THIS WAS A DISASTER !! 😩😭
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- feat @StephenHilton23
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#parenting #newborn #mentalhealth #childbirth #toddlers #marriage #relationships #mom #dad - Комедії
I am a Preschool teacher and behavioral therapist and I have worked with children for over 17 years, as well as raising my own children and the one thing that I have learned to be very important is children pick up on your vibe. If you are feeling anxious and upset, your kids will be too. You two were a hot mess getting ready to go and you both were getting super anxious, your children feed off your energy!! You need to treat the symptoms of your anxiety and ADHD the same way you tackled your addiction. What are the triggers for your anxiety?? Not being prepared? Work on a plan the night before, make it a priority the same way you made your recovery a priority. Then begin to take both kids out socially in small doses. When Alfie sees you two more calm, he can trust he is going to be ok. Children listen to everything you say, he may not be very verbal yet but he hears and understands a lot more than you think. The car ride over there you both discussed how worried you were, instead talk about how exciting and fun it will be.
Thank you❤️I am gonna work on it.
You are totally right!
Such great advice!!
I agree with Liz Rugne you guys just need to take a step back and take in relaxing breathing the make a checklist for any outings the day before and that night while the kids are sleeping pack their Dipper bags of things you actually need to keep them clean and happy! Laura you might want to switch to decaffeinated drinks because caffeine isn't good for ADD or ADHD IN FACT CAFFEINE INTENSIFIES ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION! AND Laura you and your husband should try meditation to keep you calm. But if you guys do the meditation try doing it when the kids are taking naps or do it just before bed at night. You guys got this just one step at a time🤗🤗🤗😇😇😇 ! As your community members do be shy to ask anyone of us for advice. That's how we all try to help each other out some how that's the hole beauty of being human we all know that we aren't perfect but we can also do alot of self-sabotaging to ourselves. Laura I think that you think too much about what is expected of you from other people, don't think like that.. just remember that your both loved by many and you UA-cam channel community 🤗 One Love🤗🤗🤗
It’s true and the hardest part about being a parent… holding yourself together emotionally for them (for real because they can see right through us) even though you just feel like falling apart. You are not alone. We’ve all been there! Also - your real friends will help you through and not judge. Forget the others.
Maybe just start having other kids his age come over to your house, it’s less stressful for you to have to pack up & travel and it’s also where Alfie feels most comfortable because it’s his space. And before having anyone come over or before going anywhere, talk to him & let him know a few days in advance what is going to be happening like “Hey Alfie guess what!? On Saturday a new friend is going to come over & you can show him all your toys & have a snack together!” And keep mentioning it up until the time it happens. Kids are super smart! Just like he understood that you milk is for his sister now, he’ll feel much better knowing that a friend is coming to play. Maybe even have him look at pictures of his new friend or even try to video “chat” with his little friend before the visit. Soon he’ll be begging for you to invite his friends over 😊 you’re doing a GREAT JOB Laura! Thank you for sharing your life with us too, it makes us feel comforted that we’re not alone
I cannot second this enough. My daughter is very anxious, a lot of it due to our anxiety as parents, which we are working on. Anywya, what always works with her, as she can be skeptical about new encounters, is talking about it a lot before.
The only thing you’re doing wrong is comparing. Worrying is fine, stressing is fine, comparing is always wrong. As long as their healthy and usually happy, you’re doing fine
What might help Alfie is a little interaction with maybe a school where he can play with children his age my granddaughter was the same way and school really helps they learn to play with other children just a thought but you are doing a marvelous job you are a special mom and your husband as a special dad I just feel so bad for you
Agreed 🥺♥️
I want to like this 1000 times!!!! “Comparison is the thief of joy”.
PS he totally feels safe expressing feelings! Yay!!!
Read some good child development info from an attachment parenting point of view and get some realistic expectations. It’s all good 😊
@@keepsmilin7193 stressing is inevitable, and it’s okay to feel what you feel. You can’t tell people that are having depression, or anxiety, or postpartum, etc. to just calm down. It doesn’t work that way. Realizing that you’re stressing, and dealing with it is the only way to grow and learn. You can’t just, “chill out”
Well said!! 😊
Those of you actually giving helpful tips to this family and not diagnosing their child, I love people like you. You guys are sweet.
I'm on the spectrum and just like Alfie. Also I sensed my dad's anxiety. Nothing wrong with people saying maybe he is. I love you guys and know you try your best. Thanks for always being so real. I have cancer and am in a wheelchair Laura you and Steven always make my day. I feel not so alone with my anxiety and issues. Your kids are so precious. Wish I could have kids. My daughter died 15 minutes after birth. Love u guys keep being you!
Another thing is when you do take Alfie places and he starts to have a meltdown, push through it with him instead of just leaving, otherwise you teach him that if he has a meltdown he will get to leave and uncomfortable situation. Toddlers can be easily overwhelmed when there are a lot of unfamiliar people around them. Totally normal! The trick is to work through that difficulty with him. If that means taking him to a quiet part of the house away from people so he can calm down and talking with him a little bit, and then getting him distracted or interested in something, and gradually bringing him back into the situation, that could be very helpful. Bottom line though is never expect any outing with little ones to be idyllic. And we've all been there!
I agree with a lot of the comments regarding Alfie feeding off of his parents energy. However, I would watch him and check in with pediatrician about autism spectrum. He does exhibit some of the tendencies, but he also has not been able to be socialized either. Another concern too is Alfie is constantly being talked around (for videos) he can hear everything going on. I can only imagine him being very confused as to all of the conversations about him with him sitting there. I love watching your videos, but I would start trying to limit doing them with him sitting right there watching his parents talk to each other and to a phone/video, but not interacting with him. I can just see him growing up to think that’s his normal and he will need to have a device to look at while taking to someone. I don’t doubt that you as parents interact with him, and we the public are only getting a glimpse. Kids listen to everything and the older he gets just remember some conversations he does not need to be in earshot of. Can you imagine hearing your parents asking each other “what’s wrong with him, is this normal, why can’t he be like the other kids playing?”
Yes 100% to this. Presume competence. Assume that every child can understand what you are saying when you are within earshot. And act accordingly.
I wasn't verbal until about 3 years old but I clearly remember the day we went with my dad my two grannies and granpa to the hospital to take my newborn brother. And I remember so much as I was so exited to see my baby brother. I was 2 years old and I still remember thinking about stuff that frustrated me and I guess I just wasn't saying that outlaud (for example I was thinking, why should I be squashed on the back seat sitting with both of my grannies while grandpa is sitting alone.) dad was really mean to me and they all treated me like a peace of furniture. It was really frustrating.. Something I got used to and was hard to overcome many many years later...Treat your children with respect, they deserve it.
It’s unhealthy for the kids to hear parents freaking out and having these conversations around them. It has to create more anxiety for them to be on camera and in such an unnatural environment so much of the time.
Laura you keep saying you feel something may be wrong with Alfie the only advice I can give is go with your Momma instinct and get a developmental assessment for him. I’m only speaking as a Mom who thought the same way about her son and he was diagnosed with autism. This pandemic has been horrible for everyone and Alfie hasn’t had much socialization due to quarantine but again go with your Mom gut 💕 sending you a big hug.
He reminds me of daughter at that age (she is now 30)
Alfie has very similar behavior to my autistic niece. A little more work and attention was needed, but she is fine and is doing well in school. Half of the solution is identifying a problem.
I came here to comment the same. I work with autistic children and I wanted to suggest an assessment for him as if there are some issues going on, getting a diagnosis would help so much! It would also make you feel so much better knowing it wasn't your fault (because it's not) and knowing what the solution is. His behaviors can be fixed and he's young enough that it won't be a huge challenge. The quarantine makes this 1000 times worse so don't feel bad! You're doing your best. But if you feel this is an ongoing issue, get him assessed and you'll have the support you need ❤
I didn’t want to be the first one to say it, but I think an assessment is a good idea. As for socialization, might be better to have one parent come to their house with one child around his age to start with. Start slow and increase over time. Guided play and floor time with professionals might better teach him turn taking, etc and Laura and Stephen can watch and emulate at home.
Regardless, at some point Poppy is going to up the ante within a few months. When she goes mobile he’s going to have to get used to it!😂
Alfie reminds me of my son who had sensory processing disorders. I never comment on these videos, but I wanted to tell you that you will get through this stage of motherhood. You’ll look back and think … how the hell did I even survive that 😂 … but you will get through it. Hang on, momma, this, too, will actually pass. Sending Love and Light your way 🧘
I could sense your heart dropping at the end of this visit, while wondering if something was “wrong” with Alfie. Thank you for sharing that this sweet boy is making the most of his world through the eyes of one who has more than 5 senses. What an advocate you are and will be for him 💙🧩
You can take Alfie to playgrounds, daycare, preschool to start getting him used to other kids and to learn social skills. Our daughter started preschool at 2 years and 3 months old and she loved it! Its only 3 half days a week but it's made a huge difference for her and she loves it! She 3 now and is great with new kids.
I’m personally on the autism plectrum I went through exactly what Alfie is going through right now a lot. It’s sensory overload with all of the favorite toys foods and even colors effected me a lot. Even my son whom is three and just got diagnosed with autism, he displays a lot of sensory issues. I would go with your instincts and possibly get him checked for development progression.
Laura, Steeeevuuuuun, this is going to pass. This pandemic has put all of us in an abnormal situation for the last year and a half. Alfie has not been able to socialize with other kids his age because of lockdown. You two are doing amazing as parents. Just keep doing what you have been diong, things will work themselves out. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. You have my full support. Alfie and Poppy are amazing kids.
Y'all are so in tune with the kiddos, and that takes so much mental space and emotional energy that silly things like showers and societal expectations get pushed away because they simply are not priorities.
Nothing is "wrong" here. Just hard. And when we do hard things without community support, they feel "wrong", which add fuel to anxiety and depression.
You're doing great, Laura. Just hang in there.
Oh sweetheart, please don’t be upset. Like Steven said, the quarantine has caused us all to become antisocial A-holes! I assure you, it’s nothing you’ve done wrong. Maybe try having people over to your place so that Alfie has the benefit of being in his safe place. I’m sure that would lighten the load for you guys too, kids are like dogs; they smell fear, so if you’re anxious Alfie is going to be hyper sensitive to that. I would start him off by just inviting one friend who has a little buddy for Alfie to play with. Slowly, slowly catch a monkey… I.E don’t expect too much too soon. Really praise him for the smallest amount of good behavior, sharing, being kind etc. if he becomes overwhelmed, try to remain calm whilst reassuring him. You guys are amazing parents, please don’t think that you’re doing anything wrong or that there’s something wrong with Alfie. I promise you, it’s just a phase and slowly integrating Alfie with other children and adults with the reassurance of having Mummy & Daddy by his side will ease his anxiety and slowly open up his world. I suffer from bipolar, severe anxiety disorder & ADHD and as a parent to 2 children, ( my eldest will be 22 in December & my youngest is 11) I fully understand how anxiety can become a huge guilt trip and it’s even worse when you see that your children are also struggling with anxiety. It makes you feel like utter 💩💩 and it took me a very long time to realise that my children could have had anxiety even if I didn’t suffer from it, however, the fact that I do suffer from anxiety means I can put all the counseling, therapy & coping mechanisms that I’ve been taught over the years into practice in a bid to educate, reassure & help my children overcome their anxieties. We shouldn’t be ashamed of our anxiety, depression or any mental health problems. We should all stand tall & strong because together we can overcome anything. I’ve learnt over the years that depression & anxiety isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a strength & a force to be reckoned with! Sending you oodles of love from the Hogan family on the south coast of the U.K.
💜💜🇬🇧🇬🇧💜💜
Yes!!! And it’s not called the terrible twos for nothing! It’s hard for sure ♥️
COVID IS BS ITS ALL ABOUT CONTROL AND EVERYTHING
That's right...
Just keep going out.. its hard but if it becomes "normal" this behavior will stop.
no it hasn't ...
Don’t you just want to shoot all those remarkable high functioning parents that always state their kids are perfect and so well behaved?? These parents will never let on that they go through exactly what every other anxious exhausted parent goes through. Children do get anxious, even more so when they’ve been used to being an only child with all the attention being showered onto them. Being a first time mum and having a baby during a pandemic is frantic enough, but to bring a second into the fold is a covert operation gone awol. My daughter had her first child during lockdown last year here in the UK. Practically no input from anywhere. Gave birth virtually alone, no aftercare, no health visitor, no checkups, nada. My daughter is bipolar, her partner has issues too. I swear if I hadn’t taken them in for the first 9 months and been so readily available, heaven knows what could’ve happened.
Life is what we make of it. Some days are crap, that’s ok. We learn from it and don’t beat ourselves up over it. Good days are just that…it’s sometimes good to just stop breathe, and admire our moment of clarity before once more all hell breaks lose. ❤️
Considering you've mentioned getting Alfie into speech, never hurts to get him evaluated for any diagnosis that may be a root cause for his reactions. Could totally be because of quarantine but if your gut says otherwise, follow that gut and get him evaluated and in services sooner than later. Always, always trust that mom gut ♥️
Vaccinating causes speech delays, along with other neurological disorders. I wish they would educate themselves about these harmful vaccines they are allowing into their (and their children's) bodies.
@@leemichele508 Omg! You can't state this as a general fact and freak ppl out! My son was vaccinated and he was a really early talker. He spoke a lot before he really walked, it was funny. Pls don't scare ppl. Millions are vaccinated without having problems!
@@knuddelkatze452 Also, you do realize "millions of people are vaccinated", and actually NOT "fine". We have the sickest generation of children. I think you should do your research.
@@leemichele508 I did. I was very torn when i had to decide wether i had my son vaccinated or not when he was little.Why did we start vaccinating ppl in the 1st place if everything was so much better and safer before they were available?
@@knuddelkatze452 It was created for money, power, and population control. It was never about out health. Everything wasn't so much better before they were available. We we're lacking basic living necessities such as clean running water, nutrition, sewage systems, and proper hygiene. When much of this was introduced, vaccines were credited, just as with COVID, and this experimental vaccine. They are lying about the numbers and it is highly inflated, so it will appear to be that the vaccine has caused a decline in COVID numbers, when it really hasn't. The Spanish Flu affected and killed many who took the vaccine. It is all done under the guise of health and safety, where people slowly give up their medical freedom (and other freedoms in general) for a false sense of security. We need to realize how deep this corruption runs, and that it is only hurting us and our children in the long run, if we live that long. Vaccine injuries and deaths are underreported and swept under the rug, and the long the CDC recommended schedule gets, the worse it is. And many parents are regret parents, and no one cares until happens to their child. Do you know Nick Catone, the MMA fighter? If you don't, please look him up and check out his story. He is one of millions with a child who died after his 18 month shots, and he speaks up about his story as well. It's devastating. The health of the unvaxxed compared to the vaxxed is very noticeable, as the vaxxed are sick much more frequently and for longer periods of time. I have three children all between the ages of 20 months and 9 years old, and the are vaxx-free, completely, and neither of them have EVER been sick. Not once. In their lives. Not even a fever of any kind, or anything, even after being exposed to illnesses from others. There are many of us with kids like this which are not vaxxed in your everyday crowds of people. I would definitely recommend you do some digging to find the truth, because the mainstream is hiding it from us.
Babe your kids are fine. The quarantine has affected everyone's social skills. He simply feels insecure in a "strange" environment and overwhelmed because there are too many people around. I suggest to invite people to your house bit by bit. One day invite one friend. The next week you invite another friend with a kid. Bit by bit like that until he is comfortable with people in his environment. After that then you can go to someone else's house but not in a group gathering. Once he is ok with that then you can try group gatherings in someone else's house. Bit by bit but do it now, don't sleep on it. You also need the social support from other people. DM me if you need more details on this, I went through a very similar situation.
This is amazing advice!!
Excellent ideas.
This. Alllll this. ❤️
This right here Laura! She's got the best possible solution for Alfie.
Great advice! ❤️
Laura, I relate to you and your feelings so much… my oldest really really struggled with play dates and outings at that age. Ultimately, we figured out a lot of the challenges he was facing were due to sensory processing disorder. I can now understand a bit what he was going through because he can tell me how he’s feeling now (he’s 9). What I want to say to you both is 1. You’re doing an incredible job, even if you don’t feel like it. 2. Dealing with sensory issues in a child is HARD. 3. Finding the right resources and support was the best thing I could have ever done. I’m praying for y’all. Even in the most ideal conditions, parenting a toddler and a baby is so so so challenging!
Agree with all the comments about getting him socialized with other kids his own age in a safe setting, whether a play group or daycare. I also totally agree with the comments about sticking to routines, even an unfamiliar places. Kids, especially toddlers desperately need and rely on consistent routines (i.e. nap and meal schedules). That can make travels difficult but you kind of have to plan around it until they get old enough. Another thing to consider is that bringing a new baby home has a significant impact on the older sibling, and it's not always intuitive. They will act out or do different things as a result of them processing a big family change and it won't make sense. I also agree with PP comments about potentially getting Alfie evaluated for speech and/or OT services to help him learn to communicate better. It's something to look into and it only helps. No shame in it, my own kids have had OT and PT before and it has been an amazing blessing! But keep being kind to yourself and accept all the help that comes your way, your hormones are out of whack and breastfeeding, especially breastfeeding two kiddos at once, is likely wreaking havoc on your body. It's a hard time so do whatever you can to make things easy on yourself and prioritize your mental health.
Thank you for your authenticity. Your worries and concerns are valid. It’s so hard being a parent. The worrying never stops. Talk to Alfie’s pediatrician, trust your gut, and know you’re not alone. You and Steven are wonderful parents. Your babies are so lucky to have you both.
He doesn’t have a good relationship with succulents 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My social life was hell since my daughter was 1.5. This is just my own experience, but I can relate to how hard it is for Laura and Stephen to go out to see their friends. I have one child. I have raised her completely on my own since she was 6 weeks old after I filed for a divorce. I cannot count the times people stared at her during a meltdown, the times we have had to leave a party, the looks from strangers, etc. She is now 13.5. She hated loud noises, crowds, bright lights, had poor eye contact, had difficulty speaking in sentences, pointed instead of saying what she wanted, wouldn't interact with other children, would fixate on specific topics or toys, etc. I kept telling Doctors that something was wrong. No one listened, including her pediatrician, until she was 4 and her daycare told me that they thought she had autism. I started crying, but took her to the pediatrician because I knew deep down that they were right. The doctor said, "there is no indication that this child has autism". So... I didn't take no for an answer and went and got her a play therapist, found a psychiatrist that diagnosed her with "developmental disabilities NOS", etc. I then obtained a referral for a developmental pediatrician who did all the ADOS testing and confirmed my suspicions that my daughter, did in fact, have autism. Apparently only one out of 4 autistic children are girls. I felt relieved but devastated. I was able to help her cope with the challenges through the years since her diagnosis through in home therapy, an outpatient therapist, a psychiatrist, a special needs autism classroom and aides for her, putting her in special needs camps, special Olympics, doing activities and exposing her to as many people and situations as possible to desensitize her with the blessings of her special ed. team, etc. It has NOT been easy, but now she has two "regular" classes she takes outside of her autism program and is pulling As and Bs in all classes. Her mind works in unbelievable ways. Her memory is like Google. She is extraordinary! She is doing well now, but she still has her days and occasionally has a bad meltdown where people still look at her in public. I guess the point is, life was absolute hell when I didn't have help and needed strangers to help me chase her through parking lots when she'd run away from me, strangers helped me shop and helped ring me up when I needed groceries, I've had well meaning Moms assist me with getting her in her car seat during an hour of screaming, etc. I sat and cried in the car when I had to leave 4th of July parties, kid's birthday parties, social events with other children, Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners, etc. Seeing this video and seeing Laura crying brought back so many memories and feelings. Toddlerhood is tough. I'm so glad Alfie is getting early intervention with speech therapy. Having help very young and having professionals to assist is so amazing! He's a sweet little boy and kids just sometimes don't do well in social situations after being in quarantine. I guess I felt sharing my story would help all the Mamas struggling with trying to have a semblance of a social life with a child who isn't "on their best behavior" in public. No one should judge you or make you feel like your not doing something the "right way". Mamas, your not alone in your frustrations and your insecurities about your parenting. Every child is different, and there is no such thing as normal. Someone once said to me "normal is only a setting on a washing machine". I remember those words when I need them.
It could be Covid related isolation but I would seek out a child and family development service in your area to have him tested. See what the delays are about and the rest is gravy. It will be okay. I remember feeling chaotic when mine were little and now they are young adults. They grow up so fast. Take baby steps. Maybe smaller quicker outings and work up to trips! Have a wonderful day!! ❤️
This is always what I tell the parents at my site ( early intervention). Worst case he has delays and gets the help to over come them. Best case it’s just Covid and he’s fine.
Quarantine has been so hard on kids developing social skills (which is like all kids). It's been hard on dogs and they're the best creatures ever. Over stimulation from being with parents all the time and under stimulation from not being with anyone else! But having other people going through it doesn't necessarily help. You two are wonderful human beings. You will figure it out.
Seems like Alfie needs socialised , he doesn’t know how to act with others. Poor little fella 😕 Maybe a safe day care centre? You guys need a break! He needs people ❤️
Daycare is a good idea. Even starting with a couple of hours a week
This statement is so not true. Thinking kids don’t get “socialized”.
@@earthmedicine1162 this is true and not true. You can unsocialized your kids if you aren't around a lot of people regularly. However it also depends on the child so if your child has social anxiety then it may be a good idea to have him socialize a few times a month with the same people too. All children are different.
@@earthmedicine1162 your opinion matters, as well as mine. Have a positive day 🙂
This past year has meant that many small children have not had the opportunity to be around anyone other than their parents. Yes, they do need to learn socialization skills. It is part of their cognitive development
I am a mom to a little boy who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 4 years old. After watching some of your videos and hearing some of your concerns, have you thought about getting him evaluated... at the very least early intervention is always best. I know you said he is seeing a speech therapist but you can always get him in with a behavioral therapist. ABA did so much for our son and this was before his autism diagnosis. Just breathe mama! You guys are wonderful parents! It can also be from being out of social situations so long due to covid, he just has to learn how to cope with situations like that. He might be just getting overwhelmed. You and Stephen are amazing parents! I love how vulnerable and raw you both are because parenting is not easy...
it’s always so hard to deal with the ups and downs of parenting when it seems like everyone else has it together. Love your videos!
Alfie needs to get used to other surroundings and other people. You're correct in saying he lacks social skills. He needs to learn about sharing as well. Remember this... Kids can feel when you're anxious and feeling uneasy. I've seen this over and over again with children. I taught pre-school for 17yrs years. These are things to take into consideration.
I would have him checked. My son was like Alfie and he had sensory issues . He had speech , ot , and pt . I would not automatically right it off to quarantine . Not trying to scare you guys. My son is perfect after a lot of hard work.
Absolutely agree, 💯
This! Yes, my son was the exact same way as a toddler. Outings like this were a HUGE sensory overload. We signed him up for a half day day care program to get him out of his comfort zone and realize it’s okay to be with other people and kids. Speech and OT therapy were huge!! We went 3+ times a week. Now he is 6 and thriving! (Still struggle with social anxiety but we’re working on it!)
@@erinengelman6652 I’m so glad you were able to get your son the help he needed . The social anxiety will decrease over time , because you are giving him the tools he needs. I love that you are a proactive parent.
They always say “having 1 baby is like having 1, having 2 babies is like having 200”. You are totally killing it mama! You know in your heart what you need to do. Sending good vibes 💕
So true! 👍
I have never heard this but agree with it 100%!!!! I have four kids and going from 1 to 2 was the hardest
I went from 1 to 3 (twins) felt like I was going insane ! Never known sleep deprivation like it..didn’t stop me having a 4 th though ?!
Ii just had my third baby 7 months ago and going from 2 to 3 is enough to put you in the insane asylum. Totally worth it and wouldn't change anything about it. I love them but good lord my patience Is tested, my energy is gone, i don't know what sleep is anymore, I love my babies though!!
I've never heard that before but I don't doubt it. I have two boys but they're 13 yrs apart. I could not *imagine* having two kids close in age; I honestly don't think I could handle it. I commend anyone that does!
Now that you know he has autism, does this video affect you differently? I'm just curious. It makes so much sense with a "diagnosis" that he was overwhelmed socially! It's okay Laura and Stephan! You're doing great!
I had the same difficulties as Alfie when I was a kid and growing up. He’s very sensitive, emotionally, to everyone around him. He’s an empath.
An emotional empath and growing up like that is very difficult. Big crowds he won’t like, at all.
I can tell you from my experience, that it will be very difficult growing up. Very sensitive to others emotion, feelings, and energies. He will be okay, it just takes time to notice the triggers before they happen and he gets overwhelmed.
Hang in there guys! I love you giys! 😇💜💜💙💙
If you feel comfortable, I would consider a playgroup. It gives him a chance to interact with kids and can be less anxious for you both because he gets to do something on his own. I agree with Laura that being on his own so much during quarantine might have slowed those social skills but the nice thing is that it is not permanent. He will get the hang of it, especially as he gets more opportunities. ❤️
There's a reason me and my other half have agreed no more kids until our first is over 5 years old. I suffer with anxiety, depression and intrusive thoughts, and there is no way on this earth I could physically and emotionally cope with a toddler and a newborn. Absolute respect to you Laura for keeping going every day 👏🙌
Little social dates. Maybe daycare once a week
My granddaughter cried at every party she attended until the age of 6. It was a nightmare plus she has sensory problems. Certain clothing bother her, she wont wear panties( hates them) and so much more. Its not a reflection of your parenting. It just happens.
Deep breath and smile.
I feel this so hard. I now have a four and a half year old son and a three year old daughter but starting out with two toddlers was an absolute nightmare. I'm still tandem feeding although my son has finally just now gone almost two weeks without nursing at four and a half years old. He's also autistic and has a lot of sensory needs. He improved dramatically with speech and occupational therapists but we have to consider his needs in planning anything. Every time we go anywhere I try to time the drive when I know they're tired and they'll sleep through it because my daughter hates being strapped into the car seat for very long (she would scream constantly in the car when she was an infant). We want to take a road trip but it stresses me out so hard even though all I want to do is get out and go places I'm overwhelmed by anxiety. It's hard stuff Mama. Love you
I only have one kid, a toddler and leaving the house with just her is a whole production. Don't feel bad to say no. It's totally fine and your friends should understand
Oh honey, this is normal. He's been alone in quarantine, he was overwhelmed. Find a playgroup where he can interact with other kids his age so he eases into it. And I suggest getting into babywearing for Poppy, saved my sanity when I had my 2nd, I did everything with him strapped to my chest, even going to the bathroom.
I cried while watching this cause I know exactly how u feel. It’s been going on for almost two years for me. I really hope we will one day know who we are again. Hugs!
"Anxiety is depression on steroids" - there has never been a truer statement made on Earth! Steven, you hit the nail on the head and destroyed it! I suffer with anxiety and depression everyday and the struggle is REAL!
Y'all keep up the good fight and, Laura and Steven you're doing a great job. It's a team effort.
Same
Literally!
Totally agree! Maybe CBD capsules. It's all natural and doesn't get you high. It's very effective for lots of people. Definitely helps me, although I also use medical marijuana. ✌💚
Kids sense their parents energy. If you are nervous, scared, mad, tired, uneasy. I love you! But you need to find Helen again. Helen was sure of herself & kids turn your lives upside down. Now you're unsure about everything. Hesitant. You gotta find your I'm in charge attitude & just do it. Do you remember when you would do funny things walking down the street so people saw you. You didn't care. Now you're worried about everyone else and you're trying to compare yourself to other friends with kids. Each family is different & you also don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Stop being so hard on yourself. You figure things out with time. Please start laughing again. Continue to leave the house with the kids. You've got to get comfortable with it & Alfie needs to interact with other kids and adults. You can do this!!
I’m a child development specialist specifically working on Early Intervention and an Autism diagnostic team. I’d recommend asking your pediatrician about it. This is a doctor that both knows you and also sees thousands of kids. They will know what is typical. My main concern would be around whether his presentation fits an Autism diagnosis. I know that’s probably a bit of a punch to the gut to get told, but when a child freaks out because others are just looking at, or interacted with them, that would be my first concern. Keep in mind your friend’s kids are all the same ages and they also grew up in a pandemic. Kids who haven’t spent a lot of time with other kids will maybe be a little behind socially, but not completely averse time other people. All kids are different but you can still use your friend’s kids as a guide to know what is typical for the age and what isn’t. Being shy is one thing, but even shy kids will warm up to other people....especially when there are a room full of enticing foods and toys around. At about 25 months old, Alfie should be regularly using 2-4 word sentences, and asking questions. They won’t just be rote phrases he knows, they should be unique combinations of words to ask about and comment on his world. New words come almost daily. I start to be concerned when tantrums are so significant that they force you to leave events and keep you from venturing out. That is not typical. Of course it’s hard when you know your child is likely to have a tantrum, but that’s why you should consult a professional. Of course all kids can have an off day, but it seems like this is Alfie’s regular response to new people and places. Changes to routine can be a huge trigger for kids with Autism. I’ve also noticed that Alfie primarily seems to use crying to communicate. Even kids with just a language delay will use hand gestures to get their point across. Rarely do children rely solely on whining or crying as a primary method to communicate because it’s generally slower and less effective than just using words.
Things to look for....does he easily follow a point to something in the distance? If you saw something interesting in the distance and pointed to it, will he follow your point to see what it is? You shouldn’t even need to say a word....following a point should be automatic at this age. In fact, most children develop this skill by the time they are 12 months old.
Next, does he bring you things just to share them with you? By this I mean, a situation where he’s not asking for help with an item (like opening a lid on a jar) but rather saying ‘look at this cool thing I found’. We’d expect to see this as early as 6-9 months of age.
When something interesting or unexpected happens, does he look at the thing/event, then to you and then back at the thing/event.....kind of like saying ‘hey, did you see that too?’ He should be doing this.
Does he use your hand as a tool? So by this I mean. Does he ever take your hand and put it on things as a way of asking for help? Or drag you by the hand to the fridge then place your hand on the fridge as a way of asking for food/drink? It’s almost like your hand is just an object that helps him get what he wants, rather than Alfie trying to connect with you socially to get his needs met. Or does he use your finger to point at things in a book? This behaviour is atypical.
Does he have any atypical body movements such as hand flapping, toe walking, holding fingers or objects near his eyes to look at them in a certain way? Is he fascinated by archways....more than other children?
Does he have an unusual interests? I once worked with a child and sheen his mom took him to the zoo, this child was only interested in the light bulbs in the ceilings of the exhibits, and barely noticed the animals.
Eye contact.....this is a tricky one because eye contact can be taught, so simply having it isn’t reliable as a tool to detect autism but it can clue you in if it’s not there or poor. Some kids also can do fairly well with their parents but then the skill falls apart when they are with less familiar people. Any unusual eye contact should be checked out for vision issues.
How does he do with changes to routine? Outside of the sleep routine, most children may have preferences, but generally cope well with changes to their routines. If Alfie is struggling with changes or unexpected Occitan earth in his routine, that could indicate an issue.
Hearing. Does he respond to his name 90%+ to his name being called? We’d expect he would.
Are his tantrums bigger, longer or more extreme than those of your friend’s kids?
Sensory issues. Again there is a wide variety here but children who become overly distressed with certain textures, are very picky eaters. hate sounds (ex: covering ears frequently), trouble with things like haircuts, clothing, etc should be seen by a pediatrician or an expert in autism.
Risk factors that may have some impact on a child developing Autism are: Older paternal age (40+), one or both parents with neurodivergence such as Autism, Tourette Syndrone, ADHD, OCD, Autism, Sensory processing disorder, mental health concerns, etc.
It’s worth getting him checked. The worst they’ll say is nothing to worry about, but early intervention is important for kids this age. 6 months to a year can make a world of difference. Good luck.
I literally just put a comment about autism. I have seen Alfie tip toe and flap in a few videos, also the way he communicates. My child presented the exact same at that age and diagnosed at four.
I'd recommend them to STOP vaccinating as well, or it could also risk Poppy developing the very same way, sadly.
@@leemichele508 my god vaccines do not cause autism!!!!
@@weespookyme They can and do. They cause an array of neurological disorders, autism being one. There are many factors that can contribute, and vaccines are most DEFINITELY one.
@@leemichele508 autism is hereditary. You cannot get it from a vaccination.
Oh honey, I feel your pain right now. It's been 30 years since I've had babies and watching you struggle has brought all those feelings back. It does get better.
Hi Laura and Steven, I totally relate to that feeling when you hear your kids cry, and you just want to cry along with them because you are so tired and fed up of having to take care of so many things... And if you don't get your shit together, oh my god, what will people say? I still feel like that, and my kids are 8 and 3 yrs old...
I feel for you. I have 3 kids. Each 6 years apart. I was an emotional mess the first 1-3 years after each birth…mourning my freedom and simplicity of getting up and going wherever and whenever. It was definitely easier when the first 2 were both out of diapers and able to put their shoes on. That alone was a big success and relief from mom duty. With a baby again, presently, I again find myself feeling super challenged to go anywhere without my husband or eldest child to help me. Even then, I prefer to stay near home. My husband and I have enjoyed walks and coffee so much this time around. Those simple moments I’m now grateful for. We’re once again in the season of keeping it simple and I’m happy to finally see it this way. I’m actually very impressed by how much you and your husband do in the midst of it all. And I’m very grateful for your content.
Awww guys it is hard. And I do think it’s the quarantine that has affected Alfie. All 4 of my kids have varying levels of anxiety and lockdown has had a major impact on all of them. Weirdly the one with the most anxiety has become more confident and the one with the least has become the worst now. It will take time but they will be ok. Keep strong guys. Lots of love ❤️
I love that you both were vulnerable in this video the worries you have about your children is valid how ever not pressing or urgent.. and there are so much options for therapies for so much! Plus this is all just the beginning of it keep trying and the more you do this with the kids the easier it gets for everyone ! I am a mom of 17 years and i have 3 boys be kind to your selves remember you're all do the best you can with what you have! Im proud of you for going and facing your fears!
They can feel when you are stressed and feed off it and you get more upset or overly think things. It does get easier, but I’m sure being on lockdown is affecting him more than it normally would have. Y’all are doing great at the parenting thing!!! Maybe taking them to the park to be around other children can help him loosen up some, or the more you visit friends will help also.
Hi Laura, things will get better. I went through all the same issues raising my four kids. But from one mom to another follow your heart and have Alfie looked at by his doctor. My daughter was the same way and finally was diagnosed with Autism and once we got therapy she is doing great. Wouldn't hurt to talk to his Dr about getting an evaluation for Autism. Hang in there and things will get better.
Alfie isn’t used to mixing with other kids because of the quarantine, Stephen is right. It will all be alright Laura, I promise you’ll get there and you’ll look back at this and laugh ❤️❤️❤️
100%
It sounds like he is nervous around new people. He probably was overwhelmed and got nervous. It'll mabe take sometime for him to feel comfortable, but i belive he will get there! ☺️❤️
@@elisRocKing totally Elisa, for most of Alfie’s little life we’ve had to stay in, people are walking around with masks. The world has been bonkers so I think this is completely normal behaviour for a toddler right now.
Ahh thank you
@@LauraMarieClery 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I would definitely have him assessed, even if the results or conclusions are indefinite which they most likely will since he's still young, you'll at least have the resources to start helping him adjust to life outside of his routine and comfort zone. My twin nephews had similar issues and they're 2. My sister started doing some easy therapy skills with them at home and they've already seen tremendous improvement. Regardless of the situation, you're doing amazing and I know you feel awful but it's no one's right or business to judge you or your children.
One thing to do is look up self soothing methods. It seems that a lot more these days people don’t let their kids cry. It’s ok to let your kids cry!!! Don’t abandon them but if the cry for 15 min every once in a while (when their not hurt) it’s healthy! That’s how they learn how to self soothe. If you jump in the shower for 5 min wash your stinky bits and throw some shampoo on your scalp. Jump out throw a bra T-shirt and pants. Maybe a little leave in conditioner. If you do it right it should all take 10-15 min and then pick up baby. You just need to understand that your baby’s ability to self soothe will be so important for them as they grow. It teaches then how to comfort them selves if you are not around, or teaches them to not over react.
Teaching your kids that you will be there every second of ever day only does a disservice to your kids. Because what happens when your not there then they are lost and sometimes traumatized depending on how long you create that illusion.
Like I said don’t let them cry too long(that’s irresponsible) but it’s ok for them to cry for a little while. Believe me I know that it’s hard but believe me it hurts you more then it hurts them (as long as you do it appropriately).
Just look it up before you start and talk to your pediatrician.
But a lot of ppl put too much on them selves to be perfect and that can stress out yourself more then necessary. You cannot talk care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself.
Remember you are doing a good job momma. Hang in there. Get as much advice from moms who have grown up kids as possible (cuz they made it out alive lol) then take the parts of advice that works for you and get rid of the advice that doesn’t fit into your narrative. This will make you much happier.
People say there is no book on how to raise kids but they are wrong. Look at all of the moms around you(your mom) they are the book.
Just keep trucking momma your doing great!
When Poppie was crying and you put your head down it brought back memories. A newborns cry directly affects the mothers hormones. Even was a hard day, in the long run, it was probably good to get out.
My 7 year old was the exact same way until he was close to 3. Anyone would look at him and he would scream. Now he is the most social kid I've ever seen. He makes friends with any and every one he spends time with. It's so tough but just know as they get older and more social it absolutely gets better. You are such a great mom, hang in there!
Yep, my now 11 yr old hated people until he was 4 😂 Now he talks to bloody everyone 😩
Omg! I used to call my 10yo my baby necklace because he lived around my neck until he was 2 or 3. Even at family gatherings where he knew everyone! Now, he is so outgoing and friendly. He will be the first person to offer to help someone, play with the kid no one else plays with, introduce himself to neighbors walking their dogs or people outside on his bike rides! I thought he was going to be nervous and clingy forever. We joke that he's the mayor of the neighborhood!
Part of ADHD is sensory overload. A new environment, too many toys out, other kids and adults there he didn't know. All too much. You can find ways to help him adapt. Maybe get him used to wearing noise cancelling headphones. Get him used to new people in a more comfortable, calmer setting for him and less people at a time.
What you need to do is have a few play dates where someone with a child his age comes over a few times then you meet at the park a couple of times then you meet at their house. A day or two before the meetings you talk to him about the visit. Don't just throw him and yourselves in to the mix like that. You're all setting yourselves up for disaster. Take small steps and be really relaxed about it. Kids can feel your anxiety and stress. Best of luck!💕
Couldn't have said it better!
Great suggestions. I wondered if Alfie was picking up on the anxiety in the car and was listening to the whole conversation on how they didn’t want to go. I just thought if they have looked back at Alfie and said “yay, we’re going to play with our friends today” etc would have gone a long way in building up his confidence
I can't imagine trying to be a parent with NO breaks or peace of mind....I really feel for new Moms& Dad's...but especially in this pandemic.....I salute you guys.....bless you guys
I understand this so much, been there tons! One thing that has helped us with our uncontrollable toddler, more discipline at home.
Being very very consistent with the toddler, starting age 2+.. it’s hard but man does it work. It helped me be able to leave and tell them no in public and they not freak out.
My toddlers issue was he was always getting his way at home because it was easier than listening to him scream, then I felt like a bad mother.
So being consistent with the “no no stick” really helped us. The issue for us is the lack of obedience at home and therefore it only got worse outside the house because he was new to everything and would get pissed if something wasn’t done his way. We had to teach him at home first to obey and use the no no stick tons before we tried outings.
The fact that Alfie started loosing it after a toy was taken away, really proves the point of more consequences for his actions need to be done. He doesn’t need to be pet or given in to, when he cried and runs from a hair cut. He needs to be made to share toys, to sit down in mommas lap and get a hair cut, to not run away from baby sister because she is now invading his space and parents and he’s being selfish.
Be consistent with punishing him and teaching him to share and obey.
I couldn't agree more. He needs discipline. Funny you mention the haircut experience, I thought the same thing as I watched it. I love Laura and Stephen, I think they're wonderful and loving parents, but they don't discipline Alfie at all. They're setting themselves up for trouble and it's only going to get worse. Out of control kids aren't cute. Especially to other ppl (besides the parents).
I'm not a mother, never will be, but Maybe discipline isn't the answer? But Sitting him down and explaining some things Instead? Again, I'm not a mother, And I repeat,never will be. Not my thing.
"We'll just have to stay at home forever now". boy, I felt that. Sounds a lot like my 2.5 year old. Loves the idea of other kids in books but actually sees one and loses it. Other than slow "exposure therapy" and reassurance I'm not sure what to do. And I don't have the added infant to care for either! I wish you both well, thanks for posting these videos. It's nice to not feel alone.
Try having little play dates at home where your little is more comfortable. Talk about it with enthusiasm beforehand and let them know what to expect. Things always go smoother when I do this with my 3yo. When I forget or am just not prepared it's like, "Hot Mess Express coming through!"
Quarantine has amplified social anxiety but hopefully we can all learn and grow together as we get back to the new normal.
have you checked him for autism. my youngest son was about his age when we first started noticing signs.
Same thing I was wondering, not many people have mentioned it, but it is something that can be very possible, it doesn’t hurt to get him evaluated by a developmental/behavioral expert and to be clear, to be diagnosed autistic is NOT a bad thing instead it will help you understand and help your child better, it definitely helped my husband and I with our son that’s currently 5 and diagnosed autistic at 3
I have to agree, as I have a daughter that has Asperger's. It does not hurt to have Alfie evaluated. The non verbal and the non social is definitely little flags with the meltdowns. Their sensory overload is set off and any little changes can trigger meltdowns. It's very common now and the more you know, you get will assist for him in the future. I'm not a Dr to say that Alfie is, but there is some characteristics that I'm seeing. My youngest daughter was doing the exact same things. We had her evaluated at three with a few Dr's and Psychologists. They all agreed that she was Autistic. Once we received help, along with accepting it you can move forward. I was told my youngest daughter would never walk, talk and possibly have a hard time functioning in society. Through tons of therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, assistance, occupational therapy she is doing amazing! She has a college degree and used her autism to motivate her. Best thing I did is not ignore it. I accepted the outcome and moved forward. Was not easy but it helped her future by addressing it. Don't ingnore and put him in a bubble as his future depends on it! We all love you Laura and Steven and this is a season in your life. We are just watching your seasons with you. #muchrespect #muchlove
I'd suggest seeing a developmental pediatrician to discuss any concerns you guys may have. The wait lists can be very long and sometimes a wait of up to a year depending on the doctor and location. You could always cancel if you felt he did not need to go later on.
My son was the spit-up king and in an attempt to lessen the wardrobe changes he needed we would put a bib on him. The first year of his life he was pretty much in a bib all the time. It helped with laundry and mitigating the need to change outfits while we were out of the house. You got this mama.
Ooo yes. Those disposable ones with the shelf in can be brilliant to catch the spit ups. Mine wore one constantly.
I've been exactly where you're at. I can say you're fucking strong. I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict so I know that struggle. I also have a 18 month old who's on the spectrum also. Your son is a replication of my son. And y'all are awesome.
It’s never easy taking multiple kids out but you got this momma❤️
Me and my husband traveled with 5 and 4 were 4 & under, my youngest was 1½ plus I was 8 months pregnant with my 7th child the oldest traveling with us was 7½ and we were on our way to my first born ( from my 1st marriage) funeral 💔 she was 19 when she passed away from a brain tumor which they still call it "rare" DIPG terminal brain tumor. My sister was her caregiver throughout. I wasn't easy traveling with them all but together we did it. We made it work and now they are are grown. It goes so fast when they ate tiny baby's and toddlers. I can't believe they are all adults now and all very different. I'm proud of them all as myself and their daddy because we wanted a big family. My daughter never got to meet her youngest brother. 😢
This is the realest shit right here the shit no one talks about cuz their scared but you guys keep it 💯 that's why I love watching you makes me feel like I'm not alone out here
Kids feed off of us. Especially the older they get. Quarantine was hard on them. Get him out socially. Play dates around other kids etc. That will help. Now onto you. Laura I truly think you are still really struggling. Take that for what it is. Anxiety is a bitch. I also suffer from addiction(8 years clean) ADD/anxiety/depression. After almost a year of struggling I broke down and went on meds it has been 3 weeks and I am finally beginning to feel like myself. Best thing I ever did. Trust me when I say that wasn't easy for me. Otherwise I will say(having 3 boys) multiple kids is hard in general. She's still a newborn and it takes time to get a routine. You will get there mama. Love to you girl. ❤
I can actually feel your stress and anxiety in this video, where I am completely glad to know other people go through this, I feel so much for you because this is one of the WORST FEELINGS I HAVE EVER FELT. When I feel like I just want to toss my kids out and run away, then the guilt comes, then I get more depressed and anxious, then they fall asleep and you look at them and say in your mind “I’m going to do better tomorrow” but you don’t, you just sit around and hate yourself even more with each day. It’s awful. And just know you’re not alone. I hope everything gets better for you!
So I think maybe Alfie is struggling with “public”anxiety himself and Covid hasn’t helped. It’s common for kiddos to become reserved without interaction from a ton of people. So maybe starting with a small play date with a friend and their toddler so that it’s way smaller and working your way up to larger interactions. My best friend has been struggling with going in public since Covid happened and really she only goes in public settings with me or her husband. Laura you are a good mama and I feel like you’re looking at yourself so harshly. You are doing great, working and taking care of two little ones. I feel like you’re struggling with your kiddos emotions too because you don’t want them to hurt or be upset. I wish you the best!
Bless you guys! I feel this on every level! I hate leaving the house because I get so much anxiety over forgetting something for the kids, and a MIL who says I need to get over it bc life goes on...wtf???
What if you have friends at your house, instead of going to other people houses? It might give Alfie the confort he needs to get used to other people and other kids!
I love you guys, you are my idols! 🤍
I like to add to this. Alternate places of the play dates. Have mom and friend to your place a couple of times starting out then when Alfie does play date at friends house he will realize it is his friend and will be comfortable there playing.
I was thinking the same thing. Start having other kids his age come over to your house, where he feels most comfortable because it’s his space. Also before having anyone come over or before going anywhere, talk to him & let him know a few days in advance what is going to be happening like “Hey Alfie guess what!? On Saturday a new friend is going to come over & you can show him all your toys & have a snack together!” And keep mentioning it up until the time it happens. Kids are super smart! Just like he understood that you milk is for his sister now, he’ll feel much better knowing that a friend is coming to play. Maybe even have him look at pictures of his new friend or even try to video “chat” with his little friend before the visit. Soon he’ll be begging for you to invite his friends over 😊
Laura, you're such a good mama. Alfie is gonna be okay. Stephen made a really good point. Alfie missed out on socializing with other kids for a long time during the pandemic. I know you'll get the help you need to figure out what's going on and help him. You guys always do your best. We moms are so hard on ourselves and worry so much about our kids, way more than we really need to. Alfie is going be okay.
I'm not sure if anyone has ever said this to you but Alfie is feeding off of your anxiety so when you're anxious he will be too. Remember that kids are sponges. It'll be ok.
That’s a very good point joy. Happy mum, happy child ❤️
I have 4 kids and ttc #5 now and my husband is always working and I'm with them all day everyday.
I felt that that's is so true. I face that daily.
@@joyvalderrama9616 when my children where younger they definitely picked up on when I was sad, so your comment is very true.
@@itsmecrystal1643 sometimes though it’s hard to put on an act all day, if you are feeling down or overwhelmed. It’s ok not to be ok as long as we teach our children why we suffer from various emotions I think.
You both are amazing. Lockdown has f###ked everyone up and I feel the kids suffered the most, personally my son is a lockdowm baby, we started small with meeting a couple of friends at a park and then moved to larger crowds. Stay strong fam 🥰🥰
I am not a doctor and don’t take my advise too serious but I’ve worked in mental health for over 10 years (mainly behavior therapy with children). I’ve had some concerns about Alfie at his age, not talking much and not regulating emotions to outside stimuli very well. Even with quarantine he’s had you guys and should have picked up those social skills and more language. I could be totally wrong and I’m only reaching out as someone who cares and has some experience. It’s nothing either of you have done wrong and maybe everything is fine. I know that you’re amazing parents. I would look into a professional assessment to rule things out. Maybe he just needs an SLP or OT to jump start communication and sensory input. He might be frustrated that he can’t communicate everything he wants to. Sending my love and support. I appreciate you both very much.
@Joanna Burger Old Account thank you for that, I was hoping it would be well received as it’s not my business. I care so deeply for kids and for this family. I expected and still expect hate and that’s okay. What I said came from a good place.
You both are so strong dealing with your ADD and two kids!
Thank you for sharing these moments.
My husband and I have also both ADD and one newborn and definitly feel you. You give us strength even if you feel weak ❤️
#1 rule as a mom: if you want to stay home...stay home.
Have people over after bedtime or during naps!
I just felt so bad for you Laura watching this. I have four kids (all grown) but I had lots of what they called "laugh/cry fits" when they were all younger. I wish I could just give you a big hug! You're doing great!
Parenting isn’t easy it’s constantly challenging.
Stay strong momma, you're not alone. This quarantine did a number on all of the little ones social skills. As hard as it may seem to introduce him to being around other people, you have to. If not, he will never get used to it. Think of it as if you co-sleep, trying to introducing them to their own bed, it's an unknown that scares them. You are such a good momma. Don't give up! He will come around! Going from a quiet home to people all over, would be a big shock to anyone. Just keep your head up, and keep at it! You're doing the best thing for him by exposing him to other people. It took my daughter awhile to be able to be social. Having a new baby that takes mom and dad's attention, when you're used to having all of the attention is hard too. He will come around! Good luck to you all!
Breath. Everything will be okay. All 6 of my kids went through the antisocial stage. Just keep trying to take the kids to friends to visit and work on sharing with you and dad and guide him what to do if someone takes a toys he has. He will learn. Keep you head up and Breath you both have this.
Thanks for being real! It is really tough but I think the “this will end” mindset is really good for it all! Children thrive on routine so coming out of quarantine routine will always be difficult, especially at Alfie’s age. He may face more anxiety than other children, and you may want to look into it, but it could be highly dependent on the pandemic and because he spent a lot of his childhood with adults. The first few experiences with other egocentric children is always really rough. There is crying and hitting usually involved. It could be a combination of his sensitive nature/ natural aversion to new environments PLUS the conditioning of the pandemic.
I don’t know if this an option but it seems like Alfie needs more social interaction with other kids and other authority? I hate to say day care but maybe? Y’all seem like such open, honest people and I hate to see y’all struggling-kids pick up on our emotions. Maybe y’all are all together too much? I wish there were an easy answer. God bless.
Awwww, I’m sorry 😢 I feel this from my soul. My babe is 2 months old and we are set to go on an airplane next month for a wedding and for babe to meet his great grandma. My anxiety says “helllll no” and my mind is trying to get out this situation so hard. I’m trying to remind myself it will pass and that this COVID isolation has us all affected much more than we thought. I feel bad for kiddos Alfie’s age as they were robbed of valuable social time . It will get better, we got this!!!
"Let's just stay home." Stephen sounds like my husband 😂
My husband too😂
I suggest looking up the Psychology research into "learned helplessness." In a nutshell, rats in a bucket of water given no shelf to climb from it onto ended up giving up easily in later attempts, even when placed into containers with a shelf. They just didn't expect there was a point in looking for a way out, because there hadn't ever been one. Meanwhile, the rats who'd had the shelf every time before, when placed in water sans shelf, ended up swimming around a lot longer than even those who hadn't had a shelf had in the beginning, because they expected help to be there.
In humans, this means if you've not had much or any help in some things, you may stop looking too easily, too early, even when help is available. It also means, if you've had help before, you may be more hopeful for longer when faced with a stressful situation.
Short answer: find the help you need soon, whether it's with socialisation, organisation, or whatever else. If you feel help is always available, you'll feel more hopeful for longer under stress. If you always fear help isn't likely, you may fail to notice it, even when it's right there.
Alfie is just acting out because he's not used to going other places or being around other people. The only way to overcome his behavior is by taking him as many places with you as possible. Eventually he won't even care. As far as getting ready with poppy...put her down somewhere you know she is safe. I know it's difficult but just let her cry while you shower/get dressed. Pick her up when you're done, feed her/comfort for a few minutes, then put her back down and go do your make-up. It won't hurt her to cry for a bit. Its good for her to learn that you will come back. I struggled with the same thing with my daughter. My mom is the one that let me know it's OK to let them cry to get done what needs done. It doesn't make you a bad parent. You have to care for yourself too. Kids and yes even babies can learn to control and manipulate you to get what they want. It's human nature. They have to be taught what is ok and whats not. You're doing a great job. Dont get discouraged. All us mamas have been there.
Excellent point. Babies (and toddlers and even some adults) have to learn to self soothe.
Aww man i cried along side you... I totally feel you!!! My first two boys (I have three boys as of now) they are a year and three months apart and man let me tell you... I would have to stop on the side of the road just to give them a hug of comfort for the 5 minute ride we would take to our destination!!! It’s hard... (I too have ADHD).😭😭😭
Other people may seem like they have it all together and it's so easy to travel little kiddos but it's not easy for anyone - don't be fooled! You are doing great! It gets better 💙
Laura you are a phenomenal mommy! I have a 21 month old daughter who is also a quarantine baby. It has been a HUGE struggle to socialize her now that we're spending more time with friends and family. We found that our daughter did best when we left her with people we trusted but who were new to her, and removed ourselves from the area. She used us (her main caregivers) as a coping mechanism when she was around new people, but without us there she was completely herself and totally fine with new people. Now we've had a few instances with kids her age not understanding boundaries (because you know...toddlers) and they literally tackle her and she flips out, and she is struggling with sharing since she's an only child (and again...toddler) but these are all skills they struggle with at this age regardless of quarantine or not. He'll get there, and you guys will too ❤
Girl!...a real mom who's raising kids with love...will understand everything you feel. You're doing great!!
Keep taking them out! Don't give up. I also suffer from ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, depression, bipolar etc. And a recovering addict as well!!!! Please keep going.. baby steps!!!! You got this!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Maybe Alfie is feeding off of your anxiety. He hears everything you say and watches you. Maybe try to be more relaxed. I know it's hard. Best of luck. Joan H.
Honestly, that comment would make me feel really awful as a mum, Laura - that’s not happening - Alfie has love and sees your love - he’s too young to understand that just yet. He’ll now when you’re sad and happy but that’s it. You’re doing great! And bottling emotions only causes more issues - like more anxiety and cancer - so keep on doing what your doing 🙌🏻
Not meant to make her feel guilty. What's wrong ,kids are little sponges. They are wonderful parents. Just a little advice. They know they can take it or leave. Joan h.
my heart goes out to you. i have a soon to be 1 yr old and i have bad mental depression days too. just gotta keep your head up. thanks for sharing your vulnerabilities ❤️❤️❤️
I totally understand the anxiety when it comes to travelling with kids. My son is 6 and has dmdd and adhd so I really have to be prepared when we go out.
I’m very curious as to what dmdd is(I could’ve googled it,but then missed a conversation about it)!
@@StillJustDenise disruptive mood disorder.
@@samanthatalsky5157 ohhh,okay! Thank you!! I definitely need to research that! I have an adult child who i couldnt get a diagnosis for as a child,but we are now figuring things out,but it’s a slow process!
It's so hard. I feel so bad. It will get better. One day at a time. You guys are doing great. I with you the best & those beautiful babies. 💕💕
If this isn't the most relatable thing. I know it feels awful now, but it gets a little easier every time. (In best encouraging mom voice) *You're doing great, sweetie!*
I love it when you say "we are on our way" when your in bed. Alfie is still really young plus we have had lockdown. Alot of children hate being out of their "safe" environment. (Home). Dont stress homey, you are both doing fine. Trust me as a mum of nine and a YaYa of thirteen. Two with aspbergers, just don't stress the little things, don't compare. All kids are different. Thank goodness or life would be boring with Stepford kids.
Alfie is used to being with just you all and wasn’t exposed to other people. He may need mommy and me classes to help him get slowly introduced to society. It’s not your fault. You all are doing the best you can
Your doing great mama!! Hang in there. Like already mentioned. The pandemic has put new kiddos on a whole new social anxiety level. Ease Alfie into small settings like little play dates and reward or praise good behavior no matter how small it may seem.
And never compare! I promise you, your not alone. Even parents who seem to have it all together don't really- they are just better at putting on a front. I have been both types plenty of times in my life.
You got this love! You are such a strong, beautiful person! Continue to be real, genuine, and simply amazing. Your family is so lucky to have you there for them. 💜💜💜💜
He's fine, he has only just turned 2, so he's still only a baby. He'll be fine. I had twins, boy & girl and my boy was so much shyer with strangers than my daughter, it's early days yet, so try not to worry anything is wrong. My twins are 27 now 😳😳
I have ADD and have a go to list of things you need for certain trips on your phone is a life saver.
Also, timing things you do to prepare also helps figure out how much time you need to get ready to go somewhere.
And as for Alfie's behavior. Right now (until about 3) Mommy and Daddy are his world and it's totally normal for him to want to be with you in unfamiliar surroundings or to just want to be with you in general. You can try to start training him socially with play dates or even going to a park with other kids around. He'll start showing interest in kids his age soon enough.
Most importantly-BREATHE. You're doing great :)
Love, The Feeney's.
Try inviting your friends who have children over to your house a few times. That way Alfie can get used to other children on his own turf! ❤️ Good luck with everything!
You are a beautiful and loving mom. Don’t let anyone make you feel any different. You know your children and what they need. Everyone handles stress differently.