Pt. 2. The Impossible Connection: Loving Someone w/ Borderline Personality Disorder. See Warning
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- Опубліковано 8 тра 2014
- WARNING: this video was not meant to be a resource for those who have Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD), which is a very unfortunate psychological disorder. The video was created as a resource to victims of abuse, past and present, from people diagnosed with BPD. I do not believe that people with BPD are all the same, and are equally abusive. I do know that they hurt the people that they love. Some of them hurt these people very badly.
This video is NOT a resource for people suffering with BPD. In fact, it will surely aggravate their condition. Although I believe I know a great deal about the disorder, I am neither a specialist nor an expert in the treatment of it. My skill set is with people who I refer to as “Self-Love Deficients” (codependents) who have Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency).
Those who criticize my video(s) on BPD are misinformed about who I am. I neither represent people with BPD, nor do I ever try to. Rather, I am a psychotherapist who provides mental health services to people who are SLD’s (codependents) and trauma survivors. My work is about empowerment, healing and escaping abusive relationships. This is evident in my Human Magnet Syndrome book and my other video and training materials.
My intention is not to malign people with BPD, but to empower and lead my clients away from their compulsion to stay in relationships with individuals who are harmful and abusive to them. My work represents people who want to heal psychological wounds and who take personal responsibility for their actions. I AM AGAINST abusive individuals who narcissistically justify their harmful behavior or blame it on the victims. If that fits with people diagnosed with BPD, or for that matter, NPD or ASPD, then I offer no apologies.
ABOUT ROSS
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. Ross’s “Codependency Cure™ Treatment Program provides innovative and results-oriented treatment. His expert educational and inspirational seminars have earned him international acclaim, including his 21 million UA-cam video views and 230K subscribers. In addition to being featured on national TV and radio, his “Human Magnet Syndrome” books sold over 138K copies and are in 9 languages. Ross provides expert testimony/witness services.
#BPD #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #unhealthyrelationship #mentalhealth
I honestly don’t see all the controversy about this video. He doesn’t belittle people, he just states facts.
I agree
One of the few times someone has been able to explain my pain. The 120 mph on a surface street really got me to listen.
People with BPD are very easily offended. Basically anything can do it. Describing reality is one of the reasons.
@Vrushali Deshpande "It is not common, but has happened in some level of frequency, where the borderline in their rage become homicidal. They will kill their partner. It's very rare..." So in what part of the statement does he say that all people with BPD are homicidal?
Thank you for saying this! I am so sick of victim blamers trying to shame victims of the sort of rational realization eventually
This guy is so spot on. I have bpd and the sadness i feel is so unbairable that i will latch on to any kind of love i can find. It causes me to rush relationships and it has ruined every relationship ive had. Then the cycle repeats bc of how lonely i feel. I often get back into toxic relationships just so i can feel okay and loved again. Its awful
Sameeee I don't know Why people think us BPD are naricisstic!, were just in Pain and hate ourselves so bad
I get way too intrusive with the guys I like when they start pulling away because of me being too clingy and romantic and stupid basically. Of course they don't want that and they always end up telling me they don't want to be in a serious relationship for xyz which is absolutely horrifying the pain of rejection I feel is unbearable. Last night I struggled not to get super mean with the guy I liked. Thank god I didn't
@@mmichael6108 I think it’s that they/we CAN be, if unchecked.. but everyone’s somewhere on a ‘spectrum’ so this is obvs the extreme end (& it’s all just a picture of unredeemed human nature really isn’t it? - I’ve heard about this thing called being ‘born again’... 🙏🥳😊)
@@mmichael6108 they are..
. I have PTSD from a boarder line mother who beat me endlessly and locked me in my room. 50 now and she's gone I feel like I'm finally healing .... But I did love her and there was some good times and I truly feel that it made me stronger ... God bless anyone with BPD
“ We accept the love we think we deserve”
If you have had generally healthy relationships, but this person drains you and makes you wonder if you're borderline.....they are probably borderline. The initial love bombing and best sex of your life can be extremely addicting. Then comes the lying, cheating, victim mentality, cruelty, etc. Everything is your fault and you will never be enough.
@@allanaolson140 yes yes yes thank you!
@@allanaolson140 it is not manipulation, but it is part of the manipulation
Exactly. It caused an eyebrow to raise when he said "the people with BPD aren't bad people"...um, are you just trying to be nice, Ross? Cuz, my ex is definitely a bad person. Hurt people hurt people, I get it, but that is no excuse to treat people the way that she did me (or her previous two ex-husbands). She is unequivocally a "bad person". She may be emotionally dysregulated, but she is neither stupid nor insane. She is a cruel adult human being, who I guarantee will repeat her pattern with other unsuspecting dopes for as long as she is able.
Wow. I hate being like this, but you explained it so well. Honestly, I feel like a terrible person 24/7 and I just want love and peace. My ex has separated herself from me, but she still wants sex from me. I'm not sure if it's manipulation or addiction, or both.. Fuck.
Yet somehow, I'm convinced that I'm responsible for all of it.
Sam Vaknin says that if you are with a pwBPD for long enough, you yourself become borderline (you can recover from it however).
That's what happened to me. I became needy and clingy and needed reassurance like I had never experienced before.
I watched your video series a few years back when I was starting to research what turned out to be the bpd in my fiancee, and thought, "Ross just didn't try hard enough." Having laid down everything and everyone else in my life to try to help my fiancee for the past 6 years, I can now say with confidence that you were right. Nothing works, especially when the borderline is convinced that she is sane and the world is mad. I still feel sorry for how much she was abused by her father and how messed up her brain is now. But loving someone who is unable to even recognize love, let alone appreciate it, is impossible. I sacrificed for her my entire life, which is now in tatters, but she remains convinced that everything is my fault. I sincerely HATE people who sexually abuse children.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Me right now
I fully agree, I think people who sexually abuse children should face the possibility of a death penalty. Because they have ruined innocent lifes why should they continue to live.?
"I sacrificed for her my entire life, which is now in tatters, but she remains convinced that everything is my fault" :((((((( :((((((
That's what happens. You end up having no life at all outside the relationship with the pwBPD, and it's not even good or gratifying.
From an emotional/psychological standpoint, you become just as sick as the pwBPD. And lonely. If you don't know what lonely is and feels like, try a relationship with a pwBPD. If you don't know what agony is, try a relationship with a pwBPD. If you don't know what excruciating pain means, try a relationship with a pwBPD. If you want to know what giving the very best of you and offering all the love you've got only to receive crumbs of love in return, try a relationship with a pwBPD.
This is an excellent video as I have always believed that Borderlines do love. I witnessed it in so many different ways. There was no way that it could have been an act. Such a shame she was a beautiful but troubled woman who would have eventually destroyed me!
Thanks to the borderline in my life. I am changing career paths and going into psychology to study mental illness.
same
Considering it myself.
Me too
horrible ecision
Maybe they're the one who should follow that career, not you.
Don't change your life to being a carer if the person does not try to understand and cope with the problem
themselves.
You are right on with this. I was married to a Borderline for 17 years and had PTSD from the relationship and the breakup, which I'm still recovering from. It's a horrible experience when they try to destroy you and seem to enjoy the process. I just couldn't understand how she would do this to someone she said she loved. Still can't wrap my head around it but I'm getting stronger and am much happier now than I was when I was with her. It was a roller coaster ride and I'm glad I got off. I was codependent. Thanks for this Ross.
no we don't try to destroy you! At least i never did within all my painful breakups! We are destroyed thinking about all this all day and nights.
Married for 12 years. I'm right there with you. All the pain and suffering she caused. I really don't think she knew how to love at all. Now I'm a single parent while she's run away from home. Therapy did not work.
Sounds like a touch of NPD as well. I was lucky enough to have one with a lot of dark traits.
She didn’t enjoy the process 🙃
sounds like she had what they call 'malignant borderline'. possibly,,,,,,,,,,,,
I dated someone with BPD.. the breakup was very nasty.. I was definetly a co dependant.
Same
The worst part is when you think you are the crazy one, and the girl of your dreams has ditched you.
Takes a while but eventually you see the person for who they really were, all the red flags are obvious, and you realise really how many lies they must have told. You emerge stronger and more confident than ever before with new founded peace of mind. Took me about 18 months to fully get there.
mine was dating this girl who was clearly bpd but I didn't know till after I ended the relationship early on just I admitted to having feelings for her she complained about how she looked and talked about how perfect I am even thought I'm not and I kept telling her I'm just trying to give her hope we don't livein a perfect world the 3rd day she texted me all day then called me her soulmate to early on for the whole 2 weeks she kept beging for my kisses threw txts and wanted skin on skin action I was turned on by it but saw it as nothing my sister saw the signs cause when I mentined someone who wasn't me or her she made brutal jokes I said I was working my boss was my sister she said how funny it be if she fired me at the job buut ilaught it off the 2nd week she started to act a little different sometimes she text me till 3;00pm the relationship came to end I ended because 1 lie that crossed the line of trusting someone.she said her parents thought I was a killer In reality they told her to watch she doesn't get hurt she exaggerated that to them thinking I'm killer when I ended it I ended it in the nicest way I could and she took it aggressively threw text be carefull of people like those girls/guys.
Yeah they're nuts. Watch out for the fishing texts months or years later.
I needed to hear this. She was my dream girl. But all the lies and dishonestly kinda made it easier to get over her. To think I was going to purpose. Glad I didn't cause Id be in hell right about now. Also, I ended mine cause she would lie about where she was only to find out she was out drinking till 4am with guy friends. Then of course she had and excuse to go with it. Yeah, trust is out the window. Don't hit yourself on the way out
My ex girlfriend had BPD and was very angry and violent. She exploded instantly with no delay in her angry. After this was revealed I had to leave for my own safety.
You're a weak man.
Some of us disassociate, it's not really that we don't value our life in a bad moment we just lose an awareness of time and things don't seem real. Thanks for your videos learned good things, that I didn't find anywhere else!
Pony Up my ex has Bpd and not only she has cheated on me 3 days after we broke up but she got a new boyfriend in the same week and now says she loves him. This crazy bitch destroyed me in a way that i have never seen, pure evil, not only that but she also blamed me for everything and insulted me
@@theapologetic5944 Don't be fool, that boyfriend was already there before she broke up with you. They all act the same.
What does pony up mean ❓
Lady do You work on or own a farm/ranch
Those who criticize my video(s) on BPD are naive and misinformed about who I am. I am not the "President" of a UA-cam nation for which I have to be politically correct with what I say and do. Rather, I am a psychotherapist who provides mental health services to people who are seeking to become healthier and/or work through their trauma and addictions.
My perspective is that of the clients who are seeking my services, not the perpetrators of harm from whom they are trying to escape. My work is about empowerment, healing and accountability. I provide psychotherapeutic services that help my clients learn about why they choose harmful relationships and stay in them (The Human Magnet Syndrome).
My focus is NOT to malign people with BPD, but to empower and lead my clients away from their compulsion to stay in relationships with individuals with untreated BPD who are harmful and abusive. I work with people with codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder. I don't work with people with BPD or, for that matter, people who just want to bash them while not taking personal responsibility for their part of the dysfunctional relationship.
I do have a a point of view and a prejudice. I AM FOR people who want to get better, not hurt others, and take personal responsibility for their actions. I AM AGAINST abusive perpetrators who narcissistically justify their harmful behavior or blame it on the victims. There, you have it!
I have a perspective, and that is that of my clients. My job does not include representing the people that hurt them. I am tasked with facilitating the healing of psychological wounds in order that my clients can become healthier and stronger in their pursuit of self-love and relationships in which mutually loving, respecting and caring actions are the norm.
I don't focus on what is wrong with other people, i.e. those with BPD, but what is wrong with my client who consistently fall in love with people that profess to love them, but always hurt them. My work with codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder requires my clients to take responsibility for their actions and relationship choices.
There are other people online, especially on UA-cam, who make the codependent the victim and suggest retaliation as the solution. This is not who I am or what I do. This will be the last comment I make on my BPD videos.
Can u help borderlines??
Thank you Ross for helping me feel okay about my divorce and for inspiring me to get the help I need as a codependent. Your voice is heard, and welcome.
Hi Ross I'd like to quote a great Jack Nicholson quote ' Never explain, never complain ' .He seems a bit of a loner now but if it helps his sanity so be it. You are trying to be sensitive here and I didn't think anything you said was offensive. I will pick up on one point though which might trigger viewers with BPD here and its that you seem to say ' the borderline ' instead of 'someone who has BPD'. That means they will identify with the disorder so therefore they will defend themselves against that as it means that its a criticism of their true person as opposed to the negative aspects of their disorder. I really liked the first part of this video series and it gave me a lot of peace just to hear someone put a finger on what I experienced as a co-dependent with a BPD partner. I think what you're doing is invaluable. Now that i'm over it it's just fascinating learn about this , it makes you question what is real. I mean what is more real than your emotions? especially when they are strong ones but to put your thinking cap on and see that you have been manipulated emotionally then that really is an eye opener. I'm starting to understand now what the eastern teachings mean when they say that desire and attachment is suffering. I'd like to add that child abuse is the most despicable thing ever and if it causes BPD then its pure evil since the abused becomes the abuser and it creates a cycle.I think you're doing a great job by trying to teach insight. Keep up the good work!
Lol
Stop calling them borderlines. They are people with bpd. It's incredibly rude.
I wad raised by a borderline / covert narcissistic mother and a borderline sister. My childhood was hell on earth! No other words csn describe it. I was waöking on egg shells ALL the time.
you can't be both, not truly.
My ex borderline almost murdered me...He had no recollection of it at all...I spent years in therapy afterward as a co dependent it almost destroyed me...so so traumatic
Oh myyy why he do that
I wish I discovered these videos last May. Just ended a relationship with one of these unfortunate individuals. I felt emotionally abused and traumatized and still do. She did not mean to harm me, but she did.
Stephen Arseneau Beautifully stated. My sympathies. Wishing you the best.
He is cold hearted and mean..I'm still shocked he could took my home money and lie since he work for a main bank in Toronto..claim himself educated..ten years relationship with me ..I'm kind supportive loving ..sacrifice..now anger I delay Marry him..revenged ..punished me ..took my home money and locked me out in winter night..lie to police I assault him then I got arrested finger print and mug shot...whatttt...totally mental.
You are mistaken about my message. Why should anyone empathize and/or feel sorry for someone who abuses them. It really boils down this very important fact. If that person took responsibility and was accountable for the harm they perpetrated, they would engage in BPD specific long-term psychotherapy, which, by the way is quite helpful. But the angry people spouting off on this channel want a get out jail pass for each and every time they abuse someone. They use their disorder as a disability, but continue to hurt people. If someone with a can hit me in the head with it, I would contact the police. Their malady doesn't make them innocent. But if the same person with a cane wanted help, tried to seek it, and when receiving it participated in it, then they have all of my sympathy, empathy and patience. Using one's disorder as an excuse for their abuse, and then wanting to feel sympathy, just doesn't fly with me.
Rock on, Doc. I am enjoying your channel..Please keep up the good work. This kind of information is priceless for extensive research purposes. Well done. Subscribed.
I have borderline personality disorder. I get why you say we have done some awful, hateful things. the difference between me and the others and I am sure there are others that have done the same as me and rebuild our family. I have admitted my errors i have apologized for them. because the only way is admit to our faults no matter how ugly they can be. it's the ones who are narcissistic with this borderline personality disorder. those are the ones you should look out for. because they don't care about you. we who have this disorder we love our family and it hurts us and we don't know how to stop it. and we learn how to cope more positive and work on our relationships especially your kids!! it's taken me a while so it's a process and you never stop working on yourself because you can only grow from there. so NO we are not all that way.
Hi Ross, I am educating myself about Borderline because my current girlfriend was diagnosed with this years ago and clearly is such a type of person that is scared in an enraging way about losing me, and she was abused in her upbringing and has had a long history of self harm and also with the law, all these things are true about her. But she is actually quite careful about rushing me in any way. She is also not really clingy and I am quite sure that she would never start calling my co-workers or check my text messages or such. She also wasn't rushing me in getting into a relationship. Actually, except for being a loveable spouse and to be faithful, she really doesn't expect anything unusual from me. Though her emotions change by the minute and when she's enraged she will accuse me of hating her and she says things that are utterly ridiculous. I'm starting to talk more freely about the subject now that I have learned more about it and I am starting to try and get her into therapy. This won't be easy but she will go.
Hi Ross, I am educating myself about Borderline because my girlfriend was diagnosed as such years ago and clearly is such a type of person that is scared in an enraging way about losing me, and she was abused in her upbringing and has had a long history of self harm and also with the law, all these things are true about her. But she is actually quite careful about rushing me in any way. She is also not really clingy and I am quite sure that she would never start calling my co-workers or check my text messages or such.
She also wasn't rushing me in getting into a relationship. Actually, except for being a loveable spouse and to be faithful, she really doesn't expect anything unusual from me. She will rush herself to get drunk when she starts drinking but she is finding out it isn't helping and last night she said that she just needs to stop drinking completely. Though her emotions change by the minute and when she's enraged she will accuse me of hating her and she says things that are utterly ridiculous. I'm starting to talk more freely about the subject now that I have learned more about it and I am starting to try and get her into therapy. This won't be easy but she will go, there are many times when she is like an infant, but she isn't stupid and she knows when things are indeed out of her hand. She's just trying to convince herself and hope that it's not as bad right now as it is. Sound pretty complicated huh?
We'll you're a voice of confidence.. thanks Ryan
Mr. Rosenberg, your videos have been a God send for me after an absolute shocking ending to a relationship. Now it is all making sense. It is painful, and yet empowering. Thank you. I am sure you are helping many people. God bless you.
I have BPD, was diagnosed as a kid actually and I'm 38 now . I have never really began to understand exactly what I have been struggling with till recently . I'm in therapy and taking a medication that helps tremendously . I noticed alot of people commenting that you have painted a bleak and terrible picture of people with this disorder . I took your videos as very insightful and helpful. As with all things not every word will apply. This disorder can be very "Monstrous" if you will, but there is hope and ways to have a happy life despite that. So thank you for making the videos .
Eric Hamra which medication?
@@aimandurrani2228 Percocets
Which medication?
It took me 15 months until I committed until to a lady I fell in love with, then her BPD showed up, she dumped me 4 times in 3 months, she made it all my fault over stupid trivia, I tried so much to help her but it was impossible! it was extremely bad for me, so I told her I could not go on. Then she went into full rage stole my keys so I could not leave assaulted me many times smashed my vehicle while her little kids watched in horror, she was determined to make me react to blame it all on me when the cops came. I'm certainly effected totally bewildered but you cannot help them they make you pay.
I've just had a Heartbreaking time trying to help a young woman with B. P. D.
Ive never experienced anything like the trauma and turmoil involved with this disorder, and however much you love this person, whatever you try, it just won't ever be enough, which then drains you mentally and this can lead to having to separate, further exacerbating the abandonment issues.
It has changed my life, she left due to her out of control behavior and I've lost this person who I loved and cared for like no one else, and I worry every moment of the day, where and whom she's with and what has she got into now?
As I said, Heartbreaking.
Who cares you're free from her abuse
Im sorry to hear that. Its heartbreaking to hear..
My recent experience - there is a part of you - that capable of caring very deeply - it is sub-concious - because it goes on endlessly in the deep recesses of your mind - this feeling of wanting to give of yourself - and when the recipient is no longer close enough - for you to give - it results in even more anxiety - terrible
athe very sad thing is that nothing the presenter of the video has said - lend itself to any useful options - chap just want to sellhis krappy book..
My ex broke up with me like 20 times. I finally had enough and broke up with her and within 3 days she was with a new guy. Literally having sex with him then came back to me saying sorry. Abuse is abuse and should never be expected. Red flags are deal breakers
im a borderline and i find the comments, especially from other borderlines, hilarious. You can tell who we are just by the tone of the comments.
W b. Hahaha right?!? I'm borderline too and these others are pretty outrageous and really shows the lack of insight
Same. I’m borderline as well. I can see all the triggered borderlines lol
Faire Yang LMAO!!
Dirk Diggler hahaha you got triggered, huh ;)
E B more like I got mixed up with one of you looney bitches and ended up knocking the crazy bitch up
I am a codependent and just split up from a 3 month relationship with a BPD. It was exactly what you explained. I spotted it and even told people this chic is crazy but being a codependent I ignored it. I really want to send her this video.
She won`t accept the part on her side. BPD doesn`t accept any insight.
btw, how are you going after 3 years?
and being abandoned like that is exactly what people with bpd fear 😭
I'm trying to be such a good guy helping this lovely girl but my issues are how I literally feel useless to being able to help her, I will never leave her until she literally tells me it's not working, but however it's literally a roller coaster.
The relationship between us is unknown, she wants to be happy with me, as do I, but when we get closer I get pushed away, she tells me she doesn't want to hurt me, she's scared she will go back into a bad state, I am supporting her as much as I can because I literally love her, I give her space, let her do what she wants to do, but it never seems enough, and I just want help in knowing the best way to trying to keep her from exploding.
It's still early days and I'll probably get my heart broken like usual, but I at least want to try.
Thank you for sharing, I have a particularly difficult Borderline in my life & this has really helped me to understand why they do the crazy things they do. Though sad to say, sometimes, for your sanity's sake, you have to just distance yourself. Borderlines can sure suck the life out of you, even when you are just trying to help them. And now I understand why she chooses the boyfriends she does which actually is a big help, thank you again.
I am a codependant partner of a BPD and I feel GOD is telling me the spot on facts. I think, its the best content available on UA-cam about the subject in simple words.
Regards,
I cannot stress this enough: Not all people with BPD have "borderline rage." Not all of us take pleasure in being cruel to others. Some of us just isolate, cry, and sleep a lot in order to deal with the pain of an argument or breakup. Not all of us hate all of our ex's or only view ourselves as victims, and we don't all push other people's boundaries. BPD, like any other condition, operates on a spectrum.
***** But tell us how you really feel.
You are the special little snow flake who is not like the rest of the BPDs who claim to be special little snow flakes themselves. Have heard that argument ad nauseum.
I do agree it's a bit generalizing.
Well I was dating a borderline who has said the same thing countless times. She definitely did not take pleasure in being cruel to others, but her anger and her extreme emotions definitely caused her to be cruel to others. Afterwards she would normally feel bad for what she did. She also didn't mean to push boundaries, but she did in ways. She was definitely on the lower spectrum of borderline, but she did these things without meaning to. If you asked her though, she never did any of this.
Lol, so some show less symptoms than the more extreme. He's talking generally about the disorder, the symptoms of something are - by definition - what describes that thing, the fact they may be mild is irrelevant.
My ex only had a 'mild' form of bpd, though i sometimes wish it had been extreme because at least that way i would have realised sooner, and not made so many excuses for someone that was slowly wasting and harming my life.
Well said,too many female BPD women feel entitled to behave this way,its very damaging to their male partners ad children, men need to wise up about this.
Yes it is a plague, but no one has guts to speak about it loudly.
In spite of some of the comments I have read I believe you have a really firm grasp of the borderline experience. If only you could tell me about a low cost way of getting therapy you would be a hero for life. Thank you for the work you do on borderline personality disorder.
OpenPath collective has low rates for therapists in your local area
Social services sliding scale
I am thankful for this video. I have BPD that was misdiagnosed with Bi-polar as a teen. I was also diagnosed with PTSD and a lovely anxiety disorder on top of it all. These diagnoses were more recent. I gave birth to my amazing daughter who had severe medical issues and fought for her life for a long time. Her dad was abusive and narcissistic and I experienced a lot of trauma to say the least. Anyways, I wish I had known these things about my disorder in my early 20s so I could have gotten the help then. The out of control emotions, low self worth and fear of abandonment caused me to enter into toxic and abusive relationships and I also struggled with alcohol abuse. I jumped into relationships full force and they never worked out. (I wonder why?) I have never been an angry or vindictive borderline. Just extremely emotional and insecure....with serious abandonment issues. But there is hope! With lots of therapy, hard work and sobriety I am so relieved that I have finally established a "normal" life. It is so important to talk about these mental health struggles. We are all human and we need to support each other! I am definitely not saying that we should support abuse....mental disorder or not, that is not acceptable! I just feel that if people were more comfortable talking about their issues without such harsh judgement, then they would be more susceptible to getting help! I also want to encourage anyone with BPD that is watching this to not get offended! As I said before, we are human. However, it is CRUCIAL that we open our minds and lower our defenses if we want any chance of having a stable life. Find your self worth and FIND BALANCE. And MOST importantly.....GO TO THERAPY! I HIGHLY recommend DBT. There is nothing wrong with getting the help you need AND deserve!
Wow this is so accurate, I was the co-dependent one, my ex BPD, 12 years of trying, very difficult and chaotic, but somehow full of love..
There is no love from someone who abused you.
@@isaacsanders9203 Indeed it's not love, it's addiction or trauma bond.
I have been in therapy over 40 years looking for help. I knew I have problems but I was with my wife for 33 years. I believed we had a great marriage and didn't even know there was a problem. I was NOT a perfect husband but I WAS a near perfect father. A year ago I got BADLY physically hurt in a pedestrian hit and run. There were like at least 5 stressors that hit us all at once. My wife left me and turned my children against me. I have not seen them in over a year. 4 days AFTER she left my therapist of SIX YEARS decided I have BPD, Bi-polar and we knew about ADHD, depression and PTSD. My wife says sorry too late. The sweet, perfect, wonderful wife I thought I had has become mean spirited and refuses to even consider anything I have to say. She seems to go out of her way to hurt me. I have been suicidal many times and last night came close. YOUR VIDEO HAS CONVINCED ME I HAVE NO HOPE. Thank you for that.
Thank you for this video. After listening to it, I have decided to go no contact with my bpd ex. After suffering a childhood with a bpd mother, a 18 year marriage with a narcissist and another 3 years with a bpd girlfriend, I found myself in a mental hospital looking at the walls for answers. I’m surprised I can still hold down a job. Thank you again for this video. It gave me the strength to walk away for good.
Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work.
I feel like watching this you had a very bad experience with a woman with BPD and it's damaged you for life. It comes across that you kind of love the intense first parts of a relationship with someone with BPD and you kind of seek them out subconsciously to get that intense sexual experience but when they become more unwell or switch and push you away you can't except the other part that comes with them. I've learnt by healthy eating and intense exercise I can control I lot of my BPD as well as deeply educating myself on my condition. You are very very right about us jumping right into intense sex and intense relationships and that becoming a big Focus for us. I'm extremely addicted to very shy guys and I've never really understood the reason why until watching your video, it seems like I'm hopelessly addicted to codependents and never really knew it on a conscious level. I've never physically harmed a partner in my life I also don't know anyone with borderline personality disorder who has physically harmed people psychological harm I suppose I can understand to a degree but that also is bad cases not everyone is like that. when I have become very unwell with my disorder in the past I find it better to say signal and fix myself I would never want to date someone when I'm very unwell. I'm sorry that you seem to have had such bad experiences and have been able to write a book about it and make videos about it but it would be nice to have some positivity in your videos and you make us out to be a very very violent people when that's just not the case. I hope you have healed from your bad experience and are enjoying life a lot better now. Xx
Yeah well duh that's about everybody everybody's going to love the first Joy sex all the time awesome sex and they're going to hate what comes next because they're not expecting it if they didn't sign up for that shit
Umm im a borderline too and I compltly agree with him, maybe u need to see another doctor
I agree. Some of us can handle our bpd, some can not..
@@smultron0811 Borderlines who acknowledge their condition to themselves are on the road to recovery . Those that live in denial are the the saddest examples of this terrible affliction . I take my hat off to those that admit they have a problem and try to do something about it . I've endured 4 years of psychological & physical abuse from the woman I love dearly. The most hurtful thing is being the Scapegoat for all her short comings . I know I will never find another love like her but I have to break off our relationship to hold on to my own sanity . I've never experienced such a contrast of deep sincere love and deep hurt in my life . I've tried my best to endure the abuse . I now have to leave the relationship and deal with my broken heart . I fear I may be scarred for life .
Thank you for writing this post, Anime Mummy. I was diagnosed late in life and when my husband, of 25 years, and I did some research on the disorder, half the time we were confused. I’m not a violent person. Yes, when I do something, I do it on the a grand scale, but l’m not violent nor mean. Other than a social media troll have I ever de-friended someone. It wasn’t until we had done enough research to discover articles that talk about the complexities of people with BPD that I started to notice similarities with me and the condition. Finding those helped me a lot. People like Dr. Linehan, as probably every Borderline Personality Disorderite knows is about the best source to start out with. We can be wonderful, loving and caring. Unfortunately, it’s easy to see and announce only the negative in people and negative talk can easily overcrowd the positivity in a subject. On the other hand though, the tone in Mr. Rosenberg’s voice is gentle. Perhaps reading his book will bring some positive meaning to this somewhat one sided video. (And for those who have been abused by someone with BPD, don’t let that stop you from loving someone new with the same disorder. Every soul has flaws, you just have see the beauty inside and work it slowly for it to shine.)
side note. My fiance and I have a growing relationship and we do a lot and we love eachother very deeply..... mainly i just have extreme mood swings but he was always there to help me through my episodes.... we are still very happy and growing... going to get married... He is a blessing from above... I admit my faults... but the majority of our relationship is gaming together movies rough housing lake days car rides with some duets goofy faces and lots of laughs love hugs and smiles :) it's possible to be with us... But like i said. I am On meds. I'm getting help and he's with me every step of the way :)
How is everything going with your relationship? I'd love to hear back as I really love my girlfriend that currently lives with borderline and I need some general advice…
I find these videos very helpful. I have BPD (I did read the warning) and though I am 30 yrs old just 2 weeks ago learned that I have this.
I am in no way offended as others on here seem to take things personally on this thread.
I am thankful your professionalism and expertise in explaining this illness to others that can't understand why others like me do the things we do.
And I understand more about myself that I now see that I couldn't recognize before see you video. Thankyou Miss. O
Don’t mean to intrude. But Can I ask how you got diagnosed? Dealing with someone who I’m convinces has this but don’t know how to help/get them help.
With my wife, any loving suggestion that she see a psychiatrist (I already had seen plenty myself) was met with, "I'm not crazy, I'm never f'ing doing that. Don't ever ask that again" and proceed to have an episode. I had no idea what she had, but I saw the same patterns for years and I knew she had deep behavioral, emotional, and thought issues. I also noticed that after severe episodes, there would be a "grief period" of sorts, where she had regret about her behavior (yes, some disbelief and disassociation from the worst of it often, but she was more self-aware during these periods than any others) and she would during these times, be able to plan out with me "how to avoid it from ever happening again" which of course we would try something knew that never would work, but she was much more open to suggestion during these times.
So after one particularly terrible episode, my parents came up the morning after, and I spent the day talking to my Stepdad about it (I had never before told anyone about her behavior, which only manifested to me anyway) and he says, "Ya know, everything you say sounds just like my ex-wife who had BPD", so I went home did the research, and she fits it to a tee. I went to her in tears and asked her if she would do just one thing for me if she loved me (without telling her in advance what it was). After her trying to balk a few times, she agreed, and I said, "I want you to go see a psychiatrist", and she went, and got diagnosed right away. WARNING: while she did commit to therapy and meds for co-occurring stuff, she actually got MUCH worse for about 6-8 weeks after being diagnosed, and had major episodes almost daily. It was like all the guilt and shame in the world was nailed onto her because she finally had some professional confirmation that something was wrong with her, and then of course, that she played a big part in how horrible our situation was.
So that's how I approached it. If I wasn't so codependent, I would have insisted 5 or 6 years earlier on her seeking treatment and called her manipulative threats as bluffs. I'm just as much at fault as she is for our problems and how long they festered.
TL/DR: I used the "grief period" after a major episode, when they are more open to suggestion, as an opportunity to propose that if she loved me, she would do one thing that I ask: Go and see a shrink.
right ? its not offensive. its just facts even though this sucks. i mean> awareness is good
Oh my goodness. I have BPD but I will never hurt a living and breathing soul! I would rather hurt myself
Lmao right its like he's describing everything about me .
But aye you fine tho lets self destruct together 😘
I got bpd too. And I get u, we deeply care and love others, some of us feel more empathy than people without bpd! Some of us are consious, wise and have done self work! I speak for myself and others. If I hurt someone because of intence feelings I regret it right after, like right After I notice The harm ive done. And the guilt has driven me to suicide. I thought I was a bad person but im not.
@@tobiahtoviyahgoodnessof349
❤️
@@smultron0811 - When you say " after I noticed the harm ive done....". THIS is key because sometimes the harm that is inflicted by the BPD is beyond belief. Of course your intention is to never harm a soul but when you feel triggered and react in ways that, to the average person, seem short of just plain evil, what good would an apology do other than to make us believe the sincerity of it and keep us around for another round? My sister could be the most loving and thoughtful person until you trigger her. Every BPD person will and often do hurt others like No Other.
Thank you so much for this work! It is so valuable to so many people and to understanding of our world today.
Please do not let yourself discouraged!!!
Thank you, Ross. you nailed this one right on target from my experiences dealing wiith someone who has exhibited BPD. This is so validating hearing this spoken out loud after having lived it for the past 2 years. Thank you again for sharing this and helping people ( and me ) work through some very difficult and confusing emotions from it all. :-)
Wow. Thank you so much for these videos. I got out of a relationship with a Borderline 6 years ago. I am definitely a co-dependent, no doubt. I have stayed out of relationships for the most part these last six years and focused on healing. Funny, I was told I had PTSD symptoms when I started the healing process. I wouldn’t say I am fully healed but I have been able to raise my son and keep him protected from his Mom’s Borderline. (I mean no offense to Borderlines, I just mean his mother struggles balancing her BPD and parenting, leaving a void for me to fill.) again, thank you so much for these videos and helping me feel so much less alone in this struggle.
Your videos along with Lisa and even John Bradshaw have been an immeasurable help to me in discovering where my issues stem from and what to do to recover. I can't thank you enough for what you do - you're an inspiration and your message is a powerful one. You save lives. Thank you.
Everything you've said in your videos are so accurate and are word for word everything I've lived through and deal with everyday, being someone with BPD. It's sad but relieving to hear all this coming from another person. Appreciate all the info! the internet "experts" leaving negative comments are quite ignorant.
You seem very kind, Mr. Rosenberg. I hope that others will follow your good advice. Thank you for sharing your video! A huge thumbs up to you!👍👍👍👍👍👍
4:15 This is such a wonderful description of the confusion and sense of loss we feel after a breakup. I had a horrific, terrible breakup a couple of weeks ago after my longtime bpd girlfriend flew into a blind rage in the middle of an airport over a relatively minor disagreement. She was screaming the worst things she could think of, trying to hurt me, and all I could think was, this is it, I'm done, I have to get out now and save myself. Now I sit here two weeks later and all I can think of is how wonderful, loving, kind and beautiful she is, and I want her back. The confusion is so painful.
NO CONTACT for life! She will eat you alive :)
I have been in therapy for almost 4 months. I had been doing so well, but this week has been so hard. There’s a part of me that’s so tired and wants to give up, but also doesn’t want to give up. It’s very conflicting. My next appointment is in two days, so hopefully I get to work thru this. I’m having trouble figuring out where everything started. My mum was there for me as a kid, but now she’s very narcissistic. My dad has been an alcoholic since before I was born and he’s very emotionally disconnected, but I don’t remember particular huge bouts of rage and danger in my childhood. Maybe it doesn’t have to be that extreme for it to happen?
I am not a monster. I deserve help. I deserve to be loved. Some of these comments are horrifying. I struggle so much with feeling like I’m unlovable and awful.
I am so glad I have found these videos... I can explain better to my family the things that were happening (I am in therapy for more than a year now, diagnosed and getting better is possible, if you work hard :) )
Thank you doctor Ross so much for this. I wish we had more doctors like you in the world. It's so true what you are saying
Thank you for posting this video. It really helps me understand the relationship I'm in.
I am SO glad I found your video series Ross. I'm just half-way through this Pt. 2 after watching all of Pt. 1, and I feel like giving you a giant hug. I broke up with my Borderline girlfriend a month ago and it has been difficult to get over. I read the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me," as well as many articles, but your videos are really hitting home, and most importantly, allowing me to really see why my relationship was so abusive and dramatic. I never knew that I was codependent until now, and that is why her and I became so passionate so quick. Absolutely everything you have said describes her and I and the problems we had together. I just paused the video half-way through to order your book on Amazon, and I am really looking forward to reading it, as I know I have some work to do on myself so I won't end up with another woman like this. I don't think she is a bad person, and I still have love for her, but I can't live like that ever again. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for creating these videos and I cannot express my gratitude enough.
this is me all day....i watched several of your videos.....and i dont care about how some people feel about how these messages you are sharing are "wrong"....negative....whoever feels that way is braindead....you are basically giving a blunt and direct foresight into typical situations regarding BPD....i am a classic example of borderline....not to mention i am a veteran, single parent of two sons including one with autism, full time college student, common facebook problem who "broadcasts my personal life to the public" especially sharing awkward feelings to the public regarding romantic relationships, and not a stranger to legal problems and jailtime more specifically with violence and doing crime "with actions of pride"....this is good insight....and i hate the fact that the VA classifies me as "bipolar" when i know damn well thats not the case and i am being incorrectly diagnosed to the fullest....not to mention i also have ADHD as a co occuring disorder as well....my life is very very rollercoaster like as well as action packed and hard to deal with most of the time....once again, thank you because now i understand myself alot more than i did and will take action to make things better for me...
thankyou ross so much for helping me and all of those who have bpd gain an ever more deeper understanding
You are so welcome Laila. Glad this is helpful.
@@RossRosenberg The moment i was able to label what i was going through, it was almost like i gained power over it. I stopped seeing myself as the victim but rather the victor of my situation. It was a very hard and bitter pill to swallow, it broke me that their was a flaw in my personality but i gained something greater and that was a fixed vision. A vision where i now see everything clearly of who i am as a person, why i behaved in certain ways, or even mimicking others in order to fit in and belong since i had no self identity. Im claiming back my authenticity and working on keeping my symptoms absent. The symptoms creep up from time to time but with the help of my psychologist and videos like yours as well as dr.Daniel fox its helped me tremendously over the years. 🧡
In the beginning, you forgot to mention that they also "use" people and the high they get off them to alleviate the emptiness. In all my dealings with cluster B's, they have a knack for getting "supply" from others- while appearing as though it's coming from them. All the energy, effort, etc, comes from YOU, for them to take. There's a lot of baiting, manipulating, charming, push/pull involved. As time goes on, you realize how drained you are from doing all the chasing and giving- without even realizing it. They're always there to take, which makes us think they're genuinely interested by always coming around.
I've been reading Robert Greene on the Explosive Child and working with a son with aspergers and what I find compelling is his notion that children are not being manipulative when they are having explosive meltdowns, but they simply don't have the tools to cope at that moment. He likens it to dangling money above a drowning person who is unable to swim. No matter how motivated, they don't have the skills at that point to swim. My gut is that the BPD and others are similar--the meltdown is not manipulative--it is a sign of a lack of skills--lack of the ability to self care related to trauma that was sustained in childhood. I am concerned that the label "manipulation" attributes too much capacity to a person who have not yet learned the skills to self sooth and self care. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Alicia en el pais de las maravillas Can you explain exactly how you are"in a different world"? Thanks.
Alicia en el pais de las maravillas Define normal. You mean never go to school or have a job or a friend, a cat to take care? You can have a conversation which is pretty normal to me.
Alicia en el pais de las maravillas Anyway, ppl don't connect very deep nowdays since most are driven by materialism/consumerism. But if you can hold a conversation i think you have nothing to worry. Honestly, i love ppl as society, but not many in person. If it doesnt bother you than its ok.
Alicia en el pais de las maravillas Why do you think you are hideous? I dont think anybody is hideous unless they have an ugly scar. Do you like boys/girls or none?
Alicia en el pais de las maravillas I understand. I think you know something before experience. I went thru some before i gave up. Lol. Oh, i think you are being rough to yourself. Nobody is perfect after all. Beauty is important, but not THAT important :) most ppl are not so gorgeous anyway. Maybe you live in a small town, maybe you are just depressed. It is you in the photo?
You’ve inspired me to get help again for my bpd. Thank you! 🙏🏼
Thanks for your videos! Just wanted to add, that the BPD I knew moved very slowly & didn't bash his ex. He even admitted he has BPD, and talked openly about his toxic behaviour with her.
what if you start out in a fast paced relationship damaged from a previous narcissist , attract another one , then become CPTSD which looks like borderline and are trying to seek help suspecting you're borderline . Sharing this with your narcissist and being abused with that information . So now the narcissist blames your borderline for 85-90% of the relationships issues, they seek help and get diagnosed with co-dependent , watch your video , and suddenly are claiming CPTSD too.... aren't all of these types very similar ?? its mind bending . Please do a video on narcissists and the borderline and how the roles can flip flop between them
Excellent video!! Thank you so much for your videos. Your videos have helped me and many others I’ve shared your videos with.
Wow dude thank you oh my god nail on the head you know what you are talking about I’ve been watching videos all day but you made it so clear thank you sir
This is a good podcast for the men affected by theses women
I have bpd and I find your resources helpful in a way it does set off my emotional instability but I have a good psychologist and psychiatrist I'm not in a marriage with a Codependant and I have other comorbidities but I my psychologist believes I'm on the quiet borderline side of things and I internally more so attack myself. I agree no person should stay in a severely abusive marriage relationship in general. Keep your work up I'm recoving with great help I've did things in the past I'm not proud of but I'm not violent towards others but to the partners who have delt with the abuse and see their bpd partner is refusing to get help don't go back get out stay out and get councilling we can cause so much pain and love.
Ross your providing insight I'm on great mood stabilisers now thankfully so it still does hurt I still react strongly when I shouldn't but your doing great work to those with bpd and families battering you for your information your well informed and sadly to move forward people with bpd need insight. There's a spectrum to all disorders and thankfully there is treatment for bpd which I didn't know about until my diagnosis after years of incorrect diagnosis's so there's a path for a the willing so there should be for the loved ones who have suffered from the actions we've caused
Watched all your videos in this set he Is a tad Co dependant but I'm working my way with dbt/cbt/act group and private I have a psychologist and psychiatrist and I plan todo all it takes to recover I've wanted to for years thankyou
your videos have opened doors. thank you
I want to thank you for these series of videos. My husbamd ia text book BPD. He believes its bipolar after a one tume session with a doctor. Ive known this man 2o years , he is absolutely BPD. Then comes along me.. A codependent ! I would take rage, criticism, manipulation, his manic/depressive episodes, the rapid episodes very personally in tge1 beginning. It hurt to yhe point of wishing i wasnt here anymore. Then i thought about all he has been through. He was abandoned over and over, he was abused every which way. There is so much I wouldn't be able to text all of it. I felt terrible for him, yo think og him as a child and going through all of that, and wjat it created today. After the storm passes over and calms down, he will always say " i hate being like that" so he recognizes something but he still wont seek help. With your videos you've allowed me to see this illness for what it is, an illness. He has worked hard to not do certain things but can a borderline get over the feeling og abandonment. Can they be reconditioned to cope and think diffrenty. I really would like to know if this all can change. If there was ever a book or video of what borderline personality looks like, my husband would be the main character. I love him unconditionally, i have even thought to myself a few times that is my love only becasue of the co-depenency or am i a symptom of hia illness? Either way i love him deeply and I want him to know he is loved. I never want him to think or feel the way he did as a child. I have become a greater person becasue of him. I got sover when we got together and have been since. I want to give it back to him. Is there hope??
U are so right on everything u say from a co dependant that’s just luckily got out of a relationship with a narcissist bpd
Your information really help, a lot. Thank you so much!
Oh, wow. Best description I have ever heard!
Thanks Kelley.
My loved one is w/bpd. It hurts me so much. I want to quit, run away and get back my life, but it seems not possible for now. Something keeps me in this relationships. I know i can't help him, because he doesn't want to help himself. It's all true that he cares, loves, hates, can be in danger and etc. I just want a peace . Hopefully he'll understand that he needs a therapist, then my duty will be done.
Having been entirely alone for 18 years now since my divorce in 2001, I do feel tremendous want of companionship, to the point it sometimes feels unbearable. There has been zero success in meeting women regardless of which avenue pursued, and I honestly don't see that I'll ever again have companionship. I don't feel empty, though. I know who I am and why I do the things I do, and have worked to heal what I can. I know how to create a place of mutual peace and understanding and safety and love with a woman. Maybe it's just my lack of hope to ever find companionship which is keeping me (in the last 2 years) from making any real effort any more, regarding trying to meet women.
Have You put any thought into
Traveling to a foreign country.
Certain nations have truly beautiful
Rural type females.
They don't even know what bpd is.
Therefore tell them nothing.
Especially if it prevents You from
Obtaining a new partner.
Kindest of regards
I hope you met someone who loves u and u love them too
Wow this is so true for me. I’m not diagnosed but I feel so strongly I have this. I’m only 18 but I feel like I have developed this slowly... I often feel intense anger which is normally caused my random thoughts or memories that come flooding in and I can’t control it, or someone coming into my life who I get deeply attached to straight away and they eventually start backing off and not treating me the same and distancing themselves which makes me go crazy :(
Thank you for this video. It was quite helpful in many ways.
thank you for this I'm a co dependent and have a BPD boyfriend. we have been in a on off relationship for 6 years its been hell with him blacking out trying to kill me and my daughter. we no longer live together but I still support him and love him he is good person with a problem he was diagnosed this year and is now on meds and goes to therapy he is trying to get better
Thank a lot for the all the video. it helped a lot about understanding different things on borderline personality and i was dealing with, my wife, everything u said matches up.
Here's a new slant on how to view people who suffer with BPD, in a society that seems to vilify them. What if it is an innate dysfunction of the emotional process itself? The direct opposite condition of Autism. Two sides of the same coin. Both struggling with fitting in and being accepted when how they experience and perceive the world is different from the majority. Both conditions causing them to literally think in foreign languages that do not share translational meanings.
Autism causes a person to have lowered or absent emotions and a flat emotional affect. It is confusing to them seeing others reacting to emotions they just don't understand. They require a lot of personal space, to the extent that eye contact or casual physical touch can feel invasive and uncomfortable. They really don't form the emotional "closeness" in relationships that most people desire. They have no lack of personal identity, they consistently are "who" they are. Emotional situations rarely cause impulsive behavior, as they are most comfortable following their own routine. They feel the full spectrum of emotions, but these are felt very dim in intensity when compared to the strength the average person feels. The frustration of not being able to express themselves and their needs, which usually includes a lot of structure, to have control in their lives, is the emotion they most strongly reacted to.
In order to communicate effectively through this Autistic barrier "normal" people must learn their language. Honest and direct wording is most important because they tend to take statements very literally. The best "treatments" are not to attempt to change them, but to change the goals toward enhancing communication techniques and provide avenues for the skills the individual has within them, that can be expressed and evolved. Accepting, understanding and encouragement, patience and compassion are the best "medicines." People with Autism can learn tools to aid them in leading more satisfying and productive lives, but they can't be "fixed" because they are not broken. After years of ineffective attempts to "normalize" them, Autism is finally beginning to be seen as a condition rather than an illness.
BPD causes a person to have extremely heightened emotions and are often insulted with the descriptive, "drama queen" label. It is confusing to them seeing others minimizing the impact of situations that makes them feel so passionately. They don't like a lot of emotional or physical space between themselves and those they love. They often have a problem with self-identity, not knowing "who" they are. So they bond deeply in relationships, and form their identity in their attachments. Emotional closeness, to the point of blending with others, is the only way they feel like a "whole" person. Because their emotions are felt so overwhelmingly strong and so immediate, that if someone they "need" for support is perceived to be pulling away, they may act as if it is the end of the world. That is how it feels to them, so in their panic they may act impulsively and violently. Emotions are so close to the surface they can "take over" and communicating what they are going through to people who have never felt that pain is very difficult.
Just like with Autism, BPD's best "treatments" are first, learning the language. Don't assume they are exaggerating or twisting the facts. The lies are truths they believe. The "push-pull" is from insecurity. "Walking on eggshells" is actually perceived as very deceptive. Honesty and openness will go a long way to providing the trust and stability they need to function without excessive fear-based emotions that can interfere with every aspect of their lives. The "fear" emotion makes trusting difficult and they are suspicious that there are double meanings to what is said to them. The opposite of the concrete thinking in Autism. They can't be "changed" and do not need to be fixed. There are tools they can learn to help defuse escalation in emotions that are effective for them to progress in their lives. Focusing "treatments" on the goal of understanding their view, encouragement, patience and compassion are the same best "medicines" for them. The passionate "negative" emotions is balanced out with the passionate "positive" emotions. They love as strongly as they fear. Acceptance by society is vital for people with either Autism or BPD to feel worthwhile and valued. And that is essential for everyone.
this video is very informative, I can't wait to watch part 3
This so describes to me the goings on in the mind of the borderline partner. It's as if you were talking to me. Very well communicated. My husband decided to go on the rampage after I told him I did not want to be intimate with him because of his temper. He went on Facebook and publicly wrote a VERY long diatribe about our marriage and my not wanting to have sex with him. It was my youngest daughter from afar who called me at midnight to inform me of the post. The only thing I can thank him for silently is making me realize for 100% certainty that I am DONE! If I had my doubts that vanquished them. And with help I will get out safely. What a relief to have the support you provide through your book and online along with my seeking therapy and groups. I do not need to go through this alone. I cannot. I need the help. Thank you Ross!
Lovely videos, great information source. Thanks :)
I was diagnosed with bpd after a month in the hospital dec 2017. I empathize with everyone who is around me and I feel very bad for what I have said and done. Being diagnosed was an eyeopener but its hard work dealing with it and attending dbt sessions is essential. I still cry a lot that I just want to feel normal feelings.....and I question myself with everything I do.
hi ross rosenberg-- this is so overwhelming. i'm almost completely sure i have this. i was in a terrible relationship a few years ago with someone who displayed a lot of signs of bpd, but i was very codependent--i now realize that we both showed very similar signs. there has never been a moment of my life--i'm only 20--where i haven't been obsessed with having a crush, having a relationship, and felt intense abandonment. my current significant other, if they tell me to leave, i have a terrible fit of anger and feel abandoned. it's of course not a surprise i'm emancipated from my parents and going to college alone. i was already diagnosed with bipolar disorder though...so this is just overwhelming. i don't even know where to start. it just seems like one thing after another.
Thank you! I was in a relationship with a BPD woman until earlier this year. It was very intense quickly and for months, then inexplicably ended without explanation.
I've been having great difficulty recovering from that relationship. But I think this series has helped me turn the corner.
Very much appreciated.
He's pretty spot on honestly I just got diagnosed with Bpd, however, I have been super reluctant to enter a new relationship after looking over my one and only relationship I had after seeing the scope what happened.
I’ve been in therapy for a year… I still hurt.
My daughter has BPD and your videos are very helpful!! my ex husband has narcissistic personality disorder and used my daughter as the scapegoat :(
If you took care of an alcoholic parent and became a Co-Dependent and also had a narcissistic parent, is it possible for somebody to be a Co-Dependent and have a Borderline Personality Disorder?
I have borderline personality disorder although mine is not the typical case as I am aware of these feelings inside me causing me to feel like there's 2 of me inside my mind at all times and I am confident and am able to control my actions to keep from harming ppl I love and I do have ptsd as well but I still can't stop the bad feelings and I struggle everyday to CONTROL myself and if I do lash out at my kids or family\friends I'm quick to apologize once I'm left alone to collect my thoughts and settle down if I truly was in the wrong but I spend ALL my time trying to control plus I have MTHFR compound heterozygous SO that alone makes it 10 times harder to treat bc the way the MTHFR affects my brain
eurotransmitters etc but I'm in Nebraska and not one Dr not one counselor NOT ONE professional knows how or will even try to help me....
the first 60 seconds is me for sure
i have been diagnosed BPD... to me my car is my release of anger .... got assualted at work then fired by the boss.... i proceeded to drive home on an empty road at 240 kph 150mph drove a 45 min trip in 15 mins
learnt my lesson after recieveing a $1000 fine and nearly loosing my licence on a different time
Best lesson on BPD is to read the comments on any video related to BPD. The BPDs will think the video is about them specifically or they will engage in fallacies or say something like "videos like this just make it harder for me to get the attachment I need!"
MrShysterme awww, look at you, so smart with your blanket statements ;) I know two BPDs, and their black and white thinking reminds me very much of this comment of yours, curiously enough...
I have BPD and I didn't have that kind of reaction :P I actually found it to be quite informative and it helped me understand some of my own impulsive behavior (which I have become much better at controlling and almost never lash out anymore) ^_^ The key to overcome PBD is understanding it ^_^
I think i might have bpd ( well i am almost sure). Many things you said at first feel like an attack, but they aren't, they are truths that i am myself ashamed of them, that i don't want to admit and hurt me, now i understand it. Thank you for speaking the truth as it is, i know you tried beyond your best to be respectful and polite, I think that maybe the people who got offended by your words are experiencing what I have felt. Thank you
Thank you so much for your support Alicia.
Sorry for your greif Abby hang in there. Im just trying to understand the thinking and way to cope with this disorder. My G.F. has it. I found this Very helpfull . Thanks Dr.
thank you Ross ...thank you this helped so much
did you ever take time to realize that anyone can be the victim of a bad relationship without being a cause or an instigator? i do see my relationships as a succession of people who've hurt me. but people have hurt me when i've put forth my best, or even before they know me enough to understand my BPD. if i am drowning someone in my illness or affecting their lives, i could/can/have admitted to that. but i have been in traumatizing abusive relationships, and the only thing i can take responsibility for is my inability to judge character and my natural gravitation towards other broken people. ugh listening to BPD being discussed is so disheartening sometimes. that "big empty" we have? imagine what it feels like to hear people say borderlines can't carry out a strong and good relationship, that partners might need therapy from my actions.... disassociation commence..
+Alice Marques. Your negativity and name calling will result in your being removed from my channel. My videos are there to help others. I don''t post them to take anything away from people. I suggest the a AA saying, "take the best and leave the rest." On a different point, I really liked the video you suggested, as it explains how treatment can help those with BPD. ua-cam.com/video/967Ckat7f98/v-deo.html If my video was about BPD treatment, resources like that video would have been recommended. But thanks for it anyway.
Ross
Alice Marques I've seen alot of this confusion on the tube too - people making out BPD is like narcissism, or something else very malignant, when in reality it's the sufferers from severe abuse being ill from it, in most cases. Atleast if it's been properly diagnosed as in my opinion those doing the diagnosing are not clever enough to not get fooled sometimes. :))
Alice M Gegers He said nothing bad or harmful. He is merely explaining a condition that some people suffer from and why they do. If you suffer from this, then it is no surprise that you reacted defensively. He was not attacking you so there is no need for such a defensive reaction.
How do I see part one?
Alice M Gegers You are not handiccaped. You are a person like everyone. No person is completely sane if we put it that way. You are fine, stop waisting your time and money for self made gods who know nothing. One more profession to milk money just like religion. The true mental illnesses are controled (not cured)with pills. Having another kind of personality doesnt mean you are handicapped.
Alice Marques well they are not here to spread love. They are here for advertising and milk some money from an inexistent "disease". Try to do something you like, have some hobbies, friends if you like. Forget about self made gods. They only know what they read in a book. The only way is accepting yourself, be truth and in peace with yourself and others (as it is possible) and beware of abusers. Be strong.
My wife and I were married in July and both in recovery from alcohol. I ended up smoking weed to self medicate from my own ptsd. I wasn’t aware that she was BPD or what that entailed. She ended up having a rage episode and was convinced that we were married in “an abusive relationship”. She reacted so badly that I don’t know if there is a possibility of reconciliation. Def have shown that I do have some codependency. Dealing w my own dishonesty in smoking weed and my own issues and working through my own issues. Heard through friends that her heart is softening and thank God she’s still sober.
I have un-diagnosed BPD and everything this guy is saying, regardless of the use of language, is true. I can be exactly like that. I hate it.
Gives me such hope. BPD sucks.
I need help. I been with my wife 18 years and she wanted a large family. 8 kids and BPD woke up 2 years ago when I expected her to enforce discipline on children. I expected change for the first time in 16 years and she changed 180. She has us in debt $45k plus blew thousands. My business has deteriorated to nothing. The babies range from almost 2-17. She has threatening to kill herself in front of children 4x and ran out on us telling us she will never return. The children cry and it causes rage in me. The ask my why there mom leaves em and I have no questions. She lies and I just realized I been living a lie for years. She finally went and got a diagnosis after I told her I was running her off. I truly love her from the bottom of my heart but she is killing me and destroying the children. I didn’t want but 1-2 kids bc I told her I didn’t trust the world. She wanted 10 and we have 8 and I don’t know what to do.
Do borderlines ever apologize for their actions? I have noticed that you cannot argue with them or explain your feelings without them spinning it around or saying they don't remember or they say it was you that did what you are trying to explain. They also get others involved in attacking or sabotaging and then act innocent of it. What is the major difference between narcissistic personality and narcissism? It seems to be a blended concoction to me.
BPD's never feel any remorce for their actions towards their partners. They actually feel they're actions are JUSTIFIED and completely innocent. Pure cancer.
+Sammy Ramos neither do narcissist. But supposedly borderlines can get treatment if they chose. With narcissist there is no treatment, well at least they need to accept that they need it in order to receive it, which they never would. They are a form of cancer but unfortunately the victims are the ones who suffer from it.
Nomore Tears Borderline is a very vague description there are people with BPD who instantly feel remorse and tear themself up about that and try everything to earn your forgiveness. But there are also those who don't.
Merle Faber thank you, I've learned that the hard way. My sister will never go to a therapist so it's a no win solution. I have decided to cut all communication with her because she is just to damn unstable and I will not accept that in my life. The mean sweet cycle from her is over. The backlash from her will be horrible but I have to remain steadfast in my decision. She can go manipulate someone else, because she has no desire to change.
Nomore Tears I'm really sorry you had to experience that and I also hope she can realise that she needs help one day. It isn't a permanent way to live for both sides.I hope you ate happier now if you need help getting over your loss or want to talk you can contact me.
Spot on with the kissing sex too soon or earlier on before you really know the person
It's like you are narrating my whole situation with this person
You have really helped my understanding of everything
Because in the moment as his "personality "changed"
I was soooo confused and months after I couldn't understand what happened
Thank you for helping me ! Truely recover and get back to nornal
To say that they aren't typically bad people is questionable given the circumstance in question. I would call you a bad person if you call someones employer and reveal confidential information.
Tre Norman behavior is bad. The person isn’t.
Thank you for your videos.
Wow! everything you said was true and really happened or happening right now. I'm currently in a relationship with I think is having a bpd . We just rushed everything and I thought it was normal for it is just my second romantic relationship, already in my 30s but as time goes by behaviors of bpd are becoming obvious and make me think so much about how I'm going to deal with it. It is heartbreaking really because I love him but his behavior is like pushing me away. This is really sad for me to learn about this mental disorder and in a relationship with having one.
Thanks for sharing Kathleen.
@@RossRosenberg Thank you!
These are so insightful and accurate. Thank you. But how does a codependent recover after the abuse and manipulation that never ends. I can’t gray rock b/c we have kids. How do I protect kids from the abuse when I’m not there?
My ex wife suffered from BPD however, I believe she was the worst type of borderline, if there can be such a concept! She was a quiet borderline so this meant for as much has seven she appeared to be fine well adjusted! But this was due to her seeing me in a good light! As soon has she started to devalue me it changed then literally it seemed to me at the time went from loving me to hating me!! But the main reason I stated she was the worst kind of borderline was that once the discard had started for real! She became very very narcissistic, save to say I was in hell from that day forward, the worst part is I can’t even tell her how I feel or what she done! Because of her denial.
Im troubled by someone of the things you said about codependents. I was diagnosed as one and i have never felt this deep sense of loneliness or emptiness you talk about. I have experienced loneliness (as someone who does not have many friends) but nothing more than the average person. I dont crave company or affection.