When my wife cheated on me, I felt the same way you did. But before I ended the relationship, I remembered something my father once told me. "People rarely do things out of malicious intent or a desire to hurt others. It is almost always done to fulfill a personal desire." It made me realize that though she was in the wrong and will be held accountable for it, the fact that she even had desires proved there were things I was not meeting. When I began to look though my life I could see the places where I was failing her, hurting her, and using our "sacred contract" to hold her in a relationship that left her unfulfilled, and in bondage. She loved me and loved our family but I wasn't changing and she just wanted to feel alive again. When i took ownership of that, I changed. Because if i didnt, i would carry the same results into the next marriage. But as I changed, so did she. We fell in love again and now I could not imagine a life without her. It still hurt, she was still wrong, but so was I. I had the right to leave, but thats what everyone does, and I wanted more for my life.
Dude, watch out. Keep an eye on her. It's likely to happen again. It's hard for a Zebra to change its stripes. Some people are psychopaths or narcissists and are untamable. Don't blame yourself. You may have to move on and find someone better. But maybe not. Just be careful not to let her turn you into a sucker.
I do think cheating is wrong but much respect to you for looking at your contribution to what might have caused her to cheat. When a person is cheated on, a lot of times they place all the blame on the other person and very rarely look at if there was something they did to contribute to the breakdown.
I find it brave that she told the whole world she's cheated on someone before and she didn't even look like she had any shame about it. Teal Swan is so real and I love her realness.
True for both statements 😂 she doesn’t present herself like that solely for her inherently authenticity but also as a way to be accessible and identifiable. But people can actually feel when other people are pretending to be something they’re not or if they’re indeed being spontaneous.
People will always rationalize their decisions based on their own point-of-view. If someone cheats it could be because they don't believe in their own worthiness, or they need validation from someone else etc. It all come down to alignment and connection. Great explanation Teal, Much love.
Yes, I agree that cheaters cheat because some emotional needs is not being met. But frequently no one person could ever meet those needs. Many cheaters have a black hole in their soul, a bottomless pit for needing validation that can never be met by one individual, no matter how attentive. This is why cheaters more often than not cheat again, no matter who they are married to.
@john chavez this! You can't give a person what they need if they are closed off. I was with a guy that in my opinion lacked a connection with himself, he wasn't honest with himself and never expressed his desires or needs. No matter how open and communicative I was, and how much I let him now we could talk about anything, always...like I said he lacked something in himself which only he will find out so he has always been a compulsivr cheater with all their partners
@@Ana-gq7ce Thank you for your comment. I have experienced the same thing, and your comment really helped me realize that I was never the problem. Is there any way we can help a person/partner to re-connect with themselves? It's very sad to see a person that you love not being able to heal.
I endured 11 years of not having my needs met, being emotionally abused/manipulated while simultaneously going out of my way to meet my husband's needs and wants. I never cheated, even though he has been cheating on me on and off the entire relationship. It hurt me so deeply everytime..
You hit the nail on the head explaining this one, from the unmet emotional needs to the need for communication; however, your ambiguity has brought out the cheating apoligists a bit. But as you said, we need to recognize that cheating "is still their choice to betray," and should be treated as such. In the psychological world, some psychologists have begun equating cheating to emotional abuse -- but we wouldn't try to excuse someone physical abuse, for beating their spouse, regardless of if it boils down to "unmet needs" or "incompatiblity." Though your videos, in their ambiguity, do a great job of setting the stage for people to find their own conclusions in the truth of the matter. As someone who has had to go through the terrible pain that is being cheated on, I just hope cheaters don't use this video as justification for what they're doing; rather, I hope they use this video to better understand themselves and to forgive themselves. To ultimately act with more maturity and more compassion.
TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE WATCHING THIS NOW THINKING THEY CHEATING IS YOUR FAULT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD JUST LEAVE INSTEAD OF CHEATING. IF YOUR NEEDS AREN'T BEING MET THEN TELL THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH. IF THEY CAN'T MEET THAT NEED THEN LEAVE THEM. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING.
Sometimes cheating IS about poor self control and lust. It can be about greed. It can be about someone wanting to have their cake and eat it too. It can be about someone not wanting to let go of the security of the devotion of one person towards you whilst doing whatever you want. it can be about having one rule for your partner and another rule for you. It can be about the cheater not meeting their own needs. not the other person. Therefore the person who is being cheated ON is the person whose needs are not being met and the one who probably needs to leave. About a codependent person trying to stay in a relationship which is not one of equality and where their boundaries are constantly violated. It can be about a sexual predator who is feeding off the insecurity of another or multiple people... it can be about that. It doesn't mean that the person being cheated on has no responsibility for themselves and can take themselves out of the relationship however it is not because they are not meeting the needs of the cheater. so yes an abusive relationship.... but not a facade.
because they have been psychologically raped, and are looking for awnsers somewhere. the other fraction is the one that is bored because they are sperior and their emotionaly needs aren't met
Teal is partly correct. Sometimes people cheat for the thrill of it, and that's all. There are psychopaths and narcissists out there; do not kid yourself. Read the book People of the Lie by Scott Peck. It will show you that evil indeed does exist and there are those who genuinely get a thrill out of hurting others. But yes, sometimes the cheating is simply the result of legitimately unmet needs.
James steel, from a spiritual aspect, people also cheat because the flesh is weak. When you're in the flesh you're exposed to negative/sin hence why we become lustful, greedy etc. It's about being in spirit/light to free yourself
I met this evil person. Whether it's subconscious or not don't stick around with a deceiver. They care only what's on their head and hidden actual priorities. If you find yourself in this abusive attachment ship CUT YOUR LOSSES and MOVE ON. DO NOT give them the "rescuer role". It's part of their amo to bind you to their selfish needs. Trust me you are not the priority. And yes this means you can get hurt it won't matter as long as they get what they want so bad. Be strong! 💪🏾
I completely agree. Narcs don't care who they hurt. They actually enjoy it I've experienced it. I'm sorry but I've very little empathy for cheaters unless they are in an abusive relationship.
I read this yesterday ( from Esther Perel) "Very often we don't go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we a looking for another self. It isn't so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want leave the person we have become."
I agree to a certain extent, but I don't believe it's fully accurate . I have never cheated on a partner because one of my core beliefs is that how I show self respect to MYSELF is that I respect myself enough never to cheat on the person I am with.So if someone should cheat on me I interpret two things: 1. The person has less self respect for themselves than I have for myself and this now conflicts with my core value , making them immediately incompatible with me. I lose respect for them. It isn't love, it's about respect. 2.While I appreciate that people might cheat because their needs are not being met, the issue is that by cheating on me they have told me that they feel I am no longer important in their lives because they felt instead of talking to me about their needs not being met they decided to betray me instead. This end the trust I have for them, and then the love will usually end. I think having this conversation early on is important to negotiate what is important in a relationship. Cheating for me is a deal breaker. I start out trusting most people, however if something happens that breaks that trust I have no desire to give a person a second chance because the trade off is constant distrust of that person. Why would anyone put themselves in that situation unless you feel the love for your cheating partners trumps the love you should have for yourself? A person with self respect understands that there is a VALUE and an INVESTMENT to the connection they have between them and someone else, and that by addressing their needs not being met by cheating they are in fact not just disrespecting themselves, their partner but also devaluing the trust and intimacy created. In my opinion, once the cheating happens, for me I lose respect for the cheat and with that goes the love and I have never and will never accept a cheating person back. Why? Because I don't dislike myself enough to be with someone who has so little respect for themselves or me, that they choose to throw away something of such high value.They can easily have dealt with their issues in a different way that could have brought us closer, instead they have indirectly killed off something that was potentially good. And in that instance I will not take responsibility because his needs were not being met because I did not know about this.Ultimately there is no good excuse to explain cheating EVER. A person needs to have enough self autonomy to be able to say: "Because I value what we have and I respect myself and you and I love what we have created with our love I need to let you know that my needs are not being met!Let's talk about this". But to do this requires a person to be vulnerable, and people who cheat usually cheat(in my opinion) because they have no emotional range to be able to achieve this kind of vulnerability and intimacy. Yes Teal is right about communication and incompatibility, but the truth is even with compatible couples who are somewhat attuned to each other, they cannot be expected to be mind readers. You teach others how to treat you. Period.
People who physically abuse their partners are meeting an unmet need too. Cheating, a form of dishonesty and lying, is an emotional abuse. If the right or wrong of cheating is a pointless debate, then so is the right or wrong of physical assault.
Listening to this challenged a belief I held for a very long time and I felt my body cringing thinking about it but it completely opened me up to understanding it a lot more and helped me truly forgive my ex boyfriend for cheating.
Your presentations are good. When I taught writing, it took me awhile to help students understand that citing sources (giving credit for ideas) actually makes one's work stronger. It's counterintuitive, but it's true. For example, the idea of someone in a couple making "bids" to their partner is a specific (professional) person's idea. Citing your sources down below allows us to 1) believe in you as a thinker and someone who is able to synthesize information and present it well (in your case, really well), and 2) actually go to your sources and learn more about these ideas, if we choose. Citing sources is a critical part of authenticity and integral to becoming a mature presenter of ideas - our own and those of others.We're all in this together :)
Teal! I pray that you see this! I would deeply appreciate if you did a video on the grieving process and explain it thoroughly. I've read articles but I'm extremely interested in what you can share with us. Love you so much and thank you for all you do ❤❤❤.
Choices babe, same with me, but at least we know the reason, we chose the hard thing, a lot of them don't do that, leaving someone is better than doing damage on the both side.
+vegan power girl Yes, another great video from Teal. She is right people do not communicate. Even when they are talking to each other they are often not really communicating. And it is true we do not always know what we need or want so it is difficult to know what someone else needs or wants 😵 Maybe if they meditated before talking they would do a better job of knowing what they want, and how to go about talking about it. Do some throat and heart chakra work, then talk
To me , there is no grey area. You either love someone or you don't. Sadly , communication is not something the they even want to do. Most Victims ARE open to unconditionally listen to their partner before AND more so after the fact their partner cheated. Whatever the cheater is lacking, they are lacking within themselves. Most are unwilling to even want to find what that is. I feel nothing but contempt. Cheaters are just ignorant human beings with nothing but purely selfish motives uncaring who they hurt in the process.
You need to broaden you perspective. Cheating isn't solely just about lust, People consider Investing emotions with another emotional cheating even though the other relationship is solely platonic
It's not always emotional needs. Sometimes there's sexual desires. I have friends who have cheated on their partners, and when I asked if they would share with me the reasons why, they said that in all honesty they were horny and it was purely a physical thing. I insisted a bit asking if they had problems in their relationships, and they said no, that everything was great and they were very happy with their partner, but one night out with friends, they were horny, saw a body they liked and chose to have sex purely for physical reasons.
Chances are that people who aren't aware of themselves will always believe that there is nothing wrong in the relationship. That isn't their fault. It is their innocent perspective and unawareness that there is a deeper layer that lies beneath ALL sexual fantasies and desires. I would ask whether the person question whether this physical open boundary was openly in place within the relationship? Were both parties 'okay' with it? If not, would they be open enough to tell their partner the next day? Or would there be a feeling of guilt? Would this feeling of guilt persuade them not to share this with them? If not, what is so wrong with the communication in the relationship that something like this couldn't be shared? There are emotions intertwined into everything within our sphere of Being. We have an emotional body. A mental body. And a physical body. And a light body. The aim is to strive towards unity of these. When these bodies are separated (perhaps one tends to push out all emotional connection when having or to participate in a 'physical connection' with someone else- consciously or unconsciously) something breaks down. Something is being over looked. Perhaps the 'Why'... why would the physical/sexual experience be so challenging to presence that I choose to remove all emotion from the experience? More often than not it usually goes back to an early or childhood sexual experience which has lead us to develop our habits these days. Whether we are aware of the link or not is another matter. Unawareness is not a sin, it's all very innocent really. :-)
Well that's a contradiction in itself. There are some people who seem to have the need for sexual polygamy just for the sake of adventure, but if you're just too horny and don't have better sex waiting for you at home, and can't control yourself to that extent, I think it tells more about fear of "passing on a nice chance" than of being horny. Quality beats quantity with sex, as long as you can have at least hour a day. It turns into a mindfuqu after too much of it, having all that energy from multiple orgasms without ejaculating. If you just want that horniness to be over, that's also a reason to have sex.
I'm my mind, Only Alpha Males get the reward of sex with whoever they choose to repopulate with. It's why our girlfriends cheat on us with them; it's their job to reproduce the strongest humans. Us men ought not be getting ANY kind of hanky-panky unless these women are throwing themselves at us. We're overpopulated!!!! Instead of wasting time with girlfriends, and being some confused "Playas," we can become the best versions of ourselves, so that one day maybe all the nice emotional tampons (boyfriends) in the world can be cheated on with us, the way sex is supposed to be. Only then can we be winners. *** W E C AN B E S U P E R - H U M A N S ***
Your honesty about your own life circumstances and experiences is humbling and makes me feel validated for situations I have gone through. Thank you so much for your honesty and perspective 💙
It still ties into a lack of love. You have to disregard any semblance of loyalty, honesty, and empathy towards your partner to cheat rather than leave.
Teal, you absolutely get it. Anyone who "dislikes" this has not been able to grasp this concept due to issues they still need to rectify within themselves. I love the fact you're willing to speak the ultimate truth regardless of how people will react. ❤️
at some point, if you are growing at a different rate than your partner, or if he/she is unable to meet your needs, you probably DO need to move on, though it can be painful. That our current bronze-age morality and culture was derived when most people lived in agricultural villages, and had a life expectancy of 35-40 yrs., complicates things unbelievably. We need a new culture, as is being fought out in the current election cycle, and we may need to redefine the whole relationship issue itself, within the scope of responsibility for all concerned. great super transcendent video Teal! Namaste!!
Indeed, your partner is not responsible for your emotional needs- at a minimum a relationship based on need is disfunctional. If you feel this person does not understand you, there is no compatibility and he consistantly refuses to communicate effectively with you, then you simply end the relationship. Cheating is breaking the contract, breaking the intimacy and betrayal of the other person's trust in you, which is the very basis of a relationship. He/she has taken the risk to commit to you, to share his innermost personal stuff with you, to open his heart to you and trust you and by cheating you DEVALUE him/her. No human being should be devalued and disrespected like that, period.The damage cheating does is devastating and nothing really justifies it.If you want a need to be met, you talk to the other person and if they don't listen, you break up. The rest is pure selfishness and cowardice and it's not cool. And last but not least, often it is the cheater that doesn't want to communicate with his partner, not the other way around. Swimming in the waters of moral relativism where you assume that good and bad do not exist is a dangerous road to take and maybe sometimes there is a good reason why society condemns certain beravior patterns-I don't see why I should always oppose or "rebel" against that..
Cheating makes people feel smug and powerful, it’s a great feeling and I learnt this from the people who cheated on me. The major part of the fun is engineering the reveal. It’s just dumping on someone and that’s marvellous.
Cheating also can be traced back to childhood and feelings of being betrayed by parents. No one can meet others needs unless they meet by themselves. Please do not blame others or make others responsible.
If your needs aren't being met, then have a discussion about it, or leave the relationship altogether, but "my needs aren't being met" is not an excuse to cheat. Cheating is unforgivable because it's a CHOICE not an accident. People who cheat rather than leave, are simply self absorbed & greedy. They are terrible human beings.
If this is about emotional needs why enter into a sexual relationship so quickly. Nah. I feel it's issues within the person which is constantly reflected by their partner in the relationship. It's trying to run from yourself in the hopes that someone else will meet the needs you don't think you deserve. I doesn't matter which partner they go to their issues will reflect back to them in that relationship, or they will end up dumping their emotional baggage. So why not sit down and get to know yourself intimately. Develop the relationship with yourself and clear and validate your feelings. Work on releasing the baggage. Be honest and authentic with yourself. Most of all take responsibility for drawing this person to you and acknowledge issues that you don't want to face, deep beliefs you don't want to face. I see too many relationships where one person constantly is trying to please trying to connect, so I guess in this relationship he reflected the negativity you didn't want to acknowledge or deal with. I find sometimes our partners become dumping grounds, somewhere we need to load or dump our negative issues. I don't know too many people who thrive and do well in those type of relationships. You know the type of relationship where after you spend time listening to them they leave depressed and upset, and don't want to be around them. Who wants to be an ashtray?
Incredible advice! While what you say is true, cheating can also be due to temptation. Ones needs can be met ...but they are bored and along comes a "new exciting different" beautiful one. Then they choose to meet their own needs over their current partners needs. In this case if we love our current partner, we will have a choice of whose needs to fulfil and whose needs to sacrifice. Love decides, it's still a choice, it should be done responsibly, but mistakes happen, and there is forgiveness. Do we love our partner, ourself, or another more? Once we find a partner who we are truly compatible with it is a great benefit to continue in bliss and peace rather than betrayal.
Josephine Oshun There's a difference between Love and lust as well as love and intercourse...a reproduction act, which serves only the purpose to procreate, people have forgotten that it seems like. How does love decide when lust is the highest "reason" people cheat? There's many despicable reasons why people cheat but none of them can be justified cause it's wrong. You either want a relationship or you don't...it's as simple as that.
The truth is that some people are simply not relationship material. Some people are more valuable to self, and the world at large being single. Another angle to examine is that there are seasons in your life that aloneness is the most beneficial decision. Whether you actually make that decision is another story. If you want to have a lot of sex, and you don't want your sex to be exclusive to one person, you have two choices.... 1. Live authentically. Accept yourself 100% for your current placement in your journey. And don't have sex with people that are relationship material. It will not end well. 2. Take a break from sexual intercourse with another. Perhaps even take a break from pornography. Just take a break from having THAT kind of release. I said a break, so don't trip :) Maybe you just built up an appetite for sex because you've been doing it a lot. Just like smoking or eating, we can overindulge. So take a break from it and seek balance. You may be out of balance. And limit your alcohol intake or remove it completely during this time. See what happens. Cheating is actually exciting in the moment because it's forbidden. We want to experience forbidden pleasures....just like you want to eat that greasy cheeseburger. I guarantee to you this....if you remove the forbidden aspect of cheating from the equation, people would cheat less often. It's a form of rebellion....and who really has fun being a rebel....no one for very long.
I can't count how many times my emotional needs weren't being met and I never cheated. This is insane. You don't go outside of your relationship to fix problems on the inside of it. It's selfish, it doesn't work and you could give the person you quote "love" an STD, along with emotional scarring. Cheating is a high act of betrayal, selfishness and cruelty.
I completely agree with what you're saying. Of course we can dive deeper to find the root cause of it, but it's still neither justified nor ethical. There is always a high way and a low way to go about things and I will never trust someone who chooses the latter.
This is me in a relationship for 26 years my needs never be met and also cheated on. also painted as the bad girl here for his cheating and not meeting up his responsibilty as a man
Ppl cheat because they want to. I been in a marriage for 30 years. I’ve seen tons of beautiful women but never cheated. Then I found that I was cheated on. Then the excuse... I think a person want to cheat, they will. Once they create a justifiable excuse to themselves, it’s on...
I’ve never cheated on any girl, I’ve always made everything clear. if I feel something stronger, and stronger connection. If I’m with someone else, I walk up to them and tell them straight, hey I don’t feel us going anywhere, I don’t want to waste your or my time. and THEN move to talk to someone else. It just doesn’t feel right to know someone is waiting to see you, and being with someone else. Makes me sick to my stomach
Cheating can be solved by one word. Communication. If people communicated their needs to their partner and their partner then made an effort to make those needs met OR they agreed they couldn't make those needs and ended the relationship cheating would not happen (this kind of cheating anyway.) Hopefully one day we'll get to this point in relationships but it's very hard with all the attachment trauma in the world. Finished the video and that ended up being exactly what Teal said lmao Well done as always Teal!
If the cheater can't get there needs met when they get everything from there loved one cheating becomes a terrible pattern the tough part is you need to make a choice and love each other if there out running around scanning everyone's Cheating is an end of a cycle if your not man enough to break up with someone Cheating is a lazy dating tactic of narcissism
This is just a mindless comment with full-blown judgement towards others. I would love to see you struggling for months whether you should stay or you should go from a realtionhip where you absolutely LOVE the other one yet the needs are not met....I would love to see how strong you'd be there...
I agree with this. It’s not judging a cheater when you call them weak. Maybe a better term would be “lack of a conscience” ? Cheating is a betrayal, whether their needs were met or not. If you communicate what you need and yet still weren’t satisfied with your partner, then leave your partner. Don’t go lay down with someone else and still go home to your partner. Or at least flat-out say to your partner before you cheat, “hey I’m going to go sleep with this man/woman if things don’t change.” That gives your partner the chance to say please don’t or ok then let’s get divorced/end the relationship. Most wont tell their partner first because deep-down their ego is hurt, so they retaliate by cheating. That’s a severe character flaw of a cheater. Cheating behind your partner’s back shows that the act of cheating is more important to you than betraying your partner in such a horrible way. Usually only a cheater will defend cheating. The ones getting angry about this thread are most likely cheaters. People defend what they did in order to repress the shame they feel. It’s just human nature. 🤷🏻♀️ But I will never justify cheating on anyone - ever. And I would never cheat on my partner. I have too much compassion to do that to anyone, even if they sucked as a partner. I would end it with them and only then would I go seek out someone else. And if you are unhappy but don’t feel you can leave your partner, for whatever reason, then be upfront and say since you won’t fulfill my needs, I will stay with you but get xyz elsewhere. It’s far less selfish that way.
I just want to say you have the best channel I have found in here. I love everything about spirituality and I would love communicate with you because I would love to learn more and more. I really love your channel and you are so full of knowledge. ❤️
Get teals book. It helps with emotional understanding, expression, inclusiveness, and identifying issues. Also this one(UA-cam vid) hits home when it comes communicating what one values wants and needs. I highly suggest you go in with an open heart and mind to this one. 🤗
I understand that you are trying to speak about this in a way that doesn't condemn the cheater and i get it but if you cross that line you do deserve to deal with the consequences of that. Guilt is a good thing if you learn from it. And betrayal and help you grow if you allow it. Now, that doesn't mean it's hopeless for them, or that they are worthless garbage but if that act is even a option then what you need isn't a relationship. It's time to heal your wounds and take better care of yourself. Cheating is the farthest place away from a place anyone should desire. For the person who was cheated on, if your behavior is any of the things teal has mention. Then you also need to not jump into a relationship and heal your trauma and karmic tides before you get into a relationship because if you don't, You'll just be attracted and pulled towards that toxic crap over and over again. The thing that makes you and the cheater the same is low confidence and unhealed wounds. And truth be told, your instincts will tell you not to cheat and it will tell you someone will cheat early on or at the very beginning. But most the time we ignore that instinct. Insecurity is the main factor to this outcome. If both people were secure then cheating wouldn't be a thing. There comes a point where you outgrow that outcome so don't worry.
I kissed another guy while in a relationship with this guy who has been my bestfriend for 4 years, i feel so much pain, i have lost the other half of myself, i regret that kiss, i miss my bestfriend, my chest hurts but i am trying to heal thank you teal for this video
So much can go wrong cheating. murder, suicide etc. If someone wishes to be with someone else or alone they should split up move on. Communication, meeting needs so important to keeping relationship alive.
I have cheated coz I felt no understood as I was going through depression and then I met someone who was on a spiritual path and it all felt so better with him but I end of the day it’s hard to live with this title of cheating
Cheating may just be a word that was created by the mind, because the ego needs to be regularly fed by assurance and needs to know its partner is completely 'his/hers'. This comes from a dysfunctional and attached way of looking at things, because we are already perfect and don't 'need' a relationship to be complete and happy. I think we humans have been taking this, like many other things, way too seriously. A mind in complete Oneness would not care about things like these.
+Lamurin That's not quite helpful in terms of relationship advice, though...Apart from that, as Teal already mentioned: There are some things that you can't get from the self. Yes, in a state of complete oneness cheating wouldn't be a bother, but so wouldn't most things on this planet. It seems rather sad to me.
+Sato Saotome It wasn't meant as relationship advice =p Of course people have the freedom to decide for themselves wether they prefer to not include others in a relationship. My main point is that some of these definitions are very old and were decided upon by people with (back then) a way more limitted awareness than what we can currently muster. These definitions need an update from our current perspective. And of course you cannot truly experience a relationship when alone. For what I understand the feeling of loneliness in oneness can become way bigger after one realizes he is all. That still doesn't mean however that we should chain ourselves to an idealistic idea created by mind.
Wonderful video, great insight on both sides of cheating, also appreciate the personal examples, and sound advice on how NOT to be a cheater! Connecting with someone is one of the things we most crave in life
This video helped me forgive my ex who cheated on me. We are not together anymore and I don’t plan to talk to him ever again, but this is about clearing the frustration INSIDE me, so it has nothing to do with him at all. I’m learning to see things not as completely black and white. Of course this does not justify cheating at all, but understanding the mechanics behind it leaves an open door for communication.
it's not that easy..I am generally very communicative and honest about how I feel and what is going wrong , but even so people tend to ignore what I am saying and keep doing the same things. ppl keep saying communication is the key but even when I keep saying the same thing over and over it falls on deaf ears. that's when I clam up .
My wife is afraid to give herself, to make love with me. She is afraid of being hurt, abandoned, losing her identity. I want to be touched in that special way, that only a lover can touch you. For her to accept the same from me. Sometimes loving someone, understanding them, can be the best thing ever, while also the most difficult.
Well, my husband cheated and blamed me for it. That felt good. Not. Sure, we did have a bad season in our marriage and I do admit to my fault. But he had a choice. He could have talked to me instead of running to another woman. He broke my heart and soul. And how will I ever trust him again? 😢
i do agree with Teal however as she also spoke about narcs in her videos its impossible to have an emotional connection with them (even though you think you are and even when they tell you you are) as they all fake about it, my partner had all his needs met except his EGO needs he needed daily from waitresses friends family every woman he met and could sway=== everything was going great and then boommmm he cheated then begged me to come back then the moment he had me back in the same week he cheated again.. without me knowing he got so smart and i kept asking myself why beg me to come back when you plan to cheat in the same week (a mind &*^%$) ...I guess on planet Narco it happens like tha.... NEVER date a Narc he or she will destroy you and your world your reality and then act as if he did nothing wrong.or walk away feeling nothing or cry like a baby..... Its all about EGO , attention admiration not emotional needs as he got all that from me (we were not even over the "honeymoon period" only together for a year and things were still blissful=== he has done this to several before me...i found out too late as he has hidden all his lies so well...cheating on someone is horrid to find out or to live through.
It's hard to break habits and go against your own programming. If one is programmed to forgive and rebuild, and the other to be a ruthless predator, and they meet some of the needs of each other, relationships with narcissists happen.
Thanks Teal. I find this validating. I see cheating from this same perspective. Ive been the cheater and cheated on in the past. Communication is THE MOST important aspect in any relationship♡.
My fiancé cheated on me... Then we got married and i forgave her but I now cant stop "cheating" on her because i guess my feelings of self worth is low and these other women seem to complete that part
Oh geezuz!! Just watched your video about the definitiin of love... and thought that was my new favorite... But just watched this one right after... All your videos are my favorite. Haha. This made so much sense and explained so much!!!
I am sorry but there is no good excuse for hurting another due to some lack inside yourself. You need to do the hard thing and end the relationship, period.
This is closed minded and leaves no room to any other potential variables being present. There's people who can't leave their relationship setting without fear of being beaten and have to keep up a facade until they can reach safety with a partner they found that treats them right and shouldn't hold back their needs because of someone else's poor behavior. So yes, actually. There ARE *REASONS* to cheat, even if they are rare. They still exist.
And if you think leaving situations would be simple, then that'd be closed minded as well. Some people need time to devolope a case in order to insure safety after they leave their precense physically.
In no way do I wish to diminish the experiences of the people going through those life experiences, but I still believe that those are not good excuses. I hope for humanity that the goal would be to take the road less traveled and not chose to cheat and instead make a choice to do the hard thing and find the inner strength to heal on their own first. I would argue that I am not closed minded, but I do feel strongly about this issue. I also believe if everyone did this there would be less pain in the world, less chances for the pain to spread out, from unresolved injuries inside ourselves.
Well, that's usually very valid and what should be done. But would you honestly withhold your own valid needs with someone who treats you right while you're stuck in a situation with an abusive person who has physically harmed you and threatens to kill you if you tell on them? It's not always easy to just call the cops. Sometimes, it needs to be thought out and longer term escape plan with finances into consideration needs to be had. Especially if children are in danger. This is clearly not as common, but it happens. And I have no pity for an abusive man who is cheated on. He already cheated himself out of a healthy relationship for being abusive.
And this doesn't even mean that they run off with that person. This could mean simply that they just kissed someone else with the natural desire to be intimate; what their abuser deliberately withheld to try and CONTROL them with that they were NEVER going to get lovingly anyways. (Which is COMPLETELY different then let's say, a relationship just losing it's spark... which is why many people do cheat, but THOSE ones generally have no excuse.)
This just hurts to watch honestly. I cheated on someone. And I would have done it differently and just asked him for my needs to be met and spend more time together. He left me though and I starved either way so that just breaks my heart. I wish I had someone who loved me through my mistakes.
Indeed there are people who are sociopathic. My ex was an abusive cheater she intentionally caused me suffering and cheated on the day of my grandmother's funeral. She never wanted to work on the relationship. I am traumatised from the abuse she gave me. The thing I am responsible for is not seeing the red flags. Now I'm too damaged to date it wouldnt be fair on the other person.
Thank you, Teal. I appreciate the enlightenment. Good advice on including a third party during a conversation were needs and wants are discussed. I hope to have an opportunity very soon to try this.
They are insecure from child hood and believe their needs can never be met. The person that loves the most their mom or dad or their caregiver defied some type of trust. My ex was like that. He had a horrible mother and he never trust women there after. No matter how good he thought they were.
+Crystal Wong yes, the human mind is capable of balance (Gandi) and others have managed this possibility through meditation but it takes emotional work. Example: like getting in great shape of the body. Most people just don't have the discipline.
A lot of people are resistant to this topic but I finally understand. I used to be the biggest hater of cheaters. In the past I was cheated on in such a hurtful way but it was because my partner wasnt able to communicate his emotional needs to me because he didn’t understand himself. It was a very abusive relationship and he was in a constant state of distraction from his feelings. Later on for me i ended up in another relationship where i ended up cheating. I was communicating my needs with my partner but they didnt care about my needs and still wanted me to be okay with staying in the relationship and i felt trapped. I still felt horrible but it was easier to forgive myself once I realized i did everything I could to try to stay in a relationship that just wasn’t compatible.
Thank you for information and insight Teal. Your work.. your passion is really appreciated. I hope your ever changing needs are met as well as you continue to grow and progress on your journey. Best Wishes
Teal! You are so amazing, i keep watching youre videos and are so grateful for every one! You are beautiful inside and out! You voice is magic relaxing. Keep up the great amazing work!
When my wife cheated on me, I felt the same way you did. But before I ended the relationship, I remembered something my father once told me. "People rarely do things out of malicious intent or a desire to hurt others. It is almost always done to fulfill a personal desire."
It made me realize that though she was in the wrong and will be held accountable for it, the fact that she even had desires proved there were things I was not meeting. When I began to look though my life I could see the places where I was failing her, hurting her, and using our "sacred contract" to hold her in a relationship that left her unfulfilled, and in bondage. She loved me and loved our family but I wasn't changing and she just wanted to feel alive again.
When i took ownership of that, I changed. Because if i didnt, i would carry the same results into the next marriage. But as I changed, so did she. We fell in love again and now I could not imagine a life without her.
It still hurt, she was still wrong, but so was I. I had the right to leave, but thats what everyone does, and I wanted more for my life.
Dude, watch out. Keep an eye on her. It's likely to happen again. It's hard for a Zebra to change its stripes. Some people are psychopaths or narcissists and are untamable. Don't blame yourself. You may have to move on and find someone better. But maybe not. Just be careful not to let her turn you into a sucker.
oh wow......FORGIVENESS!!! thankyou for sharing that beautiful story about your life and growth. Stay Happy.
I do think cheating is wrong but much respect to you for looking at your contribution to what might have caused her to cheat. When a person is cheated on, a lot of times they place all the blame on the other person and very rarely look at if there was something they did to contribute to the breakdown.
This was beautiful, thank you for this. You are awesome man!
Yeah, women are loose these days. I hear you, bro.
I find it brave that she told the whole world she's cheated on someone before and she didn't even look like she had any shame about it. Teal Swan is so real and I love her realness.
it is a projective communication strategy so people can identify better.
True for both statements 😂 she doesn’t present herself like that solely for her inherently authenticity but also as a way to be accessible and identifiable. But people can actually feel when other people are pretending to be something they’re not or if they’re indeed being spontaneous.
She is overmedicated trash.
People will always rationalize their decisions based on their own point-of-view. If someone cheats it could be because they don't believe in their own worthiness, or they need validation from someone else etc. It all come down to alignment and connection. Great explanation Teal, Much love.
If you were my boyfriend I would never cheap on you. You are totally gorgeous x
Aaron Doughty 💯 Facts
@@777newworldlove everybody is , nobody deserves to be cheated on
Yep that's right
Omg, I found aaron here wtf
Yes, I agree that cheaters cheat because some emotional needs is not being met. But frequently no one person could ever meet those needs. Many cheaters have a black hole in their soul, a bottomless pit for needing validation that can never be met by one individual, no matter how attentive. This is why cheaters more often than not cheat again, no matter who they are married to.
@john chavez this! You can't give a person what they need if they are closed off. I was with a guy that in my opinion lacked a connection with himself, he wasn't honest with himself and never expressed his desires or needs. No matter how open and communicative I was, and how much I let him now we could talk about anything, always...like I said he lacked something in himself which only he will find out so he has always been a compulsivr cheater with all their partners
This comment is perfectly on point. My ex husband in a nutshell.
Another reason is, they cheat in the event their partners does they feel less ego pain. After all they are an emotional avoidant.
@@Ana-gq7ce Thank you for your comment. I have experienced the same thing, and your comment really helped me realize that I was never the problem. Is there any way we can help a person/partner to re-connect with themselves? It's very sad to see a person that you love not being able to heal.
I've observed this in some polygamous people. They are the honest version of the cheater, I guess.
I think the first step to learning to communicate with someone else is understanding ourselves. This way we can communicate what we want effectively.
There is no self.
+Castorp Z. You have to go through the self to get to that realization. This is a cop out, to say their is no self.
I don't know what I would do without you
+Sara K ikr! She came just in the nick of time for me last year.
lol and the guys below your comment are fighting over Teal. LMAO!
+Sara K Same here!!!
found her right on time myself. thank you
OMG SARA:O
I absolutely agree, Sara!
I endured 11 years of not having my needs met, being emotionally abused/manipulated while simultaneously going out of my way to meet my husband's needs and wants. I never cheated, even though he has been cheating on me on and off the entire relationship. It hurt me so deeply everytime..
I am so sorry 😞 people can be awful sometimes
You've abused yourself by not telling him what you need and staying in a relationship you're not supposed to be in
You hit the nail on the head explaining this one, from the unmet emotional needs to the need for communication; however, your ambiguity has brought out the cheating apoligists a bit. But as you said, we need to recognize that cheating "is still their choice to betray," and should be treated as such. In the psychological world, some psychologists have begun equating cheating to emotional abuse -- but we wouldn't try to excuse someone physical abuse, for beating their spouse, regardless of if it boils down to "unmet needs" or "incompatiblity."
Though your videos, in their ambiguity, do a great job of setting the stage for people to find their own conclusions in the truth of the matter. As someone who has had to go through the terrible pain that is being cheated on, I just hope cheaters don't use this video as justification for what they're doing; rather, I hope they use this video to better understand themselves and to forgive themselves. To ultimately act with more maturity and more compassion.
TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE WATCHING THIS NOW THINKING THEY CHEATING IS YOUR FAULT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD JUST LEAVE INSTEAD OF CHEATING. IF YOUR NEEDS AREN'T BEING MET THEN TELL THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH. IF THEY CAN'T MEET THAT NEED THEN LEAVE THEM. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING.
Thank you for typing this in capital letters, really.
Right!
No one listens, when you yell.
Sometimes cheating IS about poor self control and lust. It can be about greed. It can be about someone wanting to have their cake and eat it too. It can be about someone not wanting to let go of the security of the devotion of one person towards you whilst doing whatever you want. it can be about having one rule for your partner and another rule for you. It can be about the cheater not meeting their own needs. not the other person. Therefore the person who is being cheated ON is the person whose needs are not being met and the one who probably needs to leave. About a codependent person trying to stay in a relationship which is not one of equality and where their boundaries are constantly violated. It can be about a sexual predator who is feeding off the insecurity of another or multiple people... it can be about that. It doesn't mean that the person being cheated on has no responsibility for themselves and can take themselves out of the relationship however it is not because they are not meeting the needs of the cheater. so yes an abusive relationship.... but not a facade.
because they have been psychologically raped, and are looking for awnsers somewhere. the other fraction is the one that is bored because they are sperior and their emotionaly needs aren't met
Sounds like my ex haha
No
A codependent person’s boundaries cannot be be violated when it comes to giving affection only they can violate the boundaries of the non codependent
Teal is partly correct. Sometimes people cheat for the thrill of it, and that's all. There are psychopaths and narcissists out there; do not kid yourself. Read the book People of the Lie by Scott Peck. It will show you that evil indeed does exist and there are those who genuinely get a thrill out of hurting others. But yes, sometimes the cheating is simply the result of legitimately unmet needs.
James Steele she explains that 12 minutes in
James steel, from a spiritual aspect, people also cheat because the flesh is weak. When you're in the flesh you're exposed to negative/sin hence why we become lustful, greedy etc. It's about being in spirit/light to free yourself
I met this evil person. Whether it's subconscious or not don't stick around with a deceiver. They care only what's on their head and hidden actual priorities. If you find yourself in this abusive attachment ship CUT YOUR LOSSES and MOVE ON. DO NOT give them the "rescuer role". It's part of their amo to bind you to their selfish needs. Trust me you are not the priority. And yes this means you can get hurt it won't matter as long as they get what they want so bad. Be strong! 💪🏾
11:43
I completely agree. Narcs don't care who they hurt. They actually enjoy it I've experienced it. I'm sorry but I've very little empathy for cheaters unless they are in an abusive relationship.
I read this yesterday ( from Esther Perel) "Very often we don't go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we a looking for another self. It isn't so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want leave the person we have become."
I agree to a certain extent, but I don't believe it's fully accurate . I have never cheated on a partner because one of my core beliefs is that how I show self respect to MYSELF is that I respect myself enough never to cheat on the person I am with.So if someone should cheat on me I interpret two things:
1. The person has less self respect for themselves than I have for myself and this now conflicts with my core value , making them immediately incompatible with me. I lose respect for them. It isn't love, it's about respect.
2.While I appreciate that people might cheat because their needs are not being met, the issue is that by cheating on me they have told me that they feel I am no longer important in their lives because they felt instead of talking to me about their needs not being met they decided to betray me instead. This end the trust I have for them, and then the love will usually end.
I think having this conversation early on is important to negotiate what is important in a relationship. Cheating for me is a deal breaker. I start out trusting most people, however if something happens that breaks that trust I have no desire to give a person a second chance because the trade off is constant distrust of that person. Why would anyone put themselves in that situation unless you feel the love for your cheating partners trumps the love you should have for yourself?
A person with self respect understands that there is a VALUE and an INVESTMENT to the connection they have between them and someone else, and that by addressing their needs not being met by cheating they are in fact not just disrespecting themselves, their partner but also devaluing the trust and intimacy created. In my opinion, once the cheating happens, for me I lose respect for the cheat and with that goes the love and I have never and will never accept a cheating person back. Why? Because I don't dislike myself enough to be with someone who has so little respect for themselves or me, that they choose to throw away something of such high value.They can easily have dealt with their issues in a different way that could have brought us closer, instead they have indirectly killed off something that was potentially good. And in that instance I will not take responsibility because his needs were not being met because I did not know about this.Ultimately there is no good excuse to explain cheating EVER. A person needs to have enough self autonomy to be able to say: "Because I value what we have and I respect myself and you and I love what we have created with our love I need to let you know that my needs are not being met!Let's talk about this". But to do this requires a person to be vulnerable, and people who cheat usually cheat(in my opinion) because they have no emotional range to be able to achieve this kind of vulnerability and intimacy. Yes Teal is right about communication and incompatibility, but the truth is even with compatible couples who are somewhat attuned to each other, they cannot be expected to be mind readers.
You teach others how to treat you. Period.
Shae Hepburn yessssssssss!
Shae Hepburn Wow perfectly said!
Really well said x
I feel exactly tha same way, perfectly explained! Thank you for breaking it down
People who physically abuse their partners are meeting an unmet need too. Cheating, a form of dishonesty and lying, is an emotional abuse. If the right or wrong of cheating is a pointless debate, then so is the right or wrong of physical assault.
I agree with most of what you are saying, but cheating is still a choice. Therefore, it is a lack of self-control.
More a lack of self-respect
@@lightinthedusk Well put. I totally agree.
Amen total agreement
@@lightinthedusk ok but relationships often start to feel like a prison and that's not really fair either
@@leahflower9924 then leaving is a good option no?
Listening to this challenged a belief I held for a very long time and I felt my body cringing thinking about it but it completely opened me up to understanding it a lot more and helped me truly forgive my ex boyfriend for cheating.
Your presentations are good. When I taught writing, it took me awhile to help students understand that citing sources (giving credit for ideas) actually makes one's work stronger. It's counterintuitive, but it's true. For example, the idea of someone in a couple making "bids" to their partner is a specific (professional) person's idea. Citing your sources down below allows us to 1) believe in you as a thinker and someone who is able to synthesize information and present it well (in your case, really well), and 2) actually go to your sources and learn more about these ideas, if we choose. Citing sources is a critical part of authenticity and integral to becoming a mature presenter of ideas - our own and those of others.We're all in this together :)
I’m really glad you made this video. It explains a lot of the things I’ve been feeling.
Teal! I pray that you see this! I would deeply appreciate if you did a video on the grieving process and explain it thoroughly. I've read articles but I'm extremely interested in what you can share with us. Love you so much and thank you for all you do ❤❤❤.
He was a serial cheater who refused to give intimate connection. I was love-starved on every level yet I never cheated.
Choices babe, same with me, but at least we know the reason, we chose the hard thing, a lot of them don't do that, leaving someone is better than doing damage on the both side.
Great advice!! We need to be clear about our needs... But I find it hard to define them...
+vegan power girl Yes, another great video from Teal. She is right people do not communicate. Even when they are talking to each other they are often not really communicating. And it is true we do not always know what we need or want so it is difficult to know what someone else needs or wants 😵
Maybe if they meditated before talking they would do a better job of knowing what they want, and how to go about talking about it. Do some throat and heart chakra work, then talk
To me , there is no grey area. You either love someone or you don't. Sadly , communication is not something the they even want to do. Most Victims ARE open to unconditionally listen to their partner before AND more so after the fact their partner cheated. Whatever the cheater is lacking, they are lacking within themselves. Most are unwilling to even want to find what that is. I feel nothing but contempt. Cheaters are just ignorant human beings with nothing but purely selfish motives uncaring who they hurt in the process.
You need to broaden you perspective. Cheating isn't solely just about lust, People consider Investing emotions with another emotional cheating even though the other relationship is solely platonic
GeoAngel it’s not platonic if both genders are emotionally-connecting on a level that is meant for a significant other.
It's not always emotional needs. Sometimes there's sexual desires. I have friends who have cheated on their partners, and when I asked if they would share with me the reasons why, they said that in all honesty they were horny and it was purely a physical thing. I insisted a bit asking if they had problems in their relationships, and they said no, that everything was great and they were very happy with their partner, but one night out with friends, they were horny, saw a body they liked and chose to have sex purely for physical reasons.
Chances are that people who aren't aware of themselves will always believe that there is nothing wrong in the relationship. That isn't their fault. It is their innocent perspective and unawareness that there is a deeper layer that lies beneath ALL sexual fantasies and desires. I would ask whether the person question whether this physical open boundary was openly in place within the relationship? Were both parties 'okay' with it? If not, would they be open enough to tell their partner the next day? Or would there be a feeling of guilt? Would this feeling of guilt persuade them not to share this with them? If not, what is so wrong with the communication in the relationship that something like this couldn't be shared? There are emotions intertwined into everything within our sphere of Being. We have an emotional body. A mental body. And a physical body. And a light body. The aim is to strive towards unity of these. When these bodies are separated (perhaps one tends to push out all emotional connection when having or to participate in a 'physical connection' with someone else- consciously or unconsciously) something breaks down. Something is being over looked. Perhaps the 'Why'... why would the physical/sexual experience be so challenging to presence that I choose to remove all emotion from the experience? More often than not it usually goes back to an early or childhood sexual experience which has lead us to develop our habits these days. Whether we are aware of the link or not is another matter. Unawareness is not a sin, it's all very innocent really. :-)
Любовта на пастира
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Well that's a contradiction in itself. There are some people who seem to have the need for sexual polygamy just for the sake of adventure, but if you're just too horny and don't have better sex waiting for you at home, and can't control yourself to that extent, I think it tells more about fear of "passing on a nice chance" than of being horny. Quality beats quantity with sex, as long as you can have at least hour a day. It turns into a mindfuqu after too much of it, having all that energy from multiple orgasms without ejaculating. If you just want that horniness to be over, that's also a reason to have sex.
I'm my mind, Only Alpha Males get the reward of sex with whoever they choose to repopulate with. It's why our girlfriends cheat on us with them; it's their job to reproduce the strongest humans. Us men ought not be getting ANY kind of hanky-panky unless these women are throwing themselves at us. We're overpopulated!!!! Instead of wasting time with girlfriends, and being some confused "Playas," we can become the best versions of ourselves, so that one day maybe all the nice emotional tampons (boyfriends) in the world can be cheated on with us, the way sex is supposed to be. Only then can we be winners.
*** W E C AN B E S U P E R - H U M A N S ***
Your honesty about your own life circumstances and experiences is humbling and makes me feel validated for situations I have gone through. Thank you so much for your honesty and perspective 💙
It still ties into a lack of love. You have to disregard any semblance of loyalty, honesty, and empathy towards your partner to cheat rather than leave.
Thank you Teal. Connection to self is the key to understanding these needs and communicating them too and from your partner.
Hi Teal, I watched 2 videos of you today and both helped me enormously. You seem very wise.
Teal, you absolutely get it. Anyone who "dislikes" this has not been able to grasp this concept due to issues they still need to rectify within themselves. I love the fact you're willing to speak the ultimate truth regardless of how people will react. ❤️
Thank you for opening the dialogue nobody wants to talk about. It feels therapeutic just to hear it spoken out loud. Everyone has an experience...
at some point, if you are growing at a different rate than your partner, or if he/she is unable to meet your needs, you probably DO need to move on, though it can be painful. That our current bronze-age morality and culture was derived when most people lived in agricultural villages, and had a life expectancy of 35-40 yrs., complicates things unbelievably. We need a new culture, as is being fought out in the current election cycle, and we may need to redefine the whole relationship issue itself, within the scope of responsibility for all concerned.
great super transcendent video Teal! Namaste!!
yes my analogy exactly .....mankind is cheating on itself
Indeed, your partner is not responsible for your emotional needs- at a minimum a relationship based on need is disfunctional. If you feel this person does not understand you, there is no compatibility and he consistantly refuses to communicate effectively with you, then you simply end the relationship. Cheating is breaking the contract, breaking the intimacy and betrayal of the other person's trust in you, which is the very basis of a relationship. He/she has taken the risk to commit to you, to share his innermost personal stuff with you, to open his heart to you and trust you and by cheating you DEVALUE him/her. No human being should be devalued and disrespected like that, period.The damage cheating does is devastating and nothing really justifies it.If you want a need to be met, you talk to the other person and if they don't listen, you break up. The rest is pure selfishness and cowardice and it's not cool. And last but not least, often it is the cheater that doesn't want to communicate with his partner, not the other way around. Swimming in the waters of moral relativism where you assume that good and bad do not exist is a dangerous road to take and maybe sometimes there is a good reason why society condemns certain beravior patterns-I don't see why I should always oppose or "rebel" against that..
Perhaps rather than trying to understand them, it would be wise to accept they are cheaters and have nothing to do with them and their excuses
If you have a problem you need to overcome it. There's no excuse to create more pain
It's easier to break up with that person and choose any other
I love your channel. very good video. I also love this lighting/video production greatly. You look beautiful.
Cheating makes people feel smug and powerful, it’s a great feeling and I learnt this from the people who cheated on me. The major part of the fun is engineering the reveal. It’s just dumping on someone and that’s marvellous.
This is one of the largest things that I've delt with, fear of being cheated on, it's haunted me for years and years, but this is helping, thank you
But cheating is not a last resort. You should leave before cheating is even considered a option. In that fashion that's where we disagree.
Cheating also can be traced back to childhood and feelings of being betrayed by parents.
No one can meet others needs unless they meet by themselves. Please do not blame others or make others responsible.
If your needs aren't being met, then have a discussion about it, or leave the relationship altogether, but "my needs aren't being met" is not an excuse to cheat. Cheating is unforgivable because it's a CHOICE not an accident. People who cheat rather than leave, are simply self absorbed & greedy. They are terrible human beings.
If this is about emotional needs why enter into a sexual relationship so quickly. Nah. I feel it's issues within the person which is constantly reflected by their partner in the relationship. It's trying to run from yourself in the hopes that someone else will meet the needs you don't think you deserve.
I doesn't matter which partner they go to their issues will reflect back to them in that relationship, or they will end up dumping their emotional baggage. So why not sit down and get to know yourself intimately. Develop the relationship with yourself and clear and validate your feelings. Work on releasing the baggage. Be honest and authentic with yourself. Most of all take responsibility for drawing this person to you and acknowledge issues that you don't want to face, deep beliefs you don't want to face.
I see too many relationships where one person constantly is trying to please trying to connect, so I guess in this relationship he reflected the negativity you didn't want to acknowledge or deal with. I find sometimes our partners become dumping grounds, somewhere we need to load or dump our negative issues. I don't know too many people who thrive and do well in those type of relationships. You know the type of relationship where after you spend time listening to them they leave depressed and upset, and don't want to be around them. Who wants to be an ashtray?
I got suggested this video, this morning. Resonates so much your personal experience. I NEEDED this. SYNCHRONICITY as always.
Thought this was about cheating on tests
I thought so too.
Kies -TheOnly- 😂😂😂
Hahaha
Lol
🤣😂🤣
Always learning and growing thanks to you.
THIS IS SUCH AN EYE OPENER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Incredible advice! While what you say is true, cheating can also be due to temptation. Ones needs can be met ...but they are bored and along comes a "new exciting different" beautiful one. Then they choose to meet their own needs over their current partners needs. In this case if we love our current partner, we will have a choice of whose needs to fulfil and whose needs to sacrifice. Love decides, it's still a choice, it should be done responsibly, but mistakes happen, and there is forgiveness. Do we love our partner, ourself, or another more? Once we find a partner who we are truly compatible with it is a great benefit to continue in bliss and peace rather than betrayal.
Josephine Oshun There's a difference between Love and lust as well as love and intercourse...a reproduction act, which serves only the purpose to procreate, people have forgotten that it seems like. How does love decide when lust is the highest "reason" people cheat? There's many despicable reasons why people cheat but none of them can be justified cause it's wrong. You either want a relationship or you don't...it's as simple as that.
i think cheating comes from a place of lack and rooted insecurity.
12:17 ouh ! this sequence was gold for me ! 😂
Thanks for that 👌💙
i think its even more than that. When a person feels rejected or insecure many cheat to have leverage over their relationship
Hi Teal, I just bought your book, looking forward to reading it. Everything you say resonates with me. Thank you for doing what you do.
The truth is that some people are simply not relationship material. Some people are more valuable to self, and the world at large being single. Another angle to examine is that there are seasons in your life that aloneness is the most beneficial decision. Whether you actually make that decision is another story.
If you want to have a lot of sex, and you don't want your sex to be exclusive to one person, you have two choices....
1. Live authentically. Accept yourself 100% for your current placement in your journey. And don't have sex with people that are relationship material.
It will not end well.
2. Take a break from sexual intercourse with another. Perhaps even take a break from pornography. Just take a break from having THAT kind of release. I said a break, so don't trip :)
Maybe you just built up an appetite for sex because you've been doing it a lot.
Just like smoking or eating, we can overindulge. So take a break from it and seek balance. You may be out of balance. And limit your alcohol intake or remove it completely during this time. See what happens.
Cheating is actually exciting in the moment because it's forbidden. We want to experience forbidden pleasures....just like you want to eat that greasy cheeseburger. I guarantee to you this....if you remove the forbidden aspect of cheating from the equation, people would cheat less often. It's a form of rebellion....and who really has fun being a rebel....no one for very long.
I can't count how many times my emotional needs weren't being met and I never cheated. This is insane. You don't go outside of your relationship to fix problems on the inside of it. It's selfish, it doesn't work and you could give the person you quote "love" an STD, along with emotional scarring. Cheating is a high act of betrayal, selfishness and cruelty.
I completely agree with what you're saying. Of course we can dive deeper to find the root cause of it, but it's still neither justified nor ethical. There is always a high way and a low way to go about things and I will never trust someone who chooses the latter.
This is me in a relationship for 26 years my needs never be met and also cheated on. also painted as the bad girl here for his cheating and not meeting up his responsibilty as a man
Ppl cheat because they want to. I been in a marriage for 30 years. I’ve seen tons of beautiful women but never cheated. Then I found that I was cheated on. Then the excuse... I think a person want to cheat, they will. Once they create a justifiable excuse to themselves, it’s on...
I had a dream about the guy that cheated on me last night and now this video is here. The universe is just great. :)
LOL!!!! A guy said a guy cheated..LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow.....
I’ve never cheated on any girl, I’ve always made everything clear. if I feel something stronger, and stronger connection. If I’m with someone else, I walk up to them and tell them straight, hey I don’t feel us going anywhere, I don’t want to waste your or my time. and THEN move to talk to someone else. It just doesn’t feel right to know someone is waiting to see you, and being with someone else. Makes me sick to my stomach
Same here
To get to the point where you're feeling a stronger connection with another girl sounds like you're emotionally cheating?
isnt that just as bad? like dumping someone because ur looking around elsewhere?
You are only as loyal as the options available to you...
Cheating can be solved by one word. Communication. If people communicated their needs to their partner and their partner then made an effort to make those needs met OR they agreed they couldn't make those needs and ended the relationship cheating would not happen (this kind of cheating anyway.) Hopefully one day we'll get to this point in relationships but it's very hard with all the attachment trauma in the world.
Finished the video and that ended up being exactly what Teal said lmao Well done as always Teal!
If the cheater can't get there needs met when they get everything from there loved one cheating becomes a terrible pattern the tough part is you need to make a choice and love each other if there out running around scanning everyone's
Cheating is an end of a cycle if your not man enough to break up with someone
Cheating is a lazy dating tactic of narcissism
Cheating is lust!
only weak people cheat. Strong people leave before getting with someone else.
O and most men are WEAK
@@andreamcgehee5072 you mean men that you choose?
You're judging a person, no one is weak for cheating, no one is strong for not cheating
This is just a mindless comment with full-blown judgement towards others. I would love to see you struggling for months whether you should stay or you should go from a realtionhip where you absolutely LOVE the other one yet the needs are not met....I would love to see how strong you'd be there...
I agree with this. It’s not judging a cheater when you call them weak. Maybe a better term would be “lack of a conscience” ? Cheating is a betrayal, whether their needs were met or not. If you communicate what you need and yet still weren’t satisfied with your partner, then leave your partner. Don’t go lay down with someone else and still go home to your partner. Or at least flat-out say to your partner before you cheat, “hey I’m going to go sleep with this man/woman if things don’t change.” That gives your partner the chance to say please don’t or ok then let’s get divorced/end the relationship. Most wont tell their partner first because deep-down their ego is hurt, so they retaliate by cheating. That’s a severe character flaw of a cheater. Cheating behind your partner’s back shows that the act of cheating is more important to you than betraying your partner in such a horrible way. Usually only a cheater will defend cheating. The ones getting angry about this thread are most likely cheaters. People defend what they did in order to repress the shame they feel. It’s just human nature. 🤷🏻♀️ But I will never justify cheating on anyone - ever. And I would never cheat on my partner. I have too much compassion to do that to anyone, even if they sucked as a partner. I would end it with them and only then would I go seek out someone else. And if you are unhappy but don’t feel you can leave your partner, for whatever reason, then be upfront and say since you won’t fulfill my needs, I will stay with you but get xyz elsewhere. It’s far less selfish that way.
Beautiful, thank you so much Teal! You are the best, thank you for your deep approach! :)
I just want to say you have the best channel I have found in here. I love everything about spirituality and I would love communicate with you because I would love to learn more and more. I really love your channel and you are so full of knowledge. ❤️
Get teals book. It helps with emotional understanding, expression, inclusiveness, and identifying issues. Also this one(UA-cam vid) hits home when it comes communicating what one values wants and needs. I highly suggest you go in with an open heart and mind to this one. 🤗
I understand that you are trying to speak about this in a way that doesn't condemn the cheater and i get it
but if you cross that line you do deserve to deal with the consequences of that. Guilt is a good thing if you learn from it. And betrayal and help you grow if you allow it.
Now, that doesn't mean it's hopeless for them, or that they are worthless garbage but if that act is even a option then what you need isn't a relationship. It's time to heal your wounds and take better care of yourself. Cheating is the farthest place away from a place anyone should desire.
For the person who was cheated on, if your behavior is any of the things teal has mention.
Then you also need to not jump into a relationship and heal your trauma and karmic tides before you get into a relationship because if you don't, You'll just be attracted and pulled towards that toxic crap over and over again.
The thing that makes you and the cheater the same is low confidence and unhealed wounds.
And truth be told, your instincts will tell you not to cheat and it will tell you someone will cheat early on or at the very beginning. But most the time we ignore that instinct.
Insecurity is the main factor to this outcome. If both people were secure then cheating wouldn't be a thing.
There comes a point where you outgrow that outcome so don't worry.
I kissed another guy while in a relationship with this guy who has been my bestfriend for 4 years, i feel so much pain, i have lost the other half of myself, i regret that kiss, i miss my bestfriend, my chest hurts but i am trying to heal thank you teal for this video
I had to break up with him and tell him i felt too guilty to keep the relationship going
So much can go wrong cheating. murder, suicide etc. If someone wishes to be with someone else or alone they should split up move on. Communication, meeting needs so important to keeping relationship alive.
I have cheated coz I felt no understood as I was going through depression and then I met someone who was on a spiritual path and it all felt so better with him but I end of the day it’s hard to live with this title of cheating
Thank u teal, been on both sides. Resonating deeply
Cheating may just be a word that was created by the mind, because the ego needs to be regularly fed by assurance and needs to know its partner is completely 'his/hers'. This comes from a dysfunctional and attached way of looking at things, because we are already perfect and don't 'need' a relationship to be complete and happy. I think we humans have been taking this, like many other things, way too seriously. A mind in complete Oneness would not care about things like these.
+Lamurin totally agree!
+Lamurin That's not quite helpful in terms of relationship advice, though...Apart from that, as Teal already mentioned: There are some things that you can't get from the self. Yes, in a state of complete oneness cheating wouldn't be a bother, but so wouldn't most things on this planet. It seems rather sad to me.
+Sato Saotome It wasn't meant as relationship advice =p Of course people have the freedom to decide for themselves wether they prefer to not include others in a relationship. My main point is that some of these definitions are very old and were decided upon by people with (back then) a way more limitted awareness than what we can currently muster. These definitions need an update from our current perspective. And of course you cannot truly experience a relationship when alone. For what I understand the feeling of loneliness in oneness can become way bigger after one realizes he is all. That still doesn't mean however that we should chain ourselves to an idealistic idea created by mind.
+Lamurin It would seem that even Source Energy found self to be limiting and here we are! Namaste
Very interesting view and these insights also came to me lately. thanks for sharing
Wonderful video, great insight on both sides of cheating, also appreciate the personal examples, and sound advice on how NOT to be a cheater! Connecting with someone is one of the things we most crave in life
I never been this early!! love you teal!
This video helped me forgive my ex who cheated on me. We are not together anymore and I don’t plan to talk to him ever again, but this is about clearing the frustration INSIDE me, so it has nothing to do with him at all. I’m learning to see things not as completely black and white. Of course this does not justify cheating at all, but understanding the mechanics behind it leaves an open door for communication.
it's not that easy..I am generally very communicative and honest about how I feel and what is going wrong , but even so people tend to ignore what I am saying and keep doing the same things. ppl keep saying communication is the key but even when I keep saying the same thing over and over it falls on deaf ears. that's when I clam up .
My wife is afraid to give herself, to make love with me. She is afraid of being hurt, abandoned, losing her identity.
I want to be touched in that special way, that only a lover can touch you. For her to accept the same from me.
Sometimes loving someone, understanding them, can be the best thing ever, while also the most difficult.
When you go wrong is when your needs aren't being met and the action you choose to make cheating a option
Who's to say we have to Love one person? There's no handbook for How we connect with another..Love can also be a Slave word...
Yes, but be upfront with who you are. The issues comes with the lieing and pretending you're someone that you are not
Well, my husband cheated and blamed me for it. That felt good. Not. Sure, we did have a bad season in our marriage and I do admit to my fault. But he had a choice. He could have talked to me instead of running to another woman. He broke my heart and soul. And how will I ever trust him again? 😢
I'm sorry. It is a soul crusher. It never goes away. There will come a time when it's not there every day. ❤
@@annettemesa2079 Thank you for your kindness ♥️🌹
i do agree with Teal however as she also spoke about narcs in her videos its impossible to have an emotional connection with them (even though you think you are and even when they tell you you are) as they all fake about it, my partner had all his needs met except his EGO needs he needed daily from waitresses friends family every woman he met and could sway=== everything was going great and then boommmm he cheated then begged me to come back then the moment he had me back in the same week he cheated again.. without me knowing he got so smart and i kept asking myself why beg me to come back when you plan to cheat in the same week (a mind &*^%$) ...I guess on planet Narco it happens like tha.... NEVER date a Narc he or she will destroy you and your world your reality and then act as if he did nothing wrong.or walk away feeling nothing or cry like a baby..... Its all about EGO , attention admiration not emotional needs as he got all that from me (we were not even over the "honeymoon period" only together for a year and things were still blissful=== he has done this to several before me...i found out too late as he has hidden all his lies so well...cheating on someone is horrid to find out or to live through.
It's hard to break habits and go against your own programming. If one is programmed to forgive and rebuild, and the other to be a ruthless predator, and they meet some of the needs of each other, relationships with narcissists happen.
Thanks Teal. I find this validating. I see cheating from this same perspective.
Ive been the cheater and cheated on in the past. Communication is THE MOST important aspect in any relationship♡.
My fiancé cheated on me... Then we got married and i forgave her but I now cant stop "cheating" on her because i guess my feelings of self worth is low and these other women seem to complete that part
I always get so much out of these. Thank you!
You make me cry so bad, Teal with your harsh truth 💞
Thank you Teal for who you truly be! You are a brilliant young woman and I appreciated the videos you create and share.
Oh geezuz!! Just watched your video about the definitiin of love... and thought that was my new favorite... But just watched this one right after...
All your videos are my favorite. Haha. This made so much sense and explained so much!!!
WOW! You are spot on with everything you have said. You are great!
I am sorry but there is no good excuse for hurting another due to some lack inside yourself. You need to do the hard thing and end the relationship, period.
This is closed minded and leaves no room to any other potential variables being present. There's people who can't leave their relationship setting without fear of being beaten and have to keep up a facade until they can reach safety with a partner they found that treats them right and shouldn't hold back their needs because of someone else's poor behavior. So yes, actually. There ARE *REASONS* to cheat, even if they are rare. They still exist.
And if you think leaving situations would be simple, then that'd be closed minded as well. Some people need time to devolope a case in order to insure safety after they leave their precense physically.
In no way do I wish to diminish the experiences of the people going through those life experiences, but I still believe that those are not good excuses. I hope for humanity that the goal would be to take the road less traveled and not chose to cheat and instead make a choice to do the hard thing and find the inner strength to heal on their own first. I would argue that I am not closed minded, but I do feel strongly about this issue.
I also believe if everyone did this there would be less pain in the world, less chances for the pain to spread out, from unresolved injuries inside ourselves.
Well, that's usually very valid and what should be done. But would you honestly withhold your own valid needs with someone who treats you right while you're stuck in a situation with an abusive person who has physically harmed you and threatens to kill you if you tell on them? It's not always easy to just call the cops. Sometimes, it needs to be thought out and longer term escape plan with finances into consideration needs to be had. Especially if children are in danger. This is clearly not as common, but it happens. And I have no pity for an abusive man who is cheated on. He already cheated himself out of a healthy relationship for being abusive.
And this doesn't even mean that they run off with that person. This could mean simply that they just kissed someone else with the natural desire to be intimate; what their abuser deliberately withheld to try and CONTROL them with that they were NEVER going to get lovingly anyways. (Which is COMPLETELY different then let's say, a relationship just losing it's spark... which is why many people do cheat, but THOSE ones generally have no excuse.)
Hey teal can you make a video on how to heal betrayal trauma and what makes us a vibrational match to betrayal?
Should I accept it? stay and try to help him? Even though it hurts me inside.
Don't!
This just hurts to watch honestly. I cheated on someone. And I would have done it differently and just asked him for my needs to be met and spend more time together.
He left me though and I starved either way so that just breaks my heart. I wish I had someone who loved me through my mistakes.
Impossible Dreams Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you backstabbed him 😂
@@UrinalUser selective empathy
You don't deserve that.
Indeed there are people who are sociopathic. My ex was an abusive cheater she intentionally caused me suffering and cheated on the day of my grandmother's funeral.
She never wanted to work on the relationship.
I am traumatised from the abuse she gave me.
The thing I am responsible for is not seeing the red flags. Now I'm too damaged to date it wouldnt be fair on the other person.
Thank you, Teal. I appreciate the enlightenment. Good advice on including a third party during a conversation were needs and wants are discussed. I hope to have an opportunity very soon to try this.
What about serial cheater? They cheat on every relationship. What's the reason behind it?
They are insecure from child hood and believe their needs can never be met. The person that loves the most their mom or dad or their caregiver defied some type of trust. My ex was like that. He had a horrible mother and he never trust women there after. No matter how good he thought they were.
+Tough Advice Radio and the one I know he was an orphan. I guess your explanation is well explained. Thank you.
+Tough Advice Radio is there any way out actually? Any solution?
+Crystal Wong yes, the human mind is capable of balance (Gandi) and others have managed this possibility through meditation but it takes emotional work. Example: like getting in great shape of the body. Most people just don't have the discipline.
Yes communication, clarity and understanding is one of the most important ingredients in a relationship. Thank you for great info!
A lot of people are resistant to this topic but I finally understand. I used to be the biggest hater of cheaters. In the past I was cheated on in such a hurtful way but it was because my partner wasnt able to communicate his emotional needs to me because he didn’t understand himself. It was a very abusive relationship and he was in a constant state of distraction from his feelings. Later on for me i ended up in another relationship where i ended up cheating. I was communicating my needs with my partner but they didnt care about my needs and still wanted me to be okay with staying in the relationship and i felt trapped. I still felt horrible but it was easier to forgive myself once I realized i did everything I could to try to stay in a relationship that just wasn’t compatible.
Thank you for information and insight Teal. Your work.. your passion is really appreciated. I hope your ever changing needs are met as well as you continue to grow and progress on your journey.
Best Wishes
your lessons are priceless, thank you master
What an outstanding video. Ty Teal
Teal! You are so amazing, i keep watching youre videos and are so grateful for every one! You are beautiful inside and out! You voice is magic relaxing. Keep up the great amazing work!
The prize is in the connection