I hope this doesn't offend Jessie but I do let out an immature chuckle every time I hear her dead name because of pokemon. I'm sorry, I love word play and it's just something a little funny to me.
The wizards in the Earthsea books learn about true names, but are still bound by the rules of the secret language of those names. The only ones who can use the Old Speech freely and creatively are the dragons. The wizards consider this "lying," which the dragons find ridiculous. (True Names of dragons still have power, but it's different in ways that aren't entirely clear.) So basically, trans people (and fellow-travelers) are, or are in the process of becoming, dragons. (Thousands of years ago, the dragons are the ones who chose freedom over power and domination...)
This reminded me of a documentary about Muhammad Ali that I saw recently and how he changed his name to get rid of what he called his "slave name." That was quite the power move. Similar for many Indigenous people who were given a "Christian name" in residential school and are now reclaiming their Indigenous names.
Tenar's true name as a trans allegory resonates all the more when you learn that Tenar is one of only two people in the series that goes by her true name, something that makes her both vulnerable and powerful. What's more, Tenar's true name is unique in that it was not given to her by a wizard (who are thought to be always male), but by a simple peasant woman, her mother. Her true name, by its very existence, subverts both the gender roles and the naming conventions of Earthsea.
Shortly after I came out I changed my name to the masculine version of my deadname. I did so not because I wanted to but because I felt I had to, because it was easier for those around me and it's what they expected of me. I recently realized that that wasn't the right name, it still felt like it had been forced upon me and did not fit. So I've started going by a completely different name. What you said about our chosen names giving us power over ourselves and our identity is so true, I feel that power now with my new name.
Same here, except my birth name was technically unisex, so I went with another starting with the same letter. Still haven't found the right name and feel too awkward to try another now that conservative relatives are calling me the new one.
Mine was complicated by already having two public careers as Chris Abbey (Abi is my birth name, prior to adoption at 11, but all on my birth father's side changed to Abbey--autistic completeness you can ignore). So I wasn't particularly anxious to legally change my name, as I hadn't been going by my legal name for 30 years. But when I went to the variation Christy, it didn't work until i added the name i wanted to come out with in the early 90s: Anna. So I'm Christyanne and that works. I use Christy in my everyday life, and keep the other for myself.
I haven't decided if it's permanent but I'm using a feminine version of my dead middle name. I've always wanted to be "Tony" instead of the 1st name even before I realized it was the feminine spelling I wanted so for me it wouldn't be a name that was forced on me I think. I was always [redacted] never Toni by any spelling. I may not keep it but it feels like I'm claiming the proper version of my birth name for now. If I do keep it Toni will be my entire first name, not a diminutive of the dead middle name you may be thinking of though.
I feel like this is becoming more relevant to more people as the internet grows. I use different usernames in different contexts, and as time goes by the names have formed their own sub-identities within me. One of these is more special to me than the rest, but they all have utility.
I feel it too! This week even, I was playing online with people that do not know me irl and they insisted on knowing my birth name, even after I told them I did not feel like it fitted there and did not want to share it. At least they indulged me and kept calling me by my username after I asked them.
@Surveillance devices in my home hmm, not really.... They're not fictional characters, they're different aspects of my personality that I choose to emphasize at different times. Like how most people emphasize a different part of themselves when they're at work vs with family.
Online spaces were the first places I felt I was able to explore using a different name from the one I was given, and see what else might fit. The communities I was part of really made me feel at home using my real name before I started going by it in my everyday life. I have definitely shifted the way I use my real name vs online identities over the years, but it remains the place where I first felt safe enough to explore the possibilities.
Ursula K Leguin is one of my favorite writers. She builds her fictional worlds through a cultural anthropologist's lens. You definitely need to read Left Hand of Darkness. That book kind of changed my life (cliche' I know but it's true)
She also made most of her stories either have societies that were largely non-white, or her heroes definitively were colored. The one saving grace of the Ghibli version of Earthsea was Ged's red skin and the livid white scar on his face.
Her father was a successful anthropologist and friends with several world renowned anthropologists which frequented their house, talk about a privileged upbringing for a fiction writer!!
Yes! Left Hand of Darkness is such a powerful book. LeGuin’s ability to perceive, question, and subvert the assumptions underlying our culture-be it gender, race, capitalism, etc-is unparalleled among the authors I have read.
One thing about being a non-passing trans person that I still struggle with(and I think a lot of people struggle with) is that there's always this incredibly personal part of ourselves that is on display for the whole world to see and that can feel very vulnerable. But for me, for whom this was my deepest darkest secret for years, it's also very freeing to wear my heart on my sleeve, finally let the secret go and tell the whole world who I am.
I remember the picking of my new name. It took me a long time to decide, as nothing really felt right. And then I found the name that felt resonated with me, which I won’t say here. My parents felt betrayed by the fact that I hadn’t kept the paths they had lead for me, but I knew that nothing they had ever given me was not really mine. My dead name was chosen from the Bible, and my middle name, the name my parents claim I should have taken if I hated the one they gave me so much, came from my grandfather who was not the kind of person I want to be. They still don’t like my true name and refuse to use it, so I guess that’s where I am right now.
You posted this a year ago, but I still wanted to reach out and express grief over what you experienced. I hope it is firmly in the past by now, but regardless, I feel compelled to offer you my in-spirit (((hugs))) 😻
The first time my (1st) therapist said this name, it was like someone had breathed life into me. I have literally only been Theo officially since January, and I finally feel alive. It felt like I was hiding something for all these years. When I was a kid, I went through 3 schools years where I went by different variations on my deadname. By the time I was got 5th grade, a classmate who had known me since 1st grade mockingly asked if I was changing my name against that year. And out of stubbornness, I held tightly to my deadname because I didn't want to get mocked anymore for trying to figure myself out. I bent myself for everyone else for so long that I let it turn me into a bad person for a few years. PS, Jessie: I happen to think your shoulders are gorgeous.
Dom voicing the quotes is the crossover I didn’t know I needed!!! I reiterate my love for these videos and their quality… the writing is just amazing and the visuals perfectly enhance its weight
Reminds me of the introsong to cats. Where every cat has a given name, (given by owners) a jellicle name (given by the community) and a true name that very few know..
This really came out at a good time for me. After almost five years of hiding it, I told my family about my name. Everyone took it well except my parents. My stepmom, who I've only ever known as Mom, refuses to use my name despite the legal change and told me I was selfish and disrespectful to my birth mom and my dad. Names hold power and I haven't spoken to them for over a week now because of this. But I'm still proud of my name. It's important to me. It's me. It's felt like they're rejecting me but rejecting my name. I wish I could send this to them. They don't even know I'm trans. And they wouldn't understand this anyways and it wouldn't change their minds. Thank you so so much for this video. It was the lift I needed.
When I ate lunch by myself during junior high school, I mostly just read Lord Of The Rings and The Earthsea Cycle. One day my English teacher gave us the assignment to write to an author (maybe there was more specific criteria than that, but I can't remember right now) and I decided to write a letter to Ursula LeGuin thanking her and telling her how much her Earthsea Cycle series meant to me. I wrote it sometime in 2015, either slightly before or around the time of her death. I didn't find out she had died until some years later. Looking back I'm incredibly grateful that those books existed and helped me along in my self-discovery. I didn't know just how much that series impacted me until long after junior high. On a slightly unrelated note, I still think of Ged whenever schools mention GEDs.😂
You'll always be Jessie to me! (primarily because that's the name you wish to be known as.. and to a smaller extent, I only came to know you as Jessie over the past year or so and through UA-cam). It is very touching that you shared your grandpa's name with us. Your soul is bright as ever!
This video truly resonated with me. I myself am neither transgender nor non-binary, but I have always had issues with my dead name. It was the symbol of a family that never did and would never accept the real me. When I was fifteen, I decided to change my name to rewrite the fate my family had intended, and to forge my own self out of what I really was. In some ways, the old me is dead, replaced by the person I am now, one who took control of his own identity and made it his own. All in all, it was one of the most liberating feelings that I have ever experienced.
As a child, I learned that I cannot deny who I am from the Earthsea books and I learned self-love from A Wrinkle in Time. My adult life has been so heavily informed by The Dispossessed and The Left Hand of Darkness that I cannot disentangle their message from my beliefs. I have felt sadness at the loss of authors, but have never grieved for any other than Madeline L'Engle and Ursula K Le Guin. I was given a birth name by a woman who didn't raise me and never planned on using it. Because of this, the mom-who-raised-me, my *mom*, had offered me a name change once I was 18, to pay for it, help with the paperwork. However, that offer was rescinded once the name wasn't one she approved of. The name change was only valid for a name that wasn't mine. It took over a decade and periods of no contact, but she now understands, now she finally uses my name, uses my pronouns. But I cannot understate the impact of sharing your name with someone so important to you, and them denying it. Excuse me while I go process all the complex Le Guin and personal history feels.
I, too, had called my former name my "dead name". But I have now heard others, and taken for myself, that it is my legacy name. He is who got me here. Without him, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be the person that I am now. All of those experiences are what created the current me. He is someone that I honor for the legacy he created. I also share a similar story of my name. I came out to my future wife in 1980, and when she asked the name for my alter ego, I didn't have one. As we were trying on names it was when she called me Evelyn and it left so right, that it settled my name.
I love that you're using Earthsea to illustrate the meaningful importance of the names trans folx choose for ourselves, and the power those names hold. And I think Ursula K Le Guin would love this, too.
This is a wonderful video. My cousin changed his name as an adult. He was born labeled male and is to this day, self identified male, but he felt burdened by having his dad's name and more importantly, it never felt right as his name. So he changed it. I remember how divided the family was about it. Half refused to use anything but his birth name considering it disrespectful to reject the name your parent gave you and, more important, reject a family name (almost all first sons were named after the dad's in my family). The other half thought as an adult, he had every right to say the name you gave an infant wasn't right for him. It was mostly the younger members of the family (cousins, siblings) that supported the name change. Eventually older family members got on board as he refused to respond to his birth name (is it ok to call it a dead name for a cis person?) I can not imagine how much harder it is when a "true" name is also attached to coming out as Trans. Like it was a war with several standoffs in my family and my cousin was a cis black man who continued to identify as a cis black man. What he didn't identify with was being a sequel to his father.
I personally ascribe to theories of language that reject idea of a 'true name', but they do emphasize the way words are embodied with meaning. Understanding the effect that my words can have on others has greatly changed my outlook onto the world. What we say is a choice, what actions we take is a choice. But, our beliefs and our feelings are not free to us to wholly control. The environment is much more influential on belief and feelings, and that environment is made up of what people are saying and what people are doing. Think for yourself and empathize with others, make a world that's about people.
Names have significant power. My deadname and my current name both start with M, and that's how my mother has addressed me since I came out. I had to formally and legally cut her off, and that act on her part was a significant part of that decision. Only using acceptable part of my current name, the bit that matches my deadname, says a lot about her and not much about me at all.
Okay this video made my day and I'm tearing up. Earthsea meant so much to me as a younger trans boy finding my name. It means so much to see this wonderfully thoughtful analysis. The part that spoke to me most now as an adult was your encouragement to not focus on what could have been. "...knowing your true nature isn't about seeing this beautiful, perfect, creature underneath, it's about accepting that you are beautiful, even with your imperfections." Damn that hit hard, thanks for that.
This topic is so interesting, in my experience and many other's, names have a sort of power to them. From the connection to identity (as names are only important with an owner) to deeper meanings some names hold, names are important/connect to people for so many reasons that analysing the idea of a "true name" can go in so many different directions (such as relating to trans identities) . P.s. Having the name Jessie and previously going by [I don't like writing deadnames so this is redacted] brought the Team Rocket duo from pokémon to mind 😆
Oh wow it is the Team Rocket duo! I don't know if that's why Jessie chose Jessie as her true name, or if she chose it for other reasons and the Team Rocket connection is just a remarkable coincidence
I was born the year the first book came out, found it in elementary school and have returned to the series over and over. There is a kind of very real magic in these books. I’ve always felt that the Shadow of Geds death wasn’t death as an event but as the accumulation of a journey. It was all the regrets and fears that pile up day by day, year by year distilled into that cold inky darkness. I worked with the elderly for a while and am advancing in years myself. I’ve noticed in others and myself that that the young fear making mistakes while the old regret the risks not taken. Geds shadow was a lifetime of kisses not given, chances of joy not seized, treasures not searched for rather than not found. On another note I’m wholly unqualified to truly comment on, I can’t help but wonder if a ritual that either put to rest or combined the essence of the old and new names might help some family members through a transition. While a gender transition is deeply personal to the trans person everyone with any kind of relationship with them must make a transition of their own as well, from father of a son to father of a daughter, sister of a brother to sister of a sister, etc. What may seem to be anger and rejection from some may be the mourning and grieving of a loss for someone they love dearly and can’t let go of. I don’t know how such a ceremony should look but can’t help but feel just as we celebrate unions of marriage and memorials of loss there should be some family and community rite of passage and acknowledgement for such a momentous life event affecting the structure of so many relationships.
I’ve read the Earthsea trilogy about 50 times since I was 12. I was so thrilled they were gonna film it - and so horrified and disgusted by what they did with it. I’ve often thought that Peter Jackson would have done it justice. Too late now: LeGuin rightly said NEVER AGAIN. Tenar’s story is an interesting flip on the True Name thing. Her birth name WAS her true name; and they took it from her. Getting it back was both traumatizing and life changing. LeGuin was pointing out that - for some - their birth name might actually be their true name.
Your use of The Tombs of Atuan (my favorite as well) in this metaphor is an excellent choice. This also reminds me I still need to read Tales from Earthsea and The Other Wind.
Oh dear GODS, here came the waterworks, the part about dying and resurrection spoke to me, that's what I felt when my brother came out to me. I felt like I had lost my sister but gained a brother, so I had to choose to look at the bright sides. I love him to bits, and to all other trans siblings, I love you too 💙
Last night, I was cleaning out my binders and all my papers from school for the past two years. I saw a simple note from my sub-teacher in AutoBody class, she writes really beautiful. It felt like she was believing a lie or just believing in something that doesn't exist, but she just believes in it's existence so well when she so gingerly writes down my deadname months ago. It was such a weird feeling I never really recognized before. It's like they loved this box and its contents inside, except it's literally empty. And then there's just this other box in the corner, that's purely unopened. But even I don't really know what's my other box's contents either.
I've always been of the opinion that we should revive naming ceremonies. I realise most people now in our western culture don't choose their own name and go with what they were given, but I feel like there is a sense of independence and freedom that comes with getting to make a choice when it comes to your own name. Your parents gave you a name for the person they hoped you would be, but they have no way of knowing and sometimes we grow up to be very different then what they expected. PS: On the list of things I didn't know I needed but omg is it amazing; A Dominic Noble / Jessie Gender cross over x)
beautiful video, jessie. you brought tears to my eyes so many times. sometimes i really pity transphobes who close themselves off to the joy of trans experiences. it's sad that they choose not to share the richness and depth in the stories that people like you share. i have a friend who recently legally changed her name to one she feels a deep connection to. to my knowledge she's a cishet woman, so it wasn't necessarily gender affirming but it was definitely self-affirming. she seems happy now and i just think it's great when anyone can self-actualize by changing their name
that was beautiful and moving. i chose my name (elizabeth) because i was fascinated by how elizabeth the first policed and constructed her own iconography. my 'true name' is all about taking that power within myself.
Have you read all the books? LeGuin originally only wanted to make a trilogy, but it became way more books. I totally recommend reading it all the way through, Tehanu's story in particular is so tragic & meaningful.
What a dream collab, Dominic, you and Le Guin! Dominic's video on Earthsea was what got me to his channel so I highly recommend it (and I look forward to watching VerilyBitchie's vid as well). Thank you for putting this out, even after much time has passed. Being vulnerable and heavy is hard but this was near perfect.
I remember a books saga named Skullduggery Pleasant. In this saga there was magic as well in a more generic base; however knowing the name of a person could give you influence over that person. The author distinguishes in three kind of names: the name given, which is given at birth; the name chosen, the name you chose to be refered and protects you from the mild control someone can have over you with the name given; and the true name, the one that defines you and provide full control over you if someone has access to
This is how it works in Earthsea, Ged's true name is Ged, his given name (or "child-name") is Duny and his chosen name is Sparrowhawk (well, something that would translate to Sparrowhawk).
@@Painocus This is something that needled me about the Earthsea series; it always felt RUDE to refer to Ged as Ged! I mean... you just don't throw True Names around like that! ;D @glorfindel Those are such a fun read!
I started my transition 10yrs ago here on TERF island, back then the gatekeeping was horrible. My NHS therapist didn't approve of my chosen name, my true name he withheld my HRT. He told me I had a to pick an age appropriate name (i.e. one popular in the year I was born) & until I did he wouldn't sign off on me starting HRT. I called myself Jayne to appease him My transition hasn't ended but I had bottom surgery 4yrs ago (NHS doesn't cover many transition surgeries btw), now that I'm free of NHS gatekeeping I took ownership of my true name, I am now called Delenn. When I was in my 20's Babylon 5 came out, at that time I was suicidal & the love story of Delenn & Sheridan kept me going through the long dark dysphoric nights. The fictional Delenn saved my life & she guides me even today (I binge the whole show at least 4 times a year), the most important rule I live by is a paraphrase of Delenn "similarity should never be a requirement for compassion"
This video made me think of trans peoples' names in a deeper way. If taking on a new name is freeing yourself from the society expectations others put on you, then being deadnamed is someone trying to throw chains on you, and drag you back into the servitude of others' expectations.
Reading the whole Earthsea cycle last year was one of the greatest literary experiences I’ve ever had. I had goosebumps and several tears in my eyes reading the final short story Firelight, witnessing Ged cross over into the afterlife following the events of The Other Wind. I’ve read several other stellar books over the past few years but nothing will ever top this magnum opus by Ursula K. Le Guin.
Your name really does affect your life. My parents gave me a very strange, unique name, so growing up, whenever I introduced myself, I had to go through this whole process of repeating it several times and explaining its meaning. This lead to me avoidinsocial situations because I hated introducing myself so much, which over time made me seriously lacking in social skills. Finally, when I went to college, I started introducing myself by a much more normal name, and this helped me immeasurably in getting better at socialising. Now, it's only my parents and a couple old friends who still call my by my birth name. I guess what I'm saying is please please please just give your children normal names. Don't make them go through what I went through.
I grew up never liking my birth name. It felt wrong but because it was so short nobody ever called me anything different. As a child I would try out different names online, some that I just liked, some after characters that resonated with me, one was formed off of the first and middle initial of my birth name. I though of them like writer's pseudonyms but I had as little connection to my 'true' name as I did to Skylar, Luna, Kit, Emerson, Robin, Mercury or Jay. It felt like just another pseudonym, but unlike the others, which I could shrug off whenever I choosed, this one seemed to have latched on to me like a shirt so tight I couldn't remove it. When I realised I was nonbinary, the sheer relief I felt at the idea that I could finally find a name that felt true was only parallel to that which I felt when people started using it. I had realised that cis people could change their names, I knew those who had, but I had shrugged off the idea as 'Too much effort'. It was the realisation that my life would be effort, and that I was worth that that allowed me to choose what felt correct, rather than for settling for what I had. I'm happier now.
Also so you know, Ursula K LeGuin was completely supportive of trans people, as revealed in an interview with Vice in 2008. While she used some outdated terminology, she was glad that the world had changed enough for trans and nonbinary people to become part of society where she was taught it was "unthinkable", while noting that we still have a long way to go and that many trans people live in the closet with "a gender that society forces on them" (her words).
I resonate so strongly with this. I was named after a cousin who died of SIDS. That name never felt like mine and even as a kid I fully intended to change my name when I became an adult, though what name I would change it to has changed massively over time. That moment when I realized what my new name would be was like my name descended from the clouds, like I had always known it somehow. I still use other names from time to time for different purposes, but I think I have my true name now. And it feels so much better.
"Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. *I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.*" This was a really great video possibly my favorite from you
I won't lie, I really needed to watch this today. So many things clicked today.. This is my favorite series and shaped me while I was growing up more than anything else.
This has been very interesting to me since I have a very different experience with names as a trans person. It's not that the name and the gender I was given at my birth are necessarily wrong. They're not. It's more than there is another name that I have and another gender that goes alongside it. The only thing that was gotten wrong is that my family didn't account for me being both a son and a daughter. I meanwhile have run into the implication that I necessarily need to pick one of these. Either I'm a GNC woman with my birth name, or I'm a transman with the name I picked for myself. At times it's not even been an implication, but just outright something people have told me. I pick to be one or the other. I can't have it both ways. So the whole "You can have this one name or this other name" thing as a trans narrative just hits me uncomfortably because I have a very different relationship with names. Just a sort of instinctive "No Ged I'll be both if I damned well please", even if that reaction doesn't make sense in the context of the book itself. And really that's just one of the neat things about trans people, I feel. We all have such different relationships with names. We all have different ways of interacting with the names we were given at birth. Some of us like me keep them in addition to new names. Some just keep them because fuck it it's fine. Some bury the thing entirely and never want it seen again. Others don't use it, but do bring it up in personal memoirs and the like. Names are such a personal thing and how we relate to that varies as much as our identities do. Also, now I kind of want there to be someone in Earthsea who does have two because Reasons and just gets to keep both. I have no idea how that would even work given the lore set up around the true names. But as someone with two names, it's something I'd like to see.
I adore the Earthsea books, and the magic system in particular. This reading adds further depth to an already deep story. I'm sure Ursula would love your interpretation
Skulduggery Pleasent (book series) is the first I encountered the concept of given-name, self-given-name and true name. It's always fascinated me, and I'm happy to learn more about it.
Loved this, it really struck home with me. I've never liked my name, it feels like someone else's (it literally is, I was named after my father and his friend). Also, Dominic!! 💜
Just want to say that discovering your channel has meant so much to me, thank you Jessie. Also I love that your name works as a double-layered Team Rocket reference.
Oh. Em. GEE. I am so blessed this day to find for the first time this OG Jesse video essay! I AM LEARNING SO MUCH AND IT'S SO **BEAUTIFUL** AS ALWAYS!!!
Thank you Jessie, so moving! I changed my identity as a young adult by changing my name and moving to the big city- to escape a difficult family- I love your honesty so much, you’re the best❣️💖
"...and one of the most beautifully written [series]" True that. I read the first Earthsea book while in the middle of a writing project, and let me tell you, it showed. Le Guin's prose is infectious.
I never met you as any other name, but am so happy to get to know the Jessie that you are. This is a beautifully done video with an important message. I love the link to Tenar's story in the Tombs of Atuan. No metaphor is perfect, but you explained the differences so well.
This video really moved me, I'm so excited to read the books & so glad you're out here making videos like this. Trans names are so beautiful, we are all so beautiful 💕
Really powerful video, Earthsea is by far my favorite fantasy series and I love looking at Tenar's story in Atuan through a trans lens is great. I'm surprised you didn't point out, though, that Ged can recognize Tenar's true name because she never WAS Arha, they couldn't actually strip her of who she is even by trying to force a new true name on her. I felt that was a really powerful moment in terms of how some people try to use dead-names to gain power over trans folks. In Ged's words, "You are like a lantern swathed and covered, hidden away in a dark place. Yet the light shines; they could not put out the light. They could not hide you.” Ugh, this video made me realize just how badly I want a good Earthsea adaptation.
This is a very strangely timed video release in my transition having just talked to my therapist about the pain of changing the name my father gave me who has since passed. This has helped put a little more perspective into those thoughts - thank you Jesse !
That's a tough situation, I really feel for you. I got lucky that my birth name is suitably neutral (leaning masculine) and that I still connect to it even after figuring out I'm non-binary, because otherwise I would have been in the same boat, trying to figure out how to let go of a name given to me by a parent who passed away. Do you know what your parents (or your dad specifically) was going to name you if you were the opposite gender assigned at birth? If so, you could use that as a new middle name of sorts if you don't connect with it as a true name, but you would still be honouring your father.
Over the past 4 months or so my partner has been reading the Earthsea books to me before bed and I've felt a deep connection to them. Watching this video 19 days after my GRS really hit me. I've been feeling a lot of that 'mourning my newfound freedom' vibe and wondering if I had done X Y or Z differently maybe I could have been 'done' with my transition earlier. It was shocking to me to go into the clinic and meet several other women there, all who were at least a few years younger than me and feel a pang of regret about things. I'm finally free from that thing between my legs that's been haunting me for nearly 3 decades but now I have all of this freedom and it terrifies me what to do with it.
As an Autistic UA-camr, I can say I wish my works were as beautiful as yours. Although to be honest, I misread the community tab and thought this week's video was fun and quick, which made it better than I imagined. Your so full of love and it makes me happy to see someone want to make people feel better.
In my novels, there is no "true name", but there is a true concept of a thing, and it is that conceptual existence we call upon when we name things. Names may be arbitrary, but they are also sacred because of what they invoke in our minds, and for the meaning they are assigned beyond their pointing to a specific person or thing. In my fantasy world, there are four types of existence: material, spiritual, force, and conceptual. There is also the union of all of these, Ylliastre, or the primordial concept of being that emerges from Kaos, or void. Most kinds of magic manipulate the material or spiritual, or create a ripple in the web of fate, a force. Witchcraft, however, manipulates the conceptual. Names, to a witch, are dangerous. If a witch knows your name and enough about you, they can target the very concept of who you are and then add something to it. This can be a blessing, or a curse. This will then force the physical, spiritual, and force to change in a way respecting that conceptual change. Curses are enforced not by the witch's magic, but by the target's own body and spirit trying to align with this change. Magic of all forms is derived from witchcraft, it having been the first magic discovered. Messing with concepts isn't just for witches. Everyone is at their most powerful when they know their conceptual self - that is their true self- and are at peace with it. And if you know your true self, you can also break curses on yourself by rejecting what others have added to the concept of yourself, things that aren't supposed to be there.
Ursula K. Le Guinn is my all time favorite author and it's so cool to see a trans reading of the earthsea series 💙 I read them when I was a kid and didn't had any knowledge of lgbt+ issues (and I was fairly homophobic by then because of upbringing). It actually was one of her books what first challenged my views, The Dark Hand of Darkness. Many years later I identify as asexual and questioning my gender, I'm a proud sibling and friend of trans and all sort of amazing queer people and that book remains as one of my absolute favs. Ursula was amazing and I want to thank you for this video and for sharing so much of your life with us.
I love the metaphor of "true names" and the use of the Earthsea narratives! I always loved those books (and the rest of Le Guin's writing) and you made me love them even more.
Oh no, another book series I have to read. Currently plowing through Discworld. The naming theme reminds me of early Young Wizards by Diane Duane. Change the name, you change the nature of what you named. And oh how a name change can change the universe.
I love this, you are so elegant and eloquent in every one of these videos. I myself have always liked my name very much. It was given to me by a woman who hates everything about me and has never given me anything but pain. But my name, oddly, I've always felt was mine alone. It's not the way most people expect it to be spelled when I say it aloud, it's not what they expect to be pronounced when they read it. Just as I am nothing like my mother expected. And I love that.
When I came out I deliberately asked people to call me by a nickname instead of a name that was going to be part of my legal identity. The only person who is allowed to use my chosen first name is my partner, not because I don't like it as much (I love love love my first name) but because I like the intimacy of us as a t4t couple knowing each other's chosen first names exclusively
What a perfectly worded video. Jessie, you have such a beautiful way of wording and explaining things. While I am only an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, I have recently come out as autistic and also changed my name when I was younger. My surname was one I associated with my horrid father and once I was free of him, I changed my name. It is actually from a Star Trek novel and I felt it spoke to me and has given me a new life and trajectory since. I have only found out my ND status in 2021 and feel, in a way, that I am 'coming out' with this to family and friends. I have lost some along the way but sharing my true name and true identity has defiantly helped me grow over the years. Love you and sending you strength and love in your journey.
A comment for the algorithm gods. This is a beautiful video and I love how you relate real world issues to nerd topics. Also Dom should do voiceovers for everything.
Thank you for this wonderful video, Jessie! Earthsea is one of my all time favorite series too and while I'm not trans, I keep returing to this video every once in a while. It truly touches me seeing how positively Earthsea impacted you and makes me love the books even more!
This was absolutely amazing! Hearing how this story connected to your life and experiences made such a beautiful way to explain the importance of names and the power they have. Thank you for sharing that power, Jessie! 💕
Beatiful. Also, it hadn't ocurred to me, as an Earthesea fan, to interpret things from Tombs of Atuan instead of from A mage of Earthsea. Fruitful idea!
I'm sure you've heard this a million times but the fact that you've carried the names of 2/3 of Team Rocket is delightful.
I hope this doesn't offend Jessie but I do let out an immature chuckle every time I hear her dead name because of pokemon. I'm sorry, I love word play and it's just something a little funny to me.
she should call her cat meowth
Jessie Gender, formerly known as Meowth Gender
Jessie Elizondo Mountain Dew Meowth Gender 🎉❤
Damn, didn’t know that Jessie’s deadname is Meowth.
❤
"Sorry it took so long to come out." Ha.
as long as it doesn't get in the way of the upcoming narnia magician's nephew episode.
❤
You and Jessie are two of my favourite you tubers, I hope you do more together some day, you both rock 🖤💜
Hi, Dom!
Earthsea, The Owl House, and Little Witch Academia have been filling the Harry Potter void bless them
Yet Earthsea came before all those others.
Based Le Guin dunked on J.K. way before it was cool 🙌
@@nancyjay790 And it has some amazingly beautiful nuances that are lacking in so many stories that crib notes from it.
I was named after my late uncle, and since we're both Chaotic Gay™ my family is convinced that I'm his reincarnation, which is pretty neat
The wizards in the Earthsea books learn about true names, but are still bound by the rules of the secret language of those names. The only ones who can use the Old Speech freely and creatively are the dragons. The wizards consider this "lying," which the dragons find ridiculous. (True Names of dragons still have power, but it's different in ways that aren't entirely clear.) So basically, trans people (and fellow-travelers) are, or are in the process of becoming, dragons. (Thousands of years ago, the dragons are the ones who chose freedom over power and domination...)
Wow.
This is especially an interesting allegory after reading the book Tehanu.
This reminded me of a documentary about Muhammad Ali that I saw recently and how he changed his name to get rid of what he called his "slave name." That was quite the power move.
Similar for many Indigenous people who were given a "Christian name" in residential school and are now reclaiming their Indigenous names.
Malcolm X replaced his last name 'Little' which was his slave name by crossing it out because he didn't know his true name. Powerful stuff
Tenar's true name as a trans allegory resonates all the more when you learn that Tenar is one of only two people in the series that goes by her true name, something that makes her both vulnerable and powerful. What's more, Tenar's true name is unique in that it was not given to her by a wizard (who are thought to be always male), but by a simple peasant woman, her mother. Her true name, by its very existence, subverts both the gender roles and the naming conventions of Earthsea.
Shortly after I came out I changed my name to the masculine version of my deadname. I did so not because I wanted to but because I felt I had to, because it was easier for those around me and it's what they expected of me. I recently realized that that wasn't the right name, it still felt like it had been forced upon me and did not fit. So I've started going by a completely different name. What you said about our chosen names giving us power over ourselves and our identity is so true, I feel that power now with my new name.
Same here, except my birth name was technically unisex, so I went with another starting with the same letter. Still haven't found the right name and feel too awkward to try another now that conservative relatives are calling me the new one.
Same here, I’m still not sure if it actually fits me or not... but I’m bad with names
@@NoiseDay same here, I'm trying out some but don't really know what to use, and don't feel comfortable asking my family to use other names.
Mine was complicated by already having two public careers as Chris Abbey (Abi is my birth name, prior to adoption at 11, but all on my birth father's side changed to Abbey--autistic completeness you can ignore). So I wasn't particularly anxious to legally change my name, as I hadn't been going by my legal name for 30 years. But when I went to the variation Christy, it didn't work until i added the name i wanted to come out with in the early 90s: Anna. So I'm Christyanne and that works. I use Christy in my everyday life, and keep the other for myself.
I haven't decided if it's permanent but I'm using a feminine version of my dead middle name. I've always wanted to be "Tony" instead of the 1st name even before I realized it was the feminine spelling I wanted so for me it wouldn't be a name that was forced on me I think. I was always [redacted] never Toni by any spelling. I may not keep it but it feels like I'm claiming the proper version of my birth name for now. If I do keep it Toni will be my entire first name, not a diminutive of the dead middle name you may be thinking of though.
I feel like this is becoming more relevant to more people as the internet grows. I use different usernames in different contexts, and as time goes by the names have formed their own sub-identities within me. One of these is more special to me than the rest, but they all have utility.
I feel it too! This week even, I was playing online with people that do not know me irl and they insisted on knowing my birth name, even after I told them I did not feel like it fitted there and did not want to share it. At least they indulged me and kept calling me by my username after I asked them.
@@clavasconcellos1712 I'm glad they came around, they should have respected your wishes from the start though. Basic decency.
@Surveillance devices in my home hmm, not really.... They're not fictional characters, they're different aspects of my personality that I choose to emphasize at different times. Like how most people emphasize a different part of themselves when they're at work vs with family.
Reminds me of my nickname. Bio was a short hand for the first online account I ever made. Now its apart of me, and I'm proud of that fact.
Online spaces were the first places I felt I was able to explore using a different name from the one I was given, and see what else might fit. The communities I was part of really made me feel at home using my real name before I started going by it in my everyday life. I have definitely shifted the way I use my real name vs online identities over the years, but it remains the place where I first felt safe enough to explore the possibilities.
"Thank you, Dom. Sorry that it took so long for this video to come out."
The video comes out when it's ready to. We respect this.
A video is never late, nor is it early. It is uploaded precisely when it needs to be.
Ursula K Leguin is one of my favorite writers. She builds her fictional worlds through a cultural anthropologist's lens. You definitely need to read Left Hand of Darkness. That book kind of changed my life (cliche' I know but it's true)
She also made most of her stories either have societies that were largely non-white, or her heroes definitively were colored. The one saving grace of the Ghibli version of Earthsea was Ged's red skin and the livid white scar on his face.
Her father was a successful anthropologist and friends with several world renowned anthropologists which frequented their house, talk about a privileged upbringing for a fiction writer!!
Yes! Left Hand of Darkness is such a powerful book. LeGuin’s ability to perceive, question, and subvert the assumptions underlying our culture-be it gender, race, capitalism, etc-is unparalleled among the authors I have read.
what a beautiful tribute to friendship - Lucien: a hero’s name
_To hear, one must be silent._
LeGuin's writing is some of the most beautiful I've ever read. I'm so glad you found meaning in it, too.
One thing about being a non-passing trans person that I still struggle with(and I think a lot of people struggle with) is that there's always this incredibly personal part of ourselves that is on display for the whole world to see and that can feel very vulnerable. But for me, for whom this was my deepest darkest secret for years, it's also very freeing to wear my heart on my sleeve, finally let the secret go and tell the whole world who I am.
I remember the picking of my new name. It took me a long time to decide, as nothing really felt right. And then I found the name that felt resonated with me, which I won’t say here. My parents felt betrayed by the fact that I hadn’t kept the paths they had lead for me, but I knew that nothing they had ever given me was not really mine. My dead name was chosen from the Bible, and my middle name, the name my parents claim I should have taken if I hated the one they gave me so much, came from my grandfather who was not the kind of person I want to be. They still don’t like my true name and refuse to use it, so I guess that’s where I am right now.
You posted this a year ago, but I still wanted to reach out and express grief over what you experienced. I hope it is firmly in the past by now, but regardless, I feel compelled to offer you my in-spirit (((hugs))) 😻
The first time my (1st) therapist said this name, it was like someone had breathed life into me. I have literally only been Theo officially since January, and I finally feel alive. It felt like I was hiding something for all these years. When I was a kid, I went through 3 schools years where I went by different variations on my deadname. By the time I was got 5th grade, a classmate who had known me since 1st grade mockingly asked if I was changing my name against that year. And out of stubbornness, I held tightly to my deadname because I didn't want to get mocked anymore for trying to figure myself out. I bent myself for everyone else for so long that I let it turn me into a bad person for a few years.
PS, Jessie: I happen to think your shoulders are gorgeous.
Dom voicing the quotes is the crossover I didn’t know I needed!!!
I reiterate my love for these videos and their quality… the writing is just amazing and the visuals perfectly enhance its weight
“She wept because she was free.”
Okay, now I’m crying. Thank you for another heart-rending, beautiful video, Jessie 🥲❤️🩹
"she was free" yeah I cried
Reminds me of the introsong to cats.
Where every cat has a given name, (given by owners) a jellicle name (given by the community) and a true name that very few know..
This really came out at a good time for me. After almost five years of hiding it, I told my family about my name. Everyone took it well except my parents. My stepmom, who I've only ever known as Mom, refuses to use my name despite the legal change and told me I was selfish and disrespectful to my birth mom and my dad.
Names hold power and I haven't spoken to them for over a week now because of this. But I'm still proud of my name. It's important to me. It's me. It's felt like they're rejecting me but rejecting my name.
I wish I could send this to them. They don't even know I'm trans. And they wouldn't understand this anyways and it wouldn't change their minds.
Thank you so so much for this video. It was the lift I needed.
When I ate lunch by myself during junior high school, I mostly just read Lord Of The Rings and The Earthsea Cycle. One day my English teacher gave us the assignment to write to an author (maybe there was more specific criteria than that, but I can't remember right now) and I decided to write a letter to Ursula LeGuin thanking her and telling her how much her Earthsea Cycle series meant to me. I wrote it sometime in 2015, either slightly before or around the time of her death. I didn't find out she had died until some years later. Looking back I'm incredibly grateful that those books existed and helped me along in my self-discovery. I didn't know just how much that series impacted me until long after junior high. On a slightly unrelated note, I still think of Ged whenever schools mention GEDs.😂
Me: I don't want to click this because I haven't read earthsea yet
Title: trans names, and Dominic Noble
Me: well shit guess I'm gonna get spoiled
A+ video as always Jessie. Thanks for the wonderful content
Thank you for enjoying it!
The books are so rich, you definitely have a lot more to uncover :)
5:38 Ashley is a feminine name? What Ashley Cole, the men's football player? Or Ashley Williams, also a men's football player?
You'll always be Jessie to me! (primarily because that's the name you wish to be known as.. and to a smaller extent, I only came to know you as Jessie over the past year or so and through UA-cam). It is very touching that you shared your grandpa's name with us. Your soul is bright as ever!
This video truly resonated with me. I myself am neither transgender nor non-binary, but I have always had issues with my dead name. It was the symbol of a family that never did and would never accept the real me. When I was fifteen, I decided to change my name to rewrite the fate my family had intended, and to forge my own self out of what I really was. In some ways, the old me is dead, replaced by the person I am now, one who took control of his own identity and made it his own. All in all, it was one of the most liberating feelings that I have ever experienced.
As a child, I learned that I cannot deny who I am from the Earthsea books and I learned self-love from A Wrinkle in Time. My adult life has been so heavily informed by The Dispossessed and The Left Hand of Darkness that I cannot disentangle their message from my beliefs. I have felt sadness at the loss of authors, but have never grieved for any other than Madeline L'Engle and Ursula K Le Guin. I was given a birth name by a woman who didn't raise me and never planned on using it. Because of this, the mom-who-raised-me, my *mom*, had offered me a name change once I was 18, to pay for it, help with the paperwork. However, that offer was rescinded once the name wasn't one she approved of. The name change was only valid for a name that wasn't mine. It took over a decade and periods of no contact, but she now understands, now she finally uses my name, uses my pronouns. But I cannot understate the impact of sharing your name with someone so important to you, and them denying it.
Excuse me while I go process all the complex Le Guin and personal history feels.
I, too, had called my former name my "dead name". But I have now heard others, and taken for myself, that it is my legacy name. He is who got me here. Without him, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be the person that I am now. All of those experiences are what created the current me. He is someone that I honor for the legacy he created.
I also share a similar story of my name. I came out to my future wife in 1980, and when she asked the name for my alter ego, I didn't have one. As we were trying on names it was when she called me Evelyn and it left so right, that it settled my name.
I love that you're using Earthsea to illustrate the meaningful importance of the names trans folx choose for ourselves, and the power those names hold. And I think Ursula K Le Guin would love this, too.
This is a wonderful video.
My cousin changed his name as an adult. He was born labeled male and is to this day, self identified male, but he felt burdened by having his dad's name and more importantly, it never felt right as his name. So he changed it. I remember how divided the family was about it. Half refused to use anything but his birth name considering it disrespectful to reject the name your parent gave you and, more important, reject a family name (almost all first sons were named after the dad's in my family). The other half thought as an adult, he had every right to say the name you gave an infant wasn't right for him. It was mostly the younger members of the family (cousins, siblings) that supported the name change. Eventually older family members got on board as he refused to respond to his birth name (is it ok to call it a dead name for a cis person?)
I can not imagine how much harder it is when a "true" name is also attached to coming out as Trans. Like it was a war with several standoffs in my family and my cousin was a cis black man who continued to identify as a cis black man. What he didn't identify with was being a sequel to his father.
I personally ascribe to theories of language that reject idea of a 'true name', but they do emphasize the way words are embodied with meaning. Understanding the effect that my words can have on others has greatly changed my outlook onto the world. What we say is a choice, what actions we take is a choice. But, our beliefs and our feelings are not free to us to wholly control. The environment is much more influential on belief and feelings, and that environment is made up of what people are saying and what people are doing.
Think for yourself and empathize with others, make a world that's about people.
Names have significant power. My deadname and my current name both start with M, and that's how my mother has addressed me since I came out. I had to formally and legally cut her off, and that act on her part was a significant part of that decision. Only using acceptable part of my current name, the bit that matches my deadname, says a lot about her and not much about me at all.
Okay this video made my day and I'm tearing up. Earthsea meant so much to me as a younger trans boy finding my name. It means so much to see this wonderfully thoughtful analysis. The part that spoke to me most now as an adult was your encouragement to not focus on what could have been. "...knowing your true nature isn't about seeing this beautiful, perfect, creature underneath, it's about accepting that you are beautiful, even with your imperfections." Damn that hit hard, thanks for that.
This topic is so interesting, in my experience and many other's, names have a sort of power to them. From the connection to identity (as names are only important with an owner) to deeper meanings some names hold, names are important/connect to people for so many reasons that analysing the idea of a "true name" can go in so many different directions (such as relating to trans identities) .
P.s.
Having the name Jessie and previously going by [I don't like writing deadnames so this is redacted] brought the Team Rocket duo from pokémon to mind 😆
Oh wow it is the Team Rocket duo! I don't know if that's why Jessie chose Jessie as her true name, or if she chose it for other reasons and the Team Rocket connection is just a remarkable coincidence
I was born the year the first book came out, found it in elementary school and have returned to the series over and over. There is a kind of very real magic in these books.
I’ve always felt that the Shadow of Geds death wasn’t death as an event but as the accumulation of a journey. It was all the regrets and fears that pile up day by day, year by year distilled into that cold inky darkness. I worked with the elderly for a while and am advancing in years myself. I’ve noticed in others and myself that that the young fear making mistakes while the old regret the risks not taken. Geds shadow was a lifetime of kisses not given, chances of joy not seized, treasures not searched for rather than not found.
On another note I’m wholly unqualified to truly comment on, I can’t help but wonder if a ritual that either put to rest or combined the essence of the old and new names might help some family members through a transition. While a gender transition is deeply personal to the trans person everyone with any kind of relationship with them must make a transition of their own as well, from father of a son to father of a daughter, sister of a brother to sister of a sister, etc. What may seem to be anger and rejection from some may be the mourning and grieving of a loss for someone they love dearly and can’t let go of. I don’t know how such a ceremony should look but can’t help but feel just as we celebrate unions of marriage and memorials of loss there should be some family and community rite of passage and acknowledgement for such a momentous life event affecting the structure of so many relationships.
OH MY GODS. I am so so delighted to wait for you talking about Ursula
I’ve read the Earthsea trilogy about 50 times since I was 12.
I was so thrilled they were gonna film it - and so horrified and disgusted by what they did with it.
I’ve often thought that Peter Jackson would have done it justice. Too late now: LeGuin rightly said NEVER AGAIN.
Tenar’s story is an interesting flip on the True Name thing. Her birth name WAS her true name; and they took it from her. Getting it back was both traumatizing and life changing.
LeGuin was pointing out that - for some - their birth name might actually be their true name.
Your use of The Tombs of Atuan (my favorite as well) in this metaphor is an excellent choice. This also reminds me I still need to read Tales from Earthsea and The Other Wind.
Hey, Dom's voice! I wasn't expecting his to be the very first voice I heard.
Oh dear GODS, here came the waterworks, the part about dying and resurrection spoke to me, that's what I felt when my brother came out to me. I felt like I had lost my sister but gained a brother, so I had to choose to look at the bright sides. I love him to bits, and to all other trans siblings, I love you too 💙
Last night, I was cleaning out my binders and all my papers from school for the past two years. I saw a simple note from my sub-teacher in AutoBody class, she writes really beautiful. It felt like she was believing a lie or just believing in something that doesn't exist, but she just believes in it's existence so well when she so gingerly writes down my deadname months ago. It was such a weird feeling I never really recognized before. It's like they loved this box and its contents inside, except it's literally empty. And then there's just this other box in the corner, that's purely unopened. But even I don't really know what's my other box's contents either.
Damn girl, takes guts to let the internet know your dead name. You're brave! 😎💯
I've always been of the opinion that we should revive naming ceremonies. I realise most people now in our western culture don't choose their own name and go with what they were given, but I feel like there is a sense of independence and freedom that comes with getting to make a choice when it comes to your own name. Your parents gave you a name for the person they hoped you would be, but they have no way of knowing and sometimes we grow up to be very different then what they expected.
PS: On the list of things I didn't know I needed but omg is it amazing; A Dominic Noble / Jessie Gender cross over x)
beautiful video, jessie. you brought tears to my eyes so many times. sometimes i really pity transphobes who close themselves off to the joy of trans experiences. it's sad that they choose not to share the richness and depth in the stories that people like you share.
i have a friend who recently legally changed her name to one she feels a deep connection to. to my knowledge she's a cishet woman, so it wasn't necessarily gender affirming but it was definitely self-affirming. she seems happy now and i just think it's great when anyone can self-actualize by changing their name
Lucian didn't choose your name. He found it for you.
Oh I love this
that was beautiful and moving.
i chose my name (elizabeth) because i was fascinated by how elizabeth the first policed and constructed her own iconography. my 'true name' is all about taking that power within myself.
Have you read all the books? LeGuin originally only wanted to make a trilogy, but it became way more books. I totally recommend reading it all the way through, Tehanu's story in particular is so tragic & meaningful.
I’ve been needing a good deep dive on Earthsea, and to intertwine it with the trans experience, ugh, this was just what I needed 💛💛
What a dream collab, Dominic, you and Le Guin! Dominic's video on Earthsea was what got me to his channel so I highly recommend it (and I look forward to watching VerilyBitchie's vid as well). Thank you for putting this out, even after much time has passed. Being vulnerable and heavy is hard but this was near perfect.
I remember a books saga named Skullduggery Pleasant. In this saga there was magic as well in a more generic base; however knowing the name of a person could give you influence over that person. The author distinguishes in three kind of names: the name given, which is given at birth; the name chosen, the name you chose to be refered and protects you from the mild control someone can have over you with the name given; and the true name, the one that defines you and provide full control over you if someone has access to
OOOH i used to love that series!! the entire magic behind the names really stuck with me
That series is awesome! The voicework on the audiobooks is also spectacular!
This is how it works in Earthsea, Ged's true name is Ged, his given name (or "child-name") is Duny and his chosen name is Sparrowhawk (well, something that would translate to Sparrowhawk).
@@Painocus This is something that needled me about the Earthsea series; it always felt RUDE to refer to Ged as Ged! I mean... you just don't throw True Names around like that! ;D
@glorfindel Those are such a fun read!
Now I'm surprised because in Spain no one knows those books :o
I started my transition 10yrs ago here on TERF island, back then the gatekeeping was horrible.
My NHS therapist didn't approve of my chosen name, my true name he withheld my HRT. He told me I had a to pick an age appropriate name (i.e. one popular in the year I was born) & until I did he wouldn't sign off on me starting HRT.
I called myself Jayne to appease him
My transition hasn't ended but I had bottom surgery 4yrs ago (NHS doesn't cover many transition surgeries btw), now that I'm free of NHS gatekeeping I took ownership of my true name, I am now called Delenn.
When I was in my 20's Babylon 5 came out, at that time I was suicidal & the love story of Delenn & Sheridan kept me going through the long dark dysphoric nights.
The fictional Delenn saved my life & she guides me even today (I binge the whole show at least 4 times a year), the most important rule I live by is a paraphrase of Delenn "similarity should never be a requirement for compassion"
This video made me think of trans peoples' names in a deeper way. If taking on a new name is freeing yourself from the society expectations others put on you, then being deadnamed is someone trying to throw chains on you, and drag you back into the servitude of others' expectations.
No one should need to apologize for coming out late. We should celebrate that there's a coming out at all. 😘
Reading the whole Earthsea cycle last year was one of the greatest literary experiences I’ve ever had. I had goosebumps and several tears in my eyes reading the final short story Firelight, witnessing Ged cross over into the afterlife following the events of The Other Wind. I’ve read several other stellar books over the past few years but nothing will ever top this magnum opus by Ursula K. Le Guin.
Your name really does affect your life. My parents gave me a very strange, unique name, so growing up, whenever I introduced myself, I had to go through this whole process of repeating it several times and explaining its meaning. This lead to me avoidinsocial situations because I hated introducing myself so much, which over time made me seriously lacking in social skills.
Finally, when I went to college, I started introducing myself by a much more normal name, and this helped me immeasurably in getting better at socialising. Now, it's only my parents and a couple old friends who still call my by my birth name.
I guess what I'm saying is please please please just give your children normal names. Don't make them go through what I went through.
I grew up never liking my birth name. It felt wrong but because it was so short nobody ever called me anything different. As a child I would try out different names online, some that I just liked, some after characters that resonated with me, one was formed off of the first and middle initial of my birth name. I though of them like writer's pseudonyms but I had as little connection to my 'true' name as I did to Skylar, Luna, Kit, Emerson, Robin, Mercury or Jay. It felt like just another pseudonym, but unlike the others, which I could shrug off whenever I choosed, this one seemed to have latched on to me like a shirt so tight I couldn't remove it.
When I realised I was nonbinary, the sheer relief I felt at the idea that I could finally find a name that felt true was only parallel to that which I felt when people started using it. I had realised that cis people could change their names, I knew those who had, but I had shrugged off the idea as 'Too much effort'. It was the realisation that my life would be effort, and that I was worth that that allowed me to choose what felt correct, rather than for settling for what I had.
I'm happier now.
Also so you know, Ursula K LeGuin was completely supportive of trans people, as revealed in an interview with Vice in 2008. While she used some outdated terminology, she was glad that the world had changed enough for trans and nonbinary people to become part of society where she was taught it was "unthinkable", while noting that we still have a long way to go and that many trans people live in the closet with "a gender that society forces on them" (her words).
I resonate so strongly with this. I was named after a cousin who died of SIDS. That name never felt like mine and even as a kid I fully intended to change my name when I became an adult, though what name I would change it to has changed massively over time. That moment when I realized what my new name would be was like my name descended from the clouds, like I had always known it somehow. I still use other names from time to time for different purposes, but I think I have my true name now. And it feels so much better.
Thank-you Jessie, this sharing was quite touching and very magical. Greatly appreciated!
You are a beautiful soul Jessie! It's such a privilege to watch your videos.
Thank you!
"Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. *I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.*"
This was a really great video possibly my favorite from you
"she wept because she was free" that line is a little too accurate it actually made me cry
I won't lie, I really needed to watch this today. So many things clicked today.. This is my favorite series and shaped me while I was growing up more than anything else.
This has been very interesting to me since I have a very different experience with names as a trans person. It's not that the name and the gender I was given at my birth are necessarily wrong. They're not. It's more than there is another name that I have and another gender that goes alongside it. The only thing that was gotten wrong is that my family didn't account for me being both a son and a daughter.
I meanwhile have run into the implication that I necessarily need to pick one of these. Either I'm a GNC woman with my birth name, or I'm a transman with the name I picked for myself. At times it's not even been an implication, but just outright something people have told me. I pick to be one or the other. I can't have it both ways. So the whole "You can have this one name or this other name" thing as a trans narrative just hits me uncomfortably because I have a very different relationship with names. Just a sort of instinctive "No Ged I'll be both if I damned well please", even if that reaction doesn't make sense in the context of the book itself.
And really that's just one of the neat things about trans people, I feel. We all have such different relationships with names. We all have different ways of interacting with the names we were given at birth. Some of us like me keep them in addition to new names. Some just keep them because fuck it it's fine. Some bury the thing entirely and never want it seen again. Others don't use it, but do bring it up in personal memoirs and the like. Names are such a personal thing and how we relate to that varies as much as our identities do.
Also, now I kind of want there to be someone in Earthsea who does have two because Reasons and just gets to keep both. I have no idea how that would even work given the lore set up around the true names. But as someone with two names, it's something I'd like to see.
I adore the Earthsea books, and the magic system in particular. This reading adds further depth to an already deep story. I'm sure Ursula would love your interpretation
Skulduggery Pleasent (book series) is the first I encountered the concept of given-name, self-given-name and true name. It's always fascinated me, and I'm happy to learn more about it.
Loved this, it really struck home with me. I've never liked my name, it feels like someone else's (it literally is, I was named after my father and his friend). Also, Dominic!! 💜
Every time I hear Cassidy, it's a balm of relief to my weary soul. I get deadnamed constantly and I break just a little bit every time it's uttered
Just want to say that discovering your channel has meant so much to me, thank you Jessie.
Also I love that your name works as a double-layered Team Rocket reference.
Oh. Em. GEE. I am so blessed this day to find for the first time this OG Jesse video essay! I AM LEARNING SO MUCH AND IT'S SO **BEAUTIFUL** AS ALWAYS!!!
Thank you Jessie, so moving!
I changed my identity as a young adult by changing my name and moving to the big city- to escape a difficult family- I love your honesty so much, you’re the best❣️💖
"...and one of the most beautifully written [series]"
True that. I read the first Earthsea book while in the middle of a writing project, and let me tell you, it showed. Le Guin's prose is infectious.
I never met you as any other name, but am so happy to get to know the Jessie that you are. This is a beautifully done video with an important message. I love the link to Tenar's story in the Tombs of Atuan. No metaphor is perfect, but you explained the differences so well.
Ok, I can't be the the only one who had a "team rocket" moment
This video really moved me, I'm so excited to read the books & so glad you're out here making videos like this. Trans names are so beautiful, we are all so beautiful 💕
Why was this gem hidden from me for a year. This is the best video Ive seen in a long time. Thank you!
Jessie AND Dominic in the same video discussing trans topics? Yes!!! 😍
Really powerful video, Earthsea is by far my favorite fantasy series and I love looking at Tenar's story in Atuan through a trans lens is great. I'm surprised you didn't point out, though, that Ged can recognize Tenar's true name because she never WAS Arha, they couldn't actually strip her of who she is even by trying to force a new true name on her. I felt that was a really powerful moment in terms of how some people try to use dead-names to gain power over trans folks. In Ged's words, "You are like a lantern swathed and covered, hidden away in a dark place. Yet the light shines; they could not put out the light. They could not hide you.”
Ugh, this video made me realize just how badly I want a good Earthsea adaptation.
This is a very strangely timed video release in my transition having just talked to my therapist about the pain of changing the name my father gave me who has since passed. This has helped put a little more perspective into those thoughts - thank you Jesse !
That's a tough situation, I really feel for you. I got lucky that my birth name is suitably neutral (leaning masculine) and that I still connect to it even after figuring out I'm non-binary, because otherwise I would have been in the same boat, trying to figure out how to let go of a name given to me by a parent who passed away.
Do you know what your parents (or your dad specifically) was going to name you if you were the opposite gender assigned at birth? If so, you could use that as a new middle name of sorts if you don't connect with it as a true name, but you would still be honouring your father.
I was also given my true name. My sister helped me learn it. She even gifted me her maiden name. (We’re not blood related, we’re family by bond)
Over the past 4 months or so my partner has been reading the Earthsea books to me before bed and I've felt a deep connection to them. Watching this video 19 days after my GRS really hit me. I've been feeling a lot of that 'mourning my newfound freedom' vibe and wondering if I had done X Y or Z differently maybe I could have been 'done' with my transition earlier. It was shocking to me to go into the clinic and meet several other women there, all who were at least a few years younger than me and feel a pang of regret about things. I'm finally free from that thing between my legs that's been haunting me for nearly 3 decades but now I have all of this freedom and it terrifies me what to do with it.
Wonderful video!
Btw, LOVE the Ori soundtrack used in the video!
As an Autistic UA-camr, I can say I wish my works were as beautiful as yours.
Although to be honest, I misread the community tab and thought this week's video was fun and quick, which made it better than I imagined.
Your so full of love and it makes me happy to see someone want to make people feel better.
Thank you for all the support. Hope you get better soon Jessie.
In my novels, there is no "true name", but there is a true concept of a thing, and it is that conceptual existence we call upon when we name things. Names may be arbitrary, but they are also sacred because of what they invoke in our minds, and for the meaning they are assigned beyond their pointing to a specific person or thing.
In my fantasy world, there are four types of existence: material, spiritual, force, and conceptual. There is also the union of all of these, Ylliastre, or the primordial concept of being that emerges from Kaos, or void.
Most kinds of magic manipulate the material or spiritual, or create a ripple in the web of fate, a force. Witchcraft, however, manipulates the conceptual. Names, to a witch, are dangerous. If a witch knows your name and enough about you, they can target the very concept of who you are and then add something to it. This can be a blessing, or a curse. This will then force the physical, spiritual, and force to change in a way respecting that conceptual change. Curses are enforced not by the witch's magic, but by the target's own body and spirit trying to align with this change. Magic of all forms is derived from witchcraft, it having been the first magic discovered.
Messing with concepts isn't just for witches. Everyone is at their most powerful when they know their conceptual self - that is their true self- and are at peace with it. And if you know your true self, you can also break curses on yourself by rejecting what others have added to the concept of yourself, things that aren't supposed to be there.
Ursula K. Le Guinn is my all time favorite author and it's so cool to see a trans reading of the earthsea series 💙 I read them when I was a kid and didn't had any knowledge of lgbt+ issues (and I was fairly homophobic by then because of upbringing). It actually was one of her books what first challenged my views, The Dark Hand of Darkness. Many years later I identify as asexual and questioning my gender, I'm a proud sibling and friend of trans and all sort of amazing queer people and that book remains as one of my absolute favs. Ursula was amazing and I want to thank you for this video and for sharing so much of your life with us.
I love the metaphor of "true names" and the use of the Earthsea narratives! I always loved those books (and the rest of Le Guin's writing) and you made me love them even more.
Oh no, another book series I have to read. Currently plowing through Discworld. The naming theme reminds me of early Young Wizards by Diane Duane. Change the name, you change the nature of what you named. And oh how a name change can change the universe.
i'm completely sobbing at work... and im not even halfway done. you get it. you fucking get it. and the music. fuck, jessie. thank you
❤️❤️❤️❤️ sending you a hug
(the craft in the gentle saturation of the shots of Jessie as the video progressed... _chef's kiss_ )
I love this, you are so elegant and eloquent in every one of these videos.
I myself have always liked my name very much. It was given to me by a woman who hates everything about me and has never given me anything but pain. But my name, oddly, I've always felt was mine alone.
It's not the way most people expect it to be spelled when I say it aloud, it's not what they expect to be pronounced when they read it. Just as I am nothing like my mother expected. And I love that.
When I came out I deliberately asked people to call me by a nickname instead of a name that was going to be part of my legal identity. The only person who is allowed to use my chosen first name is my partner, not because I don't like it as much (I love love love my first name) but because I like the intimacy of us as a t4t couple knowing each other's chosen first names exclusively
What a perfectly worded video. Jessie, you have such a beautiful way of wording and explaining things. While I am only an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, I have recently come out as autistic and also changed my name when I was younger. My surname was one I associated with my horrid father and once I was free of him, I changed my name. It is actually from a Star Trek novel and I felt it spoke to me and has given me a new life and trajectory since. I have only found out my ND status in 2021 and feel, in a way, that I am 'coming out' with this to family and friends. I have lost some along the way but sharing my true name and true identity has defiantly helped me grow over the years. Love you and sending you strength and love in your journey.
This was gorgeous. Its not an exaggeration to say that the Earthsea cycle literally saved my life.
Such a beautiful discussion of what it is to choose our names
A comment for the algorithm gods.
This is a beautiful video and I love how you relate real world issues to nerd topics. Also Dom should do voiceovers for everything.
Thank you for this wonderful video, Jessie! Earthsea is one of my all time favorite series too and while I'm not trans, I keep returing to this video every once in a while. It truly touches me seeing how positively Earthsea impacted you and makes me love the books even more!
This is making me tear up a little. I'm so happy you've found happiness.
two of my favourite youtubers in one video!
This was absolutely amazing! Hearing how this story connected to your life and experiences made such a beautiful way to explain the importance of names and the power they have. Thank you for sharing that power, Jessie! 💕
Beatiful.
Also, it hadn't ocurred to me, as an Earthesea fan, to interpret things from Tombs of Atuan instead of from A mage of Earthsea. Fruitful idea!
Names can be quite powerful