We have a very important video for parents or parents-to-be on "8 Signs Your Child is Depressed (For Parents)" WATCH: ua-cam.com/video/Oyf9kEmLg7Y/v-deo.html
You missed a major one; "I don't love you anymore." This was often said to me if I was misbehaving, and taught me love is conditional. However, after the first time it was said, even though there were times afterwards I felt my dad loved me, it could never be unsaid. It 1) gave me the power to push him away by misbehaving on purpose, 2) I never believed his words about how he felt anymore, because I could see his feelings fluctuated, but sometimes he told me he loved me when he was using excessive force, and sometimes he told me he he didn't love me when he was crying because he said I hurt him. All that emotion was summed up in a single sentence. I got the impression he was a liar, and that if he really loved me, it wasn't a kind of love that felt familiar to me. As an adult I often pushed people away. But I never, never used this phrase. I didn't have any confidence in my ability to recognize love, or truly to feel it. And I never believed romantic gestures, romantic words. My dad would hurt my Mom, and the next day it would be flowers and chocolate.
And sometimes they only care about other people's grades only if they are higher. If they are lower they just say: "I don't care about others grades!!!" But still use others as a comparisson with you, making you feel worthless.
It depends on HOW they said it and what your problem is. Some kids (and adults) are overly dramatic and don't learn how to be resilient or take care of themselves. Everything is a tragedy or a catastrophe. When I am discussing my own problems with someone, often I use brevity and humor. Because yes, we all have problems and we can overcome most of them and some people have it much worse. Of course it doesn't mean that yours or my problems are not important. Sometimes I will say, it is not a competition. Even though I am going through something really horrible right now, doesn't mean I cannot have compassion for your problem or feelings.
my mom said I don't have depression because I have the most convenient life ever, which is true. I think everyone has problems, but they're measured against each person's life until now. someone who's barely getting by every day might think that the rich whine about the stupidest things, but if they had been rich themselves, they'd also whine about the same problems.
I always used to say “your biggest problem is having a well behaved child that you think isn’t good enough and I still have to listen to you complain. So my problems deserve that too.” I was a very self assured child.
"Because I said so". I hear it all the time, and it makes me feel so flusterated because he is literally saying that I have to obey to him, like I'm some kind of slave.
Because I said So is extremely illogical. There has to be a reason for something to be compulsory. I totally agree with you. Also because I said so is what I have heard a lot so I can totally understand how you feel. But don't worry. Let's hope the future generations don't go through the same pain as me, you or any other current generations
I hear “because I said so” and “I’m the parent here” all the time. And yes the results are accurate, I’m very defiant, sneaky, and easily aggravated by my parents
I ended up as the former; withdrawn, socially inept and really lacking in confidence, while my younger brother was the aggressive, rebellious and deceptive type. I've gotten a lot better in recent years but it was trippy as hell to hear those descriptions because that was literally me and my brother growing up
Before I even watch, I have been told by my mother that “I wish I never gave birth to you” I didn’t cry but I think about it a lot , im a guy if it matters or not
I wasn’t told this, but I know my birth tied my mom to my abusive father longer. My grandmother resented us after they split. Even thinking this is so harmful and hurtful. I countered this dialog with positive affirmation & subliminal positive affirmation tapes about 30 years ago. We’re not supposed to be aware of the statements, but I heard “You deserved to be born” That powerful statement resonates still today. That you are male matters. That YOU deserved to be born is TRUE. I hope this statement helps you. Also, look up a writing called “The Desiderata” read & repeat, repeat, repeat! We may not be able to erase those old tapes, but we can record over them these new, accurate thoughts to challenge the damaging words. You were powerless when you heard this. You are not now. I hope this helps you
Hey, you're good enough to exist. I'm so sorry your mother said that to you. That wasn't okay at all. And hell, it doesn't matter if you're a guy. You matter enough and you are valid!
When parents are unfulfilled as human beings, they either try to fulfill themselves through their children or are envious of their children's success. Such parents are selfish and care less about their children's feelings, passions and opinions.
🫡 as someone who escaped to college. It does get better. I know it can take a while and you get tired of being told it over and over. Just know that you can find solace in this stranger.
“You’ll experience worse, toughen up” Whether it’s emotional or physical pain, you’re allowed to feel it. Just because someone “has it worse” doesn’t mean you can’t feel it. Pain isn’t a competition
"You'll experience worse," was very bad for me when I was suicidal because it told me that I wasn't going to be able to handle any more and that if I didn't want to experience that it would be better if I wasn't alive.
My dad never said anything like that but he did leave. (My parents are divorced) then come back like it’s nothing. Now when I fight with ppl I’m scared they’ll just pick up and leave me.
My parents said that so much I didn't believe them, then one day they did.... There back now but every time I do something and get in trouble I freak out because they left me (2x btw)
"Because I said so" "This is stupid." "You're being ridiculous." "You need to grow up." "I never had this problem with your sister when she was your age." Yes, I have a very loving mother.
@@akazienoel2009 Yeah, your parents shouldn't be guiding you under the idea that their word is good just because it came from them. They should be providing you with actual reasons, it encourages communication and not superiority, and means they see/treat you as equal. So "Because I said so" is the exact opposite, it's giving them superiority just because it came from them.
Seriously, Parenting needs to be a subject at school, so that kids will know how to look after a younger person. Would be a lot more practical than teaching things you will never use in life....
@Tiger Art Ik, exactly. If I want to be a chemist, the Sciences will help, if I want to be an engineer, Maths will help. But it only benefits you if you want to go on that stream only. There is literally no practical stuff taught in school🙄🙄
The worst that's not on the list. Is telling your kid "You can't do that, what makes you think you can?" Yes I was told this as a kid. Still struggling with the damage to this day.
Im a very capable person in everything ive actually done in my life and yet my parents instilled that thought process in me and it keeps me from having the drive to move forward. Give been told several times that i should apply for a management position, or learn to play guitar because i sound like ID be a natural, or be a song writer. Thats when i get the surge of "I can do it why not?" But fades to "it cant be done, we already tried."
Why is this video hitting all the wrong spots. It's genuinely upsetting how relatable it is. Now, i suffer with low self-esteem , perfection , withdrawal , dependent, and feeling unworthy of love 🥺
"I'm leaving and never coming back." Out of all the things mentioned in this list, this one really hits close to the past when my "mother" used that against me because I wouldn't do what she wanted. I am so angry at her. I am so angry of what she did, and I am grieving and sad at the fact that she will just continue to be a narcissistic, abusive, manipulative person. And I am reminded that parents are not supposed to be like her and my "father."
@@triciahenry4674 that's awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. You deserve better! I can't believe people literally get satisfaction from the fact that they just tore someone apart or hurt them. But then again, people like him DO exist. I hope you can find a way to stay away from him. You do not deserve him. I don't mean it like a condescending way, I mean it like you deserve someone who does not treat you like that.
Mee tooo...My mom do that, but hopefully my father's was always there to help me, but things doesn't go it should. After years, my both mom and dad change, mom was good enough but something was wrong. My mom started to make me feel like my grades is the biggest thing. I mean my both parents did, I am not telling that I am ungrateful for what I have or my parents but the thing is that my both parents are nice but they doesn't care about me that much, as an teenager I am fully depressed, Don't know what to do, where to go..... at last just hoping that I will come out of this depression and also if you are depressed then hoping that you come out of this thing too. And hope that your parents or your any close one try to understand you.
"Your sister is way better at ..... and she's younger than you!" "I don't want to get another phone call from your math tutor. I'm so embarrassed. I have no excuse why you're doing so bad anymore." "As soon as you're 18, I'm going back to Korea and back to MY parents." At this point, it happens so often that it's not even hurtful anymore. It's a normal cycle of life. The last one is so relatable to me.
"Big boys/girls don't cry!" We all do, being able to express emotions openly is important and it is important to talk about feelings, teaching that you have to hide your pain and "be strong" "man up" etc can be very damaging!
Been told this my whole life. My mom believed that hiding your pain and not crying was a form of maturity and strength and throughout my childhood I was always yelled at for crying or gotten angry at whenever I was upset. So now it's difficult showing emotion and opening up around others.
Ever since I was 9 years old, "You're just like your father" On my 18th birthday, I was sat down and told all about how HORRIBLE he was. Years later, I'm still thinking about it..
Dawww bb, don’t listen to the fricker who told you that. You’re your own person; you have every right to grow, love yourself, and love other people better than how you had been loved. Hugs to ya
My dad cheated on my mom and left her. Later they got divorced. Sometimes when she's upset cz I didn't get the highest grades she says I'm horrible and ungrateful like my father and don't care about her at all when in reality I try my best to get her praise and do things I don't like cz she wants me to. She's never praised me. My relatives praise me because they like that I'm calm and obedient child but she tells them don't praise her for the bare minimum when she can't even get good grades. She once told me only if I had bigger eyes I'd be pretty and not this weird looking. It hurt since I was like 9 and asked her if I was pretty cz apparently my classmate (bullies) said I wasn't and I wanted truth from my mom
But it's expected since she herself had toxic mom and traumatic childhood that still affects her to the point she got hospitalised and I cried so much. My grandmother used to yell at her a lot and even blamed her for divorce when my dad's the culprit. Mom's always been a good child getting highest grades and friendly but she's still not good enough to my grandmother. I hope I'd be able to break the cycle and won't be like them.
If they're not forgotten then they're not forgiven. Remembering that bad stuff others did to you is called a GRUDGE. That shows you haven't forgiven them yet.
Christianity was explained as if you cannot forget, you never truly forgive. Forgiveness is for you, not for the transgressor. It releases your own burden of their actions. I can see how a burden is lifted.
The funniest conversation I've had with my parents went something like this: “You don't deserve half of the things you have.” “Does that include my PTSD?”
yup. my mother always says "when you are 18 you are out of my house"... yep I sure will, and I never will fucking comeback. Worst thing is she's my only parent here, so I would have to travel like 1.500km just to have a house... Gotta love life
@@user-df3ty8ei2u uk my mom also says it that either I will live in the house or she . Then she says that we will throw u out of the house. My father says after u r 18 jst leave the house and yeah I will leave and live my life according to how I want it to be. Not barred by parents neither society
The divorced parent version of "I'm leaving and never coming back"; "If you don't like it here then you can go live with 'other parent'." That can hurt even more if the parent you don't live with is an asshole.
All my fucking life my divorced parents were too childish to talk to each other so I had to be messenger between both, and I got contradictory orders from both all the time so i ended up always disappointing one of them despite my best efforts. It was so tiring. I can't count the number of times i broke down in tears because I felt like I could not satisfy both of them. I always felt like I made something wrong even though I tried to make compromises so both of them are happy, never worked out. I'm 20 and living alone, but still to this day I get the "you prefer your other parent don't you ? Then don't come to me when you'll be in need i won't even open the door."
"Your fine" "Stop worrying" "Your not trying hard enough" "If your not going to do it, its nothing to worried about" Caring more about if the things in our house than my physical health
“If you’re not going to do it, it’s nothing to worry about?” Ah yes. I wish I could say this to my father without getting my mouth popped. If you want this house clean, you do you portion. Now that mom actually has a job, there is no reasoning behind ‘I’m the only one to do things around here!’ Plus, she’s the one that is involved in her kids lives.
“Can you just look happy?” “I had to cover for you again because you looked depressed, just try to smile more. I’m getting tired of covering your depression”
"Because I said so" gets my blood BOILING. That tells the child that they are obliged to do whatever someone tells them to do. Also, it sets the mentality that they could do anything they want when they're an adult, and children have to obey them.
However the only way to make obedient children is this.If the children don't want to break the marriage they better listen to the parents ... Beacause they said so!
@@marioskapetanakis i don't want to do something and shouldn't be obliged to do something without reason. also, we don't want _obedient_ children, we want _respectful_ children who know when to have a voice, and that their voices are valuable. to teach a child that their opinion is invalid is setting them up for self-esteem issues in the future. Respect is not obedience. Side note: It's the parent's fault if the marriage doesn't work. Why? Well, the kid certainly didn't ask to be there, and is only doing what they think is right. The parent's teachings are the ones that will calm the kid and therefore calm the marriage. Putting the blame on a kid who didn't know better is terrible.
my parents do that every day and my brother is ze favorite so if he does something wrong i get in trouble and i ask and they say bc i said so and bc of all this stress and stuff i think that caused my adhd 😌
@@Ima_Dead_Bat Tell them. Tell them how this treatment is from your perspective. It doesn't matter if they're the adult or not, you are a human being worthy of respect. "Because I said so"? Fight back. Respect is earned not due, and that does not stop for parents. "You're under my roof" they'll say. Remember this: It is not your obligation to respect your parents regardless of how they've treated you. At the end of the day, them providing for you is doing the minimum for being a parent. You are a human, and more importantly, their child that they are supposed to care for. That is not gaslighting. It's the truth. So tell them.
My Mum says this stuff to me all the time and I just randomly started crying now She compares me to everyone and tells me no one is perfect but then expects me to be. Ur vids r the best btw they help me a lot
The fact that I literally cried watching this just shows how much emotion I have pent up inside and how much I can relate to all of the things in video
One thing I'd maybe like to add to this: "It's my fault you're like this," "We parented you badly," "We were being too nice/We spoiled you." This indirectly says that the child is bad but also seems to imply that there is no way to change what has passed.
“I rather have her as my daughter than you” “You were the reason i couldn’t follow my dreams” “You were an accident” “Why are you crying? It’s annoying” “You are stupid for ‘falling in love’” after she found and read my diary when i was 14 “You frustrate me” Later on she tells me she told me all of those things to “make me tough” I live with low self steem, and she wonders why i never talk to her about anything. Why i never tell her about my feelings. I’ve never shared much to her about my relationships and often throws a comment here and there that she would like grandchildren, which i usually ignore and i make sure she never sees me cry. I don’t hate her, i don’t think i could ever hate her. She was a very young mom without guidance from anyone but i will never forget the things she told me and as much as she wants a cute mother/daughter relationship, i don’t think i can fully do that
My mom told me several times she wish she could kill me and bunch of other stuff. I got used to those so now it doesn't hurt as it used to be. Just like you I don't hate her but I hate me to the core cuz she always made it look like I'm the mistake. I wish all of us with parent issues will get better.
Same. The first one hit hard as she always tells me this. I don't cry in front of her cz she thinks it's stupid and I'm weak. She thinks my interests are useless in life and I should only study. But she does love me and works hard to give me what I want. It's bittersweet
Mine was “You don’t deserve ANYTHING.” From my father, it happened after my teacher came out and talked to him about how I scared a kid. It wasn’t even ME, I got framed. I was 9. He never even apologized..
I poured my heart out to my dad once in a letter. He yelled at he and told me I should be ashamed of what a terrible son I was. Sorry for everyone else with bad parents.
I did the opposit. My father demanded me to pay 20K while he knew I was homeless. But I knew he had cancer. So in return I wished him another 20.000 tumors in advance. After I remembered him what a terrible father he is. People like that can't get enough cancer.
@@UnstableRaufur Critical thinking is not available to all genotypes. That needs to be understood first and foremost. I deal with it daily , for decades.
#9: "Oh, he/she probably just has a crush on you!" Teaching your child that "oh, if they are bullying you they probably have a crush on you!" Is basically telling them that abusive relationships are normal. My mom told this to me when I was 10 years old. I just got out an abusive relationship a month or two ago.. at first, I thought it was healthy. But, as time went on, I realized that it was definitely not. If you make a part two, can you please add this? It would make my day and it will spread the word.
It is so toxic and wrong that society teaches little kids that when a person likes you they pick on/bully you. That teaches them that people hurt those they love and should they enter an abusive relationship, they are going to stay in that situation because they were taught “when someone bullies/harasses you they means they like you!”
Ok but, WHAT KINDS OF FATHER OR MOTHER SAYS THAT TO CHILDREN Kids if you reading this remember that when someone bullies you, you talk to your guardian or the principal
"Be careful with you're words" "They can only be forgiven but never forgotten" I fell this... it's hard to be the perfect person that they want you to be, love you're kid's the way they are......
My parents were never there for me except when I was a kid. I had to do everything for myself. I was also taught that school was a gateway for big apportunities and could change your life. They always told me grades were more important.but with that I instantly never felt good enough. Or if they were there for me anymore
When you're at your parents' house you can't get the space you need...... Every child or person needs time to be alone...... (I'm not saying all parents)🙂
I once shouted on my dad cause he was saying that I am stupid and I know nothing without even listening to me and then he sad "this kid doesn't have any manner it's all because you (mom) didn't teach her manners" And then my mom pushed all the blame on me that I ruined my day
And here we have my parents, after one says extremely hurtful things, the other one comes and tells me to "forgive and forget" and "now we're done with this" as if them telling me to forget and move on means I'll magically forget everything they did. Nah, I just learned to stay silent about it as talking about it clearly wasn't an option.
"I wish you were more like..." I remember a story of my mother. She said that she has a friend who encourages her son to be more like me. The son of my mom's friend replied with: I don't care about grades. When I heard that story, I was not happy because I am a friend of the son of my mom's friend and he is honestly a nice person to be around with. Even though I was used as an example, I felt bad because that kid did not need to change anything about him.
This is what my parents used to tell me too. I have siblings and i'm the middle child, and i've often heard that the middle child is always the weirdest of the brothers and sisters. I am also often compared to my brother and sister. I feel annoyed when that sentence comes out again. I just ignore it because i like being myself
There's a thing that mostly my parents say to me whenever I'm crying : "You have nothing to cry for" . And it hurts hearing that from them after telling them not to.
It does hurt when your parents invalidate your feelings me personally my dad says “stop crying it’s no big deal.” And when he says that it just makes me cry more no matter how hard I try to stop crying
"What are people going to say?" hits the hardest. I'm pretty confident a massive part of my lack of self-esteem and absolute fear of being and expressing my real self freely was caused by my mother constantly repeating this over and over to me. Ever since I was a teen I feel like I stopped living to conform to this stupid threat. I ended up being the pale shadow of my real self just because I hide as much of me as I can, because I'm absolutely terrified of being judged in any way. Both by her and by people outside. Suddenly all of the things I liked made me 'childish', 'stupid' or 'they'll think you have an uncaring mother!'. Good job mom, this is how you created the gray, apathetic, dull me you despise so much. You didn't treasure the colorful, confident, happy kid you once had and insisted for her to turn into this. Now don't complain if I barely exist.
I'm sorry you had to hear that. I don't really know what to say, but... I hope things get better, and that one day you can find pieces of that happy child inside you.
same, my mom doesn't say things, she's kinda nice. But in 5th grade I felt very insecure about my looks, actions, and my ODD. It really hurt when kids would laugh when I cried because I couldn't control it, back then Counselors were there and helped my problems but I'm still very insecure about my weight all the time, it's like everything I do makes me not fit in.
came out as lgbtq+ last year, my mom said it was just hte internet influencing me, and that it was only for attention and a trend, still hurts to this day
@@brittneypatten8544my mom says “furry’s are cringe! When you become a adult you will see.” But i wanna be one:C (i want to be a furry, not those weird ones, but for cosplaying)
Gotta send this to my parents 😅 they're not bad parents at all, but I can really relate to the "because I said so" and I just realised this is one of the reasons I'm bad at standing up for myself...
I'm a parent PLUS a victim of child abuse, so this touched A LOT harder then most might understand. There was times where I wanted to say "What will people think!?" But before I even started acting like my adopted mom, I shake my head and say "So what people think?....." and tell them how awesome, beautiful/handsome, positive, independent, amazing children they are! Pointing out the positive challenges that they themselves over come, even thou they saw a lot of horrible negative things from my ex husband and I. Them, themselves try to be my little heros. But I stand up and them know "Its ok kiddos, I ain't going to have him hurt you...." which they did explain when they got older that it hurt them not knowing what to do to help. I thanked them for trying but explained "There was nothing you could've done immediately, he could've come to you and with his hateful words. Even try to beat you to be scared to get help from the police or anything, it was best in my mind to keep you guys safe to make sure you where somewhere I can trust to go away for months on end. That way you guys didnt get hurt nor afraid to be in the house, and I was making a plan to safely get us somewhere safe permanently." Sadly back then I didnt have ANY help from my adopted family who was near by, my adopted dad was trying his best to do what he could do. Taking the kids to his place if big enough in Hawaii, or even sending money and food, clothes whatever needed to be done if they need it. I sacrificed a lot for them because the love and joy I bring to them was endless, so why put them threw hell when they dont need it? I promised myself I WOULDN'T for any reason follow my adopted mom's footsteps, and cut off the negative view point to my kids and made myself a shield for them. Yes I did come home with bruises, cuts and even wounds. But I know my kids where safe everytime, and my friends as much as they could help me a lot for them. Now I'm a grandma myself, and they have so much love. Even when I'm not psychically there, I try to keep up with their lives as much as they gave love to me. 💖
@Sleepy Frog I try, parenting is SUPER hard but worth it if you know the positive points of being a parent. Was there times where I want to give up? Most definitely, but I never did
Two statements that my parents said to me that have stuck with me: 1) when I expressed that I was no longer apart of their religion “I thought we raised you better than that.” 2) When graduating with my bachelor’s degree “we never thought you’d get this far!” (I have a doctorate now)
Something i learned is often mothers do this listen, interupt, advice, leave. As soon as they hear something they dont like our words freeze and act as if we weren’t just talking. My family is my friends. They listen then give advice then listen.
My mother has told me many times that the gym she used to go to is her only escape from our family and that she would leave her marriage and run away if she could. As soon as I had gotten older, however, is when she started to attempt to guilt trip me into still loving her after the hurtful things she’s done and said to me.
I told my mum I want to a lawyer. Her words were, "Your grades aren't high enough. You are way too stupid for such a job." I'm now having conversations with my careers advisor at my school and she said, "You can do it, you would be a perfect fit in a law firm." And at this moment and time, I don't care what my mum has to say about it, I'm making my dreams come true whether she likes it or not.
You will you just gotta keep pushing through, and your mom is only trying to get you to have better grades bc for some reason they prioritize grades over self esteem
I have a similar story, my mom’s against me getting an art degree because “getting a job in art isn’t reliable.” She was really discouraging, and all throughout my life I practiced art and being creative so it’s a passion of mine. I like turning people’s ideas into reality through an art piece, it’s why I never complain about art projects ( and always strive to meet the deadline, cause in real life they prepare you for real art work deadlines.) But now that I’m surrounded by other people who have similar passions they’ve seen my work and are confident and reassuring to me that I can get an illustration degree and go into that field. I hate how discouraging some people are, because even if it’s for a good reason, it’s not good enough to cement someone down. Cause how will you or anyone know that they can’t do it, if they don’t try.?
True, 32 years after, I remember all the negatives sentences my parents told me, remember all the negatives memories. And cause we are not computers, we can't deleted theses bad memories. Yes, It will stay forever even if you would delete it, we can't, it stay.
Might as well add the statements: "You are like this....." assuming things about their child/children when they actually know nothing. "You are a such a rebel...." when you obviously just have different beliefs and perspectives that are not exactly the same with theirs and they can't accept it. "I'm so proud of you.." only after seeing all the medals you received during graduation but never reacted nice when you showed them good grades ever since. "You're so ambitious...." doesn't even know that they are all part of your plans and one of the reasons why you strive in school. "You're going to be like this....(negative)" just because you act differently and only wishes to pursue a long term happiness for yourself, and them thinking you can't reach it. Lastly, "When we get old, you'll surely abandon us..." hurts the most saying as if you never really cared about them and such an ungrateful child. Little did they know you were already having thoughts in your head about taking care of them in the future. So sad that these so called adults seems to be lacking of basic good morals. Their child/children are humans too. They should at least prepare them for a life ahead, not trying to kill them mentally and emotionally in the process.
the last thing u said....was for real....like my parents always say this to them...this is always the start of our fights....even if i tell them i will not abandon them...they just don’t believe me....idk why parents are like this
It's so annoying sometimes having small arguments and then my mom always assuming im mad or upset. then when im ACTUALLY mad because she's accusing me of being mad she just says "oh so now ur mad", what are you trying to accomplish? this is not a vent by the way, just a rant.
@@Rox_anne0307 So True, it hurts a lot. It's like a stab in the heart. But, oh well, as much as insulting it is to still need to prove this one to them, we got to stick in what we believe and let them be.
@@weirdo2603 It truly hurts. Especially, when you are this type of person who doesn't really care about people and just want to see your parents appreciate you, encourage you and understand you more than anybody else. And it's really tiring to keep all of these by yourself and still act as the very obedient child.
A bit personal and I rarely say this, but my dad had said all of these things if not more, I always believed him since I was young, and I now realize that I was missing this, you changed my life, thank you
Wow. I initially watched this from the perspective of a parent wanting to avoid saying these things to my child. I discovered that I’ve heard almost every single one of these from my parents. It’s no wonder I developed so many mental health issues and self esteem issues. I’m healing though and I will be a better mother to my child.
My mother also said many of these things to me as a kid. It's great that you're actively researching what to avoid as a parent, and I wish you and your child the best in the future!
YAYYYY you go, what's happened to many of us is terrible but what matters now is healing and not repeating the mistakes of those who came before, I believe in youuuu
Ive had that too but its " if your damn mom didnt diside to f-up in highschool we wouldnt be raising a mess like you" ( from granddad in fight ). I give virtual hug! Were all in the same strom. You got this.
"Cause I said so." Was a big one with my parents. I was always curious and wanted to know why some rules needed to be followed. It why now as a parent myself I'm always prepared to explain why things are the way they are. And that no rule is in place to hurt them or make them feel bad. It's also why, when my kids were much younger and got into trouble, I'd always sit them down and ask what they thought got them into trouble. Often times children don't fully understand what it is they did wrong or at least not fully. So explaining it to them in full really helps them to understand.
Me too. Exactly that - with father threatening violence if I carried on asking. Or me asking my boss at work why we did certain things the way we did, and him saying you don't need to know. I went the opposite way with my son - explained everything, before and after the event, whether he wanted to hear it or not. When he was about 30, he told me that he hadn't always agreed with the decisions I made but he always knew why I'd made them. (I think that was a good thing!) His job includes a lot of training, and the people who hear him always express their appreciation for his explanations. Perhaps the "' 'cause I said so" and "you don't need to know why" people are just sad and insecure.
Everytime I ask "why" when they say something that I just wanted to know why I have to follow, either they say " I don't have to give you any explanation" or it's either "cuz I said so, go" and I never understood why it hurts, i thought it was normal..
@@Sunny_The_Artist Sadly, so do they! It's widespread, which doesn't make it acceptable. I think it's bad parenting; unless you want to raise a child who can't explain anything or make decisions.
4:56 - this once makes me think of giving your child anticipatory grief, just semi differently, I have anticipatory grief and it is probably one of the worst things I feel like a child could go through, especially if they have parents who had them later in their life.
ㅤ~timestamps͜••~ 1- 00:58 what's the matter with you 2- 01:31 i don't have time for you 3- 02:10 i wish you were more like...[insert name of friend/sibling here] 4- 02:42 you're a disappointment to me 5- 03:11 why didn't you...[insert thing here] 6- 03:43 because i said so 7- 04:20 (funni numbe) what are people going to say? 8- 04:56 I'm leaving and never coming back guys if you relate to any of these I'm sorry
"I'm leaving and never coming back" would be a blissful thing my "mother" would ever say to us. Not having her in our life could have saved us a lot of psychological trauma we're currently battling. Some people should not be parents
When I was in highschool and had my first psychological breakdown, I tried to walk to the mental hospital by myself. She picked me up and drove me but said if I got out of the car, she would never talk to me again and I was on my own. I gleefully got out of the car and for 2 hours was sitting in psych care ecstatic that I could finally be free. I was crushed when she showed up. Haven't talked to my mom in almost 10 years. The greatest gift she could have given to me is leaving and never coming back.
My mom did that very thing, left because she wanted to see what “opportunities” were out there and lived with my uncle for 5 months. At the end she couldn’t find a job, and came back. My dad, sister and I were very happy those 5 months. Now, thankfully I moved out 2 years ago and never looked back. Never been more happy in my life!
@@Unknown23375 I am! Lots of therapy and have to work to get out of survival mode. But I have thrived since cutting my family out of my life. The adult world is a cakewalk compared to my time as a kid.
My dad once asked me "Do you have a problem?!" The only reason I don't open up to my parents is that I know that they'll tell everyone even though I'm not comfortable.
Same my mom who always compare me to my younger cousins like "why can't you be like him" or "look she dance a lot why can't you be like her" i get so angry whenever i heard those words..
My mom once said “I will leave this family” My brother was crying, and I was on the verge of tears as she enunciated her point. I still remember it to this day.
My grandparents did something like this to their kids. Grandma would say she was leaving the family and start packing and Grandpa would look at the kids and say, "what are you going to do to keep her from leaving?" And the kids would panic clean everything and more.
I grew up with some of these phrases being thrown at me often by my parents. It has caused me to grow up with depression and anxiety because of it. Thank you for teaching why these are hurtful, and possibly also warn parents that these phrases hurt their children a lot more than they realize ❤
"What's wrong with you?" "You're being dramatic" "Stop being like this" "Just leave then, go!" "You're so selfish" "No. You don't want to die. Stop it." "No one will ever love you if this is how you're going to act" "I don't care" "Go away! Leave me alone" Now I live a life of emptiness and distance from everyone/everything.
You were made for a purpose by the God who created you. He loved you enough to put on flesh, die for your sins, and rise from the dead so that you could have eternal Life through the belief in Jesus Christ. You are certainly loved. 🙏🏾
Relate though i still learn to have normal relationship with other people but a bit traumatized on having a serious relationship coz im afraid il end up like my mom always crying and i dont want my kids to suffer those kind of hurtful words if i have my own family.
When I was a teenager, my dad and I butted heads what felt like every other day. I have heard some version of nearly everything on this list, but the one thing that has stuck with me the most was during a heated argument over something that I can't even remember now. I asked him if he ever had anything positive to say about me, and he replied with, "What have you done that's positive?" He apologized for it, but I don't know if I'll ever forget it. I still think about it years later and it has the power to completely ruin my day. Parents, please. Be mindful of what you say to your kids. They may forget what you said with time, but they will never forget how it made them feel.
I honestly lost count of how many times my parents said horrible stuff to me... They don't remember it. They *say* they don't remember, but I'm almost sure they do. It hurts so deeply. I mean, c'mon... what's the need of saying I'm useless and manipulative and that I never loved them?... What's... What the heck...
I cried on the "why didn't you" I linked this to the comparing to sibling's one because my brother won hard tennis tournaments and he did a lot but I always lose and I tried but it wasn't enough. Even though my parents never said "why didn't you" I was still hurt and I was really depressed about losing so many tournaments. But I wouldn't want to waste anymore of your time with my worthless comment so good luck in whatever you are going through.
As an adult who is still trying to heal from family issues, my family says most of these things to me ever since my mother passed away, and still do to this day. My father makes things better for him by making things worse for me such as, taking advantage of my insecurities and emotions, and pushing my boundaries until I hit my breaking point, my sisters always say, “Stop being dramatic”, and “suck it up and deal with it” when I tell them about my troubles that involve family and issues at my job, and my aunt always sees my depression as a pouty attitude, and she always says, “You’ll get over it” when telling her about my depression What a great family I have
I feel like the children are watching this instead of the parents. What you think about yourself is all that matters. No matter what your parents do or tell you, remember to love yourself. Edit: Thank you so much for all the likes.
@@Aruna_Shadows yeah, though its with my dad.. he always tells me to stop crying and punish me if i don’t, and i try to tell him he cant make it magically go away but he just gets madder, he doesnt even care about my feelings, when i cry about something he literally says out loud “i domt care he can cry all he wants”
"What's wrong with you? You have lost your mind. Get some help." I'm 33, live independently, have an 11 year old son that I take care of, have strong relationships with my psychologist and my psychiatrist, and this is still one of my mom's favorite things to say to me, ESPECIALLY in the heat of an argument.
My Brother and Father said this to me, not in the heat of an argument but straight up into my face while we just had a nice come together. This happens always and my brother always acts like the understanding one while at the same time, not listening to what I have to say (to say about what is wrong with me) and even calling me a psychopath whenever i told him, that i no longer like my family because of this. My own father once threatened to punch me, because i spoke out to them. I'm 23, have a good Job and my own Appartment and yet this always comes up whenever there's a family get together. I knew that my father likes my elder and younger siblings more, that's because he didn't even acknowledge my existence till i was in first grade and we moved together with him.
“Why can’t you be like my friend’s kids?” “This isn’t your home, it’s mine.” “I’m gonna leave you behind and never come back.” “Because I said so!” i don’t really hear these lines much anymore, but it’s probably just because i steer clear of talking to my mom for longer than 10 minutes honestly
If parents didn’t retort whenever you make a statement, I’d have made it clear that if it isn’t my home as well as yours, then why the heck am I living here, huh?
@@prettymuchrue696 i can relate to what your saying but my sisters the one who tells me that nowdays my mom compares her to one of our family friends i jate comparing so much imagine comparing me to a 5 year old yea my sister
I know it's an older video, but I just have to say sometimes others need to step in for parents, not to correct them, but to sort of fill in when they are overwhelmed. Often this will be family, sometimes it will be friends. Others can find themselves in position to back up parents being overwhelmed by things they just can't explain to young kids. I've been there a handful of times, both kith and kin, and found it quite rewarding in the short and long term. I'd replace most any of these with one simple piece of advice. Never lie to children. You don't have to tell the whole truth or exceed what they can comprehend, but pure honesty including "I can't explain that to you now" always gets rewarded with trust down the road. You might not remember but they will.
The sad thing is that there will barely be any parents watching this or any related video and the viewers will mostly be kids who wish parents could see this themselves, abusive or not.
Eh, I watch these videos to learn what not to do. There's probably more out there than you realize. Luckily in this one I didn't really see anything I would say anyway.
My mom once shouted at me “I wish I didn’t give birth to you” for a common mistake I did, that day was dark to me but in mind I knew she didn’t mean it because she has blood pressure and she was dealing with so much, I said to myself that she’s just angry and she poured it on me. It was back in middle school, I’m at university now, my last year, and I still have that memory as if it was yesterday. I ended up once telling her that I can’t forget it and I need to know the truth but she bursted into tears and she apologized. We are in a much better situation now but somehow that memory and that sentence specifically brings me some sort of pain, I just wish I could heal from it one day
Ok, if your mother sincerely apologized and was going through a lot, and didn’t mean it, then I believe she’s a good person and loves you dearly, know that if you weren’t born, your mother would have one less person to love, and that you are worth more than every goddamn cent in this world. ❤
My mom said that on more than one occasion -TBH I was a shitty teenager/pre-teen and I don't actually blame her in retrospect. It didn't really bother me then when she said it, but now I feel her side to be pushed to that extreme. Sometimes the parent is justified in so saying.
"It can be forgiven but never forgotten " is true. I never understand those who chose to be parents can be so cruel in saying very hurtful things to their own children and cause emotional damage to their own children. They never hold themselves accountable of what they've done for the damage, but to make their children feel guilty and emotionally disconnected with them. It's really a shame!
I never forgive my family expect my father, after what did they to me & my little sister. My little sister suffered alot of it while me Take more than that. Like Im A bulletproof vest that got shot multiple times(500,000times).
My dad never holds himself accountable for when he says something that hurts me, my sisters, or my mom. My brother moved out once he was eighteen because of my dad. My last couple of fights with him, I barely held back my tears. I despise how emotional I am around him because that's his gateway of getting to me. I was also raised to never say no, that he was my father, not my friend. The point of parenting is that you nurture a child into adulthood with good aspects and grand aspirations in mind, not a fear of you screaming at them for doing something wrong or incorrectly.
I can relate to that, my dad is a right c**t, Im more then emotionality detached from him, I want to take legal action against him for abusing a person with an interlectul disability, he has mentally and physically abused me since a child, even lied to the police about his abuse, my mum doesn't help matters for she always takes his side, he's no longer physically abusive to me, thank goodness. Thats always been the way with my parents, I'm right, your wrong, I'm your parant not your friend
I can never forgive, nor forget the emotional damage my mother has caused me and I’m glad that she’s been cut out of my life. I’ve never felt this… happy in a long time, especially now that I live with a parent that lets me heal. I especially will never forgive her because she is one of those parents that don’t hold themselves accountable for what she’s done and probably even denies the damage that has been done.
I'm tired at the fact that my parents, my mother specifically still thinks what they have done was right. All 8 of this were done when I was very young, almost 4-5 years old
When I was little, my mom always told me and my siblings that our opinions and feelings doesn't matter. From that early age to even now as an adult, I don't share opinions or my feelings. I struggle with setting boundaries with people because I can't vocalize them. As a parent, I always tell my child that it is okay to express his thoughts and feelings because I know what it feels like to feel unimportant and silenced.
Same, mom doesn't let me express my opinion, only answer yes or no so when someone asks me for my opinion i rarely says anything and just agrees with their opinion
I get told that all the time and it really hurt the first time my dad said it because he was someone I really looked up to when I was little but now I don’t really feel anything at all and I have to force myself to show emotions so that people don’t question why I’m not responding to something the same way as them
I’ve seen that when a lot of kids ask "why?" The parent will surely say "Because I said so" I’m just glad to know it’s not good to say that to a child so I can be ready for when I get one.
I am highly against that authoritarian nature. Parents that do that don't care about their children, but about their power over their kids. They care more about complete obedience and respect rather than trying to help their child grow.
#8: "I'm leaving and never coming back!" That one is really powerful on a child. I just remembered the day my dad decided to pull a fast one and trick me and my brother so we could "treat Mom better." We were 6 and 8 (I'm older). My mom went to the bathroom, and my dad brought us home from school. We were looking for our mom to give her a Mother's Day card, and we couldn't find her. I asked, "Where's Mom?" and my dad said, "She went to Canada! She left us!" My brother immediately started crying, then I started too. My mom came out of the bathroom and was like, "What's going on?" My dad filled her in on what happened, and she hugged us and started crying too. When we were done, my dad said, "You guys knew I was joking, right? This was so you'd treat Mom better." I had repressed this memory for a while now, and now that I finally dealt with it, I realized that my dad was kind of a (y'know) back then. He's much better now, and he actually doesn't remember it. Maybe that's why I was so scared that I would drive everyone away from me at school... ...or maybe it's because people said I was a manipulative, horrible person. Who knows?
I’m glad you were able to realize this. I find it’s good to find the root of a problem so you can move past it and learn to grow. I hope for all the best for you and your family. 😊
This happened earlier today, after a fight with them my mom always say this every time that even if they're gone for two days straight I won't bother anymore
2:15 dang I didn't realize my parents did this but they say things like "well your sister did the homework faster" and things like that and it makes me feel worthless sometimes...
Having BPD and being told to "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" while going through a split as a child and getting hit for "not complying" completely messed up how interacted with people permanently. I'll never forget how much fear I felt in that moment.
@@jenniferhowerton7421 I hate when people or parents assume tears are crocodile tears. When I was 9, my mum once told me to stop crying because she thought I was crying crocodile tears. I was a very good kid and was crying for ages because I felt guilty for something. Definitely messed me up-
More things that can damage a child: 1.they always ignore you and never listen 2.they shout at you for not doing something their way 3.they tell embarrassing story’s to their friends about you 4.they don’t care how you feel 5.they threaten to hit you or hit you (Edit: wow thanks for the likes everyone I hope you are having a great day!) (Edit again: thx for all these likes I know life can be challenging because of ur parents making u have depression or anxiety but remember that u are perfect in ur own way and don’t let ur parents or something else tell u that ur not :D)
ahh the third i relate to, my mom always talks to people about stuff ive done and so on, even when im right there and some of the stuff, i really would want being talked about :/ plus im always scared that if i tell here something important shell just go and tell everyone else, cause both my mom and sister tend to not be able to keep things a secret, at all :(
@@cv1148 I must agree. In some cases people are not able to prevent getting pregnant due to some mistake, or beliefs, or other things But if there is some way to prevent the unwanted pregnancy in the first place, such as protection or even abstinance, I think that is better than having to bring someone unwanted into the world to suffer (Just to cclarify, just because they are unwanted by the parent at first doesn't mean no one will want them, nor does it mean the parent won't change their mind. But well, they are gonna get pretty mentally hurt and feel really worthless if their own parents are not invested in them. So its better not to subject someone to this situation.)
How about don't tell people how to raise their kids and before you can talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. Raise a kid of your own, see how well you do
@@debeb5148Unless it was unwanted, having a child is a choice. The entire point is that some people aren't okay with raising a child, why are you suddenly asking them to?
"If you don't straighten up, I'm not coming back." "You'll never amount to anything." "You're not home enough to be of any use to me." "Do as I say, not as I do!" "I'm the parent, not you!" Just a few little nuggets of advice my mother gave to me growing up. I've forgiven but not forgotten and it still makes me teary eyed sometimes even though I'm 36 and have long since put it past me. I should thank her, though. Because of her fine example I now have a myriad of things I will never say to my daughter.
That's the best thing to do, break the cycle and be a better parent, good on you! You are not along, many many of us had the same experiences, it hurts but thus is life, let it go......
@@savvy2968 it so is. Sometimes when I open my mouth my mother comes out but I'm working on it. Little by little and I think I'm doing a good job so far lol It just takes practice and it helps to ask how would I have wanted to be treated at that age. So long as I can remember my childhood and how I felt, I'll be able to relate more to my daughter and meet her on her level.
@@ashleys9634 the fact you catch yourself is awesome! 👍👏👏Even if it's late you are capable of realizing your being this mother you wish not to be so great job! 👏👏 it isn't easy and I am told it isn't easy because we have this mindset and dont realize what harm were doing because its something were used to so for many they dont see their being physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and or spiritually abusive to their kids because their conditioned this way what has helped me is before I start getting upset stop and remember I'm going to die one day and see how I am to my mother I dont have a close relationship with her I dont hug her I say I love her but I want my kids to always hug me and not he afraid to tell me things and knowing they once were babies and I'm going to die helps alot if I may suggest a video a class to you it would help very much too it's called circle of security that has helped tremendously I take it evry chance I can your doing great and I am proud of you for having the capability of catching yourself so keep it up!🎉👏👏🤗 also hug then every morning and let them know you are working on yourself sometimes they help remind you not to get mad or that its okay my kids say to me mama dont flip your lid its okay ( I got 5 kids) all under age 8 so it is a handful for sure also ask your kids how do you know i love you and their response should be you hug me you kiss me good night you kiss my booboos you read to me or sing and hold me something that indicates you do show them love if so then you are doing better than you thought always say good job Ashley out loud or in your head on your accomplishments of not getting so mad or catching yourself and other goals you reach that helps too turning tv and tablets and other devices off force you to connect with your kids because all those are distracting and leave your child with their needs not being met because you have no time for them. You have got this and I am here we all are here if you need support as I am for the others. Keep up the great work!👏👏👏
2:56 made me suddenly recall how my mother would say when I were little and loved running around outside "If you fall down I'll give you some extra pain", knowing that I for sure gonna fall at one point on that uneven asphalt/pavement/ground. I, on the other hand, was confident I won't fall if I just try hard enough, so I tried as harder as I could to keep my balance and, of course, would ultimately fail and fall. At least she always followed through with her promise.
“What are people going to say?” I’m so fed up with my mom being like this. We got into a fight recently, and she brought up this kind of thing at least four times. Like we were at a party for someone learning the piano, halfway through he was embarrassed because he was starting to regret throwing the party altogether because he felt like he wasn’t good enough yet. I said something along the lines of “I’m proud of how far you’ve come, learning a new skill takes a lot of time” so on so forth. She was mad because “[I] didn’t even know him” so I guess that means I’m not allowed to show support? He was obviously anxious and he seemed to feel better about his performance after I said something. It wasn’t about him though, or about me. I’m at the point where I don’t care if people think I’m a little odd. It’s always about how I embarrass her, and how I somehow paint her to be in the wrong even though every time _shes_ the one that demands she’s right. And then she’s like “yeah the mental illness is genetics” Close but no cigar, bud.
OMG SAME, THE EXACT SAME THING, is happening to me right now, today happens to be my Birthday and she made me wear super heavy makeup (I just turned 15) and put my hair up and said I finally look grown when she says I am so young and I should not get Social Media because what will other people when literally all my other friends and her friend’s children have it. She says the I look ugly and what will other people think when no one but her and me wear fancy clothing
@@pianooooo11 my mom also on my last b'day when I turned 15 made me wear a nice big frock but it was sleevless and i didn't want to wear it but j had to cuz my granny was also saying and i wanted to tie my hair but they siad to keep it open but I looked good like that probably better 💁
@@uniqueangellove.9878 Honestly I wouldn’t have mind wearing the dress but the way she did my makeup was ugly and she told me that the way I always keep my hair looks ugly even tho I keep it normal and she told me to “fix” it and I did a hairstyle and said it looked ugly and then she did the same way but just moving my hairline. She gave me a lipstick colour I hated and then she didn’t even the put the eyeliner on properly. I accidentally cried and told my Mom she missed a spot and then she tells me I’m crying and that I am emotional. I barely cry but yesterday I did.
@@uniqueangellove.9878 This was the opposite of me, my Mom said I looked better with my hair tied instead of it opened. That is kind of funny. I like keeping my hair open but a lot of my old friends loved keeping their hair tied.
Here is some of mine: “Don’t make us look bad” “ You’re still talking” “You’re suppose to obey me” “You’re spoiled” “I brought you into this world I can take you out of it” 🙃
Is it weird that i relate all of this? I always getting compared, Judged, and yelled for doing something just as normal as other people. That's also the main reason im always holding everything to myself, i never open up to my parents because they will judge me.
"You're useless" "You're just a waste of space" "Look at her, she's thin, why can't you be like her?" "If you've studied harder, you could've been part of the quiz bee!" "We'll go and drop you off to your tita next morning, you're not gonna live here anymore" "Why can't you be like her?" I get it, I get it. I'm imperfect, but I try my best.
I swear the "I'm leaving and never coming back" really pulled a trigger in me. My mom would always say that whenever we get into arguments. Whether it be about studies, grades or chores. She would even gaslight me and guilt trip me along with blaming me for things that didn't even happen yet making me feel like I'm a terrible child.
I get this. My parents were divorced, and once my mom threatened to send me to my dads and not let me and my sister back. It definitely made me more clingy, and when you go to a new school for 5th grade, it’s extremely hard to make friends, and even harder when the 2 other new girls have to leave. I hope I can bring this, and others up to my mom, she probably doesn’t even know she’s doing something wrong, but I’m still anxious. This video really helped, though I’m not sure how to act on it, because my mom would probably just question the sources
My mom would leave me behind in stores when I was a little kid back in the 1980s. My psychologist said it was temporary psychosis. I don't even know what I did wrong either.
"I will kick you out my house and you can live on the streets." I don't know why this still rings in my head though it happens all the time. Its like the "i'm leaving and never coming back." Though for me its what my mom says, mostly for stupid things like not wearing what she wants me to wear, getting a bad mark or for just saying i didn't want to do a certain thing.
My dad said a similar thing when I told him I didn’t like it when he laughed at me, "If you hate me, if you don’t like my rules, you can leave my house. I. Don’t. Care."
@@Gridkeeperr my *adoptive* mum has said similar, including threatening to send me to boarding school (I wouldn’t have coped with that, at all, I don’t think), in stupid arguments. I already had trust and abandonment issues from being separated from my birth family, that just made things a little worse. Thanks, replacement mother.
congrats! you live in an abusive family like 90% of other kids! if you live in america (which im assuming you do because of the abusive behavior of your mother) then i just want you to know that your country needs to fix itself.
@@afewofmycommentsarecringy.8646 well I don't live in America, but yes my parents are abusive though my whole life we thought of it as discipline (by we I mean my three brothers and I).
if i am being truefull i hope that god gets rid of all evil soon because i am so mad and discusted of all the thing toxic parents/crimanals/corrupt cops/ect. do (btw hope you live a good live let the lord bless you)
"Because I said so!" My mom often didn't at all explain the point of her decisions, there was no negotiation, and I was expected to obey everything without condition. "JUST SAY "Ok mom"" was frequently said. As a result (I think it correlates), I am very reserved and have a hard time opening up to people, a lot of talking makes me visibly shaky, and insults don't hurt anymore. Welp, now that I've typed this out I think I should talk to someone about this. Huh.
My dad is still like this even though I’m an adult. I’m someone who always asks why so this never works. I learned early that saying “yes” without context was a trap and have always refused.
We have a very important video for parents or parents-to-be on "8 Signs Your Child is Depressed (For Parents)" WATCH: ua-cam.com/video/Oyf9kEmLg7Y/v-deo.html
My mom said I have to be more like my cousin sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough
Yeah, comparison 😔
You missed a major one; "I don't love you anymore." This was often said to me if I was misbehaving, and taught me love is conditional. However, after the first time it was said, even though there were times afterwards I felt my dad loved me, it could never be unsaid. It 1) gave me the power to push him away by misbehaving on purpose, 2) I never believed his words about how he felt anymore, because I could see his feelings fluctuated, but sometimes he told me he loved me when he was using excessive force, and sometimes he told me he he didn't love me when he was crying because he said I hurt him. All that emotion was summed up in a single sentence. I got the impression he was a liar, and that if he really loved me, it wasn't a kind of love that felt familiar to me.
As an adult I often pushed people away. But I never, never used this phrase. I didn't have any confidence in my ability to recognize love, or truly to feel it. And I never believed romantic gestures, romantic words. My dad would hurt my Mom, and the next day it would be flowers and chocolate.
i heard cause i said so by my parents 24/7 and i thought they hated me😭😭
@@actuallyeli8768same like WHY DONT THEY JUST TELL US 😭😭😭😭
It's true that some parents only care about their children's grades, they say nobody's perfect but expects perfection from them.
The delicate irony of life ;-)
Unfortunately so.
And sometimes they only care about other people's grades only if they are higher. If they are lower they just say: "I don't care about others grades!!!"
But still use others as a comparisson with you, making you feel worthless.
True, no one is perfect, but they can be better and better
H Y P O C R I T E S !
"everyone have problems, your problem isn't a big deal"
everyone has problems that doesn't mean my problem is less important I deserve to be loved.
Exactly. Bts taught me so much 💜 also Ariana is the definition of female empowerment 💅
It depends on HOW they said it and what your problem is. Some kids (and adults) are overly dramatic and don't learn how to be resilient or take care of themselves. Everything is a tragedy or a catastrophe. When I am discussing my own problems with someone, often I use brevity and humor. Because yes, we all have problems and we can overcome most of them and some people have it much worse. Of course it doesn't mean that yours or my problems are not important. Sometimes I will say, it is not a competition. Even though I am going through something really horrible right now, doesn't mean I cannot have compassion for your problem or feelings.
My mom said something a little bit like this-I was 11, I think. It’s the reason I don’t tell them anything that deeply affects me. ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
my mom said I don't have depression because I have the most convenient life ever, which is true. I think everyone has problems, but they're measured against each person's life until now. someone who's barely getting by every day might think that the rich whine about the stupidest things, but if they had been rich themselves, they'd also whine about the same problems.
I always used to say “your biggest problem is having a well behaved child that you think isn’t good enough and I still have to listen to you complain. So my problems deserve that too.” I was a very self assured child.
Parents often say things that they'll never remember...but their children will never forget.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
That’s the problem.
❗❗❗
Yep
Like when a parent calls you a beast of burden but actually uses the “bad” word?
"Because I said so". I hear it all the time, and it makes me feel so flusterated because he is literally saying that I have to obey to him, like I'm some kind of slave.
i'm so sorry, stay strong ❤
oh my gosh. frrr, and saying "Why?" not disrespectfully either! like we can't be curious.
Because I said So is extremely illogical. There has to be a reason for something to be compulsory. I totally agree with you.
Also because I said so is what I have heard a lot so I can totally understand how you feel.
But don't worry. Let's hope the future generations don't go through the same pain as me, you or any other current generations
yeeesss, just like they are absolute monarchs and I am just the plebs
Sounds like my bish of a mother.
I hear “because I said so” and “I’m the parent here” all the time. And yes the results are accurate, I’m very defiant, sneaky, and easily aggravated by my parents
I ended up as the former; withdrawn, socially inept and really lacking in confidence, while my younger brother was the aggressive, rebellious and deceptive type. I've gotten a lot better in recent years but it was trippy as hell to hear those descriptions because that was literally me and my brother growing up
I live the same life as you 🙂😓
@@angelnavarro3387 Same happy ur doing better now all the best for future. U can do it! 🙂
Sameeee
Defiant and sneaky
SUPER ACCURATE
Before I even watch, I have been told by my mother that “I wish I never gave birth to you” I didn’t cry but I think about it a lot , im a guy if it matters or not
Of course it matters. :) I'm very sorry you were told that by your mother.
Or as my "you should never born"...
I wasn’t told this, but I know my birth tied my mom to my abusive father longer. My grandmother resented us after they split. Even thinking this is so harmful and hurtful.
I countered this dialog with positive affirmation & subliminal positive affirmation tapes about 30 years ago.
We’re not supposed to be aware of the statements, but I heard “You deserved to be born”
That powerful statement resonates still today.
That you are male matters. That YOU deserved to be born is TRUE. I hope this statement helps you. Also, look up a writing called “The Desiderata” read & repeat, repeat, repeat! We may not be able to erase those old tapes, but we can record over them these new, accurate thoughts to challenge the damaging words. You were powerless when you heard this. You are not now.
I hope this helps you
Hey, you're good enough to exist. I'm so sorry your mother said that to you. That wasn't okay at all.
And hell, it doesn't matter if you're a guy. You matter enough and you are valid!
My mom called me a psychopath and left me when I was 6 🗿
When parents are unfulfilled as human beings, they either try to fulfill themselves through their children or are envious of their children's success. Such parents are selfish and care less about their children's feelings, passions and opinions.
My dad says I'm rude for sharing my idea and calls it offensive argue.
Children raising children!
Well I influenced, I don't wanna be like this, but I sometimes do this to my friends, im controlling myself now
:-(
Yup that's my mom
showed this to them, got yelled at, now i am currently grounder in my room
Why are parents like this 🤦♂️
They get mad at the facts, always.
🫡 as someone who escaped to college. It does get better. I know it can take a while and you get tired of being told it over and over. Just know that you can find solace in this stranger.
they just think their parenting is better than the video, sorry that you got yelled at & grounded.
Hey, at least you didn’t get your device taken away, I’d take that as a win, a small win but still a win
**offers virtual hugs to everyone down in the comments section who’s been mistreated by a parent**
I've been blessed to have an amazing loving family, but is there any possible way I could get a huggo- 🥺
Dusk Tundra sending virtual hugs 🤗
@@poojashivaani3628 AWW thank you!
Thanks... it's just hard to see my worth when my parents care more about thier boyfriends or girlfriends than me...
@@stellerate you are a beautiful person, God knows the plans he has for you, God bless you and your beautiful heart.
“You’ll experience worse, toughen up”
Whether it’s emotional or physical pain, you’re allowed to feel it. Just because someone “has it worse” doesn’t mean you can’t feel it. Pain isn’t a competition
"You'll experience worse," was very bad for me when I was suicidal because it told me that I wasn't going to be able to handle any more and that if I didn't want to experience that it would be better if I wasn't alive.
I'll be giving you worse tomorrow, so TOUGHEN UP by then!
@@Velvet62211 power move
Ik...I hate the invalidation we receive when we express ourselves not bcuz we need validation,just bcuz we need to feel Heard or understood
Ya like jazz?😏
My mom’s said “I’m leaving” multiple times and even tho she hasn’t left I’m still scared it’ll happen eventually with anyone else I get close to lmao
Same haha-
My dad never said anything like that but he did leave. (My parents are divorced) then come back like it’s nothing. Now when I fight with ppl I’m scared they’ll just pick up and leave me.
Same lol
My mom used to say that, but stopped when I was a teenager when I handed her a suitcase.
My parents said that so much I didn't believe them, then one day they did....
There back now but every time I do something and get in trouble I freak out because they left me (2x btw)
“You are in this world because of me.”
But i never asked to be here.
facts
but you deserve to be
"Because I said so"
"This is stupid."
"You're being ridiculous."
"You need to grow up."
"I never had this problem with your sister when she was your age."
Yes, I have a very loving mother.
this is the one
i have the same things, but it’s more with my dad
Me too and my sibling are her everything
Is the first one a bad quote?
@@akazienoel2009 Yeah, your parents shouldn't be guiding you under the idea that their word is good just because it came from them. They should be providing you with actual reasons, it encourages communication and not superiority, and means they see/treat you as equal. So "Because I said so" is the exact opposite, it's giving them superiority just because it came from them.
Seriously, Parenting needs to be a subject at school, so that kids will know how to look after a younger person. Would be a lot more practical than teaching things you will never use in life....
Yeah!
It will also make it easier to brainwash kids,
so that the kid(s) become a copy of you and not themselves.
(educated in children and youth work)
That's why : study and job are 2 different worlds. Why there is not lessons of mental health and life in school ?
@Tiger Art Ik, exactly. If I want to be a chemist, the Sciences will help, if I want to be an engineer, Maths will help. But it only benefits you if you want to go on that stream only. There is literally no practical stuff taught in school🙄🙄
@@Elodie_N_INTJ_Analyzes Yeah, it should be compulsory for everyone. Educating people does not reduce crime, empathy does...
The worst that's not on the list. Is telling your kid "You can't do that, what makes you think you can?" Yes I was told this as a kid. Still struggling with the damage to this day.
Oddly enough... in me it triggered the "watch me" response.
"that person couldn't do it, what makes you think you can? Are you better than them?" now it makes me laugh hysterically for some reason
Im a very capable person in everything ive actually done in my life and yet my parents instilled that thought process in me and it keeps me from having the drive to move forward. Give been told several times that i should apply for a management position, or learn to play guitar because i sound like ID be a natural, or be a song writer. Thats when i get the surge of "I can do it why not?" But fades to "it cant be done, we already tried."
Yep. “Who told you could do that”
Or “what makes you think you have [insert mental health disorder]?”
Why is this video hitting all the wrong spots. It's genuinely upsetting how relatable it is. Now, i suffer with low self-esteem , perfection , withdrawal , dependent, and feeling unworthy of love 🥺
Don't pull yourself down brother you will find friends along the way
"quit crying or i'll give you a reason to" = not knowing how to comfort people
who tf says that, how can people be this stupid wtf
Lack of empathy
thats legit just mental
👉👈
my mom says that to me i literally hate her, i love her as a mom but i hate her as a person
"You've done enough"
I can never describe the guilt that it has on you, especially if you suffer from self-loathing.
That one feel like several knives stabbing your heart at once, I hate that one.
I know the feeling. Self loathing is something I excell at heh.
Fr...
Well you probably screwed up, spilled something, or pissed someone off. Maybe it was a wake up call for your little ass
FR
"I'm leaving and never coming back."
Out of all the things mentioned in this list, this one really hits close to the past when my "mother" used that against me because I wouldn't do what she wanted. I am so angry at her. I am so angry of what she did, and I am grieving and sad at the fact that she will just continue to be a narcissistic, abusive, manipulative person. And I am reminded that parents are not supposed to be like her and my "father."
Hey, just know that family is a starting point, it's not a guarantee. I hope you find away out of that/ are out of that situation.
ok
No kidding, my father did this to me so many times and when I was crying he would feel better about himself.
@@triciahenry4674 that's awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. You deserve better!
I can't believe people literally get satisfaction from the fact that they just tore someone apart or hurt them. But then again, people like him DO exist. I hope you can find a way to stay away from him. You do not deserve him. I don't mean it like a condescending way, I mean it like you deserve someone who does not treat you like that.
Mee tooo...My mom do that, but hopefully my father's was always there to help me, but things doesn't go it should. After years, my both mom and dad change, mom was good enough but something was wrong. My mom started to make me feel like my grades is the biggest thing. I mean my both parents did, I am not telling that I am ungrateful for what I have or my parents but the thing is that my both parents are nice but they doesn't care about me that much, as an teenager I am fully depressed, Don't know what to do, where to go..... at last just hoping that I will come out of this depression and also if you are depressed then hoping that you come out of this thing too.
And hope that your parents or your any close one try to understand you.
"Your sister is way better at ..... and she's younger than you!"
"I don't want to get another phone call from your math tutor. I'm so embarrassed. I have no excuse why you're doing so bad anymore."
"As soon as you're 18, I'm going back to Korea and back to MY parents."
At this point, it happens so often that it's not even hurtful anymore. It's a normal cycle of life. The last one is so relatable to me.
"Big boys/girls don't cry!" We all do, being able to express emotions openly is important and it is important to talk about feelings, teaching that you have to hide your pain and "be strong" "man up" etc can be very damaging!
Let's not forget the classic variation, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to REALLY cry about!" Thanks, dad.
Been told this my whole life. My mom believed that hiding your pain and not crying was a form of maturity and strength and throughout my childhood I was always yelled at for crying or gotten angry at whenever I was upset. So now it's difficult showing emotion and opening up around others.
Ur rude i wont stop crying like a fat baby thats what i tell them
I still get told that and they know that they’ve made me weak over the years it’s a scar that’s with me that never heals
“Don’t be such a crybaby” is one i have been told a lot by my parents. Made me believe for years that there is something horrible wrong with me.
"I wish I had never given birth to you!"
"You never did, Dad."
@DimDomBun They Sure do :(
Wow. Nice one
👏👏
“learn when to pull out then”
that's exactly what my mother says... i always reply with "condoms are a thing" just to make her mad, like she did with me the first time she said it
Ever since I was 9 years old,
"You're just like your father"
On my 18th birthday, I was sat down and told all about how HORRIBLE he was.
Years later, I'm still thinking about it..
You're not the only one, my father did somethings and when my mom told me that, makes me fear of that
My mom keeps saying I’m like my dads family. And their horrible and it makes me want to cry 😭
Dawww bb, don’t listen to the fricker who told you that. You’re your own person; you have every right to grow, love yourself, and love other people better than how you had been loved. Hugs to ya
My dad cheated on my mom and left her. Later they got divorced. Sometimes when she's upset cz I didn't get the highest grades she says I'm horrible and ungrateful like my father and don't care about her at all when in reality I try my best to get her praise and do things I don't like cz she wants me to. She's never praised me. My relatives praise me because they like that I'm calm and obedient child but she tells them don't praise her for the bare minimum when she can't even get good grades. She once told me only if I had bigger eyes I'd be pretty and not this weird looking. It hurt since I was like 9 and asked her if I was pretty cz apparently my classmate (bullies) said I wasn't and I wanted truth from my mom
But it's expected since she herself had toxic mom and traumatic childhood that still affects her to the point she got hospitalised and I cried so much. My grandmother used to yell at her a lot and even blamed her for divorce when my dad's the culprit. Mom's always been a good child getting highest grades and friendly but she's still not good enough to my grandmother. I hope I'd be able to break the cycle and won't be like them.
I was crying during this video because I got reminded for all the things my mom said to me
"Be careful with your words. Once said, they can only be forgiven but never forgotten."
If they're not forgotten then they're not forgiven. Remembering that bad stuff others did to you is called a GRUDGE. That shows you haven't forgiven them yet.
True
I was never asked for forgiveness
Christianity was explained as if you cannot forget, you never truly forgive.
Forgiveness is for you, not for the transgressor.
It releases your own burden of their actions.
I can see how a burden is lifted.
@@beerye9331 is getting revenge bad?
The funniest conversation I've had with my parents went something like this:
“You don't deserve half of the things you have.”
“Does that include my PTSD?”
That's not funny that's facts 💀
-Bentellect
@@r31yn ive never seen someone quote bentellect LMAO
@@mrcoolguy12929 lmao ikr-
It's a very rare sight indeed
I had one with my dad and it went like this “You don’t deserve a lot of the things you have”
me “Is my depression and anxiety included in that”
That is the funny?
Toxic parents may laugh now, but they should prepare to cry later, as their actions towards their torn child will come back and haunt them.
yup. my mother always says "when you are 18 you are out of my house"... yep I sure will, and I never will fucking comeback. Worst thing is she's my only parent here, so I would have to travel like 1.500km just to have a house... Gotta love life
The now grown kids are the ones making the nursing home decisions....
@@user-df3ty8ei2u uk my mom also says it that either I will live in the house or she . Then she says that we will throw u out of the house. My father says after u r 18 jst leave the house and yeah I will leave and live my life according to how I want it to be. Not barred by parents neither society
@@user-df3ty8ei2u right
@@brittanyloggins6514 DUDE LIKE
words hurt man, and I'm still healing
The divorced parent version of "I'm leaving and never coming back"; "If you don't like it here then you can go live with 'other parent'." That can hurt even more if the parent you don't live with is an asshole.
All my fucking life my divorced parents were too childish to talk to each other so I had to be messenger between both, and I got contradictory orders from both all the time so i ended up always disappointing one of them despite my best efforts. It was so tiring. I can't count the number of times i broke down in tears because I felt like I could not satisfy both of them. I always felt like I made something wrong even though I tried to make compromises so both of them are happy, never worked out. I'm 20 and living alone, but still to this day I get the "you prefer your other parent don't you ? Then don't come to me when you'll be in need i won't even open the door."
I grew up with my grandma and anytime she was mad at me or I wasn't who she wanted me to be she would say "you're going to go live with your mother."
My mom has said that to me.
@@victoriatzyu_shinobu so sorry for you, you deserve better
@@Peultaro oh god I can't imagine the pain....you just make me grateful that I have good parents...may you have a happy life as well 😔
"Your fine"
"Stop worrying"
"Your not trying hard enough"
"If your not going to do it, its nothing to worried about"
Caring more about if the things in our house than my physical health
Well if you ever make someone in ur house cry... Say its payback
“If you’re not going to do it, it’s nothing to worry about?”
Ah yes. I wish I could say this to my father without getting my mouth popped. If you want this house clean, you do you portion. Now that mom actually has a job, there is no reasoning behind ‘I’m the only one to do things around here!’ Plus, she’s the one that is involved in her kids lives.
Minor spelling mistake
This is my entire household 🥲
“Can you just look happy?”
“I had to cover for you again because you looked depressed, just try to smile more. I’m getting tired of covering your depression”
"Because I said so" gets my blood BOILING. That tells the child that they are obliged to do whatever someone tells them to do. Also, it sets the mentality that they could do anything they want when they're an adult, and children have to obey them.
However the only way to make obedient children is this.If the children don't want to break the marriage they better listen to the parents ... Beacause they said so!
@@marioskapetanakis i don't want to do something and shouldn't be obliged to do something without reason. also, we don't want _obedient_ children, we want _respectful_ children who know when to have a voice, and that their voices are valuable. to teach a child that their opinion is invalid is setting them up for self-esteem issues in the future. Respect is not obedience.
Side note: It's the parent's fault if the marriage doesn't work. Why? Well, the kid certainly didn't ask to be there, and is only doing what they think is right. The parent's teachings are the ones that will calm the kid and therefore calm the marriage. Putting the blame on a kid who didn't know better is terrible.
@@justyouraveragelimeenjoyer8675 well said!
my parents do that every day and my brother is ze favorite so if he does something wrong i get in trouble and i ask and they say bc i said so and bc of all this stress and stuff i think that caused my adhd 😌
@@Ima_Dead_Bat Tell them. Tell them how this treatment is from your perspective. It doesn't matter if they're the adult or not, you are a human being worthy of respect. "Because I said so"? Fight back. Respect is earned not due, and that does not stop for parents. "You're under my roof" they'll say. Remember this: It is not your obligation to respect your parents regardless of how they've treated you. At the end of the day, them providing for you is doing the minimum for being a parent. You are a human, and more importantly, their child that they are supposed to care for. That is not gaslighting. It's the truth. So tell them.
My Mum says this stuff to me all the time and I just randomly started crying now
She compares me to everyone and tells me no one is perfect but then expects me to be.
Ur vids r the best btw they help me a lot
The fact that I literally cried watching this just shows how much emotion I have pent up inside and how much I can relate to all of the things in video
Same 😓😞
Well i feel you my tears rlly wont stop..
Well i feel you my tears rlly wont stop..
I knowwwwww!
🫂
One thing I'd maybe like to add to this: "It's my fault you're like this," "We parented you badly," "We were being too nice/We spoiled you." This indirectly says that the child is bad but also seems to imply that there is no way to change what has passed.
THIS
THIS NEEDS MORE LIKES
YES MY MOM SAYS "where did i go wrong with you"
BYE THIS IS WHAT MY MOM SAID TO ME AND MY BROTHERS-
i heard this my whole life
“I rather have her as my daughter than you”
“You were the reason i couldn’t follow my dreams”
“You were an accident”
“Why are you crying? It’s annoying”
“You are stupid for ‘falling in love’” after she found and read my diary when i was 14
“You frustrate me”
Later on she tells me she told me all of those things to “make me tough” I live with low self steem, and she wonders why i never talk to her about anything. Why i never tell her about my feelings. I’ve never shared much to her about my relationships and often throws a comment here and there that she would like grandchildren, which i usually ignore and i make sure she never sees me cry.
I don’t hate her, i don’t think i could ever hate her. She was a very young mom without guidance from anyone but i will never forget the things she told me and as much as she wants a cute mother/daughter relationship, i don’t think i can fully do that
You are good enough. I love you.
Your amazing. Your gonna have much success one day, and you are enough. I love you.
My mom told me several times she wish she could kill me and bunch of other stuff. I got used to those so now it doesn't hurt as it used to be. Just like you I don't hate her but I hate me to the core cuz she always made it look like I'm the mistake. I wish all of us with parent issues will get better.
Same. The first one hit hard as she always tells me this. I don't cry in front of her cz she thinks it's stupid and I'm weak. She thinks my interests are useless in life and I should only study. But she does love me and works hard to give me what I want. It's bittersweet
I lost brain cells from that please help
Mine was “You don’t deserve ANYTHING.” From my father, it happened after my teacher came out and talked to him about how I scared a kid. It wasn’t even ME, I got framed. I was 9. He never even apologized..
Awee..I'm so sorry for that, I hope your okay now..
I poured my heart out to my dad once in a letter. He yelled at he and told me I should be ashamed of what a terrible son I was. Sorry for everyone else with bad parents.
The bottom line is /was not enough money, government likes to keep the people at each others throats. The writing is on the wall.
I did the opposit. My father demanded me to pay 20K while he knew I was homeless. But I knew he had cancer. So in return I wished him another 20.000 tumors in advance. After I remembered him what a terrible father he is. People like that can't get enough cancer.
I didn't understand a single thing u said but also I understanded its not a nice comment either
@@UnstableRaufur Critical thinking is not available to all genotypes. That needs to be understood first and foremost. I deal with it daily , for decades.
@@arsenelupiniii8040 Can you explain in greater detail what you mean by this?
#9: "Oh, he/she probably just has a crush on you!"
Teaching your child that "oh, if they are bullying you they probably have a crush on you!" Is basically telling them that abusive relationships are normal. My mom told this to me when I was 10 years old. I just got out an abusive relationship a month or two ago.. at first, I thought it was healthy. But, as time went on, I realized that it was definitely not. If you make a part two, can you please add this? It would make my day and it will spread the word.
It is so toxic and wrong that society teaches little kids that when a person likes you they pick on/bully you. That teaches them that people hurt those they love and should they enter an abusive relationship, they are going to stay in that situation because they were taught “when someone bullies/harasses you they means they like you!”
@@paisleighyt6153 Hey I just wanted to say You can say Person instead of Boy/Girl and They instead of He/she.
@@drivak you’re probably right. I should have considered that option
@@paisleighyt6153 no worries !
Ok but, WHAT KINDS OF FATHER OR MOTHER SAYS THAT TO CHILDREN
Kids if you reading this remember that when someone bullies you, you talk to your guardian or the principal
"Be careful with you're words"
"They can only be forgiven but never forgotten"
I fell this...
it's hard to be the perfect person that they want you to be, love you're kid's the way they are......
My parents were never there for me except when I was a kid. I had to do everything for myself. I was also taught that school was a gateway for big apportunities and could change your life. They always told me grades were more important.but with that I instantly never felt good enough. Or if they were there for me anymore
When you're at your parents' house you can't get the space you need...... Every child or person needs time to be alone......
(I'm not saying all parents)🙂
I once shouted on my dad cause he was saying that I am stupid and I know nothing without even listening to me and then he sad "this kid doesn't have any manner it's all because you (mom) didn't teach her manners"
And then my mom pushed all the blame on me that I ruined my day
I don’t think my parents care though.
And here we have my parents, after one says extremely hurtful things, the other one comes and tells me to "forgive and forget" and "now we're done with this" as if them telling me to forget and move on means I'll magically forget everything they did. Nah, I just learned to stay silent about it as talking about it clearly wasn't an option.
Excuses like “I’m the parent your the child”
"I wish you were more like..."
I remember a story of my mother. She said that she has a friend who encourages her son to be more like me. The son of my mom's friend replied with: I don't care about grades. When I heard that story, I was not happy because I am a friend of the son of my mom's friend and he is honestly a nice person to be around with. Even though I was used as an example, I felt bad because that kid did not need to change anything about him.
This is what my parents used to tell me too. I have siblings and i'm the middle child, and i've often heard that the middle child is always the weirdest of the brothers and sisters. I am also often compared to my brother and sister. I feel annoyed when that sentence comes out again. I just ignore it because i like being myself
There's a thing that mostly my parents say to me whenever I'm crying : "You have nothing to cry for" . And it hurts hearing that from them after telling them not to.
my mom says the same thing to me
Hey, I hope you know you have every right to cry if you're upset and its okay to.
It does hurt when your parents invalidate your feelings me personally my dad says “stop crying it’s no big deal.” And when he says that it just makes me cry more no matter how hard I try to stop crying
My dad said that to me today, but guess who can turn off and in their emotions now? 😃
my parents always say that to me when i cry
"What are people going to say?" hits the hardest. I'm pretty confident a massive part of my lack of self-esteem and absolute fear of being and expressing my real self freely was caused by my mother constantly repeating this over and over to me. Ever since I was a teen I feel like I stopped living to conform to this stupid threat. I ended up being the pale shadow of my real self just because I hide as much of me as I can, because I'm absolutely terrified of being judged in any way. Both by her and by people outside. Suddenly all of the things I liked made me 'childish', 'stupid' or 'they'll think you have an uncaring mother!'. Good job mom, this is how you created the gray, apathetic, dull me you despise so much. You didn't treasure the colorful, confident, happy kid you once had and insisted for her to turn into this. Now don't complain if I barely exist.
I'm sorry you had to hear that. I don't really know what to say, but... I hope things get better, and that one day you can find pieces of that happy child inside you.
same, my mom doesn't say things, she's kinda nice. But in 5th grade I felt very insecure about my looks, actions, and my ODD. It really hurt when kids would laugh when I cried because I couldn't control it, back then Counselors were there and helped my problems but I'm still very insecure about my weight all the time, it's like everything I do makes me not fit in.
came out as lgbtq+ last year, my mom said it was just hte internet influencing me, and that it was only for attention and a trend, still hurts to this day
@@smolcaleb hope your ok man may the lord bless this ENTIRE commets section
@@brittneypatten8544my mom says “furry’s are cringe! When you become a adult you will see.” But i wanna be one:C (i want to be a furry, not those weird ones, but for cosplaying)
Gotta send this to my parents 😅 they're not bad parents at all, but I can really relate to the "because I said so" and I just realised this is one of the reasons I'm bad at standing up for myself...
I'm a parent PLUS a victim of child abuse, so this touched A LOT harder then most might understand. There was times where I wanted to say "What will people think!?" But before I even started acting like my adopted mom, I shake my head and say "So what people think?....." and tell them how awesome, beautiful/handsome, positive, independent, amazing children they are! Pointing out the positive challenges that they themselves over come, even thou they saw a lot of horrible negative things from my ex husband and I. Them, themselves try to be my little heros. But I stand up and them know "Its ok kiddos, I ain't going to have him hurt you...." which they did explain when they got older that it hurt them not knowing what to do to help. I thanked them for trying but explained "There was nothing you could've done immediately, he could've come to you and with his hateful words. Even try to beat you to be scared to get help from the police or anything, it was best in my mind to keep you guys safe to make sure you where somewhere I can trust to go away for months on end. That way you guys didnt get hurt nor afraid to be in the house, and I was making a plan to safely get us somewhere safe permanently." Sadly back then I didnt have ANY help from my adopted family who was near by, my adopted dad was trying his best to do what he could do. Taking the kids to his place if big enough in Hawaii, or even sending money and food, clothes whatever needed to be done if they need it. I sacrificed a lot for them because the love and joy I bring to them was endless, so why put them threw hell when they dont need it? I promised myself I WOULDN'T for any reason follow my adopted mom's footsteps, and cut off the negative view point to my kids and made myself a shield for them. Yes I did come home with bruises, cuts and even wounds. But I know my kids where safe everytime, and my friends as much as they could help me a lot for them. Now I'm a grandma myself, and they have so much love. Even when I'm not psychically there, I try to keep up with their lives as much as they gave love to me. 💖
Do you know who is beautiful? Read the second word ♥ u r amazing n god bless you❤
@@sandhanitizer6260 thank you ^_^
@Sleepy Frog I try, parenting is SUPER hard but worth it if you know the positive points of being a parent. Was there times where I want to give up? Most definitely, but I never did
@@littlepsycopopmaryith8618 ;)
Omg are you okay?!
Two statements that my parents said to me that have stuck with me:
1) when I expressed that I was no longer apart of their religion “I thought we raised you better than that.”
2) When graduating with my bachelor’s degree “we never thought you’d get this far!” (I have a doctorate now)
damn hope ur happier
Wait what religion were you before and what are you now
@@uwillneverknowhowihave1.4ksubs nondenominational Christian and now atheist/nonreligious
@@whisper_dvm5157 what does nondenominational mean
They don’t belong to a specific branch of Christianity, a more general/broad set of beliefs. A denomination is a branch of Christianity
Parents always ask us to be grateful for them but sometimes I feel that they should realise that they are grateful to have us too.
Absolutely right...😢
Something i learned is often mothers do this listen, interupt, advice, leave. As soon as they hear something they dont like our words freeze and act as if we weren’t just talking. My family is my friends. They listen then give advice then listen.
Why should they be grateful to have us? We just bog their lives down by wasting their time, money, and energy.
@@whyrwehere Idk what your parents told you for you to think that way, but I am so, so sorry 😢
My mother has told me many times that the gym she used to go to is her only escape from our family and that she would leave her marriage and run away if she could. As soon as I had gotten older, however, is when she started to attempt to guilt trip me into still loving her after the hurtful things she’s done and said to me.
I told my mum I want to a lawyer. Her words were, "Your grades aren't high enough. You are way too stupid for such a job." I'm now having conversations with my careers advisor at my school and she said, "You can do it, you would be a perfect fit in a law firm."
And at this moment and time, I don't care what my mum has to say about it, I'm making my dreams come true whether she likes it or not.
You will you just gotta keep pushing through, and your mom is only trying to get you to have better grades bc for some reason they prioritize grades over self esteem
I have a similar story, my mom’s against me getting an art degree because “getting a job in art isn’t reliable.” She was really discouraging, and all throughout my life I practiced art and being creative so it’s a passion of mine. I like turning people’s ideas into reality through an art piece, it’s why I never complain about art projects ( and always strive to meet the deadline, cause in real life they prepare you for real art work deadlines.) But now that I’m surrounded by other people who have similar passions they’ve seen my work and are confident and reassuring to me that I can get an illustration degree and go into that field.
I hate how discouraging some people are, because even if it’s for a good reason, it’s not good enough to cement someone down. Cause how will you or anyone know that they can’t do it, if they don’t try.?
Good..and you'll do it too m. You have the smarts, the determination and the desire.. that's why you WILL do it!! Congratulations and God bless you!!
Quillio
You can do it!!!!! I believe in you we all do!!!
The fact that even if it was said only once it lives in the child's head forever is so terrifying☹️☹️
Red flag your parent's toxic/better to know, boring pathetic individuals!
True, 32 years after, I remember all the negatives sentences my parents told me, remember all the negatives memories.
And cause we are not computers, we can't deleted theses bad memories. Yes, It will stay forever even if you would delete it, we can't, it stay.
cant relate bro...
Mom guilt. I know I've said "because I say so" in relation to stuff like chores and I know my mother did to me.
Telling a parent not to compare kids with others is like telling a metal don't sink in water
Might as well add the statements:
"You are like this....." assuming things about their child/children when they actually know nothing.
"You are a such a rebel...." when you obviously just have different beliefs and perspectives that are not exactly the same with theirs and they can't accept it.
"I'm so proud of you.." only after seeing all the medals you received during graduation but never reacted nice when you showed them good grades ever since.
"You're so ambitious...." doesn't even know that they are all part of your plans and one of the reasons why you strive in school.
"You're going to be like this....(negative)" just because you act differently and only wishes to pursue a long term happiness for yourself, and them thinking you can't reach it.
Lastly,
"When we get old, you'll surely abandon us..." hurts the most saying as if you never really cared about them and such an ungrateful child. Little did they know you were already having thoughts in your head about taking care of them in the future.
So sad that these so called adults seems to be lacking of basic good morals. Their child/children are humans too. They should at least prepare them for a life ahead, not trying to kill them mentally and emotionally in the process.
the last thing u said....was for real....like my parents always say this to them...this is always the start of our fights....even if i tell them i will not abandon them...they just don’t believe me....idk why parents are like this
I honestly relate to all of the things you said and it honestly hurts....
It's so annoying sometimes having small arguments and then my mom always assuming im mad or upset. then when im ACTUALLY mad because she's accusing me of being mad she just says "oh so now ur mad", what are you trying to accomplish? this is not a vent by the way, just a rant.
@@Rox_anne0307 So True, it hurts a lot. It's like a stab in the heart. But, oh well, as much as insulting it is to still need to prove this one to them, we got to stick in what we believe and let them be.
@@weirdo2603 It truly hurts. Especially, when you are this type of person who doesn't really care about people and just want to see your parents appreciate you, encourage you and understand you more than anybody else. And it's really tiring to keep all of these by yourself and still act as the very obedient child.
A bit personal and I rarely say this, but my dad had said all of these things if not more, I always believed him since I was young, and I now realize that I was missing this, you changed my life, thank you
Wow. I initially watched this from the perspective of a parent wanting to avoid saying these things to my child. I discovered that I’ve heard almost every single one of these from my parents. It’s no wonder I developed so many mental health issues and self esteem issues. I’m healing though and I will be a better mother to my child.
My mother also said many of these things to me as a kid. It's great that you're actively researching what to avoid as a parent, and I wish you and your child the best in the future!
That's exactly what I want to be when I grow up ❤
Thank you SO much. We need more mothers like you. I wish my mother realized this. Or my dad.
😊❤ You will
YAYYYY you go, what's happened to many of us is terrible but what matters now is healing and not repeating the mistakes of those who came before, I believe in youuuu
“If we didn’t have you we wouldn’t be in this situation” it still hurts till this day but I’m getting better from it!
* virtual long hug* Hope we can move past the past. We deserve to be happy and peaceful
Hey, I got this dialogue too. U are not alone dear. Hope u heal your wounds like I am doing too...
good luck healing , i have a lot of faith in you😁 and i'm glad you are getting better, it takes a lot of strength
Ive had that too but its " if your damn mom didnt diside to f-up in highschool we wouldnt be raising a mess like you" ( from granddad in fight ). I give virtual hug! Were all in the same strom. You got this.
Well, truly phenomenal parents, there's something called a condom...?
"Cause I said so." Was a big one with my parents. I was always curious and wanted to know why some rules needed to be followed. It why now as a parent myself I'm always prepared to explain why things are the way they are. And that no rule is in place to hurt them or make them feel bad. It's also why, when my kids were much younger and got into trouble, I'd always sit them down and ask what they thought got them into trouble. Often times children don't fully understand what it is they did wrong or at least not fully. So explaining it to them in full really helps them to understand.
Me too. Exactly that - with father threatening violence if I carried on asking. Or me asking my boss at work why we did certain things the way we did, and him saying you don't need to know.
I went the opposite way with my son - explained everything, before and after the event, whether he wanted to hear it or not. When he was about 30, he told me that he hadn't always agreed with the decisions I made but he always knew why I'd made them. (I think that was a good thing!)
His job includes a lot of training, and the people who hear him always express their appreciation for his explanations.
Perhaps the "' 'cause I said so" and "you don't need to know why" people are just sad and insecure.
Same
soo true
Everytime I ask "why" when they say something that I just wanted to know why I have to follow, either they say " I don't have to give you any explanation" or it's either "cuz I said so, go" and I never understood why it hurts, i thought it was normal..
@@Sunny_The_Artist Sadly, so do they! It's widespread, which doesn't make it acceptable.
I think it's bad parenting; unless you want to raise a child who can't explain anything or make decisions.
4:56 - this once makes me think of giving your child anticipatory grief, just semi differently, I have anticipatory grief and it is probably one of the worst things I feel like a child could go through, especially if they have parents who had them later in their life.
ㅤ~timestamps͜••~
1- 00:58 what's the matter with you
2- 01:31 i don't have time for you
3- 02:10 i wish you were more like...[insert name of friend/sibling here]
4- 02:42 you're a disappointment to me
5- 03:11 why didn't you...[insert thing here]
6- 03:43 because i said so
7- 04:20 (funni numbe) what are people going to say?
8- 04:56 I'm leaving and never coming back
guys if you relate to any of these I'm sorry
After translating whatever memories I had of my mother’s worst characteristics, I think she said some of THESE…
@@SakuraPottage same
Overused
@DimDomBun same here 😞
5 + 7 for meeeeeeee
"I'm leaving and never coming back" would be a blissful thing my "mother" would ever say to us. Not having her in our life could have saved us a lot of psychological trauma we're currently battling. Some people should not be parents
When I was in highschool and had my first psychological breakdown, I tried to walk to the mental hospital by myself. She picked me up and drove me but said if I got out of the car, she would never talk to me again and I was on my own. I gleefully got out of the car and for 2 hours was sitting in psych care ecstatic that I could finally be free. I was crushed when she showed up. Haven't talked to my mom in almost 10 years. The greatest gift she could have given to me is leaving and never coming back.
@@unusedrock308 i feel bad for u hope ur doing just fine now
My mom did that very thing, left because she wanted to see what “opportunities” were out there and lived with my uncle for 5 months. At the end she couldn’t find a job, and came back. My dad, sister and I were very happy those 5 months. Now, thankfully I moved out 2 years ago and never looked back. Never been more happy in my life!
@@Unknown23375 I am! Lots of therapy and have to work to get out of survival mode. But I have thrived since cutting my family out of my life. The adult world is a cakewalk compared to my time as a kid.
I feel you on that.
“You’re not part of my family” is definitely another one. I will never forget how painful that feels when being said by my mum is.
Wow, then home must be the new hell 🔥
my mum says the same thing... I'm an Indian
@@evablaze4301 lol same
@@tea4285 u Indian?
"I'm leaving and never coming back"
"Thanks for the trust issues mom, do you think I forgot what you said a long time ago"
My dad once asked me "Do you have a problem?!" The only reason I don't open up to my parents is that I know that they'll tell everyone even though I'm not comfortable.
"I wish you were more like this"
This is one if not the Most harsh thing you could ever tell to your own child..
True like I will be compared to everyone
@@Sharmaji_0_0 same tho 🧍🏻
@@Sharmaji_0_0 but whenever you did something better than them they always go "Dont compared yourself to others"
Same my mom who always compare me to my younger cousins like "why can't you be like him" or "look she dance a lot why can't you be like her" i get so angry whenever i heard those words..
@@azunkor422 Yaa
My mom once said “I will leave this family”
My brother was crying, and I was on the verge of tears as she enunciated her point. I still remember it to this day.
My brother and mothers daily fight in one comment 💀
At this point I myself want to leave my family.
My grandparents did something like this to their kids. Grandma would say she was leaving the family and start packing and Grandpa would look at the kids and say, "what are you going to do to keep her from leaving?" And the kids would panic clean everything and more.
its sad my mom always says this to this day or she said she hated me and didnt love me😭
OMG IM SO SO SORRY BUT U DO KNOW THAT SOMEONE LOVES U RIGHT!??????????? I HOPE UR OKKKKKKKK
This is why I want to be a supporting mother in the future, yet still have a respectful child. 🥺
After watching this u probably will
After watching this u probably will
Good Luck 👊😇
Same
I grew up with some of these phrases being thrown at me often by my parents. It has caused me to grow up with depression and anxiety because of it.
Thank you for teaching why these are hurtful, and possibly also warn parents that these phrases hurt their children a lot more than they realize ❤
"What's wrong with you?"
"You're being dramatic"
"Stop being like this"
"Just leave then, go!"
"You're so selfish"
"No. You don't want to die. Stop it."
"No one will ever love you if this is how you're going to act"
"I don't care"
"Go away! Leave me alone"
Now I live a life of emptiness and distance from everyone/everything.
You were made for a purpose by the God who created you. He loved you enough to put on flesh, die for your sins, and rise from the dead so that you could have eternal Life through the belief in Jesus Christ. You are certainly loved. 🙏🏾
I felt this in my soulllllll
@@themadlass5584 :)
@@IWonder474 :)
Relate though i still learn to have normal relationship with other people but a bit traumatized on having a serious relationship coz im afraid il end up like my mom always crying and i dont want my kids to suffer those kind of hurtful words if i have my own family.
When I was a teenager, my dad and I butted heads what felt like every other day. I have heard some version of nearly everything on this list, but the one thing that has stuck with me the most was during a heated argument over something that I can't even remember now. I asked him if he ever had anything positive to say about me, and he replied with, "What have you done that's positive?"
He apologized for it, but I don't know if I'll ever forget it. I still think about it years later and it has the power to completely ruin my day.
Parents, please. Be mindful of what you say to your kids. They may forget what you said with time, but they will never forget how it made them feel.
That's horrible, let me send you a virtual hug ❤
I honestly lost count of how many times my parents said horrible stuff to me... They don't remember it. They *say* they don't remember, but I'm almost sure they do. It hurts so deeply. I mean, c'mon... what's the need of saying I'm useless and manipulative and that I never loved them?... What's... What the heck...
Cried hearing most of these phrases from the two of my parents, words really do hurt and they stick. So please be kind to your children and others.
I hope you have a amazing life no one deserves it
Same. I can still hear, “You are SUCH a disappointment” in my mother’s voice even now. Those words live in your soul forever.
Just reply with “Not my fault!” Or “use protection next time”
I cried on the "why didn't you" I linked this to the comparing to sibling's one because my brother won hard tennis tournaments and he did a lot but I always lose and I tried but it wasn't enough. Even though my parents never said "why didn't you" I was still hurt and I was really depressed about losing so many tournaments. But I wouldn't want to waste anymore of your time with my worthless comment so good luck in whatever you are going through.
@TacoKel sure thanks
As an adult who is still trying to heal from family issues, my family says most of these things to me ever since my mother passed away, and still do to this day. My father makes things better for him by making things worse for me such as, taking advantage of my insecurities and emotions, and pushing my boundaries until I hit my breaking point, my sisters always say, “Stop being dramatic”, and “suck it up and deal with it” when I tell them about my troubles that involve family and issues at my job, and my aunt always sees my depression as a pouty attitude, and she always says, “You’ll get over it” when telling her about my depression
What a great family I have
I feel like the children are watching this instead of the parents.
What you think about yourself is all that matters. No matter what your parents do or tell you, remember to love yourself.
Edit: Thank you so much for all the likes.
I'm just checking if my mom has a right to treat me the way she does!
And judging by those videos, she doesn't!
@@Aruna_Shadows I'm here for you if you need to talk! It always helps to have a friend.
@@ange1_wings801 Thank you....!
@@Aruna_Shadows yeah, though its with my dad.. he always tells me to stop crying and punish me if i don’t, and i try to tell him he cant make it magically go away but he just gets madder, he doesnt even care about my feelings, when i cry about something he literally says out loud “i domt care he can cry all he wants”
@@lcajueiro I can relate.... !
I'm sorry for you....!
"What's wrong with you? You have lost your mind. Get some help."
I'm 33, live independently, have an 11 year old son that I take care of, have strong relationships with my psychologist and my psychiatrist, and this is still one of my mom's favorite things to say to me, ESPECIALLY in the heat of an argument.
My mother is an alcoholic and she will scream at me but she never views herself as the problem. She also tells me to get therapy.
Maybe you can suggest to her to learn more vocabulary.
@@KhoiruunisaRF I have, but it only offended her.
If you share no ethical nor moral values with her, she loses the right to call herself 'mother' to become a mere progenitor.
My Brother and Father said this to me, not in the heat of an argument but straight up into my face while we just had a nice come together. This happens always and my brother always acts like the understanding one while at the same time, not listening to what I have to say (to say about what is wrong with me) and even calling me a psychopath whenever i told him, that i no longer like my family because of this. My own father once threatened to punch me, because i spoke out to them. I'm 23, have a good Job and my own Appartment and yet this always comes up whenever there's a family get together. I knew that my father likes my elder and younger siblings more, that's because he didn't even acknowledge my existence till i was in first grade and we moved together with him.
“Why can’t you be like my friend’s kids?”
“This isn’t your home, it’s mine.”
“I’m gonna leave you behind and never come back.”
“Because I said so!”
i don’t really hear these lines much anymore, but it’s probably just because i steer clear of talking to my mom for longer than 10 minutes honestly
Same as my life buddy 🙂😕
The first one hurt me
If parents didn’t retort whenever you make a statement, I’d have made it clear that if it isn’t my home as well as yours, then why the heck am I living here, huh?
Sadly its true parent do this ALOT
@@prettymuchrue696 i can relate to what your saying but my sisters the one who tells me that nowdays my mom compares her to one of our family friends i jate comparing so much imagine comparing me to a 5 year old yea my sister
I know it's an older video, but I just have to say sometimes others need to step in for parents, not to correct them, but to sort of fill in when they are overwhelmed. Often this will be family, sometimes it will be friends. Others can find themselves in position to back up parents being overwhelmed by things they just can't explain to young kids. I've been there a handful of times, both kith and kin, and found it quite rewarding in the short and long term. I'd replace most any of these with one simple piece of advice. Never lie to children. You don't have to tell the whole truth or exceed what they can comprehend, but pure honesty including "I can't explain that to you now" always gets rewarded with trust down the road. You might not remember but they will.
The sad thing is that there will barely be any parents watching this or any related video and the viewers will mostly be kids who wish parents could see this themselves, abusive or not.
And if the child shows this to thier parent the parent will just ignore it or worse scold the child
@@Zeoroark REALLLLSSSSS (honestly why im kinda scared to show it lol)
Eh, I watch these videos to learn what not to do. There's probably more out there than you realize.
Luckily in this one I didn't really see anything I would say anyway.
true I'm doing it right now.
Yes its true i wish i could show this to my mom without her telling me that im over reacting and or yell at me for saying such things against her
My mom once shouted at me “I wish I didn’t give birth to you” for a common mistake I did, that day was dark to me but in mind I knew she didn’t mean it because she has blood pressure and she was dealing with so much, I said to myself that she’s just angry and she poured it on me. It was back in middle school, I’m at university now, my last year, and I still have that memory as if it was yesterday. I ended up once telling her that I can’t forget it and I need to know the truth but she bursted into tears and she apologized. We are in a much better situation now but somehow that memory and that sentence specifically brings me some sort of pain, I just wish I could heal from it one day
Ok, if your mother sincerely apologized and was going through a lot, and didn’t mean it, then I believe she’s a good person and loves you dearly, know that if you weren’t born, your mother would have one less person to love, and that you are worth more than every goddamn cent in this world. ❤
My mom once said I wish I never adopted you but never said sorry.
And least she said sorry
My mother is always stressed and always says these things and I got enough of it😤
My mom said that on more than one occasion -TBH I was a shitty teenager/pre-teen and I don't actually blame her in retrospect. It didn't really bother me then when she said it, but now I feel her side to be pushed to that extreme.
Sometimes the parent is justified in so saying.
"It can be forgiven but never forgotten " is true. I never understand those who chose to be parents can be so cruel in saying very hurtful things to their own children and cause emotional damage to their own children. They never hold themselves accountable of what they've done for the damage, but to make their children feel guilty and emotionally disconnected with them. It's really a shame!
I never forgive my family expect my father, after what did they to me & my little sister.
My little sister suffered alot of it while me Take more than that.
Like Im A bulletproof vest that got shot multiple times(500,000times).
My dad never holds himself accountable for when he says something that hurts me, my sisters, or my mom. My brother moved out once he was eighteen because of my dad. My last couple of fights with him, I barely held back my tears. I despise how emotional I am around him because that's his gateway of getting to me. I was also raised to never say no, that he was my father, not my friend. The point of parenting is that you nurture a child into adulthood with good aspects and grand aspirations in mind, not a fear of you screaming at them for doing something wrong or incorrectly.
I can relate to that, my dad is a right c**t, Im more then emotionality detached from him, I want to take legal action against him for abusing a person with an interlectul disability, he has mentally and physically abused me since a child, even lied to the police about his abuse, my mum doesn't help matters for she always takes his side, he's no longer physically abusive to me, thank goodness. Thats always been the way with my parents, I'm right, your wrong, I'm your parant not your friend
I can never forgive, nor forget the emotional damage my mother has caused me and I’m glad that she’s been cut out of my life. I’ve never felt this… happy in a long time, especially now that I live with a parent that lets me heal. I especially will never forgive her because she is one of those parents that don’t hold themselves accountable for what she’s done and probably even denies the damage that has been done.
Damn straight
I'm tired at the fact that my parents, my mother specifically still thinks what they have done was right. All 8 of this were done when I was very young, almost 4-5 years old
When I was little, my mom always told me and my siblings that our opinions and feelings doesn't matter. From that early age to even now as an adult, I don't share opinions or my feelings. I struggle with setting boundaries with people because I can't vocalize them. As a parent, I always tell my child that it is okay to express his thoughts and feelings because I know what it feels like to feel unimportant and silenced.
you are a good mom
Same, mom doesn't let me express my opinion, only answer yes or no so when someone asks me for my opinion i rarely says anything and just agrees with their opinion
@@alexasimps1072 thats legit messed up
I get told that all the time and it really hurt the first time my dad said it because he was someone I really looked up to when I was little but now I don’t really feel anything at all and I have to force myself to show emotions so that people don’t question why I’m not responding to something the same way as them
@@athena4750 Thank You
I’ve seen that when a lot of kids ask "why?" The parent will surely say "Because I said so" I’m just glad to know it’s not good to say that to a child so I can be ready for when I get one.
My mom says it all the time!
I am highly against that authoritarian nature. Parents that do that don't care about their children, but about their power over their kids. They care more about complete obedience and respect rather than trying to help their child grow.
#8: "I'm leaving and never coming back!"
That one is really powerful on a child.
I just remembered the day my dad decided to pull a fast one and trick me and my brother so we could "treat Mom better." We were 6 and 8 (I'm older). My mom went to the bathroom, and my dad brought us home from school. We were looking for our mom to give her a Mother's Day card, and we couldn't find her. I asked, "Where's Mom?" and my dad said, "She went to Canada! She left us!" My brother immediately started crying, then I started too. My mom came out of the bathroom and was like, "What's going on?" My dad filled her in on what happened, and she hugged us and started crying too. When we were done, my dad said, "You guys knew I was joking, right? This was so you'd treat Mom better."
I had repressed this memory for a while now, and now that I finally dealt with it, I realized that my dad was kind of a (y'know) back then. He's much better now, and he actually doesn't remember it. Maybe that's why I was so scared that I would drive everyone away from me at school...
...or maybe it's because people said I was a manipulative, horrible person. Who knows?
I’m glad he’s doing better, no child should hear parents scream at each other or scream that they will never come back.
I’m glad you were able to realize this. I find it’s good to find the root of a problem so you can move past it and learn to grow. I hope for all the best for you and your family. 😊
@@mhw4955 Thanks!
This happened earlier today, after a fight with them my mom always say this every time that even if they're gone for two days straight I won't bother anymore
I mean, i get the message. I get what he was trying to sell. But yikes.
2:15 dang I didn't realize my parents did this but they say things like "well your sister did the homework faster" and things like that and it makes me feel worthless sometimes...
"You must be a punishment to our mistakes. "
Not the exact words but this is what they meant.
is that similar to saying "you are the consequences of our actions"?
@@bokx_9566 Maybe
"i must have done something really bad for this (me) to be my punishment" - mother dearest lmao, it's the same vibe but mine says it this way instead
@@bokx_9566 *mistakes
To be precose.
@@buggsxp Different words but the same wound.
Having BPD and being told to "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" while going through a split as a child and getting hit for "not complying" completely messed up how interacted with people permanently. I'll never forget how much fear I felt in that moment.
I have BPD too... for me it was "stop those crocodile tears!"
I'm so sorry you went through this. Sending love to you and remember you are so strong for sticking through it!❤
@@jenniferhowerton7421 I hate when people or parents assume tears are crocodile tears. When I was 9, my mum once told me to stop crying because she thought I was crying crocodile tears. I was a very good kid and was crying for ages because I felt guilty for something. Definitely messed me up-
I'm so sorry
@@Guiltyyzzzz imagine saying crocodile tears to literal CHILD in general like whatthefuckkk???
More things that can damage a child:
1.they always ignore you and never listen
2.they shout at you for not doing something their way
3.they tell embarrassing story’s to their friends about you
4.they don’t care how you feel
5.they threaten to hit you or hit you
(Edit: wow thanks for the likes everyone I hope you are having a great day!)
(Edit again: thx for all these likes I know life can be challenging because of ur parents making u have depression or anxiety but remember that u are perfect in ur own way and don’t let ur parents or something else tell u that ur not :D)
ahh the third i relate to, my mom always talks to people about stuff ive done and so on, even when im right there and some of the stuff, i really would want being talked about :/ plus im always scared that if i tell here something important shell just go and tell everyone else, cause both my mom and sister tend to not be able to keep things a secret, at all :(
Mood to all
These things leads to suicide!
All of these happens to me. . .😞
@@bruhhh69 you okay??
2 and 3 for me
I’ve just discovered this channel and I relate to majority or its content. I miss the person I used to be, and I hate the person my parents made me
When a child is born, a parent is born too, that person existed before, but the parent is completely new🙏
:)
@i hit fortnite kids true and if u can't be a parent just don't give birth
But why abuse children if you can't handle us
@i hit fortnite kids true and if u can't be a parent just don't give birth
But why abuse children if you can't handle us
This is pretty wise 🤔 Wow, food for thought!
@@cv1148 I must agree. In some cases people are not able to prevent getting pregnant due to some mistake, or beliefs, or other things
But if there is some way to prevent the unwanted pregnancy in the first place, such as protection or even abstinance, I think that is better than having to bring someone unwanted into the world to suffer
(Just to cclarify, just because they are unwanted by the parent at first doesn't mean no one will want them, nor does it mean the parent won't change their mind. But well, they are gonna get pretty mentally hurt and feel really worthless if their own parents are not invested in them. So its better not to subject someone to this situation.)
If you’re not ready to have a child, don’t put them through hell just because you refused abortion or adoption. You made a choice. Now live with it.
How about don't tell people how to raise their kids and before you can talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. Raise a kid of your own, see how well you do
@@debeb5148Unless it was unwanted, having a child is a choice. The entire point is that some people aren't okay with raising a child, why are you suddenly asking them to?
"If you don't straighten up, I'm not coming back." "You'll never amount to anything." "You're not home enough to be of any use to me." "Do as I say, not as I do!" "I'm the parent, not you!"
Just a few little nuggets of advice my mother gave to me growing up. I've forgiven but not forgotten and it still makes me teary eyed sometimes even though I'm 36 and have long since put it past me. I should thank her, though. Because of her fine example I now have a myriad of things I will never say to my daughter.
That's the best thing to do, break the cycle and be a better parent, good on you! You are not along, many many of us had the same experiences, it hurts but thus is life, let it go......
My mother and I wasn't like my mother but my mother and others broke me down and I became my mother and that cycle is hard to break
@@savvy2968 it so is. Sometimes when I open my mouth my mother comes out but I'm working on it. Little by little and I think I'm doing a good job so far lol It just takes practice and it helps to ask how would I have wanted to be treated at that age. So long as I can remember my childhood and how I felt, I'll be able to relate more to my daughter and meet her on her level.
@@ashleys9634 the fact you catch yourself is awesome! 👍👏👏Even if it's late you are capable of realizing your being this mother you wish not to be so great job! 👏👏 it isn't easy and I am told it isn't easy because we have this mindset and dont realize what harm were doing because its something were used to so for many they dont see their being physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and or spiritually abusive to their kids because their conditioned this way what has helped me is before I start getting upset stop and remember I'm going to die one day and see how I am to my mother I dont have a close relationship with her I dont hug her I say I love her but I want my kids to always hug me and not he afraid to tell me things and knowing they once were babies and I'm going to die helps alot if I may suggest a video a class to you it would help very much too it's called circle of security that has helped tremendously I take it evry chance I can your doing great and I am proud of you for having the capability of catching yourself so keep it up!🎉👏👏🤗 also hug then every morning and let them know you are working on yourself sometimes they help remind you not to get mad or that its okay my kids say to me mama dont flip your lid its okay ( I got 5 kids) all under age 8 so it is a handful for sure also ask your kids how do you know i love you and their response should be you hug me you kiss me good night you kiss my booboos you read to me or sing and hold me something that indicates you do show them love if so then you are doing better than you thought always say good job Ashley out loud or in your head on your accomplishments of not getting so mad or catching yourself and other goals you reach that helps too turning tv and tablets and other devices off force you to connect with your kids because all those are distracting and leave your child with their needs not being met because you have no time for them. You have got this and I am here we all are here if you need support as I am for the others. Keep up the great work!👏👏👏
I'm 41. will be 42 in the 13th. I STILL hear such crap, and even worse.
2:56 made me suddenly recall how my mother would say when I were little and loved running around outside "If you fall down I'll give you some extra pain", knowing that I for sure gonna fall at one point on that uneven asphalt/pavement/ground. I, on the other hand, was confident I won't fall if I just try hard enough, so I tried as harder as I could to keep my balance and, of course, would ultimately fail and fall.
At least she always followed through with her promise.
“What are people going to say?”
I’m so fed up with my mom being like this.
We got into a fight recently, and she brought up this kind of thing at least four times. Like we were at a party for someone learning the piano, halfway through he was embarrassed because he was starting to regret throwing the party altogether because he felt like he wasn’t good enough yet. I said something along the lines of “I’m proud of how far you’ve come, learning a new skill takes a lot of time” so on so forth. She was mad because “[I] didn’t even know him” so I guess that means I’m not allowed to show support? He was obviously anxious and he seemed to feel better about his performance after I said something.
It wasn’t about him though, or about me. I’m at the point where I don’t care if people think I’m a little odd. It’s always about how I embarrass her, and how I somehow paint her to be in the wrong even though every time _shes_ the one that demands she’s right. And then she’s like “yeah the mental illness is genetics”
Close but no cigar, bud.
OMG SAME, THE EXACT SAME THING, is happening to me right now, today happens to be my Birthday and she made me wear super heavy makeup (I just turned 15) and put my hair up and said I finally look grown when she says I am so young and I should not get Social Media because what will other people when literally all my other friends and her friend’s children have it. She says the I look ugly and what will other people think when no one but her and me wear fancy clothing
I also happen to play the piano and I have been forced by Mom to play and she once slapped me which scared me and said that I get to anxious
@@pianooooo11 my mom also on my last b'day when I turned 15 made me wear a nice big frock but it was sleevless and i didn't want to wear it but j had to cuz my granny was also saying and i wanted to tie my hair but they siad to keep it open but I looked good like that probably better 💁
@@uniqueangellove.9878 Honestly I wouldn’t have mind wearing the dress but the way she did my makeup was ugly and she told me that the way I always keep my hair looks ugly even tho I keep it normal and she told me to “fix” it and I did a hairstyle and said it looked ugly and then she did the same way but just moving my hairline. She gave me a lipstick colour I hated and then she didn’t even the put the eyeliner on properly. I accidentally cried and told my Mom she missed a spot and then she tells me I’m crying and that I am emotional. I barely cry but yesterday I did.
@@uniqueangellove.9878 This was the opposite of me, my Mom said I looked better with my hair tied instead of it opened. That is kind of funny. I like keeping my hair open but a lot of my old friends loved keeping their hair tied.
Here is some of mine:
“Don’t make us look bad”
“ You’re still talking”
“You’re suppose to obey me”
“You’re spoiled”
“I brought you into this world I can take you out of it”
🙃
im so sorry!
The last one sounds like a death threat
The last one.😶😶
Looks like all the kids are just a liability in this rushing life.
@@Animation_Pr0jects omg I feel so bad,dw sometimes parents get angry,they still love you
I've been told "your spoiled"
Like.. b*tch.. YOU give me things I never asked for?!
Psych2Go: 8 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Child
My parents: doing every single thing that opposes it
Same-
My dad litterly yeets me outta space and says sorry after that and never change.
Same 😭😭
@@CUBISSSTZ same
and it hurts
Yea, since the day we moved into our new place.
Is it weird that i relate all of this? I always getting compared, Judged, and yelled for doing something just as normal as other people. That's also the main reason im always holding everything to myself, i never open up to my parents because they will judge me.
"You're useless"
"You're just a waste of space"
"Look at her, she's thin, why can't you be like her?"
"If you've studied harder, you could've been part of the quiz bee!"
"We'll go and drop you off to your tita next morning, you're not gonna live here anymore"
"Why can't you be like her?"
I get it, I get it. I'm imperfect, but I try my best.
i am so sorry
Hey you are perfect it just they can’t see your perfect.Try to allow yourself to see your perfect ❤️
I know that feeling, just know that it is not your fault. Stay strong. Mahirap pero kaya naten to
My mom wanted to kill me when I was 5 is that normal thing?
@@meowimacat9050 I just hope you are okay.What’s your age?Have you tried to get help ?
Fun fact: Why become first while trying to become the last is way harder smh
But how would anyone know because your the LAST
I swear the "I'm leaving and never coming back" really pulled a trigger in me. My mom would always say that whenever we get into arguments. Whether it be about studies, grades or chores. She would even gaslight me and guilt trip me along with blaming me for things that didn't even happen yet making me feel like I'm a terrible child.
My mother would say this and then she would actually leave.
I get this. My parents were divorced, and once my mom threatened to send me to my dads and not let me and my sister back. It definitely made me more clingy, and when you go to a new school for 5th grade, it’s extremely hard to make friends, and even harder when the 2 other new girls have to leave. I hope I can bring this, and others up to my mom, she probably doesn’t even know she’s doing something wrong, but I’m still anxious. This video really helped, though I’m not sure how to act on it, because my mom would probably just question the sources
My mother would blame me and my brother for my dad leaving. Plus everything other manipulation tactics to make us feel like we were useless
I relate to the 3rd one so much
My mom would leave me behind in stores when I was a little kid back in the 1980s. My psychologist said it was temporary psychosis. I don't even know what I did wrong either.
And after all of these words they ask "why are you sad?" and the worst part is that you can't Tell them bc they are the reason...
"I will kick you out my house and you can live on the streets."
I don't know why this still rings in my head though it happens all the time. Its like the "i'm leaving and never coming back." Though for me its what my mom says, mostly for stupid things like not wearing what she wants me to wear, getting a bad mark or for just saying i didn't want to do a certain thing.
My dad said a similar thing when I told him I didn’t like it when he laughed at me, "If you hate me, if you don’t like my rules, you can leave my house. I. Don’t. Care."
@@Gridkeeperr my *adoptive* mum has said similar, including threatening to send me to boarding school (I wouldn’t have coped with that, at all, I don’t think), in stupid arguments. I already had trust and abandonment issues from being separated from my birth family, that just made things a little worse. Thanks, replacement mother.
congrats! you live in an abusive family like 90% of other kids!
if you live in america (which im assuming you do because of the abusive behavior of your mother) then i just want you to know that your country needs to fix itself.
Would be very glad if my parents said that, i'd kill myself and make them feel guilt
@@afewofmycommentsarecringy.8646 well I don't live in America, but yes my parents are abusive though my whole life we thought of it as discipline (by we I mean my three brothers and I).
Once when i won a medal in 7th grade my parents told me "why are you so happy its such a small achievement"
if i am being truefull i hope that god gets rid of all evil soon because i am so mad and discusted of all the thing toxic parents/crimanals/corrupt cops/ect. do (btw hope you live a good live let the lord bless you)
i can feel your pain. i hate toxic parents. I don’t have them but i know how much pain you can get. feel better soon i’m here for you, friend.
i know... and im sorry to hear my mum had one said smt like that to me too...
I know that feeling.....😢
This
"Because I said so!"
My mom often didn't at all explain the point of her decisions, there was no negotiation, and I was expected to obey everything without condition. "JUST SAY "Ok mom"" was frequently said. As a result (I think it correlates), I am very reserved and have a hard time opening up to people, a lot of talking makes me visibly shaky, and insults don't hurt anymore.
Welp, now that I've typed this out I think I should talk to someone about this. Huh.
you talked to the internet about it, next step is real life.
I’ve always hated that response. That’s not a valid reason… try again!
Same expected I couldn’t even respond with “Ok mom” I’d get yelled at for back talking.
My dad is still like this even though I’m an adult. I’m someone who always asks why so this never works. I learned early that saying “yes” without context was a trap and have always refused.
@@Urmom-ts8gp same