00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Ramit had a great line in another episode when he said, “you don’t mind going into debt because you haven’t experienced any consequences.” I felt that. This couple is experiencing those consequences.
I really enjoyed this episode. They are so much more relatable than some of the high net worth couples who just don't like spending money. This wedding money hole is soooo common. I really wish them the best!
yeah, they are adorable and unlike some other couples I've seen on here(I'm knee-deep in the pod without footage on Apple pod as well) and they are in that category where neither person is disrespectful nor condescending. it's great
California relies on prisoners to fight wildfires so they don't have to pay them. Oddly enough, they're typically ineligible to become firefighters after they get out even though they have experience fighting wildfires. People like EMTs, many nurses, home care, child care, teachers, firefighters, all make very little money. It's the "caring discount". Any job that is supposed to make you feel good about is semi-volunteer -- they are expected to take a massive pay cut to be able to help their community through their job. Some nurses can make bank, especially traveling nurses, who are scabs. Crossing a picket line causes a moral injury for many people, because you're actively a traitor to your fellow nurses. So you get paid handsomely to do it. Obviously our society needs people who serve the community but really only trust fund kids can afford it. Only big tech (not even small companies but half a dozen very large ones), finance, and sales can reliably make a living wage. A few lawyers get rich but most are broke and make very little money. Being a doctor can pay decently but the student loans and time to start making money are massive. I would caution anyone that wants to go into a caring industry that they will probably never be able to own a home, probably have to rent a sketchy apartment with a partner or roommates, and will never be able to retire. It's a big decision to make when you're 18 and so many people have to start over at 30-40 when they realize this. They want to do "the right thing" but you can't live in any kind of comfort and safety doing the right thing.
you do realize they just sit around in the firehouse 95 percent of their day. Same with nurses, they complain sooo much when they sit around on their phones 90 percent of their shift, ridicule patients, and demand to be called "HeRoEs" LOL
@@asongfromunderthefloorboards I'm pretty sure that Divorce Lawyers are Ballers rn. Based on the going hourly rate in my city when I needed one 5 yrs ago. God only knows what it is now.
People are so hooked on THE DAY….THE DREAM WEDDING …they lose sight of the truth…IT IS THE MARRIAGE THAT IS IMPORTANT. KEEP IT SIMPLE because you have decades ahead to live the dream. Not all froth and artifice . 🇬🇧💕
I think social media makes this really hard - and being a planner is all about seeing the ideal vision, so it makes sense that this is what they wanted. There is just a huge gap between what you see in social media/Pinterest, etc. and what the average person really does and can afford. The fact that the wedding in Greece was the first option and the wedding vision was lost after that didn't work just shows how strong that pull can be. I was never a "I must have a dream wedding" kind of person, and the cost of mine still ballooned to much higher than we planned for. I commend these two for being brave enough to face up to and reassess their decisions and expectations.
My wife and I make prob 4 times of what they make maybe even more.... Their total wedding + honeymoon = US$55K, my wife and I spent US$10K for those, received US$20K gifts in total... THEY MUST GO GREECE BECAUSE THEY DESERVEEEE LOL!!!
This couple is relatively young and they're doing the right thing right now. I have high hopes for these two and I think there is a lot to be optimistic about.
I agree with other comments I've seen, this couple is so likeable and relatable, they aren't hiding anything, they are honest, with normal salaries, that just made a few mistakes along the way that any of us could have made. great episode and I truly wish them both the best!
A few large mistakes eh? House they can't afford, wedding that endebted them severely. Quitting jobs without a savings plan or nest egg. Pretty big deal. Potentially life-altering.
WTF with all the negative high-horse comments. I would ignore all the negativity. If you ladies are reading this - Yes, you made huge mistakes. However, you two are one of the most REASONABLE couples who were willing to listen and take advice. You were willing to find common ground by the end of the episode. Therefore, building a sound path forward for your future. I wish you discipline over the next few years. All the best!
@@mm-eu8sg agreed, they should not have made that purchase, especially with that expectation. It seems like they went through with it before even speaking with their family.
This was so frustrating to listen to - two people who make frivolous, expensive decisions based on the their friend group without being educated, have no impulse control and don’t take steps to stabilize their income. Fcking crazy.
One of the best episodes in awhile. Fantastic communication and energy from both of them. They're also young enough to fuck up again, again, and maaaybe even one more time and come out okay depending on expectations.
I dont agree with planning a wedding with the expectation of donations. Should budget for what you can afford and if you get contributions that's just a cherry on top, but that's just my opinion
I would assume their families have talked about it before. My family always told us they would contribute to our wedding. But I didn't want a wedding because I hate anything ceremonial and all the trouble comes with it, so they proposed they will pay all the expense and we just need to show up.
This. A friend was actually upset because she paid close attention to how much money each guest gifted her. She expected us to pay for her wedding in full. Her expectations ruined some relationships.
Also they should have talked to parents and grandparents prior to signing contract. They could have asked and known what they might be able to contribute. I've told my daughter how much I would contribute to her wedding and she is years away from getting married.
At the end the lovely couple rejected all of Ramit’s good suggestions on how to increase/income or reduce costs, and decided not to change their lifestyle. The least they could have done is to add a roommate or two to alleviate the pressure. If the situation persists, I am not sure whether their love for each other is enough to carry their marriage through financial ruin.
There is this phrase from my home country. When poverty comes in through the front door, love goes out through the back door. Hopefully they are staying on the track to pay off cc debt.
@@DC_Concerts they'll probably find another card to do a balance transfer to, and escape the interest rate, or do consolidation, only to max the cards out that they just "cleared" again, digging a deeper hole
Honestly! That's what I keep thinking. You are in a whole relationship and don't talk about money at all 😭? I mean at the same time I'm single so maybe I'm being wildly unrealistic 😂
Because it’s very common. A significant portion of weddings are funded in large part by family. When something becomes tradition then people grow to expect it, right or wrong.
@@rachelh.8394almost any wedding at a commercial event venue is going to be ten or twenty grand or more. It’s rare to book a venue these days for less than 10K and that’s before the first invitation is sent. So if you’ve ever been invited to a coworker or cousins wedding that had a sit down dinner, a DJ, and a photo booth you could easily have been at a $30K wedding
The key is expenses. Low expenses, low amount needed for retirement. I have only averaged $50,000 a year over the last three years. Home paid off and no debts.This is less than 1% of my portfolio. Did all major work to my home back in 2020, new roof, siding, paint, along with renovating the bathrooms. Can get a fully subsidized ACA plan, keep my AGI in the 12% bracket and still live the life I currently do as a successful business owner. Just gotta keep that "Just one more year" voice out of my head. Retirement date, April 30th 2024.
I can relate to the temptation of that 'Just one more year' voice, but your determination to stick to your retirement date is admirable. I understood the importance of seeking guidance. Because I lacked knowledge in managing investments and used the help of an advisor, I've seen my portfolio grow by around $1m. Now, I feel confident that my retirement is under control, and I even have enough money set aside for my daughter, who just got her degree. Wishing you continued success on your journey to financial freedom and retirement!
Where do you live though? What year did you make all your money? What year did you buy a house? You barely even qualify to rent a studio apartment making only $50k. With a 3:1 income requirement, which is standard, you only qualify for a studio that's $1389/mo. You might be able to qualify for low-income assistance (or assistance to the landlord -- MFTE) and find a studio for under $1300 but it'd be rough. There are no SFH here under $500k (studio or even one bedroom condos maybe but there's also a monthly condo fee of $500-1000 on top of the mortgage). So even if you saved $1000/mo for 10 years, you could get a down payment but nobody would give you a mortgage only making $50k. It takes $175k to even *qualify* for a mortgage on a starter home here, $214k for the median. So even if you did take 10 years to save up $100k 20% down payment, that wouldn't help. You'd have to pay for the house in cash by saving up for 40-50 years. I assume you must live somewhere where $50k is a livable wage. Maybe you bought your house in 1974 for a song but that's not the world we live in today, at least not in any cities. So "it's easy, I did it 40 years ago, you can too!" isn't helpful. Buying a house is more expensive than renting in every metro area in the US in 2024. It's a luxury purchase that very few people can afford. That's not even counting maintenance and repairs or even property taxes and HOA fees. Clearly, the couple in the video were able to find a house with their combined income but that's pretty scary too. Divorces, serious injuries/illnesses, and deaths happen. It really should be within one spouse's budget to pay the mortgage or you shouldn't do it (and clearly they qualified but can't afford it even on two incomes).
Thanks for another great episode! They are one stomach flu away from losing everything, so scary! Glad they have a path forward. Their plan is okay, I think they should consider getting a 2 year tenant for their house and move in with family, knock out the debt, move back, and start fresh.
Oh gosh, this really speaks to the perils of instant gratification. I wish this couple the best, I think they will make it if they can learn to resist that dopamine high from impulsive decisions.
Damn, quitting jobs while still choosing to get married AND buy a home is wild. You clearly see you won’t have the money - why do it? Should’ve just waited to give them the freedom to find a new job without the stress. But I guess this is why Ramit says that money is all about emotions.
I hate it when I hear about newlyweds putting weddings and honeymoons on credit cards and also expecting family members to contribute. I was lucky my parents were able to pay for ours (but it was well under 10k) but we really economized everywhere we could (we made silk wedding bouquets, did our own invitations, etc.). Frankly, we just wanted to do a JOP wedding followed by a dinner but parents insisted on wedding which is why they paid. What couldn't be covered by cash was cut. Heck, hubby won money at bachelor party casino trip and that paid for our honeymoon. Son and his wife had their small wedding in our yard followed by a great meal at a local restaurant - zero debt. One of his good friends had an 85k+ wedding for a marriage that crashed and burned quickly. I just think going into deep debt for a wedding is nuts. That all being said, I wish the best for these two
i swear I saw a reddit post on this with a bridezilla going all ballistic because her "loved ones" refused to pitch in hundreds/thousands of dollars for their out of town wedding
Starting it out your married life by paying for your wedding on credit cards is one of the dumbest things I can imagine! And to anticipate family subsidizing your wedding is also just plain stupid.
This episode is probably the most important one for me personally to have watched. It's by far the closest analog to my current financial situation with my girlfriend (wedding and mortgage being the biggest major differences as we have neither yet) so it was really valuable for me to have watched it. The resolution left me a little dissatisfied, as the discipline needed to basically not save, invest, or spend anything for two years while paying off debt feels either impossible or right next to it, but it did help give me a plan for how to improve my own situation reasonably.
I'm currently planning a wedding with similar specs (number of people, cost of photographer/videographer, cost of florals), and our venue/food/rentals is about $7K at a beautiful farm to table venue. That venue killed the budget.
$18,000 for food and booze at the wedding gutted me when I heard how many guests they had. My parents taught my sisters and me that a wedding is just a legal ceremony and a small party is all you need for celebration. My parents weren't rich, so of course having them finance the wedding was out of the question. I had about $45k in student loan debts when I got married and the wedding festivities cost about $2500 (60 guests attended my wedding in our backyard). This included food/booze/rental fees for the tables and chairs. I made all the decorations myself since I know how to sew and do flower arranging. Parents: Please teach your kids that a wedding is just a day. It's ONE party and ONE meal. And guess what? No guest will remember your wedding as much as the bride and groom and their closest family members. Just elope and save the cash for a down payment on a forever home.
Many people don't understand how traumatic it is to grow up with low income and not having a home for a child. Also, due to that instability, dealing with adult life is harder since you had no guidance. I wish them both luck. I love how supportive they are of eachother.
Thanks ladies for sharing your journey. I wish you nothing but success in your future endeavors! Thanks to Ramit also for always looking past just the numbers and getting to the root cause. I would say since listening to your podcast for the last year, It has opened my eyes to look past the decisions and mistakes on the surface to what may have led to those mistakes. I believe this makes me a less judgmental person and more empathetic overall. I appreciate you!
I was just talking to someone about how you DO get reimbursed a good amount of wedding money if you have a lot of guests who give $100-300.. but in their case it likely went right to the honeymoon. And for only 50 people that was a very pricey wedding so it wasn’t offset much. Honestly hard to believe how much that cost per person.
One of them grew up very privileged. After she talked about her childhood, I can see why she just expected her family to fork over some cash. I do think it was tacky to have an only cash registry.
@@jdelacruz1058 Cash-only registries are actually very common in Asian weddings! Almost all that I have been to have either been an online money registry or you give the money in envelopes during the wedding. Giving money is a more practical gift than material things in our cultures.
Beautiful episode. A great couple really working as a team. Realizing they fucked up, but sitting down, communicating calmly, effectively, and affectionately to work through solutions. Love it. Amazing lead on this episode Ramit!
Unfortunately depending on the city & venue, an all inclusive menu can be $250-350 per person. Especially with an open bar & dessert included. It's CRAZY, but unfortunately its very possible.
$45k for a wedding is insanity squared, to say nothing of going into debt for it. I used to live across from a park near downtown Dallas with a little gazebo area, big enough for dozens of guests. Regularly, on weekends, I would see weddings there, and sometimes, they brought food and beverages for everyone for afterwards. Each time, all I could think was that those couples who got married there for free and spent maybe a few hundred, tops, to feed everyone afterwards, missed out on nothing by going the “traditional” route other than a bill for at least 100x what they actually spent.
Every time I see wedding costs I tell my husband how happy I am that we got married in Vegas. Just us two. And my dress was $50 at TJ MAXX. So much money saved.
You've got this! You two have a shared vision and this beautiful love for one another that will lead you through the difficult times. We've all made financial mistakes. The important thing is to learn and grow from it, which you're both doing! Good luck and wishing you both all the best!! ❤️🙏🏾
I’m 18 minutes in and having a panic attack for them. Expensive wedding, house, trips, eating out, etc. and a huge reduction in income? 😮 It’s going to take them a long time to climb out of this hole. Hopefully lessons learned. Wishing them the best!
Hearing her talk about offloading the cost of the wedding to friends and family makes me so upset. In my culture it used to be standard practice but more and more couples are financing their own weddings now with maybe some help from parents. But asking FRIENDS for money is just not cool. Even being a guest on someone’s “special day” is already quite costly without having to pay for your own plate too. If people offer to help that is one thing but expecting everyone to pitch in, I swear…. the thing that matters is the marriage! Not the wedding.
if I even had to pay for my travel costs, I probably wouldn't go to your wedding (ok if it's a short drive, whatever, but if I have to fly and get a hotel). forget about being asked for cash.
$18k for food and beverage for 50 guests. That’s $360 pp. We married in the wine country and paid a lot but not that much. I understand the wedding coordinator cost, our venue required one.
That episode was a wild ride and had me rewinding several times. Honestly, I was shocked by the follow-ups, but at least now they are equipped with the knowledge and numbers to walk down the much longer path.
As someone planning my own wedding right now, I can completely relate on how the inflated expenses creep up. I’m proud of her for only spending $1k on flowers. Wishing them all the best - thanks for sharing your very relatable story with us!
You should see how many of these episodes involve people in finance. Being able to do the math on paper for clients or a company doesn't mean you have the energy to control your own spending. She probably also worked with people who made way more money -- she saw the average expenses, so they seemed reasonable, but didn't scale them for a low-income couple only making $120k instead of $320k.
@@asongfromunderthefloorboards working in "finance" could be writing programs to generate reports to reconcile end-of-month transactions. doesn't really mean much.
That’s crazy. We were broke. We decide to drive from San Francisco to Reno, Nevada. Wedding was $300 court fees $35 25 people Buffett. $500. Honeymoon Disneyland $35 a person back in 1996. Honeymoon was less than $500. Total cost no more than $2000. I didn’t even buy a stupid wedding dress. I got a nice white dress and the black and white market. $100. We still together and we own a house. Spending 45,000 for 1 day and you don’t get to enjoy it is stupid.
This discussion required so much vulnerability. I appreciate their openness and honesty. They had to confront the reality that their wedding was too expensive and they cannot afford their mortgage. The answer to their financial problem is clear, but they don't want to lose their home. I understand that a lot. I wish them the absolute best.
Oh gosh. No wedding for us. $50 signing papers. $80 rings. $50k down payment for our first house. Still married 14 years later. That's how you should do it. Invest in assets. Not a party.
Yep! Second marriage for me… Married on the cliffs of Mendocino with our minister and my 12-year-old son as our photographer and witness. BEST WEDDING EVER! 20 years🎉
I’m actually ok with spending on a ring if you can afford it and pay cash. Not thousands and thousands for blood diamond, but at least a ring will be on your finger for decades…a wedding is 5X the cost and lasts a couple hours!
the point is not "don't have a wedding," the point is "don't have a wedding that you can't afford." i also do not want a party for a wedding but that doesn't make me better than people who do want one.
When I bought my first house at 23, I held two jobs and took on side gigs. When I hear about these young people just quitting their jobs with no prospects in mind and because it was “ stressing me out “ I’m floored! You could get 2 roommates. I was here once and sold the home that took me 4 years to build. Walk the fire… You’re very courageous to come on this show. It is important to know and understand your partners experiences. With remit help you too and come through this and kill it! You’re young and you care about each other… you can do this.❤❤
I project managed my wedding. Cost was around $10k for everything. Rings, dress, etc. It was better than most of the $25k to $40k weddings I've been to. Mainly cause I've bartended at over 120 weddings
I don’t think that’s a girl math, it’s entitlement. I’ll never understand why people just don’t plan a wedding that they can afford instead of pressuring others, just let people gift you if they can.
While an extravagant wedding isn't something I'd choose, you have to take into account the cultural baggage. I live outside the US and a "small" wedding is 200 people. A standard wedding is 400-500 people - it's not even considered outrageous to have 1,000 people at your wedding. So the families and friends give cash - usually covering their food and some other expenses. There's no gift registry. You get raised eyebrows if you bring an actual gift to the wedding. That said, this couple essentially spent almost $1,000 per person on the wedding. There's no way every guest would show up with $1,000 to pitch in for their part. Still, they seem like they'll work their way out of this and hopefully make better choices in future. Wish them the best! *** My favorite part is when Ramit shows the actual impact of making changes. Taking away small comforts are just punishments. The real changes are in examining the big picture and finding the big wins. And the numbers prove it.
LOL. $1000 per person is the biggest cover charge to a party I'd ever heard of. Damn, that's about the price per plate at a Hollywood fundraiser, no? Kardashian spending with a Goodwill income. Ramit really opened their eyes and I have faith in them to improve their financial troubles.
I never got on that bang wagon of having an over priced wedding that last less than a 24 hours. 10 years ago, we paid 15k for our entire wedding and had 150 guests and it was absolutely perfect. Friends STILL talk about our wedding. I had my wedding at our local church and reception at the hotel I worked at back then. We had a lot of church/ college friends that gave us amazing prices. Our one goal was to have a lasting marriage not a wedding that would cause resentment, strife and DEBT. Wishing them the best. Luckily a wedding is a one time cost in a marriage and they’ve learned from it. Hopefully once they paid all their debt, they’ll look back and laugh at their dumb decision. We’ve all made them. Good Luck guys! You got this…
I know this happens in other industries as well, but it’s interesting that they spent so much money on a wedding and she plans wedding/events for a living.
For extraordinary changes, need extraordinary measures: 1-Get roommates 2-Move to Moms house 3-Sell the House 4-Consolidate the debt, could be half of the interest rates of the Credit cards At the end, they won’t do it, because they don’t really want to change, at least for Amy.
I love how Ramit gets them to take some accountability. Getting into that amount of debt is definitely a choice. It sucks to suffer the consequences, but that's life.
I maxed out my credit card for our wedding. I paid it off a few days later.😋 That said, we had a destination wedding and the total cost was less than $20K. Family didn't pay for any of it, so we had to make sure we could cover everything. We also didn't want to go into debt for a wedding.
Yup. We lived in Hawaii and got married there, 65ppl and it was $20k including my dress and thank you cards. We did not ask family for money or have expectations they pay for things, nor did we have a registry or assume each friend would give $100. They seem very entitled
Traditional weddings are expensive. The price they paid is not shocking, the initial wedding budget you have in mind, just double it for where you'll end up. We paid about that same amount 5 years ago. We saved for our wedding for about 8 months, and in our culture, guests usually do cash gifts on the day of the wedding, which approximately covers their food cost. Friends and family will contribute, but as an adult, the responsibility to forward plan is yours. This situation is common, but hopefully this helps them turn their life around.
The more I hear ppl talk about weddings the less I want one. I can see if you have the money but to go into debt for 1 day worth of experiences doesn't click to me.
For me it feels like they did it the way they did it was due to conditioning. Amy was enamored with the fantasy of a fancy wedding and Tori went along with it because she felt her voice didn’t matter or didn’t count as much. I think we forget how much social conditioning and influence affects what we do. Not an excuse, but it’s understandable how one can fall into this situation when one isn’t diligent in resolving the issues of oneself that blocks domestic partnerships from flourishing.
Wow, budgeting what family should contribute towards your wedding is such an entitled move. Just budget according to what you have then let friends and family give gifts/ cash if they can.
Last year my wife and I got married at city hall on the beautiful marble steps in front of staind glass windows. My aunt did the ceremony and my best friend was there. Thats it. It was all very intimate and hardly cost anything. We then did a photograohy shoot around the city and went to new york city for a week. That was where the money was, but still only totalled 4k for everything.
I got married on very little. Back then, I didn't care much about the impression I'd have on my guests. I did the reception locally and asked for no gifts. That made me feel free. Then I scheduled the wedding on a Friday at lunch. Only friends willing to give up a vacation day attended. We told everyone it would be a simple lunch at a restaurant and a toast, and cake. Some wanted drinks, and they could order them and put it on their tab. We don't drink. We put music on the restaurant's speaker. We decorated with flower pots with plants guests could take with them. The thing was over by 9 p.m. it was a simple celebration of our love and commitment. Thirteen years later in starting to consider some guests might have been disappointed. 😂 They probably expected a party to drink alcohol and dance. 🎉 I certainly much rather meet my own expectations
My husband and I dated for a year, went to the city hall to get married and now fast forward to 12 years we are happily married, completely debt free, very attractive networth and next week is my final week at work to join my husband in retirement, I'm 48 years old. Life is good. You are the driving force of your own life. Stop buying stuff you can't afford! you buy it because you think you can afford the payments? why? to impress people you hardly know? nobody cares! nobody!
It’s hard for me to understand when people blow off their 20s reckless spending as if it’s a normal rite of passage. I grew up poor, so maybe that set my mindset and relationship with money. I was a big saver, bought a condo by 22, married by 23 without any financial help. I wish this couple the best of luck and I believe they have the discipline and intelligence to reset. However, I’m worried about their money mindset and fear they will fall into the same trap again in the future.
Our wedding cost $3000 13 years ago, we had two kids at the time and no money really. The trick is buy most of the things not at ‘wedding’ places because all these places throw extra dollars on the price tag with anything wedding. You can get almost everything for a wedding at non wedding shops then you will not pay so much you are paying for the word wedding, it’s a crazy industry ( they know what they are doing, to get as much $$money from people
I really enjoyed this couples love, support and respect for one another. Weddings can become a real monster and anticipating that family and friends will pitch in is putting the cart before the horse. I’ve always loved the idea of a super small church or courthouse wedding and a nice honeymoon getaway.
If selling off home is not something in the radar. If you want to further alleviate the financial pressure. You could do Airbnb or monthly rentals for 6 months and moving in with parents for short term (depending on the location, ofcourse). Thoughts?
This was such a great episode! I so appreciate you Ramit, you are so kind and respectful and helpful to these couples and empower me to have a healthy mindset towards talking money in my next relationship.
This happened to me when planning my wedding, not to that extent but it took its toll. This is very relatable. I was able to make it out but not without really reflecting on my finances, working hard and having luck 🍀 on our side. I wish them well and hope they get out of that hole 🕳️ as soon as possible.
Uh why did Ramit not call them out for not paying taxes? They legit don’t list paying any taxes. Their fixed costs are over 100% if you account for income taxes which they clearly aren’t
@@FIREownyourtime exactly. Ramit was showing like they take home $100k after taxes which is so wrong and setting them up for failure if they actually think that’s how much they have to budget
wow living an extravagant lifestyle, very expensive wedding with huge mortgage for a low income come is a mess. I can’t imagine maintaining that house especially the upkeep & emergency repairs are very expensive. 😅 I’m glad i never get jealous of my friends taking all these expensive trips and buying luxuries.
We never asked for any money to relative and friends, when we got married last year. I planned my wedding, 45 guests , in a Las Vegas chapel and a nice restaurant in Venetian hotel , we only spend $13k for everything including dress, photographer , flowers, cake.. everything we pay it in cash .. we’re happy and we don’t stress about debts
00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube
Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Ramit had a great line in another episode when he said, “you don’t mind going into debt because you haven’t experienced any consequences.” I felt that. This couple is experiencing those consequences.
Title chapter of my 20s
That was the couple in their 40’s that could not get spending under 90 percent and the wife refused to work. That was a good one
I really enjoyed this episode. They are so much more relatable than some of the high net worth couples who just don't like spending money. This wedding money hole is soooo common. I really wish them the best!
Anyone else feel like it’s so clear how much they love each other and how much of a team they are? I’m loving it!
Finances aside, they are a very cute couple
Well not really.
Yes, it's nice to see an LGBTQ couple!
yeah, they are adorable and unlike some other couples I've seen on here(I'm knee-deep in the pod without footage on Apple pod as well) and they are in that category where neither person is disrespectful nor condescending. it's great
@@CapycorgI just saw a couple I don’t see race or gender. Love can happen between anyone. 👌
It's honestly so sad to hear what she was making as a firefighter. These folks who keep us safe deserve so much more!
California relies on prisoners to fight wildfires so they don't have to pay them. Oddly enough, they're typically ineligible to become firefighters after they get out even though they have experience fighting wildfires.
People like EMTs, many nurses, home care, child care, teachers, firefighters, all make very little money. It's the "caring discount". Any job that is supposed to make you feel good about is semi-volunteer -- they are expected to take a massive pay cut to be able to help their community through their job.
Some nurses can make bank, especially traveling nurses, who are scabs. Crossing a picket line causes a moral injury for many people, because you're actively a traitor to your fellow nurses. So you get paid handsomely to do it.
Obviously our society needs people who serve the community but really only trust fund kids can afford it. Only big tech (not even small companies but half a dozen very large ones), finance, and sales can reliably make a living wage. A few lawyers get rich but most are broke and make very little money. Being a doctor can pay decently but the student loans and time to start making money are massive.
I would caution anyone that wants to go into a caring industry that they will probably never be able to own a home, probably have to rent a sketchy apartment with a partner or roommates, and will never be able to retire. It's a big decision to make when you're 18 and so many people have to start over at 30-40 when they realize this. They want to do "the right thing" but you can't live in any kind of comfort and safety doing the right thing.
you do realize they just sit around in the firehouse 95 percent of their day. Same with nurses, they complain sooo much when they sit around on their phones 90 percent of their shift, ridicule patients, and demand to be called "HeRoEs" LOL
@@0_Katt_0 Sounds like a cushy job. You should sign up if you think it's such an easy job.
@@0_Katt_0pretty sure that’s not true.
@@asongfromunderthefloorboards I'm pretty sure that Divorce Lawyers are Ballers rn. Based on the going hourly rate in my city when I needed one 5 yrs ago. God only knows what it is now.
People are so hooked on THE DAY….THE DREAM WEDDING …they lose sight of the truth…IT IS THE MARRIAGE THAT IS IMPORTANT. KEEP IT SIMPLE because you have decades ahead to live the dream. Not all froth and artifice . 🇬🇧💕
I think social media makes this really hard - and being a planner is all about seeing the ideal vision, so it makes sense that this is what they wanted. There is just a huge gap between what you see in social media/Pinterest, etc. and what the average person really does and can afford. The fact that the wedding in Greece was the first option and the wedding vision was lost after that didn't work just shows how strong that pull can be. I was never a "I must have a dream wedding" kind of person, and the cost of mine still ballooned to much higher than we planned for. I commend these two for being brave enough to face up to and reassess their decisions and expectations.
Most of the time I hear “dream”-anything it’s a justification for a bad decision. Dream house, dream car, dream job…
My wife and I make prob 4 times of what they make maybe even more.... Their total wedding + honeymoon = US$55K, my wife and I spent US$10K for those, received US$20K gifts in total... THEY MUST GO GREECE BECAUSE THEY DESERVEEEE LOL!!!
@@TonyCox1351 preach~!!!!!!!
@@WizardofOz854 I will never be married but this is exactly how I would do it. been saying it for years
This couple is relatively young and they're doing the right thing right now. I have high hopes for these two and I think there is a lot to be optimistic about.
I agree with other comments I've seen, this couple is so likeable and relatable, they aren't hiding anything, they are honest, with normal salaries, that just made a few mistakes along the way that any of us could have made. great episode and I truly wish them both the best!
A few large mistakes eh? House they can't afford, wedding that endebted them severely. Quitting jobs without a savings plan or nest egg. Pretty big deal. Potentially life-altering.
WTF with all the negative high-horse comments. I would ignore all the negativity.
If you ladies are reading this - Yes, you made huge mistakes.
However, you two are one of the most REASONABLE couples who were willing to listen and take advice. You were willing to find common ground by the end of the episode. Therefore, building a sound path forward for your future.
I wish you discipline over the next few years. All the best!
Yes! Thank you for writing this. 💯
I know the nicest women! They made mistakes and they will learn.
I agree with you 100%!
This must be the only episode yall have watched.
@@rickjames4031 You talking to me or OP? I've watched 50+ Ramit episodes
The quitting jobs during wedding planning was a huge red flag 🚩 That seems crazy to me.
@@Britt4880 agreed. I had a TOXIC job when I was buying my house, I worked 12 hours a day to ensure they couldn’t think of a reason to get rid of me.
Especially Tori quitting the day they closed on their house 😮
She quit before even planning wedding. Fuckjng nuts.
As someone who is currently planning my wedding right now, spending that much money for such a small number of guests is crazy
"spending that much money" is crazy. Expecting other people to spend that for you is INSANE
@@mm-eu8sg agreed, they should not have made that purchase, especially with that expectation. It seems like they went through with it before even speaking with their family.
I know. About $900 per person, they had planned on 50 guests. It's fine if you have that money to spend but most of us don't.
This was so frustrating to listen to - two people who make frivolous, expensive decisions based on the their friend group without being educated, have no impulse control and don’t take steps to stabilize their income. Fcking crazy.
One of the best episodes in awhile. Fantastic communication and energy from both of them. They're also young enough to fuck up again, again, and maaaybe even one more time and come out okay depending on expectations.
I dont agree with planning a wedding with the expectation of donations. Should budget for what you can afford and if you get contributions that's just a cherry on top, but that's just my opinion
Yes they definitely fumbled not confirming the amount they were going to be gifted.
I would assume their families have talked about it before. My family always told us they would contribute to our wedding. But I didn't want a wedding because I hate anything ceremonial and all the trouble comes with it, so they proposed they will pay all the expense and we just need to show up.
This. A friend was actually upset because she paid close attention to how much money each guest gifted her. She expected us to pay for her wedding in full. Her expectations ruined some relationships.
That's because you have common sense.
Also they should have talked to parents and grandparents prior to signing contract. They could have asked and known what they might be able to contribute. I've told my daughter how much I would contribute to her wedding and she is years away from getting married.
At the end the lovely couple rejected all of Ramit’s good suggestions on how to increase/income or reduce costs, and decided not to change their lifestyle. The least they could have done is to add a roommate or two to alleviate the pressure. If the situation persists, I am not sure whether their love for each other is enough to carry their marriage through financial ruin.
I was curious about why nobody commented on their follow-up. It sounded like they would change nothing of what they discussed with Ramit.
There is this phrase from my home country. When poverty comes in through the front door, love goes out through the back door.
Hopefully they are staying on the track to pay off cc debt.
Once the credit card payments line up, will they feel the pain to change?
@@DC_Concerts they'll probably find another card to do a balance transfer to, and escape the interest rate, or do consolidation, only to max the cards out that they just "cleared" again, digging a deeper hole
The scary part about all of this is how these couples are having these conversations about things for the first time during this interview.
Honestly! That's what I keep thinking. You are in a whole relationship and don't talk about money at all 😭? I mean at the same time I'm single so maybe I'm being wildly unrealistic 😂
I dont understand why ppl expect others to fund their wedding.
I came here to say the same thing. How are they going to make everyone else pay.
Entitlement. I could never relate to that kind of "privilege".
Because it’s very common. A significant portion of weddings are funded in large part by family. When something becomes tradition then people grow to expect it, right or wrong.
@@TonyCox1351 Thank you for saying this - it is very common. That huge budget for a wedding is what's uncommon (at least with my group of friends).
@@rachelh.8394almost any wedding at a commercial event venue is going to be ten or twenty grand or more. It’s rare to book a venue these days for less than 10K and that’s before the first invitation is sent. So if you’ve ever been invited to a coworker or cousins wedding that had a sit down dinner, a DJ, and a photo booth you could easily have been at a $30K wedding
Very relatable episode! This happens to SO many couples. I wish them the best and hope we hear from them in 3 years!
The key is expenses. Low expenses, low amount needed for retirement. I have only averaged $50,000 a year over the last three years. Home paid off and no debts.This is less than 1% of my portfolio. Did all major work to my home back in 2020, new roof, siding, paint, along with renovating the bathrooms. Can get a fully subsidized ACA plan, keep my AGI in the 12% bracket and still live the life I currently do as a successful business owner. Just gotta keep that "Just one more year" voice out of my head. Retirement date, April 30th 2024.
I can relate to the temptation of that 'Just one more year' voice, but your determination to stick to your retirement date is admirable. I understood the importance of seeking guidance. Because I lacked knowledge in managing investments and used the help of an advisor, I've seen my portfolio grow by around $1m. Now, I feel confident that my retirement is under control, and I even have enough money set aside for my daughter, who just got her degree. Wishing you continued success on your journey to financial freedom and retirement!
Her name is LILY ADDISON YONAMINE, You are welcome.
Well, you're welcome for the ACA subsidization that comes out of my tax dollars while you lead your "successful business owner" life.
Scammers
Where do you live though? What year did you make all your money? What year did you buy a house?
You barely even qualify to rent a studio apartment making only $50k. With a 3:1 income requirement, which is standard, you only qualify for a studio that's $1389/mo. You might be able to qualify for low-income assistance (or assistance to the landlord -- MFTE) and find a studio for under $1300 but it'd be rough. There are no SFH here under $500k (studio or even one bedroom condos maybe but there's also a monthly condo fee of $500-1000 on top of the mortgage).
So even if you saved $1000/mo for 10 years, you could get a down payment but nobody would give you a mortgage only making $50k. It takes $175k to even *qualify* for a mortgage on a starter home here, $214k for the median. So even if you did take 10 years to save up $100k 20% down payment, that wouldn't help. You'd have to pay for the house in cash by saving up for 40-50 years.
I assume you must live somewhere where $50k is a livable wage. Maybe you bought your house in 1974 for a song but that's not the world we live in today, at least not in any cities.
So "it's easy, I did it 40 years ago, you can too!" isn't helpful.
Buying a house is more expensive than renting in every metro area in the US in 2024. It's a luxury purchase that very few people can afford. That's not even counting maintenance and repairs or even property taxes and HOA fees.
Clearly, the couple in the video were able to find a house with their combined income but that's pretty scary too. Divorces, serious injuries/illnesses, and deaths happen. It really should be within one spouse's budget to pay the mortgage or you shouldn't do it (and clearly they qualified but can't afford it even on two incomes).
Thanks for sharing to Amy and Tori! Congrats on your marriage and I’m cheering you on! You can do this!
☕️ always excited for Tuesday morning episodes
Wednesday morning here in New Zealand, when having breakfast I always keenly check my UA-cam notifications for an IWT episode.
Thanks for another great episode! They are one stomach flu away from losing everything, so scary! Glad they have a path forward. Their plan is okay, I think they should consider getting a 2 year tenant for their house and move in with family, knock out the debt, move back, and start fresh.
Oh gosh, this really speaks to the perils of instant gratification. I wish this couple the best, I think they will make it if they can learn to resist that dopamine high from impulsive decisions.
Damn, quitting jobs while still choosing to get married AND buy a home is wild. You clearly see you won’t have the money - why do it? Should’ve just waited to give them the freedom to find a new job without the stress. But I guess this is why Ramit says that money is all about emotions.
They didn’t understood that they were broke because of the credit cards
Then went from one mistake straight into another. It's painful to hear. I'm sure they learned a hard lesson and hope they can move on.
I hate it when I hear about newlyweds putting weddings and honeymoons on credit cards and also expecting family members to contribute. I was lucky my parents were able to pay for ours (but it was well under 10k) but we really economized everywhere we could (we made silk wedding bouquets, did our own invitations, etc.). Frankly, we just wanted to do a JOP wedding followed by a dinner but parents insisted on wedding which is why they paid. What couldn't be covered by cash was cut. Heck, hubby won money at bachelor party casino trip and that paid for our honeymoon. Son and his wife had their small wedding in our yard followed by a great meal at a local restaurant - zero debt. One of his good friends had an 85k+ wedding for a marriage that crashed and burned quickly. I just think going into deep debt for a wedding is nuts. That all being said, I wish the best for these two
i swear I saw a reddit post on this with a bridezilla going all ballistic because her "loved ones" refused to pitch in hundreds/thousands of dollars for their out of town wedding
yeah, asking parents for help is one thing... trying to crowdfund the wedding made me think wtf
Starting it out your married life by paying for your wedding on credit cards is one of the dumbest things I can imagine! And to anticipate family subsidizing your wedding is also just plain stupid.
It's one day, not worth going into debt for. It's about people celebrating the union with you, not the flash. I'll never understand it
This was such a great episode! I think many people will be able to learn from them and make some positive changes! Thanks fo both of them for sharing!
Love that Ramit addressed the "not fair comment". I really believe these two can make it happen and I wish them the best!
The way this couple talked, I thought they were making over 200k a year, so when I heard their income, I was shocked. Not shaming their income.
Wow!...😮.. they're still young. ..getting it together now! And focus again. We all been there. Good luck to them
This episode is probably the most important one for me personally to have watched. It's by far the closest analog to my current financial situation with my girlfriend (wedding and mortgage being the biggest major differences as we have neither yet) so it was really valuable for me to have watched it. The resolution left me a little dissatisfied, as the discipline needed to basically not save, invest, or spend anything for two years while paying off debt feels either impossible or right next to it, but it did help give me a plan for how to improve my own situation reasonably.
Is insane that people expect others to pay for their weddings. Family and friends shouldn’t be looked at as piggy banks.
I'm currently planning a wedding with similar specs (number of people, cost of photographer/videographer, cost of florals), and our venue/food/rentals is about $7K at a beautiful farm to table venue. That venue killed the budget.
$18,000 for food and booze at the wedding gutted me when I heard how many guests they had. My parents taught my sisters and me that a wedding is just a legal ceremony and a small party is all you need for celebration. My parents weren't rich, so of course having them finance the wedding was out of the question. I had about $45k in student loan debts when I got married and the wedding festivities cost about $2500 (60 guests attended my wedding in our backyard). This included food/booze/rental fees for the tables and chairs. I made all the decorations myself since I know how to sew and do flower arranging. Parents: Please teach your kids that a wedding is just a day. It's ONE party and ONE meal. And guess what? No guest will remember your wedding as much as the bride and groom and their closest family members. Just elope and save the cash for a down payment on a forever home.
Many people don't understand how traumatic it is to grow up with low income and not having a home for a child. Also, due to that instability, dealing with adult life is harder since you had no guidance. I wish them both luck. I love how supportive they are of eachother.
It’s the girl that came from money making the dumb decisions. Wish them the best
Thanks ladies for sharing your journey. I wish you nothing but success in your future endeavors! Thanks to Ramit also for always looking past just the numbers and getting to the root cause. I would say since listening to your podcast for the last year, It has opened my eyes to look past the decisions and mistakes on the surface to what may have led to those mistakes. I believe this makes me a less judgmental person and more empathetic overall. I appreciate you!
I was just talking to someone about how you DO get reimbursed a good amount of wedding money if you have a lot of guests who give $100-300.. but in their case it likely went right to the honeymoon. And for only 50 people that was a very pricey wedding so it wasn’t offset much. Honestly hard to believe how much that cost per person.
Expecting other people to pay for your expensive wedding is such a strange concept to me!
The assumptions were wild that they assumed that they would pitch in rather than asking if they could help and plan around that if they did help.
One of them grew up very privileged. After she talked about her childhood, I can see why she just expected her family to fork over some cash. I do think it was tacky to have an only cash registry.
@@jdelacruz1058 Cash-only registries are actually very common in Asian weddings! Almost all that I have been to have either been an online money registry or you give the money in envelopes during the wedding. Giving money is a more practical gift than material things in our cultures.
It's very common to ask for help from family paying for huge life expenses like a wedding or house.
It's crazy and entitled! But when you learn how she grew up sounds like her parents paying for things is something she grew up used to.
I love this couple, so cute but also so connected to one another. Wishing them all the best
Beautiful episode. A great couple really working as a team. Realizing they fucked up, but sitting down, communicating calmly, effectively, and affectionately to work through solutions. Love it. Amazing lead on this episode Ramit!
This is why we eloped when we got married at 20 and 24! Set us up financially.
$18,000 for food and beverage for 50 people is scary. Why were they charged so much?
Unfortunately depending on the city & venue, an all inclusive menu can be $250-350 per person. Especially with an open bar & dessert included. It's CRAZY, but unfortunately its very possible.
$45k for a wedding is insanity squared, to say nothing of going into debt for it. I used to live across from a park near downtown Dallas with a little gazebo area, big enough for dozens of guests. Regularly, on weekends, I would see weddings there, and sometimes, they brought food and beverages for everyone for afterwards.
Each time, all I could think was that those couples who got married there for free and spent maybe a few hundred, tops, to feed everyone afterwards, missed out on nothing by going the “traditional” route other than a bill for at least 100x what they actually spent.
Every time I see wedding costs I tell my husband how happy I am that we got married in Vegas. Just us two. And my dress was $50 at TJ MAXX. So much money saved.
You've got this! You two have a shared vision and this beautiful love for one another that will lead you through the difficult times. We've all made financial mistakes. The important thing is to learn and grow from it, which you're both doing! Good luck and wishing you both all the best!! ❤️🙏🏾
I’m 18 minutes in and having a panic attack for them. Expensive wedding, house, trips, eating out, etc. and a huge reduction in income? 😮
It’s going to take them a long time to climb out of this hole. Hopefully lessons learned. Wishing them the best!
Hearing her talk about offloading the cost of the wedding to friends and family makes me so upset. In my culture it used to be standard practice but more and more couples are financing their own weddings now with maybe some help from parents. But asking FRIENDS for money is just not cool. Even being a guest on someone’s “special day” is already quite costly without having to pay for your own plate too. If people offer to help that is one thing but expecting everyone to pitch in, I swear…. the thing that matters is the marriage! Not the wedding.
if I even had to pay for my travel costs, I probably wouldn't go to your wedding (ok if it's a short drive, whatever, but if I have to fly and get a hotel). forget about being asked for cash.
$18k for food and beverage for 50 guests. That’s $360 pp. We married in the wine country and paid a lot but not that much. I understand the wedding coordinator cost, our venue required one.
That episode was a wild ride and had me rewinding several times. Honestly, I was shocked by the follow-ups, but at least now they are equipped with the knowledge and numbers to walk down the much longer path.
I appreciated this eposide for its rawness and transparency given by your guests.
Just go to the courthouse and save the money
As someone planning my own wedding right now, I can completely relate on how the inflated expenses creep up. I’m proud of her for only spending $1k on flowers. Wishing them all the best - thanks for sharing your very relatable story with us!
I liked Ramit’s compassionate comment comparing fitness/diet and financial yoyo-ing.
She has a degree in Events, yet was not able to come estimate the cost of her wedding.
what is a degree in events?
I thought it was really weird she thought the "all-inclusive" venue was a deal given her education.
You should see how many of these episodes involve people in finance. Being able to do the math on paper for clients or a company doesn't mean you have the energy to control your own spending. She probably also worked with people who made way more money -- she saw the average expenses, so they seemed reasonable, but didn't scale them for a low-income couple only making $120k instead of $320k.
@@asongfromunderthefloorboards working in "finance" could be writing programs to generate reports to reconcile end-of-month transactions. doesn't really mean much.
That’s crazy. We were broke. We decide to drive from San Francisco to Reno, Nevada. Wedding was $300 court fees $35 25 people Buffett. $500. Honeymoon Disneyland $35 a person back in 1996. Honeymoon was less than $500. Total cost no more than $2000. I didn’t even buy a stupid wedding dress. I got a nice white dress and the black and white market. $100. We still together and we own a house. Spending 45,000 for 1 day and you don’t get to enjoy it is stupid.
This discussion required so much vulnerability. I appreciate their openness and honesty. They had to confront the reality that their wedding was too expensive and they cannot afford their mortgage. The answer to their financial problem is clear, but they don't want to lose their home. I understand that a lot. I wish them the absolute best.
Oh gosh. No wedding for us. $50 signing papers. $80 rings. $50k down payment for our first house. Still married 14 years later. That's how you should do it. Invest in assets. Not a party.
Thank you!!!
Couldn't agree more! Very smart!! 🎉
Yep! Second marriage for me… Married on the cliffs of Mendocino with our minister and my 12-year-old son as our photographer and witness. BEST WEDDING EVER! 20 years🎉
I’m actually ok with spending on a ring if you can afford it and pay cash. Not thousands and thousands for blood diamond, but at least a ring will be on your finger for decades…a wedding is 5X the cost and lasts a couple hours!
the point is not "don't have a wedding," the point is "don't have a wedding that you can't afford." i also do not want a party for a wedding but that doesn't make me better than people who do want one.
Great episode! Most people can benefit from watching this. I hope they do well in the future.
When I bought my first house at 23, I held two jobs and took on side gigs. When I hear about these young people just quitting their jobs with no prospects in mind and because it was “ stressing me out “ I’m floored! You could get 2 roommates. I was here once and sold the home that took me 4 years to build. Walk the fire… You’re very courageous to come on this show. It is important to know and understand your partners experiences. With remit help you too and come through this and kill it! You’re young and you care about each other… you can do this.❤❤
Why is their net monthly income so close to their gross ($329 difference). This must be a mistake once taxes are factored in.
The talk of paying for the wedding through family and friends was peak girl math
Exactly what I was thinking. Probably double wild when there's two of them with these ideas.
Men can be equally as outrageous with wedding expenses.
I project managed my wedding. Cost was around $10k for everything. Rings, dress, etc. It was better than most of the $25k to $40k weddings I've been to. Mainly cause I've bartended at over 120 weddings
I would say entitled people's behavior. Her family probably coddled her in some way or it's a gender bias.
I don’t think that’s a girl math, it’s entitlement. I’ll never understand why people just don’t plan a wedding that they can afford instead of pressuring others, just let people gift you if they can.
While an extravagant wedding isn't something I'd choose, you have to take into account the cultural baggage. I live outside the US and a "small" wedding is 200 people. A standard wedding is 400-500 people - it's not even considered outrageous to have 1,000 people at your wedding. So the families and friends give cash - usually covering their food and some other expenses. There's no gift registry. You get raised eyebrows if you bring an actual gift to the wedding.
That said, this couple essentially spent almost $1,000 per person on the wedding. There's no way every guest would show up with $1,000 to pitch in for their part.
Still, they seem like they'll work their way out of this and hopefully make better choices in future. Wish them the best!
***
My favorite part is when Ramit shows the actual impact of making changes. Taking away small comforts are just punishments. The real changes are in examining the big picture and finding the big wins. And the numbers prove it.
LOL. $1000 per person is the biggest cover charge to a party I'd ever heard of. Damn, that's about the price per plate at a Hollywood fundraiser, no? Kardashian spending with a Goodwill income. Ramit really opened their eyes and I have faith in them to improve their financial troubles.
I never got on that bang wagon of having an over priced wedding that last less than a 24 hours. 10 years ago, we paid 15k for our entire wedding and had 150 guests and it was absolutely perfect. Friends STILL talk about our wedding. I had my wedding at our local church and reception at the hotel I worked at back then. We had a lot of church/ college friends that gave us amazing prices. Our one goal was to have a lasting marriage not a wedding that would cause resentment, strife and DEBT. Wishing them the best. Luckily a wedding is a one time cost in a marriage and they’ve learned from it. Hopefully once they paid all their debt, they’ll look back and laugh at their dumb decision. We’ve all made them. Good Luck guys! You got this…
I know this happens in other industries as well, but it’s interesting that they spent so much money on a wedding and she plans wedding/events for a living.
If people would put this much into their MARRIAGE vs the wedding. The wedding is one day...the marriage is literally LIFE!!!
This was a really great episode. I learned a lot, thank you Tori and Amy for sharing your story with us.
For extraordinary changes, need extraordinary measures:
1-Get roommates
2-Move to Moms house
3-Sell the House
4-Consolidate the debt, could be half of the interest rates of the Credit cards
At the end, they won’t do it, because they don’t really want to change, at least for Amy.
Have a great week, Ramit!
I love how Ramit gets them to take some accountability. Getting into that amount of debt is definitely a choice. It sucks to suffer the consequences, but that's life.
As he said, we'll figure it out later. Well, later is today.
An American wedding is basically a five hour party. Imagine spending $10K a hour with money you don’t have.
Amazing couple! They will go far once out of this little hurdle! Amazing attitudes and respect for each other
Net is only $400 less than gross. Someone isnt paying taxes.
lol was wondering the same.
I maxed out my credit card for our wedding. I paid it off a few days later.😋
That said, we had a destination wedding and the total cost was less than $20K. Family didn't pay for any of it, so we had to make sure we could cover everything. We also didn't want to go into debt for a wedding.
Yup. We lived in Hawaii and got married there, 65ppl and it was $20k including my dress and thank you cards. We did not ask family for money or have expectations they pay for things, nor did we have a registry or assume each friend would give $100. They seem very entitled
This episode is so crazy. They are living SO far beyond their means and seem completely unaware
Traditional weddings are expensive. The price they paid is not shocking, the initial wedding budget you have in mind, just double it for where you'll end up. We paid about that same amount 5 years ago. We saved for our wedding for about 8 months, and in our culture, guests usually do cash gifts on the day of the wedding, which approximately covers their food cost. Friends and family will contribute, but as an adult, the responsibility to forward plan is yours. This situation is common, but hopefully this helps them turn their life around.
The more I hear ppl talk about weddings the less I want one. I can see if you have the money but to go into debt for 1 day worth of experiences doesn't click to me.
For me it feels like they did it the way they did it was due to conditioning. Amy was enamored with the fantasy of a fancy wedding and Tori went along with it because she felt her voice didn’t matter or didn’t count as much. I think we forget how much social conditioning and influence affects what we do. Not an excuse, but it’s understandable how one can fall into this situation when one isn’t diligent in resolving the issues of oneself that blocks domestic partnerships from flourishing.
Wow, budgeting what family should contribute towards your wedding is such an entitled move. Just budget according to what you have then let friends and family give gifts/ cash if they can.
I think you're judging too harshly
Last year my wife and I got married at city hall on the beautiful marble steps in front of staind glass windows. My aunt did the ceremony and my best friend was there. Thats it. It was all very intimate and hardly cost anything.
We then did a photograohy shoot around the city and went to new york city for a week. That was where the money was, but still only totalled 4k for everything.
I got married on very little. Back then, I didn't care much about the impression I'd have on my guests. I did the reception locally and asked for no gifts. That made me feel free. Then I scheduled the wedding on a Friday at lunch. Only friends willing to give up a vacation day attended. We told everyone it would be a simple lunch at a restaurant and a toast, and cake. Some wanted drinks, and they could order them and put it on their tab. We don't drink. We put music on the restaurant's speaker. We decorated with flower pots with plants guests could take with them. The thing was over by 9 p.m. it was a simple celebration of our love and commitment. Thirteen years later in starting to consider some guests might have been disappointed. 😂 They probably expected a party to drink alcohol and dance. 🎉 I certainly much rather meet my own expectations
My husband and I dated for a year, went to the city hall to get married and now fast forward to 12 years we are happily married, completely debt free, very attractive networth and next week is my final week at work to join my husband in retirement, I'm 48 years old. Life is good. You are the driving force of your own life. Stop buying stuff you can't afford! you buy it because you think you can afford the payments? why? to impress people you hardly know? nobody cares! nobody!
It’s hard for me to understand when people blow off their 20s reckless spending as if it’s a normal rite of passage.
I grew up poor, so maybe that set my mindset and relationship with money. I was a big saver, bought a condo by 22, married by 23 without any financial help.
I wish this couple the best of luck and I believe they have the discipline and intelligence to reset. However, I’m worried about their money mindset and fear they will fall into the same trap again in the future.
Our wedding cost $3000 13 years ago, we had two kids at the time and no money really. The trick is buy most of the things not at ‘wedding’ places because all these places throw extra dollars on the price tag with anything wedding. You can get almost everything for a wedding at non wedding shops then you will not pay so much you are paying for the word wedding, it’s a crazy industry ( they know what they are doing, to get as much $$money from people
Great example how wedding costs to get out of control.
I really enjoyed this couples love, support and respect for one another. Weddings can become a real monster and anticipating that family and friends will pitch in is putting the cart before the horse. I’ve always loved the idea of a super small church or courthouse wedding and a nice honeymoon getaway.
We did a wedding and got almost no gifts. People seem to not do gifts anymore. They think themselves coming is the gift.
I will never understand the crazy expensive wedding when there is a courthouse!
Don't be so attached to the house, you can also get a one and better one later. Get rid of the stress.
If selling off home is not something in the radar. If you want to further alleviate the financial pressure. You could do Airbnb or monthly rentals for 6 months and moving in with parents for short term (depending on the location, ofcourse). Thoughts?
Loved this weeks episode. Loved the guests. Both smart, driven individuals who will achieve their goals 💪
These two have stunning smiles.
Hope it works out for them
25k on just the venue???? That's a CAR!!! Omg!
I don’t think people should EXPECT family to help with the wedding. If they offer, then great. But $15,000 is a lot from others.
This was such a great episode! I so appreciate you Ramit, you are so kind and respectful and helpful to these couples and empower me to have a healthy mindset towards talking money in my next relationship.
Andra moorea is a big flex when it comes too this on Facebook good financial adviser she is.
This happened to me when planning my wedding, not to that extent but it took its toll. This is very relatable. I was able to make it out but not without really reflecting on my finances, working hard and having luck 🍀 on our side. I wish them well and hope they get out of that hole 🕳️ as soon as possible.
Ouch...this was a hard one. It doesn't event look like they are paying income tax. I hope they get control of this. They are so house poor. So sad.
They expected family members to pitch in with 2k at a minimum? Seems wild to me, but ok
Uh why did Ramit not call them out for not paying taxes? They legit don’t list paying any taxes. Their fixed costs are over 100% if you account for income taxes which they clearly aren’t
Their net income after taxes, SS contribution is probably $6-7k. The house is $3k. It's half of their income.
@@FIREownyourtime exactly. Ramit was showing like they take home $100k after taxes which is so wrong and setting them up for failure if they actually think that’s how much they have to budget
@@nibraden Agree. At least ask for an explanation. He's called out people on his podcast before for having net be basically the same as gross.
Close the suite, convert home area to working space, take portion of your mortgage etc as a deduction and you’ll be fine.
If they rent out the house and live with mom they’d be $3000 richer each month and out of the shit in a year.
If u have to spend $45k on a wedding by maxing out credit cards, it means u cannot afford an expensive wedding. Its very simple.
I've been single/steadfast way too long to stay in a relation where I accept 45k for a wedding. I would just walk away lol
wow living an extravagant lifestyle, very expensive wedding with huge mortgage for a low income come is a mess. I can’t imagine maintaining that house especially the upkeep & emergency repairs are very expensive. 😅 I’m glad i never get jealous of my friends taking all these expensive trips and buying luxuries.
We never asked for any money to relative and friends, when we got married last year. I planned my wedding, 45 guests , in a Las Vegas chapel and a nice restaurant in Venetian hotel , we only spend $13k for everything including dress, photographer , flowers, cake.. everything we pay it in cash .. we’re happy and we don’t stress about debts