I'm generally wary of most people a meet anyway, so I don't fall for the person that's being overly nice in any new job I've been in. It's super hard when most work environments encourage everyone to get to know as much about each other as possible.
I had a few coworkers who were good friends with me. But they were good friends with everybody. That's not a friend. That's a politician. That's like making friends with a big celebrity
I would also add not to over share and no gossip at all. You will have those go to work people that are really helpful so make sure you give them credit for their willingness to share and be helpful.
Don’t ever get too comfortable or gossip with coworkers! These clowns are not your friends PERIOD! They’ll smile at you at first then bam!!!! Backstab you!
Not necessarily I find , some that don’t speak badly about anyone went against me and all they do is smile at you and don’t talk bad about anyone but I have the gut feeling that they do talk bad about me but outside of the workplace .
Or they’ll vent to you then set you up to get you terminated. It’s a very vicious ordeal. Don’t ever respond to their rants about management, leadership, other co-workers, or anything involving work procedures. You can listen but don’t say a word. If they’re irritated then they can go to Human Resources.
I made the mistake of believing two of my ex coworkers were my “friends” since they were older and very friendly. I even invited one of them to my college graduation celebration with family and friends. Bad decision. Months later this same person (who I constantly helped as she was afraid of taking work decisions on her own) was talking shit about me spending too much time on the phone while at work, and yes she told this to my manager. Never trusting no coworker ever again.
Oh yes, I had a “work buddy” like this 😂. I use public transportation and come to find out she didn’t live far from my apartment complexes at the time, and she’ll always ask me if I needed a ride she’ll take my everyday. So, she’ll be ranting about her marriage, the whole nine yards. Like told me everything but something in me felt not to tell my personal deep information with this young woman. Come to find out, she switches out and starts gossiping about me to another of our co-workers, it was obvious then she started to fail at her work to get back at me because I was the team leader. It was a catty mess how quick she switched out. It’s obvious she was jealous of me and wanted to sabotage my job at the time because she had a very problematic lifestyle. She invited me to her kids birthday parties or hangouts but I always refused politely, so when her true colors flipped out, I knew I made the choice to not get in her car 🚗 or deal with her outside of work to to personally.
Was it work related phone calls or personal calls. I have to admit, too many personal phone calls can be very annoying to the co workers. I have a coworker that excessive and have been written up for it. She will stop for awhile, then start again. It just doesn't stop with her personal calls. This woman is so annoying with all her personal crap on the job. A very disrespectful person.
There is no need to be social at work at all. I am lucky enough to work completely alone, in an enormous complex where only I work on the third shift. The only other person on the complex is the entry guard in the security shack. All that guard does is open the gate when the lights to my vehicle are seen. I go weeks without seeing anybody at all. This is a dream job for introverts, antisocial people, and recluses, all of which I just happen to be. Aside from the benefits of ultimate solitude, the pay is extremely good without me ever having to waste money on college. In fact, I make far more than most collage graduates and live the perfect life for a recluse. What more can anybody that is not dependent on approval and acceptance of a herd want?
There are no friends at work. The objectives are to earn money, train and practice sales, learn new skills, and provide useful services to customers. This is a great video, Jennifer!
Doesn't this view - while protecting people from others - perpetuate bad behavior? If someone is not viewing coworkers as friends, doesn't it make it easier to treat them poorly??!
@@anonanonymous1970 not necessarily. There are lots of people that I don't like or I hate their guts. I just leave them alone. Unfortunately, some people are not like that. They want to torture and make their lives miserable, simply because they don't like them.
It's really sad when their is no spiritual humanity in co-workers. You can actually lose faith in humanity being exposed to this at work. Heartbreaking that people behave like that.
The being 'overly friendly' thing is so true!! I've experienced that twice...on the first day they would be overly polite and smile at you intensely every so often. I was naïve and thought they were just nice people but turns out....they were fake coworkers 🙃
The best thing to do is to completely ignore them, they hate that. They want you to react when they cause drama but if you don't, it really annoys them.
Same goes for your boss. Your boss can never be your friend, because he/she also have the power to get you fired. It's ok to keep things FRIENDLY with coworkers, but they will never be your real friends.
There are no friendships to be had at work. I learned the hard way by losing a career I loved because of a fake friend. Friendship at work is simply mutual using. If you are lucky as soon as the use of you as a coworker is no longer needed the friendship fades away. If you are unlucky they smear your reputation, gaslight the bullying done to you by the boss, then take your job when you are forced out. Trust no one, and keep to yourself. And document all of your workday everyday in a log book and never leave it at work. Protect yourself, because no one at work will protect you. Trust that no one cares about you. Thanks Jennifer.
I had to learn that lesson. I like to get along with people at work, but I'm not going out of my way to be overly friendly. Don't gossip with people at work, because it can come back and bite you. So I've had to learn, that my mouth needs to be kept shut, regarding bad mouthing other employees. Just due your job and go home. That way, you can play it safe
I wish I'd seen these videos before I started my career. I've been consistently shocked and outraged by what awful people are in the workplace. Just horrified! I mean, I've always assumed people are inherently good, but as it turns out sociopaths and psychopaths are everywhere. It is astonishing.
@@jayrober4834 It does, I had a coworker who caught an entire attitude and hated me while I was working there all because she ask me something personal and I said that is a personal question. 🤣🤣🤣
Yes I keep it very on surface topics when I do speak. Like weather, music, foods, or travel destinations. Not nothing more. I’m not anyones mental health therapist to vent to or talk therapist about personal traumas or struggles.
I trained this person from scratch, he acted like he's my friend around me but around my boss he's always throwing me under the bus and now my boss favors him.
I realized this about a coworker recently. She basically will play both sides and tell the boss everything. I already realized she was a gossip when I first started working there though so I didn't tell her anything she could really use against me. She has nothing going on in her life and needs the drama, but unfortunately the boss buys everything she is selling.
It happened to me at my last job ( I resigned 2 months ago). I just realized some fake friends after that. People who would talk to me every day from that moment didn't even bother to say goodbye.
Number one narcissist, the children of Satan. The workplace is territorial of demonic activities. Lots of witches and warlocks there. Evil reigns there. Envy, hate, competition. Bullies, and insecure people projecting and regulating their emotions through you, energy vampires. Stress, toxic work environment. Coworkers are the worse, managers, HR. A lot of people in high positions lie their way up, manipulate. It's all a lie. Network of narcissistic evil people out there, agents of the devil.
The fake toxic friends are real.. but you gotta admit in the mob of fake people you always meet a few good folks at work who genuine and are mutually out to help you and seek help. They often become friends for life and make taking a risk of starting a workplace friendship worth it.
True to a certain extent. That’s why I take people case by case and judge individually. I’m strict on this policy for myself because I’ve been betrayed by co-workers I thought were good peoples. So it’ll take me a while to really vet the person mentality and intellectual before they can get the name as “friend” from my professional life. Some will bait and all switch.
Absolutely not. Work is not a place to make friends. When I go to work, I want to focus on the job, earn my paycheck and go home. Likewise, when I leave the premises of the workplace, out of sight, out of mind. Work and personal lives should be kept completely separate, and this means no discussions at work that aren’t work related, no talking about work when off work, and ABSOLUTELY NEVER socializing with coworkers outside of work. This also means never taking things personally on the job; like it or not, your feelings mean nothing to the bottom line or your bank account
I’d like to think most of do our different selfs, home, work friends etc but I find it to be way different than saying fake. It’s all about how authentic we are with people.
If you take public transit, see how many people are happy to be going to work. None! Most are sleeping between their jobs. If you drive, count how many times you are given the finger because people just aren't happy to be working (but it is a necessary evil.)
There could be lots of fake friends at work, but,,,, two of my closest friends were guys I met at work. They were with me through thick and thin, both of them were my friends for about 30 years, sadly prostate cancer took one in 2013, and pancreatic cancer took the other one in 2015. they were the kind of guys you can call at 3 a.m. cuz you were in a serious jam, and they would get dressed put their shoes on, and come help you, they were truly like family. sadly you don't meet too many people at work like that, but every once in a while you get lucky
I had a co-worker who I helped with writing her the damn emails because her (Dutch) grammar suck, explaining her the software system we use, with helping her collecting the numbers for our funds. And then she attacked me because I disagreed with her and told me not to know what to do with me. I was like… what? All these moments I helped you, you knew damn well what to do with me and now you throw me into the trash. She played me hard by pretending being nice. I learned my lesson. And oh..,you don't have to tell them what you did in the weekend if they asked you. That is a trick to get private information out of you. Just say, "all was fine thanks".
Ik had ook een collega die ik met zoveel dingen had geholpen, ik nam iedere keer de tijd om haar alles uit te leggen en vervolgens durfde ze te zeggen dat mijn uitleg verwarrend was en dat ik haar kleineerde. Dit soort mensen zijn gaslighters, ze proberen de waarheid te verdraaien en het te doen lijken alsof jij het probleem bent, terwijl zij gewoon te dom zijn om het zelf te kunnen of te begrijpen!
I had this learn the hard way, I had a co-worker who got me fired, should've never trusted him. Now I know better, keep my mouth shut, keep my head down, work than go home.
Yes they are, that’s why you don’t invite them to things like your wedding or birthday parties. They are around you because they have to be they are not sincere.
I hate when the fake friend comes to my cubicle to talk to me. I'm at work to work, not to pretend like we are friends. You are interrupting my thought process. I feel like hanging up a "Do Not Disturb" sign.
I feel pretty isolated a lot of the times because i refuse to be fake friendly.. like I’m nice and I do converse at times but I stay to myself because I do not care to be fake friendly. Maybe I come across as stand offish because of it but I don’t have the energy to be fake but I do feel isolated at times. I have two people I like and that’s it. Still don’t act overly friendly
hey ... toxic gossip is definitely a thing and something to watch out for - especially when you don't know where it is coming from - it can often be the one person you thought was on your side, and then find out they were faking their interest the whole time. I talk about toxic gossip this week as well!
This is so important as you elevate in your career. When I worked at McDonalds as a teen and in a call center for my early career, people were MUCH less competitive. Few people had the ambition to move up and therefore they had no reason to sabotage you. I am in a mid-level role in corporate now and it is much, much different. The sucking up, gossip and passive aggressiveness is real. If you didn’t feel it in your early career, be aware that this will happen later on. Scarcity and competition brings out the worst in people!
The snakes 🐍🐍🐍. While the fake friend is getting into huge debt(corporate job=30 year mortgage, car notes and Instagram vacations), you are living on next to nothing with huge savings account. Youre prepared for when the snake bites and you leave.
Great plan. The most miserable, dramatic person at my last job was heavily in debt and couldn't get a new job. These people cause drama because they want to distract from their horrible lives. Don't ever get "stuck" like they are.
Lol I had a coworker with all these red flags but he wasn't a fake he was just young and inexperienced. I tried to give him some advice qnd tell him trusting coworkers was a bad idea. He couldn't understand why and the poor guy got burned in the end.
Great video! I usually take the extreme stance that no one I work with is my friend and the only time I’ll be friends with a co-worker is when one of us leaves the job. Keeps you out of a lot of drama/problems.
Easier said than done people then say you have an attitude especially as a black man. I am friendly I smile I am nice 👍🏻 I talk about funny things my kids do, my nephews and pets do. I don’t talk about my personal goals ever like they don’t know I wanted to buy a house etc.
@heinuchung8680 people do, in fact, think I have an attitude because I don’t want to chat with coworkers about things that are not work related. I also don’t care what they think about me personally. If people want to take things so personal and let their feelings get in the way of doing what they’re supposed to be doing, I wouldn’t want to be friends with them anyways even if they weren’t coworkers. I don’t have time to deal with any of that
There are people that talk bad about someone and a little later act as nothing ever happened in the workplace, other just started in a job and act as they are in charge, some watch videos instead to be working during work hours, there are also some workers that talk trash about the other that is in the next cubicle, and there are the ones that keep making silly conversations in the middle of the office while others want to WORK, I guess those are just some of the reasons that many want to work from home, the problem is NOT the work itself, the problem is the co-worker's behavior, so please people, WORK and stop talking so much.
The SOB kept calling me "friend", while he was actively throwing me under the bus in front of our toxic boss!!! The mofo screws up constantly and blames others! Luckily, I moved to a different team, not to long ago!!!
There are a few who seem to think it's okay to talk about someone's personal struggles when they are not there. I avoid these people. They come across as so helpful and kind but, they can't work one day without gossiping. Why does that bother me? Well, because my business is my business. The problem with gossipy people is the information might get in the wrong hands. Some people are malicious and use personal information to distort and make you out in a bad light. For example, there is one who literally laughs when hearing about someone's hardships or struggles. Isn't that just a nasty human being? I use the word human loosely. These kind of people draw large crowds of people around them that can't see them for who they are. I don't like people who blurt out personal things about people.
I am working with fake friend who I was close with. I feel now I was terribly manipulated and triangulated. This happened over a long time. Ended badly for me as I felt very isolated and dismissed and called someone out on something that made me look petty and awful. I can now see this person for who she is. Especially when I caught her talking negatively to our supervisor about me. Oh and she blocked me on Facebook. Which at least one other person knows. I am finally learning to set boundaries and not blurt out stuff to her just because she asks. However she continues to ask about my family personal life and will tell me about her children. Which I do not want to know about. My concerned is I'm going to look life the difficult person again if I'm not warm towards her. She is very covert and I would say well liked by most. I don't want to look like the problem employee. How do you manage someone that has blocked you and you know undermines you but then continues to chat in a social way to portray herself in a good light?
Completely ignore the person. Pay absolutely no attention to the person unless necessary due to work. At first she will think it’s a game, that you’re just “going through a phase”, she’ll try to greet you or somehow attempt to converse with you. Nope, permission denied. Eventually she’ll get the hint and leave you alone indefinitely. Possibly she will manipulate your coworkers into thinking of you as a bad person. That’s ok, keep to yourself, in fact, being spoken about behind your back keeps your name in people’s mouth, and when you pay no attention and ignore it, certainly at first you can’t defend yourself and people might assume these rumors are true, and even if they are so be it, but then people will begin to wonder about you, and your psychology. You’ll be mysterious, a subliminal topic of perpetual interest. So ignore, and pay no mind to these parasitic individuals. There’s tactic, and there’s strategy. Your tactic short-term; ignore. Your strategy is the long game: keep people guessing.
Thank you for the video, I was beginning to think I was being a jerk. My coworker is always trying to bribe me with treats/ drinks. She compliments me often and it just sounds odd even though there’s truth to it. She loves to play devils advocate and it turns the room sour. I feel like she’s been talked to about how others perceive her. Shes on the bend now with performing better but there’s still reservations I have about interacting with her. I’m glad she’s doing better but I don’t trust the atmosphere. I really love the place I work and I’m well respected but the people in the office are super out there, unprofessional, narcissistic, and I feel embarrassed watching them interact with our customers. Management knows there all trouble but they continue to work 🤦♀️
I just started this job, 2 months in now. They are all nice, but something in my guts tells me to be careful. Now my boss "adviced" me to have lunch in more often. I dont want but imma do it and just gonna eat real fast as i nod and smile. They talk poorly of so many people, i got to assume they do the same about me when they get bored. So no, i dont want them as my friends.
My boss blurred the lines of professionalism with friend territory when he asked to hangout w my bf and I. I thought it was ok (I was 18/19 and he was a 42 yr old man who wanted to hangout w us) I rlly thought nothing wrong with this! 💀 It doesn’t matter if it’s the manager, the boss, or a coworker. DO NOT spend time willingly outside of work with anyone who you want to stick around a long time. Maybe wait until they get fired or you quit or vice versa. I’ve had a friend my age ghost me that I met from work it really messed me up. Then I had a 30+ year old trying befriend and she was so insistent on hanging out outside of work. Then I come to hear she’s been telling management I talk too much. The ones who wanna be your friend the most and makes you teeter that line of professional vs personal. STAY AWAY. STAY FAR AWAY. They have their own game and intentions in mind. After I quit the job after 2 years the boss publicly went off online and bullied me. So I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve worked there, how hard, how friendly you were. People will ALWAYS bring you down. It’s better to just stay quiet and shoot down any requests tbh
I like this video, very informative. I think most people fall for the joke and Coke moment. Just because you share a laugh and Coca-Cola does not mean your co-worker is your friend. How many friends do people have once they leave their old job and start a new job? Most work relationships end the second your that co-worker leaves the company.
To be honest, I probably have most of these habits because I don't really have friends, so I really wanted to make friends at work. Bad idea! It got me burned. Sometimes the overly friendly person is just lonely and isn't trying to gather information to backstab you. But yeah, lesson learned. No need to try to make friends at work because they are "situational friends".
Let's get something straight People at work are your colleagues, NOT your friends. And the idea of anyone at work becoming personal friends off the clock is unhealthy. When you are at work and you see colleagues buddying up, that's called a click..clicks can be very advantages if you're a member. As a person who has never been a member, it's my experience that the fake friend is a member , or at least a covert member. Do yourself a favor, go to work, and put your best foot forward and go home. Keep your emotions in check, and don't let anyone know what you're thinking or planning. Most importantly, keep your personal life personal. If this sounds a little bit like a poker game, it's because it is. If you remain a mystery at work, the toxic clicks will go nuts trying to figure you out. Eventually, they will fear you.
I have a fake female co-worker, she has stabbed me in the back a few times, one method I find that works best is to really confuse them. Act as if you never noticed them stabbing you in the back... or make the situation seem like they stabbed you in the back for no reason & that they caused all that drama for nothing. This really, really pisses them off.
This technique has crossed my mind. And if she asks the who, what, where, when question I'm just going to say Im uncomfortable discussing anything with you bcuz you've proven yourself untrustworthy. I'm thinking this is last resort type stuff but with who I'm dealing with I think this is the only way to get this woman away from me.
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 No, don't give the person any indication that you're aware of what they're doing. If you just act like you're completely unaware & never react to their bullshit, it really annoys them, because that's what they want, a reaction.
I have been at my new Job for almost 1month and luckily I was able to see the color of my one co worker whom I vent out most of the time, she is taking credit for my work and talk shit behind my back I learned my lesson and distance myself from her.
I'm at my first real job (had one before but it was like 4 months and half of it was training so i don't count that). I started as a temp along with a bunch of people and became good friends with 2 of those temps. The three of us were offered permanent contracts and i was really happy, we moved to different departments but it was still good as we all went to departments we wanted to be in. All of a sudden those guys stopped talking to me, i thought fair enough we're in different departments and have different schedules now, no big deal. A month goes by and I've barely spoken to them, one day I'm sitting in the office lounge and those guys walk in, i have the biggest table and they walked straight past me and go sit on another table. I tried to start up a conversation and i got 1 word answers so i just left. The next day i get called up to a meeting with my boss and those 2 guys. They had lists of things that they had problems with. I admitted to some of them as genuine screw ups on my part but there were some things that even my boss said weren't issues. One particular example is one of our senior team members left and one of those guys partly took his place. Someone came back from holiday and the best way i could describe that change was "oh he's the new *person that left*" because to us he practically was as he served the same function in that team. Apparently i was insinuating that the guy poached someone else's job which was entirely untrue and thankfully my boss backed me up on it. Also, one of their complaints was I'd sometimes not talk to anyone and actively avoid them in my free time, that was true and i explained i did it for mental health reasons (depression) and sometimes i need to withdraw and I'll never forget what this guy said "I have depression and i don't use it as an excuse". I literally told them why i sometimes wouldn't talk to them, or anyone, because they asked and this fucker either accused me of lying about my mental health or said that i have to live up to his standards of how he deals with it. My boss got really angry at him for saying it at the time because that's a fucking awful thing to say to someone. After that meeting, I've been extremely pissed off at those 2, i can't even look at them. One of the things I've been open about at work is that I'm autistic and sometimes if i step over the line or say something wrong, i need to be told. It doesn't happen often but slip ups do sometimes happen with me. It's not necessarily rude things but just things that are inappropriate for the workplace (talking about contracts, money etc). These guys didn't tell me there was a problem, then blanked me for a month and then the moment i interacted with them, i get dragged into a meeting with my boss. It's been over a month since that meeting and apart from one "morning" I've not said a word to them. I hate going into work now when 2 months ago i loved my job. I've stopped going to work events, especially those out of office hours. I barely smile anymore and people have started to notice. I honestly wish those guys made their complaints sooner because if they did, i wouldn't have accepted the permanent contract and i wouldn't have renewed my temp one, I'd have walked out the door. Now I'm searching for a new job in my down time at the office, as soon as i get an offer i like, my boss is getting my resignation letter and I'll be gone a month after that. I can go into my next job with the lesson i learned from this one, my coworkers are not my friends and if I'm not directly working with them then i don't want to know them
I barely got high functioning aspergers & I learned the hard way about keeping mouth shut. Just be friendly & stay on neutral subjects like hiking, video games, scuba, skiing, etc. If u say something they don't like they might try to get you fired. Trust me! Horrible experiences. Don't say anything they could get mad, jealous.
Hobbies, social events/conventions, dating apps. Or, in my case, I don’t need anymore friends than I already have. I have enough hobbies to keep myself entertained even when doing them by myself
@nicholasselke5214 I guess it depends on what you do for work. When you're working on a team, it's important to feel a sense of comradery and trust in coworkers. That doesn't always mean you become best friends, but rather, you connect with each other on a deeper level.
Healthcare environments are superficial most of the time and I’m a major in Health Information Technology/Health Information Management. Not a battlefield healthcare worker but I realized the people in that field are very weird, not nice, and kind of cliquey.
My coworkers socialise with each other outside of work. It’s not something that I do as I like to keep some boundaries but the effect of their out of office social time leaves me feeling isolated from the group when at work. What steps could be taken to build a better working relationship but still keep my personal time my own? I also have a coworker who has started to do the low talking trick to pull attention/as a power move. It drives me nuts! Any suggestions on how to shut this down are welcome!
If you are not of their ethnicity, you are fine. Cliques and blobs of the same dominate some companies, especially child care because that is the only job they are qualified for. If I was a parent, I would note the staff's origin. They hate you for not being one of them.
On my last job there was someone who behaved just like a "fake friend". He was overly friendly. Shared way too much information with me. Always offered help, even when he could not help. I was very careful when talking and working with him. I took him up on his offers of help by formalizing them in public meetings and minutes. He was then officially committed to give the help he offered. It took some management, but he did come through in the end. As far as I could tell he never did anything untoward or tried to undercut me or our project. Maybe he was really sincere.
You could sing it. I worked with someone who was so friendly but found out later that he would hang me for 5 euro and sell tickets to the show. We could still work together though but the trust was gone. But the thing is - they don't see it as their fault, they play the victim.
Even "real" friends at work can turn sour; maybe they'll ask for you to cover for them on a day you planned something or maybe HR isn't so uptight about fraternization and you both get a crush on the same person.
I'm the kind of guy who's a REAL friend at work to those who want to avail themselves of me and show me respect. I'll go to the ends of the earth for such people. I'm not smiley all the time and I don't glad hand, though, so I'm not well-liked. People like to judge a book by its cover.
I had one in 2008 her name was Katie she was young friendly and outgoing etc at first she was personable engaged in conversations etc however, she then would always ask/beg me for rides which she lived in the totally opposite direction to where I was going (lived) and then when my shift would be 5 mins from finishing would ask me to cover her shift because “something suddenly just came up” always family related issues after time I caught on and just said no can’t do it I finish at 430 if you had a family thing you had plenty of time to ask me people don’t just throw on a family function at 430pm out of the blue and except you to leave work to get to it. She ended up leaving the company then one day out orbiter blue called the company and asked me to give her free product without having to pay for it because you know “we’re friends”
Want to find out if someone is a fake friend? Give that person some fake gossip about you and see what happens. I told one, "I'm not THAT rich" 😩 when he kept asking about my finances. A week later everyone was talking about how rich I was. Guess who I'll never confide in about something important? 🤣
2:30 Overly friendly 3:10 Inserts themselves to your life 3:50 Office gossip 4:40 Backhanded compliments 5:18 Nicest when they needed something 6:05 be clear with ur value 6:35 Cope with fake friends at work7:00boundaries 7:57 Co-workers are not ur friend
I just quit my job today and my coworker lost her shit. Hence why I never have friends at work. As soon as you get promoted or simply let go they switch up on you.
I'm going through this right now, it does hurt. I am the supervisor and she lied about her interests and stated she thought of e as a friend and when I decided to go to another job she completely turned on me
i think it really depends on where you work. yes some places watch your back and front fakers everywhere. and I've had this done to me several times and some times there are generally some really good places and sometime because you've been backstabbed so many times, its hard to trust poeple
Okay solid video but serious question - when your boss is the ringleader and you’re outside of the “clique,” do you just quit? I can be cordial, my personal brand is successful by client standards (they all rave about me), but my coworkers and boss are obviously conspiring and gossiping all the team in their private Teams chat. Do I just quit? Can’t find another job in my field right now
You set boundaries!!! This is a common situation where the leadership is part of the problem and you can still be productive and valuable - while saying no to participating in the gossip - and then validating your perception will be a pivotal element to designing your plan
The best advice I can give to a man is stay the hell away from female coworkers. I have seen people get involved romantically dozens of times and rarely does it end well. Usually it ends up with her quitting the job and or accusing that man of 1)being the biggest POS ever 2)a liar. A lot of these women were either married or in relationships and the first sign of trouble in those relationships they want to go out for a drink after work with male coworkers. Go to an Oil refinery, a construction site or basically anywhere where it’s all men working. You don’t deal with the fucking gossip that women do. These jobs are demanding and too busy to dick around at. Men vent to a specific guy or guys they trust about stuff but that is about it.
It’s important to remember that people morph too and it goes according to personal and workplace needs. You do it also. But, as an example, the friend who appeared to be a bit of a malcontent yesterday? Let them have a renewed need for their job, like a personal tragedy. Suddenly, they’re no longer trying to commiserate with you. Suddenly, they the zealous, 110% employee, that not only wants to fit all “i”s and cross all “t”s. Suddenly, they’re a completely different person, who will snap at you, for having any doubt in workplace operations and goals and who feel loyalty is the best policy. The whole thing is transient and fake, within itself.
Have you encountered a fake friend at work?
Yikes teams of them. Tho in all fairness, some were pretty open about who they were so maybe not totally fake.
I'm generally wary of most people a meet anyway, so I don't fall for the person that's being overly nice in any new job I've been in. It's super hard when most work environments encourage everyone to get to know as much about each other as possible.
Yep 🤢🤮
I believe this will be unavoidable..
I had a few coworkers who were good friends with me. But they were good friends with everybody. That's not a friend. That's a politician. That's like making friends with a big celebrity
Be friendly at work but have no friends. That is the safest way to do it.
I would also add not to over share and no gossip at all. You will have those go to work people that are really helpful so make sure you give them credit for their willingness to share and be helpful.
Couldn't agree more
It's also best not to date at work. Don't sh!t where you eat.
Yes so right because we all have the quiet fear of outclassing each other for one
This can be hard for people who aren’t close with their family and barely have regular friends that are consistent
The exact reason why working from home is so in demand and no one wants to return to the office for a myriad of reasons
Yes! So much less drama!
Absolutely!! So very true!!
I absolutely agree. I am currently working from home, and enjoying it! My ultimate goal is to quit this job and become self employed, full time.
haha! Absolutely - if the relationships were real and people felt connected and valued, they would be rushing to get back to work
@@tammydunnettleadership I totally agree with you there!
Don’t ever get too comfortable or gossip with coworkers! These clowns are not your friends PERIOD! They’ll smile at you at first then bam!!!! Backstab you!
These clowns🤣
Work is such a tricky place they have to pretend like they like you to keep the workplace happy but yet you find out they can't stand you
The secret to exposing fake people is watch and listen how they speak about other people. If they speak badly, believe me they'll do it about you.
Exactly
Not necessarily I find , some that don’t speak badly about anyone went against me and all they do is smile at you and don’t talk bad about anyone but I have the gut feeling that they do talk bad about me but outside of the workplace .
Don't trust people who vent to you, but when you vent to them, they are rude and make you feel stupid for being vulnerable
Or they’ll vent to you then set you up to get you terminated. It’s a very vicious ordeal. Don’t ever respond to their rants about management, leadership, other co-workers, or anything involving work procedures. You can listen but don’t say a word. If they’re irritated then they can go to Human Resources.
I made the mistake of believing two of my ex coworkers were my “friends” since they were older and very friendly. I even invited one of them to my college graduation celebration with family and friends. Bad decision. Months later this same person (who I constantly helped as she was afraid of taking work decisions on her own) was talking shit about me spending too much time on the phone while at work, and yes she told this to my manager. Never trusting no coworker ever again.
Yes they can cost you to lose your job
Oh yes, I had a “work buddy” like this 😂. I use public transportation and come to find out she didn’t live far from my apartment complexes at the time, and she’ll always ask me if I needed a ride she’ll take my everyday. So, she’ll be ranting about her marriage, the whole nine yards. Like told me everything but something in me felt not to tell my personal deep information with this young woman. Come to find out, she switches out and starts gossiping about me to another of our co-workers, it was obvious then she started to fail at her work to get back at me because I was the team leader. It was a catty mess how quick she switched out.
It’s obvious she was jealous of me and wanted to sabotage my job at the time because she had a very problematic lifestyle. She invited me to her kids birthday parties or hangouts but I always refused politely, so when her true colors flipped out, I knew I made the choice to not get in her car 🚗 or deal with her outside of work to to personally.
Was it work related phone calls or personal calls. I have to admit, too many personal phone calls can be very annoying to the co workers. I have a coworker that excessive and have been written up for it. She will stop for awhile, then start again. It just doesn't stop with her personal calls. This woman is so annoying with all her personal crap on the job. A very disrespectful person.
There is no need to be social at work at all. I am lucky enough to work completely alone, in an enormous complex where only I work on the third shift. The only other person on the complex is the entry guard in the security shack. All that guard does is open the gate when the lights to my vehicle are seen. I go weeks without seeing anybody at all. This is a dream job for introverts, antisocial people, and recluses, all of which I just happen to be. Aside from the benefits of ultimate solitude, the pay is extremely good without me ever having to waste money on college. In fact, I make far more than most collage graduates and live the perfect life for a recluse. What more can anybody that is not dependent on approval and acceptance of a herd want?
jealousy
There are no friends at work. The objectives are to earn money, train and practice sales, learn new skills, and provide useful services to customers. This is a great video, Jennifer!
It's the same thing with neighbours. They are not your friends. They live where they live, because you have to live somewhere.
Doesn't this view - while protecting people from others - perpetuate bad behavior? If someone is not viewing coworkers as friends, doesn't it make it easier to treat them poorly??!
@@anonanonymous1970 not necessarily. There are lots of people that I don't like or I hate their guts. I just leave them alone. Unfortunately, some people are not like that. They want to torture and make their lives miserable, simply because they don't like them.
@@bmoshareholderappleshareho855
Some people dislike people for no reason at all.
Never trust anyone in any environment that involves making money.
It's really sad when their is no spiritual humanity in co-workers. You can actually lose faith in humanity being exposed to this at work. Heartbreaking that people behave like that.
You said it!
@@gu3rr43p4c3 ok but humanity is here to work together too. So it's all the same
The being 'overly friendly' thing is so true!! I've experienced that twice...on the first day they would be overly polite and smile at you intensely every so often. I was naïve and thought they were just nice people but turns out....they were fake coworkers 🙃
Truth 💯. Ugh, I'm learning this right now, the hard way. 🙁
You aren’t alone
The best thing to do is to completely ignore them, they hate that. They want you to react when they cause drama but if you don't, it really annoys them.
It does hurt. Learned the hard way. Won't be fooled again
I'm so sorry you went through this.
Same goes for your boss. Your boss can never be your friend, because he/she also have the power to get you fired. It's ok to keep things FRIENDLY with coworkers, but they will never be your real friends.
There are no friendships to be had at work. I learned the hard way by losing a career I loved because of a fake friend. Friendship at work is simply mutual using. If you are lucky as soon as the use of you as a coworker is no longer needed the friendship fades away. If you are unlucky they smear your reputation, gaslight the bullying done to you by the boss, then take your job when you are forced out. Trust no one, and keep to yourself. And document all of your workday everyday in a log book and never leave it at work. Protect yourself, because no one at work will protect you. Trust that no one cares about you. Thanks Jennifer.
Very good advice about the log book. I document everything.. and I nevet leave it out of sight unless im at home
True
I had to learn that lesson. I like to get along with people at work, but I'm not going out of my way to be overly friendly.
Don't gossip with people at work, because it can come back and bite you. So I've had to learn, that my mouth needs to be kept shut, regarding bad mouthing other employees.
Just due your job and go home. That way, you can play it safe
I wish I'd seen these videos before I started my career. I've been consistently shocked and outraged by what awful people are in the workplace. Just horrified! I mean, I've always assumed people are inherently good, but as it turns out sociopaths and psychopaths are everywhere. It is astonishing.
Just distance and professional relationship at work, nothing else. For friendship, a person needs time how trust should be developed.
I totally agree with you, Ana!
@@JenniferBrick Thank you for your loving advices! I appreciate it and always listen to your advice. Greetings from Europe!
It's truly an honor to get to share my insights.
I talk to my co-workers about general stuff. Not too personal. Mostly about food and languages.
@@jayrober4834 It does, I had a coworker who caught an entire attitude and hated me while I was working there all because she ask me something personal and I said that is a personal question. 🤣🤣🤣
Yes I keep it very on surface topics when I do speak. Like weather, music, foods, or travel destinations. Not nothing more. I’m not anyones mental health therapist to vent to or talk therapist about personal traumas or struggles.
I trained this person from scratch, he acted like he's my friend around me but around my boss he's always throwing me under the bus and now my boss favors him.
I realized this about a coworker recently. She basically will play both sides and tell the boss everything. I already realized she was a gossip when I first started working there though so I didn't tell her anything she could really use against me. She has nothing going on in her life and needs the drama, but unfortunately the boss buys everything she is selling.
It happened to me at my last job ( I resigned 2 months ago).
I just realized some fake friends after that. People who would talk to me every day from that moment didn't even bother to say goodbye.
It's so hurtful when this happens. I'm sorry you went through it.
Or worse, guilt trip you for daring to leave the company for a less toxic place.
I know soo many people feel guilty when leaving a toxic job - it's part of the manipulation to keep you there.
Number one narcissist, the children of Satan. The workplace is territorial of demonic activities. Lots of witches and warlocks there. Evil reigns there. Envy, hate, competition. Bullies, and insecure people projecting and regulating their emotions through you, energy vampires. Stress, toxic work environment. Coworkers are the worse, managers, HR. A lot of people in high positions lie their way up, manipulate. It's all a lie. Network of narcissistic evil people out there, agents of the devil.
@@kimo386 Are you narcissist, just kidding, we all know you are an angel.
The fake toxic friends are real.. but you gotta admit in the mob of fake people you always meet a few good folks at work who genuine and are mutually out to help you and seek help. They often become friends for life and make taking a risk of starting a workplace friendship worth it.
True to a certain extent. That’s why I take people case by case and judge individually. I’m strict on this policy for myself because I’ve been betrayed by co-workers I thought were good peoples. So it’ll take me a while to really vet the person mentality and intellectual before they can get the name as “friend” from my professional life. Some will bait and all switch.
Absolutely not. Work is not a place to make friends. When I go to work, I want to focus on the job, earn my paycheck and go home. Likewise, when I leave the premises of the workplace, out of sight, out of mind. Work and personal lives should be kept completely separate, and this means no discussions at work that aren’t work related, no talking about work when off work, and ABSOLUTELY NEVER socializing with coworkers outside of work. This also means never taking things personally on the job; like it or not, your feelings mean nothing to the bottom line or your bank account
Exactly one of the reasons why I stay to myself lol
Everybody is fake at work at most times.
I’d like to think most of do our different selfs, home, work friends etc but I find it to be way different than saying fake. It’s all about how authentic we are with people.
If you take public transit, see how many people are happy to be going to work. None! Most are sleeping between their jobs. If you drive, count how many times you are given the finger because people just aren't happy to be working (but it is a necessary evil.)
Be friendly just don’t let people know your goals. Be friendly but not familiar. Great advice treat work like prison hide why you are in there .
Yep don’t let them into your personal deep deep life.
I never hide why I’m at work. My reasoning is simple: I’m there to earn a paycheck, just like everyone else
There could be lots of fake friends at work, but,,,, two of my closest friends were guys I met at work. They were with me through thick and thin, both of them were my friends for about 30 years, sadly prostate cancer took one in 2013, and pancreatic cancer took the other one in 2015. they were the kind of guys you can call at 3 a.m. cuz you were in a serious jam, and they would get dressed put their shoes on, and come help you, they were truly like family.
sadly you don't meet too many people at work like that, but every once in a while you get lucky
I had a co-worker who I helped with writing her the damn emails because her (Dutch) grammar suck, explaining her the software system we use, with helping her collecting the numbers for our funds. And then she attacked me because I disagreed with her and told me not to know what to do with me. I was like… what? All these moments I helped you, you knew damn well what to do with me and now you throw me into the trash. She played me hard by pretending being nice. I learned my lesson. And oh..,you don't have to tell them what you did in the weekend if they asked you. That is a trick to get private information out of you. Just say, "all was fine thanks".
I'm sorry you went through this. Excellent tip for everyone at the end though!
Ik had ook een collega die ik met zoveel dingen had geholpen, ik nam iedere keer de tijd om haar alles uit te leggen en vervolgens durfde ze te zeggen dat mijn uitleg verwarrend was en dat ik haar kleineerde. Dit soort mensen zijn gaslighters, ze proberen de waarheid te verdraaien en het te doen lijken alsof jij het probleem bent, terwijl zij gewoon te dom zijn om het zelf te kunnen of te begrijpen!
Mmmhmm been there
@@thirteenwolfies Narsistische profiteurs zijn het.
True
I had this learn the hard way, I had a co-worker who got me fired, should've never trusted him. Now I know better, keep my mouth shut, keep my head down, work than go home.
Yes they are, that’s why you don’t invite them to things like your wedding or birthday parties. They are around you because they have to be they are not sincere.
I hate when the fake friend comes to my cubicle to talk to me. I'm at work to work, not to pretend like we are friends. You are interrupting my thought process. I feel like hanging up a "Do Not Disturb" sign.
I sure hear you on that 💯
Lol
I totally feel you! ❤
🤬 🤬🤬 Oh yeah! Kicked me when I was down. Threw me so far under the bus I can change the oil.
Hahaha
You don't know who your friends are until the last minute. I say, beware of people who pile on the sweetness verbally.
I feel pretty isolated a lot of the times because i refuse to be fake friendly.. like I’m nice and I do converse at times but I stay to myself because I do not care to be fake friendly. Maybe I come across as stand offish because of it but I don’t have the energy to be fake but I do feel isolated at times. I have two people I like and that’s it. Still don’t act overly friendly
Lol 😂your just like me
hey ... toxic gossip is definitely a thing and something to watch out for - especially when you don't know where it is coming from - it can often be the one person you thought was on your side, and then find out they were faking their interest the whole time. I talk about toxic gossip this week as well!
It's a topic that needs so much more discussion than it gets.
I choose to save my energy and stay away from toxicity and feels good. Thank you for this video
I worked with a good friend for years, until one day I was stabbed in the back it really made me feel angry
This is so important as you elevate in your career. When I worked at McDonalds as a teen and in a call center for my early career, people were MUCH less competitive. Few people had the ambition to move up and therefore they had no reason to sabotage you. I am in a mid-level role in corporate now and it is much, much different. The sucking up, gossip and passive aggressiveness is real. If you didn’t feel it in your early career, be aware that this will happen later on. Scarcity and competition brings out the worst in people!
The snakes 🐍🐍🐍. While the fake friend is getting into huge debt(corporate job=30 year mortgage, car notes and Instagram vacations), you are living on next to nothing with huge savings account. Youre prepared for when the snake bites and you leave.
Yes, having that "Oh Shit Fund" Is essential - and sometimes that means 'oh shit I don't want to do this anymore'
@@JenniferBrick Great idea!!! Gonna rename my "nest egg" to the "oh shit fund"!!! Love it😎😍😍👏🏿👏🏿
Great plan. The most miserable, dramatic person at my last job was heavily in debt and couldn't get a new job. These people cause drama because they want to distract from their horrible lives. Don't ever get "stuck" like they are.
@@TimErwin so true one of my coworker she always complains about money and she always causes drama.
Lol I had a coworker with all these red flags but he wasn't a fake he was just young and inexperienced. I tried to give him some advice qnd tell him trusting coworkers was a bad idea. He couldn't understand why and the poor guy got burned in the end.
I use to have this. These people are extremely toxic as hell. They get into my business and telltale on me all the time.
Glad you're using past tense here!
I got a few of these and yes it’s toxic.
Why no true friends because many co workers are social climbers,some becomes mistress of the higher up acting the little principal, or little boss.
Great video! I usually take the extreme stance that no one I work with is my friend and the only time I’ll be friends with a co-worker is when one of us leaves the job. Keeps you out of a lot of drama/problems.
Good thoughts/ opinion
Easier said than done people then say you have an attitude especially as a black man. I am friendly I smile I am nice 👍🏻 I talk about funny things my kids do, my nephews and pets do. I don’t talk about my personal goals ever like they don’t know I wanted to buy a house etc.
Smart.
Bingo!!
@heinuchung8680 people do, in fact, think I have an attitude because I don’t want to chat with coworkers about things that are not work related. I also don’t care what they think about me personally. If people want to take things so personal and let their feelings get in the way of doing what they’re supposed to be doing, I wouldn’t want to be friends with them anyways even if they weren’t coworkers. I don’t have time to deal with any of that
Believe it or not, I filed six lawsuits in my lifetime. Three of them were coworkers. Two out of those three coworkers were from the same company.
Work is about money not worthless conversations
Be friendly not overly familiar.
There are people that talk bad about someone and a little later act as nothing ever happened in the workplace, other just started in a job and act as they are in charge, some watch videos instead to be working during work hours, there are also some workers that talk trash about the other that is in the next cubicle, and there are the ones that keep making silly conversations in the middle of the office while others want to WORK, I guess those are just some of the reasons that many want to work from home, the problem is NOT the work itself, the problem is the co-worker's behavior, so please people, WORK and stop talking so much.
The SOB kept calling me "friend", while he was actively throwing me under the bus in front of our toxic boss!!! The mofo screws up constantly and blames others! Luckily, I moved to a different team, not to long ago!!!
This video is so on time for me. Thanks for the guidance, sometimes we need some reassurance to realize we're not crazy.
There are a few who seem to think it's okay to talk about someone's personal struggles when they are not there.
I avoid these people. They come across as so helpful and kind but, they can't work one day without gossiping.
Why does that bother me? Well, because my business is my business. The problem with gossipy people is the information might get in the wrong hands. Some people are malicious and use personal information to distort and make you out in a bad light.
For example, there is one who literally laughs when hearing about someone's hardships or struggles.
Isn't that just a nasty human being? I use the word human loosely.
These kind of people draw large crowds of people around them that can't see them for who they are.
I don't like people who blurt out personal things about people.
This is like the place I work at. A soap opera contains less drama.
@@user-zr6pl6nb6z Sad that this is most work places where adults behave like grade school children.
You are the voice most of us don't have in this twisted world. Thank you ms jennifer.
I am working with fake friend who I was close with. I feel now I was terribly manipulated and triangulated. This happened over a long time. Ended badly for me as I felt very isolated and dismissed and called someone out on something that made me look petty and awful. I can now see this person for who she is. Especially when I caught her talking negatively to our supervisor about me. Oh and she blocked me on Facebook. Which at least one other person knows. I am finally learning to set boundaries and not blurt out stuff to her just because she asks. However she continues to ask about my family personal life and will tell me about her children. Which I do not want to know about. My concerned is I'm going to look life the difficult person again if I'm not warm towards her. She is very covert and I would say well liked by most. I don't want to look like the problem employee. How do you manage someone that has blocked you and you know undermines you but then continues to chat in a social way to portray herself in a good light?
Completely ignore the person. Pay absolutely no attention to the person unless necessary due to work. At first she will think it’s a game, that you’re just “going through a phase”, she’ll try to greet you or somehow attempt to converse with you. Nope, permission denied. Eventually she’ll get the hint and leave you alone indefinitely. Possibly she will manipulate your coworkers into thinking of you as a bad person. That’s ok, keep to yourself, in fact, being spoken about behind your back keeps your name in people’s mouth, and when you pay no attention and ignore it, certainly at first you can’t defend yourself and people might assume these rumors are true, and even if they are so be it, but then people will begin to wonder about you, and your psychology. You’ll be mysterious, a subliminal topic of perpetual interest. So ignore, and pay no mind to these parasitic individuals. There’s tactic, and there’s strategy. Your tactic short-term; ignore. Your strategy is the long game: keep people guessing.
Thank you for the video, I was beginning to think I was being a jerk. My coworker is always trying to bribe me with treats/ drinks. She compliments me often and it just sounds odd even though there’s truth to it. She loves to play devils advocate and it turns the room sour. I feel like she’s been talked to about how others perceive her. Shes on the bend now with performing better but there’s still reservations I have about interacting with her. I’m glad she’s doing better but I don’t trust the atmosphere. I really love the place I work and I’m well respected but the people in the office are super out there, unprofessional, narcissistic, and I feel embarrassed watching them interact with our customers. Management knows there all trouble but they continue to work 🤦♀️
I just started this job, 2 months in now. They are all nice, but something in my guts tells me to be careful. Now my boss "adviced" me to have lunch in more often. I dont want but imma do it and just gonna eat real fast as i nod and smile. They talk poorly of so many people, i got to assume they do the same about me when they get bored. So no, i dont want them as my friends.
My boss blurred the lines of professionalism with friend territory when he asked to hangout w my bf and I. I thought it was ok (I was 18/19 and he was a 42 yr old man who wanted to hangout w us) I rlly thought nothing wrong with this! 💀 It doesn’t matter if it’s the manager, the boss, or a coworker. DO NOT spend time willingly outside of work with anyone who you want to stick around a long time. Maybe wait until they get fired or you quit or vice versa. I’ve had a friend my age ghost me that I met from work it really messed me up. Then I had a 30+ year old trying befriend and she was so insistent on hanging out outside of work. Then I come to hear she’s been telling management I talk too much. The ones who wanna be your friend the most and makes you teeter that line of professional vs personal. STAY AWAY. STAY FAR AWAY. They have their own game and intentions in mind. After I quit the job after 2 years the boss publicly went off online and bullied me. So I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve worked there, how hard, how friendly you were. People will ALWAYS bring you down. It’s better to just stay quiet and shoot down any requests tbh
Everyone is FAKE friend at my work and they taught me to be FAKE friend to them too!
I like this video, very informative. I think most people fall for the joke and Coke moment. Just because you share a laugh and Coca-Cola does not mean your co-worker is your friend. How many friends do people have once they leave their old job and start a new job? Most work relationships end the second your that co-worker leaves the company.
Yep. I worked at one place for over seven years. Know how many people kept contact with me? Zero.
Be proactive at the work , always talk to bosses
To be honest, I probably have most of these habits because I don't really have friends, so I really wanted to make friends at work. Bad idea! It got me burned. Sometimes the overly friendly person is just lonely and isn't trying to gather information to backstab you. But yeah, lesson learned. No need to try to make friends at work because they are "situational friends".
Let's get something straight
People at work are your colleagues, NOT your friends.
And the idea of anyone at work becoming personal friends off the clock is unhealthy.
When you are at work and you see colleagues buddying up, that's called a click..clicks can be very advantages if you're a member.
As a person who has never been a member, it's my experience that the fake friend is a member , or at least a covert member.
Do yourself a favor, go to work, and put your best foot forward and go home. Keep your emotions in check, and don't let anyone know what you're thinking or planning.
Most importantly, keep your personal life personal.
If this sounds a little bit like a poker game, it's because it is. If you remain a mystery at work, the toxic clicks will go nuts trying to figure you out. Eventually, they will fear you.
I have a fake female co-worker, she has stabbed me in the back a few times, one method I find that works best is to really confuse them. Act as if you never noticed them stabbing you in the back... or make the situation seem like they stabbed you in the back for no reason & that they caused all that drama for nothing. This really, really pisses them off.
Good job Imma use this
“Make the situation seem oike they stabbed u in the back”i find this interesting .. but how??can you please tell me an example? 😊
This technique has crossed my mind. And if she asks the who, what, where, when question I'm just going to say Im uncomfortable discussing anything with you bcuz you've proven yourself untrustworthy.
I'm thinking this is last resort type stuff but with who I'm dealing with I think this is the only way to get this woman away from me.
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 No, don't give the person any indication that you're aware of what they're doing. If you just act like you're completely unaware & never react to their bullshit, it really annoys them, because that's what they want, a reaction.
You don’t need to add their gender. It doesn’t make a difference
Girl , you make such awesome videos that I've been looking for
I have been at my new Job for almost 1month and luckily I was able to see the color of my one co worker whom I vent out most of the time, she is taking credit for my work and talk shit behind my back I learned my lesson and distance myself from her.
Coworkers at work claiming to be friends is like youtubers that want to tell their subs that they are "family"
I'm at my first real job (had one before but it was like 4 months and half of it was training so i don't count that). I started as a temp along with a bunch of people and became good friends with 2 of those temps. The three of us were offered permanent contracts and i was really happy, we moved to different departments but it was still good as we all went to departments we wanted to be in. All of a sudden those guys stopped talking to me, i thought fair enough we're in different departments and have different schedules now, no big deal. A month goes by and I've barely spoken to them, one day I'm sitting in the office lounge and those guys walk in, i have the biggest table and they walked straight past me and go sit on another table. I tried to start up a conversation and i got 1 word answers so i just left. The next day i get called up to a meeting with my boss and those 2 guys. They had lists of things that they had problems with. I admitted to some of them as genuine screw ups on my part but there were some things that even my boss said weren't issues. One particular example is one of our senior team members left and one of those guys partly took his place. Someone came back from holiday and the best way i could describe that change was "oh he's the new *person that left*" because to us he practically was as he served the same function in that team. Apparently i was insinuating that the guy poached someone else's job which was entirely untrue and thankfully my boss backed me up on it. Also, one of their complaints was I'd sometimes not talk to anyone and actively avoid them in my free time, that was true and i explained i did it for mental health reasons (depression) and sometimes i need to withdraw and I'll never forget what this guy said "I have depression and i don't use it as an excuse". I literally told them why i sometimes wouldn't talk to them, or anyone, because they asked and this fucker either accused me of lying about my mental health or said that i have to live up to his standards of how he deals with it. My boss got really angry at him for saying it at the time because that's a fucking awful thing to say to someone. After that meeting, I've been extremely pissed off at those 2, i can't even look at them.
One of the things I've been open about at work is that I'm autistic and sometimes if i step over the line or say something wrong, i need to be told. It doesn't happen often but slip ups do sometimes happen with me. It's not necessarily rude things but just things that are inappropriate for the workplace (talking about contracts, money etc). These guys didn't tell me there was a problem, then blanked me for a month and then the moment i interacted with them, i get dragged into a meeting with my boss. It's been over a month since that meeting and apart from one "morning" I've not said a word to them. I hate going into work now when 2 months ago i loved my job. I've stopped going to work events, especially those out of office hours. I barely smile anymore and people have started to notice. I honestly wish those guys made their complaints sooner because if they did, i wouldn't have accepted the permanent contract and i wouldn't have renewed my temp one, I'd have walked out the door.
Now I'm searching for a new job in my down time at the office, as soon as i get an offer i like, my boss is getting my resignation letter and I'll be gone a month after that. I can go into my next job with the lesson i learned from this one, my coworkers are not my friends and if I'm not directly working with them then i don't want to know them
I barely got high functioning aspergers & I learned the hard way about keeping mouth shut. Just be friendly & stay on neutral subjects like hiking, video games, scuba, skiing, etc. If u say something they don't like they might try to get you fired. Trust me! Horrible experiences. Don't say anything they could get mad, jealous.
100%, no friends at work
I'm overly friendly and try to include new people because I know how it feels to be the outsider. How else do adults make friends if not for at work?
Hobbies, social events/conventions, dating apps. Or, in my case, I don’t need anymore friends than I already have. I have enough hobbies to keep myself entertained even when doing them by myself
@nicholasselke5214 I guess it depends on what you do for work. When you're working on a team, it's important to feel a sense of comradery and trust in coworkers. That doesn't always mean you become best friends, but rather, you connect with each other on a deeper level.
Why do you not have other friends that you have to rely on work to provide?
There are no friends in nursing…
Animal nursing either! LOL
@@sarahtelford9601 That is even more sad.
After 22 years nursing , I kept 1 friend.
There ain’t friends in public health either
Healthcare environments are superficial most of the time and I’m a major in Health Information Technology/Health Information Management. Not a battlefield healthcare worker but I realized the people in that field are very weird, not nice, and kind of cliquey.
Life is like a battle , be proactive as always
My coworkers socialise with each other outside of work. It’s not something that I do as I like to keep some boundaries but the effect of their out of office social time leaves me feeling isolated from the group when at work. What steps could be taken to build a better working relationship but still keep my personal time my own?
I also have a coworker who has started to do the low talking trick to pull attention/as a power move. It drives me nuts! Any suggestions on how to shut this down are welcome!
If you are not of their ethnicity, you are fine. Cliques and blobs of the same dominate some companies, especially child care because that is the only job they are qualified for. If I was a parent, I would note the staff's origin. They hate you for not being one of them.
On my last job there was someone who behaved just like a "fake friend". He was overly friendly. Shared way too much information with me. Always offered help, even when he could not help. I was very careful when talking and working with him. I took him up on his offers of help by formalizing them in public meetings and minutes. He was then officially committed to give the help he offered. It took some management, but he did come through in the end. As far as I could tell he never did anything untoward or tried to undercut me or our project. Maybe he was really sincere.
He might have been sincere. I've been like how you describe that guy. I've shared too much information, just in an effort for connection.
I don't consider my coworkers my friends. They are people I work with not friend.
I'm in tech. Apparently, the norm is to work at a place for a couple of years, then move elsewhere for better pay. Fuck promotions.
I agree.
This sounds like my last boss...
You could sing it. I worked with someone who was so friendly but found out later that he would hang me for 5 euro and sell tickets to the show. We could still work together though but the trust was gone. But the thing is - they don't see it as their fault, they play the victim.
You will also know a viper in your midst whenever you find out that he/she has no real friends on the outside. Beware!
Even "real" friends at work can turn sour; maybe they'll ask for you to cover for them on a day you planned something or maybe HR isn't so uptight about fraternization and you both get a crush on the same person.
I'm the kind of guy who's a REAL friend at work to those who want to avail themselves of me and show me respect. I'll go to the ends of the earth for such people. I'm not smiley all the time and I don't glad hand, though, so I'm not well-liked. People like to judge a book by its cover.
I had one in 2008 her name was Katie she was young friendly and outgoing etc at first she was personable engaged in conversations etc however, she then would always ask/beg me for rides which she lived in the totally opposite direction to where I was going (lived) and then when my shift would be 5 mins from finishing would ask me to cover her shift because “something suddenly just came up” always family related issues after time I caught on and just said no can’t do it I finish at 430 if you had a family thing you had plenty of time to ask me people don’t just throw on a family function at 430pm out of the blue and except you to leave work to get to it. She ended up leaving the company then one day out orbiter blue called the company and asked me to give her free product without having to pay for it because you know “we’re friends”
Want to find out if someone is a fake friend? Give that person some fake gossip about you and see what happens.
I told one, "I'm not THAT rich" 😩 when he kept asking about my finances. A week later everyone was talking about how rich I was.
Guess who I'll never confide in about something important? 🤣
So smart and strategic 👌
2:30 Overly friendly
3:10 Inserts themselves to your life
3:50 Office gossip
4:40 Backhanded compliments
5:18 Nicest when they needed something 6:05 be clear with ur value
6:35 Cope with fake friends at work7:00boundaries
7:57 Co-workers are not ur friend
No new friends-
What I learned was, when you get fired, you never hear from them again.
you are real Fairy on earth, thanks for sharing dept knowledge
Keep your enemies close
I just quit my job today and my coworker lost her shit. Hence why I never have friends at work. As soon as you get promoted or simply let go they switch up on you.
So on point
I'm going through this right now, it does hurt. I am the supervisor and she lied about her interests and stated she thought of e as a friend and when I decided to go to another job she completely turned on me
i think it really depends on where you work. yes some places watch your back and front fakers everywhere. and I've had this done to me several times and some times there are generally some really good places and sometime because you've been backstabbed so many times, its hard to trust poeple
I've been screwed but I'm more creative . I do record conversations without them knowing and will use it🤫💯
Okay solid video but serious question - when your boss is the ringleader and you’re outside of the “clique,” do you just quit? I can be cordial, my personal brand is successful by client standards (they all rave about me), but my coworkers and boss are obviously conspiring and gossiping all the team in their private Teams chat. Do I just quit? Can’t find another job in my field right now
You set boundaries!!! This is a common situation where the leadership is part of the problem and you can still be productive and valuable - while saying no to participating in the gossip - and then validating your perception will be a pivotal element to designing your plan
The best advice I can give to a man is stay the hell away from female coworkers. I have seen people get involved romantically dozens of times and rarely does it end well. Usually it ends up with her quitting the job and or accusing that man of 1)being the biggest POS ever 2)a liar. A lot of these women were either married or in relationships and the first sign of trouble in those relationships they want to go out for a drink after work with male coworkers.
Go to an Oil refinery, a construction site or basically anywhere where it’s all men working. You don’t deal with the fucking gossip that women do. These jobs are demanding and too busy to dick around at. Men vent to a specific guy or guys they trust about stuff but that is about it.
Is lying about my personal life towards my supervisor ok? Especially when requesting time off
It’s important to remember that people morph too and it goes according to personal and workplace needs. You do it also. But, as an example, the friend who appeared to be a bit of a malcontent yesterday? Let them have a renewed need for their job, like a personal tragedy. Suddenly, they’re no longer trying to commiserate with you. Suddenly, they the zealous, 110% employee, that not only wants to fit all “i”s and cross all “t”s. Suddenly, they’re a completely different person, who will snap at you, for having any doubt in workplace operations and goals and who feel loyalty is the best policy.
The whole thing is transient and fake, within itself.
Is all true. Most my coworkers are two faced snakes.
Set apart for the gospel the way you explained this helped my faith thankyou
Wow! I think 🤔 this is good.
Girl you hit this on the nail!!
Hi! I have been watching some videos and they are really cool! I am interested in subjects that you talk here!
The #1 is so true.