If Narcissists Are So Special, Why Do They Run People Off?
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2024
- Narcissists honestly think they are a notch above most people, yet over time they create an "ick factor." The record shows that most narcissists have a long record of repelling others, though of course, they can't see their role in it. Dr. Les Carter explains multiple reasons they cannot succeed in relationships...despite them insisting you are the problem.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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It takes a special person to repel almost every one they know.
🎼🎶 I wish I were special…🎶 Sofa King special … 🎵
😂😂
Also reminds me of the other Radiohead song “you do it to yourself, you do - and that’s what really hurts”. So many songs about narcissistic behaviour patterns!
they shoot themself in foot& say, " who shot me?""
@@carolnahigian9518 Oh they pick a person that “shot” them lol
Narcissists are legends in their own minds.
Haha 😂 that is true
I heard this before from a higher education colleague.
😂
They are lonerx
They are arrogant, conceited, manipulative, cruel and evil people.
They run off everyone that isn't an enabler. If you're not enabling their bad behaviors, they don't want you around.
Flying monkeys
Amen to that 👍
first they will 'love bomb' you to lure you to join his/her enablers, if that fails, they will cast you out, smear campaign, triangulations, made-up stories (of your despicable) Its a standard procedure for all narc. Somehow they act and think alike as if they were controlled by the same 'entity' 🔱
"A drowning man will always try to take you down with him", that's why it's important to stay away (at least emotionally) from narcissistic individuals
Its insane that a person that seemingly makes it their duty to put you down point out all your flaws and disrespect you wants you to affirm them and reassure them and prop them up smh.
They are not known for having high levels of common sense.
I don't know any that live alone. Always need ppl around, only to complain, & argue with.
Truth!!! Can't stand being alone, ignored etc.
And use and abuse 😣
Yes! and they are the reason why I must live alone
Hence Hoovering
& order ppl around
I think people either figure them out and/or they can't keep a lid on their nastiness. That nastiness always reaches out and touches someone.
That is where their wholesale toxicity is noted by the wider audience.
Reading from the comments, people need to understand why narcissism (in its criminal form), is the standard people. Busy body gossiping is only practiced by criminals.
So true, that hatbox has been on Smule I believe, I wonder?
Both
It really hits home that you are merely a prop, a decoration, a source of attention and affirmation to a narcissist when you become ill or otherwise unavailable to the narcissist. I was forced to see the reality of my marriage when I became extremely ill and was hospitalized for weeks. My narc husband barely visited, using our dog as an excuse. My doctors and nurses were genuinely aghast and it was startling to see the disgust and disbelief in their eyes when day after day went by with little more than a call or a 5 minute visit. I had to face that I was of no use to him if I was the one who needed care and attention. He literally just ignored me and spent his time finding others to fill his needs during that period. It was a wake-up call of epic proportions.
Linda...I hope you have escaped from this man.
Because at some point the mask slips enough that the non-narcissist has a light bulb moment as to who they are dealing with. If it your “first narcissist” you probably don’t have the language to describe it but you instinctively know you need to get away from this person. If you are very lucky, this happens before you are in too deep to get out without too much damage being done. But often it will take a LONG time to undo the damage - even of a non-intimate type relationship.
Trauma bonding is the narcissist’s go to move
REPULSIVE is a word I have used many times thinking about my past relationship with a covert narcissist. She was vile, pure vile. The slightest hint of my freedom, she projected her worst side and she was impossible and horrendous to be around. After her short love bomb she repulses everyone with her rudeness, negativity and insistence that you keep your mouth shut in agreement to all the crazy making things she has to say. She insulted me to my core and then would ask me to cheers her. If I didn’t she would throw a temper tantrum. Vile energy.
They are not interested in your reasoning or arguments.
The are interested in how much you are willing (or prone) to let them dominate and exploit you, because they believe they are much smarter than you are.
Very true. Fact, most of these narcissists get away with so much because most people are understandably not willing to jump in the mud with them and fight them on their terms. Most people are well-behaved and do their best to stay above the fray. The only way to deal with them is to cut them out of your life. What's really difficult is if they're in the same job as you, especially if they're in an authority position over you. I had one of those. I had to leave a great job (would've been great if I hadn't had to deal with this king jerk). I did just that and feel really lucky to be in an even better job today. I knew the guy was retiring in 2017 (which was 6 years away) but I just couldn't wait him out.
It's simple - they are nasty, spiteful and vindictive. Not a great recipe for a successful relationship🤣 When they drop the facade it's your signal to run. Unfortunately unless you know about npd, you can stay stuck in their sick game. Thanks Dr C 🥰
I've sadly had friends like that, first they drive me away and then they get angry that I want nothing to do with them.
My experience is they like to run people into the ground. In all faucets. Mental physical emotional spiritual. They do it as a personal challenge if they can do it. It is a game to have total control over the other party. Although they don't want total control over a person that does not fight back. This is the back n forth power game they learned in adolescence from their caregivers. And they are too dense and scared to change. Period.
I agree! They refuse to grow and grow up. They think their accomplishments are met when they have fully destroyed someone. They strut with arrogance and superiority. Sad and sick, isn't it..
Controlling a 'Renfield' isn't entertaining nor fulfilling for long.
I've dealt with a narc acquaintance for over 40 years now. We are in our 50s. She is still using the same controlling tactics she did when we were teens with little success. She doesn't seem to know anything different. I finally learned I wasn't her friend, I was just a tool to be used. Knowledge is freedom.
@@pattylong6014Hey, Patty, your comment is a good inspiration for me not to go back to hanging out with a former fellow scapegoat friend. I am getting screwed with by my ex family of origin and I needed your comment to stay strong about not hanging out with a likely secret flying monkey of theirs. (Even without the worst case scenario, just like yourself, I could not take it anymore)
Every single one of my narcissistic sister’s best friends always walk away without another word. Including me. When I would ask her what happened that they no longer speak to her she would always say, “they’re just jealous of me”. Lmao and she tells people the same about me 😂. When you’ve had enough of the narcissist there is no reason to explain you just walk TF away!
I heard 'you're jealous' countless times. It's just their ego talking they really do act and think like little children lol
@@PussnBoot2516 problem is they are not children; they are grown people with the power to do vindictive, physical and mental harm if they do not get their way. Best to keep strong boundaries and reduce interaction!
@@kacefitch3812 I found mental harm to be their favorite. It’s the ultimate control. I bet her husband is wishing I was there still. The only way to take her focus off of him was for them to band together against me. They did it with sadistic delight. Yeah, he’s missing me right about now! She used to laugh to me at her control tactics of him. “I just start climbing him like a bear cat and he’ll jump up and say ‘what? What do you want me to do?!?’” That meant she would just go off on him. But she loved that phrase. “Climb em like a bear cat and they’ll be so busy trying to get you off of them that they’ll forget what you did”. Sick bitch.
@@kacefitch3812Exactly!
My "sister" is 55 years old. (Physically 🙄)
It doesnt sink in 😶? if you explain your discontent or reasons. So whats the point to do so? They dont see themselves. And wont. They cant be reasoned with. If They take it personally, they may be vindictive. They blame you for being mean. So its easier to disappear. Back off & be too busy to be around or on their presence.
“I’m not your prop”. Awesome words.
The journey back to "me" had it's difficulties, but it's one I'd take over and over again! No question!! I am grateful for the "run off!" And I wholly embrace the "discard!" They gave me "me" again!!
If it's WORTH doing, do it. Celebrating your victory with you.
Pleased for you, Bara.
what a great feeling to be free
It IS true that they become repulsive…Energy drain
Self absorption. Shared delusion. Sure rejection. It’s a childish repetition compulsion that can never end in separation from mother
My son dumped me years ago. Don't understand mother separation?
I have been in the anxiety/ADHD/autism community for over 20 years as a mother, and I know several good therapists who insist that screens and media are causing narcissism in our children. I was in denial about that for about 15 years, but I have come to agree. The problems with people have been caused. Good therapists are figuring these things out. Maybe too late for many of us, but I hope in time for my children and grandchildren.
@@kipliethurlow9091children separate from their primary caregiver @ age 2 so that by 3 they learn they are not the same as mother & it’s OK but narcissists don’t separate & have black/white thinking also called lack of whole object relations or whole object constancy ❤️🩹
For them, it’s always the other person. If they run off 10000 people, there was something wrong with every last one.
It is so difficult to recognize a narc: they look like humans, but they are empty on the inside. They can play normal, act warm hearted, tell rehearsed phrases.... it is really a struggle if you get lovebombed because it looks like real love.
So in the end, recognizing them is not about behaviour, it is all about the motives. E.g. i used to think, only good people choose rescue dogs over breeder dogs becaise of prestige. But no. A narc may go for an old / ugly / disabled dog, to make himself look like a good samaritan, who is sooo full of love. And they will present themselves like that, talk the talk. So you can only find out their true motives if you watch them closely, interacting with the dog, over longer periods of time. If they are resentful, derogtive, mean to the dog .
Looks like there's only one answer...run!
They want to be admired. After a while they become emotionally draining. I can tolerate a certain amount of this . When they start subtle put -downs it becomes unbearable. One “friend” I knew would say “what’s going on with you” when you answer they immediately high jack the story and make it about themselves( how they already did that, did it better etc)
its a lot more than just want to be admired. They want to be in total control, with the Ultimate power to decide who should be spared or suffer(those who didn't laugh at their joke, compliment them).
A good perfume doesn’t need advertising, its smell says all.
That made me chuckle.
even if the narc smells bad, you better compliment him/her 'you smell heavenly..' or else...
@@spaideman7850 never!
The popular idea is that the narcissist is the angry person, when in fact they can be the nicest people... but manipulative, so theyll call out the one they made angry by their smear campaign as the narcissist and a bystander will think the innocent person is the narcissist..
Yep 👍
They flip the script..
Going through the smear campaign now.
It’s unbelievable how others are so easily fooled by them too 😮
I think narcissists introspect, self examination, what is wrong with me all the time, however their narcissism via false self okays it. They know exactly what they doing, what they do not know is healthy ways of relating so they are stuck with false self and narcissism.
You get it, Fred.
And that's where substance addiction comes in handy for them to drown it all out. Now they have a double whammy for themselves and those they have roped-in their lives!
I remember when my Narc Father inlaw told my wife and I that it was his way or the highway. We opted for the highway and then he spent over 3 years chasing us down that highway, trying to run us off the road. Talk about insecurities.
😂 exactly
Well said 👏
Thank you for this video. It is spot on. I escaped a 30 year marriage (March 2019) with a husband like this. Our children were homeschooled until all four entered college. I went to college with them and graduated with my BSN-RN at the same time as our two youngest in my mid-50s in 2018. My great sadness, in addition to grieving the dream of building a Godly family, is because my children were carefully taught in their teens, behind my back, to adopt a mocking stance towards me when it comes to Godly values and their respect for me disappeared during that time. It became a home where my Christian values were mocked and I had no place in their lives at all. When they left our home, they would confide all about their prodigal experiences with their father and took the stand that I was not a realistic parent and ignored me. They would call their father and acted like I did not exist. So painful! Now 6 years later, I am a psychiatric travel nurse still texting them regularly and get no response. I keep praying and push ahead with this pain that stays with me. I was left with nothing from their dad and survive on my contracts living from state to state, renting a furnished room in each location but have no material to offer them and cannot seem to assume my significance in their lives. Your videos validate my incredible hardship. Thank you! Many blessings!
I've been with a narcissist for a long time and never understood the crazy hurtful mind games until I luckily stumbled upon your videos. Life was chaotic with her and nearly intolerable. Your explanations of the psychology of the narc. and how to hold your own with them and even defuse their nonsense made my life much easier. Now I can control the situation knowing what to expect from her. Thank you!
Why stay with a person 🧍♀️ like that?
They shove people away because the mirror is slipping. It takes a lot of effort to hold that heavy mirror in front of them. It is like how dare that wall for not being strong enough to support this.
When it inevitably crashes to the floor and shatters they are left staring at the person who isn't them.
That can't be had so it is over and they need a new wall and that wall has to fix the mirror too. It can't be a new mirror though and you can't point out the cracks.
Rinse and repeat and the cycle continues.
The only friend a narcissist has is the person they see when they look at a mirror.
My runaway nark alway told me that he hates being alone. He said he hates his own company, yet, he inflikts it on everyone else. I always feel sorry for him.
When I was a child, "special" was meant as an insult!
How ridiculous is this My brother is taking me to court over my mum's will and I'm the one looking after her full-time with no help from him
Did your brother at least see the will or are you withholding it from him? ... it's not up to you to decide what is fair, that's your mother..
@@TrentGustus he is the one withholding information...he wants to change mom's will to go to him not me...I care for her 24 hrs a day he doesn't even see or talk to her...read before you assume
@heidiuridge1584 with a hand written letter my sister made herself the executor after my mother's death, she then refused to allow me to see the will, she claimed victim status, that she looked after her which was not true, she visited her in the care facility.. we each had our own relationship with our mother.. she was not a victim as she claimed, when she was forced to provide a copy it was disclosed to her embarrassment that she was withholding personal items from me.
@@TrentGustus I care for mom in our home...my brother does nothing but play victim...
Typical. Same here. And I have been the scapegoat all my life. I will be challenging the will to get more than the golden children who wont lift a finger for her.. About time I was compensated for the hell they put me through.
I found my late stepfather repulsive and obnoxious. I did not feel safe with him.
Well good for you now! I will exhale a sigh of relief when my Narc passes. It's horrible to say but hey, they only get worse with age.. who's got time/energy left for that?
Due to their delusional thinking they think themselves very special and center of the world but nobody is dispensable. Thank you very much Dr. Carter❤❤
His side of family wont call or pick up.theyre done with it..i feel they are partly to blame for his disorder..the whole family created a monster
Narcissists lust. All others love.
Run, forrest, run or the narcissist will devour you
Yes, the term "repulsive" is what I have used over and over again for the covert, malignant, sociopathic narcissist and his entire family of narcissists. Another brilliant video, Dr. C. 👍
This video is incredible in that it covers so many important aspects of the situation one after the other. So important to hear these things again and again. I don’t know why it takes so long for it to thoroughly sink in. The gas lighting and abuse creates so much self doubt and you affirm what we thought was happening and tried to articulate in the relationship so well here. I tried to point out to him, your are “telling” me how this all works not having a conversation, when I figured it out. Took so long to. What they put into your head takes a lot of convincing to believe your own side of it again. The amount of denying the truth and lack of understanding of what they are doing at the time takes a lot of healing, that is for sure. Every time you try and speak with them, as you say here so well they will angrily try and flatten it out of you. Thank you I’m watching again…🍃🌻🌼
Hi , Thank you, Always trust in yourself, Don't let them doubt your truth and perception of reality, Be true to yourself, Peace, love, Respect to you 🕊🦁😃💙❤💚💜💛🌌🌈😃
Thank you so much.
I have been grappling with that for the last two years and while I was in it.
Coming to see that I can trust how I saw things and the truth of the behaviour. Listening to Les really helps because he literally describes it. Affirming, and helps to regain trust in my own perceptions.
Peace, love and respect be with you as well🙏🌻💛✨
@@andreacook6000 You're very welcome, And Les is a great bloke and a treasure to humanity, He's helping so many people not to be fooled by all this, I'm glad you can see clearly, Thank you for your reply and kind words 😃🌈🌌💛💜💚❤💙🦁🕊😃
They are crazy
Being a pathological taker is not a good kind of special to be.
My ex-friend looks so charming, but he failed in marriages, not once, but twice. In addition, his first spouse literally ran away from home.
🏃♀💨💨🏠
I think there are a few reasons why people don't leave him.
1. They buy into his superficial charm: It took me decades to see through him.
2. They overlook signs: I realized I overlooked many red flags. 🚩🚩🚩
3. He lures new people: He easily married after his first spouse left. He made a new girlfriend quickly after the second divorce. He also fits into new places or situations.
Yes 🖐🏿 you explain it absolutely correct 💯
It's a cat and mouse game for them. I'm tired of it immature, like living with a 16 year old punk and he's 69. Horrible nasty defiant..Captain No Fun for sure.
My entire experience with my narc. elderly mother was a one way street....I tried for decades to play the prop, but now I am older and cannot do this painful one way play with her anymore. Let me tell you, I pity her and find her methods pathetic.
If Narcissists are so special, they of course do need special treatment but because there is no other person so special like them, they specialize in their speciality which is abandonment.
Why are Narcissists not able to succeed in relationships?
Do they trust or distrust?
Do they love or hate?
Do they integrate or isolate?
Do they share with others or keep everything to themselves?
Do they live in reality or fantasy?
Do they appreciate or disregard?
Are they confident or insecure?
Are they forgiveful or revengeful?
Are they truthful or untruthful?
Are they heartseekers or mindhunters?
Are they open or closed minded?
Are they curious or indifferent?
Are they thankful or ungrateful?
Are they respectful or disrespectful?
Are they humble or megalomaniac?
Are they patient or quick-tempered?
Are they vulnerable or thin-skinned?
Are they praising or critical?
Are they appreciative or condescending?
Are they constructive or destructive?
Are they truthfully or deceptive?
Are they searching for a solution or conflict?
Are they looking inwardly or outwardly?
Are they thoughtful or merciless?
Are they honest or lying?
Are they givers or takers?
Are they feeling alive or dead?
Are they free or imprisoned?
Are they independent or dependent?
Do they see life as a colourful miracle or as a black & white movie?
Do they see life as a gift or a penalty?
Do they seek wisdom or power?
Is their core at peace or in chaos?
My goodness. Such good thoughts, Roxy.
👏👏👏👏👏
This is great! Thank you!🌻🌼🌺
Thank you for the excellent checklist!
I would add: Responsible or irresponsible? Insightful or insightless? Meaningful or meaningless?
To sum it up. Push, Pull, Up, Down. Total confusion is usually how a balanced person will start to feel. It is really sad.
Mine ran everyone off and blamed me! Realized today I may never have to see him again... I feel like having a party!!
You go girl. We can all dance together
Cut off a grandiose narc last week, this makes me feel secure in my decision. I'd never felt so confused and scared around someone who was supposed to be a friend in my life.
We on team healthy we always manage to adjust our crown 👑 irrespective of narcissist.
This video was a good one. Thank you. It’s my loyalty that keeps me in bad relationships. I was starting to be repulsed in my current one. I am so glad there are people like you informing us how to listen to our guts and leave.
My mother's approval of me is directly related to my level of usefulness or utility to her. Lately, she wants me to not exist, so approval is sparse. When she needed me to oversee the contractors and deliveries for her kitchen remodel, and she didn't want to take off of work, she could demand that I be there on any given day, move the furniture and prep the room, and keep my toddler out from under the work, all with a few minutes notice. She can plan a week ahead of time with the contractors, but not with me, because she is pretending that I am antagonistic and will sabotage (?) the project. Even though I've gotten everything done even with her ridiculous surprises, she seems to think that is out of fear and compliance, rather than out of the loyalty and love that I have for her.
I have started directly calling her out "you are the one that makes me the enemy." She doesn't like that I know the mechanisms she uses, and usually can tell what she is doing, when she tries to be slick.
I am now convinced I am a narc, the only way out is self destruction, there is no help for creatures like me
I've repelled almost every body, but I put that down to attracting the wrong people due to low self-esteem (from my narcissistic upbringing), tolerating far too much bad behaviour from people, and just a general softness and kindness. When I do finally stand up for myself people get such a shock they leave. It's like they feel I tricked them, that I broke an unwritten social contract, that they could treat me like crap.
Nowadays, it is very easy to accuse such and such a person is narcissistic.
In fact, when you said, you’re not interested on something that they gonna propose to you or something else that means to them that you don’t make or give a thing for them expect you. Then you became a narcissistic or selfish for their perception.
You can’t explain your life from A to Z. Just ignore and do what makes you happy. Always be in peace with them, around them and when you talked to them !
You don’t have to justify it all the time !
selfish self centered and not being caring,,,
Yes my husband is always wanting firends but after they get to know him they start ignoring him. The only friends he has is women he talks to online, they don't really know him, they are thinking he's wonderful.
I recall my narc ex saying that i "was like all the rest", and "nobody much likes my company.". Coming from a place of manipulating my empathy but dude, you said it, not me. I remember wondering at one time 'i thought he had friends and other connections.'. He did not which left me to focus every bit of bile and self loathing and dissappintment on.
Thats the worst thing that has ever happened to me
From South Africa here... I have drawn so much inspiration from your videos, and you have such a profound knowledge on the subject of narcissism, that it is helping me a great deal to cope with the abuse I encounter at work. I find your descriptions of the condition of narcissism so accurate, that I could swear you are describing my boss to a tee. Your description of the hallmark traits and the underlying issues have opened my mind to the possibility of understanding this condition, and the possibility of not seeing myself as a victim anymore. I can now rise above the toxic behaviour - maybe not always, but for the most part. I find your channel to be one of the best resources on the subject I have found to date. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Breaking free from within this box was the ONLY way moving forward. I thank you so much for the education to help me navigate this complicated issue. I am at peace. My prayers are hoping that this individual will find self worthiness for a lifetime of peace and happiness. Thank you Dr C for your support. God bless. ❤
My nex did say “obsessed” and “crave” that’s nuts
My wife always talks to our friends about what she wants for our children (even if we have both agreed that we want the same things for them) - even when I am there….. very frustrating
When my ex husband discarded me and our son, I was begging to save our family and he said these exact words: you are of no use in my life, what I want you in my life for? (I had stopped helping at his restaurant, because we have a son in the autism’s spectrum and of course I took care of our boy)
No feelings at all. And I am still trying to accept it 😢
Wow. Yep. Sorry to hear this.😢 stay clear. Your son deserves love and care.
Jealousy,lying and Manipulation and the finally straw weaponizing her husband death. Took me 30 years😂
AG actually is a very good looking man (or at least, he was when I knew him--his ex gf that I met in the last quarter of 2023 says he's "not that handsome," which may be personal opinion or he might have finally worn out his looks). His internal attractiveness leaves much to be desired. Obviously Judy saw at least the potential for internal beauty in him, as did I, though she gave up on it much more quickly than I did. Still, you've explained the phenomenon much better than I ever could.
Three male narcs are telling me I'm not suited for mgnt since I do not hide my gray hair. And that I should wear more makeup. They are all old with fat tire bellies. Is this where some women give in and do sex to get the job? Gross. Not me. I've run the place 2 years and many x alone. I'm tired of always having to move on. Then I look back and everyone is fired or the company changed mgnt. Maybe I should stick around and watch and keep silent while watching it fall. Either that or strart over and I'm getting too old for that
Yeah those guys are definitely narcissistic. Lol
That is harassment and they can probably be done for it. How repulsive indeed! We are not living in the last century! What complete AH’s and shallow idiots. I live in New Zealand, they would not get away with that here!! It would be in the news paper if you made a complaint.
My elderly mother ran off her elderly boyfriend with to-do lists and I think that’s funny.
No "we" in their vocabulary.
Thank you for all you do! It has helped me so much.
Narcspouse's energy was so evil the dogs didn't want to return home from their walk, right before the time his attack on me incurred the No Contact situation via the state. Repulsion was there for so long that once he wasn't allowed to be present, it was like a frenzied freedom hit me, disorienting and utterly disorganized. Thoughts on him or his kin would / may still trigger me to a quiet terror, at the thought of him ever returning. Had one nightmare last week that this happened...
Thank goodness you are away! Keep going, moving more and more in the direction of freedom. You are strong and courageous. You’re fining to have a completely different life now. Good on you!!!
@@andreacook6000 thank you!! Many parts of days go by feeling unreal. I hope yr journey is smoother than mine is now ☺️
Gus is most present ever, I love Gus🥰 i hope he feeling better these days.
Gus looks like he needs steps for getting off the couch!
Oh well Dr. C. We C you !
My narcissister tells me what "type" of personality I have. She never asks; she already knows. And she gets pissed if I argue with her.
That was my mother
Dr. C. Would you do a video about 'manipulation by omission'. It's an interesting concept and something that would be helpful for others to watch out for! Thank you!!
Do you mean people who manipulate others by telling partial truths and leaving out information?
At 11:11, Love Pretty asked about difference between "poop flicking monkey," a "flying monkey," and a narcissist. I'd like to give it a shot here, since chat rolls way too fast. I'd think a poop flicker knows the target, and uses imagination to select where on target to smear the filth. A flying monkey takes orders from a narcissist and just does what is instructed. A narcissist is simply the one in direct opposition to the target, trying to get reaction supply off of the target. Just my thoughts, I could be wrong. I grew used to it. Other thoughts, TH or Dr. C?
Of the 2 monkeys, I'd think the flicker would be more dangerous to the target, but also more useful to the N (especially if the N can see the outcome) in terms of control. There would be glee, knowing they had an ally in targeting and enjoying the creativity of another person to attack in ways they cannot. The flicker would also provide a level of plausible deniability to the N.
@@aaronkwolfeSo true, they turn when they get the smirk.
Hey Aaron, not being an expert on poop, I'll defer to your judgment on this one!!
@@aaronkwolfe I read your comment in chat about our shared experience, I just had a loss of words. It is an isolation tactic.
@@An-mei Experience shared = understanding. No words needed. Grace to you, Teresa.
The title sounds a little candy coated. 😂 They don't run you off,, they run you over. Should say,, "Why do they abuse their only allies!?"
Thank you Dr Carter. I made a post, but please don’t worry too much about me as you do great videos and it’s not that you have emboldened me. I’m a very conscious person.
Good subject...Gus is doing a good job of holding the couch down. 🎉😊
This video made me feel like i was the one doing the repelling. My son has gone behind our backs for years turning family us. against us . We didn't know this is what had happened to our family relationships. We thought we had hurt people's feelings, or said or done something offensive. After going to family, with a witness like the Bible says, and asking for forgiveness for anything said or done to them by us. It did no good. My brother who is also a narcissist took our goodness and turned it into a lie. He said we did nothing to him ( to our face).
I am so tired of dealing with the pain, the lies, the devil himself. Im just worn out with it.
My husband and i just want peace.
We are pretty much on our own with the entire family against us. We are just going to ride it out, and hope tha when the rest of the family realizes they have been having there ears tickled maybe they will invite us back into there lives.
Thank you, love, and peace to all of you who have felt the sting of a narcissist.
SOOOOOO TRUE.
So sad also…..DEAR JESUS…shake these loved ones up and wake them up Lord.
Thank you for your videos Gus and Dr. C.
GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS.
From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WI
Thank you again for your efforts to help us..the loving effort, and Gus for his patience while you are talking..all the time🤪😁❤️.
You're welcome.
I wish you had touched on the entitlement part, especially when it comes to meeting new people, and the shock that occurs when the demand for special treatment comes without any special treatment given from them ….do you know what I mean?, thank you for your insight. I hope to work things out with my friend.
My passive aggressive covert narcissist must be "special' since I've been fooled for over 40 years. On my part, does the term 'co-dependent' and 'love is blind' come to mind? Does completely trusting words over actions not matching up ring a bell? How about keeping the "love" source emotionally off balance triggering extreme confusion, sound right? I'm sure the narc being a professional liar who offers scrapings of intermittent 'fake love' counts, too! My narc missed the calling to be an actor because this narc's pretending performances are superb! Award winning straight up!
I'm still with the narc but have my emotional separation and boundaries in place. Understanding the condition well is the FIRST stop to healing for the abused one.
Thank you Dr. Carter for your videos. I am currently dealing with an elderly narcissist that married into my family--twice (2 different relatives). I currently manage a property that she resides on. Your information has been invaluable.
Ooh Dr. C did I hear you say I don't mean just physically attractive, that should make no difference. That's not even worth discussing surely. Ouch that will hurt folk.
This is so 100% accurate that I cannot even believe it!!! Wow!! Totally 1000% right on. Thank you, Dr. Carter!!!
The people they run off represent everything the narc isnt.
Please dr. Les, do more videos about religious narc. and cults.
She was so empty.!!😂
He avoids people cuz he doesn't want anybody to know how he really is. He can be yelling at me & very angry & someone joins us & he flips to happy go lucky. They leave & he picks up where he left off. Yeah, your videos have helped me a lot. But how do you leave when he had a stoke, all cognitive, and I'm his caretaker? I wish I left decades ago but was so naive. Don't be naive!
I had a boss like this who was shocked and disappointed when I expressed that I was planning to resign to pursue an opportunity to work in an industry that I otherwise did not have a degree for.
My previous job was a clerk in a small church's office. She was disappointed because she said she was setting me up to become a permanent personnel with official titles like admin assistant and multimedia head, a prop, for her plans for a future publishing operaton.
I remember feeling hurt and confused then that she was planning my life out for me and seemed to have assumed that I didn't have plans of my own because I was undergraduate. Plus the low-key guilt trip that all those plans were for God's work.
I'm happily working in the career I love now, which I believe is God's doing, because like I said, I never attained the degree for it. Meanwhile, ex-boss does seem to leave behind a trail of people who are uncomfortable around them.
Trust your instincts!
My mother never kept friends she made. After a certain length of time, they always went away. It was always their fault, of course..
Of course.
The narcissist I know is not speaking to at least 4 people. One of those people gave them a taste of their own medicine which of course, was not well received.... At some point, you'd think they would realize there is a common denominator however, I guess if everyone else is the problem, you are just a victim.
Les you are a gem.. thank you!
I actually worry for all the new people still to meet him. I hope that all will be able to see through the mask quicker than I! His track record for any long-term relationship, personal or professional, isn’t that great.
Love these videos. They saved my sanity.😊
I'm so glad!
I had a friend who I shared an education with and we were fine when socializing. I finally saw his extreme need for control when we started to work on projects together. He could not collaborate. I finally had it and told him we could not work with him but we could be friends and he just cut me off. DONE He was very accomplished but at his true core insecure and needed to becompletely in contol. No DTR at all.
..or maybe he didn't want to be subpar and you didn't want to evaluate what he was or wasn't doing and chose to do it your way cause it was your way.
When I walked out on my narcissistic gf, she posted the day after on Facebook that our relationship was finished. Her male followers were lining up to give her comfort but not a single person asked the big question…….why did Matt walk out on Sandy Patou considering she is such a beautiful and sexy woman?…….nobody can see the red flag 🚩. How is a beautiful woman who is well off, intelligent and has her life seemingly together single at 44???……It should be a massive red flag 🚩
That’s not exactly fair re: your last few comments. Not saying you didn’t see Her for who She is, but not every 44 year old who has their life together has red flags simply bc he or she is single. I mean, I’ll assume you fit that description and are probably around her age - are you a massive red flag? js
Hi Gus. Thank you Mr. Les.
You are very welcome.
I hear what you are saying but I am so used to that behavior that I tolerate it.. I also want to say that I have had bosses in very successful jobs that were Narcissists and they are rewarded by treating people bad..
Love.. How do I define it? Terms that I would use are joy, peace, serenity, and the calmness that you talk about.. Another term would be stillness.. This is where being spiritually sensitive or an empath can be used as a gift.. Allowing to guide me away from the "crazy." Not to try to change (heal, save) them. I am still learning my lesson that I can't change anyone.. It is a tough lesson..