There s a book called "Society without the father". I used to believe it was about me and my own story. This is an entire generation, it s rooted much more deeper than on a personal level and it explains a lot about modern society. Lack of commitment, family instinct, doing what is right in relationships, staying power during hardship, ambition. You name it, and in my 36 years I have it seen it much worse in people with an absent father growing up than with a father who chose to be around in some way.
At some point in your life you need to realize that although it hurt you, it did not cripple you. You need to do the work. And..yes, he will get old, and yes.. he will feel guilty. By that time you would ve grown up (on your own + your mother support if you had any) and they can do nothing to change that. I ve seen it millions of times already on middle aged man and I am 36, in fact I am currently experiencing it in my own life, wich I thought it would never happen. I could not care less at this time in my life tbh. Karma has it s ways I guess.
Guys I am 53 and my father is now having health problems at 82. He never showed interest in being a father, never said more than 10 words to me and now expects me to do whatever he wants to help him. I can tell you...if there was no relationship before there is no magic that happens over time. Just letting you know if your in your 30s, 20s etc.
@@EqualSharedParenting I think the video clearly talks about fathers who choose not to be present in his own childrens life and early development and the void it creates in them.
@@chrislim7976 So you are reconciling with your father? or just believing that it's too late. Lord's Prayer explanation Matt 6.14-15 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
I believe fatherlessness is one of the worst and yet most invisible epidemics of our culture today. I don’t think enough of us realize just how painful it is for children and how often that abandonment wound is through into adulthood. We really need to address and reverse this tragedy.
Imagine your own father telling you that they were fatherless so they won't be fathers to anyone... mine did. He literally doesn't and never cared since birth
It will be and has been the downfall of the African American community it’s connected to so many other issues like drug/alcohol addiction homelessness and issues with mental and legal problems
Imagine being a fatherless child feeling guilty , struggling in school and society and watching this video , yeah that’s me 🙋♂️ thanks so much for this video I’ll use your techniques ✊🧠 inverse intellectual 🧐
No dad in the home, we all missed out in different ways. My biggest complaint was always having to take the long hardest bumpiest route in life. Looking back I would have loved to have a dad stomp a footprint in front of me and say "Here........this way. This is the best way from A to Z. No need to make the same mistakes I made." I became successful and have done pretty well. But God almighty I logged 10x the miles, bumps & bruises that would have been nice to avoid. Father gone when I was two- made me determined to be a superb Father. And I have been. My son did not take the long winding bumpy rocky road. I stomped my footprint and showed him the way. He turned out to be a magnificent & extremely successful son.
This is amazing to hear. Remember you wouldn't be who you are today if he was around. It's a rough and hard process, but it's not all bad. At 26, only yesterday did I have a random thought about how never having a father around could impact me and I'm glad I've now had this realisation and can try to work through it. Wish you the best
One thing I learned about being a fatherless man. You become who you hate, but when you forgive them for not being in your life you get your identity back off who you truly are, remember your dad is just a normal human . I’ve always said this, there is no different to absent dad and a murderer. They both destroy lives.
"I am 42 years old and I am STILL, playing peekaboo, with my dad." Man that was powerful. It's incredible how much I can relate to that. Just so much time and emotion underneath that statement.
Praying, forgiveness is for you when you give it to GOD he Will make your heart feel better forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue to want him in your life just scream fuss and holler at God how angry or frustrated you are I promise God Jesus Will remove that pain
I feel heartbroken seeing my son walk this lonely path. However, I take solace in knowing that many good men are willing to mentor him and help him on his journey to manhood. take heart, everyone
I didnt knew my father until the age of 17. I remember sometimes when i saw other men wondering if that could be him. Even today where i know him, i sometimes catch myself looking for him in public. Feeling Abandoned and not wanted by your own father as a man seems to me the most painful feeling in this world. I used to feel ashamed and guilty just for being alive, since i thought the reason for his rejection was that i am wrong. Now I am starting to realise that he just is a very weak men, so i can be strong. I am trying to forgive and let go, but its a long process.
Met my dad for the first time when i was 15, did the same exact thing you did, and looked around in public wondering if that could be him. He’s a better man now and is involved in my life a lot more, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that it was just me for 14 years of my life.
I did not really realize how much it would impact my future when my parents divorced when i was younger. It affected my behavior, way of thinking, self esteem. Now at 29 I am only reflecting on the things which i have done, mostly what you would consider "fatherless and only child behavior" . But now i realized i cannot keep blaming the situation anymore and keep playing the victim, something must change and it must come within.
My absent father died last year. I didn't shed a tear. Always in the receiving line, asking me to write letters to him, provide photos, acknowledge his family, while doing nothing reciprocal for me. Incredible!!! My mother never commented much, either way. As a result, I had no children of my own, refusing to reward their bad behavior. If people don't want to care for children they create, they shouldn't have them. Abandoned children owe them NOTHING. Kick Rocks.
I am sorry for what you went through! I know nothing of your mother, is it possible she was trying to avoid saying anything negative about your father?? I know as a single mom I often struggled, do I tell my kids their dad was abusive? Do I tell them he broke the middle daughters hand when she was 2?? Do I tell them that I invited him to different events of theirs & he never showed?? Do I tell them that he quit paying the minimal amount he was paying when he began paying for a new woman's family?? I remember my mother did that to me & every time she said something negative about my dad, I somehow felt responsible, like it was my fault, like I should fix it for her. So now? I just carry my burdens & don't mention their dad to my kids. It's not because I don't love them, but because I do. Because I don't want them to hurt, I don't want them to feel responsible. Just a thought as to why. As an aside, I have since remarried, my ex is still not in the kids' lives, we get an email or text once a year or so. And at the end of the day, I believe my kiddos are better off this way. However maybe one day they will be in the UA-cam comments section mentioning all I did wrong-when all I've ever tried to do is what's best for them 🤷🏻♀️
Fatherless and motherless currently, i lived with my grandparents when I was younger, and while they may not say it i feel as if i’m a burden to them. We don’t talk often and when we do it’s strained. I experience so much uncertainty and insecurity about myself as a person and it’s terrible not having a familial figure to confide in. I extend my empathy to all those who feel similarly. May we grow an individuals together.
Of course you were a burden on them. Their true colours are evident in that they took on such a responsibility and don’t say you were a burden. I can’t help feeling the current lack of communication is a result of an earlier lack of communication. Like puberty or a rebellious, ungrateful phase you may have had. Whatever the case, showing confidence by being vocal will help you become more confident and will set the level of communication you wants & expect from them. Be patient with the elderly, understanding where the saying _”You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”_ derives from, but not taking it verbatim.
what a lovely speaker and person this man has become, it brought me to tears. Our dad abandoned us for a better life and our mum was left to raise 3 kids under 5, no job, no money, no car, no house as it came with his job, and this was in the 70's when even the church turned us away because divorce was frowned upon. Thank goodness we were given the mother we had, we hit the jackpot! She has given her love to us every day and still puts us before herself even though she is 79 and struggles with aging, mobility and Parkinsons issues. As I'm her baby (at 54) she still rings me every day to see if I'm ok, have I eaten, and to show interest in my life, I love her to the moon and back and am so grateful she is my mum. My dad passed away last year after a lonely elderly life, even though he had been married 4 or 5 times, he was always looking for something better but never found it. It was just as I had imagined it would turn out for him. We were at his side though as mum raised us to resepct our elders and show compassion to others. I felt at his time of passing he had lost a lot in life, more than we were about to.
Even though he and my mother were divorced, my father was present and helpful during my childhood. He was my #1. When I was 17, he met someone and got remarried. A few years later, he was unreachable. Realizing that he'd left my left was a slow and painful process. 10 years later, I saw him with his wife and adopted daughter. He saw me and acted like he didn't know who I was. I found out shortly after that he did recognize me, he was just blatantly trying to ignore me in the presence of his new family. While it killed me inside, it helped me conclude, peacefully, that I won't even be trying to attend his funeral, and he is as good as dead to me.
My parents got divorced when i was 6 and sins then i never saw or talk to him again now i'm 21 years old and even if i see him outside i just ignore him ..to me he's dead 15 years ago
You're not alone my father died and I not show up to his funeral. He never been a father to me now 8m raising my daughter is also a fatherless but Im promise I would be with her support her, being there for her I'm going to do everything for her so she could not suffer the same as I suffer. To the father of my child your not young your almost 50 you should know what's your obligation. Without us begging for you with her needs. You be thankful we're not married so I can't do anything about her support as we live in other country. But me and your daughter happy without you. It may be difficult to be the same mother and being a father to her. I will ask god that one day you'll realized how you abandon your child and don't ever come to us asking for forgiveness I raised her alone without you. May god bless you and pray you won't do the same if you ever have a new family.
growing up with a mean father who is quick to lash out at his family I am learning to be my own father. Thank God my mother is a wonderful parent. This talk has been very helpful.
I’m going through paper clutter right now and found an 11-page birthday letter (for my 18th birthday) from my dad in which he talks about: abandoning me when I was 13 to write his “book,” making excuses for not paying child support, how his business partners screwed him over and left him broke, stating multiple times that he’s not on drugs, and includes instruction on how to perform the valsalva maneuver to relieve congestion. The wave of anger and sadness and grief that just washed over me is immense. I’m sending love out to everybody who was cheated out of their parents love and presence.
I had an amazing father. He was a quadraplegic due to polio as a child. He was unstoppable and unflappable. I knew, even as a child, that I had the best dad. Even in my old age I miss him and am grateful for his influence in my life.
Oh how I wished that I’ve never been born. I had an absent father because of the terrible decisions my mother made. I need to heal from that trauma, because it’s consuming me.
@@brandonayers483If they didn’t want a kid, they shouldn’t have been committing the acts to create one, only to leave the mother, the typical caregiver, to raise it alone.
My father was physically present but absent to this day. He goes to work, back home and that’s it. It’s been years since I had conversation with him. He never taught me any thing, never spent time with me. I had so many years of low self esteem. Affected my life so much I was nearly homeless. I promised myself I would never be the same with my child. I cannot forgive him for this.
Jesus loves you and died on the cross so you can find salvation through him before this world passes away. Acts 2:38 commands us to repent, be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ (not the titles) & receive the Holy Spirit. John 3:5 also states that we cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven without being born of the water and the spirit. First you must believe in Jesus who died for your sins (John 3:16). Find a church/community that baptizes in Jesus name and believes in the Holy Spirit
I had a "peek a boo" dad as well and honestly I wish he was just completely absent. Im a woman and my father coming in and out really affected my relationship with men...I thought it was normal for boyfriends to disappear for days at a time and come back with no explanation. My girlfriends had to tell me that that behavior wasn't normal. I finally cut him off at 26, after he promised me he would show up to my wedding and he never showed. I still get jealous of women and girls who had fathers smh.
This was me! I had attracted all kinds of dusty guys, and took bare minimum, because I thought I was being a down to earth woman who was cool and understanding. Girl that was just a sucker.😅😂😂😂
My absent father just died hours ago that's why I'm watching this video. It really hurts because I will never get closure nor apologies from him. I'm still thinking if I should go to his wake or not. Thank you for this video, Sir Kent!
On a day like this his father still couldn't step up. Sad. I think doing the work of making our peace with absent fathers is the best way to heal because they likely will never change. Kudos to his mother who is still making the effort and showing the support.
10:57 I’m the sibling that holds my twin brother accountable. I used to tell him that he is better than our Pops and I refuse to let him end up like him. It’s finally working years later. 🙌🏾
I've watched countless TED talks over the past decade or so on many topics. This is by far one of the best TED Talks I've ever seen. I pray that this talk gets a million+ views because there exist too many men still in pain from having grown up without the affirming presence that only dads can give.
My husband was adopted as an infant. I'm so glad for the way that worked out. His biological parents were horrible. My husband's brothers and mother are now gone. My husband to this day resents his father even though he is 36 and had a great loving upbringing. My husband is an amazing amazing father ❤️ and husband!
Son of an “Invisible” dad here. I have stories similar to waiting by the window as a 6 year old. But it only happened once and ended with me calling his phone to hear its disconnected, to even begging my mom to try to go to his house to see him. Car was gone. Ever since I’ve been bootstrapping manhood from whatever wisdom and the internet offer. Mixed success. Years pass and people change, try to stop abusing themselves with substances, and look to be better people. But the truth is the father I always wanted wasn’t available when I needed him the most. Now we’re just 2 guys hanging out, and it’s something I haven’t fully got over.
This man 👌👏🥂💪💪💪 is a eye opener and explains so well the fatherless and the struggles these kids go through. The fatherless see through different lenses/eyes and that is facts!
Fatherless for what I can say most of my life from time I know my self, my mother did the best she could, now I got kids of my own and a great wife but still I struggle financially to make ends meet trying to hold my head above water, if I had a boost in life it would have made such a difference. My kids got no grandfather my wife father died many years ago yet my father who is still on this earth don't even know my kids name. As a child I made a promise to my self that if I ever to get kids I would never abandon my kids no matter what. Even thought I struggle I still try to teach my kids the right things. Be the best you can be, as I sit here writing this I know many here are like me. But don't give up never abandoned your kids wife and family stay strong and be blessed. Sometimes I see the pain in my family eyes yet I hurt even more knowing I can't provide properly But one day things will be better.
In my case I had several of those fathers all wrapped up in one. Hide and seek until divorce at about 8 to 10 years old where he moved 2,000 miles away for another woman, then unalived himself when I was 11 or 12. Based on what I'm finding out thanks to UA-cam I'm actually proud of myself for not unaliving myself by now, 56 years old, and no plans to. I don't feel quite so isolated these days, it helps to hear these type of discussions. Thank you
Great video! I'm a single mom with a 3 year old boy who had a peek a boo father until now. I said no more. When you told me your father did not attend after accepting your invitation, I felt that. That empty sadness in my stomach I feel for my son at the end of every day without having his father. I once read that the Lord said "for children without a father - I will be your father". I see that for my son and I hope he has the same strength and perseverance I see in you. Such a gentleman! Thank you for sharing!!!
I had both my parents and was raised in a poor but happy home.. I have a 7 year old boy who’s mother works hard to make sure I can only see him through court order. I am now a pica-boo dad, just someone to see twice a month.. “uncle dad”. I wonder if I could raise him to become a woman.. Or can his mom raise him to become a man??
I’m so happy that he talked about hollow dads. I had a combo of a stone cold Austin/hollow which then transitioned to an absent father. Wild process. Currently undertaking my internal work regarding that process in my life.
Excellent video. I love being in my children’s lives. I want them to be productive members of society. They are my wife’s and I responsibility. We will do all we can to teach and love.
Sharing painful topics as such is what helps our sons and daughters heal faster and relieve that sense of self hate or feeling less then or like they are the only one is in this type of predicament. Hearing another male figure or female figure who experienced the same hosuehold dynamic of growing up with an absent father might be what these fatherless youth need to see more of to know that they aren’t less then or not going to ever equal up to anything due to their absentee parent. In single parent household kids need to know that they are not alone and that there feelings and experiences are not only theirs but actually more common then it is actually talked about. A single parent’s love can be more then enough to succeed in life and grow up to be happy, successful, and become a better parent themselves when they have their own children due to their own experience of growing up absent parent in their childhood. I’m sure it’s not always that easy, but thats my hopes as a single parent of a son and a daughter. I know due to how my son has had to grow up that he will never abandon his family when and if he ever has one. He is a teen now and has shared with me that in the future if he decides to have a child or children that they will never have to grow up without their father in their lives being there to for them and involved in their upbringing. It breaks my heart that he has to think like this at such a young age but at the same time I know he’ll be a better man then his father is or could ever be and be proud that he became the man he is without a father figure in his life to help him to become this man. A single parents love isn’t preferred or what is chosen, but still it can be and is more then enough to still raise a successful , healthy, productive member of society
My father passed away when I was 15. It was during my homecoming day, I was part of a marching band in high school. I was shattered when I had found out. I felt terrible. As days went by, I would numb myself through a substance for about 3 years. I went to rehab voluntarily at age 19. Im 20 now, and I still miss my dad. Father/son relationship is crucial. I will never get to experience that. I am open to seeing positive male mentors.
“Hollow dad people” thank u, gonna use this phrase in the future 😭 Oh wait lmao I hadn’t started the video yet, I didn’t realize that the speaker uses this
I had a father in the home, but he was not ever present . That is worse than not having one at all. Everyday, you’re reminded in real time, just how unimportant you are. Really eats at you after awhile … now I’m a 29 year old woman trying my best to raise a young man that is better than his own, also absent father.
This hit so hard that I'm still reeling from it.. this needs to be spread and discussed more because it's of epic importance and its relevance is ageless..BRAVO 👏 👏 👏
I totally agree society should should hold men accountable for running away. It tales two to make a child so why is it only one that takes most of the responsibility alot of the time.
This is powerful. My father hasn’t been visible in my life for several years, missing some big events and causing some pain. This provides comfort in knowing there’s a way to connect and see a path. Thanks.
I so want to be part of the movement to address fatherless families. For me I chose not to have children unless I was in a stable relationship. I am 60. I am childless and as a therapist working with women with no men in their lives, I know I made the right choice. Keep the conversation going.
That's idea for some women however you can make the choice to be in a committed relationship have children and a long the line somewhere the father decides he does not want the relationship and abandon the children as well and or now days they are violating their children and can legally not be there or the relationship doesn't work out. As a woman in your profession & position I'm sure you've may have known or exp. This as well as colleagues discussed in meeting among each other to assist in such a case. No disrespect but it happens either way I'm so glad your content with your decision but my children are my blessings I could not imagine life without them. A lot of women end up single moms and sometimes it's for the best. 🙏🏽😇❤️🙌💐
@@bigdaddy3621 I have Both my parents but in our family there are more male children than female and father (My grandmother had to endure many abuses by my grandfather and cheatings so she left once she was beaten so much that my father who was five or six had to bite on my grandfather's hand to make him let her go .my grandmother's father had also died earlier in her childhood but her brother and mother they were a happy family) is very controlling but not to my brother and my mother is a staunch supporter( because of being a Christian) of my father my paternal grandmother wanted a girl but she did get any but when my mother arrived she would fight with them and at that time I was born and so I became a weapon of defense for them .My mother now she says that she never wanted to do it had to give me to my grandmother to be looked after due to the insistence of my father because he wanted to live without any problems and after three months of my birth my mother again became pregnant with my brother and this had many complications and her womb was almost completely destroyed for another child to ever lay in it and my brother also was born premature .But the problem in all these is that my parents as well and my grandmother everyone started using me from that moment for their own benefits .I even remember once my father beating me when granny fought with him .but afterwards when I grew up I understood that my granny was using me to harm my parents so I distanced myself from the only emotionally parental figure that I thought I had in my mind later I also understood that my parents like always loved me conditionally and even when I became the top most student in my college in my major my parents didn't even congratulate me telling me things implying that I am always going to be a failure in their eyes because I didn't do things that they expected me to do .That day I remembered that once when I was only six or seven at night (almost the whole night my granny and my father fought and both shut doors of their rooms on my face them ( my granny alone in her room and father with mother and my brother in his room and I was standing in the middle area in between both rooms with sheets in my hand then my small brain had already told to me see you are truly alone ).so no matter even if we have one parent ,two parent or no parent (biological or non biological we are born alone .try to not harm others and live your own life your way.
@@annjen8405 wow, that is a lot of drama you experienced as well as your family. Sorry you had to go through that. Did you decide not to have children?
@@bigdaddy3621 I don’t think it’s always a childhood trauma. Some people have worked with children their whole lives, and they are burnt out on kids. Also, Not everyone likes kids. Not everyone has the tolerance for kids. A lot of people had children and they should not have had children.
I came across your video as I’m trying to help a member of my family get on the right track in raising his two children. He’s been somewhat physically present but hasn’t put his heart or mind into it. He basically has just gone through the motions but not put a true effort into his children’s lives. I may share this video with him as he was raised fatherless. I note from the background you’re possibly on the campus of the University of North Alabama in Florence, AL. I was raised in North Alabama (Decatur) and also graduated from UNA. Keep up the good work.
When a person says this about a parent" He/She didn't know any better, that's why he was such way" to this statement I say: YES they knew better! They weren't children, they were full grown adults with choices. And that is to assume responsibility and step up as a parent. Both of my parents were unfit, toxic and selfish. Totally absent, oblivious of what was going on in my life. I was abused and misstreated and both just kept bouncing me back and forth to avoid dealing with me. They both passed kind of tragically but I became the parent they never were. I became that aunt, that person they failed to be as parents. Our free will is there for a reason, it's God's gift to humanity. So YES! we know better unless we have some mental discapacity or are little children or below 20, we are fully responsible of our actions.
Being raised without a father is very difficult, but sometimes is the fault of both parents, picking the wrong partner, but I think is not a justification for not working out on the relationship, between them, when only one parent takes the decision of leaving, price to pay is for the kids, because starts a life of new mother partners, feeling as kid more confused and lonely 😔😭
@@Missdgaf440 You do realize there are women that intentionally keep men from their children right? As a man in these circumstances you basically have no say until you fork over thousands in attorney fees just for the right to legally be apart of your child's life. You have no idea what some people go through if this is your take on ALL absent fathers.
@@stm9094 The statistics show the majority of fathers in divorce CHOOSE to give full custody to the mothers. They give all sorts of reasons, like "my job keeps me too busy" and "I can't be as good a mother" or "That's the mother's job". That's not even mentioning the countless father's who never marry the mother and leave and "Move on with their lives". I'm tired of hearing this baloney. The mother is always stuck with the kids. The men are overwhelmingly absent by CHOICE. Look up the statistics.
@@ShadeandShadow4ever nah the stats show that women get custody 90% of the time and alienate kids from their father after a divorce/break up. They are also the number 1 abusers of kids. So it isn't hard to imagine why men raise by single mothers end up criminals and women end up strippers/pornstars or future single mother. But yeah keep blaming the father for what the mother has done. And then we wonder why men kill their exwives/baby mommas. And the stats show that women leave 80% of time. So that means that women are choosing to be single mothers. You should probably do your research before commenting and blaming men yet again.
I could relate to this guy I had a peek’a boo dad. Grew up with a big family household, mom her sisters my brother, grandmother and my grandfather luckily I had my grandfather who was a very good father figure. I feel for the kids who grew up without a good father or father figure.
I’m here now watching this at 3:30 a.m. I realized in my adulthood that I really didn’t have my father in my life at all. He’s living but I don’t know anything about him. Stuff hit hard in my adulthood so I’m learning how to cope with it.
This kinda stuff needs to be highlighted into our communities. I can relate so much to these topics. My father was never in my life. And gave him opportunity and still not in my life to reach out. God will judge him, I gotta try better to be in my two Sons lives. But there grown men now.
Wow it really hit me at the end when he said he's still playing peekaboo with his dad at age 40. BUT he's now able to see who it reflects on when "dad" doesn't show...! Currently in my mid thirties and my absent father is reaching out, never known him and I am at a loss for action on my end 🤷🏾♀️ Thank you for this video and for sharing your personal story as well 🙏
Great talk. Really well articulated. Having grown up without a father I can relate to this and there are some great takeaways. One particular thing resonated with me “forgiveness releases the opportunity to move on” Thank you for sharing.
I never got to know my dad until this year, I'm 24. he's homeless and a drunk, my mother passed away this year too, I can't find a job and I didn't graduate, it sucks but I'm keeping my head high and know things will get better with time
My father was there, but he never really taught me life lessons. I still think that had a major effect on my confidence as a kid. I had to learn those lessons with my friends in college.
My father completely left us with our mom who was unstable...as she struggles with schizoaffective disorder. I found him in my 20's and he wants to say he loves me and he's sorry but he forgot and she was so difficult. Bro don't tell me about difficult. His mom is there making excuses for him too. Zero accountability... Even now, when confronted. It is hopeless.
So, be better than him. Be you not him. Be kinder, more tolerant and wiser human. It is easy to blame someone but are you better? If you are any better, be better than what your dad is/was.
Hits home I grew up in a fatherless home & often wonder how my life may be different if he had decided to be involved, but since time machines don't exist, or at least not the government has admitted too I'll never know.
I have a Disney dad. He's not perfect, but he was always there, maybe not emotionally because he was raised differently, but he always showed he loved me. He would play with me whenever he could and would take me on vacations. I only learned not every dad was like that after I grew up.
I never met my dad until I was 23 he wasn’t interested in getting to know me in the slightest he never called me or anything after giving him my number I’m 28 today and haven’t heard from him since. I rember one day when I was about 8 I was told he was coming to see me for the first time I was very happy I had all my toys out ready to play then got told he wasn’t coming. I remember as a kid it bothered me not having a dad seing other kids in the park playing with there dad and stuff like that and always wondered why he didn’t want to know me
My father died in prison when I was about a year old. Never knew him and my mom doesn't like to talk about him much. It's a blessing in disguise tho because if he was in my life, he would've brought me down a bad path. He was a gang member and according to my mom, he wanted to eventually initiate me into his gang
dad left the house when I was 10, basically never spoke to me without me begging....I gave up, it was dead silence between us for 3 years. got the call sept 4 2012 that he died from a sudden heart attack. that is the biggest deepest scar i carry on my soul. if you have the opportunity, try to make things right with your dads. much love.
I needed you today, so thank you!!❤❤ I had a father like yours. Mine , and Dad stayed in North Carolina while Mom moved us to another state. Phone calls Throughout my life, and visits every 6 to 8 years range.. Now that I'm going to be 50 he has moved near my brothers and I. What is done is done, but telling my life stories with my mother is bothersome to him as I was verbally, and occasionally physically abused. Instead of just saying, I'm sorry which he did do but he adds in the part where he doesn't take accountability for being absent. He kept saying the military and that's very understandable. I know how it works. I just asked him "what about after the military? You ran off with your wife. Now I watch my dad take care of his dog better than he ever took care of me." It's OK I'm 50. I learned a lot of things but this hurts me. Lack of accountability is what's hurting me. Don't make up stories. If you're only giving half the truth you're better off saying I'm sorry and leaving it at that. The Lord brought this to me to deal with. I find I can't speak up to his face and bottle it up until I send a message. That's from my mom's abuse, and not liking to be in confrontation. That's funny because his daughter is now a mechanic and Wash a 20 year HVAC installer so I have a lot of pat and my own back to do. I did it on my own.😊 your kids out there be strong because you definitely can be warriors. I'm strong and you will be too. Much love to all that have to deal with this in whatever way. ❤❤❤
My brother is an absent father and we’ve tried to talk to him get him to be involved get him to go to therapy offered to pay . We see his daughters but he rarely does . It’s really sad to see .
That was beautiful n heartfelt ..im actually a fatherless daughter..but I listened to the whole thing n I loved ..it's like u were talking about my household ..I have 2 boys 15 n 10 ,different fathers n my oldest son father signed for my youngest but still not there for neither kid 😕
Not sure why this video does not have the likes that it deserves, however, I'm here to say that SIR YOU ARE GOLDEN, very much a NEED TO TALK ABOUT! I thank you for pouring your heart out into this necessary need topic! Please keep spreading this like a virus! I'm praying that this reach many lives, so that the world can be a better place!!!
All these years i was struggling that what is the thing i dont have in me even though i have it in back of my mind but my inner self is not accepting it. It is really very hard to life without a father u struggle with society, making friends and often have suicidal thoughts, u always get tensed in small situations…. I cant write it all here but thanks to this man who thought about it. He left me, my sister for the other woman And also my mother also left me Thnks to my aunt, grandparents they took care of me.
I lost my father to a heart attack & have experienced emotional neglect from my mother. Self help books & therapists fulfilled their roles. From my experiences of being brought up in a fatherless household, I would say, No one will come & save you. You might see more people exploiting you than supporting you. The world is harsh. So heal yourself sooner than later.
I am a social worker. I work with families and children. Unfortunately it is rare to find single fathers or at the least, involved fathers, especially in out-of-wedlock relationships. I am a young woman and not yet a parent. Many laws are still stacked against men in family court. There are also many men who still do not rise to the challenge of parenthood and flake on their duties no matter how willing a mother is. I do not know how to fix the issues, but I believe part of it stems from society treating men as if they are expendable. They are not. They are entirely necessary to the family unit. It's often cyclical, but I do the best I can to motivate those who aim to beat the generational curse. There are wonderful men in the world. All men are not bad. Casting shadows upon a whole gender is futile.
My father got into drugs and was always into other women. He left when I was two and I’ve only communicated with him when I was 6 and then again from 15-16. I’m 38 now and I found him through a people search website online. I texted him and he said he followed my athletic accomplishments all my life... meaning he knew where I went to school, and could’ve showed up at one of thousands of track meets I competed in...but I couldn’t ask him why he never bothered to reach out. He’s apparently been clean for years now, staying out of trouble, and in a stable relationship. Anyone here have advice? I have his number in my hand and I can’t see through the tears well enough to press call
I personally wouldn’t reach out because I’m 18 now and I have a resentment toward my father. But I’d recommend reaching out so maybe you can get some closure or even build a relationship with your now clean father.
@@purpviper thanks for your thoughts. I’ve been leaning more towards reaching out since he is apparently clean and clear minded, at least over the phone, but with as little expectations as possible. When I was your age, I had so much resentment toward him. Up until I was in my mid 20s actually. I was really angry, and whenever I’d think about him or what could have been, I’d tear up and want to fight everything in sight. There’s an episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air (have u seen it?) called “Papas got a brand new excuse” and rewatching that in my late 20s weeks before my wedding, I realized I wasn’t mad any more. I was actually sad and just wanted to know why. How could someone just up and leave their family? That’s when I made a promise to myself to be faithful to my wife and become the father I always felt I needed once I did have kids. Even if you never come around to reaching out, just make sure that you become the man you always needed in your life. And don’t ever let that resentment ruin what you have. I almost ended up in jail because of it but luckily made some changes before it got too serious.
I can’t imagine what to tell you. I’m watching these videos thinking of my own two sons 2/3. I hope by the time they ask me I can provide them with an answer/advice. Wishing you only but peace
@Alex M Please reach out so you can gwt the answers that you need...don't sit in hurt and resentment. Lay it in his lap and walk away or....if you want to try to build a relationship. I also highly recommend a therapist to walk you through all of this! God bless you!💜
I never thought there were so many of us with absent/invisible fathers. 😔
There s a book called "Society without the father". I used to believe it was about me and my own story. This is an entire generation, it s rooted much more deeper than on a personal level and it explains a lot about modern society. Lack of commitment, family instinct, doing what is right in relationships, staying power during hardship, ambition. You name it, and in my 36 years I have it seen it much worse in people with an absent father growing up than with a father who chose to be around in some way.
At some point in your life you need to realize that although it hurt you, it did not cripple you. You need to do the work. And..yes, he will get old, and yes.. he will feel guilty. By that time you would ve grown up (on your own + your mother support if you had any) and they can do nothing to change that. I ve seen it millions of times already on middle aged man and I am 36, in fact I am currently experiencing it in my own life, wich I thought it would never happen. I could not care less at this time in my life tbh. Karma has it s ways I guess.
Guys I am 53 and my father is now having health problems at 82. He never showed interest in being a father, never said more than 10 words to me and now expects me to do whatever he wants to help him. I can tell you...if there was no relationship before there is no magic that happens over time. Just letting you know if your in your 30s, 20s etc.
@@EqualSharedParenting I think the video clearly talks about fathers who choose not to be present in his own childrens life and early development and the void it creates in them.
@@chrislim7976 So you are reconciling with your father? or just believing that it's too late. Lord's Prayer explanation Matt 6.14-15 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
I believe fatherlessness is one of the worst and yet most invisible epidemics of our culture today. I don’t think enough of us realize just how painful it is for children and how often that abandonment wound is through into adulthood. We really need to address and reverse this tragedy.
Imagine your own father telling you that they were fatherless so they won't be fathers to anyone... mine did. He literally doesn't and never cared since birth
It will be and has been the downfall of the African American community it’s connected to so many other issues like drug/alcohol addiction homelessness and issues with mental and legal problems
"I will be a Father to the Fatherless, and you will be my sons and daughters." 2nd Corinthians 6:18. Is how I've always tried to cope. ❤️
Yes bless our heavenly Father he always has us 🤍 may Elohim bless you and your family
@@sofiapapadopoulos093 as for you my sister ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Amen 🙏🏽
Dude thank you for that message. God bless you!
Amen
Sometimes growing up without a father you are subject to so much abuse from your mother.
My Man.... Exactly .... You don't have nobody else to defend you, telling you about the things will go better 😔
Story of my life.
Dude
Especially a matriarchal mother who thinks she is always correct. I had to take ownership of my manhood and stand my ground
BIGHOMIE Agree i relate!
Imagine being a fatherless child feeling guilty , struggling in school and society and watching this video , yeah that’s me 🙋♂️ thanks so much for this video I’ll use your techniques ✊🧠 inverse intellectual 🧐
I`m very fed up with all this sadness i carry for years.
🙋🏾♂️
@@imlearning5903 mine is for at least 9 years
34 and still trying to figure it out. Stay strong, fam.
It's me too. Cheers and good luck on your quest.
People need to understand the severity of the situation we are in now, too many of us grow up without fathers
No dad in the home, we all missed out in different ways. My biggest complaint was always having to take the long hardest bumpiest route in life. Looking back I would have loved to have a dad stomp a footprint in front of me and say "Here........this way. This is the best way from A to Z. No need to make the same mistakes I made." I became successful and have done pretty well. But God almighty I logged 10x the miles, bumps & bruises that would have been nice to avoid. Father gone when I was two- made me determined to be a superb Father. And I have been. My son did not take the long winding bumpy rocky road. I stomped my footprint and showed him the way. He turned out to be a magnificent & extremely successful son.
This is amazing to hear. Remember you wouldn't be who you are today if he was around. It's a rough and hard process, but it's not all bad.
At 26, only yesterday did I have a random thought about how never having a father around could impact me and I'm glad I've now had this realisation and can try to work through it.
Wish you the best
One thing I learned about being a fatherless man. You become who you hate, but when you forgive them for not being in your life you get your identity back off who you truly are, remember your dad is just a normal human .
I’ve always said this, there is no different to absent dad and a murderer. They both destroy lives.
So 100% true.
Hate. Forgive. Accepting parents are human.
It's brutal.
“You become who you hate” powerful. I read about this in a book called “it didn’t start you” it talks deeply about the effects of not healing.
My son grew up with no Dad. His Dad died in a car wreck when he was 4 years old. He is 33 now and has overcome many obstacles. This is his story!
"I am 42 years old and I am STILL, playing peekaboo, with my dad."
Man that was powerful. It's incredible how much I can relate to that. Just so much time and emotion underneath that statement.
What I went through because of absent father is unspeakable and I’ll never forgive him
What did you go through
So sorry for whatever you went through, but u need to forgive him to liberate urself. Wish you all the best
Look, I forgave him, life is not worthwhile to live, with resentment.
He doesn’t need to forgive. Just accept, and go on to be a better person.
Praying, forgiveness is for you when you give it to GOD he Will make your heart feel better forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue to want him in your life just scream fuss and holler at God how angry or frustrated you are I promise God Jesus Will remove that pain
I feel heartbroken seeing my son walk this lonely path. However, I take solace in knowing that many good men are willing to mentor him and help him on his journey to manhood. take heart, everyone
I didnt knew my father until the age of 17. I remember sometimes when i saw other men wondering if that could be him. Even today where i know him, i sometimes catch myself looking for him in public. Feeling Abandoned and not wanted by your own father as a man seems to me the most painful feeling in this world. I used to feel ashamed and guilty just for being alive, since i thought the reason for his rejection was that i am wrong. Now I am starting to realise that he just is a very weak men, so i can be strong. I am trying to forgive and let go, but its a long process.
Healing takes time. You'll get there.
Same.
Met my dad for the first time when i was 15, did the same exact thing you did, and looked around in public wondering if that could be him. He’s a better man now and is involved in my life a lot more, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that it was just me for 14 years of my life.
@Bella Emerald You're not qualified to be telling any man anything on this subject.
What about your mother ? Have you judged her the same way you judge your father ? You only know one side of the story !
I did not really realize how much it would impact my future when my parents divorced when i was younger. It affected my behavior, way of thinking, self esteem. Now at 29 I am only reflecting on the things which i have done, mostly what you would consider "fatherless and only child behavior" . But now i realized i cannot keep blaming the situation anymore and keep playing the victim, something must change and it must come within.
hope you're doing well
Wow I am very proud of you to come to such a n honest and difficult truth. You will do just fine!! I would be proud to have a son like you.
My absent father died last year. I didn't shed a tear. Always in the receiving line, asking me to write letters to him, provide photos, acknowledge his family, while doing nothing reciprocal for me. Incredible!!! My mother never commented much, either way. As a result, I had no children of my own, refusing to reward their bad behavior. If people don't want to care for children they create, they shouldn't have them. Abandoned children owe them NOTHING. Kick Rocks.
I am sorry for what you went through!
I know nothing of your mother, is it possible she was trying to avoid saying anything negative about your father??
I know as a single mom I often struggled, do I tell my kids their dad was abusive? Do I tell them he broke the middle daughters hand when she was 2?? Do I tell them that I invited him to different events of theirs & he never showed?? Do I tell them that he quit paying the minimal amount he was paying when he began paying for a new woman's family??
I remember my mother did that to me & every time she said something negative about my dad, I somehow felt responsible, like it was my fault, like I should fix it for her.
So now? I just carry my burdens & don't mention their dad to my kids. It's not because I don't love them, but because I do. Because I don't want them to hurt, I don't want them to feel responsible.
Just a thought as to why.
As an aside, I have since remarried, my ex is still not in the kids' lives, we get an email or text once a year or so. And at the end of the day, I believe my kiddos are better off this way. However maybe one day they will be in the UA-cam comments section mentioning all I did wrong-when all I've ever tried to do is what's best for them 🤷🏻♀️
I absolutely agree
Fatherless and motherless currently, i lived with my grandparents when I was younger, and while they may not say it i feel as if i’m a burden to them. We don’t talk often and when we do it’s strained. I experience so much uncertainty and insecurity about myself as a person and it’s terrible not having a familial figure to confide in. I extend my empathy to all those who feel similarly. May we grow an individuals together.
Of course you were a burden on them. Their true colours are evident in that they took on such a responsibility and don’t say you were a burden.
I can’t help feeling the current lack of communication is a result of an earlier lack of communication. Like puberty or a rebellious, ungrateful phase you may have had.
Whatever the case, showing confidence by being vocal will help you become more confident and will set the level of communication you wants & expect from them. Be patient with the elderly, understanding where the saying _”You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”_ derives from, but not taking it verbatim.
what a lovely speaker and person this man has become, it brought me to tears. Our dad abandoned us for a better life and our mum was left to raise 3 kids under 5, no job, no money, no car, no house as it came with his job, and this was in the 70's when even the church turned us away because divorce was frowned upon. Thank goodness we were given the mother we had, we hit the jackpot! She has given her love to us every day and still puts us before herself even though she is 79 and struggles with aging, mobility and Parkinsons issues. As I'm her baby (at 54) she still rings me every day to see if I'm ok, have I eaten, and to show interest in my life, I love her to the moon and back and am so grateful she is my mum. My dad passed away last year after a lonely elderly life, even though he had been married 4 or 5 times, he was always looking for something better but never found it. It was just as I had imagined it would turn out for him. We were at his side though as mum raised us to resepct our elders and show compassion to others. I felt at his time of passing he had lost a lot in life, more than we were about to.
Even though he and my mother were divorced, my father was present and helpful during my childhood. He was my #1. When I was 17, he met someone and got remarried. A few years later, he was unreachable. Realizing that he'd left my left was a slow and painful process. 10 years later, I saw him with his wife and adopted daughter. He saw me and acted like he didn't know who I was. I found out shortly after that he did recognize me, he was just blatantly trying to ignore me in the presence of his new family. While it killed me inside, it helped me conclude, peacefully, that I won't even be trying to attend his funeral, and he is as good as dead to me.
My parents got divorced when i was 6 and sins then i never saw or talk to him again now i'm 21 years old and even if i see him outside i just ignore him ..to me he's dead 15 years ago
You're not alone my father died and I not show up to his funeral. He never been a father to me now 8m raising my daughter is also a fatherless but Im promise I would be with her support her, being there for her I'm going to do everything for her so she could not suffer the same as I suffer.
To the father of my child your not young your almost 50 you should know what's your obligation.
Without us begging for you with her needs.
You be thankful we're not married so I can't do anything about her support as we live in other country.
But me and your daughter happy without you.
It may be difficult to be the same mother and being a father to her.
I will ask god that one day you'll realized how you abandon your child and don't ever come to us asking for forgiveness I raised her alone without you.
May god bless you and pray you won't do the same if you ever have a new family.
This breaks my heart . I’m sorry you had to go through such an ordeal. May you learn, heal and grow.
Damnnnnnnn I’m sorry that that happened to you. I wish you healing.❤
Bro same story
Wow, this was a great. Shame on his father for not showing up! Men need to be held accountable for not being father's. No excuse.
growing up with a mean father who is quick to lash out at his family I am learning to be my own father. Thank God my mother is a wonderful parent. This talk has been very helpful.
I’m going through paper clutter right now and found an 11-page birthday letter (for my 18th birthday) from my dad in which he talks about: abandoning me when I was 13 to write his “book,” making excuses for not paying child support, how his business partners screwed him over and left him broke, stating multiple times that he’s not on drugs, and includes instruction on how to perform the valsalva maneuver to relieve congestion.
The wave of anger and sadness and grief that just washed over me is immense. I’m sending love out to everybody who was cheated out of their parents love and presence.
He was a peek-a-boo and hide-and-go-seek dad until he left entirely
💚💚💚
I had an amazing father. He was a quadraplegic due to polio as a child. He was unstoppable and unflappable. I knew, even as a child, that I had the best dad. Even in my old age I miss him and am grateful for his influence in my life.
Oh how I wished that I’ve never been born. I had an absent father because of the terrible decisions my mother made. I need to heal from that trauma, because it’s consuming me.
Me too. My mom pushed my dad away 😔
Jeremiah 1:5
It happens more often then yall think
I don't understand how you can create another human being and not even care for it. Like how do they sleep at night?!
Because they didn’t want the kid and the mother decided to have them. That’s the answer.
Yes
His father had disowned him and he did the same to his 4 year old daughter! Even I wonder how they sleep at night!
@@brandonayers483 Nah because a lot of people 'wanted' the kid then still leave
@@brandonayers483If they didn’t want a kid, they shouldn’t have been committing the acts to create one, only to leave the mother, the typical caregiver, to raise it alone.
My father was physically present but absent to this day. He goes to work, back home and that’s it. It’s been years since I had conversation with him. He never taught me any thing, never spent time with me. I had so many years of low self esteem. Affected my life so much I was nearly homeless. I promised myself I would never be the same with my child. I cannot forgive him for this.
My father is literally the same so I feel you, this feeling burns you from inside and its so exhausting. I also can not forgive him.
i feel you. he is now trying to be a father now and i’m 20 ion even respond to dude lol
Jesus loves you and died on the cross so you can find salvation through him before this world passes away. Acts 2:38 commands us to repent, be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ (not the titles) & receive the Holy Spirit. John 3:5 also states that we cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven without being born of the water and the spirit. First you must believe in Jesus who died for your sins (John 3:16). Find a church/community that baptizes in Jesus name and believes in the Holy Spirit
@@marcellam2406 what in the matrix of jesusGPT
My father was absent as well however I have 3 kids & I would never under any circumstances abandon my children.
I had a "peek a boo" dad as well and honestly I wish he was just completely absent. Im a woman and my father coming in and out really affected my relationship with men...I thought it was normal for boyfriends to disappear for days at a time and come back with no explanation. My girlfriends had to tell me that that behavior wasn't normal. I finally cut him off at 26, after he promised me he would show up to my wedding and he never showed. I still get jealous of women and girls who had fathers smh.
This was me! I had attracted all kinds of dusty guys, and took bare minimum, because I thought I was being a down to earth woman who was cool and understanding. Girl that was just a sucker.😅😂😂😂
@@TheBubblyBartender Ditto. And all that did was make the man disrespect me even more smh lol
My absent father just died hours ago that's why I'm watching this video. It really hurts because I will never get closure nor apologies from him. I'm still thinking if I should go to his wake or not. Thank you for this video, Sir Kent!
Thank you so much!!!!@jxrin
On a day like this his father still couldn't step up. Sad. I think doing the work of making our peace with absent fathers is the best way to heal because they likely will never change. Kudos to his mother who is still making the effort and showing the support.
This goes so deep for some of us who craved for time with our dads
10:57 I’m the sibling that holds my twin brother accountable. I used to tell him that he is better than our Pops and I refuse to let him end up like him. It’s finally working years later. 🙌🏾
I've watched countless TED talks over the past decade or so on many topics. This is by far one of the best TED Talks I've ever seen. I pray that this talk gets a million+ views because there exist too many men still in pain from having grown up without the affirming presence that only dads can give.
My husband was adopted as an infant. I'm so glad for the way that worked out. His biological parents were horrible. My husband's brothers and mother are now gone. My husband to this day resents his father even though he is 36 and had a great loving upbringing. My husband is an amazing amazing father ❤️ and husband!
You saved a life.
This makes me believe in life.
He is a blessing
There is hope
Your comment full of love.
Son of an “Invisible” dad here. I have stories similar to waiting by the window as a 6 year old. But it only happened once and ended with me calling his phone to hear its disconnected, to even begging my mom to try to go to his house to see him. Car was gone.
Ever since I’ve been bootstrapping manhood from whatever wisdom and the internet offer. Mixed success.
Years pass and people change, try to stop abusing themselves with substances, and look to be better people.
But the truth is the father I always wanted wasn’t available when I needed him the most. Now we’re just 2 guys hanging out, and it’s something I haven’t fully got over.
You've been through a very difficult childhood. I wish you the best my man. God bless you.
@@jhangzhou1762 thank you for the kind words, God bless you too!
This speech was golden. Shout out to your mom for raising an excellent man !
This man 👌👏🥂💪💪💪 is a eye opener and explains so well the fatherless and the struggles these kids go through. The fatherless see through different lenses/eyes and that is facts!
Fatherless for what I can say most of my life from time I know my self, my mother did the best she could, now I got kids of my own and a great wife but still I struggle financially to make ends meet trying to hold my head above water, if I had a boost in life it would have made such a difference. My kids got no grandfather my wife father died many years ago yet my father who is still on this earth don't even know my kids name. As a child I made a promise to my self that if I ever to get kids I would never abandon my kids no matter what. Even thought I struggle I still try to teach my kids the right things. Be the best you can be, as I sit here writing this I know many here are like me. But don't give up never abandoned your kids wife and family stay strong and be blessed. Sometimes I see the pain in my family eyes yet I hurt even more knowing I can't provide properly But one day things will be better.
Keep going, may you find strength and help in The Lord Jesus.
Keep going Brother!! Don't ever give up for your wife and children. They are what our father up in heaven has given us as irreplacable gifts.
Immense respect
Thank you for being there! It makes all the world of difference❤
In my case I had several of those fathers all wrapped up in one. Hide and seek until divorce at about 8 to 10 years old where he moved 2,000 miles away for another woman, then unalived himself when I was 11 or 12. Based on what I'm finding out thanks to UA-cam I'm actually proud of myself for not unaliving myself by now, 56 years old, and no plans to. I don't feel quite so isolated these days, it helps to hear these type of discussions. Thank you
Great video! I'm a single mom with a 3 year old boy who had a peek a boo father until now. I said no more. When you told me your father did not attend after accepting your invitation, I felt that. That empty sadness in my stomach I feel for my son at the end of every day without having his father. I once read that the Lord said "for children without a father - I will be your father". I see that for my son and I hope he has the same strength and perseverance I see in you. Such a gentleman! Thank you for sharing!!!
get him a stepfather
@@dr_corrupt1014 It’s Not that easy
We continue seeing lots of damages in children growing up without their biological Fathers.
I had both my parents and was raised in a poor but happy home.. I have a 7 year old boy who’s mother works hard to make sure I can only see him through court order. I am now a pica-boo dad, just someone to see twice a month.. “uncle dad”.
I wonder if I could raise him to become a woman.. Or can his mom raise him to become a man??
Is he paying court ordered child support?
I’m so happy that he talked about hollow dads. I had a combo of a stone cold Austin/hollow which then transitioned to an absent father. Wild process. Currently undertaking my internal work regarding that process in my life.
Excellent video. I love being in my children’s lives. I want them to be productive members of society. They are my wife’s and I responsibility. We will do all we can to teach and love.
@@vanessae_e not having a father is marginally better than having a father and knowingbhe doesnt care
@@user-yk5xu8gr1e what happens when you don't have both.
Sharing painful topics as such is what helps our sons and daughters heal faster and relieve that sense of self hate or feeling less then or like they are the only one is in this type of predicament. Hearing another male figure or female figure who experienced the same hosuehold dynamic of growing up with an absent father might be what these fatherless youth need to see more of to know that they aren’t less then or not going to ever equal up to anything due to their absentee parent. In single parent household kids need to know that they are not alone and that there feelings and experiences are not only theirs but actually more common then it is actually talked about. A single parent’s love can be more then enough to succeed in life and grow up to be happy, successful, and become a better parent themselves when they have their own children due to their own experience of growing up absent parent in their childhood. I’m sure it’s not always that easy, but thats my hopes as a single parent of a son and a daughter. I know due to how my son has had to grow up that he will never abandon his family when and if he ever has one. He is a teen now and has shared with me that in the future if he decides to have a child or children that they will never have to grow up without their father in their lives being there to for them and involved in their upbringing. It breaks my heart that he has to think like this at such a young age but at the same time I know he’ll be a better man then his father is or could ever be and be proud that he became the man he is without a father figure in his life to help him to become this man. A single parents love isn’t preferred or what is chosen, but still it can be and is more then enough to still raise a successful , healthy, productive member of society
My father passed away when I was 15. It was during my homecoming day, I was part of a marching band in high school. I was shattered when I had found out. I felt terrible. As days went by, I would numb myself through a substance for about 3 years. I went to rehab voluntarily at age 19. Im 20 now, and I still miss my dad. Father/son relationship is crucial. I will never get to experience that. I am open to seeing positive male mentors.
I hope you find your way, young man
Never in my life did i think a video like this would make me cry this hard
Hollow dad people what's up anyone else struggling with mental health rn?
“Hollow dad people” thank u, gonna use this phrase in the future 😭
Oh wait lmao I hadn’t started the video yet, I didn’t realize that the speaker uses this
Always
Feel like reversing time and dying. Might turn this into a movie.
Yeah man. struggling with low self esteem and seeking approval from "bad" people.... Yep
🙆♀️🙆♀️🙆♀️
I had a father in the home, but he was not ever present . That is worse than not having one at all. Everyday, you’re reminded in real time, just how unimportant you are. Really eats at you after awhile … now I’m a 29 year old woman trying my best to raise a young man that is better than his own, also absent father.
This hit so hard that I'm still reeling from it.. this needs to be spread and discussed more because it's of epic importance and its relevance is ageless..BRAVO 👏 👏 👏
Was ur father absent
I had a step dad. He did his best. I think he was a better dad to my brother and than his own children.
I totally agree society should should hold men accountable for running away. It tales two to make a child so why is it only one that takes most of the responsibility alot of the time.
This is powerful. My father hasn’t been visible in my life for several years, missing some big events and causing some pain. This provides comfort in knowing there’s a way to connect and see a path. Thanks.
I so want to be part of the movement to address fatherless families. For me I chose not to have children unless I was in a stable relationship. I am 60. I am childless and as a therapist working with women with no men in their lives, I know I made the right choice.
Keep the conversation going.
That's idea for some women however you can make the choice to be in a committed relationship have children and a long the line somewhere the father decides he does not want the relationship and abandon the children as well and or now days they are violating their children and can legally not be there or the relationship doesn't work out. As a woman in your profession & position I'm sure you've may have known or exp. This as well as colleagues discussed in meeting among each other to assist in such a case. No disrespect but it happens either way I'm so glad your content with your decision but my children are my blessings I could not imagine life without them. A lot of women end up single moms and sometimes it's for the best. 🙏🏽😇❤️🙌💐
That's deep. I often think people that don't want kids had childhood trauma. I grew up without a dad. Not a pain I would wish on anyone else.
@@bigdaddy3621 I have Both my parents but in our family there are more male children than female and father (My grandmother had to endure many abuses by my grandfather and cheatings so she left once she was beaten so much that my father who was five or six had to bite on my grandfather's hand to make him let her go .my grandmother's father had also died earlier in her childhood but her brother and mother they were a happy family) is very controlling but not to my brother and my mother is a staunch supporter( because of being a Christian) of my father my paternal grandmother wanted a girl but she did get any but when my mother arrived she would fight with them and at that time I was born and so I became a weapon of defense for them .My mother now she says that she never wanted to do it had to give me to my grandmother to be looked after due to the insistence of my father because he wanted to live without any problems and after three months of my birth my mother again became pregnant with my brother and this had many complications and her womb was almost completely destroyed for another child to ever lay in it and my brother also was born premature .But the problem in all these is that my parents as well and my grandmother everyone started using me from that moment for their own benefits .I even remember once my father beating me when granny fought with him .but afterwards when I grew up I understood that my granny was using me to harm my parents so I distanced myself from the only emotionally parental figure that I thought I had in my mind later I also understood that my parents like always loved me conditionally and even when I became the top most student in my college in my major my parents didn't even congratulate me telling me things implying that I am always going to be a failure in their eyes because I didn't do things that they expected me to do .That day I remembered that once when I was only six or seven at night (almost the whole night my granny and my father fought and both shut doors of their rooms on my face them ( my granny alone in her room and father with mother and my brother in his room and I was standing in the middle area in between both rooms with sheets in my hand then my small brain had already told to me see you are truly alone ).so no matter even if we have one parent ,two parent or no parent (biological or non biological we are born alone .try to not harm others and live your own life your way.
@@annjen8405 wow, that is a lot of drama you experienced as well as your family. Sorry you had to go through that. Did you decide not to have children?
@@bigdaddy3621 I don’t think it’s always a childhood trauma. Some people have worked with children their whole lives, and they are burnt out on kids. Also, Not everyone likes kids. Not everyone has the tolerance for kids. A lot of people had children and they should not have had children.
I came across your video as I’m trying to help a member of my family get on the right track in raising his two children. He’s been somewhat physically present but hasn’t put his heart or mind into it. He basically has just gone through the motions but not put a true effort into his children’s lives. I may share this video with him as he was raised fatherless. I note from the background you’re possibly on the campus of the University of North Alabama in Florence, AL. I was raised in North Alabama (Decatur) and also graduated from UNA. Keep up the good work.
When a person says this about a parent" He/She didn't know any better, that's why he was such way" to this statement I say: YES they knew better! They weren't children, they were full grown adults with choices. And that is to assume responsibility and step up as a parent. Both of my parents were unfit, toxic and selfish. Totally absent, oblivious of what was going on in my life. I was abused and misstreated and both just kept bouncing me back and forth to avoid dealing with me. They both passed kind of tragically but I became the parent they never were. I became that aunt, that person they failed to be as parents. Our free will is there for a reason, it's God's gift to humanity. So YES! we know better unless we have some mental discapacity or are little children or below 20, we are fully responsible of our actions.
I cried the last 2 min of this... truly moving!
I look at my 5 year old son how attached and how much i love him is what makes me not forgive my dad, i forgive you as a son but as a parent i dont.
Being raised without a father is very difficult, but sometimes is the fault of both parents, picking the wrong partner, but I think is not a justification for not working out on the relationship, between them, when only one parent takes the decision of leaving, price to pay is for the kids, because starts a life of new mother partners, feeling as kid more confused and lonely 😔😭
Only 1 person is at fault and that’s the absent parent
@@Missdgaf440 You do realize there are women that intentionally keep men from their children right?
As a man in these circumstances you basically have no say until you fork over thousands in attorney fees just for the right to legally be apart of your child's life.
You have no idea what some people go through if this is your take on ALL absent fathers.
@@stm9094 The statistics show the majority of fathers in divorce CHOOSE to give full custody to the mothers. They give all sorts of reasons, like "my job keeps me too busy" and "I can't be as good a mother" or "That's the mother's job".
That's not even mentioning the countless father's who never marry the mother and leave and "Move on with their lives". I'm tired of hearing this baloney. The mother is always stuck with the kids.
The men are overwhelmingly absent by CHOICE.
Look up the statistics.
@@ShadeandShadow4ever nah the stats show that women get custody 90% of the time and alienate kids from their father after a divorce/break up. They are also the number 1 abusers of kids. So it isn't hard to imagine why men raise by single mothers end up criminals and women end up strippers/pornstars or future single mother. But yeah keep blaming the father for what the mother has done. And then we wonder why men kill their exwives/baby mommas.
And the stats show that women leave 80% of time. So that means that women are choosing to be single mothers. You should probably do your research before commenting and blaming men yet again.
My father left us for dead the night our mom got killed. I was 5 yrs old. Now fully grown at 22 yrs in the Army with 5 kids. I Love my life.
Four Es Engaging, Enlightening, Encouraging and Equipping. Love it.
I am a Disney father to my 4 year old son, little George. I hope im healthy for years to come, it's s wonderful journey.
I could relate to this guy I had a peek’a boo dad. Grew up with a big family household, mom her sisters my brother, grandmother and my grandfather luckily I had my grandfather who was a very good father figure. I feel for the kids who grew up without a good father or father figure.
Imagine a father living in the house and having resentment towards you. There is such a thing. I needed this.
I’m here now watching this at 3:30 a.m. I realized in my adulthood that I really didn’t have my father in my life at all. He’s living but I don’t know anything about him. Stuff hit hard in my adulthood so I’m learning how to cope with it.
This kinda stuff needs to be highlighted into our communities. I can relate so much to these topics. My father was never in my life. And gave him opportunity and still not in my life to reach out. God will judge him, I gotta try better to be in my two Sons lives. But there grown men now.
Your mum has done a great job 👏 😇 she has raised a real gentleman 💪💪🥰🥰
This is so powerful! Thank you so much for this video and your inspiring words🫶🏾
Why in the world does this great Ted-talk only have 38k views!?
Wow it really hit me at the end when he said he's still playing peekaboo with his dad at age 40.
BUT he's now able to see who it reflects on when "dad" doesn't show...!
Currently in my mid thirties and my absent father is reaching out, never known him and I am at a loss for action on my end 🤷🏾♀️
Thank you for this video and for sharing your personal story as well 🙏
Great talk. Really well articulated.
Having grown up without a father I can relate to this and there are some great takeaways.
One particular thing resonated with me “forgiveness releases the opportunity to move on”
Thank you for sharing.
I never got to know my dad until this year, I'm 24. he's homeless and a drunk, my mother passed away this year too, I can't find a job and I didn't graduate, it sucks but I'm keeping my head high and know things will get better with time
he was absent my whole life and just died when I was in my mid teens, love that for me 💅✨
This is great. Very enlightening especially for those of us who dealt with absent parents
going through life as a young boy or man without a father is a lonely world
My father was there, but he never really taught me life lessons. I still think that had a major effect on my confidence as a kid. I had to learn those lessons with my friends in college.
My dad abandoned me at 6 years old and I got so much resentment
Same here
Same
My dad never left…
I always be grateful
My father completely left us with our mom who was unstable...as she struggles with schizoaffective disorder. I found him in my 20's and he wants to say he loves me and he's sorry but he forgot and she was so difficult. Bro don't tell me about difficult. His mom is there making excuses for him too. Zero accountability... Even now, when confronted. It is hopeless.
So, be better than him. Be you not him. Be kinder, more tolerant and wiser human. It is easy to blame someone but are you better? If you are any better, be better than what your dad is/was.
Don’t bother connecting to a person like that. He is not worth the effort. You lived without him for 20 years why bother talking to him.
@@beacoley8758 You're right!! It sucks, but I gave up.
Hits home I grew up in a fatherless home & often wonder how my life may be different if he had decided to be involved, but since time machines don't exist, or at least not the government has admitted too I'll never know.
I have a Disney dad. He's not perfect, but he was always there, maybe not emotionally because he was raised differently, but he always showed he loved me. He would play with me whenever he could and would take me on vacations. I only learned not every dad was like that after I grew up.
I have a hollow dad. He was physically there but emotionally unavailable
Angel dad, this actually brought tears to my eyes
Fathers are required in every household. In every child’s life. We all need discipline.
Some fathers beat their kids just because they had a bad day, I wouldn't trust anyone like that anywhere near a child
@@crystlelakefarm1254 you’re missing the point smh
Not just discipline, structure!
Thank you for truth. I agree that these men need to be held accountable.
I never met my dad until I was 23 he wasn’t interested in getting to know me in the slightest he never called me or anything after giving him my number I’m 28 today and haven’t heard from him since. I rember one day when I was about 8 I was told he was coming to see me for the first time I was very happy I had all my toys out ready to play then got told he wasn’t coming. I remember as a kid it bothered me not having a dad seing other kids in the park playing with there dad and stuff like that and always wondered why he didn’t want to know me
Sad I got 2 kids I’m. Not in there life
That's gotta hurt. I hear you.
@@pickme2632 ????
My father died in prison when I was about a year old. Never knew him and my mom doesn't like to talk about him much. It's a blessing in disguise tho because if he was in my life, he would've brought me down a bad path. He was a gang member and according to my mom, he wanted to eventually initiate me into his gang
dad left the house when I was 10, basically never spoke to me without me begging....I gave up, it was dead silence between us for 3 years. got the call sept 4 2012 that he died from a sudden heart attack. that is the biggest deepest scar i carry on my soul. if you have the opportunity, try to make things right with your dads. much love.
Sending you so much love 🤍
lol, they don’t care
I needed you today, so thank you!!❤❤ I had a father like yours. Mine , and Dad stayed in North Carolina while Mom moved us to another state. Phone calls Throughout my life, and visits every 6 to 8 years range.. Now that I'm going to be 50 he has moved near my brothers and I. What is done is done, but telling my life stories with my mother is bothersome to him as I was verbally, and occasionally physically abused. Instead of just saying, I'm sorry which he did do but he adds in the part where he doesn't take accountability for being absent. He kept saying the military and that's very understandable. I know how it works. I just asked him "what about after the military? You ran off with your wife. Now I watch my dad take care of his dog better than he ever took care of me." It's OK I'm 50. I learned a lot of things but this hurts me. Lack of accountability is what's hurting me. Don't make up stories. If you're only giving half the truth you're better off saying I'm sorry and leaving it at that. The Lord brought this to me to deal with. I find I can't speak up to his face and bottle it up until I send a message. That's from my mom's abuse, and not liking to be in confrontation. That's funny because his daughter is now a mechanic and Wash a 20 year HVAC installer so I have a lot of pat and my own back to do. I did it on my own.😊 your kids out there be strong because you definitely can be warriors. I'm strong and you will be too. Much love to all that have to deal with this in whatever way. ❤❤❤
My brother is an absent father and we’ve tried to talk to him get him to be involved get him to go to therapy offered to pay . We see his daughters but he rarely does . It’s really sad to see .
I guess he figures since he is paying his child support that's enough.
That was beautiful n heartfelt ..im actually a fatherless daughter..but I listened to the whole thing n I loved ..it's like u were talking about my household ..I have 2 boys 15 n 10 ,different fathers n my oldest son father signed for my youngest but still not there for neither kid 😕
Not sure why this video does not have the likes that it deserves, however, I'm here to say that SIR YOU ARE GOLDEN, very much a NEED TO TALK ABOUT! I thank you for pouring your heart out into this necessary need topic! Please keep spreading this like a virus! I'm praying that this reach many lives, so that the world can be a better place!!!
Thanks for this. It's something that definitely needs more awareness.
Nice talk. I will be accountable when I have my kids 👍👍👍
Just beautiful. I’m so sorry for your pain. You are not alone. ❤
That was beautiful; that show of strength through the pain he's felt... love it thanks
All these years i was struggling that what is the thing i dont have in me even though i have it in back of my mind but my inner self is not accepting it. It is really very hard to life without a father u struggle with society, making friends and often have suicidal thoughts, u always get tensed in small situations…. I cant write it all here but thanks to this man who thought about it.
He left me, my sister for the other woman
And also my mother also left me
Thnks to my aunt, grandparents they took care of me.
Me too! I had a Peak a boo dad. I use to wait at the end of the driveway.
Had a peekaboo father. Haven’t heard from him in 5 years. No matter when I saw him it made me happy.
When I see others having freebies and lots of love from parents, I feel jealous. I know I am not a jealous person but still these thoughts come.
That's a pretty normal response Anurag. I'd feel the same way. Bless you.
I can relate all to well with this comment
Sending you love. You have a father in heaven who always loves you
Yes Father's Day is very hard for me .
I lost my father to a heart attack & have experienced emotional neglect from my mother. Self help books & therapists fulfilled their roles. From my experiences of being brought up in a fatherless household, I would say, No one will come & save you. You might see more people exploiting you than supporting you. The world is harsh. So heal yourself sooner than later.
I am a social worker. I work with families and children. Unfortunately it is rare to find single fathers or at the least, involved fathers, especially in out-of-wedlock relationships. I am a young woman and not yet a parent. Many laws are still stacked against men in family court. There are also many men who still do not rise to the challenge of parenthood and flake on their duties no matter how willing a mother is. I do not know how to fix the issues, but I believe part of it stems from society treating men as if they are expendable. They are not. They are entirely necessary to the family unit. It's often cyclical, but I do the best I can to motivate those who aim to beat the generational curse. There are wonderful men in the world. All men are not bad. Casting shadows upon a whole gender is futile.
Thank u father ❤
My father got into drugs and was always into other women. He left when I was two and I’ve only communicated with him when I was 6 and then again from 15-16. I’m 38 now and I found him through a people search website online. I texted him and he said he followed my athletic accomplishments all my life... meaning he knew where I went to school, and could’ve showed up at one of thousands of track meets I competed in...but I couldn’t ask him why he never bothered to reach out. He’s apparently been clean for years now, staying out of trouble, and in a stable relationship. Anyone here have advice? I have his number in my hand and I can’t see through the tears well enough to press call
I personally wouldn’t reach out because I’m 18 now and I have a resentment toward my father. But I’d recommend reaching out so maybe you can get some closure or even build a relationship with your now clean father.
@@purpviper thanks for your thoughts. I’ve been leaning more towards reaching out since he is apparently clean and clear minded, at least over the phone, but with as little expectations as possible.
When I was your age, I had so much resentment toward him. Up until I was in my mid 20s actually. I was really angry, and whenever I’d think about him or what could have been, I’d tear up and want to fight everything in sight. There’s an episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air (have u seen it?) called “Papas got a brand new excuse” and rewatching that in my late 20s weeks before my wedding, I realized I wasn’t mad any more. I was actually sad and just wanted to know why. How could someone just up and leave their family? That’s when I made a promise to myself to be faithful to my wife and become the father I always felt I needed once I did have kids.
Even if you never come around to reaching out, just make sure that you become the man you always needed in your life. And don’t ever let that resentment ruin what you have. I almost ended up in jail because of it but luckily made some changes before it got too serious.
Go visit him and have a talk. No judgement. Just love. He was probably too ashamed to show up at your meets.
I can’t imagine what to tell you. I’m watching these videos thinking of my own two sons 2/3. I hope by the time they ask me I can provide them with an answer/advice. Wishing you only but peace
@Alex M Please reach out so you can gwt the answers that you need...don't sit in hurt and resentment. Lay it in his lap and walk away or....if you want to try to build a relationship. I also highly recommend a therapist to walk you through all of this! God bless you!💜