The last part really hit me, because recently I got my first real girlfriend and although she was wonderful and we had a great 2 months, at the end she said she couldnt be herself around me and she felt like my mother. I also felt that I couldnt give her containment in so many ways and that actually she was giving me containment. I knew it wasn't natural and it would ruin the relationship. I knew I should parent myself, since I didnt get that as a child(absent father and other things). But I was pretty insecure around her, I felt she was wiser than me and I couldnt do much but watch her lose interest and get frustrated. Now I'm researching anxious attachment style, self-love, masculinity and so forth, I wanna learn everything I should have learned as a child.
I realized I was emasculating my partner by needing to control both of us as the woman in the relationships. I stopped trying to control and let him take more control. His confidence improved and I am less anxious and our relationship improved.
Thats cool! I have three older sisters who did this to me forever! They still do. I find it hard to take responsibility in the family because i just want to be away from their controlling nature.
15 years into our unhealthy relationship, my husband began working with a spiritual guide who taught him about masculine energy and how to provide this containment for me. He started making changes without me even knowing what he was doing. I felt unsafe and like I had to be his mother for 15 years, and suddenly I started feeling safe, cared for, loved and seen. I have since delved into learning about feminine energy and how to embody it as well. We've never been happier. He is empowered and proud, I am secure and relaxed. Everything you said in this video is 100% spot on, especially the end about our broken family systems. We need to heal our inner children who felt unsafe and didn't have anyone providing us with emotional containers.
You need to understand that the male (masculine) and female(feminine) dynamics was very much natural until 60+ years ago the western feminist movement tried flipping the dynamic. You will see that this order of life is still being very much the sane in many parts of the world. Its easy because it is natural. Men and women has gender specific fundamental traits, qualities and roles in which bother are individually excellent at. But when you start saying I can do everything's hell what the other person is doing is when dynamics fails. There arise the problem of roles and confusion of gender specific energy.
I love that you said this because it’s so reassuring to know that even 15 years in (in 17 years married myself), things can still change for the better. It’s not that our marriage is bad or that I’m looking to end it, not at all, I just recognize that there are things we’ve never dealt with and it worries me. There’s never been any “event”, like cheating or anything like that (at least not that I know of, and I really don’t believe that to be the case), it’s more about supporting each other in the ways addressed here. We had a lot of emotionally harmful things happen when I was dealing with a long term illness in which I felt like a complete failure as a wife and mother bc of it, and I feel he never quite dealt with his anger with me about that partly bc he felt guilty for being angry with me for something I couldn’t help. It’s that sort of thing. I don’t even know where to begin repairing that, and while we have a great relationship, I think these things are simmering below the surface but I can’t quite drag them out into the light. I’m sure it’s at least partially bc I’m afraid to start tugging on that string, but I think it needs to be done. Anyway, I’m just happy to see someone who has done it and improved their marriage as a result, so thanks for sharing that. The key seems to be the willingness for both ppl to do it, and that’s my biggest question. I need to figure out how to find that out. Take care, and thanks again:)
Define "unsafe" He was regularly beating you or screaming in your face, doing drugs, getting drunk? Nah. We know that's not what you meant. He wasn't as financially secure as you wanted him to be for you. Also, even though he is likely a foot taller, he wasn't projecting enough of the Daddy vibe all women crave. Stoic, rule setting. Protects her from her own wild emotions and reckless decisions. If women won't be my New Mommy, I won't be their New Daddy.
Oh that is wonderful . What are some examples of what he did to give you containment? This concept is a bit hard to know what it looks like on a day to day.
This is a really good clarification of the alpha/beta, masculine/feminine energy situations. I grew up without a functional father and no other male role models, I've seriously struggled with relationships and ended up first with someone with BPD and then a "mother" figure and couldn't quite explain why it felt *so* wrong. I am a weak man and I hate it, I don't feel like I have anything to offer, but I am staying away from relationships until I have internally resolved my masculinity and self-worth.
As a woman, I can confirm that this is true. It shows that his assestment capabilities are very high and he is more likely to successfully determine when and how to insert his strength in a relationship with his woman and generally in his everyday life, he's mentally more stable than others, and that in turn means stability (like a rock), and that in turn means high probability of safety/security/masculinity and THAT is EXTREMELY attractive for many of us women.☺️🧡 Cheers.🥂
I didn’t have a word for it until now, but as a single woman who has had to fend for herself, I 100% crave containment. Just hearing that described makes me relax inside. I’m exhausted / stressed with having to look out for myself all the time. I want to be someone’s pearl!
Not someone.....a tall high status Chad. You would scream use mace spray and jump off a cliff before being any normal or average guys "pearl" keep it real. You can't have your friends see you being some 5'8 mechanics pearl they'll call you a loser with a shorty. Chad or nothing
imagine the privilege where this is acceptable. men could never have this, and all this spiritual mumbo jumbo is nothing but reinforcing the age old gender stereotype of men being vulnerable makes him lesser. basically tradition for thee, but not for me.
@@EvilSapphireR Being vulnerable is different than being weak. Takes a lot of strenght to be vulnerable. This reinforces no stereotypes. Obviously if the girl in a relationship has naturally more masculine energy than her partner, then she will be the one providing this "containment" or whatever you call that safe frame in a relantionship. The video only matters to those wich feel like this is relevant.
@@Pvezin I have to agree with you. See these 2 statements. ....I'm sorry I can't afford this thing that you want. I just can't make room for the expense. We're just going to have to do without it at this time. Or if we can find a less expensive alternative, we could look at it.... That's being vulnerable but not being weak.
@@Pvezin but the way this woman prefaced the video she made it sound like every single woman want that containment and if it's not there then relationship is doomed to fail either way.
We understand this concept very well in the eastern culture. So glad people in the western world are now learning about this. The divine feminine needs a masculine container. The river doesn’t exist without the river bed.
This video has opened my eyes to why I struggle in my marriage. My husband was raised without his father and now I see that could be the reason I have a flipped polarity marriage and I hate it, I have had to take the lead role. I can clearly see that I crave containment and I resent the fact that I am married to a man that does not know how to provide it.
The Indian society is al distorted.. boys are taught to be the kings n donnothing at the house holds.. I can see all boys are treated so much with their mothers.. They grow up to become husbands who do nothing but only work n provide financially 'alone'.. No other kind of support what so ever.. It's just so hard.. to be his mother, mother him alone side his 3 girls .. feels so draining n hard.. Me in fact having to go thru my own part of traumas n wanting to heal from all those things that had happened to me since all these yrs from my childhood! It certainly is hard to play all the roles at once..
That's why healthy men are to me the most beautiful thing in existence *.* I find women beautiful too, but my attraction to healthy masculine men is like no other *.*
Domt get me wrong those masculine healty men don't date or find masculine women attractive. I've seen a few I instanly rejected them, Aint got time for those with daddy issue. I found myself a healty femenine women, and i noticed such a difference.
It's sad that the social contract between men and women has become so bad that men aren't providing for the needs of these strong independent women who don't need no man.
I am one of those women who grew up associating “containment” with loss of freedom and abuse. I’ve been in therapy for years - but I got a male therapist last year and that has been life changing for me. I’ve been able to experience the emotional containment I never got to have as a kid, and it’s made me so much more receptive to men in general.
@Haleigh Alyssa yeah same. Since men abused me it’s always been hard for me to go to a male doctor of any kind. I’ve only felt safe with my body and secrets around female professionals.
What would you say about women who have been abused and then reject a man who is capable of loving containment as Teal described but instead continues to choose men who leave her to fend for herself and shows her no regard. I would say I am the kind of man who has containment to offer, but a woman I love has only been with abusive men and I actually scare her whereas she feels more comfortable with men who hurt her.
@@Werewolf0216 Yeah I see that happen a lot with many American women. They get attracted to the most jealous men who end up abusing and controlling their lives like their daddy did.
I am kind of the opposite, because my dad is an immigrant and he has always kind of had it heart in his home country, so it never felt like he was all in on the family. Now the idea of containment is like a dream, but because I know alot of people that practice it do it negatively and the people that don't practice it I'm not attracted to, a relationship seems like a distant dream. But I know there is someone out there haha
Containing a woman will make her feel loved and alive, and seeing your woman like that will also enliven you and boost your capacity of impacting the world, your life and her life. All positive !!!
I was born with NCCAH and figured out why my apperance is that much masculine just before I turned 23 (few weeks ago). Generationally, my mother's female line needed to really protect themselves from men physically (my mom was a teenager in 90's in Ukraine, during the breaking down of ussr. physically dangerous environment!!!) and "become" masculine in their actions. While my grandmother does not have body hair (naturally!!!), I am struggling with it everywhere, since testosterone is tripled from the highest rate of norm for a female body, which I am living in. My generational line struggled mentally and emotionally, and now I cannot look (and most importantly, feel) feminine even disregarding that I want to. I can't. Sometimes I do, and after I got to know about the condition, I do perceive myself differently. I just want to break my isolation a bit more here and share that I just feel (on all levels) like a very tender and deeply sensitive woman inside of a body that "thinks" it is and looks male. So many years of shame and consecutive, precise self-harm that cannot be undone! Cultural values that only place female body under a spotlight to measure their owners value. (Of course, I will be starting hormonal therapy this year, but I don't yet know if it works for me.) And at the same time I am genuinely grateful I can share it here, and that I have a nervous system I am. So polarised, also highly flexible (hyper flexibility syndrome) and autistic + ADHD. I don't want to look and feel masculine, I feel desperate about I did mot make a choice for genetically embodying that trauma. I don't know whether I will ever look the way I feel, whether it is ever going ti match. But at least I will hope. Thank you for reading. 💜🌌❤️🔥
Hoping You Achieve The Gender Euphoria You're Seeking & Please, Seek A Doctor's Evaluation For EDS Regarding Your Hyperflexibility; It's Def Something You'd Want To Be Privy To & Awareness Of Such A Possibility Will Inevitably Improve Your Overall Quality Of Life Both Now & In The Future! Elaboration On How That Is Can Be Found Upon Searching Up "Benefits Of Awareness Of EDS" & Reading The A.I. Overview At The Top Of The Results Page. All The Best To You.🖤💗🫂
Containment without control. Going to borrow that. Thank you. I'm the same. My experience of my parent's was male abuse, it makes absolute sense why Ive maintained my independence. But after watching this, containment withiut control, sounds lovely. I feel myself relaxing even at the very thought of it.If it comes, I will accept. *fingers crossed*
Yes it's about containment as in territorial boundaries, not a security fence to keep you captive, but a safe space for you to embrace your own freedom and security.
I think more importantly, girls need the containment from their fathers, to feel secure from the beginning. Thats the beginning or function or dysfunction in relationships.
Truth!! More so if the Family is divorced. The daughter needs her Father even more!! Sooooo many destroyed females out there because the Father couldn’t see their daughters!!
I am a man, and I am a witness to what you are sharing. In my opinion, a man that expects to be treated like a king by his lady without treating his lady as the queen, is a coward, weak. Fellow men: Her loved ones, and her, trust you to care and protect her. Lead with real love, or just be by yourself if you only want to take care of yourself. No need to mix up commitment with no commitment. Great quality content. Thank you
I had never heard of containment before, but after watching this enlightening video, it struck me that my grandparents' relationship illustrated the concept exceptionnaly well, and I have rarely seen relationships as strong and faithful as theirs. They met at 16, were married for more than 65 years, went through disagreements and tough times together, and through it all, my grandfather was pretty much litteraly my grandmother's anchor. He always provided for her and managed quite a lot of things in the household, and she never felt controlled or restricted, just safe and happy. She's been quite lost since he passed away a few years ago, and now that I think about it, she was definitly much calmer and softer while he was alive, even if he couldn't actually provide as much because of his declining health. She sometimes tells me that the most difficult part of her life was when she had just wed, and my grandfather had to be enlisted for his military service. She ended up raising their son alone for a year or so, working to get at least some income (really not much) and relying on her family to get through. That's the one part of her married life she doesn't recall fondly... Anyway, thanks for the video!
I love the oyster and pearl analogy. I'm one of those women that resisted "containment" yet deep down in side I was screaming for it. I'm more into my divine feminine energy now and looking for a man to "contain " me lmao
"If you actually take positive ownership over something, the best interest of that thing is your utmost concern." Incredibly powerful. This is old wisdom, but still so refreshing to see reiterated.
After many decades married I believe containment is mutual. A man surrounds his wife with love and provision and protection. The wife surrounds the man with love, a good home life, children and many other good things. For these many decades I am forever grateful to my wife for this. She saved me in so many ways. It has been my pleasure to do the same for her.
Fantastic breakdown - thank you for sharing! However, I'm struggling to align these principles with the struggles of modern living. The alarming levels of depression and suicide amongst young men suggests that the psychological weight of needing to provide this containment is getting the best of us. I'm personally in a place where I will quite likely turn down any opportunity to date because I am finding it extremely stressful to even provide financially for myself. Thoughts?
Wow! I have to say I’m going through a Death and rebirth stage right now in my life and You literally awakened me to why every relationship where I’ve ever genuinely loved and cared for a woman has failed. I am one of the nice guys and now on my journey to Manhood and embracing my masculinity. I get it Now. Makes sense.
I have consistently performed 95% of the actions / behaviors you listed at 9:36. The person I was with got used to me doing these things for her and I deeply regret it. I put my heart and soul into taking care of her and ultimately I feel taken advantage of. I once told her that I feel like she is more like my child than my partner. She completely agreed with me (to my dismay) and indicated no intention to change anything. To the men reading this: be careful about being committed to fulfilling the needs of your woman if she isn't willing (or capable) of fulfilling your needs in return.
That’s my question around this philosophy. Well, I agree 100% with what Teal is saying… how do you discern whether a woman is worthy? Worthy of that level of containment? Obviously, choosing a drug adult stripper as your partner does it mean that your containment is going to fix her and allow her to relax, into her feminine… But yeah, that’s the issue finding someone worthy of that level of care . And where is the line between that and codependence
I also find it funny that this video list for like 3 minutes men need to do for their women and then women are constantly saying “the bar is literally in the floor”…… Really?
I connected with a divine masculine energy a couple years ago, not long after discovering my divine feminine. When I call on this energy, it (he) literally envelops me like a cocoon and it feels so peaceful. The sense of balance from coming together is so amazing like everything "makes sense" again, total harmony. My own energy is not trapped at all by this but actually more expressive and amplified. Most of all, my energy feels fully appreciated for what it is and the vastness of it can truly be seen and understood. (And vice-versa.) Our energies are not only mutually respected but _honored_ by each other.
@@charlieberry7562 I'm 2 months late here, but from my experience, you are capable of containing yourself. This is a blessing, to experience being taken care of by oneself. Can a woman do something like this for a man? No idea, bro, but don't worry about it, do your thing for yourself
@@JohnLannholm Hey there. "In the mind" is the best way to put it. Sometimes I meditate on it to intentionally connect but most times it's sort-of involuntary. I do think the energy is another person's but I haven't met them, as far as I know.
I am a 58 year old Aussie male that was raised with old school values without being old fashioned. I couldn't agree more with what you have said about containment being such an important component in relationships. It's not about control, I in no way want to control a woman that would be like being with a child, I want a partner that thinks for themselves, to be a part of my team for the greater good of the relationship. I was taught and shown how to be a man by my parents and grandparents and have constantly built on that foundation all my life. It is honestly time for women to wake up and start playing their part as well as appreciating a man with those qualities when they have one and get rid of the mindset that a lot of women have today. Oh him ? No big deal I'll just get another one and I can raise a family by myself. Ladies and gentlemen it's time to realise that families need the dynamic of gender roles. I am totally ok with same sex relationships raising children as well as a successful worked out same sex partnership seems to have the dynamics sorted. It's time to adopt some old school values again. The good one's.
Well said. I might add that like most women, I would be terribly sad and disappointed to not have a masculine figure by my side raising my children with me, initiating them to masculinity and examples of containment. Providing stability for all of us. I believe most women would feel this way, but put on a mask of proud independence because they simply have to in order to cope. Or because society hasn’t taught women the value of healthy masculinity in their family unit. We have a skewed perception of masculinity for a lot of reasons.. but I’m looking to heal mine.
Except that last part... all.made sense except the same sex part... that doesn't, she mentioned it in the start, women and men are built different. Don't let society tell you that insanity is sane.
Hey now. My girlfriend/partner referred me to your work and this Containment essay caught my eye. It tracked with some conversations her and I have had. I wasn't disappointed. We both like what you're saying here and purpose is how we humans define ourselves. By the end of your discussion I wasn't thinking of the seashells offering containment I was thinking about how Nicole and I relate and it's more like a big goblet. She can rest inside of it and know it's a secure and safe space of nurturing. But it's open at the top, not something that holds her inside so much as provides the containment with also the liberty and space to expand in. Lest anyone accuse me of mansplaining your area of expertise to you, I'm not, but Nicole liked the goblet analogy and thought I should share it. Cheers. Your work is good brain food. Thank you for producing these.
I know Teal gets flack from the normies, but she is head and shoulders above everyone in the “enlightened” game. She sees things others can’t. Plain and simple.
''how can i fend for her'' is something i needed to hear, almost makes me emotional to think i didn't do this well enough when i reflect on my past relationships. Glad to be able to have this in mind for a future suitor. ❤❤
This reminds me of a year when my boyfriend didn't want to do much for my birthday, but my brothers got together and planned the whole night without me asking and it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. I'm really blessed to have them in my life. And I hope to find a man who will be my friend and take care of the both of us in the future.
Me me me, give give give. Maybe it is good to sometimes think about what you give others, not just what they give you? Otherwise you may turn into a `black hole`
@@yura2424 true....but the whole video was about what women need from men so it's not surprising that she was addressing that subject. The reverse -what men need from women- doesn't seem to get much consideration anywhere & women seem pretty clueless about it. "what do you bring to the table?"...."I am the table" is about the level of their thinking on this (well on TikTok anyway)
Its soo frustrating being in a marriage where you have to be the one providing containment and receive 0 in return. I have to fence for myself, my child and a grown up child.😞
I think for me, "containment" means feeling like (and knowing that) he has my back and isn't going to throw me under the bus to anyone... certainly not to someone who clearly has some beef against me... and certainly not in order to save himself in the moment. A person who knows how to set boundaries with others so as to protect our relationship. I'm strong, but I still want to feel protected by the man I'm in a relationship with.
People always tell me how strong I am and I tell them, it’s because I’ve had to be to survive. I’d prefer not to have to be so strong... To feel protected.
Spot on I had experienced being thrown under the bus and feeling like he was more fending for his ex (mother of his kids) than me. Now it all makes sense. I never been able to feel that containment with him and he definitely couldn’t/wouldn’t set boundaries with her.
@@soul2soul399 my gosh, me too. Ive been strong for so long. I had ro for me and my three babes. I would LOVE to be held, to be allowed to be soft, to accept care... I want to be contained!
My boyfriend actually sent me this video which is a game changer for me and I appreciate him more than he knows, but while watching it I began feeling incredibly uncomfortable when you were talking about what a woman needs in a relationship. I agree with every last thing but the reason it stressed me out so much was because my mind automatically thinks “that’s too much for men to handle us”. But thank you for painting a clear picture. I’ll have to watch it over and over to learn what I deserve in a relationship ❤️
No - you're right in thinking it's too much for men. This video would apply when women were more subdued and their spirits of protest, autonomous mind and creativity were more stifled. Contemporarily I think both genders should work together for mutual containment - with perhaps more leadership on the male's side. Too much masculine containment can indeed be extremely exhausting and detrimental to the man.
@@capitalt348 In a healthy relationship it's not a burden for any partner. I am a woman with a strong personality and I like a bit softer men. But I want them to lead and I can respect my man's leading. I actually don't know how some women can have good sex without feeling "owned", however it sounds. I personally feel it's a great pleasure for both partners, if done properly.
I agree that a lot of this information in this message is very helpful but I do think that objectifying this or intellectualizing this message with the words containment rather than a more Accurately descriptivesides the word containment which just sounds so much of a loss of freedom and limiting is needed. If you need to explain that it doesn't mean controlling then the word is not accurate in the first place period this is not the first time I have cringed at Teal's labels.
Sitting here alone on Valentine's Day watching this in my own apartment raising my daughter alone. Just crying my eyes out. Not just for me, but for her future too. It hurts so bad.
I do believe women love containment, my father taught it to me but it wasn't called containment, it was a way to know that I would do the same with my significant others and my own children. I naturally provided this to a woman that I really adore. Thank you for spending your time to share this epic subject.
So fascinating... I couldn’t help but think about how a woman ‘contains’ a man at that ultimate physical union level. As with everything in our life experience, there is the paradox and tension of oppositional pull 💙
Wow, just learned that pretty much every guy I've dated has not learned containment growing up, I'm always the one put in this position to provide containment to the man. Role reversal to the max, and it just feels icky, and always ends poorly. Glad to know about this and be more aware in the future. Thank you teal!!
It seems to be, we're talking about nurturing and maintenance. Thing is, if we assume women are more sensitive...it's a rough and damaging world, and women take a heavy toll. We are not Ferraris, we are not perfect but dented. Men like clear and decisive results. Treating a woman to dinner is not the same as waxing a car, there may not be an immediate fix. I think men get discouraged. It takes a toll on their confidence if they can't immediately fix us. Thing is, if a man has confidence in himself and keeps treating a woman right she can become a "Ferrari." A man is potentially more transformative towards a woman than any inanimate object. I mean for one thing he's what she needs to become a mother. But he also initiates a feedback loop of healing where both can increase the others' vibrations and live a more authentic life.
Just getting out of a relationship like this. It suckkkksss. I too have felt like the guy in my relationships...and every time I've definitely felt like I have more "balls" than him. Very confusing.
Hmmm. I run my home completely, go to work, have fed my kids (now 24 & 26 this year so they can feed themselves by now) from day zero, changed their nappies/diapers when they were babies, cook from scratch, empty the kitchen bin/trash, clothes cycle, pay for everything, the whole bit! When I do the dusting and vacuuming for example, I don’t feel too masculine or feminine or anything, nor any more masculine or feminine bringing home the bacon. If any women in my life _didn’t_ have my shirts gleaming with blue whiteness, ironed, and hung in a row ready for the week ahead, I wouldn’t think and/or feel any thing less of her. Indeed I would expect nothing from her at all. I would only ask for her presence. What she could/would do would be lovely but I wouldn’t expect it.
@@stefanie-faye2680 I'm sorry to hear you've been through these kinds of confusing relationships too. It sort of strips you of your femininity when you are the one that has to take the initiative with pretty much everything in the relationship, between work and emotional fulfillment. We become the ones having to use our forward energy (masculine) and aren't able to be in the receiving (feminine) position because there is nothing being offered to fulfill our needs. Not sure if you noticed this about your relationships, but my 3 major relationships, all of them had no male in their life growing up due to various circumstances. It was always just their mother in the picture. There was no man displaying containment towards them. They had never witnessed this act as they were growing up. I really feel like my past major relationships were just seeking another version of their mother in me. This is not to say I don't have my own quirks to work out. Nobody is perfect. But hell it sure helps knowing about all of this containment stuff for future relationships. Im looking for an equal from here on out. Or someone I can find balance with. I hope you find the person who makes you feel like the lovely being you are 💖
This is -hands down- the very best, most epic relationship video I have ever seen in my life. Due to a very dysfunctional household growing up and getting the polar opposite of containment growing up, It is so clear now why I have always attracted men who were emotionally unavailable. Through my own "survival mode" mechanisms, I went into the extremely independent "Fine, I'll do it all myself " attitude, and that always attracted men who wanted to receive containment, instead of the truly masculine man who thrived on giving it. Hence, I always played the mother roll, and then always wondered why I never got a "manly man". ZERO of my own feminine needs were ever met, and resentment would just build. I need to learn how to tap into my ultimate feminine self and realize I am worth being taken care of.
Felt you, to my core. Similar situation with me too. Wishing you blessings and healings. And may all feminized beta male to disagrees with this, get their karmas x10 worse for real..
Hey Sandy - i think Teal did a whole video on this very phenomena you highlighted (adjusting to the environment out of necessity, only to attract the opposite of what you wanted in the first place) - i think the video is called The Dupe Pattern: ua-cam.com/video/jY8O2thPhoE/v-deo.html
@@inspirespider66 think about what you are saying? Who feminized the so-called beta male? Was it not thier mothers, and society? Has there not been a movement against so-called "toxic masculinity" which is basically all alpha male behavior and most male competitive behaviors? There is very little that is new here from the female perspective: she doesn't want any accountability and wants to be treated like a cuddled "princess child" all her life. That is perfectly OK. But some women would rather die than play that role. And what will she do in mid relationship or mid life when the man who was containing her like a little princess child decides he needs more adventure and adrenaline with a wild passionate woman. And leaves her or has an affair?
I couldn’t have said it better. Listening to the list of must-haves, then looking at the women who demand that list, a normal guy just walks away and finds something better to do, or he gets out his passport.
Exactly. Whats the point of doing ALL this? Is she the main character of earth? Does the world revolve around her? What on earth is she doing to deserve this? Bringing her 20+ bodies? We need to get our passports fellas
These were my thoughts exactly as well. The list of expectations is long and all of this sounds like a hell of a lot of work. Which is fine, provided that the man also gets the things he values. Without this, it honestly just sounds like too much trouble to be worth it. In my opinion, a women must demonstrate herself worthy and accepting of containment at least to some degree. I see no reason to provide containment to anyone who is totally rejecting it.
At the risk of exposing some of my own biases, here are some ideas for what a man needs from a women in a relationship: - respect and admiration, or better said unwawering positive regard - generousity in affection and physical intimacy - appreciation of his efforts - trust - instrumental support for his mission in the world - loyalty (if a man places himself between the harsh outside world and the woman, he needs to know he can trust her.) - followership - clear communication of her needs and wants (so he can serve them) - a greater degree of authority (a man cannot be expected to take on all of this responsibility without a commesurate degree of authority. Not keeping these two in balance will inevitably lead to abuse of power from one party or the other. I am not talking about being controlling. A man should act in the best interest of his woman, but he needs to have the power to do so.)
I love this topic because it inadvertently touches on so many other topics like how containment can also be looked at as "stable" and how can a man provide a woman with stability if he himself has never experienced or been taught it, also the fact that you may also be required to have a stable or contained mind or mentality before you can manifest it into a physical place of stability or containment.
Thanks you Teal, due to my father not providing containment, even though he was in the home, I have been with many men who don't know how to contain, or went to the other extreme of being possessive , this explains so much. Thank you so much. I love you so much Teal XXX
When a man does this naturally and, like you said " he gets enjoyment from it", its because he loves her. Did you hear that? He LOVES her. Otherwise its too much work. And hopefully the reason he loves her never goes away. .
Or if it goes away, you may always find another one, right? You can even start right now preparing a `plan B`. This is the most important thing, when someone does stuff for you.
For those who have difficulty with the word ‘Containment’ - it basically means, she must feel safe and secure and protected. Nothing about his personality or demeanour should make you feel uneasy, unsafe or insecure. He is like a garment for you, he beautifies you, fits you perfectly, hides your flaws, covers you and gives a good image of you. In the same way your wear warm clothes in the cold to PROTECT you from cold weather and cool clothes in the sun to PROTECT you from the heat, the husband must protect her and provide ‘containment’ for her in every way that he can.
@@Hejirah code for satisfies hypergamy. She wants to feel like a trophy wife to a man worth more than her. This containment is just repackaging of the red pill.
I realized my father didn’t provide that containment and find myself in flipped polarity relationships with men- men who want to be looked after and who don’t know how to take care of me. I guess I adopted the masculine, but I feel like I don’t want to be a container and contained. It’s true that when you don’t feel safe, you have to soldier up and I just want to learn to be soft again like my true nature.
@@charlieberry7562 I think it's speaking on the play between masculine and feminine energies, regardless of the body that holds within it a certain type of energy. A women whose had to learn to take care of herself and acts as her own container has a hard time learning to be "contained" or held. So if her imbalance is tough and hyper-independent, than it makes sense to allow an experience of softness and reliance. But that's just my personal extremisty as a "container" type of women. The opposite effect can be true for men. Men who have always been "contained" a.k.a "momma boys" don't know how to be a "container" or hold space for the feminine. They need to learn to shoulder responsibility, without feeling like it's a burden. Relationships are a play between holding space and being held. And feminine energy needs a sense of safety to flourish just as masculine energy needs to feel capable be directive. The masculine and feminine are one, despite what outward appareace it has (two lesbians). They fit together like puzzle pieces. And I think that's a general fear of men- that holding space for a women is burdensome- just as a women may not feel entirely safe in a relationship with an unfit container. I guess we all need healing from this.
@@charlieberry7562 Mmm, to some degree. From what I understand is that men don't need to be contained or want to be, just as women don't need to be containers. They can if they want to. If they've grown up in the opposite role, they do it anyway- whether they want to or not. But I think how we show up for each other and what we need from each other is very different. Like a man may not need a experience of safety or containment, but he may need an experience of support and affection from the feminine. A women may not need to always be go-go-go, but she may need an experience of safety to explore herself from her masculine counterpart. And safety a.k.a "containment"...looks different for every feminine. Just as being a container looks different for every man. Like for myself, I need to feel free, loved, and have creative freedom over my life-that's safety to me. Freedom to explore is safety. Containment doesn't mean control- it means holding space. Now my "container" or man, may not need containment but to feel like I have his back no matter what, I'm there with all the love, and that I am his and his only. I'm like his precious that he cares for deeply. He doesn't need safety, it's like he needs to feel like he's taking care of his precious lol. But that's a vague understanding of the masculine, cause I'm a women so if you're a man, only you know what it means to be a "container" and what you want that to look like and who can match that. We just love on each other different and that's why I think Teal used "container" and "contained"- because of the "inward" nature of women and "outward" nature of man. That's just my take lol, so explore what that means for yourself. Hope it helps. Namaste
@@charlieberry7562 I know exactly what you mean and I feel the same way. I mean I cringe at "dainty". Idk to be honest. I do believe there's an inherent nature in things. I bleed every month and can grow a child in my womb. My hormones make me a certain way regardless of what type of reality I want to create for myself. Because of my wiring, the way I optimize may look different from you. What I need to feel my best self in the world may be a mixture of nature and nurture. But idk, there is a grey area too. Have you heard of the gender equality paradox? In the most egalitarian counties with the most gender equality like Sweden, gender roles seem to organically become more stratified. That's just so weird. You tell women they could do whatever they want, you give them the tools and resources and yet, many still want to become teachers, counselors, and humanitarians instead of engineers. (Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone)- but I think it says something about our truest nature. If you let women and men do whatever they want- they still tend to gravitate towards certain things. Both men and women can join the military- but it's still male-dominated. Why? Why do we still choose different-given the choice? But anyways, the gender thing is such a loaded conversation these days. I don't think it's black and white either, but I also don't think it's all grey. There's chaos and order in the world. There's masculine and feminine. And there's a spectrum of ambiguity too.
Great. Now how do I, as a woman who has been stuck in being in the Masculine (out of necessity in the family dysfunction very long ago), and into the Feminine? How do you open the role for a man when you literally have to also still fend for yourself? Myself and many other women are so damn tired....
I'm also dealing with this, it takes a lot of inner child work. Our childhood has taught us that men don't have our best interests at heart, so how can you put your life into the hands of someone you don't trust? Allowing someone to contain you is to have complete and utter faith in their ability to want what's the best for you. And if you have been taught your whole life that people use and abuse then this is going to be very hard. Especially considering that it takes a very special kind of man that is worthy of that kind of trust and finding someone like that is like finding gold in a ditch. You literally have to filter through all the dirt. At this point I'm just working on my own growth if someone comes along that has done their inner work and is worthy of my trust then I'll fight that battle with myself but for now I'm dealing with my demons as they come and trusting my intuition when it comes to men.
I am one of "those women," surrounded by family, reparenting my self while parenting gently. I think Teal made a lot of sense when she said some of us say we don't need a man, but really, we're meeting our containment needs with our children and families. I hadn't considered it that way. I mean, I'm open for a grown man to strike up a mature, exciting relationship at any moment but it's not happening during this pandemic. During this down time, I'm trying to heal my triggers and traumas so that I don't go into the next relationship without seeing red flags; I'm seeking what's not "normal" to me, because I now know my normal is chaos, what I was raised in was trauma and I don't want to replay anymore of it. Be calmed, PatriotResearchGal. We're tired, but we're healing and preparing for the most amazing relationship we could dream of.
Finally someone who can articulate this concept. Previous generations knew this instinctively, but now it has been lost and people are so far out of their roles. These days women don't want to accept containment and men don't know how to do it. Your message is very helpful.
This just summarized why my last relationship didn’t work out and why he and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I’ve never viewed relationships like this before, but this resonates so much. Thank you, Teal!
This totally resonates with my experiences of adult dating (I am almost 50 and divorced since 3 years). I really appreciate and am attracted to independent women with a full spectrum of living their own lives. Unfortunately this often turns out to be women in defense who are not able to put down their gard and allow themselves to be vulnerable and feminine. This is a great video, both men and women should definitely watch it!
Such helpful and needed information ! So many women in my life short circuited when I exhibited "containment". Something so little as opening a door or always paying for dinner (which was a pleasure for me) was offensive to her. Women accused me of seeing them as helpless when in reality I saw them as precious and deserving of my ultimate respect and protection. This was so pervasive for me that I just stopped dating or even cultivating women friends. Thank you for pointing out that the broken family unit has been a disaster for humanity. I don't believe that this was by chance. A broken family is easier to control. It is a known and easily verifiable fact that Gloria Steinem was a CIA agent and Ms Magazine was funded by the CIA.
Yep, this whole thing is the knockdown effect of feminism as far as I'm concerned. The fact that feminism wasn't implicated in this seemed like a large omission. As you demonstrate, it's not men who didn't want to provide the containment. Feminism teaches women that the very idea of it is sexist. To be fair after 50 odd years of feminism the amount of men wanting to provide it has shrunk as well, as it's a lot of work. Especially for women that don't want it.
i'm 62 years old. raised as a feminist. containment sounds like anathema. this discription of containment makes sense of many of the difficulties in my 32 year marriage. i'm old and tired. i don't know whether i have the energy to try to engage in containment.
I wish I was articulate like you. I have been trying to spread this message for a while now but it seems no-one is listening. I grew up without a father, didn't get the containment I sought, and took my advice and role modelling from movies and TV. I was lucky enough to meet a good woman that was thoughtful enough to try and change my attitude to women, and also wise enough to know that I wanted to give it a try. Now I'm happier than I have ever been, ever.
Don't bother because they don't want any of this from an average man. They want a tall high status Chad to do all this. Women despise 80% of men and aren't attracted to them.
@@steffennielsen5942 devotion and protection is a natural law of creation, you either resist or you surrender to this... up to you. It is not that you are putting a woman higher as you, that's not devotion, devotion is a way of love of caring someone and with that comes a sort of a commitment. In that you still are very much free because you just are aligning with your true nature. From this things effortlessly flow... it is not my need or graving for a man to be like this, it is a natural alignment that I am in integrity with...
@@lizcorbett2587 I don't mind doing this for the person I love. I want them to feel like they are the coolness of my eyes, because they are. However, I haven't been so lucky to find anyone who deserved it so far. Only been hurt again and again and left feeling worthless lol.
@@Maria-gd4vf I feel the exact same but there are some women that hate a man with good intentions. I’m tying to find a woman who doesn’t. We can’t give up Maria.
I dont know if its related of anykind, but i feel like a healthy bdsm relationship might help, so u get contained in a relationship but can take Control during a bdsm session with your partner, therefore u get both things u need
I grew up with a strong single mother and the belief that relationships were 50/50. After getting married I became frustrated with having to do everything, make all the decisions, plan all the dates and special occasions. I’m just now starting to understand this is my duty as a man in this relationship and my wife had no words to describe what was missing. This is excellent advice for men who grew up without positive male role models. Don’t make the same mistakes I did show your woman appreciation and make her feel safe. Do not be in a relationship if you are not ready to be a leader.
I mean they still are 50/50, just not evenly split in each area. For example a woman does more like 90-95% of child rearing responsibilities whereas the man should be doing a higher percentage of work outside the home.
That list was literally every point I've ever desperately wanted in a man! Wow 👏 and every single point that wasn't met match up to the root causes of all my most painful issues in relationships 😔😔 . Thanks for this Teal, really spot on as always, love you 😇🥰❤❤❤
I totally agree Jennifer. The male figures in my life (e.g.fathers, partners) who provided containment made me feel loved. If containment was not provided I pulled away because I did not feel loved.
Do you think that many women "fell prey" to men who are very jealous and controlling because these type of men mimic or pretend to offer containment? I think some women like it when their man is jealous and protective yet many times that very same attitude is what leads that man smothering or "not giving her space" or not allowing her any freedom. I guess extreme jealousy would be an unhealthy containment...almost like being contained to a prison cell.
@@bgoodfella7413 Yes it is exactly that. When a man says ''you're mine'' it kinda turns you on because in a womans mind that means (subconsciously probably) ''I will take your best interest as my own and care for you, etc.'' But in reality it often means ''I can do what I want with you and you can have no objections and when I'm done I will toss you aside like a boring toy''
@@adriaan4808 Yes exactly. I think it is a problem of confusion. Nobody wants to be abused, but you would rather be abused by someone that seems to love you than be treated well by someone that seems detached. I think alot of bad guys are confident to practice ownership, because they know it will get them what they want, but some good guys are afraid, because they think they aren't good enough or strong enough or something like that. Maybe the good guy has the plan of ''eventually'' taking ownership, but the woman will go for the man that's ''all in.'' That's why alot of abuse people do this thing called ''love-bombing.'' It makes the victim think that the abuser is all in and therefore they let their guard down and this makes it easy for the abuser to take advantage. It is also partly the woman's fault, because she is naive to think that someone that doesn't know you can truly love you, but they want it so desperately that they will believe it.
@@adriaan4808 Well I think a big problem is also that men are often looking for "what women want" to "get with them" and not to truly understand them or love them or be there for them.
My God, this was definitely why I felt so much resistance to let my father help me mentally/financially ever since I turned 18, although he certainly was wise and capable enough to. But learning about this dynamic made so much sense as to why he would feel so terrible, and I constantly felt like I was just incapable of vulnerability. Today, I've made the decision to let my father in. Thank you Teal, we're so grateful for you!
I’m a stray☹️ And I have become quite masculine especially physically, I’ve become Very Muscular and strong. I’ve had to be hyper independent and protect and provide for myself for the past 5 years. My ex was passive in all areas of the relationship; making future plans, moving forward together, discussing issues ect. He was emotionally unavailable which is why I eventually left him. To meet a man who wants to positively own me and contain me would be life changing as I never got that from my father or from past relationships. I’m sure I have resistance there due to trust issues with men, but am totally on board to address and that.😍
equality is not sameness. "Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free." Alexandr Solzhenitsyn ... Teal I appreciate your eloquence with unpacking the inversion of masculine femininity & feminized masculinity that is reeking havoc on man-woman relationships right now.
After 5 years of hard work, and after much resistance from me, my husband and I now have this dynamic mastered in our marriage. It's been a journey, but we're only getting started. Great video, Teal. Thank you.
The fact that you have to add the disclaimer , just made sense of my whole life and why I have never been able to get along with most people. I have never understood why everyone is so touchy and in denial and unable to be honest about controversial things . Everytime you say this type of thing in your videos I always think.. wtf ? Are people really that petty / childish? ... Also, a mom to a very young boy, One thing i would love to hear you tall about would be tips for parents in regards to raising a boy into a man like this. The do's and dont's sorta thing. . Lord knows they are few and far between, at least in my experience. Anyway great video ...as always... you never disappoint. Thank you!!
Do your utmost best to make sure that he always has as much masculine influence as possible. For example, if you have male friends and relatives that you trust, ask them if they can help you 'raise' him by doing activities with him. Make him go to activities such as basketball, boy scouts. Another good one is a martial arts class, such as Taekwondo, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Martial art teachers tend to be well-rounded men who can be great father figures to their pupils. The key is to ensure that he's surrounded by balanced masculine energy in his daily life through long-term activities such as those mentioned above.
Don’t compare him to other kids Don’t criticize him instead encourage him. Comparing and being critical works to change a girl’s behaviour but not a boy. It will backfire big time.
WOW. I actually feel like a good boyfriend. I do these things for my girl and she often says she loves it. I spose ultimately it just means doing what you can to meet her best interests, showing interest and being present. taking the initiative for your life and the relationship.
this only works after you've been going at it a while, otherwise to most modern women it's 'simping' which can backfire and be a turn off... crazy right.?
Damn...super thorough walkthrough about how to be a man for a woman, thank you Teal! Its a tough job being a container, especially if you have no platforms yourself that empowers and supports you, like a therapist, good friends or a network of other men on the path of "enlightenment"/self-development. No wonder why many men, including my self, have commitment issues due to aversion of taking that full on responsibility. Maybe i quite didnt get it, but I think that containment/regulating should go both ways. However, the man might be the main physical "protective" container, like the clam metaphor. On the other hand, I think that the pearl metaphor passifies the woman too much, like she is just a passive object in the dynamic. Instead I think that there is a dynamic that happens when the man "contains her first", that I find wasnt fully explained in this video. Its not like woman just dances around and creates art when she is contained, but she is giving the man something back of value also for the man. Like Teal said, men feel empowered when they feel they can provide for a woman, but it has to be more of that? I guess men also get a taste of sweetness of intimacy, which we so much lack in the modern world. I Would like to hear containment from the woman to the man, or more about how the dynamic plays out in this "intricate" and somehow socially complex masculine and feminine dynamic. I also think that the man is under too much pressure in the modern world..In earlier times, both the male and the females needs were not just met by a partner, BUT A WHOLE VILLAGE of people, like Esther Perel says. This video I think lacked the sociocultural historical perspective of the past and modern version of the "tribe", that serves as an way to understand the pressure that men are under in the modern world.
This is true. This is why I have been single for almost 12 years. I have not found a man that has made me feel safe or contained. Teal is opening new perspectives.
So why then do you then choose self-containnent for 12 years? Didn't the men provide _any_ containment? Or, did they provide the best containment that they could with love and care?
@@Lichfeldian--Suttonian l left my husband 12 years ago he took his life. Our relationship was toxic. I needed to heal those parts of me so I never again was in an abusive relationship. I had toxic traits. When I was in a relationship for awhile I only saw how toxic I was. I decided to go on a healing journey. I have high anxiety in relationships at the beginning and men don't understand this. I decided to give up on love. I talked to a few men the name calling when they were angry,who calls someone a fat pathetic loser? It just turned me off. Now I have no faith. I haven't found a man that could give me more than I give myself.
I love your end conclusion Teal. Due to several reasons e.g. health issues and recovering from childhood trauma, I've come to realise (also due to the information in your videos) that I've always been looking for containment in relationships with women. Guess how these worked out...? I can only speak from my masculine energy, but I truly agree with you as it comes to this subject and I understand that it can cause a lot of conflict and disturbance in our current, confusing zeitgeist. Feeling healed and complete for the first time in life, I know how to take care of myself in these subtle dynamics and would love to be a provider of containment for a woman. No neediness, no psychological insecurities, no victimhood turning into verbal agression etc. Just confidence in myself and my abilities where I use my sensitivite nature as a guidance system. Thnx for this great video!
@@janbalaban5268 I don't feel that she's saying that Jan, but I might be wrong ofcourse. Masculine energy in its highest potential is unmovable, yet emphatic and fherefore creates a natural container for a woman. This has nothing to do with being a servant. Big masculine hug from The Netherlands ❤
@@karelhoogendoorn In traditional societies "not rotten to its roots" -as is our declining western civilisation- this worked opposite way. Women created nurturing "safe space" for their families. Mostly for kids. But for their men too. Because it was neccessary, when he returned from "mamooth hunting" or from war or conflict with other nearby tribe. He was injured, exhausted and in need of "safe space" where he can regenerate. It was matter of life or death for her and for her kids, to bring her husband back to good conditions and good health. And now? Show me few women, who are able to give massage, make delicious meal to their husbands who just returned tired and exhausted from their responsible and complex work.
In the past I was married to someone for 12 years and didn't understand masculinity and the role it should play between two people. Because of this it destroyed my marriage and wrecked my heart for many years. Since then I have learned much about what real masculinity is and am living that life now. I look and act masculine, and enjoy the positive benefits from it but finding a partner here in the greater Seattle area where (it seems) the majority of women believe masculinity is something abhorrent is really frustrating. I decided to give up seeking a partner and just to be alone, but I yearn for someone who can actually understand how the yin/yang of masculinity/femininity works without all the negativity that we constantly hear about how men are so awful. Thank you for your videos...I just found your profile and am going through a number of them. They are really helpful and are bringing me much peace.
That’s wonderful you have grown and learned this. My marriage ended for the same reason and I pray he someday figures it out. Don’t give up, you will find this. Church, church activities and small groups are a great place to start if you are a man of faith. Those women are more traditional and not easily swayed by modern ideals. Do a hobby group for whatever you’re in to or take up hobbies that are out in public. Check out some of the dating gurus on UA-cam that teach how to start talking to women in public. It’s way easier than you think. I forget his last name, but Matthew is his first name and he has a video about this. He gives excellent advice. Essentially you blend in to an environment that’s neutral and natural that you feel comfortable in like a coffee shop and give a short line about something related and if she talks back, you’ve started to build report. This gets you crossed over to the neutral safe man vs stranger possibly unsafe man.
You're a blessing Teal. I love how you use car ownership as an illustration - you're communicating in a way that men can understand! Great message. I'm so saddened by the total breakdown in relations between the sexes and the utter confusion over what it means to be a man or a woman. I'm heartened to see that you, and increasing other voices, are calling us back to the way.
I never wanted to be an independent woman. From experience, I learned I was better off taking care of things on my own. That was a mixed bag: more so needed to realize I had to first go within and heal. Then attracting the right flavor of man who can offer this "containment" would come to me. The journey of self love and learning never ends. Yet, today I am excited to share, I am at a secure enough place to open my heart for true love/containment. Since in my opinion containment is the essence of love from a man. ❤. Thank you 🎉
New word for an intuitive concept that I have always felt but struggled to communicate. How do you ask for this level of support or commitment without sounding needy or like you’re trying to take advantage of a guy? I have never known what it’s like to be this loved by any man. I’ve always had to take care of myself. Thank you for the new vocabulary of “positive ownership” and “containment.” Still believing in this type of love. 🌷
Do the opposite of what you feel like doing - let the man lead, depend on him without nagging and put him first. He will, in turn, contain u and feel the “ownership” that she’s talking about and for which you’re searching.
Watching this video was eye-opening. It basically explained why I was so unhappy in my previous relationship that I had to end it despite the fact that I loved him. And it also explains why I feel so much safer and happier with my current partner. I was older than my previous partner, whom really didn't get a lot of love in his childhood, and I realized now his lack of containment in his childhood has led to him seeking containment and shelter from me, which made me felt increasingly sad, tired and hurt.
I think it has always been more about contain one another: back in the days the male used to contain the woman when they were outside, but inside it used to be the opposite. The two sphere, domestic and public were divided. So when in public it was more of "male" duty to provide containment for the woman, on the other side, at home it was more a "female" duty to provide containment for the men. Sisters, mothers and wives were making sure of meeting the best needs and desires of their man at home, while the reverse was happening outside the house. Actually containment should always be an act of mutual love, to be provided to the person that needs it the most in the relationship. Like in the relationship children-parents: in the first part of life children need containment but in the second part son and daughters need to acknowledge the need of containment of their parents. I really like the video but I think we should acknowledge that the relationship is more fluid and complex than how it is described here.
Yup. I love containing women, as well as children. It's painful: the "feral" women I really want to show this video to would throw a fit if I did. Actually, my main difficulty around this is that once contained, even slightly, women usually develop strong feelings and latch on very quickly. Seeing the absence of positive containment, this "starvation" pattern makes sense. However, while manifesting a compatible life partner, this pattern makes it hard to have some fun and enjoy the more casual relationships along the way. I still have lessons to learn and work to do on that level, but am learning to give up on uncommitted romance entirely... And it's not even always about the romance, or kundalini spark or flirting. Tuning into this now, I find myself wishing I could just provide a baseline degree of containment for a wider circle of women in my community. I currently live in student dorms and everyone's locked up in their own little boxes, the common spaces are almost never used by anyone and the barrier of the smallest level of intimacy is so hi that just saying "How do you do?" is a step over the line. Fulfilling certain "guru expectations" means I actually do get to look after some strays (usually recently out of their family's containment, both young men and women), but that paradigm also sets up certain boundaries. I'm generally very happy these days and rarely feel alone, but reflecting on this does awaken a deep dissatisfaction that borders on resentment. Continuously, I set up safe spaces for strangers, let them rest in my energy and give them healing and guidance. Rarely do I meet anyone who can actually give back (though I have spiritual friends who can, and do, back home) and never do I get to rest in anyone's energy. I guess partially this is because what I provide is only partial containment. I don't want to truly own almost any of the people I provide containment for. These relationships are too asymmetrical. But I dream of someone who can meet me so deeply that I can whole-heartedly claim, nurture and hold them in my heart for a lifetime - or at least a solid decade or two. Blessings to any who may have taken the time to read this 🥰🤗🫂
Hearing the word containment resonates with me as I’ve always wanted to “own” a woman I was into. However through cultural messaging it kinda got beaten out of me and to this day I’m kind of an avoidant person. Funny enough my natural impulse to contain a woman seems to be exactly what women want from me. Funny how things work out like that.
You can start using these common areas, you can start approaching people and saying hi and making it a more normal thing. I was commenting to someone about how all the women at a few local places were all very nice and open to chatting and they said "I guess, but none of them talk to me" (at those same places.) It made me realize it's all about the energy going out.
I feel that this video will be not a game changer but a life changer fir me. For years I have perceived a relationship with a man as a struggle for my freedom and wellbeing. On the other hand, I used to feel ashamed for dreaming about the kind of containment that Teal is talking about. Moreover, I had no idea that some of what Teal mentioned is even possible. Thank you!
Just brilliant! I don’t know what else to say! This video has been like a lightbulb illuminating the areas where I have not fulfilled my role in respect to female partners over the years. I believe strongly in personal responsibility, so this was easy to hear and learn from. Thank you so much.
Thank you for shedding some light on this topic Teal. Excellent information for both men and women. A much needed video for the society we live in today. My view is that everybody is already aware of this message somewhere deep down, but because of the 'Cancel Culture' we live in, most men do not bother owning the women around them. This message had to come from the mouth of a woman and no better person to say it than you.
I’ve often thought the women’s lib movement may have done a great disservice to women, men, and families. Not that before women’s lib it was perfect. It most definitely was not. Woman were being abused and left to fend for themselves and their children just the same. In the 50’s there were many damaged men damaging others... a lot of disfunction. This is why woman felt the need for women lib in the first place. We needed to be able to take care of ourselves and our children if the men weren’t doing it or were doing it in destructive ways. How do we correct all this... that’s the big question. You’re right with the younger generation cancel culture... makes improving this even more difficult. Men afraid to open doors for women now in case she’s offended by it. Weirdness. I still think the majority of women appreciate men being chivalrous, though.
This is brilliant! It reminds me about something that was told in my wedding a few months ago but the Lakota chief who blessed our coming together. He wore a bonnet of eagle feathers and wore an eagle feather fan, and related to the eagles. The female eagle, he said, fly high and drop branches from above. The male has to react to it and try to catch it in the air. So she´s challenging her man to perform and go beyond his limits. That is what women do to men, it´s their natural instinct, but of course there are healthy and unhealthy way of doing it. Being downright impossible doesn´t give the man a chance and he should just leave. This, I think, is what modern women do on a collective scale today, and men as a collective should no longer accept it. Consequently many men walk away from the dating market all together, and that is honestly their only choice if women choose, as is generally the case today, to be just destructive. We have to restrict them, put them back in their places. That is what women, as a collective, expect us to do.
While I agree with your sentiments, women (and men too) have to take responsibility for healing their own trauma because no one can fill a broken vessel. Taking positive ownership of someone else is a fools errand if they are actively harming themselves and others. While we can all offer help when it is requested, it is the personal responsibility of everyone (both men and women) to learn and exercise self control and become a self-sufficient adult.
True, true. But what of those whom are compelled to help someone who doesn't want to be helped or help themselves? How do you climb the unclimbable hill? It will take this form. Positive ownership of how we exemplify the best in us. And patient humility with their and our own short comings
@@milostone6498 You don't climb the hill, its an erupting volcano. set boundaries for yourself, accept that you can lead the horse to water, but you cant make it drink. instead work on why you are compelled to climb and give space for her to revisit herself. sounds like you both aren't ready for one another and that's okay. self improvement is needed in both parties for teals 'masculine containment' to work.
@@soulfullcreations7308 I speak of the nihilists, not romance. I speak of my brother. And yes, it is a volcano 🌋 but I'm not willing to let him fall in yet 😅😘
Reading through the comments the overall message from men towards Teal's concept of containment was approval. I must admit I'm a little surprised as I've expected way more defense but so happy its actually something men crave to provide. 🙏❤
And I've expected even more defense from women, to be very honest. For me, the idea that a man should provide and build a container for a woman have always been an evidence. I've always felt, deep in my body, that is what I want to do, what I'm good to do. And I've known so many guys that were like me. But on the other hand, I've never had the impression that women want it. In fact, I've heard, from many voices, that I should be ashamed to thinking a woman would need me. I've seen so many messages saying that I'm nothing but an oppressive, dominant, controlling man. I've never wanted anything but the better for the women I care, but just saying I want a woman to be mine, like a treasure I can cherish, seems so sexist today. I've passed so many years completely alone, with a sentiment of void and emptiness inside me. They said I'm supposed to fight for myself, but I've never cared of myself, I don't like myself. I'm feeling like if I'm only half of something, but no one want to complete me, cause no one want what I have to offer. Sometimes I have the impression that I could die without anyone to notice it. I know I'm maybe not the most cool, fun, popular guy of this planet. But when someone asks for help, I'm here. I've never considered my value as a man to be anything but this. But no one have ever asks me. When I walk in the street, most girl are afraid of just looking me in the eyes. And now some feminists are saying that men have never given anything but suffering to women, and the only positive thing they can do is submitting or disappearing. But I'm too proud to submit, and I don't have the courage to die. So, even if it seems strange to you, I'm craving to provide. I'm craving to hearing that I wasn't wrong all this time. I'm craving to hearing that even in this modern, feminist, safe world, there is still a need for a man like me. Because there is nothing more painful that not knowing if there is a place for you in this world. And I know I'm not alone. I hope this huge mess can give you a better vision of the situation.
@@gauthierloustaunau5396 those who scream the loudest don't necessary represent the majority. I can assure you that there are still a ton of women who don't subscribe to the subverted neo feminist BS. 😉 I'm grateful for the initial organic female frights for equal rights and opportunities but for a long time this movement has been abused for the enforcement of identity politics, basically for social engineering purposes. That being said it's funny how compatible men and women don't find each other. Have you voiced your needs to provide for a woman and your need for containment? I love Teals concept of positive ownership and I know for sure it's even a huge turn on for many women, including me.😉 I really wonder how you've made that many negative experiences. 🤔
@@gauthierloustaunau5396 wanna hear something funny? I really don't need to be babied and I'm quite independent but I just love to be shown affection by (my) man, through holding doors open, carrying the bags, making a coffee, receiving something he saw in a store and thought I'd like it, cooking a meal, foot rubs, small surprise activities, showing honest interest..basically everything Teal listed and more. My ex bf wasn't very good at providing this and every time I addressed his lack of care and asked for a change he'd shrug me off and said I have sexist beliefs and that it's not a man's duty to provide that way anymore. 🤡😬
@@juliadarling3404 Maybe there some cultural differences, because I live in France, not in the US. But most importantly, each time I've felt in love for a girl, she appends to prefer a guy who give to her something I cannot give. I'm calm, serious, loyal. But the guys who are adventurous, who breaks the rules, and who doesn't care of anyone always win in the end. They seem confident, because they don't care of what append, and they seem liberating, because they know it's the better way to obtain what they want. From 15 to 25 years old, all the girls have met were searching fun, excitement, and a feeling of freedom. And most of the time they need a lot of alcohol (or less legal things) to enjoy what they were doing with men they don't know. So when I heard women want to be provided, I'm basically hearing : "If you could just stay as the intelligent nice guy while I'm enjoying my youth with assholes that are wasting their life. Don't be afraid, you're my B plan. Or maybe C. Or maybe W." But now I'm almost 24, and it still seems like the girl of my age prefer to give another chance to the guy that have cheated on her that giving a first chance to the guy they have forgotten 10 years ago. Maybe I'm trying the wrong person. But I'm trying all the places that our society consider to be good to meet the other gender, and each time I'm the guy no one see. And each time I try to just speak to women in other places, they look at me like if I am a weird dangerous guy. We live in a world that says to girls the life, and men, are something to consume. I'm a Christian, I want to build a family, I want to be married, I want to have children. But, contrary to what a lot of women say, I don't find many girls of my age that want something like this, or at least not now. But when it will be the moment, they will be with the guy that they manage to keep all this time.
@@gauthierloustaunau5396 yeah, I assumed you're French. I'm German and 36, justbfor reference. Well it seems to me your main problem is the demographic. The neo feminist propaganda has brain washed many women of that age group. There's a reason you pick the ones that don't want to commit and you probably should find out why you attract them. I would try to (make them) question their assumptions, because some might notice that it's most likely not their authentic beliefs they're parroting back to you. And my final advice, don't come of as a misunderstood victim and don't fall into the nice guy trap. Be your caring self and the right women will take notice.😉 Promised🤞
Wow Teal, that video just answered so many questions I had for a long time and even some that came up today after a fight with my ex boyfriend. I never fully understood what attracted us to each other. In the middle of the video when you said that containment comes natural to men I thought "you haven't met him, he is incapable of providing me containment and even actively wards it off". His elusive behaviour kept retraumatising me over and over again by bringing up my abandonment wounds. When you explained that this is caused by his own lack of containment through a broken childhood home, if felt like a revelation to me. He experienced the short and dysfunctional marriage of his parents and an upbringing by a struggling single mother and later a controlling step father. Anyway these experiences still don't excuse his unwillingness to even make an effort towards healing and change. I now understand much better what to look for in a partner, thanks to you.😚
Julia- thank you for your comment! I feel very similarly and I've grown up in a broken home and I've taken on my mothers masculine traits when I used to really embody what she used to be before my dad basically abandoned himself and our family through his depression and his unwillingness to get help and treatment. He later came around and worked on some stuff and I see my mom in her divine feminine when shes around him.
@@sarahelsner2721 I'm glad it resonated with you. I'm pretty sure a lot of women have similar experiences, as flaky detached men are fairly common. (Sorry to those who beg to differ 😉) For me it took a while to notice that the switched roles (me being forced to provide containment because he refuses it thus me not being able to express my femininity as much as I desire) were really damaging to me. Realizing that it's pointless to wait for a change any longer and to look for another man with the desired traits instead. Become aware of the behavioral patterns really helps.😊
When you said “positive ownership” something clicked. That is pure genius. Masculine containment. I love this content it’s so good. Thanks for giving us all the answers teal keep it coming 👏👏🙏🙏
Thank you so much for sharing this I innerstand my self so much more and also my ex and why he could never provide containment for me and my daughter .
I love this. Thank you for sharing about this because there’s not enough inform out there about this. I am a woman and have always been the “masculine” in the relationship as you said because I was with men who didn’t know how to contain. I’m working on my own trauma to feel safe truly stepping into that feminine role instead. Thank you! ❤️
Teal please talk about: • How empaths can shift to choosing what to attune to. • Environmental protection and how to consume responsibly without being a martyr. • What is the biggest fear for someone with enmeshment trauma? I feel like if I am being seen, people will figure out something about me that is unacceptable, but I am not sure what. • How to behave around someone who is intensely codependent and is not interested in self-growth. • How to eat as healthy as possible when you live in a place where organic is simply not available. • The best way to handle getting older. • Fear of death and how to be present with it. • Plant senses and their life purpose. • Do animals also learn by contrast? • The vibration of tenderness. • Hoʻoponopono • You always talk about the ego needs to see itself as good. I try to reflect on how I could loosen up and perhaps try being bad, and feel utterly dumbfounded, like my mind refuses to think about this. Would you please teach more about this topic. • Self-soothing vs. bypassing. • The feeling of being trapped.
The first video of yours I’ve seen. It made so much sense to me. I’ve attended Tony Robins, read self help books and relationship books. I know that growing up without a male role model has affected me, and this video shon a lot of light on that. If this and real financial education along with promoting travel to other cultures was taught in schools the planet would be such a much better place.
So, if a man were to realize that all this is too much for him to take on...would he then maybe need to seek containment for himself? And if two people are in a relationship where both are needing containment...they could stay together if they found that containment elsewhere or figured out a healthy way to distribute containment between themselves?
Really good note. Smart girl :) If this containing is not mutual, it is nothing but parasitism and abusing from side of contained one. What Teal described is not containing, but "adult babysitting" and it is way to unhealthy relationship of parasitic kind. Other thing is, that man's "masculine" containing is different than woman's "feminine" containing. If woman in relationship offers masculine containing and man feminine containing, it will in most cases not work.
If a man felt that way he may be in wounded masculine. If he seeks to be contained he may be in his feminine & it will depolarize attraction w a woman who is another feminine being, or it forces the woman to be in her masculine which is very frustrating & undesired for most women. .
This is a great question. I’ve been working on new content and this is what I wrote a few hours before this video . When he feels low and valueless , unaware of his true worth it seems it makes it harder for me to organically value him. Does the way he see himself impact the way I respond to him energetically? Does the way I see myself affect his feelings towards me? If the way we perceive ourselves affect the capacity of polarity , how can we experience polarity when our partner isn’t feeling confident? Id love to hear what you guys and gals think ?
Thank you times a million, Teal. I've concluded before that you are the most intelligent woman I've come across, and you are proving it again with these videos on male-female dynamics, which I'm re-watching now that I'm in a relationship where she's starting to go "hard/cold/stiff" and I knew I was screwing something up and needed a reminder. So many truths in these videos, so much I identify with. You are amazing. You really are doing something good for people with all you teach. Thank you.
Teal Swan gives gold. Ive never heard such socially reinforcing rhetoric and wisdom from another and i have truly learned much from her example over the years and her experience, strength and hope. Thank you, Ms Teal Swan! ❤❤❤❤
The last part really hit me, because recently I got my first real girlfriend and although she was wonderful and we had a great 2 months, at the end she said she couldnt be herself around me and she felt like my mother. I also felt that I couldnt give her containment in so many ways and that actually she was giving me containment. I knew it wasn't natural and it would ruin the relationship. I knew I should parent myself, since I didnt get that as a child(absent father and other things). But I was pretty insecure around her, I felt she was wiser than me and I couldnt do much but watch her lose interest and get frustrated. Now I'm researching anxious attachment style, self-love, masculinity and so forth, I wanna learn everything I should have learned as a child.
u will be amazing man.....u got the right attitude..
@@evka24 Thank you.
Good luck Dimitar, i feel you.
@@gingy2828 You ARE a Great man already.
@@bilko1971 Thanks Gaia
I realized I was emasculating my partner by needing to control both of us as the woman in the relationships. I stopped trying to control and let him take more control. His confidence improved and I am less anxious and our relationship improved.
That's great! Happy to hear that you got positive change in your life.
Now go tell your women friends. And don’t let the radical feminists steal you back and ruin your relationship. The struggle is real...
Lead, follow or get out of the way. Old Military wisdom.
Thats cool! I have three older sisters who did this to me forever! They still do. I find it hard to take responsibility in the family because i just want to be away from their controlling nature.
Don’t try to emasculate them. They are best in their own natural way, and they also need care and some space.
15 years into our unhealthy relationship, my husband began working with a spiritual guide who taught him about masculine energy and how to provide this containment for me. He started making changes without me even knowing what he was doing. I felt unsafe and like I had to be his mother for 15 years, and suddenly I started feeling safe, cared for, loved and seen. I have since delved into learning about feminine energy and how to embody it as well. We've never been happier. He is empowered and proud, I am secure and relaxed. Everything you said in this video is 100% spot on, especially the end about our broken family systems. We need to heal our inner children who felt unsafe and didn't have anyone providing us with emotional containers.
You need to understand that the male (masculine) and female(feminine) dynamics was very much natural until 60+ years ago the western feminist movement tried flipping the dynamic. You will see that this order of life is still being very much the sane in many parts of the world. Its easy because it is natural. Men and women has gender specific fundamental traits, qualities and roles in which bother are individually excellent at. But when you start saying I can do everything's hell what the other person is doing is when dynamics fails. There arise the problem of roles and confusion of gender specific energy.
I felt this soo much
I love that you said this because it’s so reassuring to know that even 15 years in (in 17 years married myself), things can still change for the better. It’s not that our marriage is bad or that I’m looking to end it, not at all, I just recognize that there are things we’ve never dealt with and it worries me. There’s never been any “event”, like cheating or anything like that (at least not that I know of, and I really don’t believe that to be the case), it’s more about supporting each other in the ways addressed here. We had a lot of emotionally harmful things happen when I was dealing with a long term illness in which I felt like a complete failure as a wife and mother bc of it, and I feel he never quite dealt with his anger with me about that partly bc he felt guilty for being angry with me for something I couldn’t help. It’s that sort of thing. I don’t even know where to begin repairing that, and while we have a great relationship, I think these things are simmering below the surface but I can’t quite drag them out into the light. I’m sure it’s at least partially bc I’m afraid to start tugging on that string, but I think it needs to be done. Anyway, I’m just happy to see someone who has done it and improved their marriage as a result, so thanks for sharing that. The key seems to be the willingness for both ppl to do it, and that’s my biggest question. I need to figure out how to find that out. Take care, and thanks again:)
Define "unsafe"
He was regularly beating you or screaming in your face, doing drugs, getting drunk?
Nah. We know that's not what you meant. He wasn't as financially secure as you wanted him to be for you. Also, even though he is likely a foot taller, he wasn't projecting enough of the Daddy vibe all women crave. Stoic, rule setting. Protects her from her own wild emotions and reckless decisions.
If women won't be my New Mommy, I won't be their New Daddy.
Oh that is wonderful . What are some examples of what he did to give you containment? This concept is a bit hard to know what it looks like on a day to day.
This is a really good clarification of the alpha/beta, masculine/feminine energy situations. I grew up without a functional father and no other male role models, I've seriously struggled with relationships and ended up first with someone with BPD and then a "mother" figure and couldn't quite explain why it felt *so* wrong. I am a weak man and I hate it, I don't feel like I have anything to offer, but I am staying away from relationships until I have internally resolved my masculinity and self-worth.
You got this king. You know where your shortcomings are and how to rectify them. Keep going
Appreciate this @@dirtydan4492
I am in awe of your honesty. I think just by admitting your foibles you are a strong man.
Demand decent pay and conditions at your job and you can afford containment. There is good sense to demanding good wages.
Taking the steps to better yourself shows great strength!
When you see a strong yet gentle man, it brings you to a place of high estrogen.
Swoon.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
As a woman, I can confirm that this is true. It shows that his assestment capabilities are very high and he is more likely to successfully determine when and how to insert his strength in a relationship with his woman and generally in his everyday life, he's mentally more stable than others, and that in turn means stability (like a rock), and that in turn means high probability of safety/security/masculinity and THAT is EXTREMELY attractive for many of us women.☺️🧡 Cheers.🥂
@@chrysichrysi7889 Hey that is DEEP and all so true! Well said! Thank you ❤🙌🤩🤩
I think we have to research more about hormones. Something is happening chemically
@@chrysichrysi7889 how old are you? because every woman i know my age (20's) are only interested in how hot he is and how much money he brings in
I didn’t have a word for it until now, but as a single woman who has had to fend for herself, I 100% crave containment. Just hearing that described makes me relax inside. I’m exhausted / stressed with having to look out for myself all the time. I want to be someone’s pearl!
Not someone.....a tall high status Chad.
You would scream use mace spray and jump off a cliff before being any normal or average guys "pearl" keep it real. You can't have your friends see you being some 5'8 mechanics pearl they'll call you a loser with a shorty.
Chad or nothing
imagine the privilege where this is acceptable. men could never have this, and all this spiritual mumbo jumbo is nothing but reinforcing the age old gender stereotype of men being vulnerable makes him lesser. basically tradition for thee, but not for me.
@@EvilSapphireR Being vulnerable is different than being weak. Takes a lot of strenght to be vulnerable.
This reinforces no stereotypes. Obviously if the girl in a relationship has naturally more masculine energy than her partner, then she will be the one providing this "containment" or whatever you call that safe frame in a relantionship. The video only matters to those wich feel like this is relevant.
@@Pvezin I have to agree with you. See these 2 statements.
....I'm sorry I can't afford this thing that you want. I just can't make room for the expense.
We're just going to have to do without it at this time. Or if we can find a less expensive alternative, we could look at it....
That's being vulnerable but not being weak.
@@Pvezin but the way this woman prefaced the video she made it sound like every single woman want that containment and if it's not there then relationship is doomed to fail either way.
We understand this concept very well in the eastern culture. So glad people in the western world are now learning about this. The divine feminine needs a masculine container. The river doesn’t exist without the river bed.
🍃🦋💕🌺✨
Omg it’s the universe guru 💕✨😻
@@charlieberry7562 you can look feminine and be very masculine inside. Its a question of feeling.
And she's doing what for him? What kind of protection is she providing for him??
@@charlieberry7562 one-sided precisely. Expect men to be "gods" in a sense because...we have testicles and they have ovaries. Wow...what logic.
This video has opened my eyes to why I struggle in my marriage. My husband was raised without his father and now I see that could be the reason I have a flipped polarity marriage and I hate it, I have had to take the lead role. I can clearly see that I crave containment and I resent the fact that I am married to a man that does not know how to provide it.
Happened to me. Divorced now. Wishing you the best.
I see a lot of flipped polarity in military families with the wife wearing the pants in the family. .. leads to a lot of cheating and divorce.
@@FloridaRaidermost marriages over the last 50 or so years are... just where men are att.
The Indian society is al distorted.. boys are taught to be the kings n donnothing at the house holds..
I can see all boys are treated so much with their mothers..
They grow up to become husbands who do nothing but only work n provide financially 'alone'..
No other kind of support what so ever..
It's just so hard.. to be his mother, mother him alone side his 3 girls .. feels so draining n hard..
Me in fact having to go thru my own part of traumas n wanting to heal from all those things that had happened to me since all these yrs from my childhood!
It certainly is hard to play all the roles at once..
When you have society and women in general saying they’re equal to men, how do women expect all men to act?
That's why healthy men are to me the most beautiful thing in existence *.* I find women beautiful too, but my attraction to healthy masculine men is like no other *.*
Well I'm assuming that's because you're a straight lol.
Domt get me wrong those masculine healty men don't date or find masculine women attractive.
I've seen a few I instanly rejected them, Aint got time for those with daddy issue.
I found myself a healty femenine women, and i noticed such a difference.
Yes
Of course because we will facilitate your life . Who wouldn’t want that ??
That's sweet of you to say so
I'm a masculine, independent woman, and Im happy to say that after watchhing this,I'm ready to be contained.
Then you're gonna have to bring that masculine wall down , step into your feminine ❤
I know someone who has a container in their basement. You can live there if you like.
May I ask, Are you
Naturally attracted to masculine men or feminine Men?
Too late. Once a woman becomes masculine, she is a dude
If you're a masculine, independent woman, it might be the time to find yourself a wife!
I’ve told my wife multiple times that I consider it my job to make her life as good as it can be. We have an awesome marriage.
Hope she will not forget her job.
modern women are slaves, they would rather serve a male boss at work then a husband
America is a sh*thole country for marriage.
You’re a rarity. Well done.
what does that mean? wtf?
It's sad that the social contract between men and women has become so bad that men aren't providing for the needs of these strong independent women who don't need no man.
I am one of those women who grew up associating “containment” with loss of freedom and abuse. I’ve been in therapy for years - but I got a male therapist last year and that has been life changing for me. I’ve been able to experience the emotional containment I never got to have as a kid, and it’s made me so much more receptive to men in general.
@Haleigh Alyssa yeah same. Since men abused me it’s always been hard for me to go to a male doctor of any kind. I’ve only felt safe with my body and secrets around female professionals.
Watch the movie Cinderella man. It shows active containment from a man
What would you say about women who have been abused and then reject a man who is capable of loving containment as Teal described but instead continues to choose men who leave her to fend for herself and shows her no regard. I would say I am the kind of man who has containment to offer, but a woman I love has only been with abusive men and I actually scare her whereas she feels more comfortable with men who hurt her.
@@Werewolf0216 Yeah I see that happen a lot with many American women. They get attracted to the most jealous men who end up abusing and controlling their lives like their daddy did.
I am kind of the opposite, because my dad is an immigrant and he has always kind of had it heart in his home country, so it never felt like he was all in on the family. Now the idea of containment is like a dream, but because I know alot of people that practice it do it negatively and the people that don't practice it I'm not attracted to, a relationship seems like a distant dream. But I know there is someone out there haha
“It gives them tremendous purpose...” I cried here. I have some work to do. Thank you Teal 🙏🏼
Wow, that's awesome that you connected on that level.
@M Taylor don't be abusive.
Woosey 😄
Containing a woman will make her feel loved and alive, and seeing your woman like that will also enliven you and boost your capacity of impacting the world, your life and her life. All positive !!!
Well said!👏👏👏👏
Touché!
Women contain too. Everything told in this video is a lie.
@@charlieberry7562 Everyone needs to take responsibility for their needs and actions.
@@isishathor1238 Exactly. I just wrote extended comment about it.
I was born with NCCAH and figured out why my apperance is that much masculine just before I turned 23 (few weeks ago). Generationally, my mother's female line needed to really protect themselves from men physically (my mom was a teenager in 90's in Ukraine, during the breaking down of ussr. physically dangerous environment!!!) and "become" masculine in their actions. While my grandmother does not have body hair (naturally!!!), I am struggling with it everywhere, since testosterone is tripled from the highest rate of norm for a female body, which I am living in.
My generational line struggled mentally and emotionally, and now I cannot look (and most importantly, feel) feminine even disregarding that I want to. I can't.
Sometimes I do, and after I got to know about the condition, I do perceive myself differently.
I just want to break my isolation a bit more here and share that I just feel (on all levels) like a very tender and deeply sensitive woman inside of a body that "thinks" it is and looks male. So many years of shame and consecutive, precise self-harm that cannot be undone!
Cultural values that only place female body under a spotlight to measure their owners value.
(Of course, I will be starting hormonal therapy this year, but I don't yet know if it works for me.)
And at the same time I am genuinely grateful I can share it here, and that I have a nervous system I am. So polarised, also highly flexible (hyper flexibility syndrome) and autistic + ADHD. I don't want to look and feel masculine, I feel desperate about I did mot make a choice for genetically embodying that trauma. I don't know whether I will ever look the way I feel, whether it is ever going ti match. But at least I will hope.
Thank you for reading. 💜🌌❤️🔥
Hoping You Achieve The Gender Euphoria You're Seeking & Please, Seek A Doctor's Evaluation For EDS Regarding Your Hyperflexibility; It's Def Something You'd Want To Be Privy To & Awareness Of Such A Possibility Will Inevitably Improve Your Overall Quality Of Life Both Now & In The Future! Elaboration On How That Is Can Be Found Upon Searching Up "Benefits Of Awareness Of EDS" & Reading The A.I. Overview At The Top Of The Results Page. All The Best To You.🖤💗🫂
Sending you so much love. ❤
You do not look masculine to me. Actually, rather alluring to me. Assuming that that is your picture.
Best of luck to you on your journey.
"Men build the walls of the home, women are the heart." Old quote I understood on a surface level, but not the depth. Thank you.
I’ve never had this explained in this way. I’m a single Mom who was able to end an abusive marriage. Containment without control sounds wonderful
Containment without control. Going to borrow that. Thank you. I'm the same. My experience of my parent's was male abuse, it makes absolute sense why Ive maintained my independence. But after watching this, containment withiut control, sounds lovely. I feel myself relaxing even at the very thought of it.If it comes, I will accept. *fingers crossed*
Yes it's about containment as in territorial boundaries, not a security fence to keep you captive, but a safe space for you to embrace your own freedom and security.
Containment without control makes no sense lol
But girls think everything is control , if the man doesn’t like your attire because it’s too revealing is “ control”
No sense at all. It's a cake and eat it too statement.
I think more importantly, girls need the containment from their fathers, to feel secure from the beginning. Thats the beginning or function or dysfunction in relationships.
I say to any man looking to start a relationship with a woman:
Does she get along with her father?
Teal didn’t give this a like 🤷
Truth!!
More so if the Family is divorced. The daughter needs her Father even more!!
Sooooo many destroyed females out there because the Father couldn’t see their daughters!!
Sometimes getting along best with your father is having no contact, but healing it within yourself.
I don't like the woman needing the man to pay for everything and do everything for her wHile she sits around does nothing and looks pretty,,
I am a man, and I am a witness to what you are sharing. In my opinion, a man that expects to be treated like a king by his lady without treating his lady as the queen, is a coward, weak. Fellow men: Her loved ones, and her, trust you to care and protect her. Lead with real love, or just be by yourself if you only want to take care of yourself. No need to mix up commitment with no commitment. Great quality content. Thank you
I had never heard of containment before, but after watching this enlightening video, it struck me that my grandparents' relationship illustrated the concept exceptionnaly well, and I have rarely seen relationships as strong and faithful as theirs. They met at 16, were married for more than 65 years, went through disagreements and tough times together, and through it all, my grandfather was pretty much litteraly my grandmother's anchor. He always provided for her and managed quite a lot of things in the household, and she never felt controlled or restricted, just safe and happy. She's been quite lost since he passed away a few years ago, and now that I think about it, she was definitly much calmer and softer while he was alive, even if he couldn't actually provide as much because of his declining health. She sometimes tells me that the most difficult part of her life was when she had just wed, and my grandfather had to be enlisted for his military service. She ended up raising their son alone for a year or so, working to get at least some income (really not much) and relying on her family to get through. That's the one part of her married life she doesn't recall fondly...
Anyway, thanks for the video!
I didn't watch the video yet, but I guess containment is the other end of provider.
@@Sobreira4 deeper than that.
I had the same thing being raised by my grandparents and seeing their dynamic
I love the oyster and pearl analogy. I'm one of those women that resisted "containment" yet deep down in side I was screaming for it. I'm more into my divine feminine energy now and looking for a man to "contain " me lmao
"If you actually take positive ownership over something, the best interest of that thing is your utmost concern." Incredibly powerful. This is old wisdom, but still so refreshing to see reiterated.
After many decades married I believe containment is mutual. A man surrounds his wife with love and provision and protection. The wife surrounds the man with love, a good home life, children and many other good things. For these many decades I am forever grateful to my wife for this. She saved me in so many ways. It has been my pleasure to do the same for her.
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/masculine-containment-r443/
Love you teal you are my true guide🙏♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for increasing accessiblity
I think it would be a great idea if you pinned this comment to the top of the list!
I don't know why but this felt rather easy to digest on your video. Thank you Teal.
Fantastic breakdown - thank you for sharing! However, I'm struggling to align these principles with the struggles of modern living. The alarming levels of depression and suicide amongst young men suggests that the psychological weight of needing to provide this containment is getting the best of us. I'm personally in a place where I will quite likely turn down any opportunity to date because I am finding it extremely stressful to even provide financially for myself. Thoughts?
Holy moly, I don't think there has been a more fundamental lesson I should have learned than this. Thank you dear Teal. You are simply amazing.
Wow! I have to say I’m going through a Death and rebirth stage right now in my life and You literally awakened me to why every relationship where I’ve ever genuinely loved and cared for a woman has failed. I am one of the nice guys and now on my journey to Manhood and embracing my masculinity. I get it Now. Makes sense.
I have consistently performed 95% of the actions / behaviors you listed at 9:36. The person I was with got used to me doing these things for her and I deeply regret it. I put my heart and soul into taking care of her and ultimately I feel taken advantage of. I once told her that I feel like she is more like my child than my partner. She completely agreed with me (to my dismay) and indicated no intention to change anything. To the men reading this: be careful about being committed to fulfilling the needs of your woman if she isn't willing (or capable) of fulfilling your needs in return.
I've experienced the same thing. Women will then say that you "did too much" and it's your fault and you need to grow up. Just don't bother.
That’s my question around this philosophy. Well, I agree 100% with what Teal is saying… how do you discern whether a woman is worthy? Worthy of that level of containment? Obviously, choosing a drug adult stripper as your partner does it mean that your containment is going to fix her and allow her to relax, into her feminine…
But yeah, that’s the issue finding someone worthy of that level of care . And where is the line between that and codependence
It sounds like you were controlling
@@gmailazertyhow did you make that conclusion?
I also find it funny that this video list for like 3 minutes men need to do for their women and then women are constantly saying “the bar is literally in the floor”……
Really?
I connected with a divine masculine energy a couple years ago, not long after discovering my divine feminine. When I call on this energy, it (he) literally envelops me like a cocoon and it feels so peaceful. The sense of balance from coming together is so amazing like everything "makes sense" again, total harmony. My own energy is not trapped at all by this but actually more expressive and amplified. Most of all, my energy feels fully appreciated for what it is and the vastness of it can truly be seen and understood. (And vice-versa.) Our energies are not only mutually respected but _honored_ by each other.
That's awesome!
What does "when I call on this energy" mean? Call upon it in the mind? Or does this have something to do with another human being?
@@charlieberry7562 I'm 2 months late here, but from my experience, you are capable of containing yourself. This is a blessing, to experience being taken care of by oneself. Can a woman do something like this for a man? No idea, bro, but don't worry about it, do your thing for yourself
@@JohnLannholm Hey there. "In the mind" is the best way to put it. Sometimes I meditate on it to intentionally connect but most times it's sort-of involuntary. I do think the energy is another person's but I haven't met them, as far as I know.
this is so interesting, I'm curious to know how you were able to connect with the divine masculine energy
This was sooo good. Seriously, humanity has a bright future when it comes to healing in relationships and making them work. Be blessed everyone.
What a powerful comment
Have a good morning!💞
Agreed!♡♡
Relationships in general. These are private relationships being projected towards other people. People are not their relationships.
I am a 58 year old Aussie male that was raised with old school values without being old fashioned.
I couldn't agree more with what you have said about containment being such an important component in relationships.
It's not about control, I in no way want to control a woman that would be like being with a child, I want a partner that thinks for themselves, to be a part of my team for the greater good of the relationship.
I was taught and shown how to be a man by my parents and grandparents and have constantly built on that foundation all my life.
It is honestly time for women to wake up and start playing their part as well as appreciating a man with those qualities when they have one and get rid of the mindset that a lot of women have today.
Oh him ? No big deal I'll just get another one and I can raise a family by myself.
Ladies and gentlemen it's time to realise that families need the dynamic of gender roles. I am totally ok with same sex relationships raising children as well as a successful worked out same sex partnership seems to have the dynamics sorted.
It's time to adopt some old school values again. The good one's.
Well said.
I might add that like most women, I would be terribly sad and disappointed to not have a masculine figure by my side raising my children with me, initiating them to masculinity and examples of containment. Providing stability for all of us.
I believe most women would feel this way, but put on a mask of proud independence because they simply have to in order to cope. Or because society hasn’t taught women the value of healthy masculinity in their family unit.
We have a skewed perception of masculinity for a lot of reasons.. but I’m looking to heal mine.
Good on you for speaking the truth, amen brother
Except that last part... all.made sense except the same sex part... that doesn't, she mentioned it in the start, women and men are built different. Don't let society tell you that insanity is sane.
Built different, but we all still have the same parts biologically, just arranged differently. Fun fact! :)
Hey now. My girlfriend/partner referred me to your work and this Containment essay caught my eye. It tracked with some conversations her and I have had.
I wasn't disappointed. We both like what you're saying here and purpose is how we humans define ourselves.
By the end of your discussion I wasn't thinking of the seashells offering containment I was thinking about how Nicole and I relate and it's more like a big goblet. She can rest inside of it and know it's a secure and safe space of nurturing. But it's open at the top, not something that holds her inside so much as provides the containment with also the liberty and space to expand in.
Lest anyone accuse me of mansplaining your area of expertise to you, I'm not, but Nicole liked the goblet analogy and thought I should share it.
Cheers. Your work is good brain food. Thank you for producing these.
I know Teal gets flack from the normies, but she is head and shoulders above everyone in the “enlightened” game. She sees things others can’t. Plain and simple.
Carved in stone
If you get crap from muggles then you are doing it right.
@@Westcoastrocksduh Nothing better than simplisms
@@alanazuaraayup8089 I don’t know what that word means.
@@Westcoastrocksduh dictionaries are a thing.
''how can i fend for her'' is something i needed to hear, almost makes me emotional to think i didn't do this well enough when i reflect on my past relationships. Glad to be able to have this in mind for a future suitor. ❤❤
suitress*
We need men like you Erik!
Same brother. But we're learning.
@@nate13dog1god bless
Fend for her in what way? Like a bar fight?
This reminds me of a year when my boyfriend didn't want to do much for my birthday, but my brothers got together and planned the whole night without me asking and it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. I'm really blessed to have them in my life. And I hope to find a man who will be my friend and take care of the both of us in the future.
Me me me, give give give. Maybe it is good to sometimes think about what you give others, not just what they give you? Otherwise you may turn into a `black hole`
@@yura2424 okay thanks for the advice.
@@yura2424 true....but the whole video was about what women need from men so it's not surprising that she was addressing that subject. The reverse -what men need from women- doesn't seem to get much consideration anywhere & women seem pretty clueless about it.
"what do you bring to the table?"...."I am the table" is about the level of their thinking on this (well on TikTok anyway)
@@rachaelrobertson4788 You are welcome!
Well you can’t expect your boyfriend to anticipate all of you wants and needs. Maybe think about what he wants once in a while.
Its soo frustrating being in a marriage where you have to be the one providing containment and receive 0 in return. I have to fence for myself, my child and a grown up child.😞
Yes, that can easily be the result of this video too.
I think for me, "containment" means feeling like (and knowing that) he has my back and isn't going to throw me under the bus to anyone... certainly not to someone who clearly has some beef against me... and certainly not in order to save himself in the moment. A person who knows how to set boundaries with others so as to protect our relationship. I'm strong, but I still want to feel protected by the man I'm in a relationship with.
People always tell me how strong I am and I tell them, it’s because I’ve had to be to survive. I’d prefer not to have to be so strong... To feel protected.
Spot on I had experienced being thrown under the bus and feeling like he was more fending for his ex (mother of his kids) than me. Now it all makes sense. I never been able to feel that containment with him and he definitely couldn’t/wouldn’t set boundaries with her.
Yeah exactly
@@soul2soul399 my gosh, me too. Ive been strong for so long. I had ro for me and my three babes. I would LOVE to be held, to be allowed to be soft, to accept care... I want to be contained!
hayamy 🤗💓
My boyfriend actually sent me this video which is a game changer for me and I appreciate him more than he knows, but while watching it I began feeling incredibly uncomfortable when you were talking about what a woman needs in a relationship. I agree with every last thing but the reason it stressed me out so much was because my mind automatically thinks “that’s too much for men to handle us”. But thank you for painting a clear picture. I’ll have to watch it over and over to learn what I deserve in a relationship ❤️
No - you're right in thinking it's too much for men. This video would apply when women were more subdued and their spirits of protest, autonomous mind and creativity were more stifled. Contemporarily I think both genders should work together for mutual containment - with perhaps more leadership on the male's side. Too much masculine containment can indeed be extremely exhausting and detrimental to the man.
@@capitalt348 In a healthy relationship it's not a burden for any partner. I am a woman with a strong personality and I like a bit softer men. But I want them to lead and I can respect my man's leading. I actually don't know how some women can have good sex without feeling "owned", however it sounds. I personally feel it's a great pleasure for both partners, if done properly.
@@justinael 100% agree with you
@@justinaelagree, it feels natural actually, and relationship is great.
I agree that a lot of this information in this message is very helpful but I do think that objectifying this or intellectualizing this message with the words containment rather than a more Accurately descriptivesides the word containment which just sounds so much of a loss of freedom and limiting is needed. If you need to explain that it doesn't mean controlling then the word is not accurate in the first place period this is not the first time I have cringed at Teal's labels.
Sitting here alone on Valentine's Day watching this in my own apartment raising my daughter alone. Just crying my eyes out. Not just for me, but for her future too. It hurts so bad.
Know you and your child are loved. Just work on yourself and be there for the both of you. Things will be fine.
Im right there with you smh the wish to have chosen better is a bitter pill to swallow
Why do you live your hausband?
@@salvomig2368 thank you
@@taazzmaann Well there is always the next lifetime, everyone learns or else you endlessly are reborn and start over from the bottom. All the best.
I do believe women love containment, my father taught it to me but it wasn't called containment, it was a way to know that I would do the same with my significant others and my own children. I naturally provided this to a woman that I really adore. Thank you for spending your time to share this epic subject.
So fascinating... I couldn’t help but think about how a woman ‘contains’ a man at that ultimate physical union level. As with everything in our life experience, there is the paradox and tension of oppositional pull 💙
please elaborate how a woman ‘contains’ a man at that ultimate physical union level. do you mean sex?
wut?
@@DavidLinn hmm, ahem... what do you think? 😉
Wow, just learned that pretty much every guy I've dated has not learned containment growing up, I'm always the one put in this position to provide containment to the man. Role reversal to the max, and it just feels icky, and always ends poorly. Glad to know about this and be more aware in the future. Thank you teal!!
It seems to be, we're talking about nurturing and maintenance. Thing is, if we assume women are more sensitive...it's a rough and damaging world, and women take a heavy toll. We are not Ferraris, we are not perfect but dented. Men like clear and decisive results. Treating a woman to dinner is not the same as waxing a car, there may not be an immediate fix. I think men get discouraged. It takes a toll on their confidence if they can't immediately fix us.
Thing is, if a man has confidence in himself and keeps treating a woman right she can become a "Ferrari." A man is potentially more transformative towards a woman than any inanimate object. I mean for one thing he's what she needs to become a mother. But he also initiates a feedback loop of healing where both can increase the others' vibrations and live a more authentic life.
Just getting out of a relationship like this. It suckkkksss. I too have felt like the guy in my relationships...and every time I've definitely felt like I have more "balls" than him. Very confusing.
Hmmm. I run my home completely, go to work, have fed my kids (now 24 & 26 this year so they can feed themselves by now) from day zero, changed their nappies/diapers when they were babies, cook from scratch, empty the kitchen bin/trash, clothes cycle, pay for everything, the whole bit! When I do the dusting and vacuuming for example, I don’t feel too masculine or feminine or anything, nor any more masculine or feminine bringing home the bacon. If any women in my life _didn’t_ have my shirts gleaming with blue whiteness, ironed, and hung in a row ready for the week ahead, I wouldn’t think and/or feel any thing less of her. Indeed I would expect nothing from her at all. I would only ask for her presence. What she could/would do would be lovely but I wouldn’t expect it.
@@stefanie-faye2680 I'm sorry to hear you've been through these kinds of confusing relationships too. It sort of strips you of your femininity when you are the one that has to take the initiative with pretty much everything in the relationship, between work and emotional fulfillment. We become the ones having to use our forward energy (masculine) and aren't able to be in the receiving (feminine) position because there is nothing being offered to fulfill our needs. Not sure if you noticed this about your relationships, but my 3 major relationships, all of them had no male in their life growing up due to various circumstances. It was always just their mother in the picture. There was no man displaying containment towards them. They had never witnessed this act as they were growing up. I really feel like my past major relationships were just seeking another version of their mother in me. This is not to say I don't have my own quirks to work out. Nobody is perfect. But hell it sure helps knowing about all of this containment stuff for future relationships. Im looking for an equal from here on out. Or someone I can find balance with. I hope you find the person who makes you feel like the lovely being you are 💖
you have been played by mainstream like puppets, thats why a lot of woman are in masculine energy
This is -hands down- the very best, most epic relationship video I have ever seen in my life. Due to a very dysfunctional household growing up and getting the polar opposite of containment growing up, It is so clear now why I have always attracted men who were emotionally unavailable. Through my own "survival mode" mechanisms, I went into the extremely independent "Fine, I'll do it all myself " attitude, and that always attracted men who wanted to receive containment, instead of the truly masculine man who thrived on giving it. Hence, I always played the mother roll, and then always wondered why I never got a "manly man". ZERO of my own feminine needs were ever met, and resentment would just build. I need to learn how to tap into my ultimate feminine self and realize I am worth being taken care of.
Felt you, to my core. Similar situation with me too. Wishing you blessings and healings. And may all feminized beta male to disagrees with this, get their karmas x10 worse for real..
Hey Sandy - i think Teal did a whole video on this very phenomena you highlighted (adjusting to the environment out of necessity, only to attract the opposite of what you wanted in the first place) - i think the video is called The Dupe Pattern: ua-cam.com/video/jY8O2thPhoE/v-deo.html
@@seanhardieinc Thanks Sean, I will definitely check out the link!
@@inspirespider66 think about what you are saying? Who feminized the so-called beta male? Was it not thier mothers, and society? Has there not been a movement against so-called "toxic masculinity" which is basically all alpha male behavior and most male competitive behaviors? There is very little that is new here from the female perspective: she doesn't want any accountability and wants to be treated like a cuddled "princess child" all her life. That is perfectly OK. But some women would rather die than play that role. And what will she do in mid relationship or mid life when the man who was containing her like a little princess child decides he needs more adventure and adrenaline with a wild passionate woman. And leaves her or has an affair?
Easy, mimic a baby
When Teal does a video on what a man should expect from a woman, I would hope the list is as thorough and extensive.
I couldn’t have said it better. Listening to the list of must-haves, then looking at the women who demand that list, a normal guy just walks away and finds something better to do, or he gets out his passport.
I'm a woman and just thought the very same thing. We need to be able to meet men's needs in order for this dynamic to work properly
Exactly. Whats the point of doing ALL this? Is she the main character of earth? Does the world revolve around her? What on earth is she doing to deserve this? Bringing her 20+ bodies? We need to get our passports fellas
These were my thoughts exactly as well. The list of expectations is long and all of this sounds like a hell of a lot of work. Which is fine, provided that the man also gets the things he values. Without this, it honestly just sounds like too much trouble to be worth it. In my opinion, a women must demonstrate herself worthy and accepting of containment at least to some degree. I see no reason to provide containment to anyone who is totally rejecting it.
At the risk of exposing some of my own biases, here are some ideas for what a man needs from a women in a relationship:
- respect and admiration, or better said unwawering positive regard
- generousity in affection and physical intimacy
- appreciation of his efforts
- trust
- instrumental support for his mission in the world
- loyalty (if a man places himself between the harsh outside world and the woman, he needs to know he can trust her.)
- followership
- clear communication of her needs and wants (so he can serve them)
- a greater degree of authority (a man cannot be expected to take on all of this responsibility without a commesurate degree of authority. Not keeping these two in balance will inevitably lead to abuse of power from one party or the other. I am not talking about being controlling. A man should act in the best interest of his woman, but he needs to have the power to do so.)
I love this topic because it inadvertently touches on so many other topics like how containment can also be looked at as "stable" and how can a man provide a woman with stability if he himself has never experienced or been taught it, also the fact that you may also be required to have a stable or contained mind or mentality before you can manifest it into a physical place of stability or containment.
That's probably it, @Floyd Williams. I wasn't taught I think. I was told! I felt that was being forcefully branded. I still do.
Thanks you Teal, due to my father not providing containment, even though he was in the home, I have been with many men who don't know how to contain, or went to the other extreme of being possessive , this explains so much. Thank you so much. I love you so much Teal XXX
When a man does this naturally and, like you said " he gets enjoyment from it", its because he loves her. Did you hear that? He LOVES her. Otherwise its too much work. And hopefully the reason he loves her never goes away. .
These women act like men should be eager slaves to women.
Or if it goes away, you may always find another one, right? You can even start right now preparing a `plan B`. This is the most important thing, when someone does stuff for you.
100% love this !!! I have always looked for this quality in a man. I’m a single mom, and it is so hard to make it alone. We both need each other! ❤
Are you widowed?
No, you need him. He doesnt need you.
For those who have difficulty with the word ‘Containment’ - it basically means, she must feel safe and secure and protected. Nothing about his personality or demeanour should make you feel uneasy, unsafe or insecure. He is like a garment for you, he beautifies you, fits you perfectly, hides your flaws, covers you and gives a good image of you. In the same way your wear warm clothes in the cold to PROTECT you from cold weather and cool clothes in the sun to PROTECT you from the heat, the husband must protect her and provide ‘containment’ for her in every way that he can.
T Y, Faz 🎼
wdym by "gives a good image of you"?
@@Hejirah code for satisfies hypergamy. She wants to feel like a trophy wife to a man worth more than her. This containment is just repackaging of the red pill.
She flirts with a thug at a bar. Contain that
Why does she need to be felt safe and not feel safe all by herself. Do you mean women are crippled emotionally ?
I realized my father didn’t provide that containment and find myself in flipped polarity relationships with men- men who want to be looked after and who don’t know how to take care of me. I guess I adopted the masculine, but I feel like I don’t want to be a container and contained. It’s true that when you don’t feel safe, you have to soldier up and I just want to learn to be soft again like my true nature.
You just need to find a man willing and able to do that for you. Easy. :)
@@charlieberry7562 I think it's speaking on the play between masculine and feminine energies, regardless of the body that holds within it a certain type of energy. A women whose had to learn to take care of herself and acts as her own container has a hard time learning to be "contained" or held. So if her imbalance is tough and hyper-independent, than it makes sense to allow an experience of softness and reliance. But that's just my personal extremisty as a "container" type of women. The opposite effect can be true for men. Men who have always been "contained" a.k.a "momma boys" don't know how to be a "container" or hold space for the feminine. They need to learn to shoulder responsibility, without feeling like it's a burden. Relationships are a play between holding space and being held. And feminine energy needs a sense of safety to flourish just as masculine energy needs to feel capable be directive. The masculine and feminine are one, despite what outward appareace it has (two lesbians). They fit together like puzzle pieces. And I think that's a general fear of men- that holding space for a women is burdensome- just as a women may not feel entirely safe in a relationship with an unfit container. I guess we all need healing from this.
@@charlieberry7562 Mmm, to some degree. From what I understand is that men don't need to be contained or want to be, just as women don't need to be containers. They can if they want to. If they've grown up in the opposite role, they do it anyway- whether they want to or not. But I think how we show up for each other and what we need from each other is very different. Like a man may not need a experience of safety or containment, but he may need an experience of support and affection from the feminine. A women may not need to always be go-go-go, but she may need an experience of safety to explore herself from her masculine counterpart. And safety a.k.a "containment"...looks different for every feminine. Just as being a container looks different for every man. Like for myself, I need to feel free, loved, and have creative freedom over my life-that's safety to me. Freedom to explore is safety. Containment doesn't mean control- it means holding space. Now my "container" or man, may not need containment but to feel like I have his back no matter what, I'm there with all the love, and that I am his and his only. I'm like his precious that he cares for deeply. He doesn't need safety, it's like he needs to feel like he's taking care of his precious lol. But that's a vague understanding of the masculine, cause I'm a women so if you're a man, only you know what it means to be a "container" and what you want that to look like and who can match that.
We just love on each other different and that's why I think Teal used "container" and "contained"- because of the "inward" nature of women and "outward" nature of man. That's just my take lol, so explore what that means for yourself. Hope it helps. Namaste
@@charlieberry7562 BTW if you have insta- @lorinkrenn is a great resource for divine masculine pointers.
@@charlieberry7562 I know exactly what you mean and I feel the same way. I mean I cringe at "dainty". Idk to be honest. I do believe there's an inherent nature in things. I bleed every month and can grow a child in my womb. My hormones make me a certain way regardless of what type of reality I want to create for myself. Because of my wiring, the way I optimize may look different from you. What I need to feel my best self in the world may be a mixture of nature and nurture. But idk, there is a grey area too. Have you heard of the gender equality paradox? In the most egalitarian counties with the most gender equality like Sweden, gender roles seem to organically become more stratified. That's just so weird. You tell women they could do whatever they want, you give them the tools and resources and yet, many still want to become teachers, counselors, and humanitarians instead of engineers. (Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone)- but I think it says something about our truest nature. If you let women and men do whatever they want- they still tend to gravitate towards certain things. Both men and women can join the military- but it's still male-dominated. Why? Why do we still choose different-given the choice? But anyways, the gender thing is such a loaded conversation these days. I don't think it's black and white either, but I also don't think it's all grey. There's chaos and order in the world. There's masculine and feminine. And there's a spectrum of ambiguity too.
Great. Now how do I, as a woman who has been stuck in being in the Masculine (out of necessity in the family dysfunction very long ago), and into the Feminine? How do you open the role for a man when you literally have to also still fend for yourself? Myself and many other women are so damn tired....
👏👏👏
thank you for asking this!!!!!! I've been doing reiki on my solar plexus and lower chakras to heal them so that I attract the things i really need
I'm also dealing with this, it takes a lot of inner child work. Our childhood has taught us that men don't have our best interests at heart, so how can you put your life into the hands of someone you don't trust? Allowing someone to contain you is to have complete and utter faith in their ability to want what's the best for you. And if you have been taught your whole life that people use and abuse then this is going to be very hard. Especially considering that it takes a very special kind of man that is worthy of that kind of trust and finding someone like that is like finding gold in a ditch.
You literally have to filter through all the dirt.
At this point I'm just working on my own growth if someone comes along that has done their inner work and is worthy of my trust then I'll fight that battle with myself but for now I'm dealing with my demons as they come and trusting my intuition when it comes to men.
@@user-lm1ps2eh4d thank you
I am one of "those women," surrounded by family, reparenting my self while parenting gently.
I think Teal made a lot of sense when she said some of us say we don't need a man, but really, we're meeting our containment needs with our children and families. I hadn't considered it that way. I mean, I'm open for a grown man to strike up a mature, exciting relationship at any moment but it's not happening during this pandemic. During this down time, I'm trying to heal my triggers and traumas so that I don't go into the next relationship without seeing red flags; I'm seeking what's not "normal" to me, because I now know my normal is chaos, what I was raised in was trauma and I don't want to replay anymore of it.
Be calmed, PatriotResearchGal. We're tired, but we're healing and preparing for the most amazing relationship we could dream of.
Finally someone who can articulate this concept. Previous generations knew this instinctively, but now it has been lost and people are so far out of their roles. These days women don't want to accept containment and men don't know how to do it. Your message is very helpful.
Thank you for your time and effort in this video, it was very informative
This just summarized why my last relationship didn’t work out and why he and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I’ve never viewed relationships like this before, but this resonates so much. Thank you, Teal!
You mean where the man has to do everything and you just sit there and be happy?? Yeah....I bet it “makes sense” lmao! 😉
This totally resonates with my experiences of adult dating (I am almost 50 and divorced since 3 years). I really appreciate and am attracted to independent women with a full spectrum of living their own lives. Unfortunately this often turns out to be women in defense who are not able to put down their gard and allow themselves to be vulnerable and feminine. This is a great video, both men and women should definitely watch it!
We all age. It might be not their past experiences, but simply hormones. An old woman and a girl cannot act the same way
Such helpful and needed information ! So many women in my life short circuited when I exhibited "containment". Something so little as opening a door or always paying for dinner (which was a pleasure for me) was offensive to her. Women accused me of seeing them as helpless when in reality I saw them as precious and deserving of my ultimate respect and protection. This was so pervasive for me that I just stopped dating or even cultivating women friends. Thank you for pointing out that the broken family unit has been a disaster for humanity. I don't believe that this was by chance. A broken family is easier to control. It is a known and easily verifiable fact that Gloria Steinem was a CIA agent and Ms Magazine was funded by the CIA.
Yep, this whole thing is the knockdown effect of feminism as far as I'm concerned. The fact that feminism wasn't implicated in this seemed like a large omission. As you demonstrate, it's not men who didn't want to provide the containment. Feminism teaches women that the very idea of it is sexist. To be fair after 50 odd years of feminism the amount of men wanting to provide it has shrunk as well, as it's a lot of work. Especially for women that don't want it.
This is because all the disrespect and inhumane treatment the women saw other women endure at the hand of men
@@badfishpisces8428 The vast majority of men do not disrespect, or treat women inhumanely.
🖤🖤🖤
If family's easy to break down, it's not safe to create/maintain it, thus it's not worth its salt.
i'm 62 years old. raised as a feminist. containment sounds like anathema. this discription of containment makes sense of many of the difficulties in my 32 year marriage.
i'm old and tired. i don't know whether i have the energy to try to engage in containment.
You learned to explore new ideas. Maybe they weren't perfect, but just trying them is something to be proud of. 😊
Feminism hasn’t served you well. You’ve built up so much masculine energy that it’s a tough road to reverse it.
I wish I was articulate like you. I have been trying to spread this message for a while now but it seems no-one is listening. I grew up without a father, didn't get the containment I sought, and took my advice and role modelling from movies and TV. I was lucky enough to meet a good woman that was thoughtful enough to try and change my attitude to women, and also wise enough to know that I wanted to give it a try. Now I'm happier than I have ever been, ever.
Don't bother because they don't want any of this from an average man.
They want a tall high status Chad to do all this. Women despise 80% of men and aren't attracted to them.
I an shocked that Teal it talking openly, confidently and with clarity about this.
I would call this devotion and protection!!
Truly what every women craves deep down!
Yes these words are exactly what I was thinking too. Indeed what every woman truly craves even if they don't want to admit. I was one of them...
@@RatnaDewiWithin It's basically a hell to find a woman who shows a need for protection and devotion!
And what a free and true man will never give you. Your cravings is your problem. Dont let it become mens problem.
@@steffennielsen5942 devotion and protection is a natural law of creation, you either resist or you surrender to this... up to you. It is not that you are putting a woman higher as you, that's not devotion, devotion is a way of love of caring someone and with that comes a sort of a commitment. In that you still are very much free because you just are aligning with your true nature. From this things effortlessly flow... it is not my need or graving for a man to be like this, it is a natural alignment that I am in integrity with...
@@steffennielsen5942 Found the bitter incel
It's so heartbreaking when you're willing to do all of these things for a person but you won't find anyone willing to do the same for you.
It's not our job as womem to this. It's so frustrating that we feel like we have to do this.
@@lizcorbett2587 I don't mind doing this for the person I love. I want them to feel like they are the coolness of my eyes, because they are. However, I haven't been so lucky to find anyone who deserved it so far. Only been hurt again and again and left feeling worthless lol.
@@Maria-gd4vf I feel the exact same but there are some women that hate a man with good intentions. I’m tying to find a woman who doesn’t. We can’t give up Maria.
I dont know if its related of anykind, but i feel like a healthy bdsm relationship might help, so u get contained in a relationship but can take Control during a bdsm session with your partner, therefore u get both things u need
In today's society men ridicule other men for containing women,,, some men don't want to be left out of the group and ridiculed,,,
I grew up with a strong single mother and the belief that relationships were 50/50. After getting married I became frustrated with having to do everything, make all the decisions, plan all the dates and special occasions. I’m just now starting to understand this is my duty as a man in this relationship and my wife had no words to describe what was missing. This is excellent advice for men who grew up without positive male role models. Don’t make the same mistakes I did show your woman appreciation and make her feel safe. Do not be in a relationship if you are not ready to be a leader.
Exactly!! I love the way you put this
I mean they still are 50/50, just not evenly split in each area. For example a woman does more like 90-95% of child rearing responsibilities whereas the man should be doing a higher percentage of work outside the home.
That list was literally every point I've ever desperately wanted in a man! Wow 👏 and every single point that wasn't met match up to the root causes of all my most painful issues in relationships 😔😔 . Thanks for this Teal, really spot on as always, love you 😇🥰❤❤❤
I totally agree Jennifer. The male figures in my life (e.g.fathers, partners) who provided containment made me feel loved. If containment was not provided I pulled away because I did not feel loved.
Do you think that many women "fell prey" to men who are very jealous and controlling because these type of men mimic or pretend to offer containment? I think some women like it when their man is jealous and protective yet many times that very same attitude is what leads that man smothering or "not giving her space" or not allowing her any freedom. I guess extreme jealousy would be an unhealthy containment...almost like being contained to a prison cell.
@@bgoodfella7413 Yes it is exactly that. When a man says ''you're mine'' it kinda turns you on because in a womans mind that means (subconsciously probably) ''I will take your best interest as my own and care for you, etc.''
But in reality it often means ''I can do what I want with you and you can have no objections and when I'm done I will toss you aside like a boring toy''
@@adriaan4808 Yes exactly. I think it is a problem of confusion. Nobody wants to be abused, but you would rather be abused by someone that seems to love you than be treated well by someone that seems detached.
I think alot of bad guys are confident to practice ownership, because they know it will get them what they want, but some good guys are afraid, because they think they aren't good enough or strong enough or something like that.
Maybe the good guy has the plan of ''eventually'' taking ownership, but the woman will go for the man that's ''all in.''
That's why alot of abuse people do this thing called ''love-bombing.'' It makes the victim think that the abuser is all in and therefore they let their guard down and this makes it easy for the abuser to take advantage.
It is also partly the woman's fault, because she is naive to think that someone that doesn't know you can truly love you, but they want it so desperately that they will believe it.
@@adriaan4808 Well I think a big problem is also that men are often looking for "what women want" to "get with them" and not to truly understand them or love them or be there for them.
My God, this was definitely why I felt so much resistance to let my father help me mentally/financially ever since I turned 18, although he certainly was wise and capable enough to. But learning about this dynamic made so much sense as to why he would feel so terrible, and I constantly felt like I was just incapable of vulnerability. Today, I've made the decision to let my father in. Thank you Teal, we're so grateful for you!
I’m a stray☹️ And I have become quite masculine especially physically, I’ve become
Very Muscular and strong. I’ve had to be hyper independent and protect and provide for myself for the past 5 years. My ex was passive in all areas of the relationship; making future plans, moving forward together, discussing issues ect. He was emotionally unavailable which is why I eventually left him. To meet a man who wants to positively own me and contain me would be life changing as I never got that from my father or from past relationships. I’m sure I have resistance there due to trust issues with men, but am totally on board to address and that.😍
Yea this is something i wish I knew earlier in life. But I think you to have be a man before you can actually provide containment for a woman.
You're actually calling yourself a stray.
Stop being masculine if you want masculine containment.
Prove it first.
equality is not sameness. "Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free." Alexandr Solzhenitsyn ... Teal I appreciate your eloquence with unpacking the inversion of masculine femininity & feminized masculinity that is reeking havoc on man-woman relationships right now.
After 5 years of hard work, and after much resistance from me, my husband and I now have this dynamic mastered in our marriage. It's been a journey, but we're only getting started. Great video, Teal. Thank you.
The fact that you have to add the disclaimer , just made sense of my whole life and why I have never been able to get along with most people. I have never understood why everyone is so touchy and in denial and unable to be honest about controversial things . Everytime you say this type of thing in your videos I always think.. wtf ? Are people really that petty / childish? ...
Also, a mom to a very young boy, One thing i would love to hear you tall about would be tips for parents in regards to raising a boy into a man like this. The do's and dont's sorta thing. . Lord knows they are few and far between, at least in my experience.
Anyway great video ...as always... you never disappoint. Thank you!!
ua-cam.com/video/AIKgRtmbIkM/v-deo.html
I would love to see a video like that!!!
@@ama7430 Watch the video I shared. That might give you some tips.
Do your utmost best to make sure that he always has as much masculine influence as possible. For example, if you have male friends and relatives that you trust, ask them if they can help you 'raise' him by doing activities with him. Make him go to activities such as basketball, boy scouts. Another good one is a martial arts class, such as Taekwondo, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Martial art teachers tend to be well-rounded men who can be great father figures to their pupils. The key is to ensure that he's surrounded by balanced masculine energy in his daily life through long-term activities such as those mentioned above.
Don’t compare him to other kids
Don’t criticize him instead encourage him.
Comparing and being critical works to change a girl’s behaviour but not a boy. It will backfire big time.
WOW. I actually feel like a good boyfriend. I do these things for my girl and she often says she loves it. I spose ultimately it just means doing what you can to meet her best interests, showing interest and being present. taking the initiative for your life and the relationship.
Do u have a brother? 😂 A single one..
Yep u got it right
this only works after you've been going at it a while, otherwise to most modern women it's 'simping' which can backfire and be a turn off... crazy right.?
@@Wes_5kyph1 ye
@@Wes_5kyph1 that explains why this video confused me more than anything.
Damn...super thorough walkthrough about how to be a man for a woman, thank you Teal! Its a tough job being a container, especially if you have no platforms yourself that empowers and supports you, like a therapist, good friends or a network of other men on the path of "enlightenment"/self-development. No wonder why many men, including my self, have commitment issues due to aversion of taking that full on responsibility. Maybe i quite didnt get it, but I think that containment/regulating should go both ways. However, the man might be the main physical "protective" container, like the clam metaphor. On the other hand, I think that the pearl metaphor passifies the woman too much, like she is just a passive object in the dynamic. Instead I think that there is a dynamic that happens when the man "contains her first", that I find wasnt fully explained in this video. Its not like woman just dances around and creates art when she is contained, but she is giving the man something back of value also for the man. Like Teal said, men feel empowered when they feel they can provide for a woman, but it has to be more of that? I guess men also get a taste of sweetness of intimacy, which we so much lack in the modern world. I Would like to hear containment from the woman to the man, or more about how the dynamic plays out in this "intricate" and somehow socially complex masculine and feminine dynamic. I also think that the man is under too much pressure in the modern world..In earlier times, both the male and the females needs were not just met by a partner, BUT A WHOLE VILLAGE of people, like Esther Perel says. This video I think lacked the sociocultural historical perspective of the past and modern version of the "tribe", that serves as an way to understand the pressure that men are under in the modern world.
Love this, I agree w asking for more nuisance, although I loved the video too.
Divine Masculine. Thank you, Teal. Blessings.
Big big, play big!
Thank you Veliki for embodying your sacred masculine energy (e.g. strength, action, protection, providing, securing) 🙏
@@kevabela6307 Yes, because men are all about providing, securing, supporting... If they don’t do that, they are not successful men. At all. 🙃
@@kevabela6307 thank you for believing in me.
@@isishathor1238 I disagree. We all have infinite and unique qualities and characteristics.
This is true. This is why I have been single for almost 12 years. I have not found a man that has made me feel safe or contained. Teal is opening new perspectives.
So why then do you then choose self-containnent for 12 years? Didn't the men provide _any_ containment? Or, did they provide the best containment that they could with love and care?
So how do you survive without that containment if you need that man to provide it for you?
Attracting the wrong men then? Dated the good looking cool assholes?
@@Lichfeldian--Suttonian l left my husband 12 years ago he took his life. Our relationship was toxic. I needed to heal those parts of me so I never again was in an abusive relationship. I had toxic traits. When I was in a relationship for awhile I only saw how toxic I was. I decided to go on a healing journey. I have high anxiety in relationships at the beginning and men don't understand this. I decided to give up on love. I talked to a few men the name calling when they were angry,who calls someone a fat pathetic loser? It just turned me off. Now I have no faith. I haven't found a man that could give me more than I give myself.
@@lindaanne9403 How that high anxiety manifest at the beginning of a relationship that men don't understand?
I love your end conclusion Teal. Due to several reasons e.g. health issues and recovering from childhood trauma, I've come to realise (also due to the information in your videos) that I've always been looking for containment in relationships with women. Guess how these worked out...?
I can only speak from my masculine energy, but I truly agree with you as it comes to this subject and I understand that it can cause a lot of conflict and disturbance in our current, confusing zeitgeist. Feeling healed and complete for the first time in life, I know how to take care of myself in these subtle dynamics and would love to be a provider of containment for a woman. No neediness, no psychological insecurities, no victimhood turning into verbal agression etc. Just confidence in myself and my abilities where I use my sensitivite nature as a guidance system.
Thnx for this great video!
Do you really think that this Teal's advice to be servant for woman, will work better ?
I think there's a lot of us in that boat.
@@janbalaban5268 I don't feel that she's saying that Jan, but I might be wrong ofcourse. Masculine energy in its highest potential is unmovable, yet emphatic and fherefore creates a natural container for a woman. This has nothing to do with being a servant.
Big masculine hug from The Netherlands ❤
@@ZapatosVibes And a lot of us are switching boats for a more secure way of sailing the earth!
@@karelhoogendoorn In traditional societies "not rotten to its roots" -as is our declining western civilisation- this worked opposite way.
Women created nurturing "safe space" for their families. Mostly for kids. But for their men too. Because it was neccessary, when he returned from "mamooth hunting" or from war or conflict with other nearby tribe. He was injured, exhausted and in need of "safe space" where he can regenerate.
It was matter of life or death for her and for her kids, to bring her husband back to good conditions and good health.
And now?
Show me few women, who are able to give massage, make delicious meal to their husbands who just returned tired and exhausted from their responsible and complex work.
In the past I was married to someone for 12 years and didn't understand masculinity and the role it should play between two people. Because of this it destroyed my marriage and wrecked my heart for many years.
Since then I have learned much about what real masculinity is and am living that life now. I look and act masculine, and enjoy the positive benefits from it but finding a partner here in the greater Seattle area where (it seems) the majority of women believe masculinity is something abhorrent is really frustrating. I decided to give up seeking a partner and just to be alone, but I yearn for someone who can actually understand how the yin/yang of masculinity/femininity works without all the negativity that we constantly hear about how men are so awful.
Thank you for your videos...I just found your profile and am going through a number of them. They are really helpful and are bringing me much peace.
That’s wonderful you have grown and learned this. My marriage ended for the same reason and I pray he someday figures it out. Don’t give up, you will find this. Church, church activities and small groups are a great place to start if you are a man of faith. Those women are more traditional and not easily swayed by modern ideals. Do a hobby group for whatever you’re in to or take up hobbies that are out in public. Check out some of the dating gurus on UA-cam that teach how to start talking to women in public. It’s way easier than you think. I forget his last name, but Matthew is his first name and he has a video about this. He gives excellent advice. Essentially you blend in to an environment that’s neutral and natural that you feel comfortable in like a coffee shop and give a short line about something related and if she talks back, you’ve started to build report. This gets you crossed over to the neutral safe man vs stranger possibly unsafe man.
This was the best relationship video I have ever heard in my life.
My deepest heart’s desire is to be contained by my divine masculine. Thank you Teal
thank you for saying this in here, it is beautiful you deepest heart.s desire,,,,,mine too...;-)
Same
Why can't a man and a woman contain each other ,,,? believe it or not men have feelings and are emotional too,, but try really hard to hide it,,,
Yes!
You are your own divine masculine. The other one never comes.
You're a blessing Teal. I love how you use car ownership as an illustration - you're communicating in a way that men can understand! Great message. I'm so saddened by the total breakdown in relations between the sexes and the utter confusion over what it means to be a man or a woman. I'm heartened to see that you, and increasing other voices, are calling us back to the way.
None of what she says applies unless you're a 6 foot tall high status good looking Chad. Any normal man will be called a creep ignored or ghosted.
I never wanted to be an independent woman. From experience, I learned I was better off taking care of things on my own. That was a mixed bag: more so needed to realize I had to first go within and heal. Then attracting the right flavor of man who can offer this "containment" would come to me. The journey of self love and learning never ends. Yet, today I am excited to share, I am at a secure enough place to open my heart for true love/containment. Since in my opinion containment is the essence of love from a man. ❤. Thank you 🎉
New word for an intuitive concept that I have always felt but struggled to communicate. How do you ask for this level of support or commitment without sounding needy or like you’re trying to take advantage of a guy? I have never known what it’s like to be this loved by any man. I’ve always had to take care of myself. Thank you for the new vocabulary of “positive ownership” and “containment.” Still believing in this type of love. 🌷
Do the opposite of what you feel like doing - let the man lead, depend on him without nagging and put him first. He will, in turn, contain u and feel the “ownership” that she’s talking about and for which you’re searching.
Watching this video was eye-opening. It basically explained why I was so unhappy in my previous relationship that I had to end it despite the fact that I loved him. And it also explains why I feel so much safer and happier with my current partner. I was older than my previous partner, whom really didn't get a lot of love in his childhood, and I realized now his lack of containment in his childhood has led to him seeking containment and shelter from me, which made me felt increasingly sad, tired and hurt.
😮 my ex did something very similar for, I think, similar reasons. so sad...
I think it has always been more about contain one another: back in the days the male used to contain the woman when they were outside, but inside it used to be the opposite. The two sphere, domestic and public were divided. So when in public it was more of "male" duty to provide containment for the woman, on the other side, at home it was more a "female" duty to provide containment for the men. Sisters, mothers and wives were making sure of meeting the best needs and desires of their man at home, while the reverse was happening outside the house. Actually containment should always be an act of mutual love, to be provided to the person that needs it the most in the relationship. Like in the relationship children-parents: in the first part of life children need containment but in the second part son and daughters need to acknowledge the need of containment of their parents. I really like the video but I think we should acknowledge that the relationship is more fluid and complex than how it is described here.
💯
Great statement! You're absolutely right! :)
Listening to this makes me wonder why woul anyone get into a relationship 🙄
Because if I have to do all that, I prefer to stay alone
Yup. I love containing women, as well as children. It's painful: the "feral" women I really want to show this video to would throw a fit if I did. Actually, my main difficulty around this is that once contained, even slightly, women usually develop strong feelings and latch on very quickly. Seeing the absence of positive containment, this "starvation" pattern makes sense. However, while manifesting a compatible life partner, this pattern makes it hard to have some fun and enjoy the more casual relationships along the way. I still have lessons to learn and work to do on that level, but am learning to give up on uncommitted romance entirely...
And it's not even always about the romance, or kundalini spark or flirting. Tuning into this now, I find myself wishing I could just provide a baseline degree of containment for a wider circle of women in my community. I currently live in student dorms and everyone's locked up in their own little boxes, the common spaces are almost never used by anyone and the barrier of the smallest level of intimacy is so hi that just saying "How do you do?" is a step over the line.
Fulfilling certain "guru expectations" means I actually do get to look after some strays (usually recently out of their family's containment, both young men and women), but that paradigm also sets up certain boundaries. I'm generally very happy these days and rarely feel alone, but reflecting on this does awaken a deep dissatisfaction that borders on resentment. Continuously, I set up safe spaces for strangers, let them rest in my energy and give them healing and guidance. Rarely do I meet anyone who can actually give back (though I have spiritual friends who can, and do, back home) and never do I get to rest in anyone's energy.
I guess partially this is because what I provide is only partial containment. I don't want to truly own almost any of the people I provide containment for. These relationships are too asymmetrical. But I dream of someone who can meet me so deeply that I can whole-heartedly claim, nurture and hold them in my heart for a lifetime - or at least a solid decade or two.
Blessings to any who may have taken the time to read this 🥰🤗🫂
Finding someone's energy is rest in is a game changer!!! Peace 🕊️
Hearing the word containment resonates with me as I’ve always wanted to “own” a woman I was into. However through cultural messaging it kinda got beaten out of me and to this day I’m kind of an avoidant person. Funny enough my natural impulse to contain a woman seems to be exactly what women want from me. Funny how things work out like that.
@@awsambdaman “ own a woman” did you listen to teals message? She’s not talking about owning. She’s talking about protecting. They are very different.
You can start using these common areas, you can start approaching people and saying hi and making it a more normal thing. I was commenting to someone about how all the women at a few local places were all very nice and open to chatting and they said "I guess, but none of them talk to me" (at those same places.) It made me realize it's all about the energy going out.
fire
I feel that this video will be not a game changer but a life changer fir me. For years I have perceived a relationship with a man as a struggle for my freedom and wellbeing. On the other hand, I used to feel ashamed for dreaming about the kind of containment that Teal is talking about. Moreover, I had no idea that some of what Teal mentioned is even possible. Thank you!
Yohr men never had real containment from his father or parents either. He doesnt know how to own women instead it lead to control.
I am so happy to say that my husband is my shell and I'm his pearl.
@@adriaan4808 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
Well, my wife is my Eddie Vedder and I'm her Pearl Jam.
No wait.. lemme rethink that analogy.. might wanna reiterate.... 😬🤔🤐
Lucky you!!!!
…until you dont give him any sex.
Just brilliant! I don’t know what else to say! This video has been like a lightbulb illuminating the areas where I have not fulfilled my role in respect to female partners over the years.
I believe strongly in personal responsibility, so this was easy to hear and learn from. Thank you so much.
Thank you for shedding some light on this topic Teal. Excellent information for both men and women. A much needed video for the society we live in today. My view is that everybody is already aware of this message somewhere deep down, but because of the 'Cancel Culture' we live in, most men do not bother owning the women around them. This message had to come from the mouth of a woman and no better person to say it than you.
I’ve often thought the women’s lib movement may have done a great disservice to women, men, and families. Not that before women’s lib it was perfect. It most definitely was not. Woman were being abused and left to fend for themselves and their children just the same. In the 50’s there were many damaged men damaging others... a lot of disfunction. This is why woman felt the need for women lib in the first place. We needed to be able to take care of ourselves and our children if the men weren’t doing it or were doing it in destructive ways.
How do we correct all this... that’s the big question. You’re right with the younger generation cancel culture... makes improving this even more difficult. Men afraid to open doors for women now in case she’s offended by it. Weirdness. I still think the majority of women appreciate men being chivalrous, though.
@@soul2soul399 I love it when a man opens a door for me or makes me walk on the inside of the pavement. It makes me feel happy and grounded :)
I think most people struggle to understand the line between "containment" and "codependent."
yess
This is brilliant!
It reminds me about something that was told in my wedding a few months ago but the Lakota chief who blessed our coming together. He wore a bonnet of eagle feathers and wore an eagle feather fan, and related to the eagles. The female eagle, he said, fly high and drop branches from above. The male has to react to it and try to catch it in the air. So she´s challenging her man to perform and go beyond his limits. That is what women do to men, it´s their natural instinct, but of course there are healthy and unhealthy way of doing it. Being downright impossible doesn´t give the man a chance and he should just leave. This, I think, is what modern women do on a collective scale today, and men as a collective should no longer accept it. Consequently many men walk away from the dating market all together, and that is honestly their only choice if women choose, as is generally the case today, to be just destructive. We have to restrict them, put them back in their places. That is what women, as a collective, expect us to do.
While I agree with your sentiments, women (and men too) have to take responsibility for healing their own trauma because no one can fill a broken vessel. Taking positive ownership of someone else is a fools errand if they are actively harming themselves and others. While we can all offer help when it is requested, it is the personal responsibility of everyone (both men and women) to learn and exercise self control and become a self-sufficient adult.
True, true. But what of those whom are compelled to help someone who doesn't want to be helped or help themselves? How do you climb the unclimbable hill?
It will take this form. Positive ownership of how we exemplify the best in us. And patient humility with their and our own short comings
@@milostone6498 "those whom are compelled to help someone who doesn't want to be helped" - thats compulsive behaviour. It needs to stop.
@@milostone6498 You don't climb the hill, its an erupting volcano. set boundaries for yourself, accept that you can lead the horse to water, but you cant make it drink. instead work on why you are compelled to climb and give space for her to revisit herself.
sounds like you both aren't ready for one another and that's okay. self improvement is needed in both parties for teals 'masculine containment' to work.
@@soulfullcreations7308 I speak of the nihilists, not romance. I speak of my brother. And yes, it is a volcano 🌋 but I'm not willing to let him fall in yet 😅😘
@@stevejhkhfda I could say the same for your sleep schedule 🙃
Reading through the comments the overall message from men towards Teal's concept of containment was approval. I must admit I'm a little surprised as I've expected way more defense but so happy its actually something men crave to provide. 🙏❤
And I've expected even more defense from women, to be very honest.
For me, the idea that a man should provide and build a container for a woman have always been an evidence. I've always felt, deep in my body, that is what I want to do, what I'm good to do. And I've known so many guys that were like me.
But on the other hand, I've never had the impression that women want it. In fact, I've heard, from many voices, that I should be ashamed to thinking a woman would need me. I've seen so many messages saying that I'm nothing but an oppressive, dominant, controlling man. I've never wanted anything but the better for the women I care, but just saying I want a woman to be mine, like a treasure I can cherish, seems so sexist today.
I've passed so many years completely alone, with a sentiment of void and emptiness inside me. They said I'm supposed to fight for myself, but I've never cared of myself, I don't like myself. I'm feeling like if I'm only half of something, but no one want to complete me, cause no one want what I have to offer. Sometimes I have the impression that I could die without anyone to notice it.
I know I'm maybe not the most cool, fun, popular guy of this planet. But when someone asks for help, I'm here. I've never considered my value as a man to be anything but this. But no one have ever asks me. When I walk in the street, most girl are afraid of just looking me in the eyes. And now some feminists are saying that men have never given anything but suffering to women, and the only positive thing they can do is submitting or disappearing. But I'm too proud to submit, and I don't have the courage to die.
So, even if it seems strange to you, I'm craving to provide. I'm craving to hearing that I wasn't wrong all this time. I'm craving to hearing that even in this modern, feminist, safe world, there is still a need for a man like me. Because there is nothing more painful that not knowing if there is a place for you in this world. And I know I'm not alone.
I hope this huge mess can give you a better vision of the situation.
@@gauthierloustaunau5396 those who scream the loudest don't necessary represent the majority. I can assure you that there are still a ton of women who don't subscribe to the subverted neo feminist BS. 😉 I'm grateful for the initial organic female frights for equal rights and opportunities but for a long time this movement has been abused for the enforcement of identity politics, basically for social engineering purposes.
That being said it's funny how compatible men and women don't find each other. Have you voiced your needs to provide for a woman and your need for containment? I love Teals concept of positive ownership and I know for sure it's even a huge turn on for many women, including me.😉 I really wonder how you've made that many negative experiences. 🤔
@@gauthierloustaunau5396 wanna hear something funny? I really don't need to be babied and I'm quite independent but I just love to be shown affection by (my) man, through holding doors open, carrying the bags, making a coffee, receiving something he saw in a store and thought I'd like it, cooking a meal, foot rubs, small surprise activities, showing honest interest..basically everything Teal listed and more. My ex bf wasn't very good at providing this and every time I addressed his lack of care and asked for a change he'd shrug me off and said I have sexist beliefs and that it's not a man's duty to provide that way anymore. 🤡😬
@@juliadarling3404 Maybe there some cultural differences, because I live in France, not in the US.
But most importantly, each time I've felt in love for a girl, she appends to prefer a guy who give to her something I cannot give. I'm calm, serious, loyal. But the guys who are adventurous, who breaks the rules, and who doesn't care of anyone always win in the end. They seem confident, because they don't care of what append, and they seem liberating, because they know it's the better way to obtain what they want. From 15 to 25 years old, all the girls have met were searching fun, excitement, and a feeling of freedom. And most of the time they need a lot of alcohol (or less legal things) to enjoy what they were doing with men they don't know.
So when I heard women want to be provided, I'm basically hearing : "If you could just stay as the intelligent nice guy while I'm enjoying my youth with assholes that are wasting their life. Don't be afraid, you're my B plan. Or maybe C. Or maybe W."
But now I'm almost 24, and it still seems like the girl of my age prefer to give another chance to the guy that have cheated on her that giving a first chance to the guy they have forgotten 10 years ago.
Maybe I'm trying the wrong person. But I'm trying all the places that our society consider to be good to meet the other gender, and each time I'm the guy no one see. And each time I try to just speak to women in other places, they look at me like if I am a weird dangerous guy.
We live in a world that says to girls the life, and men, are something to consume. I'm a Christian, I want to build a family, I want to be married, I want to have children. But, contrary to what a lot of women say, I don't find many girls of my age that want something like this, or at least not now. But when it will be the moment, they will be with the guy that they manage to keep all this time.
@@gauthierloustaunau5396 yeah, I assumed you're French. I'm German and 36, justbfor reference.
Well it seems to me your main problem is the demographic. The neo feminist propaganda has brain washed many women of that age group.
There's a reason you pick the ones that don't want to commit and you probably should find out why you attract them. I would try to (make them) question their assumptions, because some might notice that it's most likely not their authentic beliefs they're parroting back to you. And my final advice, don't come of as a misunderstood victim and don't fall into the nice guy trap. Be your caring self and the right women will take notice.😉 Promised🤞
Wow Teal, that video just answered so many questions I had for a long time and even some that came up today after a fight with my ex boyfriend. I never fully understood what attracted us to each other. In the middle of the video when you said that containment comes natural to men I thought "you haven't met him, he is incapable of providing me containment and even actively wards it off". His elusive behaviour kept retraumatising me over and over again by bringing up my abandonment wounds. When you explained that this is caused by his own lack of containment through a broken childhood home, if felt like a revelation to me. He experienced the short and dysfunctional marriage of his parents and an upbringing by a struggling single mother and later a controlling step father. Anyway these experiences still don't excuse his unwillingness to even make an effort towards healing and change. I now understand much better what to look for in a partner, thanks to you.😚
Julia- thank you for your comment! I feel very similarly and I've grown up in a broken home and I've taken on my mothers masculine traits when I used to really embody what she used to be before my dad basically abandoned himself and our family through his depression and his unwillingness to get help and treatment. He later came around and worked on some stuff and I see my mom in her divine feminine when shes around him.
@@sarahelsner2721 I'm glad it resonated with you. I'm pretty sure a lot of women have similar experiences, as flaky detached men are fairly common. (Sorry to those who beg to differ 😉) For me it took a while to notice that the switched roles (me being forced to provide containment because he refuses it thus me not being able to express my femininity as much as I desire) were really damaging to me. Realizing that it's pointless to wait for a change any longer and to look for another man with the desired traits instead. Become aware of the behavioral patterns really helps.😊
@@juliadarling3404 thank you
When you said “positive ownership” something clicked. That is pure genius. Masculine containment. I love this content it’s so good. Thanks for giving us all the answers teal keep it coming 👏👏🙏🙏
the one thing we all experience is change. for the better or worse, its the only thing that is constant in our lives
Thank you so much for sharing this I innerstand my self so much more and also my ex and why he could never provide containment for me and my daughter .
I love this. Thank you for sharing about this because there’s not enough inform out there about this. I am a woman and have always been the “masculine” in the relationship as you said because I was with men who didn’t know how to contain. I’m working on my own trauma to feel safe truly stepping into that feminine role instead. Thank you! ❤️
Teal please talk about:
• How empaths can shift to choosing what to attune to.
• Environmental protection and how to consume responsibly without being a martyr.
• What is the biggest fear for someone with enmeshment trauma? I feel like if I am being seen, people will figure out something about me that is unacceptable, but I am not sure what.
• How to behave around someone who is intensely codependent and is not interested in self-growth.
• How to eat as healthy as possible when you live in a place where organic is simply not available.
• The best way to handle getting older.
• Fear of death and how to be present with it.
• Plant senses and their life purpose.
• Do animals also learn by contrast?
• The vibration of tenderness.
• Hoʻoponopono
• You always talk about the ego needs to see itself as good. I try to reflect on how I could loosen up and perhaps try being bad, and feel utterly dumbfounded, like my mind refuses to think about this. Would you please teach more about this topic.
• Self-soothing vs. bypassing.
• The feeling of being trapped.
The first video of yours I’ve seen. It made so much sense to me. I’ve attended Tony Robins, read self help books and relationship books. I know that growing up without a male role model has affected me, and this video shon a lot of light on that. If this and real financial education along with promoting travel to other cultures was taught in schools the planet would be such a much better place.
This video gives me hope that I can one day feel safe in the world.
So, if a man were to realize that all this is too much for him to take on...would he then maybe need to seek containment for himself? And if two people are in a relationship where both are needing containment...they could stay together if they found that containment elsewhere or figured out a healthy way to distribute containment between themselves?
Great question. I just wanna hear the answers :)
That sounds like a valid option :)
Really good note. Smart girl :)
If this containing is not mutual, it is nothing but parasitism and abusing from side of contained one.
What Teal described is not containing, but "adult babysitting" and it is way to unhealthy relationship of parasitic kind.
Other thing is, that man's "masculine" containing is different than woman's "feminine" containing. If woman in relationship offers masculine containing and man feminine containing, it will in most cases not work.
If a man felt that way he may be in wounded masculine. If he seeks to be contained he may be in his feminine & it will depolarize attraction w a woman who is another feminine being, or it forces the woman to be in her masculine which is very frustrating & undesired for most women. .
This is a great question. I’ve been working on new content and this is what I wrote a few hours before this video .
When he feels low and valueless , unaware of his true worth it seems it makes it harder for me to organically value him. Does the way he see himself impact the way I respond to him energetically? Does the way I see myself affect his feelings towards me? If the way we perceive ourselves affect the capacity of polarity , how can we experience polarity when our partner isn’t feeling confident?
Id love to hear what you guys and gals think ?
Thank you times a million, Teal.
I've concluded before that you are the most intelligent woman I've come across, and you are proving it again with these videos on male-female dynamics, which I'm re-watching now that I'm in a relationship where she's starting to go "hard/cold/stiff" and I knew I was screwing something up and needed a reminder.
So many truths in these videos, so much I identify with. You are amazing. You really are doing something good for people with all you teach. Thank you.
Teal Swan gives gold. Ive never heard such socially reinforcing rhetoric and wisdom from another and i have truly learned much from her example over the years and her experience, strength and hope. Thank you, Ms Teal Swan! ❤❤❤❤