Thank you for this video. This is spot on. No one talks about how divorce affects adult children. We get none of the understanding that minor children are afforded.
So nice that someone is talking about this. My parents are going through a super nasty divorce in my early 30s. It has been so hard for my siblings and I. Have been looking for support and information for a while now but there is so little. Thanks
I'm sorry you are going through this, it is very tough, and you're right, there is very little information out there. There are two segments on this in case you haven seen them. And I would urge you to get the book, it is very good! Wishing you the best!! Silke
My parents divorced after 38 years and immediately got back into the dating game. My mom is chatting up another guy and my dad is already getting remarried and it hasn’t even been a whole year. I tried to get help from grandparents they said no and joined my dad side. I was told to mind my own business and to get over it. Nearly every night I feel like I’m dying inside. I cry so much more and sometimes I go days without eating. I became an alcoholic and only now just got clean but I’m still struggling.
My parents split up in 2017 when I was 25. That was right after my dad had a mental breakdown and they were starting to mend their relationship. It didn’t bother me at first but after a few years it did. I now wish I had sat them down and tried to help them salvage their relationship. So much has been lost including our home and our family traditions. It has definitely affected me negatively in general and how I view life and relationships
We are going through the same thing tbh this was the last straw for me in regards for myself getting married. I never will now and I feel so many different emotions that idk what to do with. And then I feel like an asshole for acting out and I just don’t know how to deal with this. :(
Glad this is being addressed. Parents lack empathy and compassion for adult kids. They focus on moving on and getting married so fast while you are still processing their divorce on your own. While you are still processing the new marriage, new kids come about and you must adjust and do what parents want. If you act up and don't come home for the holidays they sulk and resent you when they have been selfish all along. It would make a big difference for them to communicate and give you support and space to come to terms with the changes. They just allow an avalanche of devastating events occur without checking up on you.
I'm 64 and getting a divorce that I didn't want. My husband suddenly walked away. Our family is now shattered and broken apart. My sons are grown, but there is still a lot of loss for everyone.
I'm 67. Younger brother, 64, walked away from my SIL after 40 yrs of marriage. No explanation., no warning signs. Quickly remarried. His two adult sons are devastated. I no longer want a relationship with my brother. The manner in which he chose to end his marriage was underhanded and cruel. The family is forever fractured. Wishing you peace.
I think that your video further isolates individuals that have been in toxic/emotional abusive relationships. I will never speak to my ex again. After a 22 yr relationship he has refused to provide child support - medical contribution. At the time of our breakup we discussed sharing the 13yo dog responsibilities - initially it was still on me to coordinate my business trips and check to make sure he can take care of the family pet. I made significantly more money than him thorough our relationship because I was helping support his career dream by taking on all household and child responsibilities. Your video assumes that the couple are mentally should - or on the same page with a common goal of the children. I agree that this is optimum. It’s important to note that some humans are not wired like this - they believe the world is hostile, may have a very fragile ego, are jealous an vindictive.
There is no family is forever like what what you say here . Many divorces (about 80% ) are not amicable. Therefore, divorce is not a utopia . It is dystopia. To expect “ every thing is fine” , is unrealistic because if everything is fine, there won’t be a divorce. Duh!!!
My 53 year old sister got divorced and said her 24 and 27 year old son's are fine and can get their own help if they need it. Funny though she told her youngest son she didn't like his Dad and he said I am part of you and Dad, she said you are just like your Dad. How does she think that would make him feel. She has not learned to listen to her children through all of this.
I'm 25 years old love in a state 11hrs away from my family nd my parents are going through a divorce right now and idk I thought I was fine but it is sad
Yes, and it's okay to feel sad! Just because you are an adult doesn't mean it hurts any less. I hope your parents are handling it to where you can be comfortable talking about it! It will get better!! 🤗
My parents got divorced when I was 16 turning 17. I'm 41 now and to say I've still not got over it is a massive understatement. If you are a child of divorce, it doesn't get any better or any easier with time. In fact, for me it probably hurts even more now than it did at the time. The grief you feel over what you lost - your family, your childhood, your home; all the security you had ever known... It's just not something you ever get over. It's like a bereavement. As I say, I'm now 41 and despite the fact both if my parents have remarried I don't think I'll ever stop wanting my family back. My parents moved on long ago but I am still in agonising pain. I don't think parents really understand the extent of the lasting damage divorce causes for the children. Even if they are not really 'children' any more as I and my brother were teenagers then. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over it or ever fully accept my parents' new partners. Deep down I'll never stop that secret fantasy of my parents one day getting back together again. Even though I know it will never happen. (Oh and by the way, Christmas is always heartbreaking).
Hey girl same I’m 24 but my parents separated when I was 21 and my brothers where still teens in high school it was the hardest thing ever so much confusion and seeing your parents that brought us to life suffer is so hard it’s been so long but my dad didn’t want to leave and now has finally parted ways but it is hard knowing your blood is separated and will get another partner that isn’t your mom. I feel you so much for some time I felt weird feeling so down about it cause I would tell myself I’m grown and be strong as I’m not a child but this video has made me realize we are still humans with feelings and still their blood no matter the age.
Why does marriage have to be all or nothing? If you don’t stay married until death, people look at it as a failure even if you’re married over 30 years! They did something successfully to last that long.
Thank you for discussing this. Im in my early 30s and my parents divorced about 5 years ago now. I didnt really allow myself to grieve and have been denying its affected me (Im the person who hates being a "problem" to myself or others). It has recently been affecting my own marriage and I know now it is the root cause of our problems (my fear of ending up like them). Im considering therapy but afraid of the financial cost. Im considering buying this book as well. Did any adult children find it helpful or find any answers/techniques I could try? I want to move on and be a better husband for my wife.
I don't know about amicable. I've seen situations where somebody shows up and emotion startup and you have a family fight right in front of everybody. Then you need popcorn milk and cookies.
I’m 32 and my parents divorced at 19. My father has become consumed with his new wife’s family so much that her adult children live in the house. I feel totally abandoned in regard to having a family to come home too. My mother has struggled financially and is disgruntled to this day. She too has a new man and still lives in my childhood home. It’s safe to say that the energy there is very toxic for me although I like her boyfriend and we share a lot of interest. The place isn’t home anymore. Being home for the holidays feels like a soulless game of theater.
Thanks for sharing Corey, obviously you are not alone! This is a tough topic for so many. Based on a lot of the feedback we've received since covering this topic, I often think that divorce is tougher on adult children. While I believe that it isn't good for anyone when parents stay in a bad marriage, it is really important to not discount the feelings of adult children. The belief is that "adult children" can handle it, and parents need to become aware that that often isn't the case!
I got angry to my son he is 20 reason is he is using to my house and addicted to gaming and addicted to vape. So I got upset I advice in a good way and he is very angry to me. What can i do ? it hurt me and depressing .
Divorce runs in my family. My parents divorced during my senior year of high school. I could've done better with processing my anger, during that time. I felt lost. At the time, most of classmates parents split in grade school or middle school. If I ever decide to date/get married, I don't want kids or pets in the mix.
70 to 80% of divorces especially in this age group are initiated by women. My stbxw turned 60 and decided she wasn't happy anymore (longer story not worth diving into but there was a little bit more to it....) all she told our sons was that they needed to support this so she could be happy. My boys are devastated but they are being told it is what they have to do. This IMHO is both selfish and seriously destructive. Do what you want in life but don't expect everyone to agree.
It’s a terrible thing to do, it falls on the children to take care of their aging parents - often at a time when they are reaching independence. Stay together, have an open marriage, aside from safety issues- it’s just selfish.
To me saying you’re an adult now and you shouldn’t care is equivalent to saying you shouldn’t care if you’re parents die when you’re an adult. Now speaking from my point of view, my parents had a huge fight once and I really thought they were going to divorce. If that did happen, I’d probably never want to marry someone myself.
We were amicable for 7 years post divorce while the kids were either of us 50% of the time. Now ex has a new girlfriend for the first time in seven years, and our kids are turning 18 in a few weeks, he wants nothing to do with me, had blocked me everywhere without any reason whatsoever, he refuses to tell me why. They now all live with him because the whole thing made me SO suicidal I wasn’t even able to get up for weeks. There will never ever be a reconciliation now and the kids have gone silent on the matter. They hardly contact me now, even the 17yrs old. So yes, my family is truly dead and I have no use whatsoever for any of them.
I was happy at 17 when my mom decided to leave my filandering drunken father, was 19 when the divorce came through. But now at 59 I need to leave my neglectful etc husband. I'm sure my kids will hate me forever when I do.
My kids would not be surprised nor unhappy if my husband and I got divorced at all - as we’ve discussed it, they have told me they would be happy for me.
i went through 3. i wasn't there when they had the wedding and i wasn't there when they had a divorce. the only feeling i had was embarrassment being a part of their family 😑
Oh please, it’s better to divorce after your children are adults. You idiots talk as if they shouldn’t go through life with some hardships that they can learn to cope! What’s bad are divorces when children are young. Then both parents remarried, and the child shipped to relatives or has no real family they belong to. Also, the step parents can be sadistic towards the child too.
My adult kids live at home and they give wife some money, but I know she gives alot of financial support to them, skewing our finances. As the economically advantaged spouse in the marriage, I think I will be paying out even more alimony because I am unaware of how much money she is actually receiving through my adult children.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you for this video. This is spot on. No one talks about how divorce affects adult children. We get none of the understanding that minor children are afforded.
Thanks for saying that Sarah, this is Silke. YES, this is a very important topic that, as the authors said, is typically ignored. Thanks for watching!
@@2ndActTV enjoyed every moment of it. Keep those videos coming 🙂
So nice that someone is talking about this. My parents are going through a super nasty divorce in my early 30s. It has been so hard for my siblings and I. Have been looking for support and information for a while now but there is so little. Thanks
I'm sorry you are going through this, it is very tough, and you're right, there is very little information out there. There are two segments on this in case you haven seen them. And I would urge you to get the book, it is very good! Wishing you the best!! Silke
My parents divorced after 38 years and immediately got back into the dating game. My mom is chatting up another guy and my dad is already getting remarried and it hasn’t even been a whole year. I tried to get help from grandparents they said no and joined my dad side. I was told to mind my own business and to get over it. Nearly every night I feel like I’m dying inside. I cry so much more and sometimes I go days without eating. I became an alcoholic and only now just got clean but I’m still struggling.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My parents split up in 2017 when I was 25. That was right after my dad had a mental breakdown and they were starting to mend their relationship. It didn’t bother me at first but after a few years it did. I now wish I had sat them down and tried to help them salvage their relationship. So much has been lost including our home and our family traditions. It has definitely affected me negatively in general and how I view life and relationships
We are going through the same thing tbh this was the last straw for me in regards for myself getting married. I never will now and I feel so many different emotions that idk what to do with. And then I feel like an asshole for acting out and I just don’t know how to deal with this. :(
Glad this is being addressed. Parents lack empathy and compassion for adult kids. They focus on moving on and getting married so fast while you are still processing their divorce on your own. While you are still processing the new marriage, new kids come about and you must adjust and do what parents want. If you act up and don't come home for the holidays they sulk and resent you when they have been selfish all along. It would make a big difference for them to communicate and give you support and space to come to terms with the changes. They just allow an avalanche of devastating events occur without checking up on you.
Thanks for your comment. And yes, this is a very important topic!
I'm 27 and am going through this. Thank you so much for the video. So wish I could send this to my parents who just divorced after 31 years.
I'm glad you thought the video is important. Why don't you think you can send it to your parents? Thanks so much for watching!!
I'm 64 and getting a divorce that I didn't want. My husband suddenly walked away. Our family is now shattered and broken apart. My sons are grown, but there is still a lot of loss for everyone.
I'm 67. Younger brother, 64, walked away from my SIL after 40 yrs of marriage. No explanation., no warning signs. Quickly remarried. His two adult sons are devastated. I no longer want a relationship with my brother. The manner in which he chose to end his marriage was underhanded and cruel. The family is forever fractured. Wishing you peace.
Debbie I send my love to you 😢❤
@@jennygrim2057 Thank you. ❤️
Why?
I think that your video further isolates individuals that have been in toxic/emotional abusive relationships. I will never speak to my ex again. After a 22 yr relationship he has refused to provide child support - medical contribution. At the time of our breakup we discussed sharing the 13yo dog responsibilities - initially it was still on me to coordinate my business trips and check to make sure he can take care of the family pet. I made significantly more money than him thorough our relationship because I was helping support his career dream by taking on all household and child responsibilities. Your video assumes that the couple are mentally should - or on the same page with a common goal of the children. I agree that this is optimum. It’s important to note that some humans are not wired like this - they believe the world is hostile, may have a very fragile ego, are jealous an vindictive.
Thank you for posting this, relating to every single word you all said. ❤️
There is no family is forever like what what you say here . Many divorces (about 80% ) are not amicable. Therefore, divorce is not a utopia . It is dystopia. To expect “ every thing is fine” , is unrealistic because if everything is fine, there won’t be a divorce. Duh!!!
My 53 year old sister got divorced and said her 24 and 27 year old son's are fine and can get their own help if they need it. Funny though she told her youngest son she didn't like his Dad and he said I am part of you and Dad, she said you are just like your Dad. How does she think that would make him feel. She has not learned to listen to her children through all of this.
I'm 25 years old love in a state 11hrs away from my family nd my parents are going through a divorce right now and idk I thought I was fine but it is sad
Yes, and it's okay to feel sad! Just because you are an adult doesn't mean it hurts any less. I hope your parents are handling it to where you can be comfortable talking about it! It will get better!! 🤗
My parents got divorced when I was 16 turning 17. I'm 41 now and to say I've still not got over it is a massive understatement.
If you are a child of divorce, it doesn't get any better or any easier with time. In fact, for me it probably hurts even more now than it did at the time.
The grief you feel over what you lost - your family, your childhood, your home; all the security you had ever known... It's just not something you ever get over.
It's like a bereavement.
As I say, I'm now 41 and despite the fact both if my parents have remarried I don't think I'll ever stop wanting my family back.
My parents moved on long ago but I am still in agonising pain.
I don't think parents really understand the extent of the lasting damage divorce causes for the children. Even if they are not really 'children' any more as I and my brother were teenagers then.
I don't know if I will ever be able to get over it or ever fully accept my parents' new partners. Deep down I'll never stop that secret fantasy of my parents one day getting back together again. Even though I know it will never happen.
(Oh and by the way, Christmas is always heartbreaking).
Hey girl same I’m 24 but my parents separated when I was 21 and my brothers where still teens in high school it was the hardest thing ever so much confusion and seeing your parents that brought us to life suffer is so hard it’s been so long but my dad didn’t want to leave and now has finally parted ways but it is hard knowing your blood is separated and will get another partner that isn’t your mom. I feel you so much for some time I felt weird feeling so down about it cause I would tell myself I’m grown and be strong as I’m not a child but this video has made me realize we are still humans with feelings and still their blood no matter the age.
Tara, I am so sorry and pray tge Lird will heal your broken heart. I send you HIS love xxx❤😢
Thanks for this.
Why does marriage have to be all or nothing? If you don’t stay married until death, people look at it as a failure even if you’re married over 30 years! They did something successfully to last that long.
Try 51 yrs married. Both 71. Company he was keeping. Longing for Too much Alcohol & sex after retired!
Thank you for discussing this. Im in my early 30s and my parents divorced about 5 years ago now. I didnt really allow myself to grieve and have been denying its affected me (Im the person who hates being a "problem" to myself or others). It has recently been affecting my own marriage and I know now it is the root cause of our problems (my fear of ending up like them). Im considering therapy but afraid of the financial cost. Im considering buying this book as well. Did any adult children find it helpful or find any answers/techniques I could try? I want to move on and be a better husband for my wife.
I don't know about amicable. I've seen situations where somebody shows up and emotion startup and you have a family fight right in front of everybody. Then you need popcorn milk and cookies.
I’m 32 and my parents divorced at 19. My father has become consumed with his new wife’s family so much that her adult children live in the house. I feel totally abandoned in regard to having a family to come home too. My mother has struggled financially and is disgruntled to this day. She too has a new man and still lives in my childhood home. It’s safe to say that the energy there is very toxic for me although I like her boyfriend and we share a lot of interest. The place isn’t home anymore. Being home for the holidays feels like a soulless game of theater.
Thanks for sharing Corey, obviously you are not alone! This is a tough topic for so many. Based on a lot of the feedback we've received since covering this topic, I often think that divorce is tougher on adult children. While I believe that it isn't good for anyone when parents stay in a bad marriage, it is really important to not discount the feelings of adult children. The belief is that "adult children" can handle it, and parents need to become aware that that often isn't the case!
Children who can "handle" this family crisis must be a breed of its own kind.
I got angry to my son he is 20 reason is he is using to my house and addicted to gaming and addicted to vape. So I got upset I advice in a good way and he is very angry to me. What can i do ? it hurt me and depressing .
Divorce runs in my family. My parents divorced during my senior year of high school. I could've done better with processing my anger, during that time.
I felt lost. At the time, most of classmates parents split in grade school or middle school.
If I ever decide to date/get married, I don't want kids or pets in the mix.
You can always learn a valuable lesson from a tragedy/crisis.😢
@nateiverson6949 Normal reaction for the age you were
70 to 80% of divorces especially in this age group are initiated by women. My stbxw turned 60 and decided she wasn't happy anymore (longer story not worth diving into but there was a little bit more to it....) all she told our sons was that they needed to support this so she could be happy. My boys are devastated but they are being told it is what they have to do. This IMHO is both selfish and seriously destructive. Do what you want in life but don't expect everyone to agree.
My ex-wife's attorney was her new husband
It's God's way of teaching the attorney a lesson 😅
It’s a terrible thing to do, it falls on the children to take care of their aging parents - often at a time when they are reaching independence. Stay together, have an open marriage, aside from safety issues- it’s just selfish.
To me saying you’re an adult now and you shouldn’t care is equivalent to saying you shouldn’t care if you’re parents die when you’re an adult. Now speaking from my point of view, my parents had a huge fight once and I really thought they were going to divorce. If that did happen, I’d probably never want to marry someone myself.
We were amicable for 7 years post divorce while the kids were either of us 50% of the time.
Now ex has a new girlfriend for the first time in seven years, and our kids are turning 18 in a few weeks, he wants nothing to do with me, had blocked me everywhere without any reason whatsoever, he refuses to tell me why. They now all live with him because the whole thing made me SO suicidal I wasn’t even able to get up for weeks.
There will never ever be a reconciliation now and the kids have gone silent on the matter. They hardly contact me now, even the 17yrs old.
So yes, my family is truly dead and I have no use whatsoever for any of them.
I was happy at 17 when my mom decided to leave my filandering drunken father, was 19 when the divorce came through. But now at 59 I need to leave my neglectful etc husband. I'm sure my kids will hate me forever when I do.
My kids would not be surprised nor unhappy if my husband and I got divorced at all - as we’ve discussed it, they have told me they would be happy for me.
I grew up through 2 Divorces. So I don't care about my parents and their divorce because I don't even go to their weddings.
i went through 3. i wasn't there when they had the wedding and i wasn't there when they had a divorce. the only feeling i had was embarrassment being a part of their family 😑
Oh please, it’s better to divorce after your children are adults. You idiots talk as if they shouldn’t go through life with some hardships that they can learn to cope! What’s bad are divorces when children are young. Then both parents remarried, and the child shipped to relatives or has no real family they belong to. Also, the step parents can be sadistic towards the child too.
My adult kids live at home and they give wife some money, but I know she gives alot of financial support to them, skewing our finances. As the economically advantaged spouse in the marriage, I think I will be paying out even more alimony because I am unaware of how much money she is actually receiving through my adult children.
General Schwartzkopf...