Pt. 3. The Impossible Connection: Loving Someone w/ Borderline Personality Disorder. See Warning
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2024
- WARNING: this video was not meant to be a resource for those who have Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD), which is a very unfortunate psychological disorder. The video was created as a resource to victims of abuse, past and present, from people diagnosed with BPD. I do not believe that people with BPD are all the same, and are equally abusive. I do know that they hurt the people that they love. Some of them hurt these people very badly.
This video is NOT a resource for people suffering with BPD. In fact, it will surely aggravate their condition. Although I believe I know a great deal about the disorder, I am neither a specialist nor an expert in the treatment of it. My skill set is with people who I refer to as “Self-Love Deficients” (codependents) who have Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency).
Those who criticize my video(s) on BPD are misinformed about who I am. I neither represent people with BPD, nor do I ever try to. Rather, I am a psychotherapist who provides mental health services to people who are SLD’s (codependents) and trauma survivors. My work is about empowerment, healing and escaping abusive relationships. This is evident in my Human Magnet Syndrome book and my other video and training materials.
My intention is not to malign people with BPD, but to empower and lead my clients away from their compulsion to stay in relationships with individuals who are harmful and abusive to them. My work represents people who want to heal psychological wounds and who take personal responsibility for their actions. I AM AGAINST abusive individuals who narcissistically justify their harmful behavior or blame it on the victims. If that fits with people diagnosed with BPD, or for that matter, NPD or ASPD, then I offer no apologies.
ABOUT ROSS
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. Ross’s “Codependency Cure™ Treatment Program provides innovative and results-oriented treatment. His expert educational and inspirational seminars have earned him international acclaim, including his 21 million UA-cam video views and 230K subscribers. In addition to being featured on national TV and radio, his “Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 138K copies and are in 9 languages. Ross provides expert testimony/witness services.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #PersonalityDisorders #mentalhealth
Also, you describe so well the process of falling in love and the intensity of a BPD person. It was exactly as you described. Rushed, Hurried, Intense and very Passionate, but also very pressured. They don't want to allow you to get away and pull you very quickly into commitment. I was indeed a half person codependent and I was very lonely. I was easy prey for such a charming, handsome, loving man. The charm didn't last and the true needy, wounded soul quickly emerges and begins to exercise all sorts of controls and isolation over the partner. It's a horrible way to live with a very difficult cycle of insanity. They are very Jekyll and Hyde.
ARE YOU SURE THEY ARE NOT ALCOHOLIC AND DRUG ADDICT TOO? BESIDES BEING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER TOO?
@@monitoroxfordhouse2125 you bring up facts
After doing tons of research are these people capable of having a conscious? We will never know
You wrote my story. In my case his substance abuse, lying and cheating was too much to bear so I left him.
Same story...I couldn't believe the intensity. Passionate and exciting at first. He was always saying, "are you going to leave me" though. It was very intoxicating to be with him and I thought we were just very intense. Then the manipulations and the drinking rages became more often and severe. I realized he didn't even approve of me choosing a mop without his input. He was always saying things like "you don't understand" and No you are wrong...
I had moved from Tennessee to Texas to be with him so I was immediately isolated. I left one night when he was being mean and drunk and he told me to get the fuck out and handed me my keys. I didn't even take my purse or shoes, I just left and made it back to Tennessee. A month later he moved his camper twenty miles from me. I was getting hundreds of texts a day. I have completely ignored him and he has dropped down to one text a day. It was definitely hard to not compartmentalize the good things. I had to realize my own lonliness and I have to deal with that. I pray that he gets better but I don't think he will. Thanks for this information. It is easy to think that it is all my fault or what a dumb thing to do or whatever.
This is so hard. Stepping away from a BPD who I truly care about, knowing I can't help them (my codependency) is heart wrenching. 😞 I know me stepping away is best for me, but will hurt them...that it will play into their abandonment issues, their self harm issues, etc. I'm struggling with not feeling responsible for them...but that is showing me ALL the more reason that I need to step away. It's not safe for me, in my own healing from Narc abuse and my own codependency issues.
I still pray for them ♥️ This is just hard all the way around.
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🤲🏾🤲🏾🤲🏾put perfectly
We're nothing but an emotional object for them, they will find another in a blink of an eye. We are not as special for them as they are for us, really. They do not need us, they survived without us and they will again, that is the codependant arrogance that makes us think that they "need" us.
I never thought someone would understand this personality this much. This is great
Thank you. This was a nightmarish 7 months. I had no idea what I was dealing with. I knew this was “off,” but, dating middle age and being embarrassed about “baggage,” or whatever you may bring later in life to a relationship, can make one a little more “accepting” to quirks. NO! This was this most insane making seven months of my life. Thank you for posting this.
Those of you taking this so personal. There is nothing wrong in him labeling this type of PERSONALITY DISORDER. I have BPD and i for one am not an anyway offended. I am thankful for his honest and professional expertise in helping others understand us.
AMEN
You are contributing to your own self hatred by accepting this type of 'professional bias and bigotry'.
It helps me understand my husband 😊
Honestly, you're videos are great and very well informed and concise, I really enjoyed this series on BPD, I do have one issue however. I am diagnosed with complex PTSD and BPD, I am married with a daughter. My husband and I were highschool sweet hearts and have been together for ten years, we've been through just about everything, homelessness, hospitals, you name it. I have been in treatment for ten years and very actively since giving birth, I have made a lot of progress and discoveries. Obviously I had a very traumatic childhood, my mother is actually married to my abuser and has a daughter with him which is the catalyst for my pain and abandonment. My issue is, and I think it's very harmful to say, that a relationship with a "borderline" (I do hate labels) can never actually be achieved or healthy. I am very hopeful for my future and my families not to say it is extremely difficult, and we are going through the thick of it now, as a professional you can fully understand the triggers and memories that come up when someone with trauma has a child. My husband and I love each other so deeply and have always believed we are soul mates as well as our friends and supportive family members who have known both of us growing up. I do not want to become a statistic for suicide, or for plateauing in progress, I believe that it is curable, and people have overcome this illness, like Marsha linehan who created DBT therapy and has helped thousands, myself included. I can also say we are not the usual couple, we have only ever loved each other, we have had partners in between, but only ever loved each other, I know that may not be the case for others, nonetheless someone can still have BPD, actively go the therapy, both parties, my husband also goes to therapy, and can work on themselves separately, and have a relationship that they always have to work on, like any relationship but that relationship prevail. We see ourselves growing old and being buried next to each other, are you here to tell me that isn't the case because of my traumatic life and a disorder I have for the time being until I have developed the skills to cope with my pain and fully understand that pain, forgive myself and shed the pain. I just think it's very negative to say that, clearly your ex girlfriend hurt you deeply but that's not all of us. For those of you suffering and feel hopeless I highly recommend the podcast MENTAL ILLNESS HAPPY HOUR in the search bar look up MOM WITH BPD she's wonderful and inspiring as is Paul gilmartin who runs the podcast. I send out all my love to those suffering with BPD and those in a relationship with someone or a family member or friend of someone with BPD, there IS HOPE
Thank you
thank you for this, proof that there is hope.
thank you!
Good for you!!
Thank you! I am in a relationship with a BPD/DID sufferer, who has only partially admitted the dissociative symptoms. I am at a breaking point, with friends, and even a therapist who says that the relationship has a poor prognosis. She has recently been unfaithful with a one night stand, and has been struggling with her self hate, anger, and the need to turn my anger around on me, claiming it “hurts” her so badly. We are in therapy at present, both individually and as a couple, and I’m doing my best to stick by it and embrace the process, even if to know that I tried everything I could. I do love her...more than I’ve loved any other before, but cannot see a way through this storm right now. Your comment offered even a slight glimmer of hope...thank you either way. 🙏🏽
I broke up with a girl when I was diagnosed with BPD, I didn't want to hurt her more coz I loved her too much. I told her a lie that I seeing someone else and I was a jerk. Never told her what was wrong with me so that I am being pitied on. I was like a man of many faces but the mask that I wore was one.
It is true that we have a lot of issues, substance abuse frequent feelings of loneliness and the emptiness.... And most of all it is hard to explain why are you having these feelings.
But I am trying, trying to get help so that I can reduce this hole.
Just a short note, people with BPD please don't take the comment section too personally, many of those here were hurt themselves by their mates are sort of releasing their anger here. Many a times people with BPD do not want to hurt others.
@Sammo Das THANK YOU!!! I can totally relate. In the people's eyes everyone with BPD is the same which is just not true! And it is heartbreaking to read. Unfortunately all those hating against the borderliner obviously don't understand that they themselves carry unhealed wounds which made them a match. I suffered from BPD most of my life but I am recovering and healing and no longer fill the criteria. I started to heal first of all for myself but also because I didn't want to hurt other people. Not every person with BPD is a pathological cheater, lier or sociopath.
Thank you. Your comment helped. I am 63 and knew I was damaged, neglected, needy and had abandonment issues. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I needed a forever relationship, but would push them away, didn't understand it till now. I am alone, in poverty and still needing a hug. But painfully isolated. Broken.
Those who criticize my video(s) on BPD are naive and misinformed about who I am. I am not the "President" of a UA-cam nation for which I have to be politically correct with what I say and do. Rather, I am a psychotherapist who provides mental health services to people who are seeking to become healthier and/or work through their trauma and addictions.
My perspective is that of the clients who are seeking my services, not the perpetrators of harm from whom they are trying to escape. My work is about empowerment, healing and accountability. I provide psychotherapeutic services that help my clients learn about why they choose harmful relationships and stay in them (The Human Magnet Syndrome).
My focus is NOT to malign people with BPD, but to empower and lead my clients away from their compulsion to stay in relationships with individuals with untreated BPD who are harmful and abusive. I work with people with codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder. I don't work with people with BPD or, for that matter, people who just want to bash them while not taking personal responsibility for their part of the dysfunctional relationship.
I do have a a point of view and a prejudice. I AM FOR people who want to get better, not hurt others, and take personal responsibility for their actions. I AM AGAINST abusive perpetrators who narcissistically justify their harmful behavior or blame it on the victims. There, you have it!
I have a perspective, and that is that of my clients. My job does not include representing the people that hurt them. I am tasked with facilitating the healing of psychological wounds in order that my clients can become healthier and stronger in their pursuit of self-love and relationships in which mutually loving, respecting and caring actions are the norm.
I don't focus on what is wrong with other people, i.e. those with BPD, but what is wrong with my client who consistently fall in love with people that profess to love them, but always hurt them. My work with codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder requires my clients to take responsibility for their actions and relationship choices.
There are other people online, especially on UA-cam, who make the codependent the victim and suggest retaliation as the solution. This is not who I am or what I do. This will be the last comment I make on my BPD videos.
+Ross Rosenberg Thank you for posting this comment. I am or should I say was a victim of severe emotional and psychological abuse from a former partner who suffered from BPD. Your videos really helped me in a way I could never imagine before. I was so afraid of being alone/losing her that i was allowing her behavior towards me to continue with the false hope of her actually getting proper treatment for her unfortunate condition. That was unwise of me and it ultimately caused me a lot of anguish. I realize now that it's completely okay to be single. It's not an affliction. Thank you.
But this is UA-cam. And those with Borderline Personality Disorder who are finally told that they may have this unfortunate condition are probably going to look it up. They they probably will come upon these videos, and then they will react like a lot of them are doing right here. This video isn't even about them. It's about me, and people like me. But with the Borderline, everything is about them because of their stunted emotional maturity. It us unfortunate for them. The emotional anguish they must feel is beyond my comprehension.
+Stephen Arseneau Thank you for your support. I am glad my videos are helping.
+Ross Rosenberg These videos are tremendously helpful. It's such a sad thing, because we see the good in them and want to help them overcome it, but it never happens, no matter how much love and support we give them. They just can't seem to get out of the victim role, and it's extremely hard to talk to them about it because of the hypersensitivity to perceived criticism. The suggestion that they should seek professional help to break the pattern of impulsivity and turbulent relationships (that always start with idealization of their partner and end in condemnation) is enough to throw them into a rage where they verbally attack you with reasons why YOU are the one that needs mental help. I actually grew tremendously in my relationship because I was so concerned about their feelings that I exercised a degree of compassion I didn't know I was capable of. But ultimately there's just no way it can ever work. It's tragic. I feel a bit sad for myself because I forced myself to have complete unconditional love for years and still lost the person I vowed to take care of the rest of my life and she will no doubt be starting up a passionate romance with someone else soon, but what REALLY makes me sad is that this dreadful cycle will continue for her. And then the new man will be to blame for all of her problems. She's never been diagnosed because she's to prideful to see a psychiatrist (and why should she? Her problems are everyone else's fault), but the signs have always been there. Your descriptions of the traits and characteristics and backgrounds of those who suffer this are spot on in my experience. I feel guilty giving up but I've done all I can and all I really need to do is let go -she doesn't have the attachment I do - she's used to relationships ending and finding herself in unstable situations and cuts off her feelings. It's just hard when you really feel for the person. Thank you for posting these videos. Unfortunately the only thing we can do is to sadly let go and give ourselves the life we deserve. :-/
+permateen I'm in awe right now. What you've just described is EXACTLY what I was/am going through. From learning about my own capacity for compassion and unconditional love to the fact that she's too proud of herself to seek therapy and have a proper diagnoses to the intense feelings of guilt for having broken my promise of never leaving her. I'm experiencing it all.
I left her and moved back to my parents' 6 days ago. Tonight will be the first night that I haven't contacted her since leaving. Reading your comment here has given me the courage to not contact her. I hope to be able to maintain this boundary from now onward.
I'm so glad to have read your comment and I wish you the best. Thank you.
+NewtonFinn it's comforting knowing someone else out there is feeling the same. If you're like me, you probably became convinced that maybe you were the problem. So you change and become an even better partner. Making sure you do everything right. But there's always something. Why? Because you're a human being and are incapable of perfection, and you too have needs. But yours will never be as important. It's been going on for years for me and still is to an extent. Because when I let go, she's kind and awesome again, and I think well maybe... And I start to have feelings again because my love is unconditional. How many times do we need to go through it? As many as it takes. You're probably an awesome person and an amazing partner - better than most. But you'll never be good enough for them, nor will I. We have to be sad but ultimately know we did all we could at some point, and aren't being fair to ourselves to give so much to be beaten up over and over. We have 2 be good 2 ourselves 2
You have given me a very good understanding into why BPD relationships arent sustainable. Now I understand about my ex girlfriend's behavior.
I'm blown away! Six months ago I bro0ke up a 5 yr relationship & I could not understand why any of it happened. This man is right on the nose with EVERYTHING he is saying! Thank You Dr. Rosenberg. I think I'll finally be able to move on to a healthier lifestyle.
BPD’s are so sensitive that I walked into the garage where my boyfriend was sitting with his buddy and his kids, the weather had just started turning cold in Alaska and he was using the heater for the first time ever. I commented that it was hot in the garage and he took it to be a very personal attack on his person, character and choices. He was so angry at me, made a fool of me in front of everyone who had just arrived and refused to talk to me. Many of his family have full blown npd and they love to gang up on the normal girl and be very ugly and hurtful behind my back. I had to leave because of the way he was treating me.
He was looking for any kind of reaction and I gave him none. I left him, and didn’t speak to him again, or answer texts or calls because it was a cycle we went thru 100 times and I was so sick of it. If I had stayed he would have hit me again or worse because he is an alcoholic who rages sometimes several times a day. Sensitive doesn’t begin to describe him. He’d hit me in my sleep or get angry if I got up to use the bathroom at night, accusing me of being gone forever or sneaking out to have sex with someone. I paid the price and the toll was heavy. I used to feel like a fool for staying with him for 5 long and violent years. He is a bpd with npd tendencies and on the very far end of the spectrum where he is dangerous. Killing me then himself is something he spoke of often.
Best lesson on borderline PD is to read the comments on videos like this from people with BPD.
MrShysterme Exactly.
Amen! They're all being victimized!
+MrShysterme I have BPD. Maybe you should look at my comments from the first video. I'm in therapy going on 6 years. And Dr. Ross is spot on and its painful to hear. But there are people like me who work hard daily to live a healthy balanced life. I have been single for almost 6 years precisely because hopefully one day I will be ready for a healthy mutually fair and respectful relationship. But it took a lot of work. And it is still a lot of work. I just hope I am part of the 1 % that will break the cycle. It isn't easy living with this disorder. I had to change my life in huge way. As I mentioned in my comments in the first video, it would be nice if the experts he recommends people with BPD to see, make a video to provide more information and a little more hope. I like to think nothing is impossible, but any encouragement and help in any shape or form is always welcome. Best, A.
+Notorious Lee Self awareness for a lot of people who have my disorder is not something everyone has but I can't speak for everyone. I've gone through a great deal. And I like to think, my hyper awareness keeps me in check. But I am also very lucky to have developed positive platonic relationships throughout the 6 years of therapy. And of course my therapist is on speed dial on the days I need extra support. Perhaps it would be nice, if you were aware of some people like me. Who want to get better. Who try very hard to stay healthy and are very active about their mental health. Although, I am aware of how this disorder came about, past is past. It has made me understand the "why" and it is good to acknowledge it. I believe there is not much use getting stuck there forever. I tell myself, I'll go anywhere, as long as it is forward. Best to you. A.
Ancie Pamintuan much, much respect to you for recognizing your problem and for sticking with therapy for such a long time. I really mean that and I have a tremendous amount of respect for anyone who recognizes their issues and does something to fix it. I commend you. Its obvious you've made some big strides. As for the others on here who are making themselves the victims.....that's too bad. They should look to you for inspiration.
I am married to a BPD,And am also a codependent, what's unbelievable is you have exactly described my life!!!Thank u for giving this insight about what I've been going through!!
Everyone I get sad and think of my bordeline girlfriend I watch this video and makes me feel good, makes me realize that I did the right choice even if it hurts even after one year I miss her but now I know I did the right choice, what a beautiful and loving girl she was, but she broke me into pieces
I feel the same way do you man. Broke up with her a few weeks ago. She was amazing in the beginning, but then the real her came out after a year. She broke me down, never took responsibly when she hurt me, lied all the time. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Was gonna marry her at one point but something kept holding me back, now I know why. Glad I didn't, but I think about her all the time. I will pray for her and watching these vids has helped me feel less sad. Good luck
+GS S bro the fact that they lie is the worst. Sadly They actually love you. They get psychotic episodes in order to hurt and break you.they live afraid of loosing you and do things without thinking. And when they realized they hurt you they cry and you forgive them, it's so crazy and hard to let them go, in my case she knew she was mentally ill and she volunteered to see a therapist, you can't fix something like this as easy. Bro you did the right choice, it's difficult and it hurts to know they are going thru so much pain.I don't know about your situation but if your ex didn't seek help and doesn't want to accept the problem you ain't going anywhere, my ex knew the problem and seek help and even then it was difficult. It hurt me to let her go because we tried everything I stopped seeing my friends because of her, I worked less hours because of her I was always with her, I quit doing what I like no matter what I did she never saw my pain. Get better bro. Luck..
+GS S unfortunately for them and sad but you are not the first one she's done this with and you won't be the last one. It wasn't your job, unless you are willing to sacrifice your whole life and well being for her and feel like a bird on a cage the do it, otherwise don't. They get better but with time and constant therapy and sometimes medicine. My ex used plant medicines which she got from her therapist but they only worked for certain things. The only way they can change is if they hit their head and don't remember anything on their past. I dreamed about it sometimes, just so I could end up with her, unfortunately it never happens like this
Sounds literally just like me
This guy is very smart. He knows what he is talking about. I speak from experience. Sadly
MR, ROSENBERG IS DESCRIBING EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.. MY HUSBAND IS A BODERLINE AND THESE VIDEOS HELP ME AND MY PARNER A GREAT DEAL. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING GOOD TO SAY, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!
Yes!!
I'm so proud of you. Almost choked up when you said you went through same thing with BPD people because you're a codependent
I have struggled with an unknown "thing" for over 25 years and only now I know about this disorder does anything make sense. This man is nail on the head. Obviously each persons seperate perception on reality might not match exactly but he has spent at least 20 years studying the overall patterns of many patients to make much needed progress in this field with understandable models. Can't make everyone happy!
If it can bring comfort and coherence into people's reality is it really right to rubbish a viewpoint? I didn't use him as "an expert on BPD" but the experience that he has on how Co-dependents relate to the world is invaluable to understanding that perspective whatever subject it is. Perhaps there is a bias (from your perspective) but for me, it's still a valuable one to add to the pot of perspectives.
So instead of breaking that rule, why don't you comment to him instead of me?
I haven’t been officially diagnosed with BPD but it’s like your speaking about my life. They’ve diagnosed me with pretty much everything bipolar to schizto-affective and they’ve only tried to medicate but nothing has changed. I have no type of love life. Everyone I’ve dated I’ve managed to hurt emotionally. I always blamed them telling myself they’ve never loved me really. But as the years went by and I was able to go to therapy for other issues and speak on my problems I was able to evaluate myself and see that it’s me. I’m not a bad person. But there’s something that isn’t allowing me to have a normal functioning relationship I put women on pedestals and then once they do one little thing I devalue them to the point that I lose all trust. I need help. It took me awhile to realize that but I do and I want to thank you for making this video some people would say you paint BPD’s as people who won’t ever be able to have a relationship but I think they just aren’t ready to see the ugly truth that in order for that to occur we need to fix ourselves and not that were broken or undeserving but help isn’t a bad thing. It’s not easy but it isn’t impossible. I’m currently looking into doctors to get a proper diagnosis so I can began my process of bettering myself. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I deserve to be happy with someone. But I can’t give it right now until I correct myself.
I too am a therapist and want to thank you for this video series. The information is honest, accurate and provides useful information in an easy-to-understand manner. I used to dislike working with people having this disorder. But now I embrace the challenge and opportunity to potentially help the individual, family and/or partner.
Just came out of long term relationship 6 years. Recently realized I’m a Codependent and my partner is BPD. Everything you’ve talked about 100% described our relationship. Your videos helped me understand a lot.
Wow you are soo right! I dated a woman (5 yrs} who told me about how abusive her mother was and as a young adult around 22yrs old she was on the streets with her partner on drugs. But after having a child, she left the guy got clean and got a great job. But as a child/teen she moved around literally 15-20 times. Moving at times in the middle of the night taking bare minimum only. In result of being unstable she did'nt keep friends and was'nt very popular and considered herself as a "Ugly Ducklin" through high school. She later told me that she was married three times and each time she ended the relationship buy leaving while the husband/partner was at work,{ partner coming home to a empty house} Fast forward to us. In the first five months she was very timid and a few times would have tantrum/fits say "Why don't I want her" crying in the middle of the room, I began hugging her saying that I love her and I do want her. This was a red flag for me but I stuck with her and it got better. Smh. It happened again shortly but while making love, she then start crying and saying "You do want me" I then said why sure I do. what's wrong why would you say that.{ Another red flag} but feeling weird. So time goes by then we get to a point when sex is not as frequent. She tells me that she isn't happy and that she is destined to not be a wife again because every relationship she had all ended up like this {Which a few was abusive}. I was floored I asked her every relationship she said yes. I then told her not to leave me like the way she left her prior relationships and If she wants to leave i would help her and not to just vanish, well she tried it and I made it home before she could leave. So its safe to say that were not together now but like you said. they're not bad people she was actually sweet and very kind but I realize that she needs help and nothing I could do. I wish I knew more about this sooner and have taken heed to the signs. I just thought she was afraid because she relocated from another state. I told her to stop running from your problems and break this cycle but she's gone and I wish her well. I tied the flight from her constant moving as a child. I wish I could help her and knew exactly what she was dealing with.
My mom was diagnosed with bpd and when she's in one of her fits the only thing I can do is walk away for a few days and after a few days she pops up over here and acts like nothing ever happened. I've tried to help her if I tell her she's in a fit when she's in one her face turns so red it's almost purple and she gets so full of rage and explodes. so I've learned. based off all the comments of everyone who has bpd getting mad about him speaking the truth yall just prove my point. It is what it is you are who you are but don't think for a minute your disorder don't shine through when you attack a professional for being honest about it for those of you claiming you "work on it" .
WARNING: this video was not meant to be a resource for those who have BPD, a very unfortunate psychological disorder. Instead, it is to help and support those who have been hurt by people with this disorder. There are exceptional resources for those suffering with BPD. This video would not be one of those. For more information about BPD (not treating it), read Ross Rosenberg's book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us. www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com
This is the third part of Ross Rosenberg's three series discussion about Borderline Personality Disorder. In part three, Ross answers these questions:
1. What is the psychological and physical cost of BPD
2. Do partner BPD's need therapy?
3. Why does the codependent partner feel ambivalent and confused about the relationship after breaking up with their BPD partner?
4. Why does a borderline use social networking sites to influence the perceptions of others or to hurt their partners?
5. What are red-flags that your new romantic interest may have BPD?
Those who criticize my video(s) on BPD are naive and misinformed about who I am. I am not the "President" of a UA-cam nation for which I have to be politically correct with what I say and do. Rather, I am a psychotherapist who provides mental health services to people who are seeking to become healthier and/or work through their trauma and addictions.
My perspective is that of the clients who are seeking my services, not the perpetrators of harm from whom they are trying to escape. My work is about empowerment, healing and accountability. I provide psychotherapeutic services that help my clients learn about why they choose harmful relationships and stay in them (The Human Magnet Syndrome).
My focus is NOT to malign people with BPD, but to empower and lead my clients away from their compulsion to stay in relationships with individuals with untreated BPD who are harmful and abusive. I work with people with codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder. I don't work with people with BPD or, for that matter, people who just want to bash them while not taking personal responsibility for their part of the dysfunctional relationship.
I do have a point of view and a prejudice. I AM FOR people who want to get better, not hurt others, and take personal responsibility for their actions. I AM AGAINST abusive perpetrators who narcissistically justify their harmful behavior or blame it on the victims.
I have a perspective, and that is that of my clients. My job does not include representing the people that hurt them. I am tasked with facilitating the healing of psychological wounds in order that my clients can become healthier and stronger in their pursuit of self-love and relationships in which mutually loving, respecting and caring actions are the norm. I don't focus on what is wrong with other people, i.e. those with BPD, but what is wrong with my client who consistently fall in love with people that profess to love them, but always hurt them.
My work with codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder requires my clients to take responsibility for their actions and relationship choices. There are other people online, especially on UA-cam, who make the codependent the victim and suggest retaliation as the solution. This is not who I am or what I do. This will be the last comment I make on my BPD videos.
For more information about BPD (not treating it), read Ross Rosenberg's book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us. www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com
Ross Rosenberg
would you be willing to tell my ex/long term off on ..would you be willing to tell him to give up on please.
i diddnt realize this until i had watched several videos. makes me sad really. that some people make me out to be a monster. i have bpd. and i am trying to educate myself on my disorder. lots of things u have said are true but i wish i knew this wasnt for the bpd before i started watching it. my x is a sociopath. if u can imagine that. took 12 years to get out. i see my part now. it was after i left i realized i even had a part starting a new relationship. anyway hope u can help those u are trying to help.
I totally understand what you are saying.
@Ross Rosenberg thank u SO much!!! These comments from these borderlines who refuse to take any responsibility show exactly why they are impossible to deal with! Their lack of empathy and their selfishness is absolutely disgusting. Thank u so much!!!
Thank you for your advice for partners, but is there hope for the one with BPD? I can't stop putting myself in her shoes (who can't help herself). She is also a human being who deserve a healthy, fulfilling life as much as I do... I'm sure many people who are in a relationship with someone with BPD feels the same way...
Yeah... It is a difficult dilemma. But I have to say, after almost 2 years of being married, she has become 40%-70% better. In her case, it seems like at least 60% of the issues came from her past partners leaving her and/or cheating on her. What I mean is, let's say she has BPD that is 30% in severity. But due to the men in her life leaving her/rejecting her, her "condition" had elevated to about 60%. But now, after 2 years of sticking with her, her "condition" is almost just a concentration of friction that most normal couples go through, except that it is concentrated into a few hours. We have other usual issues like many others too, but her slight BPD-like behavior has now become something that is more positive... To give you an example, after we argue about something, 15 mins later, she come to me and say something like, "You're not gonna leave me are you?". It often feels like as if a little child (or like a baby puppy--if they could talk), comes to you and ask you not to leave them over something very trivial. It can be very sweet.
@@williamchoi808 ...and now?
@@williamchoi808 thank you! You helped! I love the way you explained! I find with my two BPDers.. the quieter of the two DOES respond positively . And not rachet back to the starting point...so there IS improvement...
I found providing "safe" comfort helped.. for example electric blankets .. oddly enough it was TOO comforting and a that became uncomfortable for my bpder... Now, she accepts the safety of the feeling.. and loves it... Cannot do without it. Similarly.. sinks into a giant teddy bear.. and attributes it a "safe" form of comfort...so yes, there are increments of improvement... Just have to be resourceful..peace
me! i do agree with you
Tellsplatte W
Hello Tellsplatte,
Were you and your wife able to make it through BPD and the detrimental/impactful effects on the relationship?
Thank you, Ross. Your videos have been invaluable to me and have helped me understand my own codependent history. It has been hard work, with more work to go, but i am transforming my life and relationships slowly but surely.
I wish she had just gone to doctor with me and worked through it together. She knew what she had, but instead chose to say doctors are wrong.. continued abusing but refused to see it .. then blamed it all on me when my heart kept breaking and claimed I just left her for no reason.. No I was still deeply in love with her and had to give up the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She had me believing she was my soul mate I was looking for all my life- in the end I was wounded spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially which will affect the rest of my life now. Part of that is my fault, other part is the trauma bond addiction. I would have died for her, yet accused me of things I was not doing- if BPD fears abandonment so much, why do they accuse you of doing things that will push you away, resulting in another abandonment.. why can't they see that.. If she had only treated me right I would have given her my heart forever.
I'm going through this now - word to word. 😔
Not fond of the word "impossible" in your video series title. It's impossible to make a loving connection with a borderline? Is that what you're implying?
It is an impossible connection to be a with a BPD that is not in treatment. How can a person possible have a healthy mental and physical connection when the person your with is not connected.
...because I am with a man that has gained my trust on such a high level, that my BPD is healing. If people's behavior caused me to have BPD, people's behavior can cause me to heal as well.
Matthew lysakowski that's still wrong. Hi I have borderline I just recently found out and I'm one of the most loving people you'll meet aside from the extreme anger from the disorder.
Like ur comment @RED
that word impossible broke my heart
My God. Thank you for narrowing the scope. I will buy your book both for my own benefit but also as a way of saying "Thanks".
I just had my first therapy session last week and have another scheduled this upcoming week. Please do not stop w/ your work. You're saving lives and I mean that sincerely.
I Agree!
I love how all advice to people getting involved with a borderline is to abandon them, even with the knowledge that this is the borderline's biggest fear. It would seem like the advice would be tolerance, teaching how to withstand the up's and down's, because the disorder is nobody's fault, and the borderline shouldn't be damned to a life being alone.
+Natasha Peters And what's your advice for being married to an alcoholic who refused treatment? Is the partner obligated to stay for the beatings? Just to give the alcoholic hope? Is it somehow the partner's responsibility to "cure" the alcoholism? If you're getting treatment good luck with it I wish you the best. If you aren't, don't be surprised if people eventually DO abandon you. And with good reason.
Natasha Peters The borderline would have no incentive to change
Nicholas Zarra The incentive to change is seeking and searching for happiness and fulfillment.
Natasha Peters They wont achieve that by being abusive
How do you help yourself fall OUT of love with your bpd partner that you've been with for years? Knowing the relationship is harmful and toxic to both people and knowing you need to let them go when you're still in love with them feels impossible. I also know its about loving yourself enough or more but leaving someone you love and not having them in your life anymore is heartbreaking.
I was hoping to hear that answer too.... I have an on/off BDP partner for 2 yrs and I am all but emotionally destroyed. I am so tired of always wrong. 'not understanding', not supportive (!!!), and being violently abused when she snaps ...
Sure I have learned that there is a very good case that I am a Codependent... but as you say, I can't imagine life without her, I love her completely... and I guess I understand why she does love me.... but it is more than just BDP/Co relationship... we share virtually every commonality from paradigm of thought, faith, hobbies etc...
Looks like she was misdiagnosed with Bipolar, and only recently being diagnosed 'with traits of BDP', but I don't know how much more I can put up with..... or how I would survive without her....
So I 100% hear and understand you mate.
@@leagreenall5972 what you may find is PEACE. I have been down this road a couple of times. You may always love that person but you will never have Peace with them. You will be replaced with their next "fix" Do yourself a favor and don't look back.
Thank you so much. This has been very beneficial and comforting to hear.
Thank you for finally including yourself in this deal.
Good that you went to therapy...and please do not stop. The best therapists go to therapists themselves.
You have good ideas and haven't let all your schooling cripple your insights so far.
Great series. Thank you so much again. I am going to buy your book as I have had multiple experiences with borderlines and other Cluster B types. It is horrible. :( Glad to know you figured things out and are happy now. You give people like me hope. :)
Your videos may have genuinely saved my life (or at least my ability to ever enjoy it again). Thank you.
Thank you so much for making this video - very very important to work you are doing - helping the people who wants to help themselves! 🙏💚
Great video series! Very informational and helpful for me during my painful healing process from my ex who has BPD.
Thank you, Dena!
Ross, thanks again for the great videoS (emphasis multiples). Add my name to the list of codependents who were enmeshed with borderlines and who had to eventually realize my contribution to the dance that was so devastating that led me to your web site and book (reading it a second time). I finally was able w/tx to go back and realize the memories of my childhood were not a true representation of the trauma, I did finally (thanks to you) struggle to access the Affective memories (yup, mom was also a BPD) and, as you so eloquently describe, connected the dots. The resultant feelings released were exactly the same ones I felt after breaking up with the last two women with BPD. It all made sense. Thanks again!!!!!! p.s. more books and videos PLEASE
Thank you , this is so insightful, it’s helping me understand someone I care about. I’ve observed many of these qualities in him. I wish I knew better how to reach him, because I know he’s suffering. I’m learning how sensitive someone with this condition can be.
It also occurs to me that some of these psychological terms probably make it hard for someone with the BPD (who feels shame) to seek help because the name of the label is loaded-“Personality Disorder.” Whereas the person really suffers from an *injury* a deep *wound* they can’t navigate through, rather than a “disorder” which implies “defective” and could make them feel judged, wrongly labeled, and not seek treatment.
Thank you so much for all 3 of these videos.
I had to leave my husband 8 months ago, for the 2nd time, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do since I love him so very much. I suspect he has untreated BPD but I've only learned about this personality disorder since I've been gone. I didnt understand at all what was going on in our marriage. His rages triggered my PTSD and his unexplained silent treatment hurt me so badly. Sometimes out of the blue he would say something very insulting which again I didnt understand. The day after he raged he would be so loving again and shower me with gifts which I appreciated but I was still processing being raged at, I felt so confused and hurt. Sometimes he would give me a mean look which scared me if I uttered any word to him about an issue.
His flip side who I fell so in love with is so very sweet, thoughtful, great work ethic, kind, caring, artistic, creative, funny, fun,really the perfect husband in so many ways. I left our marriage to save my sanity as I felt if I stayed any longer I would end up in a mental hospital. I pretty much begged him to go to couples counseling many times but he said hes too old to change now and he blames me for everything, so very heart breaking.
Thank you so very much for this helpful video. This is the first one that I found that explains so clearly the key aspects of relationships with borderlines. I especially appreciated your insight on why it's so difficult to end a relationship with a borderline. You're spot on.
I have been in therapy over 40 years looking for help. I knew I have problems but I was with my wife for 33 years. I believed we had a great marriage and didn't even know there was a problem. I was NOT a perfect husband but I WAS a near perfect father. A year ago I got BADLY physically hurt in a pedestrian hit and run. There were like at least 5 stressors that hit us all at once. My wife left me and turned my children against me. I have not seen them in over a year. 4 days AFTER she left my therapist of SIX YEARS decided I have BPD, Bi-polar and we knew about ADHD, depression and PTSD. My wife says sorry too late. The sweet, perfect, wonderful wife I thought I had has become mean spirited and refuses to even consider anything I have to say. She seems to go out of her way to hurt me. I have been suicidal many times and last night came close. YOUR VIDEO HAS CONVINCED ME I HAVE NO HOPE. Thank you for that.
So sorry for that man
Dear Mr. Rosenberg, I agree with most of what you said in these videos. The one issue that I have (and I hear this concern from so many other parents of BPDs), is that all BPDs must have been abused and/or treated horribly when they were children. My mother is a psychologist, I grew up reading books about healthy vs dysfunctional families (my mother was often discussing this), i understand co-dependency well, and when my daughter was born I had read just about every parenting book I could find. I was careful not to shame her, always listened to her with respect, taught her to be responsible and considerate of others, did not mess with her head in any way, I did not yell at her, hit her, and our home was a peaceful, relaxed and accepting place for her to grow up in. Even now at 28 years old, she says her childhood was wonderful. Her biological father who left and did not return when she was just a baby, and whom she does not know, has EXACTLY the same multiple personality disorders as she does. It is almost eerie how much they are alike. She has been diagnosed as a high functioning BPD with possibly some other issues going on. So please remember that there are very good, loving and caring parents who DO end up with children with problems. It isn't always something they did to them. My daughter has told her counselors that she was treated with love and respect as a child and never abused in any way. I have read over the years that many doctors state that it can be genetic and not caused by only abuse. Please do not stigmatize those if us who did everything right...and still have very ill children. I believe there may be more of us than you realize. By the way my daughter is the "quiet" type of borderline who tends to turn her feelings inward onto herself. Not the aggressive acting out type. Although the end result is just a damaging to her life, and just as painful and sad for us to watch her go through. Thank you. Diana
It can certainly be genetic but I also think you are glossing over your daughter's very real trauma of being abandoned by a birth parent: "Her biological father who left and did not return when she was just a baby, and whom she does not know, "
Thank you so much for sharing all these talks Dr. Rosenberg. They are super helpful. I deal with PTSD and depresion, but learning about borderline disorder is an eye opener. I have been in therapy for almost 6 years, some times I feel I got everything under control, and in just a blink if an eye, I am back in the black hole...
I have BPD and I completely relate and have been in the 'typical' BPD relationships that you are describing... I admire the brutal honesty about this disorder and it's time that we that suffer BPD really look outside ourselves and see that we all have done this one time or another! one of the things in these videos we relate to on a personal level... and you can't say that we haven't! again, thanks for these videos. I appreciate your views and advice on being with a borderline.
Pure awesomeness. THANK YOU, Dr. Rosenberg!!
Welcome!
I’ve watched a lot of videos to try and make sense of my last relationship but the way you’ve articulated how I’m feeling and going through resonates with me. I care deeply about my ex because she was very attentive and loving but when things got bad, they were bad. For a while now, I’ve been trying to put my finger on what exactly I was feeling but you nailed it. Thank you for your series about BPD. It is really helping me during a tough time right now.
I truly believe that our society has caused most people to rush into relationships. If you don’t make a move and display some sort of interest in that other person soon enough, they will find someone else who can fill the roster. With all these dating apps and social media so readily available, the ability to seek a partner has never been easier. On the other hand, people have never felt more lonely since Covid and it is so easy to act out of desperation to just feel connected. As much as I experience negative behavioral patterns from BPD, I’m continuing to learn how to mitigate the frequency of these events. I hope whoever might be going through this as well can understand that there are ways to live a happy life with BPD.
Ross these videos have helped me immensely. Thankyou for posting them. I am trying to get a copy of your book.
You are a beautiful man. Thank you, You are helping me in leaps and bounds to discover and deal with my BPD. Sigh! Thank you, sir!
What are some steps you took? What caused you to take the first step? If you feel comfortable sharing...
As someone just coming to realize this is something I can no longer escape, or avoid, I must say you have changed my mind, I figure I'm better off keeping it a secret than giving those around me a reason to leave, maybe I'm wrong but finding out your partner has BPD and leaving them for that is better somehow than finding out your partner has cancer and taking the same action? Ps- I guess in sickness and health holds a different meaning for everyone
Wow amazing video I have a relative I love very much that has this and it helped me understand why we had such a strong bond. I posted something on Facebook today that triggered her feelings of abandonment and it was just how you described it to be. Thank you so much for your videos on this.
You are a blissful man . My nerves are soothed .
great videos. very insightful and spot on. thank you this helps sort out the confusing emotional abuse.
I honestly can’t tell if my ex gf was BPD or she had an incredibly insecure attachment style mixed with fear of abandonment and emotional dependence. Either way I was very in love with her. I guess I still am but it hurts to admit that. But for two years I was so stressed every single day wondering why. I’m an engineer and blamed it solely on that. But between her hot and cold emotions and her family that likely had a BPD sister and mother that treated me like trash and alcoholic father who was weirdly nice to me, I’m really unsure of everything that happened. I’m still piecing myself together though from how her family treated me and how she justified their terrible behavior saying it was more my problem.
Thank you for bringing truth to the other side of the disorder that too often is overlooked. those who put the negative comments out here are the ones usually causing the chaos.. great work sir.
It's TRUE, to all the people who lived someone so deeply, these comments can make or break someone's progress..shame
@@tracyanne1713 The positive side is you learn to manage their actions and behavior.. the bad side you can never fully trust their actions or intentions
thanks for making me feel even more hopeless to find love and relationships. I have borderline personality disorder. I no longer want to hurt others and myself
Mother Nugget me too! I just have committed to being alone for the rest of my life and this fucking nut job of a therapist didn’t help!
@@jamieallene Typical example of name-calling by a BPD person. Your statement sounds like "Ahh I can't accept the truth of my disorder so lets make him evil!" There are BPD people who have put a lot of hard work into therapy and changed their lives. They were able to do so because they projected their energy inwards rather than bad-mouthing and judging others. Your name-calling won't get you anywhere.
Wow. No - many health care professionals have been helpful and kind, you sir are not.
I watch videos and go to multiple therapies and you’re the first person I’ve decided is an ass hole about my disorder.. so there’s that.
Debapriyo Sarkar if more than I also believe you’re approach was negative - maybe you need some inward insight. As a healthcare professional your lack of empathy is astounding.
Thank you very much! I understand everything what you say. I am a partner of a borderliner, a codependent like you say. Truly, i getting to understand more and more.... Thumb up!!!! Respect!
You speak the truth. People with BPD, such as myself, heal with desire like you say, and DBT. I go to therapy 2x per week, and DBT is the key. CBT didn't work for me after years of talk therapy. DBT actually teaches skills that work! You can tolerate distress and get some emotional regulation. Dedication, practice, and a great therapist can change your life. Living with rage is the pits. I am thankful for my therapist, DBT, and The Human Magnet Syndrome which helped me understand my parents narcissistic and codependent marriage (which I believe led me to having BPD).
Thank you for sharing your videos I have watched on this morning I was in a deep relationship with a beautiful woman with BPD for two years she still contact me no matter what I try to do to block her sadly I end up responding to her I know this is wrong and I know it does me no good and how it will end up I am seeing a counsellor but it doesn't stop that huge sense of loss but truly the only way forward it's to do positive things and think positively about my future watching your video this morning help me realise that and that I have to put her behind me as best I can otherwise I will still be here like this for another three years so thank you for sharing what is a great piece of advice and very thought-provoking
I'm going through exactly that right now..... how are you doing 6 months on?
Thank you for all your videos. You are spot on.
Thank you.
This has been very helpful.
Someone from my childhood fits the description of BPD very well. However, it got a bit confusing because that same person would also display narcissistic traits on occasion, so I thought they were NPD because of the manipulation and gaslighting.
Wonderful videos. I don't generally believe in concrete absolutes, but I have the majority of the traits categorized by BPD. These videos were very valuable for me. If you have BPD and are very sensitive to this style of speaking, much as I am to many other things, these are probably not your videos.
I just broke up with my BPD girlfriend for the umpteenth time about six weeks ago. Mr. Rosenberg has comunicated perfectly the issues with having a relationship with women with this syndrome. My own culpability is very evident as the co-dependent. My family, my therapist all can't believe I put up with her abuse over and over. What they don't see is the good times, which was, most of the time. Of course, her anger meltdowns, roughly every couple of weeks, were jaw dropping, coming from this, normally, sophisticated highly successful woman.
My point is that BPD should be called by its, far more appropriate designation: Emotional Dis-regulation Disorder. Yes, they act, "psychotic", at their worst, but that does not describe the overall person at all. They can't regulate their emotions in a normal way, and that's what the problem is, for them.
I say for "them" because the other half of the issue is, everyone around them, that has to put up with their syndrome. It's then a sociological issue, because humans pressure each other to conform, to compromise, to behave a certain way, or they are kicked out of the tent.
+Ross Rosenberg
Thank you so much for the Incredible work you have done in uncovering the very tragic lives of those who suffer with this illness. & helping us all to gain Knowledge & to better understand what BPD patients feel on a daily basis.
You have been Instrumental in helping me to understand my sister & to be more helpful & not trigger her, when I was using Logic, instead empathy, love & understanding.
My hope is that the rest my family & her friends can one day see her as I do & no longer right her off.
It's not an easy road, but a necessary one.
I really do thank you for these videos it's giving me a sense of identity now and a better understanding of myself
You are awesome.. I am so sorry for the childhood and all that you suffered
An article I just wrote about my work with SLD/Codependency. "No, I Don't Like Borderlines" What I Do and Why I Do It." Bhumanmagnetsyndrome.com/no-i-dont-hate-borderlines-what-i-do-and-why-i-do-it/
Your basically trying to say that it will never be possible for individuals with bpd to have a relationship. For there partner to leave them. Excuse me sir but I have bpd and I am doing what I can to trying and control it. I have a fiancee and three children so are you insinuating that he should just walk out on his family because I was just diagnosed with this? Do you believe that we don't deserve love and companionship our selves? Do you honestly think we are not capable of changing? I have know since I was 15 something was in fact wrong. But what's wrong is then finally diagnosing me 10 years after all the anxiety all the anger all the fears. The explosive behavior. I am sorry but I don't agree with everything you are implying and perhaps I am miss understanding. But to me it sounds as though your are telling the partner of a borderline to bail out on them. That isn't fair. Because before you had stated that they themselves have some underling issues and insecurities.
Lmao! Listen to yourself. Is he saying that? Stop twisting his words. Stop being a victim here. He's not telling your husband to leave you.
+Brittany Gwizdala Well said. You have a bit more moxy in the comment department than I do. There are people like us who do have this disorder and work had and it would be fair to show that too. I think a balanced approached would be helpful and educational too. Best. A
You guys are missing the point of this video. I'm sure it's hard to hear this stuff and so I can understand where you're coming from. On the other hand, this video isn't meant to help those with BPD. It's meant to help those who've been a victim of someone who has UNTREATED BPD. It's showing the worst case scenario. Not saying every borderline personality disordered person is exactly like this. It's proven though that some cannot maintain healthy relationships, especially those of an intimate nature. That's not to take anything away from those of you have been proactive in fighting this thing.
Billy McDowell I do believe this is on a continuum like many other metal health illnesses. There are those who are beyond help and those who are willing to reach out. Unfortunately it's been proven that these are the hardest to treat because there's no specific medicine. The most successful form of treatment is dialectical behavioral therapy but the patient needs to be willing to do the work.
Yes I was waiting to see a comment like this so basically we can't have love after we've been abandoned all this time
Excellent videos... Open, honest, insightful
Dr. thought you were gonna drop a F BOMB @7:20 =)
Love your work btw very professional, helped me understand my missus and myself.Thank you!
great video this guy knows what he's talking about...I know because I lived it and still am because I have a child...spot on ross
You did a good job explaining borderline. Thanks for sharing Doc. Awesome presentation very accurate.
Great stuff you really do a lot a lot of our unravel a lot of mysteries is very alluring to find out more I’m currently in a very tough relationship where I don’t believe I am borderline personality necessarily but I’ve been up to use the light is a child from my brother and friends parents but they were only there to fend for me when I came to them still hurt but I love this lady and she’s like no other person I’ve been with before so that kind of rules out the pattern of people. I really hope they figure this one out because I love her and she loves me and it’s worth it to find out how we can amend our differences is with so much stuff enough persevere through and grab that light inside both of us so we can love healthily and longterm.Thank you Ross your genius
Jennifer Mikelait.
I really like your background music, Mr. Rosenberg. It is very relaxing music!🎼🎵🎶🎵
Thank you for being clear. Never heard anyone define myself as clearly before... 😑😕
What about the borderline person??
Im how do you avoid hurting them??
This is so correct I have it , I showed my father this so he could better understand me , make him aware of his shortcomings for not protecting me.
thank you - I finally understand my mother and why I can have minimal contact and not feel guilty about it
You have really great insight and info in the first part and a half, tbh some of the best I've heard. The rest is TOTAL shit. "Leave people that have been abandoned and they need you." Yup, I have been diagnosed as C-PTSD, Borderline...rearranging chairs on the Titanic...whatever you want to say. We need people to understand and love us so...run away as fast as you can? Restore our faith in humanity. Please, tell everyone to run. Applause. We are not human, we can't be helped. Drag us to the edge of the village because of something that was not our fault and we desperately need someone in our lives that are honest and caring.
+Zoe Frasure And if the dad in this scenario has BPD? Should this kid not 'abandon' his dad? And stop getting beat the fuck up? Seems reasonable to me. If the dad in this story was getting helped or improving or somehow proving that he's aware of the problem and serious about fixing it, different story. But sadly, that is not always the case.
Broke up with my ex that has BPD because she forced it and 3 days later tried to fix things and she didnt want to, told her i respected it and that i was going to move on 3 days later she has a new boyfriend and a day later sends me messages insulting me with the worst u can imagine. not only she cheated on me but also insulted me and blamed me for moving on with my life. Absolute monsters. Run away from these people
Its very clear yess u are so right! BPD is not easy to live with
Outstanding Scott. This is first time I have come across your material, and after being married to a milder version of a BPD type personality disordered person(who made me PAY in every sense of the word after I finally got out) for some 25 years(where my co dependency kept me in it to my detriment), and then having a rebound relationship out of that divorce with someone who seems to CLASSICALLY fit the definition of this BPD disorder in most senses of the words you discussed on this video. Her issues from childhood/relationship history on down, I can only commend you on this wonderful video series so helpful for the lonely codependent who is indeed so susceptible to such a personality type. I have been drawn in and out over several years with the BPD person, and hoping I have taken that last drink of the BPD person with the arduous work I am doing with my own therapist over these past years. It has not been an easy journey and I do commend you for this excellent service and will most certainly buy your book. Hoping your practical and straight forward shooting material makes it to the masses out there!!!
Who is Scott?
@@RossRosenberg So sorry for the error Scott Rosenberg is a veterinary colleague of mine.
Ross Rosenberg I can’t thank you enough 🙏to make me understand what narcissistic or BPD is I star watching all your video and order your books and educate myself due to my husband cover narcissism after marriage 17yrs with four kids my mother is narcissistic person and I see ware my father end up loosing his identity completely because my mother control him soo bad I need to prepare and educate myself. THANK YOU 🙏.
Amazing video! I have a borderline friend who is exactly as your describe. She got married very quickly (over a few days) and her narcissistic partner moved in a few weeks later. I know it will not end well. What would a borderline do if I were to send her a link to these videos? Would they flip out!
wow amazing work and video, thank you thank you!!!
I'm an 18 year old male and for the passed three years I have been in love with a girl who is not currently diagnosed but shows very strong symptoms of BPD. After two years in an abusive relationship with a classmate of mine we finally ended up together and everything was amazing. Her friends would tell me it was the happiest she had ever been. She had a drug induced psychological episode that hospitalized her for a week very early in our relationship. After that I encouraged her to get better and for a time she seemed to be giving up her self destructive habits. There was only one instance where we had a rather explosive argument when I discovered she had self harmed again but that eventually passed. From the start, she knew I would eventually be leaving for the military and she told me she would be fine. The time I was leaving ended up getting delayed to around the 1 year mark of our relationship. But she VERY rapidly had a change of heart and ended up being the one to break it off just 4 months in. Everyone close to her still seems bamboozled about why she did that and I'm convinced she herself doesn't know why either. It has taken a very rough psychological and emotional toll on me and from what I've heard she's not doing great either but she's hiding it quite well. I'm no longer in high school, she is, and there's word going around that she's been having impulsive sexual relations with other people. I feel like it's an attempt to hurt me, which will make me hate her, and then she can eventually hate me but that's not at all what I want. No matter how much she attempts to hurt me I don't feel that it's genuine, she's just searching for the easiest way out because she doesn't see any possible positive outcome of our relationship. At this point, I just want her to get better and be happy but from what you're saying it's hopeless. I want there to be a way I can get through to her but I don't see any possibility. Everyone else chalks it up to her being a bad person and tells me to move on but I don't see it as black and white as they do. If anyone is willing to give their input perhaps based on their experience, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
I'm so glad that I found your videos. Now I understand BPD better. Do you have videos about parents dealing with kids with BPD? Being in a relationship with a BPD is optional; having a child is much more involved. Thanks.
anything is possible . keep an open mind . dont listen to him. mediate, eat good food, pray , seek out plant medicine to rewire your brain.
No one has explained it better and I have BPD thank you Ross I'm 45 still terrorise after the relationship is over I don't do goodbyes at all .
Please make more videos on my condition BPD
I love your knowledge and insight. There are to few videos on this disorder.
Narcissism is the #1 disorder discussed on UA-cam. It’s played out!
so to summarize ; if you have BPD go away and hurt your self you are unlovable and dangerous,,, great comfort for those who came here and watched your vids trying to understand their own condition,, ! and the vindictive, overlay from your own experience is not professional,
+Scowling Wolf read the intro, you self-absorbed bitch. it is for the VICTIMS of BDPs
how dose defending bpd people make me self absorbed?its the opposite. and i did read and watch, all his vids on this subject. he has been hurt and it is colouring his advise which is incorrect and unprofessional.. so cap`s ing the word victim of bpd, and calling me a bitch i take it you have been hurt in a relationship, and are still at the lashing out stage , i hope you find some peace ,some good advise, and dont get hurt again.
+Scowling Wolf These videos are NOT for sufferers of BPD. This set of videos is NOT all about you. This is about offering help for people who have been in emotionally abusive relationships with sufferers of BPD. If you're not in that situation, maybe there's another channel that would be helpful for you.
``NOT all about you.`` i think you are confusing NPD with BPD,,,people with bpd arnt normally narcs, they dont even like themselves.
Some of the words used by the video author here can only lead to and reinforce further discrimination of this mental health client group and seems it is all in the name of making money unfortunately.
dizzy kat He is coming from his own bias, based on his own relationships. This is coming from a subjective stance and saddens me that he is in practice.
Thank you for your insight. I wish I would of known all this sooner...better late than never.
I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago (she had this disorder btw). I wanted her to understand that she can talk to me if she ever needed help. So it went good for a while until new years, I sent a text to everyone that I had come in touch with the past year. I wished everyone happy new year etc. etc. And she responded to me asking why did I sent it to her that I left her all mad at me. I mean there's more to the story, but I couldn't understand why she sent that. So I got pissed off and erased her number and never spoke to her again. Am I a bad guy for doing that tho? I understand that she's a good person, but I just couldn't understand why she couldn't trust me and randomly get mad at me.
gibi956 You are not a bad person for doing so. Just because she has a condition is no excuse for her to treat you like that.
Just finished reading your book and I found it to be really helpful.
So thank you for that.
Will there be another book?
Perhaps for those in the helping profession working with co-dependents and 'emotional manipulators'?
No doubt you get ugly comments. With hard work people with BPD absolutely can recover. I have. Having just left a narcissist I understand your stance. I appreciate your unbiased representation of BPD while omitting PC garbage. We are not evil, and many videos and articles represent us as evil personified. it's videos like this that educate properly. Thank you.
Celeste Snyder what did you do to recover? I don't have BPD but I know someone who does and I want to help him. I just don't know what to do. He refuses to go to therapy. What can I do to help him?
I am not a doctor. I can only tell you the things that worked for me. The biggest issue with bpd is their utter lack of insight and self. Sobriety has to be in place first. For me I realized that who I am does not work with one single aspect of the world. You have to have more emotional pain then the fear of change to remotely want to change. There's a ton of excellent BPD bloggers on you tube, definitely check them out.
I love the sound of his voice! My goodness!
Ross the Boss! knowledge is power after all. Ross I need your existence, I'm in a hell of a mess over here!
Thank you very much for sharing this information. I have a friend with this disorder and I am hoping to help her get into therapy.