Always remember; it's THEM, not you. KNOW it. Feel sorry for such toxic immaturity and feel PROUD you will never have to be THEM. Fight the good fight.
There is one in my life who does this to me frequently, although he has changed over the last 10 years and now he does it less often and with less severity. But he can’t seem to really stop, and that is what I want of course. This video has told me nothing really new, I have read books about this, watched videos and read articles about this, it is the same message, but she has managed to teach Me. This is getting through to me, that I don’t need to worry about him And his problem behavior.
That likely is the main reason, but I think there are others too like; influence, hearing belittling communication from certain people/sources, people can just accept it as normal/common.
Normal, happy, peaceful well-adjusted people who like themselves and are at peace don't have to behave this way. Remember that someones poor behavior is a reflection of them and their experiences, not you. It takes practice not to take things personally but once you learn this it is so freeing. Also helps to engage with such people as little as possible: don't waste your time. A slug is a slug, not a butterlfy.
Perfect comment....I also need to remember that part..A slug is a slug not a butterfly. What sturred this up is there is a lady that works in the apratment office that talks to me like I'm 5, I just smile and move on but feel icky afterwards. Found out she talks down to other neighbors in my complex and worst case was one neighbor has Cerebral Palsy and sometimes need extra help with things as asks office for help (not often) and when she does this lady chews her out.😲
quote>"It takes practice not to take things personally but once you learn this it is so freeing" after putting up with my wife's brother in-law for 30 years I can tell you that quote is not so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For other INFJ persons out there: C.S. Joseph warns people of this type that if they stay around poor people then the INFJ will eventually pick up on that energy. I would recommend INFJ's have an escape plan when in environments with belittling and condescending people.
"I'm hearing what you're saying, but I'm not taking it on board. What you're saying is coming from your perspective, and with respect, it has nothing to do with me." Good answer!
Let garbage take out garbage...a Staten Island, NYC saying.... They will do IT 1000X better :)) 1 day on the front page of SI Advance newspaper a man had 15,000 tires (used of course) in his driveway....someone was telling him something better than U EVER could... Cinthia Eubanks...Hi fr overtaxed NYC metro area...Litchfield County, Connecticut, USA don't ever give anybody your time of the day say hemm...shrug,,look at the person weirdly...as U walk off
Hey Tricia, yep... it's totally not cool that they take it out on other people with unkind behavior, instead of dealing with their own issues. And yet, it happens all the time, right?! Super frustrating I know. And often the people that are the worst at this type of behavior are so "asleep" to it, that they aren't aware (or don't care) enough to create change within themselves to stop the cycle. So in those situations, the best we can do is to deal with it ourselves as consciously as we can. Thanks for being here in our community and sharing your comment. I appreciate it. Have a great weekend! B
When they are belittling, they are screaming out ‘I have a serious problem in my personality and i’m going to sh*t all over you’. Remember these people go to bed unsettled all the time. If its you today, then its someone else tomorrow. Temporarily they get that boost knowing they’ve knocked you down, but it doesn’t last until they do it again to you or find another ‘mark’. No matter how confident and in control they appear, the behaviour is very revealing that deep down, they are unhappy and unsettled.
And don’t be around them all the time because if there friend isn’t there, you are the main person who is present so you are the target. It’s worse when you are the safe.
The problem is that they make you look foolish/ineffective in other people's eyes (it works or else they wouldn't do it ). You can say then don't care about those other peoples' opinions, but sometimes it is in front of people that DO matter to you. Yes, they are insecure, yes they are putting you down to feel better, but honestly, other people do buy into it.
I understand what you mean. The people who believe them are usually no better. Birds of a feather flock together. People who are mature will give everyone a chance instead of forming an opinion solely based on another person's take. Sometimes people are just trying to be polite to the toxic person by listening to them but they may think in their mind, "Yeah whatever, you sure love hating on that person". I learned that its important to not withdraw into loneliness. If you become lonely, such people who hate on you will take advantage of your lack of support. Those people are horrible and weak ... that's why they behave like that
People of any real importance and maturity clearly see belittling behaviour for what it is. A sign of weakness. What they _will_ judge you on is _your_ reaction. If you can hold it together, stay calm, stay professional, respond civilly and move away from the toxic person as quickly as possible then you will go up in other people’s estimation. People admire calmness because it’s a sign of strength - and leadership ability. These experiences may be extremely unpleasant at the time but they are also an opportunity for you to show what you’re made of. Just because the people watching the toxic person’s behaviour say nothing doesn’t mean that they are agreeing.
Observe but don’t absorb. Or say ‘thank you for revealing more about yourself to me’. If they are a narcissistic bully they are not capable of reflecting sadly. Great tips. Thank you.
My logical brain knows it isn’t about me, that said, after years of living with that behavior, it becomes bullying and mental abuse. It is very hard if you are a caring human being to push that aside and not have a lasting effect or have it take an emotional toll.
Totally agreed. So important to have boundaries and sometimes we realize people are unhealthy to be around and aren't willing to change, so tough choices arise about who is safe to be around, how to reduce exposure or indeed if a relationship can even continue. Thank you for sharing. 💛
You should not laugh if it isn’t funny to you. Let that person know they are inappropriate. Laughing means you accept the behavior. Putting them on notice gives them the opportunity to correct the behavior. If it’s excessive enough then report it if it’s job related. If it’s personal then ignore them.
@@jaymorgan. Right! When I laughed, ignored, or brushed it off, it put me in a tricky place and they got worse overtime to where it became dangerous for me. I even found myself apologizing for things that I didn’t even do especially when it came to the kids. The people I dealt with were also prejudice towards me and would take my kindness for a weakness or assumed that I was guilty of something (black people can be prejudice to their own people too.) I can also tell they were prejudice based on the things they said to me that wasn’t true. It eventually affected my mental health or caused me to be spiteful towards then hoping that it would stop not knowing how to handle it. These people are awful and you can feel the evil seething out of them. I experienced the same on the job and wish I had’ve reported them.
Linda Easley: Please be advised: I'm not an expert, but IMHO possibly someone in a leadership position in your family may be a narcissist who sends signals to the others to treat you that way. Just because someone is related to you does NOT mean that they will not be jealous of you or hate you. Especially if you are talented in some way that they are not. Disengage if necessary for your own good. Life is short, don't let them make yours miserable. Good luck.
I think in reality these people feel personally helpless deep inside. So they try to elevate their sense of their ego by belittling other people. Then they get caught in this bad trap -- envy, etc, which is very addictive behavior. It is like a drug addict taking a drug to feel better instead of doing something different in their life. Their self-image is maintained by taking "hits" on other people, rather than based on whatever it is they are doing in their own lives.
I love how clear you are about this subject. I’ve been dealing with this for years and didn’t notice until recently. I would always tell myself how weird or off some people tones were toward me. I would just walk away feeling stupid and unconfident about myself. I know now I’ve been letting others condition me to feel small. I’m grateful for videos like these and therapist who are take the time to help others to wake up and see reality for what it is.
Yeah, usually 60+ people don't change. Of course, there are people who are exceptions but they are rare. I mean they lived 60+ years and didn't change their ways.
This reminds me of my mother. I don’t understand why a mother would not cheer and root for her child to succeed in life. It’s about her and her insecurities, and I accept that and walk away. No contact.
It’s sad but I moved country to avoid my family who were condescending a lot and too arrogant to change. I still talk to them but I find being separated by a few thousand miles of ocean helps. Less arguments now because of space.
It's hard when your disrespected all the time by people, I often get people discrediting my experiences and points of view, talked over the top of and just generally people think I'm the b**** when I'm not I've just had enough of being treated badly and you become cold hearted after awhile.
Hey Hayley, I hear you and your experiences and points of view are so valid and important, and it's super frustrating if you're surrounded by people who don't or won't acknowledge that. Set those boundaries, choose to be around people who value you and give you the space to be yourself and be heard, and while I always encourage people to keep their hearts open to life... it's totally valid to CLOSE your space to people who don't earn the right to be there, who aren't safe, who are lost in their own pain/ego (closing your space with strong boundaries) and then at the same time allowing into your space and inner circle those who are respectful, kind, loving and genuine. With love, B
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. It can be hard blocking that type of negativity but with your advice I feel like I can be in control. Thanks again :)
This comment section makes me feel so much better. I’m currently dealing with a condescending ASSISTANT manager and it just hit me reading these comments... something about me is triggering some insecurity in her! 🤯😱
Me too! I notice that in my senior coworker. She always belittles me when I'm very nice with her. I don't know what i did to her to treat me that way. It's only when i realized i hv something that she is envious of when i confided to a friend and that friend mentioned my coworker seems jealous or envious of me.
@@rochellesonza6505 Do everything you can to not have too much contact with her. These kind of people need people to be angry at. If you are distant with her she will find someone else to pour that negative energy on. Just keep as much distance as possible and be very boring with her, they love drama.
People project their hurt on to others . It is a reflection on them but remember someone might of projected their hurt on that person. It can be like a virus. Takes a strong person to ignore and love themselves any way. 💕
I can’t help but view it as standing up for yourself, if you don’t react, everyone thinks less of you, and if they think less of you, they begin to treat you like less. I also believe feeling bad for them is an ego thing, it all depends on their motives, if they want attention, I ignore them, if they’re trying to poke on me because I’m an easy target, then they’ve got another thing coming.
@@surnamename293 You should be trying to flip the frame of reactor/actor. If someone messes with you, you should typically flip the frame by doing something that would make them react to you. It’s about power, if someone tells you what to do and they’re not your boss, start telling them what to do, you can do this only if your in a positive or high energy mood most of the time, you have to build up a positive energy or you’ll come off too negative and reactive. Think of it like this, everyone is competing for social dominance and authority, the competent hold power over the incompetent, typically displaying that power through teasing or messing with them. Just play the game, everyone plays it, it could even be as simple as telling someone to drink a certain drink after work. Everyone plays this game. It may go against your moral thinking to view things this way but from what I’ve seen, this is the way of the world when it comes to person to person interactions, your morality should be separate from those interactions, but still in tact. I’m probably terrible at explaining things, lol. There are action takers and reactors, try to be an action taker, control your reactions, and make others react to you.
Nah~ not worth to harm your lovely knuckles x) Love yourself and let them talk whatever they want and fail at their life when you're stepping ahead of them. Cheers!
I know it's the smugness that they enjoy Making a fool out of people. It's either because they are too full of themselves and enjoy acting like they are above people. Or its because they are insecure and like to put people down to boost their egos. Its best to ignore them and think what ever it's their behaviour their problem. And dont give them a reaction thats what they want.
We can rule these out in a narcsisstic and toxic environment We need to be watchful and relax to release the toxic effect on us Thanks ma for the great job Love and greetings from Nigeria
The hardest part of this is to be empathetic with them. I always want to push people like this away from me. If you do this all the time however, then you carry hate and cant let anybody in. One love is one way out. Unfortunately you cannot get away from this behavior entirely so learning how to deal with it is essentiall to your survival. Life is a fine line.
Thank you! 💕 This is one of the best explanations of this I've heard! It's easier said than done. If someone throws a rotten egg on your face, it's about them trying to get rid of the eggs they carry, but the yolk still ends up on you! 🙄
Yes totally! There is a very real harmful impact, so we have to then take care of ourselves, set boundaries, communciate, reduce exposure and heal from those effects. 💛
I love this, but one tricky part about giving that response back to them is they pick things that usually have some truth to them ...that's where I feel it gets complicated and they are able to have success at bringing down your confidence and causing you to question your performance or who you are (even if you know your intentions were good, you didn't mean to cause a problem and maybe even know that you can outperform them at a task).
Thank you so much for sharing this, my workplace has persons who treat others this way. I’m now more conscious and make it a point to not take the things they say personally. Also appreciate the comments here bolstering advice to limit interactions with belittling people, and find support to stay strong and keep going.
It has been my experience with an elder brother, that he was the golden child, he can't stand not being the center of attention, they love to be front and center all the time.
It's good you can see what the pattern is that is playing out, and then the focus is often best to be put on how to release, accept that is how they are and see how to be your best self irrespective of that situation. Not easy, but our power is best where we can use it... on what we can control, within ourselves.
My wife called me upset because her boss was being very rude and makeing her feel less than. He approached her in a way that couldve been completely avoided. Hes supposed to be this good christian man who uplifts younger kids and guides them but that made me so angry and wanted to approach him. I'm more confrontational when it comes to my family but now I know that its just a waste of time...
My husband is very condescending towards me and I have learned over these 8 years that its because he is slightly more insecure in himself but it pisses me off when he does it in front of people. Just because he is insecure and uses words he doesnt understand and I try to correct him in the nicest way possible doesnt give hom the right to shoot back and say "you're so cute babe but I know what i'm talking about." 🙄 really? Is that why people walk out of our lives all the time? Because YOU know what you're talking about or is it because you belittle people and act like a narcissistic tool whenever we meet someone new? I need this advice to save me.
Thanks for sharing, that's a difficult situation to be in. I hear you. Have you tried talking to him at a time outside of these exchanges, a time when you're both calm and in different headspace. You might well have tried already. I have a video on having difficult conversations to help approaching tough topics in new ways, in case that's of interest here is the link... How to Have a Difficult Conversation bit.ly/2HaZnkd Warmest wishes B
Just leave! He won’t change if he is a true narc. And then you need to understand why you’ve attracted a narc. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun but is worth understanding the dynamics so it doesn’t happen again. Good luck! You deserve better
Hey dear. How's it going? Thank you for posting that. Are y'all still together? That exact thing happened to me last night and I was crushed. He did it in front of an audience in a public place. I am still devastated. He's always very short and grrr with me lately as well. Its more and more all the time.
The best way to throw that anger out is to show them how well you're doing and that would hurt them more than your punches!! and best? They can't touch you! X)
My 40 year old niece told me a couple of weeks ago that she’s condescending towards people. I’ve felt belittled by her many times, I never understood her behavior, until now. Thank you!
My wife unfortunately is like that. She lives in the past, compares me to others and objects (by saying theyr better), belittles me. Ignoring is impossible, reacting doesn't help, and staying calm is not always an option. I pray she wakes up and reflects on her behaviour...
Thank you for this video. I am upset with myself for not fighting fire with fire, but I am not that person. Don't want to be the one with a quick mouth and a sharp tongue. I do however feel I have to say something so thank you for this approach. Letting them know I see you, your behavior is not acceptable, and all while remaining grounded and aware but still kind to myself and them. I am dealing with a narcissist who bullies by proxy and enjoys gas lighting. If you have more advice on how to deal with these types of behaviors please post.
Hi Tina, yes we have vids on the channel and on my website www.pinchmeliving.com (vids, audios and articles) about how to deal with lots of types of rude, toxic and difficult people. You will find those if you search in the playlists and on the website. These are packed with heaps of helpful tips! B
Some people have no understanding so they just keep on acting the same way...some people grew up but really wasn't raised...they have absolutely no coping skills and so they turn to irrational behavior
If you do not mind, can you explain in more details the bullies by proxy and enjoys gas lighting? Are you still dealing with this person? How do you cope?
On point as usual B. This is exactly what I needed to hear after a new acquaintance lashed out at me over the weekend. I'm proud that I was able to take that breath and respond peacefully and remove myself from the situation. For some reason though, the interaction lingered in my mind all day Sunday and into today. I listen to a lot of spiritual counselors on UA-cam. I find your guidance most resonant. You, kaypacha and "mama Louise" (louise Hay) can't thank you enough.
+Nella Fitzgerald Hey Nella, well done you for taking pause and responding peacefully, and while the energy of it lingered, we learn with time how to witness that, process it, cleanse ourselves and move on. You're doing great and it's a pleasure to share these resources with you. Thanks for being a part of the community. Sending you warmest wishes! B :)
You have to be careful how you respond to someone who puts you down because they are insecure. You cannot ignore them because silence is the same as condoning and rewarding their bad behavior. If you reward their bad behavior, then they will continue to treat you this way and may treat you worse.
True I once encountered such a person and I always threw words right back at him,funny thing is he thought he knew everything that I know and asked me to prove him wrong I said I'll have to think of a quiz to ask but not right now maybe later or tomorrow he said see you doesn't know anything,I looked at him and told him u wanna me to tell you like right now I can't and wait you said I don't know anything and yet have told you half already of what I know, so you mean cause have failed to answer you now I don't know anything at all seriously you gotta be serious, anyways just cause you asked something doesn't mean I'll answer you anything just for the sake of talking....I have to think,I again asked him if have asked you anything would u have answered me all at an instant yes,told him Good for you we are different I can't have to think deeply first, guess what while were going home I wanted to call him out and asked him why is he always tries to get a one up on me but I was so upset and feared if he answered anything wrong I would smash his face,I told him its nothing next day he slipped up when asked by a guy that saw what he was trying to do to me and failed to answer some lame quiz the guy called me and said he failed to answer this quiz I laughed and told him that quiz was easy and I answered,told him see you too doesn't know anything and btw not everybody know everything remember yesterday what u told me now its your turn,he was embarrassed and laughed quietly, I asked him why do u try to put me down and say I don't know this or that,told him that infuriated me that's why yesterday I called him to ask what's his problem?he said he did it cause he felt I don't listen to him while his speaking I just said why didn't u tell me that instead of acting like that he said how would I tell you and you don't listen I was stunned he got his friend to side with him on this and I let it go I just said ok if you didn't mean anything bad by what you said ok..since then he didn't say any mean things ...
Totally agree. I challenged my condesender. no way will he be allowed to treat me that way. Yes, you are right, they will treat you worse and you will be a seen as a walkover
Thanks, great video! Sometimes though people need to be called out on their bullshit behaviour. Unless they have a huge ego and can’t see past it it can help them think about their behaviour and change. And sometimes if they won’t change you just have to walk away. I had to walk away from my own family and ‘friends’ sometimes because it was always about their opinion being right while they trashed mine and how I felt. “I know what’s best for you, I’ll decide how you should feel and what you should be doing” is one of the most arrogant things you could ever say to someone. I’ve been pushed around by people like that for years but no more.
Hi Simon Thanks for sharing your experience. Yes agreed that sometimes it is beneficial for everyone involved to call it out directly for what it is and let someone know objectively what their behavior is and how it's coming across, and more importantly to make them aware of the harm they are causing. And potentially to point out a solution as a different way of being. Those situations with people who can see past ego and attack/defense mode, and be open to hearing... it can be life changing! While there will be some people that will never get it, and any attempt to communicate will waste energy and cause more turmoil, there are indeed many people who while they may not like to hear it and pretend they don't care or rally against it, underneath may take it onboard when seeds are planted for greater self awareness by someone pointing out what is going on. I do appreciate you sharing about this very specific type of belittling pattern of "I know what's best for you"... which indeed is a huge crossing of boundaries. No one can know what is right for another, even our little ones are sovereign beings, and each person has their own inner knowing and guidance system. It's awesome you are so clear on your boundaries and rights, and are "no more" willing to participate in that energy with people wanting to exert power over/control. Wishing you the best! B
Well I kinda have nothing to do with people especially then they are nagtive and rude and disrespectful i.m also a loner so I don.t need anyone in my life accept for cat and dogs
Animals are more predictable than people. I have zero expectations of other humans. Age is not a sign of maturity or self awareness. Adults are just as bad as kids with no filter
Thank you for this great out look. I have been searching for a answer and you nailed it. It's not my job to fix my broken brother who I have been calling a Angry Ostrich
"Guys, always ask yourself, how would other people react to that toxicness, if your answer is radical, than you should be radical as well, close and get free" - Joel C
You're describing people that I know. I knew someone who always found something negative to say about me and I felt like I was nothing by the time our visit was over. Now I know why he did this. Thank you!
I remember when I was young and the few times I belittled someone. Of course mimicking someone of course trying to find my self stages. Self reflecting analyzing the effects of my actions and causes. Good video informative she knows what she's talking about that's real.
I have a pastor who nit picks everything I post on Facebook. He says it MIGHT hurt other peoples feelings but he don’t consider my feelings of his criticism. I only cried my eyes out and went into depression.
It can be really hard when someone who we value like a family member, friend or a faith leader in your situation, has said something that feels hurtful to us. Sometimes that stings more than a stranger saying something in passing. I'm sending love your way.
This helped me so much. My family have always been like this. This helps me feel so much better about cutting them out of my life. I'm much better off not standing to that constant type of abuse. Nothing I would ever say help them, they have no idea they're absolute monsters. Thank you for words on how to acknowledge this pain. I will use this
I found that separating yourself from people that cause you unmerciful pain is better than trying to "fix" them ( you can't)...family are the worse..friends you can drop..responding to that nasty behavior is what they want...ignoring them is better in the long run...as for those co workers...do your job..work around them...poker face them and call it a day...gosh they must be so miserable...
This was Excellent! I am so proud of myself I listened got quiet, did NOT react I did NOT raise my voice, and I did NOT curse. I’m getting BETTER! Thank you so very very much for making this video! My remedy for the solution was to tell the person GOODBYE, then BLOCK and DELETE! and that was literally our only second conversation, we NEVER MET! Thank God I saw the warning signs and red flags and moved on QUICKLY! I’m So proud of myself I’m able to self soothe ,validate ,and give MYSELF self worth ,and its videos like these that really help us ,I appreciate you!
Oh, I think the folk that condescend and demean others KNOW EXACTLY what they are doing, and are doing it INTENTIONALLY; they feel inferior to you for whatever reason, that many will never understand or comprehend. Just exit from them: it isn't worth the time spent in that negative energy to even engage.
yeah but you cant always just avoid these people sometimes its a family member or someone dear to you. There are times you have to live with it. But i agree to that amount that you should avoid them if not necessary
My whole family is this way towards me, I don't think any of my family are narcissists My father was a raging alcoholic, that's all I need to say No one in my family knows what a healthy relationship is & at this point never will My 70, & I'm the youngest of the sibling, & I've just recently cut ties with the last one of my siblings that I was still talking to If I'd known what a weight could be lifted by just have no contact, I'd have done this long ago Wasted so much time trying to do the right thing & nothing was ever the right thing. Lose/lose every time, exhausting!!
Hi David. Thank you for sharing this and I'm sure others will read this and find support and permission perhaps to listen to what their own heart may tell them if they are struggling with a similar situation. Thank you. May this season of your life be filled with peace and freedom 💛
Thank you for this, rewatching as a refresher since I had to endure some very condescending behaviors at work today. It got to me more than it normally does and your video is actually quite comforting and helpful.
Hi Bernadette! I wanted to say thank you for putting the last piece in my pussle. Both my parents are narcissistic. I been studying my family history. How my parents were brought up. I been studying myself my reactions to be able to heal myself. In one video you made. you talked about a fishingrod. That is exactly what my parents do. Come tu see us we are missing you. When you go to see them they behave bad. it doesn't make sense. You get confused. Of course I understand it now. They feel less than you and need to elevate. And when you leave. They say come to see us again. They only say that because they need someone to abuse so they can feel better. It is interesting when you are studying your own family history so many things are generation related. It is a big relief to discover that nothing had anything to do with you in the first place. You are whole and worthy since the day you were born. You are a true Angel. Sending my love and gratitude. Than you, thank you, Thank you.
Annette Weber As someone who basically avoids my family for personal reasons, I’ve never thought about studying my family history. My family’s dynamics aren’t the typical perfect parents, children, and others and this may or may not effect our relationships between each other.
"I am hearing what you're saying but I am not taking in onboard. What you're saying is coming from your view and your perspective. And with the utmost respect it has nothing to do with me." - Beautiful
I find it useful that you shifted the focus back to ourselves, and being more conscious about who we are. Being grounded and aware of what we have done and how far we have come is a significant way to deal with these people. While it takes practice, glad to have watched your video.
I get that it’s not about me...but when I’m with my BF and he’s being this way in front of my kids , it sends a message that I do not love myself if I stay with someone who doesn’t act respectfully to others ...
Yes and certainly always follow your own intuition. 😊💛 It's also a powerful conversation to have and lesson to teach to young ones about to manage these types of situations in life.
One of my BEST FRIENDS did that, and has done that off and on for YEARS!!!! The last time she did that was at lunch this month. I guess it really was the LAST TIME, because I haven't spoken to her since.
B, your "Pinch Me Living" You Tube Videos have been life changing for me. Thank you! It has helped me understand things I have been questioning for a long time on a different level. It has actual caused me to have a real shift in my thinking! Wow, thank you.
thank you for sharing this information. In my family, when responding, even respectfully, it triggers verbal threats of physical violence. In my case its a bit more tricky to navigate through. I just don't associate with the person, I don't acknowledge them to keep some space. But I can feel the nasty looks and see eye-roles.
Hi Parris, thanks for your message, and I'm sorry you have to go through that and be subjected to threats. Your wellbeing and safety is paramount and so removing yourself from people/places that threaten your physical wellbeing is important. Well done on keeping space and not associating with people who do that to you. Stay well, stay strong, sending best wishes.
She knows what she's doing, I spoke to her over n over n all she does is laugh rather than say sorrr, or I didn't mean too. Stay away from ppl who bring you down n try to anger you ehen all you did was show love n respect.. Respect goes both ways. High vibe vs low vibe people.
Hi David, yes it can be so infuriating right, and that way we end up feeling small or unseen, unvalued or ridiculed naturally raises those feelings, even if logically we know/believe they aren't true or right, it can hit a pain point when others don't see us for who we really are (ie they don't see our heart, our value, with equality and compassion).
When this happens 24/7 , it gets too tough to deal with. One sees no wood from the trees. Their pain reflected upon us. I shut myself down . Invisible.
I have a "friend" who, respond to any compliment with either silence or a compliment to themselves. Any time I explain anything, he already knew. If I'm naturally talented at art, he is too. I'm interrupted and expected to listen. I need to listen to his advice cause he's All knowing. I owe him something.
Another tip to remember, a lot of times people that behave this way use this as a tactic to back you up and they use these unhealthy behaviors to dismiss you and to release themselves of answering a question with direct transparency or being self accountable during a conversation that requires their engagement. Narcissist use this as a WEAPON, as well as emotional abusers, and people that lack knowledge and instead of saying, "I don't know, let me find out", pride and fear overtakes them, so they respond harshly. People that possess these behaviors are grossly dangerous, and most times these type of people will emotionally attack you and go on with their day and convince themselves that they did nothing wrong. I recommend when anyone receives this treatment, first thing, put space between you and that person. Go to a quiet place and pray, ask God to intervene. (You need back up from a source that's stronger than your flesh. Remember God loves you and if there was nothing brilliant and beautiful about you, no one would take the time and energy to emotionally attack you. You hold power and authority, and they know it!. 💜 This is a well needed video, thank you so much for sharing this video with us, Job Well Done! I'm sharing this video now!
Thank you for your great insight on this. Needed your descriptions and reasons to confirm what I intuitively know and or remembered by listening to you that it’s not me. As the scapegoat of this horrible family the pattern, I’m still learning how to deal with this behavior.
Hi Sandra, I hear you, sometimes the added problem with this behavior from others is that you can end up being subject to gaslighting, so you start to question if it's you, or if you're seeing the situation clearly, questioning one's feelings. A viscious cycle of being on the receiving end of it. Not sure if this will help but I have another video about dealing with challenging family members, there may be elements of that which resonate. Either way, I send love and peace to you as you move forward step by step in dealing with what you're going through. B
I would like to seriously thank you for this video. It smacked me in the face and I’m about to cry from shame. My father was always sarcastic and condescending to my mother and most everyone around. The man was literally a genius in MENSA (which he never bragged or talked about with anyone) but was very condescending and extremely sarcastic most of the time. I never saw it this way, however, naturally I developed these toxic skills and have practiced them subconsciously, apparently on a daily basis. Call me dumbfounded after seeing this video. I’m ashamed and so grateful that you smacked me in the face with a wake up call and how I am being perceived by my own daughter as well. My God.... really.... thank you from every ounce of my being. Love and light to you love! 💕
Hey Samantha, you're welcome and just wanted to acknowledge you for open heartedly having self awareness and desire for growth. Best wishes to you and your family.
People ask me why I havent worked for 2 years so I tell them the truth and say I was going through tough times and for some this gives them the right to belittle you. Just look at them straight into the pupil and when the conversation ends excuse yourself politely and smile.
I have watched soooo many videos on yt on that topic, but I have to say that this one is honestly one of the best, it really explains well why certain people feel the need to put others down and now I can actually understand why they do it.... Very insightful! And very helpful! Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video! Been fuming all day about someone who seems to enjoy seeing me fail and passive aggressively throws those failures in my face. Taking that person’s reaction off me is such a relief. It’s not me it’s that person. The best course of action is definitely to be responsible for my feelings, act in the way I feel is right and in a way I can live with and not to snap back with anger and resentment. Thank you so much for this valuable lesson! You’ve got a new sub in me!
An elderly woman moved into my condo building. We all sit together and chat. On more than one occasion, she told me in front of everybody, "I don't like you talking about that". I was upset. Does she have a right to tell me what I can and cannot discuss? She can either ignore me, try to change the subject or walk away, like I do. So I feel the need to have a talk with her as I do not want to deal with her belittling nature any longer.
Hi, I was recently hired at my job I really like and on the first day a manager and a lead said I was doing well. On the second and third day, I worked along side a different manager who pulled me aside and lectured me rather harshly three times, yes three, and then pulled me to the back to speak to me about my mistakes and "lack of initiative" as if I had been working there for a while and I was doing consistently bad work. I am training, it's only my third day and I have been working hard and most all of the things she lecture me about I've been doing fairly consistently with a few beginner mistakes here and there, and I have been told I've been doing well by others after all my shifts so far. I could tell she was having a power trip and trying to uplift herself so I didn't let this affect me on a emotional level. At the same time, I don't want to have to keep experiencing this especially when I am unsure how much say she has in me keeping my job. I made sure not to react and emit positivity even after the analysis', but I am not one to take blatant disrespect constantly. How do you respond to condescencion when it's coming from a superior?
Hi, with the situation being so new, and just starting out in the job, my suggestion is to continue practising patience, being calm, taking on the positive feedback of others, doing your best, taking the feedback negatively from the person you mention and seeing if there is any value in how you could use it to improve. And if the criticism continues to the point where you feel is it completely unwarranted and is bullying, then you might consider asking another lead/manager how to deal with it as they will have more insight into the culture, environment and appropriate way, or they may in fact know this other managers issues and communication style and be able to provide guidance on how to manage it. I also suggest you practise something very powerful that I learned from A Course in Miracles and Marianne Williamson. Every morning before work, spend 5 minutes meditating positively on this difficult person (or praying for them, whichever language you prefer) - saying to yourself "I wish them health and happiness. I bless them with health and happiness. May they have all the health and happiness life can offer" over and over and over again. This energetically can have a profound impact on your dynamic with them. Do it every day, no days off, at least for 30 days, and see what unfolds. With love, Bernadette
Albarose Idera i am going thru the same thing at my job. What i have found that works is just do your best and distance your self from the negative manager. Keep a real low profile and do not trust the people you work with. Stay to your self.
The only problem with that is that other people will know you aren't into them. And depending on how you are, it could be very obvious and therefor a detriment. I think I would follow what she says since it actually changes the energy into a positive one and so the problem disappears. With your method, at least for me, there is a lot of negative energy put into it and that just makes it harder to deal with since having at least a little bit of camaraderie is important.
This is why I’m such a loner. 99% of the time I meet new people, they seem cool at first, then soon enough, the condescending comments, passive aggression, judgemental comments, putting me on the spot asking me to explain myself, etc. People are exhausting. I prefer to be alone and work on art projects
there's always going to be people like that regardless. that's life for you. the best thing for one is to be either patient or just try to avoid as much as possible.
I had people at college do this to me . I was doing music course and I was criticised for getting higher marks than them . Telling me I am. Not good enough at my music recital and that my songwriting was not good enough. They finally deleted. Me of Facebook when I said I got into music course. I realised that this person was jealous of me.
Congrats on your successes. That's awesome. And such a shame people try to cut you down out of jealousy but it's wonderful that you're aware and can see it's not about you... rather it's their own paradigm and pain that creates such behavior. Wishing you well. 😊💛
thank you so much for this! i needed it wayy more than i thought. my boyfriend has a horrible habit of being super belittling at times and i did understand why he does it but never how to respond to it and its just been weighing on me more and more lately to where i was just about to call him out but thanks for this advice. i really really hope just staying strong on my opinions and self awareness will be enough to make a change.
Sending best wishes to you. Boost your inner strength, as you said stay strong in what is true and good for you, and set boundaries where it's needed. 💛
I came here after my father in law was condescending. Just because you’re slow and cannot comprehend things does not give you the right to ask me questions in a belittling manner.
THANK YOU!!! This helped me beyond words! I am manager of an Apartment of 30 seniors. The former manager spends time putting me down daily, not only to others, but now to my face. Listening to your uTube video was amazing in understanding why anyone would do this. Thank you so much!
The screwed up part is when they don't even apologize and expect things to go back to normal but sometimes enough is enough.
Indeed! I hear you! :)
Sometimes they don’t apologise because they don’t realise they’ve done something wrong, even when you point it out
True
@@earthwindfire4460 that's called denial. Thata part of the problem sadly.
111
Always remember; it's THEM, not you. KNOW it. Feel sorry for such toxic immaturity and feel PROUD you will never have to be THEM. Fight the good fight.
jchandlerkraus I'm so happy not to be him.they are the fakest boring most miserable ppl.
Thank you for your encouraging words, good to live by :)
There is one in my life who does this to me frequently, although he has changed over the last 10 years and now he does it less often and with less severity. But he can’t seem to really stop, and that is what I want of course. This video has told me nothing really new, I have read books about this, watched videos and read articles about this, it is the same message, but she has managed to teach Me. This is getting through to me, that I don’t need to worry about him And his problem behavior.
Your comment is making an impact even after two years. Thanks much!
Felt way better after reading this. Thank you very much 🙏
people who put other people down is from lack of self-esteem
Michelle Bear true
Michelle Bear yep and a lack of personal. Power they like to take from others vampires.
That likely is the main reason, but I think there are others too like; influence, hearing belittling communication from certain people/sources, people can just accept it as normal/common.
Michelle Bear exactly. No high level people do this.
Yes, in a way they are desperately trying to keep themselves feeling safe without others feelings. But they will never admit.
Normal, happy, peaceful well-adjusted people who like themselves and are at peace don't have to behave this way. Remember that someones poor behavior is a reflection of them and their experiences, not you. It takes practice not to take things personally but once you learn this it is so freeing. Also helps to engage with such people as little as possible: don't waste your time. A slug is a slug, not a butterlfy.
Perfect comment....I also need to remember that part..A slug is a slug not a butterfly. What sturred this up is there is a lady that works in the apratment office that talks to me like I'm 5, I just smile and move on but feel icky afterwards. Found out she talks down to other neighbors in my complex and worst case was one neighbor has Cerebral Palsy and sometimes need extra help with things as asks office for help (not often) and when she does this lady chews her out.😲
I dunno, I have a hard time not believing that my naivete is an invitation for people to treat me like trash.
I literally screenshotted your comment
quote>"It takes practice not to take things personally but once you learn this it is so freeing" after putting up with my wife's brother in-law for 30 years I can tell you that quote is not so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For other INFJ persons out there: C.S. Joseph warns people of this type that if they stay around poor people then the INFJ will eventually pick up on that energy.
I would recommend INFJ's have an escape plan when in environments with belittling and condescending people.
Thank you. Favorite phrase: “What you think of me is none of my business.”
😊👍
Exactly
Doesn't matter whether they know they're doing it or not. Never allow anybody to undermine you. It's abuse and it's diabolical.
agreed, it is a form of control and abuse
but in the workplace ...see my post above...what do you do?
It can also be deliberate!
"I'm hearing what you're saying, but I'm not taking it on board. What you're saying is coming from your perspective, and with respect, it has nothing to do with me." Good answer!
🤗💛
Well said..😁
Yes, love this!
True ❤️
If only they'd let me talk enough to say it!! Just keeps talking over me...Sigh...
I searched this on desperate need. I do not need to go to jail for reacting to a broken person.
Exactly
HAHAHA....quite right! They piss me off sometimes
Let garbage take out garbage...a Staten Island, NYC saying.... They will do IT 1000X better :)) 1 day on the front page of SI Advance newspaper a man had 15,000 tires (used of course) in his driveway....someone was telling him something better than U EVER could... Cinthia Eubanks...Hi fr overtaxed NYC metro area...Litchfield County, Connecticut, USA
don't ever give anybody your time of the day say hemm...shrug,,look at the person weirdly...as U walk off
Keep that in your mind,keep repeating it. And...A big hug from me to you!
Or loose my job in my case 🙁
Wise woman and wise words. No need of reacting. Stay silent and watch them exhibit their madness. It's well. Its not my job to fix toxic people.
Watch them act a fool.
these people need to seek psychological help rather than being rude and mean to others.
Hey Tricia, yep... it's totally not cool that they take it out on other people with unkind behavior, instead of dealing with their own issues. And yet, it happens all the time, right?! Super frustrating I know. And often the people that are the worst at this type of behavior are so "asleep" to it, that they aren't aware (or don't care) enough to create change within themselves to stop the cycle. So in those situations, the best we can do is to deal with it ourselves as consciously as we can. Thanks for being here in our community and sharing your comment. I appreciate it. Have a great weekend! B
The being rude and mean is a symptom. Otherwise they wouldn't need psychological help.
TriciaR amazingyear
Or just a smack
Like actually. It’s scary.
Pancho for sure
When they are belittling, they are screaming out ‘I have a serious problem in my personality and i’m going to sh*t all over you’. Remember these people go to bed unsettled all the time. If its you today, then its someone else tomorrow. Temporarily they get that boost knowing they’ve knocked you down, but it doesn’t last until they do it again to you or find another ‘mark’. No matter how confident and in control they appear, the behaviour is very revealing that deep down, they are unhappy and unsettled.
It’s call a emotional dump. It’s like taking a shit and feel much better.
And don’t be around them all the time because if there friend isn’t there, you are the main person who is present so you are the target. It’s worse when you are the safe.
The problem is that they make you look foolish/ineffective in other people's eyes (it works or else they wouldn't do it ). You can say then don't care about those other peoples' opinions, but sometimes it is in front of people that DO matter to you. Yes, they are insecure, yes they are putting you down to feel better, but honestly, other people do buy into it.
I know it sucks they mistake your silence for agreement & they take your kindness for weakness.
Actually be sometimes it exposes their behavior in front of those people
I understand what you mean. The people who believe them are usually no better. Birds of a feather flock together. People who are mature will give everyone a chance instead of forming an opinion solely based on another person's take. Sometimes people are just trying to be polite to the toxic person by listening to them but they may think in their mind, "Yeah whatever, you sure love hating on that person". I learned that its important to not withdraw into loneliness. If you become lonely, such people who hate on you will take advantage of your lack of support. Those people are horrible and weak ... that's why they behave like that
i'm beyond the point of caring .....fortunately it's only certain customers....that do this behaviour....
People of any real importance and maturity clearly see belittling behaviour for what it is. A sign of weakness. What they _will_ judge you on is _your_ reaction. If you can hold it together, stay calm, stay professional, respond civilly and move away from the toxic person as quickly as possible then you will go up in other people’s estimation. People admire calmness because it’s a sign of strength - and leadership ability. These experiences may be extremely unpleasant at the time but they are also an opportunity for you to show what you’re made of. Just because the people watching the toxic person’s behaviour say nothing doesn’t mean that they are agreeing.
Observe but don’t absorb. Or say ‘thank you for revealing more about yourself to me’. If they are a narcissistic bully they are not capable of reflecting sadly. Great tips. Thank you.
Great tip! 😊👍
Yep
Yesss
My logical brain knows it isn’t about me, that said, after years of living with that behavior, it becomes bullying and mental abuse. It is very hard if you are a caring human being to push that aside and not have a lasting effect or have it take an emotional toll.
Totally agreed. So important to have boundaries and sometimes we realize people are unhealthy to be around and aren't willing to change, so tough choices arise about who is safe to be around, how to reduce exposure or indeed if a relationship can even continue. Thank you for sharing. 💛
Amen
When someone is belittling you you say OK and you laugh never take it personal ✌️
You should not laugh if it isn’t funny to you. Let that person know they are inappropriate. Laughing means you accept the behavior. Putting them on notice gives them the opportunity to correct the behavior. If it’s excessive enough then report it if it’s job related. If it’s personal then ignore them.
@@jaymorgan. Right! When I laughed, ignored, or brushed it off, it put me in a tricky place and they got worse overtime to where it became dangerous for me. I even found myself apologizing for things that I didn’t even do especially when it came to the kids. The people I dealt with were also prejudice towards me and would take my kindness for a weakness or assumed that I was guilty of something (black people can be prejudice to their own people too.) I can also tell they were prejudice based on the things they said to me that wasn’t true. It eventually affected my mental health or caused me to be spiteful towards then hoping that it would stop not knowing how to handle it. These people are awful and you can feel the evil seething out of them.
I experienced the same on the job and wish I had’ve reported them.
I have family members who are this way with me .They sometimes make me wish I had no family at all
Exactly same feeling here, thanks for articulating...
Many thanks same from my family members 🤣.
I get it. Definitely understand.
We're in the same category just ask God to give us power of silence
Linda Easley: Please be advised: I'm not an expert, but IMHO possibly someone in a leadership position in your family may be a narcissist who sends signals to the others to treat you that way. Just because someone is related to you does NOT mean that they will not be jealous of you or hate you. Especially if you are talented in some way that they are not. Disengage if necessary for your own good. Life is short, don't let them make yours miserable. Good luck.
I think in reality these people feel personally helpless deep inside. So they try to elevate their sense of their ego by belittling other people. Then they get caught in this bad trap -- envy, etc, which is very addictive behavior. It is like a drug addict taking a drug to feel better instead of doing something different in their life. Their self-image is maintained by taking "hits" on other people, rather than based on whatever it is they are doing in their own lives.
Indeed, great insight.
Very very true, unfortunately.
I love how clear you are about this subject. I’ve been dealing with this for years and didn’t notice until recently. I would always tell myself how weird or off some people tones were toward me. I would just walk away feeling stupid and unconfident about myself. I know now I’ve been letting others condition me to feel small. I’m grateful for videos like these and therapist who are take the time to help others to wake up and see reality for what it is.
💗💕💗
@@Bernadette_Logue and 💖💯😭😀😘
I do the same thing
When people are ages 60 +, I have no patience to try to teach them how to be respectful. They rarely change at that age.
I am 64 and learning every day💕
Did you really listen to this Video?
Excactly
Some over 60s are worse.
Yeah, usually 60+ people don't change. Of course, there are people who are exceptions but they are rare. I mean they lived 60+ years and didn't change their ways.
The secret to adult living! Don't take on / react to the the disfunction of some one who reacts like a child.
yess
This reminds me of my mother. I don’t understand why a mother would not cheer and root for her child to succeed in life. It’s about her and her insecurities, and I accept that and walk away. No contact.
It’s sad but I moved country to avoid my family who were condescending a lot and too arrogant to change. I still talk to them but I find being separated by a few thousand miles of ocean helps. Less arguments now because of space.
@@simonvance8054 I’m going through the same thing. God bless you
I have a mother who's the same. I had to remove her from my life for my peace
Its base in Jealousy
It's hard when your disrespected all the time by people, I often get people discrediting my experiences and points of view, talked over the top of and just generally people think I'm the b**** when I'm not I've just had enough of being treated badly and you become cold hearted after awhile.
Hey Hayley, I hear you and your experiences and points of view are so valid and important, and it's super frustrating if you're surrounded by people who don't or won't acknowledge that. Set those boundaries, choose to be around people who value you and give you the space to be yourself and be heard, and while I always encourage people to keep their hearts open to life... it's totally valid to CLOSE your space to people who don't earn the right to be there, who aren't safe, who are lost in their own pain/ego (closing your space with strong boundaries) and then at the same time allowing into your space and inner circle those who are respectful, kind, loving and genuine. With love, B
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. It can be hard blocking that type of negativity but with your advice I feel like I can be in control. Thanks again :)
+Perla Payan Great Perla! Glad this was helpful. Best wishes, B
Perla Payan thank you so much , I have been trying understand this ,but it is so difficult to watch and not say something back at them.
Being in control is the best;)
Same here.
This comment section makes me feel so much better. I’m currently dealing with a condescending ASSISTANT manager and it just hit me reading these comments... something about me is triggering some insecurity in her! 🤯😱
,maybe she is jealous
You're probably smarter than she is
Me too! I notice that in my senior coworker. She always belittles me when I'm very nice with her. I don't know what i did to her to treat me that way. It's only when i realized i hv something that she is envious of when i confided to a friend and that friend mentioned my coworker seems jealous or envious of me.
@@rochellesonza6505 Do everything you can to not have too much contact with her. These kind of people need people to be angry at. If you are distant with her she will find someone else to pour that negative energy on. Just keep as much distance as possible and be very boring with her, they love drama.
I feel you. Colleagues brought me here too. And I truly hope you better now.
People project their hurt on to others . It is a reflection on them but remember someone might of projected their hurt on that person. It can be like a virus. Takes a strong person to ignore and love themselves any way. 💕
I can’t help but view it as standing up for yourself, if you don’t react, everyone thinks less of you, and if they think less of you, they begin to treat you like less. I also believe feeling bad for them is an ego thing, it all depends on their motives, if they want attention, I ignore them, if they’re trying to poke on me because I’m an easy target, then they’ve got another thing coming.
How to react then in your opinion, if no reaction means they think less of you?
@@surnamename293 You should be trying to flip the frame of reactor/actor. If someone messes with you, you should typically flip the frame by doing something that would make them react to you. It’s about power, if someone tells you what to do and they’re not your boss, start telling them what to do, you can do this only if your in a positive or high energy mood most of the time, you have to build up a positive energy or you’ll come off too negative and reactive. Think of it like this, everyone is competing for social dominance and authority, the competent hold power over the incompetent, typically displaying that power through teasing or messing with them. Just play the game, everyone plays it, it could even be as simple as telling someone to drink a certain drink after work. Everyone plays this game. It may go against your moral thinking to view things this way but from what I’ve seen, this is the way of the world when it comes to person to person interactions, your morality should be separate from those interactions, but still in tact.
I’m probably terrible at explaining things, lol.
There are action takers and reactors, try to be an action taker, control your reactions, and make others react to you.
You don’t understand how you’ve help me come full circle with understanding how to respond to that type of behavior!
Thanks!
So glad this was helpful for you Rob. Sending you best wishes for 2020! B :)
2nd to that!
I'm lossing my temper for those person feeling Superior and belittling others. I want to punch them in the face 😂😂
Nah~ not worth to harm your lovely knuckles x) Love yourself and let them talk whatever they want and fail at their life when you're stepping ahead of them. Cheers!
Yes, but what a shocking response this is.
I know it's the smugness that they enjoy Making a fool out of people. It's either because they are too full of themselves and enjoy acting like they are above people. Or its because they are insecure and like to put people down to boost their egos. Its best to ignore them and think what ever it's their behaviour their problem. And dont give them a reaction thats what they want.
We all do tbh and I can do it real quick to with no hesitation but then again I’m a lawyer so whelp 😑😅!!!
We can rule these out in a narcsisstic and toxic environment
We need to be watchful and relax to release the toxic effect on us
Thanks ma for the great job
Love and greetings from Nigeria
The hardest part of this is to be empathetic with them. I always want to push people like this away from me. If you do this all the time however, then you carry hate and cant let anybody in. One love is one way out. Unfortunately you cannot get away from this behavior entirely so learning how to deal with it is essentiall to your survival. Life is a fine line.
Thank you! 💕 This is one of the best explanations of this I've heard! It's easier said than done. If someone throws a rotten egg on your face, it's about them trying to get rid of the eggs they carry, but the yolk still ends up on you! 🙄
Yes totally! There is a very real harmful impact, so we have to then take care of ourselves, set boundaries, communciate, reduce exposure and heal from those effects.
💛
I love this, but one tricky part about giving that response back to them is they pick things that usually have some truth to them ...that's where I feel it gets complicated and they are able to have success at bringing down your confidence and causing you to question your performance or who you are (even if you know your intentions were good, you didn't mean to cause a problem and maybe even know that you can outperform them at a task).
Thank you so much for sharing this, my workplace has persons who treat others this way. I’m now more conscious and make it a point to not take the things they say personally. Also appreciate the comments here bolstering advice to limit interactions with belittling people, and find support to stay strong and keep going.
💛😊👍
It has been my experience with an elder brother, that he was the golden child, he can't stand not being the center of attention, they love to be front and center all the time.
It's good you can see what the pattern is that is playing out, and then the focus is often best to be put on how to release, accept that is how they are and see how to be your best self irrespective of that situation. Not easy, but our power is best where we can use it... on what we can control, within ourselves.
My wife called me upset because her boss was being very rude and makeing her feel less than. He approached her in a way that couldve been completely avoided. Hes supposed to be this good christian man who uplifts younger kids and guides them but that made me so angry and wanted to approach him. I'm more confrontational when it comes to my family but now I know that its just a waste of time...
My husband is very condescending towards me and I have learned over these 8 years that its because he is slightly more insecure in himself but it pisses me off when he does it in front of people. Just because he is insecure and uses words he doesnt understand and I try to correct him in the nicest way possible doesnt give hom the right to shoot back and say "you're so cute babe but I know what i'm talking about." 🙄 really? Is that why people walk out of our lives all the time? Because YOU know what you're talking about or is it because you belittle people and act like a narcissistic tool whenever we meet someone new? I need this advice to save me.
Thanks for sharing, that's a difficult situation to be in. I hear you. Have you tried talking to him at a time outside of these exchanges, a time when you're both calm and in different headspace. You might well have tried already. I have a video on having difficult conversations to help approaching tough topics in new ways, in case that's of interest here is the link...
How to Have a Difficult Conversation bit.ly/2HaZnkd
Warmest wishes
B
You must really love him. I would have left hun.
Just leave! He won’t change if he is a true narc. And then you need to understand why you’ve attracted a narc. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun but is worth understanding the dynamics so it doesn’t happen again. Good luck! You deserve better
you might be dating a immature lil boy not a real man
Hey dear. How's it going? Thank you for posting that. Are y'all still together? That exact thing happened to me last night and I was crushed. He did it in front of an audience in a public place. I am still devastated. He's always very short and grrr with me lately as well. Its more and more all the time.
My dad always does this all my life
Sometimes I just want to take my anger thru my fist.. Its hard to hold back anger
The best way to throw that anger out is to show them how well you're doing and that would hurt them more than your punches!! and best? They can't touch you! X)
@@mclee6699 you are right
Some people just deserve a good punch
@@dxp9327 true. Also, maybe they'll think before they speak next time. I know if I got busted in the mouth I'd think before I opened it again.
My 40 year old niece told me a couple of weeks ago that she’s condescending towards people. I’ve felt belittled by her many times, I never understood her behavior, until now. Thank you!
To Deal w/ this type of Person, is to DISTANCE/IGNORE/CUT OFF it WORKS. No one likes REJECTION👍
Yesss
Love when you get upset with them and they say you have anger issues
My person says i’m “sassing” them. And i responded, “i would never go out of my way to sass someone unless they sassed me first.”
My wife unfortunately is like that. She lives in the past, compares me to others and objects (by saying theyr better), belittles me.
Ignoring is impossible, reacting doesn't help, and staying calm is not always an option.
I pray she wakes up and reflects on her behaviour...
Great video, thank you! Also thank you for reminding me that it is not my responsibility to fix other people.
You're very welcome!
Thank you for this video. I am upset with myself for not fighting fire with fire, but I am not that person. Don't want to be the one with a quick mouth and a sharp tongue. I do however feel I have to say something so thank you for this approach. Letting them know I see you, your behavior is not acceptable, and all while remaining grounded and aware but still kind to myself and them. I am dealing with a narcissist who bullies by proxy and enjoys gas lighting. If you have more advice on how to deal with these types of behaviors please post.
Hi Tina, yes we have vids on the channel and on my website www.pinchmeliving.com (vids, audios and articles) about how to deal with lots of types of rude, toxic and difficult people. You will find those if you search in the playlists and on the website. These are packed with heaps of helpful tips! B
Some people have no understanding so they just keep on acting the same way...some people grew up but really wasn't raised...they have absolutely no coping skills and so they turn to irrational behavior
If you do not mind, can you explain in more details the bullies by proxy and enjoys gas lighting? Are you still dealing with this person? How do you cope?
On point as usual B. This is exactly what I needed to hear after a new acquaintance lashed out at me over the weekend. I'm proud that I was able to take that breath and respond peacefully and remove myself from the situation. For some reason though, the interaction lingered in my mind all day Sunday and into today. I listen to a lot of spiritual counselors on UA-cam. I find your guidance most resonant. You, kaypacha and "mama Louise" (louise Hay) can't thank you enough.
+Nella Fitzgerald Hey Nella, well done you for taking pause and responding peacefully, and while the energy of it lingered, we learn with time how to witness that, process it, cleanse ourselves and move on. You're doing great and it's a pleasure to share these resources with you. Thanks for being a part of the community. Sending you warmest wishes! B :)
thanks its never about me
You have no idea how timely this is thank you
You have to be careful how you respond to someone who puts you down because they are insecure. You cannot ignore them because silence is the same as condoning and rewarding their bad behavior. If you reward their bad behavior, then they will continue to treat you this way and may treat you worse.
True I once encountered such a person and I always threw words right back at him,funny thing is he thought he knew everything that I know and asked me to prove him wrong I said I'll have to think of a quiz to ask but not right now maybe later or tomorrow he said see you doesn't know anything,I looked at him and told him u wanna me to tell you like right now I can't and wait you said I don't know anything and yet have told you half already of what I know, so you mean cause have failed to answer you now I don't know anything at all seriously you gotta be serious, anyways just cause you asked something doesn't mean I'll answer you anything just for the sake of talking....I have to think,I again asked him if have asked you anything would u have answered me all at an instant yes,told him Good for you we are different I can't have to think deeply first, guess what while were going home I wanted to call him out and asked him why is he always tries to get a one up on me but I was so upset and feared if he answered anything wrong I would smash his face,I told him its nothing next day he slipped up when asked by a guy that saw what he was trying to do to me and failed to answer some lame quiz the guy called me and said he failed to answer this quiz I laughed and told him that quiz was easy and I answered,told him see you too doesn't know anything and btw not everybody know everything remember yesterday what u told me now its your turn,he was embarrassed and laughed quietly, I asked him why do u try to put me down and say I don't know this or that,told him that infuriated me that's why yesterday I called him to ask what's his problem?he said he did it cause he felt I don't listen to him while his speaking I just said why didn't u tell me that instead of acting like that he said how would I tell you and you don't listen I was stunned he got his friend to side with him on this and I let it go I just said ok if you didn't mean anything bad by what you said ok..since then he didn't say any mean things ...
Totally agree. I challenged my condesender. no way will he be allowed to treat me that way. Yes, you are right, they will treat you worse and you will be a seen as a walkover
Dad takes silence as "go ahead, keep up the abuse" The jerk!
Thanks, great video! Sometimes though people need to be called out on their bullshit behaviour. Unless they have a huge ego and can’t see past it it can help them think about their behaviour and change. And sometimes if they won’t change you just have to walk away. I had to walk away from my own family and ‘friends’ sometimes because it was always about their opinion being right while they trashed mine and how I felt. “I know what’s best for you, I’ll decide how you should feel and what you should be doing” is one of the most arrogant things you could ever say to someone. I’ve been pushed around by people like that for years but no more.
Hi Simon
Thanks for sharing your experience. Yes agreed that sometimes it is beneficial for everyone involved to call it out directly for what it is and let someone know objectively what their behavior is and how it's coming across, and more importantly to make them aware of the harm they are causing. And potentially to point out a solution as a different way of being. Those situations with people who can see past ego and attack/defense mode, and be open to hearing... it can be life changing! While there will be some people that will never get it, and any attempt to communicate will waste energy and cause more turmoil, there are indeed many people who while they may not like to hear it and pretend they don't care or rally against it, underneath may take it onboard when seeds are planted for greater self awareness by someone pointing out what is going on.
I do appreciate you sharing about this very specific type of belittling pattern of "I know what's best for you"... which indeed is a huge crossing of boundaries. No one can know what is right for another, even our little ones are sovereign beings, and each person has their own inner knowing and guidance system. It's awesome you are so clear on your boundaries and rights, and are "no more" willing to participate in that energy with people wanting to exert power over/control. Wishing you the best! B
Well I kinda have nothing to do with people especially then they are nagtive and rude and disrespectful i.m also a loner so I don.t need anyone in my life accept for cat and dogs
yes, animals are far better.
Animals are more predictable than people. I have zero expectations of other humans. Age is not a sign of maturity or self awareness. Adults are just as bad as kids with no filter
Thank you for this great out look. I have been searching for a answer and you nailed it. It's not my job to fix my broken brother who I have been calling a Angry Ostrich
"Guys, always ask yourself, how would other people react to that toxicness, if your answer is radical, than you should be radical as well, close and get free" - Joel C
You're describing people that I know. I knew someone who always found something negative to say about me and I felt like I was nothing by the time our visit was over. Now I know why he did this. Thank you!
I remember when I was young and the few times I belittled someone. Of course mimicking someone of course trying to find my self stages. Self reflecting analyzing the effects of my actions and causes. Good video informative she knows what she's talking about that's real.
I have a pastor who nit picks everything I post on Facebook. He says it MIGHT hurt other peoples feelings but he don’t consider my feelings of his criticism. I only cried my eyes out and went into depression.
It can be really hard when someone who we value like a family member, friend or a faith leader in your situation, has said something that feels hurtful to us. Sometimes that stings more than a stranger saying something in passing. I'm sending love your way.
This helped me so much. My family have always been like this. This helps me feel so much better about cutting them out of my life. I'm much better off not standing to that constant type of abuse. Nothing I would ever say help them, they have no idea they're absolute monsters. Thank you for words on how to acknowledge this pain. I will use this
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I found that separating yourself from people that cause you unmerciful pain is better than trying to "fix" them ( you can't)...family are the worse..friends you can drop..responding to that nasty behavior is what they want...ignoring them is better in the long run...as for those co workers...do your job..work around them...poker face them and call it a day...gosh they must be so miserable...
This was Excellent! I am so proud of myself I listened got quiet, did NOT react I did NOT raise my voice, and I did NOT curse. I’m getting BETTER! Thank you so very very much for making this video! My remedy for the solution was to tell the person GOODBYE, then BLOCK and DELETE! and that was literally our only second conversation, we NEVER MET! Thank God I saw the warning signs and red flags and moved on QUICKLY! I’m So proud of myself I’m able to self soothe ,validate ,and give MYSELF self worth ,and its videos like these that really help us ,I appreciate you!
Glad this was helpful and a great series of steps you took in following your interaction with strong boundaries.
Oh, I think the folk that condescend and demean others KNOW EXACTLY what they are doing, and are doing it INTENTIONALLY; they feel inferior to you for whatever reason, that many will never understand or comprehend. Just exit from them: it isn't worth the time spent in that negative energy to even engage.
Indeed!
yeah but you cant always just avoid these people sometimes its a family member or someone dear to you. There are times you have to live with it. But i agree to that amount that you should avoid them if not necessary
My whole family is this way towards me, I don't think any of my family are narcissists
My father was a raging alcoholic, that's all I need to say
No one in my family knows what a healthy relationship is
& at this point never will
My 70, & I'm the youngest of the sibling, & I've just recently cut ties with the last one of my siblings that I was still talking to
If I'd known what a weight could be lifted by just have no contact, I'd have done this long ago
Wasted so much time trying to do the right thing & nothing was ever the right thing. Lose/lose every time, exhausting!!
Hi David. Thank you for sharing this and I'm sure others will read this and find support and permission perhaps to listen to what their own heart may tell them if they are struggling with a similar situation. Thank you. May this season of your life be filled with peace and freedom 💛
Thank you for this, rewatching as a refresher since I had to endure some very condescending behaviors at work today. It got to me more than it normally does and your video is actually quite comforting and helpful.
💛 glad it was helpful and wishing you peace as you rinse off the day!
Hi Bernadette! I wanted to say thank you for putting the last piece in my pussle. Both my parents are narcissistic. I been studying my family history. How my parents were brought up. I been studying myself my reactions to be able to heal myself. In one video you made. you talked about a fishingrod. That is exactly what my parents do. Come tu see us we are missing you. When you go to see them they behave bad. it doesn't make sense. You get confused. Of course I understand it now. They feel less than you and need to elevate. And when you leave. They say come to see us again. They only say that because they need someone to abuse so they can feel better. It is interesting when you are studying your own family history so many things are generation related. It is a big relief to discover that nothing had anything to do with you in the first place. You are whole and worthy since the day you were born. You are a true Angel. Sending my love and gratitude. Than you, thank you, Thank you.
Great awareness Annette, and such freedom in seeing things differently uh! Blessings to you. B
Annette Weber As someone who basically avoids my family for personal reasons, I’ve never thought about studying my family history. My family’s dynamics aren’t the typical perfect parents, children, and others and this may or may not effect our relationships between each other.
"I am hearing what you're saying but I am not taking in onboard. What you're saying is coming from your view and your perspective. And with the utmost respect it has nothing to do with me." - Beautiful
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I find it useful that you shifted the focus back to ourselves, and being more conscious about who we are. Being grounded and aware of what we have done and how far we have come is a significant way to deal with these people. While it takes practice, glad to have watched your video.
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I get that it’s not about me...but when I’m with my BF and he’s being this way in front of my kids , it sends a message that I do not love myself if I stay with someone who doesn’t act respectfully to others ...
Yes and certainly always follow your own intuition. 😊💛 It's also a powerful conversation to have and lesson to teach to young ones about to manage these types of situations in life.
Acknowlwdge that behaviour and empathise but own your response and how you react.
:)
Pinch Me Living very helpfull video. Thank u for uploading and sharing.
One of my BEST FRIENDS did that, and has done that off and on for YEARS!!!! The last time she did that was at lunch this month. I guess it really was the LAST TIME, because I haven't spoken to her since.
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B, your "Pinch Me Living" You Tube Videos have been life changing for me. Thank you! It has helped me understand things I have been questioning for a long time on a different level. It has actual caused me to have a real shift in my thinking! Wow, thank you.
thank you for sharing this information. In my family, when responding, even respectfully, it triggers verbal threats of physical violence. In my case its a bit more tricky to navigate through. I just don't associate with the person, I don't acknowledge them to keep some space. But I can feel the nasty looks and see eye-roles.
Hi Parris, thanks for your message, and I'm sorry you have to go through that and be subjected to threats. Your wellbeing and safety is paramount and so removing yourself from people/places that threaten your physical wellbeing is important. Well done on keeping space and not associating with people who do that to you. Stay well, stay strong, sending best wishes.
The eye rolls are also so you can see them. I get it all the time. And so others can see so they think they are superior
Fr
She knows what she's doing, I spoke to her over n over n all she does is laugh rather than say sorrr, or I didn't mean too. Stay away from ppl who bring you down n try to anger you ehen all you did was show love n respect.. Respect goes both ways. High vibe vs low vibe people.
Wow! Thank you for this. I'm in a place now where I feel like this is happening everyday. It's not about me. Thanks for that.
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Wonderfully said ! You explained more in this one video, than I have found in 20 similar presentations.
Thank you
So that’s why I get so angry….it’s because they make me feel small and I fall into the trap of believing they’re right.
Hi David, yes it can be so infuriating right, and that way we end up feeling small or unseen, unvalued or ridiculed naturally raises those feelings, even if logically we know/believe they aren't true or right, it can hit a pain point when others don't see us for who we really are (ie they don't see our heart, our value, with equality and compassion).
When this happens 24/7 , it gets too tough to deal with. One sees no wood from the trees. Their pain reflected upon us. I shut myself down . Invisible.
I have a "friend" who, respond to any compliment with either silence or a compliment to themselves. Any time I explain anything, he already knew. If I'm naturally talented at art, he is too. I'm interrupted and expected to listen. I need to listen to his advice cause he's All knowing. I owe him something.
Another tip to remember, a lot of times people that behave this way use this as a tactic to back you up and they use these unhealthy behaviors to dismiss you and to release themselves of answering a question with direct transparency or being self accountable during a conversation that requires their engagement. Narcissist use this as a WEAPON, as well as emotional abusers, and people that lack knowledge and instead of saying, "I don't know, let me find out", pride and fear overtakes them, so they respond harshly. People that possess these behaviors are grossly dangerous, and most times these type of people will emotionally attack you and go on with their day and convince themselves that they did nothing wrong. I recommend when anyone receives this treatment, first thing, put space between you and that person. Go to a quiet place and pray, ask God to intervene. (You need back up from a source that's stronger than your flesh. Remember God loves you and if there was nothing brilliant and beautiful about you, no one would take the time and energy to emotionally attack you. You hold power and authority, and they know it!. 💜 This is a well needed video, thank you so much for sharing this video with us, Job Well Done! I'm sharing this video now!
Very well said.
Yes well and powerful with the Lord's encouragement 🙏. Thank you
Thank you for your great insight on this. Needed your descriptions and reasons to confirm what I intuitively know and or remembered by listening to you that it’s not me. As the scapegoat of this horrible family the pattern, I’m still learning how to deal with this behavior.
Hi Sandra, I hear you, sometimes the added problem with this behavior from others is that you can end up being subject to gaslighting, so you start to question if it's you, or if you're seeing the situation clearly, questioning one's feelings. A viscious cycle of being on the receiving end of it. Not sure if this will help but I have another video about dealing with challenging family members, there may be elements of that which resonate. Either way, I send love and peace to you as you move forward step by step in dealing with what you're going through. B
So much wisdom in these seven minutes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and professional advice.
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I would like to seriously thank you for this video. It smacked me in the face and I’m about to cry from shame. My father was always sarcastic and condescending to my mother and most everyone around. The man was literally a genius in MENSA (which he never bragged or talked about with anyone) but was very condescending and extremely sarcastic most of the time. I never saw it this way, however, naturally I developed these toxic skills and have practiced them subconsciously, apparently on a daily basis. Call me dumbfounded after seeing this video. I’m ashamed and so grateful that you smacked me in the face with a wake up call and how I am being perceived by my own daughter as well. My God.... really.... thank you from every ounce of my being. Love and light to you love! 💕
Hey Samantha, you're welcome and just wanted to acknowledge you for open heartedly having self awareness and desire for growth. Best wishes to you and your family.
You are amazing and I am an intuitive energy coach, simular to you but with a twist. I love your work
Thank you 🤗💛
People ask me why I havent worked for 2 years so I tell them the truth and say I was going through tough times and for some this gives them the right to belittle you. Just look at them straight into the pupil and when the conversation ends excuse yourself politely and smile.
Next time say it's none of your business .
I have watched soooo many videos on yt on that topic, but I have to say that this one is honestly one of the best, it really explains well why certain people feel the need to put others down and now I can actually understand why they do it.... Very insightful!
And very helpful!
Thank you!
Glad this was helpful 😊👍
Thank you, I have encountered people in my life just like that♥️
Thank you so much for this video! Been fuming all day about someone who seems to enjoy seeing me fail and passive aggressively throws those failures in my face. Taking that person’s reaction off me is such a relief. It’s not me it’s that person. The best course of action is definitely to be responsible for my feelings, act in the way I feel is right and in a way I can live with and not to snap back with anger and resentment. Thank you so much for this valuable lesson! You’ve got a new sub in me!
Glad this was helpful. Powerful attitude! 💛💫💛
The Daily Positive ❤️🙏
I was done I was being “too emotional” and needed to “manage my emotions”. So weird.
An elderly woman moved into my condo building. We all sit together and chat. On more than one occasion, she told me in front of everybody, "I don't like you talking about that". I was upset. Does she have a right to tell me what I can and cannot discuss? She can either ignore me, try to change the subject or walk away, like I do. So I feel the need to have a talk with her as I do not want to deal with her belittling nature any longer.
its important not to put up resistance when been subjected to abuse this is what is at the forefront of the suffering
Here because someone said something SO mean and SO demeaning to me that I couldn't get it out of my head the entire day and cried about it later
Thank you..Really helped me understand alot better...always would think its me...your video calmed me down!!
Hey Anthony, you're welcome. Glad this helped. All the best! B
You are such a breath of FRESH AIR❤️....... you are like a best HONEST friend , giving a different perceptive........
A pleasure to share these vids with you Rhonda ☺️
Hi, I was recently hired at my job I really like and on the first day a manager and a lead said I was doing well. On the second and third day, I worked along side a different manager who pulled me aside and lectured me rather harshly three times, yes three, and then pulled me to the back to speak to me about my mistakes and "lack of initiative" as if I had been working there for a while and I was doing consistently bad work. I am training, it's only my third day and I have been working hard and most all of the things she lecture me about I've been doing fairly consistently with a few beginner mistakes here and there, and I have been told I've been doing well by others after all my shifts so far. I could tell she was having a power trip and trying to uplift herself so I didn't let this affect me on a emotional level. At the same time, I don't want to have to keep experiencing this especially when I am unsure how much say she has in me keeping my job. I made sure not to react and emit positivity even after the analysis', but I am not one to take blatant disrespect constantly. How do you respond to condescencion when it's coming from a superior?
Hi, with the situation being so new, and just starting out in the job, my suggestion is to continue practising patience, being calm, taking on the positive feedback of others, doing your best, taking the feedback negatively from the person you mention and seeing if there is any value in how you could use it to improve. And if the criticism continues to the point where you feel is it completely unwarranted and is bullying, then you might consider asking another lead/manager how to deal with it as they will have more insight into the culture, environment and appropriate way, or they may in fact know this other managers issues and communication style and be able to provide guidance on how to manage it. I also suggest you practise something very powerful that I learned from A Course in Miracles and Marianne Williamson. Every morning before work, spend 5 minutes meditating positively on this difficult person (or praying for them, whichever language you prefer) - saying to yourself "I wish them health and happiness. I bless them with health and happiness. May they have all the health and happiness life can offer" over and over and over again. This energetically can have a profound impact on your dynamic with them. Do it every day, no days off, at least for 30 days, and see what unfolds. With love, Bernadette
Thank you!
Albarose Idera i am going thru the same thing at my job. What i have found that works is just do your best and distance your self from the negative manager. Keep a real low profile and do not trust the people you work with. Stay to your self.
The only problem with that is that other people will know you aren't into them. And depending on how you are, it could be very obvious and therefor a detriment. I think I would follow what she says since it actually changes the energy into a positive one and so the problem disappears. With your method, at least for me, there is a lot of negative energy put into it and that just makes it harder to deal with since having at least a little bit of camaraderie is important.
Start your own business
Wow.thank you. you made it real when you said " we all know what that feels like,it plays out..." around @2:53
This is why I’m such a loner. 99% of the time I meet new people, they seem cool at first, then soon enough, the condescending comments, passive aggression, judgemental comments, putting me on the spot asking me to explain myself, etc.
People are exhausting. I prefer to be alone and work on art projects
That has helped me so much. Thank you!!
Yes I agree its them but it can go to another level which is malicious especially when they brown nose management at work.
there's always going to be people like that regardless. that's life for you. the best thing for one is to be either patient or just try to avoid as much as possible.
I had people at college do this to me . I was doing music course and I was criticised for getting higher marks than them . Telling me I am. Not good enough at my music recital and that my songwriting was not good enough. They finally deleted. Me of Facebook when I said I got into music course. I realised that this person was jealous of me.
Congrats on your successes. That's awesome. And such a shame people try to cut you down out of jealousy but it's wonderful that you're aware and can see it's not about you... rather it's their own paradigm and pain that creates such behavior. Wishing you well. 😊💛
thank you so much for this! i needed it wayy more than i thought. my boyfriend has a horrible habit of being super belittling at times and i did understand why he does it but never how to respond to it and its just been weighing on me more and more lately to where i was just about to call him out but thanks for this advice. i really really hope just staying strong on my opinions and self awareness will be enough to make a change.
Sending best wishes to you. Boost your inner strength, as you said stay strong in what is true and good for you, and set boundaries where it's needed. 💛
I love this and you sister. May your life thrive and be blessed thank you so much
Ahh thanks for this lovely comment. Blessings to you too! 💜 B
I so needed this, I sometimes am the person you are talking about. I normally respond to condescension with insults rather than love :(
Beautiful self awareness. We live and learn. 💛🧡💛
I came here after my father in law was condescending. Just because you’re slow and cannot comprehend things does not give you the right to ask me questions in a belittling manner.
very true. Everyone is different. I am in the same situation, I often cannot hear things or sometimes I get the wrong end of the stick.
THANK YOU!!! This helped me beyond words! I am manager of an Apartment of 30 seniors. The former manager spends time putting me down daily, not only to others, but now to my face. Listening to your uTube video was amazing in understanding why anyone would do this. Thank you so much!
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