Can we be a Church that Doesn't Gaslight Abuse Victims or Bounce our Eyes? - Start Your Engines 16
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- Опубліковано 22 сер 2024
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The post yesterday where we discussed Emerson Eggerichs' sermons in detail:
tolovehonorand...
Last week's post on the Atlanta shootings and seeing women as dangerous:
tolovehonorand...
Study showing that non-fatal strangulation increases the odds of a woman being killed by seven-fold:
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
The original sermon series by Emerson Eggerichs on UA-cam--Part 1 • Love & Respect - Part 1 and Part 2 • Love & Respect - Part 2
Half the stuff he said "Your daughter-in-law will say to your son" (I won't be a doormat, I won't give respect if it isn't earned, I'm not going to be treated like an inferior, etc) I thought, "Oh, yes Jesus. Let it be so! This is the wife I want for my son!" My youngest is STRONG-willed and sometimes thinks if he keeps asking he can get what he wants. We're working on this, but I pray fervently that God sends him a strong-willed woman who will not take less any less than respect!
Indeed. I pray for this and also that my sons will not be afraid to lead with love and gentleness.
@@theajayis- I hope my sons can step up when it's time but are smart enough to know when to step back and let her lead. Mutual respect, partnership, and "spurring on to love and goofs works" is my deepest desire for my sons.
Exactly.
It was tragic to hear him basically make a straw (wo)man argument only to mock it. The dramatics were not necessary.
Good for you Misty.
Something I noticed is that he never framed it as, "Your daughter will say to your son-in-law..." even though that situation would logically occur about as often.
It's almost as if it's easier to demonize a theoretical abstract than someone you actually know and love.
I just want to say I really enjoy Connor’s contribution. He has a really clear and systematic way of going through things point by point. Wouldn’t mind hearing more from him in the future.
I'll let him know! :) I think he'll be back next week because he found some cool stuff about that study that Eggerichs was quoting about heartbeats per minute and stonewalling, and I want him to share it.
@@SheilaWrayGregoire I'm definitely interested in that!!
Same here! He & Rebecca lay things out so logically.
His blatant disrespect and minimization of abuse made me feel so sorry for the courageous women who boldly told him about the horrific abuse they've endured at their husbands. Especially when he considers himself to be a Christian marriage expert with his books. The audacity he has in regards to what he believes to be right also makes my skin crawl. 😣
He seems convinced he has the answers but he doesn’t appear to be equipped to handle questions about his ideas
Women are people?!? What a depressingly radical thought.
Viewing women as image bearers is relatively new idea.
@@heathersnyder8789 Depressingly that is true, despite the fact the phrase comes from a passage in Genesis 1 that explicitly refers to both male and female :(
The three of you are so brave to confront these abusers! Thank you!
Thank you all. So much!! Many in the church find it so hard to identity and correctly addresses abuse and advise and support the victim and the abuser too.
We watched that exact series right before/when our marriage fell apart. He loved it. It took me time to realize the abuse that I was under. So glad that you are speaking out on this!
I am sorry Rachel. God bless you as you recover and find healing from the pain of the past! Keep going sister and hopefully you can help others along the way by telling the truth.
You always make your points so clearly! Loved this!
Wow! Thank you!
Applauding this episode alone in my kitchen right now. Lol. This content is 100% helping me and my husband build a stronger, healthier marriage. Keep up this amazing work. 👏
That is wonderful!!! Usually I see comments about recognizing abuse so it is good to know that it doesn’t take unhealthy circumstances to appreciate the advice being given here!
Thank you for this ! Love hearing the guys' perspectives too❤
I pity this man's wife... I hope she sees your video!
I infer that Emerson was disrespected by his father, so why is he mad at WOMEN????
I don’t understand why it is possible for more than zero people to think this is harmless.
99 beats per minute isn’t that fast unless you’re an athlete. An out-of-shape person can reach 99 from walking and 180 from running.
Right? I was like, "I'm not a doctor or a nurse, but I don't think that's even high." I did a quick Google and apparently 60-100 bpm is considered normal.
Because his dad was. His dad probably blamed his mom for the abuse that he did toward her.
@@lizajane2971 true, but ☹️😡‼️
Honest question.
What if the man walked away not because he'd ever hit the woman, but because he's afraid he'd say something he'd later regret?
Novel thought!
"I don't remember learning about warrior mode in medical school." "Or psychology."
Savage
I just want to say thank-you so much for this. It is sooo wonderful to see strong men take a stance against this teaching and to know that there will be people in the audience who are being abused and how they will take what is being said. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 bless you all. Xxx
Appreciate the video. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk about how relationship/ gender norms wihtin the church have affected guys too while the boys are around. I have often wondered how guys are okay with being told lies about their sex, that they have to watc h out or else they will turn into a lustfull monster or even worse a rapist. I would not be okay with this if i was a guy. It would really wrek me. The insinuation that someone is inherently a monster is devistating. It seems this culture dehumanises women and demonises men.....
I agree. Because it’s very out of touch with real issues guys have. Most men I know are good.
This man is scary. So intense, which I can actually “feel” and see in his body language. It says to me..either his father, he or his son has experienced some negative relationships. I’m just hoping the readers of his material or his listeners …will toss or ignore his spiritual “advice”! ( I had started typing before I heard the part about his dad trying to murder his mother).
As a woman, I'm the one with the fiery temper and I'm the one that has to walk away when things get too heated.
Holy cow. I was floored when it got to the part about his father trying to kill his mother. It makes me wonder what else he witnessed between his parents growing up, or if he or any other family members were also victimized, because it takes a lot to get to the point of actually trying to strangle someone. I wish he could have had the frame of mind to go, "This is what I saw my mom go through. I want to make sure other women/people don't have to go through this and other kids have to see this."
But I am thankful that there also good men like Keith and Connor and like my husband who have taught themselves ways to help themselves cool down because they don't want to scare their wives/significant others.
Yeah what a weird disconnect. Because he felt bad for his mom yet is he trying to say that it was her fault that she got strangled? The ambiguity is so dangerous
I disagree with one point that EE “probably didn’t mean it the way it came across”.
I believe he REALLY did mean it that way. I believe his heart is hardened to the idea of emotional abuse. I believe EE, many he surrounds himself with, and many in church academia and leadership are hardened to the point of being reprobate.
I hear you. I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt--but I hear you.
I get what you mean “being hardened to emotional abuse”. I think there are men that are that way.
Culturally, especially within the church, abuses other than physical arent routinely considered as abuse but as 'pronlems'!
EE seems to really dislike women in general. He seems to want respect to be something women must give men unconditionally, but he really seems to seethe with disrespect and a huge dislike of women. The only men I know that come across that way are always abusive to women. Why does he come across as so angry and almost seems to enjoy mocking women? There seems to be something deeper and underlying that he hasn’t dealt with in his own life.
A breath of fresh air!!! Thank you!
Looking for a healthy church is difficult for abused peoplr.
Yeah, saying that men's only options of response to conflict with their wives is either get physically violent or walk away is a false dichotomy.
In reference to Eggerichs teachings, the reader/listener should not have to comb through his work so meticulously to find his exceptions to the always respect your husband rule. I wasn’t an English major but even I know one of the first rules of writing is to IDENTIFY YOU AUDIENCE. This guy apparently thinks his book is for everyone, a
one size fits all.
It is a disappointing indictment of Christians today that we jump on such as simplistic cures as “all women need is love and all men need is respect”. Christians don’t want to ACCURATELY apply Scripture and use discernment. They would rather listen to a preacher say “well, if your husband wants you to sell your kids to buy drug, THEN it’s ok to say no.” And the congregation LAUGHS... They want it black and white, nice and easy, cut and dry. But what if your son has anger issues bc dad swears and yells, and the son lives with dad’s toxicity?
What if middle child has depression?
What if your third child develops a serious anxiety disorder from the chaotic home of a raging father? This father has never been unfaithful, never broken a law, and never been physically abusive. This home life is what many churches don’t want to label as justification for divorce.
Totally agree, Star.
Sadly I was one of those parents that thought to teach my first born boy don’t look at women. Look only in their eyes. I’d say do u see that girl how she’s dressed it’s totally inappropriate n it’s not the kinda girl u want to be with. That’s called looking for the wrong attention...and guys...Also,Sadly I put my tween boy in a class that taught that book ,every mans battl bc he was struggling w list n pornography . It was The BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER 😭. He never told me how he struggled w lust even moreso bc that book, every mans battle , it told him bout skirts etc..... I did bring the boom up one day n he later told me things got worse for me bc of the stuff they’ve said in that book. Now at age 25 yo he still struggles w porn from every angle 😭😭😭😭😭. Plzzz pray for my son Cody . Plzzz. He is so ashamed he won’t be in touch w me or the family 😭😭😭😭
Man that’s a rough one! Father God, I pray that you heal Ms Angel’s family. I pray you help them find good licensed family counselors to help through the hard roads they’ve walked and the struggles they have had. I hope everybody can be honest about what they have learned and find the resources they need. I do not have the answers but you do. I know this mama is missing her son badly and I hope he understands that though he is hurt. I hope he understands that his mother had learned wrong things too. I pray we can learn how to appreciate and not devour beauty. And I pray that you’ll bring a beautiful, loving woman into her son’s life & that he will experience Christ’s redemption from his past… thank you for your ability to work above all we ask or imagine in Jesus’ name amen!
Does this arrogant jerk who tirades about stonewalling ever encourage men to come back later? What else can he do. He is not honorable at all. This book should be banned. Thank you so much Keith.
Not much of a caveat to say that your advice only applies to "people of good will" if you're going to subsequently normalize abusive behavior as "honorable" *and* portray virtually all women as nags ready to make serious accusations flippantly just to get attention.
Also, I'd like to see how his audience would respond if he switched "your daughter-in-law will say all these things to your son" with "your daughter will say all these things to your son-in-law." My guess is that he doesn't present it like that because he knows (consciously or not) that to tell people that the little girls they adore will grow up to be petty nags won't go over well, so he sticks to demonizing theoretical abstracts.
Wouldn’’t this teaching also make it pretty difficult to have believers interact as a loving family of brothers and sisters? Being someone not raised in the church and being unaware of the teaching for the most part, when i was involved in a church that taught this way of thinking, i felt quite like an outsider the entire time i was part of this church even though i was involved as much as i could be while i was there. 7:22
I liked what you had to say about stonewalling. I have a question though.... if my my husband is yelling at me and I'm shaking in my boots because it reminds me of my abusive father and I don't answer his questions because my mind is racing and I'm afraid, is that stonewalling? Or is stonewalling only out of anger?
That's not stonewalling, that's having the trauma from having an abusive father triggered.