New Trump Bible Combines the Constitution, Pledge of Allegiance and Declaration of Independence

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  • Опубліковано 26 кві 2024
  • Seth addresses the collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge, Biden making a joke about his age and more in his monologue for Wednesday, March 27, before taking a closer look at a desperate Donald Trump resorting to selling Trump-branded bibles as he drowns in legal bills.
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    New Trump Bible Combines the Constitution, Pledge of Allegiance and Declaration of Independence - Late Night with Seth Meyers
    • New Trump Bible Combin...
    Late Night with Seth Meyers
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,2 тис.

  • @kjamison5951
    @kjamison5951 Місяць тому +356

    “All Americans need a Bible in their home and I have many.”
    “Bibles?”
    “No, homes.”

    • @mv80401
      @mv80401 29 днів тому

      The bible is no good book, take a look at skepticsannotatedbible if you need convincing. Also, the definite singular article is misplaced, it's a variable collection of texts, typically mistranslated and in endless editions curated by sectarian groups to fit their world view. Don't expect much.

    • @michaelrmurphy2734
      @michaelrmurphy2734 29 днів тому +22

      And he does NOT own either of them!

    • @alanbeckett4
      @alanbeckett4 29 днів тому

      Maybe he's counting all the Bibles the Gideon's left in his hotel? "I make use of everything our guests leave behind; Clothes hangars, pizza boxes, Bibles, hookers"

    • @lyricessence
      @lyricessence 29 днів тому +16

      That's exactly what he meant. He also said/meant, "We need to make America prey again."

    • @kellyfehr5240
      @kellyfehr5240 29 днів тому +7

      Oh the jokes!
      "did he just steal every bible he ever swore on"
      "could he sell as many as he's sworn on?"

  • @tomblah
    @tomblah Місяць тому +153

    1:08 "A fortune made by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare" - Proverbs 21:6

    • @phylis3917
      @phylis3917 29 днів тому +4

      Elegant.

    • @BenedictMHolland
      @BenedictMHolland 28 днів тому +4

      That is one more passage than Trump has read.

    • @ilovecockatoos
      @ilovecockatoos 27 днів тому +1

      ❤ the truth

    • @marknugent9851
      @marknugent9851 20 днів тому

      '"I go to church and I love God and I love my church," Trump boldly pronounced but in an interview on Bloomberg TV's "With All Due Respect." But he said the Bible was too personal to him to "get into specifics."
      "The Bible means a lot to me, but I don't want to get into specifics," Trump told Bloomberg’s Mark Halperin, refusing to list one or two favorite verses.
      Pressed again, Trump said the Bible was simply too personal to discuss publicly: "I wouldn't want to get into it because to me that's very personal. You know, when I talk about the Bible, it's very personal, so I don't want to get into verses."
      John Heilemann, searching for a workaround, then asked Trump if he considered himself "an Old Testament guy or a New Testament guy."
      "Probably equal," Trump answered matter-of-factly, explaining his inability to select just one: "The whole Bible is just incredible.”'
      ( www.salon.com/2015/08/27/watch_donald_trump_refuse_to_name_any_verses_in_his_favorite_book_the_bible/ )
      I saw that clip of live TV at the time.
      'There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:
      17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,
      18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil,
      19 a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.'
      -Proverbs 6:16-19
      I'm autistic and struggle, face to face, with social cues and even I can't help but see he's a such a clear and obvious liar.
      Yours, a devout atheist.

    • @bertrandsheffer3958
      @bertrandsheffer3958 4 дні тому

      Amen!

  • @christineherrmann205
    @christineherrmann205 Місяць тому +168

    Now the biggest mystery in my life is how Trump filmed that commercial without being struck by lightning. Uh, God, if you're there... the dude golfs a lot.

    • @scarletspidernz
      @scarletspidernz Місяць тому +17

      Devil was the Producer, sent a demon to shield him.
      Need the Winchester Bro's to go investigate

    • @hannahcallow6374
      @hannahcallow6374 Місяць тому +2

      Proof of life on god

    • @mm-yt8sf
      @mm-yt8sf Місяць тому

      the same reason televangelists who raise funds for private jets aren't struck by lightning. it's all a scam.

    • @trm4life
      @trm4life Місяць тому +4


      Love this!

    • @mancuniangamecat8288
      @mancuniangamecat8288 Місяць тому +15

      Trump plays golf while America burns.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Місяць тому +153

    I'm willing to bet that there is no cross on that bible because every time they showed it to Donnie for approval, he asked them to 'Capitalize the 't', and emboss it in gold'.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      🍉🍔💥🔥🍗🛋🛏🗣💤👗👚🌍📺🦍🚪⬅️ YOUR ROOM

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 ROBERT KENNEDY JR AND AARON ROGERS IN 24

    • @ericminch
      @ericminch 29 днів тому +9

      @@paulyricca3881 I thought that was Kiefer Sutherland's show.
      And stop shouting.

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому +4

      @@ericminch Jackal´s unleashed

    • @sunshine3914
      @sunshine3914 29 днів тому +6

      @@paulyricca3881You’re misinformed. Arron isn’t his chosen running mate.

  • @maggiefranks6849
    @maggiefranks6849 29 днів тому +54

    Remember when Dan Quayle misspelled 'potato' and it ruined his career?

    • @joachimschoder
      @joachimschoder 29 днів тому +14

      This was so many covefes ago.

    • @catseye1009
      @catseye1009 29 днів тому +5

      Ah, that was a different time. Joke from that era: “It is Mickey Mouse’s Birthday and he says he wants a Dan Quayle watch”

    • @maggiefranks6849
      @maggiefranks6849 29 днів тому

      @@catseye1009 😂

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому

      @@catseye1009 I thougt of Minnie asking Micky if he and Daisy to keep it pg

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Місяць тому +168

    "Pray with him, as he preys upon you."
    -A ironic typo that almost certainly appears in that bible.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому +2

      👴🏻🥃 YOGA IS CRAP

    • @thomasw.5344
      @thomasw.5344 29 днів тому

      I wonder if they left all the weird raunchy stuff in it, like that part where Saul commands David to collect 100 foreskins from the Philistines and the old over-achiever proudly returns with 200 foreskins. I just checked my King James Bible to be sure. Without kinky sex and gruesome violence, the Bible would probably fit on a single page after all....

    • @seraph8
      @seraph8 29 днів тому

      @@paulyricca3881 Are you on bath salts? Your nonsense comments are plastered up and down this comment section.

    • @avianna7738
      @avianna7738 29 днів тому

      Nah, that’s way more actual truth than Trump can survive without spontaneously bursting into flames.

  • @alfiegrace
    @alfiegrace 29 днів тому +29

    “Make America pray again.” We have been praying for tfg to shut up and go away for eight years.

  • @theowl3756
    @theowl3756 29 днів тому +12

    Don the Con selling Bible is like a Serial Killer selling Life Insurance.

  • @Elwaves2925
    @Elwaves2925 Місяць тому +38

    Trump Bible: "In the beginning there was nothing. So with a small loan from my father, I created something. That something was great, the many people who actually created it told me, with tears in their eyes, that it was great. Nobody had ever seen anything so great."

  • @JB-lp9xr
    @JB-lp9xr Місяць тому +411

    I am shocked that Trump didn’t combine the Bible with Mein Kampf. Seems more fitting for him.

    • @PhilLesh69
      @PhilLesh69 Місяць тому +16

      That's like sprinkling keif on your weed when you roll a joint. You've got the bible, and then you want to sprinkle a concentrated, filtered, supercharged version of the bible on top.

    • @Groffili
      @Groffili Місяць тому

      In all fairness: Trump didn't do anything here. This Bible edition seems to have been around for quite some time (and not very well received), and this new endeavor is just an advertising campaign. Trump does what Trump always does: sell himself.
      And you have to admit: it's quite the clever grift. Take some texts that don't cost you anything, stick them in a cheaply produced but gaudy looking book, get a "conservative" religious and totally trustworthy hero to tell you it's the only edition among a million of a public-domain text that he endorses, and sell it for at least three times what it is worth, because you can be certain the people stupid enough to buy it won't do it for its contents.
      Sometimes I regret having a conscience. I could use the money.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 HELP LEO VARADKA BANISHED THE CROWN

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      @@PhilLesh69👴🏻🥃 HELP LEO VARADKA BANISHED THE CROWN

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 HELP LEO VARADKA BANISHED THE CROWN

  • @jljordan1
    @jljordan1 29 днів тому +45

    As a nurse I stopped asking who the current president is as a part of my neuro assessment after I had a patient get visibly angered, get out of bed and piss all over the hospital room screaming “Donald TRUMP is MY PRESIDENT, WHOOO!”
    You know who had to clean that up? Me. The doctor who I called after that asked me why I was brothering him about it. 🤬

    • @AndreaALenze
      @AndreaALenze 29 днів тому

      I’m also a nurse. I stopped asking “who’s the president” during the Obama administration when a racist jerk patient answered “that f***** (racial slur)” I never asked that question again but I overhear my colleagues when they do. It got soooo much worse after the big orange turd got elected.

    • @Quaker-tc8ue
      @Quaker-tc8ue 29 днів тому +9

      My sympathies.

    • @westwardHo-
      @westwardHo- 29 днів тому +3

      You must work in a mental institution or serious rehab?

    • @catseye1009
      @catseye1009 29 днів тому +1

      Wow, just WOW!

    • @michaelccozens
      @michaelccozens 29 днів тому

      @@westwardHo- I mean, that's where Cult45 *should* be, but they're out here pissing on everything to claim it for 45 like rabid dogs if they so much as see 3 Skittles in rainbow-order.

  • @pz6316
    @pz6316 Місяць тому +38

    I understand there's a special edition of the bible where you get some classified documents

    • @michaelccozens
      @michaelccozens 29 днів тому +1

      Given how 45 keeps top-secret documents, when he's not showing them off like Pokemon cards to impress some rando Australian billionaire with the relative capabilities of US and Russian nuclear boomer subs, I'd guess you'd be more likely to find them wadded-up around the book in place of packing peanuts.

  • @Blakblooded
    @Blakblooded Місяць тому +481

    The Constitution, Pledge of Allegiance and Declaration of Independence...
    What are 3 things trump has never read and doesn't understand.

    • @MarcKloos
      @MarcKloos Місяць тому +67

      4 things - also the Bible

    • @hannahcallow6374
      @hannahcallow6374 Місяць тому +26

      King James bible; traditional American - being told what to think by an English king 🤨

    • @PhilLesh69
      @PhilLesh69 Місяць тому

      Those three things are what scoundrels use to confuse superstitious and uneducated people.

    • @quakerninja
      @quakerninja Місяць тому +35

      He should also add his wedding vows so he can have the all in one oath breaking super book

    • @mancuniangamecat8288
      @mancuniangamecat8288 Місяць тому +20

      He also doesn't understand what confidential means.

  • @user-sv9nb8ky2t
    @user-sv9nb8ky2t Місяць тому +28

    "GET YA BIBLE HERE! TRUMP BIBLE! GOLD SNEAKERS, GET YA GOLD SNEAKERS! SURRENDER SUIT, PIECE OF SURRENDER SUIT HERE" - vendor at a trump rally

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 SOOO HOWS YO MOTHER DOIN?

  • @npzabov
    @npzabov Місяць тому +151

    I remember that guy talking about "two Corinthians." You've gotta be the blindest person on earth to actually think that he has ever opened a Bible in his life

    • @russellmiles2861
      @russellmiles2861 Місяць тому +13

      To be frank; most Christians in the USA couldn't name more than 4 or 5 of the diciples and they'd include Mark.
      Trump's the model of folk in the USA.
      2 Corinthians 10:10

    • @weredoomed113
      @weredoomed113 Місяць тому

      For most "christians" in America, being "christian" simply means "being white and having a victimhood complex"

    • @TheNzFox
      @TheNzFox Місяць тому +5

      and the only reason he knew that was because it was on the side of the building he was speaking in so he saw in while entering

    • @williamstroud5449
      @williamstroud5449 Місяць тому +5

      He would burst in flames

    • @bookie5667
      @bookie5667 Місяць тому +7

      ​@@williamstroud5449I don't think fire wants the negative press of an association with Trump.

  • @paddyjenkins8458
    @paddyjenkins8458 Місяць тому +51

    Seth, thank you, you have hit the nail on the head with this monologue.

  • @ThereIsNeverEnough
    @ThereIsNeverEnough Місяць тому +46

    well.. at least FL libraries will have a book now...

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      🥃👴🏻 YOGA IS CRAP

    • @angrysaxman2246
      @angrysaxman2246 29 днів тому +3

      Yeah exactly the one book nobody wants or needs

    • @thomasw.5344
      @thomasw.5344 29 днів тому +4

      Well, I'm not sure if you can call it a book, the indictment is less than 50 pages .... OH, now I see what you mean 🤣

    • @michaelccozens
      @michaelccozens 29 днів тому +1

      It's a good joke, but DeSantis's "Don't Say Gay" bill was so vague that even Bibles and dictionaries were pulled.

    • @bethschreck4599
      @bethschreck4599 29 днів тому +1

      wanna bet?

  • @LividImp
    @LividImp Місяць тому +237

    I support this combo Bible, Constitution, Declaration of Independence. Maybe now Trumpsters will actually finally read them. Man are they going to be shocked.

    • @markmac2206
      @markmac2206 Місяць тому +40

      They can hold it close and say "we do not mix politics and religion. Wait a minute...".

    • @catsandcrafts171
      @catsandcrafts171 Місяць тому +40

      You assume they can read... I think most only listen to whatever twaddle their extremist preacher shouts at them every Sunday.

    • @PhilLesh69
      @PhilLesh69 Місяць тому +7

      It's such a worn out corporate profit making shortcut. Bask in Robbuns, Dunkin Donuts and Taco Bell tried to open stores where you could order from all three franchises in one place. You can probably still find a few at truck stops and in economically depressed parts of town.

    • @wintersbabyy
      @wintersbabyy Місяць тому +15

      None of them are interested in any of these.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому +1

      👴🏻🥃 VOTE FOR BIG HAWK AND PHILLY DOM IN 24

  • @dafttool
    @dafttool Місяць тому +70

    The Separation of Church and State with a bookmark was a good joke. It wasn’t funny, but it’s a good joke nonetheless.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 HELP LEO VARADKA BANISHED THE CROWN

  • @filmcrit
    @filmcrit 29 днів тому +11

    So, now Trump wants to keep the ACA? I thought we were waiting for his new healthcare plan?!

  • @alanbarnett328
    @alanbarnett328 29 днів тому +11

    I love that you've started uploading the closer looks connected to the monologue!

  • @keenanmccracken6758
    @keenanmccracken6758 29 днів тому +8

    Thank you for posting both segments together. Making late night grest again

  • @lynnejamieson2063
    @lynnejamieson2063 Місяць тому +26

    “These conveniently handed down in the middle of an election” I’m sorry, but is there a time when the US isn’t in the middle of an election? It seems to me that the campaigning starts the moment the polls close.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 AWW SHUT UP

    • @BradloRaul
      @BradloRaul 29 днів тому +6

      @@paulyricca3881keep pathetically trying to troll! It’s hilarious! 😂

  • @PhilLesh69
    @PhilLesh69 Місяць тому +40

    I joked way back in 2019 that trump thinks the lyrics to 'my country tis of thee' are really "my country tis of me. Sweet land is all for me. Of me I sing. Land where my dollars lie, land where my lies also fly."

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      🥃👴🏻 YOURE CORNY

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 LIZZO AND 21 SAVAGE

    • @JohnDoe-jh5yr
      @JohnDoe-jh5yr 29 днів тому +6

      He still sings god save the king… to himself.

  • @wrongwayconway
    @wrongwayconway 29 днів тому +23

    Your Covid posts kept me sane during the Pandemic. I work in an ICU and I so looked forward to each of your videos (and still do).

  • @Justusson
    @Justusson Місяць тому +140

    Why does Trump sell the Bible for $60.00?
    Selling it for $66.60 would be too obvious,.. 😈

    • @seanwilliams4087
      @seanwilliams4087 29 днів тому +28

      turn 59.99 upside-down
      ...
      66.6S ... the Beast and the Snake ... just sayin'

    • @sunshine3914
      @sunshine3914 29 днів тому +8

      $66.60 with tax

    • @TiggerToo27
      @TiggerToo27 29 днів тому +8

      You are frigging HILARIOUS! 🤡 Sometimes I think Trump IS in fact the Antichrist. [My apologies to all the other Antichrists out there. ]

    • @catseye1009
      @catseye1009 29 днів тому +2

      😂😂😂

    • @dudleyboycott7331
      @dudleyboycott7331 29 днів тому +1

      comes to that with tax and shipping

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander Місяць тому +39

    Wouldn’t surprise me if Ttump’s Bible is spelled “Bibble”.

    • @westwardHo-
      @westwardHo- 29 днів тому +4

      Or Buybel

    • @user-wl1pf7xc6q
      @user-wl1pf7xc6q 29 днів тому +2

      Kif! Go get me my Bibble, the documents to buy Greenland, Kim Jong Un's love letters, Rudy's report on Ukraine, and about 10 highly classified documents from the ballroom! I've got a lady to impress.
      Kif: *sighs*

    • @michaelccozens
      @michaelccozens 29 днів тому +1

      Between the two of them, I'd bet 45 has less of a grip on Scripture than Master Shake.

  • @thepolarphantasm2319
    @thepolarphantasm2319 Місяць тому +29

    I don't care if it's just me, I love Stoner Biden.
    Please give that character a cartoon show where MTG is constantly trying to impeach him and failing due to wacky coincidence

    • @sujimtangerines
      @sujimtangerines Місяць тому +6

      I'd 100% watch that.

    • @FrankBenlin
      @FrankBenlin Місяць тому +1

      MTGilligan.

    • @thepolarphantasm2319
      @thepolarphantasm2319 29 днів тому

      I just realized this idea is basically just Rocky & Bullwinkle and I like it exponentially more with Kamala & Dark Brandon as rocky and Bullwinkle
      Also give Pete Buttigeig a talking dog sidekick so we have a kickass Mr Peabody & Sherman in there... is it too on the nose to use Boris Epstein as Boris?
      Edit: Jordan Peele would likely be down to voice ol' Barry O'Bombs some for this, and if Stoned Biden doesn't have a magical negro pal it's gonna be unrealistic

    • @sujimtangerines
      @sujimtangerines 29 днів тому

      @@thepolarphantasm2319 Dude if Boris is Boris, then Melania as Natasha is the "too on the nose" casting but I can't find any fault in it.
      There's an AI voice animated show I hear my boyfriend watch of Barry, Brandon, Cheeto & I think Little Rocket Man that sounds hilarious... If someone can make that, why can't we have the R&B reboot?

    • @Ducky69247
      @Ducky69247 29 днів тому +2

      Nah, that would require acknowledging MTG.

  • @larrymosher5045
    @larrymosher5045 Місяць тому +34

    The Red Lobster Manatee joke was solid.Especially when dipped in butter.

    • @jillians7112
      @jillians7112 Місяць тому +3

      I adore manatees (living in Florida), but even i have to admit that was a funny bit....

    • @jenniferjohnson2712
      @jenniferjohnson2712 Місяць тому +2

      I haven't even finished this clip yet, paused to see the comments on the manatee joke. It took me out. 😂 I moghtve been thinking some jackal thoughts, but the love for Seth is too strong

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому +1

      🥃👴🏻 HAPPY ST PATTYS DAY BRING SOME JAMESON IRISH WHISKEY

    • @JohnDoe-jh5yr
      @JohnDoe-jh5yr 29 днів тому +1

      I cracked up in public.

  • @princessmaly
    @princessmaly Місяць тому +19

    Where my "that manatee joke was Scollins, wasn't it?" crew at?

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      We're quiet in the back, fondly reminiscing about his give them some props joke that should have made the cut for the monologue, not relegated to _Surprise Inspection_

  • @thehellyousay
    @thehellyousay Місяць тому +45

    on behalf of genuine trolls everywhere, TED CRUZ IS NOT A TROLL! HE"S A KNOBGOBLIN, DAMMIT!

  • @jennymunday7913
    @jennymunday7913 29 днів тому +3

    Hearing his crew laughing at his jokes is the best.

  • @MeissnerEffect
    @MeissnerEffect Місяць тому +12

    Brilliant as always 😊. Thanks for keeping us sane ❤️

  • @Lily-cx1vo
    @Lily-cx1vo Місяць тому +33

    All Americans DO NOT need a bible in their home. Religious freedom is the CORNERSTONE of America. Religious freedom is what brought our forefathers to America to begin with. Religious freedom, separation of church and state, is a core aspect of the constitution. Diversity and FREEDOM is what makes America great. Saying “every American needs a bible in their home” is the most UNAMERICAN thing I have ever heard.

    • @izabelasiczek3547
      @izabelasiczek3547 Місяць тому +7

      Exactly it makes me mad that No one says that on news out loud !!!!

    • @TheNzFox
      @TheNzFox Місяць тому +10

      the issue is these people don't see it as pushing their religion into anything, they think its just 'fact' so should be the default in all aspects of life, in their minds its the people who argue against that totalitarianism that are forcing their views on others.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 YO MOTHER IS A SPAMBOT TROLL MEGATRON ASTRO BOY EIGHT MAN MEGATRON ROBO GEEK

    • @paulas_lens
      @paulas_lens 29 днів тому

      @Lily-cx1vo That is only part of the story.
      The Reformation, the Puritans, the Mennonites, the Quakers, and even the Catholics, etc, etc are a part of the story.
      But the Colonies were set up for profit, by the Monarchy and the Merchants and Gentry who made it happen.
      The belief that our country was established *first & foremost* for "freedom of religion" is a HUGE part of the myth & propaganda we were all sold.
      God "gave" no one this land.
      God "saved" it for no one.
      It is just land, same as all the other land around the world.
      It is *not* a "promised land"
      Everyone needs to open our eyes and ears to hear the propaganda and ask why it is pushed on us.

    • @Lucifer-qt9gh
      @Lucifer-qt9gh 29 днів тому +5

      I'm just trying to figure out how to get a pallet of these without paying for them so I can have a bonfire...I'll keep y'all updated

  • @annerigby4400
    @annerigby4400 29 днів тому +12

    Trump selling bibles? hahahahaha! trump talking about praying, hahahahahahaha! This is truly hilarious.

  • @dafttool
    @dafttool Місяць тому +14

    Trump couldn’t tell you the difference between The Old & New Testaments, except to say one was old & the other new.

  • @nth.aurora
    @nth.aurora Місяць тому +12

    correction: that's a lighter, not a match

  • @JoeNarbaiz
    @JoeNarbaiz Місяць тому +27

    Saying "45th favorite president" is nothing to brag about but I can imagine Trump saying something like that. 🤔😉

  • @Sylfa
    @Sylfa 29 днів тому +7

    You know the first commandment will have "trump" written in sharpie over "me."

  • @danvanmuizenberg6650
    @danvanmuizenberg6650 Місяць тому +13

    To be fair I like the checklist style Ten Commandments, for when the seven deadly sins are passé

  • @markmac2206
    @markmac2206 Місяць тому +24

    We were all in the attic Seth. Arrrrrrgh

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому +1

      🥃👴🏻 NOT ME I WAS IN MY PUB IN GOOD OLDE IRELAND

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому

      @@paulyricca3881 no you are building a bridge for free Scot

  • @fredfred2809
    @fredfred2809 Місяць тому +18

    Seperation of church and state. The founding fathers intended this took keep tyranny from happening.

  • @francescaa8331
    @francescaa8331 Місяць тому +13

    The Patriot Plunger! Wow! 😮

  • @Arational
    @Arational Місяць тому +14

    Waiting for a copy of The Thorn Birds to appear on your desk.

    • @Myron90
      @Myron90 29 днів тому

      I found a copy of the thornbirds beneath my TV after watching an episode of corrections. It was slightly unsettling.

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому

      @@Myron90 Maybe you can be friends

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому

      but not with the wasps

  • @JLee-rt6ve
    @JLee-rt6ve 29 днів тому +8

    The Gideons: No wonder our IPO flopped. We were giving them away for free!

  • @Dermatillomaniac
    @Dermatillomaniac 29 днів тому +6

    I missed Seth during his hiatus but it’s worth it for him to attend advanced impressions camp! 😂

  • @alexfattoruso
    @alexfattoruso Місяць тому +8

    "Manatee Appreciation Day at Red Lobster" is the one. Yes. The One. ❤

  • @sujimtangerines
    @sujimtangerines Місяць тому +28

    If he really wanted to hang a lampshade on the age issue, he should have told that joke as, "Four Score and a single year ago...:

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      That's how Biden should jokingly describe his age, in multiples of scores of years lol

  • @baylinkdashyt
    @baylinkdashyt 29 днів тому +3

    I've never been a Jackal before.
    THAT'S A FRIGGIN BIC LIGHTER, Seth!

  • @JulithaRyan
    @JulithaRyan Місяць тому +26

    Wow - 3 mins since upload! Love and light from Australia 💙🇦🇺🇺🇸

  • @vinniediesel1369
    @vinniediesel1369 Місяць тому +16

    "ME-MAW!?!?" ...

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈⬅️CURTIS SLIWAS CATS IN 24

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому +2

      👴🏻🥃AWW SHUT UP

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому

      @@paulyricca3881 so who you working for?

  • @S.Shea2432
    @S.Shea2432 Місяць тому +42

    The part about Trump winning the New Jersey Lottery. 🤣🤣

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 SOOO HOWS YO MOTHER DOIN?

    • @vickiross1025
      @vickiross1025 29 днів тому +1

      😊😅😂

    • @michaelrmurphy2734
      @michaelrmurphy2734 29 днів тому +3

      His only hope!

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      I mean he just won a reduction on his bond from $464 million down to $175 million, plus he got a ten-day extension, plus they lifted his ban from doing business in New York, sounds like he won the lottery to me

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      Plus his social media company just went public, increasing his net worth overnight by $7 billion, who needs a lottery with that kind of luck lol

  • @hrma6313
    @hrma6313 29 днів тому +8

    Somebody should check that parts of the Bible, the Constitution, Declaration and Pledge are not edited or tampered to suit him. (14. amendment conveniently missing etc. Or pages glued together.)

    • @joachimschoder
      @joachimschoder 29 днів тому +1

      You assume that anybody would actually open the book to read any of it. It only exists for pure "virtue" signaling.

  • @donhoverson6348
    @donhoverson6348 29 днів тому +11

    Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

  • @HelynnHeels
    @HelynnHeels Місяць тому +32

    The plunger had me choking, here, dude.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈⬅️ CURTIS SLIWAS CATS

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 SOOO HOWS YO MOTHER DOIN?

    • @MisteRRYouTuby
      @MisteRRYouTuby 29 днів тому +2

      And the *SOUND EFFECT!!!*

  • @einmensch4040
    @einmensch4040 Місяць тому +79

    Trump "selling" those valuable documents is pure obscenity.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому +1

      🥃👴🏻 YOGA IS CRAP

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому +1

      @@paulyricca3881 sexy Yoga hmm

    • @dougmackenzie5976
      @dougmackenzie5976 29 днів тому +9

      Every one of these documents can be had for free, online. Only the idiots will spend their money on this new grift.

    • @tonygrowley5275
      @tonygrowley5275 28 днів тому

      MAGA trumpanzees aren't very bright..

  • @solarmaker
    @solarmaker 29 днів тому +6

    😂 The plunger should have had an American flag on the handle, that would have been perfect!

    • @roserose8283
      @roserose8283 29 днів тому +1

      With a little - gold - cross on the top
      🤓

  • @pennygleeson5029
    @pennygleeson5029 Місяць тому +9

    Your covid posts were the best - i loved them, they kept us all going for over a year ❤️❤️❤️

  • @drewbola
    @drewbola Місяць тому +25

    If only his followers could understand any of the messages in any of those documents they were buying. I would love to get these things into the hands of a Trump supporter who could critically think about the meaning of these documents.

    • @teunw7387
      @teunw7387 Місяць тому +9

      if they could critically think they wouldn't have been Trump supporters

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      🥃👴🏻AWW SHUT UP

    • @ReadABookAndLearn
      @ReadABookAndLearn 29 днів тому +4

      @@teunw7387exactly. If they had the reading comprehension skills to understand the moral code and guidelines for a free and just society laid out within those pages, and cared enough to actually read them, there’s no way they would be Trump supporters. Anyone who genuinely cares about the values of our constitution and amendments wouldn’t support Trump.

  • @seraphonica
    @seraphonica 29 днів тому +5

    "disinformates and misinformates": when you're having a twitter breakdown but you can't think of the word "lies"

  • @Sunny-ju1lr
    @Sunny-ju1lr Місяць тому +31

    Trump selling Bibles now, wtf? 🤣🤣🤣. Also a quick Google search of "bible salesman" brought up bible salesman porn (which I did not know was a thing), so maybe that's where he got the idea from lmao.

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому +2

      lol i wont search that, thanks for being the guinea pig.

    • @Sunny-ju1lr
      @Sunny-ju1lr 29 днів тому +2

      @@chiguireespacialespecial 🤣🤣🤣 all I searched was "bible salesman" lmao

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому +2

      @@Sunny-ju1lr I has friend that used to sell encyclopedia good days lol

    • @michaelccozens
      @michaelccozens 29 днів тому

      "Cancun" Cruz probably stumbled-upon it as he was publicly-liking incest porn and sent it over.

  • @lauraanne5175
    @lauraanne5175 29 днів тому +6

    Lee's bible from 2001 is $5.95 on amazon. How is no one covering this?

  • @DragunovJ
    @DragunovJ Місяць тому +5

    Probably want to check for rewritten sentences in all 4 of those...

  • @freetolook3727
    @freetolook3727 Місяць тому +15

    Gonna have to stump a lot of bibles to pay $454 million dollar bill.

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      Trump's social media company just went public, increasing his net worth by $7 billion overnight. He just needs to hang on for 6 months which is when he can legally sell his shares of stock in the company to cash all that in, hence the bible joint business venture

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому

      he is the most greatest fake leader he has a chance, Putin is examining consequences

  • @Cancun771
    @Cancun771 Місяць тому +6

    That manatee joke reminds me to launch the Scollins Fan Club's Spring membership drive.

  • @danwilcox8833
    @danwilcox8833 Місяць тому +6

    Maybe they can call it the King Trump Bible.

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 YOURE A SPAMBOT

    • @dahn57
      @dahn57 29 днів тому +1

      @@paulyricca3881 Says the pathetic spamming troll

  • @susilemare198
    @susilemare198 29 днів тому +2

    Seth and your writers, thank you so much for the laugh out loud laughs. Really!

  • @user-ny5hj3pd6o
    @user-ny5hj3pd6o Місяць тому +5

    😂 Seth you are hilarious God bless you

  • @KA-wp6zo
    @KA-wp6zo Місяць тому +32

    Correction : That is a lighter not a match ;)

    • @sujimtangerines
      @sujimtangerines Місяць тому +5

      I hope that's on Corrections!

    • @jillians7112
      @jillians7112 Місяць тому +2

      Seriously?! Man, you sound like you're really fun at parties 😂🤣

    • @kaladan1890
      @kaladan1890 Місяць тому +5

      @@jillians7112 well yeah, considering he know the difference between a lighter and a match so he can light more than 1 thing at a party

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 U NEED A GIRL AND A JOB

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃 THE GUARDIAN ANGELS IS A JOKE

  • @beckybowen196
    @beckybowen196 29 днів тому +6

    I think Trump should sell his own Monopoly game...he could call it "Bankrupt-opoly" And could feature extra "get out of jail free" cards he could sell to his followers for the low, low price of $45.45

  • @vickiross1025
    @vickiross1025 29 днів тому +2

    I love your impressions, Seth.

  • @lashendawest7509
    @lashendawest7509 29 днів тому +5

    Good morning seth meyers fans

    • @chiguireespacialespecial
      @chiguireespacialespecial 29 днів тому

      never be a Jackal the indoctrination the hand cans, and the hazing is al just frogs and fog, and their is a whip weep leash, first the mushroom test

  • @jenniferjohnson2712
    @jenniferjohnson2712 Місяць тому +11

    Omfg when he comes for the graphics team on the 100th correction...
    Wait, did they do this on purpose?
    That one match to the maga hat... its a goddamn set up. They crave the punishment. I bet they are undercover jackals.

    • @rheajoshi4162
      @rheajoshi4162 29 днів тому +1

      I suppose the real version might be too complicated. Also, (and this is Seth’s fault, not Graphics) that’s a lighter, not a match.

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander Місяць тому +13

    New Yorkers will also have to put up with Trump blocking traffic for the many trips to his criminal trial. (They might be a bit more forgiving for those.)

    • @wendigo53
      @wendigo53 29 днів тому +1

      If only they had the trial at Trump Tower...

  • @brinaldi81
    @brinaldi81 Місяць тому +4

    Ooo all the things the Founding fathers wanted to to intertwined

  • @CAP198462
    @CAP198462 29 днів тому +5

    I guess Biden didn’t go with 9 squared, because he knew his audience was educated in the US and would think “9 isn’t square, it’s round”

  • @nhokonhokopuala
    @nhokonhokopuala Місяць тому +5

    Ehehehehehehehehehehe
    Seth❤❤
    Thank you for making me laugh with such insane things😂😂😂
    Edit
    Also, also, Maya ❤❤❤❤😂😂😂

  • @wang771
    @wang771 Місяць тому +8

    Excellent example the Hannity for the Jethro Bodines, they haven't the slightest clue what freedom actually is🪗🎱

    • @dahn57
      @dahn57 29 днів тому

      For them, freedom means that THEY are free to do as they please (The rich) and give orders to the rest of us peasants to do as they say and think what we are told.

  • @spockofdune8657
    @spockofdune8657 Місяць тому +9

    The reason he has lots of bibles at home is because each time he touches one it BURSTS in FLAMES ! ▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

    • @paulyricca3881
      @paulyricca3881 Місяць тому

      👴🏻🥃. THE GUARDIAN ANGELS IS A JOKE

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      Did you steal that joke from Stephen Colbert lol

  • @kaladan1890
    @kaladan1890 Місяць тому +2

    seth's buden high is on point and hilarious :D

  • @judgegixxer
    @judgegixxer Місяць тому +7

    The bible always has a home in a swindlers toolbox.

  • @zotha
    @zotha Місяць тому +9

    He couldn't open the bible, they literally have a warning on their FAQ about the pages being sticky

    • @joachimschoder
      @joachimschoder 29 днів тому

      I had to look this up. They say it is sticky due to "gold gilding" and added a link how to "break it in".
      But yeah, that book won't be used for studies.

  • @jcoopes5604
    @jcoopes5604 Місяць тому +15

    Never again!
    Vote 🗳️ blue people!

  • @jennypulczinski7204
    @jennypulczinski7204 29 днів тому +3

    Bibles from the guest room drawers in Trump hotels with a pocket in the back stuffed with the Constitution, Pledge, Declaration, etc? Way to repurpose, Don!

  • @C010rbl1nd
    @C010rbl1nd Місяць тому +7

    that joke about Bidens age, was funny as hell. Im half Bidens age and wish I was as smart as him. If I coud ask Biden 1 question. what do you do to make your wife smile. My only mission in life is to make my wife happy

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      Well for one he made a lot of effort to enable Dr. Biden to be able to continue teaching while being First Lady; that says a lot about how much he supports her and her professional career

  • @VideoNozoki
    @VideoNozoki 29 днів тому +7

    CORRECTION: (5:20) Seth says, "A solitary MATCH" -- when the guy is clearly holding a LIGHTER.
    (Although a single matchstick typically burns for around 8 to 10 seconds,
    a lighter like the one the man is holding can burn on average for a total of 55 minutes.)
    ー you're burnt!

    • @jb888888888
      @jb888888888 29 днів тому

      I'm so old I remember when they used to advertise Bic lighters on TV promoting how long they lasted.

  • @geekfreak618
    @geekfreak618 29 днів тому +2

    I thought you did such a good job going remote through the pandemic. You made the time easier with your mirthful ways.

  • @rayhallett
    @rayhallett 29 днів тому +2

    I love your rambling, disjointed Trump imitations! No one captures that aspect of his self-involved high school personalty better than you do. Keep it up!!

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      JAJ has the voice but Seth has fully comprehended Trump's whole mental state and personality

  • @kurtbader9711
    @kurtbader9711 Місяць тому +3

    Bibles, sneakers, nfts and bobbleheads. Just look and think.

  • @clints7834
    @clints7834 29 днів тому +4

    CORRECTION: That, sir, is a BiC lighter and not a solitary match, as you put it.

  • @miniatureskeleton8147
    @miniatureskeleton8147 29 днів тому +2

    “Endless Manatee” - Thank you, Scollins.

  • @opo2597
    @opo2597 Місяць тому +8

    Correction: if trump jumped on a trampoline, his legs would snap in half, obviously

    • @jillians7112
      @jillians7112 Місяць тому

      I think they'd actually fall through the bottom on the first decent, and his feet would hit the ground underneath because he's such a fat slimeball.

    • @francesbernard2445
      @francesbernard2445 29 днів тому

      That is not good news. Not good news when anyone is experiencing that sort of thing.

  • @petedog9581
    @petedog9581 Місяць тому +9

    LEFT IS THE GREST! That's how to informate. It is easy to tell which posts Trump actually posts himself compared to when his staff cleans them up.

  • @tomsenft7434
    @tomsenft7434 29 днів тому +1

    When I lived in Buden, I used to drive all the way to the Wal-Mart in Grest.

    • @icantollie
      @icantollie 29 днів тому

      Buden and Grest sound like the names of Old World cities in eastern Europe

  • @JadeStone00
    @JadeStone00 29 днів тому

    The golden plunger reminds me of the golden shovels from Twin Peaks

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Місяць тому +7

    How hard must Donnie have been trying to push one out when he typed that?

  • @zackspiker_
    @zackspiker_ Місяць тому +5

    Alright fine, I’ll type it here too: SOMEONE MAKE A JOE BUDDEN REFERENCE AND PUMP IT UP!

    • @markmac2206
      @markmac2206 Місяць тому

      All I got is Kamala Da 5 9

  • @poopiemcpoopnfart2303
    @poopiemcpoopnfart2303 29 днів тому +2

    Damn, I never knew Sean Hannity has such a sharp, ear piercing whistle whenever he speaks the letter "S". Louder than sibilant Gopher on Winnie the Pooh. Poor fella.

  • @eduardoaguirre4839
    @eduardoaguirre4839 29 днів тому +1

    Hannity stole that "I thought we lived in the United States of America.. Is this still America??" line from drunk Randy Marsh in South Park 😂😂

  • @BradloRaul
    @BradloRaul 29 днів тому +3

    Egregious typos aside; Donald spent his entire 4 year term in office promising to improve on the ACA and delivering nothing. He never even tried to submit an alternative proposal. Now he’s trying to run on that again? 🤦‍♂️