In my experience we do realize when others are manipulating or using us but we still feel a deep desire to help them. We also embody the belief that people will change for the better if you continue to love and help them. Our intuition picks up on people who are more inclined to use as well. We usually don't get side tracked by that because the goal is to help the person not necessarily protect ourselves. The people who need the most help often times need you to be vulnerable in order to enter their world and help them inact change.
I am an ENFJ, and even if I know someone is using me I typically help them anyway. I just don't trust them anymore, and I make sure not to let them use anybody else (around me at least). I might even point it out to that person (the user) that the way they treated the person they used was not right (only if I know it will help them).
My brother is an INFJ, and he and I are both sensitive/hyper-aware of the feelings of those around us, and it can be draining, but we wouldn't be this way if we didn't derive some joy and fulfillment out of it. :) It's really nice when it's just he and I or with a bunch of really good friends and we can just lay back and relax, still being sensitive to each other and feeling free to banter about anything and everything haha :) I adore his challenging and authentic views about life and his inquisitive, fun nature~ Connection and depth are a top priority for me for sure, in all relationships. Thank you for creating and sharing this. :)
Wow! SPOT-ON .... as a person who lived my Life as an ENFJ (because my single mother was a flaming Extrovert and raged against what she referred to as "moping" (which was really the contemplative nature of an INFJ) .... I can relate to everything you said on both sides: ENFJ and INFJ. Now that I am 60, and, after many trials & tribulations, happily I have returned to who I am : INFJ with a very experienced background in Living as an ENFJ (in order to survive my childhood). You have delivered a fabulous summary here. Well done! If you ever wanted to ask anything, please do not hesitate, ok?
I defiantly pick up on being used most of the time it happens. and to an extent I still try to help them in some way if its not too wrong of them and it cost me nothing but physical help, never monetarily. I sometime have to look for anyone I can interact with after a long stretch of me being alone in my head for too long at a time and just go looking for someone to talk to or hang out with. some times I can even find myself in slightly bad company to hang out with over none at all. and that type of company are usually dealing in life turmoil in a lot of times. and that's where I usually find myself satisfying the need to do for others covertly, yeah I know. Often times i just end up feeling used about it and angry at my self for not getting what I was in it for accomplished. then I feel the unappreciation if they don't see my efforts on the favor. Or if they really didn't ask me and I just step in to give a hand on my own and then fail to help out by some way unknown or i was limited too, I will blame my self a lot and beat my self worth up. the more important the help was for the worse i feel for failing them and not helping. I'm 40 now and I've learned to manage it pretty well and usually don't allow myself to be taken on anything as much and try to get only as involved as I really have too and still be making a big impact on the task at the same time. but for sure I can see the intensions usually instantly even over the phone some times I can pick up on the back story of why there calling me or needing at that moment. It was a lot worse on me when I was younger and thought everyone was like me. but I still picked up on it usually and would just get pissed and let it be known and bail on them. Better then what I was thinking of doing to them first in my head for sure! lol now I can just go home were all is well nearly all the time. my wife is INFJ and its pretty easy and most people wonder what our secrete is and its basically yin and yang with us. for the most part as long as I'm not heated up over self care issues of my own. always worth it to come home to none of that crazy business my other friends and peers go through day in and day out! lol great video... spot on with my ENFJourney so far!
Hi, Great insight into the ENFJ. I am 28 now and have been with MBTI since I was 21. I think I am going through maturity phases with my aux and tertiary functions. It feels like I have solidified my Fe, and have moved onto my Ni and Se. It is almost like a second life. Ni feels so deep and heavy, and very theoretical. Se is very light and playful which is where I am now. So what I mean to say is, I believe there may be a limited time in which each personality type makes the most of that function before they should move onto the next. If one does not embrace each aspect of themselves, they will be apt to stubbornly protecting their first or second function but not going through the other functions below. It doesn't make for a healthy personality. What are your thoughts?
Hi Lisa, Glad you liked the video!. I agree with you. Although I wouldn't say there is limited time, because (as you said) people can choose to ignore the other functions and stay with what is comfortable. From how you have described where you are at, it sounds as thought you have moved into embracing the other functions at the right time according to the theory. (Maybe even a little early which is not a bad thing). :)
Nice video! Let's talk about "manipulation" as you stated I believe it can be found in any individual. (more unhealthy.)The word "manipulation" has a negative connotation, and I do NOT believe it to be a fair or clear description in what we do! I believe the proper terminology should have been "influencing", "persuading", or "shaping". And yes, we are apt to being manipulated by others! We love to give people the benefit of the doubt, and take others at face value! However "manipulation" is more clear in description for my BPD and ASPD ex's! They were more self-seeking, as I am selfless!
Honestly, I'm currently stuck in the middle! I JUST brought that conversation up to a friend earlier in the day. On the fence, not leaning one direction, more than another, just stuck. But please..........
Coraline Wilkinson an ISTJ has like no intuition but they can be very smart. i see why you said that though. him being "stoic"? sp? Ni seems to be like that too. I would have guessed INTJ but I believe Introvert Power.
In my experience we do realize when others are manipulating or using us but we still feel a deep desire to help them. We also embody the belief that people will change for the better if you continue to love and help them. Our intuition picks up on people who are more inclined to use as well. We usually don't get side tracked by that because the goal is to help the person not necessarily protect ourselves. The people who need the most help often times need you to be vulnerable in order to enter their world and help them inact change.
Thanks for sharing this +MJ Lewis interesting insight into the ENFJ world.
This is so deep and powerful and trueeee
I am an ENFJ, and even if I know someone is using me I typically help them anyway. I just don't trust them anymore, and I make sure not to let them use anybody else (around me at least). I might even point it out to that person (the user) that the way they treated the person they used was not right (only if I know it will help them).
sounds like you need a husband, i've learnt from 10 years of customer service (and being an enfj) to be very heavy handed with people, all people.
Thanks +Lacie farley (I finally have time now to read comments and respond :)
My brother is an INFJ, and he and I are both sensitive/hyper-aware of the feelings of those around us, and it can be draining, but we wouldn't be this way if we didn't derive some joy and fulfillment out of it. :) It's really nice when it's just he and I or with a bunch of really good friends and we can just lay back and relax, still being sensitive to each other and feeling free to banter about anything and everything haha :) I adore his challenging and authentic views about life and his inquisitive, fun nature~
Connection and depth are a top priority for me for sure, in all relationships. Thank you for creating and sharing this. :)
Rocketeye Moonpie your welcome. thanks for sharing.
Totally with you here!!! :)
Wow! SPOT-ON .... as a person who lived my Life as an ENFJ (because my single mother was a flaming Extrovert and raged against what she referred to as "moping" (which was really the contemplative nature of an INFJ) .... I can relate to everything you said on both sides:
ENFJ and INFJ.
Now that I am 60, and, after many trials & tribulations, happily I have returned to who I am : INFJ with a very experienced background in Living as an ENFJ (in order to survive my childhood).
You have delivered a fabulous summary here. Well done!
If you ever wanted to ask anything, please do not hesitate, ok?
I defiantly pick up on being used most of the time it happens. and to an extent I still try to help them in some way if its not too wrong of them and it cost me nothing but physical help, never monetarily. I sometime have to look for anyone I can interact with after a long stretch of me being alone in my head for too long at a time and just go looking for someone to talk to or hang out with. some times I can even find myself in slightly bad company to hang out with over none at all. and that type of company are usually dealing in life turmoil in a lot of times. and that's where I usually find myself satisfying the need to do for others covertly, yeah I know. Often times i just end up feeling used about it and angry at my self for not getting what I was in it for accomplished. then I feel the unappreciation if they don't see my efforts on the favor. Or if they really didn't ask me and I just step in to give a hand on my own and then fail to help out by some way unknown or i was limited too, I will blame my self a lot and beat my self worth up. the more important the help was for the worse i feel for failing them and not helping. I'm 40 now and I've learned to manage it pretty well and usually don't allow myself to be taken on anything as much and try to get only as involved as I really have too and still be making a big impact on the task at the same time. but for sure I can see the intensions usually instantly even over the phone some times I can pick up on the back story of why there calling me or needing at that moment. It was a lot worse on me when I was younger and thought everyone was like me. but I still picked up on it usually and would just get pissed and let it be known and bail on them. Better then what I was thinking of doing to them first in my head for sure! lol now I can just go home were all is well nearly all the time. my wife is INFJ and its pretty easy and most people wonder what our secrete is and its basically yin and yang with us. for the most part as long as I'm not heated up over self care issues of my own. always worth it to come home to none of that crazy business my other friends and peers go through day in and day out! lol great video... spot on with my ENFJourney so far!
right butyral and dishonest on the situation is the worst never again err!
Thanks for sharing some of your experience.
Very accurate description of my life, thank you so much!!😊
You're welcome Barbara
Hi,
Great insight into the ENFJ. I am 28 now and have been with MBTI since I was 21. I think I am going through maturity phases with my aux and tertiary functions. It feels like I have solidified my Fe, and have moved onto my Ni and Se. It is almost like a second life. Ni feels so deep and heavy, and very theoretical. Se is very light and playful which is where I am now. So what I mean to say is, I believe there may be a limited time in which each personality type makes the most of that function before they should move onto the next. If one does not embrace each aspect of themselves, they will be apt to stubbornly protecting their first or second function but not going through the other functions below. It doesn't make for a healthy personality. What are your thoughts?
Hi Lisa, Glad you liked the video!. I agree with you. Although I wouldn't say there is limited time, because (as you said) people can choose to ignore the other functions and stay with what is comfortable. From how you have described where you are at, it sounds as thought you have moved into embracing the other functions at the right time according to the theory. (Maybe even a little early which is not a bad thing). :)
Super interesting. Thanks.
Please do an INFP and ENFJ comparison.
Excellent!
I'd love some ENTP comparisons.
Thanks Taylor, I'm working on it.
Nice video! Let's talk about "manipulation" as you stated I believe it can be found in any individual. (more unhealthy.)The word "manipulation" has a negative connotation, and I do NOT believe it to be a fair or clear description in what we do! I believe the proper terminology should have been "influencing", "persuading", or "shaping". And yes, we are apt to being manipulated by others! We love to give people the benefit of the doubt, and take others at face value! However "manipulation" is more clear in description for my BPD and ASPD ex's! They were more self-seeking, as I am selfless!
Ginger Breitzman I agree completely. Influencing is a good word to describe the ENFJ.
do you believe the King James Bible?
Honestly, I'm currently stuck in the middle! I JUST brought that conversation up to a friend earlier in the day. On the fence, not leaning one direction, more than another, just stuck. But please..........
You could be an istj, not an infj.
Coraline Wilkinson nope. I take in information using intuition and I make decisions using feeling.
Coraline Wilkinson an ISTJ has like no intuition but they can be very smart. i see why you said that though. him being "stoic"? sp? Ni seems to be like that too. I would have guessed INTJ but I believe Introvert Power.
@@blackult1 To me, Scott seems too warm & fuzzy to be an INTJ. :)