Dr. Kim…Thank you for this video. I cannot stop crying. Last month I wanted to end my life and was brave enough to ask for help. Since then I’ve been working with a therapist and I found out I have CPTSD, depression and anxiety. My whole life I couldn’t feel anything. I was literally numb. I shut down my feelings fearing I would hurt too much if I dared to feel anything. Now I’m learning, through your videos and therapy, to feel and how to deal with my emotions. It’s not easy and there’s tons of work ahead of me, but thanks to people like you, I have hope. Please know, you are saving lives. Truly.
Dr. Sage. You have become my in-between therapy sessions therapist and I thank you for the time you spent on all the free resources you offer. Until you experience what we have, you’ll never know how much we’ve been trying to just make our way through life without knowing and addressing our thought process, fear, fight, flee and fawn responses, and all the trauma that comes with CPTSD. I’m 65. In Feb 2023 the CPTSD (I’ve live with my entire adult life ) has been officially diagnosed. It’s all making sense with a long road ahead addressing every aspect of my trauma, how it’s affected me mentally, emotionally and physically. Most importantly, how it’s affected my relationship choices in life. I’m bound and determined that I’m going to overcome this challenge, hoping and praying that I can save my 4th marriage to my 20 year partner who also has his own issues.
Dr. Kim! Thank you for all your SUPPORT!!! When I’m “feeling bad” you’re my go to. I’ve got CPTSD and I’m starting Trauma Therapy now. This explains so much for me. The small things, I get sooo triggered. I’ve tried almost everything to feel better.
I had a bad day yesterday. Sort of went off (depending on your definition) on the pharmacist at Costco because she was dismissive, was not doing her job and was taking no accountability. After I do this I have severe shame, and spiral down to feeling horrible about myself. It is awful.
At around 6:00 you mentioned getting triggered by the fast food not being hot... it occurred to me that the core issue here is the lack of consideration or a sense of fairness, whereas many of us with CPTD have a strong belief in playing fair. YOU wouldn't prepare food that badly so why do they think it is OK sort of thing. Lately I found myself getting really annoyed at the swimming pool by how inconsiderate people are. I find myself a spot to do my aqua fit type exercise in and then some oblivious dolt swims towards me as if I'm supposed to get out of their way. It always about other people's inconsideration for me.
I understand what you mean about lack of consideration and a strong sense of playing fair. I have such a strong sense of needing to be considerate and fair. It is overwhelmingly triggering to be around people who don't reciprocate such consideration. You mentioned it as a CPTSD attribute. Can you share your reason for thinking this? Does it mean we are the ones with the problem: we are too judgmental, too serious, too bad?
From my personal experience and from what I've learned from YT etc... if the CPTSD is from being raised in a toxic/narcissist family, and if you are a scapegoat or simply empathic, you are trained to always be very considerate of others, especially the narc, whereas in contrast the rest of the family can be as selfish as they want. It is doormat training but it has its silver lining. I like it very much that I'm empathetic and considerate of others and think more people should be like this as it is the right way to be. The thing to watch out for is to not be too much of a people pleaser though. The problem is to resolve/heal from being triggered by inconsiderate people. That is a work in progress for me. I've been a cycle lately that inconsiderate people have been bothering me more than usual. I also have some autistic traits so that adds its own flavour to the mix. Most autistics dislike superficiality and are naturally keen on playing fair with others. However after saying all that, there is a small percentage (30%?)of the general population from semi normal families who are naturally empathetic. It is just that the rest of the population is self serving.
Wow!! I couldn't agree more. I don't know why. But this resonates so deeply. Are you a therapist? Who do you follow on YT? What are you reading. I am going to try to incorporate this into my way of relating to others. On another note: I was told by a therapist that I'm autistic. Thank you thank you thank you@@lesliegann2737
Omg same!!! I go out into the world and since I find most everyone to be inconsiderate it is a nightmare. The drivers on the road, people in the store, the check out guy. Everyone is an ass in my mind and the hyper vigilance is so painful.
Not only having an invalidating childhood and adult relationships, in 2010 at 46 yo they found a tennis ball size cyst in the left frontal lobe of my brain. they couldn't take it out, so they just drained it now it's the size of a golf ball. Talk about brain injury. very easy for me to get dysregulated. thank you for all your information and coping mechanisms. 🤗🤗🤗
Same. People who are dismissive or abusive without taking accountability or just being plain selfish assholes. Flashbacks from Narc sister and father. Then I hate myself after.
Doing the opposite of what you feel like doing is a tremendous amount of work but the payoff later on is well worth it if you don't give up. It works!!
Wow It’s like she gave me the answers to all the questions I’ve been having. I wish she was my therapist because I have yet to meet a therapist to help me or to explain things to me like this. They don’t even like to validate that I have depression and bpd. They only care about the anxiety and that leaves me feeling hopeless and making me feel like I’m crazy.
Cold water therapy through the Wim Hof method works best for me. Getting grounded seems to reduce the stress tolerance levels and is a reset for my nervous system. Andrew Huberman said it best trying to fix the mind through the mind is like grabbing at fog. Calming the body, feeling the feelings for a minute knowing anything beyond the minute is no longer this moment and it’s now a story. I’m finding this easier than DBT. Which I am also doing. But I’m losing steam with having to build a skillset when somatic breathing, cold, and exercise works quickly and easily.
When u r really bad is not good to listen to music. But to stay in the silence of nature or whatever u r, just with the sky's being make by others in a normal stand (too busy outside won't be nice either)
iv dealt with so much of this but iv learned how to put them in the past and bury them, it for me was the best way to deal with it, not simple but i got there. thank God.
There are also teenage skills work books. Amazon available. Reasonable prices. Also thank you Dr Kim broadening out the tools available. This is very helpful and practical and comes from a person with a high level of educational, clinical experience, practically creative and with a generous heart. There are people struggling throughout the world and not able to access therapy or coaching and then there ate those paying and accessing and engaging in the therapy/ coaching work and not getting practical tools.
Somatic exercises seem to work best for me. It's amazing how quickly I can regulate. Also, cold water therapy has been helping immensely. I find it interesting how much it's my body that first reacts to triggers before I'm even conscious of the fact I'm being triggered. Love your videos❣️
Hi & thank you. I have just found online and am so thankful for your honesty. I'm sorry for what you have been through and for others who have suffered trauma. The comment your daughter made about everything bothering you is what my daughter and husband say about me. I don't know why as I have not suffered any trauma really so I feel guilty. My Dad is a recovering alcoholic but was never abusive in any way but I suppose I worried as I am the eldest. I'm 50 now and I feel a bit lost so I'm trying to figure out what my problem is. Thank you again.
I was able to find this book online to read and have bookmarked it. It should be required reading for every human, or at least it should be required reading in high school. What an invaluable resource! Thank you for sharing it on your channel, Dr. Kim!
I'm the same when I eat mcdonalds. If I'm going to eat something bad it's got to at least be hot and good, not these cardboard luke warm chips and nuggets, I want the ones straight out of the fryer. I always say to them, I want fresh hot ones, if they aren't I take them back so often.
Great insight from an educated and lived experience, especially in the field of neural-divergent by a neural-divergent. Thank You. Have a great and blessed day.😊❤
i had a special person in my life a lovely lady not romantic at all. i now believe it best for me to move on. they know where i have my address, iv seen them about 4 times in 5 years, they are always welcome to stop and say hello. God Bless Them. x
Getting old food that has cooled off to only warm, it’s not stupid to be annoyed by that. The main reason we cook our food to being hot is to kill off bacteria. Even if you’re not consciously thinking about it, you know this warm, old food isn’t necessarily as wholesome.
Mine happens when I’m feeling like everything is not going the way I anticipate it and when I dwell on my fears. Also a big one is being triggered if I feel I’m not getting the attention I deserve
Thanks so much for your content and help. Could you please talk about misophonia? As I advance in my healing I find better ways to cope, but sometimes it just drives me crazy, I don´t think it creates life quality at all. My dysregulation is all of the above, by the way hahahaha. I have to admit once you really work on yourself and understand it gets a little better.
Oh my gosh, I have misophonia too! I've had this since age 9. I am extremely triggered by mouth sounds: chewing, smacking lips, clicking teeth, spit sounds and loud breathing. Whenever I hear these sounds especially repeatedly, I feel like banging my head against a wall or bursting into tears crying. People don't believe me when I tell them this is a real thing. I truly believe my narc parents caused me to develop this. While they were emotionally and verbally abusing me, they would make those wet mouth sounds or chew and suck loudly on a mint. They also smack their mouth loudly everytime they talk or in between sentences. I notice my misophonia is worse when I'm near them. They still make all my trigger sounds to this day and when I kindly asked them to not make these noises around me, they won't listen and make the noises more frequently. I believe there is a strong correlation between narc/emotional abuse and misophonia.
@@kimberlychristine9284 I hear you, same here! Mom and dad narcissists. I could tell you lots of stories about it. I don´t even talk about misophonia. I think everybody would say I´m crazy, Before knowing about it I thought I was crazy. Other very low sounds also trigger me. It's terrible.
aaaww kim you describing being annoyed at the fries is actually funny and cute. i think some moodiness and emotions even though negative can add character. kinda make you feel human and relatable
Can you do a video on the hypergamous nature and overly emotional style of females? Perhaps touch on the fact that 81% of divorces are initiated by women - 90% of that 81 is by - women with bachelor degrees and higher?
Dr. Kim…Thank you for this video. I cannot stop crying. Last month I wanted to end my life and was brave enough to ask for help. Since then I’ve been working with a therapist and I found out I have CPTSD, depression and anxiety. My whole life I couldn’t feel anything. I was literally numb. I shut down my feelings fearing I would hurt too much if I dared to feel anything. Now I’m learning, through your videos and therapy, to feel and how to deal with my emotions. It’s not easy and there’s tons of work ahead of me, but thanks to people like you, I have hope. Please know, you are saving lives. Truly.
Dr. Sage. You have become my in-between therapy sessions therapist and I thank you for the time you spent on all the free resources you offer. Until you experience what we have, you’ll never know how much we’ve been trying to just make our way through life without knowing and addressing our thought process, fear, fight, flee and fawn responses, and all the trauma that comes with CPTSD.
I’m 65. In Feb 2023 the CPTSD (I’ve live with my entire adult life ) has been officially diagnosed. It’s all making sense with a long road ahead addressing every aspect of my trauma, how it’s affected me mentally, emotionally and physically. Most importantly, how it’s affected my relationship choices in life.
I’m bound and determined that I’m going to overcome this challenge, hoping and praying that I can save my 4th marriage to my 20 year partner who also has his own issues.
Mine happens when I feel overwhelmed or powerless, triggers a memory of feeling my needs were not important in childhood 🤔
Dr. Kim! Thank you for all your SUPPORT!!! When I’m “feeling bad” you’re my go to. I’ve got CPTSD and I’m starting Trauma Therapy now. This explains so much for me. The small things, I get sooo triggered. I’ve tried almost everything to feel better.
good to hear you are getting some relief here! Best of luck on your healing ❤
I had a bad day yesterday. Sort of went off (depending on your definition) on the pharmacist at Costco because she was dismissive, was not doing her job and was taking no accountability. After I do this I have severe shame, and spiral down to feeling horrible about myself. It is awful.
Thank you so much. As a male it’s so hard to find support. I feel better now
At around 6:00 you mentioned getting triggered by the fast food not being hot... it occurred to me that the core issue here is the lack of consideration or a sense of fairness, whereas many of us with CPTD have a strong belief in playing fair. YOU wouldn't prepare food that badly so why do they think it is OK sort of thing. Lately I found myself getting really annoyed at the swimming pool by how inconsiderate people are. I find myself a spot to do my aqua fit type exercise in and then some oblivious dolt swims towards me as if I'm supposed to get out of their way. It always about other people's inconsideration for me.
I understand what you mean about lack of consideration and a strong sense of playing fair. I have such a strong sense of needing to be considerate and fair. It is overwhelmingly triggering to be around people who don't reciprocate such consideration. You mentioned it as a CPTSD attribute. Can you share your reason for thinking this? Does it mean we are the ones with the problem: we are too judgmental, too serious, too bad?
From my personal experience and from what I've learned from YT etc... if the CPTSD is from being raised in a toxic/narcissist family, and if you are a scapegoat or simply empathic, you are trained to always be very considerate of others, especially the narc, whereas in contrast the rest of the family can be as selfish as they want. It is doormat training but it has its silver lining. I like it very much that I'm empathetic and considerate of others and think more people should be like this as it is the right way to be. The thing to watch out for is to not be too much of a people pleaser though. The problem is to resolve/heal from being triggered by inconsiderate people. That is a work in progress for me. I've been a cycle lately that inconsiderate people have been bothering me more than usual.
I also have some autistic traits so that adds its own flavour to the mix. Most autistics dislike superficiality and are naturally keen on playing fair with others. However after saying all that, there is a small percentage (30%?)of the general population from semi normal families who are naturally empathetic. It is just that the rest of the population is self serving.
Wow!! I couldn't agree more. I don't know why. But this resonates so deeply. Are you a therapist? Who do you follow on YT? What are you reading.
I am going to try to incorporate this into my way of relating to others.
On another note: I was told by a therapist that I'm autistic.
Thank you thank you thank you@@lesliegann2737
Omg same!!! I go out into the world and since I find most everyone to be inconsiderate it is a nightmare. The drivers on the road, people in the store, the check out guy. Everyone is an ass in my mind and the hyper vigilance is so painful.
Not only having an invalidating childhood and adult relationships, in 2010 at 46 yo they found a tennis ball size cyst in the left frontal lobe of my brain. they couldn't take it out, so they just drained it now it's the size of a golf ball. Talk about brain injury. very easy for me to get dysregulated. thank you for all your information and coping mechanisms. 🤗🤗🤗
100% - invalidating environments cause this for me. Especially living w/my narcisissistic aging mother in a small 1 bedroom apt.
That sounds super challenging... I hope things get easier for you ❤
Thank you Thais & PDS Team!☺@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
Same. People who are dismissive or abusive without taking accountability or just being plain selfish assholes. Flashbacks from Narc sister and father. Then I hate myself after.
@@bonnieallen2430yes and yes
Doing the opposite of what you feel like doing is a tremendous amount of work but the payoff later on is well worth it if you don't give up. It works!!
Wow It’s like she gave me the answers to all the questions I’ve been having. I wish she was my therapist because I have yet to meet a therapist to help me or to explain things to me like this. They don’t even like to validate that I have depression and bpd. They only care about the anxiety and that leaves me feeling hopeless and making me feel like I’m crazy.
Cold water therapy through the Wim Hof method works best for me. Getting grounded seems to reduce the stress tolerance levels and is a reset for my nervous system. Andrew Huberman said it best trying to fix the mind through the mind is like grabbing at fog. Calming the body, feeling the feelings for a minute knowing anything beyond the minute is no longer this moment and it’s now a story. I’m finding this easier than DBT. Which I am also doing. But I’m losing steam with having to build a skillset when somatic breathing, cold, and exercise works quickly and easily.
When u r really bad is not good to listen to music. But to stay in the silence of nature or whatever u r, just with the sky's being make by others in a normal stand (too busy outside won't be nice either)
iv dealt with so much of this but iv learned how to put them in the past and bury them, it for me was the best way to deal with it, not simple but i got there. thank God.
Dr. Kim Sage resemble Actress Jessica Lange.
There are also teenage skills work books. Amazon available. Reasonable prices. Also thank you Dr Kim broadening out the tools available.
This is very helpful and practical and comes from a person with a high level of educational, clinical experience, practically creative and with a generous heart.
There are people struggling throughout the world and not able to access therapy or coaching and then there ate those paying and accessing and engaging in the therapy/ coaching work and not getting practical tools.
Somatic exercises seem to work best for me. It's amazing how quickly I can regulate. Also, cold water therapy has been helping immensely. I find it interesting how much it's my body that first reacts to triggers before I'm even conscious of the fact I'm being triggered. Love your videos❣️
Opposite reaction I like very much I did it as you were saying the steps and a sense of calmness and peace came over me
Try fake smiling. It works
Emotiondysreghow is one of the words of all time
Hi & thank you. I have just found online and am so thankful for your honesty. I'm sorry for what you have been through and for others who have suffered trauma. The comment your daughter made about everything bothering you is what my daughter and husband say about me. I don't know why as I have not suffered any trauma really so I feel guilty. My Dad is a recovering alcoholic but was never abusive in any way but I suppose I worried as I am the eldest. I'm 50 now and I feel a bit lost so I'm trying to figure out what my problem is. Thank you again.
Ordered the book right away. Thank you 🙏
I was able to find this book online to read and have bookmarked it. It should be required reading for every human, or at least it should be required reading in high school. What an invaluable resource! Thank you for sharing it on your channel, Dr. Kim!
What was it
exercise is the best for sure
That helps me so much ❤
I'm the same when I eat mcdonalds. If I'm going to eat something bad it's got to at least be hot and good, not these cardboard luke warm chips and nuggets, I want the ones straight out of the fryer. I always say to them, I want fresh hot ones, if they aren't I take them back so often.
Thank you Kim for sharing with us!
Dr. Sage you make really good videos...
this was a very practical guide, appreciated !
Thank you for your priceless wisdom❤
Great insight from an educated and lived experience, especially in the field of neural-divergent by a neural-divergent. Thank You. Have a great and blessed day.😊❤
Thank you Dr Kim.
Rewatching later. Need to learn how to access my emotions again.
This is me. So much of what you say is true.
Watching this again. Very good , thank you Dr Kim.
Thank you
Needed this video right now
Very much appreciated
Love and respect yourself the most ✌❤
If you don’t feel like going outside or you don’t have a home gym buy a skipping rope for home great cardio!
i had a special person in my life a lovely lady not romantic at all. i now believe it best for me to move on. they know where i have my address, iv seen them about 4 times in 5 years, they are always welcome to stop and say hello. God Bless Them. x
Getting old food that has cooled off to only warm, it’s not stupid to be annoyed by that. The main reason we cook our food to being hot is to kill off bacteria. Even if you’re not consciously thinking about it, you know this warm, old food isn’t necessarily as wholesome.
Warm food grows bacteria. It is unsafe to eat. I will not eat just warm food. I learned this from my dad who was a Chef. You're not wrong!
Being more in the here and now is very helpful, which I have learned to do... thank you 🙏❤ Australia
Thank you...❤
Thank you!
This is wonderful thank you. Did you make the safe place video?
Thank you for these videos.
Mine happens when I’m feeling like everything is not going the way I anticipate it and when I dwell on my fears. Also a big one is being triggered if I feel I’m not getting the attention I deserve
Love your topics ☮️
I've been doing opposite action for a while now.
Huge help. Thank you.
Thanks so much for your content and help. Could you please talk about misophonia? As I advance in my healing I find better ways to cope, but sometimes it just drives me crazy, I don´t think it creates life quality at all. My dysregulation is all of the above, by the way hahahaha. I have to admit once you really work on yourself and understand it gets a little better.
Oh my gosh, I have misophonia too! I've had this since age 9. I am extremely triggered by mouth sounds: chewing, smacking lips, clicking teeth, spit sounds and loud breathing. Whenever I hear these sounds especially repeatedly, I feel like banging my head against a wall or bursting into tears crying. People don't believe me when I tell them this is a real thing. I truly believe my narc parents caused me to develop this. While they were emotionally and verbally abusing me, they would make those wet mouth sounds or chew and suck loudly on a mint. They also smack their mouth loudly everytime they talk or in between sentences. I notice my misophonia is worse when I'm near them. They still make all my trigger sounds to this day and when I kindly asked them to not make these noises around me, they won't listen and make the noises more frequently. I believe there is a strong correlation between narc/emotional abuse and misophonia.
@@kimberlychristine9284 I hear you, same here! Mom and dad narcissists. I could tell you lots of stories about it. I don´t even talk about misophonia. I think everybody would say I´m crazy, Before knowing about it I thought I was crazy. Other very low sounds also trigger me. It's terrible.
“Straighten up and fly right.” What does that even mean? You can’t do it if you never learned.
Hi Dr. Kim Sage , I was wondering if disorganized attachment is usually associated in BPD? Can it occur in complex ptsd without BPD? Thank you!🙏🏼♥️
Dr. Kim: Can an autistic person also be borderline, etc?
Thanks 🙏
aaaww kim you describing being annoyed at the fries is actually funny and cute. i think some moodiness and emotions even though negative can add character. kinda make you feel human and relatable
Awful comment 🤔😨🤔
😊
Loved this! What’s the name of the book?
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, Ph.D.
Your very pretty 😍
Im irregular right now. 💩
Can you do a video on the hypergamous nature and overly emotional style of females? Perhaps touch on the fact that 81% of divorces are initiated by women - 90% of that 81 is by - women with bachelor degrees and higher?
What book is that?
Newport Beach, CA huh? Can you do a video on the promiscuous, materialistic female? And their narcissistic psyche?