You Can't Heal Her... | Dating A Broken Woman

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  • Опубліковано 11 лис 2020
  • Get "Love After Heartbreak" here 👉 bit.ly/LoveAfterHeartbreakYTS... - Have you ever met a woman that you thought you could try to heal? You can’t heal her. Dating a broken woman is a disaster because the more you try to pour into that woman and heal her, the more she can actually become more afraid to be vulnerable to you because she is not at a place where she is now ready to open herself up. In this dating and relationship advice for men, I talk about dating a broken woman and explain the fact that you can’t heal her.
    When you pour in love to a broken woman, you are essentially demanding her to be vulnerable to you and that scares and overwhelms her causing her to shut down. Due to the brokenness that the woman is facing, she needs healing because she may be having issues that she has not healed from, which may come up in the relationship and trigger her causing the relationship to be a struggle.
    Unfortunately, men have been told you need to love that woman, help her through her brokenness, and be there for her. On the other hand, women talk about if he loves me he will help me in my healing. However, the reality is that your love is not enough to heal this woman and that is not the responsibility of your love. You can’t just heal someone, they have to do it for themselves, and they have to want the healing for themselves.
    When a woman is broken, she needs space because she can’t think clearly, and being with you in a relationship requires her to level up, it requires her to step up to the plate and be a better woman. You have to recognize that it is not your responsibility to heal a broken woman and you can’t heal her even if you try.
    Additionally, if you find yourself in a relationship with a broken woman and you are trying hard to drag her to the place of healing, there is a good chance that the only reason she is with you is because she is broken. Meaning if this woman was healed she wouldn’t even be entertaining you. Keep in mind that when we are broken from within, it is easier to deal with an individual we are not truly in love with than to have to face the person we have the strongest feelings for.
    You can’t heal her and she can’t heal you. Therefore, don’t be a broken man trying to push healing onto a broken woman, you need to heal yourself first because you yourself as a man if you were healed then you wouldn’t be trying to heal her.
    As a dating and relationship coach who provides relationship and dating advice for women and men, I want to make dating and relationships easier for you, and I pray you find this video helpful. If you are asking yourself the following questions
    - Can I heal a broken woman?
    - Am I dating a broken woman?
    - Is my love enough to heal a broken woman?
    - What should I do if I am dating a broken woman?
    - Is she in love with me because she is broken?
    - Would we still be together if she wasn’t broken and unhealed?
    - What can I do to help her heal?
    - Dating advice for men
    - Dating tips for men
    - Toxic relationships
    - Healthy relationships
    Well, I believe this dating and relationship advice video will give you the clarity you need.
    Get Your Copy of "Love After Heartbreak" here: www.loveafterheartbreak.com
    ===============================================
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    ===============================================
    I hope you enjoyed my video “You Can’t Heal Her... Dating A Broken Woman”
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    ===============================================
    #RealLove #Healing #RelationshipAdviceForMen #LetGo #DatingAdvice #Dating #YouCan’tHealHer #SelfHealing #DatingBrokenPeople #StephanSpeaks

КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,3 тис.

  • @MeetStephanSpeaks
    @MeetStephanSpeaks  3 роки тому +22

    💯 Get your copy of "Love After Heartbreak" here 👉 www.loveafterheartbreak.com 👈

    • @freddiestranger9783
      @freddiestranger9783 2 роки тому +1

      I WON'T BE GETTING YOUR BOOK BECAUSE THIS VIDEO TITLE IS NONSENSE BECAUSE YOU ARE LEAVING GOD OUT OF THE EQUATION BECAUSE GOD PLUS WHAT YOU PLANT EQUALS HEALING. How can a woman "heal herself" ????? She could not do it before so How do you think she is going to do it? Answer = With Others Helping Her and the person who can help is CAN BE YOU. I once knew the story of a man who met a broken woman hurt by a previous relationship. When he met her she was rude and she said that this was the woman he wanted. Well he stayed with her and married her and she is healed and they have been married 50 years. HEALING IS NOT A PERSONAL PROCESS. IT IS A PROCESS WITH GOD BECAUSE YOU CANNOT DO IT BY YOURSELF. WRONG GOING THROUGH THE PROCESS TOGETHER IS THE SAME AS HEALING HER. ELSE WHY GO THROUGH THE PROCESS IF ITS PURPOSE IS NOT TO BRING HEALING TO THE WOMAN.

    • @melanielineberger9494
      @melanielineberger9494 Рік тому

      This applies to women with broken men.

  • @gdeshae
    @gdeshae 3 роки тому +698

    As a broken woman, I can say that every word of this is true. I currently refuse to date until I work through my issues. It’s not fair to even give a man hope until I can work through my own stuff instead of putting it on him (which happens whether I intend to or not).

    • @JRenae-uv5yx
      @JRenae-uv5yx 3 роки тому +19

      Because it does happen whether we intend for it or not. 😔

    • @constancereynolds3110
      @constancereynolds3110 3 роки тому +19

      @Lily Snowwhite It appears that you have a low opinion about men. Men are not robots they can think, feel and make choices for themselves. If a man notices that the woman he is dating has too much drama that he doesn't want to tolerate he is able to make a choice to leave.
      Both men and women are going to have some level of issues to deal within the relationship but when it is SELF DESTRUCTIVE this can make a relationship unhealthy.
      Those that dismisses issues aren't dealing with reality let alone may not realize their own short comings and issues.

    • @SamuelBarrPhotography
      @SamuelBarrPhotography 3 роки тому +18

      Thank you for your honesty Gina and sharing. Also, thank you for working on yourself before allowing a man back into your life.

    • @SamuelBarrPhotography
      @SamuelBarrPhotography 3 роки тому +11

      Also, I know you can't answer for another woman. But, I want to ask you, if you have some insight into this question, the woman I fell in love with acted like she wanted to be healed and wanted a life with me and to be my life partner. Everything was great until I told her how I felt about her and literally the next day everything changed and within a week it was over. Do you have any insight into why she would pretend to want to be with me? We're in our 50's so we are way past the game playing days.

    • @YesDaddyTDPop
      @YesDaddyTDPop 3 роки тому +1

      @@constancereynolds3110 facts

  • @theflyguy5976
    @theflyguy5976 3 роки тому +443

    Leave broken women alone. You'll break yourself tryna fix her. Sometimes they don't even want to be healed. They enjoy the toxicity they bring.

    • @ironbull1559
      @ironbull1559 3 роки тому +13

      Agreed

    • @Ummkelechi
      @Ummkelechi 3 роки тому +8

      Heavy!

    • @ManOfAlkebulan
      @ManOfAlkebulan 3 роки тому +33

      There are soooo many broken women out there that they are difficult to avoid. But they come in levels of difficulty. I am totally avoiding the level 4 and level 5 (max) narcissists due to personal experience.

    • @theflyguy5976
      @theflyguy5976 3 роки тому +29

      @@ManOfAlkebulan Especially in this hook up culture we living in. 95% of them are broken in some way. It never fails.

    • @frenchy1220
      @frenchy1220 2 роки тому +1

      So true

  • @MM-mq9xj
    @MM-mq9xj Рік тому +78

    By letting her go, you can be the wake up call to her transformation. Trying to heal her yourself is from selfish motivations. Probably the realest thing I’ve learned in my 30 years of life.

    • @weireffie29
      @weireffie29 7 місяців тому +2

      The Truth is here...no one can heal broken people without recommendations of professional mental health Faith - Based Counseling. Highly recommended because the wounds are deep. Think of an onion being peeled layers of emotional/ inner healing needed. It is a deeper professional work needed.

    • @Eriecartel
      @Eriecartel 6 місяців тому +4

      i let her go and told her she needs to do the work herself and she said she is. Fast forward only a week after we stopped talking she was already on a dating app and put down marriage as a relationship shes after. So yeah her version of healing is having a family, good luck.

    • @mikyl-fo8rh
      @mikyl-fo8rh 5 місяців тому

      Good insight/advice.

    • @circlesthesun
      @circlesthesun Місяць тому

      This is scary. I wanted to date a woman in Alanon with 6 months of recovery. I'm 26 years old in sobriety. Ain't fair to both of us.

  • @larrylfisher464
    @larrylfisher464 8 місяців тому +40

    I once tried to help a damaged girl, and she damaged me. She made me go through everything she went through. Had me walking on eggshells.

    • @MeetStephanSpeaks
      @MeetStephanSpeaks  8 місяців тому +3

      I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️

  • @NathanHeskia
    @NathanHeskia Рік тому +110

    I will never again ignore the signs of someone who is hurt. No matter how much I want to love them. Thank you for this video.

    • @MeetStephanSpeaks
      @MeetStephanSpeaks  Рік тому +13

      I'm happy this has been helpful to you, and I pray that you heal all you have been through 🙏

    • @CC-go9wr
      @CC-go9wr Рік тому +3

      I’m feeling so weak over this, I love my girlfriend so much but in my heart I know I can’t heal her and nothing will change. I’m heartbroken nothing of her own doing has damaged her. I can’t find the strength, I want her happy and healthy.

    • @justsaiyansteve
      @justsaiyansteve 9 місяців тому

      Compassion.

  • @pearlowusu7891
    @pearlowusu7891 3 роки тому +334

    A broken woman needs to heal her self before she moves into another relationship. I love all your tips ❤

    • @ffoster77
      @ffoster77 3 роки тому +2

      Absolutely!! It definitely goes both ways.

    • @patientlywaiting4mykingsou49
      @patientlywaiting4mykingsou49 3 роки тому +7

      Nobody can heal anybody but the person who is willing to do better with the help of Jesus Christ! Returning to one's self involves extensive self-help tools and guidance from the heavenly father! Even though I think that nobody can truly heal anybody still I believe that if you really love that person you will help them through it just buy being there for them and showing them parts of what you see that they could be missing! just by supporting each other brings in gratification and appreciation 4 one another

    • @davidlopez5859
      @davidlopez5859 3 роки тому +1

      Wow this definitely hit home I proposed to my girl and she said that right now she couldn’t do it she has a lot on her plate and that she not ready to be the woman that I’m looking for and needs time to think but then I got blocked.

    • @beingthesalt
      @beingthesalt 3 роки тому

      Sometimes we think we are all the way healed but have a little more to work on.

    • @colemacnomee3713
      @colemacnomee3713 2 роки тому

      @@davidlopez5859 mine was quite similar, destroys your doesn't it mate

  • @zoraidacastro5403
    @zoraidacastro5403 3 роки тому +208

    Its a lot of work. She has to be ready. This is my situation. This year 2020 was a lot of self reflection and letting go of toxic relationships.

  • @dmoney8890
    @dmoney8890 3 роки тому +341

    Totally agree with S/S - everyone has to do their own work. True that a man who is healed will not try to heal a broken woman. Took me until my mid-40s to discover my patterns of attracting and choosing women who had suffered some type of abuse, which caused them to not trust and/or respect men. My discovery was that I had codependent tendencies that required work-so I began work to stop putting others’ needs before mine. Took time to myself and learned to stop jumping from one to the next without self-discovery, self-awareness, self-love. Hope this helps someone 🙏🏾

    • @skyevonn7085
      @skyevonn7085 3 роки тому +8

      Awesome awareness.

    • @dmoney8890
      @dmoney8890 3 роки тому +9

      @@skyevonn7085 thanks-took some counseling and some reading 😊

    • @JrVidKiidd
      @JrVidKiidd 3 роки тому +10

      It does, its as if this comment and post found me. I am figuring out that those things are true in my life as well. Still young I'm leaning on focusing on loving me more and first.

    • @GG-cl9ww
      @GG-cl9ww 3 роки тому +8

      I agree,, man and woman should be healed. I am a widow, I need to healed , its okay to love again..

    • @potentialrizing1949
      @potentialrizing1949 3 роки тому +11

      Thank you for sharing D Money. It's refreshing to hear this as a woman because we feel like we are the only ones out here trying to love broken men forgetting this dysfunctional dynamic goes both ways. Keep up the great work and self -love journey 🙌🏿

  • @JPPlastering93
    @JPPlastering93 2 роки тому +86

    Happened with my last relationship, I tried to help her and ended up losing myself in the process, I stood by her through her dark times and toxic behaviour but In the end I had to leave the relationship, she’s already jumped straight into another relationship and I hope one day she can overcome her demons and be happy.

    • @hasanmukdad5708
      @hasanmukdad5708 2 роки тому +1

      Same here bro Idk if I should tell her about these issues affecting relationships or I should focus on myself

    • @techkid1833
      @techkid1833 Рік тому +3

      It happened to me bro I gave her my heart but she went back to her ex. She's an ex-soldier she's a mad woman, but I'm strong💪 Right now i'm glad she's gone because rn i'm getting younger and more beautiful girls. For all the peeps reading this DON'T DATE SOLDIERS THEY'RE THE WORST PEEPS ON EARTH, THEY F EACH OTHER AND THEY AREN'T HUNAMS THEY'RE ROBOTS🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @SonicDephect
      @SonicDephect Рік тому

      Same

  • @meljolly1213
    @meljolly1213 3 роки тому +208

    Although this video is for men primarily. I would like to chime in, sometimes it is a good thing to also hear a woman's perspective. "Broken women", should not be entertaining a man because she can and will be toxic to that man. You can't love anyone else until you love yourself. I am a walking testimony of that. And I'm a firm believer that whatever happened in past relationships, daddy issues, child abuse, child molestation, rape and or trama that you have experienced in your life, doesn't allow you to walk around as an adult and be mad at the world. The ONLY healer I know is the Lord himself. He gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. With God ALL things are possible. Great insight Stephan. Stay blessed everyone.

  • @thabisomaleka3933
    @thabisomaleka3933 3 роки тому +35

    Facts! For years I dated a broken woman. I gave that relationship my best but it was never good enough. It was draining. Leaving her was the best feeling in the world

    • @josmclove4426
      @josmclove4426 2 роки тому +6

      My bra that's what I'm going through and she treats me like I'm the problem😳

    • @Michael-ux4hn
      @Michael-ux4hn День тому

      ​@josmclove4426 how are you getting on now ? As I'm in the same boat. I'm convinced she is a narcissist. She is so secretive and untrustworthy in her sneaky behaviour in snaking around with her ex plus multiple emotional cheating relationships plus other instances she has cheated and claimed nothing happened while we were supposed to be in a long term relationship for 6 years!

  • @daz311x
    @daz311x 2 роки тому +97

    I started a relationship with a damaged woman and quickly after did some research on UA-cam. Despite the solid advice such as this video, I pursued the damaged woman. Deep down inside all of her brokenness, I saw her beauty and such potential. While I was never naive and did not try to fix her, I gave her all my love and it felt like it was sucked into a black hole. Time after time she would disappear, disappoint and hurt me. Every now and then, she would reappear as her unbroken self but these moments were short lived. Eventually I got tired of what was basically my self inflicted pain by continuing to see her. I had to end the pain by cutting it off but even that was painful. She is a beautiful person who needs to heal. Maybe she will or maybe she won't, but either way, I won't be around to see it.

    • @CC-go9wr
      @CC-go9wr Рік тому +10

      I can’t find the strength to break up with my girlfriend. She didn’t deserve the harm done on her. It hurts so much.

    • @realjarz1230
      @realjarz1230 11 місяців тому +5

      I don’t want to end up like you bro but we're so similar I haven't tried to fix her so instead just been understanding and patient but as time goes by I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure but in my head it's worth seeing cause I genuinely think she is the one

    • @limaflavio7926
      @limaflavio7926 10 місяців тому +2

      @@CC-go9wrwell you will be the one getting hurt then

    • @Lonewolf-up4pc
      @Lonewolf-up4pc 9 місяців тому +6

      Going through this right now just left her yesterday she broke up with me so many times and I was always heart broken and wanting her back that after two months of no contact she came back but nothing about her changed so I left and walked away from her it was just to much stress and hurting . She wasn’t there emotionally or mentally

    • @johnton6488
      @johnton6488 9 місяців тому

      Thank you. I was exactly in the same situation.

  • @mangogoblin3212
    @mangogoblin3212 3 роки тому +103

    I was going through this with my current, until she realized what she was doing. She's gotten better has her moments but so far been together for 5 years.

    • @mangogoblin3212
      @mangogoblin3212 3 роки тому +2

      @@MeetStephanSpeaks yea and thank you

    • @ladennayoung2939
      @ladennayoung2939 3 роки тому +2

      That is a blessing. I pray you all's strength in the Lord in Jesus name. Amen and Amen.

    • @bretriser5497
      @bretriser5497 2 роки тому +4

      i was in your shoes before king..now at age 28 after giving 13 loyal good years.. It was a horrible mistake..she is 3 months pregnant with my 2nd son now and im trapped

    • @Joseph-uc4zx
      @Joseph-uc4zx 2 роки тому +1

      I'm very happy for you! I'm glad you found someone who has that level of self awareness!

    • @faster_xx
      @faster_xx 2 місяці тому

      ​@@bretriser5497 Damn😂😂 I'm sorry to hear that. That shit is crazy

  • @icysam
    @icysam 3 роки тому +183

    I wish someone told me this earlier. I spent 2 years doing exactly what you said word for word, just to find myself broken after she left 2 months ago. Fortunately, at my lowest point I chose to divert all the energy i used to focus on her, onto myself and heal. Overall I'm grateful for the experience as it helped me to identify and bring to surface, my own issues and flaws i didn't know I had and gave me the opportunity to work on them. Thank you for your words and I hope they reach someone who's suffering atm and not understanding why

    • @miranda6738
      @miranda6738 3 роки тому +11

      I finally let go as well, I’m sad but I realized he has to work out his own issues himself and I’m exhausted and my self esteem has taken a hit even though I knew it was his issues all along. But I too am grateful because it showed me where I have work to do on myself.

    • @ajfrankline
      @ajfrankline 3 роки тому +3

      Feeling the same right now. I hope I manage to let go 💔

    • @Emmanuelx13
      @Emmanuelx13 3 роки тому +3

      Hey bro you’re not alone, if you want to talk I’m down :) just know we’re saved and we have the purpose the healthy ways on being with someone 🙏🏽 god protected us and we will have someone better who is ready and healthy 🙏🏽

    • @keezemojito1278
      @keezemojito1278 2 роки тому +3

      It happend to me also she left 5 month ago , i will Never date a woman who dont got her life together and mental Heath together ever again.

    • @keezemojito1278
      @keezemojito1278 2 роки тому +2

      @@Emmanuelx13 man ❤️🙏🏾 God protected us, we could of had kids with them etc etc he protected us

  • @coyg1630
    @coyg1630 3 роки тому +97

    My girlfriend of almost 4 years and I have just broken up. She is an amazing woman which is why we were together for so long however, she has very deep rooted trauma from previous and ongoing family issues. For most of our time together she used the relationship as a means achieving happiness instead of really working through her issues and this just proved too much strain on us and too much pressure on myself to be a fountain of happiness in her life. We realised that for her to maintain a forever relationship she will need to work through things alone. We'll see what the future holds. I just want us both to be happy.

    • @vlekje34
      @vlekje34 3 роки тому +6

      Seems really hard to let go buddy, but you did the right thing ♡ I can find myself in this, had same problem some years ago. Best thing to do is working on yourself, love yourself, follow your purpose and be the best version of you 😊

    • @coyg1630
      @coyg1630 3 роки тому +10

      @@vlekje34 Thanks so much for the kind words bro. After a couple months she tried to reconcile the relationship but I worked on myself and now I'm in another place and can no longer see her in my future and truthfully, I'm very happy about the place I'm in. I haven't been this happy for a long time. I still pray for her and wish her the absolute best but I can no longer see a space for her in my life in a romantic capacity. Guys, letting go might just be the best thing you ever do. Love to you all ❤️

    • @dolphins66930
      @dolphins66930 3 роки тому

      @@coyg1630 this is a breath of fresh air to hear. As someone who just broke up for these exact reasons a week ago it still feels like my heart is crushed but I know I had to do it. I think COVID made things worse since it was always used as an excuse that thats the reason my girl wouldn’t work or get on a purpose. Ultimately I was too drained to continue

    • @dolphins66930
      @dolphins66930 3 роки тому

      @@coyg1630 also so glad to hear you are onto better things now

    • @123aldoaldo
      @123aldoaldo 2 роки тому +3

      Woah so similar to my story except I was asking for my boundaries to be respected while I healed myself from so much this year and my traumas and I was willing to do this alongside her so we can grow together and be ok with each other. Instead she flipped out on me and gave me ultimatum and when I told her I won’t deal with her ultimatum she flipped and got suicidal which I assume was a manipulation tactic. the next day she came to try to apologize and be all lovey dovey and I wasn’t ready to open because of the shit she put me through the previous night.

  • @KyBlackOps
    @KyBlackOps 3 роки тому +63

    Dealing with this right now and honestly it feels almost as bad as a serious breakup.

    • @Haggurider
      @Haggurider 3 місяці тому

      hey bro what's going on tell me I'm in serious shit rn

  • @ksburner01
    @ksburner01 3 роки тому +23

    That's exactly what I just went through. I gave her everything and she threw me away like I was nothing. You can't fix people and nobody can fix you except you. When you realize that you can't change people you'll start accepting people for the way they are and learn to keep damaged people out of your life or they will damage you because hurt people hurt people.

  • @MrLolkidd
    @MrLolkidd 2 роки тому +60

    True story: I was in a relationship for 2 years with a woman who I tried to heal from her family issues, traumatic past and exes. The more you try to help, the worst the drawback is on your spirit. Love don’t cure every situation. Some situations must be dealt alone. I don’t regret opening her eyes because I wasn’t afraid to disclose what others was afraid to speak on. I do still love her but from a distance.

  • @gambit3950
    @gambit3950 3 роки тому +22

    I tried to heal 2 girls when I was young, got my heart broken twice. Now I’m married to a girl who didn’t make me feel that I had to heal her.

  • @33hawkins
    @33hawkins Рік тому +13

    I just got out of a relationship with someone who was broken. I tried to be the best i could, i was supportive, i was there for her. I dropped everything always just to be with her when she was struggling and it got more and more often and she wasnt getting better. In the end we had to separate. I wasnt bringing her up. She was bringing me down.
    Your words here resonate deeply with me.

    • @MeetStephanSpeaks
      @MeetStephanSpeaks  Рік тому +2

      I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏

  • @justinpowell7291
    @justinpowell7291 Рік тому +24

    I've gone through 2 divorces trying to be a healer, Trying to be the strong example to pull them out of a horrible situation. It's impossible and it's crippling

    • @MeetStephanSpeaks
      @MeetStephanSpeaks  Рік тому +2

      Thank you for sharing your experience. Hopefully it will help others learn from it ❤ 🙏

  • @ledgefish9841
    @ledgefish9841 Рік тому +10

    Going through this right now and it is awful. She keeps me hanging on by a thread with false hope and says she wants me but her actions say differently. She hit me with the "I need to work on myself before I can work on us", every time I walk away she begs me back by saying she will start putting effort into the relationship again but so far it hasn't happened. We were together for 2 years until one day she just flipped and started treating me as only an option. Im so lost

  • @emanrandom121
    @emanrandom121 Рік тому +38

    I’ve been in a relationship with a women who had a lot of “emotional baggage” I thought my love would heal her or something like that. I got betrayed and I still think about her often. Sometimes she calls me it’s hard to completely move on

    • @anderseckstrand7033
      @anderseckstrand7033 Рік тому +6

      I’m there right now and believe me brother I know exactly what it feels like.
      We are empathetic lovers.....we actually will pick up the phone for her months, years after falling out because we still love them for their impeccable humanity and nature beauty.
      She’s always on my mind. Because she helped me too.

    • @hastensavoir7782
      @hastensavoir7782 Рік тому

      Go Punch that ex 😂

    • @chrism8408
      @chrism8408 Рік тому +1

      @@anderseckstrand7033well said bro💯

    • @Keviekev115
      @Keviekev115 Рік тому +1

      Block her number

    • @Keviekev115
      @Keviekev115 Рік тому +1

      @@anderseckstrand7033love yourself more and adopt the abundance mindset. Then start shooting your shots to other woman

  • @michellewilliams8407
    @michellewilliams8407 3 роки тому +151

    I wouldn't want a man to try to heal me, just want him to care enough to be patient and give me space and time while I work through it.

  • @ScaryToRemarry
    @ScaryToRemarry 3 роки тому +71

    You have to be willing to receive love. If you can’t define love (or don’t know what love feels like) a man is fighting a losing battle.

    • @GG-cl9ww
      @GG-cl9ww 3 роки тому +2

      100%

    • @roxanneb.6194
      @roxanneb.6194 3 роки тому +3

      His love totally became a mental blocking... I couldn't feel it at all or define my love for him. I don't even know if I loved him.

    • @Ummkelechi
      @Ummkelechi 3 роки тому +1

      Love this statement!

    • @ScaryToRemarry
      @ScaryToRemarry 3 роки тому

      @@Ummkelechi thank you

    • @davidlopez5859
      @davidlopez5859 3 роки тому +2

      Love is a strong word and unconditional sometimes people don’t understand

  • @brandonbennett4615
    @brandonbennett4615 3 роки тому +37

    My first girlfriend during my time in college was what you consider a broken woman. Very passive-aggressive, and inncosiderate of my feelings and how I try to fix and talk about self-improvement. From there I decided to cut her off. Acceptance and accountability are needed for growth and it was clearly she wasn't willing to commit to chance to wish led to us parting way. It was the best decision I made.

  • @eplv3432
    @eplv3432 3 роки тому +18

    Tried to fix a "broken" woman once. That was the last time I ever tried such a thing... Wise words sir! Keep up the good work. This is the kind of stuff that should be in the education curricula

  • @rellbgm4473
    @rellbgm4473 3 роки тому +131

    I’m not in the business of repairing, or healing a grown woman, she needs to take a good amount of time to be by herself, heal on her own, find out who she really is and walk in her purpose. Hurt women hurt people, she may not even know she’s doing it, when she doesn’t take time to heal and jumps into a relationship she begins to look for signs of things that hurt her in her new partner, I was in a relationship like that and I felt like I was walking on eggshells with her. Do not try to help heal a broken woman fellas.

    • @constancereynolds3110
      @constancereynolds3110 3 роки тому +11

      Agreed!!! There is only One Healer and Savior......Jesus Christ

    • @iamTiffanyEmpowermentPodcast
      @iamTiffanyEmpowermentPodcast 3 роки тому +5

      Hurt people chose to hurt people

    • @iamTiffanyEmpowermentPodcast
      @iamTiffanyEmpowermentPodcast 3 роки тому

      Hurt people hurt people
      Your last sentence is trash but your first sentence is good

    • @jahlilslassiter1300
      @jahlilslassiter1300 3 роки тому +9

      I felt the same way brotha and she let me go about a month ago and there’s times where I miss her and I wanna reach out but it won’t do me or her any good. I had to walk away and mean it this time.

    • @BG-sq7zf
      @BG-sq7zf 3 роки тому

      My Humble Take:
      What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her soul. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way.
      Her 1st Take:
      "My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier."
      Yours sincerely,
      Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook
      Her 2nd Take:
      “My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.”
      Decently yours,
      Cardi B.
      *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi
      *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar
      *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe
      *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
      Isaiah 3:12
      *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
      Proverbs 31:3
      Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.

  • @SamuelBarrPhotography
    @SamuelBarrPhotography 3 роки тому +26

    Wow, I needed this months ago. I loved a woman who was broken and no matter how much I loved her and tried, in the end I was the one hurt. She pretended to be something she wasn't, Love Bombed me, and then broke my heart. It was tough, still healing. We were best friends for 38 years, never saw the betrayal coming.

    • @vlekje34
      @vlekje34 3 роки тому +2

      Stay strong buddy ❤🤲

    • @odysseusrobert6615
      @odysseusrobert6615 3 роки тому +2

      Same. I’ve been best friends with her for 7 years. But i know she needed space. Im willing to let her grow slowly at her own time. I’ll be patient and still be there to support her in this process. I really love her so much and I know she feels the same way too. Just that, she couldn’t express it fully yet due to her broken self. Please pray for our journey. I seek God’s help to be strong in this, for I know he is working on something for the best of us both. I seek blessings that we both can be patient and take our own time, when we are ready, we will love each other more stronger then ever. Amen.

    • @SamuelBarrPhotography
      @SamuelBarrPhotography 3 роки тому +1

      @@odysseusrobert6615 - First thing, be encouraged as you clearly have a loving heart! Now, as someone who's been there, I have to tell you straight - you can't heal her and you have to let her go. Better now than later as the only person who will be hurt will be you. I've been there twice so I know what I speak of. Put some distance between you two and go and heal yourself. You asked us to pray for you and you mentioned God, do you really think that God wants you to be with someone who will only hurt and disrespect you? Checkout Gina's comments below, she is an AMAZING woman and she cared enough to share with me to help me with the very same issue. She's amazing so don't take her advise for granted, she shared from her heart because she cares about us, a bunch of strange men she's never met. Trust her and honor her words, she's a special woman on her path of healing. As another amazing woman, Pearl, shared in this comment thread, "A broken woman needs to heal herself before she moves into another relationship."

    • @drmarcusgeorge
      @drmarcusgeorge 3 роки тому

      @@odysseusrobert6615 , what ​ @Samuel Barr says is absolutely correct. I was about to say the same. I been there. Months will grow into years and years into decades and there is no guarantee of a positive outcome and u will hurt urself with patience and hope. You will be positive and they will be negative and it will weigh you down until u get broken urself. Resentment will build as ur needs will never be satisfied. Walk away. It will hurt now but I promise you brother it will get better. Makes no sense breaking urself also.

  • @coriharris
    @coriharris 3 роки тому +10

    I literally put myself in this situation. I stretched a relationship that wasn’t supposed to last with a woman who was broken and it opened wounds I didn’t know I had. After I finally left I definitely found my happiness and inner peace. I can say i gave everything and nothing ever seemed to be enough and eventually it gets so tiring that either you leave or it will kill you.

  • @jeremiahvaughns8879
    @jeremiahvaughns8879 Місяць тому +2

    Every word in this video is true. I tried to date a woman at my church who was hurt previously by someone else who attended our church years ago. I spent a whole year trying to convince her I really wanted her, and she kept running and never healed. Don't waste your time like me. Read the signs and move on if necessary. If its meant, they'll come back when they're ready.

  • @MaiyaJade
    @MaiyaJade 3 роки тому +41

    As a broken woman that is doing my inner work and healing. You are SPOT ON!!!! My codependent ways kept me attracting broken men. Then, I thought I could heal myself through him. As crazy as that seems. I have a LONG way to go but I know I HAVE to do my work

    • @potentialrizing1949
      @potentialrizing1949 3 роки тому +2

      Same sis! Lesson lived & learned 🤦🏿‍♀️

    • @MaiyaJade
      @MaiyaJade 3 роки тому +1

      @@potentialrizing1949 we are only going to GROW from going through what we experienced🙌🙌

    • @SamuelBarrPhotography
      @SamuelBarrPhotography 3 роки тому +2

      Congratulations on recognizing it and moving forward on your healing journey.

  • @mellymel9892
    @mellymel9892 9 місяців тому +23

    I was with 3 emotionally damaged women back, to back, to back. But the last one really destroyed me because I thought by me being a “good, kind, loving man” would solve her low trust in men. BOY was I wrong! I learned that a damaged woman is not healthy enough to recognize the value of a good man & the peace he adds to her life. Because she’s so sick from all her brokenness that she can’t help but vomit it all on you. So don’t waste your time fellas sometimes the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.

    • @Dorkaey
      @Dorkaey 3 місяці тому +1

      Same story. I was disenchanted after that, took me a while to get back on the horse.

    • @mellymel9892
      @mellymel9892 3 місяці тому

      @@Dorkaey I know exactly what you mean my friend!

  • @portiaklaas3486
    @portiaklaas3486 2 роки тому +17

    I've been in this path. As a woman I didn't need anyone to help me through my pain. I had to go this route alone. Dating was not an option at all. I am now healed and I am in a better position to love again. I fully agree with you 💯 on this one.

    • @FatsCaton
      @FatsCaton Рік тому +1

      How did you heal yourself?

  • @TheJazz20
    @TheJazz20 3 роки тому +51

    Honestly I can relate to this so much. I was deeply in love with a woman that experienced alot of hardship in her past along with having ptsd. I really wanted to be superman in the situation and try to save her. I try praying over her constantly, taking her to church, trying to motivate her, investing in her dream/business idea, and more. It was really draining and after all the love I try to pour over her I found out she was talking to her ex boyfriends behind my back. I literally stayed around anyway because she didn't have family in the city or state that we both lived in and figure she only did it because she had ptsd or didn't have anyone to talk to like that when things got tough. It didn't get any better that she would over eat and gain so much weight either. It really bothered me that the person I love was refusing to change or atleast be committed to it. It's tough especially as a man because naturally you want to be a provider for your woman and to see someone you love stuck in a cage when you think you got the key to their freedom but they refusing to take it is such a draining feeling. It's really draining but in the end the person you trying to save isn't really ready to change and all you doing is not only wasting energy but you probably will end up losing or killing your self over it. You have to know your worth and loving your self at all times is the best way to go. It's been 5 months or more since I've been around this person and it's been a year since i've been single and honestly even though I hope to God she finds salvation I am highly thankful for the freedom that I have right now. I am really on mission to walk in my purpose and to love myself but also a soul mate isn't someone that fills a void and we should all strive to be our whole self before even wanting our soul mate to find us or even being in relationship period. I hope what i've said has touched someone and God bless you. Remember to always have self love and God love will teach you self love.

  • @whocanitbenow13
    @whocanitbenow13 Рік тому +79

    As a broken down woman, please do not date us. It’s not worth it.

    • @andrinetoussaint7166
      @andrinetoussaint7166 10 місяців тому +6

      😢I'm one of those women too.

    • @deselby6669
      @deselby6669 9 місяців тому +3

      @andrinetoussaint7166..A sad situation..

    • @ashton1952
      @ashton1952 9 місяців тому +7

      wishing you healing, recognizing it is half the battle already won

    • @dinop7488
      @dinop7488 8 місяців тому +2

      ​@andrinetoussaint7166 wowwww.
      That's amazing in of itself that you admit that as a woman. Kudos to you 👏

    • @deselby6669
      @deselby6669 8 місяців тому

      @@dinop7488 Thats wonderful condescension ..worthy of recognition.,!

  • @MrOPM-vc6ow
    @MrOPM-vc6ow 3 роки тому +31

    Man I needed to hear this! I watched this video 4 times now just in case I miss something. So real! 💯

  • @hersheydickens210
    @hersheydickens210 9 місяців тому +74

    I will NEVER fall for a broken woman again....She didn't appreciate none of my efforts, everything you said on this was absolutely correct 💯💯💯💯💯....I put everything into her just to get hurt.... She didn't trust me from the beginning, I already seen the red flags but thought I could heal her

    • @mrtoomanytoys1710
      @mrtoomanytoys1710 5 місяців тому +3

      I have done the same.. wasted too many years and tears on her.. time to start the recovery process...

    • @kelvinsteelejr1181
      @kelvinsteelejr1181 4 місяці тому +1

      Man I thought I was alone in this

    • @MrToomanytoys
      @MrToomanytoys 4 місяці тому

      I ended it.. The relief is a revelation, freedom is wonderful, there was little pain as I had suffered for so long.. there has been zero contact (needs to be) although I never told her not to contact me, she just hasn't. If you are suffering decide to leave and stick to it. No matter what she says.. She will not change. 6 years I hung on fighting.. 6 years wasted.. all I can do is get on with my freedom. Life actually has returned to me and I feel really good..

    • @avikmajumder5009
      @avikmajumder5009 2 місяці тому +1

      Same with me bro but got emotionally exploited by the girl. Now i just have faith in God and let KARMA play the rest for her.

    • @MrToomanytoys
      @MrToomanytoys 2 місяці тому

      Don't even think of karma.. it's not worth the thoughts.. forget her. You will never get answers or justice.. it doesn't matter..
      I am in a different world.. I am happy, I am free, I am open to new adventures. Life is really good for me now, trust in us that have been brave... Hold your resolve and resist any contact with her.

  • @jasonmckenzie3354
    @jasonmckenzie3354 3 роки тому +7

    In my last relationship, she said to me on more than one occasion, "I'm afraid I'll hurt you." She broke up with me a few times because of it, but I pursued her each time hoping that things would change. Nothing did.

  • @Zobin211
    @Zobin211 Рік тому +11

    I've been dealing with this situation for a whole year now. I totally love this girl who is quite damaged and hurting. We are not dating and we are not in a relationship. She knows I love her, because I told her that I do. She knows I'm a good man and that she can trust me. I have tried everything I can do to get her to love me back and it just isn't working.
    I've accepted the reality that she either simply does not love me ... or, she does, but she is too scared to act on it based largely on her life and love history.
    I've tried a few different times to "walk away" from her, but I find that I can't do it ... or don't want to. At times, I'm convinced that she doesn't want me to give up on her, yet I'm also afraid that I'm being naïve and that she probably doesn't care one way or the other.
    I grew up in a happy home, so I had a positive impression of what love and family look like. She didn't have that same background and the amount of damage and pain inside her is considerable.
    I guess I don't know what to do. Right now, I'm backing way off. Giving her space. I've never demanded anything from her and have always been a gentleman, but in watching this video I can now see that, unwittingly, the very things that I've done to bring her closer to me have, ironically, driven her further away.
    But I'm also concerned that if I vanish from her life that she will see that as me abandoning her, which is not at all what I want.
    My head is telling me to move on from her, but my heart, as always, tells me to stay.

    • @rayeed972
      @rayeed972 11 місяців тому +4

      Move on bro, cuz your hurting yourself by trying not to hurt her leave her guys like you deserve better

    • @brianfranco1991
      @brianfranco1991 5 місяців тому +1

      Ayy bro how’s is it going. I’m really going through the same situation

    • @Zobin211
      @Zobin211 5 місяців тому +3

      @@brianfranco1991 I'm, basically, in the same holding pattern. :(
      The woman I love is an alcoholic and she has depression. She has never really dealt with many of the core issues from her childhood that caused her to drink in the first place. She is an amazing woman in so many ways. She is beautiful, smart, talented, and funny. Yet there is a sadness and despair in her that has eaten her alive. In many respects, she wants to die - and the best way to do that is to keep hurting herself and living an unhealthy lifestyle.
      Yet, I think she does want love - but she is also terrified of it. And why wouldn't she be? She has never really had it happen in her life. I want to be there for her, but I also need to accept the fact that she may just not love me - and that it has nothing to do with her drinking or depression.
      My approach is to just keep living my life. I would love to have this person be with me - but I can't let her rejection cause me to spiral out of control. All you can do is let the person know how you feel and then hope that they, in time, see that you really are what they have been looking for.
      One thing that I have been doing is writing. I'm writing a memoir about my experience loving this woman. It's an unrequited love story. A romantic-comedy-tragedy. But it is a love story nonetheless and, I hope, our story could bring comfort to other people who have found themselves in a similar situation.
      Best of luck Brian. I know this isn't easy. But, in fairness, it's not easy for the women we love. Your girl probably doesn't want to hurt you either. She's probably going through things that you can't imagine. Just love her - and do it in whatever way she needs - even if it's just as friends ... for now.
      Again, hopefully she will come to see that you are who she is looking for.

    • @davidzimmerman5359
      @davidzimmerman5359 4 місяці тому

      I'm in the same situation. Mine has an ex who she still loves but she is sure he's super toxic for her. This man destroyed her emotionally but somehow she has the urge to go back and get damaged further with all the toxicity.
      I would have left her alone but we get along very well and have long term plans. I told her I love her multiple times and I mean it but she is honest enough to tell me that as far as love goes she has nothing to offer for now even though she loves being with me. I don't even see how that makes sense. I'm still with her anyway because she's polite enough to appreciate my love and not be toxic at all. Infact she's just as nice to me as I am to her. We talk the whole day and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind moving in with me permanently. I don't understand why it's hard to say she loves me when she shows me love and no toxicity apart from mentioning that she still loves her ex.
      I don't know who cares? What if I just live with her anyway and accept the fact that I'm happily married to a woman who loves her ex. 🤷 Is this dangerous?

    • @worldtraveler3560
      @worldtraveler3560 3 місяці тому

      ​@@davidzimmerman5359Super dangerous. She could leave you at anytime.

  • @sharhughes1086
    @sharhughes1086 3 роки тому +90

    You can not heal a broken person, if you try you will be on that sinking ship with them! God is the Savior only he can save a person not another human!

  • @pcash929
    @pcash929 Рік тому +4

    I’ve tried everything to heal my bipolar ex . Teach meditation, cold showers , swims in the sea , yoga classes etc… I was always a positive person and believed in people and loved the world for what it is but this destroyed me 100% . Stay away from people with mental issues , you can’t help them and if you do , it’s only a matter of time before it happens again and again . I feel sorry for them truly but , never again will I allow someone to take my love of life and world away from me . Get out people before it’s too late , kids or not , it’s not fair on them either , you’ll take better care of them being outside .

  • @qianabluethefriendlychatterbox
    @qianabluethefriendlychatterbox 3 роки тому +46

    Currently healing now ,Going on four year's.I'm still single because i want to heal completely and properly before i even try to embrace a new relationship.You're absolutely correct.

    • @potentialrizing1949
      @potentialrizing1949 3 роки тому +8

      Good for you sis! The self-love journey is long and lonely but so rewarding in the end. Keep up the great work! 🙌🏿

    • @qianabluethefriendlychatterbox
      @qianabluethefriendlychatterbox 3 роки тому +2

      @@potentialrizing1949 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾😘

    • @qianabluethefriendlychatterbox
      @qianabluethefriendlychatterbox 3 роки тому +1

      @@potentialrizing1949 Thank you .Amen

    • @_j_8151
      @_j_8151 2 роки тому +2

      I'm dating a girl waho was heartbroken 2 years ago, it's been 4 months since we are dating, I have been really patient, I feel sometimes I want to leave her but I don't want to at the same cause I love her truly.

    • @demimiller794
      @demimiller794 Рік тому

      @@_j_8151 Sounds like your spirit is talking to you but your flesh is betraying you.

  • @paulwangler
    @paulwangler 11 місяців тому +7

    I use to be one of these "healing" types of men. I once had a 3 year relationship with a broken woman. After our 2nd date, I was suspicious, but i was young (I was 27). As I've aged (I'm 34 now), the amount of time I stay engaged with broken women grows less and less. It went from 3 years, then another was about 3 months, then 2 months, then 2 dates. Then 1 date. Then no dates. Took me 3 years after my breakup with the first girl to do this. Try to stop viewing it as "sad", view her with compassion, understand that she likely isn't aware of how badly wounded she is, and move on.
    I also don't suggest "healing together". That sounds like a giant mess

  • @oye_BigMike
    @oye_BigMike 3 роки тому +11

    You’re absolutely right. I was in a relationship back in August that started out great and wonderful, but she had many things she was she was going through on her own. One night she was so broken, so I sent her 2 links to scriptures and stories on people that are going through the same. She snapped on text thought I was forcing my beliefs on her(her being catholic but stating not believing in the Bible) and 2 days later she broke up with me. She told me she needed to be alone and didn’t want anyone and didn’t want to give me hope. It was so cold and suffered very much from it. Even blocked me the next day from everything. Haven’t heard from her. But since then I’ve become such a better an renewed man with high value. Got closer to God, blessings started happening with my purpose. And honestly, I praise God that it happened because I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am and would’ve been stuck and hurting more and more than I was. Will I ever hear from her again? Idk but I leave that up to God and move forward the best I can knowing I have nothing to regret because I know from her telling me that nobody ever as much happiness as I did besides herself. Nobody ever made smile nor supported her as I did. I finally made peace with that. Also, since that night I never contacted her at all or tried to again. It’s in God’s hands and I’m good with that.

  • @BeccaL2016
    @BeccaL2016 3 роки тому +19

    I personally think the self awareness is the key. For many years I didnt even realize how bad I treated good men because I thought it was “normal, until I met this ex who treated me so nice and pointed out what went wrong with the relationship and what went wrong with me. We only dated for 6 months but it was one of hardest breakup I ever had, however, he woke me up, made me realize what went wrong... I think in some way you have to let her know... people cross each path for reasons, maybe God sends messengers to waken people

    • @ashton1952
      @ashton1952 9 місяців тому

      ❤ so much truth in this - self awareness

  • @AlmasiDodson
    @AlmasiDodson 3 роки тому +66

    Hey Ladies , One way or another a man cannot heal our broken past ... sometimes we want to jump into another relationship when we break up with a guy because we don’t want to deal with our pain ... ladies don’t avoid the single season .. take the time to get to reknow yourself so you will love yourself again and have better relationship in the future ... #Youareamazing #Remembertosmile 🙃🙂😬

  • @manojparthasarathy5151
    @manojparthasarathy5151 2 роки тому +11

    My past 2 relationships were like this, me trying to heal her and fall straight on the face only to realise “I’m broken” and don’t have “self love”. Maybe this helps others on the same path 😀

  • @ecshopping
    @ecshopping 3 роки тому +43

    And this goes the other way as well. We can't heal a broken man, either. Both individuals need to heal first. Thanks, Stephan!

    • @eplv3432
      @eplv3432 3 роки тому +5

      That's exactly right! It's human nature. Pure and simple. Male, female, hetero relationships or same sex relationships. They all follow the same patterns.

    • @Giftis2sing
      @Giftis2sing 2 роки тому +3

      So true! I tried it with my EX but it only made him resent me. So I finally left him.

    • @reallyfrunna5716
      @reallyfrunna5716 Рік тому +4

      Petty

    • @BurriedTruth
      @BurriedTruth Рік тому +1

      I dont know about that, maybe sociopathic men, or men who choose to be assholes that doesn’t necessarily makes them broken they just have loose morals, which is different than a good man that was once broken.
      From my experience helping several people, the pattern i find with women is that its way more difficult or almost impossible for them to accept help, might have to do with the natural negative emotions that comes with the gender add to that traumas throughout childhood.
      Its not a good combo when you are biologically predisposed to being emotional.
      I found that (good) broken men often got over it given enough time since on average men tend to go for complex logical thinking (not that women aren’t its just that on average women are more predisposed to view some things differently due to being more emotional).
      Its just such a bad combo for certain women

    • @levioliver3794
      @levioliver3794 Рік тому +2

      Like how you turned this around. He addresses your point in the video. Immature comment.

  • @anthonyweyand9074
    @anthonyweyand9074 3 роки тому +12

    Yes I have. Had that once in a lifetime connection with her. Her brokenness and lack of healing eventually. Stephan is exactly right, “y’all are set up for disaster”. YOU CAN’T HEAL HER. She has to face her demons and look in the mirror and do the work.

  • @EA_BLEND
    @EA_BLEND 3 роки тому +9

    This video is definitely a necessity! Sometimes you do think you’ve healed till you get with someone. That’s where self awareness comes into play & more work. Some things will always be a trigger and everyone is responsible for their own emotions.

  • @Real1nowFP
    @Real1nowFP Рік тому +3

    I was in a very toxic relationship for 23 years until he passed from Covid in 2020. I met a wonderful man who didn’t have a toxic bone in his body.
    After dating him for six months the cracks started to open up. I realized I wasn’t healed enough to date anyone. I knew I would end up hurting him due to toxic patterns I had. Out of care and love I decided it was best not to date anyone until I am truly healed.
    No one can love someone into stability. I’m working on it.

  • @joanagain007
    @joanagain007 3 роки тому +45

    Stephan you are completely on point! You have my confidence more and more everyday, you're good! Awesome stuff!

  • @raffaelefilardo170
    @raffaelefilardo170 3 роки тому +10

    Stephan is so on point here and couldn't be better timed. This just this happened to me! She doesn't like to be vulnerable, she ran, and I chased. Then I tried to heal her but as Stephan said you can't, it only makes it works, and you push her further away. (It got to the stage where she considered my help as harassment and engaged a lawyer .. ouch!) You have to heal yourself. It's super hard but worth it. That's when you realise you can't heal her and have her to let her go.

  • @sampegnall1950
    @sampegnall1950 3 роки тому +17

    I was in the exact same situation until 2 months ago. I didn’t realise how truly bad her issues were until I was in love with her, so I gave and tried absolutely everything after a year it turned into a toxic relationship and a few months later we broke up so we could work on our own issues. Within a week she was seeing someone else, this absolutely devastated me as I worshipped the ground she walked on but there was no alternative in the end but to end things. I feel I’m slowly on the right path now as it affected me a lot mentally trying to give my everything to her, I know I’ll get there 😊

  • @stephstea8540
    @stephstea8540 3 роки тому +7

    So true. I am a woman coming from a broken relationship. And facing my self did hurt. I learned I had to heal myself. The process of healing depends on the person. I had to realize that I had to do the work on myself.

  • @hcassar
    @hcassar 3 роки тому +5

    100% true from beginning to end. I went through everything you mentioned. Lost myself in the process and didn't even recognise myself for a while.
    Important point you mentioned: the simple fact that I put myself in this situation was proof that I needed healing too.
    Thank you for this video as it gives me so much console and also the strength and understanding I need to forgive and let go.

  • @darkknighthemi1122
    @darkknighthemi1122 3 роки тому +17

    Going through this right now. Started dating but reached a point where she still had issues with her past relationship. We decided to be just friends because we both know it would be a bad ending if we tried to make any commitments in a relationship. I know I can't heal her but I try to at least do things to make her life easier so she has time and space to work on herself and what she needs. I tell her often that I can't walk the path for you but I can walk it with you. I can only be a man I am supposed to be but there's only so much I can do. I truly care for her and I feel like we met at this time for a reason but as a healed person I can't even make any commitments myself outside of a friendship and regular conversation because I don't fully know the true her.

  • @tonrobert3391
    @tonrobert3391 2 роки тому +10

    HUGE FACTS THIS BROTHER IS SPEAKING listen this man young men I been thru it I wasted 16yrs of life emotional & psychological pain trying to stand by a woman who was a sexual assault victim as child. I will never do it again before I met her I was so happy now after the going thru tragic experience I am now in a therapy my self.

    • @MeetStephanSpeaks
      @MeetStephanSpeaks  2 роки тому +1

      I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏

  • @drmarcusgeorge
    @drmarcusgeorge 3 роки тому +4

    This is very true. You would loose your identity trying to help heal a broken person. Walk away. Healing takes alot of effort and time and you must be aware that you need healing. Get someone who is ready!

  • @antoniobarnes694
    @antoniobarnes694 2 роки тому +8

    This also confirms that I’m not wrong for wanting a woman that is not broken and either healed or completely unbroken. People used tell me I was wrong but I see that I’m not. Yes been down this road more times than a few. So I replayed this over and over again

    • @beckyanna7287
      @beckyanna7287 2 роки тому

      Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.

    • @beckyanna7287
      @beckyanna7287 2 роки тому

      Message him on Whatsapp

    • @felipe636
      @felipe636 10 місяців тому

      that people are trash and don't want the best for you, watch out.

  • @AlexPfaith
    @AlexPfaith 5 місяців тому +3

    I spent 5 months after a breakup (which I caused) trying to show my love and to repair a relationship. I was the recipient of volatile mood swings/communication, jealousy and accusations, and wound up needing therapy for myself. The best line in this video is “be there for them if they want to do the work together, but love them from afar.”

    • @MeetStephanSpeaks
      @MeetStephanSpeaks  5 місяців тому

      Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️

  • @ksg5375
    @ksg5375 2 роки тому +37

    Someone on Twitter said:"I swear dating in this generation is pointless because the person you datin is either stuck on her ex or broken from some other old shit she can't let go of."

    • @Loveispainj
      @Loveispainj Місяць тому

      Interesting but yet true. I also read an article that says womans emotions and feelings are one

  • @garretthale9882
    @garretthale9882 Рік тому +10

    we went into an insists relationship post divorce/separation, and as the years have passed the attempts to "heal her", only grew into greater animosity toward me and her projection of her past pains and trust issues on to me......I ultimately became responsible in her eyes, for triggering her any time she was late, thought to be left out or not acknowledged.. My codependance had never been dealt with and only offered a place for further damage to manifest.

    • @lom4043
      @lom4043 Рік тому

      Brother I been there

  • @lambeefbiryani08
    @lambeefbiryani08 Рік тому +4

    I always tell men when it comes to women, i always advice to look her appearance first, after that look at her background like her family, friendship circle and her lifestyle.
    It's not our responsibility to heal them if you found them broken...let them deal and overcome with their issue it's their accountability to fix that not ours.

  • @thecraftloft
    @thecraftloft 3 роки тому +10

    As a broken woman, I really felt this. Im trying so hard to heal myself and I'm struggling. Im watching so many of your videos (going way back even) and I'm wondering if you will ever do any videos on the healing process, how to start the process, etc. I did see one video where you recommended writing a list of everyone who hurt you and then 2 sentences of how they hurt you. Ill be doing that soon. But I really connect to your videos and I'd love to hear more about the healing process. Im at the point where I feel I probably need therapy though. Thank you so much for your videos. They help tremendously.

  • @ataerabella
    @ataerabella 3 роки тому +13

    My girlfriend was date raped. I used to tell her she would find love, but she would say no. As a friend it was hard to hear her say she wanted to be alone for the rest of her life. She was single for 5 years. She swore off relationships. Then this guy from work started a friendship with her. He started spending time and eventually they started dating. She told me she had to face her fear. Her fear of him hurting her and trusting someone. He would talk to her and he let her make the first move. Love can heal but with wisdom.

    • @JaqoBlaque
      @JaqoBlaque Рік тому +1

      Wisdom

    • @peaceglory5973
      @peaceglory5973 Рік тому +2

      I think you mentioned an important point - she wanted to work on the healing herself. I think the problem arises when the broken person does not want to work on healing.

  • @dianemcguffin6346
    @dianemcguffin6346 3 роки тому +9

    Agree each person has to want to heal and it is a journey that each person takes alone. Support from others aids in the process.

  • @margoporter7222
    @margoporter7222 3 роки тому +3

    Ouch!!! Thank you for stepping on my pinky toe! You are on point my brother, I needed this. I'm currently in a relationship and I have my wall up because of past relationships! I'm working on me now!💜💜💜

  • @DwayneJohnsonCochran
    @DwayneJohnsonCochran 2 роки тому +1

    This particular video is full of amazing advice for men and women. Hurt people hurt people. Healing someone with love is not the answer and your analysis really helps. Thank you.

  • @cnc6421
    @cnc6421 Рік тому +14

    This is real sad. Met a gal who was very pretty and i know she was into me but she was too damaged and could not give me her all. Three months I tried but hey, I had to walk bc I just don't play healing games, I ain't Jesus.

  • @papaazucar8453
    @papaazucar8453 3 роки тому +3

    Excellent advice Stephan. I'm going through this right now and I just pumped the brakes sn hour before coming across this video. You confirmed my feelings of doing the right thing and backing off. You are awesome!!!!

  • @evelyncooley6217
    @evelyncooley6217 3 роки тому +7

    This is great. I thought I was healed and know I still need work. These videos are popping up like right when the topic is in question. Thank you Sir

    • @evelyncooley6217
      @evelyncooley6217 3 роки тому

      @LOVE OFFICE the has since passed away. The healing is truly coming from within. Thank you though

  • @ampenvire
    @ampenvire 3 роки тому +1

    thank you. this is the most painful experience of my entire life and i am learning to accept & move FAR away from this destruction. it’s painful to call someone you adore a destruction but that’s just what it is. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS!!!

  • @olumide31907
    @olumide31907 2 роки тому +4

    I wish I had heard a message like this 20 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of emotional energy.

  • @virtuousvixen15
    @virtuousvixen15 3 роки тому +5

    Speaking for a friend. Very true. Healing is an inside job, and depending on what exactly she's healing from, her (triggers/reactions) will vary and those ALONE will ruin the relationship before it ever truly starts to blossom. It gets tricky, but the best thing is to let her know you're there and you understand, and are willing to help, but until she's healed. For your own sake, you need to take a few steps back and focus on yourself and show her you mean business by not allowing her access to you unless its SERIOUSLY about doing her work to heal and even then, she should take this initiative, and your time should be scarce to ensure you arent enabling her bad behavior by making her think you will pull all her weight. So, yea, agreed. Says my friend.

  • @juiceya6
    @juiceya6 3 роки тому +6

    Stephan,
    We met before and I’ve been waiting for you to get started with men. This was the case for me and maybe many more. You can’t fix broken woman and I’ve seen it where the brokenness was created by men and sometimes woman. The only people she will only partially open up too is her children. Thanks my friend

  • @marshellepayne4020
    @marshellepayne4020 3 роки тому +2

    Been broken now I’m in my healing process. Getting past the denial is the first step. I will have a healthy relationship.

  • @Bad70Nova
    @Bad70Nova 3 роки тому

    Amen. Just went through this. Your videos have helped me through the hard times realizing that I WAS NOT the issue. The red flags I saw I ignored. She def has to heal herself. Thank you sir!!!

  • @veralisahunter5013
    @veralisahunter5013 3 роки тому +8

    "Let go... in love." Amen!

  • @adrianpicson9047
    @adrianpicson9047 3 роки тому +6

    This is so true. I have been into maybe 5 relationships where i reached in too deep thinking i could save them but i only ended up miserable. Either broke, unsatisfied and most of all betrayed. I ended up getting therapy. True, it might be a noble cause but it will not work until she decides to face it on her own. That is my testimony.

    • @constancereynolds3110
      @constancereynolds3110 3 роки тому

      The total of 5 relationships goes to show that there are a lot of hurting people out there.

    • @adrianpicson9047
      @adrianpicson9047 3 роки тому

      @@constancereynolds3110 there might be more than that. But one thing is for sure, healing is indeed a battle that only the broken person can deal with and nobody else can do it for him or her.

  • @lovenikcamille
    @lovenikcamille 2 роки тому +2

    I’m a female and this was so very helpful to me
    To be aware of the fact it’s me doing that and In return hoping for it back when that’s all wrong to begin with .. healing is a isolated self process to a better you , thank you 🙏🏽

  • @khiliffox1277
    @khiliffox1277 3 роки тому +3

    He 100% right. When she so called believe she healed, she would sabotage the relationship and act like you are the problem.

  • @karmahleone1196
    @karmahleone1196 Рік тому +5

    Im broken and honestly this man came into my life as a pick me up😫
    But nothing he did helped I ended up dumping him 2 years later I wish him the best of life

    • @dalebrissett1045
      @dalebrissett1045 5 місяців тому

      But why?.....@Karmahlone....
      Let me hear it from your perspective.......

  • @mps301
    @mps301 3 роки тому +9

    Damn bruh. This is the exact situation with my ex. I thought I could love her through her healing. When I met her she was still healing from a 10-year relationship with a dude who left for another woman. I thought if I showed up with 100% commitment and poured love into her that she’d be able to bring down her walls. Turns out it made her run away from me. She said my love overwhelmed her. 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • @Hypernautz
    @Hypernautz 20 днів тому +1

    I was in this situation for 4 years. I eventually had enough and I told her "You first have to learn to love yourself before you can give that love someone else."

  • @quranwhatley9073
    @quranwhatley9073 Рік тому +2

    Kudos to everyone here who is trying to put the work in, me and my partner of almost 2 years have recently split and I realized that I was broken and she was too and we both need to heal our own way! I love her so much. And hope she takes care of herself out there.

    • @MeetStephanSpeaks
      @MeetStephanSpeaks  Рік тому +1

      I pray that you both heal from all that you have been through 🙏

  • @Queenorkhaleesi
    @Queenorkhaleesi 3 роки тому +102

    Some men have a superhero complex. They want to be the one to change this woman and "save" her from whatever she's going through. If someone rejects your love, they aren't for you.

    • @levioliver3794
      @levioliver3794 Рік тому +7

      That’s not a “complex” 😂 It’s called being a good person

    • @huntjones911
      @huntjones911 Рік тому +1

      I can fix him- no woman ever?

    • @dalebrissett1045
      @dalebrissett1045 5 місяців тому +1

      Not necessarily true.....Maybe she can't handle a man who will love her beyond her wildest dreams.....because of the damage

    • @DreBoeHKG124
      @DreBoeHKG124 2 місяці тому

      Just leanred this

  • @cwestcoast9697
    @cwestcoast9697 3 роки тому +5

    You just described me to a T. I am currently reading your book finding love after heartbreak, on my healing journey ❤️

  • @nigel350AM
    @nigel350AM 3 роки тому

    Exactly what happened last week. Stephan speaks the truth. Thank you for clearing things up for us - your video helped me to keep moving forward.

  • @Mr.Edwards233
    @Mr.Edwards233 3 роки тому

    I experienced ALL of this. You've got to let the person go on the path of healing for themselves, if they choose too, you can't do it for them. Good stuff sir.

  • @daniyal5998
    @daniyal5998 Рік тому +7

    My life got hell...after coming into a relationship with a broken girl...she was never able to forgot her ex he was her first love but she hided the truth in starting and she is my frist love so i am not able to leave her i am addicted to her now i am crying 😭😢 why she came into my life my life is ruined i am broke now 😢

  • @MRRHINO619
    @MRRHINO619 3 роки тому +8

    I'm dating a broken women right now. what your saying is true. I'm trying to heal her but I can't. And it hurts me to accept the fact I got to leave. It's to toxic.

    • @tunesischedeutsche8425
      @tunesischedeutsche8425 Рік тому

      Did you leave? What happened?

    • @leocardoroger6270
      @leocardoroger6270 Рік тому

      ​@@tunesischedeutsche8425 yes been there they always think negative about you even if you teyna do things good for them they always think that you going to play them or leave them

    • @herkload
      @herkload 9 місяців тому

      So what happened?

  • @itzR89
    @itzR89 3 роки тому +1

    Thanks man, love all your advices, you talk real..
    I'm actually in this situation right now myself... I'm trying to let go for a week now and so far so good, I've done some changes in my routine, working out and eating good, focusing on my job... but the thing hit me the most, is that you saying that if I'm trying to heal her, I'm not actually healed myself.. felt like a slap in the face.. blessings, thank you for your good work and intentions to help others..

  • @TheHootsPodcast
    @TheHootsPodcast 3 роки тому +2

    Thank you so much Stephan Speaks, this is the biggest wake up call I needed. I met my ex about three years ago when she was recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. First it was about being friends, gaining her trust, helping her regain her confidence and purpose. The bond grew deeper than that as time went on. She would call me every night before she went to sleep and stuff like that. She said that if I wanted to take the next step I had to meet her parents. I did happily. Bought a trip to Orlando last summer to meet her parents. Won them over. They all liked me. Whenever it came to the moment of truth, she gave the stiffest cold shoulder of my life. She never healed. I was beating myself up for nothing like, hey, I was basically your rock for three years and now you can’t trust me. This video gave me the clarity I needed

    • @jayc.7135
      @jayc.7135 3 роки тому +1

      Man, we All been there brother. I know. SMH!

  • @RobWhittlestone
    @RobWhittlestone Рік тому +4

    Yes, I loved a broken woman who thought she had been abused as a child. She had no self-love when we met. After 14 years of love, consideration and kindness, she went to therapy (again) and found out at age 60 she was lesbian. I believe I did heal her (she now has self-love) and she is far more balanced than she was when we met. So she's leaving me and the house we built together to look for lesbian love.
    Now it seems I have found another (delightful, wonderful) woman who had two massively abusive marriages. She is scared to be vulnerable. I searched for "how to love a damaged woman" and found this video. I realize that the more I try to be kind, generous, present, ... the more she is scared. I realized I don't know how to handle this. That's why I searched for this topic.
    What you say here makes some sense to me - that her healing is her responsibility, but I am not convinced that I also need healing (except perhaps to recover fully from the previous relationship).
    Thanks for the video, Stephan. All the best, Rob in Switzerland

  • @awhxdiane3451
    @awhxdiane3451 3 роки тому +3

    This man is blessed and so accurate!
    This was my life three years ago I called on the lord crying 😭 like never before asking for help for help on what to do leave or stay? I knew this man was broken and wanted so bad to see him better.
    As I woke up the next day and put one foot on the ground I clearly heard the words.. it’s...not ...your..job ..to ...fix ...him..
    I knew God was real that day!!!
    He answered my prayers my cries just like the Bible says he will
    if you call on him🙌🏼. God was telling me it’s time to fix me because I was now a mess for staying so long with something that was unhealthy. I surrendered it all to Jesus I’m a born again Christian and now I have my new pair of eyes! God bless you and may you continue to be a vessel for the almighty 🙏🏼You are so on point it’s scary 😳. We have to know our worth! When we think we deserve better we will get better!

  • @ramonajohnson2738
    @ramonajohnson2738 3 роки тому +1

    Yes it's true! We can only change and heal ourselves. Been healing 1/2 a year leaving the toxic relationship. Was the best decision on my part. I have not had any contact with my ex since the beginning of my healing. I'm more happier, have a peace of mind. Able to focus on myself and embark on my interests and hobbies. I love it because I'm living! Thank you have a blessed evening. Ramona

  • @SiouxieSioux
    @SiouxieSioux 2 роки тому +1

    Oh my goodness me! This man is so on point. Being vulnerable and showing that face to face is difficult. Even if I do share because I need you as a man to understand where my traumas are based I will then revert because now you've seen the rawness use what I tell you to cause me the same or worse trauma. You have to face your fears on your own before you can be part of a partnership, and that's where I am. It's been years and the work continues for me by me, until I heal myself.