How To Reclaim Your Power From A Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 11 чер 2024
- Learn how to outsmart and reclaim your power from a narcissist with two magic phrases.
If you're looking to take control and power back from a narcissistic individual, this video is for you.
Discover empowering techniques to protect yourself, set boundaries, and regain confidence.
Don't let a narcissist manipulate you any longer - watch now and learn how to stand strong in your own power.
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Hi, I'm Kenny Weiss 👋
I teach the four pillars of the Authentic Self Cycle: Truth, Responsibility, Healing, and Forgiveness.
I will do my best to provide you with the knowledge, skills, and tools to heal childhood trauma, childhood emotional neglect, codependency, narcissistic abuse, stress, shame, fear, anger, sadness, self-deception, self-sabotage, depression, divorce, relationship problems, parenting, parental alienation, estrangement, addiction, mental health, mindset, self-love, and the worst day cycle so you can reclaim your authentic self.
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Never complain, never explain.
It's never apologise, never explain
@@petejandrell4512 That only works when you're a Royal. In real life for the rest of us, it's important to apologize when you owe someone an apology if you want to have good relationships with others.
God clearly explains how to talk through problems in a loving and righteous way seek and you shall find the answer.
@@filly3594 What is a Royal if not a corrupt? They are no different from any government. Also sick of this latest government fad...the narcissist!! People need to grow a backbone, use logic for a change and fight back against corruption rather than be indoctrinated by criminals!! Think for yourself. You don't need to be told how and when to handle yourself. You know right from wrong don't you?
No contact is the first step
Only thing that worked in the end.
Avoidance is always a great option, but not always possible.
No contact is the only step ❤
Absolute truth. Words of wisdom.
ABSOLUTE PROPS!
I am tired of having those narcissists around. The more I know about narcissism, the more I am aware that I have friends who are among them.
It's on a spectrum, obviously, but same here. I also realized recently that self suppression is basically the same spectrum: The more self suppressed someone keeps their emotions, then the less empathy they have for anyone around them
I know now that many classmates were showing severe signs of future narcissists from a very young age (below 10) but I did not understand it back then
@@yumnom69420 Absolutely. I am a retired educator. I saw evidence of narcissistic traits in very young children. In districts where I worked, we use to offer the Roots of Empathy... programs.
@@othmane-mezian Yes. I observed narcissistic traits in very young children too. I am a retired educator. In the districts where I worked we use to offer two programs... Roots of Empathy Program as well as Anti-Bullying Programs...
@@gaetanemcgraw5567Not easy to deal with .. Great idea to have dedicated programs bullying can leave bad scars on the personality.. I am talking from Morocco
Don't react. Don't show emotion. Work within your time frame.
Live your life. Walk at ease show no fear
@@cherobinson6371 every second of every day.
@@cherobinson6371 Is this a quote?
Reactions and emotions are a God given gift for you to express how you feel so that you can work things out with your fellow man in a righteous way as God commands us to do so. Always work within the time frame of God it's the correct and only path and only God has the final say in all matters.
@@cherobinson6371 every second of every day.
My grandma used to say "this does not work for me" and my mother was always furious about it :). Thank you
I was in the car with a woman from church who was so flattering and sweet. Until I said I didn't want to do a particular thing for her. Lol, she really thought her popularity and charm could run the show. She was trying to get me to be her kids chauffeur, and I didn't bite. She snubbed me after that. But guess what... I'm not someone who has to be in her popularity circle for me to feel good. I already like myself. 🙂
Good for you.
Outstanding! I once had a coworker tell me he didn't like me. My reply was; " That's ok, I don't need you to like me for validation, God did that the day I was conceived."
@@bdickinson6751Excellent!
So much narcissism in the church too. They use the bible and its teachings to control you/things. What better place for a demon to act against God?
Said this to my covert malignant narc bro after 60 years of blind adoration. Stopped him in his tracks. Haven’t heard from him in 6 months! 😂
he's waiting for you to get back to him :)
A 6 month party and still counting. That's awesome!
Wow, that’s unbelievable..!
Congrats man.
Had that with a best buddy, and I saw that he wasn’t actually interested in working things out…I’m not going to chase him anymore, he bailed and I don’t need that BS anymore.
I particularly like the part toward the end where you say that you don’t have to explain anything because you’re an adult. That’s really what it boils down to.
I still tell my wife that when she tells me off like a little kid 😂
Me: "Let me think about it"
Narcissist: "That doesn't work for me"
Me: (too bad)
Once you engage, you are done!
Nonsense. Learn to look somebody in the eye and say "no".
@@glorgau rather arrogant, aren't you?
@@rileyhoffman6629 The universe revolves around me.
@@rileyhoffman6629arrogant for saying no? lol what
@@Wreoyu You broadcast your ignorance.
The golden rule - NEVER justify your no. Aggressive people simply cannot hear no so it has to be short, sweet, and believable. Less is more. Broken record just like this or "sorry I can't" over and over.
This happens in a lot of places. "Can you come to work this weekend?" "No." "What are you doing instead?" Well, if you answer that at all, you're implying that the boss gets to judge whether what you're doing is more important than working on the weekend.
"There are many experts who disagree with you. (Or, there's lots of evidence for X. Or many times Y has happened.)" "Oh? Name one!" The person asking doesn't want you to name one because they don't know. They want you to provide one example so they can claim victory by poorly explaining why that particular one is wrong. Just say "here's the google terms to get a whole bunch" and they can't argue that *you* are wrong.
I love this insight! Will learn to AUTOMATICALLY come out of my mouth. Damn, can’t wait to use it. Thank you!
Be your own person, mind your own business, work at your own pace, have your own gravity
When my children were young and kept pushing me for an answer, I would tell them if they had to have an answer “right now”, my answer would always be “No”. Narcissists are children!
my version at work: do you want a quick answer, or a correct answer? :D
Indeed thay are. My 84 yo husband, until nearly his end (at the end he was under a morphine cloud) was an emotional toddler at worst and an emotionally immature teeny most of the time. His amazing self control was only there when we first met and the early months...it was part of his mask.
I told my daughter and granddaughter the same thing. I hate whining, HATE IT. I told them if they whine, it is no, it will always be no, and I won't change my mind. They are not whiners, also, do not give them an ultimatum, they will walk away from you.
That they are, regardless of their chronological age.
I think it's more like children are narcissists. They're totally dependent on you, so of course they're going to survive more than their siblings who aren't demanding. Telling them "no" will get them to grow out of it, like everyone should.
My ex wife was a brutal narc. Her goal in life was to wipe the smile off my face if it ever should appear at anytime, any place. She would start dramatic arguments out of the blue in an effort to enrage me. After useless marriage counseling, the counselor told me the wife was narcissistic with borderline personality disorder…a no cure miserable marriage.
I no longer allowed her to tie me down while she berated me…when she started up, I simply said fuck you…and walked away. She absolutely lost her mind when I did this. Screaming at me. I thought she was going to gouge her own eyeballs out. Then, like the flick of a switch, she got nice…her sickness in full view. Divorcing her bought me back my soul.
Truly incredible…
My dad and my ex are versions of this.
I need to figure out how to never react to them.
I share a child with the ex, so I have to see her pretty often.
I’m just trying to make sure my daughter comes out of this as undamaged as possible.
@@TheWorld_2099 @TheWorld_2099 I wish you well. Be empathetic to your daughter, lord knows your ex will not. Narcs can be incredibly cruel and cold hearted.
People ask me why I married my ex-wife...I knew her for 4 years before I married her. 4 years she played the long game and made sure I was trapped before she tore off the mask.
This is no lie...On our honeymoon, we were getting relaxed having a couple drinks. Things were looking good. Then out of the wild blue yonder she says, "Oh, by the way, I had an abortion when I was 19." Something inside me knew at that moment I was screwed. WTF do you do with that?
Well done have a great life 😅
I wouldn't say 'let me' think about it. I'd prefer to say - I'll think about it.
Yes, if they cannot control you they will try to get rid of you.
Bingo
Wow, that's spot on! That was my mom in a nutshell!
Adios then😁
I grew up in a house full of narcissists, only I didn't realise it at the time. In fact it took me the best part of 50 years to realise it. Having a mental breakdown two years ago and realising who was there for me, definitely cleared the mist. I've now disassociated myself from them. It was difficult at first, as they were family, but two years on I'm in a much better place without them 👍
good for you, it is really tough. I stopped trying with my sister and still get made to look like the "guilty" party
@@juliamilford1979 funnily enough my older brother can do no wrong. I've definitely always been treated like the black sheep in the family, but nowadays I'm actually happy about it, I'm better off out of it 👍
@@barrystraw3332 Oh I hear you, my sister is like that too. I hope you have someone who sees the true situation that you can talk to. I endured many years of "all she ever wanted was to be your friend" and similar comments. So I went my own way and live very contentedly on my farm in the mountains.
@@juliamilford1979 A farm in the mountains sounds idyllic, I would imagine that secretly, your sister is probably envious. Good for you 👍
@@barrystraw3332 😁😁😁
PERFECT! Without realizing it, I have done that. He wanted me to let a friend of his to borrow my RV. I said, "I'l think about it and get back to you." I didn't get back to him, I made him get back to me. I told him, "I thought about it and the answer is NO." "No" with nothing else drives a narcissist crazy! It causes them to move on to somebody else for narcissistic supply.
yes no makes them upset as you are no longer being used or giving them narcissistic supply, i am an agreeable person i have had to train myself to say no and be more strong in setting boundaries . i am now enjoying saying no its liberating
Who is "he" and if it is a boyfriend or husband, it seems from the outside looking in that you stayed with them.
Help those in need for you never know when you will be in need.
@@lindseyg9666 This philosophy in this video is secular, God teaches us to love our neighbors help one another and pray for those that wish us harm.
@@TBD3.0On the other hand, we shouldn't enable evil people. Jesus said "Listen! I am sending you out just like sheep to a pack of wolves. You must be as cautious as snakes and as gentle as doves." (Matthew 10:16, Good News Translation)
I will be watching this video every morning as a reminder! It is pure GOLD. Thank you, Kenny!!! ❤
You are so welcome :)
I will be rewatching this one also ! It’s genius ! Thanks a bunch 🤍
@@kennyweissbrilliant thanks there are a lot of narcs around 😅
Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
These conversations between bots are getting out of hand.
If it isn't mutual , it's lost , I am sorry . A month isn't very long to give yourself to heal , of course you miss her . Stay focused on the activities that support your mental and physical health, the things you enjoy . Avoid the ice cream and sad movies nights, no assumptions , avoid settling into the grief as a way to remain connected ( looking at photos of the past as an example ) . Let the grief pass through your life , you will not move forward if grief is invited to stay . Best wishes.
@@mousetreat Ikr? At first I was like oh and then I was like hmmm and then I realized
Get a life. Maybe she left because you were too needy or clingy. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit.
Yes they are
I have to listen to this every single day to pound into my head! My 94 yr old narcissistic mother needs to hear these words from me until I die. Because God knows she will kill me like her other three children before me.
I totally relate to this, my mother is in her mid 90s and I'm 56, but it took me up until just two years ago to realise what a narcissist she and my older brother both are, they're like two peas in a pod and my father who died 15 years ago was no better. I'm the black sheep in the family, and bloody glad of it 👍
You can add “I don’t owe you any explanation, it just doesn’t work for me”.
Exactly. You've got it now.
UA-cam should allow users a certain amount of double-likes or super-likes or loves per year. Because this was definitely worth one. Thanks a million pal! ❤
My kind of man . . . straightforward . . . No B.S.
As I get older - almost 70, I appreciate more and more that many children raised in the last 40 years have never learn that they have strengths AND LIMITATIONS ... society has raised a generation of narcissists who think they have boundless capacity and worth. Many are hollow people who have no real understanding of themselves.
And no real understanding of everyone else. They just don’t care.
Yup!
That's a direct result of them being told how special they all are.
Straight to the point. Thank you. No boring parts. concise!
And no music. Double thank you from a new subscriber.
I’ve had to consider this with neighbors. One neighbor, who wants me to decide to either move into or sell the house I’ve inherited, sooner rather than later and wants the trash of my mother’s hoard out of the yard. The second part, I work on by removing trash daily and I can tell her, “Thank you for your suggestion,” in regards to paying whatever sums of money she doesn’t even care about, to hire a trash removal service. But the first part? I can tell her, “Thank you, I’ll get back to you.” She can just go inside and be angry as, she has no legal standing as to how long the house remains empty.
Neighbors can be a real problem though. In the apartment complex I still live in, there are the neighbors, who “decide” you’re going to be their free caregiver or babysitter, without considering whether you want to or even can. They do not like boundaries and will smear and otherwise sabotage you, if you don’t comply. I remain centered and indifferent.
OMG. This is the most concise and doable advice to handle a narcissist that I have *ever* heard. Love it! ❤
2 years after getting pushed out by the narcissist. I've just begun to see how much better life is. 9 years together. 2 kids 2 and 6. Now 4 and 8. It was rough at first. It's better this way.
Good for you!
Story of my life! Divorced narcissist and unfortunately my son is very much like him! 😢
My 10-year-old grandson, when asked a question often responds with, "I'm good". I've started saying that simple 2-word phrase to requests made by the narc in my life and that shuts down the conversation. Although after reading his journal I find he ruminates with intensity and anger for EVER! I have found my safe space in my bedroom where I spend most of my day, he wants me back out in the living room with him, at his requests or demands, I've learned to say, "I'm good" and walk away.
I saw a movie where a narcissist was yelling and threatening someone sitting in a car then the bloke in the car calmly, with a knowing look, responds with "That was a very manly thing to say" and casually drove off. Loved it. Im going to use that one day.
The boundary has been established, and they struggle to cope with it. This approach is incredibly effective. You'll witness a mental breakdown, revealing their narcissistic tendencies without a doubt. Great example Sir!
The only example you should take is Gods example and that is to love your neighbor help your neighbor pray for those that wish you harm do on to others as you would have done on to you. Work out your issues in a righteous way as God commands you too, if you do these things you will never go wrong by following Gods example and only Gods example.
@@TBD3.0 Yeah you need to read more. Psalm 1:1 “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.” Also, 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” And let's not forget 2 Corinthians 6:14-10 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” While yes you need to have companions and love for others you are advised to distance yourself from evil work and stepping away/ defending yourself from a narcissist is in that category.
This seems to leave a door open for them to come back after trying to think of a new way to manipulate you. I’ve learned that the best response is simply no. If they press for a reason. I say, I don’t want to. The look on their face, you can just see their brain shut down. It’s priceless. Then watch how fast they disappear. Learning how to do this brought peace to my life.
ABSOLUTE PROPS!
Close the door for good and take your life back. Dealing with them takes too much out of me. I have too many friends where the energy flow is kind and very mutual.
You never owe a reason, they just want to be like a salesperson and remove your objections or see if your reason suits THEM.
Exactly! I am not remembering a phrase because you have issues. No, if you ask me why, it is because I said no. What don't you understand about no, is something wrong with you? That is my response to people making foolish requests.
Wow wow wow!!!! Wish I’d known these words/thoughts during my 33 years of abuse. Never too late. ❤
Very well said. You don't owe the narc any explanation. Being honest and open will always backfire, gets you nowhere! Vicious cycle.
A short no works too. No,then walk away. I’m going to listen four or five times so it becomes second nature because my inclination is to say yes without thinking. Thank you for the coaching.
Think first, act second.
A no works if you never want them in your life and can care less what they do to your reputation. If you do care what they can do to your reputation or you have to have them in your life, even a little bit, never tell a narcissist no. They will go to the ends of the earth to destroy you if you do. Been there, done that and it was such a small and insignificant thing I said no to too. Us what the video suggests, which is, let me think about it and it doesn't work for me. To normal people, no and it doesn't work for me are the same thing. To a narcissist, they are different. a no is a personal attack against them, but it doesn't work for me, isn't a personal attack against them.
My brother has a great phrase I've used plenty : "Thanks, I think I'll pass."
Love the broken record technique!! It is so empowering, especially those 2 mantras! Thank you so, so much.
These two answers run parallel with "Check" and "Check Mate".
"I don't think so but if that changes I'll let you know" is also another good one (heard that on a Jim Rohn audiobook).
Amen! We do not have to prove anything to them!
Omg I have dealt with so many narcissists in my life !!!! I had a co worker that was like “prove to me you’re not an idiot” and then
I said “ I don’t have to prove anything to you!!!”
And then he was like “ well, then I’m going to keep thinking that you are an idiot”
And I was like “ you go ahead and do that”
If you try to prove yourself to them, it’s going to be a never ending battle … it will keep going on and on and on. All they will do is make fun of you and tell you that you are pathetic for trying to prove yourself to them.. they love this power.
Can we take all of the narcissists and ship them to a different planet ????
I've said that before and they come back with the same response, "Wutta you mean, You'll think about it"? I come back with, "it means what it means".
Basically, dont be too nice to someone whos quite nasty....but also dont be too nasty either ..it doesnt help you nor the situation...brilliant!
And then leave. Get out. Stay away.
Smile and, “I’ll give it some thought” works for me. I like to say it with a bit of a nod…makes them think I’ll acquiesce …
let me think about it
that doesn't work for me
got it!
I started doing that a while ago. And if all else fails and they somehow push my weak self into making arrangements, I'll just cancel...
I was born in 1979 and was one of the last generation born into nature and realism and appreciating small things. Social media needs shutting down.
👍🏾👍🏾👌🏾👌🏾👏🏾👏🏾👎🏾👎🏾
My husband always asks me to EXPLAIN myself like a child. I'll definitely use the mantras
Same here, yet mine is infantile
Thanks to UA-cam for eye opening. I used to think I am the problem, who is overthinking and overreacting but now I realise that I was simply irritated at their provocation, I lost it, then I had a reputation of being crazy and rude to my colleagues. No one understood what I was going through, even myself who didn’t understand why I behaved like that.
How refreshing to hear it immediately!
This is helpful in all situations, narcissists or non-narcissists. Can take different forms, "Let me check my schedule," etc. The key is to buy yourself time to process things before committing to anything. The person coming to you with a request is prepared in that moment, but you're not. You deserve time to consider things. Nobody is owed an instant answer. The person who acts like they deserve an instant answer reveals themselves, as does the person angry if you say "No."
I will try that. The disrespect I, as mother, am getting from the adult children/ narcissists in my family is appalling. I feel lost and trapped, but I hear what you are saying and am willing to try.
I'm sick of these Evil Entities!
Deemons
They are not evil, they are in fact victims of themselves and are trying to cope with their inner disempowerment by exerting power over others as a coping mechanism. They are acting from trauma, which doesn't excuse it of course and in no way should you try to "fix" them. Narcissists are unfixable since they will never admit, even to themselves, that they are/create the problem.
@ramsesds7325 narcissist have EVIL SPIRIT 😈
@@juanitagonzalez8333 they certainly can have negative entities in their energy field influencing them yes
Bible calls them Demons. Warns us a lot that we are surrounded by Demons.
Simple genius once we know ! Not rude or aggressive. Plain speak that is both gentle and powerful. Thank you 🙏🏻
Right. No need to elaborate, defend, convince or explain. 'No' is a complete sentence.
Indifference is another tool. Display indifference, and there is nothing anybody can do about you. It’s neither negative nor or positive, so there is nothing for them to work with.
Not a parent yet, nor did I use this when babysitting my nephews, but...
Parents do this: "We'll see". = 99% "no", lol.
Another version: A really passive-agressive "eff off" when asked to do X...
"Yeah, I'll get right on that".
Children are evolved to be narcissists. They're totally dependent on their parents, and if they weren't, their narcissistic siblings would be the ones that survive. So it's totally understandable they behave that way until they grow out of it.
That's incredibly helpful. When they ask " what is there to think about", then you can go back to the first question. Brilliant!
I use this with someone who constantly tries to push my boundaries but my use of it hasn't been 100% consistent and I don't always phrase it in the same way. Thank you for the script, I can use this like a broken record, rather than feeling forced to explain.
Such great advice and answers. I SO wish I had known about them years ago...it is a 'softer' and non-combatent way to draw boundaries. Eventually when I learned about narcissism (mine was a negligent covert narc) I 'got it' that explaining just made things worse, so I had to hard core with 'no'...frequently. Setting boundaries daily was so exhausting. I thank God that he passed away last March. Life is grand again and I have peace.
I just typed this into my Notes on my phone. Thank you!
You are a Genius!!! Thank you!!! I've studied narcissist behavior for over a decade and you just taught me something that's pure GOLD! 🙌☺️
This is GOLD.
Explaining is the death of me. Power in the pause! I’m so dysregulated I get caught up in it every time
Power in the pause. Love that.
Great, great lines. 'Let me think about it and I'll get back to you' and 'You know, it just doesn't work for me'. Superb deep and inner psychology; thank you sir, thank you.
That is an exercise in how to piss people off, but I take it in the context that you would behave that way towards someone who really deserves it
Saying anything to a narcissist only gives them fuel that they can twist around to fire back with, or tell other people that you did. Because at that point they "know' that YOU are the cause of any problem they may have... because they are a perfect being, can do no wrong, and so it is your fault.
Don't engage. Don't contact. Don't respond. Distance yourself completely from such people.
Wow, such wisdom, thank you! Fear and intimidation blanked out my thinking power. Will keep your phrases on speed dial! ❤
Love it 🎉 I've got a person I could practice this on too, cause they always pushing me lol
There are plenty believe me.. just most are indirect and covert
@@othmane-mezian yeah.. covert are pretty much all i deal with, and they're the worst lol lol
@@yumnom69420 Yes they are the worst kind
👌👏🪷👋🏻 gratefull for this simple hack ,😁. & myself - did it again ,meeting with a covert narc or dark empath? ,giving all,& reciving nothing, but manipulation ,wow ,I imagined this was my twin flame…but have awakened,once again to the bitter truth, of abuse- energetically
@@yumnom69420how do you tell if they’re narcissistic? Please share. Thank you
I'm too busy, I don't have the time. : )
Thank you so, so much for these things to say. I will be putting them into practice from today. You also made me realize how I go like a Child in response to this type of person. The penny dropped for the first time. I could suddenly see myself doing it. I realized, yes, that's how they manipulate me by triggering a Child-like response, so I feel obliged to do what they want. I learned something very useful from another Narcissist Specialist, and it's perfect for when they launch into their tirade of unfair and unwarranted criticism. I now stop them right away, and say; "I'm happy with the way I do me" . John who always used do that to me, now has no comebacks, he just shuts up. You see the easy answer was always, go no contact. But here's the wake up call, some people can't just do that, for all manner of reasons. Or they need to educate themselves in order to gain some balance, strength and true perspective, after years and years of abuse.
The best advice I've ever heard!!! So micro and simple but so powerful, no rise, no argument, no topping up of their supply, Simply brilliant, can't wait to use it, big tons of thanks for this advice, so easy to remember, simples 💪👍
“No” is a really good phrase to use also. After that there are a couple of Anglo-Saxon phrases that usually end in “off” that are also worth considering as a follow up.
I had to go no contact when the Narcissist started calling my wife when I wouldn’t go along with what he wanted.
I have a narcissistic sister and I say something similar to her but the phrasing is a little different. I say, "I'll think about it and get back to you." The phrasing "let me think about it." implies I need her permission to think about her request. I refuse to give her any sense of control or power over me anymore. Maybe that seems stubborn or petty but I've endured so much abuse from her, I'm done.
"Let me" is not as good as " I'm going to". *in my experience. Posing it as a possible question still leaves some power with them. (To ask more questions, demand a decision now, belittle you for not answering, etc.) State it as a fact, not an open ended query.
“Let me think about, and I’ll get back to you”
Consider:
Will I keep score?
Will I bring it up?
Will I have resentment?
If you don’t want to do it:
“You know, it doesn’t work for me”
Seems more and more the Narcissistic Sociopaths are sucking all the air out of the room. Dominating the discourse. As a provider of low income housing I have been the recipient of abuse from high conflict personalities who benefited from our work for decades. This is a great tool that I wish I had sooner. I will be sharing this with my staff. Thank you.
I hit the like button BUT, in my experience with my covert narcissist partner of 7 years, it was HER the narcissist using these phrases to avoid any responsibility and by herself time to fabricate reasons why she couldn't do something herself. She would say "I'm not sure, I'll let you know" but she never did, even when it was me trying to help her with her own problems!! So in your video I can say from experience this tactic can be used by the narcissist also. I eventually learned to not give a shit and simply stepped back and left her to her choices, and when she complained, I let her, but she could never own her bad choices.
You are right , no contact is the only solution
Make sure your not the narc 😢. Those phrases sure worked on you.
I actually figured this out not very long ago while high.It’s good to hear that not all my ideas are dumb!
“Think about it.”. This is very true. They will pester you and Will do their worst if you persist. Then tell them “I don’t trust you.”. That is the nuclear bomb for a toxic narcissist.i don’t trust you will result in them destroying themselves.
it actually works, I did that once couple weeks ago because I felt so pressured and I wanted time to think about it. that narcissist really got mad oh my. didnt even want me to hang up without giving a answer right away.
later I said that it doesnt work for me in my current situation. which lead to some arguments. doing it like you represented is better, because every micro information is being used against you. so by saying "it just doesnt work for me" must be enough.
let me think about it and then after a while it doesnt work for me is the best way to handle it. if there is no way of avoiding the narcissist.
That first one is genius. By the second one I see my brother set off in a narcissistic rage. I'm not quite sure that would give the desired rest. Perhaps I'd add "I see how it might work for you, but I just don't see how it might work for me." and "Thank you for asking though (with a nice smile 'in your voice')". Like he didn't just waste his 'valuable' time. Or mine.
Great advice. And I'd add that if you're dating someone who uses the first phrase a lot, it might be worth digging deeper. There's a very good chance they're still recovering from being abused by a narcissist. If you're otherwise good together, that might be something you help them through. (Or you move on and find someone without unpacked baggage.)
Thank you for this amazing advice! I wish I would have known this years ago - my go to phrase was " I understand that you feel that way". That works but probably not anything what these phrases will do
Yes! I think, believe, those phrases will really give me protection! Thanks so much!
I gave the response "I'll think about it." and he got very upset, way out of proportion to the lack of urgency of his request. He was totally outraged that I would want to think instead of immediately agreeing to his demand. Another funny thing I've noticed is when he asks me whether I would like to do something, and when I say no thanks he won't take that as an answer. I mean, who is he kidding?
Great advice. I used that method a few decades ago against 2 individuals that were users/usurpers and control freaks. I came up with those phrases out of desperation and frustration after all else failed.
The other thing I, finally, learned to say was NO .
It was very empowering.
Thank you so much for this. I wished I’d heard this when I was 20 years old.😊
I say, I will think about it, not "let me" which implies asking permission. Depending how annoying the person has been I also say, "I am not interested/don't want to".
"That just doesn't work for me." .... "Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you, later." Instead of thinking about it or getting back to them...; "Oh, I forgot about it, what was the question again?" Then return to the beginning.
You got me laughing out loud! Yeah, I see how that might work. Self-inflated self meets casual put-you-in-your-rightful-place. They'll stop asking You soon enough :)
OMG it's so simple but WHY is it so damned difficult to remember this?! UGH Thank you for this!!
My sister said this to me all the time about anything I invited her to, or asked of her ( she was very comfortable with asking for herself) That strategy ended our relationship forever. I see her as a narcissist or at best a dedicated self centred individual. Be careful when you use that strategy unless you want to totally end a relationship.
You are such a welfare of info on dealing with narcs. Love it!!
i think you mean 'wealth', not welfare
@@jamesdean3838Said the Narcissist 😎
…said the narcissist
@@clairesweeney4334 said the insecure dummy who doesn't know english....
In my case my abusers , have kept me isolated and been lying to everyone behind my back . 31 years now .
I’ll leave another argument-ender, compliments of Bill Burr: “Fair enough.” 😆
Thanks! I'm learning to not be a doormat. This is helpful.
My HIGHLY narcissistic older brother (oh, and by older I mean he's 68!) called me the day after his birthday this past March (I hadn't called him, had been down with a migraine on his birthday). He had that sniper tone from the beginning; he said "You know, I called you and sang Happy Birthday to you on YOUR birthday, and I didn't even get a phone call from you on mine...but that's ok...I know you're MUCH closer to Anne now than you are to ME" Anne being my older sister. He's been triangulating me for 61 years. I refused to explain myself to him. I didn't say, "Sorry, I was unwell yesterday" I simply paused, and asked, "What are we? 6 or 7 seconds into a conversation and you're bringing Anne into it?" LOL He very quickly gave me his signature "Disclaimer" : "I was only teasing!" So understanding that HE is his favorite topic, I asked him if he had a nice birthday LOL IYKYK!!!!!!!
Great, I exited a 14 year working relationship with a nasty narcissist a few months ago and went no contact immediately, and as obvious as this sounds now, it would have come in very handy many times.
I just took myself out of the equation. I havent seen my grandchildren in over 5 years now and it was painful in the beginning but now I live in peace ❤ one day they will see the truth and once you realize that your side of the story doesn't matter anymore life gets better period. His father wanted me to get an abortion years ago and I wouldn't. All these years later he is the "chosen one" and I'm a horrible mother go figure lol whatever I'm so much happier now.
The gold nugget in your post is: “once you realize that your side of the story doesn’t matter anymore, life gets better”. The narcissist/sociopath feeds on the pain his/her prey experiences as they struggle to get others to see their side of the story. No contact is the only way with these entities.
Ouch, that must have hurt real much, to get to that point. Yes, you have more peace now. Just keep on praying for your (grand)children. No contact might be necessary for our sanity, but God has ways to intervene, that we don't know about. I once heard a story about a child from a really harsh background, that got out relatively unbroken by it. There was a praying grandmother, that blessed that child from afar and kept asking for protection! Even though the grown-ups had chosen their sins, the innocent children were somehow protected, even in the midst of it.