How To Beat A Narcissist With 3 Questions
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- How to beat a narcissist with three questions. In this video, I'm going to teach you how to beat a narcissist with 3 simple questions.
This strategy is effective for any person, place or thing in your life that you feel powerless to change.
Using this strategy, you can break through the helplessness and get answers to the questions that matter most to you.
The 3 questions are
1- What do I want
2- What will I not tolerate.
3- What can I control
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Hi, I'm Kenny Weiss 👋
My channel is all about speaking truth and taking responsibility for healing our emotional pain so we can elevate our lives and live in the greatest version of ourselves by developing emotional mastery.
I will be providing you the skills and tools to heal childhood trauma, childhood emotional neglect, codependency, narcissistic abuse, stress, shame, fear, anger, sadness, self-deception, self- sabotage, depression, divorce, relationship problems, parenting, parental alienation, estrangement, addiction, mental health, mindset, self-love, the worst day cycle and more.
#kennyweiss #worstdaycycle #kennyweisslifecoach
Narcissist = your pain is their joy, your joy is their pain.
Brilliant. Absolutely true-they feed on your pain.
thank u! i needed to see this in 1 sentence. it took me waaay to long to finally understand this and heal on a much deeper level. i have a really sick, covert NPD mother.
AKA my daughter in law
@@yorkinas My mother was one too (right up until her death at 80). The less personal information you give her about yourself, the better it will be for you. These ppl do not change! Once a narcissist, always a narcissist, so never let your guard down around her.
✌️&❤️
Amen 🙏
Good advice 👍💯 currently living in a very toxic situation. Thx for the tips, have been working for 4 years with this realization 😭 applying EVERYTHING u teach! 👍
You got this!
Those three questions are now burned into my skull. I fully appreciate your videos authentic intro. Too often would those 3 questions come at the end of the video and that just reminds me of my abuse. Thanks for the value, always here for that.
Just pausing this video, be right back with a pen and paper to jot down notes. Your advice is appreciated
The Druid tradition uses so-called Triads to remember wisdoms. This formula is such a Triad. 🙏
Superb. God bless you! 👍
Same to you
I want Love. I will not tolerate self harm or harm to others. I can only control how I react to others, not how they think or what they believe.
It's really true, this is it. This is exactly what it was like leaving the toxic people. And making sure they were unable to pull me back in..
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad a man is speaking up, because in this type of situation there is SO MUCH MORE understanding for a woman. I'm female and i immediately got all the love and support in the world. A great friend of mine sadly only had me as real support because everyone else in his life continued to gaslight him!!! They kept telling him he was not a real man. Because he had feelings. It was terrible.
Thank you for your videos, you look very happy now. The only good thing you gain from this sort of trauma is that at least you'll recognise it and know how to react upfront next time you're confronted with a narc.
Nice questions for narcissist 👍
good word!!
Thank you
Facts, good advice,taken on board 👌
THANKS 🙏🙏🙏✌🏼
Love ❤️ ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤️ this!!!🎉❤🎉❤🎉 💯
This is like the fast forwarded,cliff notes version of healing from that ugly stuff.
So so so grateful!
Spot on! All that matters.
Thank you!
So 🙏grateful🎉
A Narcissist STOLE MY INHERITANCE LETTER and has kept it for 14 years! I have NEVER dealt with one until I met this man. So I created a WEBSITE and he and his wife are going to get caught! I ADMIT I WAS SO STUPID! I have NEVER met him in real life! OMG! WHAT A LIFE LESSON! 💜💜💙💙
🎉Thank you for jumping right into it🎉
1. What do I want?
2. What will I not tolerate?
3. What can I control?
I left after. 25 yes. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
The best life coach I have ever encountered:
1.) What do I want?
2.) What will I not tolerate?
3.) What can I control?
Ive seen this list it’s just missing the Only allow 3 items for each list! It will help you see what you really want. Ex, I want to be rich > why so you can buy a house or do you think people will respect you, or will it make you feel secure…can you do all of that yourself? It’s kinda the idea behind asking the genie for 3 wishes but be careful what you ask for!
So is this not asking the narcissist the question? How does this beat them if they don't understand I'm getting my pov accross?I know what I want and that's what any decent person wants which is a peaceful relation.
@@highvibeintelligencetell the narcissist what you want, not what they want from you.
Tell the narcissist what you will tolerate, not what they tell to tolerate.
And finally tell the narcissist that you do what you control, that they can’t control you.
So first, I get devalued.
Then I feel devalued.
Then I act devalued.
Then I am devalued because I no longer value myself.
See first line.
I started out WITH value!!!
Please listen beautiful highly valued people!
Never, ever, let your value be decided by another!
No one's opinion about YOU matters but your OWN when dealing with your Controller!
@MaryTherese ☝This! Thank you. 🥲💙
Not easy when you seems to be stuck with no other choice …..
'your controller' lol yes!
Yeah, what one thinks about me, say about me. Doesn't make up who I am. Ha, I am me. No thoughts about it. Who is the one that thinks I am, say I am . Sorry Buddy Pal. That doesn't make up who I am.
Ohh, and thinking and knowing are entirely two different things.
That's dealing with any and everybody not just a controller. Nobody controls me
Just tell them "NO!" and that shall REVEAL ANY Narcissist immediately!
Yes! But seriously….. tell a minor miner the same thing and they might call you a narc. 😌
For real! Then they will start the smear campaign against you!
You have to acknowledge ASAP for your own safety and sanity.... when a narcissist love-bombs you and sweeps you off your feet ... it's not because they see the 'real you' that everyone else has ignored or overlooked, it's because, like a snake, they have chosen YOU for their prey.
Got the divorce certificate to prove it.
The TRUUUTH ‼️💯
Players only love you when they're playin'.
Workin’ now - true DAT 👏🏼
Same old married and divorced the narcissist story. Helps to completely avoid any accountability whatsoever for what was most likely a relationship of over 10 years.
@RevealedFilms ....if you're referring to my comment, I married thinking I'd have a partner and solid future. Turns out he didn't want his inheritance going to care for his elderly mother with dementia. He convinced me to retire early (detrimental to my pension & benefits) to have his 82 year old sick mother move in with us so I could provide care (I also had to go back to school to be qualified to run a business out of our home while I cared for her - he could barely stand to look at her). She was with us 5 years then passed away. Within 3 months I discovered him cheating with one of his VERY young college students. He no longer needed me and wanted out of the marriage. Lost my hone, my finances, my full pension & benefits, my relationship with my adult son (previous marriage), most of my friends and my health.
The last two narcissists i came across didn't even want to talk or discuss at all...to which i decided they just couldn't be in my life then.
No discussion, no access.
Period.
You might of gotten lucky there!!
@@DaDoubleDeemore like they’re probably the actual narcissist
I made the same decision as you with the last narcissist that came into my life (and which I was fooled enough to believe she was one of my best friends). Now she's just someone I need not to think too much about... Just for my own peace of mind. The only thing that really saddens me is to see how others are still fooled and under the spell of illusion... But whatever, it's not my problem anymore, I've cut bonds with most ot those people, they've probably been mindfed with some propaganda against me, but it's not my problem anymore... I'm actually quite happy where I am now. And actually almost happy the situation happened because, despite the strong feeling of hurt and betrayal I experienced, it forced me to retreat... And really take care of myself.
It's the only way to go......
Two amazing things I saw on FB about narcissists: they are not special....your love and putting them on a pedestal and adoring them and YOU make them special. When you see them for what and who they are really are, you will see how ordinary they are.
They are jealous of your fire, your joy, your way of life. They try their best to douse your fire, your special qualities that makes you shine. They hate that you are special.
Yes that hate your light because they’re total darkness ❤
When you can't answer what do i want, flip it and say what do I not want. Sometimes, a person needs to wrestle with themselves.
I like to ask myself “Is it working out?”
You can make up a thousand excuses for someone a thousand times but if nothing you try is working out you have to learn how to be reasonable with yourself. They have good comprehension and understand exactly what you want and they are ignoring you and doing it anyways. These people are broken and stupid.
Is it working, there is no working out just another signpost to your next destination
I love the questions......especially what do I want.
I find it very interesting how people talk about setting boundaries with a narcissist. It's like trying to set boundaries with a grenade with the pin pulled. They're going to go off.....the only thing we can do is get out of the way. The unfortunate thing is these people think they have a right to use abuse and hurt people any way they want. It's sick.
AMEN!!
Exactly. Don’t bother setting a boundary w a narc because all you’ve done is tell them what to aim at. Walk away. Run away. Get away.
Setting boundaries with a narcissist can be an extremely tricky and frustrating thing, if you say I’m not going to tolerate your behavior, you are going to hear a tirade that goes on for an hour about each and every short coming or mistake or perceived injustice they can come up with against you. You will not be able to get a word in and you will become so frustrated and stressed out by the end of it you will realize you did the right thing but it made no difference. The boundaries for my situation have to be silent. I put a plan in place to remove myself from any situation where I am being treated badly. Leave the room, the house, quickly and quietly. Chances are you know what triggers they use, think of those as red flags. Silence is the only power you have. What can you control? Your own behavior.
@@shelleyletts7959 Not when they come after you and you're cornered.
Stay away, leave, you will never change a narcissist ….Why stay ?
Ask a narcissist, "Why do you love me?" They can't give you an answer that doesn't relate to them and what you do for them.
I asked mine one time if he did. He said yes and I asked how he meant that. He said he works and pays the bills. So romantic.
@@kaystephens2672lol
Sorry, but it’s so true! 😅
Yes!!!! A marriage counselor asked him what he loves about me. He was silent for SO LONG and then he said "she buys me good presents."
@@yugenknows740i guess that ended well😊
@@Handsoflight7766 you're not wrong! 🤣
What do I want?
What will I not tolerate?
What can I not control?
I did not know that I could let go of the family members and still be a decent person.
Now I know I can have a happier life without them and I'm not bad if I do.
I thought I wanted restoration with them, but that choice was not available because they had made up their minds against me.
As you say: Get into truth and take responsibility.
I know exactly how you feel. I'm youngest of 6 myv2 eldest brothers have passed, they were the best, the rest, not so I finally walked away from them 3 3yrs ago, haven't looked back since and am far happier without them 😊
@@stevelauda5435 it's sad, but we all can choose how we live and believe what we want to. I thought everyone wanted a happy family, as I do, but I have learned that some people want power instead. Not everyone wants peace, harmony, honesty and integrity. Some think that's weak. One can't resolve conflict with someone who can never admit a mistake or learn something new because they have to be right or they have a false front. Peace comes in accepting what has happened, can't fix it, let go emotionally and find other people to do life with, who reciprocate love and kindness. I am learning about boundaries in my late 50s. It's not the life I expected, but I'm enjoying it now without the drama and confusion. Peace to you.
This comment has helped me a lot! Thank you and God bless you
@@MJYouAreNotAlone1 oh good 🙂 May God bless you too. I've also found Dr Les Carter's video Calm Confidence helpful and Lysa Terkeurst's book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes. Courage and wisdom to you as you find your way.
What CAN* I control
My father in law. Haven’t talked to him in 11 years. I’m much happier ! The biggest sociopath narcissist I’ve ever met !
Mine is bad too, but I don't give him supply anymore so he ignores me 🎉🎉🎉
This is the absolute best video I've seen about how to deal with a narcissist. It's so funny. Within the first two minutes, I'd written out three things I wanted.... and realized my narcissistic mother had been actively TRYING TO KEEP ME FROM HAVING THOSE THREE THINGS for the past two years. :( Thank you for this post.
Glad you enjoyed it!
I sympathize with you. My narcissistic mother has also kept me from having all the things I wanted.
I found this clip very informative and to the point! Thank you!🙏
Im vane; your Jedi mind tricks won't work on an Egyptian Celt.
All my narcissists are dead. They both died alone and despised.
Parents?
karma
And they were sure it was everybody else’s fault!
I envy your peace.
@@patriciagootgeld9273 They live in our heads even after they're gone. They never apologized as God commands. They get their just reward on judgment day. Narcissism is satanism. Satan was the first of creation to fall to 'self', thus the father of narcissists.
Life has lessons and learning. Individually we can not change the whole world but we can change ourselves for the better
Best comment I've read! Thank you for being! 🥰
After 18 years, I finally worked-out that my narc, verbally and casually negates whichever treat I present her; invalidating the gesture in some subtle, almost reasonable way. Now? No more events or dinners or trips away or validating gestures from me. I only gave her 15 years warning though... 😮
I'm sorry you weren't valued properly. I'm sending you love and good mojo from the South.
It works ....you will eventually be tired of being walked on....call them out..if they don't apologize and change ...drop them from your life....they have no problem being hypocrites and double standards ...why do you not call them out....? yeah they gas light and reply with long unreadable paragraphs ...all by design....let them think they won...withdraw, they lost.
Yes but the Narcissist will agree to everything...... And then slowly creep in back to his old attitude..... Then i am stuck even more. But i must say first 2 minutes of this video are very relieving !
And what can we control? We can control if we let them back in to play that game. The problem is NOT the narcissist it is us and our repeatedly choosing to play the child-like victim and ask the narcissist and the world to cosign on our victimhood. We must start living in truth and take responsibility that we are choosing to let them back in.
You can only manage a narc. They couldn't change themselves, even if they wanted to, so don't expect it. They are the river-stone you must flow around.
@@Original50oooh I love LOVE that saying! " A narcissist is a river stone we must flow around" 👏
@@Original50But you don't have to stay with rhe narcissist. You have a choice.
I have walked that walk.
Choose to have that 2 minutes of relief all the time. Make a choice it is powerful to realize we have choices, they are usually hard choices and messy but we do have choices.
What do I want? You mean I can choose?! I forget that. 😂❤😂
Very true! Do read my comment! Thx!
Thank you for the amazing information you are sharing. I've been learning so much. I can tell that you are passionate about helping people heal and improve their life. I've learnt more from you in the past 10 days than my masters in social work, 25 years as a children and families social worker, 3 years of therapy and numerous self help books. I didnt have a good childhood ( addicts for parents, a narcissist mother, a dad whole killed himself, neglect, emotional abuse, years of childhood sexual abuse and obviously really poor decision making regarding partners to the point id given up dating completely and never married or had children). I didnt know what to do to help myself other than work hard. I couldn't trust myself to make good choices. I didnt know how to explain to myself or others why I am alone and so sad. Now at 52 its all starting to make sense and I feel hopeful for again. Thank you so much for everything.
You are very welcome, I had the same experience. Most of the teaching is too superficial and lacks a concrete action plan. I decided to do my best to fill that gap.
Wow! You are brave and will succeed in getting better and happier. And, yes, this was very helpful advice. Grateful.
I was married for 33 years. The last 10 were uncomfortable. He never spoke...period! He told me he'd been unhappy for at least 10 years, didn't love me and that he wanted a divorce. After he left, I lost all trust in humanity. As the world has become more hateful and violent, I have withdrawn much more. I hate people now. Too be honest, I never liked most anyway, but I could tolerate them. Then my daughter got married and never even told me. I was the only one not told, seriously. The thing is I adore my kids and can't think of a single thing I've done! No, I'm not perfect but my son and I are close, my daughter is becoming more and more paranoid as time goes on. She seems to think I'm out to get her...no clue why. Last Christmas I was visiting my son and my daughter and son in law, who I adore. My daughter knew she'd screwed up, and she was waiting for "the" speech. Instead, I chatted with them, and hugged both. It was great to see them. We all sat down in the LR and I decided I'd check the news on my phone. See, I have ADHD, and usually talk constantly, interrupt everybody frequently and tend to swear a lot. When none of that happened they sat there dumbfounded. I had just decided that I would be gracious with everyday chit chat, but SHE would have to engage with me instead of me usually dragging things out of her. I could see her over the top of my phone and she looked at her husband and had a perplexed look on her face. She thought I was going to tear her appart for being so very cruel to her mom , but I decided she had shown me what she thought of me, and purposely hurt me. She expected a fight, but by not acknowledging them as important enough to make them listen to the usual speech, I'd taken control of the conversation. She had ruined my life for a whole year, it felt good to reverse that but then I had an epiphany, that other than basic pleasantries or informational conversations, I ignored her. Don't get me wrong, I adore my daughter but what she did will never be forgotten and then, one day, I will release the mother of ALL speeches letting her know how dreadfully sad and disappointed I was because my kid's were brought up right. They were polite, and respectful with everyone and until that moment, I had always been very proud about my kids, but that had abruptly changed, with my daughter, in one phone call.
@@trinastrong6561 Keep listening to these types of videos. Learn to be comfortable with silence when you are with people. You do not need to be the one carrying the conversation. Talk--really conversations--are supposed to be 50-50. Did you know that it is considered rude to 'hog' a conversation? Our preacher's wife is like that, amongst other people I have known. Very upbeat and positive, but has to be talking constantly. It takes a lot of energy to be around a person who yaps constantly: it's very annoying.and no one appreciates a yapper. On T.V. they may make them look cute, but it's different laying on the couch watching cutely written lines thought up by dozens of people... Also, it's ALWAYS rude to interrupt. Start catching yourself and say "I'm sorry," and shut up, try to appear like you're interested in what they've got to say. And don't give the excuse "but it's important, and I'll forget..." What everyone has to say is important, including the person you just interrupted.
Next to address the daughters: They are adults now, not children! You may be mother, but your role HAS to change--or you'll run them off=sounds like you already did. ALSO, try to see things from their point of view: why they didn't want you at their wedding, why they don't and won't talk to you ANY MORE. People love their parents, even if they were abusive, but they can't take much micro-managing. They're not "your children" anymore; they're to be treated more like your friend. That means given space and grace AND ALLOWED to live their life without your advice unless asked for it. Long story short: start letting others talk, and if you must talk, talk no more than 50% of the time.
That is what is known as "emotional inteligence". Period. Very useful against this kind of crappy persons
E.I. encompsses those three points perfectly.
When I left my narc wife at the end of 2018 I asked myself, "Who is getting what THEY want and who is getting what they DON'T want?". She was getting everything & I was getting nothing but abuse & betrayal. Ken is right, if they take control and exploit & abuse you then you are part of the problem. If they do that then its a no brainer, they do not give a shit about you, period.......
I left in 2018 as well. Very hard to do but there was no other choice.
When you left you made a choice, and you wanted it that way. It was right move, give yourself credit
Well said!!
THANK YOU SO!!!
30 year marriage. Filed in 2021, divorced in 2023. I was done with her nonsense. But, why did I put up with it for so long? Because we had vows. I adhered to those vows...and then some. She did not. The aggravation hit critical mass over the pandemic. She exposed herself even more. I took the blinders off.
Absolutely. I finally did exactly that after 38 years of marriage. It also showed me I didn’t love him anymore. Now, divorced and happy with my new glow up.💗
Bravo!!!
I’m on my way out, very emotional! Don’t want to be alone
@@cheriybarra2557being alone is better than staying in a bad situation. I left after 30 years and it was scary but so worth it. Your future self will thank you 🏆
@@cheriybarra2557I told myself it’s ok to feel lonely, sad, scared. So when I didn’t try to push those feelings down they didn’t seem as strong any longer. I also didn’t worry about tomorrow. Just today was all I could handle at the time. Now all those awful feeling are gone. You will get stronger every single day if you don’t let it overwhelm you.🌸Just today matters. You can get through this.💗💪🏻
@@cheriybarra2557 it’s ok to be alone, it’s the perfect time to learn to love yourself. Then when you vibrate in love’s frequency you’ll attract nothing but love. I’m enjoying some alone time right now.💕
I have a narcissist cousin. I helped him move. Took a whole day. Then a couple months later he wouldn't give me a 10 minute favor. They don't care about anyone but themselves.
Make sure you don’t put yourself out again.
Friends only ride downhill
@@gabrielbench1867 you are definitely right about that
Being with a narc sounds EXHAUSTING....OMG ...‼️‼️‼️
Until we Figure It Out
Then The Healing BeComes Wind Beneath Our Wings And We Go Higher Than We Could Have BeFore Learning How To OverCome This Particular Kind Of Evil
😊
I know! They take control, like a succubus, and you're trapped.😢
It's absolutely hell on earth.
It is …
@@GlimmmerraYUP!
You can control one thing yourself. You don’t have problems unless you let the problems to have you.
Thank you for this. It is getting very difficult at home. When you have support, build strength and confidence, this no longer fits the parents sick need for control and inflicting pain/stress, etc. They hit harder, I remain stabilized harder. I am actively working towards moving out. They found out, theres a delay, so their antics are WORSE. The entire family is now suffering because I am now a VICTOR, no longer a victim. Of course these conditions are NOT SUSTAINABLE forever. I hope I get out soon.
So proud of you. Praying for your success and safety ❤🙏❤
Keep up the good work….. it’s hard, but little by little, you’ll be out of that hole!
Good luck 🍀 ❤❤❤❤❤
Oh my goodness. I love your words. Thank you.
You are so welcome
I CAN control my feelings, my thoughts, my choices! Yeah out of the powerless or helplessness! When I was a child I thought like a child but now I am an adult. Thank you for this powerful insight of asking 3 Questions!
Very sound advice, but you forgot to mention fear, once you realise all these things and start to take back control of your life some narcissists react with violence. It took me years to finally get away. It’s been 10 years now, but I’ll never be completely free the mental and physical scars stay will stay with me for life.
Yes! Narcs are very dangerous when they know you are on to them and won’t tolerate their coercive control over you anymore. They will kill you if you are not careful… never stand up to an NP disordered person be they intimate partners, family members,or friends/ work colleagues alone. Always have a witness with you. I am speaking from years of personal experience as a survivor of 5 highly Narcissistic people who have reacted to my attempts at setting personal boundaries with repeated acts of physical violence against me 😢😢😢
My mother is a malignant covert narcissist. She has left a very destructive path in her wake.
During the 15 years of marriage, I suddenly realized that my husband seemed to find out what I wanted and then made sure that I didn’t get it. Especially in intimacy. I am so glad that he found another woman, but she appears to be just like him. Some people have said they get along well because they understand each other.
I 100% identify with what you've said. It was my experience exactly. He always made sure I didn't get what I most wanted from him, and that I continued to get what I least wanted from him.
That was my mother ...destroyed or mamed everything I loved . Bullied and tormented. Minimized my talents and abilities. Spoke to me like a dog.Everything I dreamed. Self esteem. Child hood friends. My toy was stomped and destroyed right in front of me.Dumped my animals. Jerked me out of high-school to work kept mr broke with rent. Allowed no teen boyfriends. Interfered and controlled my marriage. My child. The love of my live boyfriend. Bleached or shrank my pretty clothes. stole from me.
I worked 3 jobs to get away from her. Got my own apartment and car. It took years to save and do. But I did it.
Hot tip. Have a good work ethic. Have a paperless secret savings account stop telling the narc your business. Never tell the narc your plans. When you leave....don't tell them. Sneak out items that are important (personal documents ss# birth cert. Etc. Then items that mean the most to you, piece by piece not all at once.Don't change your routine. Don't threaten to leave. Set yourself up with living elsewhere first or you'll boomerang right back home. Be independent of the narc 100%. Just leave with out a word when they're gone. Call police and tell them you are not missing. You left them because of abuse.
It sounds like he did you a favor. Why should someone else be responsible for providing your wants? I no longer expect from others first.
My summary, and personal approach is 1) I choose to speak to my needs 2) Focus on what there is to appreciate about the ‘other’ 3) take ownership for what I can 4) walk away from what I cannot control.
Totally my ex.
@@Nikforallthesereasons same!
I’m going to turn my garage into a yoga studio, after all his hoarding junk is out. Omg, I see such beauty ahead of me. I’ve been waiting to be set free and fly. I love you Kenny. Thank you. 🎉🎉🎉
Mine hoards too. Everything in the garage except my car belongs to him. Stuff someone gave him.
Very wise: take action towards what you CAN control because you cant control the narc.
the issue is most people believe that their narc will change because of bread crumbing.
I think thats why people get stuck, they dont want to be victims, they just continue to hope.
AND there is cognitive dissonance between how people think a narc will behave & how they do (eg: 'she wouldnt do that, she's my mother', 'he doesnt really mean that or he wouldn't have married me' or 'I wouldn't do that so im being unreasonable thinking they could be so evil'). How narcs behave is beyond normal, they do things that are far too dark, far too unexpected, far too crazy. You live in this perpetual cycle of hope, dissonance and denial before you accept & start to heal.
What is bread crumbing? So many made up phrases.
Kenny, I have to be honest. Yes, I am on my own path towards healing from Narcissistic Abuse and having better Boundaries and walking away sooner and saying No a lot more often. My guard is up against most women and against most people who I do not know. Dating and Relationships are hardly worth the aggravation. In your teachings videos I do perceive the you mix in some victim blaming and victim shaming. The abuse should never happened and abuse and manipulation is never acceptable.
You MUST realise, it's 'A DANCE' that both people are PARTICIPATING in by staying together!. It's imperative to realise that victim plays the most important part (by saying "NO", and enforcing strong boundaries, and uncoupling, and dissolving the partnership...) because NARCS DONT CHANGE especially when they are wrong! By staying involved, you are tacitly complicit.
Yes, this is shaming. When you are born in a narcissist family you choose Nothing, and the comsequences might be devastating for the nervous system. It takes time (and tools) to heal, you can't blame someone for being traumatized (that's retraumazing).
It's not a dance, it's a nightmare. And those who have flight response enough (and that's something you don't choose, nothing to feel proud about) shouldn't tell people who have freeze response (not chosen either) that are being childish.
@@helensid6670well said 😊
I agree. Shaming the victim of toxic narcissists does no good. We’re sad enough. The shame is the way we’ve been treated. It’s hard to change but for me the only way out is through. Deal with the painful reality of a new life. It may be harder than the one you have right now. Hopefully in time you will find peace & freedom. Just know you deserve to be treated with respect or goodbye!
Great thoughts to reflect on, it’s so true, one needs to be ready to take action, to the point that you say to yourself “I had enough” “This is not who I am”
Narcissist=I love being a spoiler and troublemaker and devaluing you and your pain, and your existence as being nothing to them but validated only by them. Your misery is my strength.
These are a breed only to be exceeded by the psychopath, as the two seem to be of the same branch of the tree...If not the tree itself...Peace
You know what else stops a narcissist? Asking them if they even deserve your love.
This video reinforces my conviction in what I said the first time I heard you speak, 'I'm taking my life back.'
It's not easy to change my thought patterns but there have been little changes. As they say, "Rome wasn't built in a day....".
You can't gain 50# overnight nor can you lose it overnight. It took years for me to get worn down to being the wimpy codependent of a narcissist I've been. I know it's going to take time for me to change my thought patterns and behaviors but I am. I'm taking my life back!
May God be with you,and God bless you. Amen
Good one Kenny, I'm going to keep those 3 key phrases in mind. Looks like a beautiful day where you are, I hope you enjoy & relax in the sunshine (with some factor 50 sunscreen). Meredith from Australia
Thanks 👍 I am ;-)
An Indian born, Kenyan raised and Canadian educated lone-wolf manager destroyed my life and 16 years impeccable career just like that , she was "master" of gaslighting and using her 'gender' as the firewall to her defense so perfectly that finally I had to succumb and for last one year not only that I am jobless but worst part is to become totally disillusioned about life and self doubt is haunting me. A narcissist is a worst criminal even to that of a cannibal.
It’s my daughter in law😔🙏🏻🕊
Such helpful and powerful words! Ty for sharing! 🙏
"""God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I can not Change . The Courage to Change the things I Can. And the Wisdom to Know the Difference.""" Is that the"""Serenity Prayer """
Everything is in your control, even though it may not seem that way.
The"""Control"""is always in your hands.
" What can I control". 👍👍
Action plan. Oh yea!!
Helps beautifully. THANKS KENNY.. ♡♡♡
I’m putting notes all over my house. This is gold to me. ❤❤❤
I am managing my situation but it's still hell.
Your content resonates so much with me Kenny.
When I was a child I would watch my mother abuse my father physically, emotionally and verbally.
As an adult man for the longest time I could not understand why I was attached and attracting emotionally dysregulated toxic types that would cause lots of damage in my life. The big question that kept popping in my head was why did I continue to stay? After all the red flags and bad behaviour and disrespect I stayed to the bitter end.
I realized that I was subconsciously recreating my childhood dynamic, the difference I was not aware of was that at that time I was just a child and I couldn’t remove myself from the situation, witnessing all of that, I couldn’t leave, I needed shelter, safety, protection etc. But as an adult I can leave, I can walk away and I’ll be fine. It sounds so simple but goes to show just how rooted the trauma goes and how it affects us.
I can’t picture myself being in a situation like I have been in the past ever again, my eyes are too open now.
Thank you for your work and your book is great!
1. I'll think abouit it. 2. I thought about it, No!
Thank you so much - you gave me answers to the questions I was just looking for this morning. Thank you again
You are so welcome!
Thanks for the tough love, sir! It IS tough to shift things, but with challenge comes change. I wrote the questions down and will make use of them. Thanks again! 🙌
Great job!
I wouldn’t say it is tough love really. It is just very useful insight and common sense that this chap is sharing. We were likely codependent to a degree and never had a solid upbringing. Very likely most of us are true empaths which also attracts those kinds of people. All the best.
I have a narcissist for a sister. She is 4.5 years older than me. She has never forgiven me for being born. She is jealous-hearted, insecure, lies, plays games, steals, and I could go on. I just had to break all ties with her. No one can live with her. She has her slave now to take care of her.
Had a growth and learning experience today I want to share. I woke up...decided to run to town and do some shopping. Everything was going great....until I got into town. Some kind of road blockage up ahead of me about 1/2 mile before getting to Safeway. Oh great...the entire road is at a stand still. Everyone changing lanes to try to get around whatever it was. With the traffic it took about 20 minutes to get by whatever was going on. I could feel myself tense up. I quickly changed lanes...got around a few cars then had to get back over again. I attempted to supress these feelings that always come up in these situations. Seems like these things follow me. Any way....I get to the grocery store. Filled my cart and headed to checkout. There was one checkout with the light on and no one in line. Great....I thought! I go to that one. The manager is standing there and I expected her to check me out...right? She starts calling someone on her radio....and states she has no idea where the cashier went. Oh great...I look at the next register...5 people in line and the other lines don't look any better! This put me in a very negative mood. No matter how I tried to fight it....I was now in my normal negativity. I got into line for checkout and started a conversation with a woman in front of me. I told her well...gotta stay positive right? She said I didn't appear very positive. She was right. I owned it. At first I wanted to lash out at her...but realized afterwards that she did a very kind thing for me. She helped me see my inner pain and showed me I was struggling. My normal response would have been to have gotten into a political conversation with her. I sensed she was very left leaning and I enjoy just destroying these people with logic. I restrained myself but couldn't help as we parted to tell her I hoped she wouldn't catch covid....lol...parting jab. I thought about this all the way home. I know I must make changes in my feeling process. Funny how just when you think you're a bad ass and can stand at the coffee table...you turn around and fall and make a fool of yourself. Thanks to working with Kenny...I forgave myself and will do better next time!
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability and sharing your perfect imperfections and how you set up your own pain. Living in truth is the most important step. Well done!
I love your honesty, were all capable of being rude, even us empaths.
Only hateful people like to destroy people.
Thank you! In theory it's great advice, but in practice it's difficult because it would mean parting from people who are close to us - and who do we replace them with once they are gone - I had 3 narcissists in my life - my brother, my ex-husband and my son - they are all out of my life now but I am very lonely as a result and I miss the three rats....
What if you become homeless if you choose to leave?
If it were you, would you decide to become homeless
rather than having to put up with a narcissist?
What I want: a pain-free face
What I won’t tolerate: a sunburn
What I’m able to control: sunscreen application
Love the points you make and the explanations. Very well put together.
I want to be with my husband. I also want to be treated with love and treated with kindness and respect. If they aren’t both possible apparently I want to be with my husband more than I want to be loved and treated right 😢
Yep been working on it and its helped me after 48 yrs of playing victim. Psychological growth is within reach
it is Intense Endurance Training -
that leads to Inner Strength -
to better know our resources
and HOW to deal with them properly.
STRESS arises instantly when we sense we are overwhelmed -
to even Freeze in the moment -
to be unable to do anything.
This requires Physical Training -
I did Marathon Running and Swimming...
the worst is the conditioning
to believe in good Nature and friendly Persons.
Then we are cheap easy Prey for ruthless Predators.
With training Inner strength we become more relaxed -
and more aware -
WHO is in front of us...
then we meet real friends and the most wonderful great persons...
Exactly, Kenny. I completely agree with you. Thank you for your advice.❤❤❤
Thank you so much ! This is the first video I've seen that is concise, short and immediately gets to the point. I wrote down the 3 questions and I'm ready to go and confront these bloody narcissists 🎉
This was a really practical video, I appreciate concrete structures and frameworks to analyze a situation and then take actions. I love tools like this. And obviously I’m a ‘process’ guy…
I like how you got right to the point and said what all three were right up front... most YTs wont say what they were until the end of the video and force you to scroll though... but by you posting these right up front it causes me to then want to watch the entire video out of respect and to hear what you have to say... a true thumbs up
Watching this even though I have already cut them out and blocked them.I never want to be caught unprepared again...🤨
Same here! Every narcissist I've ever met is totally selfish with their money. I get away from them as soon as I see the snake coming to the surface
A neighbour narcissist from hell ?
Brilliantly said. Thank you. The greatest narccissist is satan, wanting you to feel hopeless, useless,, weak, stealing your joy, energy, strength and wanting you to be the victim all the time, but Jesus came to give you life and life in abundance.. We are more than conquerers (victors) through Him that loved us. Romans8:37. Please read John 10:10 for yourself, make it your own and memorise it like you would these 3 questions. It will help you through this struggle.
Thank you for the reminder, it really helped. God bless you Teresa.
I had never thought of Satan as a narcissist before. What you said really expanded my understanding and makes total sense. I very much feel that my struggle with the narcissist in my life is spiritual as well as emotional/mental. Thank you!
Dribble!!!
I’m reposting this comment because it’s simple and hugely important to remember:
Stages with narcissist. 1. Idolization 2. Devaluation 3. Discard.
This is something that we well know. Now imagine this happening minute by minute. It gives you a whole new perspective.
It also can explain why they seem to, out-of-the-blue, pick a fight with you.
When you look at it like this, things become extremely clear of why they can even be erratic. Because inside of THEM some weird flipping battle is going on!
Ty wish I had seen this sooner. He was shocked that I put this in action and cut off communication and I am ok with it. I’m no longer feeling desperate instead I am feeling empowered
I wish I had this guidance decades ago when the national company I was working for walked all over me.
Good point, Barbara! Not only people can be narcissists, company's also. And if a company makes a habit of abusing their employees (I pay you, right, and therefore I can make you do everything I want), this is exactly the same thing as abuse in a relation. Get out of there! Wish you lots of good luck and wisdom!
How DARE you trick me into working. I'll get you for this.
Great advice. I really like how you understand how it is. These patterns can last a lifetime and when I really think about it, my mother played the victim role her whole life with her son. She complained and “woe is me” to her friends and family and all she really had to do is say, “I made a mistake and everybody does”. That would have been more respected than being proud and stubborn and tolerated a lifetime of psychological abuse from a mentally challenged child who just couldn’t help it. Life isn’t fair to everyone and there’s no shame in admitting that sometimes we just can’t hack it. To me, it’s like a tumor you know about, ignore it, and hope it heals. And as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I suffered a lifetime of judgement from people because of my association to her son. I’m just not built that way to see how cruel the world can be. I at least needed honesty to protect myself from the stigma. But that would mean she’d have to admit that sometimes she was just wrong. No way.
Wow, great video, natural looks amazing on you, and thank you, I really needed a road map today
running to my tattoo artist
wiiiii
thanks !
Have fun!
@@kennyweiss 🥰
Don’t try to get them back by doing them how they do you! You can’t control circumstances. They might be able to steal something of yours but you can’t control if you’ll ever be able to get them back the same way! You can recognize who this person is and control how you feel about what they’re doing. I choose not to let this guy affect me after he comes off looking like an Angel of light to everybody else and I look like the wicked witch
You cannot teach anyone about their bad behavior by doing the same to them. Nobody learns that way. Ask yourself, have you ever learned that way?
You help so many people in the world thank you 🙏
Excellent advice for those of us that finally get it!
Very helpful advice. It's so true in life in general that the key to everything is learning how to ask the right questions!
Awesome way to put it. I would also suggest reading the book.” Disarming the narcissist.” By Wendy Behary
I attend a church with narcissist pastor , my God I tell you , it's a mess, he will preach about the church gossips gloating to those he dies not favor 🙆♂️🙆♂️🤮🙆♂️udoti weStaff
What I need is somebody to tell me how to stop being a narcissist.
1. "What do you want?" Chocolate.
2. "What will you not tolerate?" Chocolate with nuts.
3. "Take action." Buy chocolate without nuts.
IT WORKS!
Very good. I know/ we know how crazy it is to begin. The gaslighting, blame shifting, trauma bond. Has been keeping me stuck. Trying to break free