I’d like to add that when she says she is done, accept it as best as you possibly can. Treat the relationship with her from that point onwards as completely transactional. Only do things that is in your best interest. Also recognise that she probably has had a big head start already. She has seen a lawyer or two, gone to therapy, got her ducks lined up and in order. You need to do the same too. As quickly and possible as you can. The worst I’ve seen is men not accepting that their marriage is over and unnecessarily dragging it out. I mean, I know dudes who are still separated from their spouse and haven’t yet initiated conversations with their lawyers. This is after more than a year or two being broken up with. I tell them to move on. It does nobody any good holding out. She’s not coming back, she has already moved on. I guess some of this advise will fall on deaf ears. But to the wise few, please do your best to move forwards. I can assure you that your self worth, love and happiness will begin to pick up steadily as you put one step forwards and never look back.
Hey, John. You nailed it in this video. I was the last one to learn that my ex was divorcing me when the deputy showed up at my door to serve the papers. Discovered quickly that children, friends, and church members already knew that she was going to divorce me. I appreciate your videos. One thing I would mention is your comment on forgiving one's ex. I understand the reasoning behind that action as it relates to one's mental health and attitude towards life and others. I do get that! However, through the years I have heard people saying that you should forgive an offending party, and I have watched people even tell prisoners at a meeting in the prison...or in the courtroom...."I forgive you." Even telling someone who murdered one of their relatives "I forgive you." What has always struck me about such an action of forgiving an enemy is that the guilty party never asked for forgiveness. Not the murderer. Not the ex-wife who abandoned her husband and violated her vows. It is funny that the guilty person rarely steps up to the plate and asks forgiveness from the person they destroyed. Why not? Because they feel no shame or guilt. And many good men who were good husbands and fathers and providers are often ostracized from relatives and children because an ex was bored and unhappy. Just saying!
@@john-griffin I have to disagree with you about men being saps. It is a man's job to protect and provide and he does so when he finds the woman he is willing to sacrifice his life working every day for the next 40 years. Men love with all their heart (I am not talking about phucbois, I am talking about the average good guy next door) and this is what allows them to sacrifice so much. Women on the other hand are stuck in hypergamy mode no matter how good a provider her husband is. We were ignorant (in the sense of not knowing) of this change in women or maybe they were always like this and the Internet put in front of our face. Either way that was then and this is now. Most men are resilient and even after having been absolutely betrayed by the love of their life they eventually heal from it and move on...some sooner than others. And when we do WE are the force to reckon with. After seeing the totality of this change in women men have opted out of all committed relationships and it is the women who are crying now...but too little too late. I wouldn't call men saps for learning the facts of the new reality and finally letting women feel and be responsible for the consequences of their actions. The men who want a family are getting their passports and going abroad to find traditional loving women. I would call that resilient not being a sap. Just my personal experience and opinion. Men were blind sided not being saps.
@@john-griffin: Men tend to be loving fools who want to put the best construction on everything their wives do - even ignoring their glaring faults and red flags.
@@elonever.2.071I took my kids and got the fuck away from the so called “love of my life.” The kids are in a great spot and myself, I’m sleeping with 10 other women since moving on. Life really is on the up and up post divorce. I make it a point to not fall hard for a woman ever again.
Great content. I’ve been a MGTOW for last 10 years, co-raised my daughter, grieved and recovered. Always feel like all men who go through what I went through will also discover blessings on the other side. Never give up!
Great advice for any breakup! No substances, lots of walking, a good attorney in a divorce situation. I’m not sure “forgive” is the correct word. You need to reach a state of indifference so that you can properly prioritize your needs and if applicable your children’s needs.
Your depression caused by your wife leaving you may look absurd and ridiculous and pathetic to yourself when you look at it from the distance of 20 years, but when it happens, at the time it happens it is real, very real, it couldn`t be more real. This is how I felt: "the worst part was waking up". Looking back on it 20 years on I think I missed a bullet, it was the best thing that could happen to me at that time, it was the best solution to the misery of those years with that woman. But when you are in it, it is real. It is scary, It is terrible. What can I say, I can`t go back and undo all that suffering that I went through and all the consequences that it entailed. It taught me a lesson more precious than gold, but man, I wish I hadn`t acquired that wealth. I so wish I hadn`t fallen for her in the first place. Naivety is the price you pay for youth.
I knew something was wrong (but she said everything was "fine") about 3-4 weeks before she lowered the boom. Then it happened - so I recommended we see a therapist and she said "No...I don't know". That told me everything. I knew rough times were ahead. From there I started hoarding money and set up a place at work where I could sleep and shower, if needed. I started leaving for work super early, advised my manager (a cool guy) that things were getting rough. I got latitude from him on some stuff and advised I talk with another guy in the department going thru the same shit (to get tips from). The ex advised me she got a "mediator" (who turned out to be a lawyer for HER). My gut told me to get my own, and I'm glad I did. She was trying to set me up. The Bitch.
I went through it too. She did some planning to leave the kids and me but she got sloppy. Never stop your enemy when they are screwing up. I got the divorce done quickly as possible which includes getting custody of our kids. Her affair partner was/is a scumbag. I am still shaking my head years later. I hope you are doing well.
@@racebannon96 - She at least waited till my youngest was 19 before she went. I have 3 Not-so-much kids anymore, at the time they were 24, 22 and 19 - they're now young adults with careers and families of their own nowadays. So at the beginning they all stayed with me in the new diggs and have since then gone on. She and her man married and moved to the Northwest. Her relationships with the kids is fractured, and she hasn't seen her 2 granddaughters in 3 years. She fucked that one up. None of it's my fault, I'm still trying to get everyone together and to promote some damned family unity for the Grandkids sake, but the web is sticky and tangled. For myself, I'm retired, have 7 figures to draw from along with my SS, and am mortgage and debt free. I tried dating, but there are no unicorns out there, so I quit that shit. I have my toys, my buds and play in a band and am planning a trip out to the Pacific Islands next year. Life is generally great, I get time to think, sleep and move at my own pace. I'd really like a woman in my bed too, but there's too big a price to pay if that didn't work (and I'm not going to go recovery mode again). Sorry for the length. Be well....
These chicks can be ruthless and heartless when they want to be. Once they decide that they can drop the act, you will meet an entirely different person.
When I went through mine, 12 years ago, I was devastated!! But since then, realized what a blessing it turned out to be!! 65, and in great shape, and can do anything I want now!
Mine was 5 years ago and was an absolute betrayal that took me this long to get over. I did a lot of meditation and deep introspection of what I did right and what I did wrong. My consensus now is that I did everything right but with the wrong woman. And yup life is much better now and I am extremely picky about which women I let even into my outer circle of friends.
When married was over weight not healthy heading to a early grave now 57 fit trim weight training fishing camping walking the dogs healthy eating playing sport again wow. This is a game changer ....
Bro. The divorce is planned before you even considered her for a romantic relationship. And she will even tell you she plans on divorcing you before you even considered her for friendship, let alone dating, engagement, wedding. It's like a spiritual law that Satan is required by spiritual law to warn you first.
I’ll forward your thank you to my ex-wife. She was my best teacher. I also benefit from having a lot of men clients who come to me for fitness and health. And when you’re in the gym working out with guys they talk. So I think I have been able to accumulate the information from hundreds of men and, compile it into a single message. But thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate.
My divorce was a blessing, as she became a shackle and drain on my life. Thankfully little in assets was asked of me and she ruined her life by eventually hooking up with a charismatic drug dealer. My last gf left me hypergamously, but after several years has started sniffing around. I've done so much since her parting, been on TV a couple of times from my landwork, and she's feeling the loss. You can't return broken trust to wholeness again, so I'm enjoying her pain. Women camp on my land and adore the place, but I always regard their endearments as a hook and line, so I smile and carry on with my labours of love.
When you talked about your house,money, and life generally is so so true. Took me 5 yrs to get on top of the debt,and clear the mind, the last 2 yrs are have been fantastic as you say.Its about working on yourself and not giving up,then it all happens as you say.Really enjoy your talks
It’s funny when you think about how much we are impacted after a break-up. We actually forget that the greater impact was ‘during’ the relationship 😂 Embrace the freedom that WILL come 🍻
Had many women as close friends over the years. I always knew before the dude. They usually got someone else set up too. Its a cruel world. Well cruel people anyway.
@@mjaybee Nah, not most men i ever knew. Transactional people are pretty much everywhere. I gave cos i loved, they took. No matter the man or women or situation. Happy now to be alone, life is not so bad now.
@@mjaybee Not really, if the love is based on sex sessions provided. Not all men are like this, but if this is really the aim-sex and kids- then you are transactional too
Where was this guy 48 years ago when I really needed to hear his message, I almost ended myself, now married 45 years to a sweetheart, 7 grandkids, life is good, I still carry a few scars, but I have done better than most.
He's absolutely right. When your alone with your thoughts start thinking of your own exit strategy. Sit back take a deep breath and start making plans. I did this, now I own my own home, have money in the bank and no more craziness. Men marry for love woman marry for money. You need to know this it's for your own good. Living well is the best revenge
"The worst part is waking up" resonates. In lost over 30lbs in the months it took to realize the person sleeping next to me was an antagonistic stranger inhabiting the body of the beautiful woman I thought I had married. Then one morning my self-preservation anger finally kicked in. The spell was broken. In silence I solemnly picked up my pillow and walked out of that bedroom for the last time. That was the moment my self-esteem began a long but imperative recovery from the deeply regrettable consequences of who I chose to marry.
I appreciate your positivity. One thing is though, not everybody has the luxury of financial freedom after divorce. In the eyes of the government she is still your spouse, even after divorce. That's why the canadian government calls it spousal support. And if you've been married more than 20 years, or meet their "rule of 65" it is a life sentence of servitude. Servitude to someone you hate. Enough to drive a person insane.
If she’s starts going to the gym and losing weight and looking pretty but not for yuo and yes cut yuor her access to yuor money plan and put yuor money separate from her. Don’t argue once she made the final decision it’s over
That is why men need to have one foot out of a relationship in order to clearly see any changes she may be enacting and be able to make appropriate adjustments to protect ourselves. If you have one foot out you can see when she starts losing interest before it becomes a problem.
when you're in constant anxiety about your relationship, you've lost yourself trying to make her happy. I used to hate going to bed because it would be another sleepless night of horrifying nightmares thinking of her leaving me for another guy.
Women will always start making their case to anyone that will listen far in advance as to how horrible a man is in preparation. I noticed even very close friends of mine started avoiding me and wondered why. She did such a great job of smearing my reputation that I had to show pictures of her infidelity to prove it all the while she was sleeping with a person in our friend group. Be aware gentlemen
Reading books on Stoic Philosophy will help you recognise what's controllable and actionable. Example you cannot control the event/situation but you can control how you respond to it (simplified version!)
@@WhiteGhost21 True stoicism teaches you to move on before you have 'feelings' about someone or something. No matter what you have to process those feelings even if you are stoic. For me processing the who, what and why is usually enough for me to understand what went wrong and what to do in the future to avoid the same situation. If you are a true stoic you understand that it is most often unprocessed emotions of someone else that causes the bad situations and drama we encounter in life. We try to be compassionate from a distance and give them the space they need until they move past that discomforting time in their life.
Wise man and advice...remember an associate who said the same...his wife started acting strange and would contradick him in conversations. He later found out afterwards she was telling everyone he was abusing her and realized that was why they were avoiding him.. She planned it all out and lawyered up and took him to the cleaners. He was living in a rooming house last time I heard still telling the story
This is really great advice. Remember guys, you have value. And you matter. Find your purpose, get the gym, join a church, lean into your kids. Things will get better, it just takes some time.
John, thanks..great advice. Can I ask where your videos are shot? They look so nice. Im in the UK and would love to find places like the places you walk in. Cheers, Stu
I am walking in the Sugarland Run Stream Valley in Northern Virginia. It is an oasis in the middle of a densely populated part of the country. Because the stream forms a valley, it has a tendency to flood often, so nothing can be built too close. Also, it is fed by several natural springs that have been flowing for hundreds or even thousands of years, So there is no way to turn off the water. It is beautiful there all year round. Thanks!
64, twice divorced, the past 5 years of minimal dating and involvement have been the most peaceful, low stress, and relaxing years of my life. Occasionally I meet women online or in public, after a couple dates I realize the sex will cost me money and my sanity once the lust phase is over. A FWB is my passive focus at this point.
Start by choosing your peace of mind as your highest priority. Each day every interaction is every person you think. How can I make this a little bit better. You accept the things you can’t change and you appreciate everything that you have.
What advice do you have for guys who are considering divorcing their wife? I like what you said about determining whether your marriage is over or not. Any preparation steps you recommended before filling?
If you’re feeling this way, there’s a pretty good chance she is too. I would get a divorce mediator if it all possible because you’ll find that they will negotiate a pretty fair settlement without charging you enormous fees. You can consult with the mediator on your own and get an idea for what it’s gonna cost and what the process will be. if you think your wife is going to be adversarial and obviously you’re gonna need to get some legal guidance. Wish you the best of luck.
I feel your pain buddy. I'm 64 yo. I am still dealing with the aftermath of my "divorce rape." I took extreme abuse verbally, my schedule, and ruining my finances until my one and only child was 12 yo. That is the age most states allow the child to chose which parent they want to live with. I hired and paid for the attorney. Luckily, my wife wasn't making much money so I had the upper hand there; however, I was fair and we agreed to have my attorney draw up the decree with shared custody, etc. I left everything to my ex-wife because I wanted our child to have an intact household. What finally did it for me was when I could no longer respect myself if I allowed the abusive treatment to continue. It was an easy decision to make after than. My family and friends said they likely could not have endured the situatoin as long as I did. I did not want a divorce but had no other option. Sounds like you have reached that point. It's easy to say but try to not heap too much guilt on yourself if you did everything humanly possible to make your marriage work. These women are downright evil. I have concluded that only about 10% of western women are worth a darn. So sad. I'm still single after many years. When I look at most women now all I see is trouble.
@@jeffmillett5691 thanks for all the info. I'm working with a lawyer already, finished my financial declaration and filled out all the papers. Getting ready to serve her. It's not gonna be pretty since she has mental issues, personality issues and other crap. My biggest worry is the well-being of the kids. I have my place 2h away already where I work. O come home for the kids on weekends only and put up with her BS just to see the kids. They will likely keep living there until they finish school and I will be getting them on weekends and whatever else I can get. It really sucks. You kill yourself all your life to build a decent life for your family and then it all fall apart. My wife is not working and she hasn't in 15 years just because she's lazy AF. No cooking cleaning and no action in the bedroom for years. Just demands of attention and admiration. I also agree with the locust of control which was discussed in another video. Basically she blames the world for all her unhappiness and expects everyone around her to prioritize making her happy while being a vegetable on the couch. Anyhow, I would rather get destroyed in court now than deal with this. I'm actually excited about it. Thanks gents.
Why forgive the person that tried to destroy your life! Jesus forgave and was crucified. We don't need to pursue vengeance but if we can make her life worse without much effort you bet that we should.
Im just wondering (and i hope someone will help me), women have a lot of incentive to walk away and cheat knowing that they will get something in the divorce. (Apart from a prenup, which is really useless bcuz it can be dismissed in the courts if the judge believes that the woman was forced in someway to sign it) how do men ensure that they stand to lose NOTHING by way of assets in the event of a divorce initiated by her?
That’s the problem. There is no way to protect yourself. Well you can lie and you can list all your property in the name of someone else. I think I saw a video where a guy put his house in his mother‘s name when his wife divorced him and try to take the house she was extremely upset. So you could do that.
I WISH my ex ONLY divorced me. I'm one of the fallen that got slapped with false allegations and custody dispute and parental alienation..still have not seen my son since he was 7. he is 26 now. as for the drugs and alcohol. yes I self medicated. but..I can tell you..not to advocate for self medicating..it actually saved me. I know that sounds insane but self deletion ideation was creeping in..but I was already suffering ptsd from my service in Iraq. but yes..getting in shape and focusing on health is better.
Walking 1 hour per day sounds like a great advice. I wonder do you get the same benefits if you walk on the treadmill? I get home very late from work to got for a walk at the park
I'm 35y old guy, never married, always strived for a high quality relationship, and have strong family values.I watched many of your videos and I agree on many of your points. Especially now that Im dating a girl, that wants to get married, have kids, but she's already giving me a full bad marriage experience. Talking about the lack of communication, no sex punishment, bad priorities, and more. The question is: How will I ever make a family by staying single, and avoiding all the crap I've experienced so far.
John... listening to your videos... taking it in. Highly respect that you took care of your son. But do you realize when telling that story you said: "Mary was fun...you know what I mean." Your son has to hear that possibly. Now realize you admitted you slept around A LOT. So really it was you who was fun. Like fun for many women. Just take all this in. If more men realized how hypocritical they were... it would be a good thing.
she has talked about it with other men she is attracted to and knows she has a chance with that guy if she was single as well.this is usually the case in id say at least 90 percent of the time.trust me on this guys.whats that u say.im just a butt hurt person.no.i never married and im 56 now.ive watched this kinda thing from a unique perspective . ive actually been one of the guys many times that these married ladies would tell me all this stuff about their marraige.
Mitigate your risk in marriage make sure she pays half of the mortgage, half the bills etc… don’t bankroll her lifestyle. If she doesn’t like it then say goodbye because that’s what she wants… you to bankroll her lazy lifestyle.
Blessings come in weird disguises. If you have kids, it is better to divorce if you are arguing often like I did. The kids don't need to see what an unhealthy marriage is almost everyday. At least that was my math.
What’s funny is in a weird way the sexual revolution caused their problem as much as it caused our problems. Because they are so much more promiscuous now, we don’t need to get married to have sex. Getting sex is very easy these days. So why bother getting married? It’s like the old saying goes. Why pay for a cow when you get milk for free?
The wiring is just different between the sexes- I got over things a lot faster when I faced that context. Think of the caveman out for the hunt, likely to face peril. And never return to the cave. Or worse, he returns to the cave empty handed. Cave woman is alone, vulnerable with her hungry cave children. She has to move on quickly as a matter of survival for herself and the kids. It really is just that simple.
She probably told you for years, but you wouldn’t listen so she got fed up and became quiet and decided if you couldn’t even care enough to listen there’s no reason for her to stay. Stop acting like so innocent
You really think Men are the last to know??? Men who cheat on their wives put their spouse through exactly the same things as you! Who do you think your ex-wives are screwing? Our ex-husbands. It hurts everyone who is involved and betrayed. Most wives never see it coming either!
Over 70 percent of all divorces are initiated by the woman. Cheating happens on occasion, but women are just as likely to cheat on men. Women struggle with happiness. They seek happiness in their environment. When things go badly, they often become disaffected, and this leads them to want to leave and find someone else to make them happy. I know I am generalizing here, but what I described is extremely common.
Most guys never see it coming. Then they fall into the deep end when it hits them. I hope the advice in this video will help you weather the storm.
I’d like to add that when she says she is done, accept it as best as you possibly can.
Treat the relationship with her from that point onwards as completely transactional. Only do things that is in your best interest.
Also recognise that she probably has had a big head start already. She has seen a lawyer or two, gone to therapy, got her ducks lined up and in order.
You need to do the same too. As quickly and possible as you can. The worst I’ve seen is men not accepting that their marriage is over and unnecessarily dragging it out. I mean, I know dudes who are still separated from their spouse and haven’t yet initiated conversations with their lawyers. This is after more than a year or two being broken up with.
I tell them to move on. It does nobody any good holding out. She’s not coming back, she has already moved on. I guess some of this advise will fall on deaf ears.
But to the wise few, please do your best to move forwards. I can assure you that your self worth, love and happiness will begin to pick up steadily as you put one step forwards and never look back.
Yes .Happend to me.
@@kiddytube3915thankyou
"Divorce is the best thing to happen to me since my kids were born". I felt that.
It's like the weight of the world has been lifted. Thanks
Hey, John. You nailed it in this video. I was the last one to learn that my ex was divorcing me when the deputy showed up at my door to serve the papers. Discovered quickly that children, friends, and church members already knew that she was going to divorce me. I appreciate your videos. One thing I would mention is your comment on forgiving one's ex. I understand the reasoning behind that action as it relates to one's mental health and attitude towards life and others. I do get that! However, through the years I have heard people saying that you should forgive an offending party, and I have watched people even tell prisoners at a meeting in the prison...or in the courtroom...."I forgive you." Even telling someone who murdered one of their relatives "I forgive you." What has always struck me about such an action of forgiving an enemy is that the guilty party never asked for forgiveness. Not the murderer. Not the ex-wife who abandoned her husband and violated her vows. It is funny that the guilty person rarely steps up to the plate and asks forgiveness from the person they destroyed. Why not? Because they feel no shame or guilt. And many good men who were good husbands and fathers and providers are often ostracized from relatives and children because an ex was bored and unhappy. Just saying!
She’s already got the exit plan and new guy lined up
Sadly, that is usually the truth. Even if she isn't seeing him, she knows who he is and how to get to him. We men are such saps.
@@john-griffin
I have to disagree with you about men being saps. It is a man's job to protect and provide and he does so when he finds the woman he is willing to sacrifice his life working every day for the next 40 years. Men love with all their heart (I am not talking about phucbois, I am talking about the average good guy next door) and this is what allows them to sacrifice so much. Women on the other hand are stuck in hypergamy mode no matter how good a provider her husband is. We were ignorant (in the sense of not knowing) of this change in women or maybe they were always like this and the Internet put in front of our face. Either way that was then and this is now. Most men are resilient and even after having been absolutely betrayed by the love of their life they eventually heal from it and move on...some sooner than others. And when we do WE are the force to reckon with. After seeing the totality of this change in women men have opted out of all committed relationships and it is the women who are crying now...but too little too late. I wouldn't call men saps for learning the facts of the new reality and finally letting women feel and be responsible for the consequences of their actions. The men who want a family are getting their passports and going abroad to find traditional loving women. I would call that resilient not being a sap. Just my personal experience and opinion.
Men were blind sided not being saps.
@@john-griffin: Men tend to be loving fools who want to put the best construction on everything their wives do - even ignoring their glaring faults and red flags.
Monkey branching.
@@elonever.2.071I took my kids and got the fuck away from the so called “love of my life.”
The kids are in a great spot and myself, I’m sleeping with 10 other women since moving on. Life really is on the up and up post divorce.
I make it a point to not fall hard for a woman ever again.
Great content. I’ve been a MGTOW for last 10 years, co-raised my daughter, grieved and recovered. Always feel like all men who go through what I went through will also discover blessings on the other side. Never give up!
Thanks for sharing!
Great advice for any breakup! No substances, lots of walking, a good attorney in a divorce situation.
I’m not sure “forgive” is the correct word. You need to reach a state of indifference so that you can properly prioritize your needs and if applicable your children’s needs.
Your depression caused by your wife leaving you may look absurd and ridiculous and pathetic to yourself when you look at it from the distance of 20 years, but when it happens, at the time it happens it is real, very real, it couldn`t be more real. This is how I felt: "the worst part was waking up". Looking back on it 20 years on I think I missed a bullet, it was the best thing that could happen to me at that time, it was the best solution to the misery of those years with that woman. But when you are in it, it is real. It is scary, It is terrible. What can I say, I can`t go back and undo all that suffering that I went through and all the consequences that it entailed. It taught me a lesson more precious than gold, but man, I wish I hadn`t acquired that wealth. I so wish I hadn`t fallen for her in the first place. Naivety is the price you pay for youth.
Some lessons are very expensive. But that’s why they’re so valuable. Thanks.
I knew something was wrong (but she said everything was "fine") about 3-4 weeks before she lowered the boom. Then it happened - so I recommended we see a therapist and she said "No...I don't know". That told me everything. I knew rough times were ahead. From there I started hoarding money and set up a place at work where I could sleep and shower, if needed. I started leaving for work super early, advised my manager (a cool guy) that things were getting rough. I got latitude from him on some stuff and advised I talk with another guy in the department going thru the same shit (to get tips from). The ex advised me she got a "mediator" (who turned out to be a lawyer for HER). My gut told me to get my own, and I'm glad I did. She was trying to set me up. The Bitch.
I went through it too. She did some planning to leave the kids and me but she got sloppy. Never stop your enemy when they are screwing up. I got the divorce done quickly as possible which includes getting custody of our kids. Her affair partner was/is a scumbag. I am still shaking my head years later. I hope you are doing well.
@@racebannon96 - She at least waited till my youngest was 19 before she went. I have 3 Not-so-much kids anymore, at the time they were 24, 22 and 19 - they're now young adults with careers and families of their own nowadays. So at the beginning they all stayed with me in the new diggs and have since then gone on. She and her man married and moved to the Northwest. Her relationships with the kids is fractured, and she hasn't seen her 2 granddaughters in 3 years. She fucked that one up. None of it's my fault, I'm still trying to get everyone together and to promote some damned family unity for the Grandkids sake, but the web is sticky and tangled. For myself, I'm retired, have 7 figures to draw from along with my SS, and am mortgage and debt free. I tried dating, but there are no unicorns out there, so I quit that shit. I have my toys, my buds and play in a band and am planning a trip out to the Pacific Islands next year. Life is generally great, I get time to think, sleep and move at my own pace. I'd really like a woman in my bed too, but there's too big a price to pay if that didn't work (and I'm not going to go recovery mode again). Sorry for the length. Be well....
These chicks can be ruthless and heartless when they want to be. Once they decide that they can drop the act, you will meet an entirely different person.
When I went through mine, 12 years ago, I was devastated!! But since then, realized what a blessing it turned out to be!! 65, and in great shape, and can do anything I want now!
I think I owe my ex-wife a big thank you! I probably never would have divorced her, but I am so glad to be out of that marriage!
Mine was 5 years ago and was an absolute betrayal that took me this long to get over. I did a lot of meditation and deep introspection of what I did right and what I did wrong. My consensus now is that I did everything right but with the wrong woman. And yup life is much better now and I am extremely picky about which women I let even into my outer circle of friends.
When married was over weight not healthy heading to a early grave now 57 fit trim weight training fishing camping walking the dogs healthy eating playing sport again wow.
This is a game changer ....
Yeah the same thing happened to me. I was the last to know before her friends and family after she stabbed me in the back to them.
Same. Also fucking her boss who also happened to be on the Board of our church. It’s an ugly world.
Oh yeah, she’s making the case long before she tells you about it. That way everyone knows that you’re an asshole and she’s perfect.
The divorce is planned at the wedding
Bro. The divorce is planned before you even considered her for a romantic relationship. And she will even tell you she plans on divorcing you before you even considered her for friendship, let alone dating, engagement, wedding. It's like a spiritual law that Satan is required by spiritual law to warn you first.
Too funny!! Sad but true! Plan B is already in play as they throw the rice as you’re leaving the Chapel😂👍
Coach Greg Adams.
@@samwalton4598😂😂
Truth! Great Advice!!
Thank you!
You're welcome! I’m glad you liked the video.
#1 tell: She starts losing weight, dressing better, and joining gyms.
True!!!
.....or she buys some rat poison! LOL!
Definitely true in my case!
Another major thing is she is so called hanging out with a new friend that you have never heard of or seen.
Dying her hair, especially blonde lol.
My God, this is some excellent , free, helpful advice. Thank you sir.
I’ll forward your thank you to my ex-wife. She was my best teacher. I also benefit from having a lot of men clients who come to me for fitness and health. And when you’re in the gym working out with guys they talk. So I think I have been able to accumulate the information from hundreds of men and, compile it into a single message. But thanks for the compliment. I really appreciate.
@@john-griffin some of my mountain bike crew are divorces and have happily taken good care of me .
My divorce was a blessing, as she became a shackle and drain on my life. Thankfully little in assets was asked of me and she ruined her life by eventually hooking up with a charismatic drug dealer.
My last gf left me hypergamously, but after several years has started sniffing around. I've done so much since her parting, been on TV a couple of times from my landwork, and she's feeling the loss. You can't return broken trust to wholeness again, so I'm enjoying her pain. Women camp on my land and adore the place, but I always regard their endearments as a hook and line, so I smile and carry on with my labours of love.
Probably a good idea. 👍
When you talked about your house,money, and life generally is so so true. Took me 5 yrs to get on top of the debt,and clear the mind, the last 2 yrs are have been fantastic as you say.Its about working on yourself and not giving up,then it all happens as you say.Really enjoy your talks
Thanks, I’m really glad you like them
Yep
I was left with every last cent of our marital debt
It’s funny when you think about how much we are impacted after a break-up. We actually forget that the greater impact was ‘during’ the relationship 😂
Embrace the freedom that WILL come 🍻
That’s great advice well said
Had many women as close friends over the years. I always knew before the dude. They usually got someone else set up too. Its a cruel world. Well cruel people anyway.
Men are in love.
Women are in business.
@@mjaybee Nah, not most men i ever knew. Transactional people are pretty much everywhere. I gave cos i loved, they took. No matter the man or women or situation. Happy now to be alone, life is not so bad now.
@@mjaybee Not really, if the love is based on sex sessions provided. Not all men are like this, but if this is really the aim-sex and kids- then you are transactional too
Where was this guy 48 years ago when I really needed to hear his message, I almost ended myself, now married 45 years to a sweetheart, 7 grandkids, life is good, I still carry a few scars, but I have done better than most.
He's absolutely right. When your alone with your thoughts start thinking of your own exit strategy. Sit back take a deep breath and start making plans. I did this, now I own my own home, have money in the bank and no more craziness. Men marry for love woman marry for money. You need to know this it's for your own good. Living well is the best revenge
Well said!
"The worst part is waking up" resonates. In lost over 30lbs in the months it took to realize the person sleeping next to me was an antagonistic stranger inhabiting the body of the beautiful woman I thought I had married. Then one morning my self-preservation anger finally kicked in. The spell was broken. In silence I solemnly picked up my pillow and walked out of that bedroom for the last time. That was the moment my self-esteem began a long but imperative recovery from the deeply regrettable consequences of who I chose to marry.
I appreciate your positivity. One thing is though, not everybody has the luxury of financial freedom after divorce. In the eyes of the government she is still your spouse, even after divorce. That's why the canadian government calls it spousal support. And if you've been married more than 20 years, or meet their "rule of 65" it is a life sentence of servitude. Servitude to someone you hate. Enough to drive a person insane.
If she’s starts going to the gym and losing weight and looking pretty but not for yuo and yes cut yuor her access to yuor money plan and put yuor money separate from her. Don’t argue once she made the final decision it’s over
That is why men need to have one foot out of a relationship in order to clearly see any changes she may be enacting and be able to make appropriate adjustments to protect ourselves. If you have one foot out you can see when she starts losing interest before it becomes a problem.
Great commentary.
Glad you enjoyed it!
when you're in constant anxiety about your relationship, you've lost yourself trying to make her happy.
I used to hate going to bed because it would be another sleepless night of horrifying nightmares thinking of her leaving me for another guy.
She was never really yours. IT WAS JUST YOUR TURN!
You are right John, forgive yourself and forgive her and move on!
She's also already been sleeping with the next guy.
Very likely
And at that moment she realizes the grass isn’t always green on the other side 🤷🏻♂️
Not me. I’m planning mine.
Women will always start making their case to anyone that will listen far in advance as to how horrible a man is in preparation. I noticed even very close friends of mine started avoiding me and wondered why. She did such a great job of smearing my reputation that I had to show pictures of her infidelity to prove it all the while she was sleeping with a person in our friend group. Be aware gentlemen
Helpful, thank -you.
Glad it was helpful!
Listen up brother don't have any expectations. All good things must come to an end and when it comes to women there's no exception
I wish I had a lovely forest like this one in your videos in my vicinity. I would walk in it every day...
It is very pretty here
Reading books on Stoic Philosophy will help you recognise what's controllable and actionable. Example you cannot control the event/situation but you can control how you respond to it (simplified version!)
Perfect 👍. Really well said. Thanks
stoic in a way teaches to hold in all your feelings which is not healthy
@@WhiteGhost21
True stoicism teaches you to move on before you have 'feelings' about someone or something. No matter what you have to process those feelings even if you are stoic. For me processing the who, what and why is usually enough for me to understand what went wrong and what to do in the future to avoid the same situation. If you are a true stoic you understand that it is most often unprocessed emotions of someone else that causes the bad situations and drama we encounter in life. We try to be compassionate from a distance and give them the space they need until they move past that discomforting time in their life.
No marriage = no divorce = no divorce-related losses
Wise man and advice...remember an associate who said the same...his wife started acting strange and would contradick him in conversations. He later found out afterwards she was telling everyone he was abusing her and realized that was why they were avoiding him..
She planned it all out and lawyered up and took him to the cleaners.
He was living in a rooming house last time I heard still telling the story
This advice would make sense if we didn't have no-fault divorce laws, but we do, so it doesn't.
Facts!!!!!! Young men NEED this content so bad!
💯 true
This is really great advice.
Remember guys, you have value. And you matter. Find your purpose, get the gym, join a church, lean into your kids.
Things will get better, it just takes some time.
Thanks
John, thanks..great advice. Can I ask where your videos are shot? They look so nice. Im in the UK and would love to find places like the places you walk in. Cheers, Stu
I am walking in the Sugarland Run Stream Valley in Northern Virginia. It is an oasis in the middle of a densely populated part of the country. Because the stream forms a valley, it has a tendency to flood often, so nothing can be built too close. Also, it is fed by several natural springs that have been flowing for hundreds or even thousands of years, So there is no way to turn off the water. It is beautiful there all year round. Thanks!
@@john-griffinWow..it seems really great there! Cheers
You have just an amazing channel
Thanks!
First to go last to know. Hoorah.
64, twice divorced, the past 5 years of minimal dating and involvement have been the most peaceful, low stress, and relaxing years of my life. Occasionally I meet women online or in public, after a couple dates I realize the sex will cost me money and my sanity once the lust phase is over. A FWB is my passive focus at this point.
So how do you go about living life from the inside out?
Start by choosing your peace of mind as your highest priority. Each day every interaction is every person you think. How can I make this a little bit better. You accept the things you can’t change and you appreciate everything that you have.
@@john-griffin Thanks. Would make a good topic for a youtube video :)
What advice do you have for guys who are considering divorcing their wife? I like what you said about determining whether your marriage is over or not. Any preparation steps you recommended before filling?
If you’re feeling this way, there’s a pretty good chance she is too. I would get a divorce mediator if it all possible because you’ll find that they will negotiate a pretty fair settlement without charging you enormous fees. You can consult with the mediator on your own and get an idea for what it’s gonna cost and what the process will be. if you think your wife is going to be adversarial and obviously you’re gonna need to get some legal guidance. Wish you the best of luck.
I feel your pain buddy. I'm 64 yo. I am still dealing with the aftermath of my "divorce rape." I took extreme abuse verbally, my schedule, and ruining my finances until my one and only child was 12 yo. That is the age most states allow the child to chose which parent they want to live with. I hired and paid for the attorney. Luckily, my wife wasn't making much money so I had the upper hand there; however, I was fair and we agreed to have my attorney draw up the decree with shared custody, etc. I left everything to my ex-wife because I wanted our child to have an intact household. What finally did it for me was when I could no longer respect myself if I allowed the abusive treatment to continue. It was an easy decision to make after than. My family and friends said they likely could not have endured the situatoin as long as I did. I did not want a divorce but had no other option. Sounds like you have reached that point. It's easy to say but try to not heap too much guilt on yourself if you did everything humanly possible to make your marriage work. These women are downright evil. I have concluded that only about 10% of western women are worth a darn. So sad. I'm still single after many years. When I look at most women now all I see is trouble.
@@jeffmillett5691 thanks for all the info. I'm working with a lawyer already, finished my financial declaration and filled out all the papers. Getting ready to serve her. It's not gonna be pretty since she has mental issues, personality issues and other crap. My biggest worry is the well-being of the kids. I have my place 2h away already where I work. O come home for the kids on weekends only and put up with her BS just to see the kids. They will likely keep living there until they finish school and I will be getting them on weekends and whatever else I can get. It really sucks. You kill yourself all your life to build a decent life for your family and then it all fall apart. My wife is not working and she hasn't in 15 years just because she's lazy AF. No cooking cleaning and no action in the bedroom for years. Just demands of attention and admiration.
I also agree with the locust of control which was discussed in another video. Basically she blames the world for all her unhappiness and expects everyone around her to prioritize making her happy while being a vegetable on the couch.
Anyhow, I would rather get destroyed in court now than deal with this. I'm actually excited about it. Thanks gents.
@@john-griffin
Gotta love how YT cuts off half your comment when you give solid advice.
I filed for divorce on my ex-wife.... Best decision I ever made Do it early the longer you wait the more you lose.
tammy y-nette "D-I V-O -R -C-E became final 2day.....".
Not realy i was the one that told that i wanted a devorse, she said "I thought we were doing just fine"
Why forgive the person that tried to destroy your life! Jesus forgave and was crucified. We don't need to pursue vengeance but if we can make her life worse without much effort you bet that we should.
I hear ya
Im just wondering (and i hope someone will help me), women have a lot of incentive to walk away and cheat knowing that they will get something in the divorce. (Apart from a prenup, which is really useless bcuz it can be dismissed in the courts if the judge believes that the woman was forced in someway to sign it) how do men ensure that they stand to lose NOTHING by way of assets in the event of a divorce initiated by her?
That’s the problem. There is no way to protect yourself. Well you can lie and you can list all your property in the name of someone else. I think I saw a video where a guy put his house in his mother‘s name when his wife divorced him and try to take the house she was extremely upset. So you could do that.
@@john-griffin hakimi yes and thats what im thinking too. Cuz the prenup or postnup is useless
doesn't look good, I checked all 5 boxes
No to forgiveness.
I WISH my ex ONLY divorced me. I'm one of the fallen that got slapped with false allegations and custody dispute and parental alienation..still have not seen my son since he was 7. he is 26 now.
as for the drugs and alcohol. yes I self medicated. but..I can tell you..not to advocate for self medicating..it actually saved me. I know that sounds insane but self deletion ideation was creeping in..but I was already suffering ptsd from my service in Iraq.
but yes..getting in shape and focusing on health is better.
You really had a tough time. Thanks for sharing it.
@@john-griffin i wouldn't change a thing tbh. it really woke me up. I'm ok. Thanks John. 💪🙏
Walking 1 hour per day sounds like a great advice. I wonder do you get the same benefits if you walk on the treadmill? I get home very late from work to got for a walk at the park
Absolutely!
I'm 35y old guy, never married, always strived for a high quality relationship, and have strong family values.I watched many of your videos and I agree on many of your points. Especially now that Im dating a girl, that wants to get married, have kids, but she's already giving me a full bad marriage experience. Talking about the lack of communication, no sex punishment, bad priorities, and more. The question is: How will I ever make a family by staying single, and avoiding all the crap I've experienced so far.
You didn't have to be chummy with the ex for the kid's sake. You can ignore her. You can avoid her. It's working for me
John... listening to your videos... taking it in. Highly respect that you took care of your son. But do you realize when telling that story you said: "Mary was fun...you know what I mean." Your son has to hear that possibly. Now realize you admitted you slept around A LOT. So really it was you who was fun. Like fun for many women. Just take all this in. If more men realized how hypocritical they were... it would be a good thing.
True. My son and I are very good friends and we talk to each other about life all the time. He understands. Thanks
The Forgiveness is for you, not her.
The biggest reason for divorce is marriage.
I wish someone would have showed me this video 10 years ago.
she has talked about it with other men she is attracted to and knows she has a chance with that guy if she was single as well.this is usually the case in id say at least 90 percent of the time.trust me on this guys.whats that u say.im just a butt hurt person.no.i never married and im 56 now.ive watched this kinda thing from a unique perspective . ive actually been one of the guys many times that these married ladies would tell me all this stuff about their marraige.
Mitigate your risk in marriage make sure she pays half of the mortgage, half the bills etc… don’t bankroll her lifestyle. If she doesn’t like it then say goodbye because that’s what she wants… you to bankroll her lazy lifestyle.
You didn't have to be chummy with the ex for the kid's sake. You can ignore her.
You forgive HER, FOR YOURSELF. I promise!!
Blessings come in weird disguises. If you have kids, it is better to divorce if you are arguing often like I did. The kids don't need to see what an unhealthy marriage is almost everyday. At least that was my math.
Marriage is a statistical sucker's bet for men on a simple cost benefit analysis. She's never really yours, just your turn...
Getting married is serving another mans prison time 😊
It's weirds, how women are having this same conversation but in getting marry
What’s funny is in a weird way the sexual revolution caused their problem as much as it caused our problems. Because they are so much more promiscuous now, we don’t need to get married to have sex. Getting sex is very easy these days. So why bother getting married? It’s like the old saying goes. Why pay for a cow when you get milk for free?
The wiring is just different between the sexes-
I got over things a lot faster when I faced that context.
Think of the caveman out for the hunt, likely to face peril. And never return to the cave.
Or worse, he returns to the cave empty handed.
Cave woman is alone, vulnerable with her hungry cave children. She has to move on quickly as a matter of survival for herself and the kids.
It really is just that simple.
It’s referred to as the “War bride syndrome”. Husband gets killed at war? she moves on quickly and seamlessly, often without a tear shed.
She probably told you for years, but you wouldn’t listen so she got fed up and became quiet and decided if you couldn’t even care enough to listen there’s no reason for her to stay. Stop acting like so innocent
Thanks for your projection. It is helpful!
You really think Men are the last to know??? Men who cheat on their wives put their spouse through exactly the same things as you! Who do you think your ex-wives are screwing? Our ex-husbands. It hurts everyone who is involved and betrayed. Most wives never see it coming either!
Over 70 percent of all divorces are initiated by the woman. Cheating happens on occasion, but women are just as likely to cheat on men. Women struggle with happiness. They seek happiness in their environment. When things go badly, they often become disaffected, and this leads them to want to leave and find someone else to make them happy. I know I am generalizing here, but what I described is extremely common.
Don't be a simp! You won't have to change yourself and it will be much easier after divorce.dont put your wife on a pedestal, no woman deserves it.