I also married the most beautiful lady I had met (pretty but not too pretty), I fell for her loyalty and sense of values. 30 years later at 52, after we worked, earned, built an empire…with three kids, she started to believe she could do better….she listened to her friends, sister and Mother. She threw her family out and under a bus. I would never take her back…I am grieving the loss of my family unit and the rewarding future we had is now gone. I had to listen to the video x 10 this morning. Thank you for your efforts
I hear you and I know how you feel. You are still young enough to enjoy your life, so get out there and remake yourself into the person you always knew you could be. I bet she was holding you back in many ways. Now is your time.
I find it strange that people expect marriages to last, when people continually change throughout their lifetime. At some point, they may become noncompatible. The only way through this is with undying commitment. Unfortunately, women are encouraged to walk away without incurring penalties or suffering consequences.
@@krisskross8985: Men don't walk away without incurring devastating losses, while women don't walk away without collecting incentives and incredible compensation.
@@john-griffin I’m in Japan. I was in a relationship for 28 years, married for 23 years with two children aged 19 and 13. It’s been a struggle to make ends meet and then came the pandemic and it was more of a struggle. I sold my home my wife divorced me and ran away with my kids. Took half my money. This was in April of this year. I paid my debts and have little left. I have no contact with her. She wasn’t even going to tell me their new address but I found out anyway, went there and the next thing I know is the police are knocking on my door calling me a stalker. My son and daughter have visited me but only because they wanted pocket money and didn’t say much. Unemployment at the moment although I am a permanent resident of Japan since before marriage. Would love to get a dog, not an option. I was a stay at home husband and don’t have any nearby friends, it’s a lonely planet for me at the moment. Trying to find work and the clock is ticking.
I had been faithful to them so no infidelity, but couldn’t give them financial benefits from my work even though I had been working 7 days a week day and night until coronavirus hit and I lost most of my income.
Wife to Counselor: "I don't want sex because he's not doing X, Y and Z to make me feel loved and supported. Husband does X, Y and Z. Wife: "You're just doing this because you "want some.""
Most women today want the wedding, not marriage. As soon as the excitement and attention goes away they’re ready to move on. Save yourself guys, they’re not worth the trouble anymore.
When I was in college (dark ages) so many of the women had the wedding and honeymoon planned, every detail except the groom. Weddings weren’t interesting to me. I always wondered what it would be like AFTER the wedding and honeymoon, you come back and move in together and THEN? And then what exactly? It needs to be us, we, my spouse’s needs are paramount. It’s a different way of thinking. I’ve often wondered if by planning the wedding and honeymoon without the groom’s input, they didn’t understand it’s no longer just what “I want…” Letting the wife pick the furnishings with the man’s only input being ATM $$$ is just furthering a problem.
After being with my wife for thirty years she left me for another man. Pretty tough, but I am a stronger, happier person now. Being single is now a precious state of being.
The thing is, marriage isn't always for life (as much we may hope for it to be). It may last for a certain length of time and then end for any number of reasons. "Grey divorce" is a thing - look at Bill and Melissa Gates, and Meryl Streep and her husband. Often the ending is a very painful event, but it's also an opportunity for the next chapter of life.
My ex-wife said to me when I handed her the divorce papers, 'I don't know if I want to sign them, we may get back together'. She was a cheater, liar, etc., and I told her that she showed me who she really is, and that is not the type of person I want as a partner. Many women are looking for greener pastures, and want to keep you in the trunk as a spare tire for when their life goes flat. How demeaning, self-serving, and narcissitic, and to think we are suppose to be okay with that.
Its hard to change your whole life, but in the long run, it is so worth it. You will rediscover who you really are and you will have your peace of mind back. It is a relief. Like taking off a tight shoe.
Very insightful! I feel so sorry for our father, as our mother was a full-blown, unhappy, pathological narcissist. I don't know how he stayed in the marriage until his untimely death 13 years ago. I walked away from our mother two years after his death, and I'm still trying to unravel all the damage she did to her family, to her children and grandchildren.
I'm a 76 year old man widowed three years after a 53 year marriage. I find your videos so helpful as I try and navigate a women who will NOT stop leaning IN to me so hard and constantly; kinda like fly paper. Sad; she is such a nice Christian lady. I have my dog Max and he is my blessing. I was married at 20 & widowed at 73; the grief journey follows the same pattern for me as big job / career life changes or loss of parents, siblings, etc. = LIFE. Your videos are breathtaking ly beautiful. Thanks for putting them out there; I'm probably your oldest watcher! 😅
I am sure it is hard to lose your wife after such a long marriage. Divorce is a little like death in that you end up alone. I hope that some of my content can help you navigate this stage of life. Hang in there and keep fighting off the girls!
actually, i would think that death after that long would be easier to withstand because you weren’t betrayed. knowing that you accomplished what so many bail on is a tribute to the couple that withstood the rough grind that can happen within a marriage. i do wish i could have gone that distance, but after 30 years, i guess i just wasn’t good enough for her. yeah, right 🤯
Glad I found your channel and have subscribed . I am 58, in a sexless marriage for over 5 years, married to a wife who openly states she has no desire whatsoever for me physically. We tried couples therapy several years ago, but it was about fixing me not “us”. Tried reading all the books, becoming a better man, flowers, loading the dishwasher correctly, love languages..etc. never reciprocated . It’s a kick in the nuts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I feel sick about it. I never realized what a hit to the self esteem it would be to hear those words.. “ I don’t desire you physically and see no point to sex”.. I work out religiously, fit and trim with a solid career. I have been looking for what I need to fix in myself for years only to realize recently that I’ll never “improve “ myself enough to be wanted by her.
@@kenscott876 Mate Couples or Marriage counselling is a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME. Really ya Only option left is divorce. GO see a few Lawyer's Secretly DON'T TELL ANYONE at this stage find out ya options good bad Etc. See if ya can hide assets move finances around etc to STOP her from taking it. Look on the internet for ways to hide assets even draw cash out and hide it act like ya have a gambling issue. But they had No idea that ya didn't send the cash on poker machine mate etc. But ya NEED to make a Decision to either divorce or stay.
Me and my wife sort of fell out of sex, about 8 years back. Penetration had becime painful after our second child was born. Tbh, i wasn't overly bothered. We get on well, generally speaking and at heart, she is a good woman and a talented hard working one at that. I can see how some men would get frustrated , but nothing bothers me much these days.
@@spanishpeaches2930 I'm not judging you, things tend to just happen that way. But looking back it's not the right direction a relationship should go. I'm speaking for a lot of guys I think.
@@ronhoek69 You're probably correct, it would bother a lot of guys. I think if wanted to stray i would have, but at 63, meh, so what? Not as if i didn't have my fill when i was younger.
Striking coincidence: five years after my divorce, my former spouse hinted me if I'd want to start all over again with her and maybe get back together. No, no, no. This is not happening
I think that this difference in world view is overlooked by most people. It is the core reason why most people are unhappy and why most people get divorced.
That's pretty much true of most women - looking for external factors to make them happy. And once they decide they are unhappy the obvious cause of the unhappiness is their husband unfortunately. And so the obvious solution is to get rid of the husband.
nailed it. Exactly that happened to me. She is now back living with her ultra controlling mother with our children in the short term. Is she happier? I doubt it.
My ex-wife remarried not long after we divorced (Hmm?). Now she is complaining of exactly the same things she did when she was with me, and how 'bad' events/people/work is. I pity the guy she married because he's got it all coming to him.
Nailed it, which is why having kids makes most of them miserable. Their external world is now all about pleasing them it’s about the kid and boy do they hate that. and YOU get the blame for why she isn’t happy anymore.
The problem is that the man loses his kid(s) also. Children follow the woman, the man loses everything! I never understood why a guy would ever repeat this process.?? Amazes me!
He tries it again when he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. My ex-husband who was married before had no assets when we married, so he stayed with me until our daughter turned 19 and then he split with me to marry (for his 3rd time) his child hood sweetheart. I should have seen it coming but I didn't. Crazy is doing the same thing over and expecting different results!
@@krisskross8985 Sorry you had to experience that. Some people just don't know when they have a good thing. I'm better off without her but she also turn my only son against me. She had his attention and filled his head with her narrative of the events which were just the opposite of the true events. He never asked about my side of the story, didn't matter since he already was brainwashed.
The only protection a man may have is to avoid marriage and have children outside of a marriage relationship. Then set up a parental agreement on your own. Just keep the state out of your relationship.
I had the same issue, men really need to assess women properly, the majority of women now are looking for others to make them "feel' better, as you say it does not come from within, it comes from the outside, once that source is not able to provide you're done
It’s exhausting when opposites are in a partnership, one of them will eventually break or look for other things to help that doesn’t involve the other.
Excellent points 👍🏻 Similar experience. I knew on my wedding night I made a big mistake. Wait several years to date a woman before marriage. Two years is not enough. Women can carry a facade on for up to 25 months, they lure you in and set their trap !
I had a lamaze coach who once confided her personal story to me and it shook me to my core. Never could get past it. Often wished i knew who the guy she married was just so I could apologize for the entire gender. She had had a child with her married boss, given her newborn up for adoption, and NEVER told her husband to be UNTIL after the ceremnoy on their wedding night when she refused to sleep with him and told him her horrible saga of how her boss had ruined her life. She said her groom wept the entire night. That poor man stood by her, never annulled the marriage, and she STILL left him.
Man, u described my parent´s marriage. They couldn´t break up for financial issues, so they lived their 52-year marriage in disagreement, and my mother was to blame, she was always finding faults in my late dad and would start a two-week-long passive-aggresive non-talking behaviour to him. That was hell in my childhood.
Divorced women need to be looked down upon , don’t date them don’t spend your money on them your spreading the fuel of the divorce craze don’t be a simp
Thoughts on women in their 30s leaving their husband because he doesn’t want kids? Moreover, a man marries them after divorce and gives them kids. Met many women like this and within a year or two removed from divorce and they are already remarrying. Seems risky, but their bio clock is ticking.
That’s funny. Having a PhD means you know an awful lot about a very small subject. It’s like wearing a microscope all the time. Glad you got out alive.
Mine was the phd research scientist spend her 15 yr from 25-40 with the boss work , no life , then I got married , the moment we get to start living together daddy n mommy issues start piling up , we never got a chance to worked on .
Nice video and thanks for your content. I think a simple method to spot an outside in female partner is to ask yourself - does she complain about stuff? My ex complained all the time and nothing was ever good enough. This year we ended our 18 year marriage and now co-parent our 2 daughters as best we can. I wish her happiness but not sure if she’ll ever get there. I still get a lot of torment from her over the phone but I don’t allow it to bother me. I have a more peaceful life now and soooooo much freedom. I do have a younger female friend (Romanian) who seems very content with her life and doesnt sweat the small stuff. She rolls with the punches and seems genuinely happy. Right now my state of mind is I’ll probably never get married again but I’ll enjoy some good company from time to time.
The ex over here went nuts after she left the kids and me. She weaponized the phone with us. When Called ID became available, I got it. I stopped answering the phone when she called. The kids did the same, stopped answering the phone when she called. She would leave threatening messages on the answering machine. I strongly recommend to stop or cut down on answering the phone when your ex calls. It will help your sanity and she will not be in control.
This helps me understand people better. Had considered it but only in passing. I see things only from my own control over my actions that i forget that others see it differently sometimes. Thanks, very useful right now.
Don't seek happiness. Seek fulfillment. My kids don't always make me happy; but they always leave me fulfilled. My happiness only comes from within. Fulfillment can come from the inside or the outside.
Yes, and an outer locus of control is not wrong or abnormal. It's simply when you cheer for your own team, a part of a group, or commiserate with them when they lose. People have both, depending on circumstances.
This is a concept I have for the longest time felt intuitively but you put it into words succinctly. If I look in the mirror, I can clearly see how this also affected me until around the age of 25. So, at least in my experience, this can change in a person but the understanding and wish to change it must come from within.
Special comment: Marriages fail because many partners have decided to marry for social security and for vanity. Those individuals are not marrying for true love. They are marrying that person because they want a housekeeper, because they want to leave their house because their parents are putting pressure on them, they marry because they just want to have a kid, they marry because they want to live in Maine, etc. True love has to exist, and the marriage will not fail. A marriage can last no matter the decade, but the two must love each other dearly. Many Women of today seek their romance cover model husband who can get their inner world. They seek good genes and are seeking that beautiful man who works at the Burger joint or at Home Depot. This new vision will also fail many ladies. Looks are not forever! Chads will become toads! Barbies will become the new Wizard of Oz witch. Looks fade! The woman who is young does not see this. She believes that 1000 years must pass and then she will turn 23 years of age. People must marry for True Love! Monday, October 14, 2024, USA
Thank you so much for this! Your video could just as easily be called: The Top Reason Why The Search For Happiness Fails. I will need to remind myself of Locus of Control often.
Living your life from the inside out, not only impacts your overall happiness, but it allows you to prioritize your peace of mind. You can identify things in your environment that disrupt your peace of mind and reduce them or eliminate them. For example, cable news is a rage machine this designed to disrupt peoples peace of mind. It doesn’t matter which side of the political spectrum you’re on if you’re watching one of those cable news channels, you can expect That they are going to say something or do something outrageous that is specifically designed to upset the audience. When you prioritize your peace ofmind, you don’t even turn it on thanks for your comments. Have a great day.
@@john-griffin Ahhh, an "addiction outrage" of sorts (cable news). Thanks for that as well. I will have to be mindful of that. Have a great day as well.
Very insightful observation, I agree 💯. This has been my experience. Those with that external locus of control I have observed to be very restless always looking for the next thing and cannot be still/present.
The best divorce insurance-- aside from avoiding marriage altogether? Find a woman who earns more - and has more to lose - than you do. Only problem for me, personally? That only leaves about 3% of US females-- also, all of them in that group still want to marry “up”, soooo….
Marriage is a ship on the ocean. Even before leaving the harbor, one thing has to be crystal-clear: Who is the sailor and who is the captain. In calm waters the captain may please the sailor and keep him (her) happy; in a heavy storm is no room for squabble, dispute or doubt. If the ship should reach his destiny (until death divide...) there is only one law: Everyone on his station !
There is only one Captain of a ship for a reason. More than one and it ends up on the rocks. Women and children go in the lifeboat’s first because they are the weaker sex. Men lead and women follow and until that is reapplied we are in for a shitshow of a future in general. Men built the modern World to now being educated (indoctrinated) into thinking we didn’t.
UA-cam channel "The Happy Wife School" talks about wives who aren't happy internally and blame their husbands for it. Some people are just emotional black holes. No amount of love and attention from anyone can make them happy. Everyone should have a strong internal sense of identity and purpose. For Christians, their identity is broken, loved, redeemed, children of God. And their purpose is to love and serve God and other humans.
One of the main reasons marriages often "fail" is because, women plan the divorce before they plan the wedding, motivated by the substantial financial gains they could receive. This reality is frequently overlooked by many men, who fail to recognize or accept the dynamics of both human nature and female behavior in such situations. Talking about anything else is just misleading to men who need to know reality.
@@andre1987eph I know this to be a fact! My ex wife did everything she could to protect herself in a divorce before the marriage, then initiated a divorce. Her sister is a lawyer and it’s not coincidence she had everything perfectly lined up. There is way too many sh1tty people out there to risk co-habitation with women.
This happened to my very good natured younger brother. His bride confessed this fact to her bff. The friend then confessed the truth to my brother during the divorce! Ugh...
Women are the most selfish and stingy creatures. They will do anything to save money. That means getting married so they can have someone to pay the bills
John, I also find this wisdom to be true, I call it the Christ mind or anointed mind, the power within. I don’t let experiences control my life anymore. I am the one in control of my own world. No matter whatever happens to me I’m always free in my mind, that can’t be taken from me. Thank you for your Vlogs and the higher esoteric understanding of life. The kingdom of God is within all of us.
In my 60's have been married and have had a number of relationships. IMO, the reason Western women push so hard and fast for marriage is deep-down, they know how fickle, restless and easily bored they themselves are. They try to erroneously project those traits onto us men, when in reality, it's us men who tend to be more grounded and loyal. We men thrive on stability and healthy routine, but over time, women abhor it. They want drama, novelty and excitement. This is why they are attracted to "Bad Boys" and create conflicts out of nowhere. After my Divorce in 94', I made a pact with myself to date a woman for 2 to 3 years before considering marriage. I've learned that they'll be great or the first few months to a year, but will eventually tire of putting on the show to try and "close the deal." In 30 years, not one woman has made the cut, and I'm not picky. Caveat Emptor, Gentlemen.
Hi John! The same here. I can tell you a "funny" story, which relevance only appeared to my after our divorce 22 years later: Shortly after our marriage, my parents in law had some construction workers in their house, where we stayed. And my wife (I´m serious!!!) BLAMED ME, that she developped a crush on one of them!!! Her thinking was: If I were the perfect husband (as GOD intended husbands to be - a 1:1 duplicate of Jesus) that wouldn´t have happened. So HER CRUSH was MY fault!!! :-) :-) :-)
@@john-griffin Women can use marriage to cushion the impact of (the harsh) reality on them. After she kicked me out of the house (because she failed to see the use in making money for the family) she had some serious growing up to do - and did, did even well!
@@yeisonalvarez5776 I don't judge anybody, so I shall not be judged. 🙄 But in a divorce, Christian women easily forget, that Romans 8:5 ("There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ") applies to their once beloved husbands, too. Instead, the fall back on the Old Testament and cast you out in the desert like the scapegoat.
Guys the only good reason to marry is if you want children with a lifelong partner who you consider to be your soulmate. Otherwise you are a hiding to nothing in the family and divorce courts. Also if sex is your primary aim certainly do not marry as before the wedding the sex will be plentiful but afterwards its frequency is likely to seriously decline, especially if kids come along as your wife is likely to give almost all her energies to them and not you.
It may seem simplistic, but I've come to understand that the fundamental reason for divorce is that it serves as a corrective measure for a situation that ideally should never have occurred. It's quite straightforward. To me, the lyrics of "Sweeter and Sweeter" by the Statler Brothers encapsulate it perfectly: "And everyone knows that if you don't grow together, you'll eventually grow apart."I believe that straying from this dynamic leads to engaging in mindless commentary.
I know it’s odd but women feel most comfortable when they feel slightly insecure around their protector/man not soo insecure where she feels unsafe, but there is a fine line. She needs to know where you stand and know you are here tall strong mountain or the river bed which guides and holds her following emotions. Own her/ hold her and be truthful to your inner desires and don’t let anyone move u off center!
Basically, look at things positively and always look for the solutions rather than energise the problems. My wife is very much a problem person. Everything is terrible, she is suffering uniquely and it's all my fault, despite the fact that she does absolutely nothing to help herself and sabotages everything to put herself in an unhappy position.
Turns out the kids are the real victims here. Imagine being born because two people were trying to fix a relationship and you were supposed to be the unifying factor....and then it goes downhill anyway.
My locus of control is internal, but for all the bad reasons. I see the world as dangerous and people as untrustworthy, so to cope I focus on being skilled and independent as well as building a "shell" or "defensive layers" around me: property, being skilled, hoarding knowledge, having no attachments to external objects. It also includes being disconnected from emotions. Women say I'm dismissive attachment style, but the crux of it is i get rid of things and people I perceive as harmful, my boundaries are very strong, I know what I am capable of and what I want. I'm also very conformable in my solitude and life. All this makes me fairly direct, eccentric and apparently an "arrogant sob", but I dodged every bullet thus far and life is good.
I've been married to the same woman since the 1990s and we are both reasonably happy, with all the typical ups and downs. Her parents are gone now but they married in the 1960s and stayed together reasonably happy till the end. My parents married in 1960 and are both still alive and still married- not perfect but OK. In my humble opinion, this is a good predictor for how I expected things to turn out. Just my two cents.
Applaud 👏 with one woman age 16 to 47 always had goals then divorced then remarried too soon to single mom with 3 kids me 52 her 35 hurt myself financially now divorced after 2 years now 57 loving traveling to Philippines for beautiful young partner will retire there in 4 years 10 months lol Mr. CPA see TheRicioShow 😅
I got lucky... I married a pretty chubby lady. We both used sex as a drug to keep each others happy. I ragged on her weight when she got out of control control and to her credit, she cared enough about our intimacy to keep her weight under control. We loved until death do us part from cancer. She was an awesome woman. My only mistake was we should have had more babies.. And I regret that. She made beautiful babies and she was a credit to her gender. I belive you have to be sexually on the same page to keep the bond going
Its been my experience that women TEND to look to others to make them happy. Because of this, if they become involved with you, you'll be expected to make and keep them happy. Eventually, you'll become like an aging comedian, when he starts to run out of material. Ultimately, no one can make another person happy.
I think all you're describing is an optimistic vs pessimistic person. It's a part of why marriages fail but certainly isn't the MAIN reason. I firmly believe the main reason marriages fail is that most people don't marry somebody with shared values. Couples don't sit down and say what do you believe we should do as far as raising a family? Who should control the money? What religion are we going to raise our children in? Etc. People just think 'well she is attractive and she makes me laugh, we'll figure it out'. I laugh when divorced people ask me all the time 'why didn't you ever get married?' I say it's largely due to people like you that got married too soon and didn't find the right person so I was left with slim pickings.
If I don't turn on my 2nd phone, they can't bother me on Whatsapp. Maybe once a week I answer some of the dozen messages and requests I've received. A few words at most. Have to be focused on my own goals. When I'm stuck on a line or waiting room somewhere, I take a few moments and delete some who have passed their shelf life.
I would have to say that only about 10% of all marriages go the distance in love... probably because we are only running at 10% consciousness... apparently, (science)ish...🧡✌️
Interesting you mention this because that is my conclusion as well. I think about 90% of people should never get married since they are not able to make the type of commitment it takes to weather the marriage storm.
Then the woman initiates divorce, finds out she is washed up as her life gets even worse and tries to go back wondering why her ex is either done or has a new gf. Counseling can't fix this and neither can the church since they are in denial of the truth.
The chasing happiness methodology leads to marriage. You know nice house, car, nice things etc. If you are completely different people, it's not going to work as in mindset and how you view the world. The worse person you can lie to is yourself. Biology and attraction get us together attraction always comes first is my view, but compatibility has the chance to make it last. I would say for the most part majority of us get into relationships etc. purely on biology if you really examined the person next to you what are you really seeing?
This makes sense, however, if it were true, then why does so much of the relationship hinge on sex? Isn’t sex and outside experience. Are not intimacy and closeness also outside experiences.
From Buddhism teaching, couples come together because of karma. When it ends, people will be separated. Just be happy that you have resolved your karma. Divorce can be a good thing in this sense.
Absolutely. The skill to be learned is reading when the karma is completed and allow it to cease playing out rather than trying to extend or avoid karma playing out (attachement and aversion). Thanks for reminding me why I settled on Buddhism many decades ago.
You're so right about locus of control. In my experience there is a clear gendered tendency in that phenomenon - in fact I think that inequality in our abilities on this dimension is what subconsciously fuels a major part of the female resentment towards. But even more importantly... such a pity you opted to cut out the emotional part - that would've been the best part of the entire video, a point of connection, of real humanity in a world that on so many levels is edited into utter oblivion.
The #1 reason women give is "I'm not happy!" In my case, "I'm unhappy!" Was shouted with the same outrage as abuse, infidelity, or abandonment. Even the kids jumped on this bandwagon: "You failed to make mom happy! That's why she divorced you! I think it's sexy that she found an upgrade on line and I want to be a part of her new found happiness!"
@@john-griffin Appears to be. After nearly 20 years of alienation, the daughters and I are back in good graces. They say "Mom is going crazy! It must be menopause "
I think there’s a lot of similarities. But an internal locus of control means that you control your emotions and you decide how you’re going to react or respond to events on the outside. An external control means that events that occur in your life dictate your reactions.
@@commonsense3921 she will vote for kamala as she is captivated by her great speaches and she grew up in middle class and her mother bought a house when she was teenager.
I disagree. The most important piece in a marriage is a very strong spiritual foundation. It’s pivotal for the husband to be the spiritual leader then the wife will willingly submit!
WOW ! The wife will submit to a husband spiritual leader, even when she is not spiritual ??? People who are truly spiritual do not lead others.They merely lead themselves from all temptations including all the temptations of a woman.
@@CarlMartin-hw3ev like iron sharpens iron so does one person sharpen another. A godly man can have a very positive and important impact on a woman who is spiritually mature enough to receive and accept him.
I also married the most beautiful lady I had met (pretty but not too pretty), I fell for her loyalty and sense of values. 30 years later at 52, after we worked, earned, built an empire…with three kids, she started to believe she could do better….she listened to her friends, sister and Mother. She threw her family out and under a bus. I would never take her back…I am grieving the loss of my family unit and the rewarding future we had is now gone. I had to listen to the video x 10 this morning. Thank you for your efforts
I hear you and I know how you feel. You are still young enough to enjoy your life, so get out there and remake yourself into the person you always knew you could be. I bet she was holding you back in many ways. Now is your time.
It's amazing how the mother and sister in law, and her friends will always be your enemy, no matter what.
I find it strange that people expect marriages to last, when people continually change throughout their lifetime. At some point, they may become noncompatible. The only way through this is with undying commitment. Unfortunately, women are encouraged to walk away without incurring penalties or suffering consequences.
@@jacksquat4140 This applies to all humans not just women!
@@krisskross8985: Men don't walk away without incurring devastating losses, while women don't walk away without collecting incentives and incredible compensation.
Trying to please an unhappy person over and over again is a thankless job. Good for you for seeing the light and sharing.
@@keepdoingthedream thanks!
@@john-griffin I’m in Japan. I was in a relationship for 28 years, married for 23 years with two children aged 19 and 13. It’s been a struggle to make ends meet and then came the pandemic and it was more of a struggle. I sold my home my wife divorced me and ran away with my kids. Took half my money. This was in April of this year. I paid my debts and have little left. I have no contact with her. She wasn’t even going to tell me their new address but I found out anyway, went there and the next thing I know is the police are knocking on my door calling me a stalker. My son and daughter have visited me but only because they wanted pocket money and didn’t say much. Unemployment at the moment although I am a permanent resident of Japan since before marriage. Would love to get a dog, not an option. I was a stay at home husband and don’t have any nearby friends, it’s a lonely planet for me at the moment. Trying to find work and the clock is ticking.
I had been faithful to them so no infidelity, but couldn’t give them financial benefits from my work even though I had been working 7 days a week day and night until coronavirus hit and I lost most of my income.
Wife to Counselor: "I don't want sex because he's not doing X, Y and Z to make me feel loved and supported.
Husband does X, Y and Z.
Wife: "You're just doing this because you "want some.""
She’s used dating guys who leave. Body count matters
The top reason your marriage will fail.
1. Your woman will get bored.
... and allows another man to get on board.
That really is her problem if she gets bored.
@@mysterio1570 she gets bored of you so she gets bored by him until she gets bored of him as well.
What i noticed is that women need to be constantly be entertained or distracted, like little kids.
And we all know nice guys are considered amongst the most boring men by women. Let's all say it together " Nice guys finished last"
Most women today want the wedding, not marriage. As soon as the excitement and attention goes away they’re ready to move on. Save yourself guys, they’re not worth the trouble anymore.
The same goes with babies
When I was in college (dark ages) so many of the women had the wedding and honeymoon planned, every detail except the groom. Weddings weren’t interesting to me. I always wondered what it would be like AFTER the wedding and honeymoon, you come back and move in together and THEN? And then what exactly? It needs to be us, we, my spouse’s needs are paramount. It’s a different way of thinking. I’ve often wondered if by planning the wedding and honeymoon without the groom’s input, they didn’t understand it’s no longer just what “I want…” Letting the wife pick the furnishings with the man’s only input being ATM $$$ is just furthering a problem.
After being with my wife for thirty years she left me for another man. Pretty tough, but I am a stronger, happier person now. Being single is now a precious state of being.
Wasted 30 years because you bought into the “sucker” game.
@@commonsense3921So many of us did.
The thing is, marriage isn't always for life (as much we may hope for it to be). It may last for a certain length of time and then end for any number of reasons. "Grey divorce" is a thing - look at Bill and Melissa Gates, and Meryl Streep and her husband.
Often the ending is a very painful event, but it's also an opportunity for the next chapter of life.
Me too. You’re not alone dude.
She did you a favor. 30 years living with one woman 🤯
Women have to be constantly entertained.
There's a term for that, Hedonism, pursuit of pleasure.
They are like adult children, they need constant stimulation and entertainment and if they don’t get it they get bored and start being annoying
My ex-wife said to me when I handed her the divorce papers, 'I don't know if I want to sign them, we may get back together'. She was a cheater, liar, etc., and I told her that she showed me who she really is, and that is not the type of person I want as a partner. Many women are looking for greener pastures, and want to keep you in the trunk as a spare tire for when their life goes flat. How demeaning, self-serving, and narcissitic, and to think we are suppose to be okay with that.
Its hard to change your whole life, but in the long run, it is so worth it. You will rediscover who you really are and you will have your peace of mind back. It is a relief. Like taking off a tight shoe.
Well said. A lot of women like to have a back-up plan when their delusional fantasies fail.
Men choose beauty over character and then pay the price later on.
The oldest story in the book!
@@satoshi_yukamoto841 any never learn
Men are adults whereas women are children which is a big reason too.
Very insightful! I feel so sorry for our father, as our mother was a full-blown, unhappy, pathological narcissist. I don't know how he stayed in the marriage until his untimely death 13 years ago. I walked away from our mother two years after his death, and I'm still trying to unravel all the damage she did to her family, to her children and grandchildren.
I'm a 76 year old man widowed three years after a 53 year marriage. I find your videos so helpful as I try and navigate a women who will NOT stop leaning IN to me so hard and constantly; kinda like fly paper. Sad; she is such a nice Christian lady. I have my dog Max and he is my blessing. I was married at 20 & widowed at 73; the grief journey follows the same pattern for me as big job / career life changes or loss of parents, siblings, etc. = LIFE. Your videos are breathtaking ly beautiful. Thanks for putting them out there; I'm probably your oldest watcher! 😅
I am sure it is hard to lose your wife after such a long marriage. Divorce is a little like death in that you end up alone. I hope that some of my content can help you navigate this stage of life. Hang in there and keep fighting off the girls!
@camerodust no,not quite ,im 81 ,whipersnappper
actually, i would think that death after that long would be easier to withstand because you weren’t betrayed. knowing that you accomplished what so many bail on is a tribute to the couple that withstood the rough grind that can happen within a marriage.
i do wish i could have gone that distance, but after 30 years, i guess i just wasn’t good enough for her. yeah, right 🤯
I actually think your an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.
@@DanHoller-eb6xt I agree. Unfortunately, my amazing wife passed away. And yes, betrayal is worse than death.
Glad I found your channel and have subscribed .
I am 58, in a sexless marriage for over 5 years, married to a wife who openly states she has no desire whatsoever for me physically. We tried couples therapy several years ago, but it was about fixing me not “us”. Tried reading all the books, becoming a better man, flowers, loading the dishwasher correctly, love languages..etc. never reciprocated .
It’s a kick in the nuts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I feel sick about it. I never realized what a hit to the self esteem it would be to hear those words.. “ I don’t desire you physically and see no point to sex”.. I work out religiously, fit and trim with a solid career.
I have been looking for what I need to fix in myself for years only to realize recently that I’ll never “improve “ myself enough to be wanted by her.
@@kenscott876 Mate Couples or Marriage counselling is a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME. Really ya Only option left is divorce. GO see a few Lawyer's Secretly DON'T TELL ANYONE at this stage find out ya options good bad Etc. See if ya can hide assets move finances around etc to STOP her from taking it. Look on the internet for ways to hide assets even draw cash out and hide it act like ya have a gambling issue. But they had No idea that ya didn't send the cash on poker machine mate etc. But ya NEED to make a Decision to either divorce or stay.
You should have taken action after just one week.
Me and my wife sort of fell out of sex, about 8 years back. Penetration had becime painful after our second child was born. Tbh, i wasn't overly bothered. We get on well, generally speaking and at heart, she is a good woman and a talented hard working one at that.
I can see how some men would get frustrated , but nothing bothers me much these days.
@@spanishpeaches2930 I'm not judging you, things tend to just happen that way. But looking back it's not the right direction a relationship should go. I'm speaking for a lot of guys I think.
@@ronhoek69 You're probably correct, it would bother a lot of guys. I think if wanted to stray i would have, but at 63, meh, so what? Not as if i didn't have my fill when i was younger.
The saddest part is no matter what happens in the end, the man gets blamed. She could be the cause but he's the reason she chose her actions.
Striking coincidence: five years after my divorce, my former spouse hinted me if I'd want to start all over again with her and maybe get back together. No, no, no. This is not happening
Imagine that slice of hell. Haha.
Scary. Be careful, they can be sneaky.
Hell no !!!
After she's probably been ran through by other men
Tell her: let's start again from Zero with a clear slate in our next live.
For me, happiness came from within - that wasn’t the case with her, so dang, this hits the nail on the head!
I think that this difference in world view is overlooked by most people. It is the core reason why most people are unhappy and why most people get divorced.
Happiness is your responsibility and your responsibility alone! You cannot pour from an empty cup… Be well 😎
That's pretty much true of most women
- looking for external factors to make them happy.
And once they decide they are unhappy the obvious cause of the unhappiness is their husband unfortunately. And so the obvious solution is to get rid of the husband.
That was my exact experience. Most interesting is my wife is still unhappy and she’s alone. I pointed that out to her several times.
nailed it. Exactly that happened to me. She is now back living with her ultra controlling mother with our children in the short term. Is she happier? I doubt it.
My ex-wife remarried not long after we divorced (Hmm?). Now she is complaining of exactly the same things she did when she was with me, and how 'bad' events/people/work is. I pity the guy she married because he's got it all coming to him.
@@john-griffin theres a screw or two loose in there heads ,or maybe missing altogether!
Nailed it, which is why having kids makes most of them miserable. Their external world is now all about pleasing them it’s about the kid and boy do they hate that. and YOU get the blame for why she isn’t happy anymore.
Spot on. Victim vs take responsibility.
Surprisingly i hardly see women commenting under your videos, men are going through it honestly
Because this is now a matriarch. Women and the alphabet people rule now. 😳
The problem is that the man loses his kid(s) also. Children follow the woman, the man loses everything! I never understood why a guy would ever repeat this process.?? Amazes me!
Me too
He tries it again when he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. My ex-husband who was married before had no assets when we married, so he stayed with me until our daughter turned 19 and then he split with me to marry (for his 3rd time) his child hood sweetheart. I should have seen it coming but I didn't. Crazy is doing the same thing over and expecting different results!
@@krisskross8985 Sorry you had to experience that. Some people just don't know when they have a good thing. I'm better off without her but she also turn my only son against me. She had his attention and filled his head with her narrative of the events which were just the opposite of the true events. He never asked about my side of the story, didn't matter since he already was brainwashed.
The only protection a man may have is to avoid marriage and have children outside of a marriage relationship. Then set up a parental agreement on your own. Just keep the state out of your relationship.
Not true
I had the same issue, men really need to assess women properly, the majority of women now are looking for others to make them "feel' better, as you say it does not come from within, it comes from the outside, once that source is not able to provide you're done
It’s exhausting when opposites are in a partnership, one of them will eventually break or look for other things to help that doesn’t involve the other.
True
Excellent points 👍🏻
Similar experience. I knew on my wedding night I made a big mistake. Wait several years to date a woman before marriage. Two years is not enough. Women can carry a facade on for up to 25 months, they lure you in and set their trap !
Exactly!
I had a lamaze coach who once confided her personal story to me and it shook me to my core. Never could get past it. Often wished i knew who the guy she married was just so I could apologize for the entire gender. She had had a child with her married boss, given her newborn up for adoption, and NEVER told her husband to be UNTIL after the ceremnoy on their wedding night when she refused to sleep with him and told him her horrible saga of how her boss had ruined her life. She said her groom wept the entire night. That poor man stood by her, never annulled the marriage, and she STILL left him.
Just don’t get married
BOth my ex- wives caused the divorce & FILED FOR DIVORSE & both wanted to get back. HELL NO. DONT EVER TAKE T THEM BACK.
Exactly. Why would you want them back after they've had their cheeks clapped and filled like a Boston creme donut?
Move on
Man, u described my parent´s marriage. They couldn´t break up for financial issues, so they lived their 52-year marriage in disagreement, and my mother was to blame, she was always finding faults in my late dad and would start a two-week-long passive-aggresive non-talking behaviour to him. That was hell in my childhood.
Divorced women need to be looked down upon , don’t date them don’t spend your money on them your spreading the fuel of the divorce craze don’t be a simp
Interesting point
Thoughts on women in their 30s leaving their husband because he doesn’t want kids? Moreover, a man marries them after divorce and gives them kids. Met many women like this and within a year or two removed from divorce and they are already remarrying. Seems risky, but their bio clock is ticking.
@@mr.wildcat405 Yes. This!
I am sorry that you need to generalize all women as the same. We are not!
@@mr.wildcat405why would they get married if they disagreed on children? Your point is moot. We are talking about adults, here.
Thank you for this message John. Very helpful.
You are very welcome, thank you
I married a liberal PhD who thought she knew everything (as most PhDs think). Biggest mistake of my life.
That’s funny. Having a PhD means you know an awful lot about a very small subject. It’s like wearing a microscope all the time. Glad you got out alive.
I bet she doesn't know more than a 5th grader. Nobody does! 🤓
I had a similar experience. Mine wasn’t phd she was a competitive “career woman” biggest mistake I ever made
Mine was the phd research scientist spend her 15 yr from 25-40 with the boss work , no life , then I got married , the moment we get to start living together daddy n mommy issues start piling up , we never got a chance to worked on .
@@vv-cv6ud there are many similar stories out there
Nice video and thanks for your content. I think a simple method to spot an outside in female partner is to ask yourself - does she complain about stuff? My ex complained all the time and nothing was ever good enough. This year we ended our 18 year marriage and now co-parent our 2 daughters as best we can. I wish her happiness but not sure if she’ll ever get there. I still get a lot of torment from her over the phone but I don’t allow it to bother me. I have a more peaceful life now and soooooo much freedom. I do have a younger female friend (Romanian) who seems very content with her life and doesnt sweat the small stuff. She rolls with the punches and seems genuinely happy. Right now my state of mind is I’ll probably never get married again but I’ll enjoy some good company from time to time.
@@sweetbeep no - I don’t see anything good coming from marriage.
The ex over here went nuts after she left the kids and me. She weaponized the phone with us. When Called ID became available, I got it. I stopped answering the phone when she called. The kids did the same, stopped answering the phone when she called. She would leave threatening messages on the answering machine. I strongly recommend to stop or cut down on answering the phone when your ex calls. It will help your sanity and she will not be in control.
The only thing pure and constant in this life is a dog. ❤️
Yep 👍
true, i’d rather clean up the dog’s shit than hers!
Everything in life is conditional. Including loyal animals. Just stop feeding them, and then wait what happens next….
but if you don’t feed them you are to blame. they typically don’t abandon you because they have issues.
@ lol FAFO
This is a good channel john,,!, i needed to hear this
I’m glad you found it helpful. When you go through it sometimes it feels like you’re the only one.
People get sick of each other ?
Sometimes
The Top Reason Why Marriages Fail The # 1 reason; PEOPLE GET MARRIED
That’s very observant. Like the number one cause of death is being born lol
This helps me understand people better. Had considered it but only in passing. I see things only from my own control over my actions that i forget that others see it differently sometimes. Thanks, very useful right now.
Glad it was helpful!
Don't seek happiness. Seek fulfillment. My kids don't always make me happy; but they always leave me fulfilled. My happiness only comes from within. Fulfillment can come from the inside or the outside.
Well defined gender roles... she must believe you are her best option. If she's on social media or has single friends, you can forget about it.
YOU cannot make someone else happy. Why is it your job, and why do you try. Marriage in the West is over.
It’s not “locus of control”, it’s “ACCOUNTABILITY”.
Yes, and an outer locus of control is not wrong or abnormal. It's simply when you cheer for your own team, a part of a group, or commiserate with them when they lose. People have both, depending on circumstances.
Great Insights John!
This is a concept I have for the longest time felt intuitively but you put it into words succinctly. If I look in the mirror, I can clearly see how this also affected me until around the age of 25. So, at least in my experience, this can change in a person but the understanding and wish to change it must come from within.
Wow..pumping out the truths
@@stevekostakis2983 I’m glad you liked it. Someone has to say it.
Or pumping and dumping the truths. 😂🤣
Very solid point, John.
Special comment: Marriages fail because many partners have decided to marry for social security and for vanity. Those individuals are not marrying for true love. They are marrying that person because they want a housekeeper, because they want to leave their house because their parents are putting pressure on them, they marry because they just want to have a kid, they marry because they want to live in Maine, etc. True love has to exist, and the marriage will not fail. A marriage can last no matter the decade, but the two must love each other dearly. Many Women of today seek their romance cover model husband who can get their inner world. They seek good genes and are seeking that beautiful man who works at the Burger joint or at Home Depot. This new vision will also fail many ladies. Looks are not forever! Chads will become toads! Barbies will become the new Wizard of Oz witch. Looks fade!
The woman who is young does not see this. She believes that 1000 years must pass and then she will turn 23 years of age.
People must marry for True Love!
Monday, October 14, 2024, USA
You don’t marry for true love because true love doesn’t exist. Everything is conditional. Just don’t get married at all
That was a good one! Truth told.
Thank you so much for this! Your video could just as easily be called: The Top Reason Why The Search For Happiness Fails.
I will need to remind myself of Locus of Control often.
Living your life from the inside out, not only impacts your overall happiness, but it allows you to prioritize your peace of mind. You can identify things in your environment that disrupt your peace of mind and reduce them or eliminate them. For example, cable news is a rage machine this designed to disrupt peoples peace of mind. It doesn’t matter which side of the political spectrum you’re on if you’re watching one of those cable news channels, you can expect That they are going to say something or do something outrageous that is specifically designed to upset the audience. When you prioritize your peace ofmind, you don’t even turn it on thanks for your comments. Have a great day.
@@john-griffin Ahhh, an "addiction outrage" of sorts (cable news). Thanks for that as well. I will have to be mindful of that.
Have a great day as well.
Very insightful observation, I agree 💯. This has been my experience. Those with that external locus of control I have observed to be very restless always looking for the next thing and cannot be still/present.
Thanks for sharing
Excellent topic mate
Much appreciated
Dude You have this Totally Nailed ! 😃
Finally a short guy like me spitting facts!
Im single and im gonna stay single. Don’t wanna be second pick for nobody.
The best divorce insurance-- aside from avoiding marriage altogether? Find a woman who earns more - and has more to lose - than you do.
Only problem for me, personally? That only leaves about 3% of US females-- also, all of them in that group still want to marry “up”, soooo….
unless they are disgustingly fat!
Marriage is a ship on the ocean. Even before leaving the harbor, one thing has to be crystal-clear: Who is the sailor and who is the captain.
In calm waters the captain may please the sailor and keep him (her) happy; in a heavy storm is no room for squabble, dispute or doubt. If the ship should reach
his destiny (until death divide...) there is only one law: Everyone on his station !
great analogy!
There is only one Captain of a ship for a reason. More than one and it ends up on the rocks. Women and children go in the lifeboat’s first because they are the weaker sex. Men lead and women follow and until that is reapplied we are in for a shitshow of a future in general. Men built the modern World to now being educated (indoctrinated) into thinking we didn’t.
Unfortunately Feminism threw all that out, and today women refuse to take their station.
Great video great insight thanks
Glad you enjoyed it
UA-cam channel "The Happy Wife School" talks about wives who aren't happy internally and blame their husbands for it. Some people are just emotional black holes. No amount of love and attention from anyone can make them happy.
Everyone should have a strong internal sense of identity and purpose.
For Christians, their identity is broken, loved, redeemed, children of God. And their purpose is to love and serve God and other humans.
karyn has helped me sort out many issues concerning my soon to be ex wife. she is sensible and logical.
she’s what a wife is supposed to be.
One of the main reasons marriages often "fail" is because, women plan the divorce before they plan the wedding, motivated by the substantial financial gains they could receive. This reality is frequently overlooked by many men, who fail to recognize or accept the dynamics of both human nature and female behavior in such situations. Talking about anything else is just misleading to men who need to know reality.
@@andre1987eph I know this to be a fact! My ex wife did everything she could to protect herself in a divorce before the marriage, then initiated a divorce. Her sister is a lawyer and it’s not coincidence she had everything perfectly lined up. There is way too many sh1tty people out there to risk co-habitation with women.
@@andre1987eph fact! A lady friend of mine told me her first marriage was for money and her second marriage was for love.
This happened to my very good natured younger brother. His bride confessed this fact to her bff. The friend then confessed the truth to my brother during the divorce! Ugh...
Women are the most selfish and stingy creatures. They will do anything to save money. That means getting married so they can have someone to pay the bills
Your level of intelect is just high Sir
Thanks
John, I also find this wisdom to be true, I call it the Christ mind or anointed mind, the power within. I don’t let experiences control my life anymore. I am the one in control of my own world. No matter whatever happens to me I’m always free in my mind, that can’t be taken from me. Thank you for your Vlogs and the higher esoteric understanding of life. The kingdom of God is within all of us.
Thanks! I agree with you completely.
Great stuff,
It's not what happens to you, but how you react.
Nailed it. 😅❤
Thanks
Sadly, when dealing with other people, when talking and persuasion have failed, your only control is to stay and put up with it or leave.
Locus of control = Outer Directed and React-ability VS Response-ability/Pause-ability
In my 60's have been married and have had a number of relationships. IMO, the reason Western women push so hard and fast for marriage is deep-down, they know how fickle, restless and easily bored they themselves are. They try to erroneously project those traits onto us men, when in reality, it's us men who tend to be more grounded and loyal. We men thrive on stability and healthy routine, but over time, women abhor it. They want drama, novelty and excitement. This is why they are attracted to "Bad Boys" and create conflicts out of nowhere. After my Divorce in 94', I made a pact with myself to date a woman for 2 to 3 years before considering marriage. I've learned that they'll be great or the first few months to a year, but will eventually tire of putting on the show to try and "close the deal." In 30 years, not one woman has made the cut, and I'm not picky. Caveat Emptor, Gentlemen.
NARCISSIST, They Love Your Wallet, but Not You,it's all A Show,Don't Get Married, it's Definitely Not Worth it,
John! All the councilors and phscoes are DIVORCED?
Hi John! The same here. I can tell you a "funny" story, which relevance only appeared to my after our divorce 22 years later: Shortly after our marriage, my parents in law had some construction workers in their house, where we stayed. And my wife (I´m serious!!!) BLAMED ME, that she developped a crush on one of them!!! Her thinking was: If I were the perfect husband (as GOD intended husbands to be - a 1:1 duplicate of Jesus) that wouldn´t have happened. So HER CRUSH was MY fault!!! :-) :-) :-)
At least your free of her. Thanks!
@@john-griffin Women can use marriage to cushion the impact of (the harsh) reality on them. After she kicked me out of the house (because she failed to see the use in making money for the family) she had some serious growing up to do - and did, did even well!
She was a horrible human being. Good people never do those things. Good to know you got away from her.
@@yeisonalvarez5776 I don't judge anybody, so I shall not be judged. 🙄 But in a divorce, Christian women easily forget, that Romans 8:5 ("There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ") applies to their once beloved husbands, too. Instead, the fall back on the Old Testament and cast you out in the desert like the scapegoat.
These creatures have zero accountability.
Guys the only good reason to marry is if you want children with a lifelong partner who you consider to be your soulmate.
Otherwise you are a hiding to nothing in the family and divorce courts.
Also if sex is your primary aim certainly do not marry as before the wedding the sex will be plentiful but afterwards its frequency is likely to seriously decline, especially if kids come along as your wife is likely to give almost all her energies to them and not you.
The only literal soulmate is God not a woman.
It may seem simplistic, but I've come to understand that the fundamental reason for divorce is that it serves as a corrective measure for a situation that ideally should never have occurred. It's quite straightforward. To me, the lyrics of "Sweeter and Sweeter" by the Statler Brothers encapsulate it perfectly: "And everyone knows that if you don't grow together, you'll eventually grow apart."I believe that straying from this dynamic leads to engaging in mindless commentary.
I know it’s odd but women feel most comfortable when they feel slightly insecure around their protector/man not soo insecure where she feels unsafe, but there is a fine line. She needs to know where you stand and know you are here tall strong mountain or the river bed which guides and holds her following emotions. Own her/ hold her and be truthful to your inner desires and don’t let anyone move u off center!
Basically, look at things positively and always look for the solutions rather than energise the problems. My wife is very much a problem person. Everything is terrible, she is suffering uniquely and it's all my fault, despite the fact that she does absolutely nothing to help herself and sabotages everything to put herself in an unhappy position.
Turns out the kids are the real victims here. Imagine being born because two people were trying to fix a relationship and you were supposed to be the unifying factor....and then it goes downhill anyway.
My locus of control is internal, but for all the bad reasons. I see the world as dangerous and people as untrustworthy, so to cope I focus on being skilled and independent as well as building a "shell" or "defensive layers" around me: property, being skilled, hoarding knowledge, having no attachments to external objects. It also includes being disconnected from emotions. Women say I'm dismissive attachment style, but the crux of it is i get rid of things and people I perceive as harmful, my boundaries are very strong, I know what I am capable of and what I want. I'm also very conformable in my solitude and life. All this makes me fairly direct, eccentric and apparently an "arrogant sob", but I dodged every bullet thus far and life is good.
Similar values and similar family background help but the number one is to truly in live at least in the beginning. I don't think I was and settled 😅
where are the camera here? powerful videos.
Thanks, I use a drone
I've been married to the same woman since the 1990s and we are both reasonably happy, with all the typical ups and downs. Her parents are gone now but they married in the 1960s and stayed together reasonably happy till the end. My parents married in 1960 and are both still alive and still married- not perfect but OK. In my humble opinion, this is a good predictor for how I expected things to turn out. Just my two cents.
Applaud 👏 with one woman age 16 to 47 always had goals then divorced then remarried too soon to single mom with 3 kids me 52 her 35 hurt myself financially now divorced after 2 years now 57 loving traveling to Philippines for beautiful young partner will retire there in 4 years 10 months lol Mr. CPA see TheRicioShow 😅
Man sigh in 3,2,1 8:22 love your work 👍
You are onto something there.
I got lucky... I married a pretty chubby lady. We both used sex as a drug to keep each others happy. I ragged on her weight when she got out of control control and to her credit, she cared enough about our intimacy to keep her weight under control. We loved until death do us part from cancer. She was an awesome woman. My only mistake was we should have had more babies.. And I regret that. She made beautiful babies and she was a credit to her gender. I belive you have to be sexually on the same page to keep the bond going
Exactly
Never married, but I witnessed all these craps around me for 45years........Fool's games.....no thanks
Its been my experience that women TEND to look to others to make them happy. Because of this, if they become involved with you, you'll be expected to make and keep them happy.
Eventually, you'll become like an aging comedian, when he starts to run out of material.
Ultimately, no one can make another person happy.
Financial problems plus bordem
I think all you're describing is an optimistic vs pessimistic person. It's a part of why marriages fail but certainly isn't the MAIN reason.
I firmly believe the main reason marriages fail is that most people don't marry somebody with shared values. Couples don't sit down and say what do you believe we should do as far as raising a family? Who should control the money? What religion are we going to raise our children in? Etc.
People just think 'well she is attractive and she makes me laugh, we'll figure it out'.
I laugh when divorced people ask me all the time 'why didn't you ever get married?' I say it's largely due to people like you that got married too soon and didn't find the right person so I was left with slim pickings.
If you ever get sick or lose your job she’ll be outta there faster than you can blink an eye.
If I don't turn on my 2nd phone, they can't bother me on Whatsapp. Maybe once a week I answer some of the dozen messages and requests I've received. A few words at most. Have to be focused on my own goals. When I'm stuck on a line or waiting room somewhere, I take a few moments and delete some who have passed their shelf life.
I would have to say that only about 10% of all marriages go the distance in love... probably because we are only running at 10% consciousness... apparently, (science)ish...🧡✌️
Interesting you mention this because that is my conclusion as well. I think about 90% of people should never get married since they are not able to make the type of commitment it takes to weather the marriage storm.
Then the woman initiates divorce, finds out she is washed up as her life gets even worse and tries to go back wondering why her ex is either done or has a new gf. Counseling can't fix this and neither can the church since they are in denial of the truth.
The chasing happiness methodology leads to marriage. You know nice house, car, nice things etc. If you are completely different people, it's not going to work as in mindset and how you view the world. The worse person you can lie to is yourself. Biology and attraction get us together attraction always comes first is my view, but compatibility has the chance to make it last. I would say for the most part majority of us get into relationships etc. purely on biology if you really examined the person next to you what are you really seeing?
This makes sense, however, if it were true, then why does so much of the relationship hinge on sex? Isn’t sex and outside experience. Are not intimacy and closeness also outside experiences.
From Buddhism teaching, couples come together because of karma. When it ends, people will be separated.
Just be happy that you have resolved your karma. Divorce can be a good thing in this sense.
Absolutely. The skill to be learned is reading when the karma is completed and allow it to cease playing out rather than trying to extend or avoid karma playing out (attachement and aversion). Thanks for reminding me why I settled on Buddhism many decades ago.
Hopefully my wife and I should be OK then, as we're both innies.
You're so right about locus of control. In my experience there is a clear gendered tendency in that phenomenon - in fact I think that inequality in our abilities on this dimension is what subconsciously fuels a major part of the female resentment towards.
But even more importantly... such a pity you opted to cut out the emotional part - that would've been the best part of the entire video, a point of connection, of real humanity in a world that on so many levels is edited into utter oblivion.
When sex and other marital duties become transactional it’s over.
The #1 reason women give is "I'm not happy!" In my case, "I'm unhappy!" Was shouted with the same outrage as abuse, infidelity, or abandonment. Even the kids jumped on this bandwagon: "You failed to make mom happy! That's why she divorced you! I think it's sexy that she found an upgrade on line and I want to be a part of her new found happiness!"
She will be unhappy again just watch
@@john-griffin Appears to be. After nearly 20 years of alienation, the daughters and I are back in good graces. They say "Mom is going crazy! It must be menopause "
Most women expect their partner to make them happy
So how is being from inside to outside with locus of control different from having a strong self-belief?
I think there’s a lot of similarities. But an internal locus of control means that you control your emotions and you decide how you’re going to react or respond to events on the outside. An external control means that events that occur in your life dictate your reactions.
i always remember the movie AS GOOD AS IT GETS -to think like a woman you first think like a man and then you take away reason and accountabillity
That is exactly right!
My wife is supporting Kamala and I hate Kamala and Joe.
Are you going to divorce her because she’s going to vote for the other party?
I would say thats certainly grounds for a devorse in my opinion
That just means she’s smarter then you.
@@commonsense3921 she will vote for kamala as she is captivated by her great speaches and she grew up in middle class and her mother bought a house when she was teenager.
Just proves she’s a moron.
Happiness comes from within and how you view a bad situation.
Women need to see the movie POLLYANNA with Hailey Mills, and implement its message.
I disagree. The most important piece in a marriage is a very strong spiritual foundation. It’s pivotal for the husband to be the spiritual leader then the wife will willingly submit!
Negative 👎! You can't build a foundation on supernatural nonsense. 😳
Everything is just temporary with Woman, She’ll find something to be unhappy about regardless.
WOW ! The wife will submit to a husband spiritual leader, even when she is not spiritual ???
People who are truly spiritual do not lead others.They merely lead themselves from all temptations including all the temptations of a woman.
@@CarlMartin-hw3ev like iron sharpens iron so does one person sharpen another. A godly man can have a very positive and important impact on a woman who is spiritually mature enough to receive and accept him.
Contempt