It's nothing to do with you, in the mind of a narc you are an object not a person, their main objective is control, they don't think like us, as soon as they feel they are losing control in their twisted mind they will flip the script, if you are still in the relationship you should start making plans to leave, the sooner you do this the faster you can heal and move on❤
NPC = NonPlayer Character. In the game of life, you are the character that sits on the sidelines and roots for them to enjoy life. Your wants and needs don't really matter, your sole purpose is to support them as the main character in the story. Forget a 50-50 partnership, or even a 40-60. Yours will be more like 10-90 - if you are lucky. Dare to try to stand up for yourself and assert your needs, or say 'No' and see how quickly you are told you can be replaced so They can be happy. Your happiness doesn't matter. It's a hard truth to learn, and all too often, we learn all this too late to avoid them pushing us into making big errors that harm our future and ability to sustain and support ourselves in the long term alone - just the way they wanted it. 😞
That's how I finally understood narcissists. Once I realized that I'm a narc in videogames, it was clear to me how they see the real world... I need reputation points, so I'll help that stranger. I got my rep points, so I kill that stranger for not being fast enough on that last mission. There's an animal. I wonder if I can loot it, so I'm killing it. To reach the next level I have to kill all my allies? Sure, no problem. Someone coming to me asking for help without offering an reward. I don't care... Wait, there could be a hidden reward. But, if not and I'm wasting my time YOU BETTER RUN FAST!
That narc showed me over n over that i was nothing in his world... I was his special nobody..last in line gal.. He wanted to see me dead...n i believed every word..he did want to see that..almost did .. Im on the road back to me...n the feeling is most wonderful..freedom...n comfort is most needed when booting the narc outta your life..dont waste your time on the narc...they dont want to change because they dont see a problem..they lie...cheat...n steal from you...want to see you at your worst..we all desreve better...believe that✌❤
You have a purpose. God gave you a life so you could use your purpose for good, imo I survived 50 years and NOW I am free. It wasn't easy relearning how to live without an overseer
I just realized my relationship is transactional, He keeps tabs on the little thing's he buys for me I've asked only twice in over three year's. I work and alway's supply thing's for myself this video made me realize how his mind works ! Ty 🙏
Narcissist's can have good head knowledge but what they really need is heart knowledge. Not many narcissists can do what you are doing Ben and I have to commend you for this and your helpful videos. There is a narrow path and a wide path stay on the narrow path, sometimes we have to suffer the bad times to really appreciate the good times.🕊
Same! He could display empathy unless it was his abuse that was hurting and getting negative reactions from me. Then, it was justified because of something I allegedly did to him. I'm so sorry you went through this, too! 🤗
@@southerncatlady exactly! It was always 'i make better decisions than you'. I'm 17days no contact, it's a tough day ending a bit better. It helps to know I'm not alone 🧡
I finally figured out that "compassion " had nothing to do with me, it was just him playing me - pretending to be compassionate to keep me hooked. I stopped listening to words and started paying attention to actions.
@@czecka143 omg, YES!! It was, "women need men to guide them because we are the leaders and decision makers. I only want good things for us, so stop being defiant and do what I tell you to do." And it didn't matter if he was completely wrong! He'd accuse me of something and I would prove him wrong, and he would completely reject my proof and keep insisting that I did the thing of which he accused me. And when I defended myself, he would call me defiant and disrespectful. You're definitely not alone! Again, I'm sorry you went through that, too. I'm proud of you for staying no-contact! I was a month no-contact, but when my ex emailed me again, I ended up messaging him back once. That, of course, started a war since I didn't give him what he wanted. That is the last thing I'm ever going to say to him. However, I HAVE turned my channel Community tab into a place where I share videos about narc abuse that I come across on here, and I make posts of my own based on my experiences. It helps me work through some of the trauma. And hopefully, it'll help someone else, too, should they ever find it.
@@higherlove8886 YES! They feign compassion to give us breadcrumbs of "kindness" amidst the abuse so that we remain addicted to them. We crave those breadcrumbs like a drug, and it feeds the trauma bond and cognitive dissonance. I'm so sorry that you went through this, as well! 🤗
I’d like to add to that. My wife would never ask just how my day was going or how am I doing today. I’d ask her everyday how she was or how did work go.
That’s a little triggering. My narc did that too but on the opposite. I would talk about my day and he would act all wounded like ‘noone asked about my day’. I’m like you didn’t either. Take the pause in the conversation and talk about your day.
After being married to this narc…he literally asked me what’s my birth date and still don’t know how to spell my name. I knew this marriage was fake. It’s all about him.
I always find out more about narcs so that I can remain safe. Never stop learning how to stay safe.
Omg that’s why he never even says my name! I don’t matter enough.
It's nothing to do with you, in the mind of a narc you are an object not a person, their main objective is control, they don't think like us, as soon as they feel they are losing control in their twisted mind they will flip the script, if you are still in the relationship you should start making plans to leave, the sooner you do this the faster you can heal and move on❤
My husband called me “ Babe”. Search it. It’s a pet name narcissist use as another way to manipulate.
NPC = NonPlayer Character. In the game of life, you are the character that sits on the sidelines and roots for them to enjoy life. Your wants and needs don't really matter, your sole purpose is to support them as the main character in the story. Forget a 50-50 partnership, or even a 40-60. Yours will be more like 10-90 - if you are lucky. Dare to try to stand up for yourself and assert your needs, or say 'No' and see how quickly you are told you can be replaced so They can be happy. Your happiness doesn't matter. It's a hard truth to learn, and all too often, we learn all this too late to avoid them pushing us into making big errors that harm our future and ability to sustain and support ourselves in the long term alone - just the way they wanted it. 😞
That's how I finally understood narcissists. Once I realized that I'm a narc in videogames, it was clear to me how they see the real world...
I need reputation points, so I'll help that stranger.
I got my rep points, so I kill that stranger for not being fast enough on that last mission.
There's an animal. I wonder if I can loot it, so I'm killing it.
To reach the next level I have to kill all my allies? Sure, no problem.
Someone coming to me asking for help without offering an reward. I don't care... Wait, there could be a hidden reward. But, if not and I'm wasting my time YOU BETTER RUN FAST!
Aloha You nailed it. :o)
Extremely well put
That narc showed me over n over that i was nothing in his world...
I was his special nobody..last in line gal..
He wanted to see me dead...n i believed every word..he did want to see that..almost did .. Im on the road back to me...n the feeling is most wonderful..freedom...n comfort is most needed when booting the narc outta your life..dont waste your time on the narc...they dont want to change because they dont see a problem..they lie...cheat...n steal from you...want to see you at your worst..we all desreve better...believe that✌❤
Hope you are healing and finding some clarity! Yes you deserve better!
Breaks my heart over and over getting the same answers from every single narc awareness channel
How did I make it this far, without losing my mind😢
You have a purpose. God gave you a life so you could use your purpose for good, imo I survived 50 years and NOW I am free. It wasn't easy relearning how to live without an overseer
I just realized my relationship is transactional, He keeps tabs on the little thing's he buys for me I've asked only twice in over three year's. I work and alway's supply thing's for myself this video made me realize how his mind works ! Ty 🙏
I know that’s why I dumped him
Me Too! Discarded him! Breathing is easier!
Yes! Congratulations! Any exit from a narc is fantastic
This is difficult to hear. My husband told me not to text him anymore, he is busy. Yet, he texts others……heard it loud and clear..
Been there, done that. It definitely sucks.... But sends a very clear message.
Bad boy! Shame on him!
Mine told me I don't want to text you at work anymore when he had no issue with it before.
Narcissist's can have good head knowledge but what they really need is heart knowledge. Not many narcissists can do what you are doing Ben and I have to commend you for this and your helpful videos. There is a narrow path and a wide path stay on the narrow path, sometimes we have to suffer the bad times to really appreciate the good times.🕊
I struggle with this part. He had moments of very deep compassion, ... unless it was his actions hurting me
Same! He could display empathy unless it was his abuse that was hurting and getting negative reactions from me. Then, it was justified because of something I allegedly did to him.
I'm so sorry you went through this, too! 🤗
@@southerncatlady exactly! It was always 'i make better decisions than you'.
I'm 17days no contact, it's a tough day ending a bit better. It helps to know I'm not alone 🧡
I finally figured out that "compassion " had nothing to do with me, it was just him playing me - pretending to be compassionate to keep me hooked. I stopped listening to words and started paying attention to actions.
@@czecka143 omg, YES!! It was, "women need men to guide them because we are the leaders and decision makers. I only want good things for us, so stop being defiant and do what I tell you to do."
And it didn't matter if he was completely wrong! He'd accuse me of something and I would prove him wrong, and he would completely reject my proof and keep insisting that I did the thing of which he accused me. And when I defended myself, he would call me defiant and disrespectful.
You're definitely not alone! Again, I'm sorry you went through that, too. I'm proud of you for staying no-contact! I was a month no-contact, but when my ex emailed me again, I ended up messaging him back once. That, of course, started a war since I didn't give him what he wanted. That is the last thing I'm ever going to say to him. However, I HAVE turned my channel Community tab into a place where I share videos about narc abuse that I come across on here, and I make posts of my own based on my experiences. It helps me work through some of the trauma. And hopefully, it'll help someone else, too, should they ever find it.
@@higherlove8886 YES! They feign compassion to give us breadcrumbs of "kindness" amidst the abuse so that we remain addicted to them. We crave those breadcrumbs like a drug, and it feeds the trauma bond and cognitive dissonance.
I'm so sorry that you went through this, as well! 🤗
Thanks for saying we're not worthless. This is a mind-set that's difficult to snap out of. 🙏
Don’t let someone, who has a mental disorder, define your self worth.
I’d like to add to that. My wife would never ask just how my day was going or how am I doing today. I’d ask her everyday how she was or how did work go.
That’s a little triggering. My narc did that too but on the opposite. I would talk about my day and he would act all wounded like ‘noone asked about my day’. I’m like you didn’t either. Take the pause in the conversation and talk about your day.
Sad truth
After being married to this narc…he literally asked me what’s my birth date and still don’t know how to spell my name. I knew this marriage was fake. It’s all about him.
Cool! Well put! 🙂👍
When did you know that you were a narcissist? When did you hand yourself over to that life? and what currently keeps you bound?
So what? They don’t add to your life, they only take.
Omg im not doing that
👍💚