A childhood all INTJs can relate to
Вставка
- Опубліковано 12 жов 2022
- Unscripted video of my experience as an INTJ child. There are few edits to keep the video as raw as possible.
Want to support the channel? Here are a few ways how!
1. The easiest way is to Like, Comment, & Subscribe to the channel and videos.
2. You can support my channel by making a donation via my Ko-fi account. Any amount would be greatly appreciated and would help me continue to create content that I hope you enjoy. Link: www.ko-fi.com/justcallmejon
3. If you're planning to make a purchase on Amazon, I'd love it if you could use my affiliate link. It won't cost you anything extra, but when you use my link, I earn a small commission that helps me continue creating content for you all. Here are links to a few of my favorite books:
Title: Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success
Author: Phil Jackson
Affiliate Link: amzn.to/3K2bwqy
Summary: (Management Skills) Phil Jackson was the coach of the Michael Jordan era of the Chicago Bulls and the Kobe/Shaq era of the LA Lakers. He goes over his philosophy on how to handle a team of conflicting personalities and how he was able to channel their differences to win championships.
Title: Decoded
Author: Jay-Z
Affiliate Link: amzn.to/42WJQvT
Summary: (An INTJ rags to riches autobiography) Jay-Z goes over his life journey of selling drugs on the street at the age of 15 to becoming Hip-hops's first billionaire at a time when people thought hip-hop was a fad that would eventually die out.
Title: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Author: Mark Manson
Affiliate Link: amzn.to/3lYYr9E
Summary: (Self-help): If you like the way I deliver my message about MBTI, you’ll probably like the way Mark Manson goes over what it means to be content in life. This book is also part of the NY Best Seller list when it was released!
Title: Never Let Me Go
Author: Kazuo Ishiguro
Affiliate Link: amzn.to/3Zvk5Aa
Title: World War Z (Nothing like the movie. The movie sucked)
Author: Max Brooks
Affiliate Link: amzn.to/3G7TNNh
Summary: (Fiction): These books made me question ethics and what it means to be human.
My first thought on the first day of primary school, getting to know my classmates, was: "Why are they so dumb and childish?!" Luckily I kept my mouth shut. That year I learned I was the strange one, from both classmates and teachers. I'm still affected by that feeling of estrangement and loneliness, I can't say my adult life is much different!
I completely understand. It's odd to know that we're the one that's a bit different. I did realize also that it's a double edge sword if you learn how to use it to your advantage to stand out at work. But I empathize with the loneliness.
Exactly 😯
Me too.
Hahahaha I get you
Lol. Yes, me too I was always drawn to the younger people. Their pets or the elderly because it made sense why they were the way they were. It didn't make sense why my peers were the way they were.
I suspect all INTJs had early childhood trauma. Over 60 yrs ago I had open heart surgery. It was brutal. I didn’t want to live.
I'm hoping the best for you ✊
Yeah I also had a similar situation with near-organ failure
@@justcallmejon22 very kind of you.
I knew I was different the first day at kindergarten. I am happy to see more INTJ on UA-cam.
Likewise! It only took me 7 years of wanting to make videos to post my first one =) Hope you're enjoying it!
@@justcallmejon22 Video from INTJ are the ones I like the most !
INTJ we have a lot of usefull knowledge to share to improve the world !
It took me less time to start video, few months I think (inspired by MBTI creators content and INTJ)
I had so much ideas, that I couldn't keep for me anymore, I really needed to share my ideas/insights, to feel better after, and less depressed. If we can help other INTJ, It will be a great step.
Knowledge are made to be share. We need to do it to feel happy, we are happy when we help people.
We have the curse of knowledge.
Do you have any advice for parents of intj children? If we presume the parents already deeply understand, appreciate and love their child as the child is and that the child in question has an intj dad and infp mom full time with them.
I'm a 16-year-old INTJ, and I'll tell you what, I've always been advanced in everything except talking.
I have aspergers as well, so my natural talents were amplified tenfold, and that included my imagination. In kindergarten, I always sat next to a brick wall during recess, and I would just think all day. I was annoyed when teachers came to talk to me, because I didn't know how to talk properly, so I would just stutter. Teachers and stuff tried to put me into programs and lego blocks instead of recess, but I just wanted to be by myself.
It's a blessing and a curse to be able to enjoy solitude. I hope you get to where you want to be!
Gama, let me help you out. I was like you and had a really bad stutter. I wound up watching countless hours of TV, OBSESSIVELY since I was 17 years old. I consumed minimum 10hrs of TV per day.
I’m 30 now. I run a UA-cam channel where I’m on camera and I TALK for a living. I know it seems bleak now but all you need is TRAINING. Think about it logically. All you need to do is just train yourself to talk. Train yourself to be charismatic.
I would literally recite lines out loud to myself and then just start talking to myself out loud. I did this for a decade. You’re still 16. You have all the time. Most other people would not be able to do this but I know you can; I believe that you can.
Because you’re an INTJ like us.
@@formoftherapy Beautiful words brother!
I can't relate man you are more intj than me.
I explained to my very extroverted roommate in college that I wasn't thinking down on anyone engaged in a impromptu group conversation by being silent. To me I was just as engaged as others, but I just listened more. He never thought that I could be engaged but still quiet. And it wasn't shyness... it was a lot of people-reading and dissecting conversation.
Truth is like poetry, and most people f'ing hate poetry...
I can relate mostly to the part where you speak about rather observing events than be a part of them. I did this on the playground when I was 1-3, and I also catch myself doing it now at partys etc. It's just more interesting for me that way.
The best part of being in the background is that's where I met most of the INFJ, INTP, and INFPs in my life.
You do not remember being one year old LMAOOO
God! This made me cry. I remember feeling that way when I was a kid. No one wanted to be around me including my siblings because I wasn’t as fun as my other cousin.
Kids are ruthless but I hope things got better for you and your fam ✊
One of your stories reminded me of an episode from childhood (INTJ here too, of course): I was 9 at the time, or close to that, and I was at a birthday party of a younger cousin. All the family was there, including a couple of older cousins and my younger brother. While the adults were preparing the food, one of the cousins peeked out of a window and saw a couple of kids from the block playing ball in a lot nearby. In minutes, every kid in the house were making teams and kicking the ball around while lunch was getting ready. All except me. As soon as I got into my uncle's house, I noticed a bookshelf with some comic books in it. When the other family kids got out, I didn't say anything to anyone and simply grab those comics and set myself in a small couch in a corner and lost myself in them for a good hour and change. Nobody noticed my absence until the kids came back for food and no one knew where I was! They finally found me, curled in the corner, completely oblivious to my surroundings. I can still remember the looks of confusion (mostly from the aunts and uncles. My mom kinda knew that I was... different). Everyone was like "why are you always so weird? Wouldn't you rather play with the other kids your age? You're going to burn your eyes like that...".
This is just one of many, many situations that I had to go through as a young INTJ (As far as I know, I'm the only one in the family). I feel you bro, believe me.
It's always nice to hear that I'm not alone ✊
I used to do this exact thing as a young INTJ. My parents used to joke that if I disappeared at parties, you could find me by asking the host where they kept their books.
@@mayleespann4552 very INTJ of you 😅
I also remeber such an experience, except for me, it was in the Kindergarten. As it is called in germany. We went on a horse ranch and all the kids went to go riding the horses, except for me I stayed behind and pet the sleeping cat that was on a bench. Petting the cat was more entertaining for me than going riding, also this way I could be with my thoughts alone. I very rarely type in english I hope its not too bad :)
The 1980s Marvel comics were amazing and put out all these abstract concepts and "big think." Can totally relate.
Thanks for sharin'.
Another nugget of wisdom, which took me til my mid 20s to figure out, is that just because you can win an argument, that doesn't mean you've changed somebody's mind. Being able to overwhelm them with your air-tight thought process doesn't win their heart.
Also: Nearly all human beings have the capacity for rational thought, it's just that they use their rational minds to _rationalize_ their emotional decisions. Navigating that takes metacognizance and empathy both.
I like your point about changing someone's mind. Thank you!
I can totally relate! Basically what I did during my childhood while interacting with other kids was "playing pretend while playing pretend", cause I knew such interactions weren't useful or fun for me in any way. I remember that was the reason to feel lonely as hell despite being surrounded by other kids, I knew that phase was going to end eventually but it was extremely frustrating at the time (thankfully puzzles + videogames + books got me through it). - infj.
Feeling alone while being around people is the Ni-dom life story 🙃
Thanks for sharing. I'm a mom of an INTJ son, and I'm an INFP. My son, who is older now, did not care about getting put in time-out and his teachers were really frustrated to find anything to motivate him. I was also at a loss, but it made sense to me then and now because I knew all he needed was his brain. They could not understand that. Also, my son was always playing in the backyard by himself a lot and everyone thought he was autistic. And, they still do, but I think it's just his personality.
I've had people with autism asked me if I'm autistic and it always made me wonder whether I was but I knew I wasn't after I got into MBTI. INTJs grow up and develop in our own mental world and eventually make our way out to the external world. We're late bloomers, the best you can do is be understanding.
@@justcallmejon22 thank you so much for the response and advice. I love my son's INTJ brain, especially since it's so vastly different from my own as an INFP. I love how MBTI explains the cognitive functions and allows for better understanding of each other.
I'm autistic and an INTJ. I think there's a LOT of overlap. For me, why the autistic label makes sense to add rather than just saying INTJ, is both the intensity of social difference and also the other symptoms. I'm not just different socially, but I also have sensory sensitivity, proprioception and interoception impairment, black and white thinking, aversion to trying new things, difficulty with transitions, etc. Being autistic isn't just about being different, socially. Some of this could be explained by inferior Se, but again, I also think it's the intensity. Regardless of what words are being used, having something to make sense of why I was different would have been awesome as a kid. I'm glad your kid has a parent who can recognize there is something different happening!
Also, my girlfriend is an INFP and I really appreciate how much we can understand each other. That is so nice!
@@micahroberts8383 very well explained. My son was seen by an autism specialist from age 4 to 16 but never was diagnosed with autism but had all of the characteristics you described. The doctor just said he was "on the spectrum." An occupational therapist at his school tested him and gave me information about sensory integration dysfunction of which he tested high for 8 of the 10 or 12 categories, which further helped me to understand. Unfortunately the school system still failed to recognize and just labeled him as uncooperative and disruptive. Thanks for the input.
My INTJ brother made a wooden operable dodecahedron "Rubiks" cube the size of a basketball. Now that's a puzzle. He gave talks on the math complexity while solving it. Between he and my Dad, I was not alone in INTJ land, and I also had plenty of historical and fictional INTJ's in my life (a surprising number were executed for heresy, so I learned some lessons).
I relate to all of this as an INTJ. Figuring out very early that I saw the world differently to other people. Trying to model interaction in your head, but realizing too late socializing can't be modeled that way. Being able to think ahead better than most people, so when you see other kids behaving in ways that are short-sighted or selfish you think like "why are you so stupid?!? Just do this instead, God it's so obvious!" Empathizing with everyone but also not liking them because you think their behavior isn't good enough for you. Developing some weird superiority AND inferiority complex because of how you think ahead better than everyone and have high standards, but not understanding why you can't form relationships. Trying to get people to improve themselves, but you just come across as rude and blunt. Spending all your time in your own head. And then for me for a long time I had this sense that I don't belong anywhere at all because there's something wrong with me, but I don't know what it is and it's unfixable. And then that led to this idea that I'm just here to observe life, but not participate in it. Everyone else gets to live, but I have to sit here and watch and try and make sense of it. And in addition to that I was physically disabled, so not only was my mind conflicted, I wasn't physically able to do many things. Childhood was just awful. It wasn't until I was in college that I really started to work my shit out and try and figure out ways to relate to people. It took a lot of hard work and inner conflict, but it eventually did lead me to forming some good relationships with people.
I'm glad that you started realizing all the patterns when you got to college, because you can start putting the pieces together once they are noticed. It took me until my mid 20s to see the pieces and although I still feel like I'm just an observer often, I know that I'm also human and that life is meant to be lived. Glad to hear that you're working improving your life ✊
As an asian intj struggling to figure out who they are in college, thank you. I relate to all of this and I'll definitely be using a lot of the advice that you gave. I wish I searched for other intj mentors sooner!
College is the perfect time to get to know yourself and practice becoming who you want to be. Good luck!
The thing about not answering texts is so true to me. I had so many ppl in my life who thought I was rude to them, because of me not answering, and sometimes it led to the end of our relationship. So now I have to explain myself every time I am trying to get along with someone by saying that I am not ignoring their messages on purpose but because I am an INTJ who requires a lot of energy to talk with ppl, and usually my “energy battery” is below average.
This is a great video for younger INTJs. It can totally make them feel seen. Keep up the great work.💪
Thank you 🙏
So, I feel like I'm a dumb more socialable INTJ than most of the INTJs I come across on youtube, but wow... I relate so well to this whole video. No, I've never put my conversations down on paper, but I definitely map out conversations in my head. I was also constantly told that I was a leader. I've been told multiple times that my tone and truth is to sharp. At first, I was skeptical about this video, but yeah, it was definitely a childhood I can relate too.
You're not alone my INTJ brother, I feel dumb all the time and I love that feeling because that means there's more to learn 😅
“The truth doesn’t matter if now one believes you.” - That sums up the struggle I’ve had as an INTJ over the past couple years. No one in my family took this global threat seriously, making me feel like a paranoid germaphobe, and I drove myself crazy trying to accept their apathy. I often felt alone, especially when growing up, but it is so refreshing to hear a fellow INTJ feel the same way and understand the struggle of seeing things as they are.
You're never alone brotha ✊
I dish out truth in small doses.
I practiced any kind of conversation for at less ten times when I was a kid (I mean, I’m still doing it in a different reason). Everyone thought I was too shy and too afraid of people, and I thought that I’m just not brave enough for very long time… now I found out it’s because I function differently 😂
You're not alone ✊
This is so ridiculously relatable. I had a really easy time making friends as a small child, but in my teenage years when socializing gets a lot more complicated, my late emotional maturing (which INTJs go through because that good old Fi inferior is like the LAST thing to mature) really exasperated social conflict and I struggled to understand it because teenage girls are by definition irrational as fuck. The sudden shift in the behavior of my peers was overwhelming because I couldn't rationalize their behaviour and actions into a logical translation of (x leads to y and y leads to z), and the emotional impact of that mental brick wall in my understanding essentially triggered all those fucking teenage hormones and caused a LOT of anxiety and depression because, for the first time, I felt isolated BECAUSE of who I am. Children are much more matter of fact and far less rigid in their ideas, so I didn't have any issue when things were simple. That just changes with adolescence.
Fortunately the emotional maturity gained in my early 20s made socializing really fucking easy, but as we're the types of brains who impulsive seek efficient, effective, and sustainable situations, we tend to be very strong in our opinions on, well, everything. That can absolutely cause conflict because the way other people perceive our more natural way of delivering ideas is very direct and aggressive, which completely misses the fact that we are CONSTANTLY looking for more data, so a proclaimed opinion is always subject to change when new data comes into frame and we get to add that in, run our calculations, and adapt our conclusions as needed. It's not about ego. We're not interested in being *right*---we're interested in being *correct*. Massive difference between those two things
The biggest struggle we have is learning that other people are not looking for the same kinds of information, so when we want to share and idea for discussion or debate, the KEY is learning to frame it for a more emotionally-driven audience. WE are rational obsessed, and we consult our emotions because those absolutely factor in to our priorities, but they aren't the basis of our decisions. 80% of the population works the opposite. Instead, their first instinctual priority is heavily emotionally driven, and these people are FAR more sensitive to delivery from a logic brained person because it can come across as feeling like an attack, or our confidence arrogance, or a challenge to their intellect, etc.
The absolute best thing I ever did for rapidly evolving my understanding of how other fucking brains work was getting into sales (tech). My clients are difficult, egotistical, and absolutely emotionally driven (attorneys, aka certified idiots 95% of the time).
I had to learn how to sell an idea, which is exactly what a lot of INTJs struggle before they're in a position to understand that and explore developing that skill set.
I can't beat people over the head with my logic mallet as much as I would love to, so I had to learn to figure out how to get them to buy in to an idea, and the simple way of doing that is essentialy the plot of Inception: you lead them to the conclusion in a manner that makes THEM feel like they led THEMSELVES to that conclusion. How do we do that? Well, asking questions. Discovery questions build ammunition, and then you start asking questions that get them thinking (so no yes or no questions) and engaged in the conversation. You ask them leading questions, and they gobble up the bread crumbs until they reach the conclusion you want them to and it clicks in their head.
This works for sales, it works for discussing politics INSANELY well (one conversation with my dumb old republican boomer father concluded he is in favour of democratic socialism, drugs should be legalized, we need to relax our immigration requirements and lower the bar of entry so we can legally track everyone coming in, privatized prisons are an industrialization of human inventory at the detriment of us all, corporations and billionaires need to pay their share of taxes, universal Healthcare needs to be a thing, mail in voting is safe, and we shouldn't be starting fucking wars in the middle east. Oh and green energy is great.
Literally a single hour long conversation, and ALL I did was ask questions, make him think, lead him to logical conclusions, and throw ideas out (as a question) when he needed an extra push.
So I refer to it as learning to sell what you're saying. Identify your audience, it's safe to assume they're mostly emotionally driven BEFORE logic, and when you can properly weave that into your logic, you reach BOTH the emotional AND logical thinkers. And an ENTP will see exactly wtf you're doing and high five you, then go stir up some chaos, lmfao.
Anyways, people are fucking dumb and illogical, but nobody cares about the scientist standing there with a spreadsheet of facts when an emotional speaking politician is giving a passionate contradicting opinion. The court of public opinion is not driven by logic, much as we wish it were. Thus, for us to truly make progress, it's critical to learn to be that passionate speaker with an emotional element to your argument, and when that argument is rooted in fact, it's VERY easily to sell the fuck out of it.
You sound like a great sells person! I agree as well because I've always told people that I incept a lot of ideas when it comes down to persuasion and a fun fact is that the director of Inception, Christopher Nolan is an INTJ!
So true. I have been reprimanded for having a “tone” in my voice. My issue has always been is what I am saying correct ? Do the facts support my opinions? I could care less about my tone. Others,especially in corporate America do not see it that way. I have been correct 100% in my analysis of how business situations would bear out. None of it mattered. I was labeled the “troublemaker” instead of being recognized as the person who could have saved thousands of dollars.
I do this, too.
I dunno what's with me as a child INTJ, but I was actually very outgoing, sought out people, and got so many friends. But when I seek friends, I remember that I never approached them like an Fe or Se Dom, but through my Ni:
I analyze the room, then the people, and keenly look for those that has the same interests as me, or those that do stuff that sparks my curiosity. I remember I tend to ask questions to start my conversations in order to initiate something substantial (skipping social formalities and small talk).
Those were the days when young me didn't know and understand the concept of social appropriateness, so I must have been so blunt and very probing somehow (if I'm not content in my little solitude area being creatively productive like drawing something).
How did those friends stick with me if I had that attitude problem I never saw it as? Well, they must have been those kinds of kids who can overlook that part in order to bring out the fun side of me (that's Fi and Se, INTJ's non-thinking, fun-loving inferior functions).
I guess the hard times came to me when I became a teenager, and the kids around me grew up to become less creatively substantial (that phase when they lose that youthful creative spark), and social interactions grew more... mundane and boring (when teenagers only talk about dating, gossiping, going after what's trendy, etc.) Those came the days when I felt lonelier and too different from everybody.
I wished I understood what was happening to me, looking back from my late 20s. I could have spared myself from a lot of confusion and heartache somehow.
Agreed about people becoming mundane and boring at a certain point. The funny thing is that they probably think you were weird since you didn't learn or want to conform.
I relate more to this then in the video. Although I was smarter and more "gifted" than the regular students, I was still able to fit in. I guess my Fi matured at an earlier age (10 - 11). I'm able to fit in just fine but sometimes I feel lonely even though that happens. I don't truly fit in. I learned later on that spending so much energy on finding friends, is mostly a waste of time. I'll just stick to one or two friends thank you very much. I relate to all my functions and I know I'm an INTJ but I guess different life experiences can cause you to grow up differently.
This totally makes sense, BuizelCream. Ironically, despite being “beyond” the teenage funk on the inside, teenage INTJs often get perceived as being backward or behind. Despite having gathered tested wisdom from all my older, married friends about things like dating (and people coming to me for advice because I can see things from an “unromantic” angle), I still get perceived as too young and naive, especially by people my own age (early twenties).
You’re not alone in feeling weird or different. People eventually get to an age where they realize how inane their world has become and they start looking for meaning, creativity, and authenticity. It’s the mid-life crisis for a lot of people. It just stinks when you already had your “midlife crisis” at age 13 when all the kids your age were talking about crushes.
I too had the exact same thought about no matter what, I'd be just fine as long as I could think (daydream).
I remember thinking I'd be fine in a cell as long as I live in my head.
Daydreaming is literally still one of my favorite things to do.
I was the oldest, not the youngest, so I didn't get the sibling input that you got... and I was very aware of what was easy or difficult for any one person could be VERY different from another person, and that was just the way things are. Nobody noticed when something made me very, very happy, they just noticed I was a "wet blanket" for not liking what gave them joy in the same way they liked it. As an older adult, I have a few passionate topics that nobody asks about, so I probably come across as blandly positive instead of completely bonkers... I do notice that most people don't like to have "points for improvement" given to them, but I really appreciate it as it's much better than having them simply silently resenting my existence and not giving me a chance to correct something I could do better.
Thanks for the comment Meg! If you haven't heard this yet, I appreciate all persons that are the oldest siblings. I will never understand the pressure ya'll went through and I've used it to my advantage before when I play the incapable one and my parents would default to going directly to my siblings. In regards to the points of improvement, I agree that some people don't like improvement recommendations for feedback and it's against out Te nature not to provide it. I also agree that Te is the reason why INTJs would rather have those conversations than a blanketed praise. I always felt awkward when someone said something nice about me but loved it when they critiqued me.
INTJ here: I remember crying on Day 1 of Kindergarten when I was temporarily separated from my mom and thought what the hell I was doing with all these people in the classroom? when the school asked my entire class to dance ON STAGE for a school event, I started crying at the corner of the stage due to all the eyes looking at the the stage (stage freight) 😂😂 HATE SCHOOL 💀
Yes! I remember crying when I realized my mom wasn't there anymore at kindergarten.
@@justcallmejon22 thank god I wasn’t alone in the situation, the struggle is real 💀
@@justcallmejon22 is it normal if a INTJ does not cry on his first day in kindergarten
Damn this is spot on, especially the phone call and the prison part, all I ever need is my brain and I'll survive
Aww I loved hearing your INTJ childhood stories. I’m an INTJ female so I feel lucky that I didn’t have to call boys. I’ve definitely written notes before phone calls. Still do that sometimes.
I always felt socially more mature than my friends because I’m the youngest of 6 kids. And aside from that, I never did have the same interests as friends growing up. They were cheerleaders and athletes, and that never crossed my mind to be interested in. I’m lucky I share interests with my ISTP husband now.
Also, very well said on your last point. I was over 30 before I realized that communication isn’t just about presenting facts. I’ve made people cry because of it, and always wondered why some people were so emotionally attached to what I saw as “just data”. One thing that helped me immensely was taking a “Crucial Conversations” class (and I’ve re-read that book about 5 times). But I still have to remind myself that presenting facts can hurt people’s feelings.
Better late and never! Jealous that you never had to do the calling, it was always nerve wrecking.
I was suprised at how my classmates acted at first. But suprisingly my childhood was quite the extraverted childhood. I remember not caring about what I look like and talking to everybody. Having fun. To the point it is contradictory to my INTJ nature now. I got along well with everybody. But an event happened and then more events happened, And then I started to distance myself from everybody else. And then I learned to be alone and then I started thinking and rationalizing like an INTJ. Sure in my childhood I did a few things INTJs would do. But only whenever I calmed down and was actually left alone. In my childhood I was almost never alone. I was very popular and almost never stopped talking (I was the class clown). So my childhood is very different from this. I am 15 years old now, Very quiet and I guess you could say more in touch with my inner INTJ.
Dude, you're 15 years old, don't let MBTI define your personality! I also believe that I might've misrepresented information in this video if it sounds like INTJs are not social because I actually won the title of "Class Clown" in summer school one year. There's the external persona which is who you are around other people and the internal persona, who you are alone. It sounds like you've learned early on how to navigate social situations which honestly is a huge skillset for INTJs, don't let the MBTI title or the word 'Introvert' deter you from continuing to master being social. You got this young INTJ ✊
i remember reading somewhere that people in solitary confinement go insane but i had the same thoughts as you regarding being completely fine with it as long as i had my imagination
I agree with everything you said and try to hold back my truths when it feels as if they won't be well-received. Unfortunately, I have a father who basically the opposite of me and refuses to understand that I need to be alone and that I don't need to have a lot of friends. I often find myself avoiding going near him because all our conversations end in unresolved arguments that take all my energy out of me.
I hope that you two are able to eventually meet halfway and develop a healthy relationship. It took a while for my mom to get to where we're at but it was worth all the tough discussions. Good luck!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m an INTJ, and it took me a really long time to even begin to understand my “interface” problem with “normal” people. Hearing this is really great.
I see that awkward stage as a rite-of-passage for an INTJ 😂
Thanks for sharing that experience. I can't tell you how deeply this resonated with me as a fellow INTJ
Glad to hear that I'm not the only one that felt that way.
I think all the INTJs had some or the other sort of life changing events in their childhood, that their behaviour completely changed from extroverted and outgoing to completely distancing themselves from people.
Also our Conversational skills became horrible over time.
I agree and I've noticed that becoming more introverted is not unique to INTJs but to most Introverted and Intuition users. That doesn't make it any less stressful for us but it's nice knowing that we're not alone in that aspect of life.
I'm an INTJ who has an ISTJ as a twin sister. I ended up not really developing social skills very well because I had someone already who was on the same level as me in conversation and general frameworking (not the same, but we can easily understand one another because of the similarities). I did start trying to develop social skills when middle school started, but quickly gave up. Still struggle with social situations and it's grown my social anxiety which just exacerbates my "death stare" when I'm out and observing everything. ^^;
INTJ & ISTJ sounds like you two got a lot accomplished as children 😀
I wish I have found this video earlier. My experience is very different than yours, but after reading these comments I don't feel like an oddball. 😮It's nice to see that there are people like you.
The feeling goes both ways, I feel less weird reading the comments as well 🙂
Hi, INTJ here too. I can relate completely with you.
Bless the internet for making it easy to find likeminded people!
Reading this comment section is comforting because I can relate so much to the feelings of isolation as an INTJ. It’s not because I can’t maintain relationships - my parents always taught me to be a good friend if you want a good friend. I have people I care about very much and enjoy spending time with them. I care about people in general, even if they don’t care about me. But it’s so hard to find people that I connect with on both an intellectual and emotional level.
I have a person (an INFP) in my life who is like a mirror to my Fi. We value so many of the same things and I truly respect him and his gentle heart. I have been romantically interested in him for a long time and have never felt quite the same way about anyone else, though I am uncertain whether he returns the sentiment. But I am so, so grateful to be friends with him and I am happy he’s around regardless. I am so grateful to connect with someone like that because it’s always been so rare.
Anyway, thank you so much for sharing about your experiences. They made me feel less alone.
You're never alone my INTJ sista. Also, make a move on your INFP! INFPs are just as notorious for not making the first move similar to INTJs 😂
@@justcallmejon22 I just recently found out that he’s talking to someone else, which really sucks 😔. Thank you so much for the support, though, it means a lot.
INFP and the other gal didn’t work out. Now INFP and I are good friends, but he is wrestling with trust issues and fear of vulnerability. I can relate. I want to respect his journey and give him the time he needs, but I am trying to be more intentional about showing care for him. I was too scared to show interest in him, but I have gotten braver! Have you noticed that INTJs fear vulnerability? What has that looked like for you?
Great insight on us INTJ's. Great work brother.
Thank you! Much appreciated.
I see. So it really is an INTJ thing to ask certain questions to lead the conversation or divert from specific topics. That's also why I find it difficult to lead a conversation when I know nothing about the other person. I can only simulate how the convo goes but I can never predict how they will react. Now, that I am thinking, this could be because of my blindspot Fe.
I also never saw myself as a popular kid. I was never that kid. But I felt like I was exploited because everyone was aware of my capabilities and since I dont know how to fit in, I let them use me as much, thinking it would be make a pathway to likeability, especially as an impressionable teenager who was uncertain of his identity or place in the community. It wasn't until college when I learned to not give a shit anymore.
Take what happened in high school as a learning experience and become the best version of yourself. You sound like you're on the right path. The INTJ community is rooting for you ✊
Since i was 2 years old i was completely counscious about evrythings i did. As a muslim when i was a child during ramadhan my father often bring me to the mosque. Unlike the other childs they are playing instead of praying I already understand the meaning of the praying in which i will follow all the praying.
I totally relate. My grandpa was a shaman and I was easily his favorite by how curious I was about the religion and always wanted to learn more.
Oh wow, once you said about puzzles I immediately thought of the one you showed right after (the 4x4 move one block)! I've never seen nor heard anyone talking about that stuff (I don't know the name of it either) but oh gosh, I loved these, was completely obssesed with it! Thank you so much for reminding me about them! I could sit and move these blocks to gain all the variants of pictures that came to my mind. Anyway, I read comments and feel a bit odd here. One my parent is highly extroverted and would always push me to talk to people for as long as I can remember. Saying like: Say hello to XYZ, he is my friend, I met him when I was your age! You can ask him about it! So... I would ask him about it. This made me outspoken and talkative, not scared to talk at all, but I have to say it still feels weird and uncofortable even if I look natural speaking to someone. I count it as a learned skill, but it's one of the most helpful things I was taught from the very young age. The more I learn about INTJs childhood the more I cherish a hard work that was put for me, as if they knew I would struggle with it later, because it is still not my preferable thing. So lucky.
I wouldn't say that I was afraid of providing pleasantries, especially to adults, it's as you say that it doesn't feel natural and most of the time I didn't care enough. It's always nice to hear from another INTJ that has a good upbringing and how it helped you develop your lower functions earlier in life. We really are the lucky few ✊
Reminds me of interactions with my ENTP? Brother. He would argue with me just to argue, he never got over losing board games. His friend was no doubt an ESTP crazy spoiled rich kid speeding, tearing up fancy lawns, complaining when a vehicle stalls on a hill, while I'm terrified we're going to roll the car. So I understand, where you're coming from, with the whole failure to recognize potential consequences. As a child I was always struggling to figure out what I was, I fit somewhat with artists, not quite, I often found myself an outside observer of people and a loner. Through my drawing and story telling I tried to understand how others thought through my observations, tried to find what I was. I wrote an INFP? character mirroring my morals, but hazy identity. Later I wrote a character I thought of as a harsh feminist ideal character a scientist. Very smart, but very cold to the first character (INTJ).
Now days, I'm writing an ESTP, his sheer power/ impulsiveness makes an INFJ father figure apprehensive about how he'll turn out.
As of recent, I found my identity definitely fits INFJ. It explains a lot. Why I struggled so much trying to understand why I didn't fit anywhere, how I seemed to kind of intuit how people behaved.
It's really is a skillset to be able to write from the perspective of another type so kudos to you!
When I was a child I used to stay alone bcz I enjoyed it ,my friends like to gossip a lot so it was better to stay away from them I think many reasons made me an intj too.
UA-cam helped me learn that there are other people like me. Growing up in 1980s Brooklyn, I would have gotten my ass kicked if I said everything that popped into my mind. So I learned to "polish the turd". Now I do it for a living 🤣
You're never alone brotha and you need to teach us some of your techniques!
The puzzle you described reminded me about my grandfather. When I was a child he builded one on his own with a photo of him and me. I loved this present.
Your grandpa sounds like he was a great person ❤
@@justcallmejon22 Thank you. I don't know what type He was, but I think He understood that little INTJ. That was intrested in his National Geography books and Logik puzzles He collected.
I’ve been looking for a good INTJ channel here on UA-cam. For some reason, a lot of the bigger ones like LiJo or those weird clickbait ones never did it for me. I think I j may have found one! Keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing uploads for a long time. I am a younger INTJ myself and appreciated someone with more experience speaking my language. Thank you.
I appreciate the kind words. Lijo got some great videos out there like this one that helped me better understand cognitive functions: ua-cam.com/video/MKTQuer5HZ0/v-deo.html&ab_channel=LiJo. Let's keep lifting our community especially our INTJ queens!
Everything you say is true to me. The conversation script thing xD is exactly how it worked and the reason why I'm extremely bad at talking, the world flows and I just bump into the world, I can't flow.
People get angry with me all the time and I don't know if it's why, it's because I have very little gestural expression when I speak, the tone, I notice that people get angry because of the way I say it and I feel very anxious and worried about it constantly, sometimes I make an effort and seem more sociable and the next day I don't talk to you because I'm exhausted or I don't know what Talk to you, and people are offended by it.
As an only child, a single mother who was outside all the time, I spent a lot of time alone as a child, but I didn't suffer from it. But when I had the opportunity to spend it with other people, I still chose to spend it alone, I liked to be alone in my own imagination.
When there was a party they told me, hey kid smile, go with the other kids your age and have fun :S I looked at them and I didn't understand why they wanted to do that, I didn't understand how to interact with them, I didn't want to go, I preferred to stay with the adults.
I always had a friendship at school, but I didn't interact very much, I remember that the other children left my side, because they were bored. As a teenager I began to realize that what I liked was very different from the things my peers liked. I was only interested in going to school to do my homework and my conversation revolved more around this, they were interested in parties, kids, outings, designer clothes and a lot of things that I wasn't interested in, I started to become very aware of this and worry because the friendships I had were beginning to expand their social group and I was isolated, and for some reason I forgot how to interact with them and I became more and more anxious, maybe it is related to the fact that at that time I had a group of classmates who bothered me and made fun of me because they said that I did not laugh.
Today I have the same problem, with my colleagues and bosses, I constantly receive criticism that I am very unexpressive, quiet, that I avoid them, they all want to be friends with each other and I invent any excuse not to do it, I notice that they get angry because of the way I say things, it bothers them that I am extremely distant and formal. I think they see me as unfriendly and rude socially, it's hard it brings me a lot of problems, people don't care if you do your job well it's a requirement Be nice, if you're not, everything you do and are doesn't count, people care about what you say, not what you do, what you look like, not who you really are.
An ESFP coworker of mine enlightened me one day when she said "Building relationships is part of work, so don't see getting to know your coworkers as avoiding work." It was a profound statement that completely changed the way I viewed things and led me to the success I eventually had. Most INTJs have similar childhood stories but we differ as adults because of how we choose to live out the rest of our lives. I hope you end up having a great story to tell if you don't already have one 😀
@@justcallmejon22 What you say is very true. I've been thinking about it lately but it would have been nice if I had been interested in this when I was younger. I feel that because of my life history it is very difficult for me to relate to people and a little late to achieve those skills, more here in Argentina where people are extremely sociable and the norm is that on the first day they become close friends and live together like family xD haha and I am like no no, Don't worry, I don't want you to propose to me, you don't have tous let's get back to being so intimate. Thanks for replying, I like your videos, it's interesting to see what intjs are really like since a lot of nonsense is talked about on the internet and you don't really understand what they are like.
When i was in kindergarden, meanwhile others where enjoying doing "fun" things, I didnt find it as "fun" things. I always felt uncomfortable around people etc. And now as a teenager i hate parties, its just the same, people see it as "fun", but I dont. I just feel uncomfortable, and i know i think different when others
I got lucky as a teenager and found people who respected my different approach to life and engaged with me. At an early age, I also took the approach of experimentation when socializing. To go to a party just to party didn't sound too fun, but to go to a party to learn how people engage with each other and test theories out like how someone will react if I said something, that was exciting and made me want to go party more 😂
Same here. My opinion is harsh and knowing that i usually keep my mouth shut, so people think I'm shy or unfriendly.
My ISFJ brother kept saying this to me my entire life and I finally understood after a while what he was trying to say, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." You got this!
My social studies teacher told my Mom he would go through the first six periods a day teaching his subject, but before 7 th period, he would check any facts he was not sure of because he knew I was in the last class.
Sounds like you terrified your 7th period teacher by just being you 😂
@@justcallmejon22 They give A’s to students who pay attention. I could get good grades in almost any class that way. It was the 70’s and “apathy” was the thing.
Yeah I remember living in my head and accepting that that's me.... I have a brother who also said that it's how I said things as opposed to what I said....... I am still learning how to not be blunt and harsh and to let people live their lives and make their mistakes....
I read your comment to my brother who said the same thing to me and he laughed at how unaware we are at other people's emotions 🙃
An analogy of you, INTJ to me, INFJ. You walk into my mind, look around, rearrange ideas, better organize things in there and then you leave. Does that make sense to you? It's not that I can't do that very thing myself. It is how I feel when I listen to you.
I understand because that's how I feel when I talk to INFJs as well ✊
11:30 great piece of advice, for early 20s INTJs
Thank you and let's keep improving together ✊
Wow I wish this information was more available when I was growing up.
Same here. That's why I decided to build this channel, so other people don't have to grow up wishing like we did ✊
I remember thinking the same thing about prision! As long as I have a book or a notebook, then prision would be great! However, also having aphantasia (basically I can't see pictures in my head) it also is harder to keep myself occupied because I couldn't keep all the information that I though in my brain, and so before I could read and write I was often bored because we weren't allowed to watch tv growing up.
I honestly can't imagine being an INTJ with Asphantasia. I hope things are better for you now that you're older.
Something my mom learned during my childhood: It is impossible to punish an INTJ child. She was really lucky that I wasn't particularly rebellious.
I guess it depends on the punishment. It only happened once for me to learn my lesson when my mom gave me the silent treatment for a few days. I will forever be scarred 🙃
Well damn. And I thought I was special 😉 my family moved to another state when I was 7 and I remember things before I moved, sooo clearly. It almost feels like I grew up there and then time traveled back to a child when we moved.
I have very prominent memories and thoughts and learning experiences from that age range. And I've always just "known" things. How to read, spell, fix things, all kinds of puzzles, video games, crafts, etc... everyone would ask how I did that or this and I couldn't explain it. I also went to a private school pre-k through 2nd grade. And I actually completed 1st and 2nd grade in the same year because I was showing signs of depression when I was 5 so my parent took me to a psychiatrist and they did an IQ test and said i was depressed because I wasn't being challenged and I was more advanced than my peers. How wild is that?
Never did get rid of the depression, just learned to be highly functioning! 😅
It's actually even more wild that I shared all of that and still posted it instead of typing it out and then deleting it to stay hidden. It's hard for me to open up sometimes. But I related to so many things you said, that I felt the need to comment and relate to someone.
So, thank you for sharing first.
Let's normalize being vocally emotionally vulnerable together.
One of your stories reminds me a lot about my experiences (I am of course an INTJ): I was born with HD (Hyperactivity Disorder) and Asperger's Syndrome. I never had much trouble fitting in at school, and had a really easy time making friends. I spent a lot of time in my head exploring fun ideas, and I very often thought about theoretical scenarios, exploring all the different possibilities that might occur, judging which ones were most likely to happen and which would benefit me the most. I was very sensitive to noise, lights and physical touch.
I was the type of kid who never believed anything unless it had some logical sense behind it, and people seemed to get really offended and found my behaviour to be rude. Which made me feel annoyed by the fact that no one seemed to understand me, not even my own dad. My mom did understand most of the time (She's an INFJ).
When I was about 13-14, When my teenage years started and all the conversations had started to get more complicated and emotional. (I had quite a hard time given how Fi matures in adulthood.) And because of that, I started to withdraw myself more and more from other people. For my entire life, I've lacked empathy and sympathy a lot towards other people (And other animals too). I didn't feel any sympathy or empathy when my family members or friends had lost a someone they cared about. And I didn't even feel guilty when I had done something wrong, simply because I did not understand it as well as others did. And that made my childhood a lot more difficult, seeing as to how people kept scolding me for behaviour that I wasn't even aware of. Although, I did notice that my connection to animals and non living things were far greater than how they were with other humans, and I mostly spent my time alone with my cat.
I remember one day when I came into class, it was like most of my fellow classmates acted far more childish and stupid than they had before. And after that, I started to be alone all of the time. Focusing on improving myself everyday, I was so determined on achieving my goals and focused on nothing but that, and I was extremely hard on myself. To the point where I wasn't even close to satisfied with my improvement. My expectations were extremely high for myself and others, and I was a huge perfectionist. My expectations seemed impossible to a lot of people. Yet I wasn't even satisfied if I achieved them. It didn't really work out too, so I started to progressively be less strict with myself. I was still very hard on myself, but not as much. I had moved back to my home country (Iceland), and it was like I just didn't fit in with anyone else. I felt like an adult that was stuck in the same room as mere children. I matured a lot quicker than others. Even though I was just 14, I still more matured than even some teachers and other adults, and I spent a lot of time talking to teachers about subjects and that kind of stuff.
Throughout my entire childhood, I had mostly been quite energetic and playful, but now it was like I had become a completely different person. I always hated when people thought of me as dumber and less mature just because I was younger, and people always thought of me as some weird individual. They'd make fun of me for being alone so often and call me a loner and a nerd (Which I honestly didn't care about and just ignored it).
So I find that being an INTJ is very hard in your childhood years, but I think it becomes better once you get used to it.
Thank you for providing your story, a lot of people read the comments in this video and I'm sure your experience will help our fellow INTJs feel less alone. I hope you find your tribe soon, people similar to your mom who not only understand you but accept you for all that you are. If you'd rather maintain your solitude, I support that as well ✊
lessgoo fellow intj here
good video, relate
Thank you!
Most of the time when I was a child, I spent the rest of my day to curioused about everything in the world: why am I here, what is the meaning of human revolution??? When I aloned, I could enjoy myself very well. I only had one best friend but i love being alone more than being with her(except in school 😅) No one in my family could understand what am I doing or what am I gonna do next. In everyone’s mind, I was a weirdest kid they’ve ever meet, and I enjoyed it so much :))) I was happy about being so mysterious with ppl around me 😂 I didn’t and never care about what ppl think. I’m busy on my own 😂
I'm glad to hear that you found refuge in that. It's appeared to be an outlier in our community.
As a child, I was smart, talented, and overconfident.
but people started to hate me and run away from me because of that. I didn't want to be lonely.
and I turned off my confidence
now I always regret it
-intj
What gets me through this feeling is that I acknowledge my feelings and I have a certain truth that I refuse to ignore. If I can imagine myself doing it, then there should be nothing in the way from actually doing it. It's a long process and it's going to suck most of the time. I just hope you know that you're not alone ✊
I still plan out my conversations with people and also make web graphs that was just me go to
Can't fight old habits
I'm an INTJ in the hood so I think my problems growing up was that I'm strong and dominant. I'm 6'3 and people are instantly intimated by my presidents. But I really don't care for being dominate or power as long as I got me then I can figure a way out. I mood out the hood and it completely changed my mind set. People say that I'm rude but everything I say is straight honest and can be backed up by facts. I had to confirm to my surroundings and tone down my presidents and be gentle with my voice. I grow up in the hood and it basically all about dominance and being the best. I was the best but I didn't care for the attention. I formed a tight brother hood with my bros and we all hang together to this day. I purposely separate myself from everyone just to think about everything little detail to my master plan to get everyone out the hood. I got introduced to (Mary-Jane) and now my world view has changed but I still have my goals that I need to achieve but I'm more self aware than I ever been and I can adjust accordingly. Just some thoughts reflecting on my experience as and INTJ.
I can relate since I grew up in a a town where most of my classmates had felonies or babies instead of a high school diplomas. I recommend reading the book 'Decoded' by Jay-Z. He's a fellow INTJ that grew in a similar situation and made his way out. Let me know what you think of the book if you ever decide to read it and I'm rooting for you!
INTJs in gangs will probably be the strategist, coming up with plans, keeping things in order
Your statement of being the best but not wanting the attention is perfectly put. Lol. Many many moons ago I was a marine. All of my scores were near the top when it came to physical fitness, rifle score, etc. When I was sent somewhere for training I almost always received a perfect grade and accolades from the instructors and my peers. This led to my squad leader trying to make me into a team leader. Although I was a better choice, I refused.
So I have a patent for making a conversation web to persuade others of logical conclusions by asking questions (I.e., Socratic method automated). I had previously learned a method of sales, where you must ask questions to find out what needs the buyer has, before you can recommend a solution to their need. If you do it right, they ask you if they can buy. If you are afraid to ask the question (sales panic), it's too soon to ask that question; you don't know enough so ask something else.
The logical answer in sales can be that they should not buy, but the logical answer to math is pretty easy to map out.
My INTJ Dad always asked his kids questions before trying to correct any logic errors because he was fond of pointing out "relative to what?" when someone said the Earth circles the Sun (clearly the reverse is also true--the Sun also circles me). He would go and correct the teacher on our behalf, too, like the time my younger brother marked the left and right hands on the outline drawing of a person (looked like a gingerbread cookie cutter outline). The correct answer depends on whether the figure is facing you, but as it had no face, my brother assumed it was facing away. I wish I was there, but I assume he asked the teacher questions to get her to see the problem, because he had studied the problem of authority figures and how to communicate with them all his life, and he had dyslexia for which they called him "careless," or "lazy." INTJ's are necessary to survival of the species, just not necessarily in large numbers (though possibly over-represented at sperm banks due to demand).
Your INTJ dad sounds like a cool person! I did the same with my niece, when she said the school accused her of something, I instantly go into Fi-Te mode where I would analyze the entire situation and find ways in which the school was just as much as fault not to be a bully but instead to show the fault in logic. Sounds like he instilled it into you as well ✊
Being 52 recently and a tested intj, my experience growing up was being shy and tentative until I built up enough life experiences to begin putting pieces together. As a young child I just remember wondering why everyone lied to me when I asked existential questions at age 7, lol. Couldn't they just tell me the truth about life? The more data I got about relationships in school (and elsewhere), the more inferences I could make and create longer chains of arguments, and the more confident I became. Kind of like compound interest growth.
'compound interest growth', I like the way you worded it. I agree and I remember writing poetry about death in 1st grade to the point where my teacher found one and called my parents in for a chat because she was worried about me 😂
@@justcallmejon22 I can certainly say that it seems we take on existential problem too young. lol. We don't all have an Aristotle as a tutor.
As an ENFP, I felt different too in my childhood and especially teenage years. One on one, I would be fine, but not so much in group settings. But as my world was mostly rainbows and unicorns, I was always confident that I was not weird or wrong (on bad days, though, I would consider the other kids as being wrong - not myself - a bit too cocky, I think). Such a different approach to being different!
Definitely two different different prespectives because INTJs have always been aware that we're the odd one out 🙃
@@justcallmejon22 And that is why ENFPs like INTJs. 😄
“In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is not king. He is a raving lunatic.”
Nice spin to the proverb 😂
I didn't isolate myself, unless I was working on a project, or plan. Then I need to be in my head without interruption. That's especially true if I did extensive research in working out a plan, because random input from others destroys the plan, and everything becomes an afterthought. "where were they during the planning phase." When I'm working, the details have already been worked out.
After being in my head for too long, I feel like I need to get out. I need human interaction, but after the work is done. I like knowing something about the people around me after being shut out. After a while of socializing, I need time to regroup, and gather my thoughts. I think I'm less introverted than may INTJ's. I temporarily flip into ENTJ mode, but it gets a little overwhelming over time. ENTJ mode is a dynamo, of getting things done by what ever means possible without regret. Neither mode is very personable though.
Completely understand your process. Cognitive functions helps explain the need for socialization after you had your time to plan and execute. Extroverted Thinking mode feels great when you're executing but boy can I not keep up with ENTJs. They are like the energizer bunny 😂
@@justcallmejon22 Your certainly right about that.
I can't keep up with myself when I get into ENTJ (Te) mode. I'll get in over my head. A true ENTJ usually has a reliable team for help, but an INTJ not so much. To get out of a loop us INTJ's are told to use Te. I can certainly identify with ENTJ's, though that is not my default setting. Being "Energizer Bunny" wears me down after a while.
I was a very weird kid. I talked like an adult, which must have been downright spooky coming from a child who's not even in elementary school. I would not have blamed people if they had started looking around for the ventriloquist.
My advice to fellow INTJs is that they need to relax and warm up. Those other people know a lot f things that you don't, and you could learn a lot from them. Forget intellectualism and open your mind and your heart to a very different kind of knowledge.
Life doesn't have to be cold and neither do you.
Great advice, my INTJ brother ✊
I've actually thought the same thing about prison. 😂
The thing is, I don’t remember myself as a child. I am quite sure I am an INTJ. But I don’t remember me being a stereotypical INTJ as a child.
My ISFJ brother just asked me the other day when I stopped having emotions. He said he remembered me being emotional and then all of it sudden, it just like i changed. I guess my memory of myself as a child is lacking as well.
INTJ-T female here. I still do the flowchart Q/A thing in my head/Ms-word, every time, before I go for a job interview. Most of the time, most questions click with the flowchart and I got most of those jobs, of course not all questions click, and of course, I didn't get all jobs.
🤣🤣
That sound confusing
@@Kimmy-Shortvids How do you mean?
I wish that the audio in this video is louder since this is an important topic to me
Visual spatial puzzles are apparently easier for Ni users.
It's paradoxical. I remember having no qualms about playing alone as a kid. In fact, I loved it. However, I also know I felt very lonely on a near daily basis due to being ostracized by my peers. I spent so much time in a vain attempt to try and fit in and not be ridiculed. Obviously it didn't help. It seems the stereotype is that INTJ kids don't care about fitting in. I'm assuming that might've been true for me if I wasn't relentlessly attacked for basically just existing.
Thank you for sharing your pain. It really is interesting how easy it is to relate to someone through shared or similar hardships. I mentioned in another video the timeframe where I tried fitting in, to no avail. I am who I am now and I have learned to accept myself for who I am. I hope you do too my INTJ friend 🙏
@@justcallmejon22 It's been a long road. And in order to be seen as who I am inside there are even more steps I would need to take to achieve that. More so, than the typical population due to being transgender. But anyway, I digress. What is the video you were referring to?
Dear INTJs,
Do you think an INTJ + INTJ friendship can solve or cure our loneliness?
From an INTJ
This is going to sound cliche but trust me, it comes from a place of empathy and experience. The cure for lonliness starts and ends within the individual. The worst thing you can do is put that burden on another person because that creates this unrealistic expectation of the other person where the only path for them is down, undelivering on your expectation. An INTJ has to learn to be comfortable with ourselves and once that happens you can find companionship with a person of any time. But if you're talking about finding a community of likeminded people, the internet is a great place.
Tbh I can't relate that much. Only point I can relate to is the lack of sensitivity to social norms.
It's a struggle learning for sure
3:50 "I learned after that phone call that..." I need to do better spreadsheets - wait, no? That's what I learned about my phone call! Keep tailoring the approach until the socially acceptable responses just flow off the tongue :P
If I was an INTJ child, I didn't know it, nor would anyone else. I guess I was, but I had so much social anxiety that that determined my personality, not my INTJ self. That is just a little about me.
Social aniexty is something that you can grow out of, it just takes a lot of time and patience. If that's what you want, I support you bro, you got this ✊
"The truth doesn't matter if no one believes you." I guess that's Te in a nutshell, but I disagree even though I'm also INTJ. The truth has a value of its own even if no one believes it.
We're the 'town fool' if we keep voicing the truth and no one believes us! I also agree that there's some benefits such as preparing for the worse ✊
I never felt different-weird. I felt different- thank God! I found the other kids stupid and boring. In high school people didn't bother me. I had a sharp way with words. By college I absolutely didn't give a crap- had a blast, loads of friends, and parties. As an adult, again, most people only approach me negatively once.
As a kid I felt trapped in a kids body. I couldn't wait to grow up- because adults made more sense. WRONG! Adults are just high school kids with legal ramifications for their actions. And LESS interesting.
I think I built too different than all other intj here.
In my children I'm kinda extrovert, most friendly guy in the group who holds everyone as a keystone. But as I grow up my interest change so much. I'm INTJ-T still not confidence that mbti have my type in ut it. I self- doubt 24/7. Just one mistake or miscalculation lead to 2&5 hours of migration. I have a question for all intj, I know everyone searching for this in internet.
1.how can I became the best version as an intj.
2 . Can we change turbulent to assertive.
3. Why don't we have any friends?. 😂
Feel free to share your thoughts.
Hello fellow INTJ! I'm only going to comment on questions 1 and question 3. The answer to question one is to live the life that you think is best for yourself. The answer to question 3 is that having friends are a result of effort. Put yourself out there a bit more if having more friends is something you desire. You got this ✊
I give advice to people who don't ask for it all the time. Why? Because I can see the train derailing 10 miles away and its my job to at least inform you/them. If you don't like it, fine. However, you'll always remember me, the person who did speak up, when everyone just wanted to be "chill". You might dislike me but you will respect me for it. - INTJ
As long as you're okay with the outcome then power to you ✊🏼
is it normal for INtj to( my personal experiences )
1. get pissed when your mom ask ARE you sure you want to do this and you had answered yes 3 times and give a big dumb explanation why
2. cries a lot when bullied by people and cries when you werent able to do a task completely and is called an emo or crybaby
3. picture an epic anime trailer in your head every time a j rock piece of music is played and hum really loud with headphones on
4. enjoys reading revenge mangas
5. wake at 3 am just to watch youtube
6. steal the test key and plan carefully how to return it back
7. get pissed when given silent treatment
8. talks to himself loudly
9. sees life as a joke
10. making friends with random ppl only for them to forget you existed
11. enjoys reading a crude poem written by an ESTP
12. watches youtube while playing phone games and do homework
13. lie to mom that i do research while in actuality watching starwars cilps
14. watches random topics from saving cats to memes
15. talks a lot to a class of 15 only for shut down the next day
16.able to be confident when speaking
17. scares younger students because of my scary looks and sudden loud voice to silent ppl to do work in my high school
18. read science books while others playing toys
19. talks a lot about fav topic
20. smiling quietly when ppl are arguing
21. highly skeptical of religion and had trusts issues
22. sucked at chess and math
23. gets pissed when i tell an ENTP that i sucked at chess and he still forced me to play with him
24. imagine himself as an op mc with a harem of busty girls who had a tragic torture / family woes /" experimented upon " backstories
25. as an op mc who uses the abilities of the strongest characters in fiction with a made up ridiculously long backstories + 1000000000 deaths cycle
26 . mc cameos and " disrupts " the timeline of the movie / show/ game cutscenes in my head with stupidly op abilities
27. mc had a cute daughter who also undergone 1000 deaths cycles and the plot is an unrealistic utopia
28. mc is always betrayed
29. mc copies abilities of the real mc of the shows watching right now
30. ( me ) writes a 526 page lists of anything from military weapons and ships to atomic particles , anime , and music genres and instruments and imagining the mc possessing all the listed abilities
31. writes many lists of fav topics ( even waking up 1 am to finish it )
32. prefers to talk to an AI than people
33. uses twenty different AIs of different purposes from music making to Character AI
34. pretends to be sad to get attention from others
35. smells pillows and blankets for comfort
36. finding different ways to get the song i want to download
37. watches my little pony , winx club and dora and wakes up remembering and feeling embarassed
38. saying to yourself " i am an INTJs i dont give a damn to anything and i will always to finish a task whatever the costs"
and i will my way or no way and i dont care as long i get to do what i want to do and need " loudly
39. like seeing blood in movies
40. feeling i dont belong to my family.....like a black sheep
Classic intj 👍👍
Half of them yes, half of them no. Don't forget that MBTI is a tool for self-discovery/reflection and not a person's identity. So like #35, that's a you thing baby, and you do you. #21 can be a result of being an INTJ depending on how information was filtered because there are INTJs that believe in religion. You made it to a safe space though younger INTJ, feel free to express your feelings as much as you want in this community because I'm sure there are many people out there outside of myself who are more than happy to help you through this journey we call life. You got this ✊
@@justcallmejon22 I wrote this is to confirm whether or not I'm an INTJ , ENTJ , or an ENFP
Can you possibly do a video on how INTJs want to be cheered up? Possibly even by an INFP specifically? I have a few ideas but I’m forcing myself to not pick ideas that are heavy in the ‘feeling’ category. It’s just hard ya know? 😅 I know it also depends person to person but overall what are your thoughts?
It's simple. Let us know that you're here for us if we need you and then leave us alone. The more you do the worse it gets.
@@justcallmejon22 oh wow!!!!! My natural INFP nature is to drown with affection 😂. I haven’t drowned my INTJ friend because I felt like that wouldn’t work, thank you for the advice!!!
I think INTP is a possible type for you too
I'm not an INTJ but I'm an ESFJ who loves INTJs
ESFJs hold a special place in my heart ❤️
is dishonesty( lying to cover self faults ) a sign of an unhealthy INTJ
Regardless of type, lying out of insecurity is always unhealthy.
@@justcallmejon22 i see... are INTJs all the time honest ?
is your citizenship award similar to role model award
Yup! Only given to one student per grade per year. 😊
Sometimes it's hard for me to accept that the truth is apparently not important for people. They want to live in ilusion, like you say in warped world. Do you have a clue for me?
You have to accept people for who they are and how they choose to live their lives. Society have always existed with people with different prespective.
It's hard to comprehend that people would prefer to live with their heads in the sand, but sooo many people do it on this planet. I've always seen it as a selfdefence mechanism (a poor one)... they don't want to be hurt by the truth. Reality is sometimes a hard thing to face. The trick really is to learn how to determine who wants truth and who doesnt and well for that you need to get to know people first.
It’s helpful to think back on how I’ve grown over my life and learned along the way. Everyone is doing that same thing, only they are interested in learning other things (like celebrities and sports and other stuff I think is dumb). And just like I appreciate being accepted for who I am at any given moment, they deserve that as well... unless they don’t and then I say “take someone as they are, or leave them be”. The only person who can change me is me. Same for everyone. So if you feel you have to change a person, that’s a good sign that you should walk away from them if you can.
You might want to reupload this 300% louder.
You had a friend and girlfriend in high school? 🤨 Definitely can't relate.
INTJs are very attractive once you get a grasp of EQ. I hope you find someone some day, but if that's not what you want, I hope you find what you're chasing instead.
Are you sure its not in fact a Ni-Ti loop you are experiencing? You could be INFJ with a heavy Ni-Ti usage, its quite common.
I've actually considered that for a while until I learned the difference between Te/Ti and Fe/Fi. I have high Te and High Fi, whereas I rarely Ti and Fe still doesn't make much sense to me. Are you an INFJ? Is this relatable to you as well?
Coming to terms with society's mendacity and hiding the truth is not good advice for INTJs. "The truth doesn't matter, if no one believes you." is also incorrect. Just think of the Old Testament prophets who told the people what they didn't want to hear. Whether people accept truths or not is only secondary. It always has value in the eyes of God, even if it is not immediately obvious.
I understand where you're coming from and the lack of clarity is probably due to the video being unscripted. The best example of what I'm trying to get at is in disaster movies, there's a character that already knows the truth but no one chooses to listen to that character until it's too late. Don't ignore the truth, what I meant to say is that messages can be conveyed differently and have a higher chance of being accepted. Never ignore your gut instinct, Ni is amazing!
@@justcallmejon22 Your webgraph for conversations reminds me of the deductive reasoning of Ti. Are you sure that your personality type isn’t rather INTP? This would also explain your Fe remnants.
@@kataiwannhn It might be Ti. All I know is that my ISTP and INTP friends can't relate but my INFJ friends can. It's more along the lines that I'm able to see all possible outcomes and I deduced how the conversation would've gone with all known information. But everyone is human so it never turns on how you expect it to =(
@@justcallmejon22 Yes, INFJ is also possible for Ti-Fe.
i dont see rly anysense in talk about INTJs child as an adult , i mean , as a child u dont have any personality defined , u could perfctly be ENFP as a child and end being an INTJs when u are an adult . Apart of that , every INTJ is diferent from others , its true that we see the world in a same way , but the conclusions we get thinking and feeling in that way can be totally diferent, for example there are INTJs WHO actually learn to see patrons in peaple conduct and actions , and they can become perfect emotional analist who can look as really emotional and empathic persons , even they can look as really social ones if they are in a confort place , and at the same time an INTJ can be super super introvert , and practically robotic , like if they turned off thiere emotions, as INTJ u have the potencial of become bouth . Thats why theres no sense in videos where u asume all INTJs realte to same conditions and experiences
Thanks for the comment. Interest and EQ changes over time but certain traits remain the same. Life experience from the younger you lead you to become present you and present you will determine future you. To ignore your past means that life experience is invalid and I personally don't think that's correct. It's also okay if you can't relate.
I still remember my Primary 1 orientation where I was ignoring everything and was in the mindset of why work hard when we all will die anyway. I learn about death very early and afterwards had skip memory where I could not be bothered to remember. When everyone was playing soccer or catching, I was walking around the school alone, thinking, talking to myself. I would not consider myself gloomy as I had this character that was friendly with everyone. I was not an outcast but I do roamed around school at every lunch, playing with the slippery tile, walking along the drain etc.
Well learning how weird my actions were, I did cluster together with my friends in Secondary School. For unknown reasons, I also had counselling session once in a while by the school counsellor. It was an awkward session but the counsellor did bring out a lot of thought into the open. Not for free, he exchanged for sweets / drinks (I was poor). Apparently most student went through the counselling, and was completed pretty fast. Mine lasted until I was Secondary 3.
Well slowly I was exposed to more activity and the one that broke my circle was when I joined a marketing company while in tertiary studies. I was forced to make calls and truly broke my circle and unlocked the ability to be extrovert.
I recently wanted to write books but I could not get characterisation right. My framework for communication were like in your story. I still can't figure other people minds. The best I could do is a 4 dimensional viewpoint.
Thanks for providing your story! It really is odd isn't it when you realize that you can become social enough to have people believe that you lean more towards extroversion. I say, just start writing. Things will fall into place when you put effort. I'm rooting for you brotha ✊