"He always made it seem like you were asking for too much" yep thats them, in a nutshell. Your spoiled, your needy, your clingy....nothing could be further from the truth!
With my overt narc ex, I was not love bombed until I tried to leave. I got pregnant and we go married. He never had to put any effort into the relationship. He used to tell me that I had unreasonable expectations. He made me look demanding and selfish. He used to say I got everything I wanted and he didn't get his needs met. I was falling all over myself to make him happy and nothing I did counted.
Every video I watch of you, I see myself. My husband said he would never go to see a councelor because there is nothing wrong with him. I'm glad you were able to get out of it. My husband would request to work on Christmas Day just to upset me and the kids. He would never take a vacation day. When they force him to take a vacation, he never does anything with us. When I clean the house he gets angry with me because he thinks I'm hiding things when I put them away in the cabinets. He tells the kids that I have gone cleaning crazy. So I quit cleaning up after him and left all his crap where he put it all over the house. Then he tells the kids that I'm lazy. It doesn't matter what I do, he has a problem with it.
Story of my life! I did the lawn too! Everything! Now my body is broken down so bad! Also, no response if I cried etc nothing! Now I just keep away from him as much as possible but I'm still with him. I feel like I will never be loved until I die and go to be with Jesus. I've been in counseling for being codependent for two years now. I'm an emotional wreck.
You are so awesome . Your ex is a replica of my husband that i just put out last week. Can not thank you enough how your videos have helped me. If you cry i cry , i litterly cried when you cried . I mean everything you said , How he would say were not a team and always putting me down , to coming home and not seeing all the hard work i have done to keep a clean house , raise his daughter and same with me . My husband comes home and does nothing . Everything was a argument . I love you
OMG! Once again - so many familiar stories and incidents. I was ignored, overlooked, never complimented or barely even acknowledged, told my friends all thought I was a ‘loony’, told I came from a family that was ‘mental’ - all while doing his best to separate me from them - and he would come home from work and park himself in front of the tv (early days), then the computer later on as if there wasn’t a thing to be done. My ex was a covert narcissist though, and in front of other people he acted like a completely different person. He acted normal. That was what was so sinister. There was a cycle of abuse going on, where I lived for the very rare times he was nice to me, and for a day or a night I just thought these were the highs and lows that everyone must go through in a marriage! Just when I was ready to give up, he gave me hope again. To this day, I don’t think many of my friends believe that he was so different behind closed doors from the social, successful business owner he showed himself to be to them.
They feed us crumbs and call it a meal. We savor those crumbs because we are literally starving! Forgive yourself for settling for the crumbs, we didn't know life had a five course meal waiting for us outside of these abusive relationships.
I asked my ex narc to hang a picture for me and it sat against the wall for 18 months. I asked him 3 times in that time and each time I got accused of 'Nagging'. He wouldn't let me hang the picture because he said I was going to make a mess of it.
I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue in 2001. He was really mad that I had to quit my fabulous pharma sales rep job, and I know he complained about me being lazy. WTF? I kept the house clean and took care of the dogs and kids and had dinner on the table most nights and he was still pissed. With my illness, all of that was so difficult, but he didn't care.
What I have learned is that if you ever say no to them or disagree with them, you become their enemy. They feel they need to have control about you, the kids, etc. Looks like he was already wanting you to leave but couldn't find a way to do it. I am surprised he didn't have someone on the side to feed his ego.
Over the years, I believe he did have many “on the side” feeding his ego when my resistance would starve it! You are spot on! Disagree, and you’re the enemy!
I’m new on your channel but I’m so impressed bc your story looks like my story except for the fact that I’ve been married just for 14 months and have no children . When I listen to you it’s like hearing all that happened to me... same narcissistic husband, same narcissistic mom ,same toxic environment and I’m feeling less lonely in trying to overcome it. Thank you for sharing😊🤗 I understand you completely dear and agree that everyone should know about this reality.
Everything you said resonates with me. The covert narc husband is a former marriage & family therapist. He had me convinced I was crazy. He refused to go to marriage counseling because he saw nothing wrong with his behavior. I emotionally detached a long time ago. We have been in separate bedrooms for a year now. I need out asap but I need a solid plan first.
I find it almost baffling when people speak of Narcs being all about themselves. I say that bc we all know that they are empty inside, constantly low on self-esteem, extremely insecure. And the tactics they use, especially seeming like they come first is bc they feel they have to keep Up that persona in order to fit the role they want to believe is their truth. They do have a hard time caring deeply for other because they are so consumed with their own low value of themselves they are like horses with blinders.
Well, we know it once we are outside of the abuse. When you are with a narcissist on the receiving end, you are blind to it all. Making excuses and part of the drama. It's an awful, vicious cycle.
In was never love-bombed. We were never compatible, nothing alike. I just thought it was time for me to get married. He had a good job, professional, so I married him. Wrong decisions on my part.
Oh my this is my story. I've been binge watching your videos. I was 19 when we got together. Never was love bombed. Marriage was my idea (stupid young me). No proposal.
I'm new to your channel but between your video and the comments of other survivors it's remarkable that it's exactly 💯the same! How is it that our DNA is specifically designed for each person to have uniqueness... BUT there's nothing special about them!
Would really like to know if its normal for them to make the woman pay all the bills and they are horrendous with their paychecks nearly spending the entire thing on themselves but promising it will be different?
I totally agree, I did everything and never asked him to do anything but I had been trained to be fine with all that. I started to emotionally back away when he threw an iron at me for not ironing his shirts properly.
Mine also had OCD. So . I could do nothing right. So HE did it ALL. Took every role away from me. And then called my lazy. Clipped my wings and told me to fly.
In my case, I switched off dealing with him after the diagnosis of my 13-month-old son back in 2003, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I couldn't handle both his cheating and lying and my son's illness. And I solely took care of him. He was my first priority and my other older son, the second priority, and my husband was last. He didn't like it, but that's the only way I could survive. So I lived in a numb bubble for around 15 or so years. My younger son is 18 now. So I wasn't that aware of what he was doing. It would bounce off my bubble, but occasionally, he'd puncture the bubble, and we'd argue/communicate more deeply, but not until early this August did I wake from that bubble due to his escalating behavior of berating and speaking horribly of me and my sons. So, I believe God woke me out of that then. It was the last straw. My husband has some mental illness. My therapist gave her opinion (only) that he probably has a personality disorder. So, that is a permanent pattern. That gives me the answer of where I need to go from here. (We've been living separately for need of health and space since August and will until mid-Feb to March as per guidelines suggested by my therapist that gives me time for strength and clarity to find myself). So, I lived like a zombie with periodic guilty and fear (not wanting to be vulnerable to his desire for intimacy, which at least 85% of the time I didn't want due to mistrust/his betrayals). You haven't said anything about your husband was unfaithful. I guess that's one plus for you, but I know that the other behaviors of his made up for that. Thanks again for the videos.
I'm so annoyed! I haven't been getting your videos on my notification feed because of some weird new algorithm that UA-cam is using. So it's kind of like out of sight out of mind went to channel today and there's like 7 videos I missed grrrr!!! Oh well guess I'll be listening to only you for the next few days instead of some of the other videos I watch:) yeah I was love bombed & I also relate to being a domestic overachiever but nothing was ever good enough if the entire house was perfect he noticed that TP had been placed in the wrong way he likes it to come from the top
I was searching on youtube for a video why my narcissist never love bombed me cuz i was suspecting him being one because of no love bombing part he was always treating me like shit for years yet now with new supply he made best proposal best birthday parties always getting her flowers presents, while with me he even asked me for a change for going home, I used to share everything with never asked for a thing rarely bring me anything at all😊
Hi , Similar thing is happening with me… Can u please explain why were we never love bombed and the new supply was… it would be much help for me to understand…
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The more they abuse you the more they show you how absolutely much they despise themselves. They have so much self hatred to get rid of.
joseph raccuia Agreed!
"He always made it seem like you were asking for too much" yep thats them, in a nutshell. Your spoiled, your needy, your clingy....nothing could be further from the truth!
Battle Hymn of the Empath You're right. If anything we give far too much. That's what they prey on :(
With my overt narc ex, I was not love bombed until I tried to leave. I got pregnant and we go married. He never had to put any effort into the relationship.
He used to tell me that I had unreasonable expectations. He made me look demanding and selfish. He used to say I got everything I wanted and he didn't get his needs met. I was falling all over myself to make him happy and nothing I did counted.
Every video I watch of you, I see myself. My husband said he would never go to see a councelor because there is nothing wrong with him. I'm glad you were able to get out of it. My husband would request to work on Christmas Day just to upset me and the kids. He would never take a vacation day. When they force him to take a vacation, he never does anything with us. When I clean the house he gets angry with me because he thinks I'm hiding things when I put them away in the cabinets. He tells the kids that I have gone cleaning crazy. So I quit cleaning up after him and left all his crap where he put it all over the house. Then he tells the kids that I'm lazy. It doesn't matter what I do, he has a problem with it.
Story of my life! I did the lawn too! Everything! Now my body is broken down so bad! Also, no response if I cried etc nothing! Now I just keep away from him as much as possible but I'm still with him. I feel like I will never be loved until I die and go to be with Jesus. I've been in counseling for being codependent for two years now. I'm an emotional wreck.
All of what you've shared, I can relate to. They are manufactured in a Satan factory
You are so awesome . Your ex is a replica of my husband that i just put out last week. Can not thank you enough how your videos have helped me. If you cry i cry , i litterly cried when you cried . I mean everything you said , How he would say were not a team and always putting me down , to coming home and not seeing all the hard work i have done to keep a clean house , raise his daughter and same with me . My husband comes home and does nothing . Everything was a argument . I love you
OMG! Once again - so many familiar stories and incidents. I was ignored, overlooked, never complimented or barely even acknowledged, told my friends all thought I was a ‘loony’, told I came from a family that was ‘mental’ - all while doing his best to separate me from them - and he would come home from work and park himself in front of the tv (early days), then the computer later on as if there wasn’t a thing to be done. My ex was a covert narcissist though, and in front of other people he acted like a completely different person. He acted normal. That was what was so sinister. There was a cycle of abuse going on, where I lived for the very rare times he was nice to me, and for a day or a night I just thought these were the highs and lows that everyone must go through in a marriage! Just when I was ready to give up, he gave me hope again. To this day, I don’t think many of my friends believe that he was so different behind closed doors from the social, successful business owner he showed himself to be to them.
They feed us crumbs and call it a meal. We savor those crumbs because we are literally starving! Forgive yourself for settling for the crumbs, we didn't know life had a five course meal waiting for us outside of these abusive relationships.
In the old days this would be called ; ' Being the good doting homemaker, or being taken for granted. Now we know different.
I asked my ex narc to hang a picture for me and it sat against the wall for 18 months. I asked him 3 times in that time and each time I got accused of 'Nagging'. He wouldn't let me hang the picture because he said I was going to make a mess of it.
Your ex and my ex, might be related 😂
I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue in 2001. He was really mad that I had to quit my fabulous pharma sales rep job, and I know he complained about me being lazy. WTF? I kept the house clean and took care of the dogs and kids and had dinner on the table most nights and he was still pissed. With my illness, all of that was so difficult, but he didn't care.
What I have learned is that if you ever say no to them or disagree with them, you become their enemy. They feel they need to have control about you, the kids, etc. Looks like he was already wanting you to leave but couldn't find a way to do it. I am surprised he didn't have someone on the side to feed his ego.
Over the years, I believe he did have many “on the side” feeding his ego when my resistance would starve it! You are spot on! Disagree, and you’re the enemy!
My narc husband of 32 years has never, ever called me by my name. No pet names either.
Only affectionate people can do that sort of thing. Narcs don't have that capability.
I just found your channel tonight. You’re a amazing person. Thanks for sharing.
A women checks out mentally before they do physically …. Exactly
Oh yeah and being labelled; She's just hysterical. Now we know it's the crazymaking they do to drive you nuts.
I’m new on your channel but I’m so impressed bc your story looks like my story except for the fact that I’ve been married just for 14 months and have no children .
When I listen to you it’s like hearing all that happened to me... same narcissistic husband, same narcissistic mom ,same toxic environment and I’m feeling less lonely in trying to overcome it.
Thank you for sharing😊🤗
I understand you completely dear and agree that everyone should know about this reality.
Everything you said resonates with me. The covert narc husband is a former marriage & family therapist. He had me convinced I was crazy. He refused to go to marriage counseling because he saw nothing wrong with his behavior.
I emotionally detached a long time ago. We have been in separate bedrooms for a year now. I need out asap but I need a solid plan first.
I find it almost baffling when people speak of Narcs being all about themselves. I say that bc we all know that they are empty inside, constantly low on self-esteem, extremely insecure. And the tactics they use, especially seeming like they come first is bc they feel they have to keep
Up that persona in order to fit the role they want to believe is their truth. They do have a hard time caring deeply for other because they are so consumed with their own low value of themselves they are like horses with blinders.
Well, we know it once we are outside of the abuse. When you are with a narcissist on the receiving end, you are blind to it all. Making excuses and part of the drama. It's an awful, vicious cycle.
In was never love-bombed. We were never compatible, nothing alike. I just thought it was time for me to get married. He had a good job, professional, so I married him.
Wrong decisions on my part.
charmed well we all make mistakes. Learn from them and don’t look back 😉🌸
Oh my this is my story. I've been binge watching your videos. I was 19 when we got together. Never was love bombed. Marriage was my idea (stupid young me). No proposal.
L Bo same here. It was my idea🤦🏻♀️...no proposal, no ring...ever
🙋♀️
Your story is me …thank you
I do everything… housework gardening my narc also sat on his phone for hours and hours and hours
The way you tell your story has me locked in but You are telling my story and making me not feel crazy
After the years of gaslighting and abuse, having our feelings and thoughts validated is crucial. Prayers and hugs ~ Nora
I'm new to your channel but between your video and the comments of other survivors it's remarkable that it's exactly 💯the same! How is it that our DNA is specifically designed for each person to have uniqueness... BUT there's nothing special about them!
Are you ok?
How did everything unfold for you?
I’m living a similar experience.
Please keep in touch 😘
Much love from the U.K. 😍
I was told I was a burden ….
So good to see another person who never was love-bombed
Would really like to know if its normal for them to make the woman pay all the bills and they are horrendous with their paychecks nearly spending the entire thing on themselves but promising it will be different?
Please run. You deserve better. We only have one life to live ❤️✨
Yes my narc father did this... my narc BF had money but never spent it on himself or anyone. He was more of a scrooge.
I totally agree, I did everything and never asked him to do anything but I had been trained to be fine with all that. I started to emotionally back away when he threw an iron at me for not ironing his shirts properly.
Mine also had OCD. So . I could do nothing right. So HE did it ALL. Took every role away from me. And then called my lazy. Clipped my wings and told me to fly.
I know how this feels!
In my case, I switched off dealing with him after the diagnosis of my 13-month-old son back in 2003, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I couldn't handle both his cheating and lying and my son's illness. And I solely took care of him. He was my first priority and my other older son, the second priority, and my husband was last. He didn't like it, but that's the only way I could survive. So I lived in a numb bubble for around 15 or so years. My younger son is 18 now. So I wasn't that aware of what he was doing. It would bounce off my bubble, but occasionally, he'd puncture the bubble, and we'd argue/communicate more deeply, but not until early this August did I wake from that bubble due to his escalating behavior of berating and speaking horribly of me and my sons. So, I believe God woke me out of that then. It was the last straw. My husband has some mental illness. My therapist gave her opinion (only) that he probably has a personality disorder. So, that is a permanent pattern. That gives me the answer of where I need to go from here. (We've been living separately for need of health and space since August and will until mid-Feb to March as per guidelines suggested by my therapist that gives me time for strength and clarity to find myself). So, I lived like a zombie with periodic guilty and fear (not wanting to be vulnerable to his desire for intimacy, which at least 85% of the time I didn't want due to mistrust/his betrayals). You haven't said anything about your husband was unfaithful. I guess that's one plus for you, but I know that the other behaviors of his made up for that. Thanks again for the videos.
Maybe he wasn't a Narcissist. Maybe he was a phychopath.
YOU SEEM A VERY GOOD PERSON! KEEP UP!
I'm so annoyed! I haven't been getting your videos on my notification feed because of some weird new algorithm that UA-cam is using. So it's kind of like out of sight out of mind went to channel today and there's like 7 videos I missed grrrr!!! Oh well guess I'll be listening to only you for the next few days instead of some of the other videos I watch:) yeah I was love bombed & I also relate to being a domestic overachiever but nothing was ever good enough if the entire house was perfect he noticed that TP had been placed in the wrong way he likes it to come from the top
I was searching on youtube for a video why my narcissist never love bombed me cuz i was suspecting him being one because of no love bombing part he was always treating me like shit for years yet now with new supply he made best proposal best birthday parties always getting her flowers presents, while with me he even asked me for a change for going home, I used to share everything with never asked for a thing rarely bring me anything at all😊
Hi , Similar thing is happening with me… Can u please explain why were we never love bombed and the new supply was… it would be much help for me to understand…
Did you ever share the recording?
Erica Gardens yes. In a later video. I believe it’s #26
Maybe the Facebook police are narcissists.
What is your Facebook page name
Narcissists Schmarcissists