00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Thanks Ramit! Could you make a video on how to calculate how much vacation you can afford? I know how to save, invest, and have guilt free spending on a monthly basis, but I struggle with spending thousands of dollars on a trip. It feels potentially irresponsible even when I know my life will probably be enriched by the travel experience.
@ramitsethi can you please elaborate on why the husband got away with his behaviour while the wife got attacked here for a realistic goal (not wanting her kids to have debt) and she appears to be paying most of the household expenses while earning twice as much as her husband?
The greatest gift my parents gave me is that they took care of themselves financially. The amount of peace I get knowing they will be OK without needing to rely on me for money is tremendous.
I'm so jealous, in a good way. My parents being unable to survive without my financial support ever since I'm 23 is the biggest problem in my life really.
@StaciaBielka same here. So now I'm trying to save and invest for my husband and I so when we grow older, we don't have to ask our kids to give us money for foods and medical bills.
I’m quite an opposite to you I always know My parents worked their asses off to put food on table and provide the basic for us to survive Ever Since I graduate from colleague, I give them 1/3 of my salary to them, they would always get 1/3 when I get a raise/ cut A few month before my dad passed away last year, he gave me his ATM card and password , pretty much how much I gave him all these 15 years which was about 65K
I'm an immigrant kid whose parents paid for college and grad school. They did this for all their kids, and now are unable to afford retirement. While I am able to contribute to their living expenses, my siblings are currently unable to return their generosity. I don't think they did anything wrong, but I know the weight their retirement puts on me. It has caused a rift as my dad mourns his loss of financial independence and my mom continously demands I repay what they "invested" in me. Yes, help your kids get a headstart in life but you can do this by helping them be beter with money/ debt before the time comes. But becoming future dependents to your children will undo the gift of college tuition, as well as possibly altering the relationship.
This is a great comment and appreciate you sharing your perspective. This also applies to those who become parents later in life. Don't risk your retirement funds. And taking care of yourself is taking care of your children.
Still paying on student loans in early 40's but only bringing in $48K/year AND 3 kids. Usually these wives on this program are not appreciative/understanding of husband's financial contributions. But in this case, it is obvious why wife is distressed about their financial status, and his lack of motivation to bring in more income. 100% concur with wife that husband needs to bring in at least 50% more ($6K/month) with a 2nd job or find a higher paying full-time job. First priority would be to drastically increase their savings/emergency fund to 3 - 6 months of income. Right now, $3,603 divided by $11,799 is only 31% of ONE MONTH! 3 months calculates to $35,397, that should be their 1st goal even before investing. This couple needs to get serious about budget and cutting A LOT of expenses. They really should be concerned about tracking all expenditures, they cannot afford a laissez-faire attitude.
@@jeromehenry4484 yeah you nailed it, I'm usually quite skeptical of wives who really just can't stand their financial status didn't pan out. Andrea comes off really legit and it's clear they've been burned a number of times and she is really trying to hold it together.
@@jeromehenry4484 he said he used to work for Apple so seems he has a good background in a useful skill probably. He left to pursue a religious career and those are known to not pay very much because you get paid "in blessings."
@@jeromehenry4484 which is why it's so important to have a conversation with your future spouse about the life that you both wish to live after wedding, or at least agree on a direction. Seen too many couples where the desired lifestyle is just too different, one wants new Louis Vuitton bags every year, and the other wants to buy an RV and chill at a camp ground long term.
Sometimes you don’t have it all laid out to find that out pre-marriage. Immigrants who come from different countries where planning for college, retirement, etc is not like America, that’s not one of the top things you think about when you’re dating
I have noticed that immature people always marry mature, stabilized people, then get angry when they see how much work the mature person really puts in. The immature person then demands that the mature person "lower" their expectations.....
You're forgetting that the mature person also chooses to marry the immature person. You know (or at least should) know who your spouse is before you get married. Don't blame them for being who you married.
To be fair, Andrea didn't just say "I want to pay for my children's college education because my parents did that for me". She added "and that makes a lot of sense to me because I don't want my kids to be saddled with college debt". The second part if the important one.
Her parents saved and she saw the benefit. ....So much fear , though. Jesus Christ is our Savior and provider. There is a lot of wisdom in the scriptures regarding money. We have enjoyed nature centers and national parks so much. It's nice to have a balance with bigger luxury, and enjoy every day luxuries, too.
We also have 3 kids and this is what we're thinking too that we don't want our kids to graduate college with debt. We want them to start their own lives without worrying about debt and hope that without debt, it will make them financially independent. We don't have much on saved on their college plans but things worked out and our oldest son is graduating college this spring without any college debt.
What is even more sad that it is now the new norm to have a college fund for our kids since the cost of tuition is drastically gone up. I am not going to do this but instead just pump my roth ira to the limit and once the time comes for my kids to go to college than I will pay if they graduate from my Roth IRA.
I think it’s due to the husband’s profession, that they just don’t get much? Getting another job could be possible but also means you are taking time away from your current job which I don’t know if you can serve two churches at the same time? But a side job might be fine I guess. Usually Rimit would push the husband if the income is too low so I think he did it on purpose because it’s religion related.
ive been obsessed with ramits work for four weeks, my life has changed because of it. that said, this is his only L take ive seen so far. he missed great opportunities to call this husband out
The husband's flippant attitude is scary to me. And I am one of the optimistic, 'everything will be fine' people. I think he meant it when he says, I don't mind dying with debt. I understand where the wife's anxiety is coming from. It could have been addressed more seriously.
My parents passed away with some debts. You’re doing your kids a bigger favor getting your life and affairs in order rather than paying for college in my opinion.
really matters if they run out of money before dying, but their debt is theirs, you don't have to pay it (assuming you didn't cosign or whatever). obviously it won't stop the vulture banks/lawyers from calling you to threaten you.
@@awb19892 you’re half right IMO. dealing with siblings, extended family and everyone trying to get something out of it is not pleasant. Some wanna keep, some wanna sell some don’t engage. Get your stuff in order and leave a will if you can and/or if you really care about easing the pain of the family left behind.
@@awb19892 I think you’re only half right, it’s true you don’t have to pay for it. You have to reject or accept everything. When siblings and extended family family gets involved and everyone has different interests it’s difficult, plus grief and anger. The best gift to the kids is to get everything in order and likely have a will and a plan.
In our household most discussions about finances and budgeting took place in the presence of our daughter. The first thing she noticed was that we would be talking about a trip to NYC to see a play or a vacation to Quebec City two years before we departed. It did not took her long to figure out that identifying financial goals well in advance helps to optimize outcomes.
@@lininrabbit Ramit has given a few examples. A great way to start is to give an allowance for the child to handle. Another one is to make the child a part of a planning session for an event, a trip or so. e.g. tell the children that they get to plan what the family is doing together on day 3 of the vacation and the budget is 200 bucks or so. If you're using the conscious spending plan, you could show her the numbers and ask her to help you plan fun activities with the guilt-free spending money. These are just some suggestions the last one of which is my own. I don't have children. So, I haven't tried it myself, but it's something that popped in my mind. If you want to hide the asset part, you can do that.
@@excitedaboutlearning1639 yes, I saw that video. all the suggestions were great and we are going to practice them. But I think my question is more about how to phrase sentences when I'm trying to say, 'We cannot spend this money because it's not a reasonable expense.' How do I say it in a non-toxic way that does not make my daughter think we are poor or that there is a big problem we need to solve, or that I care more about money than her happiness? Although my parents were very frugal and made a lot of money, they would always remind us of how much things cost and how expensive they were. They would say things like, 'Kids on the other side of the world are starving, and you go to a piano class for $30/hr,' etc. I (and my siblings) always had the impression that we were poor and felt guilty when we spent money. My sister was really shocked when she found out that our parents actually had a lot of money. That invalidated her years of struggle, like, 'I need to save every cent I have so I can pay my parents back for all the money they spent on me.' My daughter is 6 now. we start teaching her how money works. The other day, when I was trying to explain why we cancelled our Spotify membership, I said, 'Because daddy and mommy don't make enough money to spend on this.' My husband thinks I was sending the wrong message. But I just don't know how else to put it."
Sometimes I get jealous of my friends’ vacations on Instagram too. Then I remember her saying that her husband is pulling money out of his 401K and I don’t want to be that irresponsible so I still go on vacations with my family and we know for sure that we can afford them.
True. I learned that most people that have a big house, new car, and go on expensive vacations usually have no 401K and are in debt while the ones that live below their means are the ones that usually have a 401K, and healthy savings. It is unfortunate that we live in a society were we bully and make fun of people for living in a small house/apartment and still driving a car that is 15 years old. People would make fun of me all the time for driving a 15 year old car but I would just say well its better than paying $700 a month. As long as it drives I'm good.
Our car payment is $520 a month but we plan on keeping the car until it is dead and we are still have contribute to retirement regardless. We are just not living a life of keeping up with anyone. @@adam7349
Why wasnt more done with correcting the husband's mindset??? His goals/expectations were way more unrealistic than hers. He may leave this convo continuing to think his way of thinking will trump hers because most of the convo made it seem like only she was the issue, when in reality, the husband-- with good intentions-- needed more of the lecturing than she. (Both needed it but just felt it was imbalanced). Regardless, it was still a great interview. I have felt like her before, while I was dating someone (8 years living together and engaged). He was similar to him (but probably much worse). Because my guy was so irresponsible, as soon as we broke up, I felt so rich and didnt know how much money I really had because he was such a liability (not saying AT ALL thats what this situation is, just stating what happened to me). Being with someone that doesn't take future responsibilities as seriously will always trigger the "hoarding of funds" parts of you/scarcity mindset, because you have to be prepared for not only lifes ups and downs but the frivolousness of your mate. I'm glad her situation isn't as dire as mine was, and hope she can turn off that anxiety about the future while still being with him; i could not do it, but could then exhale, save, and invest once he was gone (he unfortunately passed now too). I truly wish them well.
Both sets of my husband and I’s parents didn’t plan for retirement. We had to support them or let them struggle to eat food on social security . The best gift you can give your children is your own financial security in retirement. If you are a good example then you’re teaching them by example.
Something that no one mentions but is so important. Whats the point of getting into debt for your child then later your child has to support you back cause you took to much debt. A lot of lessons can be taught without having to spend all that money also. At the moment I am in a similar situation where I support my parents, both sets. One set more than the other cause one set lives in a higher cost of living country. Had they had enough to support their own retirement, I could have saved an additional $40,000 per year for the last 4 years. Oh well, such is life, at least my wife and I live pretty comfortably and manage our finances super well, so we can afford to help both our parents. I guess, sometimes I justify it by saying that, without those lessons and education my parents gave me, I wouldn't be able to support them the way I do, but I do know deep down, there was also a lot of frivoulous spending they did. I guess the fact they are also still healthy and happy is also a benefit, alot of my friends no longer have their parents also.
how its he not contributing though? she has a foundational mindset on what her financial picture should look like and she carries a self moralized weight around money and finances. she literally has said her parents were emotionally unavailable but gave her money to compensate. also how do we know she's not the one making less money here?
i finally finished this episode, he didn't give a free pass. Ramit focused on the biggest problem in the relationship and it was them trying to be debt free when their interest rate didn't call for immediate debt pay. plus her view on debt was so abhorrent that it was at the root of them not running any numbers. Debt equaling bad morally is a very very awful fake thing to believe.
Best advice we ever got was “ you can always borrow for college but you cannot borrow for retirement”. We paid as much as we could to send kids (4) to college. Only one is in a lot of debt due to law school otherwise others are debt free due to scholarships and good jobs. Meanwhile we have a great retirement fund. Our income was never more than $110k a year and we also sent kids to catholic grammar and high school with no help from anyone , worked 2-3 jobs to be able to do that. Our kids are super hard workers due to seeing us struggle to give them the best education possible.
Feel sad for her, I hope she doesn't give up on the idea of helping her child. My rich life is having enough money for me and to help my son pay for his college, I don't want him to go through the same things I did. So I budget on my retirement and for his college. ❤
What she’s talking about would total around 12k for their kid if I heard that right. Honestly, better off securing their own retirement, that would compound like crazy. Wouldn’t even cover 6 months of student housing.
My goal has always been to help the kids not have the hell burden of starting,off with what seems like bone crushing debt right out of college. This stress affected every decision I made in early adulthood, and I will make damn sure my kids don’t have that crushing weight starting out.
Imo, saving for their retirement is a way to help her kids. There's other objectively better ways to help your kids with college that is not just about finances. But retirement-wise, they really don't have enough. If we want to use numbers, your retirement needs to last for roughly 25 years (90 years old). The guidance is to be able to have 80% of your pre-retirement income. In their case, 80% of 147k is about 117k. So 117k * 25 years = 2.94 million. Let's just round to 3 million. As it stands, they need to save a whopping 35% of their income just to get to that 3 million from age 45 -> age 65. BUT the max contribution they can actually do every year is to a Roth which is $7k (or $8k at age 50). So they'd need to personally invest in stocks or use other ways to grow their money. So really... it is very unlikely they will even get to 80% of their income by the time they retire. They'd run out by age 69. They would need to spend waaaay less than 60k a year to stretch their retirement + continue working until god knows when + have their children help them. This is why people really need to crunch the numbers. Most people don't realize they don't have enough until it's too late.
Eventually this wife will grow resentment towards her husband.. there is no way around it she’s carrying the marriage both financially and emotionally. I feel for this woman. husband needs to step up!
What has always stuck with me is if you don’t prioritise yourself you will end up in your kids basement in retirement. You will be a burden and rob them of their early adult lives 🤯
I also can't imagine being married to someone who won't partner with me on finances enough to plan for retirement or at least have options when I'm older. People get sick and can't work. What then? You have 3 kids and quit a job at Apple. No emergency fund? And to say "no thanks" when Ramit asks him to talk about investing?
I think one of the worst things a parent can say is, "It happened to me and I'm fine." It's such a cop out answer. Instead, be an adult and ask yourself how it made you feel at that time? What would you have wanted your parents to say, do, etc? Just because it happened to you and you turned out okay does not mean it was right. Does not mean it is right, especially knowing now, for you to repeat as a parent. He needs to grow as a person and parent.
Ramit often does not understand the issues with the responsibility of having and caring for children. He let the Eric off the hook, because it's OK for the family to pay for his issues with college debt, but putting a few hundred $$ away for the kids is too much to ask for. Ramit seems a little schmuckie because Eric doesn't seem to grow up and take responsibility and he's seemingly OK with most of it. Bad episode for Ramit...seemed like just an opportunity to knock on the mid-West instead of focusing on Eric as it's clear he's the issue. Oh, and Eric isn't dreaming about Italy, he's hallucinating. Issue isn't automating Eric, get another F'n job, that's how you get more $$$. Not start a church or a business, go to Walmart and work weekends if you need to. Her best plan would have been to divorce him, but now he's a anchor for her to do anything.
Sounds like the wife is coming around with her thoughts and feelings about money, but I think the husband really should consider increasing his income. They can only cut so much from their budget and are already behind. Having an increased income would really help get them to where they want to be.
@@SilverCpa Here's the thing, a divorce would be a disaster for her because she already makes 2x his income. She would not receive child support from him, but he would likely receive child support from her. A better solution is husband finds a 2nd job or a higher paying full-time job.
I will have to disagree. I would never tell my wife that she needs to increase her income and she needs to get a 2nd job to help save. That is the double standard that men face. More money usually means more work, more stress..ect. Some people are just built to do this and others are not. They should cut back on things they don't need. The wife also needs to stop comparing her life to what she sees on instagram. Most of those people that post vacations, new cars, ect have no savings and no retirement.
I'm sorry, but it was adorable when she said she was jealous over her friend's brand new Toyota Sienna. That's a minivan ya'll 😂 Not laughing _at_ her but I expected a luxury brand name at least Take it from me, I'm saving for a new car, it's taking a couple years and daily anticipation along the way. People only see the end of that road like her and her friend but that minivan was probably a long project lol
I know all about the Toyota prices folks, that's why I'm not rewarding them 😂 they are keeping their production low to keep their prices arbitrarily high when all they do is underutilize their components and call that "reliable"
Very confused about Ramit’s demeanor this episode. I understand he gets a lot of Midwest clients and generalizes their upbringings but this husband should step up to the saddle here. Kind of disappointed that the fundamentals of finance were overlooked when it came to discussing Eric’s attitude toward money. I feel sad for her that she helped pay off his student loans and yet is accused of coming in too hot when she brings up their children’s futures.
I agree; i think Ramit is usually pretty balanced on gender roles (and im a bleeding heart feminist) but he totally missed the boat here focusing so much on the wife's mindset when the husband really needs to get a regular job and do his consulting on the side.
i dont think thats where he's coming from. it seems more so because the wife's fears about money are packed as her feelings as well but she doesn't have a complete picture of what she wants and how to accomplish that. Also we have no idea who makes more money here. one makes 8k and the other makes 4k so they aren't really low earners. The mindset is just far apart.
So he gets his wife to help pay down his remaining college debt into his 40s, but doesn’t think he should help his kids pay for college in their 20s…. Yikes!
Imo, if I had enough money to only either fund retirement or fund my kid's college fund, I'd choose to fund retirement. And even if I can fund both, college fund contributions would still be at a minimum, and I wouldn't tell them about the fund until they really need it. There are lots of creative ways to pay for college tuition if your parents can't help you --- grants, scholarships, part-time work, internships, etc. And I want my kids to be able to handle thinking through and planning how they're gonna pay for college at 18. How to gather information from the internet, teachers, friends, the help center at the University to figure out what their options are, and being able to talk and discuss it, etc. Maybe even being able to balance working part-time and succeeding in school. Imo, these are all crucial life skills. My husband and I will be there to guide them about pros and cons of their ideas so they don't make the same mistakes we did, and even catch them if they fall. But I want them to be able to stand up and pay for college by their own grit and creativity and discipline. That's the kind of "headstart" I want to give them.
I hear ya but the woman had the worse psychology. she believed that debt means she is a bad person. Ramit naturally went to the most harmful and insidious belief
Agreed. Dad just coasted smugly. I’m guessing that’s his schtick and he gets away with it. His wife is looking for a church team to be by her side. Yo, hubby. That’s your job.
... five minutes in: When a man speaks authoritatively to his wife about what he wants to spend *his* bonus income on, it's a husband "taking charge of the finances!" But when a woman does the same, we have to spend several minutes picking apart why that wasn't a "nice way" of "presenting an option" to her poor alienated male partner.... She's more than explained that she doesn't feel like he's a collaborator on their finances, so why are we spending this time chastising her, right at the very beginning? Misogyny is so damn insidious.
Yeah, it’s like they let him off the hook. It’s like the husband kept all this. Oh maybe that oh you know I don’t feel like saving or maybe I will. It’ll all be fine. It’s like he just got off for doing nothing. It’s like he didn’t get on him at all. It was extremely frustrating. Just let him get away with not answering anything. He wasn’t accountable for nothing. He just did whatever the so-called preacher man that made all these bad financial decisions made a church and it failed and just all these things but didn’t tell this man to get a damn real job and make real money but Got on her ass about everything.
Agree. Total Fail for me as well. Entire society thinks it's both OK and normal for men to live like enormous babies and feel.entitled.to.a.free.maid, nanny, and sex doll who also works 2x as hard, makes more $, and then gets picked apart for not being June Cleaver about it all. Fuck. This.
Ramit would say the same things about a husband making the same comments. I agree our culture does treat male aggressiveness different than when a woman shows that trait, but I don't think this show does.
My rich life includes ensuring my daughter graduates from undergrad debt free. Hubby and I are almost there: she will graduate in May 2025 debt free because of scholarships, savings (529 plan), and our current income. As a parent and first gen college grad, this was very important to me and is one of the ways I am passing along generational wealth. Saving for our daughter’s education and living within our means were two of the best financial decisions we made. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it will be worth it.
Has she not learned from watching this that the people who look like they have money also don’t. They just look like it. They have debt. That’s what they have
My parents couldn’t afford to help financially in any way, and at 38 years old I am deeply grateful that I was put in a position to pay my own way through college. I nearly quit three years in, because I hated school, didn’t see the point, and the weight of working 2 jobs + going to school full-time was just too much. The only reason I graduated is because I couldn’t imagine throwing out all the money and effort I had already invested. I am pretty sure that if someone else had been paying my way, and at that age, I would have bailed on college and never gone back. Everyone is different, but just want to add that perspective for parents who feel a responsibility to fund university degrees. Sometimes the opposite can be a true gift
With all due respect. These are “spiritual leaders,” operating on guilt, regret, and self-deprecation. The American dream made it dirty for so many families. Evangelic Christianity messes with people's minds, makes you feel guilty, and keeps you working and buying stuff to fill a void
WOW! That is probably broad and predudice. I can't imagine u speaking like that against a whole other race or group!!! There are careful savers, spenders business owners , rich , poor among evangelicals. The scriptures have great advice and helped the families nations that knew them best be generous and build wealth . They have helped us personally. There is no wisdom nor counsel against the Lord Sometimes we fail to put God's teaching into practice, not walking the talk. I hope we don't all let you down.
There was a whole book about “Protestant work ethics and capitalism” written in the 1900s that makes a relationship between guild and work ethics. That is the basis of many Christian churches and the “prosperity” gospel. There are many examples of this in other couples. Maybe I'm over-generalizing, but I noticed a trend. Just my opinion. Any family that opens their self to the world deserves some respect. My apologies if it sounds rude.
Andrea has great instincts and reasonable attitudes.... We're wasting so much time litigating her "posture" in bringing this really important issue up to her man-child husband and questioning her motivations for wanting to save for her kid's college?? (In this case, "it's what my parents did--and I appreciated it and want to do the same" isn't a bad script that she's thoughtlessly adopted...! (Also, the kid could end up using that money for starting a business or whatever if they decide not to go to college, and it seems like Andrea would be entirely fine with that.). Another episode off to a weird start, don't care for it.
I completely disagree with you about her point of saving for her child’s educational future. Also she said she didn’t agree with most of the things her parents did financially but that SPECIFIC thing she agreed with and then you turned around to make some half off point about her parents feeding her casserole. She already said she didn’t agree with most of her parents financial decisions except them saving for her future and the fact is her husband saddled her with his student loan debt that she never had going into it. Which proves her point that she should save for her kids. What’s more is she said she is open to them going to trade school over university. You didn’t think it through with making a judgement on that.
Exactly. She said she was grateful that they did that for her & she wanted to also pay this forward for her son. Sounds like a very supportive thoughtful mother to me.
36:44 I actually kind of love their differing perspectives! You can tell that he grew up poor but his mother kept his spirits up and didn't let them feel bad about it. I think that's really special that she was able to make him feel secure in insecure situations. Versus her upbringing which was probably much more financially well-off, but the house was full of stress and worry about money. Super fascinating and important reminder! You are teaching kids how to feel about certain situations... the situation doesn't matter. Just how you face it.
I completely agree with the wife. If they can, they should save some money for their children’s education. However, I feel like their net worth is way too low for their age as a couple. They need to invest more money and save more money towards retirement and really start paying their debt. I feel like that should be the #1 priority, higher priority than saving up for their kids education. It would be more of a burden for their children if they can’t retire and have to rely on their children to help them retire. I’m in my late 20’s and have a higher net worth than this couple.
" The kids will figure it out" sir YOU didnt. Youre spouse is paying off student loans she never took! Because her parents took care of her and fave her a gift for her future. 😭
This might explain the past tradition of asking father’s permission to marry his daughter. He’ll see past the good looks and glib charm - and recognize the importance of a man’s maturity, morals and financial wherewithal.
First, he came from a poor home and his parents likely had poor financial literacy. Keeping that in mind, there was no one to teach him about student loans. Schools and lenders certainly do not teach you and one has no idea what the true ramifications are of said loans. That's a factor as to why so many people have such bad student loan debt and why some barely make a dent in their principal after paying for ten to fifteen years. Please note that as parents, you need to have a retirement for yourselves, before you build a savings plan for your children's education. Parents do not want to save for their children's education and then have no retirement, so they are forced to either keep working until the day they die or until one of their children allows them to stay with them, if that even happens.
i don’t think she said she wants to help pay for her kids tuition “just because that’s what her parents did for her.” Seems like you dug more into the wife and let the husband continue with his mindset
Her real concern is that her kids end up in debt and struggling like she is. There are other creative ways to address this fear, and it may not be paying for kids college completely.
It's really insulting for Ramit to say that the wife is blindly following her parents by wanting to help her kid with college. She also said she doesn't want them saddled with debt. Wanting to set your kid up for the best financial start in life is completely reasonable. As someone with a ton of student debt, I can see how far ahead my peers are who had help from their parents paying for school. Not wanting your kid to start out in a financial hole is completely reasonable and it's annoying that Ramit is apparently belittling that.
I understand her financial insecurities, and I empathize deeply with her. Financial literacy and safety is extremely important for me as a way of feeling safe. This is probably the only thing she feels like she can control in attempt to reassure herself.
Andrea’s rational and was a bit gaslit through this episode. Everything she said was rational .. apart from the holiday wishes. A $3000 annual family trip is reasonable once they get on their feet. They are very mismatched. She’s miserable and I feel sad for her. It’s not his fault either. I don’t feel he misled her in any way. People don’t change. He’s a dreamer and doesn’t realise he lacks maturity. She knows she’s stuck with her choices. Depressing.
Andrea wants to be the rescuer (pay for kids college/payoff other people's debt), when she is the one that needs rescuing. Just prioritize emergency fund, pay off debt, save for retirement first before all her noble causes
OMG - I want to be friends with Andrea. It sounds like we were raised by the same parents! I've related to this couple more than any other so far. Thank you both!!
That was wild to me!!! They have a mortgage and IRS bills to pay but she wants to help others?! Seems like a great way to get scammed. I feel like she’s given up on herself having security with money so she just wants to save for her kids and hope they have it better. She’s in the rescuer mindset and the husband is happy to let her be that, paying off HIS college debts
The follow-ups here were very feelings based and I half-expected Ramit to wonder afterward if they would make changes. I thought we'd hear specific action like we opened an investment account and the raise is going automatically to that fund. *Short anecdote about Midwestern culture: when i got married to my now ex-husband in the mid-1990s, a few family friends from Wisconsin sent us a card and a check. 3 couples got together to give $10. (There are no zeroes missing from that number.)
>half-expected Ramit to wonder afterward if they would make changes The follow-ups from the last few episodes have been that way, so maybe IWT is making adjustments about expectations they have for guests, and in the meantime Ramit is trying to avoid sounding like a broken record.
Spot on re Midwest wedding gifts, we got married a few years ago and got quite a few $30 gifts from millennial and boomer couples (all professionals). I gave $30 gifts when i was a grad student...
I am SO GLAD you said "eating disorders" as it is almost NEVER recognised out loud. I have struggled with an eating disorder (it never completely goes away) and it is a severe, extreme form of control. It also is surrounded by anxiety, shame, and feelings of worthlessness. This is something a lot of people feel with poverty, debt, and an inability to pay for things as well.
My husband and I are responsible with money and no debt. We saved early but what set us up is not having debt. I grew up poor and had a full scholarship and my in-laws paid for my husband's college. That helped us out tremendously. With that said, this couple need to find the balance of helping the kids for college and taking care of their own debt. That means lowering expectations and not going to private colleges maybe. For their income, their net worth is very very very low. They should have over 1M. I live in the Bay Area and I get jealous of people too (in my world) when they talk about vacations to Europe, Hawaii, Asia, even their constant visits to Disneyland. My kids went to Disneyland for the first time 2 years ago. I feel like I'm surround by rich people yet our kids go to public schools. Then I look at the retirement accounts and I think, it's ok. Growing up poor, I would have never thought I would have this much net worth.
I am not sure if we got the full story here. For eg, why is their net worth so low in 40s . Why were in credit card debt. It cannot just be cause of mid western mentality. There is more to it. Husband definitely got Scott free in this one. Having 3 kids is financially quite draining too ! So I get that it’s challenging for them to invest and save.
Yeah... traditional midwesyern mentality does not involve cresit card debt. Or sports/lessons they can't afford. Or eating out they can't afford. No EF + not investing for retirement =can't afford it.
One solution that a lot of people don't think of, is to try and get a job at a college. Many will pay full tuition for your kids (sometimes even if they go to a different school, via tuition exchange). I worked at a college and while I don't have kids, I know many people who worked there who were there primarily for the free tuition for their kids. Even if the job doesn't pay that much, the tuition remission can more than make up for it. Regardless, a bad idea is for parents to shortchange their own retirements to pay for kids' college tuition. If you can afford to do both, then great. If not, they need to save for themselves first.
Comparing our lives to friends and neighbors can be really negatively impactful. Plus, many of the people we see driving around in nice cars, big boats, and vacations all the time are leveraged to the hilt. I appreciate the two sides they have about college. Honestly, they don't really know how much college is going to be for their kids. The dad attended college when things were much different. I agree that it's important for them to get their future in order and invest to take care of themselves. This is why I got into college planning because I see how many people under-plan for what college is going to look like. I'd be happy to help if they are interested.
No. If you raise your kids providing them all the tools (to the best of your abilities) to succeed, not only is it a good thing to say that, but you will be proud to know for certain that they WILL indeed figure things out.
Right?! The same analogy Ramit applied to Andrea being raised on green bean hotdog casserole (her parents ways) is the same ideology Erik is on with his kids will figure it out. He said it with his entire chest too. It’s sad that he doesn’t recognize that he was let down in that area. I understand his mom didn’t have it to give but it doesn’t take away that he had a need that wasn’t met.
@@travis5732in the mean time they living at home as adults still trying to figure it out taking up space. An intune parent knows their children and guides them to find their path like ducks guide their young. My brilliant nephew told his mom he'll figure it out. My sister who poured alot in her kids education told him no. You not going to sit here and figure it out. She asked him what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to be a civil engineer. My sister knows her son and she knew he would be miserable as a civil engineer. She took him to the work place of a civil engineer and the guy showed him what he does. Well, he changed his mind very quickly. He went to medical school and today is one of the top doctors in his filed in the country he lives in. My sis asked him if he still wanted to be an engineer he laughed and said he never wanted to an engineer but that's what his friends were going into. If she had left him to figure it out he would have made the wrong choice and live a miserable life.
I’m getting a little tired of the “my parents made me like this”, “oh wow I had no idea adding up numbers and adding compound returns amounts to a lot of money”, and “I deny myself everything and won’t allow myself to be happy” angles. I wish these were much longer because to really understand these couples you have to peel past the first layer.
I can somehow relate to her stress though, when my daughter said she wanted to be a doctor, I’ve been looking at our assets since and trying to figure out how it’ll go On the other hand, my son just want delivery pizza They are 7 and 10
Research your state to see if it offers some specialized debt payoff programs for specific professions in case the cost of education is underestimated. There are nonprofit and profession based organizations that assist with any type of debt repayment that may occur over time. You will have to dig for this information, but that’s the beauty of the Information Era ☺️
I just want to say that the part where you discussed saving for your kids and the "why" of it was really thought provoking. Definitely helpful to reshape my own thinking so thanks!
This episode was AMAZING! Literally my husband & I just started our 401ks. Same age almost as this couple. So crazy to think we still Could get our crap together and have some $ after so many years of mistakes. 😭😭😭 Thank you remit
Remember to invest the money, too and not just put it in the account. You probably knew that, but I wanted to say it just in case. Ramit's book is great and had a person who had made the mistake of not actually investing the money and only putting it in the account.
35:00 - Major eye roll; he forgot to add that his WIFE has gotten him through "those times" and that he has "faith" his WIFE will be there for him, and to figure things out. Yeesh, how dense can someone be.
Thank you all for sharing. This is really helpful. Brave honest conversations on a public platform and I’ve certainly learnt a lot from it so thank you!!!
This shows that Andrea has a strong grasp on reality and the possible. She's not having crazy dreams of stuff that does not fit her vision of a rich life.
@SuzanneU Literally the smartest comment I’ve seen having to do with this subject!! Although a Toyota is not as expensive as a luxury brand car, a BRAND NEW 2024 model is still very expensive. Plus it’s built to last longer too. So many people want a luxury car but don’t consider luxury car maintenance, problems, or expenses. If having a luxury brand car is apart of your rich life AND you can afford all the stuff that comes with it, def go get it! However more people need to realize the reality of their current situation and look for something else more practical
Follow-ups seem to be all the same lately. We plan to do ABC, and we learned alot, but no actual action. I guess that's why Ramit stopped providing commentary for follow-ups.
27:32 she sounds very smart, to be honest she's right, you don't spend in order to be able to weather the storm. Parable of the 7 fat and 7 thin cows is a good lesson to learn. the world is a rough place.
This episode was fantastic! I relate so much to Andrea, and the "is it enough" scarcity mindset. My husband of 23 years and I are actually in a really good position and have very little debt. But we are not putting away anything for retirement. And we never plan. We live off the cuff, and I always tease him that I wish I knew where the money tree is in the backyard, since I'm always worried, but he isn't. This episode, and hearing Andrea and Erik say out loud their rich life, gave me the motivation to finish Ramit's book, and actually plan our rich life. Having the fun rich life talk this week!
His student loan, his responsibility to pay off: make more money like your lovely wife says. The show makes it look like she is all the problem, but he strikes me as a lazy butt who does not want to contribute extra to diminish his wife's anxieties.
I wish more parents stopped trying to remove the struggle from their kids lives. You should want your kid to learn how to do hard things because that’s what we get true fulfillment from as human beings. So many parents lose themselves in the idea of creating this perfect life for their child which is actually a disservice to them.
Andrea - our story is so similar and I relate to every single thing you talked about during this call. Thank you for sharing your story. I am 44 and tell myself the same story - why am I not in a better place financially? What is wrong with me? My peers have better vacations, cars, houses, etc.
This is a nice couple! However I notice a recurring theme on Ramit's show that is (at least to my observation) gender-based. It feels like practically every episode with a married man/woman couple, the woman expresses the idea that no amount of money feels like enough. And they constantly worry about having enough, losing it all, want the husband to make more, etc. Meanwhile the men tend to be less concerned, to the point where it infuriates their spouse. There are exceptions, of course, but the vast majority fit this pattern (and I listen to every episode).
Another theme I hear in most episodes is making enough money that you don't really need to budget & track spending. Everyone I've ever known that was successful with money (became millionaires over time) always had a budget and stuck to it by tracking expenditures. They never became millionaires by spending mindlessly.
@@jeromehenry4484 Agree! Reverse budgeting only really works if you are (1) out of all high (>~5%) nonmortgage debt and (2) investing minimum 15% for retirement with (3) minimum 3 month emergency fund. Until then, every dollar really, really matters.
great and "real" stuff covered here, thank you for being so open and transparent, great questions asked too. One thing I think they need is a "debit pay off date"
Andrea had a difficult childhood with her father losing his job and having to struggle. My mother also kept a book of everything, no matter how small, that she spent. I feel for her.
I watch these and can't understand how they are all doing so bad financially. My husband and I, and our youngest (adult with disabilities) live on less than 6,000/month. I'd like to see people who really have less to work with.
I’m 40+ now, but when. I we in my teens during the 1990s, both my parents, my two older brothers (aged 15 & 18), and I had to all work at the same restaurant to get by. My mother was a CPA and my father was a bank auditor. My father was unable to get past the mental illness and didn’t work a steady job thereafter. And my mother struggled. I grew up in CA, but I can see why the midwestern finance struggle can be relatable.
the income is just not enough to support 5 people and do vacations and so on. that said, as to vacations, I can go on trips myself, spend a few grand, not a huge thing. but if I were taking 4 other people, then it suddenly becomes very expensive. I don't know any young parents who take trips beyond short road trips or whatever. my parents did very well and we never went on big trips until they were in their 50s. also, they're paying $4k+/month for the house (mortgage + utilities), which is a lot for their income IMO. I get they need the space because of 3 kids. but there's just not a lot of wiggle room with their other expenses. plus, they're probably WAY underpaying their taxes. with at least 1 kid going to college relatively soon, that may also create opportunity to take 1 kid on 1 trip, another on another trip, etc., and lower costs. (and to downsize the house.)
Why are we giving the husband a pass the whole time? Yes, she's got some financial control issues but he's so glib that I feel bad for the wife trying to do this on her own.
00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube
Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Thanks Ramit! Could you make a video on how to calculate how much vacation you can afford?
I know how to save, invest, and have guilt free spending on a monthly basis, but I struggle with spending thousands of dollars on a trip.
It feels potentially irresponsible even when I know my life will probably be enriched by the travel experience.
@ramitsethi can you please elaborate on why the husband got away with his behaviour while the wife got attacked here for a realistic goal (not wanting her kids to have debt) and she appears to be paying most of the household expenses while earning twice as much as her husband?
The greatest gift my parents gave me is that they took care of themselves financially. The amount of peace I get knowing they will be OK without needing to rely on me for money is tremendous.
I'm so jealous, in a good way. My parents being unable to survive without my financial support ever since I'm 23 is the biggest problem in my life really.
THIS IS SUCH AN UNDERRATED COMMENT AND GOOD FOR YOUR PARENTS.
@@StaciaBielkamake it 2 😢
@StaciaBielka same here. So now I'm trying to save and invest for my husband and I so when we grow older, we don't have to ask our kids to give us money for foods and medical bills.
I’m quite an opposite to you
I always know My parents worked their asses off to put food on table and provide the basic for us to survive
Ever Since I graduate from colleague, I give them 1/3 of my salary to them, they would always get 1/3 when I get a raise/ cut
A few month before my dad passed away last year, he gave me his ATM card and password , pretty much how much I gave him all these 15 years which was about 65K
I'm an immigrant kid whose parents paid for college and grad school. They did this for all their kids, and now are unable to afford retirement. While I am able to contribute to their living expenses, my siblings are currently unable to return their generosity.
I don't think they did anything wrong, but I know the weight their retirement puts on me. It has caused a rift as my dad mourns his loss of financial independence and my mom continously demands I repay what they "invested" in me.
Yes, help your kids get a headstart in life but you can do this by helping them be beter with money/ debt before the time comes. But becoming future dependents to your children will undo the gift of college tuition, as well as possibly altering the relationship.
This is a great comment and appreciate you sharing your perspective. This also applies to those who become parents later in life. Don't risk your retirement funds. And taking care of yourself is taking care of your children.
You’re absolutely right about this!
Love this perspective. Hope she sees it.
Well said 👏
This hits me hard😢❤
The wife is on the right track. Father needs to get little more serious.....faith is not a financal plan.....you got 3 kids man
Still paying on student loans in early 40's but only bringing in $48K/year AND 3 kids. Usually these wives on this program are not appreciative/understanding of husband's financial contributions. But in this case, it is obvious why wife is distressed about their financial status, and his lack of motivation to bring in more income. 100% concur with wife that husband needs to bring in at least 50% more ($6K/month) with a 2nd job or find a higher paying full-time job.
First priority would be to drastically increase their savings/emergency fund to 3 - 6 months of income. Right now, $3,603 divided by $11,799 is only 31% of ONE MONTH! 3 months calculates to $35,397, that should be their 1st goal even before investing. This couple needs to get serious about budget and cutting A LOT of expenses. They really should be concerned about tracking all expenditures, they cannot afford a laissez-faire attitude.
@@jeromehenry4484 yeah you nailed it, I'm usually quite skeptical of wives who really just can't stand their financial status didn't pan out. Andrea comes off really legit and it's clear they've been burned a number of times and she is really trying to hold it together.
@@jeromehenry4484 he said he used to work for Apple so seems he has a good background in a useful skill probably. He left to pursue a religious career and those are known to not pay very much because you get paid "in blessings."
Just try to name a false idea that CANNOT be accepted on faith.
@@jeromehenry4484 which is why it's so important to have a conversation with your future spouse about the life that you both wish to live after wedding, or at least agree on a direction. Seen too many couples where the desired lifestyle is just too different, one wants new Louis Vuitton bags every year, and the other wants to buy an RV and chill at a camp ground long term.
This episode underlies to me the importance of choosing a partner with an aligned financial attitude.
He said God was the one providing for them instead of his wife that's been diligently working :(
@@125loopyyeah that was… disappointing for her
@@125loopynailed it there. I could never be married to an Erik. She was saving and debt free, now she lives in stress!
And he "likes nice things"
True, but sometimes we're not attracted to the people we share values with. The saying opposites attract comes from some reality.
Sometimes you don’t have it all laid out to find that out pre-marriage. Immigrants who come from different countries where planning for college, retirement, etc is not like America, that’s not one of the top things you think about when you’re dating
I have noticed that immature people always marry mature, stabilized people, then get angry when they see how much work the mature person really puts in. The immature person then demands that the mature person "lower" their expectations.....
So true! "The toilet isnt that bad with orange mold and pee caked. You just have too high standards" as the foot was stuck to pee floor
@@jessicabender1301 yikes!!! lol...🤣
This needs to be pinned!
So well said.
You're forgetting that the mature person also chooses to marry the immature person. You know (or at least should) know who your spouse is before you get married. Don't blame them for being who you married.
You said something very powerful, I have never seen anyone put it this way before, thank you for this!
To be fair, Andrea didn't just say "I want to pay for my children's college education because my parents did that for me". She added "and that makes a lot of sense to me because I don't want my kids to be saddled with college debt". The second part if the important one.
Her parents saved and she saw the benefit. ....So much fear , though.
Jesus Christ is our Savior and provider. There is a lot of wisdom in the scriptures regarding money.
We have enjoyed nature centers and national parks so much. It's nice to have a balance with bigger luxury, and enjoy every day luxuries, too.
@@lindaanderson1016my favourite is it’s easier for Sand to get into a camels eye then for a rich man to get into heaven. 😢
We also have 3 kids and this is what we're thinking too that we don't want our kids to graduate college with debt. We want them to start their own lives without worrying about debt and hope that without debt, it will make them financially independent. We don't have much on saved on their college plans but things worked out and our oldest son is graduating college this spring without any college debt.
What is even more sad that it is now the new norm to have a college fund for our kids since the cost of tuition is drastically gone up. I am not going to do this but instead just pump my roth ira to the limit and once the time comes for my kids to go to college than I will pay if they graduate from my Roth IRA.
Exactly!
Host got stuck on the wife and her mid west background.....he completely let the husband scott free for his complete lack of financial plannjng
Completely agree with you- I am very confused about this episode. Eric is not pulling his weight.
I agree!
I think it’s due to the husband’s profession, that they just don’t get much? Getting another job could be possible but also means you are taking time away from your current job which I don’t know if you can serve two churches at the same time? But a side job might be fine I guess. Usually Rimit would push the husband if the income is too low so I think he did it on purpose because it’s religion related.
Right? He’s a man child.
ive been obsessed with ramits work for four weeks, my life has changed because of it. that said, this is his only L take ive seen so far. he missed great opportunities to call this husband out
The husband's flippant attitude is scary to me. And I am one of the optimistic, 'everything will be fine' people. I think he meant it when he says, I don't mind dying with debt. I understand where the wife's anxiety is coming from. It could have been addressed more seriously.
So he’s okay burdening his children? That is not what I would want the last memories of my existence to be. ☹️
My parents passed away with some debts. You’re doing your kids a bigger favor getting your life and affairs in order rather than paying for college in my opinion.
really matters if they run out of money before dying, but their debt is theirs, you don't have to pay it (assuming you didn't cosign or whatever). obviously it won't stop the vulture banks/lawyers from calling you to threaten you.
@awb19892 Ahhhhh not really. Especially if you have to pay funeral expenses.
@@kbonce4669 you don't have to pay their debts. if they can't afford funeral expenses, up to you if you want to pay for that.
@@awb19892 you’re half right IMO. dealing with siblings, extended family and everyone trying to get something out of it is not pleasant. Some wanna keep, some wanna sell some don’t engage.
Get your stuff in order and leave a will if you can and/or if you really care about easing the pain of the family left behind.
@@awb19892 I think you’re only half right, it’s true you don’t have to pay for it. You have to reject or accept everything. When siblings and extended family family gets involved and everyone has different interests it’s difficult, plus grief and anger. The best gift to the kids is to get everything in order and likely have a will and a plan.
I would love if Ramit could write a book teaching parents how to talk about money with kids.
That's exactly what I'm thinking! While I don't have any problem manage my own finance. I really don't know how to translate that to my daughter.
we have the money bunny books for kids, my kids loved them, we revisit them quite often
In our household most discussions about finances and budgeting took place in the presence of our daughter. The first thing she noticed was that we would be talking about a trip to NYC to see a play or a vacation to Quebec City two years before we departed. It did not took her long to figure out that identifying financial goals well in advance helps to optimize outcomes.
@@lininrabbit Ramit has given a few examples. A great way to start is to give an allowance for the child to handle. Another one is to make the child a part of a planning session for an event, a trip or so. e.g. tell the children that they get to plan what the family is doing together on day 3 of the vacation and the budget is 200 bucks or so.
If you're using the conscious spending plan, you could show her the numbers and ask her to help you plan fun activities with the guilt-free spending money.
These are just some suggestions the last one of which is my own. I don't have children. So, I haven't tried it myself, but it's something that popped in my mind. If you want to hide the asset part, you can do that.
@@excitedaboutlearning1639 yes, I saw that video. all the suggestions were great and we are going to practice them.
But I think my question is more about how to phrase sentences when I'm trying to say, 'We cannot spend this money because it's not a reasonable expense.' How do I say it in a non-toxic way that does not make my daughter think we are poor or that there is a big problem we need to solve, or that I care more about money than her happiness?
Although my parents were very frugal and made a lot of money, they would always remind us of how much things cost and how expensive they were. They would say things like, 'Kids on the other side of the world are starving, and you go to a piano class for $30/hr,' etc. I (and my siblings) always had the impression that we were poor and felt guilty when we spent money. My sister was really shocked when she found out that our parents actually had a lot of money. That invalidated her years of struggle, like, 'I need to save every cent I have so I can pay my parents back for all the money they spent on me.'
My daughter is 6 now. we start teaching her how money works. The other day, when I was trying to explain why we cancelled our Spotify membership, I said, 'Because daddy and mommy don't make enough money to spend on this.' My husband thinks I was sending the wrong message. But I just don't know how else to put it."
Sometimes I get jealous of my friends’ vacations on Instagram too. Then I remember her saying that her husband is pulling money out of his 401K and I don’t want to be that irresponsible so I still go on vacations with my family and we know for sure that we can afford them.
After watching most of these, I’ve learned a lot of people seem to look like they are living the life but are mostly just living on debt
@@arkzyFn8Biggest of Facts
True. I learned that most people that have a big house, new car, and go on expensive vacations usually have no 401K and are in debt while the ones that live below their means are the ones that usually have a 401K, and healthy savings. It is unfortunate that we live in a society were we bully and make fun of people for living in a small house/apartment and still driving a car that is 15 years old. People would make fun of me all the time for driving a 15 year old car but I would just say well its better than paying $700 a month. As long as it drives I'm good.
Our car payment is $520 a month but we plan on keeping the car until it is dead and we are still have contribute to retirement regardless. We are just not living a life of keeping up with anyone. @@adam7349
yeah I get really jealous of what I see on instagram a lot but also forget that a lot of it is funded by debt not their savings account.
Ramit, You seem to think Andrea was the issue….why did Eric get a pass? He does need to step it up and get an additional job.
Agree. Sounds to me like he's an independent "coach" and probably not working full time hours.
*Remit
@@javanbass6340 No it is Ramit, look in the description
It's Andrea who initiate the meeting no? Blaming wasn't the point there, Ramit was trying to focus on what she could do from her perspective.
These are 4 hour conversations. We don't know what was said to him. Hers was the more interesting part.
Why wasnt more done with correcting the husband's mindset??? His goals/expectations were way more unrealistic than hers. He may leave this convo continuing to think his way of thinking will trump hers because most of the convo made it seem like only she was the issue, when in reality, the husband-- with good intentions-- needed more of the lecturing than she. (Both needed it but just felt it was imbalanced). Regardless, it was still a great interview. I have felt like her before, while I was dating someone (8 years living together and engaged). He was similar to him (but probably much worse). Because my guy was so irresponsible, as soon as we broke up, I felt so rich and didnt know how much money I really had because he was such a liability (not saying AT ALL thats what this situation is, just stating what happened to me). Being with someone that doesn't take future responsibilities as seriously will always trigger the "hoarding of funds" parts of you/scarcity mindset, because you have to be prepared for not only lifes ups and downs but the frivolousness of your mate. I'm glad her situation isn't as dire as mine was, and hope she can turn off that anxiety about the future while still being with him; i could not do it, but could then exhale, save, and invest once he was gone (he unfortunately passed now too). I truly wish them well.
Yes! His mindset is horrible! He's the reason they are in debt.
He just buries his head
Both sets of my husband and I’s parents didn’t plan for retirement. We had to support them or let them struggle to eat food on social security . The best gift you can give your children is your own financial security in retirement. If you are a good example then you’re teaching them by example.
Something that no one mentions but is so important. Whats the point of getting into debt for your child then later your child has to support you back cause you took to much debt. A lot of lessons can be taught without having to spend all that money also. At the moment I am in a similar situation where I support my parents, both sets. One set more than the other cause one set lives in a higher cost of living country. Had they had enough to support their own retirement, I could have saved an additional $40,000 per year for the last 4 years. Oh well, such is life, at least my wife and I live pretty comfortably and manage our finances super well, so we can afford to help both our parents. I guess, sometimes I justify it by saying that, without those lessons and education my parents gave me, I wouldn't be able to support them the way I do, but I do know deep down, there was also a lot of frivoulous spending they did. I guess the fact they are also still healthy and happy is also a benefit, alot of my friends no longer have their parents also.
@@sia.b6184 Exactly why people should take care of their own financial future first. After that then fund children's funds.
Eric needs to step up and contribute. Why is Ramit giving him a free pass?
email him, he will answer lol
how its he not contributing though? she has a foundational mindset on what her financial picture should look like and she carries a self moralized weight around money and finances. she literally has said her parents were emotionally unavailable but gave her money to compensate. also how do we know she's not the one making less money here?
i finally finished this episode, he didn't give a free pass. Ramit focused on the biggest problem in the relationship and it was them trying to be debt free when their interest rate didn't call for immediate debt pay. plus her view on debt was so abhorrent that it was at the root of them not running any numbers. Debt equaling bad morally is a very very awful fake thing to believe.
Yes!!!! He was so hard on her but he got off easy!!
I like the wife’s spirit around the 40:07 mark. She has clear financial goals for the children and retired.
"Your feelings are real but they are incomplete." That was fantastic, Ramit.
Loved that
Best advice we ever got was “ you can always borrow for college but you cannot borrow for retirement”. We paid as much as we could to send kids (4) to college. Only one is in a lot of debt due to law school otherwise others are debt free due to scholarships and good jobs. Meanwhile we have a great retirement fund. Our income was never more than $110k a year and we also sent kids to catholic grammar and high school with no help from anyone , worked 2-3 jobs to be able to do that. Our kids are super hard workers due to seeing us struggle to give them the best education possible.
Feel sad for her, I hope she doesn't give up on the idea of helping her child. My rich life is having enough money for me and to help my son pay for his college, I don't want him to go through the same things I did. So I budget on my retirement and for his college. ❤
What she’s talking about would total around 12k for their kid if I heard that right. Honestly, better off securing their own retirement, that would compound like crazy. Wouldn’t even cover 6 months of student housing.
My goal has always been to help the kids not have the hell burden of starting,off with what seems like bone crushing debt right out of college. This stress affected every decision I made in early adulthood, and I will make damn sure my kids don’t have that crushing weight starting out.
Imo, saving for their retirement is a way to help her kids. There's other objectively better ways to help your kids with college that is not just about finances.
But retirement-wise, they really don't have enough. If we want to use numbers, your retirement needs to last for roughly 25 years (90 years old). The guidance is to be able to have 80% of your pre-retirement income. In their case, 80% of 147k is about 117k. So 117k * 25 years = 2.94 million. Let's just round to 3 million. As it stands, they need to save a whopping 35% of their income just to get to that 3 million from age 45 -> age 65. BUT the max contribution they can actually do every year is to a Roth which is $7k (or $8k at age 50). So they'd need to personally invest in stocks or use other ways to grow their money. So really... it is very unlikely they will even get to 80% of their income by the time they retire.
They'd run out by age 69. They would need to spend waaaay less than 60k a year to stretch their retirement + continue working until god knows when + have their children help them. This is why people really need to crunch the numbers. Most people don't realize they don't have enough until it's too late.
Having a substantial retirement next egg IS helping your kids because you won't be a burden on them when you're elderly.
@@cynthiaivers1708 They have to WANT to help you later. Complicated webs we weave. Quite the assumption.
Eventually this wife will grow resentment towards her husband.. there is no way around it she’s carrying the marriage both financially and emotionally. I feel for this woman. husband needs to step up!
What has always stuck with me is if you don’t prioritise yourself you will end up in your kids basement in retirement. You will be a burden and rob them of their early adult lives 🤯
Exactly. I lived that life.
I wish I could like this twice👍👍. So true!
💯
I also can't imagine being married to someone who won't partner with me on finances enough to plan for retirement or at least have options when I'm older. People get sick and can't work. What then? You have 3 kids and quit a job at Apple. No emergency fund? And to say "no thanks" when Ramit asks him to talk about investing?
She said she didn’t want to saddle them with debt. That’s a kindness
I think one of the worst things a parent can say is, "It happened to me and I'm fine." It's such a cop out answer. Instead, be an adult and ask yourself how it made you feel at that time? What would you have wanted your parents to say, do, etc? Just because it happened to you and you turned out okay does not mean it was right. Does not mean it is right, especially knowing now, for you to repeat as a parent. He needs to grow as a person and parent.
Also, he’s NOT fine! He’s still paying off college in his 40s and not even working full time it sounds like.
She was doing great with money untill she married *him* says everything you need to know!
I really appreciate how open to learning and changing Andrea is, glad this couple was able to get time with Ramit.
Ramit often does not understand the issues with the responsibility of having and caring for children. He let the Eric off the hook, because it's OK for the family to pay for his issues with college debt, but putting a few hundred $$ away for the kids is too much to ask for. Ramit seems a little schmuckie because Eric doesn't seem to grow up and take responsibility and he's seemingly OK with most of it. Bad episode for Ramit...seemed like just an opportunity to knock on the mid-West instead of focusing on Eric as it's clear he's the issue.
Oh, and Eric isn't dreaming about Italy, he's hallucinating.
Issue isn't automating Eric, get another F'n job, that's how you get more $$$. Not start a church or a business, go to Walmart and work weekends if you need to.
Her best plan would have been to divorce him, but now he's a anchor for her to do anything.
My parents helped my brother and I with our college degrees and I am so thankful.
Yep!!
Sounds like the wife is coming around with her thoughts and feelings about money, but I think the husband really should consider increasing his income. They can only cut so much from their budget and are already behind. Having an increased income would really help get them to where they want to be.
@@SilverCpa not sure I would go that far, I’m sure there is more to the story than we can gather from a 1 hr podcast.
@@SilverCpa Here's the thing, a divorce would be a disaster for her because she already makes 2x his income. She would not receive child support from him, but he would likely receive child support from her. A better solution is husband finds a 2nd job or a higher paying full-time job.
I didn’t realize that she was the higher earner, I must’ve missed that.
@@RB-gq2zy The husband joked about her needing to increase her income. So, that might've led you astray.
I will have to disagree. I would never tell my wife that she needs to increase her income and she needs to get a 2nd job to help save. That is the double standard that men face. More money usually means more work, more stress..ect. Some people are just built to do this and others are not. They should cut back on things they don't need. The wife also needs to stop comparing her life to what she sees on instagram. Most of those people that post vacations, new cars, ect have no savings and no retirement.
I'm sorry, but it was adorable when she said she was jealous over her friend's brand new Toyota Sienna. That's a minivan ya'll 😂 Not laughing _at_ her but I expected a luxury brand name at least
Take it from me, I'm saving for a new car, it's taking a couple years and daily anticipation along the way. People only see the end of that road like her and her friend but that minivan was probably a long project lol
They are way overpriced as well the dealership probably charged her friend 55k or more. 😂😂😂
As a dad who always wanted a minivan (my wife hates them but has since come around but it makes no financial sense for us) I feel her pain 😂
My Odyssey is 12 years old and my husband canNOT wait to get a new Sienna. They're $50k new, I don't ball like that, lol.
I know all about the Toyota prices folks, that's why I'm not rewarding them 😂 they are keeping their production low to keep their prices arbitrarily high when all they do is underutilize their components and call that "reliable"
I was waiting for "Tesla" or "Rivian" lol
Very confused about Ramit’s demeanor this episode. I understand he gets a lot of Midwest clients and generalizes their upbringings but this husband should step up to the saddle here. Kind of disappointed that the fundamentals of finance were overlooked when it came to discussing Eric’s attitude toward money. I feel sad for her that she helped pay off his student loans and yet is accused of coming in too hot when she brings up their children’s futures.
I agree; i think Ramit is usually pretty balanced on gender roles (and im a bleeding heart feminist) but he totally missed the boat here focusing so much on the wife's mindset when the husband really needs to get a regular job and do his consulting on the side.
i dont think thats where he's coming from. it seems more so because the wife's fears about money are packed as her feelings as well but she doesn't have a complete picture of what she wants and how to accomplish that. Also we have no idea who makes more money here. one makes 8k and the other makes 4k so they aren't really low earners. The mindset is just far apart.
So he gets his wife to help pay down his remaining college debt into his 40s, but doesn’t think he should help his kids pay for college in their 20s…. Yikes!
Right it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen
Sucks when parents think like that. Thank God I am planning ahead to help my son.
BIG YIKES
Imo, if I had enough money to only either fund retirement or fund my kid's college fund, I'd choose to fund retirement. And even if I can fund both, college fund contributions would still be at a minimum, and I wouldn't tell them about the fund until they really need it.
There are lots of creative ways to pay for college tuition if your parents can't help you --- grants, scholarships, part-time work, internships, etc. And I want my kids to be able to handle thinking through and planning how they're gonna pay for college at 18. How to gather information from the internet, teachers, friends, the help center at the University to figure out what their options are, and being able to talk and discuss it, etc. Maybe even being able to balance working part-time and succeeding in school. Imo, these are all crucial life skills. My husband and I will be there to guide them about pros and cons of their ideas so they don't make the same mistakes we did, and even catch them if they fall. But I want them to be able to stand up and pay for college by their own grit and creativity and discipline. That's the kind of "headstart" I want to give them.
He's embarrassing. "God will take care of it." Grow up!
Am I the only one waiting for Ramit to talk to the husband???
Poor guy didn't have a chance to say how he felt about anything
I hear ya but the woman had the worse psychology. she believed that debt means she is a bad person. Ramit naturally went to the most harmful and insidious belief
Worst interview! Ramit let this mooch get off free while his wife got grilled when she was great with money before he came along.
Agreed. Dad just coasted smugly. I’m guessing that’s his schtick and he gets away with it. His wife is looking for a church team to be by her side. Yo, hubby. That’s your job.
I’ve binged watched about 4 of these and that seems to be the trend
Man child doesn't want to grow up, but sure spend time tearing apart the wife who is carrying the family. Rough episode here.
Story of most households.
Be careful who you marry, and talk about money before marriage! And stop looking at what your neighbors are doing or buying.
Code for: These guys should get divorced and ruin there lives even further.
... five minutes in: When a man speaks authoritatively to his wife about what he wants to spend *his* bonus income on, it's a husband "taking charge of the finances!" But when a woman does the same, we have to spend several minutes picking apart why that wasn't a "nice way" of "presenting an option" to her poor alienated male partner.... She's more than explained that she doesn't feel like he's a collaborator on their finances, so why are we spending this time chastising her, right at the very beginning? Misogyny is so damn insidious.
Yeah this was a rough watch.
@@TeKnoVKNG23 I dropped out. This show has unfortunately lost so much of what used to make it great.
Yeah, it’s like they let him off the hook. It’s like the husband kept all this. Oh maybe that oh you know I don’t feel like saving or maybe I will. It’ll all be fine. It’s like he just got off for doing nothing. It’s like he didn’t get on him at all. It was extremely frustrating. Just let him get away with not answering anything. He wasn’t accountable for nothing. He just did whatever the so-called preacher man that made all these bad financial decisions made a church and it failed and just all these things but didn’t tell this man to get a damn real job and make real money but Got on her ass about everything.
Agree. Total Fail for me as well. Entire society thinks it's both OK and normal for men to live like enormous babies and feel.entitled.to.a.free.maid, nanny, and sex doll who also works 2x as hard, makes more $, and then gets picked apart for not being June Cleaver about it all.
Fuck. This.
Ramit would say the same things about a husband making the same comments. I agree our culture does treat male aggressiveness different than when a woman shows that trait, but I don't think this show does.
My rich life includes ensuring my daughter graduates from undergrad debt free. Hubby and I are almost there: she will graduate in May 2025 debt free because of scholarships, savings (529 plan), and our current income. As a parent and first gen college grad, this was very important to me and is one of the ways I am passing along generational wealth. Saving for our daughter’s education and living within our means were two of the best financial decisions we made. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it will be worth it.
Yaaay new video!! Tuesday has become Ramit-day for me! 💰
Same!
Same here
ME TOO!!!🙂
Same...😊
Has she not learned from watching this that the people who look like they have money also don’t. They just look like it. They have debt. That’s what they have
Precisely!
“Unsafe” is not the same thing as uncomfortable or anxious.
I was listening in the background and had to look at the video to see their reactions. Incredibly poor choice of words!!
What's the time stamp?
Yeah I thought she was going to finish the sentence with something about how he would be angry or reactionary.
My parents couldn’t afford to help financially in any way, and at 38 years old I am deeply grateful that I was put in a position to pay my own way through college. I nearly quit three years in, because I hated school, didn’t see the point, and the weight of working 2 jobs + going to school full-time was just too much. The only reason I graduated is because I couldn’t imagine throwing out all the money and effort I had already invested. I am pretty sure that if someone else had been paying my way, and at that age, I would have bailed on college and never gone back. Everyone is different, but just want to add that perspective for parents who feel a responsibility to fund university degrees. Sometimes the opposite can be a true gift
With all due respect. These are “spiritual leaders,” operating on guilt, regret, and self-deprecation. The American dream made it dirty for so many families. Evangelic Christianity messes with people's minds, makes you feel guilty, and keeps you working and buying stuff to fill a void
WOW!
That is probably broad and predudice. I can't imagine u speaking like that against a whole other race or group!!! There are careful savers, spenders business owners , rich , poor among evangelicals.
The scriptures have great advice and helped the families nations that knew them best be generous and build wealth . They have helped us personally. There is no wisdom nor counsel against the Lord
Sometimes we fail to put God's teaching into practice, not walking the talk. I hope we don't all let you down.
There was a whole book about “Protestant work ethics and capitalism” written in the 1900s that makes a relationship between guild and work ethics. That is the basis of many Christian churches and the “prosperity” gospel. There are many examples of this in other couples. Maybe I'm over-generalizing, but I noticed a trend. Just my opinion. Any family that opens their self to the world deserves some respect. My apologies if it sounds rude.
Andrea has great instincts and reasonable attitudes.... We're wasting so much time litigating her "posture" in bringing this really important issue up to her man-child husband and questioning her motivations for wanting to save for her kid's college?? (In this case, "it's what my parents did--and I appreciated it and want to do the same" isn't a bad script that she's thoughtlessly adopted...! (Also, the kid could end up using that money for starting a business or whatever if they decide not to go to college, and it seems like Andrea would be entirely fine with that.). Another episode off to a weird start, don't care for it.
I agree!
I completely disagree with you about her point of saving for her child’s educational future. Also she said she didn’t agree with most of the things her parents did financially but that SPECIFIC thing she agreed with and then you turned around to make some half off point about her parents feeding her casserole. She already said she didn’t agree with most of her parents financial decisions except them saving for her future and the fact is her husband saddled her with his student loan debt that she never had going into it. Which proves her point that she should save for her kids. What’s more is she said she is open to them going to trade school over university. You didn’t think it through with making a judgement on that.
Agreed. I really disliked that comparison. It was condescending and didn’t account for how serious student debt is.
I don’t disagree with Ramit, but I wish he had pressed her about whether her parents paying for her college education affected their retirement
Exactly. She said she was grateful that they did that for her & she wanted to also pay this forward for her son. Sounds like a very supportive thoughtful mother to me.
36:44 I actually kind of love their differing perspectives! You can tell that he grew up poor but his mother kept his spirits up and didn't let them feel bad about it. I think that's really special that she was able to make him feel secure in insecure situations. Versus her upbringing which was probably much more financially well-off, but the house was full of stress and worry about money. Super fascinating and important reminder! You are teaching kids how to feel about certain situations... the situation doesn't matter. Just how you face it.
Great comment! Thanks for the insight💡✨
I completely agree with the wife. If they can, they should save some money for their children’s education. However, I feel like their net worth is way too low for their age as a couple. They need to invest more money and save more money towards retirement and really start paying their debt. I feel like that should be the #1 priority, higher priority than saving up for their kids education. It would be more of a burden for their children if they can’t retire and have to rely on their children to help them retire. I’m in my late 20’s and have a higher net worth than this couple.
I find this couple very relatable! Thanks for sharing your life so courageously. I hope you find the necessary change in your lives.
Extremely relatable esp the wife
" The kids will figure it out" sir YOU didnt. Youre spouse is paying off student loans she never took! Because her parents took care of her and fave her a gift for her future. 😭
This might explain the past tradition of asking father’s permission to marry his daughter. He’ll see past the good looks and glib charm - and recognize the importance of a man’s maturity, morals and financial wherewithal.
First, he came from a poor home and his parents likely had poor financial literacy. Keeping that in mind, there was no one to teach him about student loans. Schools and lenders certainly do not teach you and one has no idea what the true ramifications are of said loans. That's a factor as to why so many people have such bad student loan debt and why some barely make a dent in their principal after paying for ten to fifteen years. Please note that as parents, you need to have a retirement for yourselves, before you build a savings plan for your children's education. Parents do not want to save for their children's education and then have no retirement, so they are forced to either keep working until the day they die or until one of their children allows them to stay with them, if that even happens.
i don’t think she said she wants to help pay for her kids tuition “just because that’s what her parents did for her.” Seems like you dug more into the wife and let the husband continue with his mindset
Her real concern is that her kids end up in debt and struggling like she is. There are other creative ways to address this fear, and it may not be paying for kids college completely.
I notice on the show, there is A LOT of comparison with the Jones’s. That’s part of the problem. 😑
Came here to say this! She equates financial stability with trips and cars at one point. Not good
And the Jones’s are broke. Just because they have nice cars, etc. doesn’t mean they can afford it. I’m surprised ppl still fall for that.
It's really insulting for Ramit to say that the wife is blindly following her parents by wanting to help her kid with college. She also said she doesn't want them saddled with debt. Wanting to set your kid up for the best financial start in life is completely reasonable. As someone with a ton of student debt, I can see how far ahead my peers are who had help from their parents paying for school. Not wanting your kid to start out in a financial hole is completely reasonable and it's annoying that Ramit is apparently belittling that.
I understand her financial insecurities, and I empathize deeply with her. Financial literacy and safety is extremely important for me as a way of feeling safe. This is probably the only thing she feels like she can control in attempt to reassure herself.
Andrea’s rational and was a bit gaslit through this episode. Everything she said was rational .. apart from the holiday wishes. A $3000 annual family trip is reasonable once they get on their feet. They are very mismatched. She’s miserable and I feel sad for her. It’s not his fault either. I don’t feel he misled her in any way. People don’t change. He’s a dreamer and doesn’t realise he lacks maturity. She knows she’s stuck with her choices. Depressing.
I love that she was willing to ask for help
Andrea wants to be the rescuer (pay for kids college/payoff other people's debt), when she is the one that needs rescuing. Just prioritize emergency fund, pay off debt, save for retirement first before all her noble causes
I get so happy when these episodes come out. Truly so fascinating!
OMG - I want to be friends with Andrea. It sounds like we were raised by the same parents! I've related to this couple more than any other so far. Thank you both!!
I feel the same !
"I would love to help others pay off their debts." My face O_O whaaat lol
That was wild to me!!! They have a mortgage and IRS bills to pay but she wants to help others?! Seems like a great way to get scammed. I feel like she’s given up on herself having security with money so she just wants to save for her kids and hope they have it better. She’s in the rescuer mindset and the husband is happy to let her be that, paying off HIS college debts
The follow-ups here were very feelings based and I half-expected Ramit to wonder afterward if they would make changes. I thought we'd hear specific action like we opened an investment account and the raise is going automatically to that fund.
*Short anecdote about Midwestern culture: when i got married to my now ex-husband in the mid-1990s, a few family friends from Wisconsin sent us a card and a check. 3 couples got together to give $10. (There are no zeroes missing from that number.)
>half-expected Ramit to wonder afterward if they would make changes
The follow-ups from the last few episodes have been that way, so maybe IWT is making adjustments about expectations they have for guests, and in the meantime Ramit is trying to avoid sounding like a broken record.
Spot on re Midwest wedding gifts, we got married a few years ago and got quite a few $30 gifts from millennial and boomer couples (all professionals). I gave $30 gifts when i was a grad student...
I am SO GLAD you said "eating disorders" as it is almost NEVER recognised out loud. I have struggled with an eating disorder (it never completely goes away) and it is a severe, extreme form of control. It also is surrounded by anxiety, shame, and feelings of worthlessness. This is something a lot of people feel with poverty, debt, and an inability to pay for things as well.
My husband and I are responsible with money and no debt. We saved early but what set us up is not having debt. I grew up poor and had a full scholarship and my in-laws paid for my husband's college. That helped us out tremendously.
With that said, this couple need to find the balance of helping the kids for college and taking care of their own debt. That means lowering expectations and not going to private colleges maybe. For their income, their net worth is very very very low. They should have over 1M.
I live in the Bay Area and I get jealous of people too (in my world) when they talk about vacations to Europe, Hawaii, Asia, even their constant visits to Disneyland. My kids went to Disneyland for the first time 2 years ago. I feel like I'm surround by rich people yet our kids go to public schools. Then I look at the retirement accounts and I think, it's ok. Growing up poor, I would have never thought I would have this much net worth.
I am not sure if we got the full story here. For eg, why is their net worth so low in 40s . Why were in credit card debt. It cannot just be cause of mid western mentality. There is more to it. Husband definitely got Scott free in this one. Having 3 kids is financially quite draining too ! So I get that it’s challenging for them to invest and save.
Yeah... traditional midwesyern mentality does not involve cresit card debt. Or sports/lessons they can't afford. Or eating out they can't afford. No EF + not investing for retirement =can't afford it.
One solution that a lot of people don't think of, is to try and get a job at a college. Many will pay full tuition for your kids (sometimes even if they go to a different school, via tuition exchange). I worked at a college and while I don't have kids, I know many people who worked there who were there primarily for the free tuition for their kids. Even if the job doesn't pay that much, the tuition remission can more than make up for it.
Regardless, a bad idea is for parents to shortchange their own retirements to pay for kids' college tuition. If you can afford to do both, then great. If not, they need to save for themselves first.
"i started a business...i planted a church" ummmm
Major slip of the tounge there and very telling...
I thought the same exact thing. I’m surprised there aren’t more comments about this
😂
Hold on: Eric counsels pastors? what happened to the Bible teachings about being fiscally responsible?
That is true. A pastor must manage his own home wisely. ( See Timothy and Titus).
Comparing our lives to friends and neighbors can be really negatively impactful. Plus, many of the people we see driving around in nice cars, big boats, and vacations all the time are leveraged to the hilt. I appreciate the two sides they have about college. Honestly, they don't really know how much college is going to be for their kids. The dad attended college when things were much different. I agree that it's important for them to get their future in order and invest to take care of themselves. This is why I got into college planning because I see how many people under-plan for what college is going to look like. I'd be happy to help if they are interested.
This podcast has been the best thing in me and my wife's life ever since discovering IWT.
"They'll figure it out" is the worst thing a parent can say about their children's future.
No. If you raise your kids providing them all the tools (to the best of your abilities) to succeed, not only is it a good thing to say that, but you will be proud to know for certain that they WILL indeed figure things out.
Right?! The same analogy Ramit applied to Andrea being raised on green bean hotdog casserole (her parents ways) is the same ideology Erik is on with his kids will figure it out. He said it with his entire chest too. It’s sad that he doesn’t recognize that he was let down in that area. I understand his mom didn’t have it to give but it doesn’t take away that he had a need that wasn’t met.
I always heard, “You’re smart you’ll figure it out”.
@@travis5732in the mean time they living at home as adults still trying to figure it out taking up space. An intune parent knows their children and guides them to find their path like ducks guide their young.
My brilliant nephew told his mom he'll figure it out. My sister who poured alot in her kids education told him no. You not going to sit here and figure it out. She asked him what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to be a civil engineer. My sister knows her son and she knew he would be miserable as a civil engineer. She took him to the work place of a civil engineer and the guy showed him what he does. Well, he changed his mind very quickly. He went to medical school and today is one of the top doctors in his filed in the country he lives in. My sis asked him if he still wanted to be an engineer he laughed and said he never wanted to an engineer but that's what his friends were going into. If she had left him to figure it out he would have made the wrong choice and live a miserable life.
@@SaveNStuffwStephanie Have you?
Fantastic guests! Thank y’all for going on the show!
I’m getting a little tired of the “my parents made me like this”, “oh wow I had no idea adding up numbers and adding compound returns amounts to a lot of money”, and “I deny myself everything and won’t allow myself to be happy” angles. I wish these were much longer because to really understand these couples you have to peel past the first layer.
Would be really nice to have some context of their actual financial situation at the beginning of the episode. Hard to relate otherwise
Best way to help your children is to be out of debt and teach them how to manage money.
I can somehow relate to her stress though, when my daughter said she wanted to be a doctor, I’ve been looking at our assets since and trying to figure out how it’ll go
On the other hand, my son just want delivery pizza
They are 7 and 10
In state schools for undergrad and med school!
Have you guys looked into scholarships? Ramit Sethi has an article about his history with scholarships. Maybe that could be a starting point?
Scholarship, Community college, in state university.
Research your state to see if it offers some specialized debt payoff programs for specific professions in case the cost of education is underestimated. There are nonprofit and profession based organizations that assist with any type of debt repayment that may occur over time. You will have to dig for this information, but that’s the beauty of the Information Era ☺️
RAMIT! What a truly remarkable gift you have; thank you (and your clients) for sharing 🙏🏽
I just want to say that the part where you discussed saving for your kids and the "why" of it was really thought provoking. Definitely helpful to reshape my own thinking so thanks!
This episode was AMAZING! Literally my husband & I just started our 401ks. Same age almost as this couple. So crazy to think we still
Could get our crap together and have some $ after so many years of mistakes. 😭😭😭 Thank you remit
Remember to invest the money, too and not just put it in the account. You probably knew that, but I wanted to say it just in case. Ramit's book is great and had a person who had made the mistake of not actually investing the money and only putting it in the account.
Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉
@@excitedaboutlearning1639 yes! we have it going weekly for him & biweekly for me in target date funds!!
We are mid 40s too and am late to the party too but too late would be to never start. Good luck to both of us!
"watching vanderpump rules in a dark room eating doritos for the rest of your life"
i feel personally attacked
35:00 - Major eye roll; he forgot to add that his WIFE has gotten him through "those times" and that he has "faith" his WIFE will be there for him, and to figure things out. Yeesh, how dense can someone be.
There's lots of free ways to have fun as a couple.
Thank you all for sharing. This is really helpful. Brave honest conversations on a public platform and I’ve certainly learnt a lot from it so thank you!!!
Jealous of a Toyota - hahahahahahahaha, I thought she was going to say a Porsche Caynenne 🙂
This shows that Andrea has a strong grasp on reality and the possible. She's not having crazy dreams of stuff that does not fit her vision of a rich life.
@@SuzanneUexactly! She is a practical lady. I like her.
I thought she was going to say Porsche, Audi, BMW or any luxury car
@SuzanneU Literally the smartest comment I’ve seen having to do with this subject!! Although a Toyota is not as expensive as a luxury brand car, a BRAND NEW 2024 model is still very expensive. Plus it’s built to last longer too. So many people want a luxury car but don’t consider luxury car maintenance, problems, or expenses. If having a luxury brand car is apart of your rich life AND you can afford all the stuff that comes with it, def go get it! However more people need to realize the reality of their current situation and look for something else more practical
That was impactful for me! The part where Ramit asks “ do you want to pay off your kids college or do you want to become debt-free?
Follow-ups seem to be all the same lately. We plan to do ABC, and we learned alot, but no actual action. I guess that's why Ramit stopped providing commentary for follow-ups.
It’s so disappointing! If they’re not going to make changes now, then when?
The husband got it very easy.....If you are in debt ....you are irresponsible
27:32 she sounds very smart, to be honest she's right, you don't spend in order to be able to weather the storm. Parable of the 7 fat and 7 thin cows is a good lesson to learn. the world is a rough place.
This episode was fantastic! I relate so much to Andrea, and the "is it enough" scarcity mindset. My husband of 23 years and I are actually in a really good position and have very little debt. But we are not putting away anything for retirement. And we never plan. We live off the cuff, and I always tease him that I wish I knew where the money tree is in the backyard, since I'm always worried, but he isn't. This episode, and hearing Andrea and Erik say out loud their rich life, gave me the motivation to finish Ramit's book, and actually plan our rich life. Having the fun rich life talk this week!
His student loan, his responsibility to pay off: make more money like your lovely wife says. The show makes it look like she is all the problem, but he strikes me as a lazy butt who does not want to contribute extra to diminish his wife's anxieties.
I wish more parents stopped trying to remove the struggle from their kids lives. You should want your kid to learn how to do hard things because that’s what we get true fulfillment from as human beings. So many parents lose themselves in the idea of creating this perfect life for their child which is actually a disservice to them.
True, but at 18 it's hard to grasp how 50-100k of debt will affect your life after graduation.
Andrea - our story is so similar and I relate to every single thing you talked about during this call. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am 44 and tell myself the same story - why am I not in a better place financially? What is wrong with me? My peers have better vacations, cars, houses, etc.
This is a nice couple! However I notice a recurring theme on Ramit's show that is (at least to my observation) gender-based. It feels like practically every episode with a married man/woman couple, the woman expresses the idea that no amount of money feels like enough. And they constantly worry about having enough, losing it all, want the husband to make more, etc. Meanwhile the men tend to be less concerned, to the point where it infuriates their spouse. There are exceptions, of course, but the vast majority fit this pattern (and I listen to every episode).
Another theme I hear in most episodes is making enough money that you don't really need to budget & track spending. Everyone I've ever known that was successful with money (became millionaires over time) always had a budget and stuck to it by tracking expenditures. They never became millionaires by spending mindlessly.
@@jeromehenry4484 Agree! Reverse budgeting only really works if you are (1) out of all high (>~5%) nonmortgage debt and (2) investing minimum 15% for retirement with (3) minimum 3 month emergency fund. Until then, every dollar really, really matters.
I love this episode! Major eye opener for me. Thank you
Love this episode! Makes me realize things that I never thought about. Thank you for you insight Ramit
great and "real" stuff covered here, thank you for being so open and transparent, great questions asked too.
One thing I think they need is a "debit pay off date"
When is season 2 on Netflix coming? Thank you for what you do Ramit!
Im soo ready for season 2!!
Andrea had a difficult childhood with her father losing his job and having to struggle. My mother also kept a book of everything, no matter how small, that she spent.
I feel for her.
I watch these and can't understand how they are all doing so bad financially. My husband and I, and our youngest (adult with disabilities) live on less than 6,000/month. I'd like to see people who really have less to work with.
I’m 40+ now, but when. I we in my teens during the 1990s, both my parents, my two older brothers (aged 15 & 18), and I had to all work at the same restaurant to get by. My mother was a CPA and my father was a bank auditor. My father was unable to get past the mental illness and didn’t work a steady job thereafter. And my mother struggled. I grew up in CA, but I can see why the midwestern finance struggle can be relatable.
the income is just not enough to support 5 people and do vacations and so on. that said, as to vacations, I can go on trips myself, spend a few grand, not a huge thing. but if I were taking 4 other people, then it suddenly becomes very expensive. I don't know any young parents who take trips beyond short road trips or whatever. my parents did very well and we never went on big trips until they were in their 50s.
also, they're paying $4k+/month for the house (mortgage + utilities), which is a lot for their income IMO. I get they need the space because of 3 kids. but there's just not a lot of wiggle room with their other expenses. plus, they're probably WAY underpaying their taxes.
with at least 1 kid going to college relatively soon, that may also create opportunity to take 1 kid on 1 trip, another on another trip, etc., and lower costs. (and to downsize the house.)
Why are we giving the husband a pass the whole time? Yes, she's got some financial control issues but he's so glib that I feel bad for the wife trying to do this on her own.