Human Ambassador: "So, let me get this straight... No other apex predators on your home world?" Crag'nik Ambassador: "NO. WE WERE THE ONLY-" HA: "And most other species on the Galactic Stage are docile?.. Non-predators." CA: "..." HA: "On Earth, your kind would make for a popular prey. A nice challenge... Like tiger hunting." CA: "What's a 'tiger'?" HA: "Excellent... The Emperor will be pleased with THIS development."
@@orlandobritt1460 No, the Centaurian Emperor is the one in the actual story. The one who just killed Lord Zulon. Probably walked away from the Council Chamber muttering "'Tiger hunt' my ass... Ambassador promised me a fight.", both amused and slightly annoyed at how easy it was to kill Zulon.
"You were born the Apex predator on your world; that's nice. We became the apex predator of our world by killing anything that was more dangerous, with sharp sticks.
@@techstuff9198 I remember trying to use the back of a machete as a hammer and it “worked” but also cut grooves into the wooden thing I was hammering on so I just kinda went “well fuck” and had to redo it
"Only babies bite." But if it's the only weapon you have, you still have a weapon. As my younger sister would often remind me "Cain killed Abel with a rock."
In the second story, in a setting where everyone uses energy weapons that could be easily shut down by the other guy, I'd expect humans to already have guided missiles and slug throwing cannons ready to go, not improvise some rock throwing.
@@dragonson04 also this seems like an ambush attack. And why waste weapons when throwing a rock at half the speed of light only costs the price of fuel.
The second one reminded me of the story, where every race is classified by what they are good at - humanity is good at throwing rocks and is sort of ridiculed for being good at something so useless. I still grin at the final sentence of that story. "To be fair, we are very, _very_ good at throwing rocks."
That first story reminded me of how the Vikings operated. Granted they weren’t barbaric like the alien, whenever the Vikings found themselves in a fair fight, they often were defeated
Humans survived our prehistory by taking out Apex Predators daily. May God have mercy on any "Apex" species who choose to oppose us. Humanity didn't keep an arsenal of kinetic weapons when we went into the greater Galaxy? Which genius decided THAT was a good idea?! Humans love our kinetic weaponry.
Because to us, "lasers and plasma" seems really cool. You're effectively THROWING FIRE. We LOVE FIRE. Plus, it's so futuristic! But, if you take away our fire, we really don't have problems hitting you with rocks. Rocks are our backup, most of the time. And it's still really really cool to throw a moon at someone's fleet. If we can. Or... you know... fire a titanium slug at a fraction the speed of light using magnets at someone who doesn't expect it. Humans love fire. If we can't kill you with fire, we kill you with rocks.
The story never said we no longer had any kinetic weapons. We just figg'red any folk what threatens our kids ain't worth the ammo. Just grab a rock and knock 'em down.
Okay the first one gave me pause(never piss off a human),and the second one made me laugh. The aliens forgot the basic rule,mess with human children is a bad idea
Second story reminds me of a web-comic that shut down a few years ago. At the start of the story, the United Earth government spent way more on pork-barrel projects than they took in and needed cash, fast, but all the local cash cows were already picked clean, so they turned their eyes to the Ceres mining colony and sent their best tax-collector Guy (pronounced GEE not GIE). Guy presented the local pastor (the closest thing Ceres had to a government official, and who was pretending to be the local king) the tax bill. The guy looked up UE law and gave Guy a treatise showing that the UE owed CERES money, not the other way around, and the UE legal department agreed but the UE can get out of paying if they sign a non-interference treaty and promise to leave Ceres alone. The UE signs the treaty and then sends a fleet of warships to "liberate" Ceres, demanding the local government to surrender to UE authority, refusing to believe Ceres has no government. The captain of the flagship then proceeds to fire energy weapons at the Ceres surface, vaporizing a fully-occupied civilian dwelling. The Ceres miners respond by hurling asteroids at the fleet. While the asteriods easily miss their targets, with the captain going "what a pathetic last gasp," behind the asteroids were fully armed mining vessels that swarmed the fleet, each pointing a high-powered mining laser at the bridge. End result: The flagship was seized as partial compensation for the unwarranted attack. The energy weapons were repurposed to colonial defense against future aggression. The arrogant and uncaring captain, as well as the weapons officer who fired, were tied up, humiliated, and publicly executed. "We're going to show the universe how the belt deals with EVIL!"
@@zachsmith1676 exactly, they "had" guns, we broke them in a way no one else would as it would also break their guns, now they don't have guns, but we still have rocks.
0:05 omg i can't stop laughing "clickety click" i had to play it a few times XD. Agro i always "clickety click" the like button at the start but now i need a second like button just for that XD
There's a difference between being born the apex predator and fighting to become the apex predator. Which is deadlier? We be damned good at throwing rocks, even space rocks.
The moment the first story said that the aliens were born the apex predators and this was a jungle i knew what was going to happen. Humanity is race who came to power by toppling the apex predators of everywhere they went replacing them with ourselves. And so we must do so once again...
Human Ambassador: "So, let me get this straight... No other apex predators on your home world?"
Crag'nik Ambassador: "NO. WE WERE THE ONLY-"
HA: "And most other species on the Galactic Stage are docile?.. Non-predators."
CA: "..."
HA: "On Earth, your kind would make for a popular prey. A nice challenge... Like tiger hunting."
CA: "What's a 'tiger'?"
HA: "Excellent... The Emperor will be pleased with THIS development."
He was the Emperor
@@orlandobritt1460 No, the Centaurian Emperor is the one in the actual story. The one who just killed Lord Zulon. Probably walked away from the Council Chamber muttering "'Tiger hunt' my ass... Ambassador promised me a fight.", both amused and slightly annoyed at how easy it was to kill Zulon.
"You were born the Apex predator on your world; that's nice. We became the apex predator of our world by killing anything that was more dangerous, with sharp sticks.
When your only tool is a hammer, all your problems start looking like nails.
Well you have a point
Really hit that one on the head.
May not be pretty, but nails work when hammered in correctly.
Percussive maintenance to the cranium.
So......get beaten into shape or get broken then
First rule of engineering: if it can be used as a hammer, it will be used as a hammer, so build your crap strong.
Don't bother trying to make it unusable as a hammer, someone will do it regardless, just build it tough.
@@techstuff9198 I remember trying to use the back of a machete as a hammer and it “worked” but also cut grooves into the wooden thing I was hammering on so I just kinda went “well fuck” and had to redo it
@@zyanidwarfare5634 Thank you for providing testimonial proof.
1st rule of maintenance: Hit it with a hammer.
if that doesn't work, go to rule 2.
2nd rule of maintenance: Get a bigger hammer.
@@jojoemcgeejoe457 gotta love percussive maintenance.
"Only babies bite."
But if it's the only weapon you have, you still have a weapon.
As my younger sister would often remind me "Cain killed Abel with a rock."
Cain invented killing using whatever he had, we will kill with whatever with have, with or without humans
@@anadaere6861 So you are telling me that he could have used 2 sticks and a rock?!!!
@@josephgonsalves1219 add string and that's a bow and arrow
Sometimes also told as a Jawbone. Same Message.
@@josephgonsalves1219 we would have to share the rock though
In the second story, in a setting where everyone uses energy weapons that could be easily shut down by the other guy, I'd expect humans to already have guided missiles and slug throwing cannons ready to go, not improvise some rock throwing.
This is more of a direct defiance thing. "You take away our energy weapons, we'll hit you with something more primitive than kinetic weapons."
@@dragonson04 also this seems like an ambush attack. And why waste weapons when throwing a rock at half the speed of light only costs the price of fuel.
@@bearstarpresents2264 secundary collisions of the asteriods would probably add a lot of smaller and faster fragments to the mix
and odds are, we'd just start shooting the survivors the old fashion way after
gotta send a message
It was The stnadardized system, not all wepaons would fit, also xeno missiles
The second one reminded me of the story, where every race is classified by what they are good at - humanity is good at throwing rocks and is sort of ridiculed for being good at something so useless.
I still grin at the final sentence of that story.
"To be fair, we are very, _very_ good at throwing rocks."
Oh boy when they hear about grenades.
Whats the story?
@@frealsolidusauxil5873
ua-cam.com/video/ib-xeU1y9G8/v-deo.html
Ohhh i rember this one it was a fun read sadly i cant rember the title
MONKEY THROW ROCK! MONKEY BREAK!
"Monkey throw rock! Monkey break!"
I Love it....lol
I have to admit, I smiled at "Monkey throw rock,Monkey break" 😁
That first story reminded me of how the Vikings operated. Granted they weren’t barbaric like the alien, whenever the Vikings found themselves in a fair fight, they often were defeated
Theres a reason they always raided defenceless monasteries and stuff and took off again before any defence could arrive
If you are ever in a "fair fight", then you are doing it wrong.
Humans survived our prehistory by taking out Apex Predators daily. May God have mercy on any "Apex" species who choose to oppose us.
Humanity didn't keep an arsenal of kinetic weapons when we went into the greater Galaxy? Which genius decided THAT was a good idea?! Humans love our kinetic weaponry.
This is more of a direct defiance thing. "You take away our energy weapons, and we'll hit you with something more primitive than our kinetic weapons."
Because humans used parts and technology discarded from other species, and the energy weapons were the standard that came with it
Because to us, "lasers and plasma" seems really cool. You're effectively THROWING FIRE. We LOVE FIRE. Plus, it's so futuristic!
But, if you take away our fire, we really don't have problems hitting you with rocks. Rocks are our backup, most of the time. And it's still really really cool to throw a moon at someone's fleet. If we can. Or... you know... fire a titanium slug at a fraction the speed of light using magnets at someone who doesn't expect it.
Humans love fire. If we can't kill you with fire, we kill you with rocks.
The story never said we no longer had any kinetic weapons. We just figg'red any folk what threatens our kids ain't worth the ammo. Just grab a rock and knock 'em down.
Something xenos keep forgetting. Humans don't need fancy weapons. Everything in arms reach even our arms can and will be used as a weapon.
We are the weapon. Everything in our hands is just a tool. That is the thing that xenos are unable to comprehend.
Okay the first one gave me pause(never piss off a human),and the second one made me laugh. The aliens forgot the basic rule,mess with human children is a bad idea
"Are humans still throwing poop at each other?"
"Yes, but now it explodes"
Well gun powder can be made from shit so yes
Second story reminds me of a web-comic that shut down a few years ago. At the start of the story, the United Earth government spent way more on pork-barrel projects than they took in and needed cash, fast, but all the local cash cows were already picked clean, so they turned their eyes to the Ceres mining colony and sent their best tax-collector Guy (pronounced GEE not GIE).
Guy presented the local pastor (the closest thing Ceres had to a government official, and who was pretending to be the local king) the tax bill. The guy looked up UE law and gave Guy a treatise showing that the UE owed CERES money, not the other way around, and the UE legal department agreed but the UE can get out of paying if they sign a non-interference treaty and promise to leave Ceres alone.
The UE signs the treaty and then sends a fleet of warships to "liberate" Ceres, demanding the local government to surrender to UE authority, refusing to believe Ceres has no government. The captain of the flagship then proceeds to fire energy weapons at the Ceres surface, vaporizing a fully-occupied civilian dwelling.
The Ceres miners respond by hurling asteroids at the fleet. While the asteriods easily miss their targets, with the captain going "what a pathetic last gasp," behind the asteroids were fully armed mining vessels that swarmed the fleet, each pointing a high-powered mining laser at the bridge.
End result: The flagship was seized as partial compensation for the unwarranted attack. The energy weapons were repurposed to colonial defense against future aggression. The arrogant and uncaring captain, as well as the weapons officer who fired, were tied up, humiliated, and publicly executed. "We're going to show the universe how the belt deals with EVIL!"
I remember reading that. It was written pretty well for An-Cap baloney.
@@charlesmoore3390 Its a societal delusion to believe that laws mean anything.
"Prepare the Yeet Cannons unleash the Monkeys of War!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
alien tyrants: ok monkeys, give up or die!
human: APES! TOGETHER! STRONG! APES! THROW! ROCKS!
"Monkey throw rock, monkey break!" becomes a more frightening statement when one realizes that planets are nothing but very big rocks.
Clever apes throw rocks very hard.
imagine if those rocks missed and that was what their race will be remembered for
There are always more rocks, and they don't have any guns, eventually the rocks will win.
@@cgi2002 they have guns, just the anti-energy devices they put in place made them inert
@@zachsmith1676 exactly, they "had" guns, we broke them in a way no one else would as it would also break their guns, now they don't have guns, but we still have rocks.
Xenos: Stupid apes!
Humanity: _ÖoK!_
[Throws fucking _Ceres_]
The way you said "BREAK" was so powerful it actually made me want to do something amazing
Loved that second story!
Love your stuff bud ty for all the good stories you retell
"I worry about people who throw rocks." -Avasarala
ape strong. together.
Greetings Mentlegent!
For the Rhythm that is Algo
Story 1: A Tyrant is not the same thing as a Fighter
Story 2: SMASHing
The Carg'nik fecked around...
and found out
For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Narrator, Agro Squirrel !!!
0:05 omg i can't stop laughing "clickety click" i had to play it a few times XD. Agro i always "clickety click" the like button at the start but now i need a second like button just for that XD
This is *Monke 4* ready to Ooga some Boogas
Bless the Squerril
Bless the Author
Smashy Smashy
to be fair....we are REALLY good at throwing rocks.....
indeed
Humans: "Oh? You won't let us use our fancy energy weapons? Excellent, time for us to show you how we became the apex predators on our planet." *YEET*
That's my Emperor.
There's a difference between being born the apex predator and fighting to become the apex predator. Which is deadlier?
We be damned good at throwing rocks, even space rocks.
If tech dont work, we do it the old way, and so far the old ways havent failed us yet when everything else crumbled
thanks for the stories
for the algorithm
These stories make me and the Emperor proud
The second story was great!
The moment the first story said that the aliens were born the apex predators and this was a jungle i knew what was going to happen. Humanity is race who came to power by toppling the apex predators of everywhere they went replacing them with ourselves.
And so we must do so once again...
"Let us prey."
neat
For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!
Neat.
Story 2 in a nutshell: Operation YeetFleet is ago
Thank you for the video.
a pleasure
Beware the scrap iron flotilla
For the algorithm 👽👾🤖🌌🛰🚀🛸🌠
[documented contact]
*[CONTENT REDACTED]*
[expunged comment]
The humans from the first story remind me heavily of a certain black armoured species. *Space fascist music intensifies*
keeper going
kept going
Return to monke
For The Algorithm
F.T.A !
Intro was the outro
whoops
like 994
F.A.S.
uh... you put you outro as your intro...
144th, 13 January 2023
The first story was crap.
neat
For the algorithm
neat
neat
For the algorithm
For the algorithm
For the algorithm