5 Signs You've Been Emotionally Neglected In Childhood
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
- If you feel you or someone you know might have been emotionally neglected as a child, please watch this video. Child abuse doesn’t always leave marks and bruises but instead makes you grow up with invisible scars. Even if this kind of abuse doesn’t show on the outside, it can impact your whole life, even after you’re long gone from your childhood home. This kind of abuse is called childhood emotional neglect, a dark place where a child is ignored, not taken seriously, told their feelings don’t matter, and treated like they’re not even there.
Because this form of abuse is often unrecognized and unreported, it could be difficult to spot the signs. This can be confusing when you grow up with emotional problems, and you’re left wondering why am I like this? So, we made this video to help you find more clarity about what you're going through now.
Writer: Stela Kosic
Script Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Sun Biscuit
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
If you relate to this video, we have also left a list of hotlines below you or a loved one can use to seek help for abuse.
Resources:
National Child Abuse Hotline (US and Canada): 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233)
TTY: 800-787-3224
Video Phone for Deaf Callers: 206-518-9361
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255)
TTY: 800-799-4TTY (800-799-4889)
Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741 (US and Canada) or 85258 (UK)
National Runaway Switchboard: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)
References:
Aust, S., Alkan Härtwig, E., Heuser, I., & Bajbouj, M. (2013). The role of early emotional neglect in alexithymia. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 5, 225-232.
Cikanavicius, D. (2018, May 14). 5 Ways Childhood Neglect and Trauma Skews Our Self-Esteem. Psych Central. psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2018/05/childhood-self-esteem#6
Li, M. P. S. (2022, April 28). Childhood Emotional Neglect - 37 Signs, Effects and How To Overcome. Parenting For Brain. www.parentingforbrain.com/childhood-emotional-neglect/
Müller, L. E., Bertsch, K., Bülau, K., Herpertz, S. C., & Buchheim, A. (2019). Emotional neglect in childhood shapes social dysfunctioning in adults by influencing the oxytocin and the attachment system: Results from a population-based study. International Journal of Psychophysiology, 136, 73-80. doi.org/10.1016/j.ijpsycho.2018.05.011
Stoneson, A. (2021, November 17). What makes a people pleaser? Labyrinth Healing LLC. labyrinthhealing.com/blog/what-makes-a-people-pleaser
Tip: You don't have to have kids if you aren't *FULLY* capable of raising one properly. Childfree 4 life!
Agreed, exactly why I never had any.
I mean. I completely agree. But you can also be absolutely capable and don't have to want kids, lol.
happy late depression
@@bringmethatcoffee5235 That’s very true, I myself never wanted children but I do wonder how much of my upbringing influenced that decision. I guess I’ll never know.
What are the tip for people who got pregnant by accident (abortion is outlawed in their area)?, don't want them to neglect or even abuse their child if they turnout have to raise the child against their will
My parents never intended to neglect me, they just weren't the best people to care for me. That being said, they're not the WORST people to care for me and I'm glad they've been in my life.
🤧
@@aceballeza3804 Gesundheit. Are you alright?
@@lunalgaleo1991 yeah am okay... just thinking my fave person.. i have to love her more and understand her more...
@@aceballeza3804 Oh? Tell me all about it. I wanna do my best to help you.
@@lunalgaleo1991 nothing i can do.
Just to accept her the way she is.. coz i cant change her.. i just can love her and care and respect and understanding and be patient to her...
“Children should be seen and not heard.” That was the motto of my childhood.
All it’s supposed to mean is that kids are not to interrupt or annoy adults. They’re expected to have respect. Considering what adults have to deal with, yeah.
Right. Mine is worse, he hates women. He dismisses me, is condescending, dismissive. An asshole!
that is fking messed up
@@angelwings7930 "respect" is just a seven letter word made by abusive parents who just want their kids to do everything they want to without questioning why.
Only real discipline was physical at a young age. Go outside. Now I feel claustrophobic sometimes.
I always called it “Emotionally starved” because that’s exactly how it felt to me. Like in physical starvation, one develops an unbalanced spirit. Too soft when one needs to be tough and too tough when one needs to be soft. Also self sabotaging can be a result from that.
Wow, thank you so much for what you said. I have emotional eating issues. And what you said about being emotionally starved just made a lightbulb go off. Food was the primary love language in my family of origin and after a traumatic incident I turned to food to love myself. Thank you for that expression and giving me some serious clarity.
Great description. ❤
ME
Calling it "emotionally starved" is genius. This resonates with me more than the term emotional neglect. Thank you!
I've complained to the narcissist only to hear "tough shit" ow!
My parents didn't care at all about my emotions, I always had to be careful to not make them mad. And eventually I stopped telling them my problems, because I always received negative feedback, telling me that is not a big deal, or taking it personal. I don't feel supported by them and I can't really see them as "parents", but rather, as the people that give me a home and food.
I'm sorry to hear that, but you can talk to someone else, too - anyone you feel comfortable with.
Same here. At first I didn't know why I felt like this and I blamed myself for everything that happened. A very bad feeling. But I became stronger. I just want to say that you are important and special and you deserve to be happy. I give you a big hug ❤
That's my situation. I struggle a lot to connect with them, sometimes I feel bad for not being able to do so, also, I can't get rid of my resentment towards them, even when they aren't doing something bad.
I'm the same. can't say it gets better, because I'm not sure what "better" is, but I want to say it does, even if it doesn't help you in any way. at least you know there's someone out there who's felt just like you. misery loves company.
It's funny/sad when they complain that you don't talk to them, but when you try to talk about something you're doing and can almost hear their eyes glazing over on the other end of the phone (or they're clearly working on something and giving 1 word answers), then what's the point? It's like being alone in a crowded room--much happier being truly physically alone then trying to find someone in the place who gives a damn to have more than a superficial conversation with.
I grew up with parents who are totally unable to communicate emotional stuff. Therefore, all conflicts in the family were fought out in very bad passive aggressive ways, which led to us children adapting these weird strategies in our own relationships. I (33, m) recently talked with my father about this, how I feel like they have screwed us up in some ways. He was totally oblivious and saw no problem at all. This really got on my nerves
It's that obliviousness, bordering on indifference, that I always had to deal with - it hurts.
@Jorel Superman Mayhew Peace and strength to you, Brother! You will prevail.
You can't expect others to agree with you
Counted 3 candies
Similar situation here. The conclusion I came to is that if shitty parents had the ability to have insight on their own actions, they would at some point have course-corrected. My parents were shitty for decades, even as I told them everything that was hurting me.
At this point they're just completely commited to remaining blind. More like keeping their eyes closed, but still, no insight.
I’m 58 and still dealing with the repercussions of growing up abused and ignored by my parents and brothers. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realized how truly dysfunctional my family is. It took years for me to learn how finish a sentence because as a child I was always interrupted or dismissed by my mother and not allowed to complete a thought or idea. Fortunately my own children never faced what I did. They were raised in a loving, supportive home. I am very proud of that fact. However, my parents and brothers still linger in my life and cause me grief. Being that they’re still toxic, I am not close to them. But also, I’m not close to anyone but my husband and grown children. I have very few friends because I keep people at arm’s length as a defense mechanism. That I’m trying to fix. Isolation is not the solution, but I’m so tired of being hurt by people.
I went no contact with my mother. It's not worth your mental health. It gets easier. I would also suggest a therapist that deals with childhood trama to help you work through it.
The fact that you were able to meet a kind and loving husband and raise a happy family shows that, in spite of all you have suffered at the hands of your family of origin, you are still able to function adequately towards others. There's a lot of hope for you.
Aww you and. I could chat for hours!!! I've had to leave my siblings behind because they adopted the same abusive, insensitive communication styles as our father. I had to because my health was suffering, both physical and mental. I'm 67 now and feel they stole MY LIFE! They had no RIGHT to do that! I'm like you now. But, I have very firm boundaries now!!! This means I can socialise without fear of more abuse and disrespect!! But, I prefer the love and company of my cats!! Take good care of you! You are worth it!!!❤️🕊️🌹
I could have written this myself. The only difference is that I gave myself the best present when I turned 50. I decided to stop interacting and being involved in my family of origins drama. It wasn’t easy and I have other family members who do not understand. I finally realized it was not all my fault. I kept on doing the hard work of working on myself and they continued to be the same. I held our hope for a long time that they would change, but they won’t or can’t. So I decided to choose a life of peace. Hopefully I added another 20 years to my life. I was tired of waiting for them to change or die. I realized that I could end up 80 yrs old and wondered why I never had meaningful relationships.
❤️glad you broke the cycle
When I was 16 I began to cry uncontrollably and without any apparent reason. A coworker noticed, asked me what was the matter, and I couldn't explain. I finally realized years later how my parents stole my voice. They never cared how I felt, never cared to talk to me, never gave me any opportunity to say anything. Yeah, I call that neglect to the point of abuse.
omg the same thing happened to me when i was 16!!! except it was in biology lab that i broke out in tears. my lab partners totally confused. it was the exact reason you stated. all the neglect and lack of care just weighing on me like a ton of bricks. feeling totally worthless and tired of putting on an act like i was okay 😢
@user-lw3ri8us4w I'm so sorry. I'm old now and remember those feelings like it was yesterday. I hope and pray all the best for you. Much love.
Same here; I was also 16 years old & in class when mine happened. That was also the year I had my first major depressive episode. Now I’m almost 44 & see that any chance my twin sister & I had of a normal life or relationships was thoroughly robbed from us & our age makes it basically impossible to ‘start over’ & try again 😞
@@NarrowPathDiaries my heart breaks. I'm so sorry. 💗
I had that happen at 18. I got a bf who made me feel emotionally safe, and I cried when I was with him a lot.
My therapist told me that if i catch myself feeling worthless, i should try to tell myself that this isn't about me as a person, it's what i've been taught to believe.
That's a very powerful tip. Thanks for sharing :)
My therapist when i went to one didnt even say that. Just nod and write in a notebook and charged a fee. I honestly dont know where these good therapists are.
You have to change until you find the right fit.
Interesting indeed.
@@ambraiezzi5037 ive been to about 5 different therapists excluding one group therapy.
1 | 0:49 | You have trouble understanding your emotions
2 | 1:28 | You avoid social situations
3 | 2:15 | You have low self-worth
4 | 2:51 | You're trying to please everyone
5 | 3:36 | You feel unexplained resentment towards your parents
Just want to say to anyone reading this that you do have the strength to emotionally heal and find yourself. It may not feel that way, and you may stumble and fall from time to time, but you can always pick yourself back up. Keep on being true to yourself. I may not have answers or much good advice, but what I do know is that I and many others care about you. You're not alone. Not anymore. Love you guys!
Thank you. 🥰
💗💗💗
Thanks. Love you too ❤️
i feel like i had these symptoms when i was younger
ty
I remember my mother picking me up when I was three and putting me on my bed. It was so unusual. I realize now that it was only because her own mother was visiting and she wanted to look maternal. I remember an anesthesiologist stroking my forehead when I was five. I had never felt anything like it in all my life. It was so lovely. I was glad I needed surgery just to feel that loveliness.
Heartbreaking Stuff
This topic itself is very deep and intimate for me, as this comment section as well, but damn, your comment hit me really hard. Got some tear in the eye, tbh.
I am with you fr.
That sounds so sad. I too have suppressed my emotions so much that I can’t cry any more, when others hug me , i will stiffen involuntarily. I have no idea how to heal myself…
I think this really hits home why it’s so important to show kindness and compassion to strangers. Think of the impact that anesthesiologist had on you-we can offer that kind of love to others that we never received.
I very much relate to this.
The most powerful statement for my self esteem and forgiveness of the past came during a basic trauma informed care discussion, when I realized I'd been the victim of serious trauma. "It's not your fault" has allowed me to look in the mirror - at 63 years old, and for the first time as an adult, like the person looking back at me. The impact of emotional neglect can - and often does - last a lifetime.
I just turned 63 last week. It's amazing, at this point in our lives, to still be healing from childhood. It really never goes away...but we learn, we learn to cope, to forgive, at least ourselves. But look how far we've come! I get a good deal of satisfaction knowing that I became a better person than those who raised me. 😏🌹
I was in my late 30s before I realised myself. You're never "too old" to need to recover, it's good you're finding some healing. Best of luck!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When your family still ignores you as an adult ☹️
I wonder if I won the lottery...would they suddenly remember my phone number?
The weirdest thing is, I'm actually okay with that. We've talked around each other for so long (and I guess I just am too different from the lot) that I don't feel I'm missing out. I spare 30 seconds to think of my mom each day, but we haven't spoken a word to each other in nearly 3 years. Last time as an over the phone screaming match (I was emotionally frazzled already b/c of quitting a job over pandemic stress & my dad's death anniversary coming up). When I got no call or birthday card a month later, I figured somehow I'd been ghosted by her. And when she didn't call to complain that I didn't contact her for her birthday or accuse me of not loving her enough, i just figured we were on each other's crap lists and related only by blood now.
If she showed up on my doorstep today, I have no idea how I would react. I care more about strangers than anyone I'm related to. I'm just numb about anything related to family now. I have my pets and my projects and my continual new job search taking up my time. Family began to just suck me dry, so I faded away.
Gods forever family
@@tallyp.7643 thanks for sharing. When you are ready I hope you are able to get therapy. Not because there is anything wrong with you but because you deserve a relationship where You and your thoughts are seen as important and are valued. I wish you the best
Count yourself lucky!!!
Growing up with emotionally immature parents, all of these signs happened. Even now when I'm an adult. It sucks because I know that it's affecting my relationships with people too. Going to therapy was the best decision I made to gain back my self-identity and skills I need to manage my emotions
Sorry to hear that you've gone through all that and thanks for sharing how therapy helped you! :) How are you feeling now?
Im sorry you’ve had that experience. I’ve had a similar but I’m scared to start therapy. I hope to soon though. I don’t want to ruin my relationships
just do it
My dad was Neglected in many ways toward me as a child... He never let me show my emotions and didnt care if iv was there.. . And iv feel unexplained resentment, and the hate toward him, he choose to ignore me all my life even in my adult hood. . I had my mom and was happy for her but in my early childhood i moved to a Caring home for Children and the only one who was there for me was my Mom and step dad i love them a lot today but my dad is not like that. Iv would wish i could explain it all here but no. . .
Iv realized today by watching this Video from Psych2go that iv need help to solve this and idk if you feel unexplained resentment should it be better to talk with a Family terapuet or someone else.
Thanks #Psyc2go and #xxxxxda
Thank you sir
I've unfortunately grown to be terrified of people and have considered myself a waste of space for about as long as I remember. It has honestly crippled my ability to work, socialize, and seek help no matter how small the matter.
I hope those with similar experiences to my own can find peace and get the help they need. ❤
Ah yes, there is a familiar feeling. Taking up unnecessary space in the world.
I feel you Cherry.. Sadly enough. It is like a core belief. It is the truth, no matter what other people say. I just wish there was 1% of me being able to believe what others say. About being worth something
Hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately getting professional help is not an option for MANY of us because of the cost involved.
My parents didn't really tell me my emotions didn't matter, they would just kinda get annoyed whenever I went to them and I could tell they were obviously just pretending to care so they could get me out of their way.
Ditto. My dad was seen as a great guy, but even his friends who'd known me all my life admitted (after he passed) that I basically had to raise myself. He was busy and getting overtime often as he could to keep the basics going and pay for daycare when I had to do that, but then I was a latchkey kid who barely spoke and had no friends nearby. Near suicidal in high school because I was so bloody lonely, but managed to get away from the thoughts. They came and went over the years because it felt like nobody would notice if I was there or not anyway.
It's hard to find things about CEN that I can fully relate to because often it is lumped in with other forms of abuse or they talk about parents being angry. My parents were similar to yours they both went to school and worked through a lot of my childhood, I was an only child on top of it. Even when they were home they often had homework, so I had to leave them alone, on top of that they would set weird boundaries like " don't ask any questions before noon." It would honestly seem like they took advantage of any reason to distance from me. They kicked me out of the room a lot so they could watch "grown up" shows. If I ever had quality time with my parents between 6-11 years old, I don't remember much.I decided pretty young to stop telling my parents about my feelings or challenges because I never got a response that made me feel heard.
I can relate I grew up with three siblings and my parents both worked demanding careers. If I ever had a problem and told my mom she would freak out and make it worse. My dad was mainly focused on making sure nobody was bothering my mom despite how neurotic she was.
Her stress radiated throughout the family making people fight and argue while my dad avoided being around the family. I’ve forgiven them but I still hold some resentment towards my mom. She gaslit me whenever she insulted me or yelled at me by saying she didn’t and if I ever complained about anything she would say she had it worse.
My case was like: -STOP CRYING
-YOU ARE A MANIPULATOR
-YOU ARE BIG ENOUGH NOW
Everytime got angry or rebellions, as teens do, my mother (being ultra religious) would say I have a "rebellious spirit".
Can't tell you how much this effed me up. And she acts .. well she doesn't even acknowledge that it was a bad thing. In fact, one time when I was trying to calmly explain it to her, she laughed in my face repeated how she gave me food and a place to stay, etc.
At this point I've given up trying to get closure. I never will.
I like how you're bringing more awareness to emotional abuse because it's much harder for others to understand because there aren't any obvious signs to look for.
same
Yeah, my neglect has lead me to have no ability to understand my emotions, DDD, and probably a borderline savior complex because if I am not taking on everyone's problems and fixing them I feel selfish and lazy.
Yeah with out a gaping wound, cast or blood. Everybody thinks that you are just fine. I am that person!
@@nanaman especially when part of your problem is trouble showing/understanding your emotions and you feeling like you can't talk about it.
Yes, indeed. For years I thought that I was just emotionally defective, because I couldn't pinpoint abuse in my childhood. I began to think that maybe I was over reacting to little things, or that I simply lacked resilience, or something. I just knew something was wrong with me somehow. Now I understand why.
As a child, when I was cruelly teased by a sibling, my reaction was to get up and leave the room. My father often said, “Don’t go away mad.....just go away!” Then they all laughed.
At about 50 years old I told this to a therapist, thinking it was not that serious, and he told me he was appalled and distressed to know that happened to me (many times, not just once).
It's sad when your whole family is a bunch of bullies. And when you stand up for yourself, YOU'RE the "bad one".
@@JessBlueJazzberryknow that feeling
I grew up emotionally neglected, though not emotionally abused. I knew I would screw up any child I would raise, so I married a woman who was also raised that way and we consciously decided not to have kids. We broke the chain and we didn't screw up any more kids.
I clicked on this too fast.
Same
Aha
Let us know if you relate to these signs!
Yes
Me too
At 36 now realizing my “normal” childhood, was actually full of emotional and somewhat physical neglect. I always had the things I needed (but never what I wanted or truly needed most) and my parents weren’t what I considered abusive.
I'm 36 too, I've had the "oh I've been neglected by my mom" realization a few years ago when I became a mother myself. Up until then I thought my childhood was normal and always found it weird when I saw people caring for their children
Same here!! I'm 36, I knew I was emotionally neglected since 4 years. Grew up with a single mum who was always stressed and never met my dad until I was 25. Only this month realised that my childhood was not only emotionally neglectful, but also emotionally abusive. My mum would spend every day telling me of her childhood traumas from as long as I can remember. This was wildly inappropriate and when people show interest in me, I am often surprised why they would like me. It sucks.
Having your emotions seen, heard and validated IS a basic human need. Now I'm working hard to reparent myself.
@@HeyGehirnschmalz oh wow. I just realised that my mum used to do this too since I was very VERY young, and I thought it was normal until very recently. She would tell me all about her abusive father, so I believed all fathers were abusive (mine was mostly absent so I couldn't compare). She would tell me how all the girls bullied her at school and told me to stay away because all girls are "bitches", so I was too scared to make any friends. Years later I can never tell a guy that I like him, for example, or form close friendships. Hugs to you, you do matter and I hope the reparenting is going well
@@HeyGehirnschmalz Same here!Blessings
SAMEEEE it's even harder to believe it because you can't sense exactly what they did wrong !!
I sobbed . This video put into words what I've been feeling for a long time. Number 5 hit me the most. For a long time I've felt this inexplicable sadness and resentment when I think of my parents. I hated myself for feeling this way towards them and I didn't understand why until I found this video. I'm thankful to finally understand this but at the same time the sadness almost feels unbearable.
Very much felt
I grew up with a mentally unstable mother. My father was non existent. I saw him a handful of times. I was completely neglected and left to my own devices. Thank goodness I chose to get an education and leave home as soon as I was able to. I felt alone my whole childhood, I had loads of friends but I always longed for a “normal “ family”-I still do 😢
How old are you now?
It feels like, every day, I learn more and more about how my mother's emotional unavailability and lack of visible love/care for myself and my siblings still affects me to this day. Every point in this hits the nail on the head, all too well actually... I don't haver as much resentment for my mother as I used to, but our relationship is surface level at best, as if we're playing the "role" of mother and daughter but there is no actual love beneath the surface. And my dad passed 17 years ago, so I have no parental love to even lean on. I never knew how much all of that messed me up until I started getting therapy as an adult... Well, here's to more therapy.
feel you with everything you said
The not realizing how messed up you are part is the scariest for me.
New thing to talk about to my therapist this week I guess...
_"surface level at best"_ 🎯
Dropped her. No point to keep her in my life, no need to keep up the facade.
It's like living without love.
I've been ignored by people my whole life. I've had some friends in my childhood but it didn't last long. From middle school to high school, I couldn't make friends because of my social anxiety. I never had someone my age hug me or tell me that I matter. I've lost count of how many times I broke down in school because of my mental issues (and family issues at home). I understand that other people wouldn't want to be around that, but I would expect at least just one person to come up to me and ask me what's wrong. Fast forward to 2022, I am now a high school dropout (got expelled because the dean and principal couldn't handle me because of my autism). I've tried to talk to people, but the way I talk always comes off as weird to them. I just feel like a ghost. I've been through a lot the past couple years, and having no one to talk to about it makes it worse. I just don't want to be lonely anymore, but where I live, it's extremely hard to find someone that actually cares. I tried to refrain from writing this comment, but I just can't hide it anymore.
Oh, I do feel for you! Is there not a group with the same challenges as you have in your city? Some may be hard to communicate with, yet the leaders of these groups should understand your dilemma. Could you volunteer in a senior’s residence given that many old people are lonely too. Perhaps young children with autism would appreciate your assistance as well. Don’t give up. You are a unique child of God- precious, and loved and having had your own experiences in life, you are very valuable on this planet. Bless you, and I send you alight and love.❤🎉
Hoping life has changed some for you. Life us so difficult. Helping others can help. Sending love to you. XXOO
Try getting a job. Retail would put you in contact with a lot of people and you would make money too.
I’m wishing you fulfillment of your desires and many additional blessings.❤✌🏼🍀
I care.
I found 7. The issues you present brought up my past. I am from a different time, alcoholic parents and raised by grandparents. Emotions were something I learned to hate, from family and peers.
I'm only coming to realise in my late 20s how much emotional neglect I received as a child- I had a serious accident when I was a toddler that hospitalised me for weeks, and instead of getting therapy for it, my parents just never talked about it, like it'd never happened. And every time I try and talk about how I feel they immediately jump to being devil's advocate, 'ah but how do you think the OTHER person feels?', or tell me that my feelings are wrong, ' but that's not REALLY how you feel, THIS is what you actually mean...' like everything upsetting should immediately be turned into a profound piece of wisdom for me to learn from; I'm not allowed to feel sad for a single second, and it's maddening...
Ugh, I hear you! That's how my dad's passing was treated as well (I was 5). You deserve care and the ability to set your own boundaries. Hope you can find a good therapist or more great resources like this one to help you get on a better path. Books and videos and talks on trauma and CPTSD have really helped me along with therapy. My life is not perfect but it's so much better than it was ~10 years ago. Hope the same will be true for you.
@@breakfastforpikachu2327 Thanks so much for the kind words! I've recently started my therapy journey and it's a revelation, good luck continuing on your journey too
As a people pleaser myself I’m pretty confident it came from my childhood. It’s a hard trait to let go of when it’s the only way you d ever been able to feel love from your parents but I’m working through this every day!
How do u get out of the people pleasing habit? Its been such a hard thing for me to get rid of 😭
@@color_me_shook thing is…how not to perform like that while not feeling the worst person in the world?
That is an issue to me, and until very very recently I found out about it. I thought that was the best way to be and to act, but later I realized that at the end people don’t appreciate what you do, take that for granted and that in the end you struggle to make real friends because you don’t reveal the parts of yourself you think they will dislike, and at the end is very hard that they are able to really know who you are.
I agree. I had therapy to help overcome being a people pleaser, and when I did, family and friends said the therapist turned me into a b*t*h because I no longer did all that was asked of me, but rather used some of that time for myself and my family. What a concept!
I still struggle with the aftermath of my childhood, and I just do the best I can, knowing not to shoulder the blame or guilt.
@@color_me_shook I've been learning with my counselling, that other peoples feelings are not my concern. So by being clear about my own boundaries, if that upsets someone, so be it. They,after all are an adult, nobody died and they have to deal with the feeling, rather than me
THIS IS LITERALLY THE STORY OF MY LIFE. Now I am 35 years old and I finally found a way out. It's a really tough journey, but YOU can also find your way out. You are courageous and brave enough, you got this ❤.
I'm 36 and I am still trying to find a way out. If you feel comfortable sharing how you finally found your way, feel free to let me know 💜
I'm 53 and still trying 😔
Please share with us how you freed yourself if you feel up to it 🙏
Kudos to you my friend!
🌻
How you find the way? What is the way? Can you share.if you are comfortable with it?
@@tourbillon13
I have a strong faith.
First know who you are.
You are loved, special ❤
Build up your confidence by looking at your achievements.
Take a week of for yourself.
Develop your own style.
Learn to say no in a way that won't hurt the other person.
For example they say, "are you doing anything tomorrow"? Say yes, I'm busy.
If they persist
You can also explain that you are not doing great, and need to take care of yourself because you'll burn out.
I have found this easier than just saying no because I am a care giver.
Bless you, stay strong. You havd got this.
Fly lady is good at helping us to rest.
Try her channel and also the makeover guy.
Have a good day 😊
I'm still trying to find the way out..
But, it'll help anyone who still suffer..
That I'm looking at night sky in the rooftop in alone and used to speak loud my pain to stars, really heals me at least for a moment..
I was in absolute tears when you mentioned that last point. I am so glad I watched this video. My heart shattered into a million pieces when I realised, but I'm glad I now know that I'm validated in feeling this way. I saw myself in all of these points, but that last one hit especially hard.
Im 60 today and I've decided to love my mother and do good by her despite all the neglect. She's 80 now but she called me today and said "I should have been with you today". That means the world to me. It's time to heal. Sending love to everyone who has been affected by lack of love from their parents and I don't think this is the solution for everyone because each person's story is unique to them. Sending hugs 🫂
My mom often pokes my older brothers nerves,critical of him resentful, I hope some how he can be the bigger man and make peace with our old mom before she is gone,it will be very hard on him if he does not.!
Totally 100% applies to me. I shed a tear watching it. You have been able to articulate what has been escaping me for years (I'm 55). Thank you!!! Hearts out to everyone who has been affected like this.
Im 62 and saw a video on you tube about how emotionally abused children responded at age 2! Thats when the light bulb came on! I can relate to every one of these! 😢😢😢 But God!✝️ Hes the only friend i have still to this day. I just want to be left alone. Ive built some really strong brick walls. Oh well
You Matter. You are loved. You are Essential 😊❤.
I am 14 years old and I can relate too and I am crying right now. But still, have a great day :)
I am in my mid 50's and currently seeing a therapist for years of anxiety, low self worth and avoidance caused by emotional neglect by my parents. My parents were not bad, they just always put their own emotional wellbeing before mine and I was mostly ignored or brushed off. I never had a voice and had to be good and quiet for fear of triggering my mothers low moods and anger. My dad worked away for most of the time and I hardly knew him. This video explains it perfectly and it is a very serious condition that impacts your entire life.
Well said I think you explained really good how a lack of Mum's love & support can affect a young child even in their adulthood. I feel it must be like planting a seed in a pot nurture & care for your seedling & a beautiful flower may emerge. Just wish I could have asked Mum why she never loved me but as she is no longer here that is something I carry to my grave.
It's good that you can afford to see a therapist
I'm working on accepting the idea that, yeah, my parents are humans who also struggled. I am working through the struggles I faced growing up. I'm hoping and praying that if I can overcome my shadows and understand them, then I can feel a little more normal. I always thought and believed I was broken. I assumed it was my fault or I am just damaged. I'm 32 years old, and now finally fully feeling that I am valid, and I do deserve love and compassion. I am trying to control my negative thoughts, and allow myself to be me. I am practicing self-love and talking to myself better. I've gotten better at apologising and feeling really sorry when I think or say bad things about myself. I will actually say out loud, "I'm sorry, that is not true." Which looks crazy, but, I'm actually starting to feel more empowered. I need more practice, but I know it's a start.
There are times when it's not necessarily our parents fault. We often spend our childhood in School where we're subjected to constant bullying from Teachers & peers, which have an effect on the way we're being described.
I was bullied by family members 😔
I was bullier by family and school peers :D
Also i dare say a happy caring family can greatly diminish the impact of school bullying, plus many peers bully because of their very own family issues
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I’m 56 and still struggle to this day with the way my mother treats me. She’s 86. If you think that a person gets nicer as they age, you would be wrong. I thought I was the only sibling that felt this way, but I just found out that my older sister feels the same way. Parents be kind to all of your children, equally. No excuses.
This has been my biggest hurdle in life. I never knew I was emotionally neglected as a child. My parents split when I was 9 and I then had to learn to live with an absent father. My mother who tried her best to provide was impacted by her break up and couldn’t meet my emotional needs. I always felt an emptiness that I just thought was normal. I thought that this is how everybody feels and I even told my mom that I was empty. She had no words and didn’t know what to say, she ignored the conversation. At a young age I became a latch key kid and had to teach myself to cook, I walked to all my sporting events and even had to have my coaches bring me home, no parents there for my sporting events, and I felt like I couldn’t go to my parents for anything. I then moved in with my dad and gave up everything to live with him in the middle of my junior year. I made it easy for him to love me and he still didn’t have time for me. He eventually became a truck driver and I lived by myself in that house, buying groceries with my bike, landscaping, cooking my own meals, keeping up with hygiene, school, and taking care of a dog until my father kicked me out two days before my graduation. I didn’t realize how much this affected me. I thought it was normal until I recently went through a devastating break up that sent me to therapy and where to this day I can’t let go. I poured my all into this person so that I can have my emotional needs met even though this person didn’t offer anything but comfort in the relationship. I was happy taking care of everything and making excuses for this person to stay around. I even dated someone I didn’t like for 3 years because I thought they loved me that much that it was enough. I’m 27 and finally learning what it means to choose yourself and how to create boundaries even though I rarely stick to these boundaries, I’m still practicing. Hoping that one day I can stop feeling this and can unlearn these behaviors. Thank you for reading.
I'm so sorry. I hope that you find peace and happiness.
Someblackguy, I hope everyone reads your story. A lot of what I’m reading is shortsighted - blaming their parents because they didn’t dote on them all the time - but your experience was actual neglect.
You write well - very expressive and cogent - and I’m sure you have other skills you’ve gained despite or maybe even because of what your childhood was like. Just another thing I sense - you’re gentle and thoughtful, but tough when you have to be. That’s an appropriate adaptation to circumstances.
I wish you all the best. You both deserve it and have earned it.
You sound like a wonderful, caring person. Someday, someone will choose you...and keep on choosing you, just for whom you are. Keep your chin up and keep Faith. God bless!❤
@@terredee somehow your comment left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
I think you don't mean to, however you seem to invalidate a lot of people in the comments section. You complement their skillful writing, and I agree, it is good and I do feel for them. However does that mean that if you cannot write clearly your experience is not valid at all? Have others not "earned" it for being unable to properly express their reality?
Yes this is my burning issue. But I was so bothered by a few words that I thought were unfair.
Just a lurker rando venting, I hope you all have a nice day.
get your life back on track is no way to end this video. Most of us neglected children end up bitter and very sad. Realizing what happened to you is the most painful and debilitating process you can go through. severe neglect destroys the person's possibilities of ever having healthy relationships.
I don't know which was worse, being neglected, or receiving negative attention...damned if they did, damned if they didn't...this was so succinct. Well done, and your voice is so soothing. 🌹
All you need is love. The less of it you got growing up, the harder it is to get enough.
That's profound. I have to remember this.
This comment is the most realistic relateable comment I've EVER read in my ENTIRE life !
I've been emotionally neglected my entire life.
It's complicated isn't it?
When watching this video and I found myself agreeing to every single point..😢
I guess not everyone has the blessing of having truly loving parents..
Just hope that we can heal properly and know that we need the love we give others even more😢
My parents are older than most, which means they grew up in a time where emotions and mental health weren’t prioritized or communicated well. I don’t think they ever intended to emotionally neglect me, they just didn’t know any other way. I didn’t realize how bad it was until one of my therapy sessions. I have a good surface relationship with both of my parents. We can talk about practical stuff (ex. school, finances, etc.) and work together pretty well. With my mom, I can also talk about tv shows, video games, and books pretty well along with just general stuff (how to cook, the shitty weather, etc.). But when it comes to anything emotional, especially negative, it’s like trying to figure out how to bend the space-time continuum. One of my mom’s favorite phrases was, “Suck it up and deal with it.” Whenever I opened up about my negative emotions, it was either that or something like, “Stop being so dramatic.” It’s slightly better now as an adult, but I still find I struggle a lot to be emotionally vulnerable around others. It’s frustrating because I want to be. I want to be able to call them and be comforted by them during emotional breakdowns like they are with me. My friends say it’s ok, and I have no evidence indicating otherwise. But I never do, because inside I only hear, “Stop being so over dramatic. Don’t make a scene, suck it up and deal with it.”
Amen. Grew up like you. Im only now realizing why im incapable of adult intimate relationships. Sad, but too late.
@@nmartin5551 it's never too late 🫂 with the right help you can learn how
I grew up just the same. Luckily, I've been able to learn how to emotionally regulate, but it's still something I have to actively do.
there is that too
the world changed a lot, now humans have more delicated egos and not receiving enough attention from parents can be so destructive
I mean, it is still their fault on not catching up to what it became
This certainly resonated with me - I was the youngest of 4 kids with parents who were were completely incapable of expressing any warm emotions towards us. Basic material needs were covered, food, shelter clothes etc, but they were quite cold and aloof. My dad was emotionally abusive and would frequently mock and ridicule us as kids - I believe that my brother's descent into alcoholism and my sister's anorexia were quite possibly attributable to this. My mum was weak and did nothing to stop him. All through my growing up I was criticised but never praised and my dad never showed any interest in anything we ever did; everything was always about him, with his constant re-telling of stories from his days in the air force. In adulthood, I maintained contact with them, but speaking to them was like talking to some casual acquaintance, like chatting about the weather or where you might go on holiday, never a real, meaningful conversation. My dad died about 17 years ago and my mum about 5 years ago and to be honest I've never missed either of them.
I really relate to the lack of praise. All I got when I stopped getting honor roll (and then school started getting really difficult for me as my classes endeavored to be more efficient and condensed in middle school and high school- I learn very well but I am not able to efficiently self teach as you are expected to in high school- as my mom disconnected from my family also) was critiqued, this included teachers who I was not comfortable coming out to about my home life so they never cut me any slack and I started skipping school due to stress. Not to do any shenanigans but sitting in the bathroom during clasess with teachers who were not kind to me or I got behind in.
Part of why I didn't try hard to get good grades anymore is it getting exponentially harder for me and also this unreal, disassociative moment when I made the 5th grade honor roll.
They set up a candlelit meal for the students and their parents where we all had our own families. My parents were very late with no explanation so I sat alone at a table with two empty chairs and watched other people's parents come and express love for them, some ask where mine were, and the candle burn for what felt like an eternity. I felt empty and windblown like a tumbleweed. And tried not to break down. I did not get any special awards. They were not there for the ceremony and I do not recall any reward bar the piece of paper. Nobody called the school to be sure I knew I was not being stood up. I still do not know why they were late.
I almost exclusively remember being praised for academic achievement. I stopped getting it that day except in past tense.
But I always, always struggled to complete homework and I got more of it every day, and my parents promised to make a quiet study area in the basement they never built. There is still a counter they said they were going to build against the wall for us to work on sitting down there.
I am realizing as an adult I was a 'gifted' child turned failure but I probably have inattentive ADHD. I still am not diagnosed but I worked hard on skills my parents did not teach me and I still struggle especially if it involves a lot of focus.
I never was attempted to be understood why I began to struggle.
I am a visual learner to an extreme degree, usually needing repetition, and routine (which you didn't get in high school with 4 semesters and 20 teachers). I only did well in subjects I liked once we got a lot of homework and projects.
My brother has hyperactive ADHD and I never struggled how he did or vacillated wildly like he did so I always thought it was my own failing to struggle and I liked to daydream. I ableistly gaslit myself. I never considered it actually until my bf who has AudHD suggested I had autism. I realized that he was probably recognizing his ADHD in me and my social anxiety and blunt personality. While he is a bit clumsily socially busy I am a bit reclusive and driven by routine and familiarity.
My parents never have made an effort to communicate with me very well for too long.
My parents are exactly the same way. I’ve only felt indifference from them, from the time I was a small child and even til this day as a 34 year old adult. I’ve literally had more in depth conversations with strangers in elevators then with my own parents. It’s quite sad knowing I’ll probably feel the same way they’ve shown to feel about me, when they die. Indifferent
Brutally honest
Yea me too and I don't know, I never felt my parents love and I still don't. But I know that they love me, but I am just unsure, if I am the problem and I am not capable of love (because I never had a crush, I mean I am 14 but still) or it's them not being able to show love. I mean my mom wants the best for me, especially because she grew up in a poor family. But you know she cares too much and when I was a little kid she always wanted me to learn and I could only hang around with friends in holidays. Now I still learn with my mom ( I am14), but I don't want to do that, because I know it's bad for my development. I have talked to her before but she either plays the victim, or she just makes unkept promises and she once hasn't talk to me for 1.5 days, just because I once asked, if I could learn a bit less.@@donovan5939
I think we had the same parents ...:(
I don't think I was emotionally neglected all the time,but I know my feelings were dismissed and was told to 'suck it up' more than was necessary. I became afraid of people, and me being too naive didn't help. I was in therapy twice,and was told I 'didnt feel emotionally safe in my home'. I was struck dumb. I'm still noticing my behavior patterns because of it. Btw, I found 5 candies.
I definitely relate to 'not feeling emotionally safe in the home' growing up and still carry that into my dwindling number of close relationships.
I can relate to being afraid of people in a way
I became afraid of people to..😔I'm sorry we both had to go thro this..
This video is me - emotional neglect growing up. Explains my behaviors as an adult. Thank you!
At 50 l was done in life. I had tried to please all in my family, never have my own. When my niese's were around 20 they didn't like me no more. My brothers spoke so poor against me. All l wanted was to be loved, today l'm broken and their is no help that l could afford even here in Canada. I still love my family, just wished they loved me too. LOVE MUST BE TAUGHT AT HOME WHEN CHILDERN ARE SMALL. I LIKE THIS CHANNEL, ITS HELPED ME FEEL NOT SO ALONE
Thank you.
I identified so much with this and reading everyone's replies helps to see that others go through similar experiences...I used to look at my friends more functional and stable families and wonder why my family were not the same, but reading through the comments I can see I was not so alone...best wishes to everyone 🙏🙂
That's it. On surface, I was raised very well with lots of food, clothing and material things but I was utterly abandoned in the emotional and psychological aspects. I used to feel like a burden if I don't push my limits everytime and I used to think...(even now) I am useless if I don't do well in my studies....knowing my family's condition. My parents didn't do a thing with knowing. They don't know their comforting words used to hurt me more. I understand them but I can't help feeling resentment towards them. Because I am affected. I eventually stopped expressing myself. I give in. I feel like compared to others, me and my problems are nothing. My ideas, jokes, opinions, everything is just *meh* ..I continue to ignore myself till I eventually burst out on or offline. Then I feel guilty for letting out myself, I restrain myself again.
I really struggle in recognizing emotions. Like it is an alien subject to me. I try to figure them out with my mind. Idk if it is because I am finally experiencing numbness. This video speaks my life.
I grew up smh, with ignorance. Now, at 16 years, I finally started to recognize how pathetic my state is. And that my chronic depression, anxiety, feeling of unworthiness etc are not really normal......it hurts so much now...I don't remember how did I use to live. I don't know how to interact with others and what is the appropriate way to express myself in various situations. I ruined (I still do ig) many conversations with my off-track opinions and triggering words....
Honestly, just yesterday, I cried hard after finally realising how I was abandoned during my childhood. Now, this video doesn't seem like a coincidence at all....
💗💗💗
I feel you. You are strong. 💚🌹🫂👼🏽
It's incredible you realize all that already at 16 ... you are very self-aware and on the way to healing from the neglect. Good luck on your path
I feel you dude, I'm 16 too and I'm in the exact same situation, it'll get better hopefully...
The fact that this hit you at 16 is already a sign to me that you're well on your way to getting better. It won't be fun for you, but you already knew that going into this. You're strong and you're more than capable of doing the things you need to do so you can rediscover yourself. I believe in you.
The way this literally explained my whole life is just-
I'm pushing 43 and I have to say, I cried when I saw this video. I was physically abused and neglected growing up. I was always told that by my parents that "I am to be neither seen nor heard. Now get out of my face." 99% of my family ostracized me by the time I reached 15, just because I was too weird. For me, the pain never truly goes away. I was recently diagnosed with ASD and that gave me some answers to my questions. The depression, anxiety, self harm and even suicidal thoughts come and go in waves.
I never understood what a loving family looks like until, I met my husband a decade ago. I now find peace knowing I have loving in-laws, but every time my mom tries to talk to me, I shut down all over again. These videos help a lot with trying to sort out my trauma. Thank you ❤
I have a strong feeling about 3, 4, and 5, for 3, I don’t feel like I have a 'feeling' of self worth, I don’t think I’m useless, but I don’t think I’m very useful, just, *nothing*
I know the definition of self-worth, the idea behind it, all that, but, when the concept is applied, I don’t feel anything with me; I don’t feel like I’m incredibly useful nor useless, I don’t feel anything in that area, I feel like there’s a hole that shouldn’t be there.
The feeling of confidence, self-worth and belief aren’t there, I can’t identify it, it just feels weird, I know these words definition, I just can’t understand these feelings; when I do something, anything that calls on these emotions, I don’t believe in myself, I just try to find information that proves in my head that I’m right, I’m not confident that what I’m saying is right, I’m always ascertain, so I think of something that proves I’m right in my head, I don’t 'feel' confident in my answers in a quiz, I think of the most slightest hints towards proof of me being right, from signs that I studied and remembered C is the right answer, I think of facts that help prove the immediate thought I have; the definitions of confidence, self-worth, and self-belief don’t feel like they fit me… sometimes, I just have my entire being, screaming at me that this is correct, I don’t have a shred of doubt, I don’t even register the thought of this being wrong, this has only happened a few times, it always involved myself, and my mentality.
As for 4, *yes, absolutely,* I never want to create conflict, so I go with others ideas without speaking my own, if someone interrupts me, I let them talk, I feel like my entire person is on the lowest priority compared with everyone else, if someone needs help and I’m capable, and it’s not 'crossing a line', I help, it feels more than just being a nice person, I just feel like I come last compared to any other person, if someone else is going through a tough time, as I have a panic attack, I’m not going to trouble that person even if it’s the only person around, if the people around me are content and happy, I’m going to shove my imminent mental breakdown away until it comes crashing down on me when I’m alone in my room at night when everyone is asleep and can’t hear me crying.
As for number five… I hate to admit it, I love my mother with all my heart, she works so hard for my family and sacrifices so much, let’s just say my dad does the opposite of help(daddy issue squad, YAHYA!), but this… feeling, comes from both of them, even if only one of them is actually causing the problem, even if one of them is working so hard to provide and allow us to live a comfortable lifestyle… I know why I have these emotions towards both of my parents, yet I feel beyond overwhelming guilt when thinking about it, it causes me to shake just from thinking about it(which is usually what I only do), even when it comes to my father, I feel guilt, and as I implied, he’s not exactly 'helping', what is even worse is a feel the smallest amount of this *"Resentment"* towards certain family members, besides my parents, it’s… part of my central fear, my strongest negative thoughts.
(I don’t know if you read this far, but… thanks, even if it’s digital, I like to believe the more people who see this, the more people I told and the more I got this off my chest by telling others)
Hey! I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that you're not alone in this! I love you and I hope that brings you some comfort :) I understand what you're going through. I hope you seek out help and get better!
hope ur okay right now
You put it just right. This is my state.
In your case, the day will come when you are in a situation where your selftworth will click.
You should talk with your parents when your are ready, be sincere and honest on how you feel; I very well know that is VERY scary.
At least you progressed towards being a better you, identifying a problem of yourself requires a lot.
Take small steps.
Stay strong.
I understand what you describe, I wish you to feel better.
If you haven’t, you could reach a therapist, even online, for help in working on these thoughts and emotions. I’m getting better at this with the support from a professional. It doesn’t need to be frequently, but consistency is often the key.
By reading your message I think you’re already on the right path.
I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my parents, not until recently my mom finally apologised to me for neglecting me as a child. I have an older sister which they adore (she’s a test tube baby and they spent so much time and money just to have her), but I came naturally, my mom told me she didn’t want to keep me but my dad convinced her to keep me in hope of me being a boy (I’m a girl). I’m autistic, as a child I never understood my parents neither did them, I had so much trouble expressing my emotions cuz I know they wouldn’t be understanding and they’d just assume I was throwing a tantrum. During high school, my mental health was a mess, I stopped communicating with my parents, I basically just kept a poker face every time I was around them. Growing up I developed a habit of suppressing my own emotions (needless to say it did a number on my mental health) I never opened to people about how I felt, bc I’m not used to expressing my feelings. Last year, I met my boyfriend, someone who actually cares about my feelings and encourages me to express them. The problem is, after years is suppressing my feelings, I really don’t know how to express them in a healthy manner, I usually just end up crying and screaming.
The good thing is I can finally freely express my feelings to someone, but my ability to express feelings is probably worse then a first grader. I really hope things would get better soon.
well, emotions are like muscles, right? you may have to crawl, but hopefully being able to trust your boyfriend will help you get strong enough to take advantage of more opportunities to safely express yourself.
life is your jungle gym.
Expressing yourself is good, but people still have irrealistic expectations.
So emphasis on the "freely" expressing
+{UCrh34x-IFLpEWZ0Woz1p10w} *As the autistic adult child o' the victim of an abusive first marriage* (and insufficient evidence survives to assess the first wife for _any_ psychological disorders) *by a survivrix of the War Relocation* (who was said victim's second wife), *I's unable to bond to caregivers, either, and both parents sustaining trauma prior to **_my_** conception didn't help.* I's born, then diagnosed with Kanner's syndrome (at the infantile age of six months, yet!), at a time when the State of California (USA) was at the foot o' the learning curve for setting up an education system for the neurodivergent. There are stories about me re-enacting, as a toddler:
*THE STREAK / RAY STEVENS* ( Barnaby single B-600 )
( Harold Ray Ragsdale ) Ray Stevens Music, BMI
Originally published 1973 by Ahab Music Co. (BMI), Nashville, TN, USA.
although I have no memory of these incidents.
I's already out of the eligible age range for subjects o' the most recent studies on relational skills for the autistic, including those at the Semel Institute for Neurology and Human Behavior, a branch of the College of Medicine at Los Ángeles (CA, USA), that proofed the five syllabi that constitute the Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills (trademarked under the name PEERS® by the Regents of the University of California, Berkeley, CA, USA, in behalf of the College of Medicine at Los Ángeles). The senior citizens on the Spectrum seem to have been left to their own devices.
I'm a recent subscriber to the Personal Development School channel, +{UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ}, here at UA-cam℠. Based on published information on the Attachment Styles, and the collective experience of the Spectrum w/r/t sensory and sensory-processing issues, I've determined that the autistic default to Dismissive Avoidant to Fearful Avoidant, inclusive. The Playlist "Childhood, Parenting & Family Relationships":
ua-cam.com/play/PL0EkRjSLGY_TPdTagXHU75YG2gaGa-HSB.html
might be of use to yourself as a DA and a survivor of emotional neglect.
I feel for you, I hope thing do get better for you.
My mom will never apology when i go to her she's going to cry n act like am a bad person so i jus dont communicate n stay away
Not only was I subjected to this emotional abuse, my basic needs of cleanliness, food, normal hours, were ignored.
I refuse to be a victim, and have spent my whole life fighting off these ghost from the past.
😢
I have had a lifelong difficulty with being in large groups. To this day I still have anxiety about doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, etc.,.etc.
I was emotionally neglected for sure as a kid. My dad didnt care what I thought or felt and while my mom did care, my little sister needed her more than I did so I was left alone. I was praised often for being little miss independent and mature for my age. And as a kid i was so proud of that. Not so much anymore
I get ya there. I tended to keep the other kids out of the way during holidays w/ extended family & mom would thank me for helping watch them. Otherwise, I was an only child more often in a room full of adults and didn't know how to be a kid around them, so I just stayed quiet and acted like a mini-adult. What was running around and screaming going to get me other than a grounding or "THE disappointed look?" Got so used to it it made me awkward around other kids. To this day, watching pre-K kids run around all bonkers and yell and act goofy rankles me. I know they're just being kids, but it makes me wonder why I never did that when I was their age. Then I remember.
@@tallyp.7643 Right. I learned too late acting like an adult while being a kid is not how kids should be. One of those i wish i could go back and tell mini me to be a kid for as long as possible
oof can totally relate to "mature for my age"
i was basically growing up at my granny / mom's workplace which is university's department(s), and i kind of was spending much more time being around adults of all ages (especially at elementary) than around other children, and i was calm and, er, intelligent (i.e. nerdy) enough to mind my own business and not to bother others a lot, playing computer or piano (if the cabinet with it was free) or drawing or crafting stuff out of office supplies
i still have issues with people of my age
I grew up with a narcissistic mother and a drug addicted father. I was both physically and emotionally abused. It has taken me half my life to recognize the damage done and try to heal from it. Even though I have chosen to cut ties with both of them, I have forgiven them and myself as well. The only blessing is that I know the pain of growing up in a toxic environment so I will be sure to create a healthy, loving relationship with my child once I become a mother.
Thanks for throwing light on emotional abuse, especially childhood emotional abuse. As a victim, I know I will carry the after-effects for as long as I live. Sure, I will learn to cope with them better over time, but the scars never go away... never.
Whew this was so spot on, crying buckets over here and I’m old....😢. Then when I was 40 and my mother passed, my 8 and 9 year older sisters told me she tried to abort me with a coat hanger....THEN it all made sense...but try to put love for self in your life at that age...am 61 and still struggling even with decades of therapy 😞
So I showed my mother this video..and deaf ears. I thought someone else explaining this in a calm, intelligent manner would help.
But she gets on the defensive and lists all the positive things she’s ever done. She’s telling me to “face reality” and TELLING me what I felt during childhood. She’s still not accepting my perspective. When I bring up examples she says “I don’t remember everything that happens. You’re making yourself feel bad” The problem is SHE was abused and how she deals with it is to not talk about it, but she extends that to me and tells me that I should basically overwrite my feelings with positive thoughts.
I just..like the video said idk what to feel, but I feel a heaviness paired with a resolution that people are not for me. I give up.
You shouldn't have shown this to her. Just work hard and get out of that toxic environment.
Give up on HER! Not yourself. I understand everything you said. My mom was narc too.
Time to walk away from narcissistic abuse & towards your own healing.
I'm moving OFF OF NARC HIGHWAY & Excavating My Own Road of Healing, Knowledge & Freedom.
You can too...
Regardless of wether or not it was a good Idea (I have no clue), I admire that you had the guts to show it to your mom. I certainly don't.
You don't need HER to validate anything. ONLY YOU get to decide what happened, how you felt, what you were deprived of. Your experience is all that matters. PERIOD. By asking her to VALIDATE or JUSTIFY things, you are giving you power away (to her) 😉...
Honestly just walk away.
I'm supried this video popped up in my notifications, after self therapy within the past few months i realized I felt the way I did because of emotional neglect. Its been rough for me lately. I SH a few times already but I'm getting some help now, some days are hard but this channel gives me strength to be better!
Thanks for sharing :) Looks like this video came at the right time! How many signs did you relate to?
@@Psych2go Almost all 😅, I've been watching you guys since 2018 and it's been a huge help in my life
Me too bc am in tht feeling n i hus sees it in my suggestion utude reading our mind
What about the role of emotionally abusive siblings? I grew up in a home where the parents were busy and being traditional for their time, didn't pay attention to feelings. Their main goal of child care WAS food and shelter. I had two older siblings, a year apart. They formed a team of which I was the outsider and they were superior (natural to some extent since they were older). They always took me down a peg, since anything they did was better than what I could do. Even as adults they teamed up to manipulate me and self-rationalize their own behavior. It's only since later adulthood that I've recognized the pattern. So I have a boatload of anger and resentment against them as I belatedly free myself from my built-up inner perception of myself.
Try to cast that boatload of anger adrift if you can, and mentally set fire to it, because trying to move forward with that weight behind you is exhausting. It's about you now not them and you have the adult choice of NO CONTACT. Don't overlook though that they also are products of the environment you were raised in, and that sort of environment breeds unease and mistrust - you know, survival of the fittest so to speak. Shrug and let it go and just walk away.... sometimes it's just easiest for your sanity.
I hear you. It was not so much my parents, which my father being the silent type, but my brother who is older than me and is domineering. He’ll talk for 10 minutes straight and I can’t get a word in edgewise. Then if I question something he gets angry and abusive. He never asks me about what’s going on in my life and then talks shit about me behind my back. He talks shit about other people too and is totally dramatic. He used to be on a dating site after his divorce and when I went to visit him he always had a new girlfriend that he didn’t tell me about. He could have told me over the phone when he invited me, but I would arrive and was so embarrassed being introduced as his Sister and I didn’t even know their name. I wonder how they felt. I couldn’t discuss it with him because he would just shrug it off or get angry and abusive
I’ve had it with him. The last tirade was at Christmas him saying about some people telling him how the government is changing the laws and are going to charge me capital gains on the sale of my house. When I expressed disbelief, he lost it and was yelling and swearing blue for 10 minutes straight right in front his family. Then he says “love ya” when he says goodbye. Yeah right. I really don’t want to see him again in my life, and that hurts but I’m staying strong.
I am no longer going to be his emotional punching bag just because he’s family. It’s okay to disown someone in your family if they’re abusive or neglect the fact that YOU are family. It’s just plain toxic. The bible even has instances about people who had to abandon their family. Take care and thanks for posting.
This hit the nail on the head!! I've been through all the kinds of abuse growing up and I always find it hard to fit in and associate with others and I feel they don't understand me
Your consistency and quality of content never disappoints! ❤️
Aww thank you so much! Did you relate to the video? :)
@@Psych2go mam he is a spammer he seems these comments on other people's channel
@@Psych2go ; well even if the OP *was* a spammer, the rest of us real humans think you're doing great! You nailed this one, and the audio quality was excellent too! (You've had a couple in the past where you had the mic so close to your mouth, the mids drowned out the highs and I couldn't understand what you were saying!) That seems to be rare, though, so keep up the great work providing such valuable info and insight. :)
It drives my husband crazy that I can’t really express emotions. Not fully. My dad bounced when I was a kid and left me with my narcissist mother who told me she hated/ regretted having me on a weekly basis.
I once didn’t hang up one sweater and left it on my bed, my mom made me cut it up because “obviously I didn’t want it.” Then she hit me repeatedly with the handle of the scissors on the top of my head while screaming how stupid and lazy I was. I was 10. Things like that occurred at least once a month.
I cooked, cleaned, did my own laundry, got myself to and from school from the age of 10 on.
I was so glad to get to go to college and move away. At least my parents paid for my education and I know my mom was glad to be rid of me.
I didn’t feel much of anything when she died a few months ago. I went to her funeral but didn’t say a word. I was the first one out the door.
'Mommy Dearest' How is your attachment style in relationships? Have you benefited from any therapy? My mom weirdly made friends with me after I left her at age 15. Thank god for my grandmother who lived with us for several years.
I’m so sorry you went through that! My parents weren’t that extreme, but it prevented me from connecting with my husband, as well. I highly recommend Emotionally Focussed Therapy. We CAN change our attachment style and learn to let people in! 💜
Definitely a “Mommy Dearest” she really liked to hit with hangers, not wire, plastic usually. She was definitely mentally ill and untreated.
I have been to over a dozen different therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. I only found one to be good and stuck with for almost a year. Sadly, for me, he retired. He did help me a lot in the months I worked with him. He gave me some great books & advice. He was a psychiatrist and the only one that didn’t push meds on me. Almost every other mental health professional suggested antidepressants. I was never depressed. I’m not fixed. I still struggle with expressing anything other than surface level emotions but I have a daughter now and I think she saved me. I love my husband, he’s great but I didn’t know love until having my daughter. Real love like the kind you absolutely couldn’t live without.
I was afraid I’d be a bad mother because I had a terrible upbringing. I took a parenting class, I read books but it all came really naturally, thankfully.
@@NotJessH Great that the maternal instincts kicked in. Hope all goes well.
I was afraid to have the traditional family, having seen both parents marry 4 times.
Cheers-
@@NotJessH I found the same thing with my kids! It’s absolutely the most incredible, purest love. ❤️❤️❤️ My number one goal has always been “Be a better Mom than I had” and I have worked hard at it. My kids are 12, 17, and 19 now, and they tell me I’m an awesome Mom. Couldn’t ask for better than that!
Yes all of those things applied to me when I was a preteen, teenager and young adult. But I've worked on myself quite a lot and I no longer have self esteem or people-pleasing issues. It took me a lot of years to get there, but the important thing is that I did get there!
I was seriously neglected as a child by both my divorced parents and my mom was mean to me.. I ended up in two very abusive relationshipas as I did not know how to spot toxic relationships. This is a huge problem in our world.
I'm still a teenager living with my (divorced) parents. My mother isn't *bad* as such, she cares for us and puts food on the table, but recently she's been really stressed and angry and taking it out on us. I hate it and it's sending my already low mental health spiralling down. The other day I had a panic attack because she kept yelling and wouldn't stop, and she didn't even notice/care. Today she did it again, using me being upset yesterday as a 'weapon' against me. She kept saying that she has a right to be upset as she cares for us and takes us to McDonald's on fridays and I had no reason to be upset at her yesterday. I'm sick of her guilt tripping me. Today I told my dad what's been happening (as soon as I walked through the front door I broke down in tears).
The worst part is she pretends everything is normal. She will yell at us and give me a panic attack, then the next day she will pretend nothing ever happened until she gets mad again. I can't do anything right. She will bug me saying "If you're upset about something you have to tell me what it is so we can fix it." I'm terrified to tell her that she is the thing that's making me upset.
I hate it.
I deal with this EXACT same thing, thank you so much for sharing! You're not alone 🤗
I was terrified of the dark as a young child; I started hyperventilating one night because the lights were out, and my adoptive mother told me to “stop being silly”. Luckily the lights came back on but if they hadn’t, I probably would have had a panic attack, myself. Sorry your mum couldn’t handle your needs, either.
Shes sounds like a narcissist research this it may help you cope this is not your fault
Listen, Ive been in the same shoes as your mother. A few years ago I was in an abusive relationship and the stress of it all made me become really depressed, miserable, irritable, and traumatized. Somedays, I stupidly would take my anger out on my daughter. I didnt mean to. Its just that i was so stressed out at that moment that all my pent up anger and frustration caused me to explode. I hurt my daughter during that time to the point where she started experiencing anxiety due to my yelling. I was finally able to leave that horrible relationship and get both domestic violence therapy and regular therapy. Its taken a few years for me to get back to normal. But I regret what I did to my daughter. I wish I had the courage and left that relationship earlier for both our sakes
Bottom line is, your mom is hurting and frustrated and most likely dealing with depression. She doesnt mean to lash out at you. Its just how she's dealing with her pent up pain. Try talking to her and ask her what's stressing her out. Dont be afraid of telling her how you feel so that you two can talk it out Try to go to therapy so that the two of you can fix your relationship
I always have anxiety watching videos like this because it reminds me of the terrible things that I've been through that I want to completely forget. Putting the candies in the video put something positive in with the useful information and I got through the video without the anxiety. Thank you for all of the wisdom you share and thank you for being mindful of how it is put it out in a way that is gentle to receive. ❤️
I agree this lessened my anxiety in this video too
My Dad was military, so being distant was his job.
My Mom handled everything, from paying the bills to cleaning the house with her army of three kids, to getting us all the shots we needed to move around the world, to getting us in and out of schools. She was also one of the only mothers who worked at that time, in the 60s and 70s. She loved working and wearing professional attire, but with us kids she often seemed grim and preoccupied.
I don’t blame either one for emotional neglect though.
We weren’t socially astute kids or adults because the military uprooted us over and over. I went to 14 schools before I graduated and left home at 17 - not because I didn’t like them or my brothers, but because I wanted to make my own way, as I have ever since.
I’m reading a lot of comments here from people who are blaming their parents. Makes me wonder if their parents didn’t try to make them happy at Christmas, if their parents worked, if they got involved with school or sports… and if they themselves tried to keep the house clean and do well in school, or just lazed around feeling cheated.
I’ve had foster kids but not my own kids. I always did my best to support them and help them be productive and happy. It would hurt my feelings if they blamed me for emotional neglect because I had to work and needed time to myself to think or relax.
I would just say, be careful about blaming your Mom and/or Dad if you feel you were/are neglected. The world demands a lot of all of us.
I was taught: You made it that way. You shouldn't feel that way. You should be grateful.
sending a hug....
This is the best explanation of my life that I've seen yet. Most other videos on emotional neglect make it seem as if parents intentionally and sadistically rag on the child and metaphorically lock them in a tower and throw away the key, which is unrelatable to me. My parents did their best for me and love me, and sometimes that's even enough to make me less angry. Maybe it would help if I could actually express my anger to my mom, as respectfully as possible, without her hackles totally raising and yelling that I am in the wrong with a half assed apology over text later. Because she's the only one allowed to have emotions. I do love them too, but they do not seem to have the mental capacity to understand what they have done to me. Especially my mom. When all is said and done, I am glad to have them as my parents, just wish that they things differently. Don't mean to rant, just hit a bit of a nerve I guess
My parents were emotionally manipulative. Anytime I stuck up for myself, they'd explode on me. I could not effectively communicate my emotions to them without them taking extreme offense when I felt angry or sad, and gaslighting me or victim-blaming. Now I'm afraid of confrontation, have severe anxiety, and assume that when something bad happens, it's my fault. I resent them as an adult, but I still love them. I wish I could communicate to them how much they hurt me without them crying and calling themselves terrible parents, or blaming me for feeling that way. I walk on eggshells when I'm around them because I don't want to hurt their feelings or start a fight. It's just a shame that I'm still overcompensating for their immaturity.
I resent my parents too and I don't love them
I am glad I no longer deal with the ones I grew up with.
The stuff in this vid is trivial (still awful, though) compared with the homicidal rage of psychopaths, and the cruel and calculated nature of narcissists.
Yes, I think he *was* plotting to kill me, and she would have helped him do it.
*EVIL COUPLE.*
I forgive my mother for giving me childhood trauma but I want God to hold her accountable for what she made me. All of my fucking problems exist because of her. My people-pleasing tendencies, my anxious attachment, the the nice guy syndrome and not to mention, my low self esteem. God I hate myself
These keep popping into my feed bc I have watched a few. I am glad you are affirming those who suffered terrible childhoods. Some people genuinly were raised by monsters who should never have had children, but I belive most of us were raised by imperfect humans who did the best they could but sometimes made mistakes. I really wish even just occasionally you would do videos about how to recognize when you have a good parent and how to practice forgivness and grace when they fall short of perfection. I wish there were more videos about how we can use the adversities that we faced, even trama, to become stronger and how we can use our past pain to be more empathetic to those around us. I think validation is important, but when it seems to always stop there, it feels less benificial and more of an excuse for a pitty party.
I just happened upon this it made sense to me. I recently turned 72 and I have been a people pleaser all my life. I hate social situations because I feel inadequate and was told as a child to only speak if spoken to. It has crippled me in an emotional sense because I fear rejection. In that one short video you finally helped me understand why I am the way I am. Thank you.
I have always wondered what's wrong with me, and now thanks to your video I finally found the last piece of the puzzle.
I've always been told that I'm overreacting, I'll live through it.
But being beaten and abused since 4 year old isn't that easy to overcome.
I tried seeking help but I got worse.
The correct help for you will make you feel better. Keep seeking help, it's too lonely and hard to do this alone.
Try a different therapist. Some go into this field to cure themselves and some don't. And yes some as bad. Mb your parents were narcissists. Check out Dr Les Carter and Dr Ramani to see. 😁😁
Richard Grannon, Les Carter & Jerry Wise are very good sources for knowledge & learning to heal from childhood neglect/abuse
Wu Wei Wisdom has awesome meditations & other videos
Just take it one day at a time and do what you reasonably can each day.
Take Care & Good Luck
My father wasn't supporting. He was just kind of there. When I tried to develop a relationship with him, he just rejected it. There were a couple of times when I was around the age of three where he forced me down on the floor and spanked me for what seemed like forever. I understand more clearly one time, but another time he just appeared out of no where chasing me around the house until he dragged me into the living room for my torture. He only stopped when he was tired and made fun of me when I cried. When I was older, my father just yelled at me. It was often because I raided some of his food when there was no food in the house. There were times when he just wouldn't buy us food. It was hard when my father had gone to the store, and I asked my mother if there was anything for dinner and my mother had to tell me there was no food. My father had money. He just didn't want to "waste" it on us. This was the time I started gaining weight. I didn't understand it then, but now I am diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I don't eat much, but I am over 300 pounds. Nothing helps with my weight. My mother was more supportive, but there were many times when she was just stuck in la-la land and ignored me. She threatened to spank me once, but never actually did it. I bonded far better with her because of that. I don't have friends, and I don't know how to make any. My friends abandoned me after I started gaining weight in elementary school. I guess they felt I was a sinful person, and the best way to help me was to make me an outcast as that would somehow force me to not "engorge myself on food" as they saw it. In reality, I was only eating the school lunch. When I told them that, they didn't believe me. It put me into a deep depression with thoughts of suicide. I just learned to be my own friend after that which helped me get through most of my childhood until my senior year of high school when the depression sought vengeance. I didn't actually attempt suicide until my father because bitter and irrational. It was something I couldn't escape. I was in a constant state of panic attack. I entered a state of mind in which I never want to see ever again. A final confrontation with my father forced me to get my mother to help me move in with my brother and sister. The fear and panic had finally been lifted.When my father did visit, it was like an aura of a demon enveloped him, so I hated being around him. He died just three months later, so I guess he had Alzheimer's or something. I still have clinical depression and social anxiety disorder to this day.
🥹💔 Heartbreaking story.I hope you are doing better now 🙏...
I also hope you’re doing better, your father sounded awful and I’m sorry.
My parents didn’t neglect me. My peers did. Adults were good to me. Other children did damage I’m still working through.
Completely me. Thank you for presenting this information in a caring way.
My parents were both abusive and neglectful. It’s been a very difficult and long road filled with many sorrows, depression, anxiety and even addictions.
I’ve been to many therapists and I still go to one now. Here’s to hoping I get better.
Hang in there there are many people who have been on your road felt your feelings and yet still made it im one of them may many blessings find you
I went through the same thing and I struggled all my life with myself and others. Its different for everybody but for me Forgiveness and gratitude for what I have healed me completely. Could be much worse. I wish you peace and healing.
Same here Nolan. I was just saying, I don't know which was worse, being neglected or being abused. The only attention I got was negative. As a girl, I was told about every day that I was ugly. When I got my first compliment from a boy, in middle school, I ran out the door! I literally didn't know what to do or say. I thought he was making a joke. When no one laughed, I didn't know what to make of it. It took a lot of love and patience to help me feel good about myself. At 63, I look back and I was very pretty! They also told me I was stupid...now I know I was much more intelligent than they were. So much energy was put into tearing me down...just a defenseless little girl. I'll never know why, except they were just some mean, messed up people. When I hear stories of parents killing their children, I get a chill. They came so close, several times.
It's good you can afford to see a therapist.
This is literally what I was crying to my mom about that I never want to go through abandonment and rejection from her and she nonchalant wants to hang up. I then expressed to her you still give me a reason to think of this because you're trying to hang up instead of having a healthy conversation and through your actions wanting to talk so I don't feel this way. But she rather argue and justify then to empathize and be a mother. I no longer want to feel this pain in life by anyone. And I also don't want to live in pain. God bless everyone with healing and strength. Sending hugs of safety and love🙏❤
💗💗💗
Oof, yea, that hit me. If i ever brought up how my mother makes me feel everyday, i would just end up getting screamed at and never to ask anything from her ever again. Not once has she ever said she was sorry for making me feel the way ive felt, so i just end up walking back to my room feeling terrible. Its always me saying sorry, never her. Been like that since i was real young, im 24 rn, and i still go thru the same shit.
@@Revan229
I understand and totally relate. It's extremely painful and I'm on this journey of neeting to accept that she may never change and I will never get what I need from her and my immediate family. In order for me not to lose my mind. Anxiety and the sense of panic because you want to feel loved, safe, and valid but everything that comes from her is a lie and her actions has always been opposite than what she promises. She makes things complicated then provide the simple needs of Truth and Love. Don't feel terrible and I know that insane urge of just wanting things to be okay that you end up apologizing. Little by little try not to do the things that you later regret like the constant apologizing. It's hard but I say this with experience I feel like it's my way of protecting and loving myself by not having the need in my case to Beg For Love, normality of a loving mother.. because at the end of it they're still going to do the things that hurt you by not providing your needs so at least in this way you don't end up as hurt.. Still be the kind loving person you are just know who you're being that towards. I hope this helps and I send you hugs of peace and love. God bless you my friend and trust me I understand🙏❤
@@marissaveloz9724 ty for ur words it means a lot and it did help, ty, and i also do understand too, we can only do my best. Im not giving up, im stronger than my storm. Im still breathing, as long as im alive, im not done fighting life. Me listening to Citizen Soldier helped me and is how i cope with my feelings.
There comes a time when you have had enough gaslighting and mistreatment, you might want to stop talking to those guilty of neglect/abuse.
This is the best explanation of ignoring one’s emotions that I have ever heard. The speaker states that because people in some emotionally neglectful households need to be hyper aware of the caretakers emotions, they repress their own. It reminds me of reading a study about why babies and toddlers and children who are always crying *can’t learn* either while dysregulated or into the future, if they develop cptsd. the brain cannot learn in a state of angst.
Wow this one has been by far the one video I resonated with completely by you. I have no words.
Soooooooo relatable!! I have only been able to finally connect with people emotionally at the age of 40, after realizing that my parents were lying when they said we were a healthy, happy family, and rejecting the emotional suppression I had been exerting on myself. It feels great! And yes, I totally am getting therapy to help me.
As a kid I don’t think my parents neglected me on purpose, I think I did it to myself, I had a wild imagination and was highly prone to self isolate a majority of the day.
I always struggled in sharing my emotions and my passions with my parents and others since I was usually obsessive and hyper-fixated on them which would usually make them think whatever I liked wasn’t good for me so they’d try to correct it, further incentivizing reclusiveness.
I’ve gotten better at sharing the things I like and my emotions with others but without that foundation in my childhood I still sometimes feel hollow and withdrawn more than others.
My parents didn't neglect me on purpose either, but they did. (They had lot's of kids, and my dad was away on business trips a lot.) It's not YOUR fault that your parents couldn't deal with a highly imaginative child. You are great, the way you are. Having a wild imagination is a good thing, and probably a sign that you're more intelligent than your parents, or at least more creative. If your parents had accepted your emotions, you would not have struggled to share them. Our parents did the best they could to give us what we needed as kids, but many parents are not mature enough or emotionally intelligent enough to give their kids what they need. My 21 year old, immature mom and absent dad loved me and did the best they could, but it wasn't all of what I needed. No blame, it was what it was. As we all reach adulthood, the responsibility to heal ourselves now falls on us. I've had therapy on and off my whole life and that has helped. Also, try watching Brenee Brown and Gabor Mate on You Tube - both are great! And this may sound weird, but it changes things for me - hug yourself and say out loud to yourself, using your name, "XXX, you're just fine, and I love you". Say it over and over for a couple of minutes. It's a useful way to take the edge off that voice that says you're not worthy of things going well - it always makes me feel a bit better.
I don't mean to be rude, but just so you know, taking "parent's (abuser's) side" (even though deep down, you know they are responsible) is BETRAYING YOURSELF... which is a very nasty thing and often leads to self-sabotage or even self-hatred...
Take care 🫂
A child cannot neglect themselves. You were a child; you knew nothing about emotions; if you were not taugh about emotion; you were neglected by your caregivers. I wish you the best to heal this wound.
It’s not your fault Ethan. You’re aloud to have emotions. I’m proud of you I believe in you. You’re a beautiful someone, worthy, enough an abundant.
I think that this describes a great many males just in varying degrees. So glad I never brought a child into this miserable place. Why should this paradigm continue? I cannot come up with a reason.
Sums me up perfectly, especially part 5. Thank you so much. X
I have to say, Off topic, but everytime I hear your voice during these I get butterflies. Your voice is not only soothing but very attractive.
I'm soon 36 and I left home at the age of 22 when my little brother turned 18 and we sold the house. Those 22 years I was abused with my siblings more or less (mental, physical (me only few times), financially and emotional). We were never really wanted but my parents made us anyway, staying together only because dad's mom (bless her soul) had kept asking him to keep on staying with mom, for us kids' sake. We were not loved or cared. Never hugged, played with, told we are loved, we are good, parents are proud of us etc. We weren't taught any basic things (like brush your teeth), no friends allowed to visit us, we weren't allowed to visit others, family members also were forbid to come to visit us. As long as we just kept breathing, it was good enough for my parents. We were kept at home 24/7 except for school. No summer vacation trips except once and all what we did was sit inside the cabin and eat cooked rice with tuna.
Dad kept his salary to himself, never paying anything or got us even food (unlike expensive gifts to all those women who he charmed during his life). It was all on mom who earned way less than he did. Mom paid HIS bills, HIS tracktor, electricity bills (300-400 dollars per month), sis paid HIS car etc. Dad never paid NOTHING even that he earned 2000-3000 dollars per month. He also stole oils etc. to his car from his boss. Most of those years I was starving, surviving only by drinking mugs and mugs of hot chocolate per day. School nurse at 7th or 8th grade told me once I'm too skinny. Well, too bad! No food - no fuel for body to grow and gain weight. Many times only warm food what I got was food at school (we have free lunch for kids in school).
When I asked, as a teenager, for money to get new underwear, ear piercings and a hamster, dad got furious, giving me 20 dollars, saying I should never ask anything else from him. My "new clothes" were always from second hand shop except underwear. When I got my hamster, dad told me: "You better take good care of it. It's your responsibility." Well, turns out I DID follow his guidance on this but he himself didn't. He got a horse (stallion and later mare) and a dog, leaving them TO ME. I had to take care of them and at times I honestly loved it, but there were days when I was pissed since he was at home (in garage 24/7 during summers since he worked only during winters as a lumberjack), not taking care of them. I feel especially bad about our dog who was starving and being abused too by dad. I don't remember a time when that poor dog would had had food... I was a kid back then so all what I could and tried to do, was to find him some frozen buns from freezer. If I regret something in life, it's this: Me being a child who didn't know any better and couldn't help the dog better. Then he got sick, unable to move. He peed and pooped under himself while laying on his side, only able to move his head up and down.
During this time mom was at hospital because of stroke with paralyzed left side and dad was cheating her with another woman, staying with her. I was alone at home with my underage little brother. All what I could do was to put my pillow under our dog's head so that he wouldn't keep banging it hard against hard wooden floor. He sufferend probably 2 days before he died. I couldn't call a vet because I had no money and dad would had got furious. I asked dad to come to shoot him to let him go since he was suffering but dad always said he will do it later. Then, one morning, my little brother came to wake me up, saying our dog wasn't responding. He had died earlier that morning. I was glad he was now gone but sad he had to suffer so.
Also, during this time what mom was in hospital and rehab for months, dad was with this other woman. Me and my little brother being alone 24/7 LITERALLY in the middle of nowhere! No neighbors anywhere near by, no public transportation, I had no car or licence (still don't) so we were stuck. By then I was an adult, getting social support money like 100 dollars a month. I was able to pay my phone bill and buy my brother and myself food but only if I got dad or his new woman to bring us something like once a week. Tho with 100 dollars you won't get much for 2 people for a month. I remember how I, in one dark autumn night, sat at the kitchen table, counting my coins while making a list of what I could afford to buy so that my brother and I would survive.
I honestly don't know HOW we survived but we did! Thank God! But back then I thought ALL THAT ABUSE WAS NORMAL! Only some weeks ago I realized that it wasn't! How much abuse we went through! And then, last night, I found this video of yours and it makes so much sense to me! Especially about daydreaming. Ever since I was a teenager, I'm constantly daydreaming. I can do my every day tasks, but when I'm having free time / nothing to do, I daydream. I daydream about fictional characters and their adventures (which gives me art and fanfic ideas). I always kind of knew it was my way to escape my reality but now hearing it in this video just confirmed my intuition feeling.
There's so much more what I could say but I think I wrote long comment enough :'D Healing progress has now started and I will go forth, slowly but surely! Thank you so much for this video!
That was definitively a very harsh childhood... hope you're doing better now and best wishes to your healing!
I am so sorry you grew up like this. I believe finding a therapist who deals in Childhood PTSD would be VERY helpful for you. In any case, I wish you well and hope all your dreams come true. Namaste.
OMG. I wish I knew where you were so I could hug you. I am teared up reading this. People reading this care, a little late for you as a child, but we do care. I hope you are doing well and all the best to you.
Try lowering the video speed
I am sorry for all this pain you've been trough.
I didn't got to live with my father, he was neglecting me even if he lived in the next village.
But I got to live similar situations with my mother, she left me my grandparents and first time I remember seing here was when I was 3 and she came like a tornado , all screaming,blaming my grandma, crying and shauting bad stuff and when she saw me she screamed at my grandma to take me away from here sight.
That day she attempted suicide(later I found out from the nurse that was just lie) and I thaught It was my fault.
I got to see her a year later when my grandpa' went to visit her and same thing happend..she was all enraged by the fact I was there too.
Later she camed with a baby..and again screaming at me to get Lost, not to get close to the baby..but I I was 6 she dragged me to the city to babysitt same baby and this while staying in front of the block from 5 am to 15 Pm with my 6 month sister in the stroller..outside..no keys to enter home, no place to go to bathroom..
I had my mother biting me, heating my grandma, not letting me sleep, telling me that I have the ugly stare of my father(which I did not knew,not even in picture) having tantrums If I was studiyng, leaving me also with no food , no money with 2 little sisters while she was spending nights with some guy.. and that's a part of what I can put in words right now
So who is telling that we should not blame parents I wonder how would they manage to get trough this and be sane because I couldn't..
Your videos can change peoples lives and get people to realize that they need help so thank you
Awww thanks for sharing. This means a lot :) Do any of these points describe you?
@@Psych2go your channel is a treasure & so important to so many ! So thankful you take this time to do this and it’s so easy to understand… young & old are affected Grateful to you & your crew…💜✨💜
My parents where still a teens, forced to grow up quickly. It is not about what happened in the past, but talking about it openly and understanding later in life. Forgiving and understanding heals the wounds!
4 out of 5….. thank you. Your voice is calming . I like it
Summed me up completely. Unintentional emotional neglect caused by a single parent who was struggling herself. I felt anger, I kept my distance but thankfully made peace at the end. The effects are still on my shoulders as I type. Religion also played a major part, too. It taught me shame, being unworthy. God would put everything right. I sought many appointments with him, often crying and begging on my knees. He/She never showed up. Once.
Of course not. You must seek tangible help
This video helped me realize exactly what my childhood was like. On the outside everyone saw my parents as such great people who gave me everything I needed. They did give me the food, clothes, and things like that that I needed but they never really gave me their love or care. Whenever I would do something all my mistakes were pointed out and I was told I needed to practice more and it needed to be perfect. I was never praised for at least trying my best, which is why I now have all of the expectations I put on myself that I need to live up to. I withdraw from people I truly love because I don't want to mess up the relationship with them and make them hate me. I honestly have so many problems from my childhood that I thought I would get over but they only seem to be getting worse. But I've met people who will listen to me and help me when I have a break down because of my depression and tell me I'm beautiful when I say I hate the way I look. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help but wish I had different people who took care of me. The resentment is there and it's honestly hard to talk to my parents because of everything they've done to me but I do feel bad when I avoid them or ignore them. I know things will get better over time, i just can't help but feel hurt. Thanks for posting this video to allow me to realize the things I went through. And to those who have had the same experience, please know you are amazing and you don't need to prove that to anyone ❤ take care of yourself
Sending love to a fellow wounded child. Pace urself and believe u deserve love
Sound like narcissistic parents /s . Check Dr Les Carter and Dr Ramani to see. 😁😁
For anyone who has gone through childhood neglect (like me from friends) I wanted to say I totally understand ur feelings and I love u ❤
Emotional neglect is so underrated. M sooo glad to see theres more info on it now. 😊
I was never taught how to mix with other people as a child. I am now 71 and still feel awkward
This answers a lot of questions for me. I grew up with emotional neglect and on top of that I have also discovered I am on the Autism Spectrum - a double whammy! Thanks parents (they are dead now) for screwing up my life so completely! This has left me with a lot suppressed anger and resentment. I know what these are now, for decades I didn't know what these feelings were. I just knew I had them and didn't know what to do with them. At 65 years old and thanks to You Tube videos like this I am finally learning about why my life has been so difficult and confusing. At the same time I am also proud of myself for not becoming a drugged up, homeless alcoholic! I have managed to make a living and keep a roof over my head, somewhere inside I must have had a magic ball of resilience and strength. Although I have many regrets and resentments, the biggest one that far outweighs anything else is: I have never known what it is like to have been loved or be in love and probably never will! Most people who meet me think I am cold and emotionless but I am far from this. Inside I am feeling such a rollercoaster and turmoil of emotions that I don't know what to do with them let alone express them. From the outside, you would never know. Thank you Psch2go, I finally have a answer to all the questions I've been asking all my life.
Victims of emotional neglect and abuse like this just break my heart. Children need love and support to thrive in this harsh world.
I was never aware of the repercussions of neglected kids which was why I always thought my childhood had been ok.. boring but ok. It took my life to be torn apart and me collapsing to start looking for answers as to what caused all this internal damage and I've been trying to answer that for 3 years now doing shadow work and inner work and eventually everything was pointing to traumatic childhood which made me befuddled for a while.. to my mind my parents were somewhat ok, my mother was and still is very affectionate and tender and that made seeing the truth all the more difficult. It wasn't until about a month ago that I stumbled upon childhood neglect on google and God that was like a mental lightning bolt. Everything that went wrong in me and in my life makes sense now.
Tyvm for ur beautiful video and all the efforts you're doing to spread mental awareness about everything. Much appreciated 🙏🙏🙏