He Hasn't Asked You To Be Exclusive Yet?
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
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This is all so complicated and exhausting. It’s amazing anyone ends up married with so many obstacles
Agree. I’m dating after divorce and this “dating” waiting to be in a relationship, just gives people a cop out to cheat when they want, without consequences. I hate it. There is no respect in dating anymore.
Agree. And it seems men get to do anything and we have to me the magical mind readers
It really shouldn’t even be this hard 😩
it honestly gets harder and harder as time goes on, dating culture and society it's all messed up. Especially if you're doing online/blind dating rather than falling in love with a friend
😂😂😂
I dated a guy for two months we had sex regularly and went out for just a ride while having coffee, told him that i already felt that i liked him a lot and wanted to be with him, i asked him if he feels the same but he doesn't. So i stopped our connection and now trying to move forward and getting back the genuine happiness I had before meeting him. Girls know your worth, you deserve better than what you think😘
and yet another wagonload of baggage has been added. well done going for the fuckboys.
Good decision to hold a high standard for yourself! I applaud you for not just staying in the one-sided relationship as that’s just so unfulfilling.
That’s great.. u moved on.. upholding yr standards
Exactly.. the same experience.. why they are doing it .. why they are wasting our and their time with making us feel that they want us? What do they really want? I don’t get it. I think they are all mental in these days..
@@pavladulinkova2620 I believe they try to keep us around because it makes them feel good about themselves; to have someone give up everything, our self-worth, our high value just to be with them…huge ego boost for them. Win for them is a loss for us.
I finally decided to have the conversation with the guy I was seeing for a couple months the same day I saw this video. I was at a point where I knew I wanted for us to be official and wanted to know wether he did too or this was just a fling. It was terrifying speaking up and having this conversation but he reacted well. He also thought or assumed that we were already together and that I was his girlfriend for the past month. Needless to say we talked about what a relationship means to us and now we’re official :)
He acknowledged that I did the right thing and we should talk about it. He just never had the conversation with any exes and didn’t initiate with me because he was assuming things and was scared that it ruin things or end things.
I was talking about it with my friend. He's a 45yr old man who just asked a lady he's going out with if she'd like to be his girlfriend.
I thought that's the cutest sweetest thing ever in the most beautiful way. I still smile every single time I think of that.
There are some great men out there, ladies 💜
Thank you so much for your beautiful comment about your friend. I divorced twice but I feel fully respected by the ex- wifes. That is a good thing. I can manage to be on my own now for almost three years. The feeling of schering your life seems to me lightyears away. I am not desperate and sad but it is quite hard to believe if there is perhaps somebody out there that wants to be with me and wants to be called my girlfriend. It hit me the things you wroet about your nice and honest friend. Thank you that you as a woman seems to appreciate a certain kind of men who say and consider these things.
@@g.j.schreuder7152 please don't be discouraged by the fact you're divorced twice. A lot of women prefer that to someone who's never been married. It shows that you're not afraid to commit.
I hope you meet someone great soon.
I was dating a girl recently, and after a few dates we clearly had a vibe going on, so I asked her to reciprocate my sentiments of exclusivity while we explored if we had something worth giving a real try. And, like a true feminist, she implied that my traditional dating ethic just reflected my desire to have ownership over her and control her life and for that reason, she was open to continue with me but without closing herself off to other options that could pop up. Needless to say, I identified that she was trying to have her cake and eat it too, so I told her that I wasn’t going to continue dating her because I wasn’t interested in the inevitable pain that I was heading for, had I decided to suppress my values by staying with her.
gives me hope to know there are men like you out there! hope you can come across someone who will honor the integrity you showed :)
The internet keeps shocking me about the nonsense of modern feminists and dating. One is either into a person or one isn't. What's the point of keeping the options open? One ends up not investing in anyone. You did well cutting it loose. I hope you find someone who can reciprocate what you bring. And I agree with @komakino0 💯
I really pray to find a good man like u😭
It's great that you asked early on and that she gave you a straight answer.
Looks like both of you were definitely vibing right, even though you both had a different idea about relationships.
It has nothing to do with feminism, it is just her excuse for lack of commitment.
I say treat a man as a friend until or if he asks you to be his girlfriend. That way he got nothing physical and you don’t get overly attached and you learn his character first.
Nailed it.
❤
Yesss. This is what I do.
that sounds so natural- do you communicate that or is that an internal game you play. I know so many women giving bad dating advice like this
I used to be scared of killing the fun and romanticism with these conversations with guys. But now, I love it! It feels empowering and makes me feel like I have grown and really value myself and my time. And I love how the guy's reaction to this tells me very quickly if this was even the right fit. I get so impressed when a guy handles it really well and actually is relieved that it was put out there. It can actually bring you closer rather than make things awkward.
We had the talk and agreed to be exclusive. The next night he went out and slept with another woman… even if they say they are exclusive doesn’t exactly mean they are 🤨
Well, that is just an asshole move and also very childish and unfaithful. I don't know you but you deserve better
So sorry to hear that😥
That’s just a shitty person who doesn’t keep their word. Sorry that happened to you!
😢 Same here..found out 5 years down the track..then I kicked him out!!
Say that girl… too many men are happy to take from a woman and use her with no obligation. It’s wrong.. period.
Maya. Ur saying absolutely right.
you choose the guy you sleep with, it's your responsibility to vet them. lower your standards
It's wrong but nothing will ever change until you address what made it possible in the first place. It's all thanks to the introduction of birth control in the late 50s and early 60s. It used to be illegal before that. Pope Paul VI warned at the time in his controversial Humanae Vitae encyclical that separating sex from fertility would utlimately lead to rampant promiscuity and infidelity and that women would eventually revert back to their pre-Christian pagan status as being mere toys and objects for men to pour out their lust upon and discard when they have had their fun with them, and that's exactly what has happened over the last 50 years. It's thanks to birth control that men have all the power now when it comes to relationships because we can have consequence free sex without fear of getting a woman pregnant and women (stupidly and naively) often use sex to lure men into relationships with them. But as soon as they give it up, the man is often gone as quickly as he came. Thankfully some women are beginning to figure this out and are realizing that the Church was right all along about human relationships and sexuality. And even this video proves it because the Church has always taught that dating is not a recreational activity, that every relationship you enter into is to be aimed towards a timely marriage and if you don't find each other suitable, then you leave and find someone else and start the process again. This is called courtship, and so you always knew each others motives because both entered the relationshipsl with the same intention - marriage and children.
Aw poor Maya… “Take from a woman” You mean have sex? That you agreed to? That’s literally all a woman is supposed to provide. Show up. Look pretty.
Take responsibility. Women control bedroom fun, not men, so if something is wrong on that part, it's on you.
Back in the day, we didn't do the things discussed here UNLESS there were intentions!!! If there were no serious relationship intentions, we had more respect for people than the way things are now! It is quite incredible how different are.
I agree. Being a Baby Boomer I can't understand when things became so complicated. Relationships have become strategic, like war games xx
amen
Totally. Online Dating really doesn't help, either.
@@MiriamA766 couldn’t agree more
I think a lot of women are afraid to ask men to be exclusive because they're afraid of rejection, which is normal.
However it's so important that a woman does because it's about communicating your standards to a man otherwise he won't respect you if he's just sleeping with you over an extended period of time.
Ladies, take the plunge.
Always an inspiration for my channel Matthew
I agree. Conversation about exclusivity should be do done before couple sleeps together. What’s the point for a man to be exclusive if he already has fwb situationship🤷♀️
People treat sex casually therefore for lots of people there is no point for commitment.
I agree with your statement, i've gotten rejected so many times, bullied, fat shamed, made fun of. and many other things, not being accepted because I don't look like a model. Given i've been honest every step of the way, I deal with severe hair loss. which most people don't like.
But I was dating someone recently, and I did bring up the question of what we are. Exclusive, or not. etc.
He originally ignored the question, didn't reply. or just diverted it.
Then I had brought it up again, and he just kind laughed it off, like what's the point of that Question, it's a stupid silly question.
When I said, usually it's a given thing people talk about where we want to go with this, if this going to be more serious, or just nothing at all, casual , bf and gf, what exactly where we would like this to go. It's a normal conversation "
He took a pause, and giggled in a joking-ish way,
"Of course you're my girl" - I feel like he only gave me this "comment" because he thought that's probably just what I wanted to hear. And just gave me a basic answer to possibly shut me up, and to stop talking about the conversation - now that I actually think about it"
When I communicated about what are we doing, where are we going with this?
He didn't remember some things I've mentioned, or my hints at all , even couldn't bother dealing with setting up and making date plans, where i suggested he does one day of planning and I do one day as well, he said winter not for him to do, because it takes time and effort to think but he said summer yes.. he even mention about summer you'll see what I mean. "
But I don't even know what to even think of it. and the whole situation. But tbh.
I never really knew if I saw him as someone serious (just him always talking the talk but not walking the walk - I felt like everything was a play for him ) I was already cautious just to begin with because a friend told me to be.
, even though him and I had been talking for about a year prior (only texting) to meeting in person, then spent a few months together , once or twice a week. ( never slept together at all )
I ended up breaking up with him, he wasn't making me happy, and the way he dealt with certain situations made me wonder if he was even serious about me, or just playing a game.
I think in a way, I was an easy visa ticket for him. Tbh, as i'm citizen by birth and he's not.
That's probably only why he bothered. As my mum mentioned this, and I told my friend about the situation, and my friend mentioned, he's just playing you.
I wish with dating that everyone would stop being so dishonest, and just be upfront and blunt, without playing stupid meaningless games.
I feel like maybe I did something wrong in general, or how I went about this whole thing, but idk, sometimes seeing someone elses outside projective , is easier to see and understand , than from what I see right in front of me.
My first boyfriend I had when I was 18, we were very happy, worked well together, got along well. Enjoy each other company, I felt safe, comfortable, the term of " If he wanted to he would" Definitely came to play when we were first talking , through emails, then I suggested the Skype video call to meet for the first time, as I was in Vietnam on holidays at the time, and I lived in Singapore, but was going back the next 2 weeks, we talked for hours on video chat, and first date, he made sacrifice from his event to leave early to go with me to my work promotion .
he made sure to Walk on the outside of the street , he explained to me first date, he likes to walk on the outside and me on the inside. haha .. never understood what he meant by it, until years later.
I got butterflies, and was so happy. We naturally fell into the role of boyfriend and gf, never spoke about what we had wanted, but my ex brought that up years later, which I didn't expect. I'm still in contact with him from time to time. 10 years i've known him now.
I haven't dated another guy like this for a very long time now.
But comparing the 2 guys, a massive difference tbh.
But I know everyone is different but the way my ex made me feel, and how much effort he made, was much more than the current guy, and current guy didn't even feel like he was genuine at all.
@@lynnguyen7010 you choose to date guys who are not that into you, you also chose to date your first boyfriend who made you very happy. just choose better. also when youre getting above age 28, your worth has plummeted, lower your standards and find someone you can be happy with and who accepts your baggage from past relationships.
@@ray076NL I agree with some stuff you said. But I have lowered my standard. And chose to see what they do and how they’ll react to me, so hence why I walk away when I don’t see them making any effort. Or just being fake. Or playing games. I speak to someone for quite some time before deciding to meet in person. I’m not going out with someone within 1-2 days of talking to someone. Which most people do. I have tired to find someone that is nice, but that being said, everything has been come ridiculous, it’s all a game atm. And only wanting people to have casual or a one night stand, which I’m not for it.
@@ray076NL my standard isn’t even that high, if you truly knew me, I’m not a materialistic person. Looking for a someone nice, and who treats me right. A few small other things, but my standards aren’t even high compared to most other people. So 🤷♀️🤷♀️. if you knew me , or saw me in public you would understand as to why, I say, because of my looks. My hair loss is severe, and no guy would even want that tbh. Most guys I’ve seen, all just want model looking girls. It’s the standard of society , social media, and what people look for.
Oh I like her. I like her a lot. She’s composed, intelligent, and brings a real, substantial perspective to the table in a caring way.
As the lady said, a lot of men are comfortable using women and having the girlfriend/wife experience even if they know from the start that they don’t want commitment. They can say yes to a relationship, yes to be exclusive get what they want and then dump you using any excuse realistic or not, they don’t care.
women do that too, you can prevent this by dating at your own level. it's you who chooses the wrong type of guys, the guys just present themselves and the badboys just tell you what you want to hear, but it's you who chooses to sleep with them.
@@ray076NL I don’t think women do that too, as women are not driven by sex as men are. It’s common knowledge that women are after relationships/marriage from a young age, look at little girls dreaming about it, little boys are not dreaming about tuxedos… Dating on your own level what does that mean? So basically you are saying that if I’m a victim of robbery it’s my fault I was not walking on the right street. Same for rape, my skirt was too short, Basically when you are a victim of a bad behaviour it’s your fault. That’s interesting.
"A lot of men" lmao.
Most men want relationships, but can't get one. These "a lot of men" are only a small subset of men that are not invisible to you.
@@ShadowbannedAccount You should replace “relationships” with “s.x”
@@Perspectivesbyme most women want money and attention.
I was talking on the phone with a guy I've been seeing for two months. Then he said "I can't read you. I can't tell if you like me or not." I don't know what came over me because I'm typically shy, but I replied, "what do you want me be? Your friend? Girlfriend? Or wife?" 🤣
Good for you!! A girlfriend, a pen pal? 😜
And what was the outcome? What did he say? I'm very curious
@@IEVAKambarovaite He said, "A girlfriend. Maybe a wife later on." 😅
@@E_l_l_i_e Love that!
@@E_l_l_i_e 💝HAPPY...FOR....U 💝
BUT....DON'T.....BELIEVE...HIM !!!!
UNTIL...HE....COMPLETELY !!!!!
COMMIT !!!! GIVE....U...A...RING !!!!
SOMETHING....REALLY...REAL !!!
BECAUSE....GUYS...SAY....SO
MANY.....THINGS....TO...GET...UP
CAUGHT...UP !!! SOMETIMES...
JUST....TO...GET...YOU...TO...
HAVE...ALL...KINDS...OF...SEX
WITH...HIM....BE...CAREFUL !!!
so you don't give a damn about him
Ladies if you want him for you, please ask and only then you will know if he’s for you and will be for only you.
Hearing Audrey in the videos gives a really full experience, just hearing the feminine perspective and the explanation from a womans side... what she focuses on, the vibe she gives off, adds so much!
So glad she spoke up about the “elephant in the room.” I was feeling more and more like I wanted to speak up about the language used…the focus is not mistakes women make, it is that there are men out there that imitate courting behavior-romantic investments via time and money, physical investments via intimacy, and emotional investments-there are men out there who will signal that they are courting when they are not, and this is something that is as old as time (think Willoughby, Wickham, etc. from Jane Austen’s books), and it is dangerous-it’ll hurt women badly at the worst. At the best, it’ll steal years of their lives away, which is awful because time is so valuable to women, because unlike men, women have a time limit on how long they are able to have children. There are men out there who are not ready to commit even though they are giving you good reasons to believe that they are ready. They are not the real deal. Keep looking for that man who is mature, not selfish, who understands the effects of his behavior, and whose behavior truly matches his heart, a man who will guard you rather than cause you to have to guard yourself. Have the DTR (Define The Relationship) talk if you start to feel committed. If he’s the right guy, he’ll be relieved that you brought it up, because he wants it too. That’s what you’re looking for.
you are absolutely right, so stop messing with the badboys. it is not that hard. if you play silly games you win silly prices. work on yourself first for a year to heal that trauma before you start dating again, start being attracted to normal average dependable men. it is not that hard.
children should be the result of a succesfull happy relationship and not your end goal, you deserve children when youve build them that stable relationship with a normal man. If you're ready to work on yourself look for 'kevin samuels' here on youtube.
"The girlfriend experience" I felt that one, the description was so accurate ❤️
I dunno, I belive that with the right guy it's not difficult to ask and to have this conversation as it's 100% obvious that he's into you. I think if you're afraid, then you have the gut feeling that he might reject you, so you're already feeling like something is off in a relationship at this stage.
Damn. I’m 32 and I guess I know nothing about dating, signs, red flags. I thought if we say we like each other and we sleep with each other it’s our show. I didn’t realize that doesn’t really mean anything more these days. That’s kinda sad
Without wanting to sound 'old', I just wanna say: oh how I miss the times I grew up in, where boy meets girl, went on dates and had fun = automatic implied exclusivity. We didn't NEED to talk about it because it was CLEAR. It's all soooo confusing now and I think most of it has to do with everyone wanting to just dodge commitment. It's a minefield out there, it's totally exhausting having to walk on eggshells just because most (NOT all) guys just wanna have their cake and eat it too. Life doesn't need to be this complicated....but sadly it is.
Yep. Everything is waiting for something/someone better to come along so they don't want to commit. It's so insulting.
I wouldn't say most guys want that. It's kinda unnecessarily disparaging them. This attitude isn't helpful.
Great conversation all around but the woman (sorry, not sure what her name is) absolutely nailed it! I felt so seen and heard. Yes, a lot of men want the girlfriend experience without the relationship.
For me, exclusivity needs to be sorted long before things get physical, its a matter of respect.
I have absolutely no issue asking where the heck this is going. And if I don’t like the answer then I’ve wasted no time
That´s a good standpoint to have!
Good approach for sure.
I haven't dated a lot of guys and never had what I would call a real relationship. However in all of those relationships the guys just assumed we were exclusive and called me their girlfriend even though we never had the conversation. And because we never had the conversation, I was the one who never called them my boyfriend or thought we were serious.
stop that behaviour.
@@ray076NL what part of the behavior should they stop exactly?
Yes I’ve dated mainly British or European men and that’s what usually happens for me
@@rebeccak8255 Dating without intention. she says she wasn't serious about the guys, it will not make her happy in the long run, if that is what she meant.
I had a guy I was dating tell me he wanted to be exclusive (basically saying "let's uninstall the dating apps and give this a real try"). A day or so after that he told me he wasn't sure he was fully ready for a relationship. A day or so later he called me his girlfriend (he said I was the kindest girlfriend he's ever had) and also showed me text messages by a woman who wanted to go out with him who he then messaged that he had been spending time with his girlfriend (me). So the whole time, I was confused about whether he really wanted to be with me or not. I talked to him about it, too, but he was kind of evasive (claimed he'd never said he wasn't ready to be with me, for instance). We never had a fight or anything... From the start, he said he wanted us to be able to talk about anything and everything. Just when I finally started being secure in the relationship, he ended things and it destroyed me. I had a spare key to his apartment and had met one of his best friends - stuff like that made me feel he was committed, but I guess I was wrong. Anyway...
TL;DR: Make up your mind about whether you want to be in a committed relationship with someone and communicate it honestly. Don't confuse them by telling them you're not ready to commit one day, then have them meet a friend of yours and introduce them as your girlfriend the next.
Once you’re pretty close and def 3 months in - bring it up! If the other person frets you know. If they smile you also know❤
I really like Audrey's perspective! She is correct! Ive been there
Think I have that… dating an Aquarius..
Lovely note from woman's perspective 💕. So relatable that your standard is not the same as others standards.
Love to listen to Audrey. Mathew is always gold as everyone else on this channel, but I really like her. When I first saw her in a video, I didn't know what to think, but now she's grown on me. She is so smart, but also sweet and compassionate. My favorite things about her is her voice. She speaks slow and her voice is so soothing. I can listen to her all day.
I need to practice speaking slowly like she does. I have a bad habit of interrupting people, but I'm working on it.
Great information guys !! This answered a lot of questions! 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I never bring it up anymore because typically guys guilt trip you into saying uh its too soon or their not ready and they want to be the ones bringing up exclusivity when their ready for it and dont want to be rushed therefore it shuts down the girl to never ask again and go along with being a girl he still sees but not his gf
no guys don't, only the fuckboys you choose to sleep with show this behaviour. the guys you don't notice would be happy to fly to the moon and back for you. stop sleeping with the fuckboys, it's not that difficult.
thé right guys would tell you immediately you are their GF
Stop dating Chads
Always appreciate your perspective, Audrey!
Hint to Americans in UK: we assume relationships are exclusive, no conversation needed. Ofc this could change under US influence but I've not heard of it yet. I think most other countries are like us.
Oh that got me in Hot Water.
Yes, in France, my country, when we see someone several times (have dates without sex) and then kiss for the first time, it means we are in an exclusive relationship 😄. Yes, we are really romantic 😂
You all live in happy countries then. Thank you for the comment, it leaves some hope for normality.
@@paulinapoznan8401 I think in UK as soon as we agree a 2nd date it's assumed we'll not be seeing anyone else. I find the US assumption of non exclusivity quite odd.
I think we typically kiss on 2nd date at latest.
I think you should NEVER assume in a relationship. I used to assume a lot and analyze my now husbands behavior in the past but I was mostly wrong about it and what was more confusing is he didn’t even know what he was doing either. I think it’s important to always talk about how you feel but also do it in a timely fashion but it’s okay to wait and build a friendship beforehand. I think that I am grateful we didn’t date right away so I could learn how to be a better communicator and advocate for myself regarding what my standards and wants are! I think that the host is spot on about how crucial the conversation is about exclusivity. NO ONE knows or should have to assume the rules without that conversation. People should be cautious about having this conversation too early in my opinion but also make sure you have your boundaries and make clear expectations about what your relationship is and is not! Honestly!
Thankyou for being a breath of fresh air. So much social pressure on women to have poor boundaries. It gets women doubting their instincts and ending up in situationships with f*ckboys. Some dating coaches are peddling the whole don't ask where is this going, its pushy, it's masculine, be the cool-girl-not-like-other-girls kind of line. And the redpillers teaching men how to be emotionally manipulative and use women for sex.
Asking what they you looking for early on as a screening question and discussing expectations around monogamy before having sex will save so much heartache. But its hard - they make you feel like the antichrist for having the audacity to ask.
Give up the cheeks or get out.
I've put a lot of time and thoughts into figuring out what having a romantic relationship means to me and it has boiled down to finding out if that person and I can be better halves of each other down the road. Therefore I want to be exclusive with him, but the fact that these values are to each their own makes things difficult for me.
Thanks so much, I’ve been in the waiting room for about 2 months… Im really tired of it now. I feel like I’m being so serious or dramatic every time I want to talk about where the relationship is going. He always says that I stress myself out too much about this stuff but I can’t help it. I’ll try this out and hopefully, which ever way it works out, I’ll be better off for it. Hopefully we both will be.
so you're being toyed with, there's your answer, if you have to ask for exclusivity you did something wrong at the start and aren't dating the right men.
@@ray076NL I think that’s a fair assumption but I also think it’s not so cut and dry, believe me it’s complicated. Perhaps he’s not the right one for me, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy or that he’s toying with me. It could just mean that I’m ready for a relationship and he isn’t and so I have to let go and move on. He’s a good man, just not the man for me.
@@TR-vx9yp offcourse i dont know your specific situation but relationships arent that difficult. You either want to be exclusive or are fuckbuddies. Its a matter of do you respect yourself.
Next time try to date the guy you actually have things in common with, like hobbies and who you call your friend and can laugh with. Stop trying to repair broken agressive men, if thats your thing. But thats just general advise.
You guys are great, thank you!
When you’re not afraid of losing someone, the person will be afraid of losing you. That’s what proves true to me again and again.
When I met my bf for the first time, I was swooned by his good look and his seemingly non-chalant attitude. But I didn’t put much focus on him because to me, if someone doesn’t give me enough attention, I wouldn’t want him. So I kept him at the back burner. I only invested emotionally when he was showing me consistent attention. After 2 months, one night he took me to his favorite lookout spot in the city and kissed me there. Then I asked him where this was going and if we were bf/gf. He told me he really liked me but didn’t want to label it as he’s afraid he may get shackled by me just as girls he dated in the past did to him. I said to me, I was not okay with just going with the flow and if this is what he wanted, we probabaly shared different values towards relationship. At that moment, I was totally ready to walk away if he wouldn’t even acknowledge our relationship but still expected us to do the “couply” things. He asked me if I was ready to walk away just because there was no label despite us having a great connection. I told him, yes. then he agreed to “put a label” on us. We’re still together and of course we introduced each other to our friends. But that’s how it started.
I think I tripped up.
After 13 years of being just friends, he finally kisses me. I have loved him three weeks after i met him but he always told me, he didn't feel the same.
Everything was amazing for first 3 weeks, texting, talking, making plans for the future, spending hours together and then not sure what happened! He even told me he told his MOTHER about us seeing each other, which I thought was a good sign. Everything was so good and
Then...
We had dinner in a very noisy restaurant and he asked me
" what would happen if this doesn't work out?"
Odd question...later came to think of it...considering how smitten and excited to see me the day before.
I told him..." i will always be here for you regardless."
Dinner was weird. He was cold. Distant but i thought it was due to work.
And then everything stopped! No cute messges, no dates, barely a response any of my messages. Wtf! Says he is in a "solitary state of mind" and that was a month ago. Help!
Not sure what to do. Everyone says let it go and if he comes back great. Should i have said..."sorry, if this doesn't work out...I am out." at that dinner? That seemed to be when everything changed.
I don't know if i could bare seeminh him with another woman.
That whole "some guys wants the girlfriend experience" rings a little too true but that could just be my fear talking. He told his mother about me for goodness sake.
He is an amazing guy. I really want it to work or at least have a chance.
@@sandracastillo3317 i live in the mindset that if someone gives of cold vibes it's just better to shrug it off and move on, let them be in their shitty mindset, or cheating ways. whatever he has been doing, you should lean towards being done with him.
@@ray076NL I don't know if i would jump to cheating. We have been close friends forever and know there is no other girls in the picture and anytime there was someone because I was just his friend he's told me about them. It has been a couple of years since his last girlfriend. He was never was serious about them and i think they might have also bailed because he didn't want a formal relationship. But I think you are right!
@@sandracastillo3317 one thing that stands out in your reply is that he hasn't had any girlfriend in the last few years, but you also say he wasn't serious about their relationship anyway. So, you're attracted to fuckboys/badboys. Could he be a handsome man and you were hanging around for a chance to ride the steed? Because that would make your story make sense. You could have had a wonderful marriage with someone else but have been stuck for 13 years on this one guy who doesn't even want steady relationships, or isn't capable of stability.
And now you're past your expiration date: sensing you're nearing or past 30: lower your standards, throw your wishlist out, go date some friend you haven't fancied sexually but he fancies you; and be very thankful the new guy will accept your relationship baggage and loves you for who you are. You will have to provide your own money as you didn't bring your youth to the equation. Don't expect marriage. Or you can become an unhappy crazy lonely cat lady. I know it sounds harsh, but your girlfriends just lie to your face about this stuff.
@@sandracastillo3317 I can see how much you want this to work just by reading your comment. But all I can say is a man will do anything to pursue what he truly wants. In your case, he is not. No matter how much you want it to work sometimes it's good for you to let go. Let him go. Once you let him go it won't be so hard. If it's meant to be, it will, please don't put your energy into this as it's not going anywhere.
I actually red the guide ! It was helpful :)
Thanks for making it soo detailed.
It was like you knew all my lines :)
Audrey is spot on! How to distinguish those who are faking it and happy to use women and those who are genuine?
That’s what I am saying that they all lie anyway so what’s the point of being right or wrong.
If you love someone set them free so they say… 😢 Great song, thanks for sharing your gift
Right on, Audrey!
That’s a great summary!🙏
Matthew another beautiful viedo from you. Nice content so beautiful sharing. Keep it up.
this is spot on!!!!
Sometimes for some people it takes longer to get that reassurance that THIS is their person and also due to past experiences so doesn't mean if someone wants exclusivity in 2 month that the other person gets rushed into making these decisions! Just because someone wants to rush you to get you off the market (which could also be a form of control!), doesn't mean the other person has to rush ro something they're not there yet with! Some people take longer to trust and be assured than rush and regret! Please understand that!!!
Ego , freedom , accountability comes in
The "what are we??" Question is something women are expected to ask, men don't want to seem needy...
Really? Because Im waiting for him to do it(almost two months)
@@jessicaribeiro8928 stop waiting, talk to him. It would be better for you (and him) to have the conversation
Every guy I’ve dated has wanted me to be exclusively his. Yet, they allllll did whatever they wanted to do with whomever behind my back. So… I just do what they do. If I feel like they’re being exclusive, I will too, but the very second I get a feeling that they’re talking to someone else, I’m gonna do the same. I gave my exes the benefit of the doubt and know in hindsight that my spidey senses were dead on. I didn’t assume they were exclusive; they said they wanted to be exclusive.
Thank you for contributing to the problem.
I'm pretty sure you gave them a reason. You sound like the type to use physical intimacy as a tool for manipulation and coercion.
I think it is all about intentions and being honest. If someone is looking for a one-night stand he/she must tell the other one to see if the future relationship is based on mutual expectations. Recently I had a date with a guy who I have been advised as a marriage material, after a date when I asked him what is between us he said that he wanted to take it slow bla bla put me in a friendzone, so I said goodbye to him. Cos I sensed he wasnt honest. He just didnt like me and had no guts to say it to my face, being 33 years old I really dont want to waste my time. I want at least to start something with mutual interest and attraction then we'll see where it is going.
i was talking to a guy and he said he was 100% single and not perusing other men, only to find out he was talking to other guys. I relationship ended bc i dont want to share myself with someone who doesnt value the relationship in the same way.
Perfect topic to discuss I just did all the mistakes all the time and ended up heartbroken 💔
Kata, don't be so hard on yourself, please. 🙏 Relationships are so hard. Always have been, but now even harder. Almost every person on this planet suffers deeply. Be compassionate to yourself. Love is not a war game.
Did you get on your knees when you were told.
Guys that want monogamy does not equal exclusivity. And going out on dates, acting like couples, and spending even a year together isn't seen as dating in the eyes of people who want to use you. If they don't want to "define" what you're doing, or are ok with where you are, take that as a green light to start dating other people bc it'll make it easier to turn your back on this person when the second time you ask for commitment is also met with anything but an enthusiastic Yes.
So basically DON’T ASSUME..that’s it!
The point is that if you don’t say you want a relationship, the other person will just take advantage of you. If you don’t have this conversation, it can mean that you’re scared of ending the fun BECAUSE the other person just wants the fun, the girlfriend or boyfriend experience, so nothing serious. You must have this conversation to see if he’s honest and have your same values. A lot of men just like the idea of going with the flow. Always have this conversation, or at some point he’ll do something you don’t like and when you try to confront him he’ll say: “but I’ve never said we’re together”
It’s a weapon, so be sure to define the relationship
The fact you have to converse with someone to clarify that someone who is having regular sex with you, regular heart-felt intimidate conversations with you, introducing you to family and friends and appears to pay exclusive repeated attention to you is serious about you this says very little about treating people with respect.
If you're engaging in intimate activities with someone and you have no intention to do anything else, and don't articulate this upfront immediately as soon as you meet this person, then you suck as a human being.
I was committed to someone in no time and somehow I still am, even though we’re not even together, never were 😓. Gotta let her go and move on, but I’m not sure how. She’s very special to me and she’ll always have a place in my heart.
just go after other girls and dont get attached before you slept together.
@@ray076NL I don’t really care about the sleeping together part (didn’t happen with her, by the way). I was just… It was magical for me, even just talking to her or walking together. I miss that. I miss her. Can’t turn back time or make things right anymore, unfortunately. And I’m not ready for anyone else yet either.
Why dont you just ask her?
@@Saraa191 Oh, I did tell her how I felt and initially she didn’t reject me, but I messed things up. Now we still talk (or talk again) at times, very sporadically. Not sure if I may call it a relationship, but I know her heart is with someone else, so I need to back off anyway. I’d still love to be friends, but I’m not sure either of us can handle that. Not just now, but ever.
@@ZenoGoreng if i were you i would move on! No point investing in someone who is investing in someone else
I agree. Sex does not guarantee there is a bond for the other person. So do they want it just to see if there's a bond?
Sex releases feel-good hormones. That’s why some people get addicted to it.
I’ve heard men say these things: “Having sex with her felt like getting a compliment. It just made me feel good.” (The man said this about a woman who he cheated on his wife with for two years. He never intended to leave his wife-my aunt).
“I just need to see if we’re compatible. It’s extremely important to me that there’s chemistry and that we’re sexually compatible.” (The man said this to me in the beginning of a two and a half year relationship where he would talk about marriage only if I brought it up, and never followed through on plans that would lead to marriage. According to him the physical intimacy was the best ever, and there was definitely a great bond for him, but after all that time, he still didn’t want to get married. So.).
Another guy I know gets really proud every time he talks about the women he’s had sex with. He never led them on as far as I know, but the sex for him had nothing to do with committing. And these intimate relationships overlapped with each other.
In summary, the answer is no.
You will know if you two have chemistry even without having sex. The pheromones/getting all turned on will be there. Ironically, the concern really should be more yours than his. Is he the guy who cares about you enough to learn how to please you? Is he patient? Considerate? Does he care about your well being? Can he read your emotions and connect with you emotionally well enough that when you two do become intimate, he’ll be able to tell whether what he’s doing is legitimately working?
If he does those things, your natural responses will be what he’s looking for in bed.
In short, the ability to bond well in bed is something that will be discovered long before sex ever actually happens. It comes down to pheromones and emotional care.
It’s not really about him testing you out to see if you bond with him. If he says that, it’s because he wants sex. Whether he acknowledges it or not, that is the truth.
If ‘bond’ means emotionally attached, then having sex is not a good way to discern that. Oxytocin is one of those feel-good hormones I mentioned earlier, and that is a bonding hormone. Both people will feel a certain level of bonding as a result of that. But without a real emotional bond that develops over time, that oxytocin bonding will only carry you two so far. The best sexual experiences are the ones that are shared with someone who knows you and cares about you, and you know them and care about them. More casual sexual experiences can be exciting, somewhat dangerous, fun, or novel, but long-term compatibility isn’t based on that.
It is, for a woman. A woman cannot have bedroom fun without feeling attracted, while many men can do this no problem
*You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.*
Yes I feel like I’m in limbo
There's a lot of doom and gloom when it comes to determining exclusivity.
I think women need to be more bold and upfront about what they're feeling. They have a difficult road when it comes to solving this riddle but it's better to have a tough skin and know early on than let things linger.
Brazen is better than subtlety in this case.
That’s exhausting. And when should I consider I’m in a relationship? I’m sooooooo tired , I don’t want this anymore. I’m seeing a guy that says he doesn’t know what he wants yet. We talk for 6 months, intimacy started 2 months ago and no he pulls away. Left me alone on Christmas saying he can’t come as he needs to work. I really like him. Don’t know how to handle this. He wants to “ keep what we have”. Says he is afraid to commit, what if it’s not working?! I don’t want to loose him. We have so many things in common, I really like this guy. I’m in so much pain 😞
Its nice to be MUTUALLY exclusive with one another. I wouldn't want to be exclusive with a guy who constantly makes you feel not good enough or comparing you to other girls. It just becomes emotionally abusive if they make you feel thay way, unsafe. I definitely wouldn't trust him so why have him around at all, he's just toxic.And someone who you have to dress to impress at all times? ....these guys are not relationship material
OMG! The gf experience 😮 First time I hear this concept and it is what he has done with me for 3 months!!!! Just like an emotional support I said. Wow. Crazy....
So true, so many want the GF experience 🥴
No they want gf benefits !
Yeah free of charge full service with a good home made meal afterwards but some of them they do the washing up
Just fire up you are here for marriage. Marriage or pen pal friendship no touch. 2 options.Its easy. Just think about it?! Who needs a fake relationship which leads to nowhere? Unless yall just wanna be lovers only. Free ride. Then fine. Your choice it has to be either way.
I had someone tell me they didn't want me dating anyone else and us being exclusive but didn't want to label us. What do you call this?
Selfish
This just means he wants you to be faithful to him while he will keep looking around for his future wife.
Narcissist! Get away from him girl. u deserve so much better!
I got fed that line " don't believe in lables" too.
My title kept changing.
He called me "girlfriend" in front of other men
And introduced me as "partner" to other woman. Sometimes refered to me as "wifey" when talking to friends and wanted to get out of seeing them or if his friend had a wife to seem like he was like them.
After 8 years of living together( I never left his place after I met him and moved in 3 weeks later), I heard him telling someone on the phone, I was his "roomate" and he does what he wants.
News to me! He also tried to tell another woman we were in an "open" relationship which we weren't!!! She didn't buy it but it did make me very curious what else he was telling people.
I told him from day one I was serious and looking for marriage. My bad for not keeping to my standards. I left 5 months ago after that. Don't waste your time.
Someone else will have no problem calling you girlfriend or wife. Words matter.
A narcissist. Someone who wants to have his cake and eat it too!
Then what the hell can be seen as a possibility for commitment...if everything shows oh okay we are ob a good way ..it is soo draining....that you dont even want to begin in the beginning 😵💫
Do you have videos talking about about how you know if YOU want to commit?
We never slept together. He constantly says he wants to have sex. But I don't feel close yet. I don't feel like he knows me or I know him.
that's fine, keep dating with intention.
If women stopped sleeping with men before marriage, maybe we would be treated with more respect......cheaper than paying a hooker.
Ok, in combination with your other comment about him wanting to commit to you so quickly, I would say that among the possibilities I listed of what type of guy he could be, he’s the manipulative type. Sorry. I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear. But it definitely sounds like he wants to commit so that he can have sex. And it doesn’t really have a lot to do with you personally. He just wants sex. Sorry 😕
@@ray076NL No, a man should not be constantly pressuring a woman to have sex. That’s not ok.
@@daniellehaythorne7949 i agree with you, i meant it's fine that they don't match so she can drop him and move on. but we don't know if she simply isn't attracted to him, if he's a player, or if he's simply inexperienced, we don't know anything.
Literally ask, seriously no matter what just straight up ask the person you're with. If they leave then good because your core values don't align or whatever that's fine. Literally just ask people more questions
@@danniethedemon If they don’t align I’d rather know. I agree with you that most people are too afraid of offending the other party though. I’d rather be offended and offend than be around people I don’t align with though.
So he’s inherently saying believe if they say they don’t want one
You would think, not necessarily for some single women, they may interpret this as... Even though he used her just for sex and blocked her doesn't mean he wants to marry.
Started dating a girl back in March. After a few meets she wanted to be exclusive. We had a really amazing connection and a great time, but we noticed we have differences. We decided to give it a try and started a relationship after 3 months. In the end it did not work out because, to me, it felt like she didn't want to invest enough and was not prepared to adjust to being a couple. I wont be exclusive with someone again, until the woman has convinced me that she has enough potential, and since we are talking about relationship, that means i have to know her pretty well.
Maybe that helps explain the other side, or at least gives curious people 1 explanation as to why it could be that the guy is hesitant to be exclusive
I’d like to be exclusive bits it’s only been 2 weeks. Should I give it a little more time before asking? He also lives in a different state and travels for work. I just don’t know how to move forward without seeming needy and insecure but I’m not ok just seeing him when he’s In town without some communication via phone being established etc
What if he wants exclusivity after only two dates and two months of texting?
Run.
It depends on how you feel. Tell him, but think first about what your standards are. Tell him what you feel comfortable with (set your boundaries). The hardest part will be sticking to your standards and being true to the boundaries you’ve set. You will save yourself a lot of pain, and you will save him a lot of confusion and perhaps uncertainty, if you stick to your standards and stay true to your boundaries. The relationship will need to progress at your speed with a guy like this. If you’re comfortable with that, and if he can be respectful of that, then proceed with caution and keep your eyes and ears open. He’s either very spontaneous, inexperienced, manipulating you…or he’s just a sweet guy who’s head over heels for you, is the marrying kind of guy and doesn’t shy away from commitment, and respects you enough to talk to you about it. Keep your eyes open and get to know him well to figure out which one he is.
We agreed on exclusivity about a month in. It’s been a total of 4 1/2 of dating. I have no rush in becoming “official” the connection feels good and safe. They are fully aware of my want for higher level commitment. Have been very clear in our monthly “check in” conversations about exactly what I want with this person and for my future. BUT, I have now started to think of a timeline where I should be asking to make it “official”. Any advice…? lol
When is the right time to ask this, tho? I have been talking this guybfir almost a month now, and I feel like it's too early to, but at the same time, i dont want to have further intimate conversation without knowing where we are heading. Isbitbto early ?
In my experience asking a great women to be exclusive pushes them away. A lot of women just enjoy the endless attention and variety of men at their fingertips. Deep down they want more intimicy but are not ready to open up in fear of emotional hurt.
Play the long game, set boundaries and respect their choices. Either her trust will grow and she grows closer or it's not going to get past platonic.
Its like the guys have the all the rejection risks early on and the women have the risks during the relationship (if you get there)
First off, I’m a man and I love watching your content. I think for a man to understand a woman he should watch contents such as yours even if it is mostly directed to women
Some dating coaches suggest that a woman should bring up exclusivity first because as a man it would be weak and it’s a woman’s job to bring the subject up What is your opinion on this? Is this good or bad advice?
Pull away and watch him fall for you or leave. If he’s 50/50. He’s gonna fall for you. My opinion. If not. There was never a chance and nothing you could’ve done. He was just using you. My opinion
depends, girls use this tactic when they are insecure or just not attracted as well. i don't like to play these silly games, a man will usually let a woman know when he likes her otherwise it's just fighting an uphill battle thus that advice can only be used in a situation of selfprotection, but it'd be better not to sleep with such an unstable man anyway.
Would you recommend having the conversation 2 weeks into dating? I don't want to define anything, only know his intentions.
We haven't kissed even, I move slowly but surely.
When my husband was trying to express his interest but was not verbalizing it, I called him for brunch. I set 3 cups in front of him. I said, I categorize men as 1. Guys im friends with who i have no attraction but will keep in my life 2. Friends with potential to be partners 3. Guys i will never involve myself with. Pick where you want to be categorized. He was shocked. He initially said he wanted to get to know me as a friend and so I said if that's the case we can be friendly in social events but there's no need to go out one on one. I also set his expectations that I will be dating other guys. He vehemently refused. I told him that he should align his intentions with his actions. For the time being, i dont have plans to wait in his guessing game. He profesed the same evening, introduced me to his parents and asked for my pastor's blessing the same week.
A guy I once was going out with was giving me mixed signals and found out was seeing another girl after he strongly denied the fact. I texted him Im busy and i dont have time for him. I then proceeded with ghosting him for the last decade. We were even close friends. Dont be afraid to discard people who leaves you confused and will not commit.
I then dated his male bestfriend and married him.
I love this 😂😂 What did he say as a response?!
After how many months of dating we can ask for exclusive relationship?
Mema Fard. Really your question is so smart as you.. But I think one month is enough. What do you think.?
As a guy, I've always been told not to talk about this stuff because it will scare women away. If I think it's the right time to have this discussion and she pulls away and acts weird that my answer right there.
And he never should.
It’s interesting that it falls all on women that the “assumption” is that sex is innocuous. That males have no responsibility to realize that there may be gender differences where women become attached through sex via biochemical means. It is BOTH parties responsibility to understand what sex can mean. Not just women’s.
How many websites do you have🤣🤣
It's not my job to ask for exclusivity. That is women's job. Men initiate at the start and all of the dates and planning. Women are the ones that want the commitment. They need to request if from ME.
i asked her to be exclusive last night, after being with her for 3 years, her reply was ( what do you mean ) ( i said in a sexual manner, meaning its only you and me having sex ) her reply was your single and im single. ( which basically tells me she might be having sex with others )
i replied okay with a smirk.
she texted me today saying we can be exclusive but you gotta help me get this house. ( i havent yet replied to her text )
i dont know what to do now, i do love her.
it seems like you're more of a convenience to her. I'm having the same issue. I've romanticized this person because they've done the bare minimum to keep me around.. :/
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Been texting an old friend/new flame, long distance guy (4 hours away) for 4 months and have a first date planned for 3 weeks from now, but he's been "distant/kinda cold" for the last few weeks. I knew something was up. Credit to him- instead of ghosting me, he was mature enough to call me & admit he's dating other people. He still wants to see me for our first day, and I was about to just cancel the whole thing, but maybe I think I'll give it a try. Tough to make up my mind. It might blow up in my face, but I think it deserves at least a first date, right?
Yikes! I'm a married guy... I asked my wife to be exclusive at the 3 week point (we'd spent 100ish hours together at that point though)... I was looking for a relationship. I'd broken up with girls in the past who "didn't want something serious" for that reason. I once took a girl out for valentines, had sex with her that night and the next morning who then left in a hurry saying "Crap! I'm late for a date!!". It's not just guys like this!
🥰🥰🥰🥰
Women have to hint they want a relationship first. Otherwise a man asking appears too needy and it drives women away.
🤯🤯🤯
It’s not a man’s job to ask men do all the work in dating it’s a woman’s job to ask if she wants to lock him down.
If the things that made women assuming in the first place is not meant commitment and relationship then what is relationship?? Wtf