What Does It Mean When A Narcissist MUST Dominate?
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- Narcissists don't just want to be in control. In their minds, they HAVE to be in control. Dr. Les Carter explains how their thirst for power sets them up for a wide array of dysfunctional initiatives toward you. They are clueless about how this craving is what ultimately causes them to be out of control.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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I know one thing for sure .. Your Happiness is Their Misery & You’re Misery is Their Happiness 😵💫
" everyone must feel my pain". We had a narc neighbor like that. Miserable misogynistic pos, thinks he s a comic book villain, too
😢💔. Good God how awful!
That's really profound ♥
You very nicely summed up people that need to be avoided.
If you happened to grow up with this, I hope you disconnect and learn.
Been there...
My father was born with scoliosis so severe, the doctor wanted to put him in a boys home. He was a cruel father.
When you question their behavior they look at you like they don’t know what you’re talking about or deny they do anything wrong. They’re masters at gas lighting.
💯
Or you don't get fooled but.... don't understand what's going on with them ad what Dr.Les say....and me to when I didn't knew this called narcissist..so I asked myself .are they don't know what they say and do or are they playing a terrible gane counciously?than I heard the name narcissist on UA-cam dr.Ramani....etc...than all makes clear.. everything I thought about the characteristics etc..is what in this case that person shows herself..and also other people I have met.
@@Ahopek In am shocked at how good they are at acting -- or "posing." I am just as shocked that people buy into this bogus and practiced self confidence. Others assume the N is a wonderful leader; afterall "has all of the answers." Seems that humans are very ready to buy into what authority figures say and do. We need to really question things in our heads and be skeptical and wary until much time has passed and absolutely know who this person is (if that is possible). While many authority figures are certainly reliable and trustworthy, a WHOLE lot are not. Just look around at news stories about leaders who betray others' trust -- and who put up a good front doing it.
And this applies to Ns who are not necessarily leaders in the community -- but "top dogs" in their own bizarre minds.
A narcissistic individual is all about control. Manipulation. Dominance over everything. It's how they justify (to themselves) their existence. Remember - a relationship that has no room for YOU, isn't a relationship. It's a conditional transaction. Stay Healthy!
I've heard the term "situationship." Anything but relational.
Thank you and you 🙏
@@aaronkwolfe I also call it a DICtatorship or Fodder-dom
@@amandaliverpool3374 🤗🫂
You are very right. Others will try their best to tell you different.
That kind of narcissist seems to be blind to fact that you're not even trying to compete with them. When they're threatened they just mark you as their adversary even if you just want to peacefully do your part 🙄 ...how tiresome
Its exhausting. No need for it. It just doesn’t make any sense.
They have an excuse for everything.
They will confabulate a self serving beneficial to theirselves 'press release' for their memories and try to overwrite your 'more truthful characteristic' memories of what actually happened.
Yes. And they usually get what they want. No reason for them to change in their minds.
They often do, and their enablers/flying monkeys are no better!
@@kevingillard5474 THAT part!
@@rosieE121 only from those who are unaware. Exercise that “NO” muscle.
There is no reasoning with these people...The only thing you can do is get away from them... If you have a temper ....RUN !!!! They are not worth going to prison over...
You're so much wiser than I! I was lucky; police had been dealing with AG for decades before I got involved with him, so when I got into that brawl with him on the street they considered his entire history, as well as the fact that I was the first person to call 911. I was clearly naïve about his patterns. I did go to jail overnight, & that was exactly what I needed personally, though I sensed that the officers wished they could have taken him in also (I chose not to hold him responsible because I was taking accountability for my own overreaction). In the end, I took care of myself and forced the system to help me do so, because nothing I or the system could have done was going to improve his world.
I can tell you - if you hold your line, their desperation to dominate will seem as if you are suffocating them, when in reality YOU are the one who has been suffocating. Hold the line anyway.
I have the same feeling
Yeah, you practically have to put up a fire wall to hold that line too. We're stronger for it though.
This is a great description.
@@bridgetmcbride6634 Fire wall is right!
They want complete control, full authority, but no responsibility. They will anyone, anything into the scapegoat.
They attract flying monkeys to do their dirty work.
It's a one-way street with them. They don't care that others are hurt. They are sadistic!
💯.. And the fully surprising thing is the amount of times they actually get away with it ... MindBlowing
It feels like being in a wrestling match in a game that only they are playing.
True! I could've made sure this guy never saw his children again as he is in a custody battle but i chose to do nothing because, unlike him, I have a conscious and wouldn't want to be the cause of his suicide. So yes, he got away with destroying my heart while I die inside. @PantaRhei-wz5zn
A Redflag I now recognize is the Fact that Narcs Talk too You You don’t have talks with them. They Talk to u it’s a very Void conversation.
They talk AT you.
Yes! And they don't answer ANY question!
Exactly....they speak with lies to flatter and suck you in...once that's accomplished they now speak down to you and make rules for you to obey and do whatever it takes to OneUp you always. No end to that in sight.
It's top-down noise; people with understanding of mutual respect communicate in the level. If you try level communication with a narcissist, verbally, without written backup, you will lose. The very form of talk is different.
Once I understood this fact, I was much less frustrated. I also stopped putting energy into a process with zero chance of success.
A little education is a powerful thing. 😊
At least a void isn’t bitter and jelous!
They ask you "how do you feel?" You say "I feel _________". They say "no. That's not how you feel. How do you feel?" This goes on and on until you say what they want!
You think, not say, "who are you to tell me how I feel?"
They hate it if you know more about something than they do, and they'll try to convince you that whoever taught or told you that led you astray, that's why you should only listen to them. And when you don't, OMG the yelling and shaming. I can't count the times I was called "pathetic."
THIS ^^^ is truth and was agitating and confusing to deal with because I have drawn into my life people who are have ultimate skills in passive aggressive covert narcissism. So many times I would have an idea and the narcs would point out to me why it wasn't a good idea and act so authoritative and like they were trying to help poor little stupid me. THEN! Sometime later come back to me with my creative idea and act like they thought it up and tell me they had a great idea. If I said, "I told you about that" I got the most expert gaslighting one can imagine. They would say "Oh no, you didn't tell me anything like that!" What makes you say that?" So I never got the screaming but did get the shaming from them accusing ME of trying to steal credit for their idea. And yes, getting called pathetic for doing so.
💯 The narc project leader really had no clue, but proceeded to utter the weirdest nonsens in loud voice all over our planning meetings. Politely and calmly trying to explain did not work. In the end, i did pull all the manuals from the library and did copy the relevant sections... After that: I never had the chance of a follow up meeting, once he knew i did do the homework.... Co incidence, probably...
@@surlif OMG TOTALLY!! Every time I said I was going to do something (which was usually brilliant) he'd blow it off and then five minutes later be like "so what you are going to do is" as if I asked for help and he just came up with my plan. Did you ever say "that is exactly what I said?" They shake their head, and laugh that evil condescending laugh, like "okay, you just keep thinking that." Freaking mindblowing.
@@PantaRhei-wz5zn Yeah, the sad part is that all the limp rags around you think the "leader" is the most brilliant mind in the room and you are just a whiner. Total narc control.
I guess you're dealing with a 5 year old in an adult body. 😮
Privileged to be a member of Team Healthy. Still living and learning!!!
Not a believer in luck, but privileged covers it.
@@aaronkwolfe Indeed! Take care 🙏
Thanks to both Amanda and Aaron!! #TeamHealthy
@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks, doc. Please spare a thought for Stu's mum battling Alzheimers 🙏
The less I think about Dad, the better off I am!
Don't let the crazy person drive the bus!
Power/control is a dangerous narcotic.
... and few successfull rehab programs are available to power addicts to help them kick the habit ....
@@PantaRhei-wz5zn … and yet the one I volunteer with has an amazing success rate. But it isn’t one designed to get one off drugs or alcohol.
@@aaronkwolfe Okay, now you make me curious😊
@@PantaRhei-wz5zn No secrecy. It is a church-related one. U-turn for Christ.
Yes. They are definitely hooked on power!
It means they feel extremely powerless on the inside.
Everything they do on the outside reveals the extreme over compensation for the lack on the inside.
I call it the 'INVERSION'.
They are an emotional black hole. 🕳
Good point 🤗
Good word for it. Seems like any good feelings are from the outside to inside. Good mental health starts internally.
Sometimes I feel such despair, having encountered so many narcissists in my life.
Don't feel despair. Keep going. You're not the damaged one. Give yourself the love you deserve ❤️
It means that they are weak
Very true.
Insecure, jealous miserable little creatures
I think they're insecure my ex was that's why he wanted to be in control all the time so he would feel better within himself
Yes! “Either I defer to you, or you defer to me.” There is no working WITH others, there is only working FOR others. That was a great revelation to me some years ago, and what led me to look for more information. They honestly do not know how to collaborate. All they know is that if they are not the one in charge, then they must be the slave. And they will NEVER be someone’s servant. They don’t seem to be able to understand it in any other way.
This is perfectly said.
People who are dominating find ways to get upset with me. It never fails and it's small and it's exhausting. I can't navigate. Fun people are more fun.
"I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees”. In other words, as soon as humanly possible, they're history.
My dad was history the day I was born! He said "tough shit" when I complained about the abuse he heaved on me. What a narcissistic and sadistic dad!
If I had my druthers, Dr. Les Carter would win a Nobel Prize for all the peace he has promoted in the world.
You're kind, Ingrid.
Maybe they feel the world isn't safe because of the horrible things they've gotten away with.
Ooooh, this is an excellent thought
@@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 Sure is! I am surprised by the blatant, absured lies told by the N. But, if others wish to believe these crazy things, there isn't much I can do -- except be happy and busy with life.
I think of them as more adolescent than pre-adolescent. Children are usually sweet, cooperative, idealistic, and bright. Adolescents are mean, competitive, sarcastic.
I know a lot of great adolescents with kind hearts. This isn’t it. Narcs no matter where in the spectrum - have an abrasive mean spirit within.
I asked my ex these questions omce. Her response was “You don’t know what Im going through!”
Love team healthy, I hope everyone stays happy, healthy and wish you all well.
I’m Looking Forward To This I Went Through Horrific Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic People Are Self -Obsessed in Controlling Others For Personal Gain.Narcissist Dominate Others For Personal Gain.There Are Notorious For Maintaining Control.Always Having One Up On There Victims.Narcissistic Abuse Is Beyond Cruel.
Yes, it's beyond cruel it is evil,,,,they can have a smile on their face, while inflicting their punishments on people around them.
I remember a story my ex wife told me when we were dating as teenagers.
She was about 5 years of age and her mother came in her room to lay next to her and just wept for a long time. In her mind she said to herself that she’ll never let a man treat her that way and yet she also stated that she was somewhat annoyed her mother came into her room.
Her father was an easily angered person and cheated on her mother during that time.
The crazy thing is my ex wife is in many ways just like her father. Hardly ever happy unless she’s getting whatever she wants and easily willing to jump into another man’s arms whenever she was done with me. Multiple times throughout our relationship whether dating or married
I am now highly suspicious whenever I observe any individual who seems to have a lot of influence over other people. It's one thing with the overt narcs. At least it's clear. But the covert narcs can exercise all this domination and control in the most subtle manner. It isn't subtle any longer when you set a boundary, but that iron fist is still invisible to others.
No contact because I don't intend to capitulate, and boy, it gets tedious at best to be the target of that.
Boundaries have to be set, whenever and wherever possible,,,its not easy, but the narc doesn't listen to words, only action will stop their selfish, manipulative behaviour. They have their flying monkies, ready for their defense, while holding their victims emotionally, and mentally hostage. In the end they will suffer for their actions. Evil never wins, God truth always prevails!!
I have no contact with my narc dad/his girlfriend(enabler/flying monkey), my life is better this way!
I wish I'd never met my nex. My health has taken a big hit from life with him. I had that Cinderella complex where you think you need a man. My mother drilled that into me and my sisters heads.
Yup my Sociopathic soon to be ex-wife was yelling at my child the other day because she noticed one of the dogs pee’d in front of wife’s bedroom door. I told her you stand up for yourself and tell her stop yelling at me! She is such a sweet child and has amazing vision. Pitiable. But my child is not going to be dominated and abused by her Mom.
So thankful for this channel. We have four bullying narcissists surrounding our property. It is horrible! The intimidation factor is so ridiculous. We ignore. Had one banging her chairs all over her deck the other day to get attention, because we mowed where our surveyor told us to mow in this vacated alley. We ignored her so she got out her blower. We ignored so she got out her mower. We ignored her. This dominating attitude is pathetic.
Wow! Four! Hang in there. That's the ticket... ignoring helps. I wish you the best. I'm struggling with one awful bully, but I can't imagine four! Eek!😮
They act entitled. Their "bad"!
This is a revealing video. The relationship with this person could not move forward because I would not change my values, religion and attitude to suit him. I had to let go because the relationship could not go anywhere.
Yep! It's all about them, but you can't get them to tell you what that really means.
"And here they are", at the top of everything... With that Machiavellic smirk on their face...
They want to remain in power and by trying to be above everyone else, they try to have control about the actions of those around them. It is their way to somewhat handle their insecuriries snd create their surroundings as everything unexpected (or self-fulfilled beings for that matter) shattrrs their thin layer of self they built above whatever emptiness and hurt they buried beneath.
they do this at work asa well- they dictate that they must be the boss and in charge...
Thanks for this thought provoking session. Wow. The narcissist that I know is now working. He has had 7 jobs in about 5 years. I am very alarmed that he has a job cleaning a school. He has such a bad temper I fear for the teachers and children. I live in a road with about 20 houses. He has shouted at at least 10 people. He is so angry all the time.he wants to control. Personally I walk on. These sessions have helped me move on and live my life. As you have said in another session, as he ages he is getting worse.. the best I can hope for he will move.I don’t ask for much. Wonderful to have these sessions. They really help.Judy from uk
"...pre-adolescent thinking..." That is super helpful! I've been on the receiving end of that countless times but I didn't grasp exactly what it is.
During 32 years in government service, I learned that one of the hardest things to achieve there was to simply have an adult conversation, especially with managers and directors. Conversations were inevitably rife with that pre-adolescent thinking.
It was always like walking through a minefield - one false step and BOOM! :)
Doctor C - another home run today!!
Glad it resonated!
Every thing my ex did he’s still sending insulting emails but I just laugh 😂
Block them.
@@rg-mi5hh you can only block each message at a time unfortunately with emails I don’t reply but I have to save them due to having to report them over again they get logged but he doesn’t stop
Just automatically redirect his email to the spam folder
As others say block them also block anyone who you believe he contacts too. Bib and braces.
I'm a mother with a son with autism, young adult, who was bitten by a dog at a young age and barkng dogs frighten him. We have a neighbor behind us who refused to control his dog. I admit one day I had enough and handled it wrong yelling 'shut up', sorry as a mom my protective mode took me over. He screamed, 'get the 'f' over it', I knew then what I was dealing with, a Major Narcissist. I realized I needed to back off and let authorities. In a year and a half i've called over 100 times.
The last few months he has added two more dogs, I believe in retaliaiton, and I can hear him saying 'get 'em and good job'. I believe he has a police scanner, because every time I call within 2 minutes the barking stops and of course the officers tell me when they pull up there is not barking. I've gone to the police station, spoken with multiple 'authorities' and in short, I'm told because it is not between 1 and 6 am there is nothing they can do. He knows this and knows he holds all the cards. My son and I were on the patio the other day and within 2 minutes the dogs started. My son screamed and I took him in the house.
Officers tell me he will not answer the door. My son and I live alone and I have to handle the situation alone. At times I'm so angry and the frustration level is over the top, but I'm a woman of prayer and have turned it over to the Just Judge who presides over The Courts of Heaven. What I do now is have Christian radio playing just loud enough so he can hear it along with the demonic forces who hate worshipping Jesus, pointed his way. Ephesians 6:12-13 "12 We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but principalities, powers, rulers of darkness and apiritual wickedness in high places. 13Having done all to stand, Stand!"
Christian music contains The Word of God.Isaiah55:11 :"So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it." God will fight for us!
I don't have the authority to control a person, but, because of The Cross I do have authority over the demonic forces that are controlling him. I'm relying on God, man will let you down God will not. He did pretty good with Pharaoh didn't he? This is Spiritual Warfare and Jesus died for me to win over the kingdom of darkness. I'm Standing, Hebrews 10:23 "Let us seize and hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful to His word." The Batle belongs to The Lord.
We leave room for the wrath of God.
Children with autism can do very well with a small pet. Have you considered finding a small dog that is gentle? This can change the whole situation. For example, female golden retrievers are very calming and nurturing. The presence of the dog can help your child greatly in outgrowing fears he may have, but also may change your neighbors outlook. It may be one more thing you have to do. Dogs talk to each other and maybe your dog can get his dogs to quiet down more because it understands what you need. You could volunteer to foster a child friendly dog and see how that feels.
Your child needs help to get over this fear because he will meet dogs everywhere. You expect your neighbour to stop his dogs barking, why don't you deal with your son's fear? You keep complaining to the police who never find anything wrong- you may be the narcissist!
@robinantonio8870 I didn't say the police never found anything wrong. I said the neighbor won't answer the door when they go to talk to him. The police have tried to deal with him. I hear the neighbor prodding his dogs to bark and laughing. He enjoys the control and tormenting my son reveling in the rewards of being the dominant one. Just because this is a page dealing with narsissim you just may see g it in every reply. No, I am not narssistic, I am a mother trying to protect my son. Your post has an accusing tone and you are jumping to conclusions in a situation you know nothing about. As far as dealing with my son's fears, it is difficult as he is non verbal and does not process verbal explanations. You no Nothing about autism. What is revealed in your response is how you are so quick to jump to the defense of an obvious sadistic and cruel man with all the earmarks of being narssistic and all but attack my efforts to be the mother my son needs and disregard his inability to defend himself. I grew up with pets, but one thing I find hard to tolerate are people who put the importance of over animals over human beings. Your response reveals that, which I find disgusting. If you can't find it in your heart to respond with compassion and understanding, jumping to defend a horrible man and some dogs rather than a special needs toi g man then I'll thank you to keep your thoughts and callousness to yourself. My post was to the Dr. I don't need to be corrected you thr likes if you! This is none of your business, so Butt Out!
@@robinantonio8870 I never said the police could not find anything wrong, I said after several calls to them and having explaining to him his dogs frighten my special needs son diagnosed with autism, has escalated to now when they attempt to go to his house but he will not come to the door.
I will decide what my son needs, your your judgmental attitude is the last type of person I need advice from. Strange you would accuse me of being narcissistic when your response checks all the boxes, trying to dominate and control my situation with and criticizing how I choose to try to eliminate a situation that frightens my son. Obviously you know Nothing about autism and Nothing at all about me or my son. He is non verbal and does not process verbal explanations. I find it extremely difficult to deal with people who think animals take precedence over human beings. Your response reveals a lot about you.
So quick to jump up and defend a cruel and hateful man who takes pleasure in tormenting a special needs young man, prodding and agitating his dogs to bark more fiercely and laughing, telling them 'good job' and 'get 'em'. I will defend my son Any Way I deem necessary, and it may come as a shock to you, with out Any advice from You! One thing I find pathetic are people who become so defensive and angry jumping to the defense of such a cruel and narsistic man and some dogs and displaying No compassion or understanding for a special needs young man.
If there has been any display of narcissism it is Your response. Being outright accusing, controlling, forcing unsolicited 'advice' with a total lack of Any empathy, the one who may be narcissistic would be You! Your total response displays All the earmarks of a narcissitic person. My guess is you have dogs, probably no children, and chose to be offended and taking what you read into my post as an attack on you. Sad that some people have such a misplaced devotion to an animal and no ability for care of a defenseless special needs young man. You revealed quite a lot about yourself. We reap what we sow. Your criticism, anger and bitterness reveals the harvest you have reaped.
Boy, you said it with "intimidating anger!"
We can't afford to step into their game. Nope! Not a today. Not a chance, Dr. C! ✅🕊🕊
I have learned that they scare people into doing things their way.
An N in my life sets up "scenarios" -- asking flying monkeys to say certain things or ask questions that will draw information from me. The N has to know EVERYTHING, even including the names of my dentists and doctors! I can spot these set-ups from a mile away now and do my best to go gray rock or to take my gray rock inside. I guess this is a form of control, and I do know for a fact that he tries to make a lot of trouble with a little info. So, NO info!!
Trying to satiate their need for control is a true addiction.
Must be exhausting.
I am having breakthrough moment here with this dominance game, I am writing my blog in the same time as I listen to this vid,
this is excerpt:
It is us about realizing that we have conditioned fear that we will be punished somehow for someone having some kind of negative conclusions about us.
Healing would be that we do not take on the game of being concerned about those conclusions. When we are going along with belief that we must be worried about what someone thinks about us - we end up in this dominance game which will keep us sick and afraid and develop all sorts of unnecessary defense defensive mechanisms that will keep us in prison of toxic shame.
Dr C & calm firmness saved my life as I went totally gray rock on a malignant psychopath who had already hurt me intentionally but if I can do it, so can you! I’m so grateful for the help that I’ve received from this excellent channel ♥️
He went out of control when my ex-coworker felt a fear of abandonment. He wreaked havoc on the workplace. As a result, all good team members except him left the company.
🏃🏃♂💨💨🏢
That is the fault of the company, that they didn't follow through on this person's bullying,,,most likely the management has that mindset too
@@maranathawatch1618 💯. Or they think it's a risk to intervene. Or it is simply too much work to bother... and it is sooo much easier to just swipe it under the rug...
if you ignore a problem, then it generally goes away, right ? Insert Ostrich symbol here...🕶
I am sorry you had to go through that, if you have to be there everyday emotionally, it can be brutal. And once all the nice coworkers start to leave, the narc density goes up, so it is a downward spiral.
Good for you if you got out.
@@maranathawatch1618 Exactly. Actually, the boss was also a covert narcissist. I've never seen such a chaotic workplace.
@@PantaRhei-wz5zn Thank you. I got sick mentally and physically, but I recovered after leaving the job.
There is no excuse for abuse. I trust me being me and I don’t want to have anything to do with the narsisist.
DOMINATION IS A EXTERNAL IN EVERY CONTEX, BE IT GOVERNMENT,A SYSTEM OR FAMILY OR RELATIONSHIP, IT IMPLIES WEAKNESS FROM WITHIN OR BEHIND THE SEEN.
Every one of your videos is so helpful. Thank you.
Glad you like them!
Absolutely spot on with a current social situation!!! It’s their way or no way. So frustrating, they tried to destroy our group.
Your videos have helped me immensely with understanding the personality of my friend.
What is the most difficult for me is the spiritual abuse he doles out - if I don't conform then God will punish me, etc. He actually told me, "Eve was made for Adam" not the other way around. "I will submit to him".
Religion is inveterately narcissistic... for example, the idea that "if you're not for me, you're against me", is utterly narcissistic...uh, no. There are many neutral or wavering positions between those two extremes. Another one is the idea that followers have to leave their families in order to serve the leader/god-man or woman, and it's sadistic. This is the foundational idea of cultism.
The first commandment (of the ten generally accepted ones) is narcissistic and controlling. There are actually hundreds of commandments in Judaism and its extensor religions, Christianity and Islam. Fascinating stuff to study. 🎉
Oh, yes! Mine said he's 'still waiting to be helped' (by me, his helpmate). I told him I can't help him because he is beyond help. First, he has to admit he has a need, but he can't do that...
If someone needs to dominate run. I learned that being with my ex. Yes found out he was the covert narsacist. Thank God I’m free.
My fixed answere when a narc nabour(former "friend) tries to dominate with her opinions: well, we're so different, and that's ok. She can't say anything, and she sits there having trouble to contain her rage. Last time I had coffee with her- 6 months ago, she had one of her rages- I walked away without a comment about it. And I never returned. And I don't need to confront her. I just say hello when I meet her.
I like how you use the word Dominate.. I think Bully is another good word to describe them.. We would go skiing out west every year with at least 30 people and my mom would be the one that would set up so then we would stay for free.. Nobody dare challenge my mom.. I would say that it worked out for everyone else because they didn't have to find a place.. I say that but then we would drive out in someone else's motorhome.. I think we all would take turns paying for gas and driving.. My guess is that in a weird way she was probably in control of that also.. I know she didn't drive but I don't think that any of the women did..
It is SO hard not to feed the bear. Still have to hold on to boundaries.
Gus is deferring to his desire to nap. Good boy! How is he (& the rest of your family) doing?
Gus manages conflict quite effectively. We could all take lessons from him.
I have being thinking lately that forgiveness means we think of others, but resentment means we think of ourselves. Most people are able to forgive because they have empathy.
I need forgiveness as I’m very tired and make mistakes as do all. I find one thing in life and that’s it’s ironic and that there is a song by the Byrds called My back pages and one line goes I become my enemy the moment I speak. My dad used to say if you haven’t got a good thing to say, don’t say it at all.
I see problems and want to help and lately I’ve had a big problem with a narcissist whom projected herself onto me by asking me why are you angry with me? She told me of herself early on of her own anger. The fool that I am told her that my supervisor asked me if I would work with a lady whom upsets the team. I chose to do so. Now my narcissist has I believe betrayed this confidence to her as they are very friendly and the one I’m working with just blew up at me two nights ago. Only this night was there was a change from aggression to passive. It’s her fear I think as I’m going on holiday in which I haven’t had in four years. My narcissist was always putting her down and I want to say to my teammate if someone says something hurtful it’s because they are being hurtful.
My teammates not good at her job, but I compensate and I think she feels vulnerable and insecure. I had a meeting with the manager last week on values as mine was being threatened at the time. She said the team was the best they have ever had since I came but I’m worried for when I go on holiday. I’m going to ask everyone to look after each other and to forgive. I once said to forgive is the most mature thing you can do. But I know they are weak but some strong and I’ll ask a strong one to look after my teammate.
I’ve had many battles with narcissist and one very big one whom did damage to a company that wanted to be the best in my country and put a lot of effort into doing so. They left my country and I feel guilt as these narcissist are murders of personality. I would rather them focus on me than the carnage of leaving them to others. If I didn’t have faith in God I wouldn’t do what I do.
My thoughts are that personality is feminine meaning it’s hidden as opposed to our person which we can see. Because the world is more egotistical now and personality is taking a big hit and people are struggling to be someone in their identity, the world is more insecure than ever. The world is geared for isolation of personality and far removed from my parents whom never had a television or cell phone.
My prayers for all.
My sincere apologies Dr Carter. Keep up the good work.
I always call my husband DOOMSDAY DAVE. He has nothing good to say
lol that’s excellent. 😅
Also…what’s a good name for a Lorraine? 🤔
Lamentablemente Lorraine?
Sadistic
I so wish I could send this to my ex. He is so twisted, the only way he can function is to be a bully.
Then if you confront them about that, "We were just joking with you" is always the excuse. Or "I didn't mean to make you feel that way" is one of my favorites. There's never a sincere apology or accepting any accountability for their actions. There's always an excuse/gas lighting that goes on.
@cryptomaniac2 his response was, good, you should feel bad.
I think shame was his real "love language".
my narc when he knew he was losing control just said things like "you're not in control of this relationship" and ..."you're not in charge" and this was before i knew what i was dealing with and I would say what is your obsession with control..no one controls the relationship...now i get it...i hope he does this to the new supply as well
Oh he absolutely does do it to the new supply
Why would you hope he does that to another person??? Why wish that on anyone??? Jealousy???
@@amberdavis7243 it’s very safe to say new supply is an affair partner
@@amberdavis7243true, these personality types can be compatible with other types.
@@amberdavis7243 I was going to say the same thing
You’re a very good man. Thank you💕
Because the women in my family are very warm and loving but have a lot of Irish in them so we are firecrackers when they are bullied so my relationship with my covert narcasist really took it out of me fighting all the time it was a lovely relief to realise what it was its a awful thing to deal with daily you have to ignore alot and not bite also you have to realise there's no hope with them
Is it that they MUST dominate or is it that the MUST NOT be dominated, and they see the world im such a rigid and hierarchical way that the only way to not be dominated is to dominate?
Hi Gus! Looking good buddy
Haha, narcs don't give you an opportunity to ask questions, let alone answer them
Deftly my marriage but, I fauggt back so it was toxic. Then I gave in just to have the fighting Stop. IT didn't change.. So, I came back stronger and now I am almost across the line to Freedom
My late stepfather was dominant over me.
You're simply gold Dr. I wish there were more people like you 🌸God bless you
I wish I knew about covert narc. 20 years ago I have finely and still working on strong separation boundaries😢I’m in counseling now and have been told I’m suffering fromsevere cptsd and grief
"The hangree games..."
You nailed it, Dr. C when you said they always seem to rise to the top. Here are some of my experiences w/narc bosses @ the top who share the same characteristics:
1) horrible leadership skills beyond their narc web.
2) little to no knowledge of their product/service they offer. Nor do they care, until they have to. And when the coast is clear...back to not caring.
3) only pay attention to their Peasants who play roles in their narratives. All other employees are cartoon characters in the background.
4) can only think in the past & present. You'll get shamed if you talk about your goals, any kind of growth.
5) rather then strategizing for company growth..they spend the morning planning their schemes (who they're gonna recruit for monkeys, enablers, supply, & which tactics to use), lunch, afternoon's time for how am I going to C.M.A., then home after a tough day @ work.
5) they don't give a Hooter's about all the critical aspects of operating/growing the company. It's all a dog & pony show.
6) employee's rights, government/state laws...out the window.
Yes, exactly! Working with this every day. I have learned radical acceptance. Luckily, I cannot be fired!
What does it mean? I believe my brother is modeling the mindset and behaviors of our late father. He was a hard man to please and we never knew what would set him off. What a shame my brother thought it was his only option. 😢
Yes all correct,I think my family of narcissists 3 women, 1 dad has had a very detrimental long term seriously bad effect, they may look human but there are few redeeming qualities, my sister being a solicitor did make my life better by winning a court case; wrongful death of my poor cousin and when I told her thankyou, I got a strange response, she wasn't happy for me, she had to share, if she had her way I know she wouldn't have! She has so much yet it's never enough, because inside is black with lack of love for anyone! She thinks everyone is a stupid object who she secretly despises! Sorry it's dark!❤❤
They are special meaning they are slow
This video gave me awareness of what I’m dealing with 💯.
Thank you Dr C.
Very pleased!
Thanks
Thanks, Andrea.
Why narcissist even go as far as our down fall after the discard?
A video title if you wish Doc😊.
My ex wife covert narcissist was sk in need to dominate me, even a simple game with guests was life or daath in my defeat. It was very embarrassing to see. So nice now to be free. Thanks Dr. Carter for the videos. Its a great help .
Thank you so much for this DR Les, You're absolutely beautiful, You're a treasure to humanity, Keep shining light, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 😃💗💙💚❤💛💜👽✌🌈🌹🌌🕊🦁😃
They love to keep you in the dark about things
I loved hearing these words this morning. I have said some of these things to my ex-partner-what has gotten into you, why do you have to control everything etc. He ignores everything and just keeps on saying you are a bad person, you are a scammer etc. We don’t talk now but that is what he would say when ever I tried to speak some logic to him about what a normal relationship is. He even said, what is normal! As if saying that was wrong too. We know what normal is and it certainly is not dominating every single element of the relationship and then using guilt trips and character assassination to try and stop the person pointing out what is wrong with this dominating style. I find it hard to digest all of the understandings I must have to comprehend what has happened. Getting my mind around how he saw things is quite the journey I have to say but so helpful to stop the rumination and to gather the understanding needed to heal.
Thank you as always Les. Sending much love from NZ.
PS, Vit D, zinc, vit C and Quercetin combination with help your immune system. I so am rooting for your steady recovery. Sending love to your beloved and Gus.
The problem here is that the child of one or both narcissist parents cannot yet discuss these questions, becomes unable to communicate and knows no other form of communication other than "threats, dominance, conformity". The child itself is "shut-down" through the "punitive" form of "silencing" or alternating with "high-expressed emotion". All advice thereafter is useless because the child no longer trusts the parent(s) and no longer will listen to the parent. All advice given to the adult child (who is ill) from the parent is not only too late, but also is only given to the adult child out of subconscious guilt and shame because they consciously and publicly shamed and abused the child for their narcissitic purposes. The root of the problem lies in the mother and her abandonment /rejection of the child as a baby, which is then continued as long as she has or is given the power to do so. There seems to be no other form of communication possible for this parent.
In summary: The imperative thinking of narcissists is characterized by their tendency to go into automatic defense mode whenever someone offers them any hint at all that someone has an opinion which differs from their own. Anything could set them off into a full blown rage whenever they percieve the level of control they are benefiting from is waning. That could be thiings like only picture hanging up on the wall they didnt' order to have put up; a necklace being worn by someone without according to them the right kind of pendant on it; a persons skin color while they are sitting near the driver of a bus while they are not going day after day to be working for them anymore for minimum wage etc. etc. etc.
What does a narcissist do when he or she is forced to work with or regularly interact with individual(s) they cannot control? Maybe these individuals recognize the controlling narcissistic tendencies and don't succumb. How does the narcissist cope?
Very interesting questions, i 'd like some content on this as well. Also would like something about these tendencies in the workplace, from co workers.
So many videos mainly give illustrations about romantic relationships, yet it would be nice to have some other situations discussed as well - as unfortunately narcy behavior pops up in so many different circumstances, each with their own specfic interations.
Some of them may back off. Some may try harder, and become harsher. Once they realise you won't budge/see what they are doing, they have less reason to try to make you a supply (and thereby less reason to try to convince you they are nice), which means their 'punishment' for refusing them may be worse. They will likely still keep the 'nice' image for those around, but there is potential for attempts for your reputation, and attempts to turn others against you.
@@HereIAm247, Amen!!!!!!!
They'll do all they can to crush and wear out and knock off balance their now strong spouse. When he doesn't have her to continue to overpower, he'll still keep up his image he wants others to see and belueve about him. But he'll also continue to find a substitute "feel-good." I think they don't usually come across any who see right through him, and those who do will stay away from him. My husband knows just hiw to behave right with his employers/business owners. He does his job and keeps to himself, he's the best guy in the whole country in his specialty, probably the most valuable person for that business. He won't do anything to cause him to lose his job. But they probably have seen his brusque side, though he usually makes sure he's good. He's honest at work, but not with me. He's a tiring entanglement.
I am strong now........ and He's more vigilant that ever to overpower me. It's overwhelming. This horrible behavior is causing me to be more clear about boundaries and decisions I have to make. No matter how old I am, enough is enough!
They lie in court & get a protection order against u by filing false police reports when you aren't around.
They instigate a small scene, you react, then they play victim, blow it all out of proportion, and start abusive litigation, a gross misdemeanor.
They are scared.to.death of u.
I like the logic and sensible explanations of these types of people. I wish my therapist would have been as wise as you. Unfortunately I only get support from your video 's (and Dr. Ramani's) on this topic. But whiteout it I would still be in the dark. Thank you❤
1982, I was chosen to be an Amityville Village Police Officer. It was one of the first biggest female only testing, etc. At one point I went to see Mom to tell her that officers may be by to ask you about me. Before Mom could respond, NPD Daddio came out from his locked bedroom, looked me in the face and said "I'm gonna tell them not to let you have a gun." It was so bizarre. Uncalled for. Absolutely no reason for his statement. Well, a decade later, he was arrested and held at the largest detention center in Manhattan, where I learned daddio had a long history of criminal activity no one knew about - not even Mom. What a dad, huh?
Their ideology doesn't add up!
Hello Dr C. as always thank you so much for you content I appreciate so much and worth from all my heart all your energy you put creating this content, it really helps me.
Good morning
Yes, it is!
They will face bad karma is matter of time
Thanks.
As ever, Dr. C, your clear succinct framework is so compelling and healing. Thank you. Professor-E
Thank you.
Thanks!
Absolutely 👍
They Are Cowards!
DRC!🕊🕊
#TeamHealthy
Loved thus one
I just read a great book with all this same stuff. Wow! Thanks for these videos. Title: But It's You're Family.