Oh man, now I'm sad we didn't get this version. I love the idea of making the "right hand man" somebody important who knows about escaping from prison ;) Very nice. And I love the idea of Logain being the main villain of the first season and Ba'alzamon is not actually that involved directly with Rand et al. just yet other than some dreams. That said, I also would've liked the season to still end at the Eye, but with Logain and Rand both there and Logain thinking the Eye is somehow the key to him being the True Dragon Reborn... only to have the Eye obey Rand instead. Then we see the raging sun from Logain's perspective in that way as Rand destroys the Trolloc army. Logain even had a special ring in S1 with an eye on it, and I was sure that would have something to do with him going after the Eye in an attempt to fulfill certain prophecies of the Dragon.
Thanks! I did consider a version whilst writing the script where Moiraine convinces Logain the only way to prove he was the true Dragon Reborn was to go to the Eye. I was sad not to include The Ways because they were the location I was most excited to see in season 1. I was worried it would be too similar to GoT season 4 with Stannis going up North to prove he's the rightful King by defending the Kingdom. I didn't notice the ring, but that would have been a great piece of foreshadowing. Could have had several closeups of him twisting the ring, and maybe a short monologue about him collecting artifacts connected to the prophecies of the Dragon. Then when Moiraine mentions it, you see the pieces click into place in his head.
Personally I’m not sure if you’d make Logain the big bad, I like the way you handled it, but I still believe that you could do Ishamael/Ba’alzamon very well as a main antagonist, with your Logain plot being what could replace Stepin’s time on screen. Overall this is a great fix but I would’ve preferred something closer to the books
Fair play! I did know it wouldn't be to everyone's taste. I also believe Ishamael could have had a larger role in season 1. Overall my biggest critique is I think the whole season needed a strong antagonist with a face.
I haven't read the books (yet - working on it) so I don't know all of the characters or events you're talking about, but I still LOVE this. Since I haven't read the books yet, it's hard to gain much from critiques, though most of them just come across as "show not exact reenactment of the book! that mean show bad!" I really love all the love and thought and respect and enthusiasm you've put into this. While I did love the show for what it was (and even with my lack of book knowledge, there were definitely parts I thought could've gone better as well), I think your version is incredibly exciting :D
Thank you! Comments like this are why I love making content. I totally agree with you about the critiques that just hate on the show for not being a copy of the book. I'm really glad you enjoyed this video. It was a lot of fun to write :)
Can we please campaign to have Elliot on the writers team? A hashtag or something? Or just send the showrunners a crap tonne of messages? If I get five yeses I’ll make a plan of attack immediately
Awesome! This was worth the wait! Really liked how it came together! I challenge you further for your next video-continuing on the thought experiment if you were in the creative team-had you gotten into Ep 7 and 8 with the sudden Barney Harris departure and covid restrictions, how would you have re-written your climax? Feel like it would be great to see how a fully fleshed plan could adapt to circumstances 🤣 lucky for you that most of your Ep 8 stuff was character stuff but I really do wonder how one could adapt the story to the departure!
@@ElliotEdits I honestly think the show had an OBVIOUS out for themselves that they somehow missed to use. In Ep 6, one line of dialog (even ADR recording would have been sufficient) from Moiraine to Rand on the balcony after the Mat healing: "I've cured him temporarily, but he needs to stay here. He needs healing from a full circle of sisters to finally be rid of that dagger. It's been in his possession too long and they cannot be fully separated without killing him." In one piece of dialog, you leave Barney behind with no Waygate shenanigans, you track closer to the book lore, you set up a clear event to kick off Mat's S2 arc, and you subtly introduce the lore-building concept of a full circle.
@Wheel of Time Fan Edit I seriously can’t believe they didn’t do something like this; it would make so much sense and feel less awkward than them shouting “Mat!” for 30 seconds straight
@@ewalsh7682 I'm working on something like this for the next version of my fan edit. I'll either do it there or at the portal (or both) to leave Mat behind in a more normal fashion.
Hi Elliot.My name is Mike I sat on the plane with you from Toronto to London.Blown away how beautiful London was,had not been there since I was 10.How beautiful and the people were soooo friendly,helpful and kind including yourself!Can't wait to go back! I appreciated the advice you gave it was helpful!I did visit Georges hlouse was on Wells Rd.We took the subway...excuse me..We took the TUBE :) to Belsize and walked.Unfortunately the charity stores were closed by the time we were there.We saw one when we came outside the tube and from the outside it did indeed look like it had great stuff inside! Your channel looks awesome caught this video..great background,clear and concise I subbed now so I can say I did for when this hits 10k...100k and onwards! Be well thanks for your help!
Hi Mike! Glad to hear you had a good time in London. I was devastated to see the chippy I suggested in Hampstead had closed down. Hope you managed to find another (they aren't in short supply this side of the pond)
@@ElliotEdits I was gonna write that we didn't see that chippy I thought maybe we came in from another Tube or direction.Loved the area and was a dream seeing the house..very surreal for me.We found a a few nice chippys though..in Leicester Square and actually Heathrow airport was a great one.I see I forgot to sub..Just subbed...Cheers mate!
Nice job! I think that would have worked quite well. Logain as the big bad is a great idea. I do think you’d need to insert crazy dreams and a random darkfriend. I also think it would get an equal amount of hate due to changes. Personally I enjoy not knowing exactly what will happen though there are certain moments I would like to see onscreen that have been and will no doubt be skipped - completely understandable with limited time. The books are like 30+ hours audio so they can’t cover them all! I think some more flexibility on runtime would have fixed many of the problems of the first season. They had to cut so much that quite a few episodes really suffer for it. Episode 8… there were a few things I liked and with the rest I’ll give them a pass due to everything going on at the time.
Thanks! Yeah, there are still a few details I would still like to work out, like how to include Loial. Adaptaing the Eye oThe showrunners were always going to have to compromise on certain things... which is why I'd have happily torn up the rule book and gone rogue!
I'll think about it some more but first impressions: I like that this is a human vs human battle, which I don't think the show delivered well (Ep 4 was very lightweight). I also like that we viscerally see and feel the politics and factions at play. What I would emphasize (you glossed over in your explanation) is the battle tactics and combat awareness of the Whitecloaks vs the Aes Sedai and Warders vs the Ghaeldan armed forces. It would be a great opportunity to showcase the third oath (again, better than Ep 4 did) vs humans and shadowspawn.
Very good point! The different tactics could play a large part in why Logain was able to dominate when he entered the battle... Don't imagine Aes Sedai and White Cloaks would fight well together
@@ElliotEdits exactly. And the Aes Sedai would not be able to intervene between Logain's army and the Whitecloaks, until they and the Warders are drawn into the battle. Easy demo of the third oath and super visceral - they can't prevent people killing each other if they themselves aren't in mortal danger.
Elliot, First off kudos. Excellent job. Beyond enjoying a fresh and creative twist on book 1, your version highlights to me how much of the fan criticism of the show written off as petulant purist wining is anything but. As the video went on I found myself forgetting how different your story was from the books and instead settled in to enjoy the ride. That's what the show should have been able to do. Besides the show doing to the lore what the DO did to siadin, their story was just not compelling. Sad that a lone UA-camr can out-write Amazon, but props to you. *also I appreciate how your version avoids the mess of the confusion at the Eye and the lame take down / not of Ishy.
Cutting the journey through the blight and to the Eye of the World is a bold choice. For the book purists it would cause apoplectic seizures but I think it works really well when considering the story as an overall arc. 1. Foreshadows the battle of Camelyn 2. Foreshadows the entire tenor of the last Battle - less the Aiel 3. Gives complementary character journeys for the major characters and sets up the Darkfriends more intriguingly than the very good episode 3 the show provided Downsides of the treatment as provided 1. No mention of Thom Merrylin. Though we hardly knew him, maybe you have him somehow meeting Rand and Matt in the Camelyn Army? Maybe he’s in season 2? 2. No intro of Loial - unless it happens in Camelyn as in the original. Thoughts/Comments Could you have kept the Eye by having them journey from Camelyn via Waygate? Having a scene episode 6 while all the craziness is going down and Moiraine abandoning her sisters to go off hell knows where with Loial and Eamonds Fielders while the Aes Sedai and Camelyners prepare to fight the Logain and trollocs, only to end up in Fal Dara where there are also trollocs. The Battle for the Eye is mirrored by the battle at Camelyn but instead of Rand destroying the trollocs in Camelyn it’s Logain and some sisters, who then proceed to capture him. I do hope you publish your treatments and get considered for writing on the show. You’re definitely willing to take bold steps that aren’t also trying to service some other agenda, but further the story. Keep it up!
Thank you! I would really like to think up a way to keep Loial and Thom in this version of the story. But I do feel strongly that if you can't think of something important for them to do, it's best to wait and introduce a character later when they can make more of an impact. Really appreciate your thoughts and comments!
@@ElliotEdits have you thought of dropping on of your scripts on The Dusty Wheel or other fandom discords? It might be a way to get people advocating for your skill to be included in the team. Fandoms can do amazing things.
You mean there should have been more than 2 soldiers, yeah thats two as in 1 + 1, for the entire defending garrison at Ghealdan protecting the castle and king? And do we even need to talk about Logain's "army" (so called)
This is an awesome idea. Get an overarching storyline idea out there before the first trailer drops, based on the plot points you want to hit and respecting the runtime and budget. It would be a fascinating thought exercise at least!
Uh.... NO. I liked your part one. I agree with us see Logain rise and fall as a false Dragon. Also, we can still use the theme of "who is the Real Dragon Reborn?". I myself we still keep the book's scenes of Edmond Fields. Scary Fades and Trollocs that only the young could sense; Rand and Tam's storyline and Rand's parentage reveal, I will keep Padan Fain and Thom and I will use them to introduce details about false Dragons and the Forsaken, who is Lewis Theron. I also would keep the unrelenting Chase of the Dark friends hunting Matt and Rand and how the could never rest and barely stayed one step ahead of the Dark friends. I will also keep Loraine's point of view of how she is trying to find the Edmond fielders. I would end Season 1 at Camelyn. Or end With the dagger and the horn being stolen at Fal Dara. I would leave out the eye of the world I will still keep how Freddy Krueger is haunting there dreams.
Your version is hands down better than the show. it made changes in places that were true to the characters. and no book reader gets to the end of the series and says i wish there was less Logain, so a focus on his story would have been a positive change that book purists could get behind. People would not be happy about no borderlands, but then we don't have the show kill of Alglmar and half the cast with the corrupted dagger so that's a win, but not sure how we would get Uno into the story
Now that i had a moment to think about it, allowing Logain see the hero moment when Rand saves everyone, he can still have his comment from the show that he used on nynaeve (which makes no sense) but hw can just start laughing at the reds. Additionally Algamar could have sent a small group to ask for help in the gap, the show made him prideful but the book makes it seem like he sent for help at the gap. this could be Igtar and Uno which could allow for a chance encounter with the group where nynaeve gets to hear them call him Dai Shan. we could get the speech with out making Lan seem like a complete dbag for sleeping with her only to tell her they can never be together. The border landers can see the battle and go with our two rivers men as they split off
Are you kidding your version is a million times better lol, it didn't give me the irrits once which PROVES my bloody problems with it have zero to do with the changes, and everything to do with the destruction of the characters journeys. Well done man, well done.
This is nice enough, but again with too many manufactured additives that are entirely unnecessary. It’s certainly much better than what we got… but that’s not hard to achieve. Ishamael needs to remain the Big Bad. Logain a useful introduction to what the invented world knows about Dragon Lore, in order to introduce and begin explaining the concept to non book readers watching the show cold. The Wheel of Time books are bloated with fat that can be rendered; butchered pre cook; trimmed strategically any number of ways. All this added Sugar (both the heinously awful woke demagoguery in what was actually made AND your more considered but still inefficiently divergent version) is entirely unnecessary. Repetitive trope patterns of questing can be condensed to suit the Medium. Obvious missteps like the unfocused ending can be honed to a sharpness born of the analysis inherent in 20/20 hindsight. But the path and crumbs along with the Major Story beats need to remain the same. You have not improved on any of that from the books with your version Elliot. And the Show certainly failed miserably.
The Eye of the World has the fat many first volumes in a Multibook Saga are burdened with - Introduction & Authorial uncertainty. There aren’t any storylines I’d cut out completely. It would be more a case of evoking a Cinematic Octave of what it all boils down to. The first note is the dichotomy between the rich chord of the Ineffably Epic Prologue and the Familiar Introductory Sequence of our Heroes’ Home. The Second Note is the Tragedy of Loss - a Trifecta that ranges from the personal (Rand fearing for his father’s life, then being terrified by what he learns about himself) to the situational (the realisation and acceptance that they have to leave their Home)… with the Actual Losses incurred by the Trolloc attack at Winternight, nestled in between. The Third Note is the Journey, which gradually changes from a Series of escapes (From Taren Ferry to Baerlon to Shadar Logoth) to Separation and more intensely personal escapes that now have the added urgency of the need for reconnection. Which gives us the Fourth Note. Realisation without Acceptance or Acknowledgment yet. This is where we boil down the fat most aggressively through filmic montage as opposed to the Book’s leisurely meander. We still hit the key scenes on the Road - Perrin & Egwene meet Elyas & Tinkers, then get caught by Whitecloaks. Rand, Mat & Thom get a lift from Bayle Damon to Whitebridge, which leads us to the Myddraal and another Separation. The Fifth Note represents the Reconnection where we start with the contrast between the frantically kinetic journey Rand and Mat find themselves on - whose trope filled repetitiveness can be given an urgency through filmic montage, which only slows down once, so we get the full effect of what happens at Four Kings - and the strangling captivity of Perrin & Egwene where they find themselves physically imprisoned and metaphysically restrained by new things they are discovering about themselves and coming to terms with what that means. All the while, all the talk we get In World is about Logain and what his Emergence; Capture; Future mean to the various inhabitants our Heroes meet on their Journey. So by the time we get to Caemlyn we are Ready… For The Sixth Note - Reconnection in a Higher Key. Here everything is filmed with much greater urgency than in the books. Rand and Mat are separated once again immediately upon stumbling through the Gates of the New City and into the infamous Logain procession, while being chased by that mysterious beggar. Rand immediately climbs that infamous wall and meets The Trakands! Again it all boils down to what the Youngsters think of Logain and then what Elaida’s Foretelling suggests about Logain just being a Preliminary to Rand’s Main Event. Rand eventually makes it to The Queen’s Blessing to be confronted by a Reunion with Lan & the rescued Perrin & Egwene, where he is told Moiraine is upstairs Healing Mat after they arrived just in time to stop him killing everyone with the Shadar Logoth dagger, after he couldn’t get past Lamgwin when he arrived and couldn’t get Basel Gill to accept his shouted insistence they had been sent there by Thom. As they wait Rand & Perrin have an encounter with Loial in the Library… and the Reconnection is complete when Moiraine guides a more quiescent Mat downstairs and they make plans about where to go next. This Decision leads us to the Seventh Note - Reminiscence. The decision to Seek The Eye of the World is made. Logain through line is cut succinctly by Moiraine clarifying for everyone that whatever he may have done and meant until now, he was a False Dragon, whose only foreseeable future lies in Gentling in Tar Valon. We as viewers now know for sure that it’s our Reconnected Heroes who are the Main Event here. But to make it to the Big Show, they have to go through the past (near and far; physically and mentally) Throughout these first seven notes, we have the menacing Bass Chord of Ba’alzamon in our Protagonists’ dreams, undercutting everything they think they know and they think they’ve learned. Which brings us to the Concluding Note in our octave. Crescendo. Of course Jordan’s obvious uncertainty about how The Dragon and Creator connect is done away with and we focus on the Final Confrontation between Rand using the Pool of Pure Saidin and a complacent Ishamael who thinks he has guided Rand exactly where he wants him, only to realise that The Dragon no matter how callow and unrealised he may be at this early stage, when acting on instinct, is still The Dragon. There is no need to kowtow to contemporary norms by trying to give everyone something to do. Everyone else is sidelined first by the arrival of The Forsaken, then by Ba’alzamon himself, to bring what he thought was a Tame Dragon to heel.
You would NEVER be hired by the staff of this show because your version is still MALE centric. If you have watched the 'adaptation' you would know that the entire thing was CHANGED to be female centric. IF they had been interested in adapting the actual NOVEL, they would not need this version anyway since the book has a great pace and interesting scenes. It just has to be adapted as it is in the book.
There's so many great female character moments in the books. Every character gets their time to shine. But I do think the priority should be establishing your main protagonist for season 1
Oh man, now I'm sad we didn't get this version. I love the idea of making the "right hand man" somebody important who knows about escaping from prison ;) Very nice. And I love the idea of Logain being the main villain of the first season and Ba'alzamon is not actually that involved directly with Rand et al. just yet other than some dreams. That said, I also would've liked the season to still end at the Eye, but with Logain and Rand both there and Logain thinking the Eye is somehow the key to him being the True Dragon Reborn... only to have the Eye obey Rand instead. Then we see the raging sun from Logain's perspective in that way as Rand destroys the Trolloc army. Logain even had a special ring in S1 with an eye on it, and I was sure that would have something to do with him going after the Eye in an attempt to fulfill certain prophecies of the Dragon.
Thanks! I did consider a version whilst writing the script where Moiraine convinces Logain the only way to prove he was the true Dragon Reborn was to go to the Eye. I was sad not to include The Ways because they were the location I was most excited to see in season 1. I was worried it would be too similar to GoT season 4 with Stannis going up North to prove he's the rightful King by defending the Kingdom.
I didn't notice the ring, but that would have been a great piece of foreshadowing. Could have had several closeups of him twisting the ring, and maybe a short monologue about him collecting artifacts connected to the prophecies of the Dragon. Then when Moiraine mentions it, you see the pieces click into place in his head.
How is this not the story we have in the show? Job job man. Good job!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it
Personally I’m not sure if you’d make Logain the big bad, I like the way you handled it, but I still believe that you could do Ishamael/Ba’alzamon very well as a main antagonist, with your Logain plot being what could replace Stepin’s time on screen.
Overall this is a great fix but I would’ve preferred something closer to the books
Fair play! I did know it wouldn't be to everyone's taste. I also believe Ishamael could have had a larger role in season 1. Overall my biggest critique is I think the whole season needed a strong antagonist with a face.
I haven't read the books (yet - working on it) so I don't know all of the characters or events you're talking about, but I still LOVE this. Since I haven't read the books yet, it's hard to gain much from critiques, though most of them just come across as "show not exact reenactment of the book! that mean show bad!"
I really love all the love and thought and respect and enthusiasm you've put into this. While I did love the show for what it was (and even with my lack of book knowledge, there were definitely parts I thought could've gone better as well), I think your version is incredibly exciting :D
Thank you! Comments like this are why I love making content. I totally agree with you about the critiques that just hate on the show for not being a copy of the book. I'm really glad you enjoyed this video. It was a lot of fun to write :)
Can we please campaign to have Elliot on the writers team? A hashtag or something? Or just send the showrunners a crap tonne of messages? If I get five yeses I’ll make a plan of attack immediately
Haha, thanks! Be interested to see if your plan is better than mine to just bombard Rafe with tweets 😅
@@ElliotEdits Ahh yes, a two prong assault! They'll never suspect it!!
@@finnstockley2544 Like Mat with the strategy
It's creative, certainly. It is nice to have an infinite budget for CGI, sets, and extras.
Yeah, I can't imagine how stressful managing all that must have been
Awesome! This was worth the wait! Really liked how it came together!
I challenge you further for your next video-continuing on the thought experiment if you were in the creative team-had you gotten into Ep 7 and 8 with the sudden Barney Harris departure and covid restrictions, how would you have re-written your climax? Feel like it would be great to see how a fully fleshed plan could adapt to circumstances 🤣 lucky for you that most of your Ep 8 stuff was character stuff but I really do wonder how one could adapt the story to the departure!
Thank you! That would be an interesting thought exercise 🤔 I suppose it's only fair to put yourself in that position as a writer
@@ElliotEdits I honestly think the show had an OBVIOUS out for themselves that they somehow missed to use. In Ep 6, one line of dialog (even ADR recording would have been sufficient) from Moiraine to Rand on the balcony after the Mat healing: "I've cured him temporarily, but he needs to stay here. He needs healing from a full circle of sisters to finally be rid of that dagger. It's been in his possession too long and they cannot be fully separated without killing him."
In one piece of dialog, you leave Barney behind with no Waygate shenanigans, you track closer to the book lore, you set up a clear event to kick off Mat's S2 arc, and you subtly introduce the lore-building concept of a full circle.
@Wheel of Time Fan Edit I seriously can’t believe they didn’t do something like this; it would make so much sense and feel less awkward than them shouting “Mat!” for 30 seconds straight
@@ewalsh7682 I'm working on something like this for the next version of my fan edit. I'll either do it there or at the portal (or both) to leave Mat behind in a more normal fashion.
So fun ... it's definitely a mirror world so I would call it something different... But would definitely watch🤩
Thank you!
Good god, petition to make you the new show runner
Thank you! I'd settle for just being on the development team
Hi Elliot.My name is Mike I sat on the plane with you from Toronto to London.Blown away how beautiful London was,had not been there since I was 10.How beautiful and the people were soooo friendly,helpful and kind including yourself!Can't wait to go back!
I appreciated the advice you gave it was helpful!I did visit Georges hlouse was on Wells Rd.We took the subway...excuse me..We took the TUBE :) to Belsize and walked.Unfortunately the charity stores were closed by the time we were there.We saw one when we came outside the tube and from the outside it did indeed look like it had great stuff inside!
Your channel looks awesome caught this video..great background,clear and concise I subbed now so I can say I did for when this hits 10k...100k and onwards! Be well thanks for your help!
Hi Mike! Glad to hear you had a good time in London. I was devastated to see the chippy I suggested in Hampstead had closed down. Hope you managed to find another (they aren't in short supply this side of the pond)
@@ElliotEdits I was gonna write that we didn't see that chippy I thought maybe we came in from another Tube or direction.Loved the area and was a dream seeing the house..very surreal for me.We found a a few nice chippys though..in Leicester Square and actually Heathrow airport was a great one.I see I forgot to sub..Just subbed...Cheers mate!
Nice job! I think that would have worked quite well. Logain as the big bad is a great idea. I do think you’d need to insert crazy dreams and a random darkfriend. I also think it would get an equal amount of hate due to changes. Personally I enjoy not knowing exactly what will happen though there are certain moments I would like to see onscreen that have been and will no doubt be skipped - completely understandable with limited time. The books are like 30+ hours audio so they can’t cover them all! I think some more flexibility on runtime would have fixed many of the problems of the first season. They had to cut so much that quite a few episodes really suffer for it. Episode 8… there were a few things I liked and with the rest I’ll give them a pass due to everything going on at the time.
Thanks! Yeah, there are still a few details I would still like to work out, like how to include Loial. Adaptaing the Eye oThe showrunners were always going to have to compromise on certain things... which is why I'd have happily torn up the rule book and gone rogue!
I'll think about it some more but first impressions: I like that this is a human vs human battle, which I don't think the show delivered well (Ep 4 was very lightweight). I also like that we viscerally see and feel the politics and factions at play. What I would emphasize (you glossed over in your explanation) is the battle tactics and combat awareness of the Whitecloaks vs the Aes Sedai and Warders vs the Ghaeldan armed forces. It would be a great opportunity to showcase the third oath (again, better than Ep 4 did) vs humans and shadowspawn.
Very good point! The different tactics could play a large part in why Logain was able to dominate when he entered the battle... Don't imagine Aes Sedai and White Cloaks would fight well together
@@ElliotEdits exactly. And the Aes Sedai would not be able to intervene between Logain's army and the Whitecloaks, until they and the Warders are drawn into the battle. Easy demo of the third oath and super visceral - they can't prevent people killing each other if they themselves aren't in mortal danger.
Elliot,
First off kudos. Excellent job.
Beyond enjoying a fresh and creative twist on book 1, your version highlights to me how much of the fan criticism of the show written off as petulant purist wining is anything but.
As the video went on I found myself forgetting how different your story was from the books and instead settled in to enjoy the ride. That's what the show should have been able to do.
Besides the show doing to the lore what the DO did to siadin, their story was just not compelling. Sad that a lone UA-camr can out-write Amazon, but props to you.
*also I appreciate how your version avoids the mess of the confusion at the Eye and the lame take down / not of Ishy.
Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed this version (also agree with you about the end of EotW)
Cutting the journey through the blight and to the Eye of the World is a bold choice. For the book purists it would cause apoplectic seizures but I think it works really well when considering the story as an overall arc.
1. Foreshadows the battle of Camelyn
2. Foreshadows the entire tenor of the last Battle - less the Aiel
3. Gives complementary character journeys for the major characters and sets up the Darkfriends more intriguingly than the very good episode 3 the show provided
Downsides of the treatment as provided
1. No mention of Thom Merrylin. Though we hardly knew him, maybe you have him somehow meeting Rand and Matt in the Camelyn Army? Maybe he’s in season 2?
2. No intro of Loial - unless it happens in Camelyn as in the original.
Thoughts/Comments
Could you have kept the Eye by having them journey from Camelyn via Waygate? Having a scene episode 6 while all the craziness is going down and Moiraine abandoning her sisters to go off hell knows where with Loial and Eamonds Fielders while the Aes Sedai and Camelyners prepare to fight the Logain and trollocs, only to end up in Fal Dara where there are also trollocs. The Battle for the Eye is mirrored by the battle at Camelyn but instead of Rand destroying the trollocs in Camelyn it’s Logain and some sisters, who then proceed to capture him.
I do hope you publish your treatments and get considered for writing on the show. You’re definitely willing to take bold steps that aren’t also trying to service some other agenda, but further the story. Keep it up!
Thank you! I would really like to think up a way to keep Loial and Thom in this version of the story. But I do feel strongly that if you can't think of something important for them to do, it's best to wait and introduce a character later when they can make more of an impact.
Really appreciate your thoughts and comments!
@@ElliotEdits have you thought of dropping on of your scripts on The Dusty Wheel or other fandom discords? It might be a way to get people advocating for your skill to be included in the team. Fandoms can do amazing things.
You mean there should have been more than 2 soldiers, yeah thats two as in 1 + 1, for the entire defending garrison at Ghealdan protecting the castle and king? And do we even need to talk about Logain's "army" (so called)
Smart of Logain to invade on a bank holiday
I want to see your “pre-write” of season 2. Cuz we can only move forward.
Haha! If I find the time I'd love to give it a go. The script for this video did take a while though
@@ElliotEdits we can tell. Strong work!
@@larryjones558 Cheers!
Agreed!
This is an awesome idea. Get an overarching storyline idea out there before the first trailer drops, based on the plot points you want to hit and respecting the runtime and budget. It would be a fascinating thought exercise at least!
Nice 🙂
This show that it's not changes that piss people off. It's dumb changes that reduces the epic scope ot WoT.
Cheers!
Well done. Big improvement to give Rand, Perrin, and Mat more agency.
much would of preferred your version.
Thank you!
This version would have been 1000 times better. Good work sir
Thank you!
Uh.... NO. I liked your part one. I agree with us see Logain rise and fall as a false Dragon. Also, we can still use the theme of "who is the Real Dragon Reborn?". I myself we still keep the book's scenes of Edmond Fields. Scary Fades and Trollocs that only the young could sense; Rand and Tam's storyline and Rand's parentage reveal, I will keep Padan Fain and Thom and I will use them to introduce details about false Dragons and the Forsaken, who is Lewis Theron. I also would keep the unrelenting Chase of the Dark friends hunting Matt and Rand and how the could never rest and barely stayed one step ahead of the Dark friends. I will also keep Loraine's point of view of how she is trying to find the Edmond fielders. I would end Season 1 at Camelyn. Or end With the dagger and the horn being stolen at Fal Dara. I would leave out the eye of the world I will still keep how Freddy Krueger is haunting there dreams.
Haha, fair!
Wow, I'd love it if they followed your script. That's the sort of thing you'd expect from people who claim to know the books. Hire Elliott!
Thank you! Really glad you think that! I love the books and hope the show continues to get better
Your version is hands down better than the show. it made changes in places that were true to the characters. and no book reader gets to the end of the series and says i wish there was less Logain, so a focus on his story would have been a positive change that book purists could get behind. People would not be happy about no borderlands, but then we don't have the show kill of Alglmar and half the cast with the corrupted dagger so that's a win, but not sure how we would get Uno into the story
Now that i had a moment to think about it, allowing Logain see the hero moment when Rand saves everyone, he can still have his comment from the show that he used on nynaeve (which makes no sense) but hw can just start laughing at the reds.
Additionally Algamar could have sent a small group to ask for help in the gap, the show made him prideful but the book makes it seem like he sent for help at the gap. this could be Igtar and Uno which could allow for a chance encounter with the group where nynaeve gets to hear them call him Dai Shan. we could get the speech with out making Lan seem like a complete dbag for sleeping with her only to tell her they can never be together.
The border landers can see the battle and go with our two rivers men as they split off
That is a solution!
Would have over this version.
Thank you (I think 😅)
Loved it!
Thank you!
I love this man - can you please get a job on the writing team instead of whatever the hell they are doing now? ta.
Thank you! Believe me, I'm working on it 🤣
Are you kidding your version is a million times better lol, it didn't give me the irrits once which PROVES my bloody problems with it have zero to do with the changes, and everything to do with the destruction of the characters journeys. Well done man, well done.
I totally agree with you! Changed to the plot aren't a bad thing - it's the characters who are the heart of the story
a 24 year old looking man is spamming in a pls donate game wow
What's the game?
@@ElliotEdits Roblox?
@@ElliotEdits Maybe someone Impersonated you
What kind of game is it?
Love it 😀
Thank you!
This is nice enough, but again with too many manufactured additives that are entirely unnecessary.
It’s certainly much better than what we got… but that’s not hard to achieve.
Ishamael needs to remain the Big Bad.
Logain a useful introduction to what the invented world knows about Dragon Lore, in order to introduce and begin explaining the concept to non book readers watching the show cold.
The Wheel of Time books are bloated with fat that can be rendered; butchered pre cook; trimmed strategically any number of ways.
All this added Sugar (both the heinously awful woke demagoguery in what was actually made AND your more considered but still inefficiently divergent version) is entirely unnecessary.
Repetitive trope patterns of questing can be condensed to suit the Medium.
Obvious missteps like the unfocused ending can be honed to a sharpness born of the analysis inherent in 20/20 hindsight.
But the path and crumbs along with the Major Story beats need to remain the same.
You have not improved on any of that from the books with your version Elliot.
And the Show certainly failed miserably.
Very eloquently put. Out of interest, what fat would you have cut?
The Eye of the World has the fat many first volumes in a Multibook Saga are burdened with - Introduction & Authorial uncertainty.
There aren’t any storylines I’d cut out completely. It would be more a case of evoking a Cinematic Octave of what it all boils down to.
The first note is the dichotomy between the rich chord of the Ineffably Epic Prologue and the Familiar Introductory Sequence of our Heroes’ Home.
The Second Note is the Tragedy of Loss - a Trifecta that ranges from the personal (Rand fearing for his father’s life, then being terrified by what he learns about himself) to the situational (the realisation and acceptance that they have to leave their Home)… with the Actual Losses incurred by the Trolloc attack at Winternight, nestled in between.
The Third Note is the Journey, which gradually changes from a Series of escapes (From Taren Ferry to Baerlon to Shadar Logoth) to Separation and more intensely personal escapes that now have the added urgency of the need for reconnection.
Which gives us the Fourth Note. Realisation without Acceptance or Acknowledgment yet.
This is where we boil down the fat most aggressively through filmic montage as opposed to the Book’s leisurely meander.
We still hit the key scenes on the Road - Perrin & Egwene meet Elyas & Tinkers, then get caught by Whitecloaks.
Rand, Mat & Thom get a lift from Bayle Damon to Whitebridge, which leads us to the Myddraal and another Separation.
The Fifth Note represents the Reconnection where we start with the contrast between the frantically kinetic journey Rand and Mat find themselves on - whose trope filled repetitiveness can be given an urgency through filmic montage, which only slows down once, so we get the full effect of what happens at Four Kings - and the strangling captivity of Perrin & Egwene where they find themselves physically imprisoned and metaphysically restrained by new things they are discovering about themselves and coming to terms with what that means.
All the while, all the talk we get In World is about Logain and what his Emergence; Capture; Future mean to the various inhabitants our Heroes meet on their Journey.
So by the time we get to Caemlyn we are Ready…
For The Sixth Note - Reconnection in a Higher Key.
Here everything is filmed with much greater urgency than in the books. Rand and Mat are separated once again immediately upon stumbling through the Gates of the New City and into the infamous Logain procession, while being chased by that mysterious beggar. Rand immediately climbs that infamous wall and meets The Trakands!
Again it all boils down to what the Youngsters think of Logain and then what Elaida’s Foretelling suggests about Logain just being a Preliminary to Rand’s Main Event.
Rand eventually makes it to The Queen’s Blessing to be confronted by a Reunion with Lan & the rescued Perrin & Egwene, where he is told Moiraine is upstairs Healing Mat after they arrived just in time to stop him killing everyone with the Shadar Logoth dagger, after he couldn’t get past Lamgwin when he arrived and couldn’t get Basel Gill to accept his shouted insistence they had been sent there by Thom.
As they wait Rand & Perrin have an encounter with Loial in the Library… and the Reconnection is complete when Moiraine guides a more quiescent Mat downstairs and they make plans about where to go next.
This Decision leads us to the Seventh Note - Reminiscence.
The decision to Seek The Eye of the World is made.
Logain through line is cut succinctly by Moiraine clarifying for everyone that whatever he may have done and meant until now, he was a False Dragon, whose only foreseeable future lies in Gentling in Tar Valon.
We as viewers now know for sure that it’s our Reconnected Heroes who are the Main Event here.
But to make it to the Big Show, they have to go through the past (near and far; physically and mentally)
Throughout these first seven notes, we have the menacing Bass Chord of Ba’alzamon in our Protagonists’ dreams, undercutting everything they think they know and they think they’ve learned.
Which brings us to the Concluding Note in our octave.
Crescendo.
Of course Jordan’s obvious uncertainty about how The Dragon and Creator connect is done away with and we focus on the Final Confrontation between Rand using the Pool of Pure Saidin and a complacent Ishamael who thinks he has guided Rand exactly where he wants him, only to realise that The Dragon no matter how callow and unrealised he may be at this early stage, when acting on instinct, is still The Dragon.
There is no need to kowtow to contemporary norms by trying to give everyone something to do. Everyone else is sidelined first by the arrival of The Forsaken, then by Ba’alzamon himself, to bring what he thought was a Tame Dragon to heel.
You would NEVER be hired by the staff of this show because your version is still MALE centric. If you have watched the 'adaptation' you would know that the entire thing was CHANGED to be female centric. IF they had been interested in adapting the actual NOVEL, they would not need this version anyway since the book has a great pace and interesting scenes. It just has to be adapted as it is in the book.
There's so many great female character moments in the books. Every character gets their time to shine. But I do think the priority should be establishing your main protagonist for season 1