Smash Ultimate Roster: Who's Actually Smashed? Tier List

[@CaptainAstronaut]

Yes this is a dumb video. Don't forget to Subscribe lol
Update 1:
Ken from Street Fighter is apparently married and has a kid now. I haven't played a Street Fighter since Street Fighter 2 Turbo World Championship Edition, where he was still a Chad.
I've been getting mixed reports on Joker and what's implied to happen in certain scenes in Persona 5, but he is a high school student, so I'm still going to err on the side of virgo
Update 2: February 17th, 2021
Pyra & Mythra: Y'all already know I've played Xenoblade 2 lol. Despite their designs that...leave very little to the imagination, they're both 500 year old beings, but they've only been awake for 2 of those years. Addam does not bone Mythra in the Prequel DLC, and there's no way Rex of all people boned either of them during the main game. So I'm going to go with "Probably Virgins" Tier, and given that Pyra & Mythra are technically artificial lifeforms, you could even make the argument that they're go with ROB and Megaman into the "Is a Robot" Tier.
Update 3: June 2021
Kazuya Mishima: I don't think he ever officially got married, but he is the father of Jin Kazama, another Tekken protagonist starting with Tekken 3, so he goes into the "Has Kids" Tier
Update 4: October 2021
Sora Kingdom Hearts: Is a child.

[@Clepto_and_Co]

This isn't dumb, this is art

[@_bofu]

no its not

[@rafaelblackman9879]

Ken is canonically married

[@potatoforfun3186]

I haven't played Xenoblade 2 so I wonder where your gonna rank the new characters.

[@aggapuffin]

In one of the implied scenes, the character he's implied to do the deed with says, "I was thinking... maybe we could study some things we don't have experience in yet...", so he has definitely done it.

[@Tyranogre]

Sex doesn’t exist in the Mario universe. Babies canonically come from the Stork.

[@wingedbluj1674]

It's literally the plot of Yoshi's Island!

[@0nion_Rings]

They boned the stork.

[@JohnLover1179]

@@0nion_Rings Uh Oh

[@zxylo786]

Well you see Luigi, when a paissanno puts his spaguetti noodle into a mama mias raviolli, a bambino covered in prosciutto comes out 9 months later.

[@JohnLover1179]

@@zxylo786 What does any of that have to do with babies? Mario, I don't understand!

[@__Rasse__]

Link is not a virgin. There's a botw speedrun category called Get Laid%.

[@jayboni541]

praise scottfalco

[@derpybreads2212]

@@jayboni541 praise smallant

[@residentfacehead3465]

You could also argue that he did it with Mipha.

[@azophi]

@@residentfacehead3465 he literally didn't tho xd
Mipha was crushing on him and was about to tell the princess but then she died :(

[@jayboni541]

@@azophi she died :((((

[@kevinkevin9525]

Bayonetta f*cked the entire competitive scene of Smash at one point. She really is a CHAD.

[@kindajustvibin]

That doesn't include the children, right?

[@samrichey7170]

@@kindajustvibin :)

[@ThatOneWeirdFlex]

*fucked up, you mean

[@Mothlord03]

God damn Bayonetta

[@Solarballs77]

@@samrichey7170 hold Za fuck up

[@pav-el4047]

"This tier list is based on in-game canon"
"Wii Fit is a Chad"
The game is literally just you exercising

[@maxalain9948]

Exercise makes you a Chad. Not that hard to connect the dots

[@mr.equity1120]

He didn’t used the canon at all I mean fox is married to crystal and he didn’t mentioned that.

[@stevenbobbybills]

@@mr.equity1120 he does mention that Fox could have fucked Crystal, he just doesn't know the series well enough to know that they're actually together.
Which is fair, I didn't know until I read your comment.

[@k-leb4671]

@@mr.equity1120 is that the canon storyline of Star Fox Command?

[@TheDukethofPuzzles]

Little mac: *Is 17*
"Yeah, probably a chad"

[@bambifnf6616]

Pit:
*SIMP*
dark pit:
*dark SIMP*

[@marcoasturias8520]

That's just a simp again

[@drasticplastic1218]

Congratulations. The term "Dark simp" has actually killed me and you get a like

[@bambifnf6616]

Now am pro killer

[@marrqi7wini54]

@@drasticplastic1218
Otherwise known as an incel.

[@lunarkomet]

@@drasticplastic1218 it was in the video already...

[@MrDobleO]

"Ink. isn't. cum.
Except that time it was"
That was so silly I love it

[@strucktwice6067]

Now we just need to know where and how they got all that cum from...
And why the girl inklings can also use it... wait-

[@thenightmare9368]

@@strucktwice6067 I know there the Ink is from ? 😏 *Insert FBI Open Up Meme here*

[@strucktwice6067]

@@thenightmare9368 *OH SHI-*

[@patmurph7769]

Is ink like inkling blood

[@themustardman219]

@@strucktwice6067 The bosses.

[@bigchiefcxlvi7292]

Hearing “Isabelle. She’s way too cute. Virgin” in a deep, raspy voice made my day.

[@kylewoodowens4488]

Isabelle is in a relationship with Doom Slayer don't @ me.

[@Hugo-yz1vb]

Nah she's getting that Doom treatment from the Slayer

[@Ninjujitsu]

And incredibly based.

[@Donja-mz6hp]

She's getting doomed on bed

[@thekooptroop428]

While Ken is indeed a CHAD, he also has a wife and a kid so he should go into the "married" tier

[@megmanxtreme64]

My point exactly!

[@pablovelasquez6917]

Yep, thats true. And with ryu i will say he could be a virgin, because he is not interested in anything but perfecting his style. So i guess he es more like a warrior monk and probably virgin

[@dush.1746]

@@pablovelasquez6917 Ryu Is a wizard

[@drillsharkprince2982]

Same with snake, he has a husband and daughter

[@jmf_drawings]

Having a wife and children is the highest point in the CHAD category.

[@OlmiOP]

Someone forgot the fact that Ken has a wife

[@kyrogamingvt9716]

Yeah its Ryu, he got it right

[@dabluepittoo-aqua4213]

And that King K. Rool also has a wife

[@OlmiOP]

@@dabluepittoo-aqua4213 I forgot about that one too

[@pottedplant37_]

He alsi has a kid. This is confirmed in Ken's ending in SF3:Second Impact.

[@pottedplant37_]

Also, Ryu's 'Eternal Wanderer' status, it kinda iplies that he's not gonna start a family time soon.

[@michaellogozzo2073]

“I’m going to put all of you in the CHAD tier”
We’re gamers... you’re giving us too much credit

[@imagery5425]

Heh.

[@ordinarylittlebastard3248]

Shhhhh...We don't know what might happen if he finds out,

[@louctendo1321]

What does he have against short Man

[@firebolt2211]

i like how his voice progressively gets lower.

[@jenkohr]

Chrom and lucina are direct descendants of Marth so there is 0 speculation that Marth isn’t a virgin

[@robmacher3253]

Well, much like the whole deal with Ike and Priam, Marth does have a sister who gets together with Merric so some could argue Chrom to be her descendant due to how loosely the term is used in Fire Emblem (like with Marth being said to be Anri's descendant despite the latter never getting married and Anri's brother being stated to be Marth's great grandfather). I do think it's more likely then not that Marth and Caeda got it going at some point, but that one point is something you can argue about.

[@jenkohr]

@@robmacher3253 I believe that due to the circumstances of awakening's creation of most likely being the last fire emblem game, it would make the most sense by far that chrom was a direct descendant of marth

[@robmacher3253]

@@jenkohr I do agree, i just brought that point up because it's something you can debate about.

[@ChillstoneBlakeBlast]

They may not be descendants. Look at Tiki/Robin Support in Awakening. Although the Falchion seals the deal, but it'a most likely.

[@fujonazuna]

If caeda dies?

[@tannerbirb6385]

As far as Joker is concerned, assuming you date only one of the girls, there's a part on Valentine's Day that heavily implies they go up to his room and "reveal their true forms". I think CHAD works better.

[@brayqr6027]

Even if you date all, as long as you pick one of them on Valentine's, Joker definitely is on Chad tier.

[@tannerbirb6385]

@@brayqr6027 I forgot that was also a possibility. I always felt bad about even the prospect of leading multiple girls on and only ever stuck with one.

[@brayqr6027]

@@tannerbirb6385 Same. I usually just go with Ann.

[@tannerbirb6385]

@@brayqr6027 Makoto or Futaba for me. Though I'll probably stick with the new girl when I get around to playing Royal.

[@brayqr6027]

@@tannerbirb6385 Ah nice. She's pretty good. Only annoying catch is there are fewer romantic moments with them compared to everyone else, from what I heard.

[@marioalbertomoreno3819]

I mean, Robin is such a Harem master that he controls the love life of his friends to ensure that their kids have the best growths

[@peterduprey7286]

Miis can actually have babies in Tomodachi Life for the 3DS, so from a canonical standpoint, they are indeed chads.

[@squee-g1658]

Wario actually chose money over getting married to a princess in one of his games XD

[@zaidhernandez4601]

I mean royal politics can get messy so...makes sense

[@patmurph7769]

I would choose money over a princess any day

[@patmurph7769]

@Taelin Cusic Like that's ever gonna happen

[@k-leb4671]

Being married to royalty usually leads to a lot of money though

[@HootyHoot_9]

@@k-leb4671 If Scrooge McDuck has taught me anything, treasure hunting is where it's AT. Wario did the right thing

[@Ehtomit]

*Fox* : Wild animal
Seems right.
*Falco* : Virgin
Incomprehensible, have a bad night

[@Nitosa]

He's technically not '' wild'' just a bird man.

[@B_A-tr]

@@Nitosa but fox isnt a wild animal either. Hes more human than fox

[@shupasopni]

Based on Falco's comic I would agree with the video. Dude chooses not to smash.

[@lll.24601]

Falco is one word: Bisexual

[@traverse_danikuuu]

Their ANTHROPOMORPHIC ANIMALS so they are a combination of human and traditional animals which means well, they clap each other like humans do

[@shinobu3617]

I don't think Ike's ending with Ranulf is ever implied romantic.
But his ending with Soren definitely is. Ike is the most underrated dragon-f*cker in the franchise.

[@sadgirlhours4088]

He's just like me fr

[@SilentMeteorite]

Isn't every other ending in the game explicitly romantic though? I would assume that would imply *something* was going on between Ike & Ranulf

[@TyTeaStrings]

Joker is a chad if you choose Takemi. She takes you upstairs for a “thorough examination.” ;)

[@TyTeaStrings]

@Taelin Cusic not really. Takemi literally comes to your place late at night and tells you that she’s going to give you a thorough examination.

[@ruinedgore]

It’s with almost every other girl, but the message is “... spent some time alone together”

[@FrostedMike]

The OVA of the anime shows that Joker kissed all of them, but Takemi spesificly also went farther.
I don't know if it's canon or not, but if it is then the harem route is the canon route...

[@vwtifuljoe954]

Pyra and Mithra
New category: is a sword

[@Destian_1]

They aren't actually the sword. They are called "Blades", but they beings manifested from a crystal, and the sword is a means to manifest their elemental energy.
Also, keeping the way Blades "reproduce" in mind, they are Virgin.

[@n00bplayer72]

IIRC the game implies Mythra is kinda kinky. She starts blushing at the phrase "One-eyed monster", not to mention what she tries to do with Rex while she's sleepwalking.

[@rasp44]

Robots maybe?

[@simospetrakis8180]

@@Destian_1 they could still may bang for not reproducing reasons😏

[@jerryborjon]

They definitely boned, but they definitely didn’t bone Rex.

[@cannonballking7]

The tier list nobody openly wanted, but everyone has pondered.

[@purpledefaultpfp6233]

- Literally no one

[@yellowlemonPenguin]

Dixie is canonically Diddy's girlfriend, so I bet neither would be kids.

[@fangjustice]

That's not necessarily so. Ness and Paula seem to be boyfriend/girlfriend at the end of Earthbound, and they're both children. Though since neither has gone through puberty yet, safe to say they haven't done anything.

[@k-leb4671]

Preteens can be "boyfriend and girlfriend" although it's way more innocent at that age and uncommon and highly regulated by parents and usually meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

[@leobardosantano8813]

Diddy is cannocally 12 years old.

[@sergiorodriguez1367]

And also sibilings since in the animal kingdom incest is a thing

[@MrWhyGuy0]

Wait they all have the last name kong, oh no oh noooooooo

[@maxalain9948]

"Isabelle way to cute. Virgin."
Twitter fanart: LIAR

[@scaldova4700]

Why do I hear Doom music

[@sunettas9738]

@@scaldova4700 Well, those games did come out on the same day...

[@Hugo-yz1vb]

​@@scaldova4700 Because he's coming for his girlfriend, literally...

[@zainepittman653]

My reaction to the fanart: You don't matter. You're not canon!

[@srfrancium9728]

I'm sorry but Luigi gets pegged by Daisy on the daily, Kirby is also a child

[@wingedbluj1674]

Kirby's technically a baby to his species, but he IS over 1000 years old.

[@marrqi7wini54]

@@wingedbluj1674
In the anime he is described as a baby. (Not canon)
In the games, as a child.
But still, too young to have done anything.

[@shaolinreimacaco7398]

@@wingedbluj1674 what is his species? because for the whole fandom it's a mystery

[@Fennecaphonbi]

@@shaolinreimacaco7398
Circle
That’s his Species

[@wingedbluj1674]

@@shaolinreimacaco7398 hell if I know

[@stuckinabucket6873]

Ike literally rejects multiple women in his 2 games

[@CaptainAstronaut]

Poor Elincia. Poor Aimee. Poor Marcia. They had no idea he straight-up wasn't interested.

[@youtubewontletmetypeagoodu8128]

@@CaptainAstronaut “straight”

[@nerdyfalco408]

@@CaptainAstronaut he wasn't straight at all

[@fujonazuna]

@@CaptainAstronaut Doesn't Elincia get married? (as in to geoffrey)
Poor Aimee no one for her

[@deathbringer9893]

yea pretty sure ike just doesnt bieleve much in romantic relationships

[@dougdouglas9296]

Joker is definitely chad depending on who you go with. One of the girls you have a choice to date is a doctor named Takemi. It’s implied during a one of their cutscenes (Christmas Date), and basically confirmed in the Valentines animation that they did the deed.

[@Killmerightnow]

Mario: Sad virgin
Sonic: virgin who doesn’t give a fuck about Girls
New catagorey: proud virgins

[@sodaftpm185]

Sonic did have a semi-romantic relationship with Sally Acorn in the TV show and comics though, and he got pissed off when Sally got married to a certain green hedgehog.

[@AsishRasaily]

Paleutena is based on Athena who is also known as "the virgin goddess". The reason why she banished medusa in greek mythology in the first place was because she was once one of her followers, but then lost her virginity; she was r@ped by Poseidon.

[@0nion_Rings]

Poseidon gonna do dat tho

[@maxalain9948]

Not very wise of her

[@patmurph7769]

Good thing poseidon doesn't have a kid icarus equivalent

[@allingbrodniak8819]

@@patmurph7769 He does actually appear, but it is brief, only appearing for about a minute in Chapter 7

[@CavalryofWinter]

Poseidon convinced Medusa it was safe, they were in a relationship.

[@mahiruhanayo]

me 🤝 Luigi
Big ol simp for Daisy

[@LoneRope4]

Ok

[@fortnitekid3239]

@@LoneRope4 stfu

[@EngineerMonkey-zp3yj]

Me 🤝 you 🤝 Luigi
We are all Daisyizers in the end.

[@yusifudo46]

Shulk smashed Fiora after he fell to the beach with her.

[@thekiss2083]

A) I doubt Mechon are equipped for that
B) Shortly after that scene Fiora has a crisis and tells Shulk it's ok if he doesn't want to be with her anymore since she's not really herself...That doesn't seem like a conversation you'd have if you'd just had sex with your lifelong crush

[@yusifudo46]

@@thekiss2083 Women do that, especially teenagers. Yes they do.

[@alexn5743]

Confirmed in XB3 DLC, Shulk and Fiora have smashed and have a kid.

[@SomeWeeboLoser]

9:56 heavily disagree with Palutena's placement on the list. I mean, I get the reasoning but seeing as she is based on Athena specifically, makes me believe she should have been lower on the list. But if she was based on Aphrodite, it would be a completely different story.

[@billykobiella9559]

I’m just gonna throw out there Joker is definitely not a virgin

[@stinkydinkleson]

Joker has smashed like nine girls
Some of them are adults

[@sreeharivettathu3414]

@@stinkydinkleson wdym some of them

[@stinkydinkleson]

@@sreeharivettathu3414 joker is 16 years old and he can date his teacher, the girl that gives him medicine, a fortune teller, and a news teller
So he can date four adult girls while the other five are either at his school or at a church

[@RoninOwin1738]

@@stinkydinkleson ten if you count Sumire

[@nerdyfalco408]

Dating doesn't imply smashing

[@fantasma_wii8229]

K rool is actually married. Sort of. In DKC3 he makes a comment about his wife, but I’m not sure if it’s canonical or not.

[@samuelgarza2466]

Fox is also married. He’s with Krystal in Command, and even has a son.

[@FluseNomany]

That's just one of multiple ending

[@thekiss2083]

I refuse to believe K. Rool is straight

[@mr.sniffly5297]

Doesn’t DKC3 feature Baron K Roolenstein, who has been confirmed to not be K Rool?

[@fantasma_wii8229]

@@mr.sniffly5297 No, they all are the same crocodile.

[@potatfresca5451]

there probably should have been a “depends on the players actions category” for people like byleth and robin

[@angryboi595]

"I'm gonna put you on chad"
Me who's under 18: *sicko mode starts playing*

[@CyberAtlasX1]

Just cause you're not 18 doesn't mean you can't do the n a u g h t y

[@Pikachu_Gamer123]

I guess i'm right there with ya mate

[@megametexe5129]

Peach has a small mushroom shaped man living under her dress at all times. I'm not going to say she's in Chad tier but it wouldn't surprise me if someone was tending to that garden.

[@forcepalmproductions9158]

best comment

[@MatchupnRemixes]

Ken has a child and is married.
Ryu is virgin man

[@tomcruise7481]

Ryu doesn't understand the concept of sex
He's just punch kick tatsumaki man. All he knows is combat.

[@pesciisthebestcharacter5100]

@@tomcruise7481 he's technically a virgin but he has the mentality of a Chad.

[@zaidhernandez4601]

@@pesciisthebestcharacter5100 yes....I'm sure there's plenty of people like that too

[@sodaftpm185]

@@zaidhernandez4601 Ryu's literally a Chad-Virgin.

[@zaidhernandez4601]

@@sodaftpm185 yeah he is

[@FrannyMichelle-xl9mq]

13:43 I find funny how he didn't even think about it too hard. He just went "Yeah, they bone. Next character!"
It's like a universal thing at this point, either you are against of the idea, and see them just as friends or you are totally chill with the idea that they're into each other. And honestly? I ship them too, so hell yeah!

[@ricardoludwig4787]

Palutena is based on Athena (often called Pallas Athena), one of the 3 greek goddesses who specificaly had made a vow of being eternal virgins together with hestia and artemis, so its safe to assume palu actually doesn't go to pound town

[@starcoin5653]

Young Link is actually a chad as the hero of twilight is a direct descendent from him (the hero of time). Unless we aren’t talking about the Young Link from the Child timeline, in which case we don’t know if he eventually smashed or not. Somehow even in a video not about it the Zelda timeline is making things confusing

[@shupasopni]

Young Link probably didn't smash when he was "Young" Link though so you could still say it doesn't count.

[@lukejones7164]

Twilight Princess is the child timeline

[@traverse_danikuuu]

I thought young link, when he grows up, claps Marin? Then descends blah blah blah into the hero of twilight

[@lukejones7164]

@@traverse_danikuuu Marin is from Link's Awakening, which was in the Downfall Timeline. The girl you're looking for is Malon.

[@traverse_danikuuu]

@@lukejones7164 ohhhhhh me stupid I knew her name started with an m lol

[@stevenparnin5052]

13:32 Hate to be that guy, but Joker, if you date the doctor, can actually get a "special examination" which takes place when they're alone in his place of residence.
Now that's what I call offscreen sex. Total C.H.A.D.

[@PilotCharlesCalvin]

“Byleth, at the end of the game, you become the pope and get married, possibly to one of your former students.”
(Seductively) *_”wait what the fuck”_*
14:05

[@genericname2593]

I mean joker can be a virgin but he does do it with teachers, nurses, models, someone who is the literal head of a fucking company, etc if you do actually max out their confidants

[@MoronBoshi]

You know, seeing as he is a high school student, I doubt it (Mr poster said the same thing) plus with the multiple options canonicity becomes murky. Also, the police probably bomb LeBlanc the minute joker tries any fishy business because they got that place on lockdown

[@genericname2593]

@@MoronBoshi you got a point, it was never really specified since people assumed by the wording and context used for it as well

[@MoronBoshi]

Yeah, but let people believe what the want I say. As long as they keep it to themselves at least

[@naveenpullukat841]

When he puts Roy in married and has kids but he’s only 15

[@robmacher3253]

To be fair, not only can you argue that he only gets married a couple of years after the events of his game (since nothing is stated about how long it took for him to get married in any of his paired endings) but the age of concent is infamously low in Japan (either 13 or 14, i don't remember which) and his game was never released anywhere else (not yet at least, they could potentially do a remake or re-release at some point in the future).

[@von_da_bby]

@@robmacher3253 Many prefectures in Japan have the age of consent from 16-18 years. Plus as Astro said, people in medieval times got married much younger than we usually do.

[@wingedbluj1674]

@@von_da_bby mostly due to life expectancy being a lot lower than modern times

[@robmacher3253]

@@wingedbluj1674 True.

[@yureka9335]

Isn't 15 legal in Ostia? I don't know much about Fire Emblem lore but in Roy's Palutena guidance Viridi says that it is

[@agenthappypotato868]

10:20 New category: In Jail

[@Elfilinfan]

Where i belong

[@swordsman09]

Terry actually actively tries not to date anyone. He’s one of those guys where everyone he tries to date dies for whatever reason (mostly because Geese kills them). He and Blue Mary just talk.

[@papersonic9941]

Cockblocked by way of murder.

[@ShadowSorel]

as of KOF 14, Terry and Blue Mary are officially dating

[@Rat_64]

Damn, I can’t believe that all of Terry’s romantic partners got killed by two or more goose

[@BabyDanielBD]

@@ShadowSorel looks like Blue Mary finally got him to change his mind

[@carlosflores2156]

Shulk: defeated god by himself
This guy: special virgin dumb
XD

[@alexn5743]

Later do we learn Shulk is married with a child

[@shieldsurf]

"jade is the correct answer" listen jade is basically hero's older sister and erik is RIGHT THERE

[@rbggsc6719]

They are unrelated and the game itself tells you that if the events that led to the destruction of their kingdom had not happened, they would have married. Besides, Erik is a ridiculous choice because Luminary is very likely to be Erdrick's predecessor.

[@shieldsurf]

@@rbggsc6719 "they are unrelated" and an adopted kid is unrelated to their older brother but it'd still be fuckin weird if they got married. the game implying that they'd get married if things hadn't gone to shit is still weird because just because something is canon... doesn't make it ok??? jade explicitly referred to hero's parents as seeing them as her own. she says she was excited to meet her "baby brother" as a little girl ok it's Uncomfortable
all that aside tho i'm not gonna point fingers and say it's incest because i recognize that interpersonal relationships are ~unique~ especially when it comes to defining family & the like, and they ended up not spending most of their lives together in a sibling dynamic anyways so it's Whatever. it is just something that makes me go "ehhh" though
your latter point makes absolutely no sense to me though...?? why does hero being gay suddenly make him not erdrick's predecessor ??? and why is it "ridiculous" the subtext between those two is Intense. i could write a whole essay on why they have the absolute most romantic chemistry in the game hands down
(except maaaaybe barring hendrik and sylvia but whatever that's another story)

[@sheenpailovesu7841]

Erik is Hero's boyfriend.
Can't change my mind.

[@shieldsurf]

@@sheenpailovesu7841 real shit....

[@julien827]

@@shieldsurf they are ROYALTY royalty is synonym with incest. but also gemma is the only correct choice

[@secretlyaslug2325]

Little Mac is a short king and I'm tired of pretending he isn't.

[@thekiss2083]

Yeah he's one of the more conventionally handsome dudes in Smash. And those guns 👀

[@tomcruise7481]

In punch out for the wii women flock all over him in one of the pre fight cutscenes so its safe to assume he's not a boning type chad but hes a chad nonetheless.

[@JJ-gl8ti]

Little mac is only 17 tho lmao

[@zaidhernandez4601]

@@thekiss2083 yeah...I'm pretty sure he was at least a bit of the reason I work out

[@smashmallow1012]

man knocked out mike tyson. he's the chad of chads.

[@JetZV]

Update: Xenoblade 3 confirms that Rex had kids with Pyra, Mythra, AND Nia; the main protagonist is one of those kids. As for its DLC, it gave us one of its protagonists as another of Rex's kids and insinuates that Shulk had a kid with Fiora. This means that Pyra, Mythra, and Shulk are certifiably Not Virgins.

[@Pikachu_Gamer123]

hold up wtf, the blades can actually reproduce!? That feels so wrong

[@dylanloss5759]

@@Pikachu_Gamer123 no blades cannot, but for spoiler reasons i can say no more

[@Mudkip971]

-One of the endings of Star Fox Command has Fox hooking up with Krystal and having a son.
-Sheik and Zelda all take part in timelines where we already know of future outcomes, since the Royal Family still exists it's safe to assume they had children.
-Dr Mario is still just Mario
-Young Link has been canonically confirmed to be Twilight Princess Link's great great grandfather.
-The DLC chapter in Fire Emblem are still canon. So Priam is still directly related to Ike.
-Ken has children

[@Glory2Snowstar]

We all know Piranha Plant’s in S-tier, people love receiving flowers on Valentine’s Day and even without lipstick their face is still absolutely beautiful.
And that pipe do be packin’ doe

[@thepastaprogenitor851]

As yes Piranha plant. My favorite onahole parasite

[@LongSinceDead1]

Shulk is definitely a CHAD. He and Fiora 100% get it on

[@thekiss2083]

Probably not during the events of the game...as discussed, Shulk Is Dumb, and Fiora probably needs physical therapy before she'll be up for it...

[@lukasbhame9384]

@@thekiss2083 There‘s no way that they didn’t fuck between the main game and epilogue, especially after Fiora got her vagina back. Also, don’t Shulk and Fiora make out on the Fallen Arm?

[@thekiss2083]

@@lukasbhame9384 The epilogue is a year later, so yeah, probably. I was talking about the base game

[@Flomen01]

@@thekiss2083 Even without Future Connected, there's 6 months in between the final boss and the ending cutscene.

[@sephticus6847]

Dunban would make sure of it

[@nateexists6292]

Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition: HEAVILY Implies that Shulk and Fiora got together, and im 100% certain that she'd be itching to test out some of her more... "fleshy".... functions now that she isn't a goddamn robot. Also, Future's Connected Shulk just RADIATES the "I got laid but now my girlfriend is getting on my nerves" vibe.

[@alexn5743]

By XB3 DLC, you meet Shulk and Fiora's kid.
Confirmed smash!

[@GURGLEGUY12345]

Putting Shulk in the "dumb" category is pretty ironic, considering he's probably the most intelligent character in _Smash..._

[@allingbrodniak8819]

Really the only ones who can compete are Robin and maybe Palutena

[@phoenixfire1074]

@@allingbrodniak8819and Ridley

[@rhettmitchell]

In Three Houses you’re only 2-3 years older than some students and younger than a few and then everyone grows up to actual full adults by the end too

[@sonicthehedge]

Yeah ikr.
There also student who are older than you and there is also the Church of Serios members in which all are older.

[@aegrajag]

At the end you are younger than almost everyone, during the 5 years, Byleth didn't aged.

[@AJkingwing]

Dark Pit is an anti-simp, but ironically still a virgin because he's such an anti-simp he pushes everyone away. :(
Edit: Oh yeah and SUBBED!

[@marrqi7wini54]

So incel?

[@maxalain9948]

@@marrqi7wini54 Yep. Two sides of the same coin

[@leftdreamer6881]

I mean as of now he’s only 12 years old (3 years in game and since it released)
So he even isn’t allowed to do that
(Pit is over 40 by now in human years though, since he acknowledges the 25 year gap between the games)

[@Samuel_blizzard]

“Shulk exists in a special virgin category called dumb”
Nikol: *exists as proof*

[@anthoblast4678]

Isabelle is to cute to not be a virgin
The internet: we already took care of that

[@iseegreen5297]

@Taelin Cusic good be pure

[@morgansoul2651]

Alright WHO DID IT?
*Pulls out Shotgun*
WHO THE HELL DID IT?

[@ordinarylittlebastard3248]

Doom Slayer will hunt R34 artists down for sure.

[@briangruenewald7536]

Enjoy your 69th like 😉

[@Coolestguy101]

Did you confuse Isabelle with ankha

[@Zlixlriffs]

Honestly I didn't expect that many virgins to be in Smash.

[@luisvieira347]

you forgot about the meelee players

[@danieluss8729]

I didn’t expected to see that many Wild Animals

[@thestain8004]

This is art. I don't know what else to say

[@jesusrosaortega8673]

Joker literally bangs everytime he reaches confidant 10 whit any female he knows, i would say thats chad

[@Kold-Kanadian]

a few things I'd like to point out:
1) I'm pretty sure in her first game Bayonetta said she's not interested in looking after children, making babies on the other hand is a different story, and i'm pretty sure that she knows that Luca simps for her HARD in the second game
2) Shulk DOES get with Fiora at the end of his game, it wasn't in any of the remakes, but was in the base game from the beginning
3) while i agree cloud IS a virgin, you can set him up with 4 possible candidates: Arith, Tifa, Yuffie and barrett. and HE's canonically a dad because he adopted a kid, Berrett not cloud
in the end however, the list doesn't change at all

[@sunflux5165]

I'm all the way down at Z tier.

[@SuiteLifeofDioBrando]

Me too

[@DriverNeku]

Woomy?

[@jigglypuff452]

I’m S 😌💅✨

[@lofikirbstar623]

virgin

[@slavishentity6705]

From your profile pic, I believe you have your own category called " Yeah I tried dating but all the girls run away when I star using autobombs and splashdown "

[@pikagammerpluspizza7478]

I don't know why but 5:07 got me

[@user-tc6wt1qd5j]

I think Toon Link would be "married and has kids" because at the end of Phantom Hourglass Link and Tetra find a new continent and call it New Hyrule and in Spirit Tracks Zelda tells Link that she's Tetra's descendant, and I doubt she would've done it with any of her crew.

[@drewhaynes1874]

that doesnt mean link and tetra banged.... just that shes a zelda descendant.... theres other men out there.... and link was never to have even been said a king in any zelda game

[@GarryDumblowski]

Dark Samus is a Metroid, and thus a member of a species that has a hive-queen relationship similar to bees. It's highly unlikely that the metroid that mutated into Dark Samus was a queen, because otherwise she would have stayed with the other metroids on Tallon IV; However, it's hard to know because Metroids are incapable of going through their healthy life cycles when not in the proper environment; so, considering Dark Samus was a test tube baby who was likely made through cloning, i think it's fair to call her, like... an actual incel. Like, not even in the "eughhhh i cant get girls because i want them to treat me like kings and constantly obsess over me" kind of incel, as in she's literally incapable of having sexual desire...

[@louctendo1321]

No it is a phazon thing and not a Metroid

[@GarryDumblowski]

@@louctendo1321 Dark Samus is a metroid... it's... literally shown to you in-game...

[@louctendo1321]

@@GarryDumblowski No it's called Metroid only because of one singular thing Metroid means ultimate warrior and Metroids work in completely other ways on top of that Metroid prime already was in the meteor and the meteor itself is older than all Metroid

[@GarryDumblowski]

@@louctendo1321 that... got retconned LMAO

[@louctendo1321]

@@GarryDumblowski oh

[@AnthonyMtheGamerArtist]

“Short men are not kings”
SHUT

[@zaidhernandez4601]

@Taelin Cusic I dunno I'd say I'm at the very least better than you haha...also I definitely would call my Dad a king

[@samjames6714]

Wario and Waluigi, unlike their red and green counterparts, are supposedly not related. Make of that what you will.

[@0nion_Rings]

If Waluigis PP is a tenth the length of his body it would still be longer than all of ours.

[@imagery5425]

OwO

[@0ctopusComp1etely]

I like how Dedede has such Big Alpha energy that he goes in the Chad category despite being an animal.

[@thereyvan]

7:34 most Sonic fanfiction also does all of that despite him being canonically 15 years old
*FBI OPEN UP-*

[@crobat1693]

“They’d be more deliberate with Ike being gay if he was made today” boy, if you’re a gay guy you only get like 3 options in three houses

[@amelilyth7823]

And 1 of them is behind a paywall only available for those who buy the dlc. That's rough

[@krimsonkatt]

@@amelilyth7823 Yeritza is free.

[@amelilyth7823]

@@krimsonkatt Really? I thought he was in the dlc too sorry ^^`

[@taliacarter5802]

And 2 of them are non-romantic S supports, iirc

[@ChillstoneBlakeBlast]

@@taliacarter5802 Alois and Gilbert. Byleth has long lasting friendship and marries some random girl because these dudes are married already with families.

[@lievschiffman9540]

I might start something with this, but I think little Mac is canonically 17.

[@fod-der]

Correct

[@DriverNeku]

*yeets little mac into it's a child tier*

[@danielobrien2998]

So is Roy I think

[@tachankathechub4727]

@@danielobrien2998 Roy is 15

[@zaidhernandez4601]

Yep....soooo

[@duckieboi6695]

“Steve and Alex, I have no fucking idea so I’m assuming no”
Me: *good, you dodged a big ass bullet right there*

[@Cyorg13]

I mean, it was confirmed they were in a relationship once.

[@qwerandroxt7477]

@@Cyorg13 I’m sorry NO

[@Cyorg13]

@@qwerandroxt7477 what part are you saying no to

[@qwerandroxt7477]

@@Cyorg13 they are not in a relationship

[@Cyorg13]

@@qwerandroxt7477 it was confirmed back in a lego magazine in 2015 where it talks about the characters for all general lego sets released in the summer or close to it, even though it's not very known since it's on a really obscure source, it is real, i think i even have a copy of the magazine around my house

[@user-te8ly5fn6m]

9:37 Little Mac is 17...

[@ItsLorenzo86]

depending on where you are, it’s sometimes legal believe it or not-

[@q-miiproductions878]

RelaxAlax found that King K. Rool has a wife. He exclaims so in one of this fight lines.

[@ballisticboo7808]

Queen K. Rool?

[@andysnider6984]

Perhaps that is the ramblings of a crazy being.

[@gavinc.7628]

Ken has a wife and a child, and I think its implied that Ryu gets with his student at the end of third strike?

[@marcoasturias8520]

Wait, what the fu...

[@fistpump64]

@@marcoasturias8520 idk what they saying with ryu. Sakurai likes ryu but she's not ryus student.

[@julioc.3158]

Yeah, she's more of a fan of his and only starts getting thirsty for him during SFV where she has an existencial crisis after reflecting a bit on her adult life and wants to smash ryu so all their knowledge doesn't go to waste and can be passed on.

[@secretlydeku3990]

Wait who Sakura

[@pesciisthebestcharacter5100]

@@secretlydeku3990 School Girl with short brown hair and a bandana, hangs out with Dan Hibiki.

[@lucasdellamaggiore]

10:32 Sooooo......... about that....... my man Shulk has a kid now.

[@sirlambchops.]

"You can make a videogame, and not put that in!"
That's the case for a lot of games

[@rbggsc6719]

Regarding Heroes:
Eleven: as you said you can get married at the end of the game (Jade is always the right choice). Besides, his game chronologically is the first and he's probably Erdrick's predecessor.
Erdrick (Arusu): has no partner during the game, but is the ancestor of the protagonists of Dragon quest 1 and 2, so he is not a virgin (it is hard to believe that the protagonists of Dragon quest are virgins considering how much they like puff puff).
Hero from Dragon quest 4: He has no partner during the story, but it is implied that he is the ancestor of Madason and his sons (the hero of dragon quest V). In addition, the male protagonist has too close a relationship with Eliza (the elf friend of his childhood. This is seen in Dragon quest 6).
Eight (hero from Dragon quest 8): He's married at the end of the game (Jessica is the right choice and you all know it!!!!). So he's not a virgin and he's well served.

[@rbggsc6719]

@xid No, I played it the right way

[@CDRW24]

@@rbggsc6719 If you played it right, you would of chosen Serena.

[@rbggsc6719]

@@CDRW24 Nah

[@sonicthehedge]

@@CDRW24
A man of Culture

[@justyaya374]

It's actually implied that you boned every one of your dates in P5 including adults and loli-
Wait what the fu

[@ravaniphoenix5431]

Joker is underage too, so everything's fine.

[@sofaris576]

You can not romance the twins in P5. Have they changed that in the Royal?

[@justyaya374]

@@sofaris576 it's definitely implied that you "spent a long time with Lavenza" it's not the twins but

[@sofaris576]

@@justyaya374 Oh interesting. Thanks fore the anserw. I dont have a PS4 so I had not the chance to play The Royal yet.

[@justyaya374]

@@sofaris576 You welcome mate :)

[@IanNBF]

Welp, Shulk, Bayonetta, & Pyra/Mythra all canonically have children now.

[@tachankathechub4727]

There’s no way Joker is a virgin with how Kawakami and Takemi are

[@woomylord672]

me: *sees the miis in the CHAD tier*
Also me: Hey mom, I'm in CHAD tier.
Mom: WHAT?

[@cthtyler5995]

I rather have Fox X Wolf just to delete Krystal off series

[@kylewoodowens4488]

Naw what? No. I liked their relationship in Adventure and Assault. Command is where they fucked up the timeline. I still don't know why they kicked Krystal from the team. They had it right with her taking over Peppys position due to his age in assault. Command is not cannon to me.

[@cthtyler5995]

@@kylewoodowens4488 I just don’t like how krystal is introduced into the series, considering she is technically not originated as a star fox character. Tho assault krystal is fine

[@0nion_Rings]

I'm more of a slippy kinda guy.

[@doclouis4236]

@@cthtyler5995 So you're one of those type's of shippers?

[@luisvieira347]

PERISH

[@MainLineEngine112]

Pit and Dark Pit absolutely should be in the child category. Pit is 13 in “angel years,” and Dark Pit is just a copy of him, which makes them equal age to Ness and Lucas, relative to their respective species.

[@drpottymouth]

I'm not sure Samus even has a romantic relationship with anyone. Even if she did, it ain't Adam. It's more likely to be Anthony from Other M, if she even has one. He's always calling her "princess", after all, and she doesn't hate it. She has already mentioned that Adam was more of a father figure than anything.

[@FoxIord]

The Other M Samus is so utterly unfaithful to every previous portrayal of the character that she shouldn't be considered. Imagine the Samus Aran of Prime 3 just not using her weapons because someone told her not to.

[@drpottymouth]

@@FoxIord I really don't understand the absolute hate everyone seems to have for Other M. Rebellious as she was towards the end, she took orders in Fusion as well. She also disobeyed her orders not to use Space Jump and Screw Attack in Other M the moment communications was disrupted with Adam. Sure her Ridley PTSD may have been a bit much, but, to be fair, she did just kill him in Super Metroid not long before the events of Other M.

[@FoxIord]

@@drpottymouth I'm not a fan of taking orders in Fusion either (or linear gameplay, but that's beside the point), but it's nowhere near as prevalent in Fusion as it is in Other M. Before I begin what will surely be a long-winded rant, it's worth noting that although the story is definitely the biggest flaw of Other M, the gameplay is another huge problem. In another game, it would be fine, but this is Metroid. Why. The frick. Can I refill my missiles and health at any time (I know not technically with the health). And WHY ARE MY ITEMS ON THE MINIMAP, REMOVING ANY VESTIGE OF EXPLORATION THAT WAS LEFT? AND WHY, IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT USED TO BE SACRED, ARE THERE ONLY 2 WEAPON UPGRADES I ACTUALLY GET TO FIND?!?! That aside, let's carry on. It's really hard to pick out the biggest issue with this terrible story, but there's one aspect that affects everything, namely, Samus' performance. I don't know who voiced her and whether it was the fault of the actor or voice director (I'd guess director, and I also blame the script), but for the first time we get a fully voiced Samus, we got completely screwed. Samus in Other M usually sounds apathetic and slightly whiny, and when she doesn't, she sounds weak. Looking at you, Adam death scene, which, don't worry, I'll get to. Now, let's break this down into a few categories.
1.) Young Samus
The cutscenes of young Samus are terrible in a number of ways. Most importantly, this is *Samus. Aran.* A warrior of such skill, ingenuity, and raw power that she makes an entire squad of Troopers look like children. Why would someone with her training and resources work directly for the Galactic Federation? Every other game shows us that she clearly does far more good for the galaxy once she becomes a bounty hunter and works for the Federation outside the chain of command. She's also shown to consider Adam a father figure. Actually, not shown, hamfisted down our throats with terrible expositionary monologging that tell us things we can obviously see ourselves. And it doesn't even make sense, Samus *had* father figures in the Chozo she grew up with. She shouldn't need Adam to fill some void. And the scene of her being denied the chance to save Adam's brother . . . Uuuuuugh. Aside from the voice actor dropping the ball harder than a toddler in a bowling alley with a delivery that sounds like a teenage girl asking to go on a date, it's ludicrous that Samus isn't given the chance to save the other ship. Given access to her full Shinespark and Screw Attack abilities, not the neutered ones shown in actual gameplay, she could have easily rescued that guy in the time alloted. The general presentation of that cutscene also feels incredibly contrived. Oh, and this is a small thing, but Samus is canonically 6'3" without her powersuit on. I've heard this might be a mistranslation and that number is supposed to be with her powersuit on, but she's still shown as way too short in Other M. Not that she actually fits in the powersuit anyways from a visual perspective in most of the games.
2.) No respect for previous games.
Samus in other games, and I'm going to mostly refer to the Prime games because they have the most developed story, is a silent protagonist. We get glimpses of her personality through her own notes in the logbooks and certain actions in cutscenes, but by and large she is a mystery, so that the player can better identify with her and imagine themself in her position. Incredible immersion in the Prime games as a result. But absolutely no one wants to identify with the Samus of Other M. She talks way too much, and about none of the right things. Let me list just a few of the character inconsistencies with what previous games taught us. The most notorious, the Ridley PTSD nonsense. Samus Aran, hardened bounty hunter who blew up planets multiple times, reduced to a state where she CAN'T MAINTAIN HER POWERSUIT by the appearance of her nemesis, who she has apparently killed only to see him return, more than 5 times. And she gets saved by a Federation grunt spouting some admittedly amusing one-liners. Pathetic. Give me back my tough Samus. Another massive character flaw, she's stupid. She takes forever to realize things, things that are super obvious. Like who the Deleter is when someone has been shifting going through computers. This isn't addressed often, but Samus is extremely intelligent, to the point of designing an entirely new ship in Prime 3 and facilitating the integration of various alien technologies into her suit in multiple games. Oh, and of course the idea that Samus would take orders from ANYONE at this point in her career as a bounty hunter. This is so bad that it actually makes Samus and Adam look dumb when Samus comes across something where enabling an upgrade would clearly help her pass and neither of them do jack squat about it. The best example of this is when you find water. Why. In the frick. Are both Adam and Samus so stupid that they refuse to enable the Gravity suit, which completely negates the effects of liquids?
3.) Samus is weak
Samus is so incredibly weak in Other M. She needs saved from adolescent AND adult Ridley, from an infant Metroid even though this game takes place after Metroid 2 and she's killed many far more terrifying Metroids by now, she needs "saved" from the nest in Sector 2 (amazing area names in this game by the way) because she was apparently going to just let herself die if she didn't get permission to use the ice beam, and she needs Anthony to bail her out at the end of the game! Samus, being threatened by generic Federation marines! You have got to be joking! And then another Marine saves her? Give me a break, she could literally have taken them all with one hand behind her back, and I don't mean the one without a gun. She comes off as utterly incompetent.
4.) She does nothing.
Samus accomplishes nothing in Other M. I'm not kidding. Name one thing she did. She didn't stop the bottle rocket, Anthony did that. She didn't kill the Metroids, Adam did that, which actually turns out to be pointless because the whole ship gets destroyed later anyways, so they both achieved nothing. She didn't stop the Deleter (another terrible name), MB (yet ANOTHER terrible name and painful fan service) did that. She doesn't even stop MB, Melissa and the generic troopers do that. Oh, and she doesn't save one single person, because everyone but Anthony dies and he saves himself. Madeline doesn't count because she ends up saving Samus for some reason, and Anthony takes credit for that too. Samus achieves nothing in Other M and the story would probably have played out similarly if she had ignored that stupid distress signal.
I could go on much longer about all the problems with that terrible game, but this should give you an idea of why some of us hate it so much.

[@drpottymouth]

@@FoxIord I actually had to think back as I was reading,trying to find a rational explanation for anything, and only found one for a small bit of what you told me. She was only silent (save Fusion) because there wasn't exactly anyone to interact with. Company, especially people she knew from her past, should give her reason to talk. But everything else you told me revealed a lot I didn't seem to notice at the time I played it, which was YEARS ago. Now that I think about it, though, that other Metroid Larva may have caught her off-guard, perhaps hoping for another "Baby". That one is completely hypothetical, though. Before you even told me, I knew the Ridley PTSD was overdone. And I know it ain't no Metroid game, but Pikachu had to save her from Ridley in Subspace Emissary. I'm guessing that's what inspired Nemesis Ridley's cutscene where he dragged her around the Pyro Chamber, and Anthony's save with the Plasma Cannon. You know what? Yeah. Now that I see it, I can understand where people are coming from.

[@FoxIord]

@@drpottymouth Thank you for reading my entire rant. Despite my seething hatred for Samus in Other M and that very lengthy reply, there are a few redeeming qualities to the game. The biggest by far is the song Nemesis Ridley. Most of the Other M music is pretty weak, but that one song is incredible. The combat is also pretty good, just not for a Metroid game. I also think it's worth noting that a good chunk of Samus' dialogue in Other M is internal monologs, and that doesn't do the game a favor. Aside from Anthony and Adam, Samus has almost no interactions with any of the other characters. I'm not opposed to the idea of a Samus that has dialogue and interacts with other characters, I just think Other M executed the idea very poorly and wasted most of the characters. I have high hopes for Prime 4, but the lack of updates from Nintendo combined with their anti-consumer practices as of late make me worry. Because if Prime 4 doesn't sell well, Metroid is dead, and Nintendo will lock it up with F zero and Punch Out.

[@Lordbeerus0901]

"Wait what the fu-" is my favorite quote

[@generalcrab0009]

Pauline *does* remember Mario. She’s just too busy dealing with the Mecha-Wiggler problem

[@doctordice2doctordice210]

I don’t think little Mac’s night can be considered short because 5.7 and 5.8 are the national average, he’s only “short” because most of his opponents are these 7.4 ft giants lmfao

[@GDrakoTurnover]

I swear half way through he started talking like he's narrating a fan fiction

[@aydenka8452]

Young Link does EVENTUALLY raise a family after the events of OOT & MM. This is confirmed because Twilight Princess Link is a descendant of Young Link.

[@thisisruubruub839]

The shulk one aged so well

[@lasatar6428]

The chance that Shulk didn't do it with Fiora sometime after the events of the main game is extremely low.

[@supermarioyo-yo7639]

14:52 my favorite part of the video.

[@Moss_Dude]

I don't think you've seen the Get Laid% speedrun of BoTW

[@EpikkWin]

I deadass couldnt stop laughing for the entirety of this video LMFAO

[@PK-Radio]

5:40 actually in the kirby anime it was shown in an episode that meta knight had a partner and she was killed by a monster guarding meta knight's sword
In that same episode it was shown that she had a daughter
What im saying is meta knight may or may not be a chad
Also at 7:54
In the archie comics sonic actually marries Sally Acorn and has children
So sonic is indeed a chad

[@generalcrab0009]

The anime isn’t canon

[@ThatDweeb]

I love how ganon is just the only guy of an all girl tribe so he Is MEGA C H A D