I would caution young men about being very careful and to take a LONG time before committing to a woman more than this type of advise in this video which is okay to a small degree seeing as he was raised by a single mother who divorced so his father was not in his life everyday from 500 miles away. Nowadays more than 70% marriages end divorce and 80% divorces are filed by women, so a good father would ALSO teach that to his son to never settle for any woman but the most moral character who he has observed and vetted her and her family as they usually are alike. Many men have been destroyed and children in divorces. A father must not be a white knight sacrificing his son by not explaining the good but also the bad about modern relationships.
@@rejectionistmanifesto8836 Noone should settle for someone who doesn't have the same moral standards. One can talk passionately about them in hope to convince the other party! However, the quote is not about relationships specifically. Standing up for what is right takes many forms everyday.
Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
I'm a trained counsellor and psychologist and this may be the best most well balanced take on masculinity, raising sons and the responsibility that fathers have towards our boys.
@@deadtoadsoup Why would you say something like that ?!! That was totally ignorant and un'acceptable, looks to me like your father should've taught you the meaning of respect !!!
Yes that is how I did this too. Turned out brilliantly!, The real joy is seeing how the boys treat their children. Guess what? It's pretty much just like how you did many years ago. It's all kind of simple, if you really put your heart into life.
Im a 53 year old “Man among Men”, masculine and rugged. Strong survivor of a broken home, abuse and child molestation. Im also a survivor of military service, and a (now resigned) fire fighter. I’ve lived a mans life. And yet without the kind of paternal guidance shown here i had no idea that i had failed my children, and in so many ways, until it was too late. Something that i can only fully see now in retrospect. I sit here and type thru the blur of tears and wish id heard this 35 years ago You’re some sort of guru sir, and the calibre of man i only thought i was
I don’t think it’s too late to rebuild your relationship with your children. If you can be honest with them and just tell them that you had no guidance and you were just doing the best you could. You could tell them exactly what you wrote here at least it would be a start.
Sir, the fact you can even recognize your own failures means you are a good man. You may not be able to change the mistakes of the past, but you can try your best to repair what is left. It's never too late to become a better person
I pretty much grew up fatherless, my mom died of cancer when I was 17 so I was on my own. I vowed to myself when i was a young teenager that I want to be the father I never had when I had kids. Now, 40 some years later, I have two sons and a daughter, stable house, wife of 27 years and the knowing that my kids have the father that I wish i had at their age. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!
The most touching line for me is this - "for those who do not have that it's a legacy that you begin. And there is something truly noble about a man who overcomes the absence of their own father to ensure that their son does not suffer the same loss..." Merci, Nick.
I had a very weak father and a controlling, manipulative, smothering mother. I can confirm that if you’re not presented with challenges you have to overcome in spite of pain, fear, and discomfort, you DO remain a boy. When my parents died I was woefully unprepared. I’m 43, and I’ve got the life experience of a 24 year old. But I am making progress, and slowly learning. Thankfully, I have another father in heaven who hasn’t forgotten about me. EDIT: Didn’t expect this to get this much attention. But since it has.. some of the things that have helped me may help you as well. UA-camrs like Nick. The lectures of Jordan Peterson. A book I found particularly helpful was No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. Very helpful for understanding and overcoming the root of my problem: believing that masculinity is somehow inherently bad and should be suppressed rather than nurtured.
I have the exact same situation but I am 23 now and trying to catch up and become a man and also help little brother and be something of a father figure to him
"For those who were blessed with fathers and grandfathers who showed us the way, its a legacy that you preserve. And for those who do not have that, its a legacy you begin".
There is a middleground :) Those who had a father that showed some of these skills, but was terrible at everything else. My father suffered greatly at the hands of his father. He was truly the genuine article of how not to father as far as I've heard the stories.He did try to break free of the shackles of his father. He loved us, he provided and build things. He was and still is a fine example how a strong man and a hard to beat can-do mentality all the way. But he was also manipulative and controlling. He did not treat my mother well and when they divorced I was pretty much torn between the loyalty between my parents, because my mother did not allow us to see it. After many years I came to terms with my father and finally stood my ground, grew up to come out of his shadow and told him no. He is now out of my life, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him. I'm sure he loves me and my sister, but has a terrible way of showing it. He is manipulative, but when needed he protects those around him. He might know how to build, but never taught me how. He did grow out of the shadow of his father, he was a better man, but it wasn't enough. In essence, what he lacked was guidance to fully break the cycle and I do hope I can do better for my sons. But it is the guidance of men like Jordan Peterson, Nick Freitas and Ben Shapiro to help me on my way to fulfill my legacy and fill in the blanks. And in some ways, that's even more difficult, because I have to both unlearn and learn life skills.
"There is something truly noble about a man who overcomes the absence of their own father to ensure that their son doesn't suffer the same loss" - These words hit home, I am a father to a son and my father willingly left my mother and brother early in life. I don't have a template to look to but I will raise this boy
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I had no one to show me how to be a husband or a father, at least until I was 10 then my stepfather came along and had shown me what respect looks like. I’m a father of sons and a daughter and I’m trying so patiently teach them what their values are in their roles. I’ve listened to this every day on my drive home from work and when I pull into the driveway I say to myself, be present, be the light, don’t be a jerk and my hurt isn’t their hurt. And it’s been working as sometimes I have trouble shaking off my day. Thank you for this. I know this comment will slip through the cracks but this one is specifically for you to read if you do see it.
This one’s for Johnny man--- I was so taken back and touched by your explanation of what a struggle it is to come form a home with an absent father,.or a bad one and try to put it together later on - I am a woman who came from a very violent father who was also a cop so it was a twisted mess but to read you’re absolutely beautiful explanation of how you are trying so hard to learn the right way and avoid your pain from the past really really touched me and I hope it touched hundreds of other people as well thank you Johnny great job !
@@sargesmom3615 thank you, it can be tough sometimes. But I have to keep remembering that it’s tougher to get your kids to forget your mistakes. Words you may have said. Things you may have done. We’re all human though and we all make mistakes. At the end of the day though your kids will see you’ve tried if you put in the effort to hold back your tough times. I try my best not to let my kids or my wife see my struggle because it doesn’t belong to them it belongs to me. If I use the same energy to build my family up as I do fighting my demons they will go farther in life than I ever have. You will go far with your child/children you will Ins-till wisdom in them because hurt people are much more critical in their thought. I know because I’m a hurt person too. Good luck and I’ll pray for you and your child/children to find eternal love and peace within each other so that you’re not deceived again by the people meant to protect you.
At least you had someone. I never had a strong father figure. I had a father who was just around and was a damaged weak person who gave me nothing in life of any value. It could’ve been worse however it wasn’t ideal either. I under this is the way God wanted it because it’s how he made me into the person I am faults and all.
O daughter Babylon, you devastator! Happy shall they be who pay you back what you have done to us! Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!"(Psalm 137:8-9 NRSV)
@@penewoldahhthat's a revenge lyric from the people of Jerusalem after they were exiled during the Babylonian captivity. Let me guess; you present it as literal parenting advice.
Congratulations. I’ve raised 3. Spending time, listening, laughing and just talking with them is huge. This guy’s right - loving their mother and treating her well is a huge part of raising kids. I’ve made my share of mistakes and all too soon they flew from my hands to become great adults.
@@alanolson6913 that’s always the first thing I say to nieces, honorary sisters etc when I hear of a new boy. “How do they treat their mother” is usually the first thing out of my mouth 🤙
Congrats to you! My son was born two days ago and as a new father who lost his father at age 10, I've been soaking in all the wisdom I can. What an unbelievable and amazing journey we are embarking on ❤
@alanolson6913. Don’t forget about respecting the father as well….our feminised culture has been de-valuing boys and men for decades now….part of reversing this trend is establishing a baseline of respect for boys and men….& also getting rid of the princess culture for girls and women that absolves them of much responsibility and accountability.
I need more of this!!! I’m a father to three cubs and a daughter. No one is willing to speak about raising boys like this, but it is so needed now. Thank you!
I divorced my husband of twelve years when our three sons were in grade school, due to his infidelity and other deceptive behaviors. As a strong woman, I had no problems with navigating the role of both mother and father, since their dad chose to establish his new residency 40+ miles away. I've always been well respected, and ALWAYS "walk the talk", as well as very hardworking, although too nice for my own good, so I was taken advantage of a lot. However, my firm and loving nature provided the strong foundation that my sons would require to move forward in life, where they would be an asset to society, and never a burden. Today they are military veterans, US Marines, with high tech MOS backgrounds (communications/electronics), with one being a recent graduate from the University of Alabama, in aerospace and mechanical engineering. Education has always been the top priority for us, along with participation in school sports, which was soccer. As the parent that was always there for them, my involvement with their growth offered them a profound support system, and nourished the confidence with which they carried themselves. Holding my sons accountable for their choices, where some were poor, was of the highest priority. The tough love that I so strategically wielded in times of need had paid off. The three separate graduations from Parris Island, SC were the most amazing to behold! As a mother, and to be told by drill instructors that my parenting style prepared my sons to be Marines, well, that is the ultimate compliment.
Same brother, "3 cubs and a daughter". You're not alone. Let's raise some warriors who may find themselves in a garden, instead of gardeners who have found themselves in a war.
I just turned 60 last week. I'm a husband of 38 years, a Father of three adult children, and a Grandfather of four. Yes, I capitalize those titles. Not because of anything I've done, but in honor of the Fathers and Grandfathers who taught me, whom I still strive to emulate. My two brothers and me were raised by both parents and our grandparents on my Father's side lived across the street. All four were instrumental in making me who I am today, the wonderful adults our children have grown up to be, and, prayerfully, in the adults my grandchildren will one day become. My Father got up before everyone else and went to work every day in a U. S. Army ammunition plant where he worked for 34 years. He still made time for us boys. My Mother stayed home and raised us till we all were in school. Then she took a job. Dad and Papaw taught us so much. By the time we graduated high school, my brothers and me had learned to roof a house, paint a house, overhaul an engine, maintain a home, maintain a vehicle, raise a garden, maintain a yard, help our neighbors, and carry our own weight. Mom and Granny taught us how to cook, how to mend clothes, how to sew and crochet, how to launder, fold, and iron our clothes. Also, how to can and freeze our garden vegetables and wild berries picked in season. And how to sweep and mop the floor, take out the trash, and change a diaper. We got our share of whippings. We earned them all and often reflect on how thankful we are for every one we got. We learned to love, protect, and preserve family. To respect and honor women and our elders. We learned to value our freedom and those who earned it and preserve it. We learned to vote and to be responsible citizens who contribute to our community, not take from it. We learned how to work hard and enjoy abundant, fulfilling, joyful living. I'm glad your videos and shorts showed up on my feed. And I hope you do get to enjoy the unequaled joy of becoming a Grandfather and the precious moments and memories that come as you enter your golden years. We're so blessed that all our adult children are well adjusted, responsible adults, citizens, and parents and all have good careers. They all share the beliefs and values handed down through our family for decades. Together, we all are passing them on to our grandchildren who are very receptive at their current ages. We all, however, are very aware of the challenges that exist in raising them in our current world where so many bad influences, wrong information, and political agendas are being thrust at them when children should NEVER have to deal with such things. May God continue to richly bless you and yours. Please keep your videos coming. Our country and the world needs the truth you are speaking and the laughter your shorts inspire as they also teach.
I have tears in my eyes listening to you Nick. I am a single Mom and my amazing Son was raised by me, my mom and my grandma. All the men in our family bailed and were absent. I believe I did a good job giving my Son the necessary tools, support and love and respect both verbally and with my actions. I say this, because today he is 38 yrs old, he is an amazing Man. He works hard, he understands delayed gratification to reach his goals and he is kind and thoughtful. I appreciate your wise words to all parents who have the good fortune to find this video. Thank you. Respectfully, Terry Daniels, California💖
I grew up without a father, and now my wife and I have been blessed with a son. I've worried no end that I won't be able to show him the right path, but you talking about the nobility of fatherless men setting their own legacy for their sons, really hit a cord. It made me realise that I do have it within myself to guide him. Thank you!
Within yourself is a delusion, your Creator Jesus Christ has given you a mind and body and the ability to reason. He alone deserves the honor and glory and you must place your trust in Him to continually make it through life’s trials and ultimately unto eternal life.
don't be that overly critical dad or that dad who punishes his son too harshly. i've seen too many fathers *destroy* their son's self esteem by doing this! you will also have to stand firm against his mom when she protests you teaching him certain things, and there will be things he should only hear from his dad that he shouldn't hear from his mom. also, make it a priority to reaffirm that he's a boy to reduce his chances of ending up transgender.
As a father of two boys myself, you can do it. Just be there for them and lead by example. Just find good role models and try to learn their best skills. Use your best judgement tho, nobody is perfect and no system can fit your personal believes fully. You are the one in control of your believes, others are merely there to guide you :) And you can make mistakes too, that is what being a father is all about. As for me personally, I have recently grown into a new plan. Each morning I go for a morning walk like 4k or something, I have been doing that for a couple of years now. Really clears my mind. But my boys are growing and need more from me. So anyway, last weekend I was in a troublesome state due to some family illness, walking aimlessly. And I said, NO, we are going to make something. So I went to the "bob the builder store" with my son, we bought materials and tools we needed (and a yellow hardhat I couldn't resist buying once I say his face filled with joy) and the three of us spend the entire afternoon building the two remaining doors for a new shed I was building. It was the best experience in a long time and my eldest already asked this morning when we are going to build something next. it really lifted my spirits, my boys and most importantly of all, my wife
I'm sending this to my son. He is a very hardworking young man at only 23. He's a husband and Father to my grandson (3) and granddaughter (5 months). He is an amazing Christian man. Thank you for this Nick. God bless you and your family. 🙏
We had six sons. The amount of times my husband would take me aside and tell me what to do or not do about different situations that arose with our sons. Every time he was spot on and I was glad I paid attention to his advice.
@@tiffanyh629 one example would be when my two eldest sons were like 9 and 8 years old (they are one year apart) my husband told me that the next time they fight that I shouldn’t intervene. My tendency was usually to prevent things from happening. He said that when they began to fight to make sure they didn’t have a knife, bat or anything that could inflict real harm. I was to let them duke it out. Well I did. I was sitting in my livingroom and I heard the next door neighbor calling my name. When I look out the window I saw my neighbors son (who was two years older than my oldest) egging my sons on as they fought. I saw nothing in their hands but their fists. Well they fought and fought and ended up inside the house where I was. When they got so tired from fighting they just lay on the floor exhausted and full of red marks all over their bodies. I made them sit on the sofa and told them: “ Well, you two idiots let your neighbor get you fighting over him again. Was it worth it? How do you feel now?” Of course, they never answered. They didn’t have to. Personally, I never saw them fight like this again. Mens lives are very different from womens. Many things I don’t understand just like men don’t understand some of our issues. And that’s okay. We just need to give one another room to be who we are supposed to be and things tend to balance out.
i have 4 sons, 8, 6, 4, and 1.5. we have moments like this from time to time. a recent example is with my 6 year old. we had an improvised water slide going from a nearby sprinkler and 3 of my 4 children were having a blast going down it. my 6 year old refused to even try, and when pushed to action would scream and cry and wail at the top of his lungs about how scared he was, how he didn't want to, ect. i kept trying to assure him that he would be fine, his brothers tried to convince him in a very brotherly way (basically making fun of him lmao) and my husband tried walking over to him and talking with him to assure him that he wouldn't put him in any kind of dangerous situation. my boy was worked up to hysterics and couldn't reason with anyone. my husband asked me to just let him handle it and proceeded to make him go down the slide, and after he went down, made him climb back up the stairs, do it again, ect ect. by the 10th time going down, he wasn't crying anymore and asking to stop with this defeated & pouty attitude, my husband made him keep going down. at first the trips down the slide were in silence, but eventually he and his brothers started cracking jokes and having fun with it. by the time my husband told him he didn't 'have' to go down anymore, he happily exclaimed that it was ok, that he wasn't afraid anymore, and that he wanted to keep playing on the slide. reminded me of the time when i was 12 or so, my dad took me out on a jetski. we had life jackets on and both knew how to swim, but i was too afraid to actually enjoy the experience at all. it got to a point where my dad stopped in the middle of the lake, tried to reason with me, and then just flipped the darn thing over. as we surfaced i was panicked, but my dad just grabbed me by the shoulders and calmly told me "what are you afraid of? this is the worst thing that could happen, and look, you're ok." after we got back on i was able to enjoy the ride a bit more having faced the thing i was so afraid of.
As a child my life was brutal, until the age of 12, then homelessness until 17, at the age of thirty I had a son, he is now 33, and I have from time to time questioned if I had done enough, I stumbled across your post by accident, and all the values you have highlighted are pretty much the ones I’ve Shared with my son, and I am truly proud of him, he is now a father himself, and i watch him with his daughter, and he does all the things I used to do with him as a child. He absolutely touches my soul, so thank you for your post, great advice. :-)
As a boy who learned how to be a man in his 20's, I cant thank men like yourself, JBP, and Jocko enough. Keep pushing the message and help this nation repair the problems that start at home. You are a guiding light in the ever growing darkness!
I may add more like Jordan Peterson, Mark Manson, David Goggins, Jonny Kim, Bedros Keulian, Daru Strong, and I guess many youtubers out there that teaches us real and genuine masculinity. Keep improving
Cherish that because not many have had strong father figures in their life. I never had one so I don’t know what that’s like. It’s one of the reasons why I have some dark things I struggle with in life and that I’m so far behind in becoming a man even at 40 years old.
As a man that never really had a father figure in his life, had to start doing everything on my own, because I didn't have a good male role model, I started doing better much later in life than I should have. And now as the proud father of a little girl and the wife currently pregnant with our second kid(we don't know what it is yet). I've learned that how you treat the mother is how my daughter will think she should be treated. So I try to make sure love, laughter, safety, and respect. Your fatherly advice is incredible. Thank you. Edit: we ended up losing the pregnancy. Miscarried at 9 weeks. But a note to all parents: if you never had a good mother or father, let it start with you. Be the parent you needed. Thank you Mr. Freitas
@@richardhemminger5771 congrats, dude! i'm a mother to 4 boys, it's truly wonderful. i came to let you know that yes, essentially a girl is going to be looking for her father in her future partners, which is why an absent father figure tends to lead to promiscuity & single motherhood, ect. i'm very blessed to have had a father like mine. i hope your life is full of blessings, my husband also was lacking a father figure (dad had partial custody but also wasn't very masculine if that makes sense) so he's had to figure out everything by himself. just being there makes a world of difference, nobody knows for sure what they're doing as parents but i'm sure you'll raise some fine kids.
Same background but hate being late bloomer coming from somewhat poverty without many experiences in life. I chose to rest arms and look forward towards the final destination.
I'm a father of two sons and a USMC vet. One 21, the other 17. I can relate to Nick's story and lesson. They were luckily born after my discharge from the Corps. I'm proud of the honorable Godly men they are quickly becoming.
I hope you raised your sons to be self-responsibile, self-thinking men who understand there's nothing Godly about agreeing to follow the orders of whoever happens to be "above them" in the hierarchy of their governmental ruling class.
One of my happiest moments. My daughter was dropping off her son (my grandson) at his base(USMC). I sat in the car and he said "I want to give grandpa a hug." He picked me up with his muscular arms and gave me a hug. Made my day.
I honestly desperately needed to hear this video. My son is 4 and it feels like I've kinda just been present in his life. I dont know what im doing, and I have no idea what a father is supposed to be. My dad sat in his room high off his gourd on prescription pills after my mom died and i just raised myself. So thank you for this. It felt like the first actual guidance and advice I've ever heard since i became a dad.
The fact that this is probably your most viewed video tells us all that we have a father figure issue in America. You send a powerfully truthful message in this video. Its what we all need to hear. Great fathers can make America great again.
@JayjayDumbledorff-lr1fo what a strange question. My son’s sexuality is none of my damn business or yours or anyone else’s. What are you a public school teacher? My job is to raise him to be a positive addition to society; honest, trustworthy and productive.
**From everything I've seen people with strong and good fathers don't have gay sons. **Most generally it is because the sons are looking for the male blessing, which they did not get from their "father" **Sometimes it's also because of dysfunction caused by male molesting them, and if you had a strong good father that shouldn't have happened.
My Dad passed away 4 yrs ago…husband, father, provider, 20 yr combat veteran, a “stop talking about it and DO it!” kind of man. I now have grandkids of my own - I miss my Dad every day. He would have really liked you, Sir…a lot!! Thank you for this Post- thrilled to be new Subscriber 🇺🇸❣️🇺🇸
Beautiful message Nick. I am a mother of a daughter. My brother did not have this type of relationship with our father. I can only imagine how different his life would have been. Thank you for helping men to be better fathers and understanding why.
Wow. 39 years old father of four young boys here and this video just gave me the chills. What a responsibility we have. Take it serious. And put God first to train your boys in righteousness and not just toughness
This video is incredible. My own husband is a man forging his own legacy for our sons. When we were expecting our first child, he was terrified. His own dad has walked out, leaving his mom with 3 kids under the age of five (my husband being the oldest). He was scared of turning into his father. We had long talks around the fact he knew what kind of father he didn't want to be, and that's a good place to start. It has been wonderful to watch him be an incredible Dad to our sons. Not just a father, but a Dad.
Same here. We have 3 boys, and I couldn’t be more proud of the man, husband, and father my husband has become over the past 10 years. I think the best thing that us wives can do when our husband never had that example growing up, is to give them the space to learn and even fail. I never hovered, never corrected (assuming it wasn’t a safety issue) and I never insisted on doing things “my way” with our boys. He has told me how much he appreciated that in the very early days as he felt like he didn’t know what he was doing but my trust in him helped him to have confidence in himself. ❤
Learning to deal with the cost of making tough decisions and being satisfied with the results is quite possibly the most expensive and most valuable lesson a man can learn.
Powerful. The best moment I had with my eldest son when he and his wife had announced they were pregnant with my 2nd grandson. I congratulated them, and complimented how great this little guy would have it being born to such caring and wonderful parents. My sons and daughter experienced a bitter divorce between their father and me and the huge fights of him trying to erase me subsequent to out divorce to our then 3 kids because he wanted to move on with his girlfriends/wives replacing me as their mother every turn. My son took me aside and said it was because of something I said when he was worried with the birth of his first boy. He said "Mom, you said to me, be the father to this little guy that I always wanted and didn't get". It still makes me break out in tears to this day.
I am a father to a 4 month old boy and am getting ahead of myself. But wanting to raise a strong Godly man in this weakening world has become one of the few things that matter to me in my life. I have loved your YT shorts, but actually listening to your longer form videos, I feel inspired.
As a person who grew up without a father I never realized what I was missing. You are right that we should stand up for what we believe is right and be ready to face challenges instead of always trying to be in safety like my mom wants
This modern world is the result of fatherlessness. The insanity of covid policies, the rise of authoritarianism, the onward march of socialism... it all comes from choosing safety over doing the right thing. Courage is the highest masculine virtue. Both men and women need to learn it
You need to tell single moms how to raise sons. There are way too many boys being raised only by women. I raised mine, but I had to step back regularly and figure out how to show him what he needed to know about being a good man.
My parents got divorced when I was 3. My dad was still involved in my life, even though I only got to see him 3-4 months out of the year, because he lived 500 miles away. My mother did an outstanding job. She worked hard and always did everything she could to support my relationship with my father.
Even if you try to tell most women what it takes. They will bend it their way. But mom's brothers (if allowed) can fill in a lot of gaps. Those boys did manage a complete enlistment. Learned even more. But those standards have tamed to produce girly men in uniform. With exception of 82nd Airbourne, 101st airboourne, Seals and Force Recon. Because that is unreasonable to expect women and men that act like them to serve in that. + Be active in operations long enough to be the next Gunny, Senior Chief or MSG leading the fight in the S--- storm on the ground. That does not mean women cannot be excellent snipers. Actually if they don't drink coffee or caffeine products. That precision is generally what women are really good at. When I got out and went to work in oil refinery maintenance and repair. I never met a woman that was on the next job. 7days of 12 hours for 3-4 months does that. Along with the more than occasional explosion and fire. BUT it pays more than what a masters in whatever pays for teaching high school. In fact one of them did it because that is what paid off his college note. Unfortunately he left the refinery in a body bag. But his wife? She got a few million. Don't give me that TLDR thing. Life is not simple and living long enough to get paid back with the SSI is not just luck.
@@Nickjfreitas I think you just made the point with "she supported" your relationship with your father. So many divorced women do everything to poison the relationship between fathers and sons -not near all but many. The war on the family unit is never ceasing.
I appreciate this so much. I was a single mom of 5 for a while. My husband passed away within weeks of returning home from his 2nd tour in Iraq. We were 25 and had 5 kids who were all 7 and under. I did my very best but I realized quickly that there were things I could do to help them grow to be good men but there was no way I could teach them everything they needed to know because I have no idea what being a man really is. Thank God 3 years later I met a really good man who stepped up and knew exactly what to do.
Spot on... he is pointing out something EXTREMELY important to all families... Fathers just like mothers are essential. It just isn't a healthy family without BOTH. Role's are drastically different but BOTH are necessary for raising good, STRONG and healthy children that WILL be the foundation of our next generation of families. When families fall apart? Society isn't far behind...
I got goosebumps when you said It's a Legacy you begin. My father lives 5 min away from me and has barely been in my life since I was a child. I turned 30 two weeks ago. My first son is due in less than 2 weeks and I will be starting that legacy. I don't know how I am going to do it. I am scared thinking about being responsible for such a fragile life that can be molded and shaped. I want him to grow up and be better than me. I don't want him to have the problems I have. I don't want to wonder if his father loves him, I want him to know that his father would do anything, including die, for him. I can't wait to meet my little man!
I would give 50 million thumbs up if I could. You have hit a grand slam with your effective and heart dealt delivery. And, of course, the message is on point.
i got 3 boys and a mystery number 4 on the way. strong dads raise strong kids. a strong marriage is key. spending time with your boys and the family as a whole is the most important thing. Lead by example is important too. the see me work, they see me maintain the house, they know i am here to provide and protect and they know i wont help them with anything they can do themselves. Encourage your boys to explore, invent, and stand strong when its needed. love the content.
You're spot on. Unfortunatly, my kids were raised in an abusive environment. My kids were not taught respect for their mother. Mom was determined to keep her family together instead of just another family torn asunder. Today, all these years later mom is a grandmother of many years who prays for healing every day for her family, one that still remains a family even though we have our issues. Love covers a multitude of sins but the regret remains. ❤
Thank You. I'm a Dad of an 11 year old boy and my Dad was MIA growing up so I really don't know what I'm doing. All I know is I want to be everything my son needs me to be to ensure he becomes a Godly, Honorable man. A gentle man that can be dangerous when necessary and tenderhearted to those in need. A sheep dog. Your video was very timely and inspired me deeply. Thank you for your time and effort.
My husband’s father was also MIA so raising our son was and is difficult. Looking to the Bible for His true Father is what helped us. Lots of examples of godly men in there. Be encouraged. You’re on the right track already.
Nick, brother, what wonderful advice to fathers of boys. I, like you, was blessed with beautiful daughters (3 of them) before having a son. I so wanted a trio of daughters and was thrilled to be granted that desire. But you're correct, there's something inside every man that desires a son. When Gideon was born just over a year ago, I felt something that I'd never felt before. Additionally, I was able to watch his bond with my wife that is so similar to the bond that I have with his older sisters. Even at 1 year old, he already loves roughhousing with me. I pray that God will continue to equip me to be the godly example that I need to be for Gideon. Thank you for the godly example that you are, Nick.
As a young man, maybe still a bit of a boy, at age 32, who had no father figure just a father person, I really apreciated your words. I am working to become a man and be that proper role model for my future son. I wish no boy ever missed on having a father and part of my social contribution is aimed at that, just as you are doing with videos like these. Keep up the good work.
My sons Dad died 18 months ago. I now have a 12 year old boy to raise alone (the Grandfathers are elderly). I pray that I either find a way to help him become the best kind of man with the help of good men in the community and / or I am graced with a good man.
community will often step in where they can but that is not a replacement for a father figure which is as important as water. keep in mind that community step in where the focus is the child, is one thing but if the relationship is approximately equal or leaned your direction i.e the kids friend and your friend then its not a "friend" women have male friends men 95% of the time have females they are intrested in.
Keep praying; the Lord provides. I've been a widow six years now and it still amazes me how good men instinctively step up and help me and my sons with things I don't even think of. It's not the same as having a father in the house every day but God knew you'd be right where you are and if you keep seeking Him He will keep making a way ❤️
Find a church with STRONG men - hard to find. Think of cliche cowboys with hearts of gold. Finding men young to old all in one place who feel a longing to right their wrongs and pass their knowledge would be the ultimate environment for a boy to learn what it means to be a man without his father.
In a time and place where denigrating males and masculinity is permissible, even encouraged, it is so refreshing to hear constructive, optimistic advice, delivered with kindness and wisdom. It is sorely needed. Thank you.
When I was 14 my Dad was at the table with my uncle and my Dad's Army buddy. They spoke about how they had come from Puerto Rico to the U.S. mainland during the depression with nothing. My Dad and his friend were in the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corp) and served in WW II together in the Army. All shared their experiences as I sat there with them. I felt honored to be at the table with such real men. They inspired me to get a good education and be a good father and husband. I constantly share their stories and mine with my children and grandchildren. I just wish my Dad was here to see my grandson who is being promoted to Sergeant, U.S.M.C. The family saga continues.
Right?? Watching this as a woman I just wished that as a child someone had taught me how to fight for things correctly and channel my aggression into constructive outlets instead of just repressing any qualities I have that were considered masculine. The result of that was me growing up to be half a woman with a an underdeveloped personality. Young girls need this too!
Please don’t make the same mistake I made. I gave honor to my mother on Father’s Day and without noticing it, I completely took the focus away from fathers to single mothers in a public setting. This message is solely speaking to men. We have thousands of messages for us woman to help and encourage us. Let’s not take this moment away from men.
This is what I was wondering - why is this different for girls? I also see the point raised by another comment - that this is a father speaking to fathers about boys. I can see that
Growing up without this i was determined to give this to my sons. One day I said to their mother, did you see his caring and bravery? She replied, he's watched you. That moment I realized how important this is.
Thank you, Nick, for this awesome video. There was far too much destruction my ex wife caused through forcing a divorce just to be the mother and the father to our two sons to state here, but this has been a torture for me these past 15 years from when my sons were 6 and 8. I was stripped by "the system" from being able to teach my sons very little about what they needed to learn, and of course a mother cannot teach them these things. Finally, 7 years ago my sons told me they never want to see me again. Now they are 23 and 21. Now it is up to them and God to learn these lessons. Therefore, blessings to the families which stay together because it is the right thing to do.
My father was in prison since i was 4. Got out a few year ago. Turning 30 this year, 4 yo daughter and son on the way. This is what i constantly think about. Im strict with my daughter but she knows i love her. Playing, watching movies, spending time, etc. Now w a son on the way......its hard for me seeing i didnt have a blueprint but im glad i found your channel. This vid hit home w me. Thank you.
Mr. Freitas, I wish every young father could hear this. I am 53, but remember well the lessons and wisdom my father passed on to me. My sons are now grown, 28 and 22, and I am proud of those two young men. Well spoken words of wisdom sir.
As a single mother I did everything I could to have my sons around good men,... I had them in sports. I took them to a chess club. I even went on an eagle watch with my sons. Sons need their father's & good male role models. . I also promised them if I spoke bad about their father, I would put a dollar in our pizza fund. Adolescents is confusing, stay strong, they're learning to fly on their own.
@@artvandelay3922it’s important to know that some ‘men’ change or show a side of them they never revealed once a woman becomes pregnant or has a baby. The pressure is an initiation into fatherhood and unfortunately some fail to step up to their duty
Masculinity is an inner beast to be trained, a fire to be properly built, contained and maintained. If the inner beast does not get confronted and tamed, and if the fire is not taught how to be prepared and maintained properly, then the bloodthirsty beast wreaks havoc on the villagers when it encounters temptation, and the fire quickly spreads out of control when the wind blows. I'm glad UA-cam recommended this video. The fatherly figures in my life were inconsistent and sporadic. I've had to learn a number of things the hard way, some of them embarrassing, and this video is a breath of fresh air. The big lesson you reminded me today, which has helped lift my spirits: Respect is always earned, and the person whose respect you earn first is your own. Instant subscribe.
I absolutely love this. My son is the best man I know. We're best friends. Our relationship was built on mutual respect and still forms the cornerstone of our bond. He's frequently been the guy who stepped in to protect others, often a great personal risk. I couldn't be more proud! I think a part of the problem we currently face in society is weak men raising worse boys and/or mothers not understanding the points to eloquently raise here.
This made me cry. I wish all fathers were like this. My son prays for a new daddy all the time. He’s 32 with Down syndrome. Breaks my heart that his dad has seen him once in 10 years.
It brought me to tears listening to this. I can't say enough how moved I was to hear this from a man. I raised my family on my own and I took them to their grandparents house as often as I could, so they could learn from watching and doing things on the farm. Lesson on responsibility, accountability, respect, and love. They worked hard, played hard, worshiped hard and lived loved. Thank you for being a real dad
@@Nickjfreitas can you please make a vid on how toxic fathers destroy their sons, and which behaviors make a father toxic to his son? for example, dads who punish their sons too harshly; dads who are overly critical of their sons; dads who tell their sons not to cry; dads who spend little time teaching their sons anything, yet get angry at him for not acting manly; and dads who get angry at their sons for losing a competition.
Here, at last,is an example of the beginning of a balance between men and women . The father/mother unit provides complete wholeness. Each has strengths that support the lack in the other. When they cooperate with each other a circle is unbreakable and capable of making their children resilient and whole and productive ; capable of giving and receiving love. Keep on, Nick.
As a father of a toddler and with another one on the way this is exactly what I was looking for. I've been studying and learning with interacting with my son and picking up pieces of knowledge along the way. You said exactly what I have been envisioning what a father is and what I need to do to prepare my son for what the world is and not what the world should be for him. Pure, raw, real, gold wisdom.
The way a father treats the mother of his child sets a foundational example for the son. Demonstrating love, respect, protection, and provision teaches him not only how to treat women but also establishes standards for his own behavior and relationships. It's a powerful lesson in respect and the importance of treating others with care and dignity.
I love this advice. I am a mother of two boys and a girl. I feel the need to train my daughter this way as well. I want her to also be able to stand up for what is right even when it is hard. And I want her to grow up to be a strong, confident, responsible woman.
Nick, thank you very much for producing this. As I write this, I'm fighting tears. My father failed to fight hard enough, and I never got to learn this lesson from my mother, despite her heroic struggles to do right by me. I then had a son with a woman who literally fought against my desire to be a father for my son, so hard and nasty that he's stopped talking to me in fear of losing her favor, and I cry most nights thinking I've failed him. Please PLEASE don't ever take these messages down, SUPER please keep spreading your message. Maybe there's hope for other fathers and sons to find this before it's too late. Thank you.
I feel for you. Absent fathers are weak men, who remain boys. His absence is not indicative of your value. I read somewhere in a parenting book that the greatest gift we can give our children is the work we do on ourselves. Focus on what’s in your control. Do those things and you can have peace knowing that you are showing up the best you can for your son. In time, he will discover the truth. I pray you find favor in this unfortunate situation
Seeds of love, compassion and caring are planted with the mother. It's up to the father to teach the son how to weather the storms and still hold his head up high.
Though my husband was in the home, worked & brought the money home, he did what his Dad did before. Came home, watched TV & seldom responded as a husband & Dad😢 I found out his Dad used discipline as a time to beat his son😢 My prayer was that my husband would have the healing he needed to know who he was in Yahweh in order to take his place as the Hubby & Dad I knew he could be. I was sad that his healing didn't come before he went to heaven, yet I know the healing took place there for him. I pray for the healing to take place in my kids while we still have a chance to be the family Yahweh created us to have.
Love it. I've fairly successfully raised 2 young men (21 & 20) & people have asked me how I did it...well #1 was the grace of God covering my errors, but #2 was, as I tell others & as I've told them, I wasn't trying to raise "good boys," I was trying to raise responsible men. At 21 & and 20, the case isn't closed, but it looks good so far.
This is greatly appreciated as someone who is expecting her fifth son. Our oldest is 12. One of the hardest things is to step aside and observe my husband model masculine behavior and remain in the background while he instructs and reprimands. There are a few times that I have intervened or spoken over him, and I instantly see the reverence that our boys have for him waiver.
It sure made me cry, you're the American Dad that can teach a lot to many. If one day you open a fatherless scout retreat, I'd love to enroll my children.
What a great video. Having grown up without my father being a positive role model and really one that let me down countlessly, my world has been flipped upside down now that I have my little boy. Being a parent is so challenging but rather than follow in my father's foot steps because that all I know, I choose to break the mold and build my own legacy. I love my son more than I though that I could ever love anyone or anything and now I have a little girl on the way. I know that my responsibility as a father is different for each of them, but I am so ready to embrace the role and the challenges that come with it. God bless all the mother's and father's out there trying their best to raise good humans. We got this!
Bravo, Nick. This spoke to me in a way that I didn't expect. Respect for your son for standing up to his friends touched a deep place within you it seems. Well done, sir, and thank you for your service.
And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. Wonderful video! Theres really helpful principles in there and your incitefulness is appreciated.
Dad of 1 son and 2 daughters... got a dad, but the kind who beat you up until you can defend or you leave. Can say that you enlightened me with the legacy topic. Thanks
Just discovered you Nick. Im at work in tears in front of my coworker lol. That was amazing and truely resonated with me. I have two little boys, 7 and 2. I can only go on how my grandfather was with me. But finding people like you is a big help. Thank you. Sending love and positive vibes from Ontario Canada 🍁!
As a father of girls, and now a grandfather of a boy whose father is not involved or will ever be, I will embrace this advice and do my absolute best to raise my grandson as a father should! Thank you sir for your service and sharing your wisdom!!
Thank you for sharing this video/bit of advice. As a new father myself to a 1y.o i am amazed each day how my boy mimicks me and am careful to constantly be a good role model. To my surprise one day his mother and i were hugging ane laughing and i had never seen such a big smile and laughter with glistening eyes come from our boy. It got us so happy and made us realize even more how important it is to laugh smile and show love in front of him.
Thanks Nick for the advice. In my case, I had been aware that my dad is not an example I want to follow. He's not a bad dude but a coward who never step out of the comfort of the shadow of his parents control. I know that my Grandparents from that side of the family are abusive and manipulative but at the same time it come a point in which you stop being a victim and also become an abuser. I decided it was going to end with me. I don't want that kind of attitude for my children when I have them. Therefore, I had been going with a psychologist to unlearn all those toxic behaviors I had picked up with the years and become a better person.
I’ve never been a father but as the youngest of six boys, and a scientist by profession I’ve made some interesting observations on the subject of rearing well adjusted young men. Boys need training in three skills to become men: combat, dance, and music. Let me explain. Combat, in my case traditional Japanese martial arts, teaches young men the capabilities of their own body. It also helps develop strength, endurance, coordination, tactical awareness, and most importantly provides them with the tools to defend themselves or those they love should the need ever arise. Dance, specifically partnered dance styles like swing or ballroom continue to teach coordination while at the same time teaching the importance of communication, especially non verbal communication through the principles of leading and following. It also has the added bonus of teaching young men how to appropriately interact with women respectfully, allowing them to be intimate in a non sexual manner. Music teaches young men to appreciate beauty. You can of course gain this appreciation through many forms of art (painting, drawing, sculpture, literature, poetry, etc) but with regards to evoking visceral emotional reaction all art aspires to be music. Lastly all of these skills require discipline, persistence, and maturity to develop, master, and appreciate respectively. Let’s bring back martial arts dojos, dance halls, and music classes. Maybe then we can start racing a new generation of actual men.
Along with discipline, competence, merit, honor, and loyalty must also be instilled. A man without loyalty will find himself at odds with other men. We judge each other on competence as well as capability, and knowledge, its a merit based system. If you can and are competent, men will follow you. If you are incompetent or incapable, men will avoid you. Art is something you either have or do not. I happen to have it, my two younger brothers have it, the oldest does not. Music is one aspect, and while you get some benefit from music, its not required. Doesn't mean it doesn't need to be appreciated or should not be pursued. My idea of beautiful music is one of the V8s I built running and making ludicrous power. Dancing is not for everyone, if you have no interest in it you could just as well be forcing them to do underwater basket weaving. You learn more in competitive combat sports than you ever will with music and dancing. I am 13 years older than my youngest brother, half that with the other, I was instrumental in both my younger brothers growing up. They followed me rather than the oldest. Once again, merit and competence matter to men. Its amusing because the oldest drove a rift between me and them, but they still followed what I did. Wrestling, US military, technical jobs like CNC machinist/mechanic (we build our cars and trucks rather than buy them), and aviation. The oldest has no such skills, he cannot fly, has wrecked most vehicles he has driven, cannot repair them, has no discipline or combat skills, and he had to go to school to learn things the rest of us learned by doing it, like building PCs. I am certain my mom blamed my dad for the oldest, but we do not have the same father. Dad even treated him like someone else's kid. The oldest is nothing like us. My point is some things work for everyone and benefit them greatly, such as learning to defend yourself which includes learning humility by getting your a55 kicked over and over in training as you learn. In basic training I could tell who had experience and who did not. During my first war in 1990/91 I could tell instantly who was a competent leader and who was not, and I never danced in my life. Never learned to read music either, despite being able to discern and repeat music very well. Its an audio version of math, and since engines are entirely built with math, it makes sense that they would be music to me. Rounding someone out is a good idea, Shakespeare works for some people, others gravitate towards Newton, but most are simply followers.
You’re half way there. The Greeks had this pretty much perfected. Philosophy is extremely important. Poetry is not good for a boy and men certainly don’t need it. Martial arts in the western world is not the same as other countries. They seem to focus more so on combat than meditation. Psychologist and neuroscience go hand in hand with philosophy also. So they’re essential to a young boys education. Strict dieting and training to ensure discipline teaching them to cook, clean, hunt etc etc are all vital to becoming a man. Comedy another essential skill. But most importantly is letting a boy know that a man’s words need to be backed by his actions otherwise he can’t be taken seriously. These types of men don’t need a hand shake to seal a deal because their word is law and never broken. To never be a people pleaser and that a well liked person is full of shit. Because well liked people tell lies. Always tell the truth. If someone asks you how they look tell them they look overweight if they are. There are no excuses in life. Excuses are for weak souls. As a boy they can cry but as a man they should have complete control over their emotions. Logic over emotions always. I show my son love and appreciation and I always let him know when he has done wrong and can do better. To be better than the person you were yesterday always. To never fight for a woman or over a woman, no woman is worth it. People in general suck. They will always let you down. Out of a hundred friends you’ll barely be able to count on one hand how many are brothers. You don’t become friends with women. Women are distractions. Do what you need to accomplish by your 30s then find a good woman. Above all remain a virgin until marriage and find a virgin wife. I could go on but I’m sure you all get the picture. The old ways with a little bit of science sprinkled on top are the best ways.
@@Dionysus_Athena Why would you say poetry is not appropriate for boys, and men don't need it? Do you not understand how much philosophy has been set to rhyme and meter?
@@jongoff7829women thrive on poetry and look at what they do when they fill boys heads with that nonsense. They become little princesses. Poetry has no relevance to reality and is bunch of emotionally unstable people who lack in reasoning and logic skills. Poets are high in neuroticism which is not good for men or boys. Men don’t need it because it has no relevance to anything in the real world. Name one instance where it applies? Philosophy is about reason, Logic, argument and solutions to problems. The two are not the same. It applies to the real world not fantasyland.
I just found this channel, and WOW. My son was/is so mad at his dad and he tried to explain it to me, but I never Got "it".... thank you Nick, now I do. and it breaks my heart that my son did not have a "man" in his life.
Thank you for your service to our Country in the Military, and thank you for your continued service to our country in Congress. I want to also thank you for your videos and for speaking the truth. Keep up the great work brother!!
well put (as usual) why isn't your channel blowing up? you're content is GREAT. you continually produce content that younger men need desperately. i want more people to view it, and digest it. thanks for what you're doing
I had a father, he died when I was 35. All what you said was actually achieved for me by my mother, he was there only being proud of me, silently proud. What better could it be the life of a man except silently being proud of his son.
I wish more of us could have had dads like this. But I never use that as an excuse but motivation to forge my path and this was honestly a nice reminder of those goals. Idk if you read this or not Mr. Freitas but thank you for the reminder.
I agree I didn’t have a dad like this either not saying he was the worst but the way he’d treat my mom everyday in front of me and my siblings would make my blood boil. Thankfully he’s out of our lives today. But I don’t use this as an excuse, I use this as an example of what not to be. I strive to be better than him in every way he lacked when I become a father.
@@SUB0SUN exactly. Seeing what I don’t want to be and learning that being strong, tough, assertive doesn’t have to mean abusive narcissistic or controlling.
The most ferocious dragon my son had to slay, was coming to terms with the fact that his father did not wánt to be in his life in any way, shape or form. It left a life-long impact on him no matter what I said or did to lesson the rejection he experienced. He is scarred for life, but has grown into a man I admire beyond measure. I will be sure to pass on your invaluable insights on what it means to be a real father, so that he can start the legacy for/with his own family. Thank you so much.
"Learning to stand for what is right, even when it costs you something, is the hallmark of a good man" -Nick
I would caution young men about being very careful and to take a LONG time before committing to a woman more than this type of advise in this video which is okay to a small degree seeing as he was raised by a single mother who divorced so his father was not in his life everyday from 500 miles away. Nowadays more than 70% marriages end divorce and 80% divorces are filed by women, so a good father would ALSO teach that to his son to never settle for any woman but the most moral character who he has observed and vetted her and her family as they usually are alike. Many men have been destroyed and children in divorces. A father must not be a white knight sacrificing his son by not explaining the good but also the bad about modern relationships.
What if you stand for what is right, even when it costs you something, but you happen to be a woman?
@@JoeBauers8 that is the hallmark of a good woman !
@@rejectionistmanifesto8836 Noone should settle for someone who doesn't have the same moral standards. One can talk passionately about them in hope to convince the other party!
However, the quote is not about relationships specifically. Standing up for what is right takes many forms everyday.
@@mariecolin6198 I was actually commenting on the man who made this video, I just put it in this thread not meant to address this comment specifically
Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
I'm a trained counsellor and psychologist and this may be the best most well balanced take on masculinity, raising sons and the responsibility that fathers have towards our boys.
@@deadtoadsoupbest, most** Is that better? Go seek help for that TDS.
@@deadtoadsoupNo I just have ADHD and sometimes I add in extra words or forget to delete etc. Haha, I was groaning when I reread it
@@deadtoadsoup
Why would you say something like that ?!!
That was totally ignorant and un'acceptable, looks to me like your father should've taught you the meaning of respect !!!
Damn! Now you got me doubting the video
Yes that is how I did this too. Turned out brilliantly!, The real joy is seeing how the boys treat their children. Guess what? It's pretty much just like how you did many years ago. It's all kind of simple, if you really put your heart into life.
Im a 53 year old “Man among Men”, masculine and rugged.
Strong survivor of a broken home, abuse and child molestation.
Im also a survivor of military service, and a (now resigned) fire fighter.
I’ve lived a mans life.
And yet without the kind of paternal guidance shown here i had no idea that i had failed my children, and in so many ways, until it was too late. Something that i can only fully see now in retrospect.
I sit here and type thru the blur of tears and wish id heard this 35 years ago
You’re some sort of guru sir, and the calibre of man i only thought i was
I don’t think it’s too late to rebuild your relationship with your children. If you can be honest with them and just tell them that you had no guidance and you were just doing the best you could. You could tell them exactly what you wrote here at least it would be a start.
We honor you for your transparency/being humble etc
Fatherhood is the most difficult job men can face, I'm 44 and have 3 sons and I am always trying to be greater than I was taught to be.
You are either lying or a total loser. A survivor of military service😂
Sir, the fact you can even recognize your own failures means you are a good man. You may not be able to change the mistakes of the past, but you can try your best to repair what is left. It's never too late to become a better person
I pretty much grew up fatherless, my mom died of cancer when I was 17 so I was on my own. I vowed to myself when i was a young teenager that I want to be the father I never had when I had kids. Now, 40 some years later, I have two sons and a daughter, stable house, wife of 27 years and the knowing that my kids have the father that I wish i had at their age. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!
💖 From the daughter of the world greatest Daddy (gone too soon): Well done, sir. I salute you 💐
legend
🗿🗿🗿
The most touching line for me is this - "for those who do not have that it's a legacy that you begin. And there is something truly noble about a man who overcomes the absence of their own father to ensure that their son does not suffer the same loss..."
Merci, Nick.
Well seems like his expertise on how to raise a boy is just made up, every boy with a dad has 20 years of experience in the field
@@MrTrollo2errmm what?
@@MrTrollo2yeah.....what?
That one got me too
Yup. This one hit home for me too.
I had a very weak father and a controlling, manipulative, smothering mother. I can confirm that if you’re not presented with challenges you have to overcome in spite of pain, fear, and discomfort, you DO remain a boy. When my parents died I was woefully unprepared. I’m 43, and I’ve got the life experience of a 24 year old. But I am making progress, and slowly learning. Thankfully, I have another father in heaven who hasn’t forgotten about me.
EDIT:
Didn’t expect this to get this much attention. But since it has.. some of the things that have helped me may help you as well. UA-camrs like Nick. The lectures of Jordan Peterson. A book I found particularly helpful was No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. Very helpful for understanding and overcoming the root of my problem: believing that masculinity is somehow inherently bad and should be suppressed rather than nurtured.
You might as well be talking about me
that's the spirit, you can overcome anything with the Lord
God bless you and guide you
we have a great Father in Heaven who is so loving and kind that He wants to adopt all of us Amen brother I am with you
I have the exact same situation but I am 23 now and trying to catch up and become a man and also help little brother and be something of a father figure to him
"For those who were blessed with fathers and grandfathers who showed us the way, its a legacy that you preserve. And for those who do not have that, its a legacy you begin".
There is a middleground :) Those who had a father that showed some of these skills, but was terrible at everything else.
My father suffered greatly at the hands of his father. He was truly the genuine article of how not to father as far as I've heard the stories.He did try to break free of the shackles of his father. He loved us, he provided and build things. He was and still is a fine example how a strong man and a hard to beat can-do mentality all the way. But he was also manipulative and controlling. He did not treat my mother well and when they divorced I was pretty much torn between the loyalty between my parents, because my mother did not allow us to see it. After many years I came to terms with my father and finally stood my ground, grew up to come out of his shadow and told him no. He is now out of my life, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him.
I'm sure he loves me and my sister, but has a terrible way of showing it. He is manipulative, but when needed he protects those around him. He might know how to build, but never taught me how. He did grow out of the shadow of his father, he was a better man, but it wasn't enough. In essence, what he lacked was guidance to fully break the cycle and I do hope I can do better for my sons. But it is the guidance of men like Jordan Peterson, Nick Freitas and Ben Shapiro to help me on my way to fulfill my legacy and fill in the blanks.
And in some ways, that's even more difficult, because I have to both unlearn and learn life skills.
My father was killed when I was 6 years old. Frowning up two neighbors took me under their wings so to speak. They both walked through Omaha beach!
I'm a woman and my grandfather taught me more than my grandmother, mother and aunts have ever done. ✅️
"There is something truly noble about a man who overcomes the absence of their own father to ensure that their son doesn't suffer the same loss" - These words hit home, I am a father to a son and my father willingly left my mother and brother early in life. I don't have a template to look to but I will raise this boy
GGMU
I feel this as a mother who was essentially abandoned by an absent father now trying to raise a strong son. This line hit deep. ❤
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I had no one to show me how to be a husband or a father, at least until I was 10 then my stepfather came along and had shown me what respect looks like. I’m a father of sons and a daughter and I’m trying so patiently teach them what their values are in their roles. I’ve listened to this every day on my drive home from work and when I pull into the driveway I say to myself, be present, be the light, don’t be a jerk and my hurt isn’t their hurt. And it’s been working as sometimes I have trouble shaking off my day. Thank you for this. I know this comment will slip through the cracks but this one is specifically for you to read if you do see it.
This one’s for Johnny man--- I was so taken back and touched by your explanation of what a struggle it is to come form a home with an absent father,.or a bad one and try to put it together later on - I am a woman who came from a very violent father who was also a cop so it was a twisted mess but to read you’re absolutely beautiful explanation of how you are trying so hard to learn the right way and avoid your pain from the past really really touched me and I hope it touched hundreds of other people as well thank you Johnny great job !
@@sargesmom3615 thank you, it can be tough sometimes. But I have to keep remembering that it’s tougher to get your kids to forget your mistakes. Words you may have said. Things you may have done. We’re all human though and we all make mistakes. At the end of the day though your kids will see you’ve tried if you put in the effort to hold back your tough times. I try my best not to let my kids or my wife see my struggle because it doesn’t belong to them it belongs to me. If I use the same energy to build my family up as I do fighting my demons they will go farther in life than I ever have. You will go far with your child/children you will Ins-till wisdom in them because hurt people are much more critical in their thought. I know because I’m a hurt person too. Good luck and I’ll pray for you and your child/children to find eternal love and peace within each other so that you’re not deceived again by the people meant to protect you.
God Bless you.
Stay on track. You will be rewarded.
At least you had someone. I never had a strong father figure. I had a father who was just around and was a damaged weak person who gave me nothing in life of any value. It could’ve been worse however it wasn’t ideal either. I under this is the way God wanted it because it’s how he made me into the person I am faults and all.
Thanks man, father of three boys. The video and the comment hitting me.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Thanks for this encouragement Nick
This is a great proverb which is often misinterpreted. Rather than a promise, it is a warning against letting a child dictate their own upbringing.
It means a lot of things...
@@summiter07 That's another facet of the diamond, I believe. It does not rule out the other sound meanings.
O daughter Babylon, you devastator! Happy shall they be who pay you back what you have done to us! Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!"(Psalm 137:8-9 NRSV)
@@penewoldahhthat's a revenge lyric from the people of Jerusalem after they were exiled during the Babylonian captivity. Let me guess; you present it as literal parenting advice.
As a new dad with a son this advice is a great starting point.
Men of Order 9 Skills to Master.
Congratulations. I’ve raised 3. Spending time, listening, laughing and just talking with them is huge.
This guy’s right - loving their mother and treating her well is a huge part of raising kids.
I’ve made my share of mistakes and all too soon they flew from my hands to become great adults.
@@alanolson6913 that’s always the first thing I say to nieces, honorary sisters etc when I hear of a new boy. “How do they treat their mother” is usually the first thing out of my mouth 🤙
Congrats to you! My son was born two days ago and as a new father who lost his father at age 10, I've been soaking in all the wisdom I can. What an unbelievable and amazing journey we are embarking on ❤
@alanolson6913. Don’t forget about respecting the father as well….our feminised culture has been de-valuing boys and men for decades now….part of reversing this trend is establishing a baseline of respect for boys and men….& also getting rid of the princess culture for girls and women that absolves them of much responsibility and accountability.
I need more of this!!! I’m a father to three cubs and a daughter. No one is willing to speak about raising boys like this, but it is so needed now. Thank you!
I divorced my husband of twelve years when our three sons were in grade school, due to his infidelity and other deceptive behaviors. As a strong woman, I had no problems with navigating the role of both mother and father, since their dad chose to establish his new residency 40+ miles away.
I've always been well respected, and ALWAYS "walk the talk", as well as very hardworking, although too nice for my own good, so I was taken advantage of a lot. However, my firm and loving nature provided the strong foundation that my sons would require to move forward in life, where they would be an asset to society, and never a burden.
Today they are military veterans, US Marines, with high tech MOS backgrounds (communications/electronics), with one being a recent graduate from the University of Alabama, in aerospace and mechanical engineering. Education has always been the top priority for us, along with participation in school sports, which was soccer. As the parent that was always there for them, my involvement with their growth offered them a profound support system, and nourished the confidence with which they carried themselves.
Holding my sons accountable for their choices, where some were poor, was of the highest priority. The tough love that I so strategically wielded in times of need had paid off.
The three separate graduations from Parris Island, SC were the most amazing to behold! As a mother, and to be told by drill instructors that my parenting style prepared my sons to be Marines, well, that is the ultimate compliment.
I agree. I'm a dad of one daughter and two boys. It weighs on me everyday the responsibility I have to teach them.
Cubs? Wtf? How easy to manipulate words into your mouth, lmao. This dude is a joke. He's a beta
Same brother, "3 cubs and a daughter". You're not alone. Let's raise some warriors who may find themselves in a garden, instead of gardeners who have found themselves in a war.
@@steveshirley2250 As long as your "warriors in a garden" know they're not supposed to hack and burn the garden down.
I just turned 60 last week. I'm a husband of 38 years, a Father of three adult children, and a Grandfather of four. Yes, I capitalize those titles. Not because of anything I've done, but in honor of the Fathers and Grandfathers who taught me, whom I still strive to emulate.
My two brothers and me were raised by both parents and our grandparents on my Father's side lived across the street.
All four were instrumental in making me who I am today, the wonderful adults our children have grown up to be, and, prayerfully, in the adults my grandchildren will one day become.
My Father got up before everyone else and went to work every day in a U. S. Army ammunition plant where he worked for 34 years. He still made time for us boys.
My Mother stayed home and raised us till we all were in school. Then she took a job.
Dad and Papaw taught us so much. By the time we graduated high school, my brothers and me had learned to roof a house, paint a house, overhaul an engine, maintain a home, maintain a vehicle, raise a garden, maintain a yard, help our neighbors, and carry our own weight.
Mom and Granny taught us how to cook, how to mend clothes, how to sew and crochet, how to launder, fold, and iron our clothes. Also, how to can and freeze our garden vegetables and wild berries picked in season. And how to sweep and mop the floor, take out the trash, and change a diaper.
We got our share of whippings. We earned them all and often reflect on how thankful we are for every one we got.
We learned to love, protect, and preserve family. To respect and honor women and our elders. We learned to value our freedom and those who earned it and preserve it.
We learned to vote and to be responsible citizens who contribute to our community, not take from it.
We learned how to work hard and enjoy abundant, fulfilling, joyful living.
I'm glad your videos and shorts showed up on my feed.
And I hope you do get to enjoy the unequaled joy of becoming a Grandfather and the precious moments and memories that come as you enter your golden years.
We're so blessed that all our adult children are well adjusted, responsible adults, citizens, and parents and all have good careers. They all share the beliefs and values handed down through our family for decades. Together, we all are passing them on to our grandchildren who are very receptive at their current ages.
We all, however, are very aware of the challenges that exist in raising them in our current world where so many bad influences, wrong information, and political agendas are being thrust at them when children should NEVER have to deal with such things.
May God continue to richly bless you and yours.
Please keep your videos coming.
Our country and the world needs the truth you are speaking and the laughter your shorts inspire as they also teach.
I have tears in my eyes listening to you Nick. I am a single Mom and my amazing Son was raised by me, my mom and my grandma. All the men in our family bailed and were absent. I believe I did a good job giving my Son the necessary tools, support and love and respect both verbally and with my actions. I say this, because today he is 38 yrs old, he is an amazing Man. He works hard, he understands delayed gratification to reach his goals and he is kind and thoughtful. I appreciate your wise words to all parents who have the good fortune to find this video. Thank you. Respectfully, Terry Daniels, California💖
I grew up without a father, and now my wife and I have been blessed with a son. I've worried no end that I won't be able to show him the right path, but you talking about the nobility of fatherless men setting their own legacy for their sons, really hit a cord. It made me realise that I do have it within myself to guide him. Thank you!
Within yourself is a delusion, your Creator Jesus Christ has given you a mind and body and the ability to reason. He alone deserves the honor and glory and you must place your trust in Him to continually make it through life’s trials and ultimately unto eternal life.
don't be that overly critical dad or that dad who punishes his son too harshly. i've seen too many fathers *destroy* their son's self esteem by doing this!
you will also have to stand firm against his mom when she protests you teaching him certain things, and there will be things he should only hear from his dad that he shouldn't hear from his mom.
also, make it a priority to reaffirm that he's a boy to reduce his chances of ending up transgender.
As a father of two boys myself, you can do it. Just be there for them and lead by example. Just find good role models and try to learn their best skills. Use your best judgement tho, nobody is perfect and no system can fit your personal believes fully. You are the one in control of your believes, others are merely there to guide you :) And you can make mistakes too, that is what being a father is all about.
As for me personally, I have recently grown into a new plan. Each morning I go for a morning walk like 4k or something, I have been doing that for a couple of years now. Really clears my mind. But my boys are growing and need more from me. So anyway, last weekend I was in a troublesome state due to some family illness, walking aimlessly. And I said, NO, we are going to make something. So I went to the "bob the builder store" with my son, we bought materials and tools we needed (and a yellow hardhat I couldn't resist buying once I say his face filled with joy) and the three of us spend the entire afternoon building the two remaining doors for a new shed I was building. It was the best experience in a long time and my eldest already asked this morning when we are going to build something next. it really lifted my spirits, my boys and most importantly of all, my wife
It's ancient knowledge that is hardwired into us. It should just come naturally.
I'm sending this to my son. He is a very hardworking young man at only 23. He's a husband and Father to my grandson (3) and granddaughter (5 months). He is an amazing Christian man. Thank you for this Nick. God bless you and your family. 🙏
We had six sons. The amount of times my husband would take me aside and tell me what to do or not do about different situations that arose with our sons. Every time he was spot on and I was glad I paid attention to his advice.
Could you share some of those tips?
@tiffanyh629 great question. Examples would be awesome.
@@tiffanyh629 one example would be when my two eldest sons were like 9 and 8 years old (they are one year apart) my husband told me that the next time they fight that I shouldn’t intervene. My tendency was usually to prevent things from happening. He said that when they began to fight to make sure they didn’t have a knife, bat or anything that could inflict real harm. I was to let them duke it out. Well I did. I was sitting in my livingroom and I heard the next door neighbor calling my name. When I look out the window I saw my neighbors son (who was two years older than my oldest) egging my sons on as they fought. I saw nothing in their hands but their fists. Well they fought and fought and ended up inside the house where I was. When they got so tired from fighting they just lay on the floor exhausted and full of red marks all over their bodies. I made them sit on the sofa and told them: “ Well, you two idiots let your neighbor get you fighting over him again. Was it worth it? How do you feel now?” Of course, they never answered. They didn’t have to. Personally, I never saw them fight like this again. Mens lives are very different from womens. Many things I don’t understand just like men don’t understand some of our issues. And that’s okay. We just need to give one another room to be who we are supposed to be and things tend to balance out.
Yeah I’m going to need that with my son. I have no idea how to raise a boy (good thing he’s 3 months old only! Lol).
i have 4 sons, 8, 6, 4, and 1.5. we have moments like this from time to time. a recent example is with my 6 year old. we had an improvised water slide going from a nearby sprinkler and 3 of my 4 children were having a blast going down it. my 6 year old refused to even try, and when pushed to action would scream and cry and wail at the top of his lungs about how scared he was, how he didn't want to, ect. i kept trying to assure him that he would be fine, his brothers tried to convince him in a very brotherly way (basically making fun of him lmao) and my husband tried walking over to him and talking with him to assure him that he wouldn't put him in any kind of dangerous situation. my boy was worked up to hysterics and couldn't reason with anyone. my husband asked me to just let him handle it and proceeded to make him go down the slide, and after he went down, made him climb back up the stairs, do it again, ect ect. by the 10th time going down, he wasn't crying anymore and asking to stop with this defeated & pouty attitude, my husband made him keep going down. at first the trips down the slide were in silence, but eventually he and his brothers started cracking jokes and having fun with it. by the time my husband told him he didn't 'have' to go down anymore, he happily exclaimed that it was ok, that he wasn't afraid anymore, and that he wanted to keep playing on the slide.
reminded me of the time when i was 12 or so, my dad took me out on a jetski. we had life jackets on and both knew how to swim, but i was too afraid to actually enjoy the experience at all. it got to a point where my dad stopped in the middle of the lake, tried to reason with me, and then just flipped the darn thing over. as we surfaced i was panicked, but my dad just grabbed me by the shoulders and calmly told me "what are you afraid of? this is the worst thing that could happen, and look, you're ok." after we got back on i was able to enjoy the ride a bit more having faced the thing i was so afraid of.
As a child my life was brutal, until the age of 12, then homelessness until 17, at the age of thirty I had a son, he is now 33, and I have from time to time questioned if I had done enough, I stumbled across your post by accident, and all the values you have highlighted are pretty much the ones I’ve
Shared with my son, and I am truly proud of him, he is now a father himself, and i watch him with his daughter, and he does all the things I used to do with him as a child. He absolutely touches my soul, so thank you for your post, great advice. :-)
I was, my sons were, and they are, raising their sons like men. My father was my hero.
As a boy who learned how to be a man in his 20's, I cant thank men like yourself, JBP, and Jocko enough. Keep pushing the message and help this nation repair the problems that start at home. You are a guiding light in the ever growing darkness!
I often wonder why Jordan or even Jocko (maybe a collaboration would be cool) haven’t written a how to be a dad book.
I may add more like Jordan Peterson, Mark Manson, David Goggins, Jonny Kim, Bedros Keulian, Daru Strong, and I guess many youtubers out there that teaches us real and genuine masculinity. Keep improving
Cherish that because not many have had strong father figures in their life. I never had one so I don’t know what that’s like. It’s one of the reasons why I have some dark things I struggle with in life and that I’m so far behind in becoming a man even at 40 years old.
I agree with EVERYTHING I've heard you say so far except for your pronunciation of Iraq
As a man that never really had a father figure in his life, had to start doing everything on my own, because I didn't have a good male role model, I started doing better much later in life than I should have. And now as the proud father of a little girl and the wife currently pregnant with our second kid(we don't know what it is yet). I've learned that how you treat the mother is how my daughter will think she should be treated. So I try to make sure love, laughter, safety, and respect. Your fatherly advice is incredible. Thank you.
Edit: we ended up losing the pregnancy. Miscarried at 9 weeks. But a note to all parents: if you never had a good mother or father, let it start with you. Be the parent you needed. Thank you Mr. Freitas
So happy!! God bless you and your family.
Edited: just found out it's a BOY
@@richardhemminger5771 congrats, dude! i'm a mother to 4 boys, it's truly wonderful. i came to let you know that yes, essentially a girl is going to be looking for her father in her future partners, which is why an absent father figure tends to lead to promiscuity & single motherhood, ect. i'm very blessed to have had a father like mine. i hope your life is full of blessings, my husband also was lacking a father figure (dad had partial custody but also wasn't very masculine if that makes sense) so he's had to figure out everything by himself. just being there makes a world of difference, nobody knows for sure what they're doing as parents but i'm sure you'll raise some fine kids.
@@richardhemminger5771aww congratulations!
Same background but hate being late bloomer coming from somewhat poverty without many experiences in life.
I chose to rest arms and look forward towards the final destination.
I'm a father of two sons and a USMC vet. One 21, the other 17. I can relate to Nick's story and lesson. They were luckily born after my discharge from the Corps. I'm proud of the honorable Godly men they are quickly becoming.
Thank you 4 your Serivce
I hope you raised your sons to be self-responsibile, self-thinking men who understand there's nothing Godly about agreeing to follow the orders of whoever happens to be "above them" in the hierarchy of their governmental ruling class.
@@bbblackwellAmen. Amen. Amen.
Thank you for your service 🇺🇸
One of my happiest moments. My daughter was dropping off her son (my grandson) at his base(USMC). I sat in the car and he said "I want to give grandpa a hug." He picked me up with his muscular arms and gave me a hug. Made my day.
I honestly desperately needed to hear this video. My son is 4 and it feels like I've kinda just been present in his life. I dont know what im doing, and I have no idea what a father is supposed to be. My dad sat in his room high off his gourd on prescription pills after my mom died and i just raised myself.
So thank you for this. It felt like the first actual guidance and advice I've ever heard since i became a dad.
The fact that this is probably your most viewed video tells us all that we have a father figure issue in America. You send a powerfully truthful message in this video. Its what we all need to hear. Great fathers can make America great again.
As a father of 1 son & 3 daughters, you are 100% correct.
Oh that boy is going to have a hell of a time with that situation.
@JayjayDumbledorff-lr1fo what a strange question. My son’s sexuality is none of my damn business or yours or anyone else’s. What are you a public school teacher? My job is to raise him to be a positive addition to society; honest, trustworthy and productive.
I also have one son and three daughters, and I agree as well.
**From everything I've seen people with strong and good fathers don't have gay sons.
**Most generally it is because the sons are looking for the male blessing, which they did not get from their "father"
**Sometimes it's also because of dysfunction caused by male molesting them, and if you had a strong good father that shouldn't have happened.
My Dad passed away 4 yrs ago…husband, father, provider, 20 yr combat veteran, a “stop talking about it and DO it!” kind of man. I now have grandkids of my own - I miss my Dad every day. He would have really liked you, Sir…a lot!! Thank you for this Post- thrilled to be new Subscriber 🇺🇸❣️🇺🇸
Beautiful message Nick. I am a mother of a daughter. My brother did not have this type of relationship with our father. I can only imagine how different his life would have been. Thank you for helping men to be better fathers and understanding why.
God bless you and your daughter.
What happened to your brother?
This is the same for me. Mum did all the childrearing, dad was very hands off. My brother is nearly 40 and still living in his childhood bedroom.
Wow. 39 years old father of four young boys here and this video just gave me the chills. What a responsibility we have. Take it serious. And put God first to train your boys in righteousness and not just toughness
This video is incredible. My own husband is a man forging his own legacy for our sons. When we were expecting our first child, he was terrified. His own dad has walked out, leaving his mom with 3 kids under the age of five (my husband being the oldest). He was scared of turning into his father. We had long talks around the fact he knew what kind of father he didn't want to be, and that's a good place to start. It has been wonderful to watch him be an incredible Dad to our sons. Not just a father, but a Dad.
Same here. We have 3 boys, and I couldn’t be more proud of the man, husband, and father my husband has become over the past 10 years. I think the best thing that us wives can do when our husband never had that example growing up, is to give them the space to learn and even fail. I never hovered, never corrected (assuming it wasn’t a safety issue) and I never insisted on doing things “my way” with our boys. He has told me how much he appreciated that in the very early days as he felt like he didn’t know what he was doing but my trust in him helped him to have confidence in himself. ❤
The minute I saw the phrase "he was terrified" I knew how the story would end...most good fathers are forged in fear of failing their offspring
Those are words to live by. I never even thought about being a granddad and my oldest son is 20 now. Thanks for the perspective
Learning to deal with the cost of making tough decisions and being satisfied with the results is quite possibly the most expensive and most valuable lesson a man can learn.
Powerful. The best moment I had with my eldest son when he and his wife had announced they were pregnant with my 2nd grandson. I congratulated them, and complimented how great this little guy would have it being born to such caring and wonderful parents. My sons and daughter experienced a bitter divorce between their father and me and the huge fights of him trying to erase me subsequent to out divorce to our then 3 kids because he wanted to move on with his girlfriends/wives replacing me as their mother every turn. My son took me aside and said it was because of something I said when he was worried with the birth of his first boy. He said "Mom, you said to me, be the father to this little guy that I always wanted and didn't get". It still makes me break out in tears to this day.
Uncles can be fathers figures as well. Props to them as well!!
I am a father to a 4 month old boy and am getting ahead of myself. But wanting to raise a strong Godly man in this weakening world has become one of the few things that matter to me in my life. I have loved your YT shorts, but actually listening to your longer form videos, I feel inspired.
As a person who grew up without a father I never realized what I was missing. You are right that we should stand up for what we believe is right and be ready to face challenges instead of always trying to be in safety like my mom wants
This modern world is the result of fatherlessness. The insanity of covid policies, the rise of authoritarianism, the onward march of socialism... it all comes from choosing safety over doing the right thing.
Courage is the highest masculine virtue. Both men and women need to learn it
You need to tell single moms how to raise sons. There are way too many boys being raised only by women. I raised mine, but I had to step back regularly and figure out how to show him what he needed to know about being a good man.
Great reminder of the single moms
who raised reliable, accountable. loving men.
You had much to do as a single mom.
My parents got divorced when I was 3. My dad was still involved in my life, even though I only got to see him 3-4 months out of the year, because he lived 500 miles away. My mother did an outstanding job. She worked hard and always did everything she could to support my relationship with my father.
Even if you try to tell most women what it takes. They will bend it their way.
But mom's brothers (if allowed) can fill in a lot of gaps.
Those boys did manage a complete enlistment. Learned even more.
But those standards have tamed to produce girly men in uniform.
With exception of 82nd Airbourne, 101st airboourne, Seals and Force Recon.
Because that is unreasonable to expect women and men that act like them to serve in that.
+ Be active in operations long enough to be the next Gunny, Senior Chief or MSG leading the fight in the S--- storm on the ground.
That does not mean women cannot be excellent snipers.
Actually if they don't drink coffee or caffeine products.
That precision is generally what women are really good at.
When I got out and went to work in oil refinery maintenance and repair.
I never met a woman that was on the next job.
7days of 12 hours for 3-4 months does that. Along with the more than occasional explosion and fire.
BUT it pays more than what a masters in whatever pays for teaching high school.
In fact one of them did it because that is what paid off his college note.
Unfortunately he left the refinery in a body bag. But his wife? She got a few million.
Don't give me that TLDR thing.
Life is not simple and living long enough to get paid back with the SSI is not just luck.
@@Nickjfreitas I think you just made the point with "she supported" your relationship with your father. So many divorced women do everything to poison the relationship between fathers and sons -not near all but many. The war on the family unit is never ceasing.
Apply all his videos to my single mom life...heart filled, genuine knowledge
After 42 yrs working with youth & families, I thank you for so effectively demonstrating life so accurately through truth & so lovingly.
I appreciate this so much. I was a single mom of 5 for a while. My husband passed away within weeks of returning home from his 2nd tour in Iraq. We were 25 and had 5 kids who were all 7 and under. I did my very best but I realized quickly that there were things I could do to help them grow to be good men but there was no way I could teach them everything they needed to know because I have no idea what being a man really is. Thank God 3 years later I met a really good man who stepped up and knew exactly what to do.
I my son is just turned 10 and a few months ago I had the same situation. He came at me hard… I was so proud of him!
Can we have more good men and father like this? We need more men who will stand for truth, integrity, and honor.
We do. There are plenty of us.
Little of us make their presence known in a crazy world. We are there though... we are.
Spot on... he is pointing out something EXTREMELY important to all families... Fathers just like mothers are essential. It just isn't a healthy family without BOTH. Role's are drastically different but BOTH are necessary for raising good, STRONG and healthy children that WILL be the foundation of our next generation of families. When families fall apart? Society isn't far behind...
I got goosebumps when you said It's a Legacy you begin. My father lives 5 min away from me and has barely been in my life since I was a child. I turned 30 two weeks ago. My first son is due in less than 2 weeks and I will be starting that legacy. I don't know how I am going to do it. I am scared thinking about being responsible for such a fragile life that can be molded and shaped. I want him to grow up and be better than me. I don't want him to have the problems I have. I don't want to wonder if his father loves him, I want him to know that his father would do anything, including die, for him. I can't wait to meet my little man!
I would give 50 million thumbs up if I could. You have hit a grand slam with your effective and heart dealt delivery. And, of course, the message is on point.
Judging by the views, this is what your audience wants to hear you talk about. Fathers. Please do more of these.
i got 3 boys and a mystery number 4 on the way. strong dads raise strong kids. a strong marriage is key. spending time with your boys and the family as a whole is the most important thing. Lead by example is important too. the see me work, they see me maintain the house, they know i am here to provide and protect and they know i wont help them with anything they can do themselves. Encourage your boys to explore, invent, and stand strong when its needed. love the content.
Men of Order 9Skills to Master
@@cherylwade264is that a book?
You're spot on. Unfortunatly, my kids were raised in an abusive environment. My kids were not taught respect for their mother. Mom was determined to keep her family together instead of just another family torn asunder.
Today, all these years later mom is a grandmother of many years who prays for healing every day for her family, one that still remains a family even though we have our issues.
Love covers a multitude of sins but the regret remains.
❤
Thank You. I'm a Dad of an 11 year old boy and my Dad was MIA growing up so I really don't know what I'm doing. All I know is I want to be everything my son needs me to be to ensure he becomes a Godly, Honorable man. A gentle man that can be dangerous when necessary and tenderhearted to those in need. A sheep dog. Your video was very timely and inspired me deeply. Thank you for your time and effort.
My husband’s father was also MIA so raising our son was and is difficult. Looking to the Bible for His true Father is what helped us. Lots of examples of godly men in there. Be encouraged. You’re on the right track already.
Nick, brother, what wonderful advice to fathers of boys. I, like you, was blessed with beautiful daughters (3 of them) before having a son. I so wanted a trio of daughters and was thrilled to be granted that desire. But you're correct, there's something inside every man that desires a son. When Gideon was born just over a year ago, I felt something that I'd never felt before. Additionally, I was able to watch his bond with my wife that is so similar to the bond that I have with his older sisters. Even at 1 year old, he already loves roughhousing with me. I pray that God will continue to equip me to be the godly example that I need to be for Gideon. Thank you for the godly example that you are, Nick.
As a young man, maybe still a bit of a boy, at age 32, who had no father figure just a father person, I really apreciated your words. I am working to become a man and be that proper role model for my future son. I wish no boy ever missed on having a father and part of my social contribution is aimed at that, just as you are doing with videos like these. Keep up the good work.
My sons Dad died 18 months ago. I now have a 12 year old boy to raise alone (the Grandfathers are elderly). I pray that I either find a way to help him become the best kind of man with the help of good men in the community and / or I am graced with a good man.
I am sorry for your loss.
Men of Order 9 Skills to Master
Self Regulation
Effective Communication
4 Types of Learning
community will often step in where they can but that is not a replacement for a father figure which is as important as water. keep in mind that community step in where the focus is the child, is one thing but if the relationship is approximately equal or leaned your direction i.e the kids friend and your friend then its not a "friend" women have male friends men 95% of the time have females they are intrested in.
Keep praying; the Lord provides. I've been a widow six years now and it still amazes me how good men instinctively step up and help me and my sons with things I don't even think of. It's not the same as having a father in the house every day but God knew you'd be right where you are and if you keep seeking Him He will keep making a way ❤️
@@julianaharrison7914 Thankyou. Im sorry for your loss too.
Find a church with STRONG men - hard to find. Think of cliche cowboys with hearts of gold.
Finding men young to old all in one place who feel a longing to right their wrongs and pass their knowledge would be the ultimate environment for a boy to learn what it means to be a man without his father.
In a time and place where denigrating males and masculinity is permissible, even encouraged, it is so refreshing to hear constructive, optimistic advice, delivered with kindness and wisdom. It is sorely needed. Thank you.
When I was 14 my Dad was at the table with my uncle and my Dad's Army buddy. They spoke about how they had come from Puerto Rico to the U.S. mainland during the depression with nothing. My Dad and his friend were in the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corp) and served in WW II together in the Army. All shared their experiences as I sat there with them. I felt honored to be at the table with such real men. They inspired me to get a good education and be a good father and husband. I constantly share their stories and mine with my children and grandchildren. I just wish my Dad was here to see my grandson who is being promoted to Sergeant, U.S.M.C. The family saga continues.
Love how he involves his kid from start
This can be applied to women and to our daughters. Very well explained. Raising men and women of honor is truly a noble thing in deed.
Right?? Watching this as a woman I just wished that as a child someone had taught me how to fight for things correctly and channel my aggression into constructive outlets instead of just repressing any qualities I have that were considered masculine. The result of that was me growing up to be half a woman with a an underdeveloped personality. Young girls need this too!
Please don’t make the same mistake I made. I gave honor to my mother on Father’s Day and without noticing it, I completely took the focus away from fathers to single mothers in a public setting. This message is solely speaking to men. We have thousands of messages for us woman to help and encourage us. Let’s not take this moment away from men.
This is what I was wondering - why is this different for girls? I also see the point raised by another comment - that this is a father speaking to fathers about boys. I can see that
Tears streaming down my face as I hear your true, right, godly words.
Bravo! This is what a man is and how a boy should be raised. Love it.
Growing up without this i was determined to give this to my sons. One day I said to their mother, did you see his caring and bravery? She replied, he's watched you. That moment I realized how important this is.
Thank you, Nick, for this awesome video. There was far too much destruction my ex wife caused through forcing a divorce just to be the mother and the father to our two sons to state here, but this has been a torture for me these past 15 years from when my sons were 6 and 8. I was stripped by "the system" from being able to teach my sons very little about what they needed to learn, and of course a mother cannot teach them these things. Finally, 7 years ago my sons told me they never want to see me again. Now they are 23 and 21. Now it is up to them and God to learn these lessons. Therefore, blessings to the families which stay together because it is the right thing to do.
I have 5 sons 18-37 .. they are all doing well .. i raised them on Old School values .. I couldn’t agree more
My father was in prison since i was 4. Got out a few year ago. Turning 30 this year, 4 yo daughter and son on the way. This is what i constantly think about. Im strict with my daughter but she knows i love her. Playing, watching movies, spending time, etc. Now w a son on the way......its hard for me seeing i didnt have a blueprint but im glad i found your channel. This vid hit home w me. Thank you.
The kind of father we all needed.
Mr. Freitas,
I wish every young father could hear this.
I am 53, but remember well the lessons and wisdom my father passed on to me. My sons are now grown, 28 and 22, and I am proud of those two young men.
Well spoken words of wisdom sir.
You are 100% correct! This is going on my FB page if you don't mind!
Thank you for having the courage to STAND FIRM!!!
As a single mother I did everything I could to have my sons around good men,... I had them in sports. I took them to a chess club. I even went on an eagle watch with my sons. Sons need their father's & good male role models. . I also promised them if I spoke bad about their father, I would put a dollar in our pizza fund. Adolescents is confusing, stay strong, they're learning to fly on their own.
Everything but pick a good dad?
@@artvandelay3922 People change, the sooner you realize that the better off you will be.
@@artvandelay3922it’s important to know that some ‘men’ change or show a side of them they never revealed once a woman becomes pregnant or has a baby. The pressure is an initiation into fatherhood and unfortunately some fail to step up to their duty
@@artvandelay3922 Where are they? I was at work, since their father wasn't. And 3 toddlers didn't exactly enhance dating.
Masculinity is an inner beast to be trained, a fire to be properly built, contained and maintained. If the inner beast does not get confronted and tamed, and if the fire is not taught how to be prepared and maintained properly, then the bloodthirsty beast wreaks havoc on the villagers when it encounters temptation, and the fire quickly spreads out of control when the wind blows.
I'm glad UA-cam recommended this video. The fatherly figures in my life were inconsistent and sporadic. I've had to learn a number of things the hard way, some of them embarrassing, and this video is a breath of fresh air.
The big lesson you reminded me today, which has helped lift my spirits: Respect is always earned, and the person whose respect you earn first is your own.
Instant subscribe.
I absolutely love this. My son is the best man I know. We're best friends. Our relationship was built on mutual respect and still forms the cornerstone of our bond. He's frequently been the guy who stepped in to protect others, often a great personal risk. I couldn't be more proud!
I think a part of the problem we currently face in society is weak men raising worse boys and/or mothers not understanding the points to eloquently raise here.
This made me cry. I wish all fathers were like this. My son prays for a new daddy all the time. He’s 32 with Down syndrome. Breaks my heart that his dad has seen him once in 10 years.
Be strong . You ARE a great mother just by posting that comment .
He has you. And most importantly the best father in the World Our Heavenly Father
Why did he leave?
It brought me to tears listening to this. I can't say enough how moved I was to hear this from a man. I raised my family on my own and I took them to their grandparents house as often as I could, so they could learn from watching and doing things on the farm. Lesson on responsibility, accountability, respect, and love. They worked hard, played hard, worshiped hard and lived loved. Thank you for being a real dad
Thank you for being a great mom to your kids!
@@Nickjfreitas can you please make a vid on how toxic fathers destroy their sons, and which behaviors make a father toxic to his son?
for example, dads who punish their sons too harshly; dads who are overly critical of their sons; dads who tell their sons not to cry; dads who spend little time teaching their sons anything, yet get angry at him for not acting manly; and dads who get angry at their sons for losing a competition.
Here, at last,is an example of the beginning of a balance between men and women . The father/mother unit provides complete wholeness. Each has strengths that support the lack in the other. When they cooperate with each other a circle is unbreakable and capable of making their children resilient and whole and productive ; capable of giving and receiving love.
Keep on, Nick.
As a father of a toddler and with another one on the way this is exactly what I was looking for. I've been studying and learning with interacting with my son and picking up pieces of knowledge along the way. You said exactly what I have been envisioning what a father is and what I need to do to prepare my son for what the world is and not what the world should be for him. Pure, raw, real, gold wisdom.
The way a father treats the mother of his child sets a foundational example for the son. Demonstrating love, respect, protection, and provision teaches him not only how to treat women but also establishes standards for his own behavior and relationships. It's a powerful lesson in respect and the importance of treating others with care and dignity.
I love this advice. I am a mother of two boys and a girl. I feel the need to train my daughter this way as well. I want her to also be able to stand up for what is right even when it is hard. And I want her to grow up to be a strong, confident, responsible woman.
Nick, thank you very much for producing this. As I write this, I'm fighting tears. My father failed to fight hard enough, and I never got to learn this lesson from my mother, despite her heroic struggles to do right by me. I then had a son with a woman who literally fought against my desire to be a father for my son, so hard and nasty that he's stopped talking to me in fear of losing her favor, and I cry most nights thinking I've failed him. Please PLEASE don't ever take these messages down, SUPER please keep spreading your message. Maybe there's hope for other fathers and sons to find this before it's too late. Thank you.
I feel for you. Absent fathers are weak men, who remain boys. His absence is not indicative of your value. I read somewhere in a parenting book that the greatest gift we can give our children is the work we do on ourselves. Focus on what’s in your control. Do those things and you can have peace knowing that you are showing up the best you can for your son. In time, he will discover the truth. I pray you find favor in this unfortunate situation
Seeds of love, compassion and caring are planted with the mother. It's up to the father to teach the son how to weather the storms and still hold his head up high.
I’ve found that reading the Bible with him daily more than makes up for any shortfalls I have in my parenting.
Awesome!
As a father of two sons and a brother of three. Thank You Nick, for the wise words.
Though my husband was in the home, worked & brought the money home, he did what his Dad did before. Came home, watched TV & seldom responded as a husband & Dad😢 I found out his Dad used discipline as a time to beat his son😢 My prayer was that my husband would have the healing he needed to know who he was in Yahweh in order to take his place as the Hubby & Dad I knew he could be. I was sad that his healing didn't come before he went to heaven, yet I know the healing took place there for him. I pray for the healing to take place in my kids while we still have a chance to be the family Yahweh created us to have.
Praying for you and your family. I pray that ABBA would show you His goodness as He alone is faithful to keep His promises❤
Love it. I've fairly successfully raised 2 young men (21 & 20) & people have asked me how I did it...well #1 was the grace of God covering my errors, but #2 was, as I tell others & as I've told them, I wasn't trying to raise "good boys," I was trying to raise responsible men. At 21 & and 20, the case isn't closed, but it looks good so far.
This is greatly appreciated as someone who is expecting her fifth son. Our oldest is 12.
One of the hardest things is to step aside and observe my husband model masculine behavior and remain in the background while he instructs and reprimands.
There are a few times that I have intervened or spoken over him, and I instantly see the reverence that our boys have for him waiver.
It sure made me cry, you're the American Dad that can teach a lot to many. If one day you open a fatherless scout retreat, I'd love to enroll my children.
What a great video. Having grown up without my father being a positive role model and really one that let me down countlessly, my world has been flipped upside down now that I have my little boy. Being a parent is so challenging but rather than follow in my father's foot steps because that all I know, I choose to break the mold and build my own legacy. I love my son more than I though that I could ever love anyone or anything and now I have a little girl on the way. I know that my responsibility as a father is different for each of them, but I am so ready to embrace the role and the challenges that come with it. God bless all the mother's and father's out there trying their best to raise good humans. We got this!
Bravo, Nick. This spoke to me in a way that I didn't expect. Respect for your son for standing up to his friends touched a deep place within you it seems. Well done, sir, and thank you for your service.
And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.
Wonderful video! Theres really helpful principles in there and your incitefulness is appreciated.
Dad of 1 son and 2 daughters... got a dad, but the kind who beat you up until you can defend or you leave.
Can say that you enlightened me with the legacy topic.
Thanks
Just discovered you Nick. Im at work in tears in front of my coworker lol. That was amazing and truely resonated with me. I have two little boys, 7 and 2. I can only go on how my grandfather was with me. But finding people like you is a big help. Thank you.
Sending love and positive vibes from Ontario Canada 🍁!
As a father of girls, and now a grandfather of a boy whose father is not involved or will ever be, I will embrace this advice and do my absolute best to raise my grandson as a father should! Thank you sir for your service and sharing your wisdom!!
Thank you for sharing this video/bit of advice. As a new father myself to a 1y.o i am amazed each day how my boy mimicks me and am careful to constantly be a good role model. To my surprise one day his mother and i were hugging ane laughing and i had never seen such a big smile and laughter with glistening eyes come from our boy. It got us so happy and made us realize even more how important it is to laugh smile and show love in front of him.
It’s true! Congratulations!
Thanks Nick for the advice. In my case, I had been aware that my dad is not an example I want to follow. He's not a bad dude but a coward who never step out of the comfort of the shadow of his parents control. I know that my Grandparents from that side of the family are abusive and manipulative but at the same time it come a point in which you stop being a victim and also become an abuser.
I decided it was going to end with me. I don't want that kind of attitude for my children when I have them. Therefore, I had been going with a psychologist to unlearn all those toxic behaviors I had picked up with the years and become a better person.
I’ve never been a father but as the youngest of six boys, and a scientist by profession I’ve made some interesting observations on the subject of rearing well adjusted young men.
Boys need training in three skills to become men: combat, dance, and music. Let me explain.
Combat, in my case traditional Japanese martial arts, teaches young men the capabilities of their own body. It also helps develop strength, endurance, coordination, tactical awareness, and most importantly provides them with the tools to defend themselves or those they love should the need ever arise.
Dance, specifically partnered dance styles like swing or ballroom continue to teach coordination while at the same time teaching the importance of communication, especially non verbal communication through the principles of leading and following. It also has the added bonus of teaching young men how to appropriately interact with women respectfully, allowing them to be intimate in a non sexual manner.
Music teaches young men to appreciate beauty. You can of course gain this appreciation through many forms of art (painting, drawing, sculpture, literature, poetry, etc) but with regards to evoking visceral emotional reaction all art aspires to be music.
Lastly all of these skills require discipline, persistence, and maturity to develop, master, and appreciate respectively. Let’s bring back martial arts dojos, dance halls, and music classes. Maybe then we can start racing a new generation of actual men.
Along with discipline, competence, merit, honor, and loyalty must also be instilled. A man without loyalty will find himself at odds with other men. We judge each other on competence as well as capability, and knowledge, its a merit based system. If you can and are competent, men will follow you. If you are incompetent or incapable, men will avoid you.
Art is something you either have or do not. I happen to have it, my two younger brothers have it, the oldest does not. Music is one aspect, and while you get some benefit from music, its not required. Doesn't mean it doesn't need to be appreciated or should not be pursued. My idea of beautiful music is one of the V8s I built running and making ludicrous power.
Dancing is not for everyone, if you have no interest in it you could just as well be forcing them to do underwater basket weaving. You learn more in competitive combat sports than you ever will with music and dancing.
I am 13 years older than my youngest brother, half that with the other, I was instrumental in both my younger brothers growing up. They followed me rather than the oldest. Once again, merit and competence matter to men.
Its amusing because the oldest drove a rift between me and them, but they still followed what I did. Wrestling, US military, technical jobs like CNC machinist/mechanic (we build our cars and trucks rather than buy them), and aviation. The oldest has no such skills, he cannot fly, has wrecked most vehicles he has driven, cannot repair them, has no discipline or combat skills, and he had to go to school to learn things the rest of us learned by doing it, like building PCs.
I am certain my mom blamed my dad for the oldest, but we do not have the same father. Dad even treated him like someone else's kid. The oldest is nothing like us.
My point is some things work for everyone and benefit them greatly, such as learning to defend yourself which includes learning humility by getting your a55 kicked over and over in training as you learn. In basic training I could tell who had experience and who did not. During my first war in 1990/91 I could tell instantly who was a competent leader and who was not, and I never danced in my life.
Never learned to read music either, despite being able to discern and repeat music very well. Its an audio version of math, and since engines are entirely built with math, it makes sense that they would be music to me.
Rounding someone out is a good idea, Shakespeare works for some people, others gravitate towards Newton, but most are simply followers.
Add swimming to the list and we’re entirely on the same page!
You’re half way there. The Greeks had this pretty much perfected. Philosophy is extremely important. Poetry is not good for a boy and men certainly don’t need it.
Martial arts in the western world is not the same as other countries. They seem to focus more so on combat than meditation.
Psychologist and neuroscience go hand in hand with philosophy also. So they’re essential to a young boys education.
Strict dieting and training to ensure discipline teaching them to cook, clean, hunt etc etc are all vital to becoming a man. Comedy another essential skill.
But most importantly is letting a boy know that a man’s words need to be backed by his actions otherwise he can’t be taken seriously. These types of men don’t need a hand shake to seal a deal because their word is law and never broken.
To never be a people pleaser and that a well liked person is full of shit. Because well liked people tell lies. Always tell the truth. If someone asks you how they look tell them they look overweight if they are. There are no excuses in life. Excuses are for weak souls.
As a boy they can cry but as a man they should have complete control over their emotions. Logic over emotions always.
I show my son love and appreciation and I always let him know when he has done wrong and can do better. To be better than the person you were yesterday always.
To never fight for a woman or over a woman, no woman is worth it.
People in general suck. They will always let you down. Out of a hundred friends you’ll barely be able to count on one hand how many are brothers.
You don’t become friends with women. Women are distractions. Do what you need to accomplish by your 30s then find a good woman. Above all remain a virgin until marriage and find a virgin wife.
I could go on but I’m sure you all get the picture. The old ways with a little bit of science sprinkled on top are the best ways.
@@Dionysus_Athena Why would you say poetry is not appropriate for boys, and men don't need it? Do you not understand how much philosophy has been set to rhyme and meter?
@@jongoff7829women thrive on poetry and look at what they do when they fill boys heads with that nonsense. They become little princesses. Poetry has no relevance to reality and is bunch of emotionally unstable people who lack in reasoning and logic skills. Poets are high in neuroticism which is not good for men or boys.
Men don’t need it because it has no relevance to anything in the real world. Name one instance where it applies?
Philosophy is about reason, Logic, argument and solutions to problems. The two are not the same. It applies to the real world not fantasyland.
I just found this channel, and WOW. My son was/is so mad at his dad and he tried to explain it to me, but I never Got "it".... thank you Nick, now I do. and it breaks my heart that my son did not have a "man" in his life.
Thank you for your service to our Country in the Military, and thank you for your continued service to our country in Congress. I want to also thank you for your videos and for speaking the truth. Keep up the great work brother!!
Exactly 💯 there's so many Boys who think they are a Man. Good for you, God Bless you for being a good Dad and a great Man
well put (as usual) why isn't your channel blowing up? you're content is GREAT. you continually produce content that younger men need desperately. i want more people to view it, and digest it. thanks for what you're doing
You know why,
Strong confident and capable men aren’t easy to march into train cars.
I had a father, he died when I was 35. All what you said was actually achieved for me by my mother, he was there only being proud of me, silently proud. What better could it be the life of a man except silently being proud of his son.
I wish more of us could have had dads like this. But I never use that as an excuse but motivation to forge my path and this was honestly a nice reminder of those goals. Idk if you read this or not Mr. Freitas but thank you for the reminder.
I agree I didn’t have a dad like this either not saying he was the worst but the way he’d treat my mom everyday in front of me and my siblings would make my blood boil. Thankfully he’s out of our lives today. But I don’t use this as an excuse, I use this as an example of what not to be. I strive to be better than him in every way he lacked when I become a father.
@@SUB0SUN exactly. Seeing what I don’t want to be and learning that being strong, tough, assertive doesn’t have to mean abusive narcissistic or controlling.
The most ferocious dragon my son had to slay, was coming to terms with the fact that his father did not wánt to be in his life in any way, shape or form. It left a life-long impact on him no matter what I said or did to lesson the rejection he experienced. He is scarred for life, but has grown into a man I admire beyond measure. I will be sure to pass on your invaluable insights on what it means to be a real father, so that he can start the legacy for/with his own family.
Thank you so much.
He’s not alone and there are millions of us who would cheer him on and challenge him to become his best.
5:45 ‐ "If you've done your job, your son should know that you love him."
This absolutely hit home. Thank you for such wise words. Makes me feel good inside to know I’m on the right path with my son. 🙏🏽
I got goosbumps and chills from hearing your praise to your son and "passing his first test"