10 Truths YOUR INFJ NEEDS YOU To Know
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- Опубліковано 12 гру 2017
- Downloadable PDF of these 10 Truths are available here:
www.scottericmorgan.com/blog/2...
In this video I talk about 10 truths every parent of an INFJ needs to know.
I am a professional counsellor & a certified administrator of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®. Face to face, Skype, Zoom and phone appointments are available. If you would like to organise a counselling appointment, take the MBTI® assessment and discover your personality type, or just learn more about your personality type, email me at contact@scottericmorgan.com or visit my website for more information www.scottericmorgan.com/.
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Hi Everyone, I created a downloadable 1 page PDF the these 10 Truths with bullet points for each one. It is on my website:
www.scottericmorgan.com/blog/2017/12/12/10-truths-every-parent-of-an-infj-needs-to-know
Wow, this is great. Thanks!
Scott Morgan, I wish my parents knew this when I was a kid.
Scott Morgan thank you
I am infj, who scrambled through the 70-80’s trying to figure this out. Now I have two children who are infj. They really struggle in school with any peer relationship. Where can I get more support to help them.
@@wanderinggypsy3203 the best support that you can give them in this is from somebody who is also an infj is your support as their parent. Don't worry about where to find support because the only person they really need is you. They need you to believe in them, they need you to love them, and I need you to respect them. Since you're an INFJ you should already know what they need are. Whatever that you sense intuitively trust that what you're feeling can be correct. But do not do anything without their consent first. Emotionally speaking of course.
As long as their grades aren't slipping you can't really do much about things socially speaking. Sadly at that stage of Life a lot of children and teens do not have respect for other personalities that do not act and think like them. I know personally with experience.
"The healthier the family, the healthier the INFJ" - I am totally screwed - no wonder I've felt messed up for most of my life.
@Michael Froelich Not exactly. I've had a ridiculously difficult time growing up. A lot of situations related to the law and toxicity and as a INFJ, it ruined me. Only now am I realizing that what happened was really too much for how what I could handle.
My family are abusive and violent, my dad also tried to kill himself in front of me as a child.
@@twilightrose917 Want a hug?♡
We learn to stand above it all as we become healthy adults
Michael Froelich I agree with you
Being an infj makes me feel like a psychopath
Jenni Park same here. It’s hard!! Especially when you feel like nobody understands!
I think if we actually want to, we can be real bad. Quite scary huh.
try 'empath' and maybe 'has been gaslighted' on for size Jenni
@@easytoslip what ?
@Michael Froelich .
I think people forget how important freedom to infj kids is. always being under scrutiny and not being able to make their own mistakes and have their own time is just damaging.
TRUE!!
Ruth Goneh 100%
Yes👏👏
So true.
true. my parents were way too strict, and it hurt me growing up
Only if my parents had ever seen this or even tried understanding me. They kept comparing me with other extroverted or normal children.
Same
same
You ARE normal
Same my INFJ A.R.M.Y *w*
Same
Sounds like my parents totally screwed it up with me...
Same.
For real..
I can relate... though valuable growth is often found when we are our own parent and our own best friend (long outside of adolescence) it's our own voice we most desire to distinguish from all others, certainly any crowd. Anyway, Best Regards.
Same here. Suffering now...
'Parenting's an impossible job;' Parents are humans with strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else. I'm sure they did their best but were not perfect.
I feel like if my parents asked me questions about how I felt about something when I was little, I would probably not tell them because I was always worried about worrying them.
My mom had said jokingly “you never cry, do you not have a heart?” But I was always holding back tears and just embarrassed and scared to show it.
Yes! Omg same
Exactly oml☹️
Hello Hello can relate 😅
that's hard... they never know what's inside. if someone suddenly absorbed an infj inside emotions they probably will be exhausted and depressed and sleep all day on bed /=
vDarIK exactly :( but I wish that could be done just so people can understand. You just don’t understand if you aren’t infj
Your INFJ may not know how to understand their feelings without help, especially when the child doesn’t feel safe they will not tell you how they feel they will tell you what they think is the “right answer”. I was aware of this with my INFP child too.
very true
Now I consistently test as infp or intp but looking at the stacks and getting real about how much I do identify with how people are feeling it's pretty clear I'm infj
Truth
Yes i replied same with my parent
thats not necesseraly an infj exclusive trait though, but generally yes. 👍
and that answer is true too, definitely not a lie, but just not all of the truth. 😅
example,
"not important" is not a lie, when our current problem is not important to the person asking the question (in socially obligated questions etc...),
and if we knew it was in some sense important for them, we would be the first person to warn them.
This was interesting to see what I needed as an INFJ child. Unfortunately, it seems we end up in family dynamics that don’t support this type of personality.
Michelle, I’m an INFJ, and I believe my 10 yr old is one too. I have been through HELL in my life, and I SWEAR I will never let my son feel the way I did go through what I endured. I almost didn’t make it, several times. I will be his shield, and sword, when needed.
That's so true, iv bn misunderstood through out my childhood I remember my mother always telling my gran that she dnt understand me,...
I'm 16 😅
Yeah😖
Exactly the same Michelle for me. It helps me to understand why I am the way I am now.
Welcome to another depressing episode of " wish my parents
knew "
Don't think my father will ever care about Psychology....
Guuurl😔
@@lunastariaspiritdiva8662 i havent even watched it yet
Haventveven watched it yet and don't know if I want to after reading all the comments.
I don't know why, but I'm crying 😭
I feel ya bub, I would be if I hadn't desensitized myself.
Feeling understood is an insane feeling. Especially after feeling it was impossible your whole life.
I am wondering who I could have been if.... That's why I'm crying
The same. Tears came to my eyes many times while watching the video
Same. I feel so weighed down but don’t know why
2, and 6. explain why I kept putting headphones in as a kid and young teen, to blast music into my ears... It was to drown out my parents, and sometimes brothers, fighting... I couldn't take the pain.... Was trying to preserve some sanity.
You can imagine how I felt when my parents perceived this as disrespectful...
same here but i'm still a teen. i wish they understood that i just need time to myself and that socialising has always been stressful for me (school :( )
Same +Olivia...I do think my family members have their own sets of difficult challenges in this life and we have grown to a nice space now that I'm almost 50 and they're in their 70s....we're all older and smarter and more accepting and less likely to inflict pain on each other.
@Chabod Kimaita hahaha, that's not me xD that's the Darkling, a guy character from Leigh Bardugo's Grishaverse book series, and a character I am very fond of ;)
Me too
If only my parents had this video to watch I might not be the complete screw up I am.
Jesus loves you brother and so do I. Ask him for clarity about yourself, call out to him i promise he'll respond x
You are not a screw up, make that decision to turn yourself around.
As ‘O_o’ said above, Jesus is there for you, you might not feel like you have anyone in your life you can talk to, get advice from, or be supported by - but let me tell you, for me, having that relationship with Jesus and our Father in Heaven helped me a lot. Reading the Bible too, there are so many encouraging stories, so much helpful advice, advice on surviving in life and much much more. I hope you think about this and I wish you all the best :)
Show it to them.
Hey you made it to this day, keep improving yourself! =D
As an INFJ I’ve been struggling with social anxiety and depression and it got worse after losing my grandmother. When I try to talk to my dad he gets irritated at the way I think and asks me to “just grow up and get over this social anxiety thing”. He has very high expectations of me. My mum has never really been affectionate and is very critical of me so talking to her is always counter-productive because she gets defensive. My sister is the only one that kind of gets it but unfortunately she lives in another city.
I hope you're doing great right now dear, lots of love from me to you❤❤
Something I want to tell to help. I'm not telling you to do it now but find friends that can understand other peoples feelings. They can be a great shoulder to cry on. I hope i helped anyway I could.
Sincerely another INFJ
try studying ni ti loop it is linked to depression
wow I'm the same
My parents were clueless raising me, I was put through the ringer man, my family was nothing like me psychologically
Same. This still really bothers me up until now. 😪
Hard times create _beautiful people_ - how about that! 😄
It's true Sodham...and from a spiritual perspective, if you want to grow, you're not going to choose the easiest path before you incarnate into a body, you will choose one that has many opportunities for growth, many challenges!
Oh yeah that drives me bonkers when people just pretend like everything is ok and wonderful. I know you're lying, just be honest 😒
I knew all the "secrets" of the family, from where grandma hid her choco to everything else...since i was very quiet, they never knew i could understand from double meaning words to a secondary language they thought i didn't understood. They were shocked when one day around 10 years old and after they have their conversation in front of me, i finally decided to answer in that language and set the record straight....LOL....but there was lot of suffering due to keeping things inside, so i wouldn't hurt the grown up feelings, i was the protector, not the child. take care
CC's World AUSTRALIA I know where ur coming from. So many times when my mom thought I should be crumbling and falling apart I ended up scaring her by holding her while she cried and being so strong. It's what I do.... it's y im here. Lol that's my motto I recon... it's what I do, I'm built for this so bring it n ill fix it. I've been told since I was young by my uncle that I had the key life n one day hed get it out of me lol
Hi Jamie, when i think about it, if only i would have complained, make my feelings known etc..im pretty sure i would have changed things for the better. Hope your uncle is a nice person LOL...cheers
CC's World AUSTRALIA I was too.
Hi Alethea, maybe that is our calling, protectors....take care, hope you are in a good place.
Protector, keeping things inside not to hurt others...I totally relate. Theres a lot of depression in my family, i knew my sister had it and it was hard on my parents. I had very serious depression too but hid it so well because i didnt want to add to that. I wish i hadnt done that because i could have gotten treatment from a younger age. Thankfully i have overcome it now, but it kind of ruined my childhood.
My mom almost never lets me be alone. She makes me hang out with her ALL DAY and I try to sneak off to my room, and she says I don’t need alone time-she says no one does and that it is literally wrong for me to claim needing alone time at all, let alone everyday. I tell her she doesn’t get it, since she and all of my family members are extroverts, but she just thinks I’m being a loser. She doesn’t get it-and it is the most frustrating thing. She doesn’t understand me at all. She also thinks I’m depressed when I don’t want to go out, when I just want to chill. And she has said multiple times that something is wrong with me because I don’t express all of my emotions like she does. She is not private-she says everything on her mind anytime, to anyone. She never suppresses emotions. She almost invites conflict and is actually a very rude, hypocritical person. When I point out her hipocracy with proof and my sibilinos agree, she takes it personal and gets very mad and tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about and says im wrong and/or I just have a bad memory. She doesn’t get how observant I am and how I keep all these things people say tucked away so I can use it later. She never, and I mean never admits when she is wrong. I have told her that, and every time I do she flips out and tells me I’m wrong. And when we have debates and I look up the answer with proof, she still denies. I have undeniable proof and she just refuses to look at my phone and says she doesn’t want to talk about it and I need to relax. Sorry for the long rant but it bugs me how much she refuses to listen to me about ANYTHING. It’s the worst thing to live with.
Extremely Extroverted apparently, they will never get it.
covert narcissist. If you are of age, leave.
You literally just described my my life
Your mom is a narcissist. Leave as soon as you can and your life will greatly improve
I grew up in a very dysfunctional household. It would have been next to impossible for my parents to know much less identify any personality type in my family, 4 children and 2 adults. Often times as a child, I knew what was going on and understood the reasons why. Unfortunately, many times my mother would tell me when I was intuitively correct about a situation, sarcastically, that I was a know-it-all, or that I talked too much and get scolded when telling the truth to non-family members, which made me feel uncomfortable and kept me from speaking up about matters at hand. This type of verbal abuse affected me through out my childhood and adulthood. Being blamed for being too quiet or shy, which I truly wasn't, just afraid to speak up because of the verbal abuse and some physical abuse, which caused me to have anxiety and lose valuable interests in talented passions I truly loved. Because of health problems my twin recently had, has opened my mind to the truth, in how mistreated as children we were. Right now I am researching everything INFJ, because it have helped me to heal mentally, emotionally and physically. Thank you Scott for this enlightening video.
You are welcome, thank you for sharing some of your experience.
ElusvOptmst1 I’m sorry you had to go through such a toxic mess of a family. Same here I was abused and scapegoated to the max . Too long to go into. I was always the one who saw the elephant in the living room and was verbally and sexually and physically abused in every way possible. I disowned my parents for good. Had to get out of all the toxicity. My life has been extremely difficult. I’ve never been treated well ever. I’ve gone through intense recovery process for years. But I won’t ever be completely healed it has been devastating. With God in my life I will make it. Best regards to you.
ElusvOptmst1 same here my friend same here! Just recently I have discovered myself and no longer am ashamed of who I am as a person
ElusvOptmst1 I am proud of how I can be in a room full of people and can tell you so much about them. My mother had a talk with my older sister as teenagers and I happened to walk outside while they were talking and they stopped and stared at me, like were having a private talk. I stood there and broke the silence by telling my mother; you are divorcing our step dad aren’t you? I said it so calm and like it was nothing. Because I knew. I knew long before my mom knew she would divorce him that year. She got angry with me and told me that I was ease dropping. Apparently my mother didn’t want to tell me because I was the youngest daughter. The truth is she didn’t want anyone to know and always thought I would tell someone lol. Which was not the case or I would have already told Being the fact I already knew myself lol. It was just when I asked question and my personality for making her feel that way about me. When all anyone had to do was explain their emotions to me or I didn’t know what was going on as a child and had no problem speaking up to ask questions I shouldn’t have asked at that age. I was treated badly for who I was. To this day have not met anyone like myself! It’s so lonely at times. I drove myself into addiction over it and only recently have discovered so many life changing things about myself: to the point I no longer feel the need to have to use anything to make myself feel better or try to numb my feelings. When all I had to do was accept myself even if no one else will.
ElusvOptmst1 I am going through this right now on the daily; and your comment was a ray of much needed hope as a fellow INFJ.
My parents were too close-minded and old to understand these.. 🙁😑
:/
My parents did not spend any time with me just talking like that. I was alone almost my whole childhood..
I’m still a child now. I probably won’t sent this to my parents because they’ll just say “nothings wrong.” Well, yes there’s nothing wrong, but like.. idk, it’s hard to explain. Lol. 😐
That's another Infj trait, we have so much in our brain, there's no words that exist to describe it.. We don't even know everything in our brain
Yea
I can’t even imagine the things I’d be doing if my parents had this knowledge when I was a child. 😢😢😢
I’m an INFJ with an INFJ son. I understood him much more than my parents did. These videos are so helpful. I wish I knew all this when I was a youth!!! Thank you!!! 💜🙋🏼♀️💜
you're welcome :)
victoriaspirit13 lucky son👍
Just give him a tooo much love ..bcz as kid my parents won't understand it....I am happy but crying a little...
I always felt like there was a right answer to every question so I would try to figure that out and ignore what I was really feeling.
It doesn't seem real to me that someone understands me. I feel like I'm in a dream and about to wake up anytime soon.
I wish that not only my parents, but my family as a whole understood me or that I was an infj. Father: istj /mother: esfp /older brother:estp/ younger brother: isfj.
I always remember feeling like an outsider amongst my family. I felt constrained in ways because I felt like the ideas I had or the way I thought was wrong. My dad would become frustrated because I “don’t have any common sense” or don’t do things the “right way”. I felt like I could never talk to my mom because she would just nod along but it was clear she never understood anything about me. My brothers would team up in a way against me on pretty much everything.
The effect it had on me was that I developed a sense of constant rage as well as constantly feeling stressed. At age 7/8 I would get headaches from the stress I would put myself through mentally. I had issues with confidence and I had much self doubt. I was always stuck at the start line so to say because I would always just think of everything bad that would happen and everybody would be mad at me. I’d think how I’d never do things the right way like Dad wanted, and my mom would scoff at my “overthinking”
I felt I wasn’t given enough time or space to work on my ideas and to plan before acting. Any situation where I would take a moment to plan how things would work out so I could act accordingly my mother would be standing there like a drill sergeant commanding me to act and then praise my estp brother for “just doing it” this would lead my estp brother to call me stupid and put me down and my younger brother would follow suit.
In school I did extremely well and was sent to a school for a gifted program where the focus was elaborating ideas and thinking outside the box (I loved it soo much) I felt at home. I made friends and everything was so cool there from the activities to the setup of the classroom itself (I even got to play Pokémon with my friend David once work was done lol) my only issue was that upon returning to normal school I had to get back in the box so to say and I felt limited. Same at home. At school they taught me to love and accept myself and think about possibilities just to return home to doing things the “right way” ... “but but... but common SENSE” lol.
Buuuuuuut once as I grew into my teenage years and naturally separated myself to my room. I was in my own world and at peace. I would draw, write poems, lay on my bed and think freely without interruption. I gained much confidence in the way I thought and moved in the world. My previous problems went away as my understanding of myself grew. Also my understanding of why my family was who they were grew as well. I do have a bit of resentment towards my family for the past but I was given a chance to grow right?
As of typing this I feel at complete peace. I love me and the world and I feel confident in that. Byeeee
:-)
I can relate to this a lot. I grew up in a good family, but was always viewed as the black sheep, criticized for being dumb or not having common sense. I was always quiet, reserved and shy. I did not excel in school like my siblings because I did not care. I was always the day dreamer. However, other than my mom, my family was very stoic so I didn't really develop my Fe as much as I could have. Instead, because I lacked interest in the outer world and had low self esteem, I resorted to video games and sports. My mom took me to a psychologist when I was young, and I scored very high in abstract thinking, but I was diagnosed with ADD(not ADHD) and was given meds, and I basically lived a quiet life of desperation, always praying to God that people would like me, and I'm still not sure people do because I keep to myself a lot. I discovered in college that I really liked philosophy and theology and everything occult and mystical; I always looked for deeper meanings behind things when I had a sound mind, unabsorbed in my inferior Se. Because of the stoic nature of my family, the crippling of my confidence and escape into Se, when I began college and stopped playing video games, my tertiary Ti was given a place to develop and so I kind of hung my hat on that and did a lot of reading with my new interests in theology/philosophy. I feel at home when I can sit down in a quiet place without distraction and just contemplate and observe. The problem I now have is I dont have the ambition to be an academic, because after all my Ti is not what drives me, and my extraverted judging function leads me into things that involves helping people, and the job I have doesn't fulfill and I dont make enough money to comfortably take care of my family of 7, and I dont want to sell my soul for a job that pays more but will not give a place for mi Ni and Fe. I've definitely been held back in life simply from not having people around me to understand, help and encourage me. I had a great example set for me by my parents for the most part, but they offered nothing much in the form of actual guidance as I could not relate much to them.
So relatable. I say this as a girl who has an ISTJ father, ISFP mother, and ESTP and ISFJ younger brothers. The last one sometimes gets me slightly, but betting that's due to the fact that he and I both have Fe-Ti in the middle (there're a LOT of moments that he can be a regular Simon Cowell-- hyper critical :P But usually, he's super generous and nice, although very introverted like me). My parents always say I have no common sense, no practicality... in part, that's from me being an idealistic dreamer, but that's also from the overuse of impulsive Inferior Se-- which they brought out when they misdiagnosed me with autism, dragged me to all kinds of behavioral and physical therapies, which brought it out very strongly in me. On one hand, it means my functions are more even balanced out-- I have decent coordination and can shift a tad bit better between Ni and Se (though it's still a struggle to get out of my head), have a good sense of rhythm and music, good vocal pronunciation (when reading), and am a martial artist. However, I often get caught in the dark hold of impulsive Se (it was esp true as a kid-- ran away from my therapists a LOT); when stressed, I'll overeat, overspend, etc, and my folks don't see how it was brought on... I always say, the therapies unintentionally helped bring this monster to surface more... But of course, as usual, I dOn'T mAkE sEnSe....
@@criticaloptimist7961 I also relate to this-- I'm a believer as well, loved college. If I hadn't been a Writing Major, I easily would have been in the Bible Department :) I had a lot of prof friends there!
I totally get the "I don't have any common sense" one. My dad also kept saying that too. I also felt like in my family, I couldn't talk to anyone because they couldn't understand me, they'd usually just think that I'm complaining or overreacting. This brought me to my depression, to the point where I'd cry almost every night (silently) because those feelings never get released, only suppressed. Troubles are only increasing for me now as they're all expecting me to 'grow up' because I'm getting old. I really can't wait when I'll be able to be in my own space (which will be in a few years), free from them.
Feels like someone finally gets me.
This guy took me through the darkest parts of my childhood!
Im actually quite pleased how my parents(estj mom and estp dad) raised me, even though it wasnt always easy. They never treated me like a special snowflake, most of the time they called me out on my bullshit and punished me when needed. I would have turned out insufferable if they treated me like o was special or something, probably. But they always gave me enough time and space for my much needed reflection and introspection, even though they could not understand it properly.
That is awesome Joey, very fortunate to have great parents.
From my own research; there seems to be some correlation between the type of the parents and their children, but it's far from absolute. Intuitive parents seems to have a higher chance of having intuitive children and vice versa for sensors. But it's still chance, a dice roll.
The reason, probably is, is that genetics play a part in the forming of ones personality. But it's one factor, not the sole determining factor.
Joey mm I don't think what INFJs want is special snowflake treatment. We already are weird in ways that make us contradictory to others and incomprehensible as a result. I think what an INFJ needs is respect and not be forced into molding into other highly common personalities or traits which arent compatible with being an INFJ. I know my ISFJ mom wanted me so hard to have introverted sensing, like her and my other 3 siblings. She scolded me often bc I was "so different". I would hate snowflake treatment from anyone as it means more attention to myself, which typically INFJs hate(?) But all INFJs like other personalities want to be respected and more than anybody to be understood and accepted. Acceptance without understanding is good enough tho. Lol.
Sounds like a similar experience to mine. I’m not 100% sure of my folks’ type, and it certainly wasn’t a perfect childhood for me but on reflection there was a heck of a lot they did right for me in helping me grow and develop in my early years
@@kr-ru5dm Amen and amen. My parents (ISTJ Dad and ISFP Mom) were so concerned about me they had be taken to several psychologists and psychiatrists as a very young child, was misdiagnosed as autistic simply because I was "uncoordinated" physically, always in my head, and very introverted. I blame the unnecessary behavioral and physical treatments for increasing my Fe extraversion and impulsive Inferior Se habits. (And Mom wonders why I'm impulsive at times... :P ) On the flip side, the treatments DID help me balance all my functions better, but Inferior Se just takes over, sometimes...
The more I learn about my personality traits, the more empowered I feel. It's when you fully understand yourself, the better you can accept yourself and your strengths as well as your weaknesses. To work on strengthening your weaknesses is very brave, and can give you so much strength through it. Be proud of your strengths for they are unlike most and that completely ok. You are beautiful. Remember that.
Growing up really sucked due to the verbal and emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of toxic family members along with the disgusting alcoholism. School felt more like a prison most of the time and the public "education" I received was a joke that ultimately ruined my chances in life where I had gotten a proper education I would be much better off than I am now. I would have been a good engineer as I got the mind for it but here I am at the bottom of the barrel. Spiritually suffering because of all of it like others here set be back years.
Awe. I feel for you. You had a lot on your plate from a very tender age. Just know that even though you had it bad and feel broken doesn't mean you can't be healed and live the life you imagined even if it's hard. Sounds like you have an amazing mind. You can still go far!!! The average person doesn't learn anything after the age of 25. But you want to keep learning and get out of depair. I don't know how it works for schooling but I think the first step esp for an INFJ is knowing who you are and knowing that you are loved.
God loves you so much. I am a Christian. Was born in a family that went to church but had a lot of dysfunctional habits, I didn't learn Jesus loves me personally until earlier this year when I cried my heart out to Him and didn't hold anything back. And I had the most incredible experience where I was baptised in the love of Jesus, and after that experience I know I am loved and have worth even if I get down in the dumps.
I just want to encourage you that God knows your heart and every trial you have walked through and he hears the cries of a heart that wants to be released from the heart burdens of this world.
I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that God loves you, and I will be praying for you. 💟💟💟💟
Wish I could say I cannot relate... But yah... (hugs) Love You Brother! Keep ur head up!
MrKillswitch88 /I concur, my friend....
Sahara Jade similar experience here to haha couldn’t wait to get older to so didn’t have to go school any longer it was hard work getting by at school often truanting!.
We grew up much alike
In reality how many parents would know how to identify an INFJ child especially if there's more than one child in the family. The comments, the silent observing eyes and the disappearance of INFJ child into his/her room would make a parent take an offence to or the other extreme the parent become codependent of this INFJ child.
Only an INFJ parent could rear up another INFJ bc they would spot it early; even in the child's infancy.
I have to agree with this. I don’t quite see how another person spot an INFJ if they aren’t familiar with the personalities. Or if they aren’t an infj themselves. My mother to this day does not understand me and it threatens her for some reason and butt heads. She tries to always tell I am being negative when I am not. She doesn’t know how to respond to me being such a mentalist. I can talk about the most positive thing and she will say that to me. She just doesn’t understand. It took me years to learn how to cope with her personality and to understand that she really can’t help it because she doesn’t know what she is doing. I intimidate her and can only have minimal conversations with her.
I think INs and ENs (who know of typing at least) are more likely to pick up on their child being an INFJ. Frankly, having knowledge about typing would already help if they are able to acknowledge their differences with their child. The important things is to be responsive to the child's needs, no matter how unusual it is. Just doing this already helps a lot.
My mom thinks I'm super rude and I really dont try to be :( I just need a lot of space.
It's just annoying sometimes that my parents think I'm being rude when I say the truth. They can't handle INFJs sadly
I definitely agree with this. As an adult, my parents still don't really understand what goes on inside my head, but my mom has come to respect and appreciate my insight and often seeks my opinion and guidance. I suppose this would be considered codependent. I don't judge them at all for not being able to understand, because I know they aren't able to comprehend things they haven't experienced themselves. I am from a large family and was often forgotten and left to fend for myself. It's only as an adult caring for my elderly mother that she's giving/wanting way more attention than I want/need, but I understand that the neglect years ago was out of their control due to the struggle of surviving with low income and a large family and my childhood has made me who I am and I am much stronger and wiser for it.
I will say that being an INFJ as a parent is the best gift an INFJ child can have.
The life of a INFJ child that is misunderstood is always miserable. Many needless hurts and missed opportunities.
But the large heart of love of INFJs often helps us to raise above it all.
Let's heal, it's time to let go of the past.
I just realized resently that I’m an INFJ. My mom brought me to work with her at a childcare when I was little, and I would throw tantrums sometimes but when I was 3 she was overwhelmed and started crying and said “the kids are coming soon and I need you to help me” and she said I started helping her and stopped throwing tantrums as much from that day. She was always good about explaining to me things like “I’m really mad about (something someone else did) but I’m not mad at you, so don’t worry”. She did always say I was like a counselor though. Lol
I have a similar story. My earliest memory was when we were at the store and I wanted something but of course, they wouldn't buy it for me... So I threw a tantrum. This however, sparked a fight between my mom and my former step-dad, IN the store. Eventually step-dad stormed out... In my memory, me and mom had to walk home(even though mom said he was waiting in the car)... My mom was left to deal with it. She was crying and carrying me for a short while. I dont remember what she said but she was telling me something. All I knew was I felt like crap... I never threw another tantrum like that ever again.
Flashbacks of “stop telling people’s business”, when I was just telling my elders what I saw.
Wahahah. My dad told me that too. I pointed out his flaws and he told me not to tell him what to do because he's old enough already. Was infuriated at that time but I totally relate to what you've just said 🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣 My step daughter is INFJ and her mom always told her this lol I always felt like just don't do stuff in front of her you don't want told but she def heard this A LOT
Just found out I'm an INFJ-T. I grew up with my mother and sister with no father( no positive male role models) My mother never shared any of her feelings. In fact, she was very non-emotional. I never saw her cry and she was very critical (no positive input). She wasn't abusive but she wasn't loving either. My sister (a year and a half younger than me)is narcissistic. Whenever my sister and I got into a fight I was sent to my room and my sister was not. She was never sent to her room. She grew up thinking that she was right and I was wrong (how could she not because she was never the one punished for the arguments). As an adult, I was still being blamed for arguments between my sister and me. So one day I ask my mother why she always tells me to stop instead of both of us or just my sister (who always started the drama). She gave me 2 answers. #1. I was the oldest #2. It was easier for her to tell me to stop than my sister (who is very combative). So my relationship at the present with my sister is that I'm evil and she is the victim. I've tried to make peace (I guess that's what INFJs do). but she still treats me like shit (sorry). So I've come to the conclusion that I don't want anything to do with her anymore ( I just found out that's called ghosting). Once I decided to remove her from my life my anxiety has been greatly reduced. I usually don't write this much for comment but Scott hit so many points that I couldn't help myself. Just knowing my personality type now has been such an awakening.
I just wrote a long comment under this video, replying for someones comment, about my childhood. I wish I could talk to you in real person or someone who has these similar experiences. e.g. My mother was the same, little sister never got any punishments, even though she started everything, she broke our doors trying to hit me through them, broke my stuff. I never broke anything on purpose. + our mom and my sister got violent towards me many times...
As an INFJ parent with an INFJ child this is spot on.
I'm confused to how your an INFJ parent with a child of the same personality... I mean your able to cover your emotions perfectly, so how does your child catch on?
@Ѕhaðow Hυητεг idk how an INFJ is really like made tho, I'm an INFJ and all I grew up with is loss and hatred
@Ѕhaðow Hυητεг I'm technically not a child but people INFJ is an extremely matured personality, probably the most matured, and it is possible to be an INFJ at a young age but you would probably have to have gone through a lot... a lot at a very young age
@Ѕhaðow Hυητεг but one of the best feelings is being able to open up to someone as an INFJ :)
@Ѕhaðow Hυητεг aww you will eventually, it'll just take some time
This is the story of my life. Parents, especially don't do number 5, ever. Talking openly is one (necessary) thing, relying on your child is destructive as it's the child who needs the parent(s) more and not the other way around. If you can't raise them, don't have children in the first place. All the rest is relevant, too.
Bellasie Am also suffering from same thing
Can I agree more with this..? I'm 28 and suffering the consequences now... Panic! Anxiety, depression...
Maybe sending them a one way letter may help them to understand you better, if they’re teachable.
Maybe they didn’t mean to be this burden on you. You’re correct, they should have been there for you, instead of vice versa.
The first step in repentance is to recognize the wrong. Second, sorrow for the wrong done. Help them learn, then understanding will grow.
The girl who sits next to me in this class i'm taking, we were doing a guided meditation and it drudgred up some unpleasant thoughts in me. I started feeling dizzy and had to hold on to my chair. After the guided meditation the girl next to me was saying she felt really dizzy for some reason and she didn't know why. Made me think she's an empath and picked up on my own emotion/sensations. Usually I'm the one to pick up on other people so it was really weird someone else picking up on my emotions.
I am infj and both my girls are. We laugh that we really don’t have to talk. We know.
But I needed this so I don’t hold in things and help them process.
That is pretty awesome :).
8.30 That's not going to happen Scott. i have known for years, most things are best left unsaid. My mother is elderly. She has no idea how much she has HURT ME (unbearably so - to the point of starving me and not talking to me). Now that she is sick and old, I still will not disrespect my mother. She seems to want to try and understand me. (She is ESFJ). But she has been humbled, and I cannot walk away. I still risk my everything for her. I love her. I wish she loved me the same way
Both my parents are now deceased and I am an adult infj whose husband is an estp. Thank you for these tips which I will use to soothe myself in my situation where I've been treated as if something is seriously wrong with me for my entire life.
You're welcome amjPeace
Actually,I misspoke, my husband is ISTP, not ESTP, if that makes any difference.
It really helps to understand oneself and others. Things we have said and desired and done make sense. Starting with oneself is the best place to learn to understand love.
As an INFJ who was raised by narcissistic parents, im qqtching this for myself and my future children. For all parents of INFJs watching, im so happy to know you care so much about your children
I was the INFJ child. #5 rings so true to me and my mother (INFP) somehow we made it work. She was a single mother and I ended up being the second parent in a way. It should not have been that way, but desperate times. I was very in tune to her feelings and needs. I wish we would have known about these things back then! Thank you for this very enlightening video.
You're welcome Brandi
I believe in may case, it was mistaken for possible autism when I was 6. I outsmarted them all. Hahahaha. Earned an MA at 25.
Edward Becker i agree it can look like autism but are you trying to imply autistic people cant be smart?
All autism means now is non typical brain functioning... So AS can definitely be smart. And if Infj really is only 1% sounds pretty atypical to me.
Nicholas H exactly
I'm autistic and an INFJ and I learned at a young age how to mask my autism and seem like a neotypical. Sometimes I think I am a neotypical and it's my own problem if I feel anxious or stressed by things that others have no problem with; this is of course not healthy as it's ok to not cope well with everything. As a rule INFJ's tend to conceal what's going on inside for the benifit of others and I'm finally learning to acknowledge my triggers and give myself space to recharge. This said, I'm in no way saying that all INFJ's aren't neotypical or vice versa, but I think it's important to realize that autism does not mean you can't seem "normal" and does not mean you can't achieve great things. I for one think autistic people can be better at analyzing as they have to pull everything apart and to study it. I'm getting my bachelor's degree in physics and applied mathematics and have only recently gotten an autism diagnosis. Physics may seem like a typical autistic nerd carrier 😅 but before choosing the science route, I was fascinated with why people do what they do and I easily was able to study the motives and feelings of everyone around me, I had also seriously considered going into creative writing because I liked character building so much. I guess my point in sharing this, is to hopefully explain that autism doesn't necessarily dictate how you present yourself to others or the direction you choose in life, and autism can vary significantly from person to person with severity of symptoms and how you interact with the outside world. The autism spectrum just shows how your brain interprets the outside world differently to a neotypical. 😊
When picking up other's emotions when I was younger I was always told I was wrong. I never believed it, though and still knew I was right in my interpretation.
Lol feels like I've been treated the opposite way in almost every point..
me too
You're 100% right. I wish my mother knew this when I was a child.
Yes, Infj's can: read minds, read body language as clearly as spoken language, see the future. Agree feelings are a lot more intense, or none at all, super weird.
Wow, I’m in my thirties and I want to send this to my parents. Thanks for posting. :)
I’m 13 and I’m an infj, but I’m just watching this
You're lucky kiddo. I wish I was at that age when I knew I was an INFJ too. Would've saved me a lot of troubles.
Always trust your instincts.
Good luck in life kiddo
Faye Vibar for sure
I am INFJ 61 years old and live with my 86 year old mother. This doesn't only apply to under age children. It is helping me understand how hard it was for my emotionally unavailable demonstatively detached mother. Thanks
hey I love your videos... I grew u in a very toxic home... So I was never handled with kid gloves but treated extremely bad... somehow I still have my empathy and compassion... thank goodness!!!
Dude I'm freaking out this shit is crazy true
Like he's quoting some of my actual thoughts like this vid jus nuked my mind
Thank you for this...it helped me to forgive my parents.
Wonderful!
My mum said I was an unusual child and my brother said he didn’t have a mother and a sister he had two mothers. I forgave them a long time ago but this video made the forgives more authentic. They really didn’t know what they had on their hands. It must have been very difficult for them. So thank you.
You're welcome A P Tully
Maybe as they come to understand you the can grow to understand their misunderstandings and grow to authentically love you more for you.
Best wishes!
The instability of a turbulent childhood is what brought me early mental maturity . While I can find fault in my parents I certainly hold no blame. I developed into myself and I like whom I am. I can go to sleep with a clear conscience and have developed true integrity and character. Nobody is perfect and we are all different. While I discovered being a INFJ late in life , it helps me to make every decision wisely from here forward . Most appreciated content, God bless.
Wish my parents had seen this 56 yrs ago. Spot on!
If only my mom had been equipped with this knowledge.
I think my mother nailed it as a INFJ parent. She was always supporting and tried to bring the best in me.
When i know that i'm infj, for first time. I was happy because the fact that i feel ''special'' but when i search about infj, the more i search. The more are accurate. And i feel pretty sad but somewhat i felt unlocked my complicated feelings.
That’s EXACTLY how I felt!
That's why I had a challenging relationship with my parents.
Ugh! Same. We're a little bit too much for them
_All children should be treated this way,_ not just INFJ children. INFJ children are not something special above children of other personalities
This explains why I do not yearn for my family. Since a kid I was abused mentally, physically and emotionally. I sheltered myself because no one understood me. Now at the age of 33, I don’t have any desire to be around them. I love them but I feel completely empty when it comes to a relationship with them. I have been betrayed by all of my sisters, father and some nieces and nephews that followed their parents perspectives. I don’t have any hatred against them, I just don’t have that closeness with any family members who love me for me. Now that I am become whole and one with my mind, body and soul, I find that I am learning to keep on my journey and admiring my nature as an INFJ and hopefully get to meet my tribe.
I grew up in a loving home that did a good job doing all of your points. Wow though, numbers 8-bonus hit home. Especially the last one. I LOVE the truth, I love to tell it and to hear it, even the hard truth. I can't stand it, it literally bugs me to no end, if I can tell someone is not telling me the whole truth.
Infp with an infj 14 year old girl. Thank you so much for the advice. She is so different and this information was invaluable🙏🏽
When I was a child I always belived that the was someone else inside me. I used to talk to him and he used explain things to me....I never used to understand this until now.
I always assumed INFJ's came into being such because they we're mostly ignored as children. Mom was a single parent and she worked a lot so we were latch key kids. My brother had mental health issues so he got any attention she had to give. This left me to finned for myself. I'm not mad about it. I'm just completely intrinsically motivated and introverted because this was how I raised myself.
we don't need to be that protected. we grow through the process of understanding. we understand in order to find empathic connections with others. we learn to be smart in order to empathize with dominating other types, to find their, for us, truth. i can't know their truth until i see it myself as they act it, as i watch it unfold through my intuition. terrible parents are o.k.. we always find our own real parents on our own.
I don't think he meant it to be overprotection; rather, that INFJ children should be allowed to develop their own functions and to be children.
@@toreshii I think many people can no longer tell the difference between Autism/Asperger's and being a normal healthy child anymore...
I need my parents to see this
3. Omg YES. Growing up, whenever I tried to discuss or try to understand my feelings with my parents, I was (more often than not) met with comments like "oh, get away with you!" Or "there's nothing wrong with you" or "get over it" or "that's just a load of crap" before I could even go into detail. This caused me to really repress my feelings and need to discuss them with others. If I ever felt conflicted about anything, I kept it to myself. I love my parents, but their comments have always made me feel that my feelings are wrong or over-the-top and because of this I put myself down for having feelings like sadness, suspicion or resentment because I was always convinced it's not normal to feel those emotions :/ and they wonder why I won't open up to them or tell them what I'm thinking/feeling now as an adult
Paired with 5, being told about others problems and feelings but never expressing your own _MAXIMUM DAMAGE_
My parents as well as most of my siblings were and still are hateful, condescending, judgemental a-holes. I was treated like trash. I no longer have any connection to those people.
Hello to all Infj's here hope you all living in harmony i know I'm not but kinda am thats just us...
People ask for our advice for many reasons. One is our high moral standards.
Great resource!
So spot on!
So true! Thank you ❤️
I am an INFJ and i was a bit surprised to find out my daughter is one too! And i think this can apply too with every children not just in an INFJ ones. ❤
Spot on! Very well put.
You nailed it man
Bonus Truth is so true!
YESSS!!!
You nailed it!
Thank you, sir! : )
Thank you so much! Every word you have spoken is absolutely beautifully said & right as well true!
Honestly down to a T and a I
Older infj embraced you! Helpful learning tools as to continue to grow on our journey."
That was bloody _incredible,_ Scott! Subscriber. 👍
Oh wow... All of those hit me hard. So true...
Thanks for helping me recognize how my development is arrested. Too bad , noone seems to care enough to help, then or now.
Thanks for everything. I learnt a lot
I need to show this to my mom so she knows how to better understand me, because 98% of the time she dose not understand, lol.
Same. But I don't think they'll listen to me. Lol
Wow!!! This is so relatable, it's scary! Love it!
As a 30 year old this helped 😂 I sent it to my mom too, better late than never. 🤷♂️
Thanks. Subbed.
Our consciousness is above the rest
My parents need to see this asap!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this, thanks a lot
No problem, Sakthi
So so good.
Man 7 hit me hard, my dad cannot stand being wrong and still after 18 years can’t accept it when he is, but I have a thing in me where I can’t just let it go so arguments always get 10000 times worse than they should be. There’s a kind of glorifying of INFJs, but man it just seems we’re products of parents not being able to understand us, and in all honesty I thinks it’s a bit of a curse
This is really amazing for parents!!! It would change my life
Your spirituality is calling...Your journey is going to rock, enjoy da ride.....
.....as a child I already realised I was like the sponge in the family...I listened and absorbed every feeling in the family hence I already pictured it out as dysfunctional which made me struggle a lot in my adolescence...
This channel is very comforting and helpful to me. Thank you.
I had an abusive mother. I highly doubt she would ever think to watch anything like this for me. I'm hopeful a parent of a fellow INFJ can do it right. Shout out to the parents watching!