mother?" He said "yes" then proceeded to insult her again.
I told him "he has one last time to disrespect her, before I stop talking to him" he proceeded to insult her again. And I flipped, cursed him out for being unable to do the one thing I've ever asked if him. Then I told him I dont need him anymore as I'm not a child, and never spoke to him again. RIP to him, such a shame. I asked so little of him.
I'm so sorry. I had a dad who did the same, but got lucky and had an awesome stepdad. I guess the one thing I've learned is you really don't have to lead the life your parents lived. I've been married to my husband for nearly 18 years. We have two kids and they are so much happier than I ever was and so much more successful in the things they love and school.
All I asked my father for was the Truth a name and a wall. All he ever did was lie threaten me and my mother, and try to manipulate me into imatating a living version of my dead mother that he did not have to behave appropriately with. He only gets to see me once a week now over the computer with other family watching.
Sounds like mine too.... He continues to disrespect me, it's hard.... The struggle to honor him yet not be his vomit & 💩 pan. I keep it super superficial, happy birthday, happy father's day, happy to all the holidays and that's it.... Although, he continues to get upset since I'm such an unforgiving evil b***h. Trust me to just send a text when i don't want to, but i do, because my Heavenly Father tells me to honor and so i do, the struggle is very real! But, that's what adulting is right, you gotta put your feelings aside and do many things you may not feel like.
@@boliviandimples well the good news is that we are grownups now and we make our own choices now. I would like to say there is hope, but how often do vindictive narsasists change. Pigs might fly first and not the political or bad Leo kind.
@@songoftheblackunicorn666
They may never.... But, we shouldn't give them power to change us.... Be blessed❣️
Being abandoned by my father has stayed with me my whole life. It has hardened my character though, and determination...it's a learning process. It's been so difficult.
how long mate?
Same boat here. I did finally meet him when I was 40 (7 years ago). It was less than pleasant. And yeah, it has been difficult, but I'm a Dad now, and I've ended the cycle, my daughters are 20 and 12, and I'm married to the same lady. Just know you aren't alone.
@@benjimanbunn I was seven when he left. 30 when he died.
@@riggermortisfpv526 Such a heartwarming comment. Pleased for you and your family. Thanks for sharing, bro.
My father left when I was 1.
When I was 27 I called him and he told me I would “never amount to anything” and was “a fkd up piece of sh!t like the rest of the family.” He never knew me and I’ve learned to not take anything personal. People project onto others the reflection of themselves.
Gratefully I have good friends and Jordan Peterson to tell me truths worth learning. 🙏🏼
He's the one who is fkd up.
Fuck me did he project himself onto you. You are worth all the love in the world, you have value and you bring this world joy just by existing and many are waiting to experience that world of wonderment with you and through you to create something glorious in this life that multiples human existence.
May life bless you and uplift you always ❤️
Sounds like mama failed you from the jump with her *poor mating **_CHOICES_* by making him your father.
As long as the ♀ of the species are _free and equal_ to us, society will keep *decaying* until it *collapses* with this *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* crisis.
_Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._*
- J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
For anyone reading this who's struggling with difficult times, I'm praying for you. No matter how bad life seems, there's always better times. God loves you more than you can comprehend. I believe in you that you can find your way. You got this man, use the difficulties to motivate you to do better. Stay strong my fellow brothers and sisters 🖤
❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏
❤️ Thank you, praying for you too 🙏🏼❤️🌸
Beautiful works sr. Sending love and prayers back your way
Knock that crap off. I can't wait until UA-cam enables a "hide proselytizing comments" filter.
@@n2bfw884 💜💙❤💜
My father was distant, disapproving and a brutal disciplinarian. So, I looked for a husband who was nurturing and available but forgot about discipline. Apparently my husband didn’t believe in it and ours sons’ life reflects that absence. Research shows I was better off than my children. It is not ideal but better to be too hard on your kids than too easy,
Wow, the hard truth...kinda sucks though
Same
5:39 "If your father rejects you or doesn't form a relationship with you, It's as if the spirit of civilization has left you outside the walls as of little worth." Man that hit me hard. That is exactly it... wow
My parents failed me catastrophically, I'm 24 now and, within the last 10 months - for the first time understand my purpose and vision for the future, the first lines of the second clip hit me so hard and fast that it brings back some of that annoyance and anguish that comes from the feeling of having so many years taken from me due to mental illness and the inability to Be. My message I hope to give with this comment, if you are reading this. Do not hold on to anger, don't value every negative thought or impulse you have. It is ok to feel like less or as though you have the potential and ARE WAITING FOR SOMETHING... because you can give yourself some time, your brain will develop and the ideal thought patterns may just arise - like jbp sais here too - break from the bonds that hold you (this dosent have to be immediately)
I grew up Fatherless and Motherless, they both abandoned me soon after my birth, I'm currently raising a child of my own, and I'm determined to be a parent that I never had.
Psalm 27:10, “When my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will take care of me.”
My goodness, I can’t imagine how that must be. I grew up without a father and it was and still is the hardest ❤ my prayers go out to you❤
My dad was always there for me mentally, and physically. He always provided for me with love. He made sure I never went without. He showed me love and affection. He taught me how to sew, paint, gardening, fishing, hunting, baking, ethics, morals and values. I will not disappoint him and he’s been absent of the body for 30 years. I treat men and with respect because that’s what he taught me. He also taught me not to take nobody shit, stand on my own two feet, how to save because life will throw you a curveball.
I teach my son the same and he doesn’t listen and lives a hard and difficult life. And he had his dad up until he was 19, then his father died from cancer.
So you're writing this from the grave???
what? howd his dad die when he was 19 if youre his father?
She's a woman
This man, Jordan Peterson, is ahead of his time. Such a blessed human being. Thank you so much for teaching us so many relevant things.
I'll never tire of him sharing the contents of his beautiful, sound mind with us
I've raised five kids. I've been broke as hell most of my adult life. My life has more depth, meaning, and wealth than I ever could have imagined for myself when I was young.
Only a father that has his shit together, can teach his son to get his shit together. When they're mostly going through the motions (9-5 job that just pays the bills) they won't be able to guide their son cause they don't even know how to guide themselves. Most people are low on self-consciousness and emotions so they don't know what the hell they're doing....
That is very well said and makes the most sense.
That‘s so true! However the question is: how can the curse be broken - cause I certainly won‘t have kids until I can make sure I won’t pass that on to the next generation..
@@DelasVC Get your shit together to the point where you know yourself emotionally (a real man knows how to control his emotions), your virtues, your flaws, your passion, what gives you strenght and confidence. Make mistakes and learn from them, tell the truth and get in trouble, learn when to tell the truth and when to shut up, face the hard realities of the world and learn how to get the best out of society from a pragmatic point of view. Isn't that the father we all wish we had? My original comment was meant for everyone to have a little sympathy for our old man that certainly didn't do the best job ever, but he probably didn't know any better.
True, BUT: a son can get his shit together even if the father doesn’t have his shit together but enforces a minimum standard of behaviour. Getting out of bed in the morning, going to school, minimum screen time, doing homework doing chores, getting a part-time job, not fighting, minding the law, treating girls with basic respect/not getting girls pregnant, keeping promises. Any kid that has that + not being abused will be ok.
@@CarlosRodriguez-bh2ey Yes! Control your emotions!! Yes-that’s the best thing anyone can learn. Especially since the opposite is now taught.
How to heal this wound (slowly):
1. Acknowledge you have missed something in your youth.
2. Write a letter to your younger self, to tell him/her that you see and acknowledge what wasn't there but should have been there, and how you feel for your younger self.
3. Get ready to feel heavy emotions. You can handle those. The sadness will come in waves, let it Flow. Cry as much as you need.
4. When you feel the pain. Connect with it. Then close your eyes and imagine taking your younger self up on your lap.
5. In that moment give your younger self what was missing. Warm comfort. Love. Approval. Encouraging words. Acceptance. Being seen. Safety.
6. Let the sadness flow. Hug your younger self.
7. When your younger self is ready, let him/her go and ensure your younger self it can always come back.
Repeat often.
Take care friends.
As a single mum I agree it's really hard to be the caring loving mother and the disciplinary figure my son does understand why I switch between the two but I have to because his alcoholic father isn't around regularly he pops up every couple of years and I didn't no how to explain why his dad isn't around in a way that doesn't make him sound like a bad person
I feel a big sadness 😔. My only child has not seen her father since she was 3 and now she be 7. I used to go to him so she could see him when she was a baby and he would always cancel. One time when I picked her up he did not let me go and I went through hell. Sometime before he almost killed me.. Then he did porn revenge and I got a PO for life but haven't really process anything for the revenge. I did not even knew he was married on paper, even though he wasn't with the wife and she was married to someone else. He is 13 years older. He has two older kids and he takes care of them he is the custodian. It is difficult for me to understand how he loves those kids but not our kid. I mean I see my kid and I wonder why wouldn't he want to even know how his own seed is doing. I know he will never show her care and it is just sad. The last time I spoke to him 4 years ago he said he regretted getting me pregnant that it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he was only the sperm donor. He is such a coward. I will never disintegrate.
I would not sugar coat it. My child’s father has issues that he chooses not to do anything about. Unless it is ordered by the court, there will not be any interaction between them. Not once a year or every few years, how could anyone form a bond with that? Also, that would be teaching my child the irregular and inconsistent visits are acceptable.The truth will be spoken and if it makes him look bad, then that is on him. There is only so much empathy one can have to a persons situation and I will not choose to have that negative energy (his burdens) around my child.
Why did you get pregnant by an alcoholic?
@@isisg666 Why did you choose to have a baby with a man that does not love you and does not want to raise a child with you?
@@cristinanatea948 I did not chose that hahaha. I was 18 he was 31. I always used condom and sometimes spermacides. He told me and my face and txt message he got me pregnant on purpose so I would stay with him so he could keep on manipulating and screwing each other up and so I could keep on taking care of his kids hahaha. He said he made small holes to the condoms. I don't know I just know I never wanted to get pregnant. Aborting was not an option at the time. I got my bachelor's either way. Sucks that my kid don't have male role model, I didn't have mom and dad, never met them. Hahah I am laughing at my comment I was sad that day.
Life is beautiful away from toxicity. Though I would never deny him his right to her. He knows that but also I cannot force him. Oh well life goes on.
If there's one thing about JP, it's "responsibility". My life significantly changed for the better after I had my first child. Now I embrace it. Every young person should hear this.
I lost my father 3 years ago! Only now after I inherited his weight I'm able to feel what he went through and miss hil and want to talk to him over diner or coffee...rest in peace you are my hero, i just wish i had the same state of mind I have now years ago!
I loved my father deeply but he died when I was in my twenties.
I compensated by reading and studying certain philosophers, masculine, deep types.
I need those granite intellects around me.
My father was in and out .. wasn’t there for me emotionally at all. He kicked me out in the worst timing of my life. He recently died and I forgave him. He was fatherless himself
My father wound was healed in a major way when I finally got a revelation of the love of God the Father for me. Once I could feel loved, accepted, known, protected, provided for by my Heavenly Father, I experienced remarkable life-change for the better. There's nothing like being a Daddy's girl!
good for you! god bless
Yes,...we can have the Heavenly Father,...instead....
I was not healed right away, but I have a relationship with God as such a young age when I told Him that he is my father, because I heard from someone or somewhere that He is a father to the fatherless. And I as live and evolve as a person He became what I needed the most in my life. He truly is good and loving. I would have been destroyed by my anger and resentment if I have not known Him my real Father and the True Lover of My Soul!
Same here. ❤️
I love this 🥰
Mother raised us. She played both parts. None of us smoke, drink alcohol, broken the law, taken drugs etc
Unfortunately it took it's tol on my mother. Her health suffered badly. She had a major stroke at 47 years old. She also basically raised her siblings as well.
I think a father gives a different sense of safety, security, and easily gives boundaries/discipline.
I never had a good male role model. As both grandfather's died before I was born.
Would of been great having a decent person for a father.
I think my mother always telling stories about her father and what he would say/do was the closest thing I got. Even though I never got the honour of meeting my grandfather I miss him and I named my son after him.
The more responsibility you take on the more meaning your life has. Wow I wish I had been taught by my parents to challenge myself and drive to be the best. Dad not involved at all didn't contribute to my life
Being fatherless makes life a little more confusing and a little more complex that's all. I'm lucky, I have a supportive mother, she's a tough cookie, mentally tougher than any man or father figure I've had in my life. But even so the lack of a father does remove another perspective in life, so it takes a little longer to understand society but when you finally do it's an understanding that can never be taught by anyone. Also having multiple father figures in my life confused the hell out of me when I was young but ultimately made me realise to be myself. Sure not everyone is the same but knowing I was fatherless pushed me to succeed and prove that I can do whatever I like in this world regardless of the hand I've been dealt in life.
When I said to the father of my 3 children " it's not about you! It's about them 3!"
He walked out!
Geez. Sounds like he needed to go, so you could better care for each other.
Were you married?
Yr truth probably not his
Women really think like this if I don’t like you or you end up making me not like you fuck you and them kids 😂
"hE walKEd oUT!"
So you chose poorly to breed with, or those werent his kids.
Your fault, just like *all single motherhood* is
My dad paradoxically doesn't want me to make the same mistakes he did, but also says I should listen to him more
My father left me with his parents and wanted nothing to do with me. Even though I'm 16 years later still the same.
Maybe you are lucky. My dad terrifies me
Allow Christ to be your father....He has helped me through sooo much
Sounds like your mother made a horrible *CHOICE* in mates
As long as the ♀ of the species are _free and equal_ to us, society will keep *decaying* until it *collapses* with this *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* crisis.
_Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._*
- J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
I usually like being more self-sufficient and autonomous with how I view the world, and I can never look up to any of the current UA-camr guru’s seriously for that reason, but I always make an exception for Jordan.
I absolutely love how he says everything how it is, and blends pure scientific research with his opinion of the matter. That’s not to say he’s flawless, cause he’s not, but he’s the only person I feel comfortable looking up to.
I'"m going to make you strong so that any number of things can happen to you"
My relationship with my father is a train rack... Took me 27 years to learn he want to be as far away from me as possible...
I'm the exact same age and my father moved to another country when I was 12, to work. Saw him few times since. Last time was 8 years ago, but few months ago he called me after years of silence... to ask for money. No contact since. You can guess he hasn't paid it back neither.
I always think that I should reach out to him as he always had huge problems with alcohol and such. Forgive before it's too late. Never actually considered that he actually just doesn't care, I'm not sure why. Always just blamed it on mental issues or that he stopped contacting us because it was too hurtful for him at this point, after years of fucking it up. Interesting that your post reminded me of that simple possibility.
@@aw2584 sorry to here man ,but yes its just what it is you know... Im not going to fight to get a father man i deserve one...and if he doesn't think like that.... Well... Thats to bad for him... im going to keep leaving my life... But if the poor idiot will need anything in the future hes gonna get shit... I dont know how you had the strength to give him any money, good for you man...
Likewise. Mine left me when I was 18 months. Contacted him when I was 16-17, we started messaging each other and I was excited. I thought it was going well. We even spoke on the phone. But then he suddenly blocked my number and me on FB. I was devastated. But then started messaging me a year and a half later with no explanation. This time his tone was different. He didn’t wanna know me. He informed me that he had one of my family members spying on me for him, for years. And he started insulting my mother calling her this and that. And how I was still the biggest mistake of his life. I knew he wanted me to lash out and give him a not to speak with me, but I still fell for it. The shit he said about my mother, he of all people had no right to say. Our last phone call we were screaming death threats at each other. And I gave him his reason.
Been to therapy numerous times. I know what my problem is, but I can’t seem to fix it. I found out that no one had my mothers back during her pregnancy. Not even my own family. The day I was born, my dad (who works in the navy) voluntarily went out on a 2 week tour (despite being given absence by his CO or whatever) so he didn’t have to miss my birth. After my dad left, his parents still wanted to see me, so still I was 6 I saw my grandparents till they claimed my mum was abusing me (she wasn’t) and walked out of my life as well. They said they walked out to punish my mum. It didn’t punish my mum, it punished me. And shortly after that incident my dad had a little girl, he visited his parents (who live in the same area as me), my mum spotted him with his wife and baby in a supermarket, pointed him out, I chased after him. Tripped over something. I saw him looking me at. I began to cry and he walked off.
I know it ain’t my fault, but it feels like it is. I didn’t get a choice about this situation.
I’m 21 and I haven’t even had my 1st kiss because I’m too nervous to talk to women as I was never taught how.
I got rejected from my dream job due to my history with self harming (which started when I was learning about who my dad was). And I feel an emptiness inside that I strongly believe he can fill.
I had a dream years ago that best describes what I feel.
I’m in a blizzard. I’m surrounded my lots of huts. I approach one and start banging on the door. I know there’s people in there as I hear them. All I wanna do is get out the cold. But then I see the curtain slightly open and I catch a glimpse of my dad. I start to bang louder and louder on the door. I know he sees me as we made eye contact, but he doesn’t open the door. So I leave and walk off. And I see my mum, stepdad and brothers yelling in at me, in a welcomingly way ‘Reece! Come in! It’s freezing!’ But I don’t go in. I run off trying to find others like me around the building into the forest. I find no one. And I get quite upset. So I decide to walk back to the house where my mums at, but my footprints have disappeared due to the snow. The door at my mums house ain’t open anymore. I don’t bother knocking, but look thru the window. I see my mum and stepdad playing with my brothers like a perfect family. Without me. I walk off and start to cry. That’s when I realised that I’m truly alone. I don’t blame anyone but myself. So I walked into the blizzard and disappeared into the snow. And that’s when I woke up.
@@reecen819 its beautiful man. sad, but very beautiful. if you ever need a friend even if its a youtube friend. :)
@@Y.a.b.s cheers mate. Appreciate it.
When my patience and exhaustion were high, I could hand the baby to the father and peacefulness ensured. The stress of motherhood is real, but having a father mediates this.
my dad was a musician, if jordan peterson was my father I think I would die from an everlasting headache, he never cuts loose
My life’s weird. My dads a banker and does well for us, but he ruined like a 1/3 of my childhood. He’s a great man and spent many years sober, but when his alcoholism appeared it would ruin years at a time. Trying to get to know him is hard but he’s a great man when he’s sober and he has been lately. I guess he’ll be on and off. I know it has to do with him heavily drinking at a young age because he had so much freedom early on. He was a lonely kid, born 13 years after his closest sibling. It’s wild, but I’m really starting to find myself with good distance from him, but a healthy relationship.
Fatherlessness is a difficult thing. I didn't have mine in my life at all. I last saw him when i was about 6. He had alcohol issues. My mother remarried a terrific military guy around junior high.. Incredible guy that I love to this day. In those teen years I iced him out though. I didn't realize i was hardened because my biological father left a void. My stepdad filled it partially and that in itself is something to be grateful for. I only wish i let him in more. I am going to call him tomorrow to let him know again how much i have always appreciated him.
Man. This is hard. Hard.
Thanks for getting to the heart of so many of the problems in the world. At the age of 70 + I wish I could have learned this stuff when in college. Keep on helping the world.
College usually takes 4 years to teach you what you can learn in less than year to bleed more $ from you.
0:49 is so accurate. It’s the hardest thing to be everything to your child as a single parent. Being the nurturer and the disciplinarian. But I’ll tell you it’s equally, if not more, difficult for the child to understand that differentiation when they are small especially. To know if their single parent is going to nurture or discipline them when they come to talk about an issue or a mistake, etc. and if the parent is over nurturing or over disciplining it sets the child up to either become enabled and Co-dependent, or to become fearful of making mistakes and not knowing where to turn when making a mistake, becoming either people pleasing perfectionists or delinquents rebelling against the disciplinarians. It’s an incredible balancing act for the parent, and a lesson in human behaviour insight, and forgiveness for the child when a parent is too much on one side or the other. Single parenting is not for sissies I’ll tell you that! But honestly, if you forgive mistakes quick after disciplining and go back to being nurturing once they have apologised and shown remorse (and not hold a grudge or bring it up again, unless with compassion for a new learning opportunity), your kids will have a good chance of being healthy psychologically I think. Not easy guys, but the journey of parenting is always a blessing. And just remember it’s hard for the child too, to know when you are wearing which hat. ☀️
Single mothersplaining?
youre have delusional beliefs about your "incredible" ability to balance... youre not very intelligent and you need to be told outright that youre simple and grossly prideful of your own personal failure to supply a healthy, two parent family for your child or children... no, youre not doing a good job, and no you do not have sufficient awareness or knowledge of what's going on to make such a stupid and simple comment. youre just wrong, basically all-entirely each as a person and as a "parent"... dumb people like you annoy me.
My own father was barely a part of my life, many times his anger took over his life and pushed me away from him. I tried being a part of his life but his anger disconnects him from everyone around him. I believe his absence in my life is fueling my inability to connect with others as well. I pray I will the father my child needs.
Here Dr. Peterson's analysis goes perfectly with Jubran Khalil Jubran vision, the great Lebanese author: " your children are not your children, they are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, they are with you yet they belong not to you. " It s a rough, tough responsibility. It s a huge weight, job, but in the end if you endeavour In finding its deep meaning,you will be reawrded glory.
I am thankful for my parents, but i’m also so thankful for God the Father. If I didn’t have Him i’d be in a much worse place. He helped fill the voids and heal me from how my parents raised and treated me. I was headed down a dark path because of it, but my Heavenly father intervened.
If I had to choose fatherless or physically and emotionally abusive father I would choose fatherlessness every time. Sure I could be messed up but not to the level I have been.
These two clips just helped me realise something. Always wondered why people thought of Peterson as an archetypal father. Only recently did I compare his insights to that of a real father's (after all, he is one) then I thought about what spasific words stand out to me from him and why. Having grown up without a father, it's all starting to make sense. Still not willing to put public figures on a type of pedestal though.
He is doing the job ,...that parents don't do...giving sound advice to the young people who need it....Bravo ,to him,..but it's exhausting work ,trying to explain, what is right and wrong ,...he does a good job.
I'm really thankful you speak out about this, because society needs to hear it.
My father was there for the first half of my childhood. He hit me, too much. Then he left and was gone for the second half of my childhood. I’ve spent many years wrestling with the fact that it was better when my dad was there, even while being a horrible father, because at least he was teaching me what kind of man to not be. Life is miserable, no matter how good it gets. No matter how strong I am as a man, no matter how many guys I fight to prove to myself that I’m a man, I am always that scared little boy looking into the eyes of the man who is supposed to love me more than anyone else and teach me how to live, while he beats me.
yea. I agree in that my dad, was too abusive. 20+ punches ot the head at 13 years old at(at one out of mant times) from a guy who could curl 70 pounds with 1 arm, let me tell you that is BS. Abuse is abuse, call it what it is, there is a right and a wrong way to raise a kid, abuse is not it. I disagree with you. A real man does not need to abuse his kids. F*** THATa
As a fatherless father whose mother passed in childhood, thank you!
I'm a single parent. I really really really really understand how important marriage is now. I have never been married and I don't even want to....but Single parent is barely doable. I feel like I am going to faint everyday.
My dad passed when I was ten. 29 years old now and miss him everyday.
I think apprenticeship was and still is a form of remedy to such instances.
And isn't used NEARLY enough.
More people need to share this message
I had to become my own father, and my own mother.
The disadvantages of no male role model in a family is ridiculously deleterious.
Definitely can relate to this
I'm 19 almost 20 and tonight I'm finally learning/realizing my mental health problems are from my parents ive always thought I was just lazy and emotional, im doing everything I possibly can to escape this crippling mindset I just hope it's enough
4:25 is pure gold
I know a lot of others feel the same way as me right now and it’s gratitude for Peterson and all that he does. My parents had a rocky relationship from around 7-14, and then they divorced when I was 15. Shortly after I fought with my dad non stop and he ended up kicking my out of his house at 16 and I haven’t seen him since for the most part. I’m 19 now and trying to navigate the waters of adulthood without having a dad to teach me the dad shit that other people get to be taught. I’m not whining about it, I was for a while, but recently I just accepted that, yeah I got dealt a shit hand, but there’s nothing I can do about it except make the best of what I have now. And I know that Petersons wisdom, strength, care, and empathy will always be here to teach me the things that a dad should be teaching his son. I’m very thankful that he exists.
I can relate to exactly what he said I grew up no father my moms always at work and my brother getting into gangs I was normal and had good friends but 1 day it hit so fast all my friends with money were able to move out I had no choice but to adapt but through all that I am thankful for the reason I saw all sides it made me stronger and now I have raised my kids and there both doing amazing life is a story hopefully one day we can all share it
Grew up without a father kind of, he passed when I was ten and when he was alive he was scarcely around due to unpaid child support and as a native, suffered boozin by nature and by nurture.
He'd fall off the wagon and go on benders and then come back, do very well for a few months and then hit it again.
I grew up angsty, angry at the world but try to look inwards more and become more aware of the shadow self to better my life and my children's life at 25 with 2 daughters.
Dr. Peterson has guided me immensley to take on responsibility and be a better father as well as being a better human.
My dad tried his best. My mom tried a hers to ruin everything he tried. Somehow she rides higher by ruining him. Even though he's so much better capable of everything. Laws set this to easily happen. I've lived and listened thru it. The dad deck is so highly stacked, a mood from the mom, of which are many & normal, can reward her to ruin everything. Being a dad, just trying to do it, without any support, just verbal even from his wife/ kids mom, makes it for the bad dad. Then those rewards finish him off. Subconscious I'm sure he lives knowing this. A dad without a system there for him.
Yep, and what you said is *_ACTUALLY_* the problem, but people keep blaming _men_ of course, because it's easier than holding females accountable.
This whole conversation is the typical TradCon *intellectual dishonesty*
It's not _fatherlessness_ "problem"
It's *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* , they are using "fatherlessness" as a *euphemism* for it to subtly shift the blame onto *MEN*
Blaming *MEN* yet again.
To the uninitiated and low IQ it seems indistinguishable, but it's a _semantic_ game they're playing, as to not upset the _female_ base.
You don't get to blame men for poor female choices and behavior.
This intellectual dishonesty is why the traditional conservatives will _keep losing_ and _keep making the situation worse_ .
Until you solve the _actual_ problem (hint: it's not the _men_ ) society will continue to collapse.
Enjoy the decline. 💊
Brilliant! Thank you for calling those youngsters out!!!
The tribe used to raise the young as a tribe. The whole tribe was the mother and father.
My father died at 82 never having said a kind or comforting word to me. Never even put an arm around me, often drunk and very abusive. Still wondering how he has affected me as I never shared this with anyone.
I think it might be arrogant for Peterson to say just listen to me. But this is the father I needed.
Howwwww.. man's knows so much more than us, gotta give credit where credit is due. And same, same.