While dissociation is not a healthy long-term coping mechanism, it's good to reflect on how our bodies are allowing dissociation to work to keeping us safe and protected. It may not be nice and enjoyable, but our bodies deserve appreciation for their hard work to keep us alive.
Now I understand why if someone starts screaming at me I can't hear or remember what they said. I wonder what it's like to have loving parents? Or any loving person at all? I miss my cat- the only thing on earth who ever looked at me with loving eyes.
I am sorry you went through this. I too did not have loving parents. After being in a abusive workplace I described to my counselor what was going on. For me everything goes black and I can no longer see my abuser, do I can hear everything they say, but I am just an able to answer. I think I can't answer because as a child when I answered I was beaten for not saying what they wanted me say.
Hi MIkey: I know the feeling of having an animal love you in a way that you don't experience with people. I hope you get another cat. Shelters are filled with cats longing to love someone. When my dogs died, I immeediately found another dog for the same reason I hope you get another cat.
Wow me too it’s my dog … I would never have thought that someone else felt the same way. I pray you find comfort in knowing you are not alone . God Bless us all with happiness✝️
You really nailed me on this one! I sadly dissociated early on. Super narcissistic borderline mother, angry distant super type A father. Both very powerful people. So much more but not enough room here. Married a narcissistic borderline woman, 35 yrs then I was done, finished and worn out!!! Trauma, abuse in my early life. I really just tried to cope for years until I went into recovery in my early 20’s. I’m 73 now and just now getting the labels right. I accomplished a lot but I sure wished I had had these videos and tools years ago. Thank you, your vids are excellent and spot on!!! Blessings
Thank you so much for sharing this! I too wish we had access to this information years ago. At 73 doing the work is incredible and very inspiring! I understand the the aftermath of a narcissistic/borderline mother and then you attract them your whole life, at 47 still deal with disassociation. I just noticed this was 10 months ago. How are you doing on your healing journey?
It brings me so much feelings of respect seeing how people are taking care of oneselves through the better understanding of the world and modern knowledge, and I am so moved by the fact that the person of your age is getting into deeper understanding of personal story through psychology!
I call some of my dissociative episodes "going into autopilot". Especially after going through severe trauma, like when we had to remove my son from life support. I was on my "autopilot" for over a year. It was to the point that I was told that I was handling my son's death "very well". Truth be told, I have never dealt with it and it's been over 4 years.
I am so, so sorry for your horrible loss. I totally get it, my son died 3 years ago and I was stunned for the first 2 years, not sure where I am now. Prayers for you and your family.
One good tip for re-associating yourself to reality is to pick up a new instrument, hobby, or craft. Start studying piano, guitar, whatever. Sculpt. Do some new activity which requires a lot of learning. This is extremely helpful to help you become Re-Realized.
@@vm994 I know, right? The other day my driving instructor told me he loves his kids more than anything and I was shocked because I can't even remember my own parents telling me they loved me and here's a stranger just blurting it out all over the place. Those little moments that are so normal to everyone else are so alien to us.
Oprah once quoted someone (maybe Maya) as saying, 'I child knows how you feel about them when they walk into a room and see your face (something like that)'.
It’s like the ‘death of a thousand cuts’ torture, except even when our torturers are out of the picture (or should be) , we take the task onto ourselves.
My father gives me digs my whole life and favors my brothers...I called to sing happy birthday and he said before I finished "you were never in the choir" -it hurt me so bad I hung up and told him he was mean. He waited a few days and called and "wanted to talk to me!" lecture- I am terrified of him- he's 97 and still so hurtful. I tried to find out about his parents and he shut me up quick and said "they were fine, don't even go there!" What? He's does a lot of comments on my weight and says my friends are patient to be my friends....I had seizures as a kid and they thought I was doing the seizures on purpose- I have epilepsy
My sister sang a song my mother liked at her funeral. Would you believe my narcissist dad said she made a mistake... just one fucking mistake and he had to point it out
I had a similar experience. I was criticized, accused, berated, insulted and made fun of on a daily basis along with having every aspect of my humanity totally controlled. It takes a huge toll when as a child you are in the process of learning who you are, and the caregivers in charge of you have a personal mission to destroy your sense of self. Its also rejection around every corner. Im so sorry you went through that. My daughter has epilepsy and trying to figure out her illness was one of the most stressful and heartbreaking times in my life. I have seen my daughter have tonic clonic (formerly grand mal ) seizures and IMO he knew you were not faking, he wanted to either show how much he didn’t care or he wanted you to suffer. I hope you can go no contact with that poisoned man.
I was raped in elementary school by a construction worker who was working there. I was floating out of my body... Today I was listening to an old song and his first name was in the song. After decades it all came back and I felt such shame , pain and loathing. My family couldn't hear me speak about it. This sucks, I'm freaking old now and hate myself. I sure got screwed over
Those awful feelings were imposed upon you. When they come, acknowledge them and tell them to get lost and they were never correct. Don’t dwell on them and don’t try to understand them. They don’t belong with you.
My entire life for 57 years until i got away from my psychotic abusive mother. It’s tragic that when we’re born to an individual such as i was, we know nothing else - we don’t know they’re options. Even as an adult i was the ‘good’ girl and stayed by mom being tormented every day by her. Finally somehow a light came on - looking back, I seriously don’t know how i have survived.
I was born into abuse, by my mother. I learnt to disassociate on purpose when I was about six. I could look down on my body and my mind was separate. I am 66 now and I’m not fully integrated but that’s OK because I’m a Christian and I know when my body dies my soul will be completely released and I’m praying, go to Heaven.
Forgive everyone and you will be forgiven. Forgive to be free from emotional negative bonds . It doesn't mean to excuse what has happened. More about letting it go and step out of the battle. God will wipe the tears from your eyes.
The first time I noticed it was as a child, I was being verbally abused and suddenly it was like I was frozen and hearing sounds muffled underwater. Now I struggle with space out dissociation daily & wish I didn't though I survived my hellish childhood with it
My mother constantly put me down. I was so used to it a BF had to point it out to me. It led to me trying to discuss it with her. It got explosive and I was kicked out of my home at age 16. I’m sure what she did was illegal. Kicking an underage kid out of their home. I went to live with my BF.
The brain is neuroplasitc. You can actually change that. I used to dissociate all the time, whenever "stress" would come. Just daily business and phone calls could cause me to "blow a fuse" and blank out. Then i discovered this process was contributing to alzheimer's by shutting down the hypocampus. So then i wondered if i could reverse this? I began to stay present under stress and low and behold, i dont have to dissociate under stress anymore.
I’m reading Professor Steve Peters book “A Path Through The Jungle” and for the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel better, I really recommend this book.
@@melaniezupan4881 Absolutely the same thing I do and I am very afraid I will have Altimeters. I don't remember hardly anything till 15 or 16. I'm 56 and disabled with Fibromyalgia and Arthritis and bone on bone knees. The Fibro.creates brain fog and memory loss.
Thank you again, what helps me is I stand in front of a mirror, take 2 steps back and talk to yourself, might sound strange but by talking to yourself and saying you will be ok, you did what you needed to do, give myself a hug, take a breath, a smile to yourself (national) and don’t forget to self nurture ❤
I was diagnosed with C PTSD and DID, this is insane how you nailed it right on the head. I always thought I was just a spacey person or a day dreamer because I have always just done this now I know why.
Me too but my understanding is that structural dissociation only happens in the mind of a child when left brain is underdeveloped. It can’t happen after the age of around 9.
My family was super abusive, my early years were terror, fear, and my only escape was to shut down. They threw me into the street when I was 15. On my own, entirely. At 18 I was just finding my footing...as I waited in the early morning for the bus to take me to my job, I was kidnapped at gunpoint by a serial killer. It took me a week to escape. A week of being brutally beaten and raped. I was his only survivor. Dissociation is an escape, one I don't like...it's not by choice. I don't like losing time. I don't like a feeling of not being in control.
Wow, you sound like me, right down to the kidnapping. I had it really ugly-bumpy as well. I'm just finishing up my memoir about it. Super-great spiritual path you are on.
My mom was narcissistic. After talking to my therapist about my relationship history and past events with her, she asked me if I thought she could have a personality disorder and she wanted me to do some research about narcissistic parents and impacts on daughters
IMHO narcissists are a combination of one and or two things. 1. Inherited from one parent 2. Learned behavior from one parent A really narcissistic parent usually creates a narcissistic child. Usually the child is either a source or a narcissist. This isn’t pointing a finger but what I can tell you is that I was a narcissist for 40 years. It was only in learning and awareness that I learned what I was and set out to change it through therapy for trauma. Identifying it might be there is really the big part of it all. If you can really see that you might be one then being determined enough to work on it.
My entire life has been the poster child for dissociation. Never knew it. Thought I was doing my best to survive as the highly competent, but defective person I was. Always knew it had something to do with my childhood, which I only remember in bits and pieces, more now than ever before (after watching a year's worth of UA-cam videos on CPTSD), ... the validation helps, but the memories are a little more painful than previously. I'm guessing that's a good thing. Thank you for the videos. They really help to bring us from darkness into daylight.
I watched my Father get "taken off the rope" when I was 7, and every Psychologist and Psychiatrist I have ever dealt with brushed it to the side like it was nothing, I am 62 now and have recovered to a certain extent, but thanks for these videos, they explain a lot.
😢 I’m so so sorry you had to experience that horror. I can’t even imagine 😭 TRIGGER ⚠️ my brother died by hanging.. self inflicted.. I didn’t see him til he was in his casket.. that itself was so traumatizing, I can’t imagine seeing him like that or being rolled out in a body bag or any of that.. much less as a young child. I can’t believe so many psychologists would brush that off 😢 that makes me so sad!! I hope you get some healing ❤️🩹
I have Complex trauma and your descriptions of dissociation were so common that I didn't know that it wasn't normal I write it off as daydreaming or even a form of thinking. That was 50% of my life. I didn't even that the word disassociation existed until after my diagnosis. My mother used to beat me and then beat me again from crying or begging her to stop.
Same here. I’m an artist. It’s natural. But I guess it can be a combination of artistic absent mindedness and the trauma thing. So yeah. Now I feel better because I embarrass myself sometimes.
And I’m sorry to hear what happened to you. I didn’t have it bad with physical abuse. Just once but it was significant. It altered everything. And caused other effects and events to happen that were traumatic.
Dissociation happened to me after having encountered a morally insane covert narcissist. It’s a dreadfully frightening thing to experience, it happened after he’d discarded me. Great explanation. Thankyou
Both my parents were scary 😔😭. Narcissistic mother, enabler father who led by intimidation & fear. I was the scapegoat kid who had all the household duties dumped on me beginning age 8-9. Coupled with sexual abuse (no one in my family) beginning also age 8-9 continuing thru adulthood. Lots of stress, trauma, abuse, neglect in my life. Dissociation was how I coped and survived. It still plagues me at 64, but I have an understanding of it now. Thank you for your work and videos.
It is terrible how these traumas of childhood stay with us in later years. I thought they would get more distant. I don’t find that to be true. I wish you well in your healing journey. Hope you have some peace now.
@@beawesome3695 Yes I’ve found, & continue to find peace. I have my days of sadness dissociating sorrow anger…but for the most part, I’m free. Knowledge is power & truth set me free!!! Did deep dive into narcissism beginning December 2021 and it opened the door to knowledge, growth, healing, thriving. Freedom for me 😁☺️.
I can't believe this was 3 yrs ago. Ive been going through this for yrs, yesterday, today and now. 50+ yrs. I feel blessed to have come to see this video. Please don't stop putting your knowledge and education out to people. Thank you Dr Kim
I think I have this because it relates to a big childhood trauma that shattered my family relationships including myself. Trying to end the cycle. Thank you for posting this!
I turned my fantasy world into a journey itself. I love writing from it and have a clever way to heal myself. I also have been approaching shame and one day, I faced it head-on 💪I’m getting stronger.
This comment is old. But wanted to say I do this too. Very good at writing. But sometimes it scares me and I wish to be back in my body or first person. It's weird but it's kind of like watching your life like a movie.
Ack!! I had a therapist I adored who kept saying she thought I was Borderline PD and I never thought that was right. Luckily my awesome MD agreed I was not BPD and I finally got my PTSD and OCD (obsessive thought dominant) diagnosis from him. After that came correct meds, and so much more healthy thinking patterns became possible. Love you Dr. B!!! Wherever you are ❤
As my mother got crazier my father took me with him as often as he could.. But she still got crazier and he started drinking heavily..BUT HE WAS THE RELIABLE PARENT... Everyone was scared of HER so they blamed all the family problems on my father's drinking... So she got copped a pass EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE REALLY KNEW HOW CRAZY SHE WAS.. EVEN after she broke my eardrum with a beating using an umbrella...and I had to leave for nearly a year... MOST people were led to believe I and my father were the problems... Pitiful...
My disassociation has always left me with a feeling of losing time . . Headaches dizziness. Head tingling hot flushing through my head . A feeling of sickness. Always comes on when stressed . I suffer with cptsd and borderline personality disorder. When ive spoken with mental health professionals. They don't like that a question them . Steps to well-being and mindfulness dont work and the psychologist work from a bs script and cant think for themselves. Ive been suffering for over 40 years.
Thank you for helping me understand how to recognize my CPTSD. I lived thru 911, Im an adult child of an alcoholic, and still struggle with triggers on coping with dysfunctions. Step one is recognizing where it comes from. Yes, Ive been in therapy for years and Im working the program.
Thank you so much for this video. This is totally how I have been operating and experiencing life. I thought I was weird until now. I'm on short term disability and have been getting help. Family and friends don't understand... they ask me where's the "other" you, the one who can fix everything? My left side broke down and my right side is screaming for help. I have started art therapy. Constantly mis diagnosed as manic but found a great therapist who have diagnosed me with complex PTSD and S.A.D. The fire fighter in me is exhausted. I am learning about healthy boundaries to keep me safe and sane. Everything you have said resonates with me and I don't feel like such a freak and weak anymore. I think part of the complexity of not having a healthy and stable caregiver definitely caused me to be over compassionate and leads to disassociation to that safe place.I was feeling ashamed but my therapist have told me they are suprised I managed to keep going so long. Thank you for helping me to understand my behavior. I'm going to get better. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)
Thank you, Dr Sage. I've been in therapy intermittently for decades and not once have I heard cptsd mentioned. I had agoraphobia and depression as a small child, before it was even named as such. Thought I was crazy. Terrified of my own body and safety on daily basis. Frightened of when this "thing" would overtake me. Have gotten much better but still have low self esteem and believe I'm defective in some way. One does not need abusive caregivers to have cptsd. Thank you again❤
I learned some new things about myself. TY. The length of video and content were understandable and professional. Bless you for producing on this channel. Many people are unable to afford therapy. Your content changes people so they can relate healthier.
You are a godsend. My family and I are dealing with trauma and the after affects and your warm, compassionate healing words are just what the doctor ordered. You are very much appreciated. T y
I’m a survivor of Diffused Large B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The cancer was brought on by trauma and aggravated by stress. Cortisol is a factor in cancer. I’ve learned that more than genetics; family dynamics and dysfunction have more to do with disease (dis ease); especially auto immune diseases. If your family is dysfunctional and always have been, you don’t know it’s not normal. When you discover that your normal is not healthy, you don’t know what healthy looks like. I’m so grateful for this information and techniques for healing and coping. Thank you for sharing practical advise that we can implement at home.
I've had what is now called CPTSD since I was 4, You have explained more and spot on information than I can express. You give actual and clear methods and triggers and it gives me hope than at least you understand us, best advice I had since it all started, Thank You. I really look forward to hearing more as you have time. God Bless.
Thank you most sincerely Dr Sage. From the age of 2yrs I lived with my mother and stepfather. He sexually, mentally and physically abused me. This continued until I was sixteen and left home. Of course as a child I developed coping strategies in order to survive. In my 50s my psychiatrist diagnosed me as borderline which I could not accept. Then after much years of research I realised that I am suffering from cptsd.
Thank you for making this video💚I was diagnosed with complex ptsd my senior year in high school (2020-2021) and again in freshman year of university in around October 2021. I’ve been watching as many informational videos as possible during my winter break because being alone more often, I’m giving myself space to process and heal. I think journaling is huge for me. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this. I feel” highway hypnosis “ but outside of driving, like walking around my college campus, random moments I’ll just look down at my arms and be like… wait I’m here right now? Like I magically dropped there. It happened once in a store with my friend. I was looking at animals and then I just completely freaked out inside and got afraid and had to find my friend and I wanted her to bring me back. I knew she was there but I felt like a kid lost in a huge department store
I don't know how I could have gone to school if I didn't dissociate but then got there and felt stunned, unable to learn, tired, exhausted, worn out as a kid. In one sense dissociation is the ability to put that parcel of trauma etc. away and go off to the activity example school and hiding the distress and sadness. Being ordered to not speak about the 5 year old friend who died but the need to not get in trouble if the abusive person finds out. The fear of dying and the need to survive was greater than the need to address the grief.
I felt from a water fall when I was 10, that few seconds felt like life-long, and everything around felt so blurry. It terms out the rocky gave me head and back injuries but I didn’t feel any pain during the drop. I use this experience to understand what dissociation feels lik
"How to ENCOURAGE connection with others". Default mode of self-protection for me is volcanic outburst in response to injury. It protects but isolates. Permanently when I'm done. Now I understand. The specifics in this video were the missing pieces. Thank you.
My narc mom used to leave us alone for days at a time when we were little, the first time i remember as the oldest I was four and In charge of my little brothers . I didn't realize how her behavior messed me up so much
it all clicked when I saw your PowerPoint. I knew all of this but I needed to visualize the way you presented it. i see my patterns and you help identity so precisely the causes 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 mind blowing
Love your content. I was in a clinical trial for treatment resistant depression and realized that I didn’t even know how to identify emotions at 64 years old. Have been using mindfulness to connect. Also have no memory of what really happened in our home. Thought it was me all these years.
This video was so helpful for me. I have always thought i was on the spectrum. Im an HSP, and was diagnosed with CPTSD at age 60. Its been a long journey back to health, but knowing how to regulate myself with walking, yoga, music, being in nature etc really helps. I wish I would have had access to this information information 50 years ago.
How I survived my childhood. My dad would RAGE for hours at me. Screaming, in my face, very intense, boiled over rage. I would disassociate completely. To the point I remember very little of these “sessions” I would picture myself riding a horse in the woods.
I wish I could talk to someone like you when I read a post like this. That’s very similar to my childhood… and don’t know people personally who have gone through stuff like this. I still struggle and am 40.
Still struggling at 56, after finally being forced into figuring this out after a chain of tragic and soul-crushing events and a nudge from a chance exposure to another UA-camr, (Richard Grannon) nearly 3 years ago. I've learned a lot from many including Dr. Sage, (at least on the intellectual level)but am still struggling to deal and heal. For me, I have very few POSITIVE memories of childhood and even many of the negative ones have been buried in shallow graves to be stumbled over as I explore this nightmare terrain. When I dissociate (often) my mind goes to parts unknown, but sometimes when I return to my "normal" state of consciousness I will remember having experienced beautiful things in that "other reality", sometimes real memories and sometimes flights of fancy which fade away as if waking from a dream. My interpretation of this at this point is that a part of me remains in the "real" world as a caretaker/protector to deal with all the pain and threats while a more vulnerable younger part(s) lives protected (and imprisoned) in a safer place- the protector part sometimes gets a glimpse into that other world, and occasionally brings something back. Hope that made some kind of sense and is helpful to someone. Best of wishes for you and everyone on this journey through the Underworld of CPTSD.
I so appreciate your authenticity Dr. Sage. Don’t spend too much time worrying about your lip gloss. 😂 I don’t feel comfortable sharing too much with you on UA-cam but I have done an incredible amount of work on CPTSD. Your clear and user friendly language makes this work so much more acceptable to the lay person. I am a retired LICSW and I worked with substance use disorders/dual diagnosis. I was drawn to that work primarily because of my own history. Your video’s help me so much with deepening my understanding of what happens to me when something in present time triggers me back into childhood trauma. My responses and defense mechanisms are becoming clearer to me and I am learning to soften around them and use my safe and caring support system to get me back in my body. You’ve got a new fan and what makes your work so great is that you are very real and honest and up front. Many blessings to you and enjoy those coconut cupcakes. 👏👏👏
Lol on the cupcakes and lipgloss:) Thank you so much for your kind words, and for sharing a bit of your story. It sounds like you've done an amazing amount of work and I know it's not always easy! Thank you too for the work you did in helping others - I know so many of us have deep compassion, and yet also much of it comes from our own stories and desires to help as well. Sincerely appreciate your kind words!!
Thank you so much for this information. Both my parents were not safe and I was constantly under attack physically, mentally psychologically and any other way known to man. I dissociated all the time. I felt as if a glass wall was around me and I could even tap on it. But I couldn't get anyone to hear me. I even screamed and no one heard me. When I tried telling my mother about this she just laughed and thought I was kidding. I wasn't. That glass wall around me stayed. I kept waiting for it to go away but it never did. What actually happened was that it internalized and it wasn't until 50 or so years later that I became aware of this and began knowing it was dissolving. This info was given me in dreams and just verbal guidance in my head that told me it had to slowly dissolve or else it would be too traumatic for me. I have isolated and pushed people away all my life. "People close to you hurt you". And I also caused people like musicians in bands I've been in to get rid of me although I'd done nothing to cause that. I even tested that. I'd hear a musician say something , then wait for maybe 20 minutes, then I'd say the same thing and I was jumped on. This has plagued me all my life. After being raped it got worse. When everyone left the room, I disappeared. OMG Can you imagine? I lived in a commune and my friends took turns sleeping with me so I could sleep. It is only now I am emerging. At the risk of folks thinking I'm crazy I will add that as a child my alcoholic/narcissistic mother taught me how to leave the planet (I won't describe how). Of course she didn't know how to do that and this was spirit coming through her. I'd go to a velvety dark place (the void) where I would ask not who I was, but what I was. No fear and it was nurturing. I believe spirit gave me time outs and healed me during these which lasted into my young adulthood. Anyway Kim, thank thank thank you. I hope this hasn't been TMI.
I am in awe of your content and willingness to help others. I have had much therapy over the years, but not had success lately in finding a new therapist for this season/place in my journey, and you've clarified some things I didn't fully understand and given me much to work with at this point in time. Bless you!!!!!
Thank you for your videos!! They are helping me so MUCH!!! I am personally a freeze and fawner. I have lived 60 years not knowing what was causing all of this. I am now getting the help that I need.
Mine started in childhood. I was adopted and did not have a good attachment to my adoptive parents and avoident. I was also an undiagnosed dyslexic who ended up in low classes at school and struggled finding a job which caused low self esteem and no friends. Found out at 34 years old I was dyslexic and had an IQ of 139 .Ths was supported by me starting a degree in applied science and being in the top 5% .More recently my disassociation has become a bad and negative place so is no longer a safe place .
What do you do to get back to center after a an emotionally draining experience? I do Tai Chi, Shaolin Qigong and Deep Beathing Meditations with soft affirmations playing in the background. Oh yeah, I also go to the water either the Marina or the Lake.
Panic attacks,phobias,anxiety.... my mother is a c###. Evil 😈 person. Clueless about the horrendous lifelong damage she did to me. And she cares even less. Thank you for this video. On point. Makes me feel connected. 👍✋️🙏🙏🙏
It never fails to shock and surprise,se me how NOT alone we are there are millions of us on the spectrum somewhere and knowing that speeds world healing
Dear Dr. Sage, I am closely following your videos. I learn so much, this information is like a soul-saving balm to at last, at 50, to sort my inner self. Please, trust me: you do not waffle on and on, everything you say does make a lot of sense (I follow the transcript too). Now, seeing in a couple of videos that you actually doubting, almost excusing yourself if you are presenting well-enough, I may suggest that it comes from that vulnerable spot we all, your listeners, know too well about. This too helps to mirrow myself and see this is how I do things, I just can't relax and be sure that I've done something good or good enough. My sincere respect for your efforts, genuineness, knowledge and being so real and precise, teaching these much-needed topics. Thank you!
The text was shortened automatically. I am grateful for you being very genuine, gaining the wealth of knowledge and knowing all this by experience. This is what people as myself need so much to get healed. Thank you!
I had a very distinct experience with this at a family celebration where I felt as if I were watching through a window or doorway, right out of Dickens's Christmas Story and the ghost of Christmas past or present. Maybe because I was being treated as if I were invisible. Out of body experience. Hard to explain.
I have also had this sort of experience…. And I honestly don’t know which one came first… did I separate myself from my family first to keep myself safe, or did they separate me out first, because that was my role in the family? It’s all such a tangled up mess of memories and feelings…
Thank you so very much for being such a loving, kind, thoughtful, compassionate person first off, and then doctor. I learned more about myself, even though I’ve been in therapy in years past, they were also kind and didn’t just say all that I showed signs of due to my severe dysfunctioning and and cruel childhood. I’ve been learning more and more the last 6 months, and I stubbles across you on YT within the last 7 days. I am thankful and appreciative of you and the Universe leading me to you. Blessings for you, and love sent for healing🙏🏽💜🙏🏽🙌🏽♥️
Wow, I've always known that I 'separate' myself in lots of situations, but didn't realize what it is. Even going to school and trying to blend, at work, any social occasions, and all into adulthood. Then feeling depleted, exhausted. Even after coming from abuse from the mom, I then became responsible for her care. I put on the face I needed to, to step up to the plate and cope.
I have been listening to countless videos and podcasts trying to basically therapize myself. I have never had treatment or any interference or help. My background is so very severe and I minimized it my whole life experience and never processed anything. This video explains so very much for me I cannot express how much gratitude I have for you. Dr. Sage thank you for being a part of this amazing movement where professionals are providing free content for us who really need it and never get any help. Also, as far as I have seen and listened to I don't feel like anyone has covered this subject and others in a way that that's so relatable and human. ❤
Hi, I am 62 with CPTSD and OCD not diagnosed by the VA until 2017. I am a Gulf War veteran and 2013 WNY Shooting witness. Since my diagnosis I have recovered from divorce, early (forced) retirement, loss of my forever home, and cancer. Back on my feet, solvent and own a new home now, but relationships are nearly non-existent. My contact with others is mostly with a therapist. Though I have agoraphobia, I get out when I can but find family and friends won’t. Since it’s hard for me to go out alone, it’s even harder… I’ve recently learned that I am a Sigma and I do fit the definition well. A personality test years ago flagged me as ISTJ for what it’s worth… I feel like the added knowledge is helpful, which led me to your channel. I’ve subscribed and hope to understand myself better after feeling so lost! Thank you for the insight
Me dissociating so much that I keep having to rewind as I listen to this video: 👁👄👁 Ok but seriously though, I feel like I need to watch this a few more times just because of how much it is really helping me understand parts of who I am and why I do certain things and have certain behavior patterns that I don’t often see in other people.
@@WeAreLegyn I had no idea it was anything. I thought I was just spacey by nature, always assumed it’s because I’m very artistic, (Fine arts). The dreamy/absent minded/tune-out thing is great for creating art - but not for pretty much everything else. I guess I’ve got a combination of artistic absent minded distractedness and the cptsd.
Perhaps as an artist you have unconsciously tapped into a BENEFIT of the CPTSD dissociation, as in maybe the artistic expression is a positive adaptation? I identify very strongly with spacing out while watching content and in many other situations in the past, and on rare occasions under certain circumstances I have had episodes when a fully-formed very vivid narrative, lines of poetry or prose laden with symbolism and metaphor, or visual depiction of a problem I had been wrestling with remain in my conscious mind afterwards- I wish that happened more often; usually I have no awareness of where my mind went or what it was doing. Have you had those types of experiences, and have you analyzed any of your art for subconscious meaning or origins? Would really love to hear others' experience with this, or am I just having repeated psychotic breaks?
@@don-eb3fj oh absolutely. I’ve tried explaining to people that when I “zone out” I can’t recall anything that I was just thinking about. It’s the strangest thing & people usually have a hard time understanding how I can’t remember what I was thinking about especially if I’m zoned out for so long & sometimes I get frustrated when people question me on it because I wanna know just as much as they do lol but I have tried art therapy & to be completely honest, it made my CPTSD worse. However, doing art on my own to express my emotions or thoughts was helpful in a way. It’s complicated because in art therapy I had to draw traumas out & draw things that represent my family & it was all really triggering for some reason but on my own, in my own way, it was helpful.
When you put your little writings on the screen, I wish they’d stay there longer so I could read them or write them down. Thank you for your work.. I’m 73, had tons of therapy and still working on this stuff. I thought this would all be resolved and gone by now…but it isn’t . Namasti. ✌️🌷😇
love these videos! i prescribe them as a support in the work for my patients! thanks for the depth and the love you give them to truly help us help others! you get it and have proven health in healing!
My heart started racing because this is the third video of yours I’ve watched and it feels like you lived my life, but you got adulthood right, lol. Seriously, though, I’ve lived these things and only therapists believe me.
Excellent information Dr Sage. Great examples of defensive styles. Less wordy would be more clear but definitely don’t gaslight yourself. You have great wisdom to share. Thank you
As a 100% P&T disabled combat veteran, I suffer with this. With regularity, I find myself a mile walking up the road when triggered. I'm a mess. My grounded space is to help others and serve. On any given day i could die from a heart attack or stroke. It is a puzzle of puzzles. It is a hurricane of razors.
I've recently realized through abusive family relationships growing up, 2 difficult marriages (One of which threatened my life with a gun numerous times), and my son's death, that I learned very well how to bury my emotions. In my professional career as a nurse, I'd have to dissassociate from some critical events witnessed with my patients. It worked in removing myself behind a barrier at those critical times while the human, inner part of me mourned or cried. I'm no longer working but suffer from frequent nightmares from these life events. The way we treat others leave an indelable mark (not always physical, but psychologically). I'm working on recognizing the root of these CPTSD moments where I'm inwardly triggered/cringing by extreme acts of anger, yelling, & sudden noises.
thank you for this video and really explaining what dissociation is, looks like & that it is a "normal" reaction to trauma...unfortunately, the treatment i have gotten/been receiving makes dissociation look like something only "really crazy people" experience and further label you...which only leads one to further ignore/hide those parts of self. although on some level, i know there are reasons for the way i am/things i do that are results of the things that have happened in my life...i realize that true, authentic, genuine self-compassion is something i have yet to achieve... it's like i say i recognize & agree that i should have it, but i'm really just saying the words while deep down i feel it doesn't really apply to me. i think that's always been my biggest fear.... that while i can help others understand & feel better (i know and understand these concepts on an intellectual level) that somehow i will never truly feel that I am also deserving of them & that they apply to me.... i'm starting to see how very important--the integral role--of self-compassion is...and can i really get there???
Oh my gosh... I feel like I'm cheating on my therapist with this video! But holy BANANAS is this fantastic supplementation for my work with her! 😮 I am blown away at how the way you put things and how they speak to different parts of me, and how that fills in gaps between what she and I have been talking about. 😮
Since my beloved Labrador passed away traumatically last August my dissociation is off the charts. I had a bad migraine yesterday & it’s made my dissociation worse today because I’m completely exhausted between dealing with grief & physical illness. I’m doing everything to process it in healthy ways group therapy, journaling, reading etc. & I’m a trained therapist. CPTSD makes grief more complicated.
So 3 years ago my wife- a social worker- said I fit criteria for FAS - since then I’ve focused on the trama of growing up in 60s early 70s w alcoholic parents I’m still learning to listen and hear people such as yourself
I noticed in my last therapy session that I have a kind of splitting-mechanism going with my parents (and I also notice it in other relationships too). Maybe not the classic idealizing-devaluing splitting like in Borderline but more like a 'this person is safe-this person is dangerous' splitting mechanism. Most of the time I experience my parents as normal, okay, helpful, a little odd, but overall good parents but when someone or something reminds me of the opposite (like seeing actual good parents, from a friend for example; or hearing from others that hey consider my parents to be very strange and controlling/unfair) I 'switch'. I become distant from them, distrustful, sometimes angry or passive-aggressive, until it switches again and I can live with them normally again. I noticed it before low-key but now I have a concept for it, thanks to your video! This was very helpful (also for my therapy). :)
Absolutely the best video ever on the entire concept of truma and generational wounding. The symptoms suffered by conscious ones are just the tip of that cycle of blindness in families. read work concise and enlightening Please can you extend the therapy hints somatic exercises cos after enlightenment nd diagnosis must come healing not digging in the past forever lets all move on!!! God is with us all!
While dissociation is not a healthy long-term coping mechanism, it's good to reflect on how our bodies are allowing dissociation to work to keeping us safe and protected. It may not be nice and enjoyable, but our bodies deserve appreciation for their hard work to keep us alive.
What I understand that is not the body disassociated, but the mind dissociated from the body
But isn't our body not in any physical threat?
Now I understand why if someone starts screaming at me I can't hear or remember what they said. I wonder what it's like to have loving parents? Or any loving person at all? I miss my cat- the only thing on earth who ever looked at me with loving eyes.
I am sorry you went through this. I too did not have loving parents. After being in a abusive workplace I described to my counselor what was going on. For me everything goes black and I can no longer see my abuser, do I can hear everything they say, but I am just an able to answer. I think I can't answer because as a child when I answered I was beaten for not saying what they wanted me say.
Same here and that goes for my cat too
Hi MIkey: I know the feeling of having an animal love you in a way that you don't experience with people. I hope you get another cat. Shelters are filled with cats longing to love someone. When my dogs died, I immeediately found another dog for the same reason I hope you get another cat.
Wow me too it’s my dog … I would never have thought that someone else felt the same way. I pray you find comfort in knowing you are not alone . God Bless us all with happiness✝️
@@jmj1852 You are not alone. That's how they wanted us to be: alone, defneseless and hopeless. Our hope is Jesus and we are not alone.
You really nailed me on this one! I sadly dissociated early on. Super narcissistic borderline mother, angry distant super type A father. Both very powerful people. So much more but not enough room here. Married a narcissistic borderline woman, 35 yrs then I was done, finished and worn out!!!
Trauma, abuse in my early life. I really just tried to cope for years until I went into recovery in my early 20’s. I’m 73 now and just now getting the labels right. I accomplished a lot but I sure wished I had had these videos and tools years ago.
Thank you, your vids are excellent and spot on!!!
Blessings
Thank you so much for sharing this! I too wish we had access to this information years ago. At 73 doing the work is incredible and very inspiring! I understand the the aftermath of a narcissistic/borderline mother and then you attract them your whole life, at 47 still deal with disassociation. I just noticed this was 10 months ago. How are you doing on your healing journey?
It brings me so much feelings of respect seeing how people are taking care of oneselves through the better understanding of the world and modern knowledge, and I am so moved by the fact that the person of your age is getting into deeper understanding of personal story through psychology!
Not powerful people.
Wishing you all the best sir. I'm in my 20s and can relate to you. As I'm going through the same. ❤️
I cried when I found out I had chronic Ptsd.
I call some of my dissociative episodes "going into autopilot". Especially after going through severe trauma, like when we had to remove my son from life support. I was on my "autopilot" for over a year. It was to the point that I was told that I was handling my son's death "very well". Truth be told, I have never dealt with it and it's been over 4 years.
I'm so sorry for your loss 🙏
May God be your comfort 🙏
gentle *hugs*💜
That's so much, I'm sorry
🙏💛❤️
I’m so sorry ❤ for you.
I am so, so sorry for your horrible loss. I totally get it, my son died 3 years ago and I was stunned for the first 2 years, not sure where I am now. Prayers for you and your family.
One good tip for re-associating yourself to reality is to pick up a new instrument, hobby, or craft. Start studying piano, guitar, whatever. Sculpt. Do some new activity which requires a lot of learning. This is extremely helpful to help you become Re-Realized.
Life is hard, that's why there's Art.
I love how your face brightened when your daughter came into the room. That was really sweet. It's so nice to see things like that in real life.
Made me cry actually. Reminded me what it might have been like to have a healthy parent. Can you ever get past the loss of childhood?
@@vm994 I know, right? The other day my driving instructor told me he loves his kids more than anything and I was shocked because I can't even remember my own parents telling me they loved me and here's a stranger just blurting it out all over the place. Those little moments that are so normal to everyone else are so alien to us.
Oprah once quoted someone (maybe Maya) as saying, 'I child knows how you feel about them when they walk into a room and see your face (something like that)'.
It’s like the ‘death of a thousand cuts’ torture, except even when our torturers are out of the picture (or should be) , we take the task onto ourselves.
Yes! ❤😢
I can't get past that I am too sensitive and it is my fault that I get criticized about it. Struggled with this for 62 out of 67 years.
Really good mental health professionals are hard to find in my opinion. Not many like you. This video gives me a good place to start.
My therapist is pretty amazing, though I haven’t fully come to trust him yet, he’s one of the good ones. They are hard to find, however.
My father gives me digs my whole life and favors my brothers...I called to sing happy birthday and he said before I finished "you were never in the choir" -it hurt me so bad I hung up and told him he was mean. He waited a few days and called and "wanted to talk to me!" lecture- I am terrified of him- he's 97 and still so hurtful. I tried to find out about his parents and he shut me up quick and said "they were fine, don't even go there!" What? He's does a lot of comments on my weight and says my friends are patient to be my friends....I had seizures as a kid and they thought I was doing the seizures on purpose- I have epilepsy
My sister sang a song my mother liked at her funeral. Would you believe my narcissist dad said she made a mistake... just one fucking mistake and he had to point it out
So sorry! I identify with much of what you say. Im a grandmother now, but it’s as if part of me is still that child.
My dad to the tee ! Sending love to you girl, it is pure toxicity, unnatural and a type of hurt that no child deserves
Dear Cathy, I'm so sorry , this happens to you. It's wrong🥀. May you heal every second of each new day.♥️🌈♥️
I had a similar experience. I was criticized, accused, berated, insulted and made fun of on a daily basis along with having every aspect of my humanity totally controlled. It takes a huge toll when as a child you are in the process of learning who you are, and the caregivers in charge of you have a personal mission to destroy your sense of self. Its also rejection around every corner. Im so sorry you went through that. My daughter has epilepsy and trying to figure out her illness was one of the most stressful and heartbreaking times in my life. I have seen my daughter have tonic clonic (formerly grand mal ) seizures and IMO he knew you were not faking, he wanted to either show how much he didn’t care or he wanted you to suffer. I hope you can go no contact with that poisoned man.
People are so complex....living is easy but living well is hard. Thank you Dr. Sage.
Living easy is hard-Living hard is easy👉The pain to remain the same must be greater than the pain to change ❤
Dissociation is how I've survived my whole life. You kind of get used to viewing your life like a movie. Now I'm elderly.
❤
❤😢
Me too
wishing you healing
Me too, I’m 64 yrs old, now it’s time to heal, I hope not too late
Dissociation is how survived my childhood.
I was raped in elementary school by a construction worker who was working there. I was floating out of my body... Today I was listening to an old song and his first name was in the song. After decades it all came back and I felt such shame , pain and loathing. My family couldn't hear me speak about it. This sucks, I'm freaking old now and hate myself. I sure got screwed over
Those awful feelings were imposed upon you. When they come, acknowledge them and tell them to get lost and they were never correct. Don’t dwell on them and don’t try to understand them. They don’t belong with you.
@@margyrowland thank you
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Music does this for me as well
Me too
My entire life for 57 years until i got away from my psychotic abusive mother. It’s tragic that when we’re born to an individual such as i was, we know nothing else - we don’t know they’re options. Even as an adult i was the ‘good’ girl and stayed by mom being tormented every day by her. Finally somehow a light came on - looking back, I seriously don’t know how i have survived.
I was born into abuse, by my mother. I learnt to disassociate on purpose when I was about six. I could look down on my body and my mind was separate. I am 66 now and I’m not fully integrated but that’s OK because I’m a Christian and I know when my body dies my soul will be completely released and I’m praying, go to Heaven.
Forgive everyone and you will be forgiven. Forgive to be free from emotional negative bonds . It doesn't mean to excuse what has happened. More about letting it go and step out of the battle. God will wipe the tears from your eyes.
The first time I noticed it was as a child, I was being verbally abused and suddenly it was like I was frozen and hearing sounds muffled underwater. Now I struggle with space out dissociation daily & wish I didn't though I survived my hellish childhood with it
My n my mm
My mother constantly put me down. I was so used to it a BF had to point it out to me. It led to me trying to discuss it with her. It got explosive and I was kicked out of my home at age 16. I’m sure what she did was illegal. Kicking an underage kid out of their home. I went to live with my BF.
The brain is neuroplasitc. You can actually change that. I used to dissociate all the time, whenever "stress" would come. Just daily business and phone calls could cause me to "blow a fuse" and blank out. Then i discovered this process was contributing to alzheimer's by shutting down the hypocampus. So then i wondered if i could reverse this? I began to stay present under stress and low and behold, i dont have to dissociate under stress anymore.
I’m reading Professor Steve Peters book “A Path Through The Jungle” and for the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel better, I really recommend this book.
@@melaniezupan4881 Absolutely the same thing I do and I am very afraid I will have Altimeters. I don't remember hardly anything till 15 or 16. I'm 56 and disabled with Fibromyalgia and Arthritis and bone on bone knees. The Fibro.creates brain fog and memory loss.
Thank you again, what helps me is I stand in front of a mirror, take 2 steps back and talk to yourself, might sound strange but by talking to yourself and saying you will be ok, you did what you needed to do, give myself a hug, take a breath, a smile to yourself (national) and don’t forget to self nurture ❤
I was diagnosed with C PTSD and DID, this is insane how you nailed it right on the head. I always thought I was just a spacey person or a day dreamer because I have always just done this now I know why.
Same here. I was crying at the end.....
I have both of these too.
Me too but my understanding is that structural dissociation only happens in the mind of a child when left brain is underdeveloped. It can’t happen after the age of around 9.
My family was super abusive, my early years were terror, fear, and my only escape was to shut down. They threw me into the street when I was 15. On my own, entirely. At 18 I was just finding my footing...as I waited in the early morning for the bus to take me to my job, I was kidnapped at gunpoint by a serial killer. It took me a week to escape. A week of being brutally beaten and raped. I was his only survivor.
Dissociation is an escape, one I don't like...it's not by choice. I don't like losing time. I don't like a feeling of not being in control.
Thank you Mia for being so courageous. You have helped me help another.
I'm sooooo sorry you had to experience that stuff.♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I'm here if you ever need to talk
Wow, you sound like me, right down to the kidnapping. I had it really ugly-bumpy as well. I'm just finishing up my memoir about it. Super-great spiritual path you are on.
@@vandaloo I'm writing a book, about halfway through and had to take a break. I would love to hear your story.🌹
My mom was narcissistic. After talking to my therapist about my relationship history and past events with her, she asked me if I thought she could have a personality disorder and she wanted me to do some research about narcissistic parents and impacts on daughters
IMHO narcissists are a combination of one and or two things.
1. Inherited from one parent
2. Learned behavior from one parent
A really narcissistic parent usually creates a narcissistic child. Usually the child is either a source or a narcissist.
This isn’t pointing a finger but what I can tell you is that I was a narcissist for 40 years. It was only in learning and awareness that I learned what I was and set out to change it through therapy for trauma.
Identifying it might be there is really the big part of it all. If you can really see that you might be one then being determined enough to work on it.
My entire life has been the poster child for dissociation. Never knew it. Thought I was doing my best to survive as the highly competent, but defective person I was. Always knew it had something to do with my childhood, which I only remember in bits and pieces, more now than ever before (after watching a year's worth of UA-cam videos on CPTSD), ... the validation helps, but the memories are a little more painful than previously. I'm guessing that's a good thing. Thank you for the videos. They really help to bring us from darkness into daylight.
I watched my Father get "taken off the rope" when I was 7, and every Psychologist and Psychiatrist I have ever dealt with brushed it to the side like it was nothing, I am 62 now and have recovered to a certain extent, but thanks for these videos, they explain a lot.
God bless you. Children are Jesus’ favourite people.
I'm so ,so sorry you saw that . absolutely shocking .❤️❤️
😢 I’m so so sorry you had to experience that horror. I can’t even imagine 😭 TRIGGER ⚠️ my brother died by hanging.. self inflicted.. I didn’t see him til he was in his casket.. that itself was so traumatizing, I can’t imagine seeing him like that or being rolled out in a body bag or any of that.. much less as a young child. I can’t believe so many psychologists would brush that off 😢 that makes me so sad!! I hope you get some healing ❤️🩹
@@JayTheeBrave thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. These video are life saving.
I have Complex trauma and your descriptions of dissociation were so common that I didn't know that it wasn't normal I write it off as daydreaming or even a form of thinking. That was 50% of my life. I didn't even that the word disassociation existed until after my diagnosis. My mother used to beat me and then beat me again from crying or begging her to stop.
Same here. I’m an artist. It’s natural. But I guess it can be a combination of artistic absent mindedness and the trauma thing. So yeah. Now I feel better because I embarrass myself sometimes.
And I’m sorry to hear what happened to you. I didn’t have it bad with physical abuse. Just once but it was significant. It altered everything. And caused other effects and events to happen that were traumatic.
I am thr same but more like 90%. My dad used to beat me and then beat me for crying and it would escalate til I just went numb and or blacked out
That is so sad that you went through a childhood that was so abusive! Blessings as you move forward to healing 🙏
My empathy to you epistte 💗
Someone understands...
Im 60 and related to everything your saying.
I disassociate with absolutely EVERYONE!!!.
Following.....
Dissociation happened to me after having encountered a morally insane covert narcissist. It’s a dreadfully frightening thing to experience, it happened after he’d discarded me. Great explanation. Thankyou
Both my parents were scary 😔😭. Narcissistic mother, enabler father who led by intimidation & fear. I was the scapegoat kid who had all the household duties dumped on me beginning age 8-9. Coupled with sexual abuse (no one in my family) beginning also age 8-9 continuing thru adulthood. Lots of stress, trauma, abuse, neglect in my life. Dissociation was how I coped and survived. It still plagues me at 64, but I have an understanding of it now. Thank you for your work and videos.
It is terrible how these traumas of childhood stay with us in later years. I thought they would get more distant. I don’t find that to be true. I wish you well in your healing journey. Hope you have some peace now.
@@beawesome3695
Yes I’ve found, & continue to find peace. I have my days of sadness dissociating sorrow anger…but for the most part, I’m free. Knowledge is power & truth set me free!!! Did deep dive into narcissism beginning December 2021 and it opened the door to knowledge, growth, healing, thriving. Freedom for me 😁☺️.
I can't believe this was 3 yrs ago. Ive been going through this for yrs, yesterday, today and now. 50+ yrs. I feel blessed to have come to see this video. Please don't stop putting your knowledge and education out to people. Thank you Dr Kim
I think I have this because it relates to a big childhood trauma that shattered my family relationships including myself. Trying to end the cycle. Thank you for posting this!
I turned my fantasy world into a journey itself. I love writing from it and have a clever way to heal myself. I also have been approaching shame and one day, I faced it head-on 💪I’m getting stronger.
This comment is old. But wanted to say I do this too. Very good at writing. But sometimes it scares me and I wish to be back in my body or first person. It's weird but it's kind of like watching your life like a movie.
Ack!! I had a therapist I adored who kept saying she thought I was Borderline PD and I never thought that was right.
Luckily my awesome MD agreed I was not BPD and I finally got my PTSD and OCD (obsessive thought dominant) diagnosis from him.
After that came correct meds, and so much more healthy thinking patterns became possible.
Love you Dr. B!!! Wherever you are ❤
As my mother got crazier my father took me with him as often as he could..
But she still got crazier and he started drinking heavily..BUT HE WAS THE RELIABLE PARENT...
Everyone was scared of HER so they blamed all the family problems on my father's drinking...
So she got copped a pass EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE REALLY KNEW HOW CRAZY SHE WAS..
EVEN after she broke my eardrum with a beating using an umbrella...and I had to leave for nearly a year...
MOST people were led to believe I and my father were the problems...
Pitiful...
Dorothy, I am so sorry that happened to you. I pray you are healing and finding joy.
I used to dissasociate at school, the only way I could escape bullies.
Overcame this recently at work though its been a long x hard journey x x
My disassociation has always left me with a feeling of losing time . . Headaches dizziness. Head tingling hot flushing through my head . A feeling of sickness. Always comes on when stressed . I suffer with cptsd and borderline personality disorder. When ive spoken with mental health professionals. They don't like that a question them . Steps to well-being and mindfulness dont work and the psychologist work from a bs script and cant think for themselves. Ive been suffering for over 40 years.
Thank you for helping me understand how to recognize my CPTSD. I lived thru 911, Im an adult child of an alcoholic, and still struggle with triggers on coping with dysfunctions. Step one is recognizing where it comes from. Yes, Ive been in therapy for years and Im working the program.
Thank you so much for this video. This is totally how I have been operating and experiencing life. I thought I was weird until now. I'm on short term disability and have been getting help. Family and friends don't understand... they ask me where's the "other" you, the one who can fix everything? My left side broke down and my right side is screaming for help. I have started art therapy. Constantly mis diagnosed as manic but found a great therapist who have diagnosed me with complex PTSD and S.A.D. The fire fighter in me is exhausted. I am learning about healthy boundaries to keep me safe and sane. Everything you have said resonates with me and I don't feel like such a freak and weak anymore. I think part of the complexity of not having a healthy and stable caregiver definitely caused me to be over compassionate and leads to disassociation to that safe place.I was feeling ashamed but my therapist have told me they are suprised I managed to keep going so long. Thank you for helping me to understand my behavior. I'm going to get better. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)
Thank you, Dr Sage. I've been in therapy intermittently for decades and not once have I heard cptsd mentioned. I had agoraphobia and depression as a small child, before it was even named as such. Thought I was crazy. Terrified of my own body and safety on daily basis. Frightened of when this "thing" would overtake me. Have gotten much better but still have low self esteem and believe I'm defective in some way. One does not need abusive caregivers to have cptsd. Thank you again❤
I learned some new things about myself. TY. The length of video and content were understandable and professional. Bless you for producing on this channel. Many people are unable to afford therapy. Your content changes people so they can relate healthier.
Thank you so much, this explains things I could never put into words before
Thank you, finding CBT, extremely difficult as a treatment. C-PTSD is so misunderstood as it’s so faceted. Grateful for this.
You are a godsend. My family and I are dealing with trauma and the after affects and your warm, compassionate healing words are just what the doctor ordered. You are very much appreciated. T y
I’m a survivor of Diffused Large B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The cancer was brought on by trauma and aggravated by stress. Cortisol is a factor in cancer. I’ve learned that more than genetics; family dynamics and dysfunction have more to do with disease (dis ease); especially auto immune diseases. If your family is dysfunctional and always have been, you don’t know it’s not normal. When you discover that your normal is not healthy, you don’t know what healthy looks like.
I’m so grateful for this information and techniques for healing and coping. Thank you for sharing practical advise that we can implement at home.
I've had what is now called CPTSD since I was 4, You have explained more and spot on information than I can express. You give actual and clear methods and triggers and it gives me hope than at least you understand us, best advice I had since it all started, Thank You. I really look forward to hearing more as you have time. God Bless.
Thank you most sincerely Dr Sage. From the age of 2yrs I lived with my mother and stepfather. He sexually, mentally and physically abused me. This continued until I was sixteen and left home. Of course as a child I developed coping strategies in order to survive. In my 50s my psychiatrist diagnosed me as borderline which I could not accept. Then after much years of research I realised that I am suffering from cptsd.
Thank you for making this video💚I was diagnosed with complex ptsd my senior year in high school (2020-2021) and again in freshman year of university in around October 2021. I’ve been watching as many informational videos as possible during my winter break because being alone more often, I’m giving myself space to process and heal. I think journaling is huge for me. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this. I feel” highway hypnosis “ but outside of driving, like walking around my college campus, random moments I’ll just look down at my arms and be like… wait I’m here right now? Like I magically dropped there. It happened once in a store with my friend. I was looking at animals and then I just completely freaked out inside and got afraid and had to find my friend and I wanted her to bring me back. I knew she was there but I felt like a kid lost in a huge department store
I don't know how I could have gone to school if I didn't dissociate but then got there and felt stunned, unable to learn, tired, exhausted, worn out as a kid. In one sense dissociation is the ability to put that parcel of trauma etc. away and go off to the activity example school and hiding the distress and sadness. Being ordered to not speak about the 5 year old friend who died but the need to not get in trouble if the abusive person finds out. The fear of dying and the need to survive was greater than the need to address the grief.
I felt from a water fall when I was 10, that few seconds felt like life-long, and everything around felt so blurry. It terms out the rocky gave me head and back injuries but I didn’t feel any pain during the drop. I use this experience to understand what dissociation feels lik
You are becoming such a huge part of my recovery! I genuinely appreciate your work. May God bless you ❤️❤️❤️
"How to ENCOURAGE connection with others". Default mode of self-protection for me is volcanic outburst in response to injury. It protects but isolates. Permanently when I'm done. Now I understand. The specifics in this video were the missing pieces. Thank you.
My narc mom used to leave us alone for days at a time when we were little, the first time i remember as the oldest I was four and In charge of my little brothers . I didn't realize how her behavior messed me up so much
it all clicked when I saw your PowerPoint. I knew all of this but I needed to visualize the way you presented it.
i see my patterns and you help identity so precisely the causes 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 mind blowing
Love your content. I was in a clinical trial for treatment resistant depression and realized that I didn’t even know how to identify emotions at 64 years old. Have been using mindfulness to connect. Also have no memory of what really happened in our home. Thought it was me all these years.
♥️💛🤍💙💜🧡
This video was so helpful for me. I have always thought i was on the spectrum. Im an HSP, and was diagnosed with CPTSD at age 60. Its been a long journey back to health, but knowing how to regulate myself with walking, yoga, music, being in nature etc really helps. I wish I would have had access to this information information 50 years ago.
How I survived my childhood. My dad would RAGE for hours at me. Screaming, in my face, very intense, boiled over rage.
I would disassociate completely. To the point I remember very little of these “sessions”
I would picture myself riding a horse in the woods.
I wish I could talk to someone like you when I read a post like this. That’s very similar to my childhood… and don’t know people personally who have gone through stuff like this. I still struggle and am 40.
Still struggling at 56, after finally being forced into figuring this out after a chain of tragic and soul-crushing events and a nudge from a chance exposure to another UA-camr, (Richard Grannon) nearly 3 years ago. I've learned a lot from many including Dr. Sage, (at least on the intellectual level)but am still struggling to deal and heal.
For me, I have very few POSITIVE memories of childhood and even many of the negative ones have been buried in shallow graves to be stumbled over as I explore this nightmare terrain. When I dissociate (often) my mind goes to parts unknown, but sometimes when I return to my "normal" state of consciousness I will remember having experienced beautiful things in that "other reality", sometimes real memories and sometimes flights of fancy which fade away as if waking from a dream. My interpretation of this at this point is that a part of me remains in the "real" world as a caretaker/protector to deal with all the pain and threats while a more vulnerable younger part(s) lives protected (and imprisoned) in a safer place- the protector part sometimes gets a glimpse into that other world, and occasionally brings something back. Hope that made some kind of sense and is helpful to someone. Best of wishes for you and everyone on this journey through the Underworld of CPTSD.
I so appreciate your authenticity Dr. Sage. Don’t spend too much time worrying about your lip gloss. 😂 I don’t feel comfortable sharing too much with you on UA-cam but I have done an incredible amount of work on CPTSD. Your clear and user friendly language makes this work so much more acceptable to the lay person. I am a retired LICSW and I worked with substance use disorders/dual diagnosis. I was drawn to that work primarily because of my own history. Your video’s help me so much with deepening my understanding of what happens to me when something in present time triggers me back into childhood trauma. My responses and defense mechanisms are becoming clearer to me and I am learning to soften around them and use my safe and caring support system to get me back in my body. You’ve got a new fan and what makes your work so great is that you are very real and honest and up front. Many blessings to you and enjoy those coconut cupcakes. 👏👏👏
Lol on the cupcakes and lipgloss:) Thank you so much for your kind words, and for sharing a bit of your story. It sounds like you've done an amazing amount of work and I know it's not always easy! Thank you too for the work you did in helping others - I know so many of us have deep compassion, and yet also much of it comes from our own stories and desires to help as well. Sincerely appreciate your kind words!!
Thank you so much for this information. Both my parents were not safe and I was constantly under attack physically, mentally psychologically and any other way known to man. I dissociated all the time. I felt as if a glass wall was around me and I could even tap on it. But I couldn't get anyone to hear me. I even screamed and no one heard me. When I tried telling my mother about this she just laughed and thought I was kidding. I wasn't. That glass wall around me stayed. I kept waiting for it to go away but it never did. What actually happened was that it internalized and it wasn't until 50 or so years later that I became aware of this and began knowing it was dissolving. This info was given me in dreams and just verbal guidance in my head that told me it had to slowly dissolve or else it would be too traumatic for me. I have isolated and pushed people away all my life. "People close to you hurt you". And I also caused people like musicians in bands I've been in to get rid of me although I'd done nothing to cause that. I even tested that. I'd hear a musician say something , then wait for maybe 20 minutes, then I'd say the same thing and I was jumped on. This has plagued me all my life. After being raped it got worse. When everyone left the room, I disappeared. OMG Can you imagine? I lived in a commune and my friends took turns sleeping with me so I could sleep. It is only now I am emerging. At the risk of folks thinking I'm crazy I will add that as a child my alcoholic/narcissistic mother taught me how to leave the planet (I won't describe how). Of course she didn't know how to do that and this was spirit coming through her. I'd go to a velvety dark place (the void) where I would ask not who I was, but what I was. No fear and it was nurturing. I believe spirit gave me time outs and healed me during these which lasted into my young adulthood. Anyway Kim, thank thank thank you. I hope this hasn't been TMI.
Your story speaks to me. I also feel completely separate from everyone else. I have minimal concept of healthy attachment.
You’re an underrated resource on UA-cam! You deserve 3x as many subscribers as you have! Thank you for your help
I am in awe of your content and willingness to help others. I have had much therapy over the years, but not had success lately in finding a new therapist for this season/place in my journey, and you've clarified some things I didn't fully understand and given me much to work with at this point in time. Bless you!!!!!
You're doing so much for me right now. You are saying things that are saving my life. Thank you so much for Educating
Thank you for your videos!! They are helping me so MUCH!!! I am personally a freeze and fawner. I have lived 60 years not knowing what was causing all of this. I am now getting the help that I need.
Am I the only one in tears after that compassionate statement at the end 😭
Mine started in childhood. I was adopted and did not have a good attachment to my adoptive parents and avoident. I was also an undiagnosed dyslexic who ended up in low classes at school and struggled finding a job which caused low self esteem and no friends. Found out at 34 years old I was dyslexic and had an IQ of 139 .Ths was supported by me starting a degree in applied science and being in the top 5% .More recently my disassociation has become a bad and negative place so is no longer a safe place .
I love everyone here.
You look so much like Jessica Lange!
Thank you:)!!
Omg you are so right!
She does
Dr Sage. Do you prefer Dr Kim or Dr Sage or Kim?
What do you do to get back to center after a an emotionally draining experience? I do Tai Chi, Shaolin Qigong and Deep Beathing Meditations with soft affirmations playing in the background.
Oh yeah, I also go to the water either the Marina or the Lake.
I could go on about this. Currently been stuck disassociating in car for 5 hours. The usual.
Panic attacks,phobias,anxiety.... my mother is a c###. Evil 😈 person. Clueless about the horrendous lifelong damage she did to me. And she cares even less. Thank you for this video. On point. Makes me feel connected. 👍✋️🙏🙏🙏
❤
2nd that 😢
3rd this 💜
4th
It never fails to shock and surprise,se me how NOT alone we are there are millions of us on the spectrum somewhere and knowing that speeds world healing
Dear Dr. Sage, I am closely following your videos. I learn so much, this information is like a soul-saving balm to at last, at 50, to sort my inner self. Please, trust me: you do not waffle on and on, everything you say does make a lot of sense (I follow the transcript too). Now, seeing in a couple of videos that you actually doubting, almost excusing yourself if you are presenting well-enough, I may suggest that it comes from that vulnerable spot we all, your listeners, know too well about. This too helps to mirrow myself and see this is how I do things, I just can't relax and be sure that I've done something good or good enough. My sincere respect for your efforts, genuineness, knowledge and being so real and precise, teaching these much-needed topics. Thank you!
The text was shortened automatically. I am grateful for you being very genuine, gaining the wealth of knowledge and knowing all this by experience. This is what people as myself need so much to get healed. Thank you!
I had a very distinct experience with this at a family celebration where I felt as if I were watching through a window or doorway, right out of Dickens's Christmas Story and the ghost of Christmas past or present. Maybe because I was being treated as if I were invisible. Out of body experience. Hard to explain.
I have also had this sort of experience…. And I honestly don’t know which one came first… did I separate myself from my family first to keep myself safe, or did they separate me out first, because that was my role in the family? It’s all such a tangled up mess of memories and feelings…
I understand it.
@@Lyrielonwind I too understand bless you 🙏
That happens to me all the time, things dont real almost animated. My therapist said i was disassociating, first time i realized shes right.
Thank you so very much for being such a loving, kind, thoughtful, compassionate person first off, and then doctor. I learned more about myself, even though I’ve been in therapy in years past, they were also kind and didn’t just say all that I showed signs of due to my severe dysfunctioning and and cruel childhood. I’ve been learning more and more the last 6 months, and I stubbles across you on YT within the last 7 days. I am thankful and appreciative of you and the Universe leading me to you. Blessings for you, and love sent for healing🙏🏽💜🙏🏽🙌🏽♥️
Wow, I've always known that I 'separate' myself in lots of situations, but didn't realize what it is. Even going to school and trying to blend, at work, any social occasions, and all into adulthood. Then feeling depleted, exhausted. Even after coming from abuse from the mom, I then became responsible for her care. I put on the face I needed to, to step up to the plate and cope.
I call it it going "Auto Pilot" it's got me through alot but forget how I got through 🤔
Dr Kim we all truly appreciate you and all the knowledge you share with us! I can’t wait to get myself into therapy ❤
I have been listening to countless videos and podcasts trying to basically therapize myself. I have never had treatment or any interference or help. My background is so very severe and I minimized it my whole life experience and never processed anything. This video explains so very much for me I cannot express how much gratitude I have for you. Dr. Sage thank you for being a part of this amazing movement where professionals are providing free content for us who really need it and never get any help. Also, as far as I have seen and listened to I don't feel like anyone has covered this subject and others in a way that that's so relatable and human. ❤
Hi, I am 62 with CPTSD and OCD not diagnosed by the VA until 2017. I am a Gulf War veteran and 2013 WNY Shooting witness. Since my diagnosis I have recovered from divorce, early (forced) retirement, loss of my forever home, and cancer. Back on my feet, solvent and own a new home now, but relationships are nearly non-existent. My contact with others is mostly with a therapist.
Though I have agoraphobia, I get out when I can but find family and friends won’t. Since it’s hard for me to go out alone, it’s even harder…
I’ve recently learned that I am a Sigma and I do fit the definition well. A personality test years ago flagged me as ISTJ for what it’s worth…
I feel like the added knowledge is helpful, which led me to your channel. I’ve subscribed and hope to understand myself better after feeling so lost! Thank you for the insight
Thank you for the message. You are very appreciated. God Bless
This was so helpful and the acknowledgement of these behaviours really means a lot, thank you.
Me dissociating so much that I keep having to rewind as I listen to this video: 👁👄👁
Ok but seriously though, I feel like I need to watch this a few more times just because of how much it is really helping me understand parts of who I am and why I do certain things and have certain behavior patterns that I don’t often see in other people.
The having to rewind to watch things when I disassociate happens all the time and I hate it. But I'm trying to learn to deal withit
@@WeAreLegyn I had no idea it was anything. I thought I was just spacey by nature, always assumed it’s because I’m very artistic, (Fine arts). The dreamy/absent minded/tune-out thing is great for creating art - but not for pretty much everything else. I guess I’ve got a combination of artistic absent minded distractedness and the cptsd.
Me🙂
Perhaps as an artist you have unconsciously tapped into a BENEFIT of the CPTSD dissociation, as in maybe the artistic expression is a positive adaptation? I identify very strongly with spacing out while watching content and in many other situations in the past, and on rare occasions under certain circumstances I have had episodes when a fully-formed very vivid narrative, lines of poetry or prose laden with symbolism and metaphor, or visual depiction of a problem I had been wrestling with remain in my conscious mind afterwards- I wish that happened more often; usually I have no awareness of where my mind went or what it was doing. Have you had those types of experiences, and have you analyzed any of your art for subconscious meaning or origins? Would really love to hear others' experience with this, or am I just having repeated psychotic breaks?
@@don-eb3fj oh absolutely. I’ve tried explaining to people that when I “zone out” I can’t recall anything that I was just thinking about. It’s the strangest thing & people usually have a hard time understanding how I can’t remember what I was thinking about especially if I’m zoned out for so long & sometimes I get frustrated when people question me on it because I wanna know just as much as they do lol but I have tried art therapy & to be completely honest, it made my CPTSD worse. However, doing art on my own to express my emotions or thoughts was helpful in a way. It’s complicated because in art therapy I had to draw traumas out & draw things that represent my family & it was all really triggering for some reason but on my own, in my own way, it was helpful.
When you put your little writings on the screen, I wish they’d stay there longer so I could read them or write them down. Thank you for your work.. I’m 73, had tons of therapy and still working on this stuff. I thought this would all be resolved and gone by now…but it isn’t
. Namasti. ✌️🌷😇
This is one of the most relatable video I have watched about dissociation. Thank you so much ❤🙏✨
I felt myself come back after this video understanding why is occurs has really helped❤
love these videos! i prescribe them as a support in the work for my patients! thanks for the depth and the love you give them to truly help us help others! you get it and have proven health in healing!
Thank-you for taking the time to make these videos. You are very helpful.
Never heard such a professional and thoroughful psycho-analysis, you are great, thank you for this video.
Thank you for helping me move forward in my healing adventures. You are refreshing to listening and let me feel safe 🙏
My heart started racing because this is the third video of yours I’ve watched and it feels like you lived my life, but you got adulthood right, lol. Seriously, though, I’ve lived these things and only therapists believe me.
YOU THROW EVERYTHING , INCLUDING THE KITCHEN SINK. WOW!!!
Excellent information Dr Sage. Great examples of defensive styles. Less wordy would be more clear but definitely don’t gaslight yourself. You have great wisdom to share. Thank you
thank you so much for sharing this info. you've cleared up a lot of confusion for me regarding relationships with family members. God bless you!! :)
As a 100% P&T disabled combat veteran, I suffer with this. With regularity, I find myself a mile walking up the road when triggered. I'm a mess. My grounded space is to help others and serve. On any given day i could die from a heart attack or stroke. It is a puzzle of puzzles. It is a hurricane of razors.
I've recently realized through abusive family relationships growing up, 2 difficult marriages (One of which threatened my life with a gun numerous times), and my son's death, that I learned very well how to bury my emotions.
In my professional career as a nurse, I'd have to dissassociate from some critical events witnessed with my patients.
It worked in removing myself behind a barrier at those critical times while the human, inner part of me mourned or cried. I'm no longer working but suffer from frequent nightmares from these life events.
The way we treat others leave an indelable mark (not always physical, but psychologically).
I'm working on recognizing the root of these CPTSD moments where I'm inwardly triggered/cringing by extreme acts of anger, yelling, & sudden noises.
The chart really helps. I wonder if writing the examples would be helpful in getting the point across.
Thank you so much Dr. Kim.
thank you for this video and really explaining what dissociation is, looks like & that it is a "normal" reaction to trauma...unfortunately, the treatment i have gotten/been receiving makes dissociation look like something only "really crazy people" experience and further label you...which only leads one to further ignore/hide those parts of self. although on some level, i know there are reasons for the way i am/things i do that are results of the things that have happened in my life...i realize that true, authentic, genuine self-compassion is something i have yet to achieve... it's like i say i recognize & agree that i should have it, but i'm really just saying the words while deep down i feel it doesn't really apply to me. i think that's always been my biggest fear.... that while i can help others understand & feel better (i know and understand these concepts on an intellectual level) that somehow i will never truly feel that I am also deserving of them & that they apply to me.... i'm starting to see how very important--the integral role--of self-compassion is...and can i really get there???
Your video is a BLESSING 🙌🏾 🙏🏽. Words are not enough.
Oh my gosh... I feel like I'm cheating on my therapist with this video! But holy BANANAS is this fantastic supplementation for my work with her! 😮 I am blown away at how the way you put things and how they speak to different parts of me, and how that fills in gaps between what she and I have been talking about. 😮
Thank you. My doctors have never talked about this that I can recall.
Since my beloved Labrador passed away traumatically last August my dissociation is off the charts. I had a bad migraine yesterday & it’s made my dissociation worse today because I’m completely exhausted between dealing with grief & physical illness. I’m doing everything to process it in healthy ways group therapy, journaling, reading etc. & I’m a trained therapist. CPTSD makes grief more complicated.
So 3 years ago my wife- a social worker- said I fit criteria for FAS - since then I’ve focused on the trama of growing up in 60s early 70s w alcoholic parents I’m still learning to listen and hear people such as yourself
I noticed in my last therapy session that I have a kind of splitting-mechanism going with my parents (and I also notice it in other relationships too). Maybe not the classic idealizing-devaluing splitting like in Borderline but more like a 'this person is safe-this person is dangerous' splitting mechanism.
Most of the time I experience my parents as normal, okay, helpful, a little odd, but overall good parents but when someone or something reminds me of the opposite (like seeing actual good parents, from a friend for example; or hearing from others that hey consider my parents to be very strange and controlling/unfair) I 'switch'. I become distant from them, distrustful, sometimes angry or passive-aggressive, until it switches again and I can live with them normally again.
I noticed it before low-key but now I have a concept for it, thanks to your video! This was very helpful (also for my therapy). :)
Absolutely the best video ever on the entire concept of truma and generational wounding. The symptoms suffered by conscious ones are just the tip of that cycle of blindness in families. read work concise and enlightening Please can you extend the therapy hints somatic exercises cos after enlightenment nd diagnosis must come healing not digging in the past forever lets all move on!!! God is with us all!