My Daughter Got The Life I Always Wanted (I Feel Jealous)
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- My Daughter Got The Life I Always Wanted (I Feel Jealous)
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I have the same jealousy with my dog. No bills, free food, bathes in the sun here and there. That boy has it good. 🐕
Lol
Me too
😂
😂
hehehe..Nice!
If she has the life you always dreamed of, you did a good job.
Exactly. She should take a lot of pride in that.
Precisely!
Wrong. My mom is like this & I have this life because I worked for it. I healed myself to attract an amazing man.
@@OopThereItIs77777 I think you missed the point 😂
@@ralegade7710I think you’re missing their point. Parents shouldn’t by default take pride in their child’s life. Not every parent participated in helping that growth. Sometimes the success is in spite of a parent.
Having a mother who was jealous of me was one of the worst aspects of my life. Your child knows , trust me. Knock it off
sounds awkward as f***
I had the same issue with my mom. But the thing is how you process that negative emotion. You cannot say "knock it off" if she truly feels that way. She seems to love her daughter and supports her in spite of how she feels. She's on the show trying to work through this issue. My mom wouldn't do this. She would let it manifest in other ways which are negative. You'll be surprised how often this occurs with mothers. This is one who is honest about it.
THIS. It’s terrible.
She does and it breaks her heart 💔
Mine too. Very jealous of me
She isn't jealous of her daughter. She is happy for her daughter, but wants her marriage to be better.
That's what I thought.
Inspiration
That's exactly it. She wants a deep, romantic, soul reciprocated love with her husband where he shows her outwardly how much he adores and respects her. Who wouldn't want that?
That's what jealousy is: a signal from ourselves that this is something we are lacking or needing or striving for. It's not really about the "person" you're "jealous of"
I really hope so
Good job raising a daughter who has a high self esteem, motivation, and focus. And... she obviously understands that she should be treated with respect and cared for. Take some credit here....its not easy raising children, even if you have a perfect childhood and background. Good job, mom.
Wonderful comment
THIS!!!
I just came on to say this! You raised one kiddo that has learned how to set healthy boundaries, goals and has values. So you know how to do it already! All you got to do - is the same for you!!! You got this, girl!!!
Agree! She’s processing & shouldn’t be shamed for that. She’s just human and it seems obvious she raised a daughter well. She’s just processing things she’s realizing
Wrong. A lot of us became this in spite of the mothers we had. Not because of. We had to become this and heal or we’d end up like them.
@@OopThereItIs77777same. I had a HORRIBLE mother and I’m in a way better position than she was because of all the healing I had to do on my own
My mom wore a white dress to my wedding and asked people behind my back who looked better on my wedding day last year. She's been married to my dad 50+ years, has multiple successes in life yet couldn't give me that one moment. And it hurt cause it took me till 45 to find the one!
Parents who show their kids better but get upset when they actually do better, have to look at the reason why they are upset at the success they clearly took part in.
I am glad this mom says she is seeing someone for help. Being aware of something like this is key to figuring out what the cause really is
Wow! I’m sorry to hear that.
@@Dekthagr8 I appreciate u. 💛
I’m sorry that happened to you. Keep this is in mind people who speak ill of people or say anything derogatory toward you or anyone. Is a self reflection of them selves. Out of site of out of mind. Act as though they don’t exist: and slowly you will see them trying or feeling guilty of their self reflections. My sister treated her friends better than me and now she crying because she feels guilty. Your life comes first not irrelevant people who don’t put you first.
@@33asmr thank you so much for these words. You absolutely made a difference in my day. I never understood why especially in families how this could happen. The irony in your sister now feeling guilty for treating your poorly is mind boggling but loving the advice you give on how to handle things. Thank you for taking the time to respond. U r love ❤️
I'm sure that you were/are a beautiful bride. If my daughters have a better life than I do, my mission is accomplished for sure. God Bless you and your husband.
I wonder if the people freaking out about Mum being jealous actually watched this whole video or just read the headlines and decided to comment. Once you listen to the call you realize it’s not really about jealousy at all and she’s a nice and open lady.
She's nice and open lady and doesn't listen
Exactly. These comments are wild. Her coming on this platform is already proof that she wants to address the problem...and her feelings are very normal! People are tripping
It’s jealousy. And coveting. And she not only dumped it all on her daughter during her “breakdown”, b put she also crapped all over her husband, who happens to be her daughter’s father. This woman is sick to do this to her DAUGHTER.
I listened to it, she sounds very ungrateful and entitled. Hopefully her husband's gets out of this and can enjoy his elder years with someone that appreciates him. If she think this life isn't befit the queen! Lol, get out here on the market mid 50s and see what's available.
@@katiejon17common narcissistic behaviors. Her situation is not unique.
People acting so surprised. Mothers are not the holy figures society paints them to be.
That happens more often than you would think. The difference is that she is honest about it and at least acknowledges it.
I agree!
Thank you.
100%. My mom has admitted similar feelings towards me and this convo helped me see it beyond my own simple perspective.
agree.
I blame social media
This woman is very honest and real. She's only seeing her daughter in this light because her situation is so hard for her. She clearly LOVES her daughter. She's is jealous of how things turned out for herself in comp. To her daughter because she can see how she's influenced those things in her daughter.
If some women were honest, they'd admit they felt those same things. We're still women and want the best for us too. Sometimes our children are a reminder of things we "failed" or are struggling with.
I'm just praying she gets the help to navigate this. It's not easy.
That is super facts....perfectly said!
“You’re grieving something you’re still living.” That hit…
The question is how does one forgive what daily doesn't change for years on end? That's a tough one.
The comment section always proves why expert opinions are way more valuable than emotional ones
Finally someone with a brain 👏
Such an underrated comment!! I think this every time I read the comments on Dr. J’s videos lol
100%, there's such limited context in these videos, some how all of these people have it sussed out
I was just thinking this‼️…yall not helping noooooobody with these ignorant comments 😔😮💨
Dude FR tho. Sometimes the comments are wild.
My beautiful daughter died at 35 from lifelong anxiety and anorexia. Be happy for your daughter. She's alive,!
I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my half sister to malignant breast cancer years ago. She was 29. It hurts. As a mom, I can’t imagine losing a child. She wanted to be a mom. I miss the memories we could have had together with our children. But our loved ones are waiting for us in Paradise. I hope you find continual peace and clarity and support. You are so loved. Christ be with you❤️🙏🏻
I am so sorry for your loss
❤❤❤
God bless you
I’m sorry for your loss sweetie
Comparison is the thief of joy .
Don't compete where you don't compare
I think what this woman is feeling of anger at HERSELF for not giving herself the life that she wanted and deserved. She WANTED to be strong and assertive and she stayed in fear and being timid, stayed in a marriage that was disrespected, and didn't allow herself to realize that A: she DID have choices, and B: to make the choice that would serve HER needs, not the choice that kept everything just as it was. She's feeling anger at herself and grieving what she could have given herself.
I think you’re right and that is the root of envy. The inner knowing you could also be or have what you are admiring. If only more women were as insightful as you
This is the most perceptive response I’ve read so far, better than the doctor’s.
I don’t think a lot of the people commenting actually listened to the whole video. It’s not primarily about her jealousy of her daughter. It’s about trauma from her past she needs to heal from with in her marriage.
You’d be surprised how many people do this with video. You can tell they listened to like 5 minutes of the video and then went off in their heads with their own conclusions. Some of these comments have nothing to do with the original call. People project like crazy and don’t even realize it.
Yes, I wouldn't even call this jealousy. Her daughter's situation has just made her re-evaluate her own.
Ikr?? I've been looking for this comment! I'm glad a handful of us actually listen to these videos 😂
💯 this has nothing to do with the daughter.
There are a lot of hurt and traumatized adult daughters that have had to deal with jealous mothers... Let people have the conversation.
You should be PROUD that your daughter learned from your example and is making better choices.
4 realz
I think she is happy and proud of her. But it’s opened her eyes to what she herself doesn’t have.
I'm gonna say this, sometimes how your children live takes a REAL LOOK at how you WISHED you COULD have lived...amd BECAUSE we ARE HUMAN, She is feeling down on herself...she isn't jealous of her daughter as a whole, it is a reflection of her regrets and how SHE can do better for herself, again SHE IS HUMAN, her daughter relationship made her FINALLY wake up and do something about it (that is dumb as hell she waited this late) but atleast she is starting to realize.
She can be proud and happy for her daughter and still want these things for herself. It’s not a hard concept to grasp. She’s not hating her daughter- just realizing she is jealous and the reason is that she wants for *herself* a better relationship with her own husband.
She can be proud and happy for her daughter and still want these things for herself. It’s not a hard concept to grasp. She’s not hating her daughter- just realizing she is jealous and the reason is that she wants for *herself* a better relationship with her own husband.
Brave lady to say this out loud. The healing only comes from putting things out in the light. If she keeps talking in a safe place she will heal.
this is why me and my mother will never get along she cant let go of the jealousy . she dropped out in middle school , did drugs and had years of struggle. im the opiste of her and first college graduate in my family. When broken women have daughters it creates issues.
Yes it's very sad. My mother takes the opportunity to be jealous..but not help herself
Glad you’re setting your own path to set your kids up for success. Proud of you mama
Agree, that's why I didn't have any children.
Your daughter knows and it’s awful as a daughter to have a jealous mom. Be happy for her. Her life is what you sacrificed for.
At least this woman is not in denial, she isn't blaming anyone else for her feelings. Applaud her for her honest, forthright acknowledgement.
@@texan903 agree that is rare
It's not like that at all. She knows nothing of this, and we have a great relationship. I'm VERY happy for her!
@@beccajohnson6672 that’s great. Maybe I was talking about me and my mom in retrospect.
@@beccajohnson6672 your voice sounds really beautiful; I thought you were younger when you first called. Good luck with your journey!
I’m glad she’s honest about how she feels. Because acknowledgement is the first step to getting better. But when my daughter says mom I want to be like you I tell her be better than me and to make better choices than me.
It was VERY traumatic growing up with a mother who was jealous of me. I was brutally attacked and I had to pull myself out of unaliving myself many times. Your happiness is in your hands, she needs to act on what is making her so miserable
Same here. It was absolutely awful. She needs help
Same here the worst thing my mother ruined my view of men i hate her for that
Same! The lady caller needs therapy! Jealous of her own daughter… urrrgh!
She’s not jealous. She has just realised how good things should be. That’s hard to face.
@@ten3353🙄🙄
I had an ok life as a child. I've struggled as a single parent of 2. My oldest starts college this fall and I'm working my self to death so she doesn't have to take out student loans like I did. I can't wait to see her do waay better than me career wise, relationship wise and in every way.
Amen 🙏🏼!
Keep going, you are wonderful and your daughter WILL appreciate your sacrifices.
THATS how it’s supposed to be ❤
Way to go momma. Your amazing
The best way to ensure your daughter does better that you career wise, relationship wise and everything else is to set the example. Children are mirrors. They do what they see. Period. Be the best you!
A lot of these comments have the wrong idea. Jealousy is 100% a normal emotion. It’s better to admit your emotions than let the resentment turn into passive aggressive behavior that’ll drive a wedge between you and that person.
Truer words!!!
So true..thanks
Jealousy is 100% normal… but, jealous of your own daughter is not 100% normal.
Its not normal to envy your own children.
@@kevdogg545 if you actually listen to her, she’s not angry at her daughter. She’s happy her daughter has everything. She just wants that for herself as well. That’s a pretty normal emotion. Learn some empathy and learn to actually listen to people. Learn to understand where they are coming from before rashly passing judgement. She IS happy her daughter has everything. She just wants that for herself as well.
We want that for our kids. Don't be jealous. I want them to be happy and successful.
I AM happy for her. I just wish my own relationship would be a little different. That's on me and my husband. I prayed she would have a wonderful, kind man in her life... and now she does.
Becca Johnson what different would you desire
That’s so dumb to say don’t be jealous. Give her a solution to not be jealous instead. You don’t know what this caller has been through, could have been sexual abuse or violence. She’s doing the right thing but getting therapy.
Envy is a better definition.
Gratitude is the antidote to envy… and honesty.
Amazing honesty!!!! 💫
It’s amazing she can be honest about this, hopefully when she gets pass this she’ll see it’s a compliment to her that someone values the daughter she raised.
I agree!
Just starting the video, but I want to say that I am so proud of this mama for acknowledging these feelings. Seeking help as well is commendable. I feel like a lot of mothers experience this and don’t know how to identify it, much less trying to deal with it.
Thank you.
Yep. My mom would just be passive aggressive with me and say things like, "When I was 24, I had two babies and couldn't sleep till 9 on a Saturday..." Instead of having a full time job and going to grad school part time. 🤷♀️ I think young women these days are putting up with less sh*t from their romantic partners than their mothers did, and that's a very good thing.
I agree but I've never heard of it in regards to a man. I thought she was going to say that her daughter accomplished something huge, followed her dreams or had a more carefree life than she did/ does or something. I think most mothers compare themselves in regards to that aspect but I've never heard of it in regards to a daughter having a better man because most of the times, it isn't true and both women end up relating to that aspect of not having a great partner together.
My mother says snide remarks frequently, “I never had this when I was raising young kids” and “your lucky you have such a supportive husband.” I remind my mother that she is the one who raised me to prioritize making good decisions and I thank her. It always snaps her back into a healthier headspace.
Yes I just get a lot of passive aggressive comments from my mom.
This is so weird in a disturbing way (to me), as someone who has been through trauma it’s my dream and life goal for my daughter to live the life I never had. I wouldn’t imagine looking at her life and comparing it in any way with my own reality. I think that therapy would help this momma grasp and accept her own reality and come to terms with it, she’s carrying too much resentment of the life and marriage she wished vs what it really is. I wish her luck and hope she is able to move past these issues 🙏🏼
She is a horrible person
You should be jealous of your kid because you should try to give your kid everything you wasn't able to have. Jealously isn't always bad it just means the desire or wish to have what someone else have.
You want your daughter to grow up without the trauma and fear you had to go though. If you succeed in doing that you are kinda jealous of your daughter for not going though the same pain you went though.
Jealously and resentment are two different things. I'm jealous my friend kid doesn't have to go though the trauma I went though and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure they don't have to.
Depending on the age trauma happens it can express itself ik very different way
Some women are always competetive against other women, even thier own daughter.
@@thegamergame3851 did you watch the episod?
My mom is jealous of me. She is ALWAYS putting me down, pointing out my failures, criticizing everything I do, and always trying to control my actions, even as an adult.
I know she loves me, but she lets her jealous emotions get the best of her, making it exhausting to be around her.
Then take your distances. I don't think you want to undermine the effect of low self esteem on your life because it will affect your choices.
Insecurity will make the most attractive person overlooked, and misused. It will make the most intelligent person miss life changing opportunities, etc
if you are an adult and still tolerating this demeaning treatment to further burry yourself, creating zero boundaries around her, I'm sorry but it's not only your mum's responsibility.
@@dearbrave4183 thanks i neeced this
Just sent my mom 3k and changed my number
Sounds just like my mom. She is extremely critical of every little thing. I can literally feel my body tense up when I'm around her. It's awful!
so many people would shame this woman for just admitting her ego based feelings that everyone has but no one shares because our society shames that. i’m glad that dr john is always here to listen to people, and validate them no matter what.
@Moose Hefner her husband issue is a separate issue. She doesn't feel sexually safe with him, she is afraid and so their intimacy suffers
As a mother, I want my daughter to have a much better life than me. isn't that what parents want? why would you be jealous? What kind of mother feels anything but happiness for their children's good life. That is literally all I want for my children.
Wanting someone to have a better life than you is different than the person living the exact life you saw for yourself that you dont have. Im happy the woman admitted that, way too many moms are jealous of their daughters.
Bc she probably can’t believe that her daughter did better than she expected hence why the jealousy 🤔
@@crewboy23I understand that. We all have dreams of what we want our life to be, unfortunately it doesn't always work out the way we planned. I just don't understand if your daughter is blessed with a supportive spouse and a good life what is the jeoulesy for? That is just a feeling that indicates you would prefer if it was you living that life instead if her. I don't know this women, but as a mother of 3 daughters my hope is that they don't go through the struggles I have had in my life, I want them to have the version of my life that I only dreamed of.
Naturalbeauty78 you, my friend, are an incredible human being. I've read all your comments and YOU are the type of mother every daughter needs. You are a gem and I could not have said what you said - better. Blessings to you.
@@crewboy23 when you want someone to have a better life than you, it's exactly for them to have the life you wish but couldn't have. If it's better, you couldn't afford it.
John, why did you not ask the caller what happened between her and her husband?
and why is he calling him an idiot? he knows nothing about the guy
For real my guys acting like he can read the mind. Like step one of helping someone is to fucking know the whole situation
This is the first time Dr. D is all over the place and couldn’t figure it out
She takes pills and have mental issues…
Yeah this pissed me off. Her husband is not responsible for her “feelings.” He could be a great person and she could be overly emotional…. We don’t know the full story here.
Yes, agreed, I can really relate this woman to a person I know who is so self-centred and wants the world to give more to her. Her husband is just a normal decent guy, he never once said a bad word about her, and she went around and told everyone every details of their relationship, trying to get just everyone and anyone to agree with her how bad he is. Yet she said she couldn't leave him, because he is the provider! He has debt, but he is also the only one who works on it while she keeps finding reasons why she can't go to work yet...
Is jealousy really the right word in this case? I had my first daughter at 17. I’ve been very poor my whole life. I’m digging myself out of my own hole right now as a single mother at the age of 40. My daughter worked really hard to get herself through school debt free, and is now make significantly more money than I. She has more in savings and retirement than I do. I am so damn proud of her and I know I will not have to worry about her being taken care of. In spite of that, it’s hard to not look back and wish you had the same thing. BUT then again we raised our kids with the knowledge that if there was something they wanted, they were gonna have to figure out how to get it on their own because their parents didn’t have the ability to provide beyond food, clothing, and shelter.
Well I get it I had my first child at 17. His dad and I married and had three more. None of our children were teen parents and made way different choices. You know why? Because you taught them differently and they had a different upbringing. It is what it is. You made your choice then due to what was going on in your life. You were a TEENAGER. You have raised a great daughter and NOW it’s time for you. I used to do the what ifs ? It doesn’t matter. I’m digging too. But it will be ok.
"Envy" is definitely more appropriate here.
I get it.
I sometimes tell my daughters, "I'm 99% happy for you, 1% envious" or "I'm 95% happy, 4% envious, 1% jealous." I think it's ok to have these feelings, even of your own children, and I think it's actually great parenting to express this to them. I like to model my emotions for my children, talking through them, even when they are so-called negative emotions. My daughters don't feel any sort of guilt or shame over this whatsoever. Instead it helps them appreciate what they have and remember to be grateful for having so many privileges and advantages in life.
I like this! True and honest but funny too
She's 54 but sounds 24. 😂
Thank you...I think. 😂
@@beccajohnson6672 I'm sure it's a compliment
and this Dr is helping her along
Her voice sounds young
Maybe that’s the problem. She thinks she is her daughter’s age.
It is so incredibly weird that someone is jealous of their child’s good fortune!!! I would just be so happy for them! You always want your kids to have the best and greet then you if possible.
If you talk to therapists it is actually very common. People are just afraid to admit it or use other coping mechanism to deal with it because thay are to ashame to dig into those feelings and not acknowledge what it is.Ever heard of those crazy parents trying to live through young actors children or pushing children into certain jobs? It is great to own those feelings and do something with your life rather than make life of your child misserable.
It’s regret. It’s not true jealousy. It’s not like she wants to take it away from her daughter.
Its a common thing my parents are jealous of my youth especially mom since men want me and they don't want her
Right
@@73cidalia Exactly! She's not wanting to take away from what her daughter has. She just wants some happiness for herself. Nothing wrong with that.
My kids have a good life. I’m so happy to be able to provide that for them.
My dad was broke as a joke until he died. He didn't save for retirement and was a gambling addict. I am living a blessed life financially. He probably secretly hated me for it
Dad is a deadbeat and he was blessed enough to see me succeed, however because of his envy and jealousy he won't witness anymore of it💯🙌🏾
She is missing the fact that this is young puppy love, and not what reality will probably look like!
I would say she doesn’t love or respect the husband anymore
True
@@kingasif9265 I would say there ARE issues there.
facts
@@beccajohnson6672 A good beginning usually means a good ending. They look like they'll be the romantic couple until their 90s
I don't think a man who likes to help a woman and respects a woman's sexual boundaries despite how difficult it is will become selfish in marriage. This is a good sign they will be very happy and I wish them all the best! ♥️
And I hope you can find solutions to your problems and enjoy your marriage as well, because your husband deserves lots of credit for providing all this time
and sticking around despite a non existent sex life without having affairs. Sounds like a good man but clueless in some ways.
And I'm sure you'll figure out a solution for your problems because you seem like a woman who wants to heal, improve and live a good life.
As for the debt there are so many opportunities online. You could start a business, arts and crafts or whatever you're good at . To make some money from home and help with clearing that debt. So it will no longer be a barrier to your happiness.
good luck to both of you!♥️
I often felt my father was jealous of me. He's always waiting around the corner for me to make a mistake so he can remind me of it.
I feel like there are post menopausal hormone issues here too. Loss of libido/desire, change in how you feel as a person, it can be a real struggle for a lot of women.
Thyroid issues which also impact libido are also common at that age
My mom was jealous of me when I was younger. She would beat me, pull my hair, kick me out, call me every name under the sun, she always talked about me negatively to people. She beat me down with her words and actions. To make matters worse, she would often tell me that I think I'm better than her. My childhood was miserable.
😢
I felt this one. My mother has always been jealous of me. I never understood when I was younger what her problem with me was. As an adult, she finally told me to my face that she envies me. I realized after a lot of research that she is a narcissist. Once I understood that everything started making sense. I spent a lot of years confused. Thankfully I have always been independent and self-sufficient so that has helped with not feeling the support from family.
this woman needs heavy counselling. Your daughter is in the honeymoon stage. How can you compare your 30+ year relationship to hers??! Shouldn't you be happy your daughter is doing better? I have a feeling she makes everything about herself
I agree..bigtime.
👍
Exactly how do you compare that makes no sense
Did you guys watch the video? There’s more to it than that
And people judge me for my childfree choice … how can any parent be jealous / envious of their child… jealous people should NEVER HAVE CHILDREN
Please, watch the full vidéo. You'll see what finally this call is about.
My daughters have accomplished more than I ever could, I am so proud of them. I never stop telling them that.
Uh Becca sweetheart do yourself the favor to stay out of the comment section. People take that as a show and judge and disagree or agree with you. This is your life, a very vulnerable insight of it and you do not have to justify yourself or feel ashamed. We are all human, everybody has their own struggle ♥️
I am glad that the woman acknowledged her issue with being jealous of her daughter. I have dealt with a mother who refuses to acknowledges her mistakes in ignoring major red flags. Being raised by a mother that says you better have perfect life and taunts you for not being married yet it makes you feel crappy about yourself.
This would be my dream. For my daughter to be able to do/have everything I ever wanted. That’s my child that I raised. I’m surprised she is jealous. I would be elated!
As I stated, I am VERY happy for her... truly. The choices I have made lead to where I am in my own relationship.
I'm glad you feel that way, some moms wouldn't.
@@beccajohnson6672 It’s okay to be honest with yourself and your feelings. I’m grateful you came on this show and I heard the call b/c all of us need a safe place to express our feelings. Of course you love your daughter, but her relationship is making it apparent that yours isn’t ideal. It’s natural to compare ourselves to others, even if it’s our own kids! But you are turning it into a positive by evaluating your own relationship, you’re not holding it against your daughter…she was just the catalyst.
@Unsolved Crimes: Uncovered I love this, based on the comments it appears as if people forget that mothers are still human beings with feelings and needs. Just because you become a parent doesn't mean you have to give up on your life wellbeing and dreams as a human being. Yes there may be times where parents will have to sacrifice for their children, but mothers still have a right to strive for a happy and fulfilling life.
I think people assume that a mothers role is to disregard her own needs and wellbeing, serve her offspring/family, then fade into the background once her children become mature and independent and simultaneously she ages.
It is completely normal to feel jealous, stuck, dissatisfied etc even as a mother, if your life is not as fulfilling as you hoped. We as a people have a right to strive for true love, happiness and peace in life and motherhood shouldn't stop you from striving it.
Jealousy & envy is not a place to dwell but rather, a road marker.
It is telling you what your heart truly wants and the assignment is to travel that path.
That nail in the foot analogy is SPOT ON. Excellent way to understand how a loving person ought to treat a traumatized loved one.
She's rationalized a world of hurt. BTW this call has nothing to do with her supposed jealousy for her daughter -what she feels is frustration for her own life.
She was extremely vague about this "world of hurt".....all she mentioned was financial insecurity and no intimate life to speak of. More people could empathize with her if she could actually name something significant that has happened in her life, but she can't. She sounds jealous that her daughter has it "better" than her. "Better" is very subjective. Maybe this boyfriend is very wealthy. Maybe he is more attractive. Sounds like he is definitely more attentive- but odds are that will fade to some degree after 30 years of marriage.
@@ivankrushensky um she made it pretty clear that there was painful history between her and her husband
@@purpurina5663 where?
The Dr. is right ! That’s why I don’t waste my energy being jealous of people. A lot of times people are unknowingly envying a nightmare that appears to be a dream.💯
10 minutes was spent talking about why it’s ok that “her body isn’t safe with her husband” but not a single mention of what it is. How can you give someone guidance without asking that one simple question?
He wants to villainous the husband so badly and make the caller the victim. I guess it’s harder to do that when you have the whole story.
Seriously. I don’t get it. He’s acting like the husband sexually assaulted her, which is not necessary the case, yet he keeps saying her body does not feel safe with her husband. Odd.
@@seosam652 if you have a headache randomly during sex over and over, that is a trauma response. For whatever reason and the caller verified, he has hurt her. Her body is responding to that hurt.
Sounds like possibly an affair.
Great coaching from Dr. Maloney. Wow, what an amazing mother and mother in law! They are both blessed to have her wisdom and temperance. Pray for the healing in your family.
This woman is just like my mother.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Be happy for your daughter. And celebrate that she has a healthy relationship. 🥰
This lady is unstable
Thanks???
Do you want to heal is a valid question. Some people cling to their pain as their identity.
You have a husband and complaining ?
I am a single mother of 5 …..and still feel that I am blessed.
🤣 what happened to your husband?
Things don't sound good with her husband.
It's seems to me she has a desire problem. Lack of desire fueled by jealously of her daughters relationship. At 54 years old she is still looking for the better deal.
I think you’re a little bit off on that. What she admires is the attention the boyfriend is giving to the daughter. She doesn’t get that kind of attention from her husband. She’s not looking for a better deal. She’s looking for a better feeling.
I feel like dr. John tries to diagnose too quickly and doesn’t listen effectively. He needs to listen and give people the space to speak
Lady you taught her what to look for and their kids and their kids making a world a nicer place. Be proud.
The thing about jealousy is if they are jealous of someone, more often than not, they would wish he or she would lose happiness and feel good about their loss. My question is if this mom would feel good if her daughter is not happy.
SHE (THE CALLER) WAS HAPPY AND LAUGHED WITH RELIEF WHEN HE SAID ''the boyfriend is not perfect!'
May this amazing man take his future wife to a safer place, where envy, jealousy and sabotage will not destroy the beautiful life his amazing and wise girlfriend DREAMED OF, AND HAS CREATED for herself and her future family!
At least she’s honest, but it’s weird to get jealous of your kids.
That is the sign you did a good job raising them
It’s amazing she is self aware and able to admit such a thing that is more common than we think.
John did horrible on this one.
This is more about her husband doesn’t treat her well like her daughter’s boyfriend treats her daughter. It is not that she is jealous of her daughter’s successes. Jealousy was probably a poor choice of words. Her Husband has cheated on her multiple times and doesn’t pitch in and basically just wants her to have sex with him and he gives nothing in return and she is not aloud to bring up the trauma she is still in because of his actions because he has decided it is too far in the past.
Did the husband actually do something wrong, or is he just not perfect? I really don’t see how you can give good advice on how to deal with past wounds if they don’t tell you what happened. Some wounds are real, and some are imagined, but John just painted her husband as the villain because she said he did “something.” It could be abuse, or it could be that she feels he didn’t give her the life he promised her, but those two things are VERY different and depending on which it is she has some accountability for where they’ve ended up.
The man is always wrong seems to be his go to lately. I would say his job is to support the caller, but if the caller is a man they are still wrong.
Agree. The lady compains about intimacy but when the husband tries to be intimate like hugging her she says she stiffins up and now its his fault for causing her this greif when they were in agreement that intimacy needed work. Not even adressing the fact shes having jealous and you best believe intimate thoughts about her own daughters bf (seriously imagine how screwed that would be if roles were reversed with husband coveting his sons wife).
The wife is blaming the husband for everything wrong with her, but in reality the bro is a normal loving dum dum that all guys are since they cant read minds. He loves his wofe, raised a great family, and now the wife is proding at life and likely cheat in the soon future and of course blame that action to on the husband. Lets just hope she doesnt pull a flordia news reel and cheat with her daughters bf which she likely would.
Same thoughts here. The commenter named "Pervy" is saying a lot of unneeded junk in his second paragraph. And I sort of agree with "Murder of Crows" that John has been especially harsh on husbands recently. He used to have a really balanced approach, but has been casting aspersions on the husbands of women that seem to lack the ability to articulate well, hence leading John down the route of calling them a dummy.
John, PLEASE continue with the self-effacing humor, but PLEASE temper the way you speak about the other person in the scenario. I've heard too many women blame their husband's unwillingness to get counseling as the reason for the divorce. Well, would I want to go see a counselor that would speak about me that way if I was in this scenario? Absolutely not! I knew one couple in our neighborhood that had this exact scenario I'm describing. Well, I had overheard her speak to her children once when she thought no one was listening. She was so harsh that I later understood why he didn't want counseling with her. She always had a very aggressive way of "emoting" while he was much more relaxed. A counselor that she went to without him ended up agreeing with her in every regard, solidifying her complaints against him (in her mind). Well, having heard firsthand just how manipulative she could be, I don't doubt she unfairly represented him in her counseling.
I've also heard from other men (one in particular) how when they DID go to counseling it ended up being 2v1 with the counselor taking the wife's side too often. Maybe that's because the wife had more experience vocalizing her emotions and needs, while he was not the type to complain. He was much more accepting of her faults and was more understanding of her needs than she was of his. The problem is that she was VERY good at detailing her needs while he wasn't. This somehow led the counselor to believe that she was the aggrieved person, when in reality it was sort of the other way around.
Exactly! I thought I missed the point where she said what he did. I was confused because John was acting as if he knew lol
what did this man do becca?
I have always wanted nothing but better for my daughter. I want her to find the person who will love her as much as we do. I protected her from ever having to go through what I did. I am happy that she knows it too.
it's a straight up sexless marriage and John called the guy an idiot. come on
Because the caller's husband was potentially abusive in the past and she hasn't healed from the trauma. And now she's dealing with "leakage".
@@bradleymaravalli2851 EXACTLY
@@beccajohnson6672 you need to leave then. Don’t live with the bitterness and put all that weight on your daughter. Your baggage and poor choices are not hers to carry when they involve her father. That isn’t fair to her. She has a happy life and you’re actively trying to complicate it for her by bringing your own feelings into it.
Here are the folks to just make up a story to make it make sense. Smh
@@bradleymaravalli2851I don't know how that can seem true
My daughter has a better life. By far! And she'll never know!
Not judging this woman but I can never ever imagine myself being in a position to be jealous of another woman that came out of my womb...
So why did you feel the need to tell us? What did you want to hear? You’re better than her? Congratulations
Your comment is judging her for judging the caller haha interesting. I think she’s just mystified because she can’t understand not being happy for your own creation succeeding. That is in fact the ideal outcome of procreating
@@Meltyfairy Exactly... He/She made a very interesting comment and is condoning jealousy from mother to daughter, something I have experienced in my own life from my own mother... Good will be condemned and evil will be applauded in our current times...
@@jjgems5909 You think that I'm better than you. I don't know you and I have every right to comment just like the next person. You feel so convicted over envy? That's a very good thing in this case...
Having a mom be jealous of you is something a child picks up on. I honestly will never understand it. My mother was hateful/jealous of me, even from childhood. Now that I’m a mom I know how messed up it really is.
Wow she needs to grow up. Her poor husband.
Why poor husband? Because the caller's husband was allegedly abusive in the past and she hasn't healed from the trauma?
You don't know the history.
@@bradleymaravalli2851 Exactly
@@beccajohnson6672 No one know the history because the entire call was vague and speculative.
Exactly. The nonsense this dude has to put up with I bet is ridiculous. Get a pen and a pad and write down what you can do better for me??? Fuk outta here. She will go to therapy until she finds someone to tell her it's all his fault and she should leave. that will be his blessing in disguise.
My daughter has the life I wished I had, but I am SOOOOO happy for her! My first marriage was so dysfunctional and my kids grew up with trauma and so I am shocked and amazed that my daughter picked so well. I fill fulfilled knowing I raised a healthy daughter because I wasn’t.
Your daughter hasn’t been married for 30 years! She is probably not even 30 yet! They are in the honeymoon phase!
💯%
I think she's having a mid life crisis
Being jealous is just your body's way of telling you you want something for yourself that you don't have yet.
They're not married yet and don't have kids. Where they are now is as good as it gets. You'll be fine and thanks for acknowledging your feelings.
I'm sorry for you if this is how you feel. From my perspective, after a few more than 10 years of marriage and more than the average number of children, life and marriage is getting better! It's getting better both in the relational sense and in what we can afford to do with income going up over time.
She is happy for her. She raised her to keep her standars up and she has great self esteem that is why she was able to choose better.
I can relate to this, my life was horrible so I worked very hard to raise my sons to be good husbands. I certainly can’t claim my 3 young men are perfect, but they are sensitive to their wives needs.
your perfect husband is the one you give birth to but can't have. that is why mother in laws have the reputation of being messy Queens.
Brings a whole human into the world without their consent, human has a good life, mother gets upset. What the actual...
I feel bad for the daughter… Mom seems toxic
I hope their marriage is safe.
Very. I'd keep her away from her husband too. She might try to throw that old coot on him since he not getting it from the daughter. I bet her headaches would magically disappear then.
I don’t like the title of this. It is misleading. It really has very little to do with the actual call. This lady has marital problems from past trauma and loves her daughter. She was very open and honest.
It is okay to be jealous but get over it and move on. Make your own life better for yourself
And don’t involve your daughter in your own marriage problems.
A lot of people act like you can’t love someone and sometimes be jealous of them too. Jealousy is just a signal that there is something missing in your life. Not that you hate the person you are jealous of. It means you need to go after what it is that is arousing this jealousy. It’s only when you don’t acknowledge things and act in a hateful way that you then become a person who is being toxic.
The way she said "he respected her wishes to wait until marriage" as a big quality... makes me think the husband didn't... Honestly feels like the husband rapped her at some point...
Loony feminist confirmed
how did u draw such an extreme conclusion genuinely curious
I can't imagine being jealous of my child. You did a great job getting your daughter to a happy and stable place!!
Its sad that someone held that long on the past and never dealt with it. I have met people who were stuck in the past, a part of me was sad but the other part was disapointed. I guess we expect folks to figure it out by a certain age but its sad...
Some times we want what others have until we have to water the grass
I am confused. What did the husband actually do to her 30 years ago? Vague call.
You didn't hear? Not give her the life she "deserved"
I love this. I needed this! I had a horrible abusive life. With my mom and her family of sexual abusers. I went to foster care for a time. I had a bad relationship with a man which I had 2 girls from. I knew I needed them to have something different than I did. I went to school. I gave them a goid life. They are clueless of anyone's reality but there own. They are beautiful and receive everything on a silver platter. They need alot of gratitude! You can have gratitude for the way that you raised them. It's goid They have the life you wanted for them. You did goid momma
Feeling jealous when you see things you want and did not get is a normal feeling. I just want this mom to know that you obviously did an excellent job raising your daughter and giving her a good starting point for her to have boundaries and expectations with her partner and not settling, she’s also not dealing with the traumas you did and that’s thanks to you . Sometimes when we get these jealous feelings it’s a good thing, because it shows us the things we are missing and how important it is for us to get them. This lets you take a closer look at your marriage and decide not to settle anymore. Just know it’s okay to start over with someone new if that’s where your happiness lies, even if your husband is the ultimate good guy. Maybe you need space and time to focus on yourself and be happy. Whatever you choose to do, you deserve a safe and happy and fulfilled life.
All you said is wonderful, but is it realistic for a 54-year old woman to divorce after 32-year marriage and expect there are an infinite number of men her age that want to date her, much less marry her? Caller's comments indicate she is really interested in younger men her daughter's age, not even a man in his 50's. Hollywood sells fantasies. There is rarely a 30-year gap in favor of the woman unless she is very wealthy and he likes to be "kept" (instead of working for a living). Does caller have those financial resources to bestow on younger man? As for men in their 50's, they are usually looking for someone at least 10 years younger than themselves (of course, they would PREFER young & nubile 20's woman). If she does divorce will she really be in a better situation than she is right now? Can she financially keep up with the lifestyle she currently has, like living in a house versus having to move down to a 1-bedroom apartment just to keep a roof over her head? There's no guarantee she will get the house, more likely there will be a forced sell of house and proceeds split 50-50 (AFTER satisfying any shortage to bank), Caller needs to assess the financial & lifestyle decimation from a divorce (only attorneys come out financially ahead in divorces).
My "spidey sense" tells me she has a medical condition (severe headaches) that causes her to have exaggerated thoughts and physical responses. She needs to drop her current doctor and go to a Cardiologist because she might have blockages in her arteries that is causing the "thunderclap" headaches she mentions. Her current doctor is blowing off her symptoms as being psychosomatic/ "all in her head", but I fear she could be headed for a stroke or heart attack.
I want my babies to be better than me in every.single.way. What a blessing to have raised a successful, wonderful young lady. Be proud, mama bear!!
I try watching John and I get so frustrated every time with his inability to actually listen to the callers so that he might actually be able to help them. For God's sakes, LISTEN and let the callers TALK.
My 5 year old has the life I've always wanted, and it makes me so happy. This dude just flew 11 hours from Germany to Mexico in business class. I didn't have my first flight in business class until I was 33. I love experiencing this with him.
Men will do things before they have sex that may or may not be the same afterwards... being jealous of young love is pathetic.
I can’t help but feel this is related to menopause. When you’re in a state of hormone deficiency you don’t feel like you anymore. You start questioning everything.
I’d love to hear the husband and daughters experiences. It sounds like mom stayed in a unfulfilling marriage and is now regretting her decision. Her daughter is about to start her own journey with her new fiancé and mom is threatened. Does she want her to marry a deadbeat? Would that make her feel better? Poor daughter having to deal with this negative energy during a celebratory time. Mom needs intense therapy. She sounds like a narcissist.
The info in this video is not enough to diagnose her as a narcissist.