Making Relationships Work | Part 3 | Dr. John Gottman
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- Опубліковано 29 лис 2009
- This talk is in 4 parts. Watch a lecture by Dr. John Gottman on Making Your Relationship Work. This was filmed at a Seattle Rotary Meeting in October 2009.
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3 elements of friendship: 1 - Love maps 2 - Turning towards 3 - Fondness and admiration = all put together and you get sexual satisfaction? I'm there!
wow..you can apply this to all areas of relationship with people include firendship..
This is a great deal of info. Ill get my pen & paprer & play again.
"My daughter said, 'Romance is an agreement that you make with your partner that there would be magic in your relationship, and it's a shared fantasy that eventually becomes a reality.'"
he's so good. this is helping me a lot.
Romance is an agreement that you make with your partner that there will be Magic in your relationship....that shear fantasy becomes a reality. This only happens when...listen to the video.
*shared
I am in Kara, Togo West Africa, and it is common here for people to make what maybe you could say is their "First Time Bid." Meaning, I do not know them yet, and they want to open a relationship. I believe I am a natural, I bid bid often, and have learned how to respond to first time big offers.
It is my beliefs, that many people are lonely because they do not understand they could be making bids. And there are people who have the belief system they should ignore most any bid offered to them.
Amazing research. There is hope. DO NOT GIVE UP. Fallow the Love Map.
I’m it’s pronounced “follow” *contempt*
turning towards.... turning away.... turning against
Very helpful!
Such good stuff.
Sounds straightforward enough.
Very nice definition 🥰
An interesting speech. John has a PHD in Psychology and over four decades on divorce prediction and marital stability. 'Wikipedia'. Yet as of today's date is married for the third time. I will most certainly continue my journey of self discovery on this particular subject and notice that he also has a more recent podcast titled "How to make a relationship Last " which I am sure will be enlightening.
Congratulations. I believe you have nailed down the four horsemen yourself. Based on your comments you have critisism and contempt nailed! Now after you read my comment you will surely nail down defensiveness (if you answer) or stonewalling (if you choose not to answer). Great audience participation.
This is beautiful. Thank you for connecting on twitter.
I would request you move expand this relationship further beyond the preservation of relationships, but how to start them. Andy Graham of Hobo Traveler Com
Can partners really change? If a partner has a pattern of turning away, defensiveness, and stonewalling can this be a learned or changed pattern?
The story about the film where the actress wife says "I thought you'd never ask.." Mr. Gottman said the exact same story happened to him in real life when he was selling his book and trying to convince the editor to agree to his book.... I've been really enjoying his book, but that just threw a red flag to me... Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?? What do u think?
I know you asked about 1/2 a decade ago, but he addresses the event you mention in part 4 (ua-cam.com/video/9aSpl_ZjmcY/v-deo.html): it seems like a coincidence, or maybe, an indication of certain (professional) men not being overwhelmingly interested in their wives' aspirations (probably in association to sociocultural factors).
I find the stuff he's saying all really obvious like do people really need to be told this in order to have a good relationship?
+Friendship Trips Yes of course. The way that some people grow up really change how they are. Maybe they have a short temper, so they stonewall. Yet, how is stonewalling beneficial besides I guess making things more intense. This ignoring of the partner, however, obviously makes people feel tense that they are not listened to. This is just one way, but you would be surprised how people act in a relationship by doing what they think is right when, from a third-party, could see that it is not working. Relationships are complex, yet people in them often try to solve problems with simple solutions that they think will fix it.
There are too many variables to just look at a relationship and say, "Why aren't you two figuring it out? It is so easy!" If it was easy, divorce rates wouldn't be at an all time high. And maybe what he says is obvious to the average viewer, they just have a harder time putting it to work in their relationship.