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Fact: You don't owe anybody anything. You owe yourself everything. Stop ✋ giving them sex! Don't ever give it to them never. Stop ✋ giving them your time, stop giving them access to you.
Very well said, Jack⭐️ Another fab video! After having graduated from psychology, I took pride in saving men. I don’t think it was consciously done but I felt useful and kind of compelled to do so. 10 ys later, when in a getting-to-know someone situation I say, ‘Look, this is Susie, if you are looking for a professional to talk to, that’s not me.’ I don’t feel the need to prove myself to anyone and it’s kind of liberating😊 I also ask myself a question, ‘Why would this be good for me?’ It was a turning point as earlier on, I mainly focused on the other person.
Yes! Jack, I loved what you said about how this tendency might be due to prioritizing the connection over our intuition. AND the reminder that we can embody all facets of our human experience and be discerning. So grateful for your reflections and insights. ✨🙏
Excellent point. Was always so trusting, giving, loving but now after a few red flags I'm gone. Sorry to say but men rarely learn or change, even when I tell them my boundaries/needs. Thanks Jack!😊💕
@@thejackbutler Very true. Not trying to change per se (words came out wrong haha) but at least find someone open to my needs or that he may do something that doesn't align with me & actually care haha. Thanks Jack...appreciate the reply 😊💌
I am widowed and became involved with a fellow widower, unfortunately I gave him the benefit of the doubt despite my intuition telling me he was selfish and breadcrumbing. I think it would make an excellent video to talk about vulnerability when grieving a loss. Tks for the video.
I think this is an extension of an attitude of believing you must do, say or participate in what is "expected" by persons in your family or friend group or society in general, when really you want to say "no." I still, in my 80th decade, find myself saying "yes" when I really wanted to say "no."
I hear you - those forces can be really strong. I can relate. Sometimes I cut myself slack by saying for a long long time our survival depended on those expectations, so likely they have had evolutionary survival benefit.
We need to speak up for ourselves more often when we need to. Otherwise what I have done before or see others do is tolerate behavior we don't accept and then blow up about it after we've reach a point of "no more". It's ok to love ourselves and voice our feelings with discernment, as you've stated. I've been talking to my new S.O. about speaking up for himself in relation to his family he gives way too much benefit of the doubt. I think we all struggle with this in varying degrees. It's super important to discern.
I have been one to give the benefit of the doubt, even to my own detriment. I have found that I need to tighten my boundaries and not excuse behavior that is harmful. Very insightful. Thank you Jack
Oh yes, I can relate to this. Always focusing on the best parts of people and blinkers on to the rest. Now becoming more mindful in all my relationships. Great listening to you Jack, you always provoke my thoughts and self exploration.
You’re so right is not that you don’t see it but you continue given the benefit of the doubt!! You can’t say it better!! “Stop given the benefit of the doubt!! They are who they are and we’re not going to changed them by being good to them but feeding them!!
Most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt, because I know that people are doing the best with what they have. When I was younger, this got me into trouble and I let people walk all over me. Lesson learned. I do look to my own inner intuition or discernment now. Where I struggle sometimes is giving people the benefit of the doubt in the terms of how they show up. I give people the space to show up the way that they prefer in connection. The frustrating part is, dismissing my own needs for connection in the way that I prefer to show up. I guess that it’s a learning lesson. I do my best to not be outcome dependent, so that I don’t end up disappointed or to see how life unfolds for me. If someone doesn’t make the time for me, I don’t mind my own company(Thanks for teaching me that, Mom.), or I make plans with someone else.
@@thejackbutler - Thank you for your kind words 😊. I left out a piece to the puzzle, I’m guessing? There is a certain fella that I am making a reference to. He normally doesn’t respond to written messages that I’ve sent him, but makes an effort in person. I work with him and am afraid of crossing certain boundaries, aside from my shyness and social anxiety. I am not one that likes to be in the spotlight and it triggers me. I let him know about this, and the fact that I need to overcome it. Taking things slowly makes it easier. Thank you for your curiosity, Jack!
@@thejackbutler I wondered about that 😆. Thanks Jack! I was able to work through something and come to a resolution 🥰. It’s wonderful to get things out, so that they aren’t held inside. 🤗!
Thank you, Jack for this very thoughtful and in-depth elaboration. Im currently in this situation and this post has enlightened me in a peaceful way within myself, instead of being resentful toward the man I've been investing my time and emotions in.
I recently stopped seeing someone when he started acting odd. I never doubted tha there was something going on. He was trying to find something from me which could make me held responsible and shameful by coming to my place unannounced or he would call to tell me that he is coming and in just 5 minutes, he will be reaching already. I did not like this kind of attitude of not trusting me and doubting that he is the only one, as how I see it. I was getting nervous of what else he was going to do if the relationship got deeper and longer. Very odd. It turned out that his wife is back home, the wife that he told me he has separated from and he dared not tell me but somehow I found out the truth. That was a few weeks after I broke up with him.
Thanks Jack, I'm a subscriber and long time follower of your videos, your content is excellent, but I rarely comment. I felt compelled to comment on this one however. I'm in my 60s and I totally related to every aspect of the content of this one! I have lived pretty much every part of what you talk about in this video and am still evolving as a person....and I'm just an average person with the usual ups and downs in life. Your content has such great information, encouragement and good common sense that I felt compelled to support what you're saying. This is great advice that you're giving and every point in this video is worth digging deeper into - and returning to, as a reminder when 'things' aren't necessarily going the way you'd want! Thanks for your work Jack, I still have lots to learn! :)
Hello Jack 👋 Thank you great video as always. In my experience I'm only giving one benefit of a doubt using discernment of course.People rarely change hence talking my kindness for weakness more often then not.I cut these kinds of people off no 2nd chances.💯
Hi Jack, very interesting topic. I think I have always been more on the cynical side but I have lately opened up to give more the benefit of the doubt. Still I think I will need time to understand where I really am at the moment in the spectrum. Very thought provoking, thanks Jack!
well we like to know each other. at first I think we just friend but I feel like he want more. but I looking for commitment. I think if he do, its okay. I a little bit trust him. when he say more private thing (he is japanese fyi) oh so it must be serious. I am trust again. he give me a gift too and say like we have a future but then.... he feel like give a distace. and when I asking, he said he is not ready for relationship cause he still hurt with his ex. I feel like he used me to heal his lonely and his heartache and dont want responsible to me. if hix ex more than me, I feel like a little bit accept. but its not, I feel like hurt twice. me and him no contact but feel like the tie not really cut between us. I really hate this situation. hope you can have advise for my situation :( how we can love ourself and love other men again without drama like this.
Fact: You don't owe anybody anything. You owe yourself everything. Stop ✋ giving them sex! Don't ever give it to them never. Stop ✋ giving them your time, stop giving them access to you.
Thank you 💚🙏
Love it. Unconsciously giving the benefit of the doubt can be a denial of ones innate wisdom. ⭐️⭐️
There you go - how come it took a whole video to say that! Lol. Ps / some people do this consciously I think, part of wanting to be a kind person
Very well said, Jack⭐️ Another fab video! After having graduated from psychology, I took pride in saving men. I don’t think it was consciously done but I felt useful and kind of compelled to do so. 10 ys later, when in a getting-to-know someone situation I say, ‘Look, this is Susie, if you are looking for a professional to talk to, that’s not me.’
I don’t feel the need to prove myself to anyone and it’s kind of liberating😊 I also ask myself a question, ‘Why would this be good for me?’ It was a turning point as earlier on, I mainly focused on the other person.
Yes! Jack, I loved what you said about how this tendency might be due to prioritizing the connection over our intuition. AND the reminder that we can embody all facets of our human experience and be discerning. So grateful for your reflections and insights. ✨🙏
@@megyerizsuzsadora Love the share and that journey you have been on 🙏
@@MindfulCreativeMuse Yes, that’s definitely been a learning edge for me. Thanks for the feedback ✨
Excellent point. Was always so trusting, giving, loving but now after a few red flags I'm gone. Sorry to say but men rarely learn or change, even when I tell them my boundaries/needs. Thanks Jack!😊💕
Yes, usually easier to find someone who’s aligned than try to change a guy or anyone 🙏
@@thejackbutler Very true. Not trying to change per se (words came out wrong haha) but at least find someone open to my needs or that he may do something that doesn't align with me & actually care haha. Thanks Jack...appreciate the reply 😊💌
@@zenawarrior7442 🙏
@@thejackbutler 💜👍💜
I am widowed and became involved with a fellow widower, unfortunately I gave him the benefit of the doubt despite my intuition telling me he was selfish and breadcrumbing. I think it would make an excellent video to talk about vulnerability when grieving a loss. Tks for the video.
I think this is an extension of an attitude of believing you must do, say or participate in what is "expected"
by persons in your family or friend group or society in general, when really you want to say "no." I still, in my 80th decade, find myself saying "yes" when I really wanted to say "no."
I hear you - those forces can be really strong. I can relate. Sometimes I cut myself slack by saying for a long long time our survival depended on those expectations, so likely they have had evolutionary survival benefit.
We need to speak up for ourselves more often when we need to. Otherwise what I have done before or see others do is tolerate behavior we don't accept and then blow up about it after we've reach a point of "no more". It's ok to love ourselves and voice our feelings with discernment, as you've stated. I've been talking to my new S.O. about speaking up for himself in relation to his family he gives way too much benefit of the doubt. I think we all struggle with this in varying degrees. It's super important to discern.
I have been one to give the benefit of the doubt, even to my own detriment. I have found that I need to tighten my boundaries and not excuse behavior that is harmful. Very insightful. Thank you Jack
Hey everyone! Look forward to reading your comments. Leave me one! Love, Jack
Oh yes, I can relate to this. Always focusing on the best parts of people and blinkers on to the rest. Now becoming more mindful in all my relationships. Great listening to you Jack, you always provoke my thoughts and self exploration.
Happy to be provocative in a good way ;)
You’re so right is not that you don’t see it but you continue given the benefit of the doubt!! You can’t say it better!! “Stop given the benefit of the doubt!! They are who they are and we’re not going to changed them by being good to them but feeding them!!
Most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt, because I know that people are doing the best with what they have. When I was younger, this got me into trouble and I let people walk all over me. Lesson learned. I do look to my own inner intuition or discernment now. Where I struggle sometimes is giving people the benefit of the doubt in the terms of how they show up. I give people the space to show up the way that they prefer in connection. The frustrating part is, dismissing my own needs for connection in the way that I prefer to show up. I guess that it’s a learning lesson. I do my best to not be outcome dependent, so that I don’t end up disappointed or to see how life unfolds for me. If someone doesn’t make the time for me, I don’t mind my own company(Thanks for teaching me that, Mom.), or I make plans with someone else.
My mum always said it does not matter if people use you
Appreciate everything you are sharing here 🙏. Maybe one piece in here is naming your dearies? (Then not being too attached)
@@thejackbutler - Thank you for your kind words 😊. I left out a piece to the puzzle, I’m guessing? There is a certain fella that I am making a reference to. He normally doesn’t respond to written messages that I’ve sent him, but makes an effort in person. I work with him and am afraid of crossing certain boundaries, aside from my shyness and social anxiety. I am not one that likes to be in the spotlight and it triggers me. I let him know about this, and the fact that I need to overcome it. Taking things slowly makes it easier. Thank you for your curiosity, Jack!
@@erinhappy-go-lucky5040 My bad - naming your desires!
@@thejackbutler I wondered about that 😆. Thanks Jack! I was able to work through something and come to a resolution 🥰. It’s wonderful to get things out, so that they aren’t held inside. 🤗!
Thank you, Jack for this very thoughtful and in-depth elaboration. Im currently in this situation and this post has enlightened me in a peaceful way within myself, instead of being resentful toward the man I've been investing my time and emotions in.
I like hearing that, it can be a hard shift but so worthwhile 😊
I recently stopped seeing someone when he started acting odd. I never doubted tha there was something going on. He was trying to find something from me which could make me held responsible and shameful by coming to my place unannounced or he would call to tell me that he is coming and in just 5 minutes, he will be reaching already. I did not like this kind of attitude of not trusting me and doubting that he is the only one, as how I see it. I was getting nervous of what else he was going to do if the relationship got deeper and longer. Very odd. It turned out that his wife is back home, the wife that he told me he has separated from and he dared not tell me but somehow I found out the truth. That was a few weeks after I broke up with him.
Sorry to hear that, glad your intuition was operating for you 🙏
You're always so right! I wish I'd learned this sooner. It's never too late!
I hear you - and I agree
Good point Jack. I can really appreciate this way of looking at "benefit of the doubt".
Right on
Thanks Jack, I'm a subscriber and long time follower of your videos, your content is excellent, but I rarely comment. I felt compelled to comment on this one however. I'm in my 60s and I totally related to every aspect of the content of this one! I have lived pretty much every part of what you talk about in this video and am still evolving as a person....and I'm just an average person with the usual ups and downs in life. Your content has such great information, encouragement and good common sense that I felt compelled to support what you're saying. This is great advice that you're giving and every point in this video is worth digging deeper into - and returning to, as a reminder when 'things' aren't necessarily going the way you'd want! Thanks for your work Jack, I still have lots to learn! :)
Thanks for being a long term subscriber 🙏 Happy this was vibing with your life experience
Hello Jack 👋
Thank you great video as always.
In my experience I'm only giving one benefit of a doubt using discernment of course.People rarely change hence talking my kindness for weakness more often then not.I cut these kinds of people off no 2nd chances.💯
Awesome!!!!! Just what I needed to hear. Thanks so much for your advice 🙂😃
Awesome! :)
Is it about being a people pleaser? Or maybe a fixer? Or a particular attachment style even. A lot to think about. Thank you Jack 👍
All seem possible! Probably more likely w anxious attachment? 🙏
@@thejackbutler I think you are right. I have work to do 🥴
@@teresa1710 Don’t be too hard on yourself 🙏
Thank you so much 🙂
Very welcome ☺️
Hi Jack, very interesting topic. I think I have always been more on the cynical side but I have lately opened up to give more the benefit of the doubt. Still I think I will need time to understand where I really am at the moment in the spectrum. Very thought provoking, thanks Jack!
Happy this was thought provoking!
Great video😃 Thank you 😊💖
Yay! You’re welcome!
well we like to know each other. at first I think we just friend but I feel like he want more. but I looking for commitment. I think if he do, its okay. I a little bit trust him. when he say more private thing (he is japanese fyi) oh so it must be serious. I am trust again. he give me a gift too and say like we have a future but then.... he feel like give a distace. and when I asking, he said he is not ready for relationship cause he still hurt with his ex. I feel like he used me to heal his lonely and his heartache and dont want responsible to me. if hix ex more than me, I feel like a little bit accept. but its not, I feel like hurt twice. me and him no contact but feel like the tie not really cut between us. I really hate this situation. hope you can have advise for my situation :( how we can love ourself and love other men again without drama like this.
You may need to give yourself some time to heal and move on after not being in contact? Try not to rush that process even if it’s uncomfortable