I'll see you a "loveless marriage" and raise you a "long term relationship" of 13 years with a single mom with 1Daughter, 1 Mother with dementia, 2 cats, 1 dog, travels all the time. Being the very last priority on that list, assuming I know the whole list, was at least as bad as a loveless marriage.
Every time I see a friend or a guy fall in love or start a relationship with a woman. Every time I see his quality of life go down and hers go up. This is a life long observation
Especially when dating, as an older man. It almost impossible that you are going to run into an emotionally stable woman. They are snatched up early on, stand by their man, and do the little required to make him happy. Men do not let go of women like that.
They go through a literal rollercoaster of hormonal states within every 28 days seeing higher highs and lower lows than most men living average lives will never have to endure during their whole lives. The trick is to not get deeper involved in her extremes than You can easily handle. She get's too complicated for a decent life together: end it. Period.
Getting involved and especially having a child with a psycho woman is the biggest life wrecker a man can make I think. Be VERY careful with this one men. A crazy woman could hurt you or accuse you of something, but that’s nothing compared to the pain you could have when having a child with her. First of all you will be tied to the psycho woman for 18+ years morally, and legally because of the child. Second your child, which you love, will be raised poorly by her, and your child will likely have major problems, either from her crazy genetics or her crazy nurturing. Since your child will likely not be in your home he, or she will be exposed to strange men that could hurt your child physically, sexually or emotionally, and you will not be able to know or stop it. You will not only have to deal with the pain of dealing with her but also the pain of sympathizing with how bad your child’s life is going if she even let you see your child. On top of this, you will be paying child support which she will probably spend on herself. Bad, bad bad situation men….😵💫
Luckily..... my son from a crazy marriage, and divorce....saw my ex for what she was, and contacted me, and is now living with me. I just have to try and patiently undo all the sh!t she did to his mind. Teaching him how to be a responsible, moral, and accountable man. But, it's worth it. I'm so lucky to get a second chance.
Exactly what happened to me, except my daughter also won’t talk to me because I’m somehow the bad guy in all of this for making her mom permanently single. My daughter used to say “I hate seeing my mom suffer like this.” She was talking about her mom’s mental health issues. She’s a nut, but somehow I don’t get to be in my daughter’s life at all.
I've known many divorced women. They are divorced for a reason. When you are dating older women, it's like shopping at Goodwill. You are sifting through all of the used-up junk that nobody wants. It takes a lot of hard work for a woman to wind up older and alone.
Actually, for some of them, it really doesn't seem to take them that much hard work to end up alone at all; for some, it seems to come naturally and quite easily. Some of them, even cats don't like or trust them.
Same as divorced blokes the wives have chucked them out for good reason I,m 65 and single by choice no thanx been ripped off and used by men so it goes both ways
95% of the women I go out with (I’m 62), say their former husband is a narcissist. It’s almost comical. How can that be. I finally came up with the reason. Most men when we get married do backflips to accommodate our girls. Fast forward 5-10 years… and you realize… enough! Whatever I do it’s not enough! So… maybe we say screw it… I’m going golfing, or fishing, or whatever this Saturday (meanwhile the other six days you’re still a slave!) Then you before the “narcissist”… because on one a few occasions… you decide to do what YOU want.
Yes, that's true. A woman told me after a divorce how free and happy she is. She said she can now paint her bedroom pink if she wants to and go on vacation wherever she wants. Is she saying that her ex wouldn't let her paint her bedroom pink or go on vacation where she wants? Not at all. She is delusional and is using those examples just to justify her divorce. In fact, I bet her ex probably couldn't care less what color her bedroom was or where they went on vacation.
and yet, "Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects approximately 0.5% of the United States population, which is about 1 in 200 people." Which tells you more about the women than their former husbands...
They all say the same shit. It's funny. " I was in an abusive relationship". Haha, it cannot be 100% always the man, but in their world it is, and they seem completely unaware that they are all singing the same song
55 years old, single since 6 years. These has been the best years of my adult life! I plan on keeping it like this, I like not having to pay for somebody else and I absolutely love the freedom to do what I want, when I want to.
I was 52 when she filed. I wanted to see what was out there. The ex was 18 years younger. I wanted someone closer to my age bracket. With the ex, it felt like I was a single father with 4 kids instead of a wife with 3. My first reaction upon viewing women in my age bracket was "I'm that old? They all look like grandmas! They ARE grand mothers!"
Good one. But those women still see themselves as being 20 and their "standards" are even higher. Then they wonder why the Chads aren't asking them out. Jokes on them, ha-ha-ha.......
You dated her, I married her...after 3 months of dating. She held it together another 6 months but then the crazy started. I made a tragic mistake and I paid a dear price, as she took me for a bundle less than 3 years after we were married. Guys, PLEASE...take your time. Do your due diligence. Great legs and a nice body can blind you to the truth about a woman. Anyone can hold it together 3-6 months, and then the trouble starts. AFTER she filed for divorce I began studying BPD and other personality disorders, and learned a ton...but it was way too late. John, good on you for seeing beneath the great sex and nice personality (initially anyway) and cutting her loose quickly.
That happened to me. She was a great actress and I married her prior to knowing her well enough. I take full responsibility for that decision and I paid dearly. Ironically she found another sucker who did the same thing and about a month after the marriage he called me and wanted advice about her. The story was eerily the same. At that point in my life I told myself I will never get married again. 17 years later I have held to that promise.
@@jc4evur661 That's why its so important to wait AT LEAST a year before you even think about getting married. Gotta vet your women very carefully, a good one can make your life, a bad one will torpedo it.
44m here and I go back and forth on falling in love. I think im finally done. I would prefer to live life with a partner, but it doesn't seem possible anymore, and I'm done punishing myself by trying.
In my earlier years I slept with this woman who in the middle of the night bit my back and drew blood, she said in her dream she was eating a piece of chicken! All I could say was that I was glad she was not having a hot dog!
Same... 53 married 32 years to my high school sweetheart. We have worked so hard to create a comfortable, debt free, lifestyle. I'd never get married again because I am unwilling to share my resources, my time, or get to know someone else.
I had a similar dating experience that lasted some months. Turns out she was crazy, she had like fits of rage and stuff. As soon as I understood how she was and I wasn't thinking with a certain part of my body I was out and all the better for it☺️
I dated another western laydee after I divorced my ex. Inside 4 months she was repeating the exact same phrases as my ex despite growing up in a different city.
It's women who are the narcissists nine times out of ten. Which gender has their noses glued to their phones all day long, seeking praise, attention, and validation?
I too started dating right after divorce, then i stopped and asked myself why That was 10 years ago and i haven't dated since and my quality of life has improved a thousand fold
As Chris rock says she’s combative because you weren’t her first choice, since it took you so long to get on a date with her ( John) that was your sign red flag you weren’t her first choice
It's amazing that they are unable to acknowledge and appreciate the best that they can actually get. They always compare it to things that they cannot have. Like children do.
I had a girlfriend for six years. She was twenty years younger, highly educated, very intelligent, good worker and stunning body like a supermodel. I did everything for her. But the arguments and drama she created out of the blue knocked me sideways and would ruin my day, or my week. I sold my business and took her traveling, planning on starting a new life with her but I yreaded gently because of the dramas she would pull out of a hat with no notice given. In the end she dirched me and I miss ger two years on. I miss her but I tend to look back on the past with rose tinted glasses. Whenever I get too nostalgic, a friend and confidant reminds me of the hell I went through.
Most men go through this bro, we have to understand that women are temporary and if you are the guy that’s planning a future for her and treating her right, that means that there is a guy out there that isn’t doing those things that she likes more. The only time women come back down to earth is when they get very old and their looks fade away. And even then they’re still horrible people.
Remind yourself that she's more than likely not missing you and not thinking of you, she shouldn't be living rent free in your head because you definitely aren't in hers. More than likely she left you for a guy closer to her age, happens alot with big age gaps like 20 years. Alot of those younger women are just looking to use you for your resources anyway, it's hardly ever real love.
I've done the projection thing more times than I care to admit. Your story also reminds of me a GF I had many years ago. During one of her out of blue rants over the phone I finally hit my breaking point and told her "we're done!" and hung up. I went outside and looked at the sunset and nothing had ever looked so beautiful. The weight of all of her BS and drama just started to melt away. I called a friend to hang out and have a few beers and ignored my now ex-gf who kept calling and emailing. A few days and many angry voicemails and emails later she finally got the picture and stopped.
3 aspects of narcissists that never get discussed is always being late and forcing other people to wait. Looking in mirrors or taking pictures of yourself and turning every conversation into an oppurtunity to brag about yourself in a socialy acceptable way.
I've accepted the fact that most woman have some degree of emotional instability. The deal breaker is a Gov't that insists upon inserting itself into your intimate affairs & often encourages and rewards emotionally unstable woman. Imagine making love to a woman & on 1 side of the bed stands a cop and on the other a judge. No thank you Ma'am... No thank you, Sir.
I have thought about that concept. I believe within another few generations, men may live with her, possibly have children with her, but never get married. The couple can set up their own agreement which protects him and keeps her in line. If she pulls any BS he can leave without any penalties. If they share children they can set up custody on their own. Until the state stops sanctioning marriage, men should avoid marriage at all costs.
I am 59 never married, dated lots of pretty girls over the years, I completely agree. I just came to this same conclusion not that long ago: We subconsciously project onto the women the things that we wanna fall in love with and then we fall in love with those things. I think that’s human nature in general when it comes to love. That’s why it’s good to really take your time getting to know somebody before making the remotest of commitments.
Yes, and though I haven't ever done it, avoid sex until you are sure you really like, respect, and trust this person. Otherwise , you may be sorry. If you would be happy with this person WITHOUT sex, then you have a winner.
@@77magicbusThe most intelligent comments under this whole video, including OP’s. I wish every disempowered man here could read and comprehend Jay’s comment rather than marinate in the wound licking that comprises this channel. It’s not easy, but it is possible to find a compatible partner by doing what you are both saying. Gives me hope that at least some get it!! 🙏🏼 Respect.
I think this woman, like so many others are psychologically damaged at a very deep level. They no longer know how to be women in a relationship. Plus, when you are dating a divorced woman, the risk of being with a damaged woman is much higer.
My take on this is that its preparing the man to have children from an evolutionary standpoint. Men who can't stand her shenanigans don't stick around to have and raise kids, so, their genes didn't pass on. The rest of the men who do, are what we have loads of, the "Simps" who tolerate and cater chaos. I noticed that the crazy level skyrockets once she's pregnant and at the earliest stages, men who don't want kids usually can't take it and bail, but nowadays their kids are raised by forced child support, or, the government, so, we also have loads of that type of fatherless men raised by crazy women and many of them fill up prisons. Well, I guess i too had my fair share ;) i've been lucky to not stick around and not have children, but, it took a lot to understand madness.
Three stages of a relationship- honeymoon, negotiation, maintenance. Beware thinking the honeymoon phase will last forever. Thats not where the meat of the relationship exists. Better to have a few crises and see how you move thru that, rather than focusing on the elation of the honeymoon phase.
Ha ..... My first one didn't even go THAT well. Her sh!t started the FIRST DAY of the honeymoon. My soul felt destroyed. After 7 years I couldn't take it anymore.
John, your videos have been very helpful to me. Four years going now, I have been separated, divorce pending still, but she is out of the picture. Your advice cones at the right time to give me a calm perspective. Your easy going and relatable style is appreciated.
Thanks. When I was in the thick of it, walking those trails really helped me clear my head. Some of the conversations that I had with myself and the dogs are now the basis for the conversations. I’m having on this channel. Even though it’s only been five years since my divorce, there were another 10 years of walking those trails before that. Spending 15 years walking around talking to myself gives me lots of material. Thanks.
Thank you for your honest perspective. As a 57 year old woman, my moto is always, it takes many seasons to get to know someone. I say make friends, stay platonic, realistic, and if it grows into something romantic, great. If not, you made a friend.
I did all that and really thought I finally found the one. We waited for over a year before we became intimate. Very transparent on both ends or so I thought. After a year of living together another side of her came out and raged. It's been almost a year since she left But not before setting the couch on fire in the front yard and destroying many things of value.
My dad actually met Stevie Nicks at a recording studio in the 1980's. He said she was "an odd duck". She was to Fleetwood Mac what Cass Elliot was to the Mommas and the Poppas. The fact you got any activity on a dating app as an older gentleman is a feat in it's own right! I'm 55 years old with a solid career and in decent shape for my age, and was like crickets on those sites. The part about you projecting your thoughts on her is what a lot of us do.
I am 44 and single, raising my son solo as his mom is alive but dead so so sad. I have been scrambling for 8 years now my son is 11 and I am still single. I tell jr that we are better off with No lady than a bad lady. I would love to meet a nice younger than me lady have a bunch of kids. I have not met to many 44 year old women wanting to have more kids. Great story love the value you bring to my life. Thank you
@@john-griffin Most of the good normal ones are with as@holes and afraid to leave or cant due to economic issues and on and on. It will happen when it does for us if not then we are still happy.
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 6 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else . I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t , I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Parting ways with someone you deeply cherish is an agonizing experience. I understand firsthand, having encountered a parallel situation at the end of my 7-year relationship. Driven by an unyielding determination, I explored every avenue to salvage our bond. Seeking guidance from a spiritual counselor proved pivotal, as their intervention played a crucial role in rekindling our love.
I love your opening with the Shakespeare quote. This entire video is a masterpiece of self understanding. The main reason I am writing this comment is to acknowledge an equally profound comment by Gerald Jackson regarding the positive role TV soap operas used to play in dissipating women’s need for drama. I hope Mr Jackson reposts that comment so it’s not buried in a thread. Perhaps it might be a subject for a future video? Amazing coincidence that when TV soap operas went away (2001-02) was the exact time a massive inflection occurred within the family I married into in which all sorts of other female drama increased exponentially.
That’s a really good insight. I remember as a child watching stories with my grandmother as we shucked corn and shelled peas. She had a farm. She would watch her stories every afternoon. She had a long marriage.
I’m 48, a single father with full custody. I have a home paid off, financially free and in the best shape of my life at 11.7% bf. I don’t even bother to date, why?…I have everything I need to be happy. There is not much a woman can contribute to my life at this point. I already have a son, who is one of the top student in his class each year, a home, I am housemates with 2 of my best friends (No drama, no one trying to control my life, I don't need to cater to someone else's happiness. We all contribute to help the household as a whole. We don’t count pennies and dollars with each other nor do we ever feel like the other person owes me because I did this or that for him). I can travel and go where and when I want, a 100% stress free life.
@@drprofessor1414 I have been working out consistently since the age of 15. I use to be that overweight kid, who got picked on and wanted to do something about it. It's become a lifestyle. Over the years, I learn and adjust my lifestyle to what I feel helps me improve. My workouts consist of a multitude of things: weights, yoga, calisthenics, HIIT, zone 2 jogs (depending on how I feel that morning). My daily workouts depends on how I feel that day (if I'm lazy, I'll do some yoga, if I'm pumped that morning, I'll do HIIT,...). I have a clean diet (i do eat pizza, burgers, fries and drink alcohol on occasions) and stay active throughout the day (moving and walking). Rarely am I seditary in a desk all day. If all this is too much, just make gradual little adjustments each time. Don't over push yourself, where you dread it. Work at your "own" pace and don't worry about others.
@@drprofessor1414 There is no 1 or 2 things, no superfood, no special exercise, it’s a lifestyle. I eat clean 90% of the time. I still drink, eat ice cream, burgers and fries on occasions. My workout consist of a multitude of things, pending on how I feel that morning (weights, calisthenics, yoga, HIIT, zone 2 cardio…). If this lifestyle is too much of an adjustment for you at this time, then do gradual baby step changes, until that change becomes a habit, then continue to progress in your changes. Don’t overdo or overexert yourself to a point, where you dread it. Do everything at your “own” pace and don’t worry/compare yourself to others. Do workouts/sports or something active that you enjoy. Progress brings motivation. Also I have been working out consistently since the age of 15 and I have always maintained a progressing intensity of my workouts throughout the decades.
Always has been… we just dressed it up with ceremony and backend payments and restocking fees. All men pay, men in traditional relationships pay the most.
I live around beautiful women here in So Cal and work with Nurses in an ICU. I haven't slept with a woman in 11 years. My Testosterone last measured at 825. It's because at 59, I don't have time to recover from another setback.
Great story. I remember my first gut feeling with current ex lady, we were in a park and discussing some random ideas when, suddenly, she became defensive. We both noticed it, discussed it and sort of put a rock on that whole situation but it was quite simple really - she didn't like my rational thought process about something she really identified with (esoterics), so I was the enemy for a moment. With time, these sort of situations repeated again and again, almost like she was pushing every conversation to this end. After a long time this killed all of my attraction to her but really I should have listened to my gut feeling in that park.
WEEEEELLLLL... While You Do make a Valid Point about Projection... You gotta REMEMBER, They're ALL a bit Crazy from Our Male Perspective, the Hotter They Are The MORE Skill Required. Sure Everyone has their limits, BUT in THIS Case, The BIG Test was Failed Spectacularly... SHE Pushed the Aggression with a Targeted Strike & hit The Bull's Eye. Too bad You didn't realize it was a Test and gave Her a Pass that Failed to Dominantly Deflect with Confident Flirtatious Bravado & Communicate Your Own Masculine Control of Her Emotional Power TEST. Had You Not allowed Her First Emotional Outburst to Hit, after being previously Emotionally Weakened from past Relationships, You could've Communicated with Attractive STRENGTH that Her Outburst, While a Valid Personal Preference, in NO WAY Allows or Invites any Sort of Relationship Power Swap Dynamic. Strong Crazy Hot Women NEED Stronger Crazy CONFIDENT Men. It's okay that That wasn't You at the Time & You weren't Invested enough to BECOME Her Man... The Tests NEVER Stop and We ALWAYS Have the Upper Hand until We Give In to Their Crazy... We Set the Tone 100% of the Time. They do something wrong, it's ALWAYS within Our Power to Prevent. Better Luck Next Time... Takes TIME & FOCUS to See all This. EVERY Woman WANTS The BEST You All The Time, just a Matter of Becoming & Being Your Best You for Them. Hopefully You Read This & Really Enjoy Your Best Self With ALL The Females that Cross Your Path... It's Really What They Want 😎
John, this is no hyperbole, I can breathe again, I'm not alone. It's as if I sent you my story and you are my narrator. But I allowed it to move too quickly, things were much better hidden, and I married her. Looking forward to your videos. This is an encouragement, you're doing a good thing. Appreciate your transparency and insights.
"Like looking at fine art on a wall" Just NAILED it completely with that comment. That is it PRECISELY. To use an automotive analogy, an old Ferrari, or Lamborghini is a beautiful machine to look at, and drive....but it keeps breaking down and the repair bills will soon make you wish you'd never seen the damned thing!
Great story. I was captivated the whole time. I propose all men follow a simple rule: "Don't put gas in another man's car." What does that mean? When a women is getting alimony, she is another man's car, even if she is divorced. I live by the code that respects other men's territory. Men have to stick together or we will be all reduced to indentured servitude, that is, working to please other person's fantasies without getting anything in return. Women play on men's attractions and use it to control them. You did the right thing by letting her go. More men need to follow your example. The brotherhood will remain strong only if we stay loyal to the code and don't let women trample it into the ground. And if we ever let that happen, men will be reduced to pansies and yes men who women will have no respect for.
Men will always compete for women, in the most devious ways. There will never be something called "the brotherhood" (sounds vaguely homo-erotic🤢). As soon as you turn your back on one of those "bros" he'll be messing with your wife at any opportunity, have no doubt! Those of us men betrayed by a male "best friend" know! And to be honest few of us wouldn't do likewise if shown a red carpet by the right woman. As they say "All is fair in love and war". Just don't get murdered by a jealous husband.
Yes, I'm a big proponent of men needing to stick together. I don't announce it through a loud speaker, but I speak to a lot of guys about this when I get a chance. It turns out most single men out there have this belief and we are making some progress.
You obviously dodged a serious bullet!! Good for you, my friend! It amazes me how many people, both men and women are so insecure, unhappy, etc. that they will put up with a bad relationship vs. the peace, tranquility, freedom, peace-of-mind, etc., etc. of being in NO relationship!
Thank You so much for your story . That really hit home . I wish I knew this 37 years ago . I was blindsided by a Narcissist. My entire life has been a lie , and I had no idea .
Wow, that’s really tough. Well, you still have some time left, maybe you can make the most of it. Hopefully you can find some solace in the fact that you were able to get out.
This is such an accurate video. We place our own illusions into our thoughts good or bad and often fail to see the reality, good or bad. After just ending a 32 year relationship/marriage I was initially anxious to find a new woman in my life. Now I am willing to be more selective and try to choose wisely when I am ready.
a friend said to me today,, u live alone,, i said NOOOO,, i live by myself and am never lonely,, and i live by myself by choice.. P E A C E !!!! i do what i want,, when i want and i dont ask permission if i can do anything,,, never have and never will.. if i want a new truck,, i buy it,, i dont ask a woman if i can get a new truck,, no way.. im an adult,, i have a brain,, no woman is going to tell me what i can and cant do.. and im very very happy .. no nagging,, no games,, no drama.. if i want to go on a holiday,,, i go.. so simple... i dont need a woman to be complete,,, i am complete by myself.. gentleman,,,, the juice just aint worth the squeeze..
The older I get, the more I admire a beautiful woman from afar. It's like seeing an exotic sports car. I want to look at it and maybe drive it, but I definitely don't want to pay for it or deal with the maintenance costs and headaches.
Young attractive women are like brightly-coloured small cars, like those vibrant yellow Suzuki Swifts. They're cute and I enjoy looking at them. It brightens my day a little when I see them - they're fun! But at my age, I just can't see myself inside one.
If she’s got rules or boundaries for you, just know that she’s not that into you, and she’s basically just using you for short term gratification or convenience. Women that actually want you don’t have crazy boundaries or exhibit their borderline tendencies that soon into a new relationship.
The falling leaves are sweet. Reminds me of a woman I was terribly attracted to. There were red flags early on and I collected a shit ton of them while living my fantasy, eventually I didn't even like myself anymore and had to get out. Still haunts me years later
I consider'em as a risk of personal destruction/danger, and I'm trying to obtain the best value to my life w/minimal risk. Danger, danger Will Robinson...... and Jenny was a skank, Run Forest Run!
My rebound psycho chick was a stalker. 2 years it took to evade her, but I had some sick attraction to her that was so frigging toxic as I felt this woman would lead to my demise
Been there, with exactly that type. Screaming and screeching, then it's like nothing happened. Until the next time... I too ignored plenty of red flags in the beginning. I look back at it now and cannot imagine I was (briefly) with someone so incredibly wrong for me, and probably most men. Women with no crazies are such a rarity.
28 year old med student here. I’m in a bit of a pickle because I deeply want the experience of falling in love but I’m aware that the experience I’m chasing is not based in reality but like you said, a projection of some ideal that I want to bond with. What do I do? Is it possible to find if you play your cards carefully and don’t jump as soon as you find somebody attractive?
Find someone you like and be friends. Keep sex and intimacy out for a year while you enjoy each other's company. As you get to know her, you will hopefully figure out if she is what you really want in your life before you cross that line of becoming lovers.
You have to be a man....and in relationships one of two things happen: you enter her world or she enters yours. You must differentiate between love and lust. They are not at all similar or compatible.
Looking at your video made me realise I should appreciate my wife more than I do. I could not imagine dating at 64 l love her for who she is because I have learnt to accept her the way she is and she is still attractive to me 35 years on. Don’t lose heart.
This is why a guy needs to learn to vet his women properly. It's the single most important skill a man can have. God Damn, it's good to be a man when you have that shit figured out!!
I really enjoy your chats John. I recently dated a similar lady to what you described, perhaps not quite as bad. But an incident occurred whereby, I was meeting her to see an exhibition in Melbourne AUS. I messaged her to advise I was held up due to an accident on the freeway. When I finally did arrive, she admonished me in front of the entry staff. I kept my cool and then saw the evening out and never went back. No one admonishes me like a child in front of strangers for something I couldn't help..
Good man. This is what all men need to hear. Spot on regarding the mirror of narcissus being the face of a woman. We project our needs and they reflect back in the eyes of monsters.
Probably the most important lesson to learn John……take a long time to get to know the woman you’re dating! Plenty of time before she brings up the “where’s this heading” conversation (you’re not to ask her) and wants to date you exclusively, years of dating exclusively before moving in together as a trial once marriage is considered a possibility and time to allow for the ups & downs of real life to test the mettle of the relationship. The biggest mistake men consistently make is to commit too quickly, to marry too young and to do so with only a superficial knowledge of their woman’s true character. It’s crazy how frequently you hear men say they thought they had a great relationship, only to discover their wife, fiancee or girlfriend had checked out of the relationship many moons ago and the dude is the last one to know!! Don’t be that man!!
I agree. My last gf was awful. I give her credit though. She would have been OK with no sleeping together (she would have been sleeping with someone else on the side) it's a matter of how we conduct ourselves.
Who has time to put with up with this nonsense. You can waste all of your precious invaluable and limited time on this earth getting to know one of these witches, and once you commit, your life turns to shit.
15:50 This is a trap many many people fall into. (me too.) To your point, you have to see her authentically. Remind yourself frequently, I have no idea who they really are. it takes time, but look for the authenticity. Stop projecting. Glad you learned this. The stronger the attraction, the more you need to breathe deep and really 'look' for who they are. Everyone projects their best self at first. Like a job interview. But work with them be patient and see who they really are. Interestingly, I have found that the more authentic I am (resisting urge to say/do things to get them to like me, but rather just be me and say what I honestly feel and think,) the easier it is to see real authenticity and vulnerability in others.
Hi John, Great story..you definitely dodged a bullet with that lady! I understand what you mean about not wanting 'that kind of energy' in your life when you see an attractive woman these days. I think the mistake most men make is that they'll start a new relationship then move in together 🫣 However, if they simply kept there own space and had the relationship at a distance things would be better!
It's those rose coloured glasses 😂 she showed him exactly who she was but he didn't wanna give up the kitty to stand up for himself 😂 he did in the end.
@@psi23kexactly if Jon had a stable of hoes he would’ve dropped her like a hot potato. She could tell she had him to herself. If he had other birds she would’ve sensed he was in demand and he would’ve had upper hand over her.
Brother the nailed it! I have been there trying to make relationships work because of what I was thinking it was there and not because of what really existed. Thank you for your video.
Oh my God, John, why did you put up with that toxic woman for SO long? You should have RUN as soon as you saw red flags. It will only get worse the more you tolerate. That's what happens when you let your guard down and you don't stay detached. What a nightmare.
Here's what I've noticed about nearly every woman... They think that if they're dishonest with themselves, that saves them from being guilty of dishonesty. Example: A woman who is always late to work, appointments, dates, parties, everything. Then she meet some alpha stud at a bar one day. He says "meet me at my place in 5 minutes" She's on time. He says, "you can stay the night but I got work early." She's up early cooking him breakfast. They break up, she meets a nicer more mature guy, but one who's not as attractive. All of the sudden she's late girl again. She expects him to accept this about her, even though, in truth, it's bullshit. She's late to everything because she doesn't really care about being on time. When the alpha stud was around, being early wasn't a problem. This applies to how they play games and can be manipulative in the relationship. She might be yelling "boundaries!" at the guy. But really, it' s a method of controlling the relationship. Her boundaries don't even seem to be for her, they seem to be for him. Telling him what he can and can't do. That's not how personal boundaries normally work. But if you asked her, "are all these personal boundaries here to give you an excuse to go nuts every so often?" She's going to tell you a story about her past and growth and bla bla bla...a story she tells herself. One that she's even decided to believe, even though, deep down, she knows it's bullshit. Women think if they just swallow their own koolaid, if they fully commit to their lies and bullshit, then somehow that makes it OK. They start believing it makes them innocent and honest. So many women do this that men have started saying things like "Don't listen to what she says, just look at what she does." And the older they get, the more full of bullshit they seem to be. Some of them do have an epiphany and realize the error of their ways. Some of the older ones are reformed self-koolaid drinkers. But those are rare.
My buddy lived with this woman for 8 years. Finally, she moved out of his beautiful home on 15 acres in Colorado. He gave her 13k when she left. I asked him why the hell did you give her that much? He said he was so glad to get rid of her the money didn't matter as long as she was gone. She had adult children and grandchildren, and they took over his house. And 8 years later he is still telling me horror stories about when they were together.
What a well-done and thought-provoking video. I completely agree with everything you spoke about in the video because I also experienced the same type of relationship recently. Please continue to share your thoughts. I'm 66 yrs. Old and I have the same fantasies from my youth. Women are never what they seem in reality once you spend a few months with them. They always seem to ruin your expectations and the fantasy that you hoped for.
I called the Disney effect. But really it’s all of modern entertainment media. They convince us that this idea of romantic love and fantasy is possible. They don’t mention that it’s extremely rare if it ever happens at all. So we go looking for it and every woman that we meet. I think I have resolved not to do that anymore
Beware of the woman who blames every break up on the man. Very few women take responsibility for their actions and decisions. The older they are the more crazy they appear to be. Let her be some other guys problem....
Another great video. When I was a young man with no money, I could not get a girl no matter what. Now that I'm in my 50's with a healthy seven figure income, I get approached all the time. Your line I'm just looking at something I find attractive and that's it. I totally relate. Thanks for the laugh.
One time i asked my sister how do you know when a man is cheating and she said its easy. Whenever he starts treating you bad. People always judge others by their own standards so a thief thinks everone is stealing from them. So my sister probably treated her boyfriend bad when she was cheating.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Once upon a time a man asked a beautiful woman to marry him.
She said no.
And he lived happily ever after.
😂👍❤
@@xyzct exactly.
Bingo!
I like stories with a happy ending. 🙂
@@xyzct lol
There's nothing more lonely than being in a loveless marriage.
That is the truth. I was alone the last 10 years of my marriage and since I got out of it, I don’t think I have been lonely once.
Tell me about it. What are you supposed to do. Leave?
Yes....leave ....a loveless and lonely marriage is a BAD option, a prison sentance.......LEAVE@@TC2020-w8u
I'll see you a "loveless marriage" and raise you a "long term relationship" of 13 years with a single mom with 1Daughter, 1 Mother with dementia, 2 cats, 1 dog, travels all the time. Being the very last priority on that list, assuming I know the whole list, was at least as bad as a loveless marriage.
@@big6316 I’m sorry. I imagine there are a lot of awful situations out there worse than a loveless marriage.
There is no woman more beautiful than my peace and quiet.
Say it louder brother 🙏🏽
This
Yeah bro 🥃
My peace and quiet is drop Dead gorgeous😂
Every time I see a friend or a guy fall in love or start a relationship with a woman. Every time I see his quality of life go down and hers go up. This is a life long observation
@freedomformen2548 whenever I see a beautiful woman, I think, there is at least one man somewhere that she is making miserable.
He gives and she takes. Ageless reality.
Excellent observation. I agree with you.
@@racebannon96 Thankyou 🙏
Wow truth
Murphy's Law(s) for romance:
1. ALL of the good ones are taken.
2. If she's available - see rule number ONE ..
Especially when dating, as an older man. It almost impossible that you are going to run into an emotionally stable woman. They are snatched up early on, stand by their man, and do the little required to make him happy. Men do not let go of women like that.
I love it. You made me laugh. 😅
@@retroloungemusic 100% ... I'm 52 and this has been my experience.
oh stop 😅
No higher truth than those two rules!
Most women are rollercoasters of emotions. You have to understand what they are. They cannot be happy.
My wife was raised on a farm hard worker, but water works do happen at times and best to shrug shoulders and power on.
@@setha360 That's about as close to ideal as one can get of them! Hold it there.
Watch the Twilight Zone episode 'The Lonely' = that's what you're dealing with.
They go through a literal rollercoaster of hormonal states within every 28 days seeing higher highs and lower lows than most men living average lives will never have to endure during their whole lives. The trick is to not get deeper involved in her extremes than You can easily handle. She get's too complicated for a decent life together: end it. Period.
Getting involved and especially having a child with a psycho woman is the biggest life wrecker a man can make I think. Be VERY careful with this one men. A crazy woman could hurt you or accuse you of something, but that’s nothing compared to the pain you could have when having a child with her. First of all you will be tied to the psycho woman for 18+ years morally, and legally because of the child. Second your child, which you love, will be raised poorly by her, and your child will likely have major problems, either from her crazy genetics or her crazy nurturing. Since your child will likely not be in your home he, or she will be exposed to strange men that could hurt your child physically, sexually or emotionally, and you will not be able to know or stop it. You will not only have to deal with the pain of dealing with her but also the pain of sympathizing with how bad your child’s life is going if she even let you see your child. On top of this, you will be paying child support which she will probably spend on herself. Bad, bad bad situation men….😵💫
That's what happened to me. You are 100% correct in your comment.
It is state-enforced child abuse
Same is happening to mee , stay strong..
Luckily..... my son from a crazy marriage, and divorce....saw my ex for what she was, and contacted me, and is now living with me. I just have to try and patiently undo all the sh!t she did to his mind. Teaching him how to be a responsible, moral, and accountable man. But, it's worth it. I'm so lucky to get a second chance.
Exactly what happened to me, except my daughter also won’t talk to me because I’m somehow the bad guy in all of this for making her mom permanently single. My daughter used to say “I hate seeing my mom suffer like this.” She was talking about her mom’s mental health issues. She’s a nut, but somehow I don’t get to be in my daughter’s life at all.
I've known many divorced women. They are divorced for a reason. When you are dating older women, it's like shopping at Goodwill. You are sifting through all of the used-up junk that nobody wants. It takes a lot of hard work for a woman to wind up older and alone.
So true!!!
Actually, for some of them, it really doesn't seem to take them that much hard work to end up alone at all; for some, it seems to come naturally and quite easily. Some of them, even cats don't like or trust them.
This is pure gold! "It takes a lot of hard work for a woman to wind up older and alone"
They’re still good for practicing though I’m ngl…
Same as divorced blokes the wives have chucked them out for good reason I,m 65 and single by choice no thanx been ripped off and used by men so it goes both ways
95% of the women I go out with (I’m 62), say their former husband is a narcissist. It’s almost comical. How can that be. I finally came up with the reason. Most men when we get married do backflips to accommodate our girls. Fast forward 5-10 years… and you realize… enough! Whatever I do it’s not enough!
So… maybe we say screw it… I’m going golfing, or fishing, or whatever this Saturday (meanwhile the other six days you’re still a slave!) Then you before the “narcissist”… because on one a few occasions… you decide to do what YOU want.
Yes, that's true. A woman told me after a divorce how free and happy she is. She said she can now paint her bedroom pink if she wants to and go on vacation wherever she wants. Is she saying that her ex wouldn't let her paint her bedroom pink or go on vacation where she wants? Not at all. She is delusional and is using those examples just to justify her divorce. In fact, I bet her ex probably couldn't care less what color her bedroom was or where they went on vacation.
and yet, "Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects approximately 0.5% of the United States population, which is about 1 in 200 people."
Which tells you more about the women than their former husbands...
Narcissists do exist, but women love using that term to describe men not bending to their every whim. I think you’re spot on with your analysis.
It’s all about them most of the time.
They all say the same shit. It's funny. " I was in an abusive relationship". Haha, it cannot be 100% always the man, but in their world it is, and they seem completely unaware that they are all singing the same song
55 years old, single since 6 years. These has been the best years of my adult life! I plan on keeping it like this, I like not having to pay for somebody else and I absolutely love the freedom to do what I want, when I want to.
@@Hermod_Hermit 👍
Same with me. Everything I do now is discounted 50%
Hahaha! Me too! I'm 56 and 7 yrs single after 21 yrs of slavery. All I do is Golf and ride my motorcycles! Life is now incredible!
I was 52 when she filed. I wanted to see what was out there. The ex was 18 years younger. I wanted someone closer to my age bracket. With the ex, it felt like I was a single father with 4 kids instead of a wife with 3. My first reaction upon viewing women in my age bracket was "I'm that old? They all look like grandmas! They ARE grand mothers!"
Good one. But those women still see themselves as being 20 and their "standards" are even higher. Then they wonder why the Chads aren't asking them out. Jokes on them, ha-ha-ha.......
Exactly the same as me . i dont fancy any of them on dating apps . im 56 and the ex was 20 years younger . we split becouse she became an alcoholic .
@@ravern1000 My girl started drinking. Things rapidly went out of control from there.
Exactly! These women who are my age ( 50 ) look like 60 years old! WTH
When you spend a lifetime with someone maybe you still find them attractive. But when you’re older and single, age “appropriate” women just look old
"She's very well educated." Red Flag.😂🇲🇦
Feminist
Yep ha ha
Steer clear of the 'Boss Babes'.
You dated her, I married her...after 3 months of dating. She held it together another 6 months but then the crazy started. I made a tragic mistake and I paid a dear price, as she took me for a bundle less than 3 years after we were married. Guys, PLEASE...take your time. Do your due diligence. Great legs and a nice body can blind you to the truth about a woman. Anyone can hold it together 3-6 months, and then the trouble starts. AFTER she filed for divorce I began studying BPD and other personality disorders, and learned a ton...but it was way too late.
John, good on you for seeing beneath the great sex and nice personality (initially anyway) and cutting her loose quickly.
@@prioritymaleman kuchen easier to never get married.
If it seems too good to be true, it is.
Thanks! I’m sorry you weren’t so lucky
@@prioritymaleman maybe if we weren’t being led around by our one eyed monster we would see better? 😂
That happened to me. She was a great actress and I married her prior to knowing her well enough. I take full responsibility for that decision and I paid dearly. Ironically she found another sucker who did the same thing and about a month after the marriage he called me and wanted advice about her. The story was eerily the same. At that point in my life I told myself I will never get married again. 17 years later I have held to that promise.
You know what the saying is - Crazy in the bed, crazy in the head.
This is mostly true but not always. Ive had great sex with non crazies, and vice versa.
That's funny. We used to say "all women are crazy, but is she your kind of crazy?"
@@TheMensHighway Yeah, but you weren't married to them...THATS when the real them shows up.
@@jc4evur661 That's why its so important to wait AT LEAST a year before you even think about getting married. Gotta vet your women very carefully, a good one can make your life, a bad one will torpedo it.
True
My buddy calls them "Misery Merchants." 😂
Lmao that’s so true….
My friends call you lot a holes😮
Her daddy bought her a yawt but she was a thot.
Her yawts name is
Ayyho Matie
That’s actually a really good nickname I like it
Chaos goblins. Your average woman.
44m here and I go back and forth on falling in love. I think im finally done. I would prefer to live life with a partner, but it doesn't seem possible anymore, and I'm done punishing myself by trying.
In my earlier years I slept with this woman who in the middle of the night bit my back and drew blood, she said in her dream she was eating a piece of chicken! All I could say was that I was glad she was not having a hot dog!
wtf!
😂😂😂
I winced when I read that 😫🤣
😂😂😂😂
I'm an older, happily married woman. If my husband ever died before me, I know I would be just too exhausted to ever date or care enough, again...
Same... 53 married 32 years to my high school sweetheart. We have worked so hard to create a comfortable, debt free, lifestyle. I'd never get married again because I am unwilling to share my resources, my time, or get to know someone else.
I had a similar dating experience that lasted some months. Turns out she was crazy, she had like fits of rage and stuff. As soon as I understood how she was and I wasn't thinking with a certain part of my body I was out and all the better for it☺️
I lived the same nightmare. Ended up with an ectopic heartbeat. It left soon after I told her to buzz off.
@@WilliaminOz yes, choose health over toxicity.
I dated another western laydee after I divorced my ex. Inside 4 months she was repeating the exact same phrases as my ex despite growing up in a different city.
😂😂😂 a western lady 🤪
Was she Clint Eastwood sister or something?
Right, they all come with the same instruction manual.
they are all drones in the hive and the way they repeat the same phrases is soul destroying.
AWALT
The best part about dating is you can just run away from crazies….they call all men narcissistic… what does that even mean? RUN!!!!
It's women who are the narcissists nine times out of ten. Which gender has their noses glued to their phones all day long, seeking praise, attention, and validation?
Men can be stalked, I know of several men who have been.
It is projection. When they call men narcissistic, it means they couldn't control the man and bend him to her will.
2023’s most overused word. This year everyone is a creep
When they call men narcissistic, they are PROJECTING!
Like an old buddy of mine says “Never dip your wick in crazy”. That’s a lesson he learned the hard way, so I take his advice seriously.
Yeah but I love to dip the wick
@@ryanross9429 just be willing to pay the price without bitching and complaining like lots of guys are doing here
@@ryanross9429 Ok, but do you like "double dipping" your wick ....WITH other men, in the same Honeypot?
Been there....lesson learned. Much better now!
The crazy ones will s-x and lovebomb ya in the beginning and be all charming.
I too started dating right after divorce, then i stopped and asked myself why
That was 10 years ago and i haven't dated since and my quality of life has improved a thousand fold
As Chris rock says she’s combative because you weren’t her first choice, since it took you so long to get on a date with her ( John) that was your sign red flag you weren’t her first choice
It's amazing that they are unable to acknowledge and appreciate the best that they can actually get. They always compare it to things that they cannot have. Like children do.
This is a tough one to swallow for guys but needs to be repeated ad nauseam.
I had a girlfriend for six years. She was twenty years younger, highly educated, very intelligent, good worker and stunning body like a supermodel. I did everything for her. But the arguments and drama she created out of the blue knocked me sideways and would ruin my day, or my week. I sold my business and took her traveling, planning on starting a new life with her but I yreaded gently because of the dramas she would pull out of a hat with no notice given. In the end she dirched me and I miss ger two years on. I miss her but I tend to look back on the past with rose tinted glasses. Whenever I get too nostalgic, a friend and confidant reminds me of the hell I went through.
Most men go through this bro, we have to understand that women are temporary and if you are the guy that’s planning a future for her and treating her right, that means that there is a guy out there that isn’t doing those things that she likes more. The only time women come back down to earth is when they get very old and their looks fade away. And even then they’re still horrible people.
you miss her body and the action - lust.
Remind yourself that she's more than likely not missing you and not thinking of you, she shouldn't be living rent free in your head because you definitely aren't in hers. More than likely she left you for a guy closer to her age, happens alot with big age gaps like 20 years. Alot of those younger women are just looking to use you for your resources anyway, it's hardly ever real love.
@@LeeEverett1 thanks Lee, that's really good advice. I'll stop wasting my energy worrying about her.
you don't miss her you miss poon.
Not to minimize your experiences but these bad experiences are very typical and reflective of the dating world out there.
It's why many men of all ages are just avoiding women altogether.
I've done the projection thing more times than I care to admit. Your story also reminds of me a GF I had many years ago. During one of her out of blue rants over the phone I finally hit my breaking point and told her "we're done!" and hung up. I went outside and looked at the sunset and nothing had ever looked so beautiful. The weight of all of her BS and drama just started to melt away. I called a friend to hang out and have a few beers and ignored my now ex-gf who kept calling and emailing. A few days and many angry voicemails and emails later she finally got the picture and stopped.
Good on you sir!
Surprised whe got the picture so rapidly.
I think you got off lucky. Women like that can become stalkers
3 aspects of narcissists that never get discussed is always being late and forcing other people to wait. Looking in mirrors or taking pictures of yourself and turning every conversation into an oppurtunity to brag about yourself in a socialy acceptable way.
The value of this observation cannot be overstated.
I've accepted the fact that most woman have some degree of emotional instability. The deal breaker is a Gov't that insists upon inserting itself into your intimate affairs & often encourages and rewards emotionally unstable woman. Imagine making love to a woman & on 1 side of the bed stands a cop and on the other a judge. No thank you Ma'am... No thank you, Sir.
I have thought about that concept. I believe within another few generations, men may live with her, possibly have children with her, but never get married. The couple can set up their own agreement which protects him and keeps her in line. If she pulls any BS he can leave without any penalties. If they share children they can set up custody on their own. Until the state stops sanctioning marriage, men should avoid marriage at all costs.
I am 59 never married, dated lots of pretty girls over the years, I completely agree. I just came to this same conclusion not that long ago: We subconsciously project onto the women the things that we wanna fall in love with and then we fall in love with those things. I think that’s human nature in general when it comes to love. That’s why it’s good to really take your time getting to know somebody before making the remotest of commitments.
Yes, and though I haven't ever done it, avoid sex until you are sure you really like, respect, and trust this person. Otherwise , you may be sorry. If you would be happy with this person WITHOUT sex, then you have a winner.
@@77magicbusThe most intelligent comments under this whole video, including OP’s. I wish every disempowered man here could read and comprehend Jay’s comment rather than marinate in the wound licking that comprises this channel.
It’s not easy, but it is possible to find a compatible partner by doing what you are both saying. Gives me hope that at least some get it!! 🙏🏼 Respect.
Why can't women just enjoy their life without drama, they would rather be miserable and alone than easy going with a normal man
I think this woman, like so many others are psychologically damaged at a very deep level. They no longer know how to be women in a relationship. Plus, when you are dating a divorced woman, the risk of being with a damaged woman is much higer.
Because laydees LOVE drama. They simply can not live without it. If they don't have it. They will create it.
They are infected with the patriarchy virus
Drama guarantees attention.
My take on this is that its preparing the man to have children from an evolutionary standpoint. Men who can't stand her shenanigans don't stick around to have and raise kids, so, their genes didn't pass on. The rest of the men who do, are what we have loads of, the "Simps" who tolerate and cater chaos. I noticed that the crazy level skyrockets once she's pregnant and at the earliest stages, men who don't want kids usually can't take it and bail, but nowadays their kids are raised by forced child support, or, the government, so, we also have loads of that type of fatherless men raised by crazy women and many of them fill up prisons.
Well, I guess i too had my fair share ;) i've been lucky to not stick around and not have children, but, it took a lot to understand madness.
Three stages of a relationship- honeymoon, negotiation, maintenance. Beware thinking the honeymoon phase will last forever. Thats not where the meat of the relationship exists. Better to have a few crises and see how you move thru that, rather than focusing on the elation of the honeymoon phase.
Ha ..... My first one didn't even go THAT well. Her sh!t started the FIRST DAY of the honeymoon. My soul felt destroyed. After 7 years I couldn't take it anymore.
3 months is the normal honeymoon phase. Time to leave after that …
John, your videos have been very helpful to me. Four years going now, I have been separated, divorce pending still, but she is out of the picture. Your advice cones at the right time to give me a calm perspective. Your easy going and relatable style is appreciated.
Thanks. When I was in the thick of it, walking those trails really helped me clear my head. Some of the conversations that I had with myself and the dogs are now the basis for the conversations. I’m having on this channel. Even though it’s only been five years since my divorce, there were another 10 years of walking those trails before that. Spending 15 years walking around talking to myself gives me lots of material. Thanks.
Thank you for your honest perspective. As a 57 year old woman, my moto is always, it takes many seasons to get to know someone. I say make friends, stay platonic, realistic, and if it grows into something romantic, great. If not, you made a friend.
That’s an excellent advice! Thanks
I did all that and really thought I finally found the one. We waited for over a year before we became intimate. Very transparent on both ends or so I thought. After a year of living together another side of her came out and raged. It's been almost a year since she left But not before setting the couch on fire in the front yard and destroying many things of value.
@@mathewerven9You forgot: don’t live together. See them if you miss them.
"Your behaviors are outside of my ability to manage"
Im going to use this
@@skupikandela isn't that perfectly said?! I took note as well.
Yeah, so much more diplomatic than "I've had enough of your sh*t"
😁
I have come to realize that a Narcissist is a man who does not allow a woman to control or manipulate him
I must be a super narcissist. I have had women tell me I'm impossible to control. Life is good.
My dad actually met Stevie Nicks at a recording studio in the 1980's. He said she was "an odd duck". She was to Fleetwood Mac what Cass Elliot was to the Mommas and the Poppas. The fact you got any activity on a dating app as an older gentleman is a feat in it's own right! I'm 55 years old with a solid career and in decent shape for my age, and was like crickets on those sites. The part about you projecting your thoughts on her is what a lot of us do.
Thanks for the information about Stevie Nicks! I’ll mark her off my list
@@john-griffin Ask Lyndsey Buckingham.
@@The1cdccop Stevie Nicks has only loved 1 person ever...herself
The crazy I dated liked not only Stevie Nicks but Courtney Love. Big red flag! I looked past so many of them.
@@Dutchman-k5e You are 100% right. That's what my daughter told me. My heart wasn't in it, and I'm in a po dunk small town anyway.
I am 44 and single, raising my son solo as his mom is alive but dead so so sad. I have been scrambling for 8 years now my son is 11 and I am still single. I tell jr that we are better off with No lady than a bad lady. I would love to meet a nice younger than me lady have a bunch of kids. I have not met to many 44 year old women wanting to have more kids. Great story love the value you bring to my life. Thank you
It is so much harder to do the work to figure out which ones are crazy and which ones are normal.
@@john-griffin Most of the good normal ones are with as@holes and afraid to leave or cant due to economic issues and on and on. It will happen when it does for us if not then we are still happy.
I love how you specified YOUNG.
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 6 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else . I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t , I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Parting ways with someone you deeply cherish is an agonizing experience. I understand firsthand, having encountered a parallel situation at the end of my 7-year relationship. Driven by an unyielding determination, I explored every avenue to salvage our bond. Seeking guidance from a spiritual counselor proved pivotal, as their intervention played a crucial role in rekindling our love.
That's fascinating! How did you come across a spiritual counselor, and what's the best way for me to contact her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, an outstanding spiritual counselor with the power to restore your relationship with your ex.
I'm grateful for this valuable information; I've just taken a moment to find her online. Very impressive!
@@paulatk44 just go to Thailand and have fun with other girls - there’s lots of fish in the sea
I love your opening with the Shakespeare quote. This entire video is a masterpiece of self understanding.
The main reason I am writing this comment is to acknowledge an equally profound comment by Gerald Jackson regarding the positive role TV soap operas used to play in dissipating women’s need for drama. I hope Mr Jackson reposts that comment so it’s not buried in a thread. Perhaps it might be a subject for a future video?
Amazing coincidence that when TV soap operas went away (2001-02) was the exact time a massive inflection occurred within the family I married into in which all sorts of other female drama increased exponentially.
That’s a really good insight. I remember as a child watching stories with my grandmother as we shucked corn and shelled peas. She had a farm. She would watch her stories every afternoon. She had a long marriage.
I’m 48, a single father with full custody. I have a home paid off, financially free and in the best shape of my life at 11.7% bf. I don’t even bother to date, why?…I have everything I need to be happy. There is not much a woman can contribute to my life at this point. I already have a son, who is one of the top student in his class each year, a home, I am housemates with 2 of my best friends (No drama, no one trying to control my life, I don't need to cater to someone else's happiness. We all contribute to help the household as a whole. We don’t count pennies and dollars with each other nor do we ever feel like the other person owes me because I did this or that for him). I can travel and go where and when I want, a 100% stress free life.
Don't ruin it and don't listen to stupid ppl who thinks they're better than U because 'female' :)
A woman would only add problems and complications to all that.
@@camvworld5674 how do you keep that bf percentage that low at that age?
@@drprofessor1414 I have been working out consistently since the age of 15. I use to be that overweight kid, who got picked on and wanted to do something about it. It's become a lifestyle. Over the years, I learn and adjust my lifestyle to what I feel helps me improve. My workouts consist of a multitude of things: weights, yoga, calisthenics, HIIT, zone 2 jogs (depending on how I feel that morning). My daily workouts depends on how I feel that day (if I'm lazy, I'll do some yoga, if I'm pumped that morning, I'll do HIIT,...). I have a clean diet (i do eat pizza, burgers, fries and drink alcohol on occasions) and stay active throughout the day (moving and walking). Rarely am I seditary in a desk all day. If all this is too much, just make gradual little adjustments each time. Don't over push yourself, where you dread it. Work at your "own" pace and don't worry about others.
@@drprofessor1414 There is no 1 or 2 things, no superfood, no special exercise, it’s a lifestyle. I eat clean 90% of the time. I still drink, eat ice cream, burgers and fries on occasions. My workout consist of a multitude of things, pending on how I feel that morning (weights, calisthenics, yoga, HIIT, zone 2 cardio…). If this lifestyle is too much of an adjustment for you at this time, then do gradual baby step changes, until that change becomes a habit, then continue to progress in your changes. Don’t overdo or overexert yourself to a point, where you dread it. Do everything at your “own” pace and don’t worry/compare yourself to others. Do workouts/sports or something active that you enjoy. Progress brings motivation. Also I have been working out consistently since the age of 15 and I have always maintained a progressing intensity of my workouts throughout the decades.
Bro there is no dating anymore, just prostitution
Smash culture just bag it up
Always has been… we just dressed it up with ceremony and backend payments and restocking fees.
All men pay, men in traditional relationships pay the most.
Dating = prostitution. Seriously. Look up the actual origins of dating (not revisionist history from fee mehn ists)
Even marriage is basically prostitution, if you disagree ask yourself what happens if they take away the sx?
Why buy a cow when you only need some milk ;-). Just kidding..
I live around beautiful women here in So Cal and work with Nurses in an ICU. I haven't slept with a woman in 11 years. My Testosterone last measured at 825. It's because at 59, I don't have time to recover from another setback.
Great story. I remember my first gut feeling with current ex lady, we were in a park and discussing some random ideas when, suddenly, she became defensive. We both noticed it, discussed it and sort of put a rock on that whole situation but it was quite simple really - she didn't like my rational thought process about something she really identified with (esoterics), so I was the enemy for a moment. With time, these sort of situations repeated again and again, almost like she was pushing every conversation to this end. After a long time this killed all of my attraction to her but really I should have listened to my gut feeling in that park.
“Don’t take my picture without my permission !” 😂.
Cucu case right there
That’s also a sign she’s got another man (or more) on the go. Hiding the evidence
@@simonrobinson2484 exactly!
Don't want pics because she thinks they will end up online. Another red flag.
WEEEEELLLLL... While You Do make a Valid Point about Projection... You gotta REMEMBER, They're ALL a bit Crazy from Our Male Perspective, the Hotter They Are The MORE Skill Required. Sure Everyone has their limits, BUT in THIS Case, The BIG Test was Failed Spectacularly... SHE Pushed the Aggression with a Targeted Strike & hit The Bull's Eye. Too bad You didn't realize it was a Test and gave Her a Pass that Failed to Dominantly Deflect with Confident Flirtatious Bravado & Communicate Your Own Masculine Control of Her Emotional Power TEST. Had You Not allowed Her First Emotional Outburst to Hit, after being previously Emotionally Weakened from past Relationships, You could've Communicated with Attractive STRENGTH that Her Outburst, While a Valid Personal Preference, in NO WAY Allows or Invites any Sort of Relationship Power Swap Dynamic. Strong Crazy Hot Women NEED Stronger Crazy CONFIDENT Men. It's okay that That wasn't You at the Time & You weren't Invested enough to BECOME Her Man... The Tests NEVER Stop and We ALWAYS Have the Upper Hand until We Give In to Their Crazy... We Set the Tone 100% of the Time. They do something wrong, it's ALWAYS within Our Power to Prevent. Better Luck Next Time... Takes TIME & FOCUS to See all This.
EVERY Woman WANTS The BEST You All The Time, just a Matter of Becoming & Being Your Best You for Them.
Hopefully You Read This & Really Enjoy Your Best Self With ALL The Females that Cross Your Path... It's Really What They Want 😎
You dodged a bullet, John. Glad you had the foresight to bin her. A nice girl wouldn't have gone off on one just for taking her pic.
You Sir are a master story teller! You explain things in both an entertaining and educational way Keep up the great work!
Thanks glad you enjoyed it
John, this is no hyperbole, I can breathe again, I'm not alone. It's as if I sent you my story and you are my narrator. But I allowed it to move too quickly, things were much better hidden, and I married her. Looking forward to your videos. This is an encouragement, you're doing a good thing. Appreciate your transparency and insights.
Never pursue a divorced woman trying to “date” again. Second marriages have over a 50% divorce rate.
70%
"Like looking at fine art on a wall"
Just NAILED it completely with that comment. That is it PRECISELY. To use an automotive analogy, an old Ferrari, or Lamborghini is a beautiful machine to look at, and drive....but it keeps breaking down and the repair bills will soon make you wish you'd never seen the damned thing!
I agree completely. Thanks.
🤣
Great story. I was captivated the whole time. I propose all men follow a simple rule: "Don't put gas in another man's car." What does that mean? When a women is getting alimony, she is another man's car, even if she is divorced. I live by the code that respects other men's territory. Men have to stick together or we will be all reduced to indentured servitude, that is, working to please other person's fantasies without getting anything in return. Women play on men's attractions and use it to control them. You did the right thing by letting her go. More men need to follow your example. The brotherhood will remain strong only if we stay loyal to the code and don't let women trample it into the ground. And if we ever let that happen, men will be reduced to pansies and yes men who women will have no respect for.
I agree. However most men are too weak.
Men will always compete for women, in the most devious ways. There will never be something called "the brotherhood" (sounds vaguely homo-erotic🤢). As soon as you turn your back on one of those "bros" he'll be messing with your wife at any opportunity, have no doubt! Those of us men betrayed by a male "best friend" know! And to be honest few of us wouldn't do likewise if shown a red carpet by the right woman. As they say "All is fair in love and war". Just don't get murdered by a jealous husband.
Yes, I'm a big proponent of men needing to stick together. I don't announce it through a loud speaker, but I speak to a lot of guys about this when I get a chance. It turns out most single men out there have this belief and we are making some progress.
@@BM-qc6ds Sounds a bit gay ???🤔 Let men be their own islands, we don't need to hang around together like women
That’s a very good philosophy to live by. Thanks.
You obviously dodged a serious bullet!! Good for you, my friend! It amazes me how many people, both men and women are so insecure, unhappy, etc. that they will put up with a bad relationship vs. the peace, tranquility, freedom, peace-of-mind, etc., etc. of being in NO relationship!
Thank You so much for your story .
That really hit home .
I wish I knew this 37 years ago .
I was blindsided by a Narcissist.
My entire life has been a lie , and I had no idea .
narcdaily you are not alone chan null
Wow, that’s really tough. Well, you still have some time left, maybe you can make the most of it. Hopefully you can find some solace in the fact that you were able to get out.
Your stories are so perfect. Thanks for doing them.
Glad you like them!
Gonzalo Lira A.K.A. "Coach Red Pill" had the phrase "after sex, the truth is reveal". Amen coach, wherever you are.
Gonzo died alone in a Ukrainian prison. He was spying for Russia. Scummy man.
This is such an accurate video. We place our own illusions into our thoughts good or bad and often fail to see the reality, good or bad.
After just ending a 32 year relationship/marriage I was initially anxious to find a new woman in my life.
Now I am willing to be more selective and try to choose wisely when I am ready.
Me too! Extremely cautious!
a friend said to me today,, u live alone,, i said NOOOO,, i live by myself and am never lonely,, and i live by myself by choice.. P E A C E !!!! i do what i want,, when i want and i dont ask permission if i can do anything,,, never have and never will.. if i want a new truck,, i buy it,, i dont ask a woman if i can get a new truck,, no way.. im an adult,, i have a brain,, no woman is going to tell me what i can and cant do.. and im very very happy .. no nagging,, no games,, no drama.. if i want to go on a holiday,,, i go.. so simple... i dont need a woman to be complete,,, i am complete by myself.. gentleman,,,, the juice just aint worth the squeeze..
Married 40 years. Total agreement. Sent your channel to my two boys in late 20s and early 30s, not yet married.
The older I get, the more I admire a beautiful woman from afar. It's like seeing an exotic sports car. I want to look at it and maybe drive it, but I definitely don't want to pay for it or deal with the maintenance costs and headaches.
Young attractive women are like brightly-coloured small cars, like those vibrant yellow Suzuki Swifts. They're cute and I enjoy looking at them. It brightens my day a little when I see them - they're fun!
But at my age, I just can't see myself inside one.
If she’s got rules or boundaries for you, just know that she’s not that into you, and she’s basically just using you for short term gratification or convenience. Women that actually want you don’t have crazy boundaries or exhibit their borderline tendencies that soon into a new relationship.
It’s better to be lonely than it is to be miserable
You’re a gifted storyteller John. I was glued to my phone. Thanks.
Glad you enjoyed it
The falling leaves are sweet.
Reminds me of a woman I was terribly attracted to. There were red flags early on and I collected a shit ton of them while living my fantasy, eventually I didn't even like myself anymore and had to get out. Still haunts me years later
Thanks!
Thank you! I’m really glad you enjoyed the video
You hit a homer with this one ...... great value/content, and thank you!
I consider'em as a risk of personal destruction/danger, and I'm trying to obtain the best value to my life w/minimal risk. Danger, danger Will Robinson...... and Jenny was a skank, Run Forest Run!
Glad you enjoyed it!
My rebound psycho chick was a stalker. 2 years it took to evade her, but I had some sick attraction to her that was so frigging toxic as I felt this woman would lead to my demise
Been there, with exactly that type. Screaming and screeching, then it's like nothing happened. Until the next time... I too ignored plenty of red flags in the beginning. I look back at it now and cannot imagine I was (briefly) with someone so incredibly wrong for me, and probably most men. Women with no crazies are such a rarity.
Psycho was hot for the first 90 days, then turned into a complete wildfire out of control
John, I truly appreciate your candor and experience. Thanks!
I appreciate that!
28 year old med student here. I’m in a bit of a pickle because I deeply want the experience of falling in love but I’m aware that the experience I’m chasing is not based in reality but like you said, a projection of some ideal that I want to bond with. What do I do? Is it possible to find if you play your cards carefully and don’t jump as soon as you find somebody attractive?
Find someone you like and be friends. Keep sex and intimacy out for a year while you enjoy each other's company. As you get to know her, you will hopefully figure out if she is what you really want in your life before you cross that line of becoming lovers.
@@john-griffin 100%
You have to be a man....and in relationships one of two things happen: you enter her world or she enters yours.
You must differentiate between love and lust. They are not at all similar or compatible.
You are better off jerking-off...or you will be working for other people the rest of your life‼️
Its all a risk. Use your brain and prepare for anything. There is long lasting love.
I've been with enough women to know that I don't want to be around them anymore and frankly life has never been better. Good luck brothers.....
Looking at your video made me realise I should appreciate my wife more than I do. I could not imagine dating at 64 l love her for who she is because I have learnt to accept her the way she is and she is still attractive to me 35 years on. Don’t lose heart.
It’s very heartening to hear you say that. I think it gives everyone a little bit of hope. Thanks.
This is why a guy needs to learn to vet his women properly. It's the single most important skill a man can have. God Damn, it's good to be a man when you have that shit figured out!!
Testing saves our butt.
Background checks on these females is a must.
The Background check does not gaslight and lie.
I really enjoy your chats John. I recently dated a similar lady to what you described, perhaps not quite as bad. But an incident occurred whereby, I was meeting her to see an exhibition in Melbourne AUS. I messaged her to advise I was held up due to an accident on the freeway. When I finally did arrive, she admonished me in front of the entry staff. I kept my cool and then saw the evening out and never went back. No one admonishes me like a child in front of strangers for something I couldn't help..
Good man. This is what all men need to hear. Spot on regarding the mirror of narcissus being the face of a woman. We project our needs and they reflect back in the eyes of monsters.
Probably the most important lesson to learn John……take a long time to get to know the woman you’re dating! Plenty of time before she brings up the “where’s this heading” conversation (you’re not to ask her) and wants to date you exclusively, years of dating exclusively before moving in together as a trial once marriage is considered a possibility and time to allow for the ups & downs of real life to test the mettle of the relationship. The biggest mistake men consistently make is to commit too quickly, to marry too young and to do so with only a superficial knowledge of their woman’s true character. It’s crazy how frequently you hear men say they thought they had a great relationship, only to discover their wife, fiancee or girlfriend had checked out of the relationship many moons ago and the dude is the last one to know!! Don’t be that man!!
I agree. My last gf was awful. I give her credit though. She would have been OK with no sleeping together (she would have been sleeping with someone else on the side) it's a matter of how we conduct ourselves.
I need to study someone for awhile before I can feel comfortable trusting them
Who has time to put with up with this nonsense. You can waste all of your precious invaluable and limited time on this earth getting to know one of these witches, and once you commit, your life turns to shit.
Great advice, man thank you
She wouldn't behave that way if she was with Abdullah in Kabul. Wnmnmn act up when there's no repercussion for it.
One of my boundaries is I don't like people with Petty boundaries
Your reflections are a real revelation. They help me to ponder my own experiences and find meaning in them and let go of old stuff. Thank you again.
15:50 This is a trap many many people fall into. (me too.) To your point, you have to see her authentically. Remind yourself frequently, I have no idea who they really are. it takes time, but look for the authenticity. Stop projecting. Glad you learned this. The stronger the attraction, the more you need to breathe deep and really 'look' for who they are. Everyone projects their best self at first. Like a job interview. But work with them be patient and see who they really are. Interestingly, I have found that the more authentic I am (resisting urge to say/do things to get them to like me, but rather just be me and say what I honestly feel and think,) the easier it is to see real authenticity and vulnerability in others.
Hi John, Great story..you definitely dodged a bullet with that lady! I understand what you mean about not wanting 'that kind of energy' in your life when you see an attractive woman these days. I think the mistake most men make is that they'll start a new relationship then move in together 🫣 However, if they simply kept there own space and had the relationship at a distance things would be better!
I agree completely. I never want to see a woman’s toothbrush in my bathroom.
You were just "too nice" John 😂😅
It's those rose coloured glasses 😂 she showed him exactly who she was but he didn't wanna give up the kitty to stand up for himself 😂 he did in the end.
@@psi23kexactly if Jon had a stable of hoes he would’ve dropped her like a hot potato. She could tell she had him to herself. If he had other birds she would’ve sensed he was in demand and he would’ve had upper hand over her.
Brother the nailed it! I have been there trying to make relationships work because of what I was thinking it was there and not because of what really existed. Thank you for your video.
Well said! Thanks
Oh my God, John, why did you put up with that toxic woman for SO long? You should have RUN as soon as you saw red flags. It will only get worse the more you tolerate. That's what happens when you let your guard down and you don't stay detached. What a nightmare.
John, you are a thoughtful, reflective philosopher. Your videos have meaningful messages that everyone should hear.
Keep up the good work !
Thanks
Cool story :)
Fun fact it is they always have nartisistic ex. They didn't know the meaning of that word - and that is sad.
Here's what I've noticed about nearly every woman...
They think that if they're dishonest with themselves, that saves them from being guilty of dishonesty.
Example:
A woman who is always late to work, appointments, dates, parties, everything. Then she meet some alpha stud at a bar one day. He says "meet me at my place in 5 minutes" She's on time. He says, "you can stay the night but I got work early." She's up early cooking him breakfast.
They break up, she meets a nicer more mature guy, but one who's not as attractive. All of the sudden she's late girl again. She expects him to accept this about her, even though, in truth, it's bullshit.
She's late to everything because she doesn't really care about being on time. When the alpha stud was around, being early wasn't a problem.
This applies to how they play games and can be manipulative in the relationship. She might be yelling "boundaries!" at the guy. But really, it' s a method of controlling the relationship. Her boundaries don't even seem to be for her, they seem to be for him. Telling him what he can and can't do. That's not how personal boundaries normally work.
But if you asked her, "are all these personal boundaries here to give you an excuse to go nuts every so often?" She's going to tell you a story about her past and growth and bla bla bla...a story she tells herself. One that she's even decided to believe, even though, deep down, she knows it's bullshit.
Women think if they just swallow their own koolaid, if they fully commit to their lies and bullshit, then somehow that makes it OK. They start believing it makes them innocent and honest.
So many women do this that men have started saying things like "Don't listen to what she says, just look at what she does."
And the older they get, the more full of bullshit they seem to be.
Some of them do have an epiphany and realize the error of their ways. Some of the older ones are reformed self-koolaid drinkers. But those are rare.
My buddy lived with this woman for 8 years. Finally, she moved out of his beautiful home on 15 acres in Colorado. He gave her 13k when she left. I asked him why the hell did you give her that much? He said he was so glad to get rid of her the money didn't matter as long as she was gone. She had adult children and grandchildren, and they took over his house. And 8 years later he is still telling me horror stories about when they were together.
He only has himself to blame to move a single mother and her kids into his house.
You got a like and subscribe sir...I enjoy your calm, logical and rational, down to earth approach.
I appreciate that!
What a well-done and thought-provoking video. I completely agree with everything you spoke about in the video because I also experienced the same type of relationship recently. Please continue to share your thoughts. I'm 66 yrs. Old and I have the same fantasies from my youth. Women are never what they seem in reality once you spend a few months with them. They always seem to ruin your expectations and the fantasy that you hoped for.
I called the Disney effect. But really it’s all of modern entertainment media. They convince us that this idea of romantic love and fantasy is possible. They don’t mention that it’s extremely rare if it ever happens at all. So we go looking for it and every woman that we meet. I think I have resolved not to do that anymore
Letting red flags turn into green flags! Big no no. Great story thank you❤
Glad you enjoyed it
She was like buying a boat: thrilled to get her, more thrilled to be rid of her. Lesson? Rent a jet-ski.
😅
Very good point I’m single and stress free 😎👍
Beware of the woman who blames every break up on the man. Very few women take responsibility for their actions and decisions. The older they are the more crazy they appear to be. Let her be some other guys problem....
That is so true
Another great video. When I was a young man with no money, I could not get a girl no matter what. Now that I'm in my 50's with a healthy seven figure income, I get approached all the time. Your line I'm just looking at something I find attractive and that's it. I totally relate. Thanks for the laugh.
18:02
The most genuine smile every man can ever have
We all have that one girl that you are so glad to get away from lol
Most divorced women blame their ex-husband for something they did, ask for his phone number, and say you want this confirmed...
One time i asked my sister how do you know when a man is cheating and she said its easy. Whenever he starts treating you bad. People always judge others by their own standards so a thief thinks everone is stealing from them. So my sister probably treated her boyfriend bad when she was cheating.
My boyfriend was picking little fights and I thought he was maybe stressed or having depression about his job. He had another girlfriend 😢
My girlfriends would become friends with the barmaids at the bars I would go to and have them keep tabs on me.
@@Brent-z2s Good Lord, Brent. You too are a red flag 😆🤣
Thank you for your honesty, about this situation. It will educate many men……
Thanks
Money ,educated ,family
.but theyre head cases thats y theyre single
I can relate John. I had a similar experience after my divorce. Thanks for sharing!